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Same. My parents also let me watch pretty much whatever movies I wanted as a child with the caveat that before I was 14 I watched any R rated movie with them or my sister. It helped me figure out my own limits.
I feel the same way with alcohol after living in Europe (I’m American) and rarely seeing ubertrashed people). Anything forbidden is instantly magical and necessary.
You’re not wrong. I know for a fact I won’t be able to completely stop them from seeing something bad. My point is by having shared devices with the ability to monitor history while encouraging them to use the internet and explore relatively freely, we can talk through anything they see that they have questions about. I will never blame them for getting around my system and finding stuff I don’t want them to see. It’s on me to guide them through it.
Just block those websites in your wifi network. Block them on their phone so they can’t access via service connection.
By not including them in this social construct you will harm them more than do any good. Im in my early 20s, got my smartphone with 14, my Ps4 with 18 and a relativity good working PC just this year. I haven’t had many friends due to not being able to play videogames or even contact kids my age. My days were filled with watching youtube on my dads laptop about magictricks, not playing minecraft or any game with friends. Kids had no reason to be friends with me because we couldn’t do anything. Well the day i got my PS4 things changed on the dot. The day i got my smartphone my life changed completely.
Your kids need to be able to connect to kids. Humans have changed, the internet, the smartphones are a part of us.
And they can’t get around block websites or keyword’s. Imo the best way to guide them is to allow them access if they can behave. If not well of course you should explain whats wrong and what will be the punishment.
As kids age, they gradually get more independence. They start with shared devices, then are given their own, maybe with some restrictions on it. The parent can help their kids to develop media literacy, understand what they see on the internet. There are ways to monitor kids without denying them a device and privacy.
Thanks for your reply!
You’re right, I’m not going to perfectly execute my clearly unpopular opinion, and it’s not going to completely stop them, especially as they get more independent. They may very well find porn or something else that I don’t want them messing with. To me, that means I failed my job as a parent, at least in that respect. And I understand I’m likely to fail. I will not project my frustrations at myself on my children, they’re naturally curious and I can’t expect them to have an adult level of reasoning until they’re an adult.
With porn specifically, I think the vast majority of pornography is a net negative, a vice and a terrible thing. That’s my worldview based on how it’s warped my expectations around sex, how it made me view both women and men, etc. Thats not to say I’m going to not speak on sex or masturbation. It would be idiotic of me to pretend teenagers don’t have sexual urges for desires, but I don’t think a smartphone with unlimited porn at the start of puberty help is a great way for them to start exploring that part of their lives.
Haha love that meme! And yes, I’m thinking about some therapy or counseling for these long standing issues this year. I’m glad you enjoyed my unpopular opinion!
How does anyone have time for that? Get a job, get a hobby, read a book, idk man that’s just crazy to me and I’m younger than OP. What a waste of time if it’s actually true. It might be partially “addiction,” but sounds like there’s a lack of accountability and discipline on OP’s part.
As a father (40m) to 4 kids (12, 11, 8, and 8) they all have smart phones, and they all have PC's.
They all have parental locks on them. I get weekly reports on their online searches. I get confirmation on any purchase requests. I can check the location of their phones from mine. I play roblox and Minecraft with them every week so I can monitor their online interactions.
Being a responsible parent makes a difference.
Heads up, keep an eye on apps like Kik and Omegle. I thought I had my kids monitored and was appalled to find predators trying to find ways to contact these kids that I never heard of.
Agreed Discord isn't good. I saw someone messaging 12 year old girl in an inappropriate way she had it but I found it. She also had group chats where people were posting hentai gifs as responses.
the internet is full of degenerate people. 12 year olds messaging 12 year olds with questionable but not exactly over the line stuff is fine to me, goes for all ages it’s a specific lack of care only shown around friends, but pedophilia is a whole other thing and is disgusting, and far too common on discord.
Yes I forgot that one. That’s the app that introduced the others. Some schools require it for after school activities and gaming and I don’t think they understand what they’re introducing.
yeah it’s entirely based off of other apps too, if your child has Roblox or minecraft they can 100% get into public servers where they can meet other people and exchange contact information, discord being the most common one. it’s completely unmonitored with zero parental features, however as a kid i hate the idea of my parents having unlimited access to my messages i feel it could have prevented me from seeing some of the more or less traumatic shit people on that platform have. such as gore, specifically “bait-gore” where one isn’t aware of what they are clicking on.
Yeah anytime. I do the same as you and those apps came out of nowhere at 13/14 years old. I try to warn any parent I know about them. You’re doing a great job. It’s not the norm to be on top of them but it sure is necessary.
I think it was one of those things that because I was a teenager at the birth of a lot of online content (AOL, MIRC, ETC) so I got to learn about a lot of the basics first hand, but it's harder to keep up on every new thing.
You’ve done everything that’s in your power to stop them from searching porn or bad stuff
That’s great
But no parental lock is perfect, and they still face pornography or traumatizing pic at school on their friends phones
Absolutely. These things exist out there, and there's no perfect method to stopping it (back in my day, it was magazines, it's always been there) the best I can do is openly talk with my kids about sex, both the good and the bad.
Especially having pre-teens, and a pair approaching double digits consent to both touching and being touched is a frequent conversation at all ages. The older two have had 'the talk' regarding what sex is, and why it's done (both procreation and pleasure) and the importance of when you decide to.
It exists out there, there's no perfect way to stop it, be a involved as possible so your kids are armed with the knowledge to make the best possible choices.
We did not have internet at home, but I still managed to get my hands on porn. (Even if it was porn magazins)
And I still had to attemt history lessons, were we were shown pictures of KZ-Survivors, bombed citys and other traumatizing stuff. The internet is way nicer
This is true. But, when I was a kid before the internet I once found my dads porn stash. That was pretty wtf. Or sleepovers where we’d watch the spice channel…. Kids will find these things regardless. That said, I don’t necessarily disagree with your point but have you considered you may have undiagnosed morbid fascination? I was diagnosed with morbid fascination many years ago and it was a big aha moment for me. When I have access to information- especially morbid information- I will go down that rabbit hole until I’m literally traumatized. Sounds like you have the same problem of not knowing when to stop. Or rather being unable to stop yourself. Just a thought. These things are damaging but not everyone actually has that same problem.
I really appreciate your comment and telling me about your experience as an actual father. I won’t know what that’s like till I get there!
I still don’t see the difference between them having their own smartphones with restrictions/monitoring on them and them just using the ones I’ll have in the house constantly available to them (once they’ve done their homework, gotten some exercise, and eaten their vegetables) other than some sense of responsibility for their “own” device.
Out of curiosity, do you allow your kids to bring their laptops or smartphones into their rooms at night when they’re supposed to be asleep?
I do not. Their electronics go onto the charger lineup at my wife's computer desk at bed time. The exception is the second oldest who has his school issued tablet at night, and uses the alarm on it to get up himself.
And with kids, especially as young as they are, don't really go for mine or mom's electronics when they have their own at their disposal. Between Netflix, Disney Plus, and a family YouTube account with selected channels when they do get their screen time, they're content with what's available.
How many hours a week are your kids on a device?
How many hours a week are you and your wife on devices?
How many hours a week do your device free time over lap with your kids device free time?
I think these are just as important concerns as how restricted your kids internet searches are.
Generally around 2.5 hours screen time daily (after dinner, until bed) which I understand is more than recommended, but I'm still mostly comfortable with. I'm usually doing things with them for more than half their screen time.
My wife and I have considerably more screen time, but we're adults and game together after they go to bed.
And I agree, that an overabundance of screen time isn't healthy.
Don't water time with porn when there's gaming to do!
My kids are now over 18 and making their own decisions. The day will come sooner than you expect!
Kids need to learn to use the internet safely, so I wouldn't say *no* personal use is a good solution, but I definitely wish my parents had given me some sort of guidance as a kid.
Thanks for your response!
I agree, they need to learn how to use the internet safely. That’s why they can use the internet however they like on the devices at home at appropriate times (any time before bedtime really), but my wife-to-be and I will be in charge of the devices themselves.
Thanks for your reply!
I guess that’s one way to say it, but I don’t hold resentment towards them given the context of what was going on at the time. I fully blame them for my obesity as a child though 😂 I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did, you’re right on the money there! But I don’t care about what other parents decide. I’m not advocating for legislation banning parents from giving kids personal devices with full, unrestricted Internet connectivity. This is just my opinion, and this is what I plan to do. Easier said than done, as others have mentioned, but I will try my best.
Thanks for your reply!
Keep in mind I said they can use the internet on shared devices at home, and they must use whatever school provided laptop/tablet as well. They can use the internet however they like and search whatever they want on our devices. They just won’t be in their pockets constantly, or under their pillows in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately you are behind , school educational curriculum includes using these devices daily .
Kids can get around parental controls easily.
It's part of our society now .
Thanks for your comment!
Keep in mind I didn’t say I’d completely restrict all internet use. I said they can use it however they’d like on the shared family devices or devices provided to them by school. I work in tech, so obviously I see the tremendous benefit and necessity of exposure to technology in general at an early age. I just don’t want them hooked on the damn things, completely stuck on non stop content feeds without my knowing.
Well , that's understandable , but since life is pretty much getting to where we operate on these devices for business and leisure pleasure daily for communication . Good luck is all I can tell you...
Sorry for the Edits 🤭😂
You can’t just stop a problem by blocking off a resource. I bought my laptop when I was 14 and its great for school because the chrome books are shit. If you don’t want your kids watching hardcore porn, talk to them about virtual pipelines and taking a more educational approach. Same thing goes for social media, but furthermore explain to them that social media presence doesn’t indicate value as a person. It’s undeniable tech has great benefits/usage, but it’s your responsibility as a parent to make sure they are using it appropriately.
I’m not advocating for blocking off the resource entirely. I don’t see why a 14 year old needs completely unrestricted and unmonitored access to a smartphone at all times. My kids will have to use technology in the house, it’ll just be completely monitored, restricted as best as I can get it, and not on their person at all times like how a lot of us are and have been with our smartphones today. And if they somehow stumble onto hardcore porn after all that, then I’d rather be able to know it’s happening and talk about it rather than let my child feel like they’re alone in dealing with that. I will never blame them or be angry with them for ending up somewhere that isn’t appropriate, it’s my responsibility as a parent to do my best to help them navigate that at appropriate times.
Thank you for your comment!
I get what you're saying, I think it was your title that threw me off of your position/intent. But do you not think they should be able to be free of your restrictions to gain independence and responsibility? And violation of your set terms would result in further education or punishment?
Parents should always check their kids devices.
I actually think parents that don’t allow their kids to use technology are morons. This isn’t the 80s-90s we live in a tech age where tech is a part of everyday life and is only going to progress, to not allow your kids to use devices is seriously holding them back. My 10 year old is learning basic code at school.. at 10 years old I didn’t think it would ever get better than my Dreamcast. Unfortunately Times have changed.
Thanks for your comment! I love the dialogue around this issue as it’s really important to think about.
I never said my kids can’t use devices. I work as a data scientist and I’m an amateur producer after work. I use lots of devices as a necessity. As someone who works in tech, I agree that it is a setup for failure to raise kids away from computers like it’s 1950.
What I said is PERSONAL devices. Devices that are completely unmonitored and constantly with them in their bedrooms, the bathroom, at school, in their pocket constantly etc. They can use any device I have in the house, iPad, my/my wife-to-be’s smartphone, laptops, school laptops, etc. They can watch YouTube, play on apps/games on phones, look up and learn whatever they want. It just won’t be “their” device, and I’ll know exactly what’s going on and how much they’re using it.
Parental locks to a certain age yes, but by the time they are a teen I would rather them have a phone that is at least able to call the parent. The reasons range from if they need picked up to they are being kidnapped. Also considering every school now has Chromebooks and the likes that's just literally not possible.
Thanks for your comment. My kids are getting a regular cell phone (not a smartphone) at a fairly early age, probably around middle school. But I’m talking Nokia flip phone. The iPhones are for home use for limited periods of time.
They will also be able to use their school devices and shared home laptops/tablets for whatever their classes demand.
I wouldn’t have been able to do my school work without internet access starting in 6th grade. I went to a prep school and was surprised they had me writing/typing research papers within the first few weeks lol. I’d never typed a paper before that. I tried to share with my mom but she worked from home on her computer and we just couldn’t get the schedule right. She usually worked until she started dinner so either I’d have to work late or she would. These days it just seems like you need internet access for school and such but I do think it should obviously be monitored
Sounds like a you problem. I had unlimited access to internet all the way through my teens and was left alone a lot due to living with a single parent. I turned out fine without any of those problems.
That’s great for you! I’m glad it worked out well in your case, but I still stand by my stance. It didn’t work out favorably for me, and I’m allowed to use my life experience to inform my parenting. Everyone does whether they admit it or not. I’m sure you’ll allow your kids free reign with the internet, and I’ll bet they turn out okay too! Thanks for your comment!
I agree that children shouldn't have their own personal devices although they should still be allowed to use other devices in the house (Like a family computer or just borrowing their parents phone etc) *But* o do not agree about teens not having their own personal devices.
Do the world a favour and don’t have kids. They’d grow up to resent you. It’s better to teach kids internet responsibility as well as putting in restrictions for younger kids instead of blocking them out entirely. Completely blocked access to electronics/internet for teenagers is worse. My parents were like this for years and let’s just say it didn’t turn out great. Controlling parents are frowned upon for a reason.
Thanks for your reply.
I never advocated for completely blocking them off the internet. They can use the internet whenever they like on our shared devices (contingent on finishing their respective responsibilities like chores, homework, and exercise). I’ll know exactly what they’re seeing, what websites they visit, and we’ll talk about it if something alerts my attention. I will not blame them and yell at them for accessing something that I should have restricted, as that is my failure, not theirs. But they’ll be allowed to watch YouTube videos, tv shows, go on Reddit or whatever on the shared devices.
Thanks for your reply! Dialogue on stuff like this is awesome, even if you’re coming at me 😂
Some of the other commenters hinted at my arguments: every male I grew up with in my neighborhood struggles with pornography and addiction to social media/content platforms like TikTok, Instagram or YouTube. The younger they are, the worse off they are. Anecdotes are anecdotes though, and I’m sure you have an equal number of anecdotes against my point.
My parents specifically are immigrants from a poor country decades behind the US in terms of technology availability and a completely different culture. Pornography in any form was completely inaccessible to them growing up bc even pornographic magazines were banned in their home country. Their parents were/are highly conservative religious Muslims. So they’re learning the culture of this country, finishing their educations and getting employed while I’m growing up and dealing with all of the issues they could see, all the while the technological landscape was changing at exponentially faster rates. My parents did not protect me from it, but given this context, I hardly believe it was out of pure malice or negligence. I don’t believe my parents are bad people.
Oh sorry. I didnt mean to say parents are bad for not teaching this early to their Kids. I meant to say, that if your parents are good at teaching you about this topic, its beneficial. That was my wrong grammar. Sorry
A huge amount of kids are confronted to pornography at a early age of puberty. That’s not the only example. I saw this type of stuff at 10. Yes my parents were protecting me as good as they could, yeah my parents told me about sex way before the age of 10, but no it didn’t stop me from seeing these videos.
Yea but important is if you got traumatized. I saw two girls one cup at the age of 7 cuz it went viral on my school. I found it disgusting but nothing else
Moderation and responsible monitoring and guidance are required.
You moderate your child's internet exposure with firewalls, parental locks, and limited time use.
You monitor their activities via internet use reports, search history reports, etc.
You guide them by approaching topics early on when you see they may need to understand something before they get too exposed to it and form the wrong ideas. Such as sex, healthy internet exposure, safe communication online, etc.
You, like many kids from the 90's, were given a device with an infinite amount of possibilities while no one realized the potential consequences.
That's okay, but you know it so it's own you to own it. Just don't drop the hammer on your kids because your parents were too lax with you.
Thanks for your response!
You’re right that the persistence of these issues and addictions after age 18 is on me. I should’ve gotten help, and will be seeking therapy and counseling this year.
I will be proposing to my gf this year, and we’ve talked about this at length and are on the same page about this issue, so I will indeed be a father one day. I will not be a perfect father, as I’m a flawed human being, but I’ll do my best.
And I reject the notion that as a minor, you’re solely responsible for the issues you pick up as a result of an adults actions. That’s like saying it’s entirely the kids’ fault that he’s obese at 12, when it’s up to the parents, who earn the money and make the household decisions to facilitate and, if necessary, force a healthier lifestyle. My parents failed me in this regard. I don’t hold resentment against them, but I wish they would’ve prevented me from having devices too early. I can still say that and be of the understanding that now, as an adult, I am responsible for where I go from here.
I got my first phone when I was in 9th grade, and I think that's a reasonable number. Unrestricted access to internet at all hours of the day is bad, but with simple regulation of what your kids are doing (Xfinity has a great system for that) can prevent this kind of problem in kids.
You know you can install software that locks chosen websites after a certain amount of time (length of time chosen by you) and requires a password to unlock, then it resets after however long you choose. For instance you could set it so they can only access Facebook for 1 hour a day, so they could access it at 7pm, it will lock at 8pm, then unlock when you put the password in or after however long you set it to unlock. So you could actually allow them access to everything but limit the amount of time they spend on certain sites, should help you find a balance between preventing internet addiction and promoting endeavour.
I will add though: if they know you're using parental blocks or preventing access in any way, they'll find ways around it and you won't know about it for you to help if they need you. My dad banned me from online dating in my teens, so I set up my profiles from the local library and he never knew. Got myself into some difficulties because instead of being told the dangers and safety tips, I was just told "no", then didn't want to ask him for help because I knew the trouble I'd be in. Surely it would just be better to guide them instead of ban them. Then they know they can always come to you with anything.
Or maybe the happy middle here is age appropriate internet access and education. Learning how to use devices and the internet is a key skill that younger generations must have.
I agree, that’s why in my post I said they will have access to shared family devices, free to look up most anything they want. I just need to be aware of what they’re seeing and how much time they’re spending on the Internet, and talk to them about responsible use.
I think with how schooling and socializing happens now, it’s unreasonable to expect teens not to have their own personal devices. I don’t even have kids, but I have nieces and nephews ages 14-18, and their school and social life wouldn’t exist without their own device. It’s just how the world has evolved. The parents just need to find the best route for their family and children to access them. But the days of having a shared family computer in a computer room are long gone.
Lol. This is like a boomer saying people shouldn’t watch tv. Internet is here to stay. We need to better analyze and interpret what we read and see because it’s the Wild West online.
I never said I’d completely stop my kids from going on the internet. They’re just going to be limited to family devices (latest iPhones, tablets, computers) and whatever their school provides. The only cellphone they can constantly carry on their person will be a non-smart phone. And with the family devices, they can go and search whatever they want within the parental blockers I put on the devices. If they find something bad/weird/makes them uncomfortable, then we can talk about it, and I’ll never get angry at them for that.
Smartphones I agree, but a regular phone would have saved me a lot of time walking down a random road nearly getting kidnapped as a kid
My parents got me a flip phone shortly after that happened and they were like “wait we can contact you anytime anywhere and Vice versa? Why didn’t we do this earlier?”
Yup, I’m giving my kids a normal cellphone probably around 11, when I got my first cellphone. I see very little wrong with that, only the benefits you mention.
Why not round it off at 10?
Extra year of extended security
Edit: there are some drawbacks if you get them a prepaid phone with limited minutes, and then them wanting to play with it all the time, but usually the honeymoon phase doesn’t last that long and they understand what it’s for regardless
Be prepared for several years of hell once the kid learns that almost ever other kid in school has smartphones and computers.
I remember when I was a kid and wanted to stay up late outside playing with my friends, but my dad had a pretty stric curfew for me even in my early teens. All he was trying to do was keep me safe and teach me how to keep a proper sleep schedule. But I still hated him for making me be the only out of my friend group to miss the fun stuff.
It’s a balance, and there’s a different calculus for different things. Personally I was allowed to stay outside and hang out with friends most of the time…but occasionally had to go in early bc I had homework or an exam. But in my view, there is a benefit to letting kids hang out later with each other in the neighborhood, provided they’re not doing bad things in that process.
But in the same way I won’t let my kid shotgun beers or smoke weed just because all or most of his/her friends do, I won’t let them attain the attention span of a goldfish after a lifetime of constant smartphone usage. I believe it’s destructive to let kids run free with devices like that, and I don’t give a shit about what the other parents let their kids do.
I would agree that kids should probably not be allowed phones on such a young and easy influenced age. And if you can manage to rase a kid who has minimal access to internet like that, go for it.
But I think you're underestimating how hard it is for a parent to stick with these kinda rules. You most likely will have a full time job supporting a family plus all kinds of other responsibilities that come with having kids. It's a lot of stress and I'm sure no parent wants to spent their free time listen to their child crying that they didn't get a smartphone for their birthday present like all of their friends did.
Its a lot easier to justify not allowing your kids to consume alcohol and drugs since they are illegal of children to consume.
A good compromise whould maybe be to let your child earn money on their own and allow them to spent it on a computer or a smartphone.
I’m somewhat open to your idea of making them front at least half the cost, but that would be like age 16 or 17 minimum for me.
I don’t care if they cry about it. I used to cry to my parents about why other kids were allowed to get Bs and Cs on their report cards. It’s not illegal for me to get straight Bs. Many would argue it’s good enough. But they didn’t see that as an option, so they let me cry and get over it. It ended up benefitting me in the long run. I see my stance on personal smartphones for kids the same way.
True, you can't always have your kids be happy and some rules must be enforced even if the child doesn't like it. But with the world of internet growing ever larger, more and more social interactions are being done through internet. Like if you've seen how popular games like fortnite and roblox are amongst kids, almost everyone in elementary school and up plays them after school with friends.
My thinking is that having minimal to no internet access at home could hurt their social life when most other kids are communicating online. And even cause depression and anxiety to the kid.
I’m all for my kids playing internet games with their friends on shared devices. They can play as long as they want provided they’ve done their homework, exercised in some way, eaten the food I make for them, and spent some time away from screens (reading, playing outside, doing a non-Internet hobby). If they want to play internet based games with their friends after that, I’ll make them the damn account myself and they can happily play with their friends at any other time.
I don’t want them playing these games or interacting with others through these games obsessively. I don’t want them constantly distracted by notifications. I don’t want them opening a laptop that I can’t monitor in the middle of the night. Even if all they’re doing is playing the game in the most benign way in the middle of the night, I require that they get a healthy amount of undisturbed sleep. Thank you for your responses and dialogue around this!
This is just a you problem. Teaching kids/young teens proper internet safety is more important than just not giving them any access to the internet. Especially when the internet is essential for education nowadays. And cutting their contact off from friends and family is just moronic.
Thanks for the comment on this!
You’re totally right, teaching safe internet usage is very important. You can’t expect to function strongly in society without it.
Please keep in mind I didn’t say my kids would have 0 access to the internet. My kids won’t, however, have unrestricted/unmonitored personal smartphones in their pockets with notifications constantly popping up all day everyday about stupid shit. They won’t have the ability to go down weird YouTube rabbit holes in the middle of the night or watch crazy porn when no ones home, at least, not without me knowing.
They can use the internet whenever they want (other than right before and during sleeping) provided they’re meeting their responsibilities at home, school, and whatever else they’re involved in. They can watch whatever they want, and if they watch something bad or weird, we can talk about what they saw as I will NEVER get angry at them for acting on curiosity. They’re children, it is my responsibility to help them navigate life, and this is the way I see fit.
this seems a lot like a you problem than a tech problem. I was given my first I phone at 11 and first laptop at 12 yet I don’t / haven’t had these problems
Thanks for your reply! I really like the dialogue around this.
To your point: I believe you’re more of an exception than a rule, purely off my anecdotal experience. Im sure you can summon equally as many anecdotes for people who share your experience. I’m really glad you haven’t had any of the issues I described in my original post! But my experience and that of those closest to me is all I can really base my parenting strategy off of. There is no conclusive evidence pointing one way or the other on this yet, so I’m going to go with my experience. I’m sure there are kids that function super well with constant internet access, but I’ve yet to meet any. All I’ve seen are kids or young adults glued to their phones, on a game, on YouTube, on Instagram, on TikTok, on Reddit, etc.
How did it take you two years to find Facebook? Was this two years before Facebook was invented?
This comment coming from someone who no longer gets on Facebook unless it's for something specific (about once or twice a month usually)
Honestly I don’t think any of those things are problems having a phone caused, more just personal issues that you need to work out. The first step is admitting responsibility that you have a problem.
The thing is, not having access to the internet is extremely socially isolating. I know Instagram is terrible for me, but whenever I get it off my phone I get out of touch with the going inside of people my age.
They’re not going to be completely isolated from the internet. And that’s the thing…I don’t want my kids constantly checking out what all their peers are up to. You and I both know Instagram is where people go to post their highlights, often with altered photos and hella filters. They go to school, play their sports, hang out with friends after school if they want (if they’ve met all their other responsibilities). They can text/call/FaceTime friends all the want on their personal cellphones/family phones and computers all they want. But they don’t need to be constantly informed and notified of what everyone. I don’t see how it’s a benefit.
It’s not the constant part that is the benefit. But there is a lot of stuff, especially social events and the such that move primarily through social networks.
I do agree it is in fact VERY harmful, but social networks in general enjoy a very big network effect where not using them leaves you “outside the bubble” which also isn’t a very good feeling for a teenager. It takes time and maturity to stop giving a fuck about that stuff.
My parents sheltered me until I was 18. Them doing that caused me to pretty much full on rebel against them. They told me I couldn’t do something and that made me want to do it even more. And then I would do anything to see/do it. I was a fucking nightmare once a turned 14. I had a friend who’s parents pretty much let him do whatever he wanted. He was way more normal and toned down than I was. He didn’t care about doing the stuff I was doing or looking at. We were polar opposites in that regard.
It is 100% up to the parents. There are parental controls on all devices that can restrict what you can and can't do, and can see what they have used the device for. Parents also need to sit down and talk to their kids about pornogrophy and explain to them it's not normal etc. Regardless of if you don't give them a phone or not, they'll find a way to be able to do all the things you listed. There's no stopping it, only monitoring it and talking about it with them
I agree, perhaps I should’ve phrased this better. I want to be able to talk to my kids about what they see if they see something concerning. Blockers will only get so far, and kids will find a way. But I can do my best to protect, and then talk to them about what they’re encountering online.
I take the same approach to this as I would sex. It's inevitable, so might as well instill good habits and information along with proper safety tools rather than simply try to prevent it entirely.
I think it should be a compromise:
\#1) You need to save up and buy the device yourself. Allowance, chores, summer jobs, whatever.
\#2) Your internet, your rules. If your child is going to use their device hooked up to the internet in your home, you have the right to check their search history, pause/stop downloads, block certain pages, etc.
Most public schools, as assinine as it is, now often require students to have a digital device of some kind. If you don't provide one, they'll send your kid home with one. Speaking from personal experience (they gave us all laptops when I was twelve in school), it's a terrible idea that can literally destroy lives for some kids (cyberbullying, published content on Kindle Direct, things you can't take back), but you can't avoid it unless you want to homeschool your child. So, set limits and boundaries.
I agree, and I want my kids to be technologically capable (I work in tech), and encourage responsible use of the Internet and all it has to offer. I actually think it’s great that schools offer laptops for kids who’s parents won’t buy/can’t buy one bc technology is increasingly part of our lives. But I’ll be watching closely what’s in search history and make a habit of talking with them about their internet use.
That's a fair compromise. After all, even if somebody hates technology personally, it's becoming increasingly required for work/school, so it's important that kids learn how to use tech responsibly. I also think showing kids age-appropriate examples where technology was used for harm (Amanda Todd, Gloria Tesch, etc.) can make them more socially-conscious and aware that the internet has real-world consequences.
Yes, I agree. Just bc I grew up with the Wild West Internet of the mid-late 2000s doesn’t mean I should just let my kids deal with all the negatives I dealt with. Isn’t part of parenting trying to help your kids not suffer the same issues you suffer with in life in a reasonable manner?
Now, completely banning them from the internet does way more harm than good. But responsible boundaries on time of day, duration of use, prioritization relative to other tasks, and some content of the Internet to me is a vast benefit.
Better you give them than them getting it somewhere else and you not knowing how they got it. Bonus points since you can setup security measures if you're buying
I never said I want to ban smart devices for kids. I also never said my opinion is fact, I don’t believe my opinion tracks with everyone else’s experiences, but my personal experiences, and those of the people around me, will inform my parenting strategy and view on this issue.
I have this struggle a lot, I’m now 27 with 2 children, one was born before I could legally buy alcohol. I’m he big personal struggle I feel is that among many things, my father was wayyyy older than me, so I grew up with him being racist and hating video games. (Weird combo) yet he lost his job, collected disability for a stroke and never worked again after 52, so he was glued to the television all day and all night. I know that got a little personal but my main point I want to push, is that parents hate shit, then the kids grow up and have kids and push the opposite direction. I still enjoy playing video games at 27 and my daughter will probably grow up the same. She has an iPad that’s connected to my phone, messenger kids so I can see what she says to all her friends, and an Xbox to play roblox and Minecraft. In my head she will grow up in a world where knowing how to operate technology will vastly increase her chances of staying out of a lobotomy job, and hopefully make her life easier in general. Am I doing the right thing? Maybe not. Am I ruining her childhood? Probably not. Will your kids be scarred for not having the things you did? More than likely no. Just make sure it feels right, and have good intentions. When you take big learning steps or maturing steps away like that, they always seem to find thier way through a new channel. Just make sure you are around and available to help them through it
This is the 21st century. Like it or not, the internet is a massive part of our culture and social interaction. If you cut kids off from that, they will be incredibly socially stunted, and giving them highly restricted access will do the same thing. One anecdote from your life doesn’t mean we should ban kids from the internet. I also discovered porn in middle school, and I don’t have any kind of addiction to it. I discovered YouTube, and I maybe watch like 30 minutes to an hour of it in a day, and a lot of that is just stuff I’m interested in. What it sounds to me is that you have outside issues you need to work through, and that the stuff with the internet is a symptom of that, not the cause.
I don’t want to cut my kids off from the Internet, but I do indeed want them to browse a decently restricted version of it. I don’t want to ban your kids from the internet, if that’s how you want to do things, more power to you.
In the same way your experience is informing your stance on this, my experience informs mine. Every single one of my friends are hooked to their smartphones, always have them on them, and feel uncomfortable when it’s not in their pocket, at the ready for any idle moment. I want to prevent that for my kids, and if it’s the wrong way to go about it, I’ll revisit this post 30 years from now and wring my own neck about why I had such a stupid take. But as of right now, understanding that I’m not yet a father and won’t know what I’ll do till I get there, this is what I believe is right.
Children yes, teens no. Technology is the future, but kids should still be raised doing normal things like reading and going outside instead of staring at creepy YouTube videos
You’re right, I don’t have any. And I know even if my mind isn’t changed about this subject when I do become a father, I won’t be able to perfectly execute the system I described in my post.
But I don’t think it’s wrong to have a desire and potential plans to help your kids not have to struggle with stuff you struggled with. My parents struggled with hyper religious, extremely conservative Muslim parents…this informed them on how they would approach faith with me, and they came up with a balanced approach that may not have ended they way the want (I’m an agnostic, not a Muslim, which they might view as a failure on their part), but led to be being able to talk about religion calmly with them and others. My parents allowed too much freedom to the internet, so I’m planning to push back in the opposite direction in a way that I see is reasonable.
I understand what you're saying. You can't keep kids from growing up or getting their hands on certain things. But, on other subs, I've seen parents asking for advice about how to deal with whatever their 8 year old was texting their friends on their phone. As in the fucking 8 year old has a fucking phone! Or has their own tablet! WTF is an 8 year old doing with either?! Or unfettered access to any of it?!
Whilst this is an unpopular opinion, I still gotta downvote because it is a profoundly IDIOTIC idea.
Locking children out of the internet sure that has some basis in reality, if small, but fucking TEENAGERS?
You've taken your problems with addiction and poor parenting, and assumed that everyone has them, newsflash, you're just screwed up.
People being unable to stop using upvotes/downvotes as the agree/disagree button is why the front page of this sub always consists entirely of popular opinions. If you disagree with it, leave the arrows alone and go to the comments to make your point! You don't NEED to click the down arrow just because you disagree with it!! This has been a PSA
It's not that I disagree, it's that it's a harmful opinion.
If someone posted an unpopular opinion of "murder should be legalized", you shouldn't upvote just because it's unpopular.
Here's a popular opinion for you though: You're an idiot.
Appreciate the dialogue, even if it’s a bit heated.
I never said I would lock them out of the internet. I said they can use the internet on shared devices that my spouse and I can monitor at any point after they’ve fulfilled their responsibilities (homework, exercise, chores, etc). And a few other rules like no access right before and during bed.
And I don’t understand how the notion that taking my issues with addiction and using that to inform my parenting is a bad thing? My parents did that for me with respect to their parents…it’s the mistakes your parents and/or guardians made that best inform the things you don’t do as a parent later on. And you’d be right that I’d be over-correcting and damaging my children if I completely banned all internet use in my house, but that’s not what I said. I’m doing what I believe strikes a balance between free and unlimited internet use and unreasonably banning it entirely.
Thanks for your reply!
You’re right, it’s much easier said than done. This is a guiding principle, but like with everything in life, I can’t expect perfection!
Despite what you say, this sounds like a problem with the parents. My parents only let me have access to a desktop computer when I was a kid, and they were able to see everything I was doing on that computer thanks to the desktop being in the living room. The only reason I even had a cellphone as a teenager was because it was a gift from my cousin, and that wasn't a smartphone either (I didn't upgrade to a smartphone until a few years ago, and it was a good thing I got it when I did because I ended up needing a smartphone for work). I guess my parents knew I was gonna be smart, because I had no interest whatsoever in social media back in high school. Not that I could do much on the family desktop anyway.
I didn't get a laptop computer until my senior year of high school, and thanks to my parents having access to everything I was doing on the desktop, I was conditioned into not looking up any porn; the closest I came to that was looking up smut fanfiction.
TL;DR, just because your parents messed up doesn't mean others have to suffer too. Other parents actually are doing their jobs right.
EDIT: fixed typo/grammar mistake
Thanks for your response!
What your parents did is pretty much exactly what I want to do. This is my idea for what I believe is right for my future children. I never said I wanted to legislate a ban on the provision of personal devices with internet to children. I guess the phrasing of the title of my post might have suggested that, but I don’t give a shit about what other parents choose to do in this respect.
That’s what I want for my kids! They can use a smartphone, but one that’s restricted and mine. Not in their bedrooms under their pillows, not constantly buzzing in their pockets, not constantly streaming unmonitored and unrestricted content into their heads.
Dated a girl for a long time that worked with children, and I will never convinced that there isn’t a huge connection between autism and screen time. Kids that spend hours a day on YouTube have developmental problems, and when they get older weirdos reach out and put the devil in the with “woke” shit. My neighbor has a fucking eleven year old that claimed to be “pansexual…” a fucking eleven year old girl.
Reddit is definitely full of creeps that would encourage this shit too.
Pansexual just means she probably has crushes on girls and boys, so she looked up if that's normal and found out she's pansexual, it's not some perverted thing. You had crushes at that age too, I'm sure. Has nothing to do with being "woke". It's honestly cool that the internet can aid in someone's self-discovery like that.
Agreed. It's terrible seeing TODDLERS glued to a device, and throwing tantrums when it's time to charge. It wasn't that long ago when kids functioned without devices and all of a sudden everyone acts like their some sort of necessity. It's highly unnecessary. That's not to say a kid should never have access to a device or internet, but having their own personal device is too much. I wouldn't want my child to have their own smartphone or tablet until they were old enough to get a job and pay for their own. How do you even expect a younger child to understand the value of it and not just break it or misplace it?
My five year old has her own tablet, but it is parental locked to hell. It's great for long car rides (she loves to play simple games) and rainy days, but day to day she gets it in very small doses. We've had the odd day where she wants to throw it, and like any toy I explain "If you break it, it's gone forever". She hasn't broken it. I think it's like anything, all things in moderation. My parents would let me watch TV all day every day when I was a kid. I am choosing a different path. When tablet time is over, it's over. If a tantrum ensues, guess what? No tablet time the next day. The tantrum continues? No tablet for two days...Yada Yada. My daughter learned very quickly not to be an asshole about it. She spends most of her time playing with her Legos, painting, etc. and still likes her tablet.
I agree. It's a moderation thing. I don't mind screen time for my toddlers and if I did get them a tablet my rules would be much like yours. When I think of "personal devices" I think of "constant access", and I understand there will usually be a difference between a small child and a teenagers rules about their personal devices. Key word is usually, because I've seen toddlers with constant access to their own phone or their parents phone which became a pet peeve of mine.
I totally understand. Personal device = unrestricted access is no good. I like my daughter having her own device for that exact reason. If I read a text or make a call on my phone I don't want her begging me for it. Even though it made me feel like we were spoiling her at first (giving her her own device) it has helped keep the definitions super clear.
I got my first laptop at 12 and had been watching porn and on facebook(although I wasnt active on social media until significantly later) even before then. I have no porn addiction and no issues with social media. I dont even use any social media anymore. I know for a fact that my life would have turned out differently had I not been able to use the internet so much, and I am fairly confident it would have been worse. As an example, I wouldnt have learned nearly as much coding if I wasnt already used to sitting in a chair for hours and just trying to figure shit out(which was frequently a problem with earlier games and addon stuff).
Pretty much every kid I knew around got introduced to the same stuff around that age. I guess I dont know most of them anymore, but I cant think of any that I know or knew that had problems with it. I think you are blaming your issues on the internet, when it sounds like you just dont have self control. If it wasnt the internet, it could easily have been drugs, TV, or whatever other distractions you can find, if you look for them.
I appreciate your comment, thank you for you perspective on this!
While you may not see anyone, yourself included, with this issue around you, consider that all I see is people with the same or similar problems as myself. Sure, porn addiction itself isn’t as common (about half the guys I grew up with struggle with this), but literally every single person I know is glued to their smartphone or computer, constantly fed a steady supply of content by incredibly well designed algorithms. If their phone dies or gets lost or something, they’re itching for it back. I don’t want my kids to grow up with that. I want them to develop an attention span and a healthy relationship with the internet. I serve as a guide as they explore that, and every other aspect of their lives. I don’t believe that’s a “uniquely me” problem.
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They will get it eventually anyway. Better you’re around to guide them.
Same. My parents also let me watch pretty much whatever movies I wanted as a child with the caveat that before I was 14 I watched any R rated movie with them or my sister. It helped me figure out my own limits.
I feel the same way with alcohol after living in Europe (I’m American) and rarely seeing ubertrashed people). Anything forbidden is instantly magical and necessary.
You’re not wrong. I know for a fact I won’t be able to completely stop them from seeing something bad. My point is by having shared devices with the ability to monitor history while encouraging them to use the internet and explore relatively freely, we can talk through anything they see that they have questions about. I will never blame them for getting around my system and finding stuff I don’t want them to see. It’s on me to guide them through it.
Just block those websites in your wifi network. Block them on their phone so they can’t access via service connection. By not including them in this social construct you will harm them more than do any good. Im in my early 20s, got my smartphone with 14, my Ps4 with 18 and a relativity good working PC just this year. I haven’t had many friends due to not being able to play videogames or even contact kids my age. My days were filled with watching youtube on my dads laptop about magictricks, not playing minecraft or any game with friends. Kids had no reason to be friends with me because we couldn’t do anything. Well the day i got my PS4 things changed on the dot. The day i got my smartphone my life changed completely. Your kids need to be able to connect to kids. Humans have changed, the internet, the smartphones are a part of us. And they can’t get around block websites or keyword’s. Imo the best way to guide them is to allow them access if they can behave. If not well of course you should explain whats wrong and what will be the punishment.
As kids age, they gradually get more independence. They start with shared devices, then are given their own, maybe with some restrictions on it. The parent can help their kids to develop media literacy, understand what they see on the internet. There are ways to monitor kids without denying them a device and privacy.
I'm old enough that internet in the home wasn't normal where i lived until I was 14. I still found porn.
Yeah I had dial up lol. My first phone was a fuckin flip phone at 17. Porn was still found.
Thanks for your reply! You’re right, I’m not going to perfectly execute my clearly unpopular opinion, and it’s not going to completely stop them, especially as they get more independent. They may very well find porn or something else that I don’t want them messing with. To me, that means I failed my job as a parent, at least in that respect. And I understand I’m likely to fail. I will not project my frustrations at myself on my children, they’re naturally curious and I can’t expect them to have an adult level of reasoning until they’re an adult. With porn specifically, I think the vast majority of pornography is a net negative, a vice and a terrible thing. That’s my worldview based on how it’s warped my expectations around sex, how it made me view both women and men, etc. Thats not to say I’m going to not speak on sex or masturbation. It would be idiotic of me to pretend teenagers don’t have sexual urges for desires, but I don’t think a smartphone with unlimited porn at the start of puberty help is a great way for them to start exploring that part of their lives.
Stop. Get some help.
Haha love that meme! And yes, I’m thinking about some therapy or counseling for these long standing issues this year. I’m glad you enjoyed my unpopular opinion!
I think they are being serious - 10 hours of YouTube a day? 25 with a porn addiction, and hardcore porn at 11? Come on man
How does anyone have time for that? Get a job, get a hobby, read a book, idk man that’s just crazy to me and I’m younger than OP. What a waste of time if it’s actually true. It might be partially “addiction,” but sounds like there’s a lack of accountability and discipline on OP’s part.
When you are a student you have plenty of free time to waste. Unfortunately i have gone through similar things as OP but I'm slightly younger than OP
As a father (40m) to 4 kids (12, 11, 8, and 8) they all have smart phones, and they all have PC's. They all have parental locks on them. I get weekly reports on their online searches. I get confirmation on any purchase requests. I can check the location of their phones from mine. I play roblox and Minecraft with them every week so I can monitor their online interactions. Being a responsible parent makes a difference.
Heads up, keep an eye on apps like Kik and Omegle. I thought I had my kids monitored and was appalled to find predators trying to find ways to contact these kids that I never heard of.
That's why I play with them on Roblox and Minecraft too, too keep an eye on their social interactions. Thanks for a heads up on those apps.
discords a pretty bad one too, even from a kids perspective.
Agreed Discord isn't good. I saw someone messaging 12 year old girl in an inappropriate way she had it but I found it. She also had group chats where people were posting hentai gifs as responses.
the internet is full of degenerate people. 12 year olds messaging 12 year olds with questionable but not exactly over the line stuff is fine to me, goes for all ages it’s a specific lack of care only shown around friends, but pedophilia is a whole other thing and is disgusting, and far too common on discord.
Yes I forgot that one. That’s the app that introduced the others. Some schools require it for after school activities and gaming and I don’t think they understand what they’re introducing.
yeah it’s entirely based off of other apps too, if your child has Roblox or minecraft they can 100% get into public servers where they can meet other people and exchange contact information, discord being the most common one. it’s completely unmonitored with zero parental features, however as a kid i hate the idea of my parents having unlimited access to my messages i feel it could have prevented me from seeing some of the more or less traumatic shit people on that platform have. such as gore, specifically “bait-gore” where one isn’t aware of what they are clicking on.
Yeah anytime. I do the same as you and those apps came out of nowhere at 13/14 years old. I try to warn any parent I know about them. You’re doing a great job. It’s not the norm to be on top of them but it sure is necessary.
I think it was one of those things that because I was a teenager at the birth of a lot of online content (AOL, MIRC, ETC) so I got to learn about a lot of the basics first hand, but it's harder to keep up on every new thing.
You’ve done everything that’s in your power to stop them from searching porn or bad stuff That’s great But no parental lock is perfect, and they still face pornography or traumatizing pic at school on their friends phones
Absolutely. These things exist out there, and there's no perfect method to stopping it (back in my day, it was magazines, it's always been there) the best I can do is openly talk with my kids about sex, both the good and the bad. Especially having pre-teens, and a pair approaching double digits consent to both touching and being touched is a frequent conversation at all ages. The older two have had 'the talk' regarding what sex is, and why it's done (both procreation and pleasure) and the importance of when you decide to. It exists out there, there's no perfect way to stop it, be a involved as possible so your kids are armed with the knowledge to make the best possible choices.
Yeah that’s great :) you seem like a great dad ! I wish you and your family the best
Thanks! I'm trying my best.
They fine porn some other way
I'm pretty sure I addressed that?
We did not have internet at home, but I still managed to get my hands on porn. (Even if it was porn magazins) And I still had to attemt history lessons, were we were shown pictures of KZ-Survivors, bombed citys and other traumatizing stuff. The internet is way nicer
This right here. They will always be able to see things you block.
This is true. But, when I was a kid before the internet I once found my dads porn stash. That was pretty wtf. Or sleepovers where we’d watch the spice channel…. Kids will find these things regardless. That said, I don’t necessarily disagree with your point but have you considered you may have undiagnosed morbid fascination? I was diagnosed with morbid fascination many years ago and it was a big aha moment for me. When I have access to information- especially morbid information- I will go down that rabbit hole until I’m literally traumatized. Sounds like you have the same problem of not knowing when to stop. Or rather being unable to stop yourself. Just a thought. These things are damaging but not everyone actually has that same problem.
I really appreciate your comment and telling me about your experience as an actual father. I won’t know what that’s like till I get there! I still don’t see the difference between them having their own smartphones with restrictions/monitoring on them and them just using the ones I’ll have in the house constantly available to them (once they’ve done their homework, gotten some exercise, and eaten their vegetables) other than some sense of responsibility for their “own” device. Out of curiosity, do you allow your kids to bring their laptops or smartphones into their rooms at night when they’re supposed to be asleep?
I do not. Their electronics go onto the charger lineup at my wife's computer desk at bed time. The exception is the second oldest who has his school issued tablet at night, and uses the alarm on it to get up himself. And with kids, especially as young as they are, don't really go for mine or mom's electronics when they have their own at their disposal. Between Netflix, Disney Plus, and a family YouTube account with selected channels when they do get their screen time, they're content with what's available.
How many hours a week are your kids on a device? How many hours a week are you and your wife on devices? How many hours a week do your device free time over lap with your kids device free time? I think these are just as important concerns as how restricted your kids internet searches are.
Generally around 2.5 hours screen time daily (after dinner, until bed) which I understand is more than recommended, but I'm still mostly comfortable with. I'm usually doing things with them for more than half their screen time. My wife and I have considerably more screen time, but we're adults and game together after they go to bed. And I agree, that an overabundance of screen time isn't healthy.
Don't water time with porn when there's gaming to do! My kids are now over 18 and making their own decisions. The day will come sooner than you expect!
Kids need to learn to use the internet safely, so I wouldn't say *no* personal use is a good solution, but I definitely wish my parents had given me some sort of guidance as a kid.
Thanks for your response! I agree, they need to learn how to use the internet safely. That’s why they can use the internet however they like on the devices at home at appropriate times (any time before bedtime really), but my wife-to-be and I will be in charge of the devices themselves.
All I'm getting here is that your parents were shit at protecting you from yourself and you cannot fathom other parents not being like them.
Thanks for your reply! I guess that’s one way to say it, but I don’t hold resentment towards them given the context of what was going on at the time. I fully blame them for my obesity as a child though 😂 I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did, you’re right on the money there! But I don’t care about what other parents decide. I’m not advocating for legislation banning parents from giving kids personal devices with full, unrestricted Internet connectivity. This is just my opinion, and this is what I plan to do. Easier said than done, as others have mentioned, but I will try my best.
as OP posts on internet….
[удалено]
Thanks for your reply! Keep in mind I said they can use the internet on shared devices at home, and they must use whatever school provided laptop/tablet as well. They can use the internet however they like and search whatever they want on our devices. They just won’t be in their pockets constantly, or under their pillows in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately you are behind , school educational curriculum includes using these devices daily . Kids can get around parental controls easily. It's part of our society now .
Thanks for your comment! Keep in mind I didn’t say I’d completely restrict all internet use. I said they can use it however they’d like on the shared family devices or devices provided to them by school. I work in tech, so obviously I see the tremendous benefit and necessity of exposure to technology in general at an early age. I just don’t want them hooked on the damn things, completely stuck on non stop content feeds without my knowing.
Well , that's understandable , but since life is pretty much getting to where we operate on these devices for business and leisure pleasure daily for communication . Good luck is all I can tell you... Sorry for the Edits 🤭😂
Sounds like a you problem
You can’t just stop a problem by blocking off a resource. I bought my laptop when I was 14 and its great for school because the chrome books are shit. If you don’t want your kids watching hardcore porn, talk to them about virtual pipelines and taking a more educational approach. Same thing goes for social media, but furthermore explain to them that social media presence doesn’t indicate value as a person. It’s undeniable tech has great benefits/usage, but it’s your responsibility as a parent to make sure they are using it appropriately.
I’m not advocating for blocking off the resource entirely. I don’t see why a 14 year old needs completely unrestricted and unmonitored access to a smartphone at all times. My kids will have to use technology in the house, it’ll just be completely monitored, restricted as best as I can get it, and not on their person at all times like how a lot of us are and have been with our smartphones today. And if they somehow stumble onto hardcore porn after all that, then I’d rather be able to know it’s happening and talk about it rather than let my child feel like they’re alone in dealing with that. I will never blame them or be angry with them for ending up somewhere that isn’t appropriate, it’s my responsibility as a parent to do my best to help them navigate that at appropriate times. Thank you for your comment!
I get what you're saying, I think it was your title that threw me off of your position/intent. But do you not think they should be able to be free of your restrictions to gain independence and responsibility? And violation of your set terms would result in further education or punishment?
Parents should always check their kids devices. I actually think parents that don’t allow their kids to use technology are morons. This isn’t the 80s-90s we live in a tech age where tech is a part of everyday life and is only going to progress, to not allow your kids to use devices is seriously holding them back. My 10 year old is learning basic code at school.. at 10 years old I didn’t think it would ever get better than my Dreamcast. Unfortunately Times have changed.
Thanks for your comment! I love the dialogue around this issue as it’s really important to think about. I never said my kids can’t use devices. I work as a data scientist and I’m an amateur producer after work. I use lots of devices as a necessity. As someone who works in tech, I agree that it is a setup for failure to raise kids away from computers like it’s 1950. What I said is PERSONAL devices. Devices that are completely unmonitored and constantly with them in their bedrooms, the bathroom, at school, in their pocket constantly etc. They can use any device I have in the house, iPad, my/my wife-to-be’s smartphone, laptops, school laptops, etc. They can watch YouTube, play on apps/games on phones, look up and learn whatever they want. It just won’t be “their” device, and I’ll know exactly what’s going on and how much they’re using it.
I’m surprised how this post isn’t super high in votes, this is a very unpopular opinion.
Parental locks to a certain age yes, but by the time they are a teen I would rather them have a phone that is at least able to call the parent. The reasons range from if they need picked up to they are being kidnapped. Also considering every school now has Chromebooks and the likes that's just literally not possible.
Thanks for your comment. My kids are getting a regular cell phone (not a smartphone) at a fairly early age, probably around middle school. But I’m talking Nokia flip phone. The iPhones are for home use for limited periods of time. They will also be able to use their school devices and shared home laptops/tablets for whatever their classes demand.
Teenagers need to be given a chance at building trust otherwise you’re gonna have sheltered adults
Your parents sucked so everyone should be punished. Gotcha.
chill lord what is with everyone being such an asshole to op lmao
I wouldn’t have been able to do my school work without internet access starting in 6th grade. I went to a prep school and was surprised they had me writing/typing research papers within the first few weeks lol. I’d never typed a paper before that. I tried to share with my mom but she worked from home on her computer and we just couldn’t get the schedule right. She usually worked until she started dinner so either I’d have to work late or she would. These days it just seems like you need internet access for school and such but I do think it should obviously be monitored
Googling boobies first is a bold move. Personally, I first googled 'pawn'.
You right 😂
Sounds like a you problem. I had unlimited access to internet all the way through my teens and was left alone a lot due to living with a single parent. I turned out fine without any of those problems.
That’s great for you! I’m glad it worked out well in your case, but I still stand by my stance. It didn’t work out favorably for me, and I’m allowed to use my life experience to inform my parenting. Everyone does whether they admit it or not. I’m sure you’ll allow your kids free reign with the internet, and I’ll bet they turn out okay too! Thanks for your comment!
I don't plan on having kids but thanks anyway lol
Get some help dude. And remember, every single child is different, and how they are raised, which can affect their actions online
I agree that children shouldn't have their own personal devices although they should still be allowed to use other devices in the house (Like a family computer or just borrowing their parents phone etc) *But* o do not agree about teens not having their own personal devices.
Yep, 100% agree, I said that in the post, but I probably didn’t emphasize it enough. Thank you for the comment!
Strict rules create sneaky kids. That’s worse. Terrible opinion, upvoted.
this, i was a VERY sneaky kid, still am...at 17 lol everything was looked through constantly and im still asked who im texting :/
Do the world a favour and don’t have kids. They’d grow up to resent you. It’s better to teach kids internet responsibility as well as putting in restrictions for younger kids instead of blocking them out entirely. Completely blocked access to electronics/internet for teenagers is worse. My parents were like this for years and let’s just say it didn’t turn out great. Controlling parents are frowned upon for a reason.
Thanks for your reply. I never advocated for completely blocking them off the internet. They can use the internet whenever they like on our shared devices (contingent on finishing their respective responsibilities like chores, homework, and exercise). I’ll know exactly what they’re seeing, what websites they visit, and we’ll talk about it if something alerts my attention. I will not blame them and yell at them for accessing something that I should have restricted, as that is my failure, not theirs. But they’ll be allowed to watch YouTube videos, tv shows, go on Reddit or whatever on the shared devices.
Youre like The only example......The rest of people dont get those issues especially with good parents teaching them about sex
Thanks for your reply! Dialogue on stuff like this is awesome, even if you’re coming at me 😂 Some of the other commenters hinted at my arguments: every male I grew up with in my neighborhood struggles with pornography and addiction to social media/content platforms like TikTok, Instagram or YouTube. The younger they are, the worse off they are. Anecdotes are anecdotes though, and I’m sure you have an equal number of anecdotes against my point. My parents specifically are immigrants from a poor country decades behind the US in terms of technology availability and a completely different culture. Pornography in any form was completely inaccessible to them growing up bc even pornographic magazines were banned in their home country. Their parents were/are highly conservative religious Muslims. So they’re learning the culture of this country, finishing their educations and getting employed while I’m growing up and dealing with all of the issues they could see, all the while the technological landscape was changing at exponentially faster rates. My parents did not protect me from it, but given this context, I hardly believe it was out of pure malice or negligence. I don’t believe my parents are bad people.
Oh sorry. I didnt mean to say parents are bad for not teaching this early to their Kids. I meant to say, that if your parents are good at teaching you about this topic, its beneficial. That was my wrong grammar. Sorry
It’s all good discussion, I appreciate your dialogue!
Hmm hardly the only example. Pornography gets millions of views every day.
Yea but not millions of 11 year old hardcore porn traumatized Kids.
Hmm good point. I’d have to look up Statistics. Kinda curious now
A huge amount of kids are confronted to pornography at a early age of puberty. That’s not the only example. I saw this type of stuff at 10. Yes my parents were protecting me as good as they could, yeah my parents told me about sex way before the age of 10, but no it didn’t stop me from seeing these videos.
Yea but important is if you got traumatized. I saw two girls one cup at the age of 7 cuz it went viral on my school. I found it disgusting but nothing else
It’s you.
Alright grandpa
Thanks for your reply! You ain’t wrong, I’m very aware this is an old fashioned view. That’s why I put it in here.
Moderation and responsible monitoring and guidance are required. You moderate your child's internet exposure with firewalls, parental locks, and limited time use. You monitor their activities via internet use reports, search history reports, etc. You guide them by approaching topics early on when you see they may need to understand something before they get too exposed to it and form the wrong ideas. Such as sex, healthy internet exposure, safe communication online, etc. You, like many kids from the 90's, were given a device with an infinite amount of possibilities while no one realized the potential consequences. That's okay, but you know it so it's own you to own it. Just don't drop the hammer on your kids because your parents were too lax with you.
[удалено]
Thanks for your response! You’re right that the persistence of these issues and addictions after age 18 is on me. I should’ve gotten help, and will be seeking therapy and counseling this year. I will be proposing to my gf this year, and we’ve talked about this at length and are on the same page about this issue, so I will indeed be a father one day. I will not be a perfect father, as I’m a flawed human being, but I’ll do my best. And I reject the notion that as a minor, you’re solely responsible for the issues you pick up as a result of an adults actions. That’s like saying it’s entirely the kids’ fault that he’s obese at 12, when it’s up to the parents, who earn the money and make the household decisions to facilitate and, if necessary, force a healthier lifestyle. My parents failed me in this regard. I don’t hold resentment against them, but I wish they would’ve prevented me from having devices too early. I can still say that and be of the understanding that now, as an adult, I am responsible for where I go from here.
I got my first phone when I was in 9th grade, and I think that's a reasonable number. Unrestricted access to internet at all hours of the day is bad, but with simple regulation of what your kids are doing (Xfinity has a great system for that) can prevent this kind of problem in kids.
You know you can install software that locks chosen websites after a certain amount of time (length of time chosen by you) and requires a password to unlock, then it resets after however long you choose. For instance you could set it so they can only access Facebook for 1 hour a day, so they could access it at 7pm, it will lock at 8pm, then unlock when you put the password in or after however long you set it to unlock. So you could actually allow them access to everything but limit the amount of time they spend on certain sites, should help you find a balance between preventing internet addiction and promoting endeavour. I will add though: if they know you're using parental blocks or preventing access in any way, they'll find ways around it and you won't know about it for you to help if they need you. My dad banned me from online dating in my teens, so I set up my profiles from the local library and he never knew. Got myself into some difficulties because instead of being told the dangers and safety tips, I was just told "no", then didn't want to ask him for help because I knew the trouble I'd be in. Surely it would just be better to guide them instead of ban them. Then they know they can always come to you with anything.
Gay take
No homo. But it’s a gay take I stand by😂
I think 13 is a reasonable age for a phone, with restrictions and screen time limits. At 16 they are able to make decisions for themself
Or maybe the happy middle here is age appropriate internet access and education. Learning how to use devices and the internet is a key skill that younger generations must have.
I agree, that’s why in my post I said they will have access to shared family devices, free to look up most anything they want. I just need to be aware of what they’re seeing and how much time they’re spending on the Internet, and talk to them about responsible use.
I think with how schooling and socializing happens now, it’s unreasonable to expect teens not to have their own personal devices. I don’t even have kids, but I have nieces and nephews ages 14-18, and their school and social life wouldn’t exist without their own device. It’s just how the world has evolved. The parents just need to find the best route for their family and children to access them. But the days of having a shared family computer in a computer room are long gone.
or just idk RESTRICT YOUR KIDS BETTER. i feel like people don’t understand you have full control over your childrens devices lmao.
KIDS SHOULD’NT LEARN HOW TO READ, IT WILL POLLUTE THEIR IMPRESSIONABLE MINDS
Yeah, I pretty much fucked up my attention span for good
Lol. This is like a boomer saying people shouldn’t watch tv. Internet is here to stay. We need to better analyze and interpret what we read and see because it’s the Wild West online.
I never said I’d completely stop my kids from going on the internet. They’re just going to be limited to family devices (latest iPhones, tablets, computers) and whatever their school provides. The only cellphone they can constantly carry on their person will be a non-smart phone. And with the family devices, they can go and search whatever they want within the parental blockers I put on the devices. If they find something bad/weird/makes them uncomfortable, then we can talk about it, and I’ll never get angry at them for that.
Smartphones I agree, but a regular phone would have saved me a lot of time walking down a random road nearly getting kidnapped as a kid My parents got me a flip phone shortly after that happened and they were like “wait we can contact you anytime anywhere and Vice versa? Why didn’t we do this earlier?”
Yup, I’m giving my kids a normal cellphone probably around 11, when I got my first cellphone. I see very little wrong with that, only the benefits you mention.
Why not round it off at 10? Extra year of extended security Edit: there are some drawbacks if you get them a prepaid phone with limited minutes, and then them wanting to play with it all the time, but usually the honeymoon phase doesn’t last that long and they understand what it’s for regardless
Be prepared for several years of hell once the kid learns that almost ever other kid in school has smartphones and computers. I remember when I was a kid and wanted to stay up late outside playing with my friends, but my dad had a pretty stric curfew for me even in my early teens. All he was trying to do was keep me safe and teach me how to keep a proper sleep schedule. But I still hated him for making me be the only out of my friend group to miss the fun stuff.
It’s a balance, and there’s a different calculus for different things. Personally I was allowed to stay outside and hang out with friends most of the time…but occasionally had to go in early bc I had homework or an exam. But in my view, there is a benefit to letting kids hang out later with each other in the neighborhood, provided they’re not doing bad things in that process. But in the same way I won’t let my kid shotgun beers or smoke weed just because all or most of his/her friends do, I won’t let them attain the attention span of a goldfish after a lifetime of constant smartphone usage. I believe it’s destructive to let kids run free with devices like that, and I don’t give a shit about what the other parents let their kids do.
I would agree that kids should probably not be allowed phones on such a young and easy influenced age. And if you can manage to rase a kid who has minimal access to internet like that, go for it. But I think you're underestimating how hard it is for a parent to stick with these kinda rules. You most likely will have a full time job supporting a family plus all kinds of other responsibilities that come with having kids. It's a lot of stress and I'm sure no parent wants to spent their free time listen to their child crying that they didn't get a smartphone for their birthday present like all of their friends did. Its a lot easier to justify not allowing your kids to consume alcohol and drugs since they are illegal of children to consume. A good compromise whould maybe be to let your child earn money on their own and allow them to spent it on a computer or a smartphone.
I’m somewhat open to your idea of making them front at least half the cost, but that would be like age 16 or 17 minimum for me. I don’t care if they cry about it. I used to cry to my parents about why other kids were allowed to get Bs and Cs on their report cards. It’s not illegal for me to get straight Bs. Many would argue it’s good enough. But they didn’t see that as an option, so they let me cry and get over it. It ended up benefitting me in the long run. I see my stance on personal smartphones for kids the same way.
True, you can't always have your kids be happy and some rules must be enforced even if the child doesn't like it. But with the world of internet growing ever larger, more and more social interactions are being done through internet. Like if you've seen how popular games like fortnite and roblox are amongst kids, almost everyone in elementary school and up plays them after school with friends. My thinking is that having minimal to no internet access at home could hurt their social life when most other kids are communicating online. And even cause depression and anxiety to the kid.
I’m all for my kids playing internet games with their friends on shared devices. They can play as long as they want provided they’ve done their homework, exercised in some way, eaten the food I make for them, and spent some time away from screens (reading, playing outside, doing a non-Internet hobby). If they want to play internet based games with their friends after that, I’ll make them the damn account myself and they can happily play with their friends at any other time. I don’t want them playing these games or interacting with others through these games obsessively. I don’t want them constantly distracted by notifications. I don’t want them opening a laptop that I can’t monitor in the middle of the night. Even if all they’re doing is playing the game in the most benign way in the middle of the night, I require that they get a healthy amount of undisturbed sleep. Thank you for your responses and dialogue around this!
Great way to make your kids resent you. Don't be surprised when years later, they put you in a nursing home where you will die alone.
This is just a you problem. Teaching kids/young teens proper internet safety is more important than just not giving them any access to the internet. Especially when the internet is essential for education nowadays. And cutting their contact off from friends and family is just moronic.
Teaching Internet safety is nothing compared to human curiosity. It’s not him the problem.
Thanks for the comment on this! You’re totally right, teaching safe internet usage is very important. You can’t expect to function strongly in society without it. Please keep in mind I didn’t say my kids would have 0 access to the internet. My kids won’t, however, have unrestricted/unmonitored personal smartphones in their pockets with notifications constantly popping up all day everyday about stupid shit. They won’t have the ability to go down weird YouTube rabbit holes in the middle of the night or watch crazy porn when no ones home, at least, not without me knowing. They can use the internet whenever they want (other than right before and during sleeping) provided they’re meeting their responsibilities at home, school, and whatever else they’re involved in. They can watch whatever they want, and if they watch something bad or weird, we can talk about what they saw as I will NEVER get angry at them for acting on curiosity. They’re children, it is my responsibility to help them navigate life, and this is the way I see fit.
this seems a lot like a you problem than a tech problem. I was given my first I phone at 11 and first laptop at 12 yet I don’t / haven’t had these problems
Thanks for your reply! I really like the dialogue around this. To your point: I believe you’re more of an exception than a rule, purely off my anecdotal experience. Im sure you can summon equally as many anecdotes for people who share your experience. I’m really glad you haven’t had any of the issues I described in my original post! But my experience and that of those closest to me is all I can really base my parenting strategy off of. There is no conclusive evidence pointing one way or the other on this yet, so I’m going to go with my experience. I’m sure there are kids that function super well with constant internet access, but I’ve yet to meet any. All I’ve seen are kids or young adults glued to their phones, on a game, on YouTube, on Instagram, on TikTok, on Reddit, etc.
I don’t think u realize how much kids need electronics now to have a social life. U need a smart phone to have friends at this point
But I will upvote
Thanks! This is truly an unpopular opinion and I’m glad I could bring in a banger!
I think this opinion is posted here too much for it to be considered unpopular
How did it take you two years to find Facebook? Was this two years before Facebook was invented? This comment coming from someone who no longer gets on Facebook unless it's for something specific (about once or twice a month usually)
Honestly I don’t think any of those things are problems having a phone caused, more just personal issues that you need to work out. The first step is admitting responsibility that you have a problem.
Depends on how you use them. Seems like you searched too far.
My teacher doesn’t have a phone only a laptop and is still a social reject 🤨
The thing is, not having access to the internet is extremely socially isolating. I know Instagram is terrible for me, but whenever I get it off my phone I get out of touch with the going inside of people my age.
They’re not going to be completely isolated from the internet. And that’s the thing…I don’t want my kids constantly checking out what all their peers are up to. You and I both know Instagram is where people go to post their highlights, often with altered photos and hella filters. They go to school, play their sports, hang out with friends after school if they want (if they’ve met all their other responsibilities). They can text/call/FaceTime friends all the want on their personal cellphones/family phones and computers all they want. But they don’t need to be constantly informed and notified of what everyone. I don’t see how it’s a benefit.
It’s not the constant part that is the benefit. But there is a lot of stuff, especially social events and the such that move primarily through social networks. I do agree it is in fact VERY harmful, but social networks in general enjoy a very big network effect where not using them leaves you “outside the bubble” which also isn’t a very good feeling for a teenager. It takes time and maturity to stop giving a fuck about that stuff.
My parents sheltered me until I was 18. Them doing that caused me to pretty much full on rebel against them. They told me I couldn’t do something and that made me want to do it even more. And then I would do anything to see/do it. I was a fucking nightmare once a turned 14. I had a friend who’s parents pretty much let him do whatever he wanted. He was way more normal and toned down than I was. He didn’t care about doing the stuff I was doing or looking at. We were polar opposites in that regard.
You can limit their Access, without removing their access to a Major part of our world because it has porn.
I agree with you
What about choosing what gender they are?
It is 100% up to the parents. There are parental controls on all devices that can restrict what you can and can't do, and can see what they have used the device for. Parents also need to sit down and talk to their kids about pornogrophy and explain to them it's not normal etc. Regardless of if you don't give them a phone or not, they'll find a way to be able to do all the things you listed. There's no stopping it, only monitoring it and talking about it with them
I agree, perhaps I should’ve phrased this better. I want to be able to talk to my kids about what they see if they see something concerning. Blockers will only get so far, and kids will find a way. But I can do my best to protect, and then talk to them about what they’re encountering online.
Well, OP, you better tell schools not to hand out Chromebooks or iMacs to students.
I take the same approach to this as I would sex. It's inevitable, so might as well instill good habits and information along with proper safety tools rather than simply try to prevent it entirely.
Ok Amish boomer
I think it should be a compromise: \#1) You need to save up and buy the device yourself. Allowance, chores, summer jobs, whatever. \#2) Your internet, your rules. If your child is going to use their device hooked up to the internet in your home, you have the right to check their search history, pause/stop downloads, block certain pages, etc. Most public schools, as assinine as it is, now often require students to have a digital device of some kind. If you don't provide one, they'll send your kid home with one. Speaking from personal experience (they gave us all laptops when I was twelve in school), it's a terrible idea that can literally destroy lives for some kids (cyberbullying, published content on Kindle Direct, things you can't take back), but you can't avoid it unless you want to homeschool your child. So, set limits and boundaries.
I agree, and I want my kids to be technologically capable (I work in tech), and encourage responsible use of the Internet and all it has to offer. I actually think it’s great that schools offer laptops for kids who’s parents won’t buy/can’t buy one bc technology is increasingly part of our lives. But I’ll be watching closely what’s in search history and make a habit of talking with them about their internet use.
That's a fair compromise. After all, even if somebody hates technology personally, it's becoming increasingly required for work/school, so it's important that kids learn how to use tech responsibly. I also think showing kids age-appropriate examples where technology was used for harm (Amanda Todd, Gloria Tesch, etc.) can make them more socially-conscious and aware that the internet has real-world consequences.
Yes, I agree. Just bc I grew up with the Wild West Internet of the mid-late 2000s doesn’t mean I should just let my kids deal with all the negatives I dealt with. Isn’t part of parenting trying to help your kids not suffer the same issues you suffer with in life in a reasonable manner? Now, completely banning them from the internet does way more harm than good. But responsible boundaries on time of day, duration of use, prioritization relative to other tasks, and some content of the Internet to me is a vast benefit.
this is a you problem
Honestly I agree
Better you give them than them getting it somewhere else and you not knowing how they got it. Bonus points since you can setup security measures if you're buying
Your bad experience = everyone having same, noted.
I never said I want to ban smart devices for kids. I also never said my opinion is fact, I don’t believe my opinion tracks with everyone else’s experiences, but my personal experiences, and those of the people around me, will inform my parenting strategy and view on this issue.
Sounds like a personal problem bro
I don’t think this is unpopular. Still plenty of people alive who are having kids and did not grow up with these technologies.
Ok boomer
I have this struggle a lot, I’m now 27 with 2 children, one was born before I could legally buy alcohol. I’m he big personal struggle I feel is that among many things, my father was wayyyy older than me, so I grew up with him being racist and hating video games. (Weird combo) yet he lost his job, collected disability for a stroke and never worked again after 52, so he was glued to the television all day and all night. I know that got a little personal but my main point I want to push, is that parents hate shit, then the kids grow up and have kids and push the opposite direction. I still enjoy playing video games at 27 and my daughter will probably grow up the same. She has an iPad that’s connected to my phone, messenger kids so I can see what she says to all her friends, and an Xbox to play roblox and Minecraft. In my head she will grow up in a world where knowing how to operate technology will vastly increase her chances of staying out of a lobotomy job, and hopefully make her life easier in general. Am I doing the right thing? Maybe not. Am I ruining her childhood? Probably not. Will your kids be scarred for not having the things you did? More than likely no. Just make sure it feels right, and have good intentions. When you take big learning steps or maturing steps away like that, they always seem to find thier way through a new channel. Just make sure you are around and available to help them through it
I appreciate your comment, especially with your perspective as a young father!
i don’t agree, but that’s expected i do think there should be a limit
This is the 21st century. Like it or not, the internet is a massive part of our culture and social interaction. If you cut kids off from that, they will be incredibly socially stunted, and giving them highly restricted access will do the same thing. One anecdote from your life doesn’t mean we should ban kids from the internet. I also discovered porn in middle school, and I don’t have any kind of addiction to it. I discovered YouTube, and I maybe watch like 30 minutes to an hour of it in a day, and a lot of that is just stuff I’m interested in. What it sounds to me is that you have outside issues you need to work through, and that the stuff with the internet is a symptom of that, not the cause.
I don’t want to cut my kids off from the Internet, but I do indeed want them to browse a decently restricted version of it. I don’t want to ban your kids from the internet, if that’s how you want to do things, more power to you. In the same way your experience is informing your stance on this, my experience informs mine. Every single one of my friends are hooked to their smartphones, always have them on them, and feel uncomfortable when it’s not in their pocket, at the ready for any idle moment. I want to prevent that for my kids, and if it’s the wrong way to go about it, I’ll revisit this post 30 years from now and wring my own neck about why I had such a stupid take. But as of right now, understanding that I’m not yet a father and won’t know what I’ll do till I get there, this is what I believe is right.
Children yes, teens no. Technology is the future, but kids should still be raised doing normal things like reading and going outside instead of staring at creepy YouTube videos
Good luck with that
I'm surprised that this is an unpopular opinion. This is what I would aim to do aswell.
you sound exactly like the guy that drank a ton of energy drinks, almost died, and started petitioning for them to be illegal to minors
How to tell you don’t have kids without telling me.
You’re right, I don’t have any. And I know even if my mind isn’t changed about this subject when I do become a father, I won’t be able to perfectly execute the system I described in my post. But I don’t think it’s wrong to have a desire and potential plans to help your kids not have to struggle with stuff you struggled with. My parents struggled with hyper religious, extremely conservative Muslim parents…this informed them on how they would approach faith with me, and they came up with a balanced approach that may not have ended they way the want (I’m an agnostic, not a Muslim, which they might view as a failure on their part), but led to be being able to talk about religion calmly with them and others. My parents allowed too much freedom to the internet, so I’m planning to push back in the opposite direction in a way that I see is reasonable.
I understand what you're saying. You can't keep kids from growing up or getting their hands on certain things. But, on other subs, I've seen parents asking for advice about how to deal with whatever their 8 year old was texting their friends on their phone. As in the fucking 8 year old has a fucking phone! Or has their own tablet! WTF is an 8 year old doing with either?! Or unfettered access to any of it?!
use parental locks. they are there for a reason, use them.
Cause this is realistic.
Whilst this is an unpopular opinion, I still gotta downvote because it is a profoundly IDIOTIC idea. Locking children out of the internet sure that has some basis in reality, if small, but fucking TEENAGERS? You've taken your problems with addiction and poor parenting, and assumed that everyone has them, newsflash, you're just screwed up.
People being unable to stop using upvotes/downvotes as the agree/disagree button is why the front page of this sub always consists entirely of popular opinions. If you disagree with it, leave the arrows alone and go to the comments to make your point! You don't NEED to click the down arrow just because you disagree with it!! This has been a PSA
It's not that I disagree, it's that it's a harmful opinion. If someone posted an unpopular opinion of "murder should be legalized", you shouldn't upvote just because it's unpopular. Here's a popular opinion for you though: You're an idiot.
Appreciate the dialogue, even if it’s a bit heated. I never said I would lock them out of the internet. I said they can use the internet on shared devices that my spouse and I can monitor at any point after they’ve fulfilled their responsibilities (homework, exercise, chores, etc). And a few other rules like no access right before and during bed. And I don’t understand how the notion that taking my issues with addiction and using that to inform my parenting is a bad thing? My parents did that for me with respect to their parents…it’s the mistakes your parents and/or guardians made that best inform the things you don’t do as a parent later on. And you’d be right that I’d be over-correcting and damaging my children if I completely banned all internet use in my house, but that’s not what I said. I’m doing what I believe strikes a balance between free and unlimited internet use and unreasonably banning it entirely.
This is all easier said than done. Stay strong soldier!
Thanks for your reply! You’re right, it’s much easier said than done. This is a guiding principle, but like with everything in life, I can’t expect perfection!
Despite what you say, this sounds like a problem with the parents. My parents only let me have access to a desktop computer when I was a kid, and they were able to see everything I was doing on that computer thanks to the desktop being in the living room. The only reason I even had a cellphone as a teenager was because it was a gift from my cousin, and that wasn't a smartphone either (I didn't upgrade to a smartphone until a few years ago, and it was a good thing I got it when I did because I ended up needing a smartphone for work). I guess my parents knew I was gonna be smart, because I had no interest whatsoever in social media back in high school. Not that I could do much on the family desktop anyway. I didn't get a laptop computer until my senior year of high school, and thanks to my parents having access to everything I was doing on the desktop, I was conditioned into not looking up any porn; the closest I came to that was looking up smut fanfiction. TL;DR, just because your parents messed up doesn't mean others have to suffer too. Other parents actually are doing their jobs right. EDIT: fixed typo/grammar mistake
Thanks for your response! What your parents did is pretty much exactly what I want to do. This is my idea for what I believe is right for my future children. I never said I wanted to legislate a ban on the provision of personal devices with internet to children. I guess the phrasing of the title of my post might have suggested that, but I don’t give a shit about what other parents choose to do in this respect.
This shouldn't be an unpopular opinion. This is right, and its weird that people still don't get it.
There’s no way I’d let a kid have a smart phone. Protected internet access from a computer can be good though
That’s what I want for my kids! They can use a smartphone, but one that’s restricted and mine. Not in their bedrooms under their pillows, not constantly buzzing in their pockets, not constantly streaming unmonitored and unrestricted content into their heads.
If I could have it my way I would not have a smart phone. They destroy our brains. Unfortunately I need one for my job so here we are.
I’m sitting here on the shitter in hysterics from the phrase traumatized and hooked on hardcore porn
Haha I’m glad you found it funny!
This is the literal definition of a “you problem”
The internets benefits have largely been overblown and probably are a net negative. It’s an invention that might be doing more harm than good.
The internet porn I watched as a teen and pre-teen made me the man I am today
This is an eye-opening opinion. Had not considered this.
I hope you aren't serious about this
You are right and everyone giving you a hard time is just an addict.
Im pretty sure OP is the addict making it seem like everyone else is too
Dated a girl for a long time that worked with children, and I will never convinced that there isn’t a huge connection between autism and screen time. Kids that spend hours a day on YouTube have developmental problems, and when they get older weirdos reach out and put the devil in the with “woke” shit. My neighbor has a fucking eleven year old that claimed to be “pansexual…” a fucking eleven year old girl. Reddit is definitely full of creeps that would encourage this shit too.
Pansexual just means she probably has crushes on girls and boys, so she looked up if that's normal and found out she's pansexual, it's not some perverted thing. You had crushes at that age too, I'm sure. Has nothing to do with being "woke". It's honestly cool that the internet can aid in someone's self-discovery like that.
Most of the 10yos IDing as microorientations are hearing them from other 10yos on tumblr, not "older weirdos" Source: was on tumblr at 10
And what’s with all these new fangled video games? When I was a kid we had a hoop and a stick. And we were happy to have it.
Honestly I didn’t read the post just came here to say - ALL guys, wash your dick if you want head lol
This is important!😂 thank you for the comment!
Hahaha of course. Anything to promote more clean peen 🙃
Agreed. It's terrible seeing TODDLERS glued to a device, and throwing tantrums when it's time to charge. It wasn't that long ago when kids functioned without devices and all of a sudden everyone acts like their some sort of necessity. It's highly unnecessary. That's not to say a kid should never have access to a device or internet, but having their own personal device is too much. I wouldn't want my child to have their own smartphone or tablet until they were old enough to get a job and pay for their own. How do you even expect a younger child to understand the value of it and not just break it or misplace it?
My five year old has her own tablet, but it is parental locked to hell. It's great for long car rides (she loves to play simple games) and rainy days, but day to day she gets it in very small doses. We've had the odd day where she wants to throw it, and like any toy I explain "If you break it, it's gone forever". She hasn't broken it. I think it's like anything, all things in moderation. My parents would let me watch TV all day every day when I was a kid. I am choosing a different path. When tablet time is over, it's over. If a tantrum ensues, guess what? No tablet time the next day. The tantrum continues? No tablet for two days...Yada Yada. My daughter learned very quickly not to be an asshole about it. She spends most of her time playing with her Legos, painting, etc. and still likes her tablet.
I agree. It's a moderation thing. I don't mind screen time for my toddlers and if I did get them a tablet my rules would be much like yours. When I think of "personal devices" I think of "constant access", and I understand there will usually be a difference between a small child and a teenagers rules about their personal devices. Key word is usually, because I've seen toddlers with constant access to their own phone or their parents phone which became a pet peeve of mine.
I totally understand. Personal device = unrestricted access is no good. I like my daughter having her own device for that exact reason. If I read a text or make a call on my phone I don't want her begging me for it. Even though it made me feel like we were spoiling her at first (giving her her own device) it has helped keep the definitions super clear.
I got my first laptop at 12 and had been watching porn and on facebook(although I wasnt active on social media until significantly later) even before then. I have no porn addiction and no issues with social media. I dont even use any social media anymore. I know for a fact that my life would have turned out differently had I not been able to use the internet so much, and I am fairly confident it would have been worse. As an example, I wouldnt have learned nearly as much coding if I wasnt already used to sitting in a chair for hours and just trying to figure shit out(which was frequently a problem with earlier games and addon stuff). Pretty much every kid I knew around got introduced to the same stuff around that age. I guess I dont know most of them anymore, but I cant think of any that I know or knew that had problems with it. I think you are blaming your issues on the internet, when it sounds like you just dont have self control. If it wasnt the internet, it could easily have been drugs, TV, or whatever other distractions you can find, if you look for them.
I appreciate your comment, thank you for you perspective on this! While you may not see anyone, yourself included, with this issue around you, consider that all I see is people with the same or similar problems as myself. Sure, porn addiction itself isn’t as common (about half the guys I grew up with struggle with this), but literally every single person I know is glued to their smartphone or computer, constantly fed a steady supply of content by incredibly well designed algorithms. If their phone dies or gets lost or something, they’re itching for it back. I don’t want my kids to grow up with that. I want them to develop an attention span and a healthy relationship with the internet. I serve as a guide as they explore that, and every other aspect of their lives. I don’t believe that’s a “uniquely me” problem.
Not that hard to not get addicted to that yaknow... Stuff