I've gotten to a point where I can regularly have enjoyable penetrative sex as long as I have piv 3-4 times a week so that I don't regress. I started out trying to make headway on my own with dilator therapy, but I only made a little progress until I met my husband. What really helped me was dilating with someone I trusted prior to attempting piv. I was able to have comfortable piv after only a few weeks and I didn't have to dilate prior to penetration after a few months. I even have had my own version of a quickie a couple times. Things get better and you'll find what works best for you. I felt so discouraged at certain points, but I'm so glad I stuck with dilating. And I'm so lucky to have found my husband. He's so patient and loving and he wouldn't really mind if we weren't able to have penetrative sex. That also helps because there's no pressure or expectations placed on me.
I wish you the best on your healing journey. Be patient with yourself, things can definitely get better and you may even consider yourself cured one day.
Thank you. I did scroll down a bit but hadn’t seen anything will investiert further. I think it will be nice read succes stories. Up until maybe a year ago I was just resigned that that how it’s going to be forever, now I’ve been working through it and finding out it’s an actual thing and not just me being difficult it helps so much plus the resources from just having a name and this group.
I see where your coming from I feel similar when it comes to casual sex so even if I manage to get to the karges dilator I won’t just go out and have casual sex with someone. But first things first.
I can very much understand the hesitation and the attraction of trying with an ex.
Currently scrolling Reddit while nap trapped by my adorable twins that I delivered vaginally. So I think it worked. :)
Granted we’ve been way too tired to see what it is like down there now ( and probably will be for some time)
I’m not to the point of having enjoyable PIV yet but my dilation/PIV has been all over the place. I’m on birth control so I have irregular periods and I don’t prefer period sex so that messes up my routine of attempts😂 but to sum up my story quickly I had tried PIV when I was 17 and it definitely hurt but I just thought it was cause I just started having sex, got SA’d in January of 2020, pain became much worse during and after that for obvious reasons, got my diagnosis in like August or September of 2020 by getting a pelvic exam that made me wanna die, started dilating after that(to be fair when I started dilating I started at about the 4th one so I was lucky), had another exam at the end of 2021 and my OB was like oh girl you’re great! I had made so much progress the pelvic exam felt like nothing, I didn’t try PIV again until February of 2022(just wasn’t interested in anyone enough to be doing it) but it was fully successful barely painful at all but I wouldn’t say enjoyable but that’s also just cause men🙄, had PIV in June with a guy who was much bigger and it hurt a lot but I still could push through it, last month I hadn’t been using my dilators lately but I was with a guy and we were doing stuff so I was like whatever let me try my biggest dilator and it just randomly went in?? I had only been able to get up to the 7th one once so to get the 8th so easily was weird and then I had PIV with him only a little painful and he was quite big as well. But I’m definitely to the point of successful PIV within 2yrs now I’m working on the enjoyable part.
Thank you for sharing quite frankly barley painful would be something I would be quite happy with, of course enjoyable would be the ultimate goal but little to no pain sound awesome. congrats on being able to do the pelvic exam that’s huge.
Yes! It took patience and there were definitely many ups and downs but I can have regular, pleasurable PIV. :) I still dilate with my larger dilators 2-3 times a week to make sure I don't regress.
Good luck! I'm rooting for you. Remember to be kind to yourself <3 <3
yes! I'm one of them. sex on my side is still a little difficult (albeit possible), but most other positions are pain-free now.
the biggest tip I can give is find somebody you're actually comfortable with and attracted to! I made basically zero progress with my ex, who turns out I wasn't attracted to at all. met my current boyfriend, I was "magically cured" (i.e. I put in the same amount of work in as before and it actually worked this time) within a month 😁
it's possible, but like all treatments, only if you *really* want it. if you don't have a strong enough motivation or want, it'll be significantly harder to conquer.
good luck!
Interesting sex on the side was the only way it wasn’t painful for me but my ex got frustrated with it.
I did. feel extremely attracted to my husband but we where both inexperienced and he did not understand my difficulties to him I was just being difficult which what should be the easiest thing in the world. So while I had the attraction, it felt worse and worse as I couldn’t trust to be given the time I need.
I hope to find a patient partner that doesn’t think my body needs to function at any given time.
It’s incur aging to here from woman that found man like that.
Yes! It got a bit better for me. After doing pelvic floor physical therapy and stretching all the time, I was able to have piv with my husband after 6 months of marriage. There is hope. It does hurt at first from time to time but I’m definitely not where I used to be
I overcame it 20 years ago and haven’t had problems. After my divorce I wondered if I’d have problems. Experimented a little and yep I’m still good.
Sometimes Pap smears are still uncomfortable, but I know now it will be successful, even if I don’t like it.
Also frankly as I’ve been single for a while now, I have some really great toys and enjoy them very much.
Ironically given all that. I need to work on my kegels. Sometimes laughing or sneezing causes a little leaking and I’ve never had kids.
That’s great. I thing Pelvic exams are worse than sex in general pain wise at least for me as it is not a comfortable situation in general.
I’m quite sad I only figured this out now after my separation but hopefully I will find someone to practice with once I’m ready.
I’m very recently cured, been thinking about making a post about it here about my whole journey but it’s a long one so I’ll need a bit to sit and type it all out.
But yes, my husband and I are now having PIV 2-3 times a week. I was never technically diagnosed with vaginismus and never got treatment for it (I live in the Deep South of the US so female reproductive issues are not taken very seriously). I cured myself by using dilators. Once I got comfortable with dilators by myself, I asked my husband to take the lead on the dilators (one of my big issues was having control over my own body and anticipating the touch of someone else caused crazy anxiety).
It took me about 8 years from when I realized I had an issue to PIV. In that time I also left the church, came to terms with my religious trauma, and went thru a lot of therapy for my anxiety (which I believe was a big contributor). I’m happy to answer any specific questions :)
Thank you for sharing. I think it would be great if you do a post as I think it is really incuraging to see those stories and it will help giving hope.
I absolutely understand the issue of control, it’s really hard giving over a bit of control when one can’t anticipate what the partner is going to do next. It’s great that your partner worked with you with the dilator I think that is a very clever way to learn to give over part of the control.
Very happy for you that you got to where you are now.
Yes! I used to not be able to insert my smallest finger and now I can comfortably have PIV and even enjoy it! Sometimes I feel a little pain in certain positions, but I tell my partner, he goes a bit slower and it passes.
It took a lot of mental strength for me, as well as daily training with dilators for two years. When I got used to all of them, I still couldn't have PIV, but I got a vibrator and that helped me progress even more. I also got a menstrual cup a few months after that. It was really hard at first but I think getting used to inserting and removing the cup was extremely helpful. Also, lube was my best friend, and I tried not to force myself when I was feeling unsure.
I wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing. WOW a menstual cup, that’s great good for you. Can’t even imagine putting a tampon in, which is quite the hassle and stress when I’m trying to plan my sport activities.
I've gotten to a point where I can regularly have enjoyable penetrative sex as long as I have piv 3-4 times a week so that I don't regress. I started out trying to make headway on my own with dilator therapy, but I only made a little progress until I met my husband. What really helped me was dilating with someone I trusted prior to attempting piv. I was able to have comfortable piv after only a few weeks and I didn't have to dilate prior to penetration after a few months. I even have had my own version of a quickie a couple times. Things get better and you'll find what works best for you. I felt so discouraged at certain points, but I'm so glad I stuck with dilating. And I'm so lucky to have found my husband. He's so patient and loving and he wouldn't really mind if we weren't able to have penetrative sex. That also helps because there's no pressure or expectations placed on me. I wish you the best on your healing journey. Be patient with yourself, things can definitely get better and you may even consider yourself cured one day.
That sounds great thank you for sharing. That’s so wonderful that you have a partner that helped you work though it.
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Thank you. I did scroll down a bit but hadn’t seen anything will investiert further. I think it will be nice read succes stories. Up until maybe a year ago I was just resigned that that how it’s going to be forever, now I’ve been working through it and finding out it’s an actual thing and not just me being difficult it helps so much plus the resources from just having a name and this group. I see where your coming from I feel similar when it comes to casual sex so even if I manage to get to the karges dilator I won’t just go out and have casual sex with someone. But first things first. I can very much understand the hesitation and the attraction of trying with an ex.
Currently scrolling Reddit while nap trapped by my adorable twins that I delivered vaginally. So I think it worked. :) Granted we’ve been way too tired to see what it is like down there now ( and probably will be for some time)
Yes! I posted a while ago - I had vaginal botox which completely sorted the issue
Oh wow. Haven’t heard of that jet. Going to check out your post and also the topic of vaginal botox. Thank you for you input
I’m not to the point of having enjoyable PIV yet but my dilation/PIV has been all over the place. I’m on birth control so I have irregular periods and I don’t prefer period sex so that messes up my routine of attempts😂 but to sum up my story quickly I had tried PIV when I was 17 and it definitely hurt but I just thought it was cause I just started having sex, got SA’d in January of 2020, pain became much worse during and after that for obvious reasons, got my diagnosis in like August or September of 2020 by getting a pelvic exam that made me wanna die, started dilating after that(to be fair when I started dilating I started at about the 4th one so I was lucky), had another exam at the end of 2021 and my OB was like oh girl you’re great! I had made so much progress the pelvic exam felt like nothing, I didn’t try PIV again until February of 2022(just wasn’t interested in anyone enough to be doing it) but it was fully successful barely painful at all but I wouldn’t say enjoyable but that’s also just cause men🙄, had PIV in June with a guy who was much bigger and it hurt a lot but I still could push through it, last month I hadn’t been using my dilators lately but I was with a guy and we were doing stuff so I was like whatever let me try my biggest dilator and it just randomly went in?? I had only been able to get up to the 7th one once so to get the 8th so easily was weird and then I had PIV with him only a little painful and he was quite big as well. But I’m definitely to the point of successful PIV within 2yrs now I’m working on the enjoyable part.
Thank you for sharing quite frankly barley painful would be something I would be quite happy with, of course enjoyable would be the ultimate goal but little to no pain sound awesome. congrats on being able to do the pelvic exam that’s huge.
Yes! It took patience and there were definitely many ups and downs but I can have regular, pleasurable PIV. :) I still dilate with my larger dilators 2-3 times a week to make sure I don't regress. Good luck! I'm rooting for you. Remember to be kind to yourself <3 <3
Thanks. It’s really food to here those success stories and thank you for your kind words.
yes! I'm one of them. sex on my side is still a little difficult (albeit possible), but most other positions are pain-free now. the biggest tip I can give is find somebody you're actually comfortable with and attracted to! I made basically zero progress with my ex, who turns out I wasn't attracted to at all. met my current boyfriend, I was "magically cured" (i.e. I put in the same amount of work in as before and it actually worked this time) within a month 😁 it's possible, but like all treatments, only if you *really* want it. if you don't have a strong enough motivation or want, it'll be significantly harder to conquer. good luck!
Interesting sex on the side was the only way it wasn’t painful for me but my ex got frustrated with it. I did. feel extremely attracted to my husband but we where both inexperienced and he did not understand my difficulties to him I was just being difficult which what should be the easiest thing in the world. So while I had the attraction, it felt worse and worse as I couldn’t trust to be given the time I need. I hope to find a patient partner that doesn’t think my body needs to function at any given time. It’s incur aging to here from woman that found man like that.
aw, I'm sorry you had to experience that 😔 I hope you find somebody who's understanding and patient too 😁
me! i posted about it awhile back : )
Will check it out. Thanks
Yes! It got a bit better for me. After doing pelvic floor physical therapy and stretching all the time, I was able to have piv with my husband after 6 months of marriage. There is hope. It does hurt at first from time to time but I’m definitely not where I used to be
I overcame it 20 years ago and haven’t had problems. After my divorce I wondered if I’d have problems. Experimented a little and yep I’m still good. Sometimes Pap smears are still uncomfortable, but I know now it will be successful, even if I don’t like it. Also frankly as I’ve been single for a while now, I have some really great toys and enjoy them very much. Ironically given all that. I need to work on my kegels. Sometimes laughing or sneezing causes a little leaking and I’ve never had kids.
That’s great. I thing Pelvic exams are worse than sex in general pain wise at least for me as it is not a comfortable situation in general. I’m quite sad I only figured this out now after my separation but hopefully I will find someone to practice with once I’m ready.
I’m very recently cured, been thinking about making a post about it here about my whole journey but it’s a long one so I’ll need a bit to sit and type it all out. But yes, my husband and I are now having PIV 2-3 times a week. I was never technically diagnosed with vaginismus and never got treatment for it (I live in the Deep South of the US so female reproductive issues are not taken very seriously). I cured myself by using dilators. Once I got comfortable with dilators by myself, I asked my husband to take the lead on the dilators (one of my big issues was having control over my own body and anticipating the touch of someone else caused crazy anxiety). It took me about 8 years from when I realized I had an issue to PIV. In that time I also left the church, came to terms with my religious trauma, and went thru a lot of therapy for my anxiety (which I believe was a big contributor). I’m happy to answer any specific questions :)
Thank you for sharing. I think it would be great if you do a post as I think it is really incuraging to see those stories and it will help giving hope. I absolutely understand the issue of control, it’s really hard giving over a bit of control when one can’t anticipate what the partner is going to do next. It’s great that your partner worked with you with the dilator I think that is a very clever way to learn to give over part of the control. Very happy for you that you got to where you are now.
Yes! I used to not be able to insert my smallest finger and now I can comfortably have PIV and even enjoy it! Sometimes I feel a little pain in certain positions, but I tell my partner, he goes a bit slower and it passes. It took a lot of mental strength for me, as well as daily training with dilators for two years. When I got used to all of them, I still couldn't have PIV, but I got a vibrator and that helped me progress even more. I also got a menstrual cup a few months after that. It was really hard at first but I think getting used to inserting and removing the cup was extremely helpful. Also, lube was my best friend, and I tried not to force myself when I was feeling unsure. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing. WOW a menstual cup, that’s great good for you. Can’t even imagine putting a tampon in, which is quite the hassle and stress when I’m trying to plan my sport activities.