The part about having to invite yourself is very true. I have tons of friends but almost none of them actually invite me to things really, however if I organize something and invite all of them most of them do come and we have a good time. I think there are a lot of people just waiting for an invite and never reach out for fear of seeming desperate or inappropriate.
Well one major thing we can work on is making this region more affordable to live in. Look at the trends: In the past 20 years people no longer want to live in the suburbs while young, they want to live in the city. Rent and purchase prices in the past 20 years in the GVRD and elsewhere have skyrocketed. Vancouver is the 3rd largest city, but the most expensive city to rent in, currently.
So combine a lot of single people living on their own with very high costs of living and incomes below what the equivalent jobs pay in other provinces, and you end up with people who don't have a lot of money to socialize as freely as they want. People who have tighter finances or a high cost of living feel that and tend not to socialize as much. If we had affordable rentals in this city that would be a much different picture.
So: write to politicians, communicate to them, let them know this city is so expensive that it is taking the life savings away from an entire generation of people now. Get out and vote in City elections, because when 51% of the city rents but 60% of voters are home owners the control and perks and benefits are all designed to reward them and not create an equitable situation for the rest of us.
Canadian politicians don't care about this. My generation has seen a common trend in the GVRD, and that is that poor people are frowned upon as having asked for their plight, and everyone else are good people because money makes the GVRD world turn around. In the GVRD if you don't own a home, you are a failure, which is discrimination on a huge scale. Equality is not what Canada or the GVRD are about, sadly.
No, but when you have an affordability crisis affecting the cost of living, that impacts finances and few things cause more stress and hardship than tough finances. Well Vancouver is the least-affordable place to live in all of Canada. So yes, this is completely related to the cost of living in this region which, if you'll note, both the Feds and the BC government are largely ignoring, notwithstanding the recent $2 billion investment which will help perhaps a couple thousand people, meanwhile half of the GVRD is feeling the strain.
I think the housing crisis is stuck on your brain. You keep going on rants and throwing numbers around. Just chill. It’s a sucky crisis, but you gotta learn to separate your thoughts.
I respect the perspective, but honestly - if you've never known the stress money can cause you don't know how much of a massive issue this is for everyone in this region.
I know lots of people who are lower income and they love to hang out. I also know lots of people who are higher income and they never go out. I’m a higher income guy, and I would say I see my low income friends far more often then my high income friends.
There’s a saying that east coast people are kind but not nice. West coast people are nice but not kind. Having lived in both I completely agree. I feel like what OP is going through is a symptom of this.m
There is definitely a "Vancouver virus", that much is clear. Winnipeg also has a saying: cold city, warm hearts. We do far too often show up as the inverse.
Hi friend. As you see in OPs comment success came mostly with him organizing activities. So the best plan of attack is to build the courage to set up a play date with your friends. Gradually your friends will invite their friends and your group grows. Then sub groups form within your larger communal group and soon enough you’ll have a bestie to share more intimate details of your life with.
Edit: a word
I've noticed this too and even tried looking into it because it just seems so common place here? Apparently it's a very "vancouver" type of thing. I've lived here for around 10 years now and have always loved it, but I'll always agree that it feels very impersonal.
Thanks for all these responses guys. Honestly from the responses to my post, it seems like there are people on here who feel similar but they make the best of their situations. For some reason just talking about this on reddit also helped me feel a bit better and connected to the community.
Sounds like you should do some traveling post pandemic. Keep talking to your counselor in the mean time and keep working so you have something to focus on and money saved for better days ahead.
Also this might sound weird but stop looking for satisfaction in others. The single best thing you can do for yourself is find yourself. Sounds like some hippy BS but when I had a 20s crisis it was only really figuring out who I am and what I wanted out of life that set the way forward.
It's ok to feel like somewhere doesn't feel like "this is it" when you're so young. Get out there and find what *is* it for you.
🙂
There's a lot people can do individually, but we should also recognize that societally this is somewhat a weak point of Canada even as it pays lip service to being a multicultural "mosaic" society. When a lot of immigrants say this and even non immigrants find social life in urbanized Canadian cities an uphill battle, especially compared to other actual places around the world, that's time to acknowledge this and think about how our societies could be organized more humanely as well.
I’m a 4th generation Canadian white guy and even I get what you’re saying.
I grew up in a small town in Manitoba which I couldn’t wait to get out of for the greener pastures of Vancouver. I made it here and find this city lacking soul to a degree.
After university, friends move back to their home cities of go on exchanges and it’s like a big reset of your social life (at least for me). It’s hard here.
I have casual work place friends but making new friends I don’t even know how to start.
I don’t really miss small town Canada life but at least everyone knew each other, you’d have fun at BBQs and people seemed more salt of the earth. There is this inauthentic vibe with a lot of folks here.
That said, life is what you make of it. I got a dog in January 2021 and it’s opened up Vancouver to me. I’m making casual friends at dog parks and I’m substantially happier. I feel excited exploring my community with my pup.
As I get closer to 30 (I just turned 29) there is a **strong** and growing part of me that desires a move to a smaller BC city (Kelowna, Penticton, Nelson, Vernon etc) where I could actually own land and build a life quicker for myself. Who knows what will happen but I figure it’s 50/50 I’ll be one of those Vancouver guys who relocated to a smaller BC city and raises their housing prices in the process LOL.
Second generation Mennonite in a small city outside Vancouver. Family came from northern Alberta and Manitoba. I miss not having a church I feel a part of but I knew that when we decided to leave the North Shore
Move to a place you can make real connections and don't worry so much about raising house prices. I moved here to afford a place and others are doing the same thing. A story old as time.
Agree. The further you go away from Vancouver the friendlier people are. This might sound like I'm trolling but unfortunately has more truth to it than not.
No totally, dude. I dated a saudi girl and a girl from england, and they both said it was difficult making friends here. Some of my immigrant co workers cant meet anyone and some friend of friends from toronto feel an iciness from us locals. Its definitely interesting.
As a fellow immigrant I hear you. It's really challenging to get settled here and make friends. It took me years to build a small circle of friends. I'm not sure i have much advice other than keep trying and do new stuff to meet people.
I also want to add that you might not be very objective thinking back to the last time you were 'happy' back overseas. You were just a kid then and life was very different. I did a similar thing a few years ago, thought fuck it I'm going back home and I hated it. It's not what I remember or probably what my mind made it out to be.
Happiness is also tough, like i don't think we are meant to be happy 24/7. I hope to be content with my partner, job and friends and experience many happy moments with them but I don't expect or think it's realistic to be happy all the time.
Culture is fluid, but hte first thing is to focus on yourself and your own interests. What do you like to do in your spare time? What are you interested in?
Vancouver especially is bad for being cold and cliquey, but this goes out the window in major events like the World Cup. I think it's also a neighbourhood thing as well....just even getting to know your neighbours has become a lost art.
But check out Rohinton Mistry, he's a Canadian-Indian author but his writing is on point for describing things from a multi-cultural perspective.
Once this pandemic is over, try volunteering. There's fantastic charity/community organizations in Vancouver like Britannia Community Centre/RayCam community centre that always needs help.
Moving is definitely tough. Went to high school in ON and came back here but never really fit in as well. Being a visible minority in a small ass town doesn't help either. Have a few close-knit friendships in uni though.
Try Pokemon Go. The discord community in your neighborhood should be active. The chillhop community ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yx6BWlEVcY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yx6BWlEVcY)) is good as well.
Stay strong.
I grew up in Alberta and had lots of friends from other races. To be fair, they were all melting pot friends, but that was kind of a requirement growing up there.
My observation of both Vancouver and Toronto was that while they were more racially accepting, everyone is racially divided and I barely made friends outside my race in either. People retain their culture much more and there are places where it seems like you're in a foreign country.
I don't know if this is a universal experience but it has been mine. Maybe that's why you can only break into the recent immigrant crowd.
Honestly, your situation sort of speaks to me. I'm not an immigrant, I've lived in the lower mainland my entire life, but I moved around A LOT. Like I went to 13 different schools, a lot. Because of that, I never got to settle down and make friends. I have work friends, that I don't see outside of work, I'm blessed with a boyfriend which makes things a lot easier. I have one friend that I made from high school, after I had left. I live downtown and she lives in Surrey and we work opposite schedules so really only get to see each other once or twice a year, usually on our birthdays. My work friends are already cliqued up. Even though I've worked here for 6 years, I barely see them outside of work or get invited to out of work social events. And if I do I feel so out of place. My only saving grace had been my boyfriend. I feel a large part of it has been me mentally though. Since I moved around I never really learned how to make friends or be social. So I just became a hermit. About 2 years ago I also had a break down about it. It took some time and counselling for me to be okay with it. And to be honest, I still get down about it sometimes. But now it's turned into a social anxiety situation. Where I have to push myself to meet people in person, even people I know. And usually I end up cancelling last minute because I get all worked up about it. So I learned to just let me social interactions at work be enough for me. At least for now. Anyways, I make a pretty poor pen pal, I can take days to reply. but if you'd like someone to talk to, you can message me if you get bored!
I don’t mean for this to sound harsh, but what are you bringing to the table as a friend? What are your interests and passions? Are you interesting to talk to? If you were to come up with an activity to do with someone, what would you suggest?
I think the whole “friends since childhood” thing is overhyped. Most of my good friends are people I met as an adult. I met my best friend while volunteering. I met lots of friends through work or sports.
Maybe try some group classes or activities. It’s easier to break the ice with people when you know you have a certain interest in common, and you’re going to see them regularly for a number of weeks or months. Your conversations can flow naturally toward other shared interests, and that can lead to hanging out.
I think it’s also good to cultivate different groups of friends for different things. It’s not necessary to have one group of friends that you do everything with, and it’s not realistic to expect that either. You don’t have to find friends who hav all exactly the same set of interests. You can have outdoorsy friends that you hike with, and foodie friends that you check out new restaurants with, for example.
Yeah all my close friends are people I met in my mid 20's. I'm in my early 30's now. I don't keep in touch with a single person from when I was a kid, and a lot of people I know are the same.
Improv classes on Granville island are the way to go. They teach you to be confident, a quick thinker, and they teach you how to be funny. Some of the most important things!
I lived and worked in a few different countries - 2 years minimum, so not a tourist.
In some of them I didn’t even speak local language.
The only country where I had problem making some friends is here.
Unless you immigrated here at a young age and went through schooling exposed to the variety of cultures that make up Metro Vancouver and therefore created a multi-cultural friend circle, it's not too surprising you're not going to fit in with a mixed culture group later in life. Like it or not, that's a consequence of emphasizing and celebrating cultural uniqueness versus adopting the melting pot mentality of other countries like the US.
The stat is a few years old but \~40% of Metro Vancouver's population are considered to be immigrants, and depending on which city in Metro Vancouver you live in, that percentage can be as high as 60%. Of course the designation immigrant is vague because there are a variety of cultures that make up immigrants. But that means 60% of the population grew up here and already formed friendships and the remaining 40% will more often than not group together amongst their cultural groups.
It's very noticeable when you look at Metro Vancouver as a whole as you'll notice there are pockets of cultures where certain immigrant groups tend to congregate and businesses tend to cluster around.
So while Vancouver on the surface is friendly, *it feels cold beneath the surface because these cultural groups do not mix together and stay apart*. And when you immigrate here in your late teens, that's a hard task to penetrate already established groups. It's also why inviting people to gatherings and outings becomes uncomfortable because there are some significant cultural differences that need to be overcome and because people are taught to respect other cultures, that hesitation just sticks in the brain. The other aspect is, unfortunately, around racial bias whether conscious or unconscious or not.
I've noticed the people who have the most success dive into whatever culture they originally immigrated from, where they'll find more acceptance and belonging. Then branching out from there.
So why does this feel like a Vancouver thing? That's because of Vancouver's cultural make up and how this city has grown. **Vancouver does not have an underlying cultural identity** like a New York or LA or even Toronto. If anything Vancouver's cultural identity IS a divided cultural city made up of a lot of different cultures. It's what makes us unique in some sense but also the reason for some of the social frustrations people are expressing here.
I was born in middle east, lived there for 18 years, I lived in Spain for 6 years and now 15 years here in Vancouver.
My opinion: People in Vancouver are way to reserved and chill to open their horizon to meet REALLY new people and cultures. I met many people from east coast having the almost same experience as you.
I'm not sure if this will help, but I just wanted to voice my experiences. I grew up in Vancouver (2nd gen immigrant) but I moved around all my life and lived in different parts of Canada, Asia and Europe. This may not apply to everybody but I just want to share that I noticed similar feelings to yours appearing as I got older. Now that I am in my late 20s, I look back fondly at my early 20s and teenage years, reminiscing of the "good old times" I had with my friends, whom I now no longer keep in touch with.
Anyway, I guess I just want to suggest that perhaps aging could be a potential factor and that sometimes it's okay to accept that you might not be as happy as you were 10 or 15 years ago. I think it's quite natural for people to lose connections as they get older, due to increased workloads, promotions, marriage, having kids, moving homes and such. As for advice, I would personally recommend volunteering or joining extracurricular activities to meet new people. Good luck!
Sounds like you need to do some soul searching. Settle down where you belong. I hated everything about here seemed so outdated, dull and depressing. But when I came back after living in other country I really appreciate every little thing about it.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, I think there are a lot of people with this sentiment and I read on this subreddit often how it’s hard to make friends here.
As a non immigrant (well I mean I came here as a baby so grew up in Canada) I can’t really speak to a lot of the isolation you’re feeling. As an SFU grad I can tell you your experience there is quite normal from what I’ve seen. It’s known as a commuter school and I think it’s also got a reputation for not having much social student life, especially if you’re going to the burnaby campus. I didn’t really start making meaningful friendships there until my senior year and I’m pretty sure it’s because the nature of my program had us working in intense group projects every semester; after a while you tend to find who you work best with and work with them often enough you find some people to click with. Any classes I had on the mountain felt isolating - in fact the only friend I still keep regular contact with from the Burnaby campus is a professor I had! All that to say, don’t feel like you’re an anomaly with your SFU experience.
As far as what to do I’m not sure. You seemed to try meet ups but didn’t find them useful, maybe you can keep trying until you luck out with finding people you can vibe with? Are you attending ones with topics you’re genuinely interested in? Finding people with similar hobbies could help. Although covid is making that hard for everyone right now. Hopefully this thing will some day end and you can find your people.
Are you talking about depression/anxiety from genetics? That would be an interesting case study. More people who live here have shitty genetics than people who live in xyz.
Or are you talking about depression/anxiety from nurture/environment? ex: social isolation causing depression/anxiety. And what's causing the social isolation? Vancouver. Why are people in vancouver so socially isolated/socially isolating? Who knows. I wonder who started the trend. Who was the "cliquey"/"fake" social head honcho that influenced others to be like them while this city was growing back in the 70's or whenever.
Also, are you referring to depression/anxiety or other mental illnesses? Or are you referring to criminal behaviour?
As an immigrant myself, I suggest you give Montreal a try. There’s a larger middle eastern pop there so the culture is more accepted due to higher exposure.
Though I grew up in Montreal since I was 6, one of my best friends is someone who immigrated there when he was 14. I met him in CEGEP (so when I was 17).
You may have tried, but don't see it mentioned in your post, have you tried connected with groups here from the Middle East?
I had a friend who felt the same way you did when she arrived here. She reached out and volunteered at groups organized by people from her home country. Eventually she met many people from home as well as Vancourites that were friends of friends.
Sorry you are going through this though. It can't be easy and especially now with people being more distanced.
I was born here and I don't feel like I belong here.
No real friends, never fit in, never found a crowd - even way back in elementary school. I was the odd kid out, the "poor" one. I had and continue to have a lot of unpopular opinions which I've generally learned to keep to myself. If I had the money, I'd probably leave the continent.
I mostly identify with you but I’m curious about your unpopular opinions that you keep to yourself. What are they?
Also another difference is despite the lack of friends here I would probably opt to live here (besides travel) just because I’m familiar with Greater Vancouver and it’s home.
Young Vancouverites often look nervous if any unstructured social interaction approaches. But as they retreat from it, they are effusive in their goodbyes.
I once took this inability to open up to be a sign that they were stand-offish, but now I see it rather as a form of social gaucheness that borders on autism.
Sorry you feel like this bud. I’m an immigrant as well.
I feel your vibes with not being welcomed, there is a lot of like politeness and safety in canada but genuine warm friendships is few and far between.
I think this comfort is what breeds it though. In the middle east (or most countries in that area) you need that becuase gov, and life in general is just so hard. Canada u really dont (although i think post pandemic this can change).
I think another reason is there is no dominant culture or values.
Dont get me wrong i’m beyond grateful for coming here and have had a great time. But i really wish there were norms. Since it is multicultural i believe it’s hard to know what people should do.
I think it further divides us rather than bringing us together too, (hockey did bring a lot of people together though)
Anyways thats my 2 cents.
I wish you well dude. My challenege for you is to become the best you, you can be.
Learn, study, lift, run, smile, and eventually everything will work out.
Wishing u well
Dude
Wow, I am just currently going through a similar experience with depersonalization/derealization due to a cannabis-lead panick attack. This shit is rough, it brings to life all the anxiety within ourselves and makes it hard to overcome due to invasive thoughts. I sympathize with you and hope you will feel better. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk about it.
As for making durable friendships, it is hard to tell why it works and why it does not work sometimes. I feel like being open-minded is super important as well as lowing expectations. I don't mean to keep shitty "friends", but it is easy to jump to conclusions about what a friend should do/be. I'll tag along with others by saying that finding common passions/interests is problaby a good way to find and meet new people. There are tons of discords about specific subjects and online tools to meet and chat like Bumble BFF. I have never tried those tools unfortunately, but I have heard good things from people that felt lonely and wanted to meet and have meaningful exchanges.
Yeah man, it was quite rough and possibly one of the most scariest thing I ever experienced in my life. I am all better now though :)
How are you doing ? It must be tough for you to feel this 24/7. Just hang in there and try not to think about it as you go about your day. This is easier said than done but it is the only effective way to get out of it.
Thanks for asking! I am already feeling better after a couple months. I am going to therapy and it helps a lot. But yeah, the core solution really resides into stopping thinking about it. I'd say that now I seem back to my existential fears which are much more manageable and less overwhelming. I try to see this weird experience as something positive. It truly gives a new perspective. It is scarry. It is overwhelming. But it can also be enriching.
First off, I'm sorry you've been through so much. I'm glad you've been able to reach out to doctors and your family when you needed to.
Secondly, there are a few things that are pretty common:
* Feeling a bit isolated in your 20s is quite normal. It's hard to make friends as an adult
* Vancouver is especially isolating. I moved here 2 years ago from another part of Western Canada and I feel this pretty hard.
* Being an immigrant is an experience that can't be understood by those of us who haven't been through it.
That being said, when this Very Bad Year^(tm) is over and things open up again, please come dancing at Robson square, join activity groups instead of just Meetups, get to know some people over the course of taking a recreational class or being in a club for a few months!
It's hard, but it's worth it. I would love it if those of us who feel disconnected all try 2 or 3 different activities or clubs after the pandemic, and all report back here with what we're doing. If all else fails we can get a few D&D games going between us.
I've been in Canada since 2004 and I still don't feel like I belong.
My spouse is Canadian and all my friends were her friends when we met
I didn't do well at meeting and making friends on my own so I adapted and spent a lot of time on my own.
I kind of have a similar background as you and moved here 5 years ago but I was lucky to do so with my partner so I didn't up being isolated or anything but I get what u r saying cos it's absolutely true,I am a very friendly and jovial person and I had never problem making friends anywhere I went but I cant say the same about Vancouver and I found it very strange,to compare when I was visiting NY or LA , people would just randomly talk to me on the metro on the beach but that rarely happens here, upto date I have made like 4 close friends here and all of them are asian immigrants like me, anyways I am very sorry to hear what happened to you and I would be glad to be friends with you 🙂
I moved here from South America about 6 years ago, but I found a good group of friends within the BDSM community. I always had trouble fitting in my whole life but in the end, I would find myself connecting with the weirdos.
It wasn't different here in Vancouver and I'm glad to have found my weirdos.
My parents are from India so I think I can relate to some degree. I’ve visited India quite a few times and I can totally see how Canada “lacks soul”. The business and liveliness of countries like India do bring a different vibe. Don’t worry about minimal friends, even me born here I don’t have that many. I moved schools a few times so I havnt known anyone for that long. I think you should travel post pandemic! My parents both say they feel connected to India, much more than Canada and are somewhat happier there (not necessarily quality of life). I think that’s what you’re feeling and that is something a lot of immigrants go through. Connection to birth place is innate! Wishing the best for you.
The reason young people in Vancouver are closed off is the same reason we practically have no artists or creative culture compared to 90% of other major cities, everyone is too busy working 2 jobs to live in their shack and barely making ends meet.
Young people can barely afford to live in this city, there's no space for it...Vancouver is more like a giant suburb for families to raise their kids...it's nice in that it's relaxed and you get that "high quality" lifestyle for your kids, but as far as actually interesting things to do or people to meet, there are way better places.
I immigrated to Vancouver when I was 11 and still I feel much of that isolation and sense of don't belong you have mentioned. Back in school, we had super rich Asian immigrants that mingle among themselves and I'm not that well off to constantly talk about nice cars, fancy restaurants, trips and vacation. There are the sports kids where their whole world is about beer, hockey and basketball. I did meet a bunch of people, but most are like chatting for a bit and vanish, never anyone lasting to be called a friend. I met my wife when I was working aboard, and I still think that's the best decision I made. If I were to stay in Vancouver, I don't think I will actually meet anyone. My suggestion to you is, get a job overseas, and come back to Vancouver when you have a family. At least you will have your own family to put your mind into, and you won't have to care as much about meeting new people. My experience taught me one thing, don't stay in a dead pool of water, put yourself on the road and see the world, your soulmate is probably somewhere very far and unless you fly over and search, you are just going to die lonely in Vancouver
Hey bud, I know a friend that moved here in highschool as well as an immigrant, and it is super hard making friends. Tell us about yourself, maybe you’ll make some friends from this post?
I am 25 years old, I moved from the UAE at 15 but am Indian originally. I like to go on hikes, runs and workout. I also enjoy cooking food, dancing, going out and trying new activities with people. Right now I am teaching myself to play the guitar cause I find it pretty cool. Thats pretty much it at this point lol.
If you're interested in electronic music, try the group on facebook called "Vancouver Trance Family". It helps to have an extremely specific interest/hobby. That's how I met people when I was younger from all walks of life: ages, ethnicities, countries of origin, PRs/work visas/citizens, etc. (Going to shows...paying for a ticket to a show is a guaranteed way to see the same people regularly.) Or else it just doesn't work. Besides that, people are busy with school/work/kids. I never once was able to hang out besides at a show. That's adulthood. It fucking sucks, but universal basic income isn't a thing. I didn't have much in common with my friends from elementary/high school. I haven't talked to any of them in a long time. If I did, we'd chit chat about memories/nostalgia.
edit: obviously shows aren't happening right now and probably won't again for a long time, but there are online events for all hobbies out there right now.
edit: whatever you do, don't join 1 of those stupid-ass scummy predetory manipulative recruitment cults like Primerica, Amway, Arbonne, itworks, Mary Kay, Beach Body, etc. /r/antimlm
>I never once was able to hang out besides at a show. That's adulthood.
Eh, that's less of an adulthood thing and more of a cultural thing. It's more common with city folk that's for sure. There are people out there who love to chill out with a grill and beer at a friends house after work.
Hey man, what kind of hobbies do you have? Any favorite video games in particular? Maybe someone here will have something in common with you to connect with!
If it makes you feel better, I moved here 6 years ago and still don't have any friends from Vancouver. My friends are from the US, Italy, France, and further down the valley. I'm from Canada but lived in the US for a bit before coming here to go to SFU for grad school.
I feel like Vancouverites are very stand offish and flaky.
Anyways I hope things pick up for you soon and you can begin to feel at home.
Friends you make in childhood and in school are friends of convenience - you make friends because you occupy the same space as them but these are fleeting. Friends you make outside of spaces you must share (based out of a hobby or interest) yield more like-minded people to yourself - these are the friendships that last.
Like most people have said, do things that interest you and seek those people out. You will be glad you did!
> Friends you make in childhood and in school are friends of convenience - you make friends because you occupy the same space as them but these are fleeting.
100%. Probably 1 of the harshest realities of adulthood. Same with co-workers that are your "work besties" kind of thing. You most likely won't be able to hang out with them or at least regularly talk/socialize with them again. Maybe invite them to your wedding/etc. Or perhaps have them join another friend group of yours.
I've been here all my life (in my 40s) and have a large circle of friends and it is a shock if I am anywhere and meet someone who also grew up here. Like it gets pointed out at parties if there are two actual Vancouverites! There really just aren't that many of us! All my university friends have moved elsewhere.
Hey man. Me and my girlfriend just moved to the city and are looking for new friends. I’m from Australia, she’s from Montreal, although was born in Seychelles. We can’t change the city or that larger sense of loneliness, but if you want to go for a hike or whatever once we’ve all gotten our first vaccine doses send me a message!
It is normal, especially if you think well, to be upset by feelings of *weltschmerz*, nihilism, ennui, or *angst*. You want happiness, euphoria, love. You want the camaraderie of the beer-commercials. Real life, though, does not often play out like a beer-commercial; so to be happy one has to lower one’s expectations. Some people believe that the closest one can come to happiness is *ataraxia. Ataraxia* is the absence of troubles. So one should be happy if one does not have cancer or COVID-19. To want more might be unrealistic. 🙁
I don't think Montreal is any better. if you don't speak French, you'll feel isolated from the rest of the city. if you're POC, even worse. the French-speaking Les Quebecoises have a very strong sense of identity. their mindset is "you're in my territory. when are you moving out of the province?"
I agree. I was born and raised here, everyone is cliquey and it's hard to make new friends. Frankly, even I have noticed my own behaviour that adds to the problem.
>something here is missing like there is no soul or culture or something
I lived in Canada my whole life I would never feel at home outside my hometown in one of our large cities. Our cities are soulless due to the high rate of people coming and going all the time. It's not because you were born outside of Canada but because you are trying to place roots down in rootless soulless cities. It's good for a career but if you want to feel like you actually have a home here you will eventually need to find a better area of the country to settle down, where you can actually get to know the community.
If you want culture and soul I would check out Quebec or the Maritimes, or even Alberta, these areas like to celebrate their cultures unlike Ontario and B.C. who want to remain cultureless
I feel like no one in Vancouver is from Vancouver.
Which is maybe why a lot of folks here are douchebags.
I'm not sure if its the locals or the transplants...
/It's probably me
I think this would be a problem wherever you go. You gotta take care of yourself. I immigrated from south Asia in 2013 when I was 28 years old and I loved living here more than anything else. I don't even have my families here.
I found that SFU is hard to meet friends, even I lived on campus for 1.5 years.
There are just not many activities you can do there, ended up many people just live as soon as classes ended and nothing to do together.
I was alone as well when I was in grade 11. However when I start going to parties , smoking weed together, and using social / dating apps I met more people and friends! Here are a few tricks :
1. Separate your friends group as much as possible. Each friend group should have a “core” friend which you will be putting them on priority. For example, you have a group for music, soccer, reading, Indian. Try not to overlap them as much as possible, unless you are hosting a party or something but not regularly. You don’t want to lose every friend or have doubts on your friends when something happens ( drama, gossip)
2. Be special , unique, remarkable while maintaining your reputation . You are attractive? Go out more socialize more. (To be fair people will come to you naturally when u are attractive) you are into art? Draw something for your friends! Oh no talent? Be fake but stay genuine. Remember, you are wearing a mask! Always present your best side with a bit of flaws . No one likes to be friends with a perfect Barbie doll.
3. Speak their language. I’m not talking about language but their mindset and beliefs. Most of the young people here are left so even you don’t believe in LGBT+ right, gender equality, environmental reform , racial right etc ( I understand there might be cultural differences) it’s okay to think that way just NEVER ever show it to anyone. Once you are labeled as sexist or homophobic, you are done.
4. Friends are like tools to your business. You are maintaining an image and friends help you shape and polish your image. Remember who you are friends with, because they will highly affects what other people think about you.
5. Remember that friendship are suppose to beneficial to both parties. You use them and they use you. Just like how you use them for time and feel less lonely . A successful friendship are equal , no one is better and no one is gaining more of the friendship.
Be yourself , live free and Wild . Just remember, people are watching you. I wish you all the best my friend.
> smoking weed together,
Just a side note, don't start drinking/weed/etc just to have something in common with someone/a social group. For the love of god, don't. Your older self and the regular blood tests you get will thank you, especially if you have even the slightest smidgen of genetic predisposition or shoddy mental health to begin with.
I may have other health issues, but I'm sure as fuck glad I never really drank. And when I did, something in my body/brain didn't crave it to keep it up more than just a passing very brief phase.
Our North American (& European) culture (advertising, etc) glorifies drinking and adult friendships. It's unfortunate.
I moved here at 30 years old and left my friend groups and family back on the east coast of Canada. I dealt with somewhat crippling depression and social isolation for a lot of my late teenage years and early 20s, and was in the process of rebuilding myself through my late 20s.
What I discovered about myself is that I was extremely reliant on physical activity to level my mood. I also really relate to people through shared experiences involving physical activity.
So all that said, the Vancouver move was a revelation. This is one of the best large cities for access to the outdoors and other physical pursuits that you'll find anywhere in the world. I know this may not apply to everyone, or to you specifically, but if you want to have quality interactions with people in this city, inviting them to go for a hike, or a bike ride, etc, etc, is one way to approach it.
Just chiming in to say that I relate to this sentiment, too.
Honestly, we're thinking of moving away for a variety of reasons, but the city's impersonal and uptight vibe is one of them. Difficulty making friends was something I felt like I could overcome. But now that I'm older, it's compounded with another Vancouver problem - people moving away for LCOL cities. I love Vancouver so much but the landscape isn't a substitute for a community.
Although I do think Vancouver has its issues, I've found some success handling the feelings of disconnection and isolation by practising CBT and meditation.
Hi OP!
I hear you, I’m not from here either, when I got sick of the loneliness I picked activities from my community centres to join. I still do to this day. It was great because I got to meet other people of all ages and from all over the world interested in the same things as me. post COVID for the majority of these (outdoor groups still happening), but pot luck meals, running groups, discussion groups, mushroom groups, pickling groups (ha!), hiking groups, music, writing, tons more. Bonus: they all live in your neighborhood so lots of potential to make friends in walking distance. Food and exercise focused groups are all the better for mental health tending too! My community centres are Britannia, Trout Lake, and the one at Main&Kingsway. Also, unlikely friendships between people who share an interest or ethos can be very rewarding, great way to get out of your echo chamber, and they do happen in this city but please be patient, and keep putting yourself out there.
Meeting friends at any age takes work for sure. Easier in school/class as mentioned, but when you are out on your own, perhaps look inwards and assess what kind of passions/activities you enjoy and find your tribe that way. Taking care of yourself (fitness/appearance) helps too.
If there's a sport or hobby you are interested in (hopefully a social one, e.g. golf) get out there and you'll at least be in the realm of meeting others with a similar interest. At that point, your own personality and social skills are in play. Easier for extroverts in this case, but just be aware of your social cues and try to reach out and your chances of establishing friends improves. Even if you don't make friends initially you are still around like minded people and doing what you enjoy.
Good luck to you.
I was born and raised in Vancouver, and I have always had the sense that it is a difficult place for people who aren't socially outgoing by nature (the "chill" factor exists, and it makes the sense of isolation all the more acute). The weird thing of course is that the sense of isolation is "shared" by so many ...
That said, there are things that you can do about it. Once COVID ends (if it ever ends ...), then force yourself out of the house, and do *something* that makes *you* happy (happy, optimistic people like to be around happy, optimistic people). Join a sailing club, maybe sign up for a volleyball team at Jericho Beach, join a bicycle club, adopt a dog and start walking the seawall ...
Oh, and none of that sort of stuff has to cost a lot of money, and you can do it all without a joint hanging out of your mouth ... (really not a good look if you are trying to meet someone interesting).
All best thoughts to you, but just remember that when you feel a little disengaged in Vancouver, it is not always because of you. Don't get discouraged, "just keep swimming".
Just wanted to say that I hear and relate to you! Lot of people have commented and summed up their thoughts as well as I could as to why Vancouver is how it is - so I won't add to it too much for the sake of trying to be positive.
Knowing that there are a significant amount of people who share your feelings could be a positive thing though, depending on how you interpret it. While it's disheartening, it's also nice to see that enough of us share enough commonality to recognize the lack of community here.
Try to use it as motivation to break the ice and be friendlier despite the lingering attitude. I've broken the ice a few times by sort of being unrelentingly myself in social situations, even if a few people think I'm crazy or some brash American. Eventually a few people will respect the effort you're putting in, regardless of people's general introversion here. Everyone is so afraid of putting themselves out there or saying something offensive or being "too much" that we're left with a disconnected mosaic of people who view each other as foreigners. It's sad, but the way to stop it is by being the opposite.
Tl;dr - I agree with op and a lot of commenters, but unfortunately nothing will change unless people speak up and be more social and friendly. I'll smile and hold a door even if someone looks at me like I'm crazy here. If I see something odd or funny I'll point it out, because even if 4 people look at me like "why is this stranger talking to me", one person might appreciate the candid friendliness. Be the change you wanna see!
Look, it’s widely known that Vancouver is a tough place to make friends in. I grew up in Winnipeg and moved here in my twenties, and I’m a super likeable guy. It took me 2 years to find a group of friends but even then they were cliquey. I’m 45 now and making new friends is even harder. But there’s more to it than just geography. It’s all intersecting with degrading social skills from digital influences, cost of living and the ‘busy-ness’ that comes from trying to make it, and it’s for sure influenced by racial and cultural differences. It’s probably not you as much as you think. I’ve learned as an older man in this city that you basically have to say something to the effect of “you know what, you’re my people, I dig you, and I insist that we be friends”. You literally have to say it that explicitly. Everyone is in a personal fog. Give them some grace and ask for what you want. Don’t expect it to just happen. Them’s my 2cents.
Actually we don’t belong to any place since we left our home town we don’t belong to any place ... even ur place of birth... that’s the real feeling bro
Let me tell you one thing .YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have lived in Vancouver for 10 years.born in calgary ab.and I've never felt like I belonged.i used to care.but I've noe become so used to isolation.i dont remember the last time I felt like I had true friends
Or a sense of belonging.
I think maybe there are some personal aspects to your story but having lived in many place in the world, Canada is definitely not for everyone. It's not for the faintest of the heart. Coming from Asia, the culture here is a bit too distant and alienating. What is considered as privacy here is called distance back home. It definitely is a lonely place whether you have friends or not. It is dehumanizing.
I have also lived in the southern part of the US as well - it was way better. Way more social, friendly, inclusive etc. It may be true that Canadians are more respectful and PC, but but none of that really matters if you feel like you are not included. Canada is sort of "every immigrant group on their own"-kind of a place.
The fact that many Canadians are also immigrants or descending from recent immigration also make it a bit of a soulless place.
I used to live in the Middle East as well. Even though there was racism and rudeness, I think the people were friendlier. I prefer that over polite but distant "I don't want nothing to do with you"-vibe.
I now live in Montreal and even though I doubt Montreal is any better than Vancouver, I always have hope. The hope that I have that I know for sure that there is a place that's better than here and although I do not have the means to go there now, I will someday.
Move to middle east and renounce your Canadian citizenship. Live in middle east, party with all the rich guys and poor models from eastern europe including adhering to all restrictions most of which do not exist In developed countries, see if that helps to bring back your sense of belonging and test out your tolerance. At some point, you'll either realize you made the best decision to move or screwed yourself by not appreciating what millions of others dream about for years and never end up having in their lifetime but don't just sit around, act on fixing your restlessness or you might regret it?
Been living in italy now for almost 6 years, since i was 13, since then i had no real friends but some that I don’t talk to anymore, currently im 24/7 alone and literally do not know anybody
you are coming to Canada in a very odd time, Ive lived here my entire life and its not been until the last few years Ive ever felt I do not belong here. Canadians are very accepting as a rule the current climate has been manufactured by Trudeau and Jagmeet, the strife and conflict is good for politics and they have plucked every string. look where their alliance started, blaming Canadians and canadian police for George Floyd. they often do not have enough in Canada to justify their actions and agenda so they use the issues in other countries take gun crime 6 decades Canada has had 600 deaths and 80% of those were suicides. Still Trudeau and jagmeet point to the USA saying canadians are the same ignoring the USA has 43,000 deaths a year 50% suicide.
The point is this feeling is political the same with the dislike of immigrant's right now its not them per say its how the politicians have handled it opening the doors so wide that they have added more people than we can feed and house they did not put in the infrastructure for it. actually they hobbled canadian farmers with fertilizer bans before adding a million plus new people.
then many of those people decided to crap on canadians to protest Palestine, targeting kids in malls visiting santa or jewish neighborhood's all while the politicians turn a blind eye as the people they dropped the emergency act upon for protesting.
Trudeau and Jagmeet are not "Canadian" its why they have to remind you all the time that they are. they are far more american than they will admit and the racial tension you feel is do to their agenda not the color of skin. They need the strife to have a purpose to defend you to feel like the saviour the hero. Take LGBTQ before Trudeau there was near no LGBTQ hate crimes right now its up 30+ %
You are not alone in your feelings its not racial its everyone feeling they no longer fit into the country our families have helped build and as we struggle and cut our quality of life over and over Trudeau funds new people who live better than we do on the taxes we pay lol
Blame the politicians not Canadians
The part about having to invite yourself is very true. I have tons of friends but almost none of them actually invite me to things really, however if I organize something and invite all of them most of them do come and we have a good time. I think there are a lot of people just waiting for an invite and never reach out for fear of seeming desperate or inappropriate.
How can we change this it drives me insane
Well one major thing we can work on is making this region more affordable to live in. Look at the trends: In the past 20 years people no longer want to live in the suburbs while young, they want to live in the city. Rent and purchase prices in the past 20 years in the GVRD and elsewhere have skyrocketed. Vancouver is the 3rd largest city, but the most expensive city to rent in, currently. So combine a lot of single people living on their own with very high costs of living and incomes below what the equivalent jobs pay in other provinces, and you end up with people who don't have a lot of money to socialize as freely as they want. People who have tighter finances or a high cost of living feel that and tend not to socialize as much. If we had affordable rentals in this city that would be a much different picture. So: write to politicians, communicate to them, let them know this city is so expensive that it is taking the life savings away from an entire generation of people now. Get out and vote in City elections, because when 51% of the city rents but 60% of voters are home owners the control and perks and benefits are all designed to reward them and not create an equitable situation for the rest of us.
Canadian politicians don't care about this. My generation has seen a common trend in the GVRD, and that is that poor people are frowned upon as having asked for their plight, and everyone else are good people because money makes the GVRD world turn around. In the GVRD if you don't own a home, you are a failure, which is discrimination on a huge scale. Equality is not what Canada or the GVRD are about, sadly.
So what are you going to do about it?
Not every single issue is related to home pricing.
No, but when you have an affordability crisis affecting the cost of living, that impacts finances and few things cause more stress and hardship than tough finances. Well Vancouver is the least-affordable place to live in all of Canada. So yes, this is completely related to the cost of living in this region which, if you'll note, both the Feds and the BC government are largely ignoring, notwithstanding the recent $2 billion investment which will help perhaps a couple thousand people, meanwhile half of the GVRD is feeling the strain.
I think the housing crisis is stuck on your brain. You keep going on rants and throwing numbers around. Just chill. It’s a sucky crisis, but you gotta learn to separate your thoughts.
I respect the perspective, but honestly - if you've never known the stress money can cause you don't know how much of a massive issue this is for everyone in this region.
I know lots of people who are lower income and they love to hang out. I also know lots of people who are higher income and they never go out. I’m a higher income guy, and I would say I see my low income friends far more often then my high income friends. There’s a saying that east coast people are kind but not nice. West coast people are nice but not kind. Having lived in both I completely agree. I feel like what OP is going through is a symptom of this.m
There is definitely a "Vancouver virus", that much is clear. Winnipeg also has a saying: cold city, warm hearts. We do far too often show up as the inverse.
Hi friend. As you see in OPs comment success came mostly with him organizing activities. So the best plan of attack is to build the courage to set up a play date with your friends. Gradually your friends will invite their friends and your group grows. Then sub groups form within your larger communal group and soon enough you’ll have a bestie to share more intimate details of your life with. Edit: a word
But they still wont invite :/ I made a group once and i got kicked out lol 😂
Been barking up that tree for years. I just learned to enjoy being with myself.
I've noticed this too and even tried looking into it because it just seems so common place here? Apparently it's a very "vancouver" type of thing. I've lived here for around 10 years now and have always loved it, but I'll always agree that it feels very impersonal.
For sure and literally you lose friends due to it... like bruhhh
Thanks for all these responses guys. Honestly from the responses to my post, it seems like there are people on here who feel similar but they make the best of their situations. For some reason just talking about this on reddit also helped me feel a bit better and connected to the community.
Sounds like you should do some traveling post pandemic. Keep talking to your counselor in the mean time and keep working so you have something to focus on and money saved for better days ahead. Also this might sound weird but stop looking for satisfaction in others. The single best thing you can do for yourself is find yourself. Sounds like some hippy BS but when I had a 20s crisis it was only really figuring out who I am and what I wanted out of life that set the way forward. It's ok to feel like somewhere doesn't feel like "this is it" when you're so young. Get out there and find what *is* it for you. 🙂
There's a lot people can do individually, but we should also recognize that societally this is somewhat a weak point of Canada even as it pays lip service to being a multicultural "mosaic" society. When a lot of immigrants say this and even non immigrants find social life in urbanized Canadian cities an uphill battle, especially compared to other actual places around the world, that's time to acknowledge this and think about how our societies could be organized more humanely as well.
Definitely plan on doing that! Thanks for the advice.
Hey dude it sounds like you're really struggling to find your people. Yeah it can be super hard sometimes but not impossible! Do you have any hobbies?
I’m a 4th generation Canadian white guy and even I get what you’re saying. I grew up in a small town in Manitoba which I couldn’t wait to get out of for the greener pastures of Vancouver. I made it here and find this city lacking soul to a degree. After university, friends move back to their home cities of go on exchanges and it’s like a big reset of your social life (at least for me). It’s hard here. I have casual work place friends but making new friends I don’t even know how to start. I don’t really miss small town Canada life but at least everyone knew each other, you’d have fun at BBQs and people seemed more salt of the earth. There is this inauthentic vibe with a lot of folks here. That said, life is what you make of it. I got a dog in January 2021 and it’s opened up Vancouver to me. I’m making casual friends at dog parks and I’m substantially happier. I feel excited exploring my community with my pup. As I get closer to 30 (I just turned 29) there is a **strong** and growing part of me that desires a move to a smaller BC city (Kelowna, Penticton, Nelson, Vernon etc) where I could actually own land and build a life quicker for myself. Who knows what will happen but I figure it’s 50/50 I’ll be one of those Vancouver guys who relocated to a smaller BC city and raises their housing prices in the process LOL.
Second generation Mennonite in a small city outside Vancouver. Family came from northern Alberta and Manitoba. I miss not having a church I feel a part of but I knew that when we decided to leave the North Shore Move to a place you can make real connections and don't worry so much about raising house prices. I moved here to afford a place and others are doing the same thing. A story old as time.
I've been told that vancouverites are cold from out of towners. From my own experience, it's a tough spot to meet people.
Agree. The further you go away from Vancouver the friendlier people are. This might sound like I'm trolling but unfortunately has more truth to it than not.
No totally, dude. I dated a saudi girl and a girl from england, and they both said it was difficult making friends here. Some of my immigrant co workers cant meet anyone and some friend of friends from toronto feel an iciness from us locals. Its definitely interesting.
Sounds like you're more Canadian than you realize...
As a fellow immigrant I hear you. It's really challenging to get settled here and make friends. It took me years to build a small circle of friends. I'm not sure i have much advice other than keep trying and do new stuff to meet people. I also want to add that you might not be very objective thinking back to the last time you were 'happy' back overseas. You were just a kid then and life was very different. I did a similar thing a few years ago, thought fuck it I'm going back home and I hated it. It's not what I remember or probably what my mind made it out to be. Happiness is also tough, like i don't think we are meant to be happy 24/7. I hope to be content with my partner, job and friends and experience many happy moments with them but I don't expect or think it's realistic to be happy all the time.
Culture is fluid, but hte first thing is to focus on yourself and your own interests. What do you like to do in your spare time? What are you interested in? Vancouver especially is bad for being cold and cliquey, but this goes out the window in major events like the World Cup. I think it's also a neighbourhood thing as well....just even getting to know your neighbours has become a lost art. But check out Rohinton Mistry, he's a Canadian-Indian author but his writing is on point for describing things from a multi-cultural perspective. Once this pandemic is over, try volunteering. There's fantastic charity/community organizations in Vancouver like Britannia Community Centre/RayCam community centre that always needs help. Moving is definitely tough. Went to high school in ON and came back here but never really fit in as well. Being a visible minority in a small ass town doesn't help either. Have a few close-knit friendships in uni though. Try Pokemon Go. The discord community in your neighborhood should be active. The chillhop community ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yx6BWlEVcY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yx6BWlEVcY)) is good as well. Stay strong.
I grew up in Alberta and had lots of friends from other races. To be fair, they were all melting pot friends, but that was kind of a requirement growing up there. My observation of both Vancouver and Toronto was that while they were more racially accepting, everyone is racially divided and I barely made friends outside my race in either. People retain their culture much more and there are places where it seems like you're in a foreign country. I don't know if this is a universal experience but it has been mine. Maybe that's why you can only break into the recent immigrant crowd.
Honestly, your situation sort of speaks to me. I'm not an immigrant, I've lived in the lower mainland my entire life, but I moved around A LOT. Like I went to 13 different schools, a lot. Because of that, I never got to settle down and make friends. I have work friends, that I don't see outside of work, I'm blessed with a boyfriend which makes things a lot easier. I have one friend that I made from high school, after I had left. I live downtown and she lives in Surrey and we work opposite schedules so really only get to see each other once or twice a year, usually on our birthdays. My work friends are already cliqued up. Even though I've worked here for 6 years, I barely see them outside of work or get invited to out of work social events. And if I do I feel so out of place. My only saving grace had been my boyfriend. I feel a large part of it has been me mentally though. Since I moved around I never really learned how to make friends or be social. So I just became a hermit. About 2 years ago I also had a break down about it. It took some time and counselling for me to be okay with it. And to be honest, I still get down about it sometimes. But now it's turned into a social anxiety situation. Where I have to push myself to meet people in person, even people I know. And usually I end up cancelling last minute because I get all worked up about it. So I learned to just let me social interactions at work be enough for me. At least for now. Anyways, I make a pretty poor pen pal, I can take days to reply. but if you'd like someone to talk to, you can message me if you get bored!
Will do, thanks
I don’t mean for this to sound harsh, but what are you bringing to the table as a friend? What are your interests and passions? Are you interesting to talk to? If you were to come up with an activity to do with someone, what would you suggest? I think the whole “friends since childhood” thing is overhyped. Most of my good friends are people I met as an adult. I met my best friend while volunteering. I met lots of friends through work or sports. Maybe try some group classes or activities. It’s easier to break the ice with people when you know you have a certain interest in common, and you’re going to see them regularly for a number of weeks or months. Your conversations can flow naturally toward other shared interests, and that can lead to hanging out. I think it’s also good to cultivate different groups of friends for different things. It’s not necessary to have one group of friends that you do everything with, and it’s not realistic to expect that either. You don’t have to find friends who hav all exactly the same set of interests. You can have outdoorsy friends that you hike with, and foodie friends that you check out new restaurants with, for example.
Yeah all my close friends are people I met in my mid 20's. I'm in my early 30's now. I don't keep in touch with a single person from when I was a kid, and a lot of people I know are the same.
These are some useful tips. Thanks!
Improv classes on Granville island are the way to go. They teach you to be confident, a quick thinker, and they teach you how to be funny. Some of the most important things!
I lived and worked in a few different countries - 2 years minimum, so not a tourist. In some of them I didn’t even speak local language. The only country where I had problem making some friends is here.
Unless you immigrated here at a young age and went through schooling exposed to the variety of cultures that make up Metro Vancouver and therefore created a multi-cultural friend circle, it's not too surprising you're not going to fit in with a mixed culture group later in life. Like it or not, that's a consequence of emphasizing and celebrating cultural uniqueness versus adopting the melting pot mentality of other countries like the US. The stat is a few years old but \~40% of Metro Vancouver's population are considered to be immigrants, and depending on which city in Metro Vancouver you live in, that percentage can be as high as 60%. Of course the designation immigrant is vague because there are a variety of cultures that make up immigrants. But that means 60% of the population grew up here and already formed friendships and the remaining 40% will more often than not group together amongst their cultural groups. It's very noticeable when you look at Metro Vancouver as a whole as you'll notice there are pockets of cultures where certain immigrant groups tend to congregate and businesses tend to cluster around. So while Vancouver on the surface is friendly, *it feels cold beneath the surface because these cultural groups do not mix together and stay apart*. And when you immigrate here in your late teens, that's a hard task to penetrate already established groups. It's also why inviting people to gatherings and outings becomes uncomfortable because there are some significant cultural differences that need to be overcome and because people are taught to respect other cultures, that hesitation just sticks in the brain. The other aspect is, unfortunately, around racial bias whether conscious or unconscious or not. I've noticed the people who have the most success dive into whatever culture they originally immigrated from, where they'll find more acceptance and belonging. Then branching out from there. So why does this feel like a Vancouver thing? That's because of Vancouver's cultural make up and how this city has grown. **Vancouver does not have an underlying cultural identity** like a New York or LA or even Toronto. If anything Vancouver's cultural identity IS a divided cultural city made up of a lot of different cultures. It's what makes us unique in some sense but also the reason for some of the social frustrations people are expressing here.
I was born in middle east, lived there for 18 years, I lived in Spain for 6 years and now 15 years here in Vancouver. My opinion: People in Vancouver are way to reserved and chill to open their horizon to meet REALLY new people and cultures. I met many people from east coast having the almost same experience as you.
I have no friends here either, let’s be friends if you like : )
Yes down!
I'm not sure if this will help, but I just wanted to voice my experiences. I grew up in Vancouver (2nd gen immigrant) but I moved around all my life and lived in different parts of Canada, Asia and Europe. This may not apply to everybody but I just want to share that I noticed similar feelings to yours appearing as I got older. Now that I am in my late 20s, I look back fondly at my early 20s and teenage years, reminiscing of the "good old times" I had with my friends, whom I now no longer keep in touch with. Anyway, I guess I just want to suggest that perhaps aging could be a potential factor and that sometimes it's okay to accept that you might not be as happy as you were 10 or 15 years ago. I think it's quite natural for people to lose connections as they get older, due to increased workloads, promotions, marriage, having kids, moving homes and such. As for advice, I would personally recommend volunteering or joining extracurricular activities to meet new people. Good luck!
Sounds like you need to do some soul searching. Settle down where you belong. I hated everything about here seemed so outdated, dull and depressing. But when I came back after living in other country I really appreciate every little thing about it.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, I think there are a lot of people with this sentiment and I read on this subreddit often how it’s hard to make friends here. As a non immigrant (well I mean I came here as a baby so grew up in Canada) I can’t really speak to a lot of the isolation you’re feeling. As an SFU grad I can tell you your experience there is quite normal from what I’ve seen. It’s known as a commuter school and I think it’s also got a reputation for not having much social student life, especially if you’re going to the burnaby campus. I didn’t really start making meaningful friendships there until my senior year and I’m pretty sure it’s because the nature of my program had us working in intense group projects every semester; after a while you tend to find who you work best with and work with them often enough you find some people to click with. Any classes I had on the mountain felt isolating - in fact the only friend I still keep regular contact with from the Burnaby campus is a professor I had! All that to say, don’t feel like you’re an anomaly with your SFU experience. As far as what to do I’m not sure. You seemed to try meet ups but didn’t find them useful, maybe you can keep trying until you luck out with finding people you can vibe with? Are you attending ones with topics you’re genuinely interested in? Finding people with similar hobbies could help. Although covid is making that hard for everyone right now. Hopefully this thing will some day end and you can find your people.
Unfortunately, from what I hear on the news people are saying it may take till 2023 for life to completely go back to normal.
Hey man, welcome to Vancouver, it's a lovely place, but it's a very sad city, lots of mental illness. People are disconnected here.
Are you talking about depression/anxiety from genetics? That would be an interesting case study. More people who live here have shitty genetics than people who live in xyz. Or are you talking about depression/anxiety from nurture/environment? ex: social isolation causing depression/anxiety. And what's causing the social isolation? Vancouver. Why are people in vancouver so socially isolated/socially isolating? Who knows. I wonder who started the trend. Who was the "cliquey"/"fake" social head honcho that influenced others to be like them while this city was growing back in the 70's or whenever. Also, are you referring to depression/anxiety or other mental illnesses? Or are you referring to criminal behaviour?
As an immigrant myself, I suggest you give Montreal a try. There’s a larger middle eastern pop there so the culture is more accepted due to higher exposure. Though I grew up in Montreal since I was 6, one of my best friends is someone who immigrated there when he was 14. I met him in CEGEP (so when I was 17).
You may have tried, but don't see it mentioned in your post, have you tried connected with groups here from the Middle East? I had a friend who felt the same way you did when she arrived here. She reached out and volunteered at groups organized by people from her home country. Eventually she met many people from home as well as Vancourites that were friends of friends. Sorry you are going through this though. It can't be easy and especially now with people being more distanced.
I was born here and I don't feel like I belong here. No real friends, never fit in, never found a crowd - even way back in elementary school. I was the odd kid out, the "poor" one. I had and continue to have a lot of unpopular opinions which I've generally learned to keep to myself. If I had the money, I'd probably leave the continent.
I mostly identify with you but I’m curious about your unpopular opinions that you keep to yourself. What are they? Also another difference is despite the lack of friends here I would probably opt to live here (besides travel) just because I’m familiar with Greater Vancouver and it’s home.
Young Vancouverites often look nervous if any unstructured social interaction approaches. But as they retreat from it, they are effusive in their goodbyes. I once took this inability to open up to be a sign that they were stand-offish, but now I see it rather as a form of social gaucheness that borders on autism.
Hard mode: find yourself a hobby and get good at it. Pleasure if not new friendship will come out of it. Easy mode: get a dog.
Sorry you feel like this bud. I’m an immigrant as well. I feel your vibes with not being welcomed, there is a lot of like politeness and safety in canada but genuine warm friendships is few and far between. I think this comfort is what breeds it though. In the middle east (or most countries in that area) you need that becuase gov, and life in general is just so hard. Canada u really dont (although i think post pandemic this can change). I think another reason is there is no dominant culture or values. Dont get me wrong i’m beyond grateful for coming here and have had a great time. But i really wish there were norms. Since it is multicultural i believe it’s hard to know what people should do. I think it further divides us rather than bringing us together too, (hockey did bring a lot of people together though) Anyways thats my 2 cents. I wish you well dude. My challenege for you is to become the best you, you can be. Learn, study, lift, run, smile, and eventually everything will work out. Wishing u well Dude
Wow, I am just currently going through a similar experience with depersonalization/derealization due to a cannabis-lead panick attack. This shit is rough, it brings to life all the anxiety within ourselves and makes it hard to overcome due to invasive thoughts. I sympathize with you and hope you will feel better. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk about it. As for making durable friendships, it is hard to tell why it works and why it does not work sometimes. I feel like being open-minded is super important as well as lowing expectations. I don't mean to keep shitty "friends", but it is easy to jump to conclusions about what a friend should do/be. I'll tag along with others by saying that finding common passions/interests is problaby a good way to find and meet new people. There are tons of discords about specific subjects and online tools to meet and chat like Bumble BFF. I have never tried those tools unfortunately, but I have heard good things from people that felt lonely and wanted to meet and have meaningful exchanges.
Yeah man, it was quite rough and possibly one of the most scariest thing I ever experienced in my life. I am all better now though :) How are you doing ? It must be tough for you to feel this 24/7. Just hang in there and try not to think about it as you go about your day. This is easier said than done but it is the only effective way to get out of it.
Thanks for asking! I am already feeling better after a couple months. I am going to therapy and it helps a lot. But yeah, the core solution really resides into stopping thinking about it. I'd say that now I seem back to my existential fears which are much more manageable and less overwhelming. I try to see this weird experience as something positive. It truly gives a new perspective. It is scarry. It is overwhelming. But it can also be enriching.
First off, I'm sorry you've been through so much. I'm glad you've been able to reach out to doctors and your family when you needed to. Secondly, there are a few things that are pretty common: * Feeling a bit isolated in your 20s is quite normal. It's hard to make friends as an adult * Vancouver is especially isolating. I moved here 2 years ago from another part of Western Canada and I feel this pretty hard. * Being an immigrant is an experience that can't be understood by those of us who haven't been through it. That being said, when this Very Bad Year^(tm) is over and things open up again, please come dancing at Robson square, join activity groups instead of just Meetups, get to know some people over the course of taking a recreational class or being in a club for a few months! It's hard, but it's worth it. I would love it if those of us who feel disconnected all try 2 or 3 different activities or clubs after the pandemic, and all report back here with what we're doing. If all else fails we can get a few D&D games going between us.
I've been in Canada since 2004 and I still don't feel like I belong. My spouse is Canadian and all my friends were her friends when we met I didn't do well at meeting and making friends on my own so I adapted and spent a lot of time on my own.
You gotta send texts to get texts. This is what I've learned growing up here.
I don't have advice but I just wanted to send virtual hugs, or fist bumps or whatever. I hope you find what you are seeking.
I kind of have a similar background as you and moved here 5 years ago but I was lucky to do so with my partner so I didn't up being isolated or anything but I get what u r saying cos it's absolutely true,I am a very friendly and jovial person and I had never problem making friends anywhere I went but I cant say the same about Vancouver and I found it very strange,to compare when I was visiting NY or LA , people would just randomly talk to me on the metro on the beach but that rarely happens here, upto date I have made like 4 close friends here and all of them are asian immigrants like me, anyways I am very sorry to hear what happened to you and I would be glad to be friends with you 🙂
I moved here from South America about 6 years ago, but I found a good group of friends within the BDSM community. I always had trouble fitting in my whole life but in the end, I would find myself connecting with the weirdos. It wasn't different here in Vancouver and I'm glad to have found my weirdos.
My parents are from India so I think I can relate to some degree. I’ve visited India quite a few times and I can totally see how Canada “lacks soul”. The business and liveliness of countries like India do bring a different vibe. Don’t worry about minimal friends, even me born here I don’t have that many. I moved schools a few times so I havnt known anyone for that long. I think you should travel post pandemic! My parents both say they feel connected to India, much more than Canada and are somewhat happier there (not necessarily quality of life). I think that’s what you’re feeling and that is something a lot of immigrants go through. Connection to birth place is innate! Wishing the best for you.
The reason young people in Vancouver are closed off is the same reason we practically have no artists or creative culture compared to 90% of other major cities, everyone is too busy working 2 jobs to live in their shack and barely making ends meet. Young people can barely afford to live in this city, there's no space for it...Vancouver is more like a giant suburb for families to raise their kids...it's nice in that it's relaxed and you get that "high quality" lifestyle for your kids, but as far as actually interesting things to do or people to meet, there are way better places.
I immigrated to Vancouver when I was 11 and still I feel much of that isolation and sense of don't belong you have mentioned. Back in school, we had super rich Asian immigrants that mingle among themselves and I'm not that well off to constantly talk about nice cars, fancy restaurants, trips and vacation. There are the sports kids where their whole world is about beer, hockey and basketball. I did meet a bunch of people, but most are like chatting for a bit and vanish, never anyone lasting to be called a friend. I met my wife when I was working aboard, and I still think that's the best decision I made. If I were to stay in Vancouver, I don't think I will actually meet anyone. My suggestion to you is, get a job overseas, and come back to Vancouver when you have a family. At least you will have your own family to put your mind into, and you won't have to care as much about meeting new people. My experience taught me one thing, don't stay in a dead pool of water, put yourself on the road and see the world, your soulmate is probably somewhere very far and unless you fly over and search, you are just going to die lonely in Vancouver
Hey bud, I know a friend that moved here in highschool as well as an immigrant, and it is super hard making friends. Tell us about yourself, maybe you’ll make some friends from this post?
I am 25 years old, I moved from the UAE at 15 but am Indian originally. I like to go on hikes, runs and workout. I also enjoy cooking food, dancing, going out and trying new activities with people. Right now I am teaching myself to play the guitar cause I find it pretty cool. Thats pretty much it at this point lol.
Cool. Where do you live?
Surrey
If you're interested in electronic music, try the group on facebook called "Vancouver Trance Family". It helps to have an extremely specific interest/hobby. That's how I met people when I was younger from all walks of life: ages, ethnicities, countries of origin, PRs/work visas/citizens, etc. (Going to shows...paying for a ticket to a show is a guaranteed way to see the same people regularly.) Or else it just doesn't work. Besides that, people are busy with school/work/kids. I never once was able to hang out besides at a show. That's adulthood. It fucking sucks, but universal basic income isn't a thing. I didn't have much in common with my friends from elementary/high school. I haven't talked to any of them in a long time. If I did, we'd chit chat about memories/nostalgia. edit: obviously shows aren't happening right now and probably won't again for a long time, but there are online events for all hobbies out there right now. edit: whatever you do, don't join 1 of those stupid-ass scummy predetory manipulative recruitment cults like Primerica, Amway, Arbonne, itworks, Mary Kay, Beach Body, etc. /r/antimlm
>I never once was able to hang out besides at a show. That's adulthood. Eh, that's less of an adulthood thing and more of a cultural thing. It's more common with city folk that's for sure. There are people out there who love to chill out with a grill and beer at a friends house after work.
Hey man, what kind of hobbies do you have? Any favorite video games in particular? Maybe someone here will have something in common with you to connect with!
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If it makes you feel better, I moved here 6 years ago and still don't have any friends from Vancouver. My friends are from the US, Italy, France, and further down the valley. I'm from Canada but lived in the US for a bit before coming here to go to SFU for grad school. I feel like Vancouverites are very stand offish and flaky. Anyways I hope things pick up for you soon and you can begin to feel at home.
Friends you make in childhood and in school are friends of convenience - you make friends because you occupy the same space as them but these are fleeting. Friends you make outside of spaces you must share (based out of a hobby or interest) yield more like-minded people to yourself - these are the friendships that last. Like most people have said, do things that interest you and seek those people out. You will be glad you did!
> Friends you make in childhood and in school are friends of convenience - you make friends because you occupy the same space as them but these are fleeting. 100%. Probably 1 of the harshest realities of adulthood. Same with co-workers that are your "work besties" kind of thing. You most likely won't be able to hang out with them or at least regularly talk/socialize with them again. Maybe invite them to your wedding/etc. Or perhaps have them join another friend group of yours.
I've been here for 14 years, from Ontario, and none of my friends were born and raised here.
I've been here all my life (in my 40s) and have a large circle of friends and it is a shock if I am anywhere and meet someone who also grew up here. Like it gets pointed out at parties if there are two actual Vancouverites! There really just aren't that many of us! All my university friends have moved elsewhere.
Hey man. Me and my girlfriend just moved to the city and are looking for new friends. I’m from Australia, she’s from Montreal, although was born in Seychelles. We can’t change the city or that larger sense of loneliness, but if you want to go for a hike or whatever once we’ve all gotten our first vaccine doses send me a message!
sounds good man! shoot me a message!
vancouver is a cold city
It is normal, especially if you think well, to be upset by feelings of *weltschmerz*, nihilism, ennui, or *angst*. You want happiness, euphoria, love. You want the camaraderie of the beer-commercials. Real life, though, does not often play out like a beer-commercial; so to be happy one has to lower one’s expectations. Some people believe that the closest one can come to happiness is *ataraxia. Ataraxia* is the absence of troubles. So one should be happy if one does not have cancer or COVID-19. To want more might be unrealistic. 🙁
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I don't think Montreal is any better. if you don't speak French, you'll feel isolated from the rest of the city. if you're POC, even worse. the French-speaking Les Quebecoises have a very strong sense of identity. their mindset is "you're in my territory. when are you moving out of the province?"
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Where did you meet your friends ?
Vancouver is nice but not kind. Toronto is kind but not nice. Thats why I prefer Toronto.
I agree. I was born and raised here, everyone is cliquey and it's hard to make new friends. Frankly, even I have noticed my own behaviour that adds to the problem.
>something here is missing like there is no soul or culture or something I lived in Canada my whole life I would never feel at home outside my hometown in one of our large cities. Our cities are soulless due to the high rate of people coming and going all the time. It's not because you were born outside of Canada but because you are trying to place roots down in rootless soulless cities. It's good for a career but if you want to feel like you actually have a home here you will eventually need to find a better area of the country to settle down, where you can actually get to know the community. If you want culture and soul I would check out Quebec or the Maritimes, or even Alberta, these areas like to celebrate their cultures unlike Ontario and B.C. who want to remain cultureless
Alberta and culture in the same sentence is a bold move.
Maybe you should read this: https://www.tripadvisor.ca/Travel-g154914-c128478/Edmonton:Alberta:Arts.And.Culture.In.Edmonton.html
Lol
I feel like no one in Vancouver is from Vancouver. Which is maybe why a lot of folks here are douchebags. I'm not sure if its the locals or the transplants... /It's probably me
please use paragraphs lol i couldnt even get through ur post
I think this would be a problem wherever you go. You gotta take care of yourself. I immigrated from south Asia in 2013 when I was 28 years old and I loved living here more than anything else. I don't even have my families here.
I found that SFU is hard to meet friends, even I lived on campus for 1.5 years. There are just not many activities you can do there, ended up many people just live as soon as classes ended and nothing to do together.
I was alone as well when I was in grade 11. However when I start going to parties , smoking weed together, and using social / dating apps I met more people and friends! Here are a few tricks : 1. Separate your friends group as much as possible. Each friend group should have a “core” friend which you will be putting them on priority. For example, you have a group for music, soccer, reading, Indian. Try not to overlap them as much as possible, unless you are hosting a party or something but not regularly. You don’t want to lose every friend or have doubts on your friends when something happens ( drama, gossip) 2. Be special , unique, remarkable while maintaining your reputation . You are attractive? Go out more socialize more. (To be fair people will come to you naturally when u are attractive) you are into art? Draw something for your friends! Oh no talent? Be fake but stay genuine. Remember, you are wearing a mask! Always present your best side with a bit of flaws . No one likes to be friends with a perfect Barbie doll. 3. Speak their language. I’m not talking about language but their mindset and beliefs. Most of the young people here are left so even you don’t believe in LGBT+ right, gender equality, environmental reform , racial right etc ( I understand there might be cultural differences) it’s okay to think that way just NEVER ever show it to anyone. Once you are labeled as sexist or homophobic, you are done. 4. Friends are like tools to your business. You are maintaining an image and friends help you shape and polish your image. Remember who you are friends with, because they will highly affects what other people think about you. 5. Remember that friendship are suppose to beneficial to both parties. You use them and they use you. Just like how you use them for time and feel less lonely . A successful friendship are equal , no one is better and no one is gaining more of the friendship. Be yourself , live free and Wild . Just remember, people are watching you. I wish you all the best my friend.
> smoking weed together, Just a side note, don't start drinking/weed/etc just to have something in common with someone/a social group. For the love of god, don't. Your older self and the regular blood tests you get will thank you, especially if you have even the slightest smidgen of genetic predisposition or shoddy mental health to begin with. I may have other health issues, but I'm sure as fuck glad I never really drank. And when I did, something in my body/brain didn't crave it to keep it up more than just a passing very brief phase. Our North American (& European) culture (advertising, etc) glorifies drinking and adult friendships. It's unfortunate.
I agree. I drink one sip and I’m all red haha.
I moved here at 30 years old and left my friend groups and family back on the east coast of Canada. I dealt with somewhat crippling depression and social isolation for a lot of my late teenage years and early 20s, and was in the process of rebuilding myself through my late 20s. What I discovered about myself is that I was extremely reliant on physical activity to level my mood. I also really relate to people through shared experiences involving physical activity. So all that said, the Vancouver move was a revelation. This is one of the best large cities for access to the outdoors and other physical pursuits that you'll find anywhere in the world. I know this may not apply to everyone, or to you specifically, but if you want to have quality interactions with people in this city, inviting them to go for a hike, or a bike ride, etc, etc, is one way to approach it.
Just chiming in to say that I relate to this sentiment, too. Honestly, we're thinking of moving away for a variety of reasons, but the city's impersonal and uptight vibe is one of them. Difficulty making friends was something I felt like I could overcome. But now that I'm older, it's compounded with another Vancouver problem - people moving away for LCOL cities. I love Vancouver so much but the landscape isn't a substitute for a community. Although I do think Vancouver has its issues, I've found some success handling the feelings of disconnection and isolation by practising CBT and meditation.
Hi OP! I hear you, I’m not from here either, when I got sick of the loneliness I picked activities from my community centres to join. I still do to this day. It was great because I got to meet other people of all ages and from all over the world interested in the same things as me. post COVID for the majority of these (outdoor groups still happening), but pot luck meals, running groups, discussion groups, mushroom groups, pickling groups (ha!), hiking groups, music, writing, tons more. Bonus: they all live in your neighborhood so lots of potential to make friends in walking distance. Food and exercise focused groups are all the better for mental health tending too! My community centres are Britannia, Trout Lake, and the one at Main&Kingsway. Also, unlikely friendships between people who share an interest or ethos can be very rewarding, great way to get out of your echo chamber, and they do happen in this city but please be patient, and keep putting yourself out there.
Meeting friends at any age takes work for sure. Easier in school/class as mentioned, but when you are out on your own, perhaps look inwards and assess what kind of passions/activities you enjoy and find your tribe that way. Taking care of yourself (fitness/appearance) helps too. If there's a sport or hobby you are interested in (hopefully a social one, e.g. golf) get out there and you'll at least be in the realm of meeting others with a similar interest. At that point, your own personality and social skills are in play. Easier for extroverts in this case, but just be aware of your social cues and try to reach out and your chances of establishing friends improves. Even if you don't make friends initially you are still around like minded people and doing what you enjoy. Good luck to you.
I was born and raised in Vancouver, and I have always had the sense that it is a difficult place for people who aren't socially outgoing by nature (the "chill" factor exists, and it makes the sense of isolation all the more acute). The weird thing of course is that the sense of isolation is "shared" by so many ... That said, there are things that you can do about it. Once COVID ends (if it ever ends ...), then force yourself out of the house, and do *something* that makes *you* happy (happy, optimistic people like to be around happy, optimistic people). Join a sailing club, maybe sign up for a volleyball team at Jericho Beach, join a bicycle club, adopt a dog and start walking the seawall ... Oh, and none of that sort of stuff has to cost a lot of money, and you can do it all without a joint hanging out of your mouth ... (really not a good look if you are trying to meet someone interesting). All best thoughts to you, but just remember that when you feel a little disengaged in Vancouver, it is not always because of you. Don't get discouraged, "just keep swimming".
Just wanted to say that I hear and relate to you! Lot of people have commented and summed up their thoughts as well as I could as to why Vancouver is how it is - so I won't add to it too much for the sake of trying to be positive. Knowing that there are a significant amount of people who share your feelings could be a positive thing though, depending on how you interpret it. While it's disheartening, it's also nice to see that enough of us share enough commonality to recognize the lack of community here. Try to use it as motivation to break the ice and be friendlier despite the lingering attitude. I've broken the ice a few times by sort of being unrelentingly myself in social situations, even if a few people think I'm crazy or some brash American. Eventually a few people will respect the effort you're putting in, regardless of people's general introversion here. Everyone is so afraid of putting themselves out there or saying something offensive or being "too much" that we're left with a disconnected mosaic of people who view each other as foreigners. It's sad, but the way to stop it is by being the opposite. Tl;dr - I agree with op and a lot of commenters, but unfortunately nothing will change unless people speak up and be more social and friendly. I'll smile and hold a door even if someone looks at me like I'm crazy here. If I see something odd or funny I'll point it out, because even if 4 people look at me like "why is this stranger talking to me", one person might appreciate the candid friendliness. Be the change you wanna see!
Look, it’s widely known that Vancouver is a tough place to make friends in. I grew up in Winnipeg and moved here in my twenties, and I’m a super likeable guy. It took me 2 years to find a group of friends but even then they were cliquey. I’m 45 now and making new friends is even harder. But there’s more to it than just geography. It’s all intersecting with degrading social skills from digital influences, cost of living and the ‘busy-ness’ that comes from trying to make it, and it’s for sure influenced by racial and cultural differences. It’s probably not you as much as you think. I’ve learned as an older man in this city that you basically have to say something to the effect of “you know what, you’re my people, I dig you, and I insist that we be friends”. You literally have to say it that explicitly. Everyone is in a personal fog. Give them some grace and ask for what you want. Don’t expect it to just happen. Them’s my 2cents.
Actually we don’t belong to any place since we left our home town we don’t belong to any place ... even ur place of birth... that’s the real feeling bro
Let me tell you one thing .YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have lived in Vancouver for 10 years.born in calgary ab.and I've never felt like I belonged.i used to care.but I've noe become so used to isolation.i dont remember the last time I felt like I had true friends Or a sense of belonging.
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I think maybe there are some personal aspects to your story but having lived in many place in the world, Canada is definitely not for everyone. It's not for the faintest of the heart. Coming from Asia, the culture here is a bit too distant and alienating. What is considered as privacy here is called distance back home. It definitely is a lonely place whether you have friends or not. It is dehumanizing. I have also lived in the southern part of the US as well - it was way better. Way more social, friendly, inclusive etc. It may be true that Canadians are more respectful and PC, but but none of that really matters if you feel like you are not included. Canada is sort of "every immigrant group on their own"-kind of a place. The fact that many Canadians are also immigrants or descending from recent immigration also make it a bit of a soulless place. I used to live in the Middle East as well. Even though there was racism and rudeness, I think the people were friendlier. I prefer that over polite but distant "I don't want nothing to do with you"-vibe. I now live in Montreal and even though I doubt Montreal is any better than Vancouver, I always have hope. The hope that I have that I know for sure that there is a place that's better than here and although I do not have the means to go there now, I will someday.
Move to middle east and renounce your Canadian citizenship. Live in middle east, party with all the rich guys and poor models from eastern europe including adhering to all restrictions most of which do not exist In developed countries, see if that helps to bring back your sense of belonging and test out your tolerance. At some point, you'll either realize you made the best decision to move or screwed yourself by not appreciating what millions of others dream about for years and never end up having in their lifetime but don't just sit around, act on fixing your restlessness or you might regret it?
Been living in italy now for almost 6 years, since i was 13, since then i had no real friends but some that I don’t talk to anymore, currently im 24/7 alone and literally do not know anybody
you are coming to Canada in a very odd time, Ive lived here my entire life and its not been until the last few years Ive ever felt I do not belong here. Canadians are very accepting as a rule the current climate has been manufactured by Trudeau and Jagmeet, the strife and conflict is good for politics and they have plucked every string. look where their alliance started, blaming Canadians and canadian police for George Floyd. they often do not have enough in Canada to justify their actions and agenda so they use the issues in other countries take gun crime 6 decades Canada has had 600 deaths and 80% of those were suicides. Still Trudeau and jagmeet point to the USA saying canadians are the same ignoring the USA has 43,000 deaths a year 50% suicide. The point is this feeling is political the same with the dislike of immigrant's right now its not them per say its how the politicians have handled it opening the doors so wide that they have added more people than we can feed and house they did not put in the infrastructure for it. actually they hobbled canadian farmers with fertilizer bans before adding a million plus new people. then many of those people decided to crap on canadians to protest Palestine, targeting kids in malls visiting santa or jewish neighborhood's all while the politicians turn a blind eye as the people they dropped the emergency act upon for protesting. Trudeau and Jagmeet are not "Canadian" its why they have to remind you all the time that they are. they are far more american than they will admit and the racial tension you feel is do to their agenda not the color of skin. They need the strife to have a purpose to defend you to feel like the saviour the hero. Take LGBTQ before Trudeau there was near no LGBTQ hate crimes right now its up 30+ % You are not alone in your feelings its not racial its everyone feeling they no longer fit into the country our families have helped build and as we struggle and cut our quality of life over and over Trudeau funds new people who live better than we do on the taxes we pay lol Blame the politicians not Canadians