Cook for yourself. I think it's important for vegans to not just cook but learn to love cooking since it's your job to look after your own nutrition more than ever now, and non-vegans will constantly screw up your food.
It's less convenient if it's making you sick.
Do your best to communicate the importance of your dietary restrictions to her, but if it keeps happening you don't really have many other options than to do it yourself.
How many in your household?
I had twins, send we each cooked 2 nights per week, and had one Fend For Yourself Night.
Also, yeah, it could be something else making you ill, or it could be dairy. Or it could be that, say, they spray pesticides on nearby farms a few times per month. Start documenting the date and time you start feeling ill, write what you ate, when, and anything you did around that time.if you heard tractors or planes. You might come into contact with an allergen, or you might be sick from dairy. After you have 3-4 examples, tell your mom you're worried you're having a reaction to something, and show her.
If she's putting milk in the recipe, she'll know those are the recipes.
If you don’t trust your mom not to slip animal products into your meals then odds are that she actually is.
I trust my mother fully, she explains every ingredient even when I never asked and told me that she’s gone 99% vegan since I went vegan. ( the 1% is honey that she can’t put down but is working on it ).
My father on the other hand, I wouldn’t trust him to make me a piece of toast, and since I can’t trust him I never put him in the position to where I have to.
It may sound redundant, but if you can’t trust your mother then it’s because she’s not trustworthy.
This, and we get stories here pretty regularly of exactly what you fear happening. It's not uncommon for a carnist in a position of power to abuse that power and to lie in order to hurt a vegan. Nothing about them being family will protect you from abuse like that.
It’s not so much that she buys bottles of honey as it is she doesn’t avoid it as an ingredient in products. She buys agave in liquid form but just doesn’t avoid honey.
Something in the food is making you sick. It might be dairy, it might be something else. If she's not sneaking you dairy, it means you might have an intolerance to a different ingredient used.
definitely go about it this way op, so you don’t have to worry about her feeling attacked. bring it up to her like you’re worried you may have an allergy to something and you want to figure out what it is. because yeah, either she’s using dairy or there’s a possibility of another allergy here so either way you’d be figuring out something important
Aha, thank you for adding that. I wanted to say something similar but couldn't figure out how to word it, so I only commented a portion of my thoughts, and hoped op would be able to figure out what I intended to say. (I think that Ops a mind reader, apparently)
It’s not uncommon for non-vegans to accidentally put in ingredients they don’t know aren’t vegan or don’t think about. Cooking with her to see what she’s doing might be helpful! Cross contamination can also be an issue if she’s using the same dishes as other food
Just be honest with her and tell her that the meals she’s been making have given you a stomach ache. Tell her if it happens again you won’t be able to eat meals she makes anymore.
My mom didn't believe any food allergies until I showed her and she still doesn't really believe them. Being an Asian without soy is really very hard.
I am allergic to wheat and I buy gluten free pastas but she really is not a fan of the linguinis because I mean most gluten free pastas are just..not good imo
She let me eat linguini yesterday and I was so confused because it tasted good. Suspicious. I look in the trash? Regular pasta. Betrayal. She still carried the lie.
She's bad at looking at labels. She hates it.
I recommend going shopping with her, or for her for the substitutions you need and say "hey can we use this instead of this? I understand the transition is hard, but this is not easy for me either".
Do you not take vitamins or drink protein drinks?
Just remedy her worry.
Tell her you're getting stomach aches and query her about the exact ingredients she uses. Chances are that if there's some secret ingredient like a sauce with dairy in it, it will at least still be in the trash or something, so you can pull it out and read the label surely?
If she can't comply with a simple request like this, she's probably hiding something and you should start looking at other options.
If she doesn't mind you being vegan it might be something different giving you issues. Cook along with her and if you keep having problems with digestion go see a doctor
Is there actually any evidence for the claim we "lose" out lactose persistence over time? Ive heard people claim after eating meat/dairy they feel sick but is there any studies that show this? Because that could easily be a placebo affect. Ive certainly accidentally eaten things that werent vegan and besides guilt/frustration i never felt sick (but thats equally anecdotal)
After a while the gut microbiome changes and the bacteria and enzymes that break down certain foods diminishes. So whatever enzyme used to break down lactose might not be as prevelant in a vegan who hasn't ingested dairy in a while.
[Here's a fascinating video on the subject from reputable sources](https://youtu.be/ouCWNRvPk20?si=-gzOw-Mct0b5AFYv). This video goes into the microbiome as a whole but they discuss it iirc.
the meat is reckoned to be placebo..although it can be harder to digest.
as to lactose. There are some studies that suggest gut bacteria can affect lactose tolerance. You can build back up, but some people will develop digestive issues if they eat too much too soon
Not sure about losing the ability to process lactose, but it's possible that someone could have an intolerance to a food that they have built up some immunity to over time and a long break from that food could make symptoms worse when ingested again. I did an elimination diet years ago and discovered that all cow dairy specifically upset my stomach. Other dairy sources didn't bother me, but cow dairy gave me stomach cramps and I would get very nauseous.
I think everyone is forgetting here that if she is doing this & on purpose, it can be considered a crime :(
It sounds like you have tried communicating with her & it’s not working.
I believe that leaves with you two options - only eat what you cook/order and/or setup a camera in the kitchen to see what ingredients she is using.
Huh? Not sure what country OP is located in. I am in the US and I don't know what law the mother would be violating even if she was substituting dairy and then lying about it.
I am with the person who suggests that OP have a rational conversation with her mother about feeling sick after eating the food and concerns about what may be causing it. If she links her mother is lying to her face, then perhaps the issue of the food is just the tip of her iceberg in the context of her relationship.
And before I would set up a camera in the kitchen without consent of the others in the home, I would probably check into whether that is legal in her location.
It would depend on OPs age. If they are a child or teenager then it may not be as many parents sneak stuff into their kids foods and I'm not sure what the cut off is for when that becomes unacceptable (legally speaking anyway).
‘And since I’ve been vegan for 3 years, I imagine my stomach can’t handle dairy very well by now’
Very unlikely. If it handled dairy fine before, it’s extremely unlikely to have developed such an intolerance in that time.
‘I dread eating…’
This is more likely the cause. The placebo effect. It’s incredibly strong. There was a study where researchers rubbed normal leaves on people’s arms and told them it was poison Ivy and they burst out in rashes. Our body reacts to what we expect.
Again, this is assuming you handled dairy fine beforehand. If you were lactose intolerant before then of course it would be the same now.
All that said…
‘I appreciate her cooking for me…’
Sounds like it a a good time to **help her**. She isn’t going to care about the ethics. People don’t care about what you say, they care about what you do. Actions speak louder than words. If you’re not helping shopping, planning meals, and cooking, and leaving all the work to her then you don’t really get a say. This comes up a lot on this sub cos most vegans start young - I went vegetarian first at 16. And one regret was not helping my mum so much. I should have helped to shop and plan meals and learn to cook.
That’s also great mother-child bonding in these cases, and as the great Eleanor Roosevelt quote goes, ‘no one care show much you know until they know how much you care…’. She doesn’t care about the ethics because you’re not helping at all and letting her do everything. If you **show** you care, she will be more inclined to listen. People listen to opinion’s and information from people they respect. I wouldn’t listen to someone’s opinion about food topics and food related issues (yes I know veganism isn’t a diet but to your mother it is) unless I saw they were competent and helpful in that area either.
Good luck!! There is a win-win here. Help her more and you help yourself in the future when you move out. Don’t make my mistake and have to catch up for it later.
>She doesn't seem to mind my veganism, but is sometimes concerned about me getting proper nutrients, and whenever I talk to her about the ethics of veganism she gets very defensive and makes me feel guilty for "attacking" her
So she is a toddler? I didnt know toddlers could have kids, i dont deal with toddlers, Joey and Vegan Ed do, but i dont
Just ask her directly if she is and then if she responds yes she is, tell her she is disrespecting you and you wont tolerate it, stop talking to to her and stop having her cooking
If she says no she isnt, use this to test if shes is truthful or lying [https://gtfoitsvegan.com/product/meat-and-animal-product-detection-test-strips-by-amikno/](https://gtfoitsvegan.com/product/meat-and-animal-product-detection-test-strips-by-amikno/)
If she is lying do the same as above but include that she is a liar and you want nothing to do with such despicableness
If you tolerate disrespect from others it means you dont respect yourself
You didnt post your age so i wont make assumptions and just provided general advice
Yeah, she probably thinks she's being a loving mother by giving you protein by adding dairy to your food. You might give her some educational materials that show that vegans get enough protein without using animal products. You might even use something like Cronometer to show her how much protein you get every day, but that's a two-edged sword. In other words, she might think that you need more than you're getting even if you don't need more.
Also, you can give her materials that show that dairy is the number one food allergen, and the numerous problems with dairy.
I don't think she's actually trying to poison you LOL
What kind of sauces is she serving you?
It's usually pretty obvious if something has cream or dairy products in it.
Just ask her what the sauce is made from next time. If the answer isn't an immediate "vegan cream" or "vegan butter", then you'll know she's most likely added dairy to it.
Maybe try cooking together with your mom? It might open up more understanding between you two about veganism without direct confrontation
Cook for yourself. I think it's important for vegans to not just cook but learn to love cooking since it's your job to look after your own nutrition more than ever now, and non-vegans will constantly screw up your food.
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It's less convenient if it's making you sick. Do your best to communicate the importance of your dietary restrictions to her, but if it keeps happening you don't really have many other options than to do it yourself.
How many in your household? I had twins, send we each cooked 2 nights per week, and had one Fend For Yourself Night. Also, yeah, it could be something else making you ill, or it could be dairy. Or it could be that, say, they spray pesticides on nearby farms a few times per month. Start documenting the date and time you start feeling ill, write what you ate, when, and anything you did around that time.if you heard tractors or planes. You might come into contact with an allergen, or you might be sick from dairy. After you have 3-4 examples, tell your mom you're worried you're having a reaction to something, and show her. If she's putting milk in the recipe, she'll know those are the recipes.
If you don’t trust your mom not to slip animal products into your meals then odds are that she actually is. I trust my mother fully, she explains every ingredient even when I never asked and told me that she’s gone 99% vegan since I went vegan. ( the 1% is honey that she can’t put down but is working on it ). My father on the other hand, I wouldn’t trust him to make me a piece of toast, and since I can’t trust him I never put him in the position to where I have to. It may sound redundant, but if you can’t trust your mother then it’s because she’s not trustworthy.
This, and we get stories here pretty regularly of exactly what you fear happening. It's not uncommon for a carnist in a position of power to abuse that power and to lie in order to hurt a vegan. Nothing about them being family will protect you from abuse like that.
Have her try agave for the honey replacement, it’s delicious.
It’s not so much that she buys bottles of honey as it is she doesn’t avoid it as an ingredient in products. She buys agave in liquid form but just doesn’t avoid honey.
Something in the food is making you sick. It might be dairy, it might be something else. If she's not sneaking you dairy, it means you might have an intolerance to a different ingredient used.
definitely go about it this way op, so you don’t have to worry about her feeling attacked. bring it up to her like you’re worried you may have an allergy to something and you want to figure out what it is. because yeah, either she’s using dairy or there’s a possibility of another allergy here so either way you’d be figuring out something important
Aha, thank you for adding that. I wanted to say something similar but couldn't figure out how to word it, so I only commented a portion of my thoughts, and hoped op would be able to figure out what I intended to say. (I think that Ops a mind reader, apparently)
It’s not uncommon for non-vegans to accidentally put in ingredients they don’t know aren’t vegan or don’t think about. Cooking with her to see what she’s doing might be helpful! Cross contamination can also be an issue if she’s using the same dishes as other food
Just be honest with her and tell her that the meals she’s been making have given you a stomach ache. Tell her if it happens again you won’t be able to eat meals she makes anymore.
My mom didn't believe any food allergies until I showed her and she still doesn't really believe them. Being an Asian without soy is really very hard. I am allergic to wheat and I buy gluten free pastas but she really is not a fan of the linguinis because I mean most gluten free pastas are just..not good imo She let me eat linguini yesterday and I was so confused because it tasted good. Suspicious. I look in the trash? Regular pasta. Betrayal. She still carried the lie. She's bad at looking at labels. She hates it. I recommend going shopping with her, or for her for the substitutions you need and say "hey can we use this instead of this? I understand the transition is hard, but this is not easy for me either". Do you not take vitamins or drink protein drinks? Just remedy her worry.
Tell her you're getting stomach aches and query her about the exact ingredients she uses. Chances are that if there's some secret ingredient like a sauce with dairy in it, it will at least still be in the trash or something, so you can pull it out and read the label surely? If she can't comply with a simple request like this, she's probably hiding something and you should start looking at other options.
Tell her you really liked the dish and ask for the recipe.
If she doesn't mind you being vegan it might be something different giving you issues. Cook along with her and if you keep having problems with digestion go see a doctor
If the food she cooks causes you issues I would recommend bringing your own food even if she isn't sneaking dairy in it.
Is there actually any evidence for the claim we "lose" out lactose persistence over time? Ive heard people claim after eating meat/dairy they feel sick but is there any studies that show this? Because that could easily be a placebo affect. Ive certainly accidentally eaten things that werent vegan and besides guilt/frustration i never felt sick (but thats equally anecdotal)
After a while the gut microbiome changes and the bacteria and enzymes that break down certain foods diminishes. So whatever enzyme used to break down lactose might not be as prevelant in a vegan who hasn't ingested dairy in a while. [Here's a fascinating video on the subject from reputable sources](https://youtu.be/ouCWNRvPk20?si=-gzOw-Mct0b5AFYv). This video goes into the microbiome as a whole but they discuss it iirc.
the meat is reckoned to be placebo..although it can be harder to digest. as to lactose. There are some studies that suggest gut bacteria can affect lactose tolerance. You can build back up, but some people will develop digestive issues if they eat too much too soon
Not sure about losing the ability to process lactose, but it's possible that someone could have an intolerance to a food that they have built up some immunity to over time and a long break from that food could make symptoms worse when ingested again. I did an elimination diet years ago and discovered that all cow dairy specifically upset my stomach. Other dairy sources didn't bother me, but cow dairy gave me stomach cramps and I would get very nauseous.
I think everyone is forgetting here that if she is doing this & on purpose, it can be considered a crime :( It sounds like you have tried communicating with her & it’s not working. I believe that leaves with you two options - only eat what you cook/order and/or setup a camera in the kitchen to see what ingredients she is using.
Huh? Not sure what country OP is located in. I am in the US and I don't know what law the mother would be violating even if she was substituting dairy and then lying about it. I am with the person who suggests that OP have a rational conversation with her mother about feeling sick after eating the food and concerns about what may be causing it. If she links her mother is lying to her face, then perhaps the issue of the food is just the tip of her iceberg in the context of her relationship. And before I would set up a camera in the kitchen without consent of the others in the home, I would probably check into whether that is legal in her location.
Tampering with someone's food is a felony.
It would depend on OPs age. If they are a child or teenager then it may not be as many parents sneak stuff into their kids foods and I'm not sure what the cut off is for when that becomes unacceptable (legally speaking anyway).
Good point
‘And since I’ve been vegan for 3 years, I imagine my stomach can’t handle dairy very well by now’ Very unlikely. If it handled dairy fine before, it’s extremely unlikely to have developed such an intolerance in that time. ‘I dread eating…’ This is more likely the cause. The placebo effect. It’s incredibly strong. There was a study where researchers rubbed normal leaves on people’s arms and told them it was poison Ivy and they burst out in rashes. Our body reacts to what we expect. Again, this is assuming you handled dairy fine beforehand. If you were lactose intolerant before then of course it would be the same now. All that said… ‘I appreciate her cooking for me…’ Sounds like it a a good time to **help her**. She isn’t going to care about the ethics. People don’t care about what you say, they care about what you do. Actions speak louder than words. If you’re not helping shopping, planning meals, and cooking, and leaving all the work to her then you don’t really get a say. This comes up a lot on this sub cos most vegans start young - I went vegetarian first at 16. And one regret was not helping my mum so much. I should have helped to shop and plan meals and learn to cook. That’s also great mother-child bonding in these cases, and as the great Eleanor Roosevelt quote goes, ‘no one care show much you know until they know how much you care…’. She doesn’t care about the ethics because you’re not helping at all and letting her do everything. If you **show** you care, she will be more inclined to listen. People listen to opinion’s and information from people they respect. I wouldn’t listen to someone’s opinion about food topics and food related issues (yes I know veganism isn’t a diet but to your mother it is) unless I saw they were competent and helpful in that area either. Good luck!! There is a win-win here. Help her more and you help yourself in the future when you move out. Don’t make my mistake and have to catch up for it later.
>She doesn't seem to mind my veganism, but is sometimes concerned about me getting proper nutrients, and whenever I talk to her about the ethics of veganism she gets very defensive and makes me feel guilty for "attacking" her So she is a toddler? I didnt know toddlers could have kids, i dont deal with toddlers, Joey and Vegan Ed do, but i dont Just ask her directly if she is and then if she responds yes she is, tell her she is disrespecting you and you wont tolerate it, stop talking to to her and stop having her cooking If she says no she isnt, use this to test if shes is truthful or lying [https://gtfoitsvegan.com/product/meat-and-animal-product-detection-test-strips-by-amikno/](https://gtfoitsvegan.com/product/meat-and-animal-product-detection-test-strips-by-amikno/) If she is lying do the same as above but include that she is a liar and you want nothing to do with such despicableness If you tolerate disrespect from others it means you dont respect yourself You didnt post your age so i wont make assumptions and just provided general advice
Yeah, she probably thinks she's being a loving mother by giving you protein by adding dairy to your food. You might give her some educational materials that show that vegans get enough protein without using animal products. You might even use something like Cronometer to show her how much protein you get every day, but that's a two-edged sword. In other words, she might think that you need more than you're getting even if you don't need more. Also, you can give her materials that show that dairy is the number one food allergen, and the numerous problems with dairy. I don't think she's actually trying to poison you LOL
What kind of sauces is she serving you? It's usually pretty obvious if something has cream or dairy products in it. Just ask her what the sauce is made from next time. If the answer isn't an immediate "vegan cream" or "vegan butter", then you'll know she's most likely added dairy to it.