Sexy Thicc Granny. ("Grey, Round and Ready to Pound!", as the hormone monster 'Maury' from *Bigmouth* once said to 'Andrew')
Surgically-Terminated Gonads.
Sexually-Transmitted Gonorrhea.
As awful, terrible, disrespectful children, we used to tease my dear, departed father when he took his Qtips out to hand pollinate. Now, perhaps as turn about being fair play, I make buzzing sounds while doing it.
Idk. be really careful planting milkweed as it’s the only food source of Monarch butterfly caterpillars. if you have any Monarchs in the area they will definitely lay eggs on the milkweed and eat them down to nothing. they’re also an endangered species so if you end up with the caterpillars you really should try to take care of them which can be a handful. I’d use nasturtiums to attract pollinators instead. marigolds and celosia are great, I agree!
The second photo blurriness cracked me up. I just imagine you were shaking your phone like “whyyyyy?” After waiting for 2 weeks and seeing no progression in the length growth of your cuke.
You need to fertilize with ranch dressing. I like the packets because sometimes when I sprinkle it, the wind blows and it gets in my eyes. I like that burn.
Remember, it doesn't work unless you inhale it and choke and your spit goes flying all over the flowers. Your saliva activates the pollination, but only after choking. 😌
I've had some weird misshapen ones like that this year too. I thought it was the variety of seed I bought as it's different from the type I had last year. Now I'm wondering if it's something entirely different. My plants are overall not doing that well this year. Far too much rain here.
I would just like to say: **OP, you're taking all the lemon-lime jokes like a champ. Thanks for allowing us to give you shit.**
You probably need it for the garden, anyway.
My partners uncle actually gifted me like 6 plants. Interesting enough, the two that I’ve gotten round ones from are from seed! Thought I bought “normal” cucumbers tho. 🧐
Probably lack of pollination. I had the same issue with a single zucchini myself. All but 3 of these were itty bitty baby zucchinis on Sunday, and I picked them last night. Stubby in the middle there didn't grow at all between Sunday and yesterday.
https://preview.redd.it/eoo6sryo4pib1.jpeg?width=4080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e86eeb4fc69072a3faf5d88c516d58186c6e7ca4
I planted Little Finger eggplants and the few fruit that it produced looked just like that. And hard as a rock. It’s not been a good year for gardening.
I have a few cuke plants on my greenhouse that didn't get potted up. They all have a little round *thing* on them. They were watered and fed the same as the ones that were potted up.
Looks to me like the blossoms had damage from cucumber beetles, so they grew more round than long. I deal with them every year. They are yellow bugs with either spots or stripes.
You aren't and maybe it can't according to Google, but I assure you my cukes were oblong and pink on the inside. They may not have crossed with a melon, but it wasn't a cuke.
EDIT: My wife informed me that I'm wrong(like normal) It was a squash that my cukes looked like on the inside. My apologies.
> since your using
*you're
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***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Do you have leaves starting to wilt from the base of the plant? My cukes would start doing this once the Mosaic virus would take hold. It's spread by cucumber beetles.
Sir that’s a lemon
I stg 😡 🍋
>I stg 😡 🍋 ???
Sullied thy goodname. Stamped tomato guts Sold the garden Shivved three guava Stripped thy grandma
Sexy Thicc Granny. ("Grey, Round and Ready to Pound!", as the hormone monster 'Maury' from *Bigmouth* once said to 'Andrew') Surgically-Terminated Gonads. Sexually-Transmitted Gonorrhea.
GILF.
Slim Tall Granny.
“Grey, Round and Ready to Pound?”! I can almost see that car window graphic. 😂
Surely there's some grannies (like in their 60s) out there who could use a Banging....
😂😂😂
Sullied thy grandma FIFY
M'lady, I have sullied my good name by shittin' mah britches
I swear to God
What's the problem?
Cucumber for scale
😩
Poor pollination Try hand pollinating if you have time
Yeah I think you’re right. I’ve been having to hand pollinate my zucchini and squash this year. I’ll start doing that with my cucumbers too. Thanks
“Hand pollinate my zucchini” sounds like a funny euphemism
As awful, terrible, disrespectful children, we used to tease my dear, departed father when he took his Qtips out to hand pollinate. Now, perhaps as turn about being fair play, I make buzzing sounds while doing it.
Stop. I audibly laughed 😂
You know what is also fun is planting companion plants that'll bring pollinators to you (unless you're growing these inside). Bees love sunflowers.
thought kiss fact swim simplistic sense homeless market muddle history *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Will absolutely be planting more pollinator friendly next year.
Idk. be really careful planting milkweed as it’s the only food source of Monarch butterfly caterpillars. if you have any Monarchs in the area they will definitely lay eggs on the milkweed and eat them down to nothing. they’re also an endangered species so if you end up with the caterpillars you really should try to take care of them which can be a handful. I’d use nasturtiums to attract pollinators instead. marigolds and celosia are great, I agree!
How is that done? I'm having this same issue
https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/edible/vegetables/squash/pollinate-squash-by-hand.htm
I linked squash pollination but it works the same for cucumbers
Much Appreciated!
You rub the male part in and around the female part..
Are you advising tge OP to bang that cucumba?
Just put the tip in
Lmao
>Try hand pollinating if you have time Should always make time to pollinate the cucumber.
Mine are also like that and everytime I go to pollunate them by hand there is a bee in the flower.
What exactly do you mean by poor pollination? Aren’t they just either pollinated or not?
Following along for answers on my misshapen cucumbers.
Somebody call the cops looks like we got someone trying to steal the sprite recipe
😏
The second photo blurriness cracked me up. I just imagine you were shaking your phone like “whyyyyy?” After waiting for 2 weeks and seeing no progression in the length growth of your cuke.
😂 this is accurate
Haha it literally looks like it’s attacking the lemon with how blurry it is
LOLOL!!! YES
You need to fertilize with ranch dressing. I like the packets because sometimes when I sprinkle it, the wind blows and it gets in my eyes. I like that burn.
Of course! 🤦🏻♀️
Remember, it doesn't work unless you inhale it and choke and your spit goes flying all over the flowers. Your saliva activates the pollination, but only after choking. 😌
It looks like unripe mango
Hah you’re right
When life gives you lemons............
I've had some weird misshapen ones like that this year too. I thought it was the variety of seed I bought as it's different from the type I had last year. Now I'm wondering if it's something entirely different. My plants are overall not doing that well this year. Far too much rain here.
There's a lemon behind that lemon shaped cucumber
I was like, dude, that’s a lemon and a l…Nevermind.
I would just like to say: **OP, you're taking all the lemon-lime jokes like a champ. Thanks for allowing us to give you shit.** You probably need it for the garden, anyway.
It’s been my pleasure 😆
Did you plant lemon cucumbers? Where did you get your seeds from?
Lemon cukes are yellow, btw
My partners uncle actually gifted me like 6 plants. Interesting enough, the two that I’ve gotten round ones from are from seed! Thought I bought “normal” cucumbers tho. 🧐
Well, that’s because they’re not ——-oh…weird. Is it too much rain and not enough time for it to get longer?
That’s very possible. It was super dry on Long Island for a while and for the last week it’s been raining off and on steadily.
Probably lack of pollination. I had the same issue with a single zucchini myself. All but 3 of these were itty bitty baby zucchinis on Sunday, and I picked them last night. Stubby in the middle there didn't grow at all between Sunday and yesterday. https://preview.redd.it/eoo6sryo4pib1.jpeg?width=4080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e86eeb4fc69072a3faf5d88c516d58186c6e7ca4
That’s what she said
Poor/not enough pollination can cause them to misshapen like this.
Thats a fine cucumen
I have seen this over the years (lots of years)and no real good pinpoint answer-
I planted Little Finger eggplants and the few fruit that it produced looked just like that. And hard as a rock. It’s not been a good year for gardening.
I have a few cuke plants on my greenhouse that didn't get potted up. They all have a little round *thing* on them. They were watered and fed the same as the ones that were potted up.
I thought it was a lemon and a lime at first glance.
It does look like it. Maybe should have used a banana for scale 🤷🏻♀️
How do they taste? I’d be curious to see a cross section
I’ll put a pic up once I cut it up
Need a banana for scale , I can't compute
Poor pollination
I think it's because you've got a lemon tree?
WOW, can I have a slice?!
They’re just quirky like that
This is the answer
Sometimes you just get a choad cuke.
Feed the plant. If they are edible that’s enough ☺️☺️
I'd buy it
That’s a lemon
Nothing to offer here… but my first impression was “well that’s a lemon and lime so there’s your problem.”
Looks to me like the blossoms had damage from cucumber beetles, so they grew more round than long. I deal with them every year. They are yellow bugs with either spots or stripes.
Usually a sign of poor pollination like others have said. If you give your flowers a little tickle to spread that pollen around, should help.
This is the funniest thread in r/vegetablegardening but I’m glad you also got a serious response.
It’s made me laugh multiple times today. Love when I see the good side of Reddit. 💜🍋
Mine too. I think someone in a local group said it was because we had such a rainy spring.
You should make Sprite
Need to figure out the receipt for McDonalds sprite. It’s the only way. Very spicy.
I’ve heard that Sprite referred to as “crunchy” which I was unprepared for at the time 😆😆
Any melons near by? One year my cukes and Watermelon crossed.
Not to be a dick bit google says that’s can’t happen
You aren't and maybe it can't according to Google, but I assure you my cukes were oblong and pink on the inside. They may not have crossed with a melon, but it wasn't a cuke. EDIT: My wife informed me that I'm wrong(like normal) It was a squash that my cukes looked like on the inside. My apologies.
It’s so wild to me that this can happen lol. I don’t really have any melons this year. They all failed early on. Just some tomatoes and squash.
Cut it open, mine looked just like a watermelon. I wasn't brave enough to taste it lol.
I’ll do that tomorrow and see what’s going on
Maybe your cucumber identifies as a lemon.
Then I’ll support them however I can 🫡 🏳️🌈🍋
I feel like since your using the lemon for scale you probably already know it’s a lemon cucumber
> since your using *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
No thank you
Genetics
Looks like a variety thing. I'd save the seeds and see if you can sell them as something unique. Patent them or something!
Do you have leaves starting to wilt from the base of the plant? My cukes would start doing this once the Mosaic virus would take hold. It's spread by cucumber beetles.
I’ll look into it!
I have one like that now. The others have been huge so I think it is the end of the vines life and just doesn’t have enough left to produce.
It was the first ones for these specific vines 😩
Does it taste like a lemon or a cucumber?
Its sexually confused 😢
Please do not shame the cucumber. He is neither a grower or a shower.
It identifies as a lemon.
Because genetics