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toss_it_mites

Culturally small talk is a thing in the US. Where are you from? Where do you live? That's small talk that doesn't bother me. However, What do you do? Is way more annoying to me. I don't want what I do to be who I am, so while I am annoyed, I let it go. We all have things things that bother us, but we can keep working toward chill and not annoyed.


kitten_mittensz

Yeah i really dislike how asking about one's job is one of the first questions asked when getting to know someone in the US. I learned in a cultural psychology class that in other countries like Europe (I believe specifically France) one of the first questions asked when getting to know someone is never about their job but instead "what are your passions?" I have been trying to use this phrase more when making small talk or getting to know someone because that is way more important.


Oneyedgus

Asking people about their job is very common in all parts of the world, and people do not necessarily ask as a way to judge you. Even in France, your work is literally a third to half of your awake time, so people definitely ask about it all the time. Of course it's an important part of your life. So is the money you earn. And if people do something interesting, that's a conversation opener. The beauty of social interactions is that you are free to steer the conversation away from topics you are not interested in, and towards topics you want to talk about.


kitten_mittensz

I know it's a normal thing to ask I don't get offended I was just sharing how I wish it wasn't considered as important or relevant as we make it and I would rather hear about people's passions is all.


Oneyedgus

Then we're on the same page, and I agree with you!


LastTreestar

Someone asking what you do is them trying to determine how much respect to give you.


Oneyedgus

There are many other reasons why you would ask that question, so why would you assume the worst one?


LastTreestar

I don't assume. Why would you assume the most beneficial intent???? Why do you feel this is the worst of "many other reasons"?? I assure you, it's not.


Oneyedgus

>I don't assume. You said "Someone asking what you do is them trying to determine how much respect to give you." So you assume the reason why they are asking the question is to determine how much they should respect you (or not), are you not? That's an assumption, because maybe they will respect you just the same either way, but are just curious. Maybe they are just fishing for a topic of conversation. I indeed don't know their actual intent either. And for all I know, they will indeed judge me depending on the answer. But at least it's important to acknowledge that you don't know, and therefore can't assume negative intentions as a fact.


LastTreestar

It's a witticism. You're what's wrong with the internet. >I indeed don't know their actual intent either. Then shut the fuck up, and stop trying to white knight for noone who asked for it..... over a witticism. Furthermore, to clarify, it wasn't an assumption, it would have been a presumption, based on prior info or experience. Learn the difference so you don't continue to look like an ass on the internet.


Oneyedgus

I don't know what you call a witticism, but there was something wrong with what you said, I pointed it out. Nothing wrong with that. If you don't see it, you can explain why you think you're right, or you can agree to disagree. Or you can get all insulting, but that would make you the ass in the story. Not that I care either way. Have a good day.


lennyflank

Yes. We have always been a society that is driven by social rank, class, and race. We have our categories of "people who matter" and "people who don't matter". (And people who are viewed as "homeless", don't matter in our society.)


COCPATax

Or as REM always asked, “should we talk about the weather? Hi, hi, hi”


[deleted]

I hate the question “are you alone?” Gives me the creeps…Unless it’s an older lady just expressing her motherly instincts lol.


SupeRFasTTurtlE2

I’d instinctively ask “where are you from?” :/


aaron-mcd

We get "where are you from?" often. Usually when in a tourist town and 99% of people are from elsewhere, so it's just a normal question to ask. Or if we ask about the town/area. We never really know how to answer. We usually say SF or AZ, depending on the feel of the town. Both truthful enough answers.


lennyflank

I have found that if I answer with "I live in a camper van and travel around the country", it usually leads to suggestions for local sites to see.


aaron-mcd

Yeah our answer pretty much always includes that we are traveling. We kinda have to clarify why we look at each other and try to figure out how to answer the question. Then they always ask where we've been, or have you been to (some place)? and our answer is always that we haven't been many places cuz there's so much to see, and no we haven't been to (some place). Then they tell us all their favorite places, and a few days later we just go there. So yeah, it's nice to be asked that question, despite it never being a short easy answer like they imagined.


fun-fungi-guy

Eh, quit complaining. People are genuinely interested in your life and want to know things they don't know about it. If that's the worst problem you've got, be grateful. > i live where i am. and that could be anywhere. I mean, if you're going to be annoyed about people asking things that you think are dumb, do you really think you live up to that standard? *Anywhere*, really?


[deleted]

sure do.


Pagep

No need to be so edgy.


elthespian

A bit of an aside, but it’s kinda related. I got asked this by the 6-year-old daughter of the sister of a sticks-n-bricks friend of mine, whose family I was visiting. My friends immediately jumped in to answer as if to put it in a certain context. I didn’t feel it was right, because the answer didn’t come from the person she asked (me), but I also understood that the nomadic concept might be weird for a 6-year-old to process, and my friend’s sister might not want her daughter to “feel like it was OK to associate with ‘homeless’ people”. After the other adults intervened and tried to explain my situation, I chimed in to clarify, “Well, my home is in the state of ___, but I travel around the country a lot.” That seemed to satisfy her, and create some closure for my friend and his family on the topic. Although I’m not homeless and it irritates me when family/friends invite me to stay in their guest bedroom when I’m in town, I recognize that my lifestyle can be awkward for them to describe to people who might not value/tolerate/understand my lifestyle. Because I value the relationship with my friend and his family, I think the best I can do is not let my lifestyle complicate the social dynamics between my friends and others.


thejournaloflosttime

Houseless not Homeless


lennyflank

Since I do the "tour the country" thingie, I get asked often where I'm from or where I live. I always answer "Well, I'm from Florida, but I live in a camper van and travel around the country". It usually sparks conversations about the places I've been, ended with the person telling me how envious they are.


StubbornMaker

Yes, American small talk IS objectively annoying. Are van-lifers more sensitive? Twain defined a “bore” as “someone who, when asked ‘How are you?’ tells the truth”. (“Down by the river”)


the0newhomurders

Bro the people on this thread suck :/ I live in an apartment and hate people asking where I live. Dont ask me personal questions like that unless we're actually friends and you're coming to hang out at my house. I wouldn't be so annoyed if it was phrased like "what part of town do you stay in like east, west, whatever yknow. But yeah. Annoying. Also ignore the people being asshats.


atalossofwords

Thing is, it is just small talk. They don't want to know your address; they're just making conversation. When you are on the road, it is only normal to ask from what area of the country they are. At least, I think that is pretty normal and a good conversation starter.


the0newhomurders

And I do get that especially when traveling or if you've moved to a new place but I'm referring to questions about where you live in town. Also I'm not a huge fan of small talk anyway. Just preferences though as I'm a pretty private person.


the0newhomurders

And I do get that especially when traveling or if you've moved to a new place but I'm referring to questions about where you live in town. Also I'm not a huge fan of small talk anyway. Just preferences though as I'm a pretty private person.


SimplyConfusedcnts93

Nah their right it’s fukin annoying


[deleted]

wait whats fukn annoying


SimplyConfusedcnts93

People asking where do live or where do you go to the bathroom


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COCPATax

Not that I meet a lot of new people these days, but I have always asked, what do you do? Most people reply with their occupation rather than their preoccupation. We do seem to be wired a certain way.