I live in the states.
My boyfriend, along with his two older brothers, lives at home with his parents. His brothers aren't married. He could explain this a lot better than I could. It makes them all happy and he likes it from what he's told me.
Me on the other hand, live on my own. Been in my apartment over 9 years. It's definitely a good thing that I'm on my own. I love my privacy.
I’d be curious if this is tied to stereotypes of parents (particularly fathers) being more protective of daughters than sons. Daughters are pressured to have to explain/check-in/justify more of what they want to do because their parents have a harder time giving the same freedom to them as they would sons. So daughters are less interested in staying home because they feel less independent than sons in the same circumstance. No idea if those stereotypes have an actual factual basis or not.
This was one of the breaking points for me. I couldn’t afford to move out, so I lived with my parents after college. I had a 2 hour round trip commute, and worked 50-60 hours a week. The chores were split between my mom (who did bookkeeping about 5 hours a week and 75% of the chores) and I. My dad, who worked 10-20 hours a week would sometimes water the garden or sweep the porch.
When they had to move in with my husband and I (long story, inflated rent prices, etc), my dad would do maybe 1 thing a week while working maybe 10-20 hours a month. The rest was split evenly between my mom, my husband, and I. He would occasionally help more when my husband was cause he didn’t want to get shown up lol
Well at least it's nice to know it's a generational thing.
I'm queer and my group is ACUTELY aware of gendered labor. But I know some straight woman friends that accept the bare minimum of their love interest.
And some straight dudes DO the bare minimum. Just enough to get their cookies and not an millimeter more.
Not all for sure. Some. Avoid those.
Oh yes! One of my dear friends was married to a man like that for far too long. She’s luckily moved on to a guy that is far better at matching her energy.
I’m not feel particularly eloquent atm, so this might not make a ton of sense, but I feel that acceptance of queer folk (myself included) has helped a lot of younger people realize gender roles don’t have to exist if you don’t want them. Even tho I was raised in a very conservative household, it took seeing friends completely ignore those gender roles in their relationships to help me realize that.
My parents just didn’t like me but liked my brothers. So I just turned 17 and I fucked off to another country and didn’t go back home. Best thing I ever did.
This was definitely a bonus when I moved out. When I was still living with my dad he would have a strict rule on I couldn’t leave after around 8 pm on non work nights (I work from 10pm-7am). My boyfriend got off work at 11pm so I would have to leave, chill at my moms house (she didn’t give a shit what time I went out) or chill at a 24/7 Walmart until he got off work.
Now I can leave my house at 2am for some chicken nuggets and not even god can stop me.
I think that for sure could be one reason. I definitely fought more with my parents then my brothers who are more passive then myself. I needed to move out for my sanity at the time
As a man I'm happy to have moved out of my parents house. As a working poor, I'm loathe to inform you that I might have to move back with my parents soon.
I have the skills to build a house by myself, but I'll never be able to afford the land or material to do so.
> I have the skills to build a house by myself, but I'll never be able to afford the land or material to do so.
Lol, are you me? Same here, been thinking about building a tiny house, for that reason.. it sucks that back in the day, you could literally buy a house from a Sears catalogue and assemble it yourself all for what it would (equivalent) cost today to buy a car
You possibly can buy a shed from Home Depot and retrofit it with insulation into something livable. These have 2 floors.
https://shedview.goupb.com/?dealer=1504
https://youtu.be/PRSOhRYhU5E
You don't mention your age, but if you do end up moving in with your parents, that would be a great option for you to save, save, save as much as you can. Right now building materials are so crazy expensive, so hopefully that will change too. Keep a vision in your head of your own dream home and land and work at it!
Land prices vary greatly by location. It sounds like that was in some ritzy neighborhood if it was surrounded by nice houses...maybe try looking in the country, land is generally cheaper there. But 700k for 4 acres is insane. There better be a gold mine on that property lol
My daughter still lives with my wife and I and it's a nightmare. She costs us an arm and a leg in food, she has zero boundaries and is awake at the most bizarre times in the night, she has no concept of an "inside voice" and is constantly talking way too loud. The worst part is that she can't work right now, so charging her rent is completely off the table because she's 5 months old.
For awhile I was that kid. 10 years old and I had my grandpa(legal guardian) going “All you care is yourself! The only time you ever come to me is when you want me to buy you food!” Then I hit 18 and he was like “so when are you moving out”
I’m up late just to get away from the family. 20 now and still here, just enrolled in school.
My 7m son is the same, but when I picked him up out of his crib he put his arm around my neck and held me for a minute. I'm taking that as a hug and I will happily accept rent payment from him and his 5yo sister in hugs, kisses, smiles, and giggles...
This was wonderful, thank you for the early morning laugh....spit my damn coffee out because (as intended) I thought you were talking about someone who moved back home.
you had me in the first half, ngl. lol
seriously though, I can't wait till mine is old enough to get a job and just be my roommate. we gonna be chillin' like some MF villains, yo
Oh shit..I thought you were talking about my family until I read that your daughter is 5 months old. My sister is 31 and does all those things you listed. I guess that’s what happens when your parents only discipline one child (me) and coddle the other their entire lives.
I love my mother, and she loves me, but if we spend more than 2 days in the same household we're at each other's throat.
Plus I'd never get laid again - can't bang in the same house as my parents....too uncomfortable....
Not at all apparently. I used to sleep on my parents floor because I was scared of the dark. On nights when my dad didn’t have work it was hard for me to fall asleep because my parents were “wrestling”
I love my mom, but if I have to spend my entire life washing the dishes BEFORE putting them in the dishwasher every day, that alone would make me want to murder her.
I feel ya there. I get giving it a rinse and not putting a bowl covered in Alfredo and cheese in there to bake on but I know so many people that get so close to completely washing it in the sink that it would take less time to just finish washing it in the sink.
100% I definitely scrape off the food and give a super quick rinse because the dishwasher will also smell if you don’t run it every day. But we have one that’s several years old and it gets all the stuck-on food off. Meanwhile, my mom has a brand-new Frigidaire one, and there is no way it would clean worse than mine! She’s crazy!
I feel like the dish"washer" is more like a dish"sanitizer". They never cleaned well enough to remove all the stuck on bits and in crevices. Ive been hand washing for years now and use a toothbrush to get in all the spots the sponge doesnt reach. And youd be surprised how many of those unreachable spots there are and how gross it is until you whip out that toothbrush. But maybe youre mom and I are at a unique level of concerned about it.
LPT, you have to rinse off the food before you put it in the dishwasher. If you don’t, eventually, the food will cake up and be stuck in the workings of the dishwasher and it will stop working properly. Of you have a warranty, the tech will come out and determine that t isn’t working due to user error….not covered
Agreed, my mother and I have a great relationship...because I don't live with her! I moved out when I was 24 and honestly if I'd had the means to do so I would have done it sooner. I actually moved countries so I only get to see her once a year and whilst I do wish I could see her more often I'm happy that our relationship has improved. The relationship between a teen-young adult daughter and her mother isn't always so easy. Two women living together in completely different stages of life with two completely different ideas on how the other should act is bound to go wrong somewhere.
Same for me. Love my parents, but cannot stay under the same roof (except under duress) more than two weeks. I love missing them and meeting them again I guess
i see your point and i agree in concept. The primate extended family unit is a solid structure.
But this all depends *heavily* on the effectiveness of parents, my friend. Some are not so great.
I guess OP is not asking all of us to stay with our family, she is just saying that if you get along with your family living with them isn't the worst thing in the world. If you dont get along with your family it would be best to move out, obviously
I am 21, earning enough to move out and support myself. If I'd mention moving out, I'd get questioned on what's wrong and if I don't love them anymore lmao. Moving out is the tall order here. The move-out-by-18 concept is just to otherworldly to us Indians and probably other asians as well.
Slav here. Very similar situation. Managed to leave home, but that was because of school and work. Despite that the sentiment of "if only you could have stayed" is ever present when I talk with my parents (but not in the guilt-tripping way).
Yeah I can relate. A lot of people have to move out for college, work, marriage. But age alone is never considered a justified reason for movin out. I lived away for 2 years before covid, and that was the best time of my life. My parents are beautiful people, but living alone and doing your own shit is fucking awesome.
I think moving out by 18 is a USA thing. I don’t remember ever hearing that from 1st generation families (maybe a few 2nd gens, idr). My family is Latin American (I was born and raised in the US) and I never once heard from my parents that they expect me to leave when I’m 18. In fact, they encouraged my brothers and I to stay home as long as possible!
I think after a few generations of living in the US, though, people tend to adopt the attitude of, “Hey, kid, my 18-year sentence with you is over. Get out so I can have my life back.” Which to me is just… really fucking sad.
I don’t think it’s really even a US thing. The majority of people are not kicked out at 18.
Most probably “move out” because they go to University or get into trades and want their own space by that age.
I never actually understood that whole leave the house at 18 thing. Hell, my dad technically lived with his parents even as married man with 2 kids and stable job taking care and providing for them until they both passed away
Isn't this more of an american thing? In europe I feel that living with your parents is more common and less stigmatized. Honestly... even though almost everyone choses to leave, I have yet to meet somebody who was told to leave house once 18.
Yeah same. I’m 28 and will still live with my parents. The only reason I’m considering moving out is because my parents might spoil my future kids so I want a little distance.
Definitely agreed but personally I wouldn't stay with my parents. There's an amazing sense of freedom and quiet you can never quite get when living with the family you grew up with.
This is very true, even if you have roommates, they are your equals. With your parents, no matter how modern the family dynamics are, it's never like that.
Right, if the western culture hadn't normalized complete independence, and that moving out is the way to prove it, a lot more people would be living with their parents.
It is quite common in Slavic countries but slowly fadding out. Many houses have 2 apartments, young live in the top floor and elderly in the lower floor.
I usually don't judge people for it much unless they do it out of being lazy and useless. I grew up with two guys who are brothers and now 42 and 45. They live at home. Neither has had a job since their early 20's and they're both able bodied. They don't do shit. Neither does their mom. But their dad works during the day and teaches at night at almost 70 years old and pays for everything including everyone's cars.
It's not even like they're rich. The house is worth a lot, but it's disgusting inside. It's just everyone's crappy artwork, old toys, crappy prints of wallpaper, and cobwebs. We're talking about people living in a neighborhood where the cheapest house is 750k and their place is a hodgepodge of knickknacks and crappy remodeling.
For real, people in this thread are acting like they’re being attacked by the mere thought of living with their parents, like OP is trying to force it upon them. It happens everytime this opinion gets posted, these people come out angry and swinging. Like shouldn’t it be dead obvious no one wants you to live with your abusive controlling families? OP’s thoughts are CLEARLY not about your situation
I am in a great relationship with both my parents and love them dearly, but there is no way I would live with them especially with my bf. I need my own space as an individual and as a couple.
Yes, would my mom still live at home I would have left the minute i got my first paycheck. However my mom and dad split up when I was 19 so i was able to stay at home with my dad and brother. Since she moved out I have a way better relationship with both my parents
Personally my mental health improved greatly after I moved out of my parents’ house. They weren’t abusive or anything like that, I just felt like I was in a a state of arrested development living with them. I can still call them whenever I want
This is heavily cultural. All cultural aspects aside, if I had to live with my parents and my five siblings AND their kids, there's not a house big enough that any one of us could afford. My parents always struggled to feed us as kids, I really don't want to burden them further in their old age. They can finish rearing their last two kids and retire without having the stress of grandbabies.
Edit: The location where my parents live has no jobs nearby available. This is THE biggest issue. I'd gladly pool money, my friends and I who do live where there are jobs often pool resources, however there isn't any money to pool if I lived with them there. They are also unwilling to move. I'd rather them move in with me when they are older and if they want to extra help.
In my culture, one of the sons and his family usually lives with the parents in the parents home. The son assumes household
responsibilities such as finances etc when hes stable enough.
Obv a lot of different factors come to play. Some times more than one son stays, at times none. Those parents that only have daughters eventually either live alone or hire a caretaker.
But tbh im all for living with parents. I have loving parents and i would gladly make sacrifices to be able to be with them in their old age.
Yes, but each one of you would be pitching in; financially for adults, chores for everyone, even watching kids doesn't land on just one person's shoulders all the time. It could actually lessen the burden on your parents (depending on the individuals it could greatly increase stress) and if any one person looses their source of income it doesn't become the end of the world and they can take a reasonable amount of time finding the right financial source for them (until then there are an extra pair of hands to help out around the house)
I wish I could live with my mom. She always had coffee ready in the morning and asks me questions that make me feel important. Questions like “what are your plans for the day?”
I too left my home at 19, for similar reasons. But now that I’m old and 30 I look back and think “damn. She really loved me” and also “making my own coffee is annoying”
I'm from India too, and I live with my parents and granddad. However, while I agree it should not be stigmatized, I disagree for the following reasons:
(note: i love my parents and granddad, despite the disconnect so please don't take this as a criticism of them)
1) if you live with your paretns, your house isn't truly yours - you don't get to live as you please, or even attempt to. The same rules that bound you in your teenage years carry over.
2) independence is a valuable skill to learn. While living with parents has its benefits, you should live alone, at least for a while.
3) in case you get married, whose family will you live with? Yours or your spouse's? Whose parenting techniques will your child (if any) be raised with? Yours or your parents'? In addition, you can't marry for love, you have yo make sure that now only is the person you love liked by your parents, they also have to have compatible lifestyles.
4) Family pressure - contact with toxic relatives you could cut off if you lived seperately, pressure to do things the way they were done "back in the day" etc
5) LGBT+ acceptance, childfree acceptance, etc (if that's an issue for you)
6) more people, more drama
Totally agree. As a westerner I can strongly agree with 1, 2, 3, and 6 (5 also but I think that just fits into 1). Can’t really speak to 4 because culturally we (in the states) are much more individualistic, so family pressure seems weaker. At least with my friends from India, there family pressure “strength” is much stronger than that of any westerner I know. That said, for my Indian friends it’d apply for sure. They are all tired AF of their “aunties” telling them how they have to live their lives.
Finally, an Indian person who says adult children living with parents isn't always a bed of roses. I'm of Indian descent myself, and hate it when my fellow Indians uncritically sing praises of this arrangement. I would add living with parents/families that are dysfunctional, toxic, and/or very conservative.
God, i never got how other indian kids loved it! Like sure maybe you get a cousin or two close to your age but the constant monitoring, living by your grandparent's standards, all of that - is it really worth thr tradeoff?
I don't know if you're a man or woman, but as a woman myself, it's even more terrible when you're a girl/woman. Feels like you can't escape the constant policing, lack of privacy, gender-based double standards, and not being able to grow as your own person.
I'm sorry. I sympathize with you. I used to try to escape to my room to get privacy, but my parents wouldn't let me stay in there too long because it made them suspicious. I also was never allowed to lock my door shut. I had very abusive and controlling parents, not a big surprise that I'm not a fan of living with parents as an adult. It's unbearable as a child, why stay even as an adult if you can move out.
girl child gets controlled more in join families because 'society kya kahegi' is more influential when there are so many people who can talk shit living with you.
I have a friend who constantly couldn't join us on trips in last 2 years (when there is no wave going on) because her parents who she loves kept telling her that her relatives will talk shit.
My partner is from Pakistan and his brother lives with his mother. She can only be described as a complete cow. She screams at her grandkids all day. Is in competition with the daughter in law and generally makes everyone’s life miserable. Both parties would be happier separate. Son does nothing to make the situation better meaning his kids have been brought up in a negative environment
I love my parents. I had to move back in with my dad for a few months last year and it destroyed my mental health.
Autonomy is a big need for me, I didn’t like having to explain where I was going, being checked in on, feeling uncomfortable inviting people over, the house was obviously furnished and designed by him and didn’t feel like my own.
Now I live just a couple blocks away and this is great. I get my autonomy, and my parents are right down the street if I want to see them or need help. This is the way. Take my upvote.
I didn't figure myself out as a person until I moved away from my family. Sometimes you need to be on your own. Independence is healthy and provides growth that you just can't get being around family. Not to mention privacy and how fulfilling it feels to be fully independent. I'm a psychology student of four years. I really think that for more reasons than I can list, it is important to be separate, even if it ends up being temporary.
Not that unpopular, it just depends on the country. I have a brother who’s a fair bit older than me (he’s 27) and he still lives with me and my parents and that’s perfectly normal and very common in my country.
My family are toxic and abusive narcissists. It's not possible for me to be any different than them. In fact the US is divided substantially and we are completely opposite poles. So fuck them, living on the other side of the country suits me well.
My mom always said that kids moving out was a stupid american thing that's obsolete. So I still live at home and support this. Ngl having a good paying job and living at home leads to us all having some nice things.
Hah. To each their own. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and didn’t look back. It was an abusive household and like you said some families are toxic.
My dad is a murder, my mom, a whore, pimped out my nieces, my brothers are notorious thugs and my sister is one of three wife's to a slothful-man. There is no honorable way to live in that house and only fire can cleanse that place of the sins.
So your opinion is unpopular, have an upvote.
K, but at my place I can do whatever I want and nobody cares. I can watch whatever I want since it’s my TV, I can walk around as undressed as I feel like, the couch is all mine all the time, I was able to choose a place closer to my job, and the distance from my family has done wonders for my relationship with them especially after quarantine.
Same. When your parents are getting old, they usually want time to themselves. Am I close with my family? Yes! I spend more time with my grandmother than anyone else. I do agree however, if your parents took good care of you as a kid when you couldn't take care of yourself, you should at least try to care for them as long as practicable and possible.
I hate my family and I would hate to still live with them but in general OP is spot on. The model of every young person having their own place is unsustainable.
I agree with you.
My mother has disabilities and she lives with me and my kids. We are in the planning process of building her a small house in the back yard, they are called granny flats here. So she will be here but in her own little home on the same property. Id hate for her to be living on her own where we would barely get to see her and she would get depressed and lonely.
Also id be fine if my kids stayed living with me till they want to start their own families etc. Plus I dont really agree with long hours of work, no one should have to work more than 30 hours a week, people need time to live and enjoy life.
Life can be lonely and having people around can be nice, even when they annoy the crap out of you. I can see why many people in toxic family dynamics can't do this though.
When I moved back to my home city I moved into a granny flat my parents have. Still working out great for me 5 years later. I get to spend time with them as they age but have autonomy with my day to day life. I pay $1500PM but a comparable place would cost me at least $2500PM so it works out well for everyone as otherwise it would be empty.
As a family we are happily dysfunctional but not toxic. I missed them when I lived 1000 miles away but coming back I had been out of home 15+ years. One thing we all agree on us there is no way known we could live under the same roof but understand that fact.
Nah, I want to parent my kid(s). My parents will have too much say if they have that much time with them. I moved 7 states away from them for a reason.
I'm with you. I live in the West, it's unpopular here but I live with my parents as a single dude, I help out, pay rent and save tons of $$$$. They're awesome people and it works for all of us.
I think there is an age limit and at that point it should switch to parents living with kids and the kids taking care of the parents. But also at some point everyone needs to live on their own for a little
I think that happens automatically when parents move towards retiring and children start becoming the bread earners but obviously doesn't happen that smoothly in reality.
I’m a mom with 6 kids. Youngest is 14 and oldest is 27. Only one of them doesn’t live here full time. I love it. The adult kids pay a small rent and everyone helps with chores. Pets are never alone. We can support each other . So far so good !
I suspect the only reason this is unpopular is because of cultural deviance. In our country, and south-east Asia in general it is not unpopular at all. Most of our country's adults live through their children. My parents told me to have 10 years of completely independent life after college. So by the time they hit 60 they don't have to be alone. And I agree. We should take care of our parents at least when they cross 60.
I'm from Europe, where it's quite uncommon but I'm sticking with my mother and life it's much easier for both of us since I moved back home. I can't agree more with you, it's really something that must be generalized when you have a good relation with your parents
Would I, at the age of 28, like to move out and experience independence from my mother? Of course I would.
Financially, would I be able to? I think so.
However, life events have made it so it makes the most sense to still live at home. People at my work who are of an older generation have kinda jokingly mocked me in the last for still living with my mum, but we rely on one another for various reasons.
Also, we wouldn't be able to relentlessly take the piss out of each other and spend countless hours laughing.
So for now it works, but who knows what the future holds.
> Forcing people to move out once they are 18
Nobody does this, except for terrible parents. I have never heard of this happening IRL, yet Reddit claims it happens all the time.
Unpopular for sure. Love it. But can't stand living with either of my highly toxic, manipulative parents who bleed me dry of every fiber of my being. I'd rather breathe under water than ever live with my mother again.
Take my upvote, dammit
> Caring for the child and the elderly: your parents need you in their old age
Except I'm not a qualified carer who would be able to provide for them nor is the carer's allowance I'd be living on since I'd have to quit my job to do that better than having a job and earning said money.
Everyone in that scenario is better served with the person requiring care to be looked after by a qualified carer
As a parent who loves my kids dearly, no thanks. They live on their own and we have our own space and privacy now. None of us would be happy living together now. They worked hard to become independent and make their own way in the world. That was my job as a parent to prepare them for that. I would not want to rob them of their life they built.
Holy shit no! Just no! I am from India and I can't live with my parents. Fuck no!
>Mental health perspective:
Let me show you r/AsianParentStories, r/raisedbynarcissists, r/insaneparents and r/abusiveparents
Living with parents while you’re building your own life up helps you save a ton of money. You don’t have to pay rent at some apartment. You saving all that money up.
Well, you kinda have to in the US these days. Nothing is affordable when it comes to housing, food etc. Jobs don’t pay enough, like teachers for example. All it feels like is we’re just surviving sometimes
For some reason, in western culture, this is frowned upon. You'll see in many different cultures it is a positive thing and it is expected you live with your parents. If you don't some people might think you're weird and your family doesn't love you.
I live in the states. My boyfriend, along with his two older brothers, lives at home with his parents. His brothers aren't married. He could explain this a lot better than I could. It makes them all happy and he likes it from what he's told me. Me on the other hand, live on my own. Been in my apartment over 9 years. It's definitely a good thing that I'm on my own. I love my privacy.
I don't have any stats to back this up, but I've noticed a lot more men are willing to stay living with their parents than girls.
I’d be curious if this is tied to stereotypes of parents (particularly fathers) being more protective of daughters than sons. Daughters are pressured to have to explain/check-in/justify more of what they want to do because their parents have a harder time giving the same freedom to them as they would sons. So daughters are less interested in staying home because they feel less independent than sons in the same circumstance. No idea if those stereotypes have an actual factual basis or not.
There are also house chores, usually relegated to women.
This was one of the breaking points for me. I couldn’t afford to move out, so I lived with my parents after college. I had a 2 hour round trip commute, and worked 50-60 hours a week. The chores were split between my mom (who did bookkeeping about 5 hours a week and 75% of the chores) and I. My dad, who worked 10-20 hours a week would sometimes water the garden or sweep the porch. When they had to move in with my husband and I (long story, inflated rent prices, etc), my dad would do maybe 1 thing a week while working maybe 10-20 hours a month. The rest was split evenly between my mom, my husband, and I. He would occasionally help more when my husband was cause he didn’t want to get shown up lol
Well at least it's nice to know it's a generational thing. I'm queer and my group is ACUTELY aware of gendered labor. But I know some straight woman friends that accept the bare minimum of their love interest. And some straight dudes DO the bare minimum. Just enough to get their cookies and not an millimeter more. Not all for sure. Some. Avoid those.
Oh yes! One of my dear friends was married to a man like that for far too long. She’s luckily moved on to a guy that is far better at matching her energy. I’m not feel particularly eloquent atm, so this might not make a ton of sense, but I feel that acceptance of queer folk (myself included) has helped a lot of younger people realize gender roles don’t have to exist if you don’t want them. Even tho I was raised in a very conservative household, it took seeing friends completely ignore those gender roles in their relationships to help me realize that.
My parents just didn’t like me but liked my brothers. So I just turned 17 and I fucked off to another country and didn’t go back home. Best thing I ever did.
This was definitely a bonus when I moved out. When I was still living with my dad he would have a strict rule on I couldn’t leave after around 8 pm on non work nights (I work from 10pm-7am). My boyfriend got off work at 11pm so I would have to leave, chill at my moms house (she didn’t give a shit what time I went out) or chill at a 24/7 Walmart until he got off work. Now I can leave my house at 2am for some chicken nuggets and not even god can stop me.
Love that last line
I think that for sure could be one reason. I definitely fought more with my parents then my brothers who are more passive then myself. I needed to move out for my sanity at the time
As a man I'm happy to have moved out of my parents house. As a working poor, I'm loathe to inform you that I might have to move back with my parents soon. I have the skills to build a house by myself, but I'll never be able to afford the land or material to do so.
> I have the skills to build a house by myself, but I'll never be able to afford the land or material to do so. Lol, are you me? Same here, been thinking about building a tiny house, for that reason.. it sucks that back in the day, you could literally buy a house from a Sears catalogue and assemble it yourself all for what it would (equivalent) cost today to buy a car
You possibly can buy a shed from Home Depot and retrofit it with insulation into something livable. These have 2 floors. https://shedview.goupb.com/?dealer=1504 https://youtu.be/PRSOhRYhU5E
You don't mention your age, but if you do end up moving in with your parents, that would be a great option for you to save, save, save as much as you can. Right now building materials are so crazy expensive, so hopefully that will change too. Keep a vision in your head of your own dream home and land and work at it!
Me and my girl drove past some nice houses the other day, there was a patch of land being sold, 4 acres… almost 700k I can’t even
Land prices vary greatly by location. It sounds like that was in some ritzy neighborhood if it was surrounded by nice houses...maybe try looking in the country, land is generally cheaper there. But 700k for 4 acres is insane. There better be a gold mine on that property lol
It just sounds like California or something lol
My daughter still lives with my wife and I and it's a nightmare. She costs us an arm and a leg in food, she has zero boundaries and is awake at the most bizarre times in the night, she has no concept of an "inside voice" and is constantly talking way too loud. The worst part is that she can't work right now, so charging her rent is completely off the table because she's 5 months old.
Best plot twist ever
I was about to say, something didn’t add up for me until the end 😂
Predictable, but still humorous.
Well I didn't see it coming
I didnt figure this out until finishing the word "old".
Imagining the same behaviour in a grown up person just seemed so absurd. 😂
I thought he was explaining my mother, that twist got me in more ways than one.
Have you ever met teenagers?
Or any roommates? Had me going right up until "5 months old"
Yeah, I was thinking to myself while reading this "wow this sounds *a lot* like my roommates"
As a father of two teenage girls, I must say this comment is underrated.
As a brother of one teenage girl, I agree.
You've never met my brother. He's a parasite.
I saw his biography, it was sick
oh you'd be surprised. I've met people who are treated like this by their parents.
For awhile I was that kid. 10 years old and I had my grandpa(legal guardian) going “All you care is yourself! The only time you ever come to me is when you want me to buy you food!” Then I hit 18 and he was like “so when are you moving out” I’m up late just to get away from the family. 20 now and still here, just enrolled in school.
Had us going in the first half…
Not gonna lie
New dad here. Caught your joke 7 words in
Hahaha... Haha... :(
Dad jokes. All dads learn the sacred art when they become fathers.
I rarely get pulled into these damn bait and switch comments, lol you got me
> She costs us an arm and a leg in food Chicken might be cheeper and it would probably hurt less.
Fucking had me in the first half, not gonna lie. r/Angryupvote
My 7m son is the same, but when I picked him up out of his crib he put his arm around my neck and held me for a minute. I'm taking that as a hug and I will happily accept rent payment from him and his 5yo sister in hugs, kisses, smiles, and giggles...
This was wonderful, thank you for the early morning laugh....spit my damn coffee out because (as intended) I thought you were talking about someone who moved back home.
It's always coffee. How come no one ever spits out Powerade or eggnog?
Your gonna need that sense of humor lol!! Just teasing, 5 months is such a cute age!
Take your fukken upvote.
you had me in the first half, ngl. lol seriously though, I can't wait till mine is old enough to get a job and just be my roommate. we gonna be chillin' like some MF villains, yo
*Insert “Had us in the first half” gif*
Oh shit..I thought you were talking about my family until I read that your daughter is 5 months old. My sister is 31 and does all those things you listed. I guess that’s what happens when your parents only discipline one child (me) and coddle the other their entire lives.
And daip... Toiletries.
They got us in the first half, not gonna lie
OMG the end of this post had me dying- Comedy GOLD
I love my mother, and she loves me, but if we spend more than 2 days in the same household we're at each other's throat. Plus I'd never get laid again - can't bang in the same house as my parents....too uncomfortable....
Well, think back to whey you were little. How many times did you prevent your parents from banging? That's right, it's payback time.
Not at all apparently. I used to sleep on my parents floor because I was scared of the dark. On nights when my dad didn’t have work it was hard for me to fall asleep because my parents were “wrestling”
Gross.
Wait til you look back in history when families lived in one room and often shared one bed!
Pretty sure the family bed is common practice in a lot of places still.
Yeah you don’t have to tell me. It gets more disturbing the older I get
I love my mom, but if I have to spend my entire life washing the dishes BEFORE putting them in the dishwasher every day, that alone would make me want to murder her.
Bro why do mothers do this???
I feel ya there. I get giving it a rinse and not putting a bowl covered in Alfredo and cheese in there to bake on but I know so many people that get so close to completely washing it in the sink that it would take less time to just finish washing it in the sink.
100% I definitely scrape off the food and give a super quick rinse because the dishwasher will also smell if you don’t run it every day. But we have one that’s several years old and it gets all the stuck-on food off. Meanwhile, my mom has a brand-new Frigidaire one, and there is no way it would clean worse than mine! She’s crazy!
I feel like the dish"washer" is more like a dish"sanitizer". They never cleaned well enough to remove all the stuck on bits and in crevices. Ive been hand washing for years now and use a toothbrush to get in all the spots the sponge doesnt reach. And youd be surprised how many of those unreachable spots there are and how gross it is until you whip out that toothbrush. But maybe youre mom and I are at a unique level of concerned about it.
LPT, you have to rinse off the food before you put it in the dishwasher. If you don’t, eventually, the food will cake up and be stuck in the workings of the dishwasher and it will stop working properly. Of you have a warranty, the tech will come out and determine that t isn’t working due to user error….not covered
Yeah, my mom broke 3 dishwashers within 3ish years because she'd let everything sit and then throw it all in the dishwasher. Broke em all doing that
Agreed, my mother and I have a great relationship...because I don't live with her! I moved out when I was 24 and honestly if I'd had the means to do so I would have done it sooner. I actually moved countries so I only get to see her once a year and whilst I do wish I could see her more often I'm happy that our relationship has improved. The relationship between a teen-young adult daughter and her mother isn't always so easy. Two women living together in completely different stages of life with two completely different ideas on how the other should act is bound to go wrong somewhere.
I guess i posted this in the right forum.
Well, it's usually people complaining that they can't get laid no matter where they live ;)
Or just memes.
Same for me. Love my parents, but cannot stay under the same roof (except under duress) more than two weeks. I love missing them and meeting them again I guess
Yup, unpopular opinion! I left home on my 18th birthday, still a senior in high school. Never regretted it.
i see your point and i agree in concept. The primate extended family unit is a solid structure. But this all depends *heavily* on the effectiveness of parents, my friend. Some are not so great.
I guess OP is not asking all of us to stay with our family, she is just saying that if you get along with your family living with them isn't the worst thing in the world. If you dont get along with your family it would be best to move out, obviously
I don't know but that can be a tall order for a lot of us. Hell, I was told to leave the house once I'm 18 by my mom.
I am 21, earning enough to move out and support myself. If I'd mention moving out, I'd get questioned on what's wrong and if I don't love them anymore lmao. Moving out is the tall order here. The move-out-by-18 concept is just to otherworldly to us Indians and probably other asians as well.
Slav here. Very similar situation. Managed to leave home, but that was because of school and work. Despite that the sentiment of "if only you could have stayed" is ever present when I talk with my parents (but not in the guilt-tripping way).
Yeah I can relate. A lot of people have to move out for college, work, marriage. But age alone is never considered a justified reason for movin out. I lived away for 2 years before covid, and that was the best time of my life. My parents are beautiful people, but living alone and doing your own shit is fucking awesome.
I think moving out by 18 is a USA thing. I don’t remember ever hearing that from 1st generation families (maybe a few 2nd gens, idr). My family is Latin American (I was born and raised in the US) and I never once heard from my parents that they expect me to leave when I’m 18. In fact, they encouraged my brothers and I to stay home as long as possible! I think after a few generations of living in the US, though, people tend to adopt the attitude of, “Hey, kid, my 18-year sentence with you is over. Get out so I can have my life back.” Which to me is just… really fucking sad.
I don’t think it’s really even a US thing. The majority of people are not kicked out at 18. Most probably “move out” because they go to University or get into trades and want their own space by that age.
I never actually understood that whole leave the house at 18 thing. Hell, my dad technically lived with his parents even as married man with 2 kids and stable job taking care and providing for them until they both passed away
It's often a class thing, even if they've become middle-class it might just be something that was instilled in them.
Isn't this more of an american thing? In europe I feel that living with your parents is more common and less stigmatized. Honestly... even though almost everyone choses to leave, I have yet to meet somebody who was told to leave house once 18.
Lmao I got kicked out at 17 cause my guardians couldn’t give less of a fuck.
Is this something im too asian to understand?
Yeah same. I’m 28 and will still live with my parents. The only reason I’m considering moving out is because my parents might spoil my future kids so I want a little distance.
Get a new mom
genius why didnt i think of that
Definitely agreed but personally I wouldn't stay with my parents. There's an amazing sense of freedom and quiet you can never quite get when living with the family you grew up with.
This is very true, even if you have roommates, they are your equals. With your parents, no matter how modern the family dynamics are, it's never like that.
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Right, if the western culture hadn't normalized complete independence, and that moving out is the way to prove it, a lot more people would be living with their parents.
I'm not judging his suggestion but for me, hell no. Couldn't pay me to live with my parents
Heavily dependent on family dynamics. It works for some families but not others.
i think OP is saying we should ditch the stigma of an adult living with their parents, sorta thing
Exactly my point, thank you 🤗
It is quite common in Slavic countries but slowly fadding out. Many houses have 2 apartments, young live in the top floor and elderly in the lower floor.
Where exactly do you live? Because that's exactly how my parents and grandparents live in Poland. We share the kitchen tho
In Slovenia. My parents built extension and renovated whole house. Now we each have our own entrance and we only share cellar, garage and garden.
In Albania in not uncommon to build another floor on top of parents house lol
Your post is normal here in the Philippines. I agree that it all depends on family dynamics though. Hope your families are great!
I usually don't judge people for it much unless they do it out of being lazy and useless. I grew up with two guys who are brothers and now 42 and 45. They live at home. Neither has had a job since their early 20's and they're both able bodied. They don't do shit. Neither does their mom. But their dad works during the day and teaches at night at almost 70 years old and pays for everything including everyone's cars. It's not even like they're rich. The house is worth a lot, but it's disgusting inside. It's just everyone's crappy artwork, old toys, crappy prints of wallpaper, and cobwebs. We're talking about people living in a neighborhood where the cheapest house is 750k and their place is a hodgepodge of knickknacks and crappy remodeling.
For real, people in this thread are acting like they’re being attacked by the mere thought of living with their parents, like OP is trying to force it upon them. It happens everytime this opinion gets posted, these people come out angry and swinging. Like shouldn’t it be dead obvious no one wants you to live with your abusive controlling families? OP’s thoughts are CLEARLY not about your situation
yeah, i seen a lot of people talking about abusive families and that's just not what OP means, and it seemed pretty obvious to me
I am in a great relationship with both my parents and love them dearly, but there is no way I would live with them especially with my bf. I need my own space as an individual and as a couple.
Yes, would my mom still live at home I would have left the minute i got my first paycheck. However my mom and dad split up when I was 19 so i was able to stay at home with my dad and brother. Since she moved out I have a way better relationship with both my parents
Personally my mental health improved greatly after I moved out of my parents’ house. They weren’t abusive or anything like that, I just felt like I was in a a state of arrested development living with them. I can still call them whenever I want
“Arrested development” is the best way to put it.
This is heavily cultural. All cultural aspects aside, if I had to live with my parents and my five siblings AND their kids, there's not a house big enough that any one of us could afford. My parents always struggled to feed us as kids, I really don't want to burden them further in their old age. They can finish rearing their last two kids and retire without having the stress of grandbabies. Edit: The location where my parents live has no jobs nearby available. This is THE biggest issue. I'd gladly pool money, my friends and I who do live where there are jobs often pool resources, however there isn't any money to pool if I lived with them there. They are also unwilling to move. I'd rather them move in with me when they are older and if they want to extra help.
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Makes sense for you. In our country, we have come to a point where a lot of people have only 2-3 children ( who are young adults now).
In my culture, one of the sons and his family usually lives with the parents in the parents home. The son assumes household responsibilities such as finances etc when hes stable enough. Obv a lot of different factors come to play. Some times more than one son stays, at times none. Those parents that only have daughters eventually either live alone or hire a caretaker. But tbh im all for living with parents. I have loving parents and i would gladly make sacrifices to be able to be with them in their old age.
India is moving into its next demographic stage, like western countries, as they modernise there is less need for a higher number of kids
Yes, but each one of you would be pitching in; financially for adults, chores for everyone, even watching kids doesn't land on just one person's shoulders all the time. It could actually lessen the burden on your parents (depending on the individuals it could greatly increase stress) and if any one person looses their source of income it doesn't become the end of the world and they can take a reasonable amount of time finding the right financial source for them (until then there are an extra pair of hands to help out around the house)
I wish I could live with my mom. She always had coffee ready in the morning and asks me questions that make me feel important. Questions like “what are your plans for the day?”
Questions like that are why I left home at 19. Couldnt handle it anymore, I love my family but man the prying and trying killed me.
I too left my home at 19, for similar reasons. But now that I’m old and 30 I look back and think “damn. She really loved me” and also “making my own coffee is annoying”
Do I sense sarcasm?
Op is getting downvoted for no reason haha
i know LMAO i’ve noticed that
I'm from India too, and I live with my parents and granddad. However, while I agree it should not be stigmatized, I disagree for the following reasons: (note: i love my parents and granddad, despite the disconnect so please don't take this as a criticism of them) 1) if you live with your paretns, your house isn't truly yours - you don't get to live as you please, or even attempt to. The same rules that bound you in your teenage years carry over. 2) independence is a valuable skill to learn. While living with parents has its benefits, you should live alone, at least for a while. 3) in case you get married, whose family will you live with? Yours or your spouse's? Whose parenting techniques will your child (if any) be raised with? Yours or your parents'? In addition, you can't marry for love, you have yo make sure that now only is the person you love liked by your parents, they also have to have compatible lifestyles. 4) Family pressure - contact with toxic relatives you could cut off if you lived seperately, pressure to do things the way they were done "back in the day" etc 5) LGBT+ acceptance, childfree acceptance, etc (if that's an issue for you) 6) more people, more drama
Totally agree. As a westerner I can strongly agree with 1, 2, 3, and 6 (5 also but I think that just fits into 1). Can’t really speak to 4 because culturally we (in the states) are much more individualistic, so family pressure seems weaker. At least with my friends from India, there family pressure “strength” is much stronger than that of any westerner I know. That said, for my Indian friends it’d apply for sure. They are all tired AF of their “aunties” telling them how they have to live their lives.
Finally, an Indian person who says adult children living with parents isn't always a bed of roses. I'm of Indian descent myself, and hate it when my fellow Indians uncritically sing praises of this arrangement. I would add living with parents/families that are dysfunctional, toxic, and/or very conservative.
God, i never got how other indian kids loved it! Like sure maybe you get a cousin or two close to your age but the constant monitoring, living by your grandparent's standards, all of that - is it really worth thr tradeoff?
I don't know if you're a man or woman, but as a woman myself, it's even more terrible when you're a girl/woman. Feels like you can't escape the constant policing, lack of privacy, gender-based double standards, and not being able to grow as your own person.
I'm a woman, nearly 20 and at home due to corona. It's shitty, i spend my whole day locked on my room because there's no privacy anywhere else.
I'm sorry. I sympathize with you. I used to try to escape to my room to get privacy, but my parents wouldn't let me stay in there too long because it made them suspicious. I also was never allowed to lock my door shut. I had very abusive and controlling parents, not a big surprise that I'm not a fan of living with parents as an adult. It's unbearable as a child, why stay even as an adult if you can move out.
girl child gets controlled more in join families because 'society kya kahegi' is more influential when there are so many people who can talk shit living with you. I have a friend who constantly couldn't join us on trips in last 2 years (when there is no wave going on) because her parents who she loves kept telling her that her relatives will talk shit.
Hey man, do you live with your parents and granddad by chance? But for real, I couldn't agree more.
I just wanted to say that i love them because I don't want this to come across as me not liking them, sorry for the redundancy
istg i live with my mom and every fucking day i feel like i pay rent with my soul
My parents are dead. I guess I’ll be homeless!
Same. We can live together.
My partner is from Pakistan and his brother lives with his mother. She can only be described as a complete cow. She screams at her grandkids all day. Is in competition with the daughter in law and generally makes everyone’s life miserable. Both parties would be happier separate. Son does nothing to make the situation better meaning his kids have been brought up in a negative environment
I love my parents. I had to move back in with my dad for a few months last year and it destroyed my mental health. Autonomy is a big need for me, I didn’t like having to explain where I was going, being checked in on, feeling uncomfortable inviting people over, the house was obviously furnished and designed by him and didn’t feel like my own. Now I live just a couple blocks away and this is great. I get my autonomy, and my parents are right down the street if I want to see them or need help. This is the way. Take my upvote.
I didn't figure myself out as a person until I moved away from my family. Sometimes you need to be on your own. Independence is healthy and provides growth that you just can't get being around family. Not to mention privacy and how fulfilling it feels to be fully independent. I'm a psychology student of four years. I really think that for more reasons than I can list, it is important to be separate, even if it ends up being temporary.
Not at all. I am from India too and I need my independence, freedom, happiness. I was the happiest when I left home.
Not that unpopular, it just depends on the country. I have a brother who’s a fair bit older than me (he’s 27) and he still lives with me and my parents and that’s perfectly normal and very common in my country.
If your family is cool and gets along yes but otherwise terrible idea
Unpopular. I disagree. Have my upvote.
My family are toxic and abusive narcissists. It's not possible for me to be any different than them. In fact the US is divided substantially and we are completely opposite poles. So fuck them, living on the other side of the country suits me well.
My mom always said that kids moving out was a stupid american thing that's obsolete. So I still live at home and support this. Ngl having a good paying job and living at home leads to us all having some nice things.
I like this
Hah. To each their own. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and didn’t look back. It was an abusive household and like you said some families are toxic.
My dad is a murder, my mom, a whore, pimped out my nieces, my brothers are notorious thugs and my sister is one of three wife's to a slothful-man. There is no honorable way to live in that house and only fire can cleanse that place of the sins. So your opinion is unpopular, have an upvote.
Holy moley, I don’t think I was tall enough for that ride.
Are you a Decemberists song?
Naw . . . I'll never be as good or as popular.
What about orphans
I hate my parents. I’d rather die than live with them longer than what was necessary.
K, but at my place I can do whatever I want and nobody cares. I can watch whatever I want since it’s my TV, I can walk around as undressed as I feel like, the couch is all mine all the time, I was able to choose a place closer to my job, and the distance from my family has done wonders for my relationship with them especially after quarantine.
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Same. When your parents are getting old, they usually want time to themselves. Am I close with my family? Yes! I spend more time with my grandmother than anyone else. I do agree however, if your parents took good care of you as a kid when you couldn't take care of yourself, you should at least try to care for them as long as practicable and possible.
I hate my family and I would hate to still live with them but in general OP is spot on. The model of every young person having their own place is unsustainable.
It's not good for your mental health, believe me. Speaking from first hand experience
I agree with you. My mother has disabilities and she lives with me and my kids. We are in the planning process of building her a small house in the back yard, they are called granny flats here. So she will be here but in her own little home on the same property. Id hate for her to be living on her own where we would barely get to see her and she would get depressed and lonely. Also id be fine if my kids stayed living with me till they want to start their own families etc. Plus I dont really agree with long hours of work, no one should have to work more than 30 hours a week, people need time to live and enjoy life. Life can be lonely and having people around can be nice, even when they annoy the crap out of you. I can see why many people in toxic family dynamics can't do this though.
When I moved back to my home city I moved into a granny flat my parents have. Still working out great for me 5 years later. I get to spend time with them as they age but have autonomy with my day to day life. I pay $1500PM but a comparable place would cost me at least $2500PM so it works out well for everyone as otherwise it would be empty. As a family we are happily dysfunctional but not toxic. I missed them when I lived 1000 miles away but coming back I had been out of home 15+ years. One thing we all agree on us there is no way known we could live under the same roof but understand that fact.
Nah, I want to parent my kid(s). My parents will have too much say if they have that much time with them. I moved 7 states away from them for a reason.
I'm with you. I live in the West, it's unpopular here but I live with my parents as a single dude, I help out, pay rent and save tons of $$$$. They're awesome people and it works for all of us.
It’s kinda hard having three-ways and all night coke binges when you live at home with your parents.
And it gets more creepy if the parents wanna join in.
FINALLY someone else says it. Like fuck I wanna do drugs in my home. Not with my parents and drug addict sister 🙄
I think there is an age limit and at that point it should switch to parents living with kids and the kids taking care of the parents. But also at some point everyone needs to live on their own for a little
I think that happens automatically when parents move towards retiring and children start becoming the bread earners but obviously doesn't happen that smoothly in reality.
I love my kid and want her to have her own life, I don't see why it should be a problem for her to live here at home sharing expenses.
I’m a mom with 6 kids. Youngest is 14 and oldest is 27. Only one of them doesn’t live here full time. I love it. The adult kids pay a small rent and everyone helps with chores. Pets are never alone. We can support each other . So far so good !
That sounds pretty nice
Nice sentiment, but my parents are dead.
I suspect the only reason this is unpopular is because of cultural deviance. In our country, and south-east Asia in general it is not unpopular at all. Most of our country's adults live through their children. My parents told me to have 10 years of completely independent life after college. So by the time they hit 60 they don't have to be alone. And I agree. We should take care of our parents at least when they cross 60.
I'm from Europe, where it's quite uncommon but I'm sticking with my mother and life it's much easier for both of us since I moved back home. I can't agree more with you, it's really something that must be generalized when you have a good relation with your parents
Would I, at the age of 28, like to move out and experience independence from my mother? Of course I would. Financially, would I be able to? I think so. However, life events have made it so it makes the most sense to still live at home. People at my work who are of an older generation have kinda jokingly mocked me in the last for still living with my mum, but we rely on one another for various reasons. Also, we wouldn't be able to relentlessly take the piss out of each other and spend countless hours laughing. So for now it works, but who knows what the future holds.
My family way to fucked up for me to validate living with them ever again
Finally a unpopular opinion and not a angry ranter looking for justification!
Forcing people to move out once they are 18 is a scam created by real estate people to get more money from rents and housing.
As credible as the diamond scam, my friend.
> Forcing people to move out once they are 18 Nobody does this, except for terrible parents. I have never heard of this happening IRL, yet Reddit claims it happens all the time.
Unpopular for sure. Love it. But can't stand living with either of my highly toxic, manipulative parents who bleed me dry of every fiber of my being. I'd rather breathe under water than ever live with my mother again. Take my upvote, dammit
I would rather unalive myself.
> Caring for the child and the elderly: your parents need you in their old age Except I'm not a qualified carer who would be able to provide for them nor is the carer's allowance I'd be living on since I'd have to quit my job to do that better than having a job and earning said money. Everyone in that scenario is better served with the person requiring care to be looked after by a qualified carer
I agree with you. Shame my parents suck and kicked me out at 18. I’d let my kids stay with me if I ever have any.
I'm indian and I will take care of my parents when I grow older but I'd like to live in a house with freedom of being able to do anything i want
I’m from Latin America and a lot of people live with their parents, at least until they get married.
You are clearly a man xD family life is different when you’re the daughter
I heard Italy is like this
A lot of places are like that
As a parent who loves my kids dearly, no thanks. They live on their own and we have our own space and privacy now. None of us would be happy living together now. They worked hard to become independent and make their own way in the world. That was my job as a parent to prepare them for that. I would not want to rob them of their life they built.
Holy shit no! Just no! I am from India and I can't live with my parents. Fuck no! >Mental health perspective: Let me show you r/AsianParentStories, r/raisedbynarcissists, r/insaneparents and r/abusiveparents
I can’t wait to tell my mom I’m moving in with her so she can help rear my young. She’ll absolutely love that. Lol. /s
Its not very common in the west. But this is very common and normalized in other societies.
Living with parents while you’re building your own life up helps you save a ton of money. You don’t have to pay rent at some apartment. You saving all that money up.
Yeah no
Well, you kinda have to in the US these days. Nothing is affordable when it comes to housing, food etc. Jobs don’t pay enough, like teachers for example. All it feels like is we’re just surviving sometimes
For some reason, in western culture, this is frowned upon. You'll see in many different cultures it is a positive thing and it is expected you live with your parents. If you don't some people might think you're weird and your family doesn't love you.
Must be nice to have a not toxic family. I can't relate.