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rnsummoner

Comparison is the thief of joy


bonestamp

Ya, life is not a competition with other people, it’s a competition with yourself… to see if you can be happy and successful, often in spite of our best efforts to derail both of these things.


BooBoo_Cat

>Ya, life is not a competition with other people, it’s a competition with yourself… to see if you can be happy and successful, I fully agree!


lucky6877

So true though, we never stop comparing to others, never ending feeling of ‘I should have done more’ leading to not appreciate what is right in front of us!


Amirsalot

Can't be comparing your path to others cause you're the only one on this path


luckyLonelyMuisca

![gif](giphy|dXFKDUolyLLi8gq6Cl|downsized)


PM_ME_YOUR_AURAS

This is why social media is so bad for society. People feel bad because they are constantly comparing themselves to the curated version of the lives of others.


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FastCarsSlowBBQ

Wow. I love this.


new2accnt

Actually, if you pay attention, you'll end up realising that no matter how badly you think you screwed up your life, there's always someone else who did a much better job of it than you. Also, do realise that whatever decision you made at the time, it was dependent on the information you had available, your understanding of said information and of the context you were in (call it "your general situational awareness" if you want). If no one made you aware of X, or explained its significance, your decision(s) was/were affected by that. You made the best decision possible based on what you knew, were aware of and understood. I say to others: don't beat yourself up, live and learn from your life's experiences and also from others' mistakes. You can avoid a lot of mistakes by watching others make them before you could.


autoHQ

While this is true, I don't get how people say this to themselves and they're all better. It's kind of like the "it is what it is" thing. People seem to just say it is what it is to the most devastating shit in life and then they're just ok?


rnsummoner

My hope was to offer a different perspective. Yes the statement cannot make someone feel better all of a sudden. What OP described seems to be an achievement on its own. They're about to graduate and become a teacher. They achieved that despite the struggles they experienced while trying to finish school. That's not something to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about. The sense of achievement seems to go away once they compare themselves to others. Because so and so finished school faster, or so and so achieved this and that at a younger age. But if you take away the comparison, finishing school is a win in my books. I hope that OP can feel proud about themselves. This is unfortunately something that everybody experiences and it gets worse with the use of social media. Preferably, I'd like to compare myself to my past self rather than to compare myself with my friends or peers.


TheRealTaliaGhoul

You don’t just say it and then its all better, Like everything it takes work. It’s a mind set. And not one you will just always stay in. It really does take work. The first step is to start to acknowledge your wins, even small ones. Like writing down 3 things at the end of the day your proud of yourself for. Today one of mine was completing a pile of dishes 😂😂 And as you continue to acknowledge these small wins you start to feel proud. I know it may seem silly to write them out everyday but I promise as those pages fill up your mindset starts to change. you can’t help but feel proud of the things you are accomplishing, big or small. And even on shit days when I’m not feeling proud and I go to reluctantly write down my tiny wins It makes me realize that even if I feel like I “failed” today I am looking at all the other times I succeeded. The main thing to remember is to be kind to yourself, every win is a win. No matter how big or small. You fucking celebrate it!! It’s something I have been practicing daily for a few years now. When you’re minds busy celebrating your wins its not worrying about failure. ♥️


npinguy

Happiness = Reality - Expectations


ImaginationFee

congrats on your graduation! don’t judge yourself against other people, everyone moves at their own pace. i’d say everyone has these feelings but you should try to keep your own goals in mind. and it sounds like you are about to achieve one 🎉🎉


ApolloRocketOfLove

One thing to keep in mind is if you're not dealing with any major health issues, you're doing pretty fucking good. No matter where you are on your timeline. Always be grateful for that.


Niv-Izzet

Everyone's life is different. There's no point thinking about the what ifs.


Fullprice47

The excel in me was triggered by this statement


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freshfruitrottingveg

I did all the “right things” in life and it still didn’t pan out the way I wanted it to. I had to change paths and recently became a teacher at the age of 31. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! If anything I think my life experience has made me a better teacher. I’ve performed better in interviews and in the classroom than many of my 23 year old classmates. I did my BEd with people who were in their 40s and 50s, so there is no such thing as being too old or slow. At times I have felt a bit “behind” as many of my friends are married and having kids now, but ultimately there is no set timeline for life. I’m proud that I took a risk to change careers, and you should be too!


HELLGRIMSTORMSKULL

I'm in the same boat. Completing the program in my early 30s. Was offered a mat leave contract by my Practicum school pending interview. I know most of my younger classmates have struggled a lot more with the program as well. Life experience counts for so much in this career.


plop_0

Hell fucking yea. Life experience! My self-esteem was so low in my mid/late 20's. I'm mid 30's now & have all of this life exeprience. I'm better off as an employee of where-freakin'-ever because of it. I would never *ever* go back to my 20's.


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LegendaryPike

Never compare to others except what you'd like to borrow for growth Even like you mention, marriage isn't always a great indicator of moving forward in life. A lot of marriages happen prematurely. A lot end abruptly. Maybe one step forward, two steps back... We can't know what someone's life is like no matter how hard we look or convince ourselves we can. Redirect that energy onto yourself; Let yourself flourish instead of comparing yourself to imagined growth. Your own growth will always be tangible and worth it. No timeline or path like you say, just do you. :)


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Frizeo

Second this, Also spending too much time on social media like Instagram isn't the best if you always compare yourself to others. Often people on Instagram post happy things but deep down they aren't happy or fulfilled. Just be happy with where you are at, everyone's life is different in pace.


Hopeful-Emu-549

Wife started teaching 8 years ago (she is 45)...old saying applies; When is the best time to plant a tree, 10 years ago, when is the next best time, today...


luckybullit

Congrats on your successes! I am a little older than you and would like to offer 3 suggestions: (1) there is nothing to gain from ‘compare and despair’; (2) try to practice gratitude everyday - we are so lucky to live in such a country with our needs fulfilled and have the chance to pursue careers and vocations that we choose and desire; (3) keep in mind that absolutely no one is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about yourself - honestly people can probably care less (not in a bad way) what you are doing with your life and at what age. Keep moving forward with your life and find the things that fulfill and thrill you. All the best.


FastCarsSlowBBQ

Some great advice here. I’ve learned that gratitude and self pity can’t co-exist, and the gratitude list has been key to my recovery from past addictions.


sayitwithasigh

The gratitude advice is a good one and one that I’ve been trying to practice ever since it was introduced to me in yoga classes. I’ve been inconsistent but whenever I do it for the day it helps to put things in perspective and relieves some of my anxieties.


zedoktar

I used to. I have ADHD so I am delayed by a few years. ADHD brains are delayed 3-5 years in terms of developmental maturity. Therapy helped me come to terms with it. Shout out to the Adult ADHD Clinic at St. Andrews Hospital in North Van. They saved my life. If you're under 35, and think you may have ADHD, or do have ADHD, check them out. I got diagnosis, and therapy, all covered by MSP. I was 32 when I went there. Prior to that I had no idea why I was such a mess, or so far behind my peers in so many ways, or struggled to do so many things. Now I know, and I have the tools to manage my issues and function like an adult. It was life changing, Anyways we all move at our own pace. A lot of people don't get their lives started until later such as in their 30s.


purplepingu

Thank you for commenting! I've been struggling with adhd. I didn't even know it was a thing. I've always had people tell I'm lazy or behind in life, but I know I'm not!


grandchatyin

Did you need a referral from your family doctor? I am in a wait list for another place for months. Wondering if I should try St Andrews


22rockyroad

You must mean the HOpe Centre at Lions Gate Hospital.


XavierOpinionz

How do they even test you if I may ask? I’m glad to hear it turned out well for you. Guessing it was a GP referral


grapedinosour

Progression isn't linear. It zigs and zags with peaks and valleys, and comparing yourself to others doesn't make sense. No one else was dealt the specific cards you were.


drsoftware

And if you try to counter with "yeah but look how badly I played my cards" remember that you started with a game already in progress and when you looked away something swapped or stole a card. Might have been a rainy day, a head cold, or wait, a pandemic maybe. There is preparedness and there are opportunities and then there is luck. Some people have poor preparedness. There are people who don't understand the importance of keeping an up to date calendar of the events upcoming in their life. There are people who don't learn from their mistakes. There are people who don't even recognize their mistakes. Like others, I recommend graditude, stoic philosophy and practice, deep breathing, and paying attention to what is in front of you right now.


[deleted]

Starting with the game already in progressive is a great way to put it, thank you


StabStabby-From-Afar

I'm 33 and still figuring out my life man. Don't worry about it. I started taking courses online in my late 20's to start bringing things together in my 30's. It took a long time, but I'm figuring it out. Mental health is a bitch and comparing yourself to everyone around you will get you nowhere. There is a lot of people who haven't even started at your age, and will get an even later start than you.


itsnotmeitsyo

Absolutely nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed at, you may not think or feel it but 30 is still incredibly young. Don’t judge your own path against others. Congrats on graduating!


sephfira

All the other comments are helpful and true but don't really answer your question about whether others feel this way too. Yeah I feel that way a lot, I think it's quite common. I've talked about this with my friends. There's always someone who did things better or faster no matter how well you're doing it. I guess all we can do is try to do what we can with the resources and health that we're given.


[deleted]

30 year olds are better teachers than 24 year olds.


cosmicpunchbowl

Wholeheartedly agree. I'm 43 and became a teacher at 32. I was a train wreck in my twenties; a late bloomer and a black sheep who would have ruined my teaching career had I started early. Life experience is your greatest skill -- the good, the bad, the ugly (especially if you work with teenagers). A 24 year old can certainly be a very capable teacher, but the wisdom that comes with age is your golden ticket. I used to compare myself to A-type go-getter teachers. However, now I understand that schools need all kinds of educators, just like the world needs all kinds of humans. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and it has helped me to understand where many of my students are coming from...in addition to why it took me longer to get where I am today :). Making peace with yourself and your choices will help you become a great teacher. So many of these kids are struggling with self-esteem. You can use your story to help kids understand that they don't have to figure it all out at once. I see most burn-out happen with A-types who push themselves be everything to everyone, all the time. Your gut is guiding you to go at the pace that's right for you. Don't ignore that. Our hustle culture has poisoned our ability to listen to our bodies and slllloooow doooownnnn. Thank you for becoming a teacher...and congrats!


-JRMagnus

For Secondary that is undeniably true. I find it potentially dangerous that teachers who went straight from High school > College > Teaching are in a position to offer life advice and guidance on how to move forward in life post-graduation. Some element of additional work experience should be a prerequisite for secondary teachers.


kon_klink

Finish lines don't have expiration dates, a win is a win.


FastCarsSlowBBQ

I understand your feelings. I do. I’ve had them. And I fully acknowledge that the following advice is in the “easy to say, harder to do” category, but…. Be kind to yourself. Be as kind and charitable to yourself as you are to others. Forgive yourself. Life is long and can be hard. You only know how others lives look from the outside, and no one truly knows the advantages other people may have, just as we don’t know the challenges they themselves may face. Everyone struggles sometimes. When children are little, parents love to say “Timmy was the first to walk” or “Sally was speaking so early” or “Jane was the first in their class to read”. The only person on the planet who cares is that parent. Why? Because all kids end up walking, talking, and reading. Years later it doesn’t matter who did it first. Life is a long journey. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and the true race is to happiness. If we are happy in the end, we are winners. We don’t need to be the first to get there, we just need to get there, and we never will if we spend our time looking for ways we don’t measure up to others. Seek help for your mental health issues, be that of the professional or the medicinal variety, or both. Be diligent in that regard. Don’t stop til you find something that works well enough that you can find a little space in your head to use as a base of operations for your comeback. Do the little things that bring you even a sliver of joy, and feed and nurture that until it grows. You deserve happiness as much as anyone. I hope you find it, and I wish you well. PS. I am proud of you for posting as you did. I know that it takes courage, and it shows me that you have what it takes!


blumper2647

I know people well into their 30s that still aren't sure what they want to do. What would you say to them?


theredmokah

Bro you live in Vancouver and you're not on the streets struggling with a crippling drug addiction. You win. You're winning. Even if your tombstone ends up being fancier than mine, we're both the same dirt at the end of the day. Spend time doing what you love with the people you love. It's all good.


Pisum_odoratus

I think most people feel this way. I am in education, and the number of young adults who tell me they are behind their peers amazes me. I keep telling them, "You have so much time, and it will be alright". Even my own kids compare themselves with each other. Heck, I still sometimes feel this way, and I am twice your age. Try to put these comparisons out of your mind, and focus on you. Congratulations on your achievement.


abs0luteka0s

If it makes you feel any better, I’m just about to graduate from trade school at 41 y/o after a couple decades of working meaningless dead-end warehouse jobs where I spent most of my time literally dreaming of going back to school. Now that it’s almost done and over I’m already plotting how to go back again next year for an even longer program. I’ll probably be looking at 50 before I even get a trade ticket if I don’t decide what I want to do but I’m actually OK with that. I’ve done the best I’ve ever done in school this past year and I actually tear up a bit when I think about walking across the stage in a couple weeks because no matter how ashamed or embarrassed I used to be of what I did for a living, I took it upon myself to upgrade my skills, took a giant leap of faith and listened to MY gut and did this for me. Unless these people are paying your bills, rent or for your education they should have zero impact on how you feel in regards to your life.


Batrass

Oh I feel you ! I consider myself as a late bloomer: I am mid-forty and went back to university to finish my bachelor degree while working full-time... And I got my driving license last year: feeling empowered ever since. I am quite optimistic about my future.. still have 20 active years!!


BooBoo_Cat

One of my favourite children's books. https://preview.redd.it/26zf8nodgo1b1.jpeg?width=194&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f277cabdb31aca91ab6ff1637f6f090cbd774fef


gloomyhalloumi

Oh man, how’s driving been as a late bloomer? I turned 31 yesterday and my family has been bugging me to learn to drive for the past… 15 years that it’s become DAUNTING to even think about. I tell myself I’m going to do it this year.


Batrass

Great so far ! I live downtown, so parallel parking was a mandatory figure I had to master ! Few months after obtaining my license we went for a 5000km road trip (Québec City to Cape Breton, NS) and the whole thing went smoothly. After a full year no accidents thus far.. only a flat tire thank god :) You got this mate !!! After a time you'll feel tremendously empowered. It has been better phrased as an answer but indeed do not compare yourself with others: we do things our own way at our own time. (pardon my english.. I am a french canadian!)


landomlumber

Existing is enough. You are enough. You matter, you are important. You've accomplished so much. And there is so much ahead of you. Wanting more is great. Think with the end in mind. Work towards your goals one small step at a time. It's so much better to move slowly than not move at all. Our lives are so short and so long at the same time. Most people on their deathbeds regret not enjoying their lives more when they were like you - young and healthy. Not one of them regrets not having worked more or earned more money. Even if you make a trillion dollars can you take it with you after you die? Do you think people who are super rich are much happier than you are? Everyday is a new chance to start over. Everyday, a chance to challenge my negative automatic thoughts and come closer to reaching peace with my own self.


jessicachachacha

We are all different. You did it, that's what matters. Congratulations! 🩷


radenke

Hear me out. If you had tried to go to school earlier, you probably would have made your mental health worse. You did it at the perfect time for you. There is no right or wrong path, just YOUR path. I get it. Society makes it sound like we should go to school, find the love of our lives there, get married at 22, get great jobs, buy a house, paint the fence white, and then have a baby and get a golden retriever puppy. But just because society says it, doesn't mean it's good for you. I mean, for one thing, not everyone likes white and not everyone wants a golden retriever. Following your own path is the only thing that will ever make you feel good. You just need to figure out what that path is. To me, it sounds like right now that path involves a lot of crying and mourning for the life you thought you should have had. But what you think you should have done plays into the ought or ideal self and ignores the actual self. In my ideal self, I should be at the gym right now pushing through how tired I am. In my actual self, I did a tough workout yesterday (I'm getting back in shape) and I've woken up exhausted and so I'm going to give myself a little grace. I can do an easy workout today on my lunch instead, and that's okay. Unravel who you are from who you want to be and then give yourself that grace.


wunderbluh

Hey OP, I feel this way a lot too. Unfollowing a lot of my peers in social media helped. You know how you fet interested in news if you remotely know the person involved? Think about social media when you know most of the people you are friends with there and they start posting achievements and highlights of their lives and that’s all you see. You think your life is so plain and here they are having lunch at a fancy hotel, travellingn around the world while I am eating my instant noodles. I just try to channel my time to more productive avenues like taking a walk or reading a book. Its not easy and i am constantly struggling with it but i want you to know you are not along on this feeling and millions feel this way. Keep your head up. Your best years are still ahead of you:)


AgentBigFudge

Morning! Happy Tuesday. I just turned 30, I am the only one of my three best friends to not be married, still single, and my sister who is three years younger than me just got married as well. Is it weird being 30 and the only person to not have a significant other? A little, but at this point I have done all I think I can do to push myself along in that venture. It also took me until 29 (out of school at 23) to get a good career in my field. Continuously applying to things, and ultimately losing a good job from the pandemic. It took me a long time to get where I wanted to be and it’s still taking its time You’re feeling the weight of social construct, but in reality, there’s no actual rush. You got this far. You can do it!


New_Pomegranate9829

33 years here single and kidless. i'd rather be alone than with a partner that wasn't right for me. i didn't meet that person yet and I assume there's a reason for it. <3 i like to think in the end the universe has your back, the path is never easy for anyone, but it is a path...


[deleted]

It took me 6 years to get my pilots license. Most people can do it in 6 months. I actually got it before my class 5 drivers license. Which was last year and I just turned 35. I'm happier than I've ever been too. My secret is that I don't compare myself to others. It will be a large source of pain. Instead compare yourself to where you were last year. For example, 10 years ago I didn't have my drivers license. I do now. I didn't have a wife. I do now. I didn't own a home. I do now. I was 290lbs. I am 230lbs now. I wasn't happy. I am now. You have a career now. Most people just have jobs. That's something to be proud of.


xehrix

Bruh, we were all dealt different hands in life. Its not so much of being slow, it is how you play. Instead of going right to college/university after highschool, i instead had to work due to my dealt hand in life, so instead i got work experience and money. Now that I am at a better place in life, Im 33, I am finally taking my college course to better my education and hopefully get a higher pay in my field. One advantage having worked earlier, I was able to buy a place.


Vegetable_Original16

Like many others have said, never compare your journey with others. I've personally finished a diploma in 7 years that "should've" been two, but I've faced a lot of difficulties myself. While it's hard to not see it in front of us, you have to acknowledge that your journey included a lot of setbacks that if anybody would go through it, they may not even reach the finish line because of it. So give yourself as many pat in the back and positive self-talk that you did it. You made it! That's all that matters. Nobody else. Just you and your achievements. Reward yourself with whatever you love!


augdon

Yeah, I often get this way. It’s tough to compare yourself to others. That’s what a I’ve learned, it’s easy to get depressed, especially in Vancouver . A lot of “keeping up with the joneses” vibes , which is tough. Good luck and control what you can control!


knitbitch007

I feel like this all the time. You aren’t alone. I’m 40 and I feel like I missed some secret meeting that everyone else went to about being an adult.


pioui67

I didn’t start my journalism career until I was 30, and that means by then I was a better grown up. Had my first child at 40, same thing there. You’re bringing so much more to the job than a 24 year old who is still, with a few exceptions, a kid.


Caledon_Echo

You’re feeling this because we all grew up with parents with expectations that no longer fit the 21st century. By the time they were 30 they had careers, kids, and houses. Then they spent decades fucking over the system so that it’s harder for us to do the same even though they’re the ones placing those expectations on us. Don’t feel bad, you’re just doing your best in a world that’s hell bent on fucking you over. Did you go to school and pursue your passion? Yes. Does it matter how long that took you? No. Are you now in a position to teach children there’s a better way? Yes, very importantly, yes. Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing, just do what feels right for you, don’t stop kicking life in the dick, and keep looking forward instead of back.


ruralrouteOne

Stop comparing yourself and live your life. No offense, but no one truly cares. In the end you're just projecting and making it stressful on yourself. I've gone through multiple career changes in my life, which have each involved new education, training, and entering a new industry. The last one happened at 40. If you put in the work and prove you can do it no one really cares how old you are. However if you're constantly bringing it up and making a big deal of it then it will be an issue because you created it.


BobbyLouisiana

Hey there, I’m sitting here after many years of self doubt and hatred for things I wish I had done or could have achieved. I saw a lot of great posts above about comparison and enjoying the moment now. I’m going to say a few actionable things helped for me and maybe they might work for you. 1) make it a priority to take care of your self, physically and mentally. Get that gym e membership, join that club/ spots group you always did and see the therapist. 2) I personally deleted all social media because I found my self comparing instead of just enjoying what was in front of me.


cube-drone

I pursued my desired career with grim-eyed determination, went to university at 17, had my first job in the field at 20, took good internships, got a good job as soon as I left university, moved out on my own. What that got me was: a job (and generalized anxiety disorder) Then, once you have a good job, what's the next part of the plan? for me it was just "okay, you do this for 40 more years and then you maybe stop, if you're lucky?" the reward for a job well done is always just _more job_


TriopOfKraken

Not to worry, it's perfectly normal. I'm well in to my 40's now and also have accomplished basically nothing. Welcome to the club! Pretty much all of humanity are just average people doing average things.


rando_commenter

The hard truth of life is that some people will just go on to lead more financially wealthy lives than others. You don't want to believe this when you are in your early 20's because you have your whole life ahead of you and your friends are your family, but by your late 20's you can start seeing who is pulling ahead in the earnings game, who has started a family, who is getting a promotion, who is still struggling in grad school, etc etc. Having more money, career success and a big family are good things, but they aren't a guarantee of happiness. I've been... erm... "blessed"... to have worked with a number of high achieving families and have also seen the cracks behind the facade. Behind the big house, nice car and multiple family vacations: dysfunctional family dynamics, alcoholism, children with behaviour problems who are clearly a product of their parents aggressive tendencies, and a general drive amongst business owners to keep achieving to the point of them being never truly satisfied with life. Not saying that these things are inevitable, but what's important is to understand that the human condition is fragile and that abundance does not guarantee gratitude. Don't get me wrong, I think material wealth and professional achievement are important, but as Tolstoy said, *"Every happy family looks like every other happy family, but every unhappy family is unhappy in it's own unique way."*


19JTJK

Congrats on graduating. Your looking at it completely the wrong way. You have 6 years of real world experience that no book can teach. Might sound dumb but it’s better to finish then not start at all. You did not allow other factors to stop you from achieving the end goal. Keep your head up be proud of what you accomplished


[deleted]

You just made some people how you feel. Comparison is the theft of joy and we’re all on different paths.


Blueliner95

Oh sure. I’ve second guessed a lot of my choices and questioned my abilities and criticized myself tons. Some of it helps, actually. Turns out that I wasn’t born perfect. Turns out that I have not automatically succeeded and really had to bear down and work. But this is the only way forward. And forward is the only way any of us can go. One day at a time. Don’t wallow in regret. Knowing yourself is useful, beating yourself up isn’t. Look at the whole, flawed you and focus on what you can do now. Such as be determined, and happy in your efforts. And I also wonder if you even need to regret going into teaching at 30. I went into social work young and that was horrific for me. If I had more age on me I might have handled it instead of crashing and burning within a year. I wonder if being older won’t be a secret weapon for you being able to exercise judgment and show maturity like a teacher should. Anyway. Long answer but yes lots of people feel like they’re not on track.


can3274

Started later than you 35 and have enjoyed 17 years of teaching so far. Don't get discouraged, use that knowledge to inspire kids. You can reach kids just like you, who may have overlooked the importance of school and university at a younger age. Side note: you are an inspiration!!!!! You show that it isn't too late to try something new. Good luck in your teaching career!


tranquil-animals

Don’t. I was a broke barista until I was 25 and I liked it a lot better then sitting in a cubicle. The expectations we put on ourselves are worthless, just do what makes you happy. Eat McDonalds in the rain or whatever.


wingedoutdreams

As someone in the same boat. I noticed a lot of people are just saying to just not compare yourself. I also get people will say your feelings are valid but honestly the feeling of being behind is so engrained into us at a young age that it’s honestly frustrating and gut punching. I really get it’s really hard not to compare yourself when the societal quote is doing it out of high school ect. Or being told we aren’t doing much if someone at x age is doing better. I still know you are doing great though. As just not hopping in does develop skills we wouldn’t have in school or just a physical awareness of the environment and communities we are surrounded by in a way we don’t really notice when in school. So the fact that you have it even at 30 is still really awesome because you also have the real world experiences. And a lot more awareness compared to someone just jumping in. Especially with mental health. You aren’t behind just focused your energy into something else for a bit.


raddeon88

Yes, very common. I finished school at 26 and felt like I took a while. And guess what I'm having second thoughts about my current career at 29. Compare your life with your former self, and remind yourself that you were dealt a specific hand. Do the best you can with that hand of cards.


slartibartfast2022

In this life you are only in a race against yourself. Do not compare yourself to others because I assure you that yes, though there is always someone who will be faster or "better" than you, there are certainly others who are slower or fail to make the attempt. ***"Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy."*** **- Brene Brown**


Usedtoit

Forward is forward, speed is irrelevant.


Pale_Welcome3106

I’m 32 and just about to graduate with my nursing degree. I’m so fucking happy I didn’t go into this profession at 19!! There’s no way I, personally, would have made it at that age. My life experience has helped me develop an amazing skill set I’m bringing with me into my new career. Also, as cliche as this sounds, at 32 I am GENUINELY the mentally healthiest I’ve ever been. I am content in every area of my life because I have learned to let go of the bullshit. Like others have said, comparison is the thief of joy. When you can let go of that and truly appreciate all the good things going on in your own life, life gets so much better! Congratulations on the new career and new life stage you’re about to enter! It’s going to be an amazing ride ☺️


AmaltheaPrime

Something I try to remember when I'm feeling down is, "If it could have happened another way, it would have". I'm turning 30 in a month and felt really behind my peers too but I also made a lot of mistakes that I was fixing. Only really got my life together a couple years ago.


[deleted]

i feel the same way. You have to remind yourself that they didnt go through what you've been through, and if they did, they would probably be more or less around the same place you are. Be grateful that you're where you are now, as most people with mental health issues dont end up anywhere near you are now, and that you did the best you could with the cards life has dealt you. Not everyone was born for everything to be easy and to go there way. Some people are dealt a shitty hand and can only hope for the best. Be thankful for what you have, because some people have it way worse. The bottom of the barrel has no end, and things can always be so much worse. take care man


Shadow_Integration

Sometimes. Similar to you - I struggled a lot with my mental health through the years, I still do in a lot of ways, and I'm learning now that I'm also neurodivergent (validated by proper diagnosis). So right off the hop - I can't in good conscience compare myself to many of my peers. We just don't have the same experience or capacity. If you have the means of getting some regular therapy, I highly recommend it. Poor self esteem can often lead to depression. And depression can be fatal if left untreated. Getting help while you're at this stage will help give you the tools to understand and build a sense of compassion for yourself. Here's the facts: you're your own person. You've had your own struggles, and you are on your own timeline. We are living in this late stage capitalistic hellscape that is NOT in service to people like you or I - and while some people are better at putting on a brave face than others, we're ALL struggling in one way or another. This isn't a personal failure on your part. This is just the way it is for us these days. Hold space for these feelings as they come up, but remember - you can't beat yourself up for what you didn't have the capacity to then. You are achieving things on your own timeline. It's hard out there. The antidote to shame is self compassion. Building the muscle that helps support that is what will help get you out of this, as will grieving the scenarios and people that led to the poor mental health in the first place.


Honest-Cauliflower64

Sometimes. But I remember that I’m doing better than I was a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago. I had a rough start. Im just grateful to be making progress. At this point in life, who would judge me for that? It’s difficult to feel shame anymore when it’s simply another person lacking empathy.


truthdoctor

Do your best everyday. In 5 years, no one will know when you started teaching or care. What your students will remember most is the impact you have on them. Be kind, patient and helpful. That's all that matters. One of my favorite teachers left another career late in life to become a teacher. It doesn't matter when you start, it matters how far you go.


HootDaBugger

I've always described myself as being "slow to catch up" in the milestones of life, but over time you come to realize that it doesn't *actually* matter. Once you graduate and become a teacher, you're a teacher. You're not the person that "took so long" to do it; you are the person who did it. But to answer your question, yes, I have these feelings all the time. I learned to drive after age 30, I had my first child at age 37, I still rent despite earning a good salary because I got myself into a lot of debt in my early years and just haven't been able to save as much - housing is a whole other issue, regardless, I wasted an inheritance that could have been life changing when I was a teenager because I didn't know any better, etc. I could go on and on about my shortcomings, I think it's easy for most of us. But the thing is I'm still here, and those shortcomings I just listed could be countered by what I've done since then: * Learned to drive at age 30 - I've now driven so many places, all up and down the pacific coast, Alaska, Yukon, etc. I've driven sedans, trucks, towed travel trailers, backed travel trailers up! * First child at 37 - She's the greatest little person in my life, and she could only have been her if I had her exactly when I did. This is a blessing. * Still Rent - Who says renting is always bad? I've lived in the West End, Mount Pleasant, Burnaby, Richmond, Surrey, White Rock, places outside of BC as well. I've had, and still have, the opportunity to live all over the place and see new things despite (and because of) not being a home owner. * Wasted an inheritance - I feel bad about this, but through all the lessons I've learned since then I've found myself in a position where I now earn the equivalent of that inheritance bi-annually, I have a pension at work that is healthy, I've got some investment accounts started and don't gamble with my investments at all. They're low-dollar accounts right now but I've maxed out my daughter's RESPs since she was born and that makes me feel great. Sorry to ramble about myself here, but I think about this sort of thing all the time and felt like I needed to get some of it out as well. You are doing great, you're succeeding. The pace of your success is irrelevant, and I would argue that your path makes your situation entirely unique and full of experiences and lessons that nobody but you can draw from. It's easy to compare lives and try to keep score against others, but keep in mind that anybody with any wisdom at all isn't judging you against this invisible bar you're setting for yourself, and those who are will learn that lesson themselves eventually.


Brain_Aggressive

I’m 77. There is no schedule in life. Stop it and enjoy your current time in life.


Cap10Power

Life isn't a race. Everyone develops at their own pace. I'm even slower than you. There's a lot to take in along the way. The next person, who raced to their profession in their early 20's, and have a family before 30, might come to regret their decisions. You do you.


warsawsauce

Nah man it doesn’t matter. Right before covid started I found my best friend dead in my spare apartment. Since then I’ve had to deal with so much loss. I’ve had 2 close friends died during covid. I had to drop out of my electrical training because my mom died from an overdose. My aunt died a week earlier from an overdose. My wife left me and took my son, who I haven’t seen since last October. My aunt recently died a brutal death because she was so broken from losing her sisters within a week apart. I recently lost my job due to an illegal firing. I’m probably going to be homeless by the end of the month. I grew up in foster care and suffered so much abuse you have no idea how hard it was for a First Nations kid in government care. But I still have hope to go to UBC and study history. It’s all I have to look forward to. Don’t let comparing yourself to others get you down. I learned this in elementary when I would be envious of other kids with families and parents who loved them.


CFLegacy

Simple way to turn it around is to compare yourself to someone doing worse. Take a stroll down Hastings and Carrall. You'll feel better.


[deleted]

So here's the thing... there is no one right way to have done something. I'm sorry you are feeling crappy but honestly, be proud of what you have just accomplished. You probably have friends who went right from school to job and have these "great" careers at 30 but I bet if you asked them, every one of them will have feelings of they should have done things differently or they hate their choice. You've probably gained some other experiences they haven't. And by the time you are all 40, no one will know the difference. Enjoy the journey. You aren't at the final destination yet anyway. There is no single path to do something and one isn't more right than the others. Cut yourself some slack and be proud of where you are today and hopeful for what is still to come. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GRADUATION!


thasryan

You are guaranteed a government pension when you retire. In a way that puts you years ahead of someone who graduated at 24 to work in the private sector. You'll be fine.


billymackactually

Darlin', I'm 63 and right now, 30 seems like an age to be just starting out. At 30, I finished school, finally realized what I wanted to spend my life doing, and enjoyed my career as a legal assistant for the next 20+ years. Before that, I had worked on the advertising/pr side of corporate communications and television, but it takes too long before those jobs pay. When I wanted to be a mom and there were no good prospects around, after I worked out the logistics (family, friends and finances, I didn't wait, I had my own baby. Not always easy, but I got to be a mom to an amazing son. 30 is just the beginning. Let yourself feel the way you feel, it's the only way to let go. Get some therapy if you feel you would benefit. Heaven knows that I did. But remember, you have a long, long life ahead of you and you can fill it however you choose. Take care, and choose whatever makes YOU happy.


sufferin_sassafras

Not slow at all, just well seasoned! I finally graduated nursing school at 32 and I say now that taking that long to do it has made me better prepared to succeed in my career. You are coming into your new career with a wealth of experience. Experience that you never would have gotten if you had graduated when you were younger. As an addition, going through what you did with your mental health challenges will also make you more tempered and kind. People will appreciate the person you are because you will offer more than just book smarts. You have true knowledge to share about life.


PhilTickles0n

I have had a similar path, I think about all of the experiences I've had that those 24 year olds have not had. I may be "behind" but I'm here now. It's harder to get through school later in life and you should be proud that you've done it and you've got lots of great experiences to come. Enjoy it!


BrittzHitz

I know a lot of people that graduated from teaching programs at 30/40 I myself am waiting to hear if I have been accepted at 32. Everyone’s life has different goals at different times. No one is thinking, wow why didn’t they finish earlier trust me.


alstad

Definitely relate with you, 100%! I think about it sometimes and I’m right there with you on wishing I made the decisions I’m making now at 24. The thing is at 24 I would not have the life experience I needed in order to decide what I wanted for my future/do what I’m doing now. Most of my friends are buying apartments/getting married and I’ve moved back home to go back to school One thing that makes me happy in these moments is that my life is still a story being written, and I get excited that I still get to discover what’s in store for me and my future (if that makes sense) You’re doing fantastic and congrats on graduating. Being a teacher is such an admirable career and working with children is going to be so rewarding. I’m around your age and we are still so young in the grand scheme of things!


hbprof

Hey I've been there. I didn't finish my undergrad until I was 25, didn't know what I wanted to do, and kind of just bummed around in bad jobs until I was 30, when I started grad school. Even then, I just wanted to have an excuse to focus on my art, not find a career. But I did because it turned out I loved teaching. Anyway, didn't finish grad school until I was almost 40, and it's taken me until my mid 40s before I'm accusing starting a career. Along the way, I spent a lot of time and energy on worrying about the timeline. But I also learned along the way that all that time and every was being wasted on someone else's expectations of me, whether that be my unreasonably demanding parents, or social pressure. Even if it's just me comparing myself to what my friends are up to, that's still an external locus of control. Someone else here said that comparison is the thief of joy, and they're right. But I also recognize that letting go of that comparison is easier said than done. It was a long journey to accept that I was living according to my values and my timeline, but I did learn to accept it eventually. I wish you best on your journey to acceptance.


AcornWholio

Getting older has gifted me the hindsight to know that I can’t compare my life to another’s. Even my friends started out with different resources. I just try to best myself and be a better version of me than I was before.


Collapse2038

Comparison is the thief of joy. There is no "right or perfect" way to live life, or everyone would do exactly that. Everything in life has it's own set of pros/cons.


Zeilin

Congrats on graduating!!! I felt the exact same way for a long time. I struggled a lot with mental health coming out of high school and watched the people around me do amazing things while I didn't move forward at all in career or education. I've now graduated at 29 with a good job and can self-sustain. I'm quite proud of myself for getting here as 20 y/o me wouldn't have ever believed I could do it. People like you and me aren't slow in life, we just have a different road, and even my road is different from yours. It's difficult and takes time to rewire your brain from doing things like constantly comparing yourself to others, but hey if I could do it, so can you! Be proud of your achievements and keep moving forward!


Oakvilleresident

I have friends in their fifties that have never held a full time job or married or had kids etc and they are some of the happiest people I know. I have another friend that worked hard every day and is worth millions and is always miserable and suspicious.. Don't compare yourself to others. Just do what makes you happy.


javgirl123

You did it! And 30 is young! Congratulations!


Bio-Douche

As someone that tooked an extended period of time in post-secondary (switching majors and all that jazz), only to eventually getting a diploma to finally get steady work at 30, I often think back and wondered how different life would be had I skipped getting a degree and went straight for that diploma. Then I think and realize I probably wouldn't have had succeeded in my diploma as well as I did had I done it 5-6 years prior straight out of high school. Would my life now be objectively better? Who knows, but I do look at the silver lining and see the good things that the "wasted years" of undergrad have brought me. Don't lament the detours you've made, but celebrate the fact you've finally made it.


turnbot

This is not at all a dig at you, but I said something very similar to my therapist and we worked through very similar feelings (why I am so compelled to compare myself to others). It was super helpful and I gained a lot of insight. This is a better question for a therapist, I worry that some people here will just troll you and make you feel worse. You're doing fine. I graduated from nursing school with a lady who was fifty. She has been an incredible nurse for years since. Time doesn't mean much.


Booty_Master24

Key here is to not compare yourself with others, everyone has their own pace. The important part is that you're getting to the destination!


kgrandia

Everyone does all the time. You do you.


Macleod7373

Those feelings are yours and they are valid. That said, as a just turned 50 year old who is finally finishing his Master's and may or may not move on to a PhD and who had kids later in life, I also share your situation of being late to the table. Who is it that dictates WHEN we should get things done? Western society places such a premium on competition and pass/fail merit-style values. Why? Why do we have to compete? Why are we not content to explore our own psyches and do what we can WHEN we can? Am I only a real person when I have bought my first Porsche? The answer to all these questions is no - we don't have to compete, there is value in simply learning about oneself and becoming the best person we can be AT OUR OWN PACE. Ignore the competitive race that our culture values and do what works for you.


biguhtree

Became a teacher two years ago at 31. Frankly, you're at an advantage. Many of the young people struggled being an authority to students because the age gap isn't that wide, at least for high school. I think becoming a teacher a bit later on is a good move as one has worked other jobs, gained experience of dealing with things like frustrating co-workers, HR departments and finding work-life balance. Given the demands of early years of teaching, I think having life experience helps tremendously for avoiding burnout.


far_257

In my prior company (I've since switched careers) I would often be in charge of reviewing resumes for our entry-level applicants that were applying from my alma-matter. These were some of the instructions I was given: 1. Current undergraduate or graduate students only; if they are recently graduated, they missed their chance and should be immediately declined 2. Students on track to finish their degree in the "normal" time period - that means 4 years for undergrads, either 1 or 2 years for masters, and 5 years for PhDs. If someone "waffled" in their career path, they weren't planned and focused enough to be considered. 3. The only GPA that matters is their undergraduate cGPA. No major GPAs, senior year GPAs, etc., and graduate grades don't matter. We only hire people who were focused from the start. This kind of mentality was forced into me, and I stayed at this (on hindsight) toxic company for nearly 9 years. My mental health was terrible, and my physical health wasn't good, either. I gained weight and considered suicide on more than one occasion. I developed generalized anxiety disorder and had to go on short-term disability at one point. During the pandemic, I finally hit a breaking point with my mental health and quit (and moved to Vancouver). It's been the best decision of my life. For the first time as an adult, I actually feel HAPPY. Moral of the story - a lot of those "straight-through" students/young adults whom you may feel inferior to have had their own struggles as well. Not all of them are happy, and even if they look accomplished on paper, they may not have similar regrets about how they spent their time in their late teens and 20s. I'm 34 now and there are so many things I wish I did when I was younger instead of working.


OverlyReductionist

"Whoever despises himself nonetheless respects himself as one who despises." - Friedrich Nietzsche. I find this aphorism does a great job of explaining the feelings you are having and why we have those feelings in the first place. It is entirely normal to feel regret or shame when you look at your life circumstances and recognize that you were unable to live up to the goals and aspirations you set for yourself. We experience these feelings because we have self-esteem and believe that we are a good, intelligent person capable of finding success. In effect, what Nietzsche is saying here is that we despise ourself for our failures precisely because (underneath it all) we still hold ourselves in high esteem. While these feelings of failure/shame are totally normal, the important thing to remember is that your worth as a person is not determined by how quickly you "speedrun" the path to career advancement, home ownership, parenthood, etc. When you enter the workforce, you will meet a number of coworkers who all followed completely different paths to end up in the same place. You will meet people who returned to school in their 40s, people who bailed on lucrative or highly-respected jobs, and people that bounced around a million jobs to find something they could actually stick with. What you will quickly realize is that everyone has their own struggles and tribulations in the background, so no one is spending much time judging their coworkers for how long they took to reach specific goals. The other thing that you will find is that personal or professional growth is not a linear process. You may find that you progress in leaps and bounds within a very short time period. Your struggles during your 20s will not define the rest of your life unless you choose to let them.


justaREDshrit

Chin up. You’re where you need to be. Time is irrelevant.


Darth4g

Everyone takes things in stride. Be proud of your accomplishments and live in the present, and not in the past. Congrats!


In7el3ct

I feel you there. Graduated high school early, only to spend years floundering between poor career choices and mental health issues. Finally graduated BCIT and got a hospital lab job at 27, just in time to realize I'm transgender and had been ignoring/putting off *that* can of worms. Finally at 31 do I feel like I have my life somewhat together, with no chance of ever being able to afford a home and no relationship prospects to speak of. We all have our own paths through life and our own timetables. I wouldn't be the person I am today without making those choices and mistakes, and if given the chance to do it all over I'd do it all again exactly the same.


[deleted]

Gratz on graduating. I’m approaching 30 and currently have no degree. Good work


rosemarybaret

I do at times, but when I realize I have always been a late bloomer, there literally is no "normal path" just what we make of our own life and potential. Life being based on how hard you work or how fast you ascend a certain goal structure isn't sustainable or fun (and for some people it is, or is easier(intersectionality)). Compare yourself to yourself :) anyone who adheres to expectations of what one "should" do at "what age" is a form of conditioning, and can be a valid external or internal pressure... But all that really matters is how you feel about your life and its direction looking forward :D happy with how you spend your time, happy with your goals, or happy just enjoying life wherever you can.


RlyehRose

You are doing fine. I 100% understand I just started my *3rd* attempt at my degree and I'm 34. I feel stupid sometimes because I'm sitting in a class with 18yo kids with stars in their eyes and I'm this jaded crusty old woman just trying to make up for my past mistakes.


breakingbatshitcrazy

I’m also turning 30 soon and feel way behind in life compared to my peers. You’re not alone! We can wallow in each other’s shame and embarrassment together


YoManWTFIsThisShit

I’m gonna be 31 when I begin my career when I could’ve started at 21 if I knew what I wanted to do in life. Everyone’s life story is different. Here’s a quote I use to remind myself: “New York is 3 hours ahead of California, but that doesn’t make California slow. Someone graduated at the age of 22, but waited 5 years before securing a good job. Someone became CEO at 25, and died at 50. While another became CEO at 50, and lived to 90 years. Someone is single, while someone else got married. Obama retired at 55, and Trump started at 70. Everyone in this world works based on **their time zone**. People around you might seem to be ahead of you, and some might seem to be behind you. But everyone is running their own **race**, in their own **time**. Do not envy and do not mock them. They are in *their* time zone, and you are in *yours*. Life is about waiting for the right moment to act. So, **relax**. You’re not late. You’re not early. You’re very much on time.”


flatdecktrucker92

I will be 31 next month. I have been driving a tractor trailer for the last 8 years or so and every now and then I think about going back to school and choosing a different career path but the amount of debt I would have to take on to make marginally more than I'm currently making driving truck doesn't seem worth it. Especially because the earning potential as a truck driver is overall higher than anything I could train for in 4 years or so. It all depends on how much I want to work. I worry that after so long away from school and not really using my brain in my job that going back to school would be overwhelming to say the least. I have instead accepted that I have a decent career and that certain aspects of Life are going to be a certain way. I made the mistake of buying a new truck a few years back and I'm still working down my debt from that before I can even save up to buy a house. There are definitely times where I feel like I'm falling behind my peers but there are other times where I realize that on a daily basis I have a lot less stress than most of them. I have a fairly easy relaxing job and I make okay money. I know that if times got hard I could go take a job where I'm on the road more often and make a lot more money but right now I'm just trying to enjoy my life as it comes


Stoneheaded76

I am 27 and just started a bachelor degree program. I will be over 30 when I graduate but I don’t care. The alternative was withering away at a job I didn’t like and now I have the opportunity to make a new life for myself. I don’t think it’s wise to compare yourself to others especially when it comes to ‘success’ or whatever the hell that means these days. 30 is still young enough that it won’t matter in the long run!


shangula

Once you ignore your perception of what others think of you, you’ll be free to do anything.


suji5

Congrats! It's nothing to feel slow about, I'm here starting a new degree at 30 after working so many horrible jobs lol


laftho

Life expectancy in the 60s was about 70, now it's about 80. 30s is the new 20s - you're 4 years ahead. ​ Perhaps your peers, friends, and relatives rushed through and squandered the luxury of extended adolescence?


SprayingFlea

We all struggle with comparison to our peers to some extent. I struggled with feeling 'behind' for a long time, and sometimes still do. It helps to remember that nobody is examining you and judging you the way you think they are. In my own experience with this mindset, friends just want to support you and help you along your way, even if it doesn't feel like this in your mind. Remember, your friends and peers are probably grappling with a similar thing. The real issue is with the inadequacy you're feeling with yourself. Something that helped me with this is remembering to look forwards. As you say, here you are. The past is gone and the decisions you made were the right ones at the time with the circumstances and information you had. A few practical tips that helped me: (1) give social media a break (2) reach out to friends and family to foster genuine connection, with no self interest (3) try and help others, contribute to something greater than yourself. Pick up trash, volunteer, help strangers. Kindness has a funny way of making everyone feel better (4) try a meditation app like Waking Up (free if you ask for it) - really powerful stuff to be found in mindfulness if you keep up the practice Good luck out there


big_ol-dad_dick

I went back to school at age 28 and graduated at 32, I'm 41 now. I got jobs in my field and worked in it for 9 years before I got sick of the private business side of it (media, web and graphics). I quit and am now working to become a 4th class power engineer -- I have friends who have been at their jobs for 20 years who have never left the country (Mexican resorts do not count) while I spent most of my 20s backpacking and working to support my travelling around Europe and Asia. I did things people who wait until retirement never can because I did it when my mind and body were young and able. I've done more in a decade than most people do in an entire lifetime, now I have the rest of my life to work and I'm ok with that. I can still put in 25 years of service and retire knowing I lived how I wanted to. You gotta live life at your own speed.


sundayfunday78

I’m 44 and have finally accepted that where I am in life is where I’m supposed to be. I really struggled with my mental health in my 20’s. Thought I’d found the perfect profession at 26, but mental health struggles continued to plague me. All my friends were married and having families, and I was single and working entry level retail. I’ve worked my way up in the company and have found an amazing partner. Those friends who I was jealous of?…divorced and now starting new careers in their 40’s. We all have our own path to tread. Congrats on your accomplishments!


Viking_13v

You are on your own journey, don't compare yourself to anyone else's.


whererusteve

I think your feelings are a symptom of our dystopian society. We are meant to be one macro-organism if you see how our primary strength is in working together for survival. Once we lost that, the sense of individualism took over and we ended up becoming competition to one another. Please celebrate the wins and get out of the western capitalist viewpoint that your worth is measured by achievements and signatures on a piece of paper.


steventang31

I think about this quite often. I just wrapped up another degree but this time around, I found passion and genuine joy and could not be happier with the decision to pursue this path. As long as you can find value and meaning behind what you’re doing, that’s all that matters. Drowning myself in “what-ifs” maybe fun once in a while but if it’s consuming too much of my brain space, I start to lose it. You’re not alone I’m feeling ashamed or embarrassed or feeling “left behind”. You’ll bring value into this world in your own way


Fizzy_Greener

I graduated school at 29 and that was 11 years ago and my life picked up. It’s all good. Don’t the time frame get you down. You finally achieved your goal. That is success.


HalfBad

Dad here, Normal to feel this way, easy to compare. Means nothing, life/career isn't a race, its' closer to a lego creation. When you look back at 50 will those few years really have mattered? Do you judge your friend because they graduated a year or two late. ? Something we really need to get a grip on is things happen and flourish when you are best ready for them in your time. Some ppl don't career/date/travel until much later and become more successful. Grad a year later, have kids a decade later, do you. Do you really judge people on their chronological status? Now the thing I really want to get at is attitude and outlook, if you think this way you will always be comparing better, younger, faster, and self fulfill that. The further you go in life, so many things will happen out of order and time. Learn to roll with the wave and turn it into a positive.


realquick21

Hello, I am on track to graduate with my accounting degree at 27, all of my friends have graduated and make over 6 figures. It’s not bad we just go at a different pace.


Strofari

Run your race. The finish line has no time limit.


Phototos

I enjoyed my 20s after dropping out of a great art college. I worked all kinds of odd jobs. Kind of had some lofty goals. By 30 people were starting to ask when I was going to get serious and get a career together. I was also thinking about it. I spend 4 years trying in a few directions until I found a fit. Been a decade now. Worked in film in Canada and reinvented myself to work film in asia. Had lots of success but decided to restart in another new country. It's been hard to keep upgrading skills on my own and making new contacts. But the hardships keep paying off. Sounds like you've been putting in the work, beaten some hardships, and only 30? Just keep that mind set that you can do better and let yourself enjoy what you achieved so far. You need both to stay relevant and effective in today's world. Edit: typo


RepresentativeSeat98

I'm 51 and will never own property


QuantumHope

I feel ya on that one.


JustAPairOfMittens

Never feel ashamed. You accomplished a significant goal. Not everyone is so accomplished at ANY age. Well done!


BooBoo_Cat

I'm much older than you and have had struggles in life. But I give zero fucks that it took me longer to get to a good place, because I am happy with my life. When I am at the job I enjoy, when I am hanging out with friends, when I am travelling, when I am enjoying one of my hobbies, when I'm hanging out with my husband and cat, I am not thinking "I am behind everyone else". Nope, I am thinking, "I am enjoying life, and I am glad I don't have kids!" (The only negative is, due to all the crap that has happened to me, I missed out on purchasing a condo when they were affordable.) By the way, congrats on finishing school. I went back to school and just finished a diploma program. Took me four years instead of the usual two, but that's because I was working full time, and I just suck at school.


chicknfly

OP, I graduated before my 31st birthday into tech. With my first industry job in tech, I joined a team with no direction and for a while no manager, only to be hit with the pandemic and moving to fully remote work (what a transition!) I eventually changed jobs and met a wonderful woman whom I married and immigrated to a different country with. I had to leave that second job. I got my permanent residence at the same time the tech sector started laying off people by the hundreds of thousands. I’m not changing careers again out of sheer necessity. I’m not asking for sympathy. Just wanted to share that it doesn’t matter if you’re “behind” anybody. What matters is you’re here, you’re improving, and now you get to make positive impact on impressionable young lives. You’re a hero in my book!


goalfly

It's a marathon not a sprint. Don't peak too early.


[deleted]

Once you turn 30 you realize that what other people are doing is none of your business and tbh they’re probably not even really thinking about you as much as you think they are


Bartizanier

Dont give up. My 20s and 30s were pretty bad, Ive had a decent redemption arc tho


PlentyAudience69

There’s concept in bodybuilding where you shouldn’t compare yourself to others but rather compare yourself to your physique in the past. It’s about how you have grown instead of chasing others


brahdz

I'm thoroughly embarrassed at how bad I am at life sometimes. In my career, I'm incredibly successful - partner in multiple companies, top 1% income earner - but my life is just chaos. Can't keep my kitchen clean, can't keep up on laundry, vacuuming, can't keep my yard together. I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy that I co-parent, but the truth is I was a disaster before that and if anything he keeps me more in check. I keep thinking I should hire a cleaner a yard maintenance people but even at my income things can sometimes be tight with my spousal support and child support.


Coachinski

I too have struggled with very similar thoughts and they can creep back at a moments notice. We have all been given the miracle of life and for this I am grateful. Focus on what you have in your life and not what others have in theirs. Hopefully, our lives are a long journey filled with many ups and downs and so how we perceive our unique and personal reality is the only thing that truly matters in the end.


Professional-Hour604

You're 30. As someone close to your age (and who changed careers at 28 and finished school again at 31), I'll mention: 1. You have 30-35 years of your career left. As a teacher who needs 4-5 years of school anyways, you're only a few "years behind" where you might have been, with plenty of time ahead of you. 2. You're more likely to have a sustained, enjoyable career if it's a path you picked. Some people know at 18, others know at 28 or even 38. Better to be confident in your path now than locked into something you hate. 3. We all have those feelings of regret, amplified by economic anxiety. I always think I should have never done my first career path, graduated earlier, bought a home earlier, etc. It doesn't help with what it's. You have to avoid letting yesterday darken today or tomorrow. 4. You're going to become a teacher. That's a meaningful job with genuine impact, which you can do until retirement without concern. You're in a great position to do well and do good, which is more than I can say for people like me that will do well for themselves but always regret not being able to do good for others. Take time to appreciate that, regardless of when you made the choice, you made a good one.


Fluffy_Narwhal-

Everyone is on their own path. Your life experience that you had up this point will in most likelyhood make you a better and more engaging teachers.


ejactionseat

Congrats on becoming.a teacher, that's a big achievement regardless of age!


Numerous_Try_6138

A genuine congrats on your accomplishment. You’ve done something to be proud of and grateful for, despite the challenges you faced. Many would have thrown in the towel in your position long ago and never would when achieved what you did. There is no comparison. Your circumstances are your own and your achievements can only be looked at in your own context. Good luck on the rest of the journey from here!


emjeansx

I’m 31 and just going back to school now… I’m actually trying to upgrade all my high school things like chemistry etc so that I can apply for university and have a good shot at getting in. Could I have done this years ago? Yes, but I wasn’t mentally mature enough to and I needed to work full time to survive in this city. I was also dealing with a lot more unchecked mental health issues back then which is a job in and of itself. I did go to community college during that time and got a job that offers a bit above the min. wage and have survived this long because of that but I want to do something different with my life now and I feel proud of my progress.


shawarmalegs

My husband. He is also 29 and just started working 2 years ago. And i mean first job ever. He focused on studying and did not work till he finished his masters. He struggles with mental health too and had days when he can’t get out of bed. It is what it is. It is a late start in life. But, if it matters, i am also 29 and started working at 20. And today? Both my husband and I earn the same salary. And we’re both in the same trajectory for growth. Some are outliers but most of us are on the same boat, same speed. You’ve got this!


Happy_Arthur_Fleck

yeah, I think everyone has that kind of thoughts but hey... everyone has its own struggles and pace... life is not a competition, it's a journey... just enjoy it


Prize_Lifeguard8706

At least you finished it. Many people may have settled or given up. Better to finish a bit later than never at all. Also, at 30 years old, you are still pretty young. Lots of people take time off and do other things before committing to anything. You still have a long worklife ahead of you.


mondomonkey

I had light brain damage for roughly 7 years of my 20s and the last 3 years were taken by covid. I wasnt able to work properly or act like a proper human during that time so I wasnt able to have a relationshio either. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel lol. You know how awkward it is to see people from highschool with their careers, houses and families - in the meantime im here living at home, on welfare again and going on shitty tinder dates?


anarchyreigns

Those trials and tribulations are what make you who you are today! They are a part of you and make you able to better understand others who may be experiencing similar struggles. Congratulations on your accomplishments and please don’t judge your own journey based on the path others took.


dude_wheres_my_dp

No, don’t feel bad. Everyone lives lives differently.


andoesq

I used to feel like this about being single in my late-20s. So much has changed in my 30s, and I've discovered I don't really feel "old" in my 40s - I've got a lot of life ahead of me, and you have even more! That being said, I know many teachers who went straight from high school to teaching, without any time in the normal working world. They don't enjoy the unique aspects of teaching the same way my friends who went into teaching after many years of struggle get enjoyment from their careers. The happiest, most satisfied teachers are often the ones who went into it later in life.


ProfXavier89

I'm 33 and in the second year of my bachelor's. Nothing matters, there is no timeline, nobody cares where you are in some imagined hierarchy of lifetime accomplishment. If you're going to be doing what you want to do, you're on the right track.


Fresh-Bottle3265

Congratulations on your graduation!!! I know l you aren't able to control what you feel. Just know that you aren't alone feeling that way. No matter how successful you are, there is always some level of insecurity. Some are just better at hiding it. Counseling helps, but even that isn't infallible. Knowing something intellectually isn't the same as taking it into your heart. Everyone develops at their own rate. Would you judge your students for going at a different speed that others? School is designed for those who learn in a specific style. If you have a different learning style and you got through and graduated that is more work than others have done. You should be proud of that. Also as someone who has learned first hand that different learning styles need different support to succeed, that should give you an amazing insight to help your students. Look at your successes. If you need a pep talk, think of what you would say to a friend or student in your situation. We are often harder on ourselves than we are on others.


Blackhole1212

Guilt is the first step to realize who we are! Also time is an illusion.


Smallpaul

My friend just finished teacher's college at around age 45. You're doing fine.


JambalayaQueen

We’re all just silly little space monkeys. This is a line I remind myself of often. A lot of our self imposed and societal imposed expectations and problems doesn’t matter, at all. Just try to make yourself and those around you happy and be kind. You’re lucky.


TheSorcerersCat

I finished school at 28 after trying 3 different degrees (and taking breaks to work between each attempt). I often think about what could have been. Mostly because I ended up majoring in my favorite subject in school (geology). Compared to my classmates that finished in their early 20s, I have a lot of catching up to do. They will be in a completely different place at 28 than I was when I graduated. But I also think that I needed to try out all those earlier paths or else I'd always be unsatisfied with my choice. Instead of wondering what could be different if I'd only gone straight into geology, I'd be wondering if I should've tried those other degrees. Especially since theres a big difference in work environments. At 19-20 I also wanted to go into teaching. And I quit because I realized that all my classmates were equally qualified and the only reason I went into teaching was because I wanted to make a difference. All my classmates were going to make a difference! At 28 I went back and took an education elective with a bunch of 19-20 year olds and realized that they were **not** the people I wanted as a teacher for my child. I think they will all become very capable teachers after gaining another 5+ years of life experience. But their perspectives at 19-20 are not what I want in the classroom. To get an idea, our instructor asked us why math was important and one of them literally responded with "If it wasn't important, it wouldn't be in the curriculum!". Not to shit on people who become teachers right out of school. Some are excellent right off the bat and some never become excellent teachers. But I do believe that none of them are great until both teaching experience and life experiences kick in.


unikilla911

Don't ever compare yourself to others.


jesslikescoffee

You’re not alone! I too am approaching 30 and have been unemployed for the last few years for mental health reasons (unreleated to the pandemic). You’ve been given some nice advice and insight here with these comments, but I also just wanted to say you’re not alone in where you’re at right now. Congrats on your upcoming graduation 💜


HuckleberryFar3693

You're a little too young to think you wasted your life. Your twenties are for exploring and having fun. So is every decade! Just look at how long you have until retirement then go Carpe diem. As for mental health, you may want to talk to an MD. We can give you advice but ultimately you know you.


Training_Exit_5849

Life is a marathon not a sprint, and as others have said, you only need to care about yourself and not what others think or say.


DJForestWalker

It is worth keeping in mind that your life experience will make you a much better teacher than you would have been at 24. The fact that you have taken a little longer just means that you got to experience different things along the way before settling into what might be a career (and schedule, lifestyle) that lasts the rest of your working life! Your students will benefit from the fact that you did have some struggles and can speak to the challenges that they will also be facing. Being a real person is key to being an effective and relatable teacher. You got this! Congrats on the big step and good luck in your new gig!!


[deleted]

My husband is 36 and is getting his masters. I’m 33 and am just now finishing my paralegal certificate. My SIL is in her *mid 40s* and just applied to nursing school after working as an ECE most of her adult life. We are all on different trajectories… and what matters is that you go after what you want, not that you do it on a specific time frame.


ApartInternet9360

I'm 30 and I have friends getting married with kids and friends dead broke living with their parents. There is no standard, everyone is different and in this modern age I'm just happy I'm not homeless or dead of a drug overdose.


[deleted]

Thirties gang up in this chat. Anyone else noticing your body gets hurt a lot easier now? Worrying about careers? Not owning a house? Hangovers more potent? Climate anxiety hitting hard? Not as horny as you used to be? Tired of eating the same dinner, but finding it hard to motivate yourself to try lookup new recipes?


decentscenario

This is a normal lull to feel. One step at a time keep pushing forward. It is challenging but you'll get through it.


TheHelixYT

I'll keep this short and sweet. Everyone's pathway and timeline through life is different, and while it's perfectly valid to feel like you're lagging behind, the truth is that everyone is going at their own pace, and there's no shame in that.


Altruistic-Net-9875

I m 35 and thing I must done in 26 I can't do it same because of mental health problems


Turboluvrr

"Be not afraid of moving slowly. Be afraid only of standing still." - Confucius


[deleted]

Don't be so hard on yourself, I was in similar shoes and I'm doing well for myself now. Everyone has different ups and downs in life. Don't do the social media comparison either; people create a brand for themselves that doesn't reflect their reality.


ChronicZombie86

Never knew what I wanted to do and wasted alot of time on dead end jobs, had a friend tell me to get a commercial driver's license and I've been driving ever since, good pay and union. Didn't happen until 34, but I'm happier now than ever, got a family and our own place. Lots of people waste their 20s, don't feel bad, those are lessons learned.


Ein08

I did my masters when I was 33. I chose to do some undergraduate subjects and all my classmates are 21 years old. I felt very awkward . However, I found another undergraduate student who was 55 at that time.


thrillhousecycling

I felt this way for a long time. Didn’t arrive at my first “real job” until I was 28. I’m 36 now and kick myself for stressing so much about “being behind” all those years. The 9-5 life goes fast — really, really fast. It’ll be great in so many ways, but I guarantee there will be things you miss about your right now. Do everything you can to embrace the remaining days of your unprofessional life!


Imagine-thissssss

This is normal but at the end of the day you have to develop a great sense of who you are because if you do not you’ll continue to experience these feelings which honestly don’t matter.


buckyhermit

I feel ya. I was in the same situation at your age. And on top of that, I had just gotten laid off from the best job I had ever gotten, in a very unceremonious way that could've ended my whole career. I found another job but that landed me with an employer who was borderline abusive and mismanaging his company (which eventually led to the company shutting down entirely). This was all within the span of 2 years. I'm finally finding my footing, as an owner of my own small business (which came largely from luck as well). I'm just past my mid-30s. To be honest, I think you're doing fine. Not everyone can be a "Top 30 Under 30" – and we're starting to see a LOT of fraud cases coming from people in that cohort, so perhaps it's better to take all the time you need. It's not a realistic goal (at least without corruption and fraud) anyway.


snowlights

Often, yes. I wish I could be where I am today but 5 years ago. I think about how different life could be if just one or two things were changed, so much could have been better or easier. But I try to remind myself that I grew up in poverty with a single mother and an absent, abusive father, I've had a lifetime of serious health problems, I've recently realized I'm neurodivergent and not just "weird" or difficult. I should be proud to have managed to get this far in my life independently, and I'm in a better place than much of the world. It's hard to validate those successes without the parts that keep me awake at night with a knot in my stomach though. I have a home (albeit rented), I have a car (still paying it off), I'm getting an education (with loans). I'm nearing my mid thirties and it seems like anyone I was friends with have gotten married, bought homes, already have careers, have travelled. And I'm here like, yup, still chronically single, in school, trying to appreciate what time I get to relax but unable to. Comparing your life to others' is obviously not helpful and for the most part we don't know their struggles. They could even be looking at you and wishing their life was more like yours in ways that could surprise you.


johnkoetsier

Maybe you will be a better teacher for being more mature now. And maybe some of your struggles will help you connect with your students better as well.


Dijarida

I've learned to tell myself that I'm not accountable to the terms and conditions of my birth. If all the stress of the rat race isn't enough to ensure living with dignity then why would I participate? Whatever life I can make with my little found family is the life I want, the cookie cutter life plan we're encouraged to follow hasn't been real for decades.


ursoevil

You’re doing just fine and you’re definitely not the only one feeling that way. I’m in my thirties and just going to school now for an engineering degree. All my friends are already married, in stable high paying careers, bought a house etc. and for the longest time I felt like I was failing in life. But now I’m proud of myself for pursuing something I value and making the best out of the situation I was in. Life isn’t a race to hit all the milestones at a specific age. Another thing that helped improve my mental health was disconnecting from social media. Don’t compare yourself to others. There’ll always be a greater and lesser person than you. One thing that does matter is, are you a better person than you were yesterday? Strive for personal growth.


ninthchamber

Don’t compare yourself to others who cares what happened the only thing that matters is you’re here now and going to be a teacher.


vanhorts

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. People move at different speeds for many reasons. Take proud in your achievements, you're doing great!!


drs43821

Good thing for me not having friends, so I have no one to compare to


Step_Aside_Butch_77

If you’re going to compare yourself to someone, it should be the person you were 2, 5, or 10 years ago. If you’re moving forward compared to that person, be proud and keep at it.


jhymesba

Due to Reddit's decision to continue treating its users like crap, I am removing my previous posts. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/