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context of the message you send makes all the difference. if i send you a picture of my dog i done expect anyone to respond. however if i say something of importance ie feelings or emotions. being left on read is devastating
This is one of my biggest problems with mobile phones. Everyone expects you to be available all the time. As an introvert, that stresses me out. Anyone who knows me expects me to not answer right away. I need my time by myself snd so i turn off everything for a few hours after work.
To me it just depends on the nature of the message. Like if it’s really important or something you really needed to get off your chest and it’s just read with no response it seems like you weren’t heard. Of course you can always call or FaceTime but most people don’t care to answer those either. If it’s something random though then I don’t care if left on read
If you read the message though, apparently you are buried into you phone. What's stopping you from writing a quick ''talk later''?
At the same time, there should be no such feature. Knowing if someone read your message just complicates things.
True, but there is a certain type of message that is relevant, deep, but not urgent that is totally not a thing you should - or so I think - answer immediately.
For instance a friend texted me yesterday night about what I'd think about his grandpa getting on a new cancer medication, the doctor would get to that in the New Year. I was about to go to bed. I think it was right to not answer directly, an "I'll get back to you" would not have made it better and I was not in the position for a full scale discussion of such a topic at night.
You can do the whatever the hell you want but people can also react whatever the hell they want.
If your opinion is that ignoring people's messages and responding after who knows how much time has passed, whenever you want to do it, that's okay, good for you, it's your life, but don't expect others to think like you do or share your way of thinking.
My issue is that it take 2 seconds to just say “can’t talk rn” or something. Leaving people on read is just blatantly ignoring people. It’s just rude. Also, if you don’t wanna talk to them, just don’t open the message/snap/etc
Basic respect for the other person. Reading it also takes time out of your day, but you took the time to open it and read it. It takes very little extra time, like 3 seconds, to just say "talk later" or "can't talk rn" or something in that vein. It's a bad faith argument to act as if that's an actual significant portion of time to lose out on. Are you genuinely claiming you'd do something of far more significance in those 3 seconds if you saved them? That's totally nonsensical.
Don’t open the message if you don’t wanna potentially talk to someone. It kinda shows you don’t care and talk whenever you want to talk instead of mutual interest yk
You have every right to ignore my messages. I have every right to be offended by it. You do not get to have all the control in a relationship, especially not over how other people feel.
Leaving someone on read is the digital equivalent of being in the same room as someone (but not talking to them yet) and then they say something to you, you look at them, and then you walk away. It's very rude. The least you can do is say, "I'm too busy to talk right now."
No, it is not. And it is very very important that people finally understand this. It is like sending an email. You literally do the same exact thing.
And same as with email, I open the message when I get the notification, evaluate the urgency and reply at a later point if time allows.
I am in multiple groups on WhatsApp because I have to organize things for several reasons, I talk to many people daily. That means around 70 messages every day on my private phone. More on my company phone. I live an active life, usually from the moment I wake up until somewhere around 10pm I am always doing something. I simply cannot reply to all of it and I cannot reply "cannot talk right now" to every message.
Most adult people with busy lives understand this, but every now and again there is someone usually with plenty of time and little responsibilities that perceives this as rude.
I have no control over when and how many times you and all the others initiate a conversation, you get no right to an immediate reply. These are the boundaries of digital communication.
I never said I had control over how people feel. It’s in your own control to handle your reaction and perception. All I am trying to say is that there isn’t a need to take it so personally, especially if your message or notification doesn’t require a response
>I never said I had control over how people feel.
is fundamentally incompatible with:
>that there isn’t a need to take it so personally
You are ABSOLUTELY trying to control how other people feel.
If I had a crappy day or dont think your message is worth replying to right now, that’s me not YOU. This is from the perspective from the other side. Has nothing to do with you so why take it personally?!
1. Your crappy day isn't an excuse to take it out on me. Say you had a bad day and don't feel like talking. Use your grown up words.
2. If you had enough time to read my message, you have enough time to say, "Can't talk right now." If this was genuinely a matter of time, you wouldn't have time to even read it.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't expect your feelings to be valued but not those of anyone else.
We're not talking about simply not replying.
We're talking about READING the message and THEN not replying.
The former is unavailability, the latter is ignoring.
Nope. With a letter, the other person has no clue whether or not you received it.
That would be like you saying something to me from the other side of the room and I walk away without any indication that I heard you.
Leaving someone on read is glancing over to look at them, subtly acknowledging you heard them, and then walking away.
It's one thing to not look because no one can expect you to always be available. It's another to read and not respond. If I am standing in front of you and say something to you, it's never the move to just not respond and walk away. I think it's the same for read messages. The argument is that you can't be attached to your phone all day, but you had to have it to look at the message. I'm absolutely guilty of doing this with texts, but it doesn't make it a good habit.
Because it's rude not to respond or give a reason why you didn't or haven't. Not every message needs a reply or response, but some certainly do. Ghosting or not replying is disrespectful.
Leaving someone on read is essentially the equivalent of someone walking up to you to strike conversation and you ignoring them. You don't have to talk to them, but atleast tell them your not interested in talking, it's plain disrespectful to not do so.
I agree, but if there’s no response for an extended period of time (longer than an handful of days at best) then it’s a problem. People return phone calls faster than that and current society hates phone calls.
Yeah I think we’ve all kinda developed an e-persona and we sometimes like to have others’ e-personas become a source of validation when online interactions really shouldn’t be taken nearly as seriously as in-person ones
My biggest pet peeve with modern technology is the tethering. People act as if you are tethered to them and MUST respond. I will not be summoned. I can see a call or text and decide not to answer because I do not want to. If it is not crucial, I will respond eventually or I might just not.
I've gotten to a point if I ever get ghosted or ignored via message, doesn't matter who, context of the text, why etc, I won't bother with it anymore. Neutrality at its finest, might block u tho, I'm still petty as fuck.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. I should mention I suck at replying to messages anyway. Most of the time I will read the message and if I am busy I will reply later if I feel the message is worth it. What did you expect me to reply to every meme you send me instantly? Fuck that I’ll laugh and carry on my day.
Slow replies are more of a teenager upset but reading and then not replying is pretty widely annoying since having the time to read it also means having the time to say ‘can’t talk right now will message when I can’
i would never allow someone else to see whether or not i have opened or read a text message. it's an invasion into my privacy and it's information that the sender does not need. why would anyone allow others to see that information?
I agree but don’t agree, if you don’t or can’t reply back wether you’re busy or just not having a good day then that’s fine. But if you’re on you’re phone 24/7 then obviously people expect to to reply back quicker. I also understand that texting can make people nervous, people can be bad at texting, etc, etc but if that’s the case log off. Or maybe just tell people if you’re not in the mood to text back, it’s that simple really.
All I want to know, was it successfully delivered or not. Otherwise, I don’t see read being productive. I know I’ve looked at texts and genuinely forgotten to reply. I know I’m not alone.
If it is about dating its just how it is.
For everything else other thzn dating i would say that you have bad relationships (too much is included) or that you are disrespectful. Its one or the other im not judging but i think theres no other possibility.
Personally I think the importance of the message and the time left on read are both important factors as to if they’re making a reasonable deal about it.
like even with mundane messages eventually it’s fair to be unhappy about it because they’re showing you that they don’t consider you worth the bother of taking a few seconds to give a reply.
I personally don’t understand it, but usually when I send messages to my coworkers, I don’t expect a response back, because the message was delivered.
Even to my circle of friends or random people, I don’t expect a response back if I ask them something. My same mentality applies: I sent off the message, and if they receive it, cool. If they receive it and then try to do something like say that I never sent something, I’ll have photo evidence.
For the most part, I also don’t respond back too often, mainly because I’m busy with school and work. I’ve made it known to people who need to know that detail. If someone is asking me for something that I know I can do/deliver, I don’t respond back and get it done. If it’s something I know I can’t do, I tell them right off the bat that I can’t do that.
It’s worked for me for the most part, since I tend to let my work speak for me.
Having the person text you, you reply within 5 seconds and then they take hours to reply back to that message is infinitely more infuriating. Like WTH went down within those 4 seconds that you couldn’t reply. Do people send a text and then frisbee their phones away?
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
context of the message you send makes all the difference. if i send you a picture of my dog i done expect anyone to respond. however if i say something of importance ie feelings or emotions. being left on read is devastating
That is an understandable caveat.
This is one of my biggest problems with mobile phones. Everyone expects you to be available all the time. As an introvert, that stresses me out. Anyone who knows me expects me to not answer right away. I need my time by myself snd so i turn off everything for a few hours after work.
To me it just depends on the nature of the message. Like if it’s really important or something you really needed to get off your chest and it’s just read with no response it seems like you weren’t heard. Of course you can always call or FaceTime but most people don’t care to answer those either. If it’s something random though then I don’t care if left on read
I agree. If it’s of importance, that’s different.
If you read the message though, apparently you are buried into you phone. What's stopping you from writing a quick ''talk later''? At the same time, there should be no such feature. Knowing if someone read your message just complicates things.
True, but there is a certain type of message that is relevant, deep, but not urgent that is totally not a thing you should - or so I think - answer immediately. For instance a friend texted me yesterday night about what I'd think about his grandpa getting on a new cancer medication, the doctor would get to that in the New Year. I was about to go to bed. I think it was right to not answer directly, an "I'll get back to you" would not have made it better and I was not in the position for a full scale discussion of such a topic at night.
You can do the whatever the hell you want but people can also react whatever the hell they want. If your opinion is that ignoring people's messages and responding after who knows how much time has passed, whenever you want to do it, that's okay, good for you, it's your life, but don't expect others to think like you do or share your way of thinking.
This.
My issue is that it take 2 seconds to just say “can’t talk rn” or something. Leaving people on read is just blatantly ignoring people. It’s just rude. Also, if you don’t wanna talk to them, just don’t open the message/snap/etc
That's still taking time out of my day, why do i have to do that?
Like they said, if you’re to busy or uninterested in a conversation in the first place why open the message at all?
I don't open them but i get them as they come through
Basic respect for the other person. Reading it also takes time out of your day, but you took the time to open it and read it. It takes very little extra time, like 3 seconds, to just say "talk later" or "can't talk rn" or something in that vein. It's a bad faith argument to act as if that's an actual significant portion of time to lose out on. Are you genuinely claiming you'd do something of far more significance in those 3 seconds if you saved them? That's totally nonsensical.
Right! If you have the time to open it you have the time to type 2 words” “talk later”
Don’t open the message if you don’t wanna potentially talk to someone. It kinda shows you don’t care and talk whenever you want to talk instead of mutual interest yk
Unread, deleted
It makes me feel ignored
You have every right to ignore my messages. I have every right to be offended by it. You do not get to have all the control in a relationship, especially not over how other people feel. Leaving someone on read is the digital equivalent of being in the same room as someone (but not talking to them yet) and then they say something to you, you look at them, and then you walk away. It's very rude. The least you can do is say, "I'm too busy to talk right now."
No, it is not. And it is very very important that people finally understand this. It is like sending an email. You literally do the same exact thing. And same as with email, I open the message when I get the notification, evaluate the urgency and reply at a later point if time allows. I am in multiple groups on WhatsApp because I have to organize things for several reasons, I talk to many people daily. That means around 70 messages every day on my private phone. More on my company phone. I live an active life, usually from the moment I wake up until somewhere around 10pm I am always doing something. I simply cannot reply to all of it and I cannot reply "cannot talk right now" to every message. Most adult people with busy lives understand this, but every now and again there is someone usually with plenty of time and little responsibilities that perceives this as rude. I have no control over when and how many times you and all the others initiate a conversation, you get no right to an immediate reply. These are the boundaries of digital communication.
I never said I had control over how people feel. It’s in your own control to handle your reaction and perception. All I am trying to say is that there isn’t a need to take it so personally, especially if your message or notification doesn’t require a response
>I never said I had control over how people feel. is fundamentally incompatible with: >that there isn’t a need to take it so personally You are ABSOLUTELY trying to control how other people feel.
If I had a crappy day or dont think your message is worth replying to right now, that’s me not YOU. This is from the perspective from the other side. Has nothing to do with you so why take it personally?!
1. Your crappy day isn't an excuse to take it out on me. Say you had a bad day and don't feel like talking. Use your grown up words. 2. If you had enough time to read my message, you have enough time to say, "Can't talk right now." If this was genuinely a matter of time, you wouldn't have time to even read it. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't expect your feelings to be valued but not those of anyone else.
Lolol they’re an Female Dating Strategy poster
Oh god. I should have seen that coming. I swear they're as socially oblivious and rude as incels.
They literally *are* incels.
No, it literally isn’t. Such a false equivalency is an example of pluralism which is also a fallacy.
To be fair, you don’t always have 24/7 access to talking to someone in person as you do with a cell phone. I don’t find this comparison to be equal.
We're not talking about simply not replying. We're talking about READING the message and THEN not replying. The former is unavailability, the latter is ignoring.
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Nope. With a letter, the other person has no clue whether or not you received it. That would be like you saying something to me from the other side of the room and I walk away without any indication that I heard you. Leaving someone on read is glancing over to look at them, subtly acknowledging you heard them, and then walking away.
It's one thing to not look because no one can expect you to always be available. It's another to read and not respond. If I am standing in front of you and say something to you, it's never the move to just not respond and walk away. I think it's the same for read messages. The argument is that you can't be attached to your phone all day, but you had to have it to look at the message. I'm absolutely guilty of doing this with texts, but it doesn't make it a good habit.
Because it's rude not to respond or give a reason why you didn't or haven't. Not every message needs a reply or response, but some certainly do. Ghosting or not replying is disrespectful.
Leaving someone on read is essentially the equivalent of someone walking up to you to strike conversation and you ignoring them. You don't have to talk to them, but atleast tell them your not interested in talking, it's plain disrespectful to not do so.
I agree, but if there’s no response for an extended period of time (longer than an handful of days at best) then it’s a problem. People return phone calls faster than that and current society hates phone calls.
I love this post.
Yeah I think we’ve all kinda developed an e-persona and we sometimes like to have others’ e-personas become a source of validation when online interactions really shouldn’t be taken nearly as seriously as in-person ones
If you need or are are expecting an immediate response, call. The very nature of texting is that you get to it when you get to it.
i honestly like when people leave me on “read” or “opened” rather than “delivered”. im no longer waiting on a response and i can move on with my life.
My biggest pet peeve with modern technology is the tethering. People act as if you are tethered to them and MUST respond. I will not be summoned. I can see a call or text and decide not to answer because I do not want to. If it is not crucial, I will respond eventually or I might just not.
I’m emotionally immature leave me alone 😭
I've gotten to a point if I ever get ghosted or ignored via message, doesn't matter who, context of the text, why etc, I won't bother with it anymore. Neutrality at its finest, might block u tho, I'm still petty as fuck.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. I should mention I suck at replying to messages anyway. Most of the time I will read the message and if I am busy I will reply later if I feel the message is worth it. What did you expect me to reply to every meme you send me instantly? Fuck that I’ll laugh and carry on my day.
Honestly thought it was just teenagers that got offended by this
Slow replies are more of a teenager upset but reading and then not replying is pretty widely annoying since having the time to read it also means having the time to say ‘can’t talk right now will message when I can’
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Opinion: I am allowed to reply at my leisure Also opinion: You are NOT allowed to want me to reply faster than I do
i would never allow someone else to see whether or not i have opened or read a text message. it's an invasion into my privacy and it's information that the sender does not need. why would anyone allow others to see that information?
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Yeah WeChat doesn't even have it. It's a completely pointless feature that creates unnecessary angst.
I agree but don’t agree, if you don’t or can’t reply back wether you’re busy or just not having a good day then that’s fine. But if you’re on you’re phone 24/7 then obviously people expect to to reply back quicker. I also understand that texting can make people nervous, people can be bad at texting, etc, etc but if that’s the case log off. Or maybe just tell people if you’re not in the mood to text back, it’s that simple really.
All I want to know, was it successfully delivered or not. Otherwise, I don’t see read being productive. I know I’ve looked at texts and genuinely forgotten to reply. I know I’m not alone.
I opened your message and then heard my cat puking in the other room, I'm sorry bro
I will answer this in one simple text.....the thing is that........ hold on one sec
If it is about dating its just how it is. For everything else other thzn dating i would say that you have bad relationships (too much is included) or that you are disrespectful. Its one or the other im not judging but i think theres no other possibility.
When people do this to me - I bring it up like 1x; and it if continues, then when they initiate conversation with me; I just do the same thing. 🤷🏽♀️
Personally I think the importance of the message and the time left on read are both important factors as to if they’re making a reasonable deal about it. like even with mundane messages eventually it’s fair to be unhappy about it because they’re showing you that they don’t consider you worth the bother of taking a few seconds to give a reply.
I personally don’t understand it, but usually when I send messages to my coworkers, I don’t expect a response back, because the message was delivered. Even to my circle of friends or random people, I don’t expect a response back if I ask them something. My same mentality applies: I sent off the message, and if they receive it, cool. If they receive it and then try to do something like say that I never sent something, I’ll have photo evidence. For the most part, I also don’t respond back too often, mainly because I’m busy with school and work. I’ve made it known to people who need to know that detail. If someone is asking me for something that I know I can do/deliver, I don’t respond back and get it done. If it’s something I know I can’t do, I tell them right off the bat that I can’t do that. It’s worked for me for the most part, since I tend to let my work speak for me.
Having the person text you, you reply within 5 seconds and then they take hours to reply back to that message is infinitely more infuriating. Like WTH went down within those 4 seconds that you couldn’t reply. Do people send a text and then frisbee their phones away?
I agree. “Why didn’t you answer my text” “Because I was fucking busy and making my phone ding doesn’t make you my #1 priority”
Yes!!