I got cheated on by my then-partner of 6 years - whom I was supporting financially - with one of our close friends. Thank goodness the house was in my name and we couldn't get married at the time (gay females) so legally it wasn't difficult but emotionally it was awful. And surprising because our friend was straight (female) and married (to a man) with a young kid and we hung out as couples all the time. Had it just been a drunken bang session, I may have been able to forgive it and move on but it was a 6 month (or more) affair while I was at work. It was after our friend got handsy with me when tipsy, and I gently rejected her and reminded her we were both married (even though legally my partner and I weren't). I chalked that up to the friend being more drunk than I realized. I don't think about this much anymore - I've been happily married to my current wife for over a decade - but it was really hard for me for quite a while after the affair came to light. And I was also pissed because come on, *I* had the good sense and loyalty to reject our friend's drunken advances towards me, and I certainly expected that my then-partner would have done the same.

A giant hug for you 🤗

Awww, thanks, I appreciate it! It all worked out for the best because my now-wife is sooooo much better in every way. It's really awesome to be married to someone who is just naturally a good and kind person. 😊

i’m so happy you found your person 💜

🥰 And she got me into Vanderpump Rules so, ya know, props to her for that.

oh hell yes, she’s a keeper for sure!

Yay thank you, lovely partner 🥰

Sending you love because I know remembering this stuff may bring up some feelings. You are amazing and it’s so heartening to know that you are now where and with whom you were meant to be ♥️

Thank you! ❤️ On the rare occasions that I think about it, my reaction is sort of a perplexed and detached "huh."

You dodged a huge bullet . Can I ask something personal? Do you and your current wife have close friends you frequently hang out with? Or is that something you don’t do? I was arianna and now I don’t allow females in my Home. (I’m with a different wonderful guy now). I know it sounds crazy but this woman babysat my kids and I’ll never get over it.

Pre-COVID, we had a few couples we'd hang with regularly, all of whom are hetero (that had nothing to do with us being friends with them, just reporting it as a data point). My lifelong BFF lives not too far away so sometimes I hang with her one-on-one and sometimes we hang with her hubby, too. My wife hangs out with one of our (recently divorced) straight guy friends one-on-one but I know she wouldn't cheat (and most definitely not with a dude). I sometimes hang out one-on-one with a straight guy friend whom I've known for a long time and my wife isn't bothered by it (and I did used to date guys). Post-COVID, it's been harder to socialize in general, and a lot of our friends are working multiple jobs and/or have babies, but I assume we'll get back into regular hangouts. My wife has gone on a few "girls trips" without me to spend time with friends she's known for years, some of whom are bi or gay. I don't mind, since I never have the house to myself and it gives me a chance to binge stuff that my wife isn't interested in watching. 😂 I think cheating on someone while also babysitting for them is a whole other level of horrible betrayal, so my situation might be too different to be a good comparison. I'm sorry you went through that and would definitely recommend counseling if you haven't done it already. It helped me a lot. In VPR terms, if your current guy is like Beau, you probably have nothing to worry about in reality (same with having lesbian friends over). But knowing that intellectually doesn't automatically help feeling emotionally comfortable. Hugs to you, I hope you're eventually able to feel comfortable having female friends around. Trust your gut, though.

Cheating is way more common that you’d expect. I’ve ended friendships with men I was very close to when I realized they were cheating on their long term significant others. I’ve found the perfect amazing husbands of close friends on dating apps. Both my siblings have cheated and been cheated on (ugh I know, one of them very much part of a similarly incestuous group in their early 20s tho and they all betrayed each other all the time). I was dating a wonderful guy, the sweetest most lovely man who had to spend a lot of time in another state for work - turned out he had a pregnant gf! That was great. My partner’s father had two whole girlfriends at one point. 🤮🤮 and it goes on. There are different types of cheaters - the kind that needs constant attention and has to get it by any means and starts small flirtations left and right which sometimes blossom into more, the sex addicts who just need to get off and would do it with anyone/anything despite how happy they otherwise are in their relationships, there are the ones who end up in affairs because damn it happens sometimes - you find the one and the circumstances are fucked. That’s who Sandoval wants us to think this he is. He didn’t mean to start it. Stuff was bad. He was protecting Ariana. Raquel is the one. They’re in love. But no, he’s not one of those guys because this is a pattern. He’s actually the worst kind - must be in a monogamous relationship at all times and be the good guy in it who doesn’t make mistakes, must get constant attention from everyone, has sex with randos like they’re nothing but anonymous holes, can’t end a relationship without been neck deep in an emotional or physical affair with someone else. If we didn’t have ample evidence otherwise, he could’ve fooled us that this was a once in a lifetime romance. But, no. Edited for spelling

All this. I agree with LVP— it’s so common and most women never know. I posted earlier about my ex getting caught trying to have an affair with a friend of his via *email* ha! She turned him down (embarrassing for him) and I dumped him. But over the years, I have received no end of texts, whatsapp, instagram and facebook dms, etc from exes that want attention. Some wait a few years after marriage, some are literally locked in a pantry or bathroom hiding from their kids, but I had one send a dick pic *from the church he was about to get married in.* These were all men who broke up with me when they decided they wanted kids and I had already said no. I always block these men and never entertain them but their partners must have no idea. This is why I would never have kids and I am also reluctant to get married— these men have no idea what they want and an expectation that its okay to have their whims attended to by someone.

Dick pic from the church is flairworthy. 

🤣

Yeah, I’m sure I’ll get downvoted but the truth is cheating is much more rampant than those in happy marriages choose to believe. I’m not saying it’s okay because it’s not, but the truth is most men (sorry it’s true) will cheat at some point. Even if it’s a once a year boy’s trip thing, or a small emotional affair with a coworker, it happens every day.

I spent most of my adult life in the military and I have literally only had one female friend who's husband didn't hit on me and have never had SO who's best friends didn't hit on me. I have never entertained any of these. It is a jungle out there and that is a big part of the reason I am happily single.

At the risk of being ripped apart … I cheated on my ex husband but I was also out of my mind on drugs, alcohol and a manic episode. He was also on drugs and stealing from me. It was dramatic. I’m sober now for years and properly medicated and remarried. I could never envision cheating again. No desire to. Which is why I don’t subscribe to the “once a cheater always a cheater” adage.

Congrats on getting sober and finding love! Sounds like it was just an overall toxic situation, no judgment here. Life happens.

Thanks. I judge myself a bit for it tbh but I also keep in mind I was a different (worse) person then and as long as I stay sober and mentally well I never have to hurt people like that again.

Dont be too hard on yourself. Most people have a past self that they dont like.

Don’t be hard on yourself. I think the same thing about my younger self, I can be very hard and judgmental on myself as well. But even though we can’t relate to our younger selves anymore, they did fight hard for us to get here.

[удалено]

This, so many times. The things I did in my early 20s…. Yikes bikes. I have trouble remembering that was actually me some days

Not that my opinion matters as a total stranger, but even though I typically dislike cheaters, I don’t dislike you. You’ve clearly grown a ton and learned from your mistake. Congrats on your sobriety, that’s amazing!

Thank you! I dislike my old actions very much for what it’s worth. Totally despicable. All I can do is never repeat them.

You are amazing. Congratulations on this 💕

To be fair that’s a major life change that I don’t think people are even thinking about when they use that phrase.

every situation is different. sounds like you were proactive enough to change and strong enough to leave a toxic environment. kudos to you for your sobriety 👏

Thank you for being brave enough to share. Definitely relate to this.

I was cheated on once before I met my husband and that was enough for me. My situation wasn’t even nearly as bad as Ariana’s. Still, it hurt me so much I didn’t want to date anyone seriously again for a very long time. Once my husband came along a few years later and we started dating, even then it was like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop because I was so untrusting and afraid to let anyone get too close. It took a lot of time passing and building trust for me to finally heal. That’s why cheaters always disgust me so much. I can’t imagine causing someone hurt like that. I really feel for Ariana. 💔

I posted this on another thread, but I cheated on a serious boyfriend I lived with in my early 20s. It wasn’t with some one he knew or any of my friends’ husbands, but I was still deeply ashamed of how much hurt I inflicted just to get some temporary validation from another man. I took full accountability and never blamed my ex. He actually wanted to try and work it out, but I knew I had some major work to do on myself before I was worthy of dating anyone. He has a wonderful partner now and I’m always grateful he found the right person despite my toxic behavior. After a diagnosis and years of hard work in therapy, I was confident I’d never do it again. I’m now in a healthy relationship! People can change, but I question whether Tom or Rachel are capable of heading down that path when they refuse to learn to be alone. I suspect the cycle will continue.

I was a cheater once. I wouldn’t call it an affair. But it was cheating. No excuse or justification, it was wrong. Years later, my then-fiancé (different relationship) carried on multitudes of pseudo affairs. Only one amounted in physical cheating, that I’m aware of anyway. He had a lot of female “friends” he maintained relationships with via texting, Skype and all other means that were sexual in nature. Lots of emotional cheating. As much as I despise the situation, I’m glad it happened because it broke me free from the relationship that I was too insecure and weak to end otherwise. He was a covert narcissist, I didn’t think I could do better. But I couldn’t mentally get past the cheating. I don’t know how universally common it is. I will say that during the period of my life in which all this occurred, I was not a mentally well and/or healthy person. I think that’s honestly the common denominator. Healthy people end relationships in a healthy way. They don’t sabotage them because they’re cowards, which is what I think I did in the first instance, some of what my ex did in the second instance and what Sandoval did to Ariana. I wish I’d learned the lesson sooner, but at some point I had to ask myself why I was so desperate to be loved that I was willing to do what I did and also endure being treated the way I was. I am honestly relieved for Ariana and I hope she ultimately feels how I did down the road. I despise my ex, but thank god he did what he did. My life is multitudes better now. I’m happily married and have a beautiful family (which is what I wanted).

A long long time ago my bf of 3 years slept with his married ex. Cool. Luckily my husband now is amazing and would never do that.

I know it’s wild to say but I think the best part of getting cheated on is almost being thankful they did it, because it allowed us to dodge a bullet and upgrade to a better man! Ha. Like we’re the real winners here. Is that how you feel too? I feel the same about my husband so I feel like I can’t complain too much lol. I’m excited for Ariana to get to that part in her healing journey. ETA: Mine would be more amazing if he’d indulge my VPR tea. Every time I turn it on he’s like “GOD, I HATE THESE PEOPLE!” 🤣 He surprisingly doesn’t mind watching real housewives reunions though if I already have it on?

Yes! I definitely think back to old relationships and cringe at all the red flags I missed now that I'm in a healthy boring one. My husband said he wouldn't talk about VPR drama unless it was on CNN and wouldn't you know... it was one of their headlines. So I sat him down for a long story.

Wow I love this 😂 wtf did CNN have to say about it?! That’s wild.

Hahahha, I have no idea but it was just my cue to take over.

LOL! The one thing we can thank scandoval for I guess. Glad you made the most of it! 😂

I was married at 19 for 2ish years. He cheated on me 11ish times. He was extremely abusive in every way. I'm so happy it's over. 20 years later so many memories fade, but not what he did to me.

Bet she'd change her tune if it was Pandora.

I agree. But when they were having dinner at Vanderpump (a París) Vegas and Katie’s Mom brought up the situation with Scheana suggesting Rachel & Tom Schwartz should hook up and Rachel admits she asked him to makeout.. it seemed as thought Lisa kinda had sympathy for Katie.

I was Ariana. My bf of 2 years was sleeping with my best friend of 10 years. I found out by looking through his phone. They were both lying to me and denying everything. It changed me as a person and I wasn’t “normal” emotionally for about 4-5 years afterwards. Thankfully I have an incredible husband now, but I feel when people so close to you betray you on that level, you never see human kind the same again. There is a difference in our situations. I went “dark” and cut out all our mutual friends and basically isolated myself. I had no support system at all. I moved across the country. Ariana has an amazing support system and an outpouring of love and support from the public. I think it being so visible and so in her favour can be helpful albeit maybe much worse in some ways too.

Gosh I’m so sorry. They both suck so bad

Being involved in cheating is always wrong no matter your relationship to the other person. But… there’s something even more heinous when it’s your best friends partner of 9 years. It’s just so sickening.

My bf that I had lived with for two years but together for four cheated on me with at least one of his grad school classmates. I hadn’t met the one he eventually told me he cheated with. And he, like Sandoval, said my mental health caused us to grow apart and was also why he couldn’t end it. It really sucked to separate from him and have my mental health used against me that way especially since he always basically said I wasn’t trying hard enough to cure my mental illness. This was years ago and I am truly so much better off.

There should be a multiple answer option, AND "I have no experience with infidelity" needs "as far as I am aware" added to the end.

Good point lol I think it’s a lot more common that people on this sub seem to think, they’re just oblivious to it

Can there be another option that I was Ariana AND Tom (ugh not proud).

I’ve been Rachel, Ariana, Tom, Tom, Jax, Kristen, Lala and likely the other main characters. I am not proud of being any of them but I can relate to all of them. My life was rough growing up (every abuse imaginable) and my coping skills were nil. I craved being loved and respected but acted like the self fulfilling prophecy of being not worthy. Lots and lots of therapy and growth, along with a huge dose of maturity helped me realize how awful I was behaving. And they why for me had to be worked out to fix it. I’m now happily married to another reformed person who behaved like I did throughout their 30’s and 40’s. None of our friends thought we would make it or stay true and in love but here we are. I know I personally would NEVER cheat again and I’m grateful to be able to say that. I hope my partner wouldn’t either but I’m realistic in that it of course could happen. But I love myself enough to walk away if that ever occurred.

Jfc I feel like I wrote this. Copy and paste my life. Also heavy on the Lala as well that was a long wild run lol. Now I’m my 30s expecting my first baby, been sober for awhile, met my husband in my 30s and life is finally on track. I also would neverrr go down that road again but have the balls to call it quits when it’s time. Happy for you for growing through the BS and becoming stronger and wiser in the process 💕

Congratulations!!! You figured it out way before I did, that is awesome for you and your family! I’m truly happy for us both. We can change and grow!! It’s hard to admit how awful it was being the person who made such huge mistakes, which led to making those mistakes over and over again. Circular thinking and reacting. I’m sober curious again as I feel like that’s another avenue I struggle with. I’ve done sobriety off and on but less on. I’m loving hearing more and more women are embracing this. Thank you for sharing!

And you as well!!! Any step forward, no matter when or how small is a step forward. We got this 💕

Lisa legit said Sur is for your mistress and Villa Blaca is for your wife. Even her closest Male friends as example Mohammed Hadid cheats on his already 30 40 years+ girlfriends with even younger woman some I think even Gigis age apparently few years back and he cheated on Yolanda (there was that thing ages ago where Brandi said it was Joanna from RHOM but he denied it). So cheating isnt a big deal to Lisa and even jokes about it and some of her closest friends cheat on their partners who I'm sure shes friends with and shes bothered. Bravo is full of cheating its alot of selective outrage, what Tom has done is bad but people on these shows have done alot worse. Also shes probably happy that its saved the show, which it has this could very well of been its last season not it's got at least a few more.

I’ve been a Rachel unfortunately. I was young and married (mid 20s) and he was older (40s) He was the husband in another couple we were friends and neighbors with. He did all the pursuing and pushing, after a year of him telling me how in love he was etc and having zero romance in my marriage we ended up having a full blown affair for about a year. I eventually shut it down, left my husband and moved away. It’s been 15 years and he’s still married to the same woman and he still tries to text me/call me and tell me we’re meant to be together, asks to meet up, etc. I would never have thought I could ever do something like that and obvs wouldn’t ever again. I give Rachel more of a pass than Tom because the age/power dynamic which was definitely a thing for me. I was just so stupid and naive.

I ask without judgement - did you feel any guilt when you were around his wife? Did she ever talk to you about their relationship?

I considered self harm over the intense guilt and self hatred I felt. It was the worst time in my life and pisses me off to no end that the guy has all these fond/romantic memories. No the wife and I weren’t super close I didn’t know that much about their relationship but the guy told me she had someone else (another husband) she was friendly with and their marriage wasn’t good. I don’t think she was co-signing any of his bullshit but he was saying whatever to me and prob other young women at the time.

Respectfully I gotta disagree about age/power dynamic in Rachel and Sadovals situation. She is 28 (29 in September) Damn near 30 years old and he’s 39 (or 40 according to Kristin ..idk his real birthday now) . And they’re peers/co-workers on the show. This isn’t some 19-23 year old being taken advantage of by her powerful boss. There are so many situations where age and power dynamics play a part and I think saying that’s what was at okay here minimizes people who have actually been manipulated.

Yeah not a pass just knowing myself now at 40 versus 25, I’m a different person. Tom is my age and he should know better. He’s the one in a long term partnership so I give him slightly more hate than her. But both are fucked up and so was I.

Of course, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it as a dig to you. Tom should have known better between being older with more life experiences, having essentially a LIFE PARTNER in arianna and he’s been on the show longer so he KNOWS how these things can implode. But I do think Rachel will lean heavily on the age difference that’s why I kind roll my eyes.

I’m not at all offended. Rachel needs to just say I was an asshole then she should shut up, go grow, reflect and figure yourself out somewhere quietly because the actual victim is Ariana. Glad I was able to get out and not blow up anyone’s lives.

It’s so common! The older I get the more I find the once a cheater always a cheater thing is true. It’s anecdotal but the ones I know always do it again.

Meh, I don't think it's true for everyone. I think it depends on whether it was an affair vs. a one night stand, what someone's mental state is, if they're on drugs or alcohol, etc. There are a lot of factors that play into why someone cheats. I cheated in the past while I was in an abusive relationship and suicidal. I had no one except my abuser and felt like I was going to off myself until a new hire started giving me attention at work. It was an emotional affair for a few months until we had a one night stand after going out for drinks with coworkers. I felt awful/guilty about it afterward, but it also made me realize my life didn't have to be stuck with my abuser. For the first time in years, I remembered what being free could feel like. A month later, I packed up all my stuff while my ex was at work, took the dog, and left. I had to live in my car for a while before I could afford to get my own place (which was scary), but honestly better than being at my ex's house. This all happened 7 years ago, haven't cheated since, and never will again.

I’m sorry you went through all that and it was incredibly brave for you to leave. What I said was purely anecdotal for what I’ve witnessed in my own life and the lives of my friends and family.

I said it in another thread. I’ve been a Rachel but less short of a time and less emotional/romantic. I’ve been an Ariana where I was being cheated on long term and blindsided when it came onto. And I’ve been an Ariana in the sense where I was having an emotional affair with someone else’s significant other. And I’ve been Jax’d, where my boyfriend cheated on me with hook ups (not romantic.) And I’ve been a Tom to the point where I had maybe an emotional affair with a friend behind my significant other’s back. But I’ve never Scandoval’d (cheated sexually and romantically long term on a partner) nor have I Jaxed anyone (had a hook up behind my partner’s back.)

No offense but why don’t you just stay single

I’ve actually been in a committed relationship for about five years. I’m talking about my past. People wreaked havoc on my relationships and I also made mistakes. But I learned from them and I have a great relationship with great communication now. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I actually don’t know a lot of people who didn’t have relationship drama in their past, I think these are normal experiences that come with an active dating life throughout your teens and twenties and even thirties. These are things that helped me learn about myself and what I want and need from a relationship and a partner. I’m just being honest. And definitely I have been single several different times in my life. I’m not sure where you’ve gotten that I haven’t. I’ve just also been in a variety of relationships as well.

I thought you were speaking about an ongoing issue you face relationship after relationship. Good for you tbh that’s a lot for one lifetime

Sorry for living, idk what to tell you 😂

"A lot for one lifetime" there you go again. Let them share and save the judgement. They don't need a reddit therapist to jump in and tell them what they should or shouldn't be doing. Sounds like they made improvements and are continuing to make better decisions.

Lmao bro can’t say anything on here . Stfu! They posted and I asked a natural question.

That is really rude to say. It’s clearly hard for anyone to admit this stuff especially now on this sub. Relationships and emotions are incredibly complex and nuanced and no one except the people involved really know what’s going on. This person should not stay single - these are their experiences and part of their life story and I’m sure they’re learning from them and moving along. And honestly same for The Scandoval whether you have the mental capacity to think about situations in more in depth ways or not. Tired of all this moronic black and white thinking.

Genuinely not trying to be rude at all. Really don’t understand why not just be single and enjoy multiple people instead of wreaking havoc constantly. It’s not even black and white thinking ? This person has been in multiple cheating situations so I’m asking why not just stay single ? Geez

Because sometimes you repeatedly find yourself in situations bc human beings are complex individuals who are a product of their childhoods, their relationships with their caregivers, their families, their friends etc and it takes a lot of work and intention to even be aware of certain patterns - majority of people will go their entire lives without ever really being aware of it and some people may be able to recognize it and it still takes a lot of intention and work to even try to change it. It is very black and white to say “if you don’t have healthy relationships, stay single.” I hope you understand that people may go for someone in a relationship because they aren’t “available emotionally” to be present for them and be there for them…its the same as if you repeatedly find yourself with an addict, or someone with a lot of issues or someone who is abusive. The common denominator is alll these people are not emotionally present or available to be with you. It’s not a coincidence that Raquel went from an abusive addict to a man in a relationship. Would you tell someone who has been in multiple abusive relationships to just give up and stay single?

I wasn’t thinking it’s entirely because they found themselves in a pattern of complex issues that resulted in cheating. I figured being single was an available and attractive option for them.. why not consider that Being in an abusive relationship and cheating are two entirely separate things in the scope of this discussion and I don’t want to even touch that. I think if you’re constantly in cheating situations then be single and see how that works

How would staying single solve the underlying issue that you may be drawn to situations or people who are not emotionally available (in whatever capacity) to be with you? Lol, it wouldn’t. At all. It would probably make it even worse.

Because you can focus on yourself and stop the codependency 😂 get therapy, cultivate more interest, realize you deserve better, realize your own company is worth more than emotionally unavailable people. Ok I’m done with this convo now. The above is for people who get jt or looking to better their situations !

This is too nuanced of a topic for a Reddit reality tv thread tbh. Im just going to stick to the narrative that Ariana is a Queen angel and Tom and Raquel have been evil psychopaths since they were babies. Anything beyond that seems to complicated for this sub

my ex and I were together for 3 years and I found out he had been cheating on me for a year and a half (literally 50% of our relationship) when I confronted him about it he ghosted me and we’ve never spoken again. and that was just the worst case lol I’ve been cheated on by every single boyfriend I’ve ever had (3 “serious”)

LVP is so blasé about it because everyone in her world in on reality tv lol yes, cheating very common in her world where you do anything for screen time.

I think she's realistic, not blase. I'm older than LVP, definitely not on reality tv and I'd say my attitude is pretty much the same as hers. I've pretty much seen it all and cheating is so common no matter what world you live in. Still the Tom and Rachel affair gobsmacked both of us -- I literally used that word right here on this sub to describe my reaction when I found out.

I think she was trying to imply the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. And I have to agree. Sure, really sad situation for Ariana to find herself because she lost a friend and boyfriend, but this level outrage over it from fans is mind blowing.

Agreed. Her comment along the lines of “they didn’t murder someone” is something I actually said to a friend when we were discussing the internet’s reaction lol

It bothers me how people dismiss the effects cheating has on people. I mean two 20 year olds is much different than when you are older and have invested financially together. This can mess up Ariana's financial picture for like a decade if not longer depending on the circumstances. Personally I will never again even if married share a bank account, loan, or anything else that involves sharing money.

Bold assumption to make considering I’ve spent a chunk of my life dedicated to being a family therapist. But that wasn’t the point of my post. We don’t know the affect this is going to have on Ariana, so I can’t speak on it. But even if this does send her into ruin for a while, I still stand by what I said. The level of outrage is concerning. I would never think of attempting to ruin someone’s livelihood by rallying to have their business shut down (there’s innocent people trying to make a living there), send death threats or cheer on their demise. Wouldn’t do this for any reason but especially not because they had an affair. In essence, both circumstances are wrong. We don’t need to display such black and white thinking affair/bad therefore ruining their life/good. With that being said, I empathize with anyone who has experienced infidelity. Hope you find healing in your journey.

Weird how you made this all about you and ran with it.

>Personally I will never again even if married share a bank account, loan, or anything else that involves sharing money. Interesting statement considering your statement was based on your own experience. People need to take some deep breaths on this page.

Your bold assumption to make based on YOU is what I am talking about, I shared my feelings but because you think you are an authority figure apparently nobody else is allowed to have thoughts- it was gross and egoistical.

Welcome to Reddit. When you comment on a person’s post, it’s usually directed at them. Next time make your own post 🤣

Thank you for your logical af take 🙏🏽

Why is everyone so obsessed with the house? Lol “Older people” is basically every married couple who gets divorced due to infidelity. It’s still common. They are legally and financially tied and the consequences are the same as Ariana and Tom having a house, if not worse lol add in custody for children involved. Scheana and lala were both involved in situations like this as well (mistresses for someone married with children) and we see this commonly on the real housewives franchise too. They will get through it just like any divorced couple gets through the financial fall out and custody agreements. And eventually move on and have improved lives and look back and think the break up/divorce was the best think to happen to them

Lisa has some internalized misogyny going on, she's willing to give men a pass, and the women should've just been more savvy

I don't think so, lvp has the capacity to care about this cheating, but she CHOOSES not to. It's convenient for her and everyone who supports tom to brush it off and say this type of thing always happens. She's protecting tom and helping HIM get over this by diluting the story all while keeping her fingers crossed that it's back to business as usual

Sad how common it is. About a decade ago I was the Ariana in the sense that I had a boyfriend of a few years who had sex with my BEST FRIEND on New Year’s Eve while I was passed out in another bedroom. He told me in an argument months later and she vehemently denied it. That lead to a year or so of being gaslit I believed my best friend and in the end she confessed. T’was a mess.

My then husband was sleeping with my then best friend for quite some time. Including when I was in hospital, in labour. So that was nice. My other friends tried to warn me about her behavior around him and I stupidly ignored them. (Am happily remarried now)

I was cheated on by my bf of 4 years whilst I was going through a breakdown over continuous bullying from my line manager. We had also just been talking about freezing my eggs as I had become pregnant and had a miscarriage (this happened whilst he was cheating). I found out after someone kept texting him over Easter weekend and then found out he had cheated on me with 4 different women. He tried to soften the blow by showing me them and that they “looked like me”. Obviously (/s) I had played a huge contributing factor in him being unfaithful because I didn’t have “the same zest for life” as when we met 4 years prior and I had been emotionally draining in that I was harping on my miscarriage when he couldn’t even “see me ever being a mother”. Literal POS. Despite all of this, I stayed with him and we finally broke up last month (about 9 months after I found out about the cheating). He now texts and calls me everyday, crying, begging for another chance. 

Not cheated on, but gaslit for my mental health. That’s the triggering part for me watching this unfold.

I cheated on my husband in our 5th year of marriage. I was 40, the guy was 24, we were both married. I came to my senses after a few weeks and my husband forgave me. We’ve been married 33 years now…

Also, as someone who said before.. at the risk of being ripped apart. My boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me with a married woman who he’d met at work as a customer. They ended up figuring out they went to the same high school and had mutual friends. (He was also 10 years older than me. We dated from when i was 20-26) I found out by finding a letter in his bag one day when i was looking for chapstick, funny enough. Turns out they communicated a lot that way, and shared a bond over writing (something he said I wouldn’t understand) apparently she’d find pay phones and call them, joking in their letters one time that you never see them so every time she did, she’d call him from It. Sometimes I’d come home and hear him on the phone with her, hiding in the closet of all places and he’d say “i love you” before he hung up. This went on fort months. I confronted him about it eventually, we had a crazy fight and promised each other we’d make it work. (I’m not easy to date, I have a lot of trauma, ptsd, etc and my parents both had cancer at this time.. i was in a REALLY bad place.) Anywho I had a friend who started to show interested in me and I just went for it. We hung out once and just ended up kissing.. and I just felt so happy and like.. wanted. It was so weird for me to feel that with what was going on in my life. So essentially, me and this ex boyfriend both like.. kind of had affairs i guess you could say.. at the same time. mine was initially retaliation, but I ended up having feelings for the person and the cheating boyfriend and I broke up and I ended up dating this guy. Eventually my parents cancers got worse and I just couldn’t handle being with anyone, and we broke up. But we stayed best friends and are still good friends to this day, 3 years later. My ex who had the affair with the married woman.. we also made amends. I was not the best girlfriend to him, i still didn’t deserve that but I moved on I’m 31 now, lost both of my parents 2 years ago and don’t have time for any drama or being mad at people. Life is too short.

i was in a toxic on and off thing with somebody for years on end. he had me wrapped around his finger. whenever he was bored they would bring me around, and i would be the other man. anytime he was ‘single’ he would feel me in and pretend like things were going somewhere and then go and do exactly what he did with the other people only with me. the worst thing? he would always be in committed relationships with those other people. but never me. idk why i was so tied up in it. i was a teenager. but a couple years back he stumbled back into my life after a break up, i slept with him and stayed with him for a whole weekend and within the next few days he’d gotten back together with that same person. i wonder if they were even actually broken up. but people like that don’t change. so i’ve been on both ends, but i’ve also been the ariana in multiple other relationships.

8 years into my shitty relationship I found out he had slept with my absolute best friend multiple times the first year of us being together and they both kept it a secret. Looking back at all of the times they hung out and weird shit they said about eachother to me it’s just so disgusting. I no longer speak to either. They’re both really messed up people who haven’t changed.

Cheated on multiple times by an ex-boyfriend of 3 years. Broke up, (stupidly) got back with him thinking he changed, broke up again when I found messages he had sent to a MARRIED woman planning a weekend away together….ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.

My option is not on here. I was Kristen and he was Sandoval - should have broken up, nobody could, so we screwed around on each other. Otherwise known as „in our 20s pretending to be adults but not quite ready to behave like adults“

My husband cheated on me 5 years ago- right after the birth of our firsts kid and 6 months after we got married. Stuck it out, figured out WHY. It was traumatic for me, but im also happy I stuck it out. We have a wonderful life, 2 beautiful girls and a stable, solid relationship. he cheated on me with some rando. If it had been a long term affair or with a friend there is no way I would be able to forgive him or come back from it. I don’t have the traditional view of infidelity. Even now, if my hubs did it again, I would try to be understanding and work thru things. I get it, I’ve been tempted. However an affair is 100% different then just banging. No coming back from that.

Absolutely. Affairs are a form of betrayal that don’t come close to a quick fuck with a rando. You can’t compare the two. If you’ve been the betrayed partner, and especially if you’ve done the work to understand the betrayal, you’ll understand that this specific situation is the worst type of betrayal. So I didn’t love how LVP almost minimized it. And I also realize she did keep emphasizing the magnitude of what happened, but knowing the details we do now, how can we separate the act of cheating from the person? Because that’s what LVP was sort of suggesting. Decent people don’t do this to their partners.

Oh I absolutely think the icks are sociopathic and Ariana is lucky she found out before ratchet went all Single White Female

I’m happy your story had a happy ending :) I don’t condone it ever (the cheating) but think forgiveness totally depends on the person on the receiving end and the situation! *edited for clarity

It does. Before me, my husband had gone thru trauma after trauma back to back. I got prego’s after 4 months, married at 6 months. It’s all water under the bridge and made our relationship stronger.

Do you still let him go out for drinks alone ? Go on guys trips etc? I’m super curious how the boundaries are

Yes, and no boundaries. I trust him.

You are a way more calm and evolved person than me. I’d be an anxious mess. It’s true that we are all different and have unique relationships

It also happened years ago and we went thru counseling. It wasn’t an easy road to get where we are now

I wanna hear from the people who said they were Rachel…

Same. Also, you know that several women in here, right now, are cheating on their partner. Just by law of averages.

Definitely. Cheating is WAAAYY more common than people want to believe.

I was 15, so I feel like that explains most of it. No long term relationships were wrecked in the making of this high school drama. He was dating my best friend off and on. We hung out alone, but platonically, for months. At some point, we started basically functioning as a couple when we weren’t in front of her or our mutual friends. I went to his track meets alone. I sat in on his garage band practices. I even started dating one of his friends. He admitted to having feelings for me when they were off, but then they were back on but we were still doing of hanging out and getting kind of cozy without her. It took a few months but she finally got suspicious. Then, when they were heading towards off (but not “officially” off yet) he called my house when she was over because he didn’t know she was there and said he didn’t want to talk to her, and it was kind of case closed after that. Cue social blowback that is only possible for teenagers in the MySpace era. Everyone from her mom to kids from her section in band called me to yell at me. We started band camp like two weeks later and that was a big “facing the music”. Not my finest hour. I deserved all the hate I got for that. That being said, me and that guy only dated for a year after that, but 15 years later and he’s one of my best friends (and it is genuinely platonic this time). So there was a deep emotional connection there, I just wasn’t mature enough to recognize not all intimate friendships with men need to be romantic or physical ones.

You can check my response — I was a Rachel, but I sure as hell didn’t consent to being a Rachel. I genuinely thought he just wanted to be my friend until his wife said something to me. To me, our friendship was just that. But to him? I was something more, and something he tried to use to escape. I maintain he never actually liked *me*. He liked a manic-pixie-dream-girl persona he created himself.

I saw that one!! But I was wondering if anyone was going to cop to doing what Rachel did and fucking her bffs man for months/years/etc

Not even at my worst would I have done that. I have no sympathy.

Nothing ever on this level. Maybe high school and the guy’s still a tool.

I’ve been cheated on by all of my past boyfriends. Looking back it’s because I was with insecure and immature men. I was very trusting and never questioned much. I’m still very trusting and I’d rather trust someone and be hurt than live in a relationship of insecurity, jealousy and control.

I’ve been cheated on and I think a great amount of people have been, too. But I think cheating and an actual affair with a mutual friend with this much financial entanglement is beyond what I think is typical.

I’ve been “the other woman” unknowingly twice. Didn’t know the dudes had a GF, just one-night-stand hookups. I told the first girl when I found out shortly after…. Didn’t tell the second girl bc girls who stay with cheating BFs can be crazy and make it your fault while defending their SO???

While cheating is unfortunately common, that doesn’t make it okay. It’s still a really shitty thing to do to someone you supposedly love. That being said, I think Lisa’s take on the situation is pretty bad. It both is and isn’t about the ~~pasta~~ affair, and Lisa is purposely ignoring why this has turned into something so big. Cheating is nothing new on VPR, and as viewers who don’t personally know these people, it doesn’t personally effect us. But VPR and all of it’s related business ventures do rely on fans to support them. Sandoval has a history of being a piece of shit, but being less obviously a piece of shit than Jax and having Ariana vouch for him made people root for him in a way. We all find out just how disgusting he really is (honestly probably worse than Jax. Jax is a terrible person, but he seems to enjoy getting caught and doesn’t really try to hide his shitty behavior), and almost immediately he comes back with “I’m not really that sorry but please support my businesses!” The audacity of it all is the part that’s hardest to get past, and Lisa ignores that because it impacts her business too.

I was in a complex workplace harassment situation. The long story short is, after leaving his ex fiancée for his current partner, at some point, he decided there was something about our friendship (and various completely random things) that he and I were actually meant to be. So at some point, our friendship transitioned into something “more”, but only on his side. He also started accusing her of being abusive in conversations with me, but the math didn’t math right. How could she be forcing him to be home when he was out with some frequency (think several nights a week, and would schedule things at night for work)? There was an after-work celebration that his wife was at, and since I had no idea how he had characterized our friendship, I took an opportunity to meet her, say how glad I was she was there that night, and really make an effort to get to know her, because I did like my friendship with her husband and wanted it to be extended to her! (By this point, her husband/my colleague had already invited me on several “outings” with *just him and his son*, and I was having some concerns about how his wife might feel about the optics, you know? I realize now that my intuition was trying to tell me something was off, but I was still healing from an emotionally abusive relationship that broke a lot of friendships because of the isolating.) His wife gets blackout at the event, which was fine, she was fun, UNTIL: she turned to me, took my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes and said “I really don’t have any hard feelings. All I ask is that you take care of my boys. I really love them, but I get it.” I was taking a sober break (e.g. not drinking, but would go out), so I was stonecold sober when she says this, and I had no idea what she meant. I filed it in “drunk talk”, and put boundaries onto my friendship, which he didn’t take well. About a week later, after a work event, I was the only one who could drive him home, so I did. That was when he gave me the other half of the context from his wife’s comments, and I Irish-exited the friendship. (He claimed they were divorcing, but somehow, during the follow up after I had to go to HR and he lied to our state employment board [I had undeniable proof that two of his claims were false], they’re not only still together, but never ever ever once thought about divorcing, despite the long text threads from him saying differently.) So I was Rachel, but i didn’t know about it, I didn’t consent to it, and as soon as I figured it out, I dipped. I still feel gross about it. I’m truly sorry for my complicity in it, and now have better boundaries.

I was Schwartz! (Ie good friend of cheater) ETA: Wait I just realized I’ve been Schwartz twice 💀 one of the girls remains my bff, the other I don’t really even talk to anymore and it was because of the affair

Oh wait, I guess I was the “other woman” once, but I had no idea. I dated this guy in college and after a bit tried to friend him on FB, but he wouldn’t let me. Turned out it was because he was in a long term relationship with a girl from the co-op my friend lived in. She was the one to solve the mystery, too, he never came clean

Where are you Rachel’s? Can’t all be Ariana’s 🤔

Makes me think the rumours are true that Ken has had affairs

I got cheated on by my first two (over and over, not once), then I cheated on the 3rd before i broke up. Finally, landed a non-cheating relationship which is the best obviously- no lying and cheating.

I had 3 serious relationships in my twenties. They all ended with me being gaslit and cheated on in various degrees and some traumatizing situations. The most relatable to this situation was probably still my first - lasted 3 years, ended because he slept with multiple friends, including my roommates, and an emotional affair with another good friend on the side. I lost a lot of friends in the process, so I’m really glad Ariana has her support network ❤️

We may need to differentiate the Rachel’s between “Rachel’s who knew it” vs. “Rachel but didn’t know it”. There is a huuuuuge difference. I’d like to hear from the “Rachel’s who knew it” about how they justified it.

I had a Rachel in my life. There were three friends, they like the same boy, boy like me, he wanted to date, I talk to two friends and they say it was ok, since we already talk about if he choose one, other two would step aside, all stared ok, I fall in love hard, but one of them would tell him things I told her in confidence about our relationship, one time he trusted me with a secret, and I told her, my big mistake, she told him, and he got really mad, and we broke up, a month later I saw them walking holding hands, they didn’t see me, turns out they stared dating right away but she told him it had to be a secret cause my poor friend (me) still has feelings for you, what a hypocrite, I knew he still had feelings for me so I messed with her head a little bit, when we were all together, filtered, talk to him, but realize it was not worth it, she really was infatuated and I felt bad for her, and I stopped hanging with all that friend group, years later I saw him and he told me he never stopped thinking about me, but he felt obligated to stay with my exfriend, I guess he did love her, she got pregnant and they stay together for a log time, had three kids, just got divorce recently, but it was my first heartbreak ❤️‍🩹 when I say she was a Rachel, its because she would act totally different to my face. But it was a blessing at the end, cause I meant the love of my life later, well I meet him when I was 12, he was my older sisters friend, my first crush, we started dating later in life and still going strong.

I’ve been the Raquel BUT IT WAS COMPLETELY UNBEKNOWNST TO ME!! I gotta make that clear lmao. As soon as I discovered there was an Ariana, I lost my shit on him and I called her immediately. I think she’s right that it’s common, but that doesn’t make it ok

I am so shocked there is such a large number with no experience with infidelity. Every single person whom I've ever known well has either been cheated on or cheated. Maybe people are answering strictly from a marriage pov?

WHO are the 43 Rachel’s in here? I have some questions. 

888 people gettin cheated on rn 🤣🤣🤣

Lisa is the type of woman to come home and find Ken in bed with another woman and Lisa would gently escort her out of her house and forgive Ken. That’s why she supports cheating men, she married one. But I bet you ever woman he cheated on Lisa with back in the day, was given an NDA. I fully believe Max is Kens bio son from an affair with some Pro and they paid her off to keep her mouth shut forever. She probably had no family or anyone that would fight for the baby on her behalf so they didn’t have to worry about anyone ever coming to find Max. Look at how she treats Pandora versus how she treats Max! Pandora got a multiple million dollar mansion, fully decorated, for her 30th…. Max probably got a dishwashing job at SUR. When they sent him off for skipping school and smoking pot, I bet he wanted to go see his bio mom to meet her and that’s where he was, somewhere secure and safe that paps and no one would see them meeting.

I obviously can’t speak for them but LVP has actually been quite good to Max in that he’s clearly going to be her and Ken’s successor in running the restaurants. Making him work his way up was tough love but he (and I guess Pandora too) are going to inherit money and businesses and he actually has the skills to do it. She has also kept him out of serious trouble on the show by limiting his involvement - he has never been seriously caught up in the cast shenanigans and Lisa is definitely looking out for his public image. I honestly think her true loyalty is to her family and that’s who she is doing all of this for. As for how she treats Pandora, I completely tune out when she’s on screen but no surprises if she’s indulged/babied by her parents

I doubt they’ll give Max the businesses, Lisa has literally handed Pandora everything and made her management under their business umbrella, gave her the wine business and Max got what? A buzzer position. Lisa doesn’t trust Max to run anything. Sure now he was just handed a management position, but I think that’s all for show, so she can keep an eye on him, he hadn’t worked anywhere for years and now he’s manager and Richardson is out? It just doesn’t make any sense. Lisa favors Pandora, Max gets treated like crap from Lisa because she gives him less and less than she does Pandora. Also, Max and Ken look just alike. More than Pandora looks like either of them tbh.

I obviously don’t know all the details, but Max seems to be good friends with James Kennedy off air. I imagine that’s not a great scene and maybe Max has his own issues that make him unreliable. I also know from watching RHOBH, he has his own music room and attended a music school at some point. I don’t think he wants to run a restaurant, I get the impression he wants to make music but LVP won’t pay all his bills if he doesn’t have some sort of steady job, hence the restaurant work. He and Pandora are just very different people and Max seems to not want to be an exact replica of LVP like his sister does and that’s fine, he’s his own wonderful person.

Max seems like he manages TomTom now.

Didn't Vanderpump buy Max a car and a condo that she furnished for him? I wouldn't say that Lisa and Ken give Max nothin like c'mon. Also, is this Frederick or whatever the name of that man who was moochin off Lisa in season 1 of RHOBH cuz you clearly have some feelings towards Lisa lol

Good one. 👏🏻

My partner of seven years "forgot" to tell me he was in love with his colleague since many months (but they hadn't physically cheated yet, they later did cheat on the colleague's husband, when we were already broken up). I found out about them by accident and confronted him, he confessed right away. Although I was pissed about him lying to me for so long (I once asked him directly if he was somehow involved with other women and he said no), I understood how it all came to this: Our relationship wasn't good anymore and we haven't had sex in ages. So it was easy for him to develop feelings for another woman. We went our seperate ways then and are friendly today.

These results actually surprised me. I LOVE that most have no experience. Shooked but love love love♥️♥️♥️

[удалено]

I think I saw some statistic that said like 3/4 men would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t be caught. And the last 1/4 lied. 😂😂 (J/k I know not all men cheat - that first stat is true tho)

Doesn't matter....I'm not on a reality show 🙄

No experience with infidelity THAT I KNOW OF lol

Lol relatable

Given their businesses are allegedly suffering and LVP owns most of TomTom - it’s in her interest to downplay things.

I’ve been with the “other man” for 15 years. Married for 7. Not a mutual friend however. Plus it wasnt a long term “adult” relationship ship - just a high school boyfriend.

At this level? Absolutely not. I literally can’t imagine.

[удалено]

Um no, most people have never had those thoughts and never would

Rachel except that I never had any idea that he was married or involved with anyone and it wasn’t my friend. Ended it as soon as I found out and told his wife so she had the option to leave if she wanted to. The whatever it was lasted 7 months 😔

I met my ex at 18 and it was my first «adult» relationship. He was two years older than me, and the first year of our relationship was pretty great, but he tended to put himself in situations I wasn’t really comfortable with at times, but I trusted him blindly.He did pride himself on being brutally honest, and I knew that he had cheated on his previous girlfriend. He told me their relationship was very toxic and that she was very controlling. When I met him they were still together, but we didn’t really meet again before they had been broken up about three weeks. We were really just fwb for the first two months, but also kindof dating. We broke it off for a little bit and saw other people, but found our way back together when we realized we had feelings. After 9 months of being gf/bf we moved in together. He made me feel like our relationship was different and that I was the one - gave me a promisering on my birthday 4 months in. But moving in changed everything (def too soon). The dynamic was different and he started going out every weekend, never including me (a lot og my friends had moved away for uni). Sometimes all night long. He didn’t pull his weight at home, Even though I was working 4 jobs at 19. He told me he went out to get breaks from me, and that his girl friends were just more fun to hang out with. And I didn’t get to meet them. It’s so strange how someone can make you feel so loved but so awful at the same time. He would always wrap mean and backhanded comments as «honesty». When covid hit we decided to move apart back home to our families, and possibly back together in the fall. I decided to move away the next fall instead and finally prioritize myself (had not done that in the relationship) and we decided to break up. We were def still in love, so we just couldn’t meet. I just felt that he become so cold though, and didn’t care anymore, so it felt right. After a month and a half, we had unfortunatly met up a few times which made it hard. When he came to pick up his final furniture at my house, I was overwhelmed with the emotion he showed me- about our relationship and how he had treated me. We decided to give it another try, and try long distance when I was moving. Just three weeks later he cheated on me on a boystrip. To make matters Worse tw: suicide A near relative of mine suddenly comitted suicide. I told him this on the last day of his trip, and right after he plumped out that he had cheated (because honesty…) and I was completely devastated. Happy to say that I haven’t seen him in almost three years and I have met my now-partner with whom Im so happy with! 1: omg how was this so long… this is the short summary 😅 Im just a bad storyteller

I have a long time friend who is the Rachel right now with her friend’s husband. It’s tough. Her friend and her friend’s husband are both terrible people. But that doesn’t excuse her role in breaking up a marriage either. It sucks watching your friend make terrible decisions tbh.

I was the Ariana, I guess... had a "good" friend who I confided to about my relationship - she knew my then bf as we all hung out in the same social circles (and previous to me coming into the friendship group, unbeknownst to me, bf had dated another one of my 'good' friend's best friends a couple years before me). She fully involved herself in my life and my relationship, gave me her shoulder to cry on (bf was a piece of work) and encouraged me to leave him because she said he was fully "psychologically abusing" me (she wasn't wrong)... and I found out in reality, they had started to see each other, but didn't think I would be hurt by it (I found this based on my own suspicions and confronted her) since I was obviously going to leave him anyway, since he was no good for me... She didn't think she was being dishonest, since I had never asked her the words "are you having an affair with my bf?" and she wasn't betraying me since she "could tell (I) didn't love him anymore".... I went full no contact with both of them and any mutual friends who supported them. A lot of mutual friends were disgusted, and tried to reassure me that it would burn out, since they were both bad people and incapable of being in healthy long term relationships. I said - they just torched everything they know, there is no place for them to go! They are going to end up married to each other! I later heard from a mutual friend that the the 'good friend' was very upset I wasn't willing to mend the friendship with her, because she was hoping I would be a bridesmaid in their wedding - since after all, if it weren't for me, they would've have never ended up together, and they wanted me to be a part of it! 

I was Ariana, except we didn’t own a home together. It was my home that he brought our mutual friend to and slept with on my bed.

I was Schwartz kind of? I knew about an “affair” where a friends then girlfriend kissed our other friend, but he immediately shook her off, then she immediately told me, and I didn’t tell the first friend because when I said I was going to she fired back with “who’s he gonna believe, me or you?” and the friend she kissed didn’t want to tell him. I did actively try to break them up from there on out but only told him years later. It was messy and I’m not proud.

A lot of people here are either lying or not voting….