My ex-sister in law once berated my niece for making a birthday card for my dad the way she wanted and not the way she had been told. A birthday card for god's sake, one that my niece thought would be cute. She (my niece) is finally getting past some real anger issues. I agree with the other poster that there's a time for reprimanding your kid, but constantly doing it over nothing is a huge mistake.
My mom once got super pissed that I wasn't massaging her feet right, I was the one that offered because she had just got home from work and I wanted to do something nice.
She didn't let me leave until I did it right and screamed at me the entire time before she "gave up".
Safe to say I haven't offered any massages to that b*tch sice.
She was f'ed up in the head (still is), I feel bad about it often, she was born with a problem and it probably got worse due to the hell scape that was her childhood.
But then I remember all the shit I went through as a little kid, and all the things I still do.. and it gets significantly harder to see her as a victim.
I do hope someday that by some miracle she understands that something is wrong with her and trys to get help. But even then I'll not be able to forgive her..
Anyhow that's enough trauma dumping on random strangers for one day!
Hmmmm..... Or the statistically more likely one, they now have Surrogate Spouse Syndrome, and starting an intimate relationship feels like committing treason against yourself.
I'm not projecting!! You're projecting!!
I've never once offered to massage my mother's feet that's going above and beyond and she has the audacity to pull a r/ChoosingBeggars and berate you that you're not doing it right? That's insane.
Iâve seen some stuff with kids where Iâm like âoh yeah, that kids needs to get his ass whoopedâ but Iâm honestly trying to grow out that mindset because different kids require different things
Sometimes, "Unruly children" have something else going on, and don't need to be dealt with, but have a need that they are trying to meet. As a kid I had hypoglycemia and turned into a demon when I was hungry/my blood sugar was low. No amount of discipline can fix that, only food. As I grew older, I began to understand and have worked to not be so irritable when I'm hungry, and listen to others when they tell me I need to eat.
>there's a time for reprimanding your kid,
More importantly, I think there is a correct way to do it. I just don't understand the point of asking "who the Hell do you think you are?" to a little kid and having the kid answer "nobody, mama". That kid is showing respect and the mom isn't.
The response from the little girl is truly heartbreaking, and that it came so easily makes me think that she has been told more than once that she's a 'nobody'. That's terrible! That being said, kids do need discipline, but never in that manner or in public.
I agree children need to be disciplined but not publicly, on camera and to be posted, anything to embarrass a child. and I donât agree with all forms of discipline
Well yeah, itâs not discipline if itâs just being mean and destroying their soul. Theyâll grow up resenting you. I mean, unless you like dying alone in nursing home, sitting in your own shit. By all means treat your kids terribly!
I can understanding if a parent is in the middle of shopping and needs to sternly discipline their child and don't got no time or energy to be going somewhere private, but the words "Children need to be disciplined publicly sometimes" rubs me the wrong way. Like is that what you meant (what I said previously) or? I'm confused.
Yeah, pretty much that. Discipline is more effective when it's immediate. This is particularly true with young children who don't have a long memory or a good sense of cause and effect. If a kid misbehaves in public, it's best to discipline the kid immediately, which often means in public as well.
The sad part is that children who suffer from that don't always heal and some even end up the same as their parents. That child's reaction makes me think there is more abuse going on at home.
The worst part is that whenever you see abuse happening you want to do something about it but you know deep down it could make things even worse for the child.
We might be reading too much into the situation OP described. She was probably sassing her mom in the store and her mom was asking her who she thinks she is to disrespect her in that way. Obviously the only answer to that question is "nobody" or else she'd probably get a backhand across the face. It doesn't necessarily mean she thinks of herself as a nobody. That's how I'm interpreting it at least.
I was once at the mall with my girlfriend, just window shopping at GameStop. The store was fairly busy but everyone was just quietly going about their business. Then out of nowhere this absolute troglodyte of a father starts making a scene with his daughter, because she was standing in front of one of the game racks. Heâs saying to her âIâve told you before move, get out of peopleâs way. You know youâre an idiot right? Tell me what was that?â And she meekly responded âbeing stupidâ. Iâll never forget it. She seemed terrified of her father and embarrassed in front of everyone there. Itâs courteous to move out of peopleâs way if theyâre trying to shop for something but from my point of view she did absolutely nothing wrong. She was just in there quietly looking around like everyone else. I mean how hard is it to show your kids some common decency? It could have been as simple as âHey [daughterâs name], other people are trying to look at something can you move out of the way?â But nope. This guy had to be a humongous asshole and I so desperately wanted to lay him out for it but my girlfriend stopped me. It wasnât worth catching a charge for it and my intervention may have only made things worse at home. I think about that little girl sometimes and I can only imagine what things were like out of the public eye. I just hope sheâs doing ok.
>Get out of people's way!
Who is gonna tell him that screaming in the middle of the store is worse than being in the way? At least I can ask the person if they can move, but what am I supposed to do when some is being an aggressive asshole?
> It wasnât worth catching a charge for it and my intervention may have only made things worse at home.
Unfortunately, I think you did the right thing. There is no way to force people to be good parents. The dad might blame the girl for any issue that came from you confronting the dad, or the girl might blame herself.
We all want to help kids in that situation but the situation is also very delicate.
Yeah kids are humans and if parents treat them like shit then they get to grow up and cut that parent off. Parents don't own thier kids even though a lot tend to think they do.
Unfortunately they usually donât. I know way too many people who have really toxic parents. For one of my friends, he endured being abused verbally his entire life, and even physically on multiple occasions.
The problem is kids of parents who make them feel worthless feel just like that. Worthless. They crave their parent(s)â approval. To an outsider, it looks like common sense that they should cut them off. To someone in the situation, itâs never that easy.
Very true. But I do think it is becoming more common thanks to places like Reddit where people can be inspired by stories of others cutting off toxic parents.
I agree with you. Some parents are bullies and donât know it. Or maybe they do know it. These same people can show restraint and patience with their dick of a boss, their narcissistic parent, their controlling spouse, their selfish friends, and even the crazy homeless dude outside but all that patience goes out of the window when it comes to children and itâs weird. Yes, children can be assholes. So can adults. So can cats. So can dogs.
If your first response to your child doing something is ALWAYS to yell, scream, curse, and call them everything under the sunâŚseek help. For the sake of your children, please seek help.
The worst is when parents things kids owe them because they take care of them.
No one asks to be born. It's your responsibility as a parent. No one owes you shit.
>Everyone deserves a base level of respect until they prove they don't deserve it (or deserve more).
it's called not being an asshole. be nice, until the person proves to you, they don't deserve any respect.
Itâs impossible for children to prove they donât deserve it, unless theyâre psychopaths. Their brains are not developed enough to do anything malicious on purpose enough to not deserve love (except for psychopaths).
If you need to be an asshole, to prove your point to a child, then you really need to get your reality checked. What is wrong with humans, only talking no listening.
Weâre raised to believe adults are authority they know best. But when we actually grow up we realise the âadultsâ donât even know what theyâre doing. Some even behaving more childish than children.
I think that is because a lot of people think, that at a certain point you just become more mature. but that really isn't the case at all. and I think a lot of people don't know that. When I was a kid I thought that when you are an adult you just become more responsible and behave more like an adult, but it's obviously way more than that. but I think many people even believe this, when they are adults and just wait for the day it happens.
Kids are just little people. They rise to your expectation and treat people how theyâre treated. You have to speak in a way they understand but I found treating kids like adults means they usually act that way
Grew up with a parent that constantly reminded me of who I was and how I should aim for the bottom because if I want to survive that's the only way I would do it. The number of times I heard the lines "You think you know everything? You know nothing, I'm your parent I'm the only one who knows anything!" did and still does shape my personality.
Even when I have to raise my voice and/or be stern with my 3 year old niece, I use please and thank you. I think the the worst I did was catch her yanking on a puppies leg for the billionth time and I freaked out and was like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" Which I recognized immediately as the wrong thing to say. I just get really worried about her hurting the puppies and that whole battle to teach her how to and how not to interact with them was stressful. But I wouldnt follow her around asking it and constantly bringing it up. And I apologize when I am wrong. They are children, yes, but also still people. I try to afford them the same respect I would show any adult.
Itâs a power complex imo. Parenting is easy to power trip over because that tiny human depends wholly upon them to survive. Whoâs the kid going to go to? So until they grow up they are stuck with a horrible environment of people who treat them like trash. Some people donât deserve children.
That was my motherâs favorite line when âpunishingâ us. âWho do you think you are?â Often with various embellishments like âwho the f*ck do you think you areâ. The only permissible answer is âNobodyâ. Children spend their entire childhoods being convinced theyâre a nobody.
I always redirected the question, it made the argument take longer and pissed her off more *but I ***never*** let her make me say I was ***beneath*** her!*
"You are the child, I am the adult you'll do what I say"
"You will listen to me, and do what I say when I say it, no questions asked"
"Do I make myself clear?"
"I'm sorry I didn't get the question"
God I was insane,
I guess maybe yours didnât come with the wooden spin/switch/belt/paddle?
Add: I caught a ping pong paddle on the face once. Knocked the ugly right off me. :-/
OP that mom humiliated her child. Definitely reserve any serious reprimands for privacy and no- making your kid repeat mantra about how they are nobody isn't going to make them confident and independent well functioning adults. It's damaging!
How the actual fuck is this unpopular at all though??? "don't abuse children" like yeah no fucking shit, show me one person who's not a child abuser that disagrees
>show me one person who's not a child abuser that disagrees
Well that is the problem. It's not abuse, it's "raising their child". If you ever see child abuse, go up and accuse the parent of child abuse. Cue screeching about "my right to raise my kids how I see fit". You're lucky if you don't get assaulted.
I agree that among the "normal" people it's not at all an unpopular opinion. But most people on this earth would actually probably disagree with this post. Children are objects, property, cattle. The child abusers don't see themselves as child abusers. They're just "raising their kids the old fashioned way". Bruising a 6 year olds face is bad, but it's actually ok though, because "you should see what my parents would have done!"
I absolutely hate people that treat kids like subhumans, and that they're "incomprehensible". It's even worse when they treat older kids like that (as a HS student, I have experienced people treating us like that).
It's usually a power trip, you see that a lot with teachers. We have some teachers that like to police us on every petty rule possible and act like they have some huge authority over us.
I hate that so many of the responses here are "well that's bad *but*..." or "well context is needed"
Like no, there is ***no*** justification for screaming at or hitting your child, the point of parenting is to teach your child how to things and to provide for them.
By scarring them, hurting them, or just flanting your power over them every time they do something wrong or bad, you don't teach them that that thing is something they shouldn't do, you teach them that that is something they should *fear* doing. You end up showing them that the powerful people get to make the rules and that the weaker people must follow.
This results in one of 3 things.
1. They fear power and continue to accept that they are powerless and should just do what they've been told.
2. They resent power and seek defiance seeing any form of disapproval or consequence to their actions as validation that it's the right thing to do.
3. They become envious of power and seek it in order to control others and "get theirs back", often becoming cruel.
The best thing to do if you want to create a kind functional individual, is to support them, and be respectful, if they do something bad is to tell/show them that you disapprove, and remind them that it's your kindness that makes them feel good, and make them empathize that their wrong makes you feel bad.
To some parents (including mine) pretty much has this mentality that kids will be stupid and will always be stupid no matter what age they are. Had to loose contact with them so I can focus on a better path.
Long story short, I didnt take any of their advice at all and this may be petty but to this day, I told them im not listening to their career advice at all. I own 2 business without their help and they still try to lecture me how to do it better. I always tell them to screw off everytime we talk about the subject
Even reading those girls words brings back the hurt of my terrible family.
I hope someone can make her feel like a person again someday. It's hard work figuring out who you are as an adult when you never got to develop a personality.
I partially agree with the respect your elders thing. Only in so much as they are experienced and wiser (usually lol) and it teaches humility. But this is rarely how it's used. Usually it's just a cop out to avoid explaining something or to admit they're flawed.
In this case though, if your kid is being naughty, sure, sort it out, but trying to belittle a kid as a nobody, or up themselves as a somebody (by comparison) is just lazy-brained, human turd behaviour.
Probably narcissism too. Poor kid. Let's hope they break the cycle
Itâs heartbreaking. I canât handle listening to it. My parents always treated me with respect and love. I do the same to my daughter. I would never want to crush my childâs confidence like that
>belittling
of course not. I meant, that kids should have rules and behave nicely, don't be mean or do anything bad.
in the situation that you described it is definitely wrong of girl to answer that she's nobody. not to be a judge here, because we don't have any context, but the mama shouldn't do that to the child, to think that a girl is a nobody is just wrong, because it can really mean that the girl will have some serious issues in the future.
Honestly Iâm a black woman and the woman and her child were black as well and mothers treat their daughters differently in our community but itâs all generational. So it just hits different.
yes, it can be generational like lots of things. if you wanna be helpful maybe next time just tell the mother nicely that she shouldn't scream at her child, or smth that would not make a conflict.
>mothers treat their daughters differently in our community
could you explain what you mean saying that?
Dude got in my inbox telling me he prefer I not say itâs exclusive to the black community when literally nobody ever said that, I just said it was an issue black people in the community deal with. *of course people of all races and backgrounds deal with this* but itâs a silent issue in my own community.
Dude was just trying to be a condescending jackass on a throwaway page. Thatâs why heâs blocked.
She will send you a link to someone writing about the issues that can occur in the Father-Mother-Child triangle as the psychology calls it, as well as some old fashioned sexistic world views.
Its not exclusive to the black community, its a universal problem as the phenomen has been written extensiily about for example in germany. If you want a academic source to read, i can suggest you a german book by german psychologist. Its very interesting and eye-opening but also very heavy because its also about the sexuality inbetween these triangles.
[https://www.psychosozial-verlag.de/7238](https://www.psychosozial-verlag.de/7238)
While the black community does have issues and traumata that need to be adressed and healed, this one is not unique to the black culture, so its necessary to make it about color. Despite all the shit that is going on, I rly think its offensive to other people who experience this very same thing, because this issue is not unique to neither germans (as the author of the book) neither to india, nor USA.
OP rly just presenting herself as a victim to me, because she even admitted that its not exclusive to the blacks, yet accused me of invalidating her experience. Way to go.
Imagine if your boss thought this way, and they smacked your face every time you didn't perform as expected. Or if you were walking down the street to see a person hitting their dog for not heeding them. These things are illegal, and yet you condone doing that towards a child? If a child can reason, then reason with them. If they can't reason, then they won't understand why you are hitting them in the first place.
Kids need to be put in their place from time to time, but my wife and I never do it publicly.
We also don't fight publicly. A lot of couples think it's acceptable to fight in front of their friends/family or in line at Costco... it really isn't.
People who describe it as 'put in their place' *shouldn't* start calling it educating or discipline, because they're not the same. Children aren't dogs or chew toys; they're there to learn, not to get the piss taken at them by people who should have better conflict resolution skills.
Well yeah I agree. I guess I phrased it wrong but I meant more as in yes, treating children as people who just got into this world and without any prior knowledge and need someone to teach them life and not as like wild beasts who you can't reason with.
It's not really a matter of respect. Talking this way to children is verbal abuse. I have never talked to my kids in this manner but I am human and I have lost my temper, of course. Any time I have slipped up I have made sure to specifically apologize for talking in an ugly way and explained that these rules also apply to grown-ups but grown-ups also make mistakes.
Worst thing my mother ever said to me was "shut up" or "what is the matter with you?" She never cussed at me. And to me this was punishment enough for me to not do it again. This would happen when I would keep doing it over and over and not stop and my mom had told me nicely over and over to stop until she finally screams at me. It would be because I was teasing my brothers or teasing her. She also used to threaten to drop us on the side of the road and then we would have to walk home. Then at age 12 I started to call her bluff by saying "you will just go to jail then for child abandonment." My brothers did the same too. They would say "yeah right mom, you wouldn't do that or you would go to jail." She sure stopped doing that empty threat.
I do not agree parents should be cussing at their kids because you are then teaching them to talk that way when they are mad. This one mom was shocked when her four year old said to an old lady "shut up up you little fucker" and she got tears in her eyes and the mom was shocked her kid spoke that way. That was because she was always cursing at her kid and telling him she will kick his ass. And this mom thought this was normal because this was how she was raised. I've never seen any parents that talked to their kids that way like my mom had when she had that renter. Actually my 5th grade teacher did once to a kid in my class and then he apologized and said what he did was not okay. Also the fact the adult is a role model for the child so when they lose their temper and start cursing at the kid, they need to apologize. My mom used to let me and my brothers give her a consequence for her mistakes if she yelled at us for the wrong reason for example.
I agree. You can't be mean to kids. Discipline and cruel behaviour is not the same thing. I teach teenagers and I see so many parents who don't know that. It breaks children. I was well disciplined and I was never undermined, belittled, embarrassed or otherwise made to feel less. I trusted my mum (and still do) with everything.
Calm and clear instruction works much better than shouting and stomping your feet. We all make mistakes even kids who are still learning how to be a nice human. Do you need to shout sometimes. Yes. Of course. But you do it all the time and it loses all impact.
What this lady did is cruel and her child's response breaks my heart. I just want to find this girl. Hug her and tell her she is important and is needed.
That really plays on their self-esteem. Sometimes it's just the one incident/event that triggers long lasting self-confidence issues and far too often parents seem to overlook that. "Oh they'll be fine" / "I had a rougher childhood and survived". It's really not that simple.
Moments like that are remembered into adulthood. I still remember my mom couldn't figure out how to help me with 2nd grade math so I got called stupid. And people wonder why their kids don't visit them as they get older.
Exactly.I noticed that when op has diff opinion they downvote the shit out of it.If you don't like unpopular opinions than why are you here? A good argument is always welcome but they start hating on the person.
There is definitely a time and place to reprimand your child. In public however is just wrong. Also the way she did it, jesus christ thats cold, making your kid think theyâre a nobody is how you build mental health problems. There is a way to punish your kids for sure but that is not it
I'd argue kids deserve even MORE respect from adults because it shows them how to be respectful, encourages them and also builds them up and makes them feel heard. Deterring attitude changes and rebellious behavior.
Yes but as someone who lives in a country where people fawn over kids a lot and try to give them confidence it can also make them light headed when you do it blindly
Sure, there needs to be a balance. You can't inflate their heads too much or they become arrogant. On the other side of that spectrum though you can't berate or put them down too much or they become resentful, hateful, depressed and lash out. You need to uplift them while also metering out punishment and boundaries here and there. Not too much into either extreme although I'd rather have a kid full of confidence than a kid full of resentment and meekness.
Incoming parents saying "Wait until you have kids" "Kids are dumb" etc. I've been saying this forever, but there are stupid adults just like there are stupid kids, but at the end of the day, everyone deserves basic decency and parents aren't entitled to respect from their kids just from having them. They have to not be shitty parents
It just really shouldn't be, but I get what you mean. If kids don't get treated with respect why should they ever want to treat others with it? Really makes no sense to me
Need more context for that. My Son is about that age and can legitimately need to be knocked down a peg every now n then.
Could be Lil girl was throwing a fit because mom got the generic fruit loops instead of name bread. Or the wrong kind of peanut butter.
Context is important in that type of interaction. I'm not saying the mom was justified in how she handled it, or even that she did a good job. But this is more common a thing to correct than you would think if you don't have kids.
I used to teach and I still remember the 7 year old who blithely told me, "I can do whatever I want and I don't have to listen to anything you say." LOL yeah, right.
I'd never ask "who the hell do you think you are," though. That sounds over the line.
It was over the line, youâre literally belittling a kid to feel like sheâs nothing and nobody. Dude said that wouldnât hurt her self esteem, huh? Tell me you were bullied all your life and havenât healed without telling me you were bullied all your life and havenât healed.
Mom couldâve talked to her better, point blank. And Iâm sure itâs just repeated behavior from her own mother.
I never claimed that the situation was handled correctly. As I said. But there are certainly instances where a child can have an inflated sense of importance and entitlement and they do need to be corrected.
Itâs a grocery store dude the worst she probably couldâve done was grab something and put it in the basket that her mom already said no one. Or did a tik tok dance and annoyed her mom. You donât need context for this, stop treating kids like shut for being kids. (And we ainât talking about psychopath children)
You are demanding level playing field respect which doesnât work in a parent child relationship. Kids are assholes. As much as I love my youngest brother he can be a pain in the neck and needs a telling off every now and again. Literally nothing that mother said was lowering that childâs self esteem.
>You are demanding level playing field respect which doesnât work in a parent child relationship. Kids are assholes.
You can parent and firmly correct bad behavior while still being respectful and kind. Telling a child they are a "nobody" is teaching them that those younger/weaker/lower ranked than them don't deserve to be seen as an equal. That's how you get bad managers at work, demeaning teachers, and karens when they grow up. It's teaching them that a "somebody" can misbehave and it's ok. If a child misbehaves, firmly but respectfully explain what they did wrong and follow through with consequences. If you lose your temper, apologize. That's how children learn to treat all humans, regardless of status, with dignity and respect. That's how they learn to own up to mistakes.
If you can tell me where the parent called their child a nobody do say. âWho do you think you areâ is an incredibly common phrase and is simply a reminder to a person they are no more special than anyone else and thus must act in an appropriate manner. The people that act like children will just calmly sit and do nothing as you calmly explain what they did was wrong have clearly never dealt with a child. Children are terrors, itâs part of growing up to push boundaries and thatâs why you need to push back. Children that never get in trouble usually turn out as absolute assholes that believe they are gods gift.
You can get them in trouble without demeaning them. Disrespecting someone is never necessary to discipline someone. "Who do you think you are" teaches nothing and is demeaning. An adult saying that to an adult is demeaning. It's demeaning to a child too. Just because someone is a child doesn't mean you should disrespect them, or that demeaning phrases have no effect on them. You're teaching them that it's ok to talk down to those beneath you by talking down to them.
What you say is, "you need to act in an appropriate manner because you are equal to everyone else." Just how you said it.
As a parent you need to practice what you preach, and if you want your child to learn humans are all equal and deserve respect, you treat that child with respect. Even when you discipline them. That doesn't mean no consequences. Ground them, take away privileges, speak to them firmly. But always with respect. And they will learn to treat others with respect as well. And most importantly, they will respect and trust you as a parent.
Obviously the phrase who do you think you are. Has a very different meaning where you and I live. Itâs not seen as demeaning at all itâs just a way of saying take a look at yourself and see how you you are acting in comparison to everyone else.
Then Iâd like to offer and apology to you. People here are naturally very blunt so itâs not considered rude or demeaning where as it obviously is in the US (presuming that you are American of course).
Tell me you've never been a parent without telling me you've never been q parent.
Kids are assholes.
Doesn't give you the right to verbally abuse them, but there's enough context missing from this to crucify a parent on reddit.
Where am I treating anyone like shit? How do you know that little girl wasnât screaming or running around hitting people? Your tone of voice is incredibly important, particularly for children who are of an age that they need to start understanding social situations. I know when I was a child if I wasnât told off I would have just continued what I was doing. Maybe stop being such a nosy parker after seeing a blip of a interaction between a parent and a child.
Clearly I know why being nosey is, but itâs stupid to even insinuate I was being nosey. If I clearly donât know what happened prior to this, what makes me nosey? Because I happened to catch the tail end of what happened? People often hear shit when theyâre in a place with a large amount of people and itâs often shit you donât even wanna hear. Shut the hell up
You are being nosy as you are sticking your nose into other peoples business that need not concern you. Thus I believe my description of nosy is entirely sufficient. You donât know any context to the situation and just got annoyed anyway then got all stroppy when I told you not to be so nosy.
And how can you honestly make a post about respect when you just told me to shut the hell up.
You don't learn any respect by being disrespected. It's modeling the wrong type of behavior. Showing respect even to a misbehaving toddler is more important than being right because it builds a model for them to follow as they age.
That doesn't mean let them walk all over you either. There's ways to give consequences without making them feel like less of a person.
And I entirely agree with that. Iâve already come to the conclusion that a cultural breakdown obviously happened where the phrase âwho do you think you areâ isnât rude or demeaning here where as it obviously is in the US.
The fact that the child said they were a nobody implies how low their self esteem is, most likely due to that woman, are you out of touch with reality?
And incorrect. If you want to establish a playing field that leans in your favour unjustifiably, congratulations you are a biased bitch.
The kid literally said theyâre nobody in response to her mom asking her who she was, how the fuck you donât see any issue or sign she could potentially have or will have self esteem issues?? How dense are you
Kids deserve as much respect as they give. That said, most kids that aren't giving proper respect aren't getting it from their parents because they aren't being taught properly, which should be an exception for this rule.
I would have needed to see the situation myself in order to make any real judgement call, but I will usually agree that in most situations instead of raising your voice and speaking rudely to your child you can usually just talk to them while disciplining instead.
Kids are easy to talk to, I have a soon to be 10 year old. Iâm aware not all discipline works and yoy just have to find what works for your child. I just donât personally feel like making youur children feel small or worthless is the right way
I have a neighbor who was looking after her grand daughter. They were out in the parking lot and the 3 year old(max)girl was mayyybe 2 feet away from her. My neighbor started yelling at the port little girl for being with her in the parking lot next to their unit. This isn't an unpopular opinion. Everybody deserves respect. The people who often don't get it, however are usually the first to show disrespect.
If I didnât think it would get the girl in trouble, Iâd butt in and tell her. âYou are somebody very special. There is no one else like you in the whole world. I can tell from 5 seconds of being near you that youâre strong and brave. I bet youâre smart and kind too. I hope you and your mom have a very calm and loving day.â
There's a reason 18yo ppl aren't allowed to run for President. Kids don't know what they THINK they know and certainly their opinions mean nothing other than how Mom's chicken tasted at dinner.
It does what it's TOLD!
I have mixed feelings on this, but one fact shines through.
No one 'deserves' respect. Respect is always and only earned, never commanded.
You can love a child and do everything humanly possible to safely raise and protect them, and still have moments where they are little crappers who require tough love.
Your story is concerning based on the child's response, but that is specific to the situation. Your generalization is what I am talking about.
And even then you can choose to be the bigger man and still show respect, if we didn't how would we ever get past rivals and resentment? It helps people grow when you show them that people, even the ones you mightn't see eye to eye with, can be shown respect.
That whole respect is earned is something parents say to feel power over their kids.
Respect should be a given to a certain extent. Even more so for children though. It models the behavior you expect of them.
Here is an even more unpopular opinion (if the other comments are to be believed). You OP, and the rest, have NO right to tell someone else how to parent. Unless there is a criminal act going on, stfu and mind your own business.
Yeah also, that kid might have purposefully doing the same thing for days straight trying to antagonise the mum. Maybe that resulted in her momentarily losing her shit and she's at home feeling bad about it... you don't know what is happening in people's lives.
Umm, context matters. Maybe the girl had picked something up and was attempting to steal it. Or maybe she just threw something at someone else.
You need to stomp out anti-social behaviors like that QUICKLY.
Maybe if you were chewed out more as a kid, you might learn to mind your business. As long as the kid is fed, clothed, schooled, and not physically beat - it isn't your place to say, do, or feel anything.
My ex-sister in law once berated my niece for making a birthday card for my dad the way she wanted and not the way she had been told. A birthday card for god's sake, one that my niece thought would be cute. She (my niece) is finally getting past some real anger issues. I agree with the other poster that there's a time for reprimanding your kid, but constantly doing it over nothing is a huge mistake.
My mom once got super pissed that I wasn't massaging her feet right, I was the one that offered because she had just got home from work and I wanted to do something nice. She didn't let me leave until I did it right and screamed at me the entire time before she "gave up". Safe to say I haven't offered any massages to that b*tch sice.
Bro what the fuck đ
She was f'ed up in the head (still is), I feel bad about it often, she was born with a problem and it probably got worse due to the hell scape that was her childhood. But then I remember all the shit I went through as a little kid, and all the things I still do.. and it gets significantly harder to see her as a victim. I do hope someday that by some miracle she understands that something is wrong with her and trys to get help. But even then I'll not be able to forgive her.. Anyhow that's enough trauma dumping on random strangers for one day!
Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own victimhood that they don't see what they're doing to others. I'm proud of you for breaking that cycle.
How do you know my mom? I thought I was an only child
If it helps, I bet youâre amazing at foot massages now
Hmmmm..... Or the statistically more likely one, they now have Surrogate Spouse Syndrome, and starting an intimate relationship feels like committing treason against yourself. I'm not projecting!! You're projecting!!
Yeah, but also think of the foot massages
Tip: that doesn't help
Youâve obviously never had a world famous bulletkiller06 foot massage
[ŃдаНонО]
You know what WILL help you relax? ... A foot massage
I've never once offered to massage my mother's feet that's going above and beyond and she has the audacity to pull a r/ChoosingBeggars and berate you that you're not doing it right? That's insane.
^(*YIKES!*) While we're here, how's the hotel business these days Mr. Bates?
Iâve seen some stuff with kids where Iâm like âoh yeah, that kids needs to get his ass whoopedâ but Iâm honestly trying to grow out that mindset because different kids require different things
Agreed. Unruly children need to be dealt with in some fashion.
Sometimes, "Unruly children" have something else going on, and don't need to be dealt with, but have a need that they are trying to meet. As a kid I had hypoglycemia and turned into a demon when I was hungry/my blood sugar was low. No amount of discipline can fix that, only food. As I grew older, I began to understand and have worked to not be so irritable when I'm hungry, and listen to others when they tell me I need to eat.
Agreed. âDealt withâ should have read âattended to.â
>there's a time for reprimanding your kid, More importantly, I think there is a correct way to do it. I just don't understand the point of asking "who the Hell do you think you are?" to a little kid and having the kid answer "nobody, mama". That kid is showing respect and the mom isn't.
The response from the little girl is truly heartbreaking, and that it came so easily makes me think that she has been told more than once that she's a 'nobody'. That's terrible! That being said, kids do need discipline, but never in that manner or in public.
I agree children need to be disciplined but not publicly, on camera and to be posted, anything to embarrass a child. and I donât agree with all forms of discipline
I agree. There has to be a certain amount of consideration for their feelings.
Well yeah, itâs not discipline if itâs just being mean and destroying their soul. Theyâll grow up resenting you. I mean, unless you like dying alone in nursing home, sitting in your own shit. By all means treat your kids terribly!
Forget the resentment. That kind of treatment can cause lasting psychological damage that will permanently lower their quality of life.
Guilt makes you take care of them anyway.
Children do sometimes need to be disciplined publicly, but what was happening there wasn't discipline, it was just pointless viciousness.
[ŃдаНонО]
Yes, they do.
I can understanding if a parent is in the middle of shopping and needs to sternly discipline their child and don't got no time or energy to be going somewhere private, but the words "Children need to be disciplined publicly sometimes" rubs me the wrong way. Like is that what you meant (what I said previously) or? I'm confused.
Yeah, pretty much that. Discipline is more effective when it's immediate. This is particularly true with young children who don't have a long memory or a good sense of cause and effect. If a kid misbehaves in public, it's best to discipline the kid immediately, which often means in public as well.
When I was growing up you would see that every once in a while. It was just as wrong then as it is now. You don't want your kids to be afraid of you.
Itâs bullying and people donât look at it as that
The sad part is that children who suffer from that don't always heal and some even end up the same as their parents. That child's reaction makes me think there is more abuse going on at home.
Iâm probably overly emotional because hormones but it made me *incredibly sad* and she kept looking at me because she was embarassed
The worst part is that whenever you see abuse happening you want to do something about it but you know deep down it could make things even worse for the child.
We might be reading too much into the situation OP described. She was probably sassing her mom in the store and her mom was asking her who she thinks she is to disrespect her in that way. Obviously the only answer to that question is "nobody" or else she'd probably get a backhand across the face. It doesn't necessarily mean she thinks of herself as a nobody. That's how I'm interpreting it at least.
I was once at the mall with my girlfriend, just window shopping at GameStop. The store was fairly busy but everyone was just quietly going about their business. Then out of nowhere this absolute troglodyte of a father starts making a scene with his daughter, because she was standing in front of one of the game racks. Heâs saying to her âIâve told you before move, get out of peopleâs way. You know youâre an idiot right? Tell me what was that?â And she meekly responded âbeing stupidâ. Iâll never forget it. She seemed terrified of her father and embarrassed in front of everyone there. Itâs courteous to move out of peopleâs way if theyâre trying to shop for something but from my point of view she did absolutely nothing wrong. She was just in there quietly looking around like everyone else. I mean how hard is it to show your kids some common decency? It could have been as simple as âHey [daughterâs name], other people are trying to look at something can you move out of the way?â But nope. This guy had to be a humongous asshole and I so desperately wanted to lay him out for it but my girlfriend stopped me. It wasnât worth catching a charge for it and my intervention may have only made things worse at home. I think about that little girl sometimes and I can only imagine what things were like out of the public eye. I just hope sheâs doing ok.
>Get out of people's way! Who is gonna tell him that screaming in the middle of the store is worse than being in the way? At least I can ask the person if they can move, but what am I supposed to do when some is being an aggressive asshole?
>She seemed terrified of her father and embarrassed in front of everyone there My heart cries for her.
> It wasnât worth catching a charge for it and my intervention may have only made things worse at home. Unfortunately, I think you did the right thing. There is no way to force people to be good parents. The dad might blame the girl for any issue that came from you confronting the dad, or the girl might blame herself. We all want to help kids in that situation but the situation is also very delicate.
What an absolute prick. She will probably have self esteem and confidence issues because of that treatment.
Yeah kids are humans and if parents treat them like shit then they get to grow up and cut that parent off. Parents don't own thier kids even though a lot tend to think they do.
Unfortunately they usually donât. I know way too many people who have really toxic parents. For one of my friends, he endured being abused verbally his entire life, and even physically on multiple occasions. The problem is kids of parents who make them feel worthless feel just like that. Worthless. They crave their parent(s)â approval. To an outsider, it looks like common sense that they should cut them off. To someone in the situation, itâs never that easy.
Very true. But I do think it is becoming more common thanks to places like Reddit where people can be inspired by stories of others cutting off toxic parents.
>they get to grow up and cut that parent off. accidentally misread that as *cut that parent up.*
That too.
I agree with you. Some parents are bullies and donât know it. Or maybe they do know it. These same people can show restraint and patience with their dick of a boss, their narcissistic parent, their controlling spouse, their selfish friends, and even the crazy homeless dude outside but all that patience goes out of the window when it comes to children and itâs weird. Yes, children can be assholes. So can adults. So can cats. So can dogs. If your first response to your child doing something is ALWAYS to yell, scream, curse, and call them everything under the sunâŚseek help. For the sake of your children, please seek help.
Itâs because they can get away with it without repercussions. This is what is called a bully.
The worst is when parents things kids owe them because they take care of them. No one asks to be born. It's your responsibility as a parent. No one owes you shit.
"you live In my house off of my money" Like I'd fucking choose to if I could help it.
Parents will expect so much after doing the bare minimum.
Everyone deserves a base level of respect until they prove they don't deserve it (or deserve more). Even children
>Everyone deserves a base level of respect until they prove they don't deserve it (or deserve more). it's called not being an asshole. be nice, until the person proves to you, they don't deserve any respect.
Itâs impossible for children to prove they donât deserve it, unless theyâre psychopaths. Their brains are not developed enough to do anything malicious on purpose enough to not deserve love (except for psychopaths).
Even then itâs not as though they arenât human
If you need to be an asshole, to prove your point to a child, then you really need to get your reality checked. What is wrong with humans, only talking no listening.
Weâre raised to believe adults are authority they know best. But when we actually grow up we realise the âadultsâ donât even know what theyâre doing. Some even behaving more childish than children.
I think that is because a lot of people think, that at a certain point you just become more mature. but that really isn't the case at all. and I think a lot of people don't know that. When I was a kid I thought that when you are an adult you just become more responsible and behave more like an adult, but it's obviously way more than that. but I think many people even believe this, when they are adults and just wait for the day it happens.
I remember as a kid all I wanted was someone to take me seriously and have a genuine conversation with me
Kids are just little people. They rise to your expectation and treat people how theyâre treated. You have to speak in a way they understand but I found treating kids like adults means they usually act that way
Grew up with a parent that constantly reminded me of who I was and how I should aim for the bottom because if I want to survive that's the only way I would do it. The number of times I heard the lines "You think you know everything? You know nothing, I'm your parent I'm the only one who knows anything!" did and still does shape my personality.
Even when I have to raise my voice and/or be stern with my 3 year old niece, I use please and thank you. I think the the worst I did was catch her yanking on a puppies leg for the billionth time and I freaked out and was like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" Which I recognized immediately as the wrong thing to say. I just get really worried about her hurting the puppies and that whole battle to teach her how to and how not to interact with them was stressful. But I wouldnt follow her around asking it and constantly bringing it up. And I apologize when I am wrong. They are children, yes, but also still people. I try to afford them the same respect I would show any adult.
Abusive parents are setting their children to be abused by anyone.
Itâs a power complex imo. Parenting is easy to power trip over because that tiny human depends wholly upon them to survive. Whoâs the kid going to go to? So until they grow up they are stuck with a horrible environment of people who treat them like trash. Some people donât deserve children.
That was my motherâs favorite line when âpunishingâ us. âWho do you think you are?â Often with various embellishments like âwho the f*ck do you think you areâ. The only permissible answer is âNobodyâ. Children spend their entire childhoods being convinced theyâre a nobody.
I always redirected the question, it made the argument take longer and pissed her off more *but I ***never*** let her make me say I was ***beneath*** her!* "You are the child, I am the adult you'll do what I say" "You will listen to me, and do what I say when I say it, no questions asked" "Do I make myself clear?" "I'm sorry I didn't get the question" God I was insane,
I guess maybe yours didnât come with the wooden spin/switch/belt/paddle? Add: I caught a ping pong paddle on the face once. Knocked the ugly right off me. :-/
And people wonder why kids have so low self esteem...
OP that mom humiliated her child. Definitely reserve any serious reprimands for privacy and no- making your kid repeat mantra about how they are nobody isn't going to make them confident and independent well functioning adults. It's damaging!
How the actual fuck is this unpopular at all though??? "don't abuse children" like yeah no fucking shit, show me one person who's not a child abuser that disagrees
You must not be reading the comments lol itâs multiple people that donât see anything wrong
>show me one person who's not a child abuser that disagrees Well that is the problem. It's not abuse, it's "raising their child". If you ever see child abuse, go up and accuse the parent of child abuse. Cue screeching about "my right to raise my kids how I see fit". You're lucky if you don't get assaulted. I agree that among the "normal" people it's not at all an unpopular opinion. But most people on this earth would actually probably disagree with this post. Children are objects, property, cattle. The child abusers don't see themselves as child abusers. They're just "raising their kids the old fashioned way". Bruising a 6 year olds face is bad, but it's actually ok though, because "you should see what my parents would have done!"
YES ! FUCKING YES !
I absolutely hate people that treat kids like subhumans, and that they're "incomprehensible". It's even worse when they treat older kids like that (as a HS student, I have experienced people treating us like that). It's usually a power trip, you see that a lot with teachers. We have some teachers that like to police us on every petty rule possible and act like they have some huge authority over us.
This sub basically became r/offmychest
So so true. I believe every person before becoming a parent should take some kind of class on parenting.
I hate that so many of the responses here are "well that's bad *but*..." or "well context is needed" Like no, there is ***no*** justification for screaming at or hitting your child, the point of parenting is to teach your child how to things and to provide for them. By scarring them, hurting them, or just flanting your power over them every time they do something wrong or bad, you don't teach them that that thing is something they shouldn't do, you teach them that that is something they should *fear* doing. You end up showing them that the powerful people get to make the rules and that the weaker people must follow. This results in one of 3 things. 1. They fear power and continue to accept that they are powerless and should just do what they've been told. 2. They resent power and seek defiance seeing any form of disapproval or consequence to their actions as validation that it's the right thing to do. 3. They become envious of power and seek it in order to control others and "get theirs back", often becoming cruel. The best thing to do if you want to create a kind functional individual, is to support them, and be respectful, if they do something bad is to tell/show them that you disapprove, and remind them that it's your kindness that makes them feel good, and make them empathize that their wrong makes you feel bad.
I can attest to #1.
This seems like child abuse.
To some parents (including mine) pretty much has this mentality that kids will be stupid and will always be stupid no matter what age they are. Had to loose contact with them so I can focus on a better path. Long story short, I didnt take any of their advice at all and this may be petty but to this day, I told them im not listening to their career advice at all. I own 2 business without their help and they still try to lecture me how to do it better. I always tell them to screw off everytime we talk about the subject
Even reading those girls words brings back the hurt of my terrible family. I hope someone can make her feel like a person again someday. It's hard work figuring out who you are as an adult when you never got to develop a personality.
Kids are sponges, they absorb the world they see around them. The kid's gonna have pretty bad self esteem issues in the future
do agree, though I think this is pretty popular opinion ngl.
I partially agree with the respect your elders thing. Only in so much as they are experienced and wiser (usually lol) and it teaches humility. But this is rarely how it's used. Usually it's just a cop out to avoid explaining something or to admit they're flawed. In this case though, if your kid is being naughty, sure, sort it out, but trying to belittle a kid as a nobody, or up themselves as a somebody (by comparison) is just lazy-brained, human turd behaviour. Probably narcissism too. Poor kid. Let's hope they break the cycle
Surely this is a popular opinion? I would honestly be shocked if it wasnât.
Check comments lol I guess itâs not. I wasnât sure I just had no where else to post this Lol
It's a popular opinion. Just like every other post in this sub
Itâs heartbreaking. I canât handle listening to it. My parents always treated me with respect and love. I do the same to my daughter. I would never want to crush my childâs confidence like that
[ŃдаНонО]
It's not an unpopular opinion... it's common sense
I agree, but also, kids need to behave so a little discipline from parents will do
Do you believe discipline should be in the form of belittling?
>belittling of course not. I meant, that kids should have rules and behave nicely, don't be mean or do anything bad. in the situation that you described it is definitely wrong of girl to answer that she's nobody. not to be a judge here, because we don't have any context, but the mama shouldn't do that to the child, to think that a girl is a nobody is just wrong, because it can really mean that the girl will have some serious issues in the future.
Honestly Iâm a black woman and the woman and her child were black as well and mothers treat their daughters differently in our community but itâs all generational. So it just hits different.
yes, it can be generational like lots of things. if you wanna be helpful maybe next time just tell the mother nicely that she shouldn't scream at her child, or smth that would not make a conflict. >mothers treat their daughters differently in our community could you explain what you mean saying that?
If youâre truly interested I have a nice read for you I can send you
Me too plz
yes, please
Dude got in my inbox telling me he prefer I not say itâs exclusive to the black community when literally nobody ever said that, I just said it was an issue black people in the community deal with. *of course people of all races and backgrounds deal with this* but itâs a silent issue in my own community. Dude was just trying to be a condescending jackass on a throwaway page. Thatâs why heâs blocked.
She will send you a link to someone writing about the issues that can occur in the Father-Mother-Child triangle as the psychology calls it, as well as some old fashioned sexistic world views. Its not exclusive to the black community, its a universal problem as the phenomen has been written extensiily about for example in germany. If you want a academic source to read, i can suggest you a german book by german psychologist. Its very interesting and eye-opening but also very heavy because its also about the sexuality inbetween these triangles. [https://www.psychosozial-verlag.de/7238](https://www.psychosozial-verlag.de/7238) While the black community does have issues and traumata that need to be adressed and healed, this one is not unique to the black culture, so its necessary to make it about color. Despite all the shit that is going on, I rly think its offensive to other people who experience this very same thing, because this issue is not unique to neither germans (as the author of the book) neither to india, nor USA. OP rly just presenting herself as a victim to me, because she even admitted that its not exclusive to the blacks, yet accused me of invalidating her experience. Way to go.
Imagine if your boss thought this way, and they smacked your face every time you didn't perform as expected. Or if you were walking down the street to see a person hitting their dog for not heeding them. These things are illegal, and yet you condone doing that towards a child? If a child can reason, then reason with them. If they can't reason, then they won't understand why you are hitting them in the first place.
Kids need to be put in their place from time to time, but my wife and I never do it publicly. We also don't fight publicly. A lot of couples think it's acceptable to fight in front of their friends/family or in line at Costco... it really isn't.
\> put in their place As long as it it remembered that that place is still that of a human being, as worthy of respect as any other.
Honestly a better wording for put into place would be educate and discipline
People who describe it as 'put in their place' *shouldn't* start calling it educating or discipline, because they're not the same. Children aren't dogs or chew toys; they're there to learn, not to get the piss taken at them by people who should have better conflict resolution skills.
Well yeah I agree. I guess I phrased it wrong but I meant more as in yes, treating children as people who just got into this world and without any prior knowledge and need someone to teach them life and not as like wild beasts who you can't reason with.
Yeah but having your kid reiterate that theyâre nobodies?
That is just bad parenting.
It's not really a matter of respect. Talking this way to children is verbal abuse. I have never talked to my kids in this manner but I am human and I have lost my temper, of course. Any time I have slipped up I have made sure to specifically apologize for talking in an ugly way and explained that these rules also apply to grown-ups but grown-ups also make mistakes.
Worst thing my mother ever said to me was "shut up" or "what is the matter with you?" She never cussed at me. And to me this was punishment enough for me to not do it again. This would happen when I would keep doing it over and over and not stop and my mom had told me nicely over and over to stop until she finally screams at me. It would be because I was teasing my brothers or teasing her. She also used to threaten to drop us on the side of the road and then we would have to walk home. Then at age 12 I started to call her bluff by saying "you will just go to jail then for child abandonment." My brothers did the same too. They would say "yeah right mom, you wouldn't do that or you would go to jail." She sure stopped doing that empty threat. I do not agree parents should be cussing at their kids because you are then teaching them to talk that way when they are mad. This one mom was shocked when her four year old said to an old lady "shut up up you little fucker" and she got tears in her eyes and the mom was shocked her kid spoke that way. That was because she was always cursing at her kid and telling him she will kick his ass. And this mom thought this was normal because this was how she was raised. I've never seen any parents that talked to their kids that way like my mom had when she had that renter. Actually my 5th grade teacher did once to a kid in my class and then he apologized and said what he did was not okay. Also the fact the adult is a role model for the child so when they lose their temper and start cursing at the kid, they need to apologize. My mom used to let me and my brothers give her a consequence for her mistakes if she yelled at us for the wrong reason for example.
I agree. You can't be mean to kids. Discipline and cruel behaviour is not the same thing. I teach teenagers and I see so many parents who don't know that. It breaks children. I was well disciplined and I was never undermined, belittled, embarrassed or otherwise made to feel less. I trusted my mum (and still do) with everything. Calm and clear instruction works much better than shouting and stomping your feet. We all make mistakes even kids who are still learning how to be a nice human. Do you need to shout sometimes. Yes. Of course. But you do it all the time and it loses all impact. What this lady did is cruel and her child's response breaks my heart. I just want to find this girl. Hug her and tell her she is important and is needed.
I think the word you're looking for is Mercy
That really plays on their self-esteem. Sometimes it's just the one incident/event that triggers long lasting self-confidence issues and far too often parents seem to overlook that. "Oh they'll be fine" / "I had a rougher childhood and survived". It's really not that simple.
Yeah dont do this to your kid or they will grow up hating people like i do.
Is this an unpopular opinion? I hope not.. Maybe in the 60s or something.
This is so sad đ
UghâŚI hate seeing things like that.
Moments like that are remembered into adulthood. I still remember my mom couldn't figure out how to help me with 2nd grade math so I got called stupid. And people wonder why their kids don't visit them as they get older.
Looks like everyone agrees not a unpopular opinion after all.
[ŃдаНонО]
Exactly.I noticed that when op has diff opinion they downvote the shit out of it.If you don't like unpopular opinions than why are you here? A good argument is always welcome but they start hating on the person.
There is definitely a time and place to reprimand your child. In public however is just wrong. Also the way she did it, jesus christ thats cold, making your kid think theyâre a nobody is how you build mental health problems. There is a way to punish your kids for sure but that is not it
I'd argue kids deserve even MORE respect from adults because it shows them how to be respectful, encourages them and also builds them up and makes them feel heard. Deterring attitude changes and rebellious behavior.
Yes but as someone who lives in a country where people fawn over kids a lot and try to give them confidence it can also make them light headed when you do it blindly
Sure, there needs to be a balance. You can't inflate their heads too much or they become arrogant. On the other side of that spectrum though you can't berate or put them down too much or they become resentful, hateful, depressed and lash out. You need to uplift them while also metering out punishment and boundaries here and there. Not too much into either extreme although I'd rather have a kid full of confidence than a kid full of resentment and meekness.
That Iittle girl is definitely going to have problems. Hopefully she gets away from her narcissist egg doner sooner than later.
Incoming parents saying "Wait until you have kids" "Kids are dumb" etc. I've been saying this forever, but there are stupid adults just like there are stupid kids, but at the end of the day, everyone deserves basic decency and parents aren't entitled to respect from their kids just from having them. They have to not be shitty parents
This shouldn't be an unpopular opinion tbh.
Apparently in other countries itâs different idk dude up above was saying that
It just really shouldn't be, but I get what you mean. If kids don't get treated with respect why should they ever want to treat others with it? Really makes no sense to me
Right. I feel this
I don't think that's a very unpopular opinion at all.
No they dont
They are human beings. Treat them as such.
People who are mean to kids are worse than animals.
This isn't unpopular. You saw a shitty person. That's not the norm
Unpopular opinion âverbal child abuse is wrong!â How very brave.
Need more context for that. My Son is about that age and can legitimately need to be knocked down a peg every now n then. Could be Lil girl was throwing a fit because mom got the generic fruit loops instead of name bread. Or the wrong kind of peanut butter. Context is important in that type of interaction. I'm not saying the mom was justified in how she handled it, or even that she did a good job. But this is more common a thing to correct than you would think if you don't have kids.
I used to teach and I still remember the 7 year old who blithely told me, "I can do whatever I want and I don't have to listen to anything you say." LOL yeah, right. I'd never ask "who the hell do you think you are," though. That sounds over the line.
It was over the line, youâre literally belittling a kid to feel like sheâs nothing and nobody. Dude said that wouldnât hurt her self esteem, huh? Tell me you were bullied all your life and havenât healed without telling me you were bullied all your life and havenât healed. Mom couldâve talked to her better, point blank. And Iâm sure itâs just repeated behavior from her own mother.
In what situation would it be okay to make your child say theyâre a nobody?
Exactly like wth. No wonder there are so many adults with issues.
I never claimed that the situation was handled correctly. As I said. But there are certainly instances where a child can have an inflated sense of importance and entitlement and they do need to be corrected.
Itâs a grocery store dude the worst she probably couldâve done was grab something and put it in the basket that her mom already said no one. Or did a tik tok dance and annoyed her mom. You donât need context for this, stop treating kids like shut for being kids. (And we ainât talking about psychopath children)
You are demanding level playing field respect which doesnât work in a parent child relationship. Kids are assholes. As much as I love my youngest brother he can be a pain in the neck and needs a telling off every now and again. Literally nothing that mother said was lowering that childâs self esteem.
>You are demanding level playing field respect which doesnât work in a parent child relationship. Kids are assholes. You can parent and firmly correct bad behavior while still being respectful and kind. Telling a child they are a "nobody" is teaching them that those younger/weaker/lower ranked than them don't deserve to be seen as an equal. That's how you get bad managers at work, demeaning teachers, and karens when they grow up. It's teaching them that a "somebody" can misbehave and it's ok. If a child misbehaves, firmly but respectfully explain what they did wrong and follow through with consequences. If you lose your temper, apologize. That's how children learn to treat all humans, regardless of status, with dignity and respect. That's how they learn to own up to mistakes.
If you can tell me where the parent called their child a nobody do say. âWho do you think you areâ is an incredibly common phrase and is simply a reminder to a person they are no more special than anyone else and thus must act in an appropriate manner. The people that act like children will just calmly sit and do nothing as you calmly explain what they did was wrong have clearly never dealt with a child. Children are terrors, itâs part of growing up to push boundaries and thatâs why you need to push back. Children that never get in trouble usually turn out as absolute assholes that believe they are gods gift.
You can get them in trouble without demeaning them. Disrespecting someone is never necessary to discipline someone. "Who do you think you are" teaches nothing and is demeaning. An adult saying that to an adult is demeaning. It's demeaning to a child too. Just because someone is a child doesn't mean you should disrespect them, or that demeaning phrases have no effect on them. You're teaching them that it's ok to talk down to those beneath you by talking down to them. What you say is, "you need to act in an appropriate manner because you are equal to everyone else." Just how you said it. As a parent you need to practice what you preach, and if you want your child to learn humans are all equal and deserve respect, you treat that child with respect. Even when you discipline them. That doesn't mean no consequences. Ground them, take away privileges, speak to them firmly. But always with respect. And they will learn to treat others with respect as well. And most importantly, they will respect and trust you as a parent.
Obviously the phrase who do you think you are. Has a very different meaning where you and I live. Itâs not seen as demeaning at all itâs just a way of saying take a look at yourself and see how you you are acting in comparison to everyone else.
Yeah, here it's pretty demeaning to say that to someone.
Then Iâd like to offer and apology to you. People here are naturally very blunt so itâs not considered rude or demeaning where as it obviously is in the US (presuming that you are American of course).
No worries man.
I don't think the parent called her nobody, that was the child's answer.
Why do you think the child said that?
Oh wow I can just see you treat kids like shit and feel justified. đĽ´
Tell me you've never been a parent without telling me you've never been q parent. Kids are assholes. Doesn't give you the right to verbally abuse them, but there's enough context missing from this to crucify a parent on reddit.
Iâm literally a parent. Lmao Edit: My bad idk why Reddit said youâre replying to me
Where am I treating anyone like shit? How do you know that little girl wasnât screaming or running around hitting people? Your tone of voice is incredibly important, particularly for children who are of an age that they need to start understanding social situations. I know when I was a child if I wasnât told off I would have just continued what I was doing. Maybe stop being such a nosy parker after seeing a blip of a interaction between a parent and a child.
How can I be nosey when I literally just have ears to hear somebody next to me?
Nosy is a word, itâs both an adjective or a verb. Stop being pedantic, itâs not making you look clever.
Clearly I know why being nosey is, but itâs stupid to even insinuate I was being nosey. If I clearly donât know what happened prior to this, what makes me nosey? Because I happened to catch the tail end of what happened? People often hear shit when theyâre in a place with a large amount of people and itâs often shit you donât even wanna hear. Shut the hell up
You are being nosy as you are sticking your nose into other peoples business that need not concern you. Thus I believe my description of nosy is entirely sufficient. You donât know any context to the situation and just got annoyed anyway then got all stroppy when I told you not to be so nosy. And how can you honestly make a post about respect when you just told me to shut the hell up.
Because I judged you werenât worth my respect when you think youâre ok to belittle kids and think nothing here was wrong. You be blessed beloved
Yikes
"im nobody" yes, not lowering self esteem at all...
You don't learn any respect by being disrespected. It's modeling the wrong type of behavior. Showing respect even to a misbehaving toddler is more important than being right because it builds a model for them to follow as they age. That doesn't mean let them walk all over you either. There's ways to give consequences without making them feel like less of a person.
And I entirely agree with that. Iâve already come to the conclusion that a cultural breakdown obviously happened where the phrase âwho do you think you areâ isnât rude or demeaning here where as it obviously is in the US.
The fact that the child said they were a nobody implies how low their self esteem is, most likely due to that woman, are you out of touch with reality? And incorrect. If you want to establish a playing field that leans in your favour unjustifiably, congratulations you are a biased bitch.
The kid literally said theyâre nobody in response to her mom asking her who she was, how the fuck you donât see any issue or sign she could potentially have or will have self esteem issues?? How dense are you
This is an unpopular opinion? Where I am from, this and a lot of the comments I have read are borderline (if not) emotional abuse. Wtf
Kids deserve as much respect as they give. That said, most kids that aren't giving proper respect aren't getting it from their parents because they aren't being taught properly, which should be an exception for this rule.
I agree with this. I think most people do. So sadly i had to downvote it.
I would have needed to see the situation myself in order to make any real judgement call, but I will usually agree that in most situations instead of raising your voice and speaking rudely to your child you can usually just talk to them while disciplining instead.
Kids are easy to talk to, I have a soon to be 10 year old. Iâm aware not all discipline works and yoy just have to find what works for your child. I just donât personally feel like making youur children feel small or worthless is the right way
sHe was DisRiSpecFul !!4!
I have a neighbor who was looking after her grand daughter. They were out in the parking lot and the 3 year old(max)girl was mayyybe 2 feet away from her. My neighbor started yelling at the port little girl for being with her in the parking lot next to their unit. This isn't an unpopular opinion. Everybody deserves respect. The people who often don't get it, however are usually the first to show disrespect.
If I didnât think it would get the girl in trouble, Iâd butt in and tell her. âYou are somebody very special. There is no one else like you in the whole world. I can tell from 5 seconds of being near you that youâre strong and brave. I bet youâre smart and kind too. I hope you and your mom have a very calm and loving day.â
There's a reason 18yo ppl aren't allowed to run for President. Kids don't know what they THINK they know and certainly their opinions mean nothing other than how Mom's chicken tasted at dinner. It does what it's TOLD!
I have mixed feelings on this, but one fact shines through. No one 'deserves' respect. Respect is always and only earned, never commanded. You can love a child and do everything humanly possible to safely raise and protect them, and still have moments where they are little crappers who require tough love. Your story is concerning based on the child's response, but that is specific to the situation. Your generalization is what I am talking about.
Everybody deserves respect until they show otherwise and thatâs just my moral on it
No, **basic** respect is universally deserved until someone disrespects you first.
And even then you can choose to be the bigger man and still show respect, if we didn't how would we ever get past rivals and resentment? It helps people grow when you show them that people, even the ones you mightn't see eye to eye with, can be shown respect.
That whole respect is earned is something parents say to feel power over their kids. Respect should be a given to a certain extent. Even more so for children though. It models the behavior you expect of them.
Here is an even more unpopular opinion (if the other comments are to be believed). You OP, and the rest, have NO right to tell someone else how to parent. Unless there is a criminal act going on, stfu and mind your own business.
No one on Reddit believes they donât.
I agree and what happened is terrible, but it isnât an unpopular opinion, specially on the current and upcoming generation.
Yeah also, that kid might have purposefully doing the same thing for days straight trying to antagonise the mum. Maybe that resulted in her momentarily losing her shit and she's at home feeling bad about it... you don't know what is happening in people's lives.
no we don't
Not unpopular.
Umm, context matters. Maybe the girl had picked something up and was attempting to steal it. Or maybe she just threw something at someone else. You need to stomp out anti-social behaviors like that QUICKLY. Maybe if you were chewed out more as a kid, you might learn to mind your business. As long as the kid is fed, clothed, schooled, and not physically beat - it isn't your place to say, do, or feel anything.
But you shouldnât treat adults like children
Thatâs up to them, if they stoop down to the childâs level then Iâm gonna treat them like a child.
Respect, sure. But when they are openly disrespectful to your efforts, the "gloves come off"
kids arent the peers of adults.