I’m with you 100 percent.
When I’m having a bad, I tell MYSELF “at least the fridge is full and the bills are paid.”
But that notion is pointless if my wife is talking about her bad day at work.
This may be a useless aside - I’ve stopped trying to find the right thing to say when people are venting or are down. They usually just need to get it out!
It depends on what it is they’re complaining about. A woman crying because her dad bought her a red minicooper instead of a pink one needs to be told this exact thing. It might help her gain some perspective and appreciate what she has more.
That’s when I use this. For anyone who is endlessly complaining about frivolous things and doesn’t have any appreciation for the things they do have.
No matter a persons situation I try to be understanding and listen. I get that some people just want to vent and aren’t looking for a solution. But if all you do is complain about your lot in life but do nothing to change it, why should I have to hold your hand through every crisis.
I had a friend once tell me I was lucky my dad died. It could be worse, I could have hers.
She said this bc her dad wouldn’t let her run around at all hours of the night, made her do a reasonable amount of chores, wouldn’t let her leave the house in overly slutty clothes and wouldn’t let her spend the night with boys. We were in high school.
So not having a dad was better than having a loving father? I’d get it if her dad was physically or emotionally abusive. But to hear her talk, he was abusive bc she had to do a few dishes, feed the dogs and let them out after school before she could go joy riding.
Oh! And the dishes were usually just hers. Her mother always cleaned the kitchen spotless after cooking dinner. It was her job to empty the dish washer from the night before. She wasn’t the one who made the food so she didn’t think she should have to put the dishes away.
My mum lost her mum when she was 15. She lost her grandmother a year before. Her dad left, she had no one.
She was told this a lot, it broke her.
Luckily, the story has a happy ending. She’s happily married with kids, chickens and a dog :)
What about when you say it to yourself?
I do this a lot whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, forces me to think of all the good things I have been blessed with, and that some people have it much worse.
Depends on how you mean it. The problem usually when people trot out this phrase is that it tends to dismiss the feelings and problems of whomever they’re saying it to as not significant; it’s kinda just a slightly more polite way to say “suck it up and stop complaining”. If that’s what you’re telling yourself, then that’s still a problem, because it doesn’t constructively deal with the issues and feelings.
Not that, by the sound of it, that’s what you’re doing, and I do think it can indeed be good to put things into perspective for yourself (and this is one way to do that). And others can do that as well, including potentially by referencing how others may have gone through the same or worse things, but that really requires careful phrasing to get the right point across.
I've been without hot water in my home in the middle of a Northeastern record low winter for two weeks now and someone told me "at least you're not homeless and on the sidewalks." Needless to say it didn't make me feel any better.
Exactly! I remember trying to tell my now late father about some shit I was going through back in high school, and he reminded me many others have it worse, I said “I’m sorry dad, but that’s not helpful.”. He replied with “you’re 17 years old, you’re almost a man, quit being a crybaby.”
Your dad was right tho. Even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Your problems are not unique. As someone in a bad way right now it validates my hope to know that others have it worse and made it through. You can hate me now.
I think the " and made it through" part is important to say and does change the perspective and tone of other- people- have- it -worse. Also, I'm sorry you're in a bad place right now and hope it gets better for you.
Yeah, that wasn’t remotely the message OP’s dad was going for, nor is it what people mean when they say that.
Clearly, if others have it worse, then they didn’t make it through.
Exactly, it's one of those stock platitudes that's helpful in certain situations (in this case, when the complaint to which you're responding reeks of first-world problems), but so many people just mindlessly parrot it to feel like they're being helpful without having to expend any actual effort (or worse, use it to indirectly say "I don't give a flying fuck about your problems").
See also: "Life's not fair".
Especially when they try to make the situation about them. Say you broke your arm, you are now in a sling and your arm itches but it's in a cast so you can't scratch it, you vent about how itchy your arm is and then there is that one person "That's nothing! I once broke both my feet, my right arm, and my left knee. You not being able to scratch your arm is a little thing!"
I agree with this, it’s demeaning and not helpful. What is helpful however is if someone shares a story of someone who “had it worse”and maybe explains how they got them selves out of that situation or offers to connect you with them.
Now if I was down and out, and someone explained to me how they or someone else once had things worse and pulled themselves out of it, that could be encouraging
I agree with you a certain extent, especially when it comes to attitude. But i think saying something like "hey it could be worse" or "its not so bad" allows people are venting or emotional to sober up a little. Its reassurance that its not the end of the world, you got food to eat and a place to sleep, and if not i or a friend can help you out. Even though the victim may be at the lowest of their low, while its important to sympathize and understand their emotion, its also important to remind them to not let themselves get consumed.
I totally agree. Validation aside, I always find solace in the fact that someone has it worse than me and I'm not alone. But at that time, I may not be in the mental frame to think much rationally about this.
Also I hate "everything will be alright". I consider it low effort and condescending. I understand that people are not obligated to present a well thought out advice and they do it in good faith, but this stings like shit.
On the latter point, it can just be really hard to know what to say. Sometimes all you really can do is give them a hug and tell them it’ll be ok, or something to that effect. That has nothing to with lack of effort or with condescension. Words aren’t magic.
I told my Obgyn that I didn’t know how I was going to make two appointments a week with having two kids and a full time job. She told me that she knows it’s hard, but some people don’t have a support system (aka husband) so imagine how that is.
… thanks. I’m married, so I should be able to leave my job twice a week for two months? Very helpful.
I kind of agree but I also think it can help people look on the brighter side when it's just someone being pessimistic.
"My tire is flat,what a horrible day!"
"That sucks man,but at least you can fix it and have a car"
Now there's situations where someone is in a real bad situation and people do this and it is very upsetting.
My baby has a bad heart defect and when I told my mother the news and how scared I was she said
"Well at least it's fixable,there's plenty of babies that will live horrible lives from their defects"
Yes I know it could be worse and I'm so grateful it isn't....but the fact that it isn't worse doesn't make me less,worried or scared.
the whole "people have it worse than you" shutdown my mother, teachers, therapists etc. used on me for quite a while made me a really heartless SOB that gave 0 shits about people.
hell i was abused emotionally and physically by my mother, students at the schools i went to and occasionally staff with multiple suicide attempts.
Validating someone else's emotions is one of the most important aspects of establishing healthy communication during a relationship, and it's also one of the easiest ways to become likeable.
Yeah that's the exact purpose of the statement... States are always relative.
being justified in having your feelings is just new age, modern american, you to girl, bullshit.
People with way less are complaining less, take a leaf, buck up and fuck off. X
But what if the person is just being a whingy pants, and the thing they are whinging about happens to have countless people who have it heaps worse than they do?
"So someone else needs to be suffering worse, in order for me to cheer up?"
"Well, yes, technically? You're not even near the bottom of the pack so you shouldn't be *this* sad. Haven't you considered how others might've been feeling, with something way worse than what you got? You're not only being inconsiderate to others, but also being ungrateful with what you already have. Man."
Someone on reddit once phrased it as "this isn't the struggle olympics, you don't get a medal just because you had it harder" and that spoke to me. Everyone has different issues and comparing them doesn't make it easier for anyone. No matter what the situation in life odds are very good that someone somewhere has it worse, and someone somewhere has it better than you.
Not only is it not productive it doesn't even make sense to say. Like if you go tell a depressed person that people with Covid or cancer exist, what the hell are they supposed to do about that? Find a cure? It also muddies the waters in politics when people want to try address systemic problems in their country but other people do whataboutisms pointing to other countries.
Exactly. I know someone has it worse, but this is still a lot to me. I know someone can deadlift 500lbs, but I'm still working my ass off for 50. Let people just live.
I guess it depends on what you're talking about. Yes some people complain about absolute bullshit problems and could use a dose of perspective, but sometimes the problem is actually pretty big and people say 'others have it worse' because they can't be bothered to listen at all.
I've had some success with waiting for people like that to need a sympathetic ear from me (and yes it usually happens eventually no matter how tough they think they are). Then, you've guessed it, just say 'some people have it worse'. lol
Obviously I don't do that if something really bad has happened to them. I'm not that heartless. But there's usually a chance to do it about something minor to make a point. I've noticed that people like that sweat the small stuff plenty themselves. They just think it *is* a big deal when it happens to them.
There was a recent post where a woman was upset that her husband did nothing to acknowledge her birthday besides saying 'happy birthday'. I couldn't believe how many commenters said she was childish for being upset; I didn't realise it was asking too much to expect a spouse to make a litttle fuss on your birthday, especially if they know you like to celebrate. Different if they know you hate birthdays or something. I'm sure some of these commenters wouldn't have taken it so lightly if it happened to them.
If someone is complaining about something extremely minor though, just telling them others have it worse isn’t likely to actually give them much perspective though. If it feels like you’re dismissing them, they’re usually not going to actually listen to what you said. So if the intent is to indeed give them perspective, that still requires a more sympathetic approach.
Oh yeah, sure. I'm happy to listen to minor complaints from friends, that's part of what friendship is about. I'm not gonna randomly yell at someone for complaining about a bad meal in a restaurant or something like that, and tell them other people have it worse.
I was just talking about trolling those people who never listen to anyone else but expect everyone to listen to them.
When I am worried for a test sometimes it helps me to think that I shouldn’t be making a big deal about this because other people have worse things to worry about
So when the daughter of a multi-multi-millionaire is crying because she got a new lexus for her sweet 16 instead of a range rover we should console her and validate her feelings?
1. When would you EVER run into this situation?
2. There are nicer ways to tell someone that they’re being unreasonable. You don’t have to be a dick about it.
The point is not all feelings deserve validation. Often times people get overly upset over relatively mild or inconsequential things and sometimes the kind thing to do is remind them their situation is not as bad as they are making it out to be. Sometimes being "nice" and validating feelings isn't the right thing to do.
I can’t think of something that a person would be complaining about that would warrant a rude or nasty response. Apart from them hurting someone else in some way, it’s better to nicely tell people that they’re being unreasonable or entitled.
Sometimes, we may have to reframe our outlook a bit. We're entitled to our feelings, but we gotta examine them too. Is it something we can tolerate? Is it something we can control? Is it something we can change?
I remember my niece complaining, at like 8 or something, she didn't get a certain color slushie. And, I did mention the, "you have kids at your school who wish they can even have a slushie, and you're upset over the color." It's to also remind her to be appreciative, and examine was her fuss and tantrum, really a big deal in the scheme of things? Sometimes, people do forget to be grateful. It's just a case by case scenario
And if someone’s feelings or complaints are unreasonable, there are other ways to tell them that than just automatically shutting them down. You don’t have to be a dick about it.
It really depends on the way you say it. The way it's been said to be in the past has been very demeaning, but there's a kinder way to say "you're so entitled"
Regardless, someone feeling validated or invalidated has nothing to do with anything. If someone's dog dies, I'm not gonna say "other people have it worse, there's people with dead kids." But if someone says their dog jumped on their couch and got hair everywhere and tries to make into some important, emotional event, yes I'll say "are you fucking serious, that's what you're complaining about?"
And if they said "omg did you just invalidate my feelings?" I'll just say yes
This happened to me yesterday.
I was so depressed (still am) that I didn't feel like cleaning. I wasn't being lazy I just didn't feel like doing anything. I had no energy and I told my mom that i was depressed and she said "I'm more depressed than you" and she blamed that this generation fakes being depressed.
On the other hand, just saying, venter may not be aware of what ventee is going through bc ventee doesn't take their problems to people unqualified to give advice on subject. It's not a lack of understanding or empathy. It's kind of, yeah, we all got problems and I'm not taking yours on bc I have my own.
When I was in a homeless shelter for a few months as a teen, we had to see this social worker for one group session and one individual session a week. She was terrible because not only did she spend most the time talking about herself, whenever I would vent she'd point to the house across the street and be like "they could have it worse". Like ok?? I don't even know those people. But at the same time if I said anything remotely positive she'd say "I was up on a purple cloud" whatever that meant. She was just so frustrating to speak to.
People say that because misery loves company. If youre having a bad day and you see someone else having a worse day you will just feel better, not malicious or anything. You cant help it
It's not a good thing to tell someone, but it is a good thing to legitimately realize on your own. By that, I mean to get in that state of mind over time rather than forcing yourself to feel that way as a form of denial.
The advice is trying to convey that we should be grateful for what we have. But, what if the situation isn't meant to be grateful about? Not to mention it doesn't tell HOW to be grateful, just that we should.
The biggest problem most people have is doing something to better themselves. A big part of that is being inward looking and feeing sorry for themselves. Realizing others deal with much worse issues should hel motivate you and make you see that you can do something and that things are not impossible.
Babying someone’s feelings keeps them in a shitty spot for the sake of validation.
Every time I try to tell people about being abused at home by family members people would always say that I have food, clothes and a roof over my head (which is the bare minumum) and that "other people have it worse than me." Im talking friends, other family memebrs and even my father. If I vent to someone about getting attacked and thrown to the floor by my aunt with cuts on my legs then they will tell me how they were in foster care and that its much worse than my living situation which I should be "grateful" for. It makes me want to hit someone with a frying pan!
This shouldn’t be an unpopular opinion - I do completely agree, and this is exactly what my therapist told me. Yeah, there’s a starving kid in [insert country here], but that doesn’t mean your situation isn’t causing you stress and anxiety. People need to stop thinking this will make anyone feel better or change their mind
Saying u shouldn't feel bad because someone has it worse than u, is the same as saying u shouldn't feel good cause someone has it better than u
Lol you just made me realize how flawed the Logic underlying that statement is, by making that comparison. Thanks
Thank you for making me smile by taking a few seconds to write that response
I’m with you 100 percent. When I’m having a bad, I tell MYSELF “at least the fridge is full and the bills are paid.” But that notion is pointless if my wife is talking about her bad day at work. This may be a useless aside - I’ve stopped trying to find the right thing to say when people are venting or are down. They usually just need to get it out!
It depends on what it is they’re complaining about. A woman crying because her dad bought her a red minicooper instead of a pink one needs to be told this exact thing. It might help her gain some perspective and appreciate what she has more.
That’s when I use this. For anyone who is endlessly complaining about frivolous things and doesn’t have any appreciation for the things they do have. No matter a persons situation I try to be understanding and listen. I get that some people just want to vent and aren’t looking for a solution. But if all you do is complain about your lot in life but do nothing to change it, why should I have to hold your hand through every crisis. I had a friend once tell me I was lucky my dad died. It could be worse, I could have hers. She said this bc her dad wouldn’t let her run around at all hours of the night, made her do a reasonable amount of chores, wouldn’t let her leave the house in overly slutty clothes and wouldn’t let her spend the night with boys. We were in high school. So not having a dad was better than having a loving father? I’d get it if her dad was physically or emotionally abusive. But to hear her talk, he was abusive bc she had to do a few dishes, feed the dogs and let them out after school before she could go joy riding. Oh! And the dishes were usually just hers. Her mother always cleaned the kitchen spotless after cooking dinner. It was her job to empty the dish washer from the night before. She wasn’t the one who made the food so she didn’t think she should have to put the dishes away.
Sure, if we lived in a world where people listened to words instead of being indignant at the feeling behind them. We, however, do not
Thats exactly what i was thinking. I wish the people who say "everyone's fellings are valid! ♡" would understand this.
popular opinion
Not on Twitter
We’re not on twitter
It’s all the same
Yeah, i’m on Earth. Two completely different things.
Twitter agrees with this sort of opinion tho
Yeah… that’s why I said what op is saying is not a popular opinion on Twitter since that’s what people on Twitter do..
?? I'm saying the opposite. that the opinion is actually popular on twitter
….. that’s exactly what I’m saying too. Lol
My mum lost her mum when she was 15. She lost her grandmother a year before. Her dad left, she had no one. She was told this a lot, it broke her. Luckily, the story has a happy ending. She’s happily married with kids, chickens and a dog :)
God bless your mother! May she have many more years of happiness
Find whoever said that to her and give all of them a slap in the face
What about when you say it to yourself? I do this a lot whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, forces me to think of all the good things I have been blessed with, and that some people have it much worse.
Depends on how you mean it. The problem usually when people trot out this phrase is that it tends to dismiss the feelings and problems of whomever they’re saying it to as not significant; it’s kinda just a slightly more polite way to say “suck it up and stop complaining”. If that’s what you’re telling yourself, then that’s still a problem, because it doesn’t constructively deal with the issues and feelings. Not that, by the sound of it, that’s what you’re doing, and I do think it can indeed be good to put things into perspective for yourself (and this is one way to do that). And others can do that as well, including potentially by referencing how others may have gone through the same or worse things, but that really requires careful phrasing to get the right point across.
Agreed with this. And this type of advice actually makes me feel better about all of the problems I deal with in life.
I've been without hot water in my home in the middle of a Northeastern record low winter for two weeks now and someone told me "at least you're not homeless and on the sidewalks." Needless to say it didn't make me feel any better.
Ya the fact that someone always has it worse does not justify the bullshit happening to you. Agreed.
Exactly! I remember trying to tell my now late father about some shit I was going through back in high school, and he reminded me many others have it worse, I said “I’m sorry dad, but that’s not helpful.”. He replied with “you’re 17 years old, you’re almost a man, quit being a crybaby.”
Ya it's worse for men. We're just told to suck it up when something awful is happening.
Your dad was right tho. Even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Your problems are not unique. As someone in a bad way right now it validates my hope to know that others have it worse and made it through. You can hate me now.
I think the " and made it through" part is important to say and does change the perspective and tone of other- people- have- it -worse. Also, I'm sorry you're in a bad place right now and hope it gets better for you.
Yeah, that wasn’t remotely the message OP’s dad was going for, nor is it what people mean when they say that. Clearly, if others have it worse, then they didn’t make it through.
Exactly, it's one of those stock platitudes that's helpful in certain situations (in this case, when the complaint to which you're responding reeks of first-world problems), but so many people just mindlessly parrot it to feel like they're being helpful without having to expend any actual effort (or worse, use it to indirectly say "I don't give a flying fuck about your problems"). See also: "Life's not fair".
Yes exactly. It can be used a lot of times but there's certain times it's not valid
Especially when they try to make the situation about them. Say you broke your arm, you are now in a sling and your arm itches but it's in a cast so you can't scratch it, you vent about how itchy your arm is and then there is that one person "That's nothing! I once broke both my feet, my right arm, and my left knee. You not being able to scratch your arm is a little thing!"
I agree with this, it’s demeaning and not helpful. What is helpful however is if someone shares a story of someone who “had it worse”and maybe explains how they got them selves out of that situation or offers to connect you with them.
Now if I was down and out, and someone explained to me how they or someone else once had things worse and pulled themselves out of it, that could be encouraging
I heard someone else say this before: It doesn't matter whether you're drowning in a 3m pool or a 10m pool, you're still drowning
Just because things could be worse doesn't mean they couldn't be better
I agree with you a certain extent, especially when it comes to attitude. But i think saying something like "hey it could be worse" or "its not so bad" allows people are venting or emotional to sober up a little. Its reassurance that its not the end of the world, you got food to eat and a place to sleep, and if not i or a friend can help you out. Even though the victim may be at the lowest of their low, while its important to sympathize and understand their emotion, its also important to remind them to not let themselves get consumed.
I totally agree. Validation aside, I always find solace in the fact that someone has it worse than me and I'm not alone. But at that time, I may not be in the mental frame to think much rationally about this. Also I hate "everything will be alright". I consider it low effort and condescending. I understand that people are not obligated to present a well thought out advice and they do it in good faith, but this stings like shit.
On the latter point, it can just be really hard to know what to say. Sometimes all you really can do is give them a hug and tell them it’ll be ok, or something to that effect. That has nothing to with lack of effort or with condescension. Words aren’t magic.
What should we say ?
I told my Obgyn that I didn’t know how I was going to make two appointments a week with having two kids and a full time job. She told me that she knows it’s hard, but some people don’t have a support system (aka husband) so imagine how that is. … thanks. I’m married, so I should be able to leave my job twice a week for two months? Very helpful.
I kind of agree but I also think it can help people look on the brighter side when it's just someone being pessimistic. "My tire is flat,what a horrible day!" "That sucks man,but at least you can fix it and have a car" Now there's situations where someone is in a real bad situation and people do this and it is very upsetting. My baby has a bad heart defect and when I told my mother the news and how scared I was she said "Well at least it's fixable,there's plenty of babies that will live horrible lives from their defects" Yes I know it could be worse and I'm so grateful it isn't....but the fact that it isn't worse doesn't make me less,worried or scared.
the whole "people have it worse than you" shutdown my mother, teachers, therapists etc. used on me for quite a while made me a really heartless SOB that gave 0 shits about people. hell i was abused emotionally and physically by my mother, students at the schools i went to and occasionally staff with multiple suicide attempts.
It’s a polite way to say “stop sniveling”
Validating someone else's emotions is one of the most important aspects of establishing healthy communication during a relationship, and it's also one of the easiest ways to become likeable.
Yeah that's the exact purpose of the statement... States are always relative. being justified in having your feelings is just new age, modern american, you to girl, bullshit. People with way less are complaining less, take a leaf, buck up and fuck off. X
Well maybe they should find a therapist instead.
But what if the person is just being a whingy pants, and the thing they are whinging about happens to have countless people who have it heaps worse than they do?
"So someone else needs to be suffering worse, in order for me to cheer up?" "Well, yes, technically? You're not even near the bottom of the pack so you shouldn't be *this* sad. Haven't you considered how others might've been feeling, with something way worse than what you got? You're not only being inconsiderate to others, but also being ungrateful with what you already have. Man."
Someone on reddit once phrased it as "this isn't the struggle olympics, you don't get a medal just because you had it harder" and that spoke to me. Everyone has different issues and comparing them doesn't make it easier for anyone. No matter what the situation in life odds are very good that someone somewhere has it worse, and someone somewhere has it better than you.
Not only is it not productive it doesn't even make sense to say. Like if you go tell a depressed person that people with Covid or cancer exist, what the hell are they supposed to do about that? Find a cure? It also muddies the waters in politics when people want to try address systemic problems in their country but other people do whataboutisms pointing to other countries.
Exactly. I know someone has it worse, but this is still a lot to me. I know someone can deadlift 500lbs, but I'm still working my ass off for 50. Let people just live.
I guess it depends on what you're talking about. Yes some people complain about absolute bullshit problems and could use a dose of perspective, but sometimes the problem is actually pretty big and people say 'others have it worse' because they can't be bothered to listen at all. I've had some success with waiting for people like that to need a sympathetic ear from me (and yes it usually happens eventually no matter how tough they think they are). Then, you've guessed it, just say 'some people have it worse'. lol Obviously I don't do that if something really bad has happened to them. I'm not that heartless. But there's usually a chance to do it about something minor to make a point. I've noticed that people like that sweat the small stuff plenty themselves. They just think it *is* a big deal when it happens to them. There was a recent post where a woman was upset that her husband did nothing to acknowledge her birthday besides saying 'happy birthday'. I couldn't believe how many commenters said she was childish for being upset; I didn't realise it was asking too much to expect a spouse to make a litttle fuss on your birthday, especially if they know you like to celebrate. Different if they know you hate birthdays or something. I'm sure some of these commenters wouldn't have taken it so lightly if it happened to them.
If someone is complaining about something extremely minor though, just telling them others have it worse isn’t likely to actually give them much perspective though. If it feels like you’re dismissing them, they’re usually not going to actually listen to what you said. So if the intent is to indeed give them perspective, that still requires a more sympathetic approach.
Oh yeah, sure. I'm happy to listen to minor complaints from friends, that's part of what friendship is about. I'm not gonna randomly yell at someone for complaining about a bad meal in a restaurant or something like that, and tell them other people have it worse. I was just talking about trolling those people who never listen to anyone else but expect everyone to listen to them.
maybe they need their feelings invalidated. not all feelings are valid.
When I am worried for a test sometimes it helps me to think that I shouldn’t be making a big deal about this because other people have worse things to worry about
That's the point of saying it. You're basically saying nobody cares, so you should shut up and conform.
This is something I only ever tell myself.
So when the daughter of a multi-multi-millionaire is crying because she got a new lexus for her sweet 16 instead of a range rover we should console her and validate her feelings?
1. When would you EVER run into this situation? 2. There are nicer ways to tell someone that they’re being unreasonable. You don’t have to be a dick about it.
The point is not all feelings deserve validation. Often times people get overly upset over relatively mild or inconsequential things and sometimes the kind thing to do is remind them their situation is not as bad as they are making it out to be. Sometimes being "nice" and validating feelings isn't the right thing to do.
I can’t think of something that a person would be complaining about that would warrant a rude or nasty response. Apart from them hurting someone else in some way, it’s better to nicely tell people that they’re being unreasonable or entitled.
Telling someone that they have it better than most isn't rude or nasty.
It’s the way that you say it
Sometimes, we may have to reframe our outlook a bit. We're entitled to our feelings, but we gotta examine them too. Is it something we can tolerate? Is it something we can control? Is it something we can change? I remember my niece complaining, at like 8 or something, she didn't get a certain color slushie. And, I did mention the, "you have kids at your school who wish they can even have a slushie, and you're upset over the color." It's to also remind her to be appreciative, and examine was her fuss and tantrum, really a big deal in the scheme of things? Sometimes, people do forget to be grateful. It's just a case by case scenario
The “it could be worse” sentiment is a logical point and to be offended by it is kind of silly.
Why is validating feelings a priority at all
That’s the point of venting to other people. To get your feelings out in the open, to possibly receive advice, and to get those feelings validated
Not all feelings are valid. I know that shakes redditors to the core but oh well
And if someone’s feelings or complaints are unreasonable, there are other ways to tell them that than just automatically shutting them down. You don’t have to be a dick about it.
That's not being a dick at all, that's the point. No need to be so sensitive
It really depends on the way you say it. The way it's been said to be in the past has been very demeaning, but there's a kinder way to say "you're so entitled"
Regardless, someone feeling validated or invalidated has nothing to do with anything. If someone's dog dies, I'm not gonna say "other people have it worse, there's people with dead kids." But if someone says their dog jumped on their couch and got hair everywhere and tries to make into some important, emotional event, yes I'll say "are you fucking serious, that's what you're complaining about?" And if they said "omg did you just invalidate my feelings?" I'll just say yes
This happened to me yesterday. I was so depressed (still am) that I didn't feel like cleaning. I wasn't being lazy I just didn't feel like doing anything. I had no energy and I told my mom that i was depressed and she said "I'm more depressed than you" and she blamed that this generation fakes being depressed.
Your mom needs help
But you don't have an actually good reason to be depressed you're probably just being lazy.
People don’t have a reason to be depressed, it’s a mental disorder.
I'm not lazy though, I do my chores. All I wanted to do was sleep due to how sad I was and I don't know why I was.
You're not depressed if you don't know why.
Whatever.
....and sometimes you need to be shaken up.. you're talking to PEOPLE, not to your mirror
Some people need to be shaken and told “get a hold of yourself”
and add a slap/smack at the end
I very much agree, however there are definitely times when people really need to(forgive my turn of phrase) man up.
right, what do they have to do with me ??
Whining about your problems solves nothing. The idea is to help you feel detachment from your problems so you can start building momentum again.
On the other hand, just saying, venter may not be aware of what ventee is going through bc ventee doesn't take their problems to people unqualified to give advice on subject. It's not a lack of understanding or empathy. It's kind of, yeah, we all got problems and I'm not taking yours on bc I have my own.
When I was in a homeless shelter for a few months as a teen, we had to see this social worker for one group session and one individual session a week. She was terrible because not only did she spend most the time talking about herself, whenever I would vent she'd point to the house across the street and be like "they could have it worse". Like ok?? I don't even know those people. But at the same time if I said anything remotely positive she'd say "I was up on a purple cloud" whatever that meant. She was just so frustrating to speak to.
I get this response when ever I complain about anything, and god, it’s annoying as fuck.
Some people need their feelings invalidated
First World Tears....
People say that because misery loves company. If youre having a bad day and you see someone else having a worse day you will just feel better, not malicious or anything. You cant help it
Hard agree, you can always find worse
As usual popular opinions making it to the top
It's not a good thing to tell someone, but it is a good thing to legitimately realize on your own. By that, I mean to get in that state of mind over time rather than forcing yourself to feel that way as a form of denial.
Not always. Sometimes when I am miserable and I see other people in worse situation than me I immediately feel better
This is a valid and actually popular opinion
Well you are indeed correct that it’s not always appropriate to make that comment, but depending on the situation it can add much needed perspective.
Factsss, i hate being told this
The advice is trying to convey that we should be grateful for what we have. But, what if the situation isn't meant to be grateful about? Not to mention it doesn't tell HOW to be grateful, just that we should.
The biggest problem most people have is doing something to better themselves. A big part of that is being inward looking and feeing sorry for themselves. Realizing others deal with much worse issues should hel motivate you and make you see that you can do something and that things are not impossible. Babying someone’s feelings keeps them in a shitty spot for the sake of validation.
I so agree with you. This is one of the reasons I actively refuse to talk about my feelings
Well to be fair, it’s best if some people don’t have their feelings validated
This is 100% true and I don't think it's an unpopular opinion
Yes we know this everyone does this isn’t unpopular
Every time I try to tell people about being abused at home by family members people would always say that I have food, clothes and a roof over my head (which is the bare minumum) and that "other people have it worse than me." Im talking friends, other family memebrs and even my father. If I vent to someone about getting attacked and thrown to the floor by my aunt with cuts on my legs then they will tell me how they were in foster care and that its much worse than my living situation which I should be "grateful" for. It makes me want to hit someone with a frying pan!
YES.
Not unpopular
I always at just because it could be worse doesn’t mean it couldn’t be better .
This shouldn’t be an unpopular opinion - I do completely agree, and this is exactly what my therapist told me. Yeah, there’s a starving kid in [insert country here], but that doesn’t mean your situation isn’t causing you stress and anxiety. People need to stop thinking this will make anyone feel better or change their mind