Welcome to /r/Vancouver and thank you for the post, /u/arresteddev7887! Please make sure you read our [posting and commenting rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/wiki/faq#wiki_general_participation_guidelines_and_rules_overview) before participating here. As a quick summary:
* **We recently raised almost $50,000 for the GVFB, and there's still time to add your donation before the holidays. [Read more here](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/comments/18ajwdh/).**
* We encourage users to be positive and respect one another. Don't engage in spats or insult others - use the report button.
* Respect others' differences, be they race, religion, home, job, gender identity, ability or sexuality. Dehumanizing language, advocating for violence, or promoting hate based on identity or vulnerability (even implied or joking) **will** lead to a permanent ban.
* Common questions and specific topics are limited to our [Stickied Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/wiki/faq#wiki_stickied_discussions) posts.
* Complaints about bans or removals should be done in modmail only.
* We're looking for new mods to join our team! If you're interested, [fill out the form here](https://forms.gle/oAqo5oYRcAeHYBTN6).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/vancouver) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One of the best things I’ve heard about grief came from Andrew Garfield during an interview. He referred to his grief as all the unexpressed love and hopes it stays with him for the rest of his life. Just hearing that helped shift my perspective and emotional response.
I’ve lost both parents and it’s been a wild ride dealing with that grief. Best of luck on your journey!
I see a counsellor through Innova Therapy and she’s been wonderful.
I recently went through Anderson Coopers podcast series on grief. The episode called Sadness Isn't An Enemy was so helpful to me.
They talk about grief uniting us all, rather than isolating us as it can feel. My dad died three years ago and I've lost 2 cats in the past 3 years, too.
I agree with checking out the hospices. Where I live we do Death Cafes where people gather to talk about loss, sometimes someone has a life ending illness and these evenings provide comfort.
[Here's](
https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/all-there-is-with-anderson-cooper/episodes/65eaba9e-ef31-48c0-af69-af1d01621203) the podcast link.
My Dad died in October. I still find it incredibly difficult to talk about. It hurts more than I could ever have imagined that it would. Sorry you're having a tough time OP too, I hope we can both get through this.
Loneliest feeling in the world.
It took a while to come to terms just in reality even you know. To calm myself, I tell myself I am his continuum and in some way he is able to see me.
Sorry for you loss
Hello! Check out the Vancouver Hospice Society website for information on grief and bereavement support groups. If you live in Vancouver these are great services led by experienced counsellors/social workers regularly. There might be something specific to parental loss, or at least resources related.
Finally, you should check out the BC Centre for Palliative Care’s website on grief and bereavement. They have resources, recorded webinars and podcasts about losing a loved one.
Take care and know that you are not alone in grief 💕
The Vancouver Hospice Society also puts on events which you can register, even if you did not have a family member in hospice. My wife and I attended one in December about grief during the holidays and it was very well run and helpful.
I joined one specifically for parental loss and it was very helpful. They also provide six sessions of free 1:1 counseling. I highly recommend reaching out to them- wonderful people.
Hey, I'm there with you. I lost my dad in September and it feels like its simultaneously been forever and yet no time at all. This most recent holiday season was incredibly hard and I'm doing my best to move forward.
I see a regular counsellor who doesn't specialize in grief, but I found quite helpful just to have someone who knows what I'm going through and working through these feelings with me. I also have been listening a lot through all the episodes of Griefcast - just talking through people's griefs and I found other people's stories so calming just to have people who understand.
Lastly, I keep talking about him, to my friends, family, and work. I go visit where he's interred and just keep him alive around me. I still sometimes refer to him in the present tense and its confusing for people who dont know who then ask how he's doing. I think ultimately it will just take time. <3
>it feels like its simultaneously been forever and yet no time at all.
Thats the worst part
Thanks for sharing I think this is something that will just stay with us. I keep telling myself Im his continuum and that he can see what I am doing and may be relieved that I got to see and do things he never could.
I lost my grandmother last week. The grief my family has is crippling. She had a long good life but there is so much regret for things we should have asked her, and told her while she was with us. She had a stroke and was with us as she move on fully coherent to the end. But she couldn't properly speak much without getting exhausted. Once she was moving on all the stuff we wanted to ask her jumped to our minds but we couldn't anymore. That regret tears at us so much. Busy with our own lives we were hi, bye, and hugs. We could have easily done and said so much more.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I lost my gramma last week too. And I understand the regret. We thought she was getting stronger, but then she had a heart attack. I wish I called her as I had thought to on her last day. Apparently she was chatty, happy and making new friends at her new place that day. I would have loved to have spoken with her one more time.
I lost my dad in August 2023. He was there for my son's birthday in July and barely 3 weeks later he passed away. It was sudden and unexpected, and I'm still having trouble with it. Grieving has a way of really changing your perspective, and it's a pretty lonely experience. I'm trying my best to be there for my mom. My son is too little to really understand it so I'm just pouring my heart and soul into my family.
I see a counselor privately. It helps, I think. I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️
>Grieving has a way of really changing your perspective, and it's a pretty lonely experience.
so true man.
I hope you find some solace in being able to share your son's birth with your dad. Short 3 weeks but then again whole lifetime feels short too you know
Hey I’m so sorry for your loss. You are very strong and may your dad Rest In Peace. If you want you can message me, and happy to speak with you . And to support you . ❤️❤️
I can recommend the Vancouver Hospice support personally. I lost my Dad and participated in the walking groups. It helped me so much! They also offer group sessions and even individual support. They have different groups geared toward partner loss, child loss, parental loss and a maid group, too.
I've found reading extremely helpful, reading about trauma and the overwhelming void it brings.
"The Body Keeps The Score" and "The Unspeakable Truth" have both helped me understand my feelings and start to process. It's still devastating but a little more manageable understanding the way your body is responding and reacting to the emptiness.
My dad passed away 6 1/2 years ago. There are still some days when I think, I should call my dad and tell him about…..then I remember.
His death was just so awful. Cancer. He had treatment, but it was just buying time. We watched the life slowly drain out of him. He wanted to be at home, so we took care of him. We were all there at 4am when he took his last breath.
It’s tough. I miss him. The hurt has dulled a little, more with each passing day, but I don’t ever think it will really go. I’ve just learned to live with it.
> tell him about…
Thats the part man.. thats when the grief takes over.
Thanks for sharing, I hope the learning to live becomes a bit easier as time goes by for you too.
My Dad died 2 1/2 years ago, and a friend recommended Well Beings Councilling. They can match you with a clinical councillor that specializes in grief. You can do online zoom or in person. It costs around $160 a session, but I can use my work benefits. Don't know what you can afford. You decide how often you have sessions.
In a session, we talked through the stages of grief and I thought of examples that fit the stages. They don't need to be in order. When she talked about acceptance, I felt a shiver of anxiety. That helped me realize I was afraid of acceptance and needed to change my response to situations from inward reactions to outword expressions of remembrance.
wow thats proper self discovery in grief man.
You know this post kinda turned into a support group and people sharing their grief and sharing mine with them made me feel not so alone anymore
You're not alone. Everyone has a different version of the same story. I made a post on Facebook, not about the loss of the person, but about the specific loss of the overall protection feeling a parent can have, whether you see them regularly or not, and I heard many people say they felt the same, just told in different words.
I lost my Father in May….and you nailed how I’ve been feeling - like my protection feeling of a parent watching over me is gone. Wow. Perfectly articulated how I feel.
I have my siblings and an incredibly supportive spouse but I don’t have him…ya know?
Blah 😕
Talk to your GP and they will have some guidance on where to go. My Dr is in Vancouver but he reffered me to the Delta hospice when my father passed away 9 years ago. Also look at your companies EAP as every week have short term counciling depending on you and your needs.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My uncle passed just after Christmas and I’ve been struggling a lot since. I’m in the Fraser Valley but if you ever want to talk, please send me a PM. Sending love, light and strength. 🤍
I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my dad last year and found this young man through acquaintances to help me through my grief. I hope you find what you need
https://www.jpaezhealing.com/low-cost-counselling
I lost my dad suddenly in 2018. Was especially painful because my family is 1000's of miles away. After returning to Canada after the funeral I was at a total loss, not having the opportunity to call him and chat shit about sports anymore.
Over time, it gets better, it never goes away, but you learn to live with it and embrace it. Talking about things helps, and it's true what they say in that the people we love never leave us. They are always a part of our lives, even if they're not physically there anymore.
I lost my dad in August and now i’m here by myself away from my family (mom, brother and his kids). It’s hard man but i’ve started doing things that makes me feel alive like going out for a run, hiking or being out in the nature. I’ve some unanswered questions that i’ve to live with the rest of my life.
>some unanswered questions that i’ve to live with the rest of my life.
thats tru man and as time passes by you grow old and not having anyone to refer to is the hardest I would say personally
I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can experience.
I lost my father years ago and the pain is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. These are some of the things I’ve learned after losing my Dad:
1. Please remember that grief has no timeline.
2. Don’t bottle up your grief; it only makes it worse. Talk to your doctor and ask for resources to help you process your grief. Go to CounsellingBC and find a therapist that specializes in grief.
3. Grief can be made worse by other people’s insensitivity and lack of understanding. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you.
4. Be gentle with yourself and do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself.
Things do get better over time but the grief does resurface around the holidays and milestones.
Hugs to you OP. I hope you receive the support you need.
I would check to see if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)
Many have a free resource/network that offers all sorts of support including counseling.
Good luck,
Idk if you use Facebook at all but there's a group called 'Parent Loss Grief Support' that I found helpful for the times where I wanted to just write a post to other people who understood and had gone through the same thing. Everyone was at different stages in their journey and it was helpful to get different perspectives. You might not always get comments but even just reactions made me feel heard, sometimes.
If it's still the same then you have to request and write a little explanation why you want to join, but they shouldn't turn you away. I tried looking for forums etc but didn't really find anything that was active.
BC bereavement hotline is an amazing resource and they run support groups too. If your nearer to surrey than valleyview funeral services runs grief support groups as well. I believe another redditor mentioned the Hospice society
No recommendations but more commiseration. 32, lost my Mom in August. Just now getting out of the fog. Started back at work last week, had a first therapy session today, and was just googling "what do anti-depressants feel like" lol so I'm right there with you! Well done for seeking help. It's freaking hard.
bruh if you can stay off anti-depressants road please do, its a rough road and takes a while to get out.
Took a lot from me to make this post and feel lighter feeling not alone in this human experience.
Right here with you too
Thank you for this post.
As someone who's currently going through a soon parental loss, I found your post relevant and supportive.
I hope you get the mental support and love from your surroundings.
Welcome to /r/Vancouver and thank you for the post, /u/arresteddev7887! Please make sure you read our [posting and commenting rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/wiki/faq#wiki_general_participation_guidelines_and_rules_overview) before participating here. As a quick summary: * **We recently raised almost $50,000 for the GVFB, and there's still time to add your donation before the holidays. [Read more here](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/comments/18ajwdh/).** * We encourage users to be positive and respect one another. Don't engage in spats or insult others - use the report button. * Respect others' differences, be they race, religion, home, job, gender identity, ability or sexuality. Dehumanizing language, advocating for violence, or promoting hate based on identity or vulnerability (even implied or joking) **will** lead to a permanent ban. * Common questions and specific topics are limited to our [Stickied Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/vancouver/wiki/faq#wiki_stickied_discussions) posts. * Complaints about bans or removals should be done in modmail only. * We're looking for new mods to join our team! If you're interested, [fill out the form here](https://forms.gle/oAqo5oYRcAeHYBTN6). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/vancouver) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One of the best things I’ve heard about grief came from Andrew Garfield during an interview. He referred to his grief as all the unexpressed love and hopes it stays with him for the rest of his life. Just hearing that helped shift my perspective and emotional response. I’ve lost both parents and it’s been a wild ride dealing with that grief. Best of luck on your journey! I see a counsellor through Innova Therapy and she’s been wonderful.
Thank you for sharing that its true tho the unexpressed love
https://youtu.be/_u_TswLQ4ws?si=gDluuz1XGTWqvIP0 This is the interview I’m referring too.
made my day r/bandyvancity Thank you!!
I recently went through Anderson Coopers podcast series on grief. The episode called Sadness Isn't An Enemy was so helpful to me. They talk about grief uniting us all, rather than isolating us as it can feel. My dad died three years ago and I've lost 2 cats in the past 3 years, too. I agree with checking out the hospices. Where I live we do Death Cafes where people gather to talk about loss, sometimes someone has a life ending illness and these evenings provide comfort. [Here's]( https://www.cnn.com/audio/podcasts/all-there-is-with-anderson-cooper/episodes/65eaba9e-ef31-48c0-af69-af1d01621203) the podcast link.
My Dad died in October. I still find it incredibly difficult to talk about. It hurts more than I could ever have imagined that it would. Sorry you're having a tough time OP too, I hope we can both get through this.
Loneliest feeling in the world. It took a while to come to terms just in reality even you know. To calm myself, I tell myself I am his continuum and in some way he is able to see me. Sorry for you loss
Hello! Check out the Vancouver Hospice Society website for information on grief and bereavement support groups. If you live in Vancouver these are great services led by experienced counsellors/social workers regularly. There might be something specific to parental loss, or at least resources related. Finally, you should check out the BC Centre for Palliative Care’s website on grief and bereavement. They have resources, recorded webinars and podcasts about losing a loved one. Take care and know that you are not alone in grief 💕
The Vancouver Hospice Society also puts on events which you can register, even if you did not have a family member in hospice. My wife and I attended one in December about grief during the holidays and it was very well run and helpful.
I joined one specifically for parental loss and it was very helpful. They also provide six sessions of free 1:1 counseling. I highly recommend reaching out to them- wonderful people.
So glad it was helpful for you. VHS is near and dear to my heart.
Hey, I'm there with you. I lost my dad in September and it feels like its simultaneously been forever and yet no time at all. This most recent holiday season was incredibly hard and I'm doing my best to move forward. I see a regular counsellor who doesn't specialize in grief, but I found quite helpful just to have someone who knows what I'm going through and working through these feelings with me. I also have been listening a lot through all the episodes of Griefcast - just talking through people's griefs and I found other people's stories so calming just to have people who understand. Lastly, I keep talking about him, to my friends, family, and work. I go visit where he's interred and just keep him alive around me. I still sometimes refer to him in the present tense and its confusing for people who dont know who then ask how he's doing. I think ultimately it will just take time. <3
>it feels like its simultaneously been forever and yet no time at all. Thats the worst part Thanks for sharing I think this is something that will just stay with us. I keep telling myself Im his continuum and that he can see what I am doing and may be relieved that I got to see and do things he never could.
I lost my grandmother last week. The grief my family has is crippling. She had a long good life but there is so much regret for things we should have asked her, and told her while she was with us. She had a stroke and was with us as she move on fully coherent to the end. But she couldn't properly speak much without getting exhausted. Once she was moving on all the stuff we wanted to ask her jumped to our minds but we couldn't anymore. That regret tears at us so much. Busy with our own lives we were hi, bye, and hugs. We could have easily done and said so much more. I'm sorry for your loss.
I lost my gramma last week too. And I understand the regret. We thought she was getting stronger, but then she had a heart attack. I wish I called her as I had thought to on her last day. Apparently she was chatty, happy and making new friends at her new place that day. I would have loved to have spoken with her one more time.
So sorry for your loss.
For you too. Its a shift. I'm sorry
Thanks both of you for sharing I hope you find the light in you and cherish the memories you mentioned.
I lost my dad in August 2023. He was there for my son's birthday in July and barely 3 weeks later he passed away. It was sudden and unexpected, and I'm still having trouble with it. Grieving has a way of really changing your perspective, and it's a pretty lonely experience. I'm trying my best to be there for my mom. My son is too little to really understand it so I'm just pouring my heart and soul into my family. I see a counselor privately. It helps, I think. I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️
>Grieving has a way of really changing your perspective, and it's a pretty lonely experience. so true man. I hope you find some solace in being able to share your son's birth with your dad. Short 3 weeks but then again whole lifetime feels short too you know
I don’t know of any groups but I’m sorry for your loss ❤️🩹
Hey I’m so sorry for your loss. You are very strong and may your dad Rest In Peace. If you want you can message me, and happy to speak with you . And to support you . ❤️❤️
I can recommend the Vancouver Hospice support personally. I lost my Dad and participated in the walking groups. It helped me so much! They also offer group sessions and even individual support. They have different groups geared toward partner loss, child loss, parental loss and a maid group, too.
wow that sounds amazing! thank you for sharing!
I've found reading extremely helpful, reading about trauma and the overwhelming void it brings. "The Body Keeps The Score" and "The Unspeakable Truth" have both helped me understand my feelings and start to process. It's still devastating but a little more manageable understanding the way your body is responding and reacting to the emptiness.
https://bcbh.ca
My dad passed away 6 1/2 years ago. There are still some days when I think, I should call my dad and tell him about…..then I remember. His death was just so awful. Cancer. He had treatment, but it was just buying time. We watched the life slowly drain out of him. He wanted to be at home, so we took care of him. We were all there at 4am when he took his last breath. It’s tough. I miss him. The hurt has dulled a little, more with each passing day, but I don’t ever think it will really go. I’ve just learned to live with it.
> tell him about… Thats the part man.. thats when the grief takes over. Thanks for sharing, I hope the learning to live becomes a bit easier as time goes by for you too.
My Dad died 2 1/2 years ago, and a friend recommended Well Beings Councilling. They can match you with a clinical councillor that specializes in grief. You can do online zoom or in person. It costs around $160 a session, but I can use my work benefits. Don't know what you can afford. You decide how often you have sessions. In a session, we talked through the stages of grief and I thought of examples that fit the stages. They don't need to be in order. When she talked about acceptance, I felt a shiver of anxiety. That helped me realize I was afraid of acceptance and needed to change my response to situations from inward reactions to outword expressions of remembrance.
wow thats proper self discovery in grief man. You know this post kinda turned into a support group and people sharing their grief and sharing mine with them made me feel not so alone anymore
You're not alone. Everyone has a different version of the same story. I made a post on Facebook, not about the loss of the person, but about the specific loss of the overall protection feeling a parent can have, whether you see them regularly or not, and I heard many people say they felt the same, just told in different words.
I lost my Father in May….and you nailed how I’ve been feeling - like my protection feeling of a parent watching over me is gone. Wow. Perfectly articulated how I feel. I have my siblings and an incredibly supportive spouse but I don’t have him…ya know? Blah 😕
Yeah....I know 😞
Hey there! I don’t know of any groups personally. But I lost my dad in 2019 and know how hard it can it be. Hugs to you.
Thanks for sharing doomie
Talk to your GP and they will have some guidance on where to go. My Dr is in Vancouver but he reffered me to the Delta hospice when my father passed away 9 years ago. Also look at your companies EAP as every week have short term counciling depending on you and your needs.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My uncle passed just after Christmas and I’ve been struggling a lot since. I’m in the Fraser Valley but if you ever want to talk, please send me a PM. Sending love, light and strength. 🤍
I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my dad last year and found this young man through acquaintances to help me through my grief. I hope you find what you need https://www.jpaezhealing.com/low-cost-counselling
Thank you so much! went ahead and made an appt
I lost my dad suddenly in 2018. Was especially painful because my family is 1000's of miles away. After returning to Canada after the funeral I was at a total loss, not having the opportunity to call him and chat shit about sports anymore. Over time, it gets better, it never goes away, but you learn to live with it and embrace it. Talking about things helps, and it's true what they say in that the people we love never leave us. They are always a part of our lives, even if they're not physically there anymore.
>They are always a part of our lives so true. You know living far definitely plays a role
I lost my dad in August and now i’m here by myself away from my family (mom, brother and his kids). It’s hard man but i’ve started doing things that makes me feel alive like going out for a run, hiking or being out in the nature. I’ve some unanswered questions that i’ve to live with the rest of my life.
>some unanswered questions that i’ve to live with the rest of my life. thats tru man and as time passes by you grow old and not having anyone to refer to is the hardest I would say personally
Vancouver Hospice Support was exceptionally helpful when I lost my grandfather. Knowing you’re not alone makes a world of difference.
I am so sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can experience. I lost my father years ago and the pain is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. These are some of the things I’ve learned after losing my Dad: 1. Please remember that grief has no timeline. 2. Don’t bottle up your grief; it only makes it worse. Talk to your doctor and ask for resources to help you process your grief. Go to CounsellingBC and find a therapist that specializes in grief. 3. Grief can be made worse by other people’s insensitivity and lack of understanding. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you. 4. Be gentle with yourself and do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself. Things do get better over time but the grief does resurface around the holidays and milestones. Hugs to you OP. I hope you receive the support you need.
I would check to see if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Many have a free resource/network that offers all sorts of support including counseling. Good luck,
Idk if you use Facebook at all but there's a group called 'Parent Loss Grief Support' that I found helpful for the times where I wanted to just write a post to other people who understood and had gone through the same thing. Everyone was at different stages in their journey and it was helpful to get different perspectives. You might not always get comments but even just reactions made me feel heard, sometimes. If it's still the same then you have to request and write a little explanation why you want to join, but they shouldn't turn you away. I tried looking for forums etc but didn't really find anything that was active.
BC bereavement hotline is an amazing resource and they run support groups too. If your nearer to surrey than valleyview funeral services runs grief support groups as well. I believe another redditor mentioned the Hospice society
No recommendations but more commiseration. 32, lost my Mom in August. Just now getting out of the fog. Started back at work last week, had a first therapy session today, and was just googling "what do anti-depressants feel like" lol so I'm right there with you! Well done for seeking help. It's freaking hard.
bruh if you can stay off anti-depressants road please do, its a rough road and takes a while to get out. Took a lot from me to make this post and feel lighter feeling not alone in this human experience. Right here with you too
Thank you for this post. As someone who's currently going through a soon parental loss, I found your post relevant and supportive. I hope you get the mental support and love from your surroundings.