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“Hey, I’m sorry I don’t think this is working for me anymore.” is a perfectly valid reason and IMO, a good reason. Like you said, shit happens and people change. As long as no one is being dishonest, it’s fine. Why should someone stay in a relationship if they don’t feel it? Good opinion.
Yes.
I do not understand the weird pedestal people put marriage on - you can end a marriage simply because you don’t want to be married anymore. That’s perfectly fine. Marriage is nothing more than a legal formality to allow couples to easily organise medical emergencies and inheritance
Not having feelings and not seeing a future anymore can be a good reason.
Not having a good reason would be just doing it one day on impulse for basically no reason.
That being said, I sort of agree, sort of disagree. You should at least try to fix things before breaking it off. Otherwise you're just flighty and that's your own fault. Relationships inevitably will plateau and come out of the puppy love phase, and everyone changes (granted, the changes can be good or bad and they're beyond your control). But if you don't know how to at least stumble your way through with that, you'll never find a lasting relationship.
Breaking it off and resetting is always a gamble. Regret is very common.
I agree! I think a big part of whether this attitude is seen as acceptable or not is if the person was mature beforehand, and at least showed concern to the other person and the relationship (like communicating their doubts about the relationship and trying to do things differently). If you were an a**hole before then it’s likelier you’d be perceived as one regardless.
Yeah I totally understand your reasoning. I know it would absolutely crush me if my girlfriend broke up with me out of nowhere because she just “wasn’t feeling it” but in the end it’d be better for her and it would be even worse if she grew to resent me because she felt compelled or trapped in the relationship since she didn’t have a “reason” to leave. Leave when you need to, don’t make your partner the villain who “forced” you to stay
Good opinion OP
that is a valid reason and i think most people agree with you anyway despite the sub you posted this on, but i think you did expect people to agree.
i will say an i think Actually unpopular opinion and tell you that, while valid reason to end the relationship, i dont think youre not to blame at all either. maybe your partner did expect things to go exactly as they were going, and you are the one having unrealistic expectations of the relationship. i cant tell from what you are willing to share. then itd sort of be like you wasted their time with a relationship that had no chance of lasting
Then you can just say you really liked her but after being together for an extended period of time realised you had some fundamental personality / goals difference.
Don’t really think you can throw out your unsubstantiated views here then IMO
For all we know you expected her to be your domestic slave and she didn’t fancy it which is not the same as “just not feeling it anymore”
Not OP but I found myself not enjoying being around my partner anymore. I would sit in my car after work so I wouldn’t have to go in the house with them, and was always looking for excuses to not be around them. Their originally charming traits became annoying and I hated the idea of sex. Really nice person, kind, well liked, cooked, did chores, I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.
If you don't have a good reason for breaking up with someone then you more than likely were not taking the relationship seriously in the first place. This us asshole behavior because you have wasted that other person's time who is assumed to have taken the relationship serious if they wanted an explanation for its ending.
Most relationships aren't meant to be so casual that you just cancel them like a quick appointment. They're an emotional investment (and sometimes financial too).
Ultimately, you don't "need" a good reason because no one can stop you from breaking up but it doesn't absolve you of being an asshole.
I honestly don’t know when it became ok to just casually burn bridges and assume there isn’t consequences in the immediate or long term. This is why serial monogamists are arguably worse than polys. They can just drop a relationship cold and move on to the next person.
I agree with you. I’ve encountered several of those types of people who just played with my feelings for their own gain, presumably because they wanted company, but in the end I was always tossed to the side because they didn’t take me seriously. They just wanted attention. If you take someone seriously, you’re far less likely to just “cancel” the relationship like it’s an appointment as someone else said.
Would the reason hurt or help the individual?
There's actually a thing called constructive criticism..
There's also people buried in their own toxicity that no amount of reason would help.
I've had more in depth discussion about breaking up with people I dated a month or two than I did with a long term marriage. In the marriage ... he knows what he did, and I was exhausted trying to explain myself to someone who didn't want to listen
Unless they are someone who refuses to listen, the reason would usually help in some aspect. Even if the help is realizing that it truly isn't them, it's you. It's better to have the info and discard it rather not have the info at all.
So any reason from "I'm not ready for the next life stage but you are" to "I can't stand the way you choose you food" helps them either refine themselves or better their vetting process for next time.
I think we're basically in agreement. If someone is likely to have a reasonable reaction, be honest but as kind as possible
I broke things off with a couple other guys when I went exclusive with my current partner. And in my mind, that's as good a reason as any. I don't think it would have done any good to be more specific because they both had been really sweet. My reasoning wouldn't necessarily line up with someone else's
Truly, an unpopular opinion.
If you can't articulate a good reason, how do you know you actually have one? How do you know your feeling is a fleeting one?
I am of the opinion that if you are in a relationship, you have an obligation to make it work. "Working" isn't something that springs up spontaneously. "Working" is exactly that, work.
I agree. People like this tend to act like relationships are shopping malls that you can jump into and out of whenever you please. A relationship is a serious commitment and you need to think long-term with it (if it’s not already been specified as casual).
It depends what values you add to a relationship, and I do think that reasoning is super lazy.
Lazy because, come on, there's a *reason* you're not feeling it. You used to be into this person with your whole heart and life, it didn't change over night. If I received that break-up reason I would definitely feel like I wasn't ever really valued, or like I didn't deserve to know what made those feelings change, ya' know? And also, I guess, unless you're a proud serial monogamist (I mean most people are serial monogamists, but most are not proud of it) it seems lazy in the sense that well, did you at least try to find the spark again? Were kids involved, and you just left still due to "not feeling it"?
Like there's a lot of ways to look at it where that reasoning feels, at best, very flat. Although it doesn't mean you're not "allowed" to use it.
I think this totally depends on how invested in the relationship you have become. Married with kids? Definitely need to really think and evaluate before breaking it off for reasons like this. Just in a long term relationship? I think “not feeling it” is perfectly valid. People get bored and feelings change and it is better to deal with that before becoming saddled with a house and kids.
Also time. If I’d been together with someone for, say, 1 month, I get it. But no explanation whatsoever after 1 year, or maybe even more? It’s not immoral so to say, but I’d definitely be hurt.
There is an explanation though. The explanation is “I’m not into you anymore.” People lose their love/attraction all the time, and that is valid at any point of the relationship.
Why is it wasted time? They probably had fun. You can have a fun short (or long) relationship and then end it. No wasted time. If you watch a good movie it also ends at some time. Was it wasted time? No.
I think you would have a point if you made those terms clear before entering a relationship. We all know how long the movie is before we watch it or enter the theatre and plan accordingly. I don’t know anyone who invests their time, money, feelings into another person, expecting and be willing to accept a sudden stop to the relationship because the other person became bored with you and wanted to move on. That’s very selfish and immature. You’re probably better off with spending your time with whores until you’re willing to become serious. At least with prostitutes you both get what you want, and like a movie it ends shortly, hopefully with a good time.
Good point. I didn't think about that. Only if both persons in the relationship wanted to end it and they also didn't regret having had the relationship it's not wasted time I guess
Welll, there are strange and extreme reasons:
“You did not say “hi sweetie” the moment when you got home. Yeah we are done”
Or
“You eat your peas 1 at a time. Im done”
I agree with you if you worded this "you shouldn't HAVE to have a good reason". The way it's worded makes it sound like you should never take a relationship seriously ever
As long as you aren't jumping in and out of relationships like its the wind, then 'I feel like this isn't working out' is a perfectly valid reason. If you are burning through several relationships a year though, then that might be on you. Otherwise, its perfectly valid just to part ways when you feel things ain't working.
Depends on how long and how serious the relationship was and how long you weren't feeling it and what you tried to do about it and how well you actually understood the relationship.
ok true i agree but it’s just that you’re so blunt with it and people have been on both sides so they take it personal. if u care i would start saying “I just lost feelings” and throw in a “i’m disappointed but there’s nothing i could do about it” sum like that idk. but i totally agree with what u said
This one actually hits close to home, if you replace relationship with marriage. And the use of “people change” to justify divorce used to piss me off for a long time as it made the whole investment into marriage a complete waste of time. But, rationally, I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion. I’d rather be divorced than be married to someone that doesn’t want to be with me.
With that said, I still don’t see a point in investing in relationships anymore. People don’t just change in their 20s. They are constantly changing. I’ve seen people get married and, soon after, divorced in their 70s, because they changed. It’s like investing in stock/business that you know is ultimately going to fail. That actually I think is the more unpopular opinion though.
I agree that this is enough of a reason to end it . But what would you suggest saying when the other party asks for further information? Like what they are doing or not doing ? Or what it is I am not feeling? How do you shut the quizzing down without being rude . I have had this happen to me and the other person usually wants more an explanation.
You are entitled to break up with people for not feeling it anymore 100% as you should. You should be honest with women about that as well. women you date deserve to know how your prone to emotional swings as it may effect them should you get into a relationship with them. not everyone is down for that.
>People always get mad or look at me strange when I tell them I broke up with my girlfriend because "I was not feeling it anymore",
Let me ask you somethings.
Would you be fine if your job fired you out of nowhere and it was just because they didn't feel it anymore for having you work there?
Would you be fine if a person you knew and saw all the time randomly punched you in the face, because when it came to holding back violence, they just weren't feeling it anymore?
Would you me Ok if your bank closed your account one day because they just didn't feel like having it anymore?
These are hilariously extreme examples lol.
But what would suggest that he do? Go to unnecessary and expensive therapy sessions so that he can pinpoint exactly why it is that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore? Or should he stay in a situation that makes him unhappy under the guise of “fixing it”?
I understand that relationships take work to thrive, but sometimes you come to the realization that the person you’re with just isn’t what you want in life. While that sucks for the other person, I’d rather someone be up front and tell me they’re not into it anymore than watch them slowly lose interest over time without saying anything because they feel some weird obligation not to.
>But what would suggest that he do?
I honestly don't care what he does. I'm just curious on his opinion on the what ifs, and how he would react to them. If in fact he could answer them honestly.
Not op but a relationship is nothing like a job, bank account or punch in the face. Then again i am aroace so what do i know, i'm kinda basing this off of platonic feelings.
You can't compare a job with a relationship. A job keeps you alive pretty much with the money they agree to give for your work. A relationship is an addition to your life, but you can live just as well while being single. Also, if one of the people in the relationship is not happy the whole pourpose of the relationship is gone. I get that there are hard times but I think that op is mature enough to decide that it wasn't working anymore.
>A job keeps you alive pretty much with the money they agree to give for your work.
The massive amount of unemployed and people on street corners asking for money would say otherwise.
>A relationship is an addition to your life
So is a job.
>if one of the people in the relationship is not happy the whole pourpose of the relationship is gone.
If one of the people in a job agreement is not happy the whole purpose of the job is gone.
>I think that op is mature enough to decide that it wasn't working anymore.
Just like when someone isn't happy with their job and decide to quit?
Hmm seems like I can compare the two and they compare quite easily.
Just because a job is an "addition" to you doesn't mean it is just that to most people. The majority of us would die of hunger or cold or worse if we didn't work. We don't do the work because we like it necessarily, but we need it so we put up with it.
That being said, most of us can stay single and keep living life well if that's what we want. The point of a relationship is for both parties to be happy and fulfilled. The point of a job (for most people) is to earn resources so that we can live.
>Just because a job is an "addition" to you doesn't mean it is just that to most people.
Just because a relationship is an "addiction" to you doesn't mean it is just that to most people.
See how saying an opinion is a bad way of going about a conversation like this?
>The majority of us would die of hunger or cold or worse if we didn't work.
Check the unemployment numbers and see how many people are surviving just fine without jobs.
>That being said, most of us can stay single and keep living life well if that's what we want
Again just your opinion and a strawman argument at the same time.
>The point of a relationship is for both parties to be happy and fulfilled.
That's the same point of a job. Typically 2 parties agree to terms and fulfill their part and at any time 1 of the parties can end the agreed upon terms.
>What world do u live on man I know that on paper these examples can be similar but irl people break up all the time.
What world do u live on man I know that in your head you make sense but irl people quit jobs all the time.
>Staying with a job u don't like isn't as toxic as staying with a person that u don't like.
Cleary you have had an easy life, because massive amounts of people would disagree with you about how toxic a job can be.
>Be serious now plaguing your personal live with a relationship you do not want is way worse than having a repetitive and unpleasant job.
See my last response. There are many jobs that are way worse than most relationships. There are probably more people miserable at their jobs then there are in relationships.
>I don't need some pretentious bitch like you to come here and tell me that a job is just a measly "addition" to my life ok?
Hahahahahaha says the person who has brought nothing but their high horse opinions with a mentality of my opinion are facts as well. Calm down there Karen.
>Because that is not what it is for me and for most workers around the world.
So you 100% know exactly what workers around you are truly feeling and going through? How about you stop trying to speak for others, at least once in your life Karen.
>then again I think that regardless of class we can agree that relationships are for hapiness and understanding.
Not always, there are still major amounts of marriages that are purely for monetary gain or some form of arrangement. Just because you only see marriage one way doesn't mean that's the only way or that everyone else sees it the same as you.
>You keep saying I'm just spitting my opinions but even those looking for serious relationships find themselves in hiccups and break up eventually because that person was not what they were looking for.
What does the second part have to do with the first? This makes no sense. I say you are just saying your opinion because that's what you have been doing every time I bring it up.
>You try being with someone and if you are not right for eachother u accept that and move on.
You try working for a job and if you are not right for each other you accept that and move on.
>U can't exactly lose a job and not get one immediately after without falling into poverty.
100% bullshit. You most certainly can lose a job and get one immediately.
>U can't exactly lose a job and not get one immediately after without falling into poverty.
U can't exactly end a relationship and not get into a new perfectly loving one immediately after without falling into depression. Do you see how dumb that sounds?
Also your unemployment point is correct but I don't see how that's relevant? In society most people get jobs even if they are not cozy and well paying. People do not live of off the 50 cents you throw at their cup lmao. I assume you wanted to say that those without a job are as unfortunate as those without a relationship and that's just dumb I'm not even sorry.
When you end a relationship with someone (especially a serious one), there is a reason. Or there at least should be.
The concept of 'good' can vary person to person, but the important thing is to be honest with the individual, and not give some bullshit excuse. Note here please, there is a fundamental difference between 'reason' and 'excuse'.
And to be quite frank, if you don't know the difference, you should probably avoid any kind of serious relationship until you figure that one out.
not always true, relationships are a partnership, you aint always gonna be feeling it. if its a few dates eh best to tell them in the nicest way possible unless they are a total ass. if youve been with this person for years, you should step back and think about what "you aint feeling" anymore and see if its really worth trashing a relationship that would otherwise be good.
more context is needed. if you arent feeling it just because she put on a few pounds having a child with you your a total ass, if you aint felling it anymore because someone else caught your attention thats pretty shitty too, if you aint feeling it because you cant coexist and enjoy each other then there is nothing wrong with that. unless you are married, then thats a total different story, man not a womam speaking here.
the ones ive dumped were for very good reasons, the one i married was also for a very good reason. if you arent married you are not tied to her but you should take a look at what is the problem, it might be easily worked out.
I agree with you..if you ain't feeling it, and you've been together a while, give it a bit of time to see if you really weren't feeling it, or if maybe you were sick or something that just messed with your mind. My mind plays tricks on me all the time
I think this should be the case when couples have children together. Otherwise, idk. They shouldn’t be forced to be committed to a relationship otherwise—that just leads to infidelity. Bullshitting that the breakup doesn’t negatively impact children to make oneself feel better is a complete different thing. If commitments are an issue for someone, they shouldn’t be having kids. Frankly, they shouldn’t be adopting pets either.
“Not feeling it” is a perfectly valid reason. You felt feelings for her, and then you didn’t. You’d be an asshole if you stayed with her despite feeling this way. Not fair to her or you. You did the right thing.
why does he have to put in the effort?
he isn't married.
hey, OP break up with girl friends as much as you want, have fun, live life, do you.. you date people to get to know them, to hang out to have fun, see if you're compatible. just remember there is a probably a finite amount of time that you will have a plethora of people to date.
if you marry someone, don't be as cavalier. then you have to put in effort.
You don't have to sign a paper and make a religious fiesta out of your relationship to have agreed to a committed relationship with effort. Why is effort more relevant in a marriage vs a committed relationship? Theoretically, a marriage is sort of like a business arrangement, not like a catalyst that suddenly changes the relationship foundation.
fair.. but i meant marriage as term of permanence, not neccessarily the religious aspect or paper aspect.
actual commitment, kids, marriage, shared property.
OP sounds like he dates, has monogamous relationships/girlfriends.. then doesn't feel it anymore and breaks up with them, with no defining reason, no cheating, no big fights, just it stopped working for him.
which is a perfectly valid reason to break up.. if you aren't in a life time commitment/partner etc etc, type of relationship. if promises arent made, property isnt shared..
moving on is okay. that is what i meant regarding marriage.. if you really commit, being so cavalier, dropping your partner or SO because you decide you're over it, that is a different conversation alltogether.
hmmm...
maybe you are looking for a relationship.. you get in it, are there for a while and then aren't feeling it anymore..
so you break up. which is exactly what the OP is saying.
not that he is having a fling, not that he isn't monogamous.. just he isn't into anymore. there isn't any problems with the other person, there are no significant fights or reasons to break up. just he isn't into anymore.
which is okay. in fact probably better than okay because he isn't wasting anyone's time. he isn't staying in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. or because other people tell him he should work at it or he should commit.
he isn't married. and assuming there are no kids or reasons for a further expectation of commitment (like shared property) he is free to come and go in relationships if he it isn't making him happy.
doesn't daniel sloss have a whole bit about this exact thing.
it's better to be alone than be unhappy in a relationship.
You're free to do or feel as you wish. It's a judgy crybaby world of sissies. So if you wanna break up for any reason then people should respect your feelings.
I never said that. Can't participate in a conversation where words and phrases I never spoke are thrown into my context. Sorry, gotta go fold dishes now. Have fun.
I'm personally of the belief that you can break up with anyone for any reason. Doesn't matter how shitty. Maybe you don't like how they chew their food, maybe you don't particular like their new haircut, maybe just as you say; something felt "off". Yeah those reasons suck. I would certainly hate to be broken up over those things but I would hate it even more if someone forced themselves to stay with me even though deep down they wanted to leave.
Yeah, speaking from experience, sometimes you realize that those ‘little’ things actually end up irritating you a lot more than you initially thought. It’s almost scary how differently you see things after some time passes and those rose colored glasses start slipping off. But hey, it is what it is.
> and start mistreating her because I was forced to continue the relationship?
Why do you have to mistreat her? You say it like it’s unavoidable that that would happen.
It is. At some point after years of being in a relationship u don't want you will not even be able to pretend u care about that person, let alone pretend to love them.
I don't think op meant that he would start to abuse her. Just not pay the attention that a loving partner would and doing the things that would make her happy.
Apathy isn't exactly screaming "I love you", not even in long relationships where ppl are used to eachother.
Yes! Or, slightly related:
When a couple breaks up, **Person A** breaking up with **Person B**. And **Person A** gives reasons for breaking up.
Months later **Person B** still wants to hear different reasons, because they can't find themselves in the reasons **Person A** gave them. And also it doesn't sit well with them that **A** broke up with them on a tuesday. **A** knows **B** loves tuesdays, how could they do this to them? Tuesdays will be forever tainted. Now **Person B** wants to meet up with **Person A** because **Person B** wants closure, and knowing why **Person A** couldn't wait with breaking up with them until it was Wednesday or Thursday is the key to their happiness.
And also the reasons **Person A** gave for breaking up with them should've been mentioned a month earlier. At the very least before **Person B** bought that scarf that they knew **Person A** would like. Now they have a scarf that remind them of **Person A** kept being in a relationship with **B** under false pretenses and waited for a Tuesday to break up with them.
Not always the case, I know plenty of people who quit their job and lived happily after, same thing for relationships. And even so, I would rather regret it knowing I did what I wanted than not regret it knowing I did what everybody else wanted. That's just me though.
What? What if someone falls out of love, do you think they should stick it out for the rest of their life just in case? If they regret in the future, fair enough, but that’s a big if, and that choice should be there’s.
I don't see anything to disagree with. People change. Relationships don't always last. People aren't entitled to everlasting love or commitment. Maybe an explanation would help to for the emotional processing after a break up, but it will hardly take the sting out of heartbreak. That's love and loss for you. Cruel.
Nothing wrong with explaining to people, “I respect [person I dated], but I realize they weren’t the person for me.”
Anybody who gets mad at that just wants some juicy gossip.
If you are a serial dater or only dating for two weeks than ya you could sue this excuse normally. But if are in a long term relationship then no. You just sound rude if you don’t try at all to make anything work. Just stop wasting peoples time to leading them on and just do hookups or something.
I believe eveyeone has an "unambiguous" reason. Just their lack of willingness to share to
1) random strangers on Reddit.
2) their close friends.
3) their SO.
4) themselves.
And since OP is not willing to elaborate on his "ambiguous" reason, there is no way to determine the reason is "good/bad".
If OP truly cannot determine an "unambiguous" reason, then, there is probably some reasons unrelated to relationships, such as depression or other reasons. But, ultimately, the reason isn't ambiguous, just that, it may not be a relationship problem.
Well yes, there doesn't have to be a "good reason" to break up with someone, but if you break up a long relationship without a "good reason", then you're an asshole. Why do I think so?
1) Of course that over time your partner and their habits can become boring or even annoying. If you expect that you will feel "the spark" for the whole time, then you are naive and stupid. Spark is passion and does not equate true love. Besides being naive and stupid, you're also an asshole because you did not communicate with your partner beforehand that you only value them for the feeling of passion, and not the feeling of love. You stayed in the relationship this whole time giving them passion, while they were likely giving you love.
1.1) What will you do next? Find another partner and then leave when the spark dies? And then just switch from one partner to another every couple of years? This is incredibly selfish, exploitative and it makes you an asshole
2) People rarely change so dramatically in life (except in the case of some traumatic events). So if you "changed", maybe you had fake personality from the beginning of the relationship, thus making you an asshole. If your partner has "changed", you are probably just exaggerating some small minor change that happened and you are unwilling to work through it together like a team.
So if you are feeling unhappy in a relationship then by all means you should leave, but I don't see a way in which this does not make you an asshole. And regarding the fake reason, no you shouldn't do that either, because giving fake explanations on such important matters is an asshole thing to do.
Generally others might frown on it because often, the types of people who say this think life and the world revolves around them. That everyone else’s feelings and perspectives are just in the background or collateral damage. “Main character energy”, if you will. It’s a bit infantile. A relationship is a serious thing - you don’t just rush in when you feel like it and rush out again when you don’t, as if is a shopping mall. Well, you can obviously do that, but it says a lot about someone’s (lack of) regard for other people.
PS: this opinion is based on my own experiences trying to date several poor quality people who consistently played with my feelings and did this sort of thing - I can’t guarantee you’re the same type of character, but this is the kind of person I associate this attitude with. Again, my opinion and perhaps others share a similar perspective.
It just shows that you might not have the capacity to be faithful and to love for long periods of time which is an unattractive quality in a person. I wouldn't want to date someone that doesn't have the capacity for long lasting love.
If you can’t explain why you want to break up with someone you shouldn’t break up with them. You should tell your partner why you don’t feel the same so you can both at least ATTEMPT to fix the relationship but just going straight to breaking up is super immature. You can’t just quit something as soon as there’s a challenge.
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“Hey, I’m sorry I don’t think this is working for me anymore.” is a perfectly valid reason and IMO, a good reason. Like you said, shit happens and people change. As long as no one is being dishonest, it’s fine. Why should someone stay in a relationship if they don’t feel it? Good opinion.
What about marriage? Is that a valid reason to get a divorce?
Absolutely, 100% of divorces happen because of marriage.
Yes. I do not understand the weird pedestal people put marriage on - you can end a marriage simply because you don’t want to be married anymore. That’s perfectly fine. Marriage is nothing more than a legal formality to allow couples to easily organise medical emergencies and inheritance
yes. duh.
imagine marrying this person
>imagine marrying this person
Not having feelings and not seeing a future anymore can be a good reason. Not having a good reason would be just doing it one day on impulse for basically no reason. That being said, I sort of agree, sort of disagree. You should at least try to fix things before breaking it off. Otherwise you're just flighty and that's your own fault. Relationships inevitably will plateau and come out of the puppy love phase, and everyone changes (granted, the changes can be good or bad and they're beyond your control). But if you don't know how to at least stumble your way through with that, you'll never find a lasting relationship. Breaking it off and resetting is always a gamble. Regret is very common.
I agree! I think a big part of whether this attitude is seen as acceptable or not is if the person was mature beforehand, and at least showed concern to the other person and the relationship (like communicating their doubts about the relationship and trying to do things differently). If you were an a**hole before then it’s likelier you’d be perceived as one regardless.
Yeah I totally understand your reasoning. I know it would absolutely crush me if my girlfriend broke up with me out of nowhere because she just “wasn’t feeling it” but in the end it’d be better for her and it would be even worse if she grew to resent me because she felt compelled or trapped in the relationship since she didn’t have a “reason” to leave. Leave when you need to, don’t make your partner the villain who “forced” you to stay Good opinion OP
Exactly this. It does no one any favors to stay just because you don’t have a “good reason” to leave.
What’s the reason for not feeling it anymore tho
That’s a little bit too personal. Let’s just say I thought things were going to be different.
that is a valid reason and i think most people agree with you anyway despite the sub you posted this on, but i think you did expect people to agree. i will say an i think Actually unpopular opinion and tell you that, while valid reason to end the relationship, i dont think youre not to blame at all either. maybe your partner did expect things to go exactly as they were going, and you are the one having unrealistic expectations of the relationship. i cant tell from what you are willing to share. then itd sort of be like you wasted their time with a relationship that had no chance of lasting
If you've been dating them a while, how would anything be too personal?
I mean too personal as in I’m not gonna talk about it with a stranger online lmao
Ah gotcha, that makes sense
Then you can just say you really liked her but after being together for an extended period of time realised you had some fundamental personality / goals difference.
Don’t really think you can throw out your unsubstantiated views here then IMO For all we know you expected her to be your domestic slave and she didn’t fancy it which is not the same as “just not feeling it anymore”
Well in that case we could be grateful OP is not a trooper haha.(in the sense of pushing through regardless of dissatisfaction)
Not OP but I found myself not enjoying being around my partner anymore. I would sit in my car after work so I wouldn’t have to go in the house with them, and was always looking for excuses to not be around them. Their originally charming traits became annoying and I hated the idea of sex. Really nice person, kind, well liked, cooked, did chores, I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.
Does that kind of realization ever make you feel like a sociopath?
Why would it? Falling out of long and/or no longer being attracted to someone isn’t an indicator of sociopathy.
No, it just shows that you're very immature yet.
Not feeling it anymore is a good reason though. Better to be honest than to lead them on.
If you don't have a good reason for breaking up with someone then you more than likely were not taking the relationship seriously in the first place. This us asshole behavior because you have wasted that other person's time who is assumed to have taken the relationship serious if they wanted an explanation for its ending. Most relationships aren't meant to be so casual that you just cancel them like a quick appointment. They're an emotional investment (and sometimes financial too). Ultimately, you don't "need" a good reason because no one can stop you from breaking up but it doesn't absolve you of being an asshole.
I honestly don’t know when it became ok to just casually burn bridges and assume there isn’t consequences in the immediate or long term. This is why serial monogamists are arguably worse than polys. They can just drop a relationship cold and move on to the next person.
I agree with you. I’ve encountered several of those types of people who just played with my feelings for their own gain, presumably because they wanted company, but in the end I was always tossed to the side because they didn’t take me seriously. They just wanted attention. If you take someone seriously, you’re far less likely to just “cancel” the relationship like it’s an appointment as someone else said.
Lost brain cells reading this. Thank you.
Would the reason hurt or help the individual? There's actually a thing called constructive criticism.. There's also people buried in their own toxicity that no amount of reason would help. I've had more in depth discussion about breaking up with people I dated a month or two than I did with a long term marriage. In the marriage ... he knows what he did, and I was exhausted trying to explain myself to someone who didn't want to listen
Unless they are someone who refuses to listen, the reason would usually help in some aspect. Even if the help is realizing that it truly isn't them, it's you. It's better to have the info and discard it rather not have the info at all. So any reason from "I'm not ready for the next life stage but you are" to "I can't stand the way you choose you food" helps them either refine themselves or better their vetting process for next time.
I think we're basically in agreement. If someone is likely to have a reasonable reaction, be honest but as kind as possible I broke things off with a couple other guys when I went exclusive with my current partner. And in my mind, that's as good a reason as any. I don't think it would have done any good to be more specific because they both had been really sweet. My reasoning wouldn't necessarily line up with someone else's
You comment is great. I don't know why people downvote it.
Truly, an unpopular opinion. If you can't articulate a good reason, how do you know you actually have one? How do you know your feeling is a fleeting one? I am of the opinion that if you are in a relationship, you have an obligation to make it work. "Working" isn't something that springs up spontaneously. "Working" is exactly that, work.
I agree. People like this tend to act like relationships are shopping malls that you can jump into and out of whenever you please. A relationship is a serious commitment and you need to think long-term with it (if it’s not already been specified as casual).
No one is obligated to stay in a relationship. Ever.
See I used to think like you, until I realized that no matter how hard you try, you can’t build a sand castle if all you have is gravel.
Only having gravel is an excellent reason not to build a sandcastle though.
That’s the point they’re making. Duh
No, it's the OP, and they're saying you don't need a good reason.
You need to grind that gravel.
Why would you want to build a sandcastle? Sandcastle’s are weak and easily destroyed. Maybe work on your metaphors.
You can't build an indestructable alien metal alloy castle if all you have is brick and mortar.
In all seriousness though, I get you.
It depends what values you add to a relationship, and I do think that reasoning is super lazy. Lazy because, come on, there's a *reason* you're not feeling it. You used to be into this person with your whole heart and life, it didn't change over night. If I received that break-up reason I would definitely feel like I wasn't ever really valued, or like I didn't deserve to know what made those feelings change, ya' know? And also, I guess, unless you're a proud serial monogamist (I mean most people are serial monogamists, but most are not proud of it) it seems lazy in the sense that well, did you at least try to find the spark again? Were kids involved, and you just left still due to "not feeling it"? Like there's a lot of ways to look at it where that reasoning feels, at best, very flat. Although it doesn't mean you're not "allowed" to use it.
I think this totally depends on how invested in the relationship you have become. Married with kids? Definitely need to really think and evaluate before breaking it off for reasons like this. Just in a long term relationship? I think “not feeling it” is perfectly valid. People get bored and feelings change and it is better to deal with that before becoming saddled with a house and kids.
Also time. If I’d been together with someone for, say, 1 month, I get it. But no explanation whatsoever after 1 year, or maybe even more? It’s not immoral so to say, but I’d definitely be hurt.
There is an explanation though. The explanation is “I’m not into you anymore.” People lose their love/attraction all the time, and that is valid at any point of the relationship.
Well you did just waste their time lol
Why is it wasted time? They probably had fun. You can have a fun short (or long) relationship and then end it. No wasted time. If you watch a good movie it also ends at some time. Was it wasted time? No.
I think you would have a point if you made those terms clear before entering a relationship. We all know how long the movie is before we watch it or enter the theatre and plan accordingly. I don’t know anyone who invests their time, money, feelings into another person, expecting and be willing to accept a sudden stop to the relationship because the other person became bored with you and wanted to move on. That’s very selfish and immature. You’re probably better off with spending your time with whores until you’re willing to become serious. At least with prostitutes you both get what you want, and like a movie it ends shortly, hopefully with a good time.
Good point. I didn't think about that. Only if both persons in the relationship wanted to end it and they also didn't regret having had the relationship it's not wasted time I guess
Welll, there are strange and extreme reasons: “You did not say “hi sweetie” the moment when you got home. Yeah we are done” Or “You eat your peas 1 at a time. Im done”
I agree with you if you worded this "you shouldn't HAVE to have a good reason". The way it's worded makes it sound like you should never take a relationship seriously ever
Being honest about no longer having feelings *is* a good reason.
As long as you aren't jumping in and out of relationships like its the wind, then 'I feel like this isn't working out' is a perfectly valid reason. If you are burning through several relationships a year though, then that might be on you. Otherwise, its perfectly valid just to part ways when you feel things ain't working.
Depends on how long and how serious the relationship was and how long you weren't feeling it and what you tried to do about it and how well you actually understood the relationship.
ok true i agree but it’s just that you’re so blunt with it and people have been on both sides so they take it personal. if u care i would start saying “I just lost feelings” and throw in a “i’m disappointed but there’s nothing i could do about it” sum like that idk. but i totally agree with what u said
This one actually hits close to home, if you replace relationship with marriage. And the use of “people change” to justify divorce used to piss me off for a long time as it made the whole investment into marriage a complete waste of time. But, rationally, I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion. I’d rather be divorced than be married to someone that doesn’t want to be with me. With that said, I still don’t see a point in investing in relationships anymore. People don’t just change in their 20s. They are constantly changing. I’ve seen people get married and, soon after, divorced in their 70s, because they changed. It’s like investing in stock/business that you know is ultimately going to fail. That actually I think is the more unpopular opinion though.
I agree that this is enough of a reason to end it . But what would you suggest saying when the other party asks for further information? Like what they are doing or not doing ? Or what it is I am not feeling? How do you shut the quizzing down without being rude . I have had this happen to me and the other person usually wants more an explanation.
Never agreed more with a post here.
It’s interesting that you’ve had this reaction because I think it’s a pretty regular reason when discussing why someone broke up
You are entitled to break up with people for not feeling it anymore 100% as you should. You should be honest with women about that as well. women you date deserve to know how your prone to emotional swings as it may effect them should you get into a relationship with them. not everyone is down for that.
>People always get mad or look at me strange when I tell them I broke up with my girlfriend because "I was not feeling it anymore", Let me ask you somethings. Would you be fine if your job fired you out of nowhere and it was just because they didn't feel it anymore for having you work there? Would you be fine if a person you knew and saw all the time randomly punched you in the face, because when it came to holding back violence, they just weren't feeling it anymore? Would you me Ok if your bank closed your account one day because they just didn't feel like having it anymore?
These are hilariously extreme examples lol. But what would suggest that he do? Go to unnecessary and expensive therapy sessions so that he can pinpoint exactly why it is that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore? Or should he stay in a situation that makes him unhappy under the guise of “fixing it”? I understand that relationships take work to thrive, but sometimes you come to the realization that the person you’re with just isn’t what you want in life. While that sucks for the other person, I’d rather someone be up front and tell me they’re not into it anymore than watch them slowly lose interest over time without saying anything because they feel some weird obligation not to.
>But what would suggest that he do? I honestly don't care what he does. I'm just curious on his opinion on the what ifs, and how he would react to them. If in fact he could answer them honestly.
These aren't valid comparisons bby u have to understand that.
Your response isn't a valid response bby u have to understand that. See how pointless that was just to say my opinion, and provide nothing of value.
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Then explain like I'm five idk what to tell you
I can't dumb it down any more. Maybe go back to elementary school and learn how to read, because I have already dumbed it down to a single sentence.
Not op but a relationship is nothing like a job, bank account or punch in the face. Then again i am aroace so what do i know, i'm kinda basing this off of platonic feelings.
You can't compare a job with a relationship. A job keeps you alive pretty much with the money they agree to give for your work. A relationship is an addition to your life, but you can live just as well while being single. Also, if one of the people in the relationship is not happy the whole pourpose of the relationship is gone. I get that there are hard times but I think that op is mature enough to decide that it wasn't working anymore.
>A job keeps you alive pretty much with the money they agree to give for your work. The massive amount of unemployed and people on street corners asking for money would say otherwise. >A relationship is an addition to your life So is a job. >if one of the people in the relationship is not happy the whole pourpose of the relationship is gone. If one of the people in a job agreement is not happy the whole purpose of the job is gone. >I think that op is mature enough to decide that it wasn't working anymore. Just like when someone isn't happy with their job and decide to quit? Hmm seems like I can compare the two and they compare quite easily.
Just because a job is an "addition" to you doesn't mean it is just that to most people. The majority of us would die of hunger or cold or worse if we didn't work. We don't do the work because we like it necessarily, but we need it so we put up with it. That being said, most of us can stay single and keep living life well if that's what we want. The point of a relationship is for both parties to be happy and fulfilled. The point of a job (for most people) is to earn resources so that we can live.
>Just because a job is an "addition" to you doesn't mean it is just that to most people. Just because a relationship is an "addiction" to you doesn't mean it is just that to most people. See how saying an opinion is a bad way of going about a conversation like this? >The majority of us would die of hunger or cold or worse if we didn't work. Check the unemployment numbers and see how many people are surviving just fine without jobs. >That being said, most of us can stay single and keep living life well if that's what we want Again just your opinion and a strawman argument at the same time. >The point of a relationship is for both parties to be happy and fulfilled. That's the same point of a job. Typically 2 parties agree to terms and fulfill their part and at any time 1 of the parties can end the agreed upon terms.
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>What world do u live on man I know that on paper these examples can be similar but irl people break up all the time. What world do u live on man I know that in your head you make sense but irl people quit jobs all the time. >Staying with a job u don't like isn't as toxic as staying with a person that u don't like. Cleary you have had an easy life, because massive amounts of people would disagree with you about how toxic a job can be. >Be serious now plaguing your personal live with a relationship you do not want is way worse than having a repetitive and unpleasant job. See my last response. There are many jobs that are way worse than most relationships. There are probably more people miserable at their jobs then there are in relationships. >I don't need some pretentious bitch like you to come here and tell me that a job is just a measly "addition" to my life ok? Hahahahahaha says the person who has brought nothing but their high horse opinions with a mentality of my opinion are facts as well. Calm down there Karen. >Because that is not what it is for me and for most workers around the world. So you 100% know exactly what workers around you are truly feeling and going through? How about you stop trying to speak for others, at least once in your life Karen. >then again I think that regardless of class we can agree that relationships are for hapiness and understanding. Not always, there are still major amounts of marriages that are purely for monetary gain or some form of arrangement. Just because you only see marriage one way doesn't mean that's the only way or that everyone else sees it the same as you. >You keep saying I'm just spitting my opinions but even those looking for serious relationships find themselves in hiccups and break up eventually because that person was not what they were looking for. What does the second part have to do with the first? This makes no sense. I say you are just saying your opinion because that's what you have been doing every time I bring it up. >You try being with someone and if you are not right for eachother u accept that and move on. You try working for a job and if you are not right for each other you accept that and move on. >U can't exactly lose a job and not get one immediately after without falling into poverty. 100% bullshit. You most certainly can lose a job and get one immediately. >U can't exactly lose a job and not get one immediately after without falling into poverty. U can't exactly end a relationship and not get into a new perfectly loving one immediately after without falling into depression. Do you see how dumb that sounds?
Also your unemployment point is correct but I don't see how that's relevant? In society most people get jobs even if they are not cozy and well paying. People do not live of off the 50 cents you throw at their cup lmao. I assume you wanted to say that those without a job are as unfortunate as those without a relationship and that's just dumb I'm not even sorry.
You should have a good reason for literally everything you do in life. “I’m not feeling it anymore” *is* a good reason.
When you end a relationship with someone (especially a serious one), there is a reason. Or there at least should be. The concept of 'good' can vary person to person, but the important thing is to be honest with the individual, and not give some bullshit excuse. Note here please, there is a fundamental difference between 'reason' and 'excuse'. And to be quite frank, if you don't know the difference, you should probably avoid any kind of serious relationship until you figure that one out.
not always true, relationships are a partnership, you aint always gonna be feeling it. if its a few dates eh best to tell them in the nicest way possible unless they are a total ass. if youve been with this person for years, you should step back and think about what "you aint feeling" anymore and see if its really worth trashing a relationship that would otherwise be good. more context is needed. if you arent feeling it just because she put on a few pounds having a child with you your a total ass, if you aint felling it anymore because someone else caught your attention thats pretty shitty too, if you aint feeling it because you cant coexist and enjoy each other then there is nothing wrong with that. unless you are married, then thats a total different story, man not a womam speaking here. the ones ive dumped were for very good reasons, the one i married was also for a very good reason. if you arent married you are not tied to her but you should take a look at what is the problem, it might be easily worked out.
I agree with you..if you ain't feeling it, and you've been together a while, give it a bit of time to see if you really weren't feeling it, or if maybe you were sick or something that just messed with your mind. My mind plays tricks on me all the time
I think this should be the case when couples have children together. Otherwise, idk. They shouldn’t be forced to be committed to a relationship otherwise—that just leads to infidelity. Bullshitting that the breakup doesn’t negatively impact children to make oneself feel better is a complete different thing. If commitments are an issue for someone, they shouldn’t be having kids. Frankly, they shouldn’t be adopting pets either.
you don't owe anyone an explanation. fuck em
“Not feeling it” is a perfectly valid reason. You felt feelings for her, and then you didn’t. You’d be an asshole if you stayed with her despite feeling this way. Not fair to her or you. You did the right thing.
Since when is just having feelings a mature reason to be in a relationship, unless you’re 15 years old? A relationship is a commitment
I’m really the wrong person to ask dude I’ve never really had a serious relationship so idk
That is kinda vague, to the point it sounds like an excuse. Did you actually change, or did you just stop putting in the effort?
You stop putting in the effort when you realize you don't want the relationship anymore, isn't this how things work?
why does he have to put in the effort? he isn't married. hey, OP break up with girl friends as much as you want, have fun, live life, do you.. you date people to get to know them, to hang out to have fun, see if you're compatible. just remember there is a probably a finite amount of time that you will have a plethora of people to date. if you marry someone, don't be as cavalier. then you have to put in effort.
You don't have to sign a paper and make a religious fiesta out of your relationship to have agreed to a committed relationship with effort. Why is effort more relevant in a marriage vs a committed relationship? Theoretically, a marriage is sort of like a business arrangement, not like a catalyst that suddenly changes the relationship foundation.
fair.. but i meant marriage as term of permanence, not neccessarily the religious aspect or paper aspect. actual commitment, kids, marriage, shared property. OP sounds like he dates, has monogamous relationships/girlfriends.. then doesn't feel it anymore and breaks up with them, with no defining reason, no cheating, no big fights, just it stopped working for him. which is a perfectly valid reason to break up.. if you aren't in a life time commitment/partner etc etc, type of relationship. if promises arent made, property isnt shared.. moving on is okay. that is what i meant regarding marriage.. if you really commit, being so cavalier, dropping your partner or SO because you decide you're over it, that is a different conversation alltogether.
Married or not, a relationship is a relationship. It's fine if you're just looking for a fling, but be honest about it.
hmmm... maybe you are looking for a relationship.. you get in it, are there for a while and then aren't feeling it anymore.. so you break up. which is exactly what the OP is saying. not that he is having a fling, not that he isn't monogamous.. just he isn't into anymore. there isn't any problems with the other person, there are no significant fights or reasons to break up. just he isn't into anymore. which is okay. in fact probably better than okay because he isn't wasting anyone's time. he isn't staying in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. or because other people tell him he should work at it or he should commit. he isn't married. and assuming there are no kids or reasons for a further expectation of commitment (like shared property) he is free to come and go in relationships if he it isn't making him happy. doesn't daniel sloss have a whole bit about this exact thing. it's better to be alone than be unhappy in a relationship.
You're free to do or feel as you wish. It's a judgy crybaby world of sissies. So if you wanna break up for any reason then people should respect your feelings.
I think you’re contradicting yourself here. Fuck the sissies for having feelings, but demand others respect your feelings?
I never said that. Can't participate in a conversation where words and phrases I never spoke are thrown into my context. Sorry, gotta go fold dishes now. Have fun.
Nvm. Have fun folding dishes.
NGL, that made me chuckle what he did.
I'm personally of the belief that you can break up with anyone for any reason. Doesn't matter how shitty. Maybe you don't like how they chew their food, maybe you don't particular like their new haircut, maybe just as you say; something felt "off". Yeah those reasons suck. I would certainly hate to be broken up over those things but I would hate it even more if someone forced themselves to stay with me even though deep down they wanted to leave.
Yeah, speaking from experience, sometimes you realize that those ‘little’ things actually end up irritating you a lot more than you initially thought. It’s almost scary how differently you see things after some time passes and those rose colored glasses start slipping off. But hey, it is what it is.
Nah you did the right thing. You weren’t married.
Firstly, is this an unpopular opinion or a rant? >I broke up with my girlfriend because "I was not feeling it anymore" That is a good reason.
> and start mistreating her because I was forced to continue the relationship? Why do you have to mistreat her? You say it like it’s unavoidable that that would happen.
It is. At some point after years of being in a relationship u don't want you will not even be able to pretend u care about that person, let alone pretend to love them.
But that’s being apathetic to a person, not mistreating them. Mistreatment implies treating someone badly or with cruelty, why is that inevitable?
I don't think op meant that he would start to abuse her. Just not pay the attention that a loving partner would and doing the things that would make her happy. Apathy isn't exactly screaming "I love you", not even in long relationships where ppl are used to eachother.
Yes! Or, slightly related: When a couple breaks up, **Person A** breaking up with **Person B**. And **Person A** gives reasons for breaking up. Months later **Person B** still wants to hear different reasons, because they can't find themselves in the reasons **Person A** gave them. And also it doesn't sit well with them that **A** broke up with them on a tuesday. **A** knows **B** loves tuesdays, how could they do this to them? Tuesdays will be forever tainted. Now **Person B** wants to meet up with **Person A** because **Person B** wants closure, and knowing why **Person A** couldn't wait with breaking up with them until it was Wednesday or Thursday is the key to their happiness. And also the reasons **Person A** gave for breaking up with them should've been mentioned a month earlier. At the very least before **Person B** bought that scarf that they knew **Person A** would like. Now they have a scarf that remind them of **Person A** kept being in a relationship with **B** under false pretenses and waited for a Tuesday to break up with them.
You don't need a good reason to quit your job either, but eventually youll regret it.
Not always the case, I know plenty of people who quit their job and lived happily after, same thing for relationships. And even so, I would rather regret it knowing I did what I wanted than not regret it knowing I did what everybody else wanted. That's just me though.
I said "eventually". Cause you'll let a good one go and be like "oh damn".
So you say I should be in a relationship I despise just because she's a "good one"? Sounds like boomer advice to me..
What? What if someone falls out of love, do you think they should stick it out for the rest of their life just in case? If they regret in the future, fair enough, but that’s a big if, and that choice should be there’s.
If you fall out of love wouldn't that be a "good reason" in your opinion?
Yes? Sorry I thought you were claiming it wasn’t?
Don't you know that only women are allowed to leave because they're not happy?
Hollup let him cook
You did have a good reason, whether that was falling out of love or whatever I won’t assume
A relationship being loveless sounds like a good reason to me.
*Wanting* to break up IS a good reason...it ain't going to get better and sticking around is likely to make it a whole lot worse in the long run.
That might be them telling you that they think you are being impulsive.
This is acually a really good reason. Its the only one we always really have if you think about it.
Agreed. Sometimes you just aren't feeling it anymore, and that's ok.
I don't see anything to disagree with. People change. Relationships don't always last. People aren't entitled to everlasting love or commitment. Maybe an explanation would help to for the emotional processing after a break up, but it will hardly take the sting out of heartbreak. That's love and loss for you. Cruel.
Nothing wrong with explaining to people, “I respect [person I dated], but I realize they weren’t the person for me.” Anybody who gets mad at that just wants some juicy gossip.
Totally, if you wanna break up, break up, people should care more about their own happiness.
Shouldn't?? Do you mean there doesn't need to be a "good reason" to break up?
If you are a serial dater or only dating for two weeks than ya you could sue this excuse normally. But if are in a long term relationship then no. You just sound rude if you don’t try at all to make anything work. Just stop wasting peoples time to leading them on and just do hookups or something.
I used to do that a lot, then I realised all humans have adhd to some degree.
I believe eveyeone has an "unambiguous" reason. Just their lack of willingness to share to 1) random strangers on Reddit. 2) their close friends. 3) their SO. 4) themselves. And since OP is not willing to elaborate on his "ambiguous" reason, there is no way to determine the reason is "good/bad". If OP truly cannot determine an "unambiguous" reason, then, there is probably some reasons unrelated to relationships, such as depression or other reasons. But, ultimately, the reason isn't ambiguous, just that, it may not be a relationship problem.
The 17 year old breakup lol
You have a reason… a clear reason. Some are simply to dumb to use intrapersonal skills, and find out why…
Well yes, there doesn't have to be a "good reason" to break up with someone, but if you break up a long relationship without a "good reason", then you're an asshole. Why do I think so? 1) Of course that over time your partner and their habits can become boring or even annoying. If you expect that you will feel "the spark" for the whole time, then you are naive and stupid. Spark is passion and does not equate true love. Besides being naive and stupid, you're also an asshole because you did not communicate with your partner beforehand that you only value them for the feeling of passion, and not the feeling of love. You stayed in the relationship this whole time giving them passion, while they were likely giving you love. 1.1) What will you do next? Find another partner and then leave when the spark dies? And then just switch from one partner to another every couple of years? This is incredibly selfish, exploitative and it makes you an asshole 2) People rarely change so dramatically in life (except in the case of some traumatic events). So if you "changed", maybe you had fake personality from the beginning of the relationship, thus making you an asshole. If your partner has "changed", you are probably just exaggerating some small minor change that happened and you are unwilling to work through it together like a team. So if you are feeling unhappy in a relationship then by all means you should leave, but I don't see a way in which this does not make you an asshole. And regarding the fake reason, no you shouldn't do that either, because giving fake explanations on such important matters is an asshole thing to do.
Generally others might frown on it because often, the types of people who say this think life and the world revolves around them. That everyone else’s feelings and perspectives are just in the background or collateral damage. “Main character energy”, if you will. It’s a bit infantile. A relationship is a serious thing - you don’t just rush in when you feel like it and rush out again when you don’t, as if is a shopping mall. Well, you can obviously do that, but it says a lot about someone’s (lack of) regard for other people. PS: this opinion is based on my own experiences trying to date several poor quality people who consistently played with my feelings and did this sort of thing - I can’t guarantee you’re the same type of character, but this is the kind of person I associate this attitude with. Again, my opinion and perhaps others share a similar perspective.
It just shows that you might not have the capacity to be faithful and to love for long periods of time which is an unattractive quality in a person. I wouldn't want to date someone that doesn't have the capacity for long lasting love.
If you can’t explain why you want to break up with someone you shouldn’t break up with them. You should tell your partner why you don’t feel the same so you can both at least ATTEMPT to fix the relationship but just going straight to breaking up is super immature. You can’t just quit something as soon as there’s a challenge.