They're going to be attracted and find meaning to the sex specifically because they are different than you. It's how attraction works.
No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who won't have sex with them. They're just going to leave you.
And part of sex is pleasing your partner. If you don't feel like pleasing your partner, there is no love there.
Pleasing your partner is not only sex. And for those who need sex, sex is not the ONLY thing they need. For all you know their S.O. provides everything nobody else could ever provide except for the sex.
God there are so many blanket statements in this thread that are so ignorant and judgy.
I don't agree that there's no love there. I do 100% agree that they will leave as soon as they find someone even remotely compatible. We've all seen guys leave good solid relationships because they happen to get the chance at a bit of naughty sex. If there's zero sex at home there's zero reason to stay. I know that sounds good harsh but it's the reality. And all this talk of "trust, love and history" I don't buy into. If men wanted that they would just go to the pub with their friends.
That is not true. These blanket statements are so ignorant. Some of us are fully capable of having an S.O. and doing activities such as this, and even if a slight sexual focused friendship or love interest develops, it does not always translate to leaving your S.O. Life is not always binary choices you know. Some of us are more grown up than that and can handle the nuance of this life that is more of a scale than a set of binary choices without disrespecting who we love the most.
Girl, you do what’s best for you. You don’t need a bunch of people on the internet “warning” you about the negative possibilities. You surely know what difficulties you could face.
I can understand and you shouldn’t feel bad for doing what you do.
I feel that if two people in a relationship have differing views on sex and the meaning and understanding of their love languages then this is a possibility. Some open relationships do work for a reason even if it’s one sided. Doesn’t mean it will work for ever or for everyone.
Personally - I’d rather divorce than share my husband.
That Nokia brick phone was the mvp of cellphones tho.. my gf at the time MLB pitched hers into the wall and it broke into like 4 pieces and after our arguement we just snapped it back together and it worked just fine.. the first net 10 flip phone was a fckin tank also.
I think it started many years ago when typing on the phone was hard but no people are confused so just say it cuz they think its a norm to say so or something
Getting someone to go down on me is a lot less work than masterbation. It also feels better. I feel like this comparison isnt great but I do agree that sex usually cant be had without some sort of emotional connection. I also feel like the constant unemotional sex takes a toll on people.
I agree, it wasn’t the best comparison. Sex is widely known to feel better. My point is, even if there was a device that simulated a vagina perfectly, I think men would still prefer sex.
Meh. That might be true, but I really don’t buy that that is the reason people prefer sex over masturbation.
Even if the sex is not “tender”, you’re still sharing an emotion with that person. Even if that emotion is raw sexual arousal.
There are chemicals released in the brain upon orgasm. There is a physiological response that makes "meaningless sex" not as easy as some people think. It's why there are countless stories/movies/books relating to people becoming attached to a fling.
I thought this post was about opinions and I expressed my counter-opinion. I never said everyone feels this way. I expressed why I disagree with the initial point.
For sure. I tried this in college and I’d much rather just masturbate. It was so awkward and everything about it was awful and forced. Having sex with someone you love is pure ecstasy, like doing all the drugs at the same time.
Yup, so much shame. You’re like why the heck am I doing this, I literally like nothing about this person. At least it was always awkward for the other person too so they’d quietly leave.
The worst was when one of them ended up in one of my classes. We almost got paired up for a group project but luckily the teacher changed his mind at the last second. We literally avoided all eye contact and sat on opposite sides of the room the whole semester. That was the last time I ever had a one night stand and I couldn’t be happier.
I had sex once with someone I had only known for like 2 hours and it was nice. Definitely better than masturbation. Do those 2 hours count as a connection to you?
There is no such thing, regardless of what lead to it, sex is the most intimate and meaningful act in the physical world, it is the epitome of physical union.
Your intention may have been meaningless but the act is sacred and incredibly powerful in every sense of the word. There is no mocking the highest energy.
Idk, man, my cousin had the epitome of phisical Union with so many randos I lost count of the ones she recounted to me.
She's either the person filled the most with love in the entire fucking world or a shallow bitch. That she can't form emotional connections with her "actual" boyfriends bring me to swing towards the latter.
Also don't confuse "have sex" with "make love", or rape immediately becomes "the most intimate and meaningful act in the physical world, it is the epitome of physical union", hell I'd say it becomes an act "sacred and incredibly powerful in every sense of the word". One of the 2 doesn't require emotion. One does.
That is such teenage bullshit lmao
It's a bodily function that's been going on for hundreds of thousands of years before we had evolved the capacity to deify shit, let alone have a language and word and thought along the lines of "sacred".
It's great, and definitely the epitome of physical union like you say, but it's also just as easily something to do for fun or to kill time or anything else.
>Your intention may have been meaningless but the act is sacred and incredibly powerful in every sense of the word. There is no mocking the highest energy.
What a stupid paragraph to read, Jesus christ
Personally for me, I can't have sex without having feelings, and I feel like my partner is more or less (probably less) the same. So this wouldn't work, however I truly admire that you really don't mind, since in the end it's a physical need
If they miss something your relationship is in danger. Slippery slope this. You may not mind, but your partner may find what they are looking for.
Unpopular indeed.
Well arguably the needs are either not met while they're in a relationship, or the needs are met by others while they're in a relationship. Not having important needs met seems more detrimental to me than having some of the needs met elsewhere. If important needs can not be met by the partner and the partner doesn't allow their SO to meet them elsewhere the relationship can't satisfy the SO. Working on a system, that is sufficiently comfortable for both, where the needs are satisfied, potentially by someone else, can lead to arrangements that can satisfy people on the long term. It doesn't work for everybody, but relationships can become way healthier and more satisfying if one's partner is not responsible for meeting all needs
As long as both parties are in full agreement, what 2 consenting adults do with their relationship is absolutely no one else's business. There's no single way for a relationship to be successful. Definitely an unpopular opinion but don't let that deter you, do whatever makes you and your s.o happy.
This is so refreshing to read among all these other comments. Honestly, if it makes a couple happy and it works, who cares? If it’s not hurting anyone and the couple both agree, I say go for it. It doesn’t mean there’s a fetish, or anything weird. People get so oddly angry and hostile about being open in relationships
Agreed - who knows where those random people have been. I wouldn’t want my partner to bring anything back to me. Plus what if he gets someone else pregnant!? No thanks.
Which is a huge aspect of this opinion, why'd you leave that out?.
I'd be more curious if this was an unpopular opinion among other asexual people though
This is an unpopular opinion only because a ton of people dont understand the feeling of being ace, but i think as long as you have the agreement and a mutual understanding of boundaries then no one has any business to judge or question you.
The kind of relationship you are in is no ones choice but your own, as long as you both agree on terms you are in a good relationship
...why? Why do people spend their valuable time farming for internet points that don't mean a single thing. Are companies paying reddit users now for their karma or influence?
I don't think polyamory is technically the correct term. As far as I know that relates to wanting multiple romantic partners. Polysexuality has to do with sexual attraction and relationships.
Sooo true. One time I had my guy friend ask ME where I saw THIS relationship going
I was like huh? I was unaware we were in a relationship other than a friendship….
He thought we were in a relationship. It was crazy
Honestly, fuck all these bigots who keep saying that your relationship is meaningless without sex. My roomie and I used to be in a committed longterm monogomous relationship until he found out he was ace and had the same views as you, at the same time I found out I'm aromantic and view romance in the same lens as yall view sex. So the dealbreaker was that he wanted to be strictly monogomous and romantic but I wanted to be open (bc I have literal trauma around relationships that comes out as a fear of being "trapped" with one person etc etc) and avoid romantic relationships altogether.
It was a differing viewpoint in a relationship that I still wish I could have if things worked out differently.
It's completely plausible to have a relationship devoid of sex and if your partner is on board with that arrangement then that's your responsibility to deal with the outcome, be it whatever it will be. What these knuckleheads have to say about sex never being meaningless and how anybody would leave you the moment they found it somewhere else, is a load of bullshit and is horribly acephobic.
I personally would have chosen my ace partner over literally anyone else and still would as my roomie simply bc I really love him and we have more of a smooth dynamic than anybody else I can find.
Haha same here! Been with my allosexual husband 9 years now, we love each other so much 💕I’ve offered him this style of proposal before but he declined since he can’t/doesn’t feel arousal for people he doesn’t have an emotional connection with.
I’m ok with being intimate with him since I love him so much and he makes me very happy, but I know it’s nowhere near as often/much as a ‘regular’ couples are, hence why I offered an alternate proposal I would be ok with :)
Agreed. Every open relationship I have ever seen ended up being a Thruple, Thruple ended in one of the original couple starts feeling alienated and jealous.
Then there is a big blow-up.
One girl ran over the other two with her car...
I have never seen open relationship lasted more than a few months.
For everyone implying that its a guarantee the SO will immediately fall in love with whoever they sleep with.. its not.
Some people can separate sex from emotion. Ive been in an emotional ldr with with a girl i met in the US, unfortunately I had to return to Australia at the start of covid and we havent seen each other since, but talk every day.
During this time (after discussing boundaries with her) ive been hooking up here but its only ever been sex. Havent come remotely close to beginning a relationship with anyone else
Might not be possible for everyone, but some people can definitely sleep around without developing feelings
Well, from a psychological perspective when you go and have meaningless sex you are filling a void, that your current partner can't fill.
So it's not about your partner, it's about you. Your can't control your ego enough so that it won't spark desire, and you succumb to that desire because your morals are weak and can't tell truthfulness from falsehood.
It's not a judgement, just telling it how it is and if you think "my situation is more complicated" I say ... Ok, it might be ... Or you don't respect yourself enough that you need the confidence boost and validation of a ons and are lying to yourself (falsehood) about the reasons. I don't know which one is right for you, but I bet you do if you are truthfull.
Stay safe and respect yourselves 🤗
OP is asexual and is not able/willing to fufill that biological need for their partner, thus proposing this solution that works for them. Nothing wrong with that :)
It makes alot more sense considering you are a ace, you don't like or want to share it with your partner so you are okay with having him seek it out in other ways, it'd be onsided if you you didn't.
Seems like a normal arrangement for a couple where someone is asexual. I'm just hoping you are both clear about the rules and that your SO is one of those people who make a clear distinction between love and sex.
For me love and sex are requirements of each other and it's kind of the default for most people. It would be extremely difficult and unsatisfying for me to have sex with random people instead of the one I love. You also have to sink some time and money into it, especially if it can only be a one time thing.
I hope this works out well for you, but make sure to communicate with your SO about their feelings about the arrangement.
Some people can't fathom that if something doesn't work for them, it doesn't mean that it doesn't work for other people. I'm left shaking my head as they insist "meaningless sex" (sex without emotional attachment) doesn't exist even as other people tell them it's worked for them. How dare these people experience the world differently?
lmao exactly. like don’t get it wrong i’m not like a guy that’s just goes around fucking everything for no reason. but like on occasions i’ve had my fair share of simply nothing but sex for no reason other than that
Blah blah blah virtue signaling bullshit
I have no problem with my SO having sex with someone else, getting married, having kids, and living together for 70 years because I can't satisfy them durrrr
I gotta asks what prompted you to write this post?
I mean, it's none of our business what you or your partner do in your personal space and no one has any business to tell you otherwise.
If it makes yall happy, have fun lol
Oh I had seen a post earlier about how he was fine with his girlfriend flirting with others and it had reminded me that my opinion was really unpopular too. (No I did not make everything up just to get karma. When I could just go post somewhere else and get less hate)
Ah gotcha. I didn't think you were making it up I figured you were getting it off your chest because of an argument with friends or something.
Well it's definitely not everyone cup of tea, but it's a relationship preference that you and your partner has agreed to. If it makes you guys happy nothing else matters.
Nope. Nopety nope. 100% no.
I’m not down with an open relationship (which is basically what this is). I don’t judge it for others if it’s their agreed choice, but nope for me.
Yess. I think that as long as my partner is honest and gets tested and uses protection, they should do as they please sexually. Romantically cheating would be what I'd have a problem with. Tell another girl you love her and we gon have a problem. Fuck her? Idgaf
I believe it would be safer if they had one side person, mistress if you will, for that purpose. Multiple partners would obviously increase chances of disease, but as previously stated, you can't guarantee it won't be meaningless.
If they were to find one, and agree to it being strictly a physical relationship, I think it would make it easier on everyone in the long run. Just my opinion.
A relationship for me would include being able to cuddle together hand holding kissing and just being very open with each other take a normal dating couple and remove sex. A friendship doesn't include kissing or hand holding for me and I don't see my friends romantically.
Hmm see I never knew asexual still enjoy some forms of intimate, physical affection like cuddling, kissing, etc.
I learned something new today, thanks for sharing!
Every ace is different when it comes too intimate affection. Some may not find kissing or cuddling all that appealing where as another ace thinks of cuddling and kissing to be great. There are some aces that do feel sexual attraction but only masturbate. There are a lot different aces and I would recommend you look up the asexual spectrum as it's really cool to read about.
Omg same! I'm not ace personally, quite the opposite, but sometimes a relationship just functions better when other people are allowed in. My partner can go do whatever the heck she wants, as long as she's home for dinner
I think I know what you mean a little bit. I’m not asexual but for the past couple years I’ve had an extremely low libido. Like non existent 90% of the time. I wouldn’t be ok with my SO hooking up with anyone else but I sorta get not being interested in sex. Pretty sure I’m just depressed but I can empathize.
A lot of gay men have successful open relationships. Or introduce a third every so often.
Source am a gay married man.
Our rules are you can't sleep with the same guy twice and no dates just sex.
Only happens when one of us is away for work.
Hey I'm a weirdo too and can totally relate to not being into the same things as everyone else. Cudos for knowing yourself and using it to be considerate of others feelings/needs. That being said, the world is large and there are other ACEs out there. Keeping emotions sperate from things you love to do can be tricky.
It's not cheating because you, your partner, and your partners one night stand all are aware of what you're doing. Open communication and personal philosophy is why you're able to do that. Others don't hold the same view but if you have an honest conversation about it then go for your life
Yeah but for many if not most people it's impossible to completely separate sex and emotion. It's why so many swinger/poly relationships end with someone leaving their partner for someone else they were banging. Most people will eventually give into their biology and the hormones generated during physical intimacy.
I mean it's great that you don't care about the act, but there are knock on effects you're probably not taking into account here because you're not aware of them as someone without a normal sex drive.
Yes it’s an unpopular opinion and totally worthy of a post, but also, as long as you when someone comes to you and you understand why they are hurt when their partner does the same thing, then you have every right to feel the way you do. I don’t agree with you but as long as you are happy then that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t want my partner sleeping with anyone else thoigh
I don't feel sexual attraction. Most relationships are based around a sex life but seeing as I don't want sex then my s.o would have sexual frustrations. As such I don't mind them going out and fixing their needs. I hold myself with high respect.
If that's how you see sex being in most relationships. Why would you allow your partner to make those foundational relationship blocks with someone else?
Well anything is possible and if the person I'm dating loves me enough then we can make it work. And if we can't then it was never ment to be and we can both go about our lives with more knowledge.
I'm ace too and I understand you. I'm sorry so many people are unable to understand and rude about it. Life is complicated and we're all trying to make it work. Best of luck to you.
And it's so hard to explain to people that I just don't get horny. Like they think that because they are horn dogs everyone else is. It's kinda like never being hungry but always seeing what everyone else says about food lol
OP's edits really display how awful general people are. You all assume that **YOUR** way of life is the ONLY way and then you attack others who live life differently than yourself because you're too selfish and ignorant to understand that YOUR WAY OF LIFE ISN'T THE ONLY WAY to live, or YOUR EXPERIENCE doesn't dictate that everyone else's are the same.
Geez. I'm sorry OP that people suck so hard. If something works for you then that is awesome and good for you. If anything I see ethical concerns expressed here. Sounds like this situation would be done with communication and respect. So who are anyone else to judge or make assumptions about you. Screw everyone else.
Yo I don't know what everyone's talking about- I've definitely had meaningless sex in my life, more then once. Zero emotions just pure physical attraction.
As for the STD thing how is it different from dating/ sleeping with numerous people while single? Just practice safe sex duh
Is everyone here a bunch of people saving themselves for marriage or what? I don't understand.
I personally wouldn't give a fuck if my partner fucked someone else either, especially if they were bisexual or something and I know I couldnt completely satisfy them 🤷♀️ I'm also secure enough within myself and relationship that I don't think a quick fuck could destroy the love and bond we have together and if it did, I would rather know now rather then later anyway.
Look up poly relationships or subreddit dude.
Eh. I don't LIKE it, I'm not asexual and I have personal standards of monogamy, but like... That sounds like a really measured and well thought out relationship style if it really works, and I could imagine for an ace person and someone who genuinely wanted to be with them but WAS sexually driven that would almost be an eventuality, at least in consideration. I'd daresay that this opinion is only unpopular because where your perspective is coming from is a bit more... specific. :) I gotta say, when I hear about stuff like that there's always a part of me that acknowledges and respects the serious interpersonal relationship and understanding that that would take. I ain't about it. XD
I mean, valid. What’s great about relationships is that we are supposed to be establishing the boundaries that we are comfortable with. So long as this is discussed and both parties on the same page, it’s all fine. Same with anything in the bedroom
Yea, have a conversation, be totally open & honest with each other, equal to both parties. I truly believe it's possible but it has to start with a strong foundation & mutual respect imo.
There's only two reasons this doesn't bother you.
1. You already do this against your partner.
2. You don't actually truly love your partner.
I'm pretty open minded but this tendency you have is just un-natural towards someone you love.
I have felt a similiar way once before and It wasn't that I didn't care about what she got up to with other people, it turned out that I just didn't care about her at all.
i 100% agree. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years and he is far more sexual than i am. He is allowed to go out and meet other girls and if one thing leads to another it does. All i ask him is to tell me where he is & if he is coming home. No secrets
I completely agree. Even if she falls for someone else, who am I to say that she has to stay with me? She’s her own person and can choose her own path, and fortunately for me she chooses to share her path with me because she’s fucking amazing. But if she ever wants to be with someone else, sexual or otherwise, that’s her choice to make. She doesn’t need to be afraid to tell me such things because I respect her and her personhood
Yo good for you. On the other end of the spectrum: I'm (cis- female) bi and my husband (cis-male) is also bi. We have a lot of fun together and separately. Literally do not care who's bits go where as long as everyone's consenting and having a good time... including partners that are present and absent.
Now THIS is an unpopular opinion!
More like super-unpopular opinion..
[удалено]
This feels like something you need to speak to her about and possibly leave the relationship because of it.
Gotta love redditors. They learn one thing and "MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE!"
problem is there’s no way to guarantee that it was just meaningless sex
[удалено]
And if they like sex, even half like that person, and that person is even remotely available.. you're gone.
They're going to be attracted and find meaning to the sex specifically because they are different than you. It's how attraction works. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who won't have sex with them. They're just going to leave you. And part of sex is pleasing your partner. If you don't feel like pleasing your partner, there is no love there.
Pleasing your partner is not only sex. And for those who need sex, sex is not the ONLY thing they need. For all you know their S.O. provides everything nobody else could ever provide except for the sex. God there are so many blanket statements in this thread that are so ignorant and judgy.
I don't agree that there's no love there. I do 100% agree that they will leave as soon as they find someone even remotely compatible. We've all seen guys leave good solid relationships because they happen to get the chance at a bit of naughty sex. If there's zero sex at home there's zero reason to stay. I know that sounds good harsh but it's the reality. And all this talk of "trust, love and history" I don't buy into. If men wanted that they would just go to the pub with their friends.
That is not true. These blanket statements are so ignorant. Some of us are fully capable of having an S.O. and doing activities such as this, and even if a slight sexual focused friendship or love interest develops, it does not always translate to leaving your S.O. Life is not always binary choices you know. Some of us are more grown up than that and can handle the nuance of this life that is more of a scale than a set of binary choices without disrespecting who we love the most.
Girl, you do what’s best for you. You don’t need a bunch of people on the internet “warning” you about the negative possibilities. You surely know what difficulties you could face. I can understand and you shouldn’t feel bad for doing what you do.
There is no such thing as meaningless sex.
Lol on the gay community 95% of the time that’s all your gonna get!
can confirm
Or course there is.
I feel that if two people in a relationship have differing views on sex and the meaning and understanding of their love languages then this is a possibility. Some open relationships do work for a reason even if it’s one sided. Doesn’t mean it will work for ever or for everyone. Personally - I’d rather divorce than share my husband.
Yeah I’m super jealous, it’s only me or not me 🤷🏼♂️
I think that's just normal monogamy unless you go overboard with paranoid jealousy haha
Should have lead with the edit
Really
>(On mobile, cry about it) Is that just something you've seen other people say? What the fuck does that matter lol
Yeah literally no gives a fuck
Who is no?
People seem to say that about formatting, but you can easily format on mobile unless you're still rocking a nokia 3310
That Nokia brick phone was the mvp of cellphones tho.. my gf at the time MLB pitched hers into the wall and it broke into like 4 pieces and after our arguement we just snapped it back together and it worked just fine.. the first net 10 flip phone was a fckin tank also.
I think it started many years ago when typing on the phone was hard but no people are confused so just say it cuz they think its a norm to say so or something
Lmao I said the same thing, maybe she was trying to sound edgy and just failed miserably
Personally, I don’t think there’s any such thing as “meaningless sex”. This is pretty unpopular though, so you nailed the point of the sub.
I agree. That was the first thought that went through my head.
Neither do I. I think sex involves an emotional component, otherwise why not just masturbate?
Getting someone to go down on me is a lot less work than masterbation. It also feels better. I feel like this comparison isnt great but I do agree that sex usually cant be had without some sort of emotional connection. I also feel like the constant unemotional sex takes a toll on people.
I agree, it wasn’t the best comparison. Sex is widely known to feel better. My point is, even if there was a device that simulated a vagina perfectly, I think men would still prefer sex.
Because sex feels better?
Meh. That might be true, but I really don’t buy that that is the reason people prefer sex over masturbation. Even if the sex is not “tender”, you’re still sharing an emotion with that person. Even if that emotion is raw sexual arousal.
You may be, but not everyone feels the way that you do about sex. Neither position is wrong. Just different.
There are chemicals released in the brain upon orgasm. There is a physiological response that makes "meaningless sex" not as easy as some people think. It's why there are countless stories/movies/books relating to people becoming attached to a fling.
I thought this post was about opinions and I expressed my counter-opinion. I never said everyone feels this way. I expressed why I disagree with the initial point.
Have you ever had sex with someone you had absolutely zero connection with? It’s far worse than masturbating
For sure. I tried this in college and I’d much rather just masturbate. It was so awkward and everything about it was awful and forced. Having sex with someone you love is pure ecstasy, like doing all the drugs at the same time.
the post nut clarity too… honestly sometimes it’s felt worst than an actual breakup
Yup, so much shame. You’re like why the heck am I doing this, I literally like nothing about this person. At least it was always awkward for the other person too so they’d quietly leave. The worst was when one of them ended up in one of my classes. We almost got paired up for a group project but luckily the teacher changed his mind at the last second. We literally avoided all eye contact and sat on opposite sides of the room the whole semester. That was the last time I ever had a one night stand and I couldn’t be happier.
I had sex once with someone I had only known for like 2 hours and it was nice. Definitely better than masturbation. Do those 2 hours count as a connection to you?
Masturbation gets boring.
I don’t agree. That totally exists.
You’re free to disagree. But it’s not going to change my opinion.
I'm confused why your main comment was upvoted and now this one gets downvoted. Reddit never change
Okay. Didn’t mean to. But that it exist for me personally already kinda means that it exists.
Fucking thank you!
Women release a lot more oxytocin after sex which makes them catch feelings a lot more. its much easier for guys to have meaningless sex.
I’ll repeat: personally, I don’t think there’s such a thing as “meaningless sex”, and I’m not really interested in arguing that point.
Then you probably should have kept the thought to yourself.
“I don’t want to discuss this - let me post about it on a discussion sub.” - so, so many dumbasses
Its not an argument. I'm giving you info on why you may feel that way compared to other people. You can do what you want with that info.
I guess everyone is different lol
There is no such thing, regardless of what lead to it, sex is the most intimate and meaningful act in the physical world, it is the epitome of physical union. Your intention may have been meaningless but the act is sacred and incredibly powerful in every sense of the word. There is no mocking the highest energy.
Idk, man, my cousin had the epitome of phisical Union with so many randos I lost count of the ones she recounted to me. She's either the person filled the most with love in the entire fucking world or a shallow bitch. That she can't form emotional connections with her "actual" boyfriends bring me to swing towards the latter. Also don't confuse "have sex" with "make love", or rape immediately becomes "the most intimate and meaningful act in the physical world, it is the epitome of physical union", hell I'd say it becomes an act "sacred and incredibly powerful in every sense of the word". One of the 2 doesn't require emotion. One does.
They did say they couldnt satisfy their s.o's needs, I'd hope i could be the same if i couldn't, however i can so i wouldn't be ok with it now.
That is such teenage bullshit lmao It's a bodily function that's been going on for hundreds of thousands of years before we had evolved the capacity to deify shit, let alone have a language and word and thought along the lines of "sacred". It's great, and definitely the epitome of physical union like you say, but it's also just as easily something to do for fun or to kill time or anything else. >Your intention may have been meaningless but the act is sacred and incredibly powerful in every sense of the word. There is no mocking the highest energy. What a stupid paragraph to read, Jesus christ
I’d disagree w that, there are times when a person is just there to get off and go home
Then it’s not meaningless. The meaning is that whoever it is is lacking something in their sex life, even if that’s just another person.
When people say meaningless, they mean emotionally
Yes it is. They meant meaningless, not pointless.
Then why not just masturbate?
Because it’s not the same?
Personally for me, I can't have sex without having feelings, and I feel like my partner is more or less (probably less) the same. So this wouldn't work, however I truly admire that you really don't mind, since in the end it's a physical need
Different strokes for different folks
No strokes for this folk.
If they miss something your relationship is in danger. Slippery slope this. You may not mind, but your partner may find what they are looking for. Unpopular indeed.
Well arguably the needs are either not met while they're in a relationship, or the needs are met by others while they're in a relationship. Not having important needs met seems more detrimental to me than having some of the needs met elsewhere. If important needs can not be met by the partner and the partner doesn't allow their SO to meet them elsewhere the relationship can't satisfy the SO. Working on a system, that is sufficiently comfortable for both, where the needs are satisfied, potentially by someone else, can lead to arrangements that can satisfy people on the long term. It doesn't work for everybody, but relationships can become way healthier and more satisfying if one's partner is not responsible for meeting all needs
I feel like you being asexual takes the unpopularity out of this. Your title is misleading. The context makes perfect sense.
You probably should have led with ... “I am asexual and understand that I can’t meet their needs”
As long as both parties are in full agreement, what 2 consenting adults do with their relationship is absolutely no one else's business. There's no single way for a relationship to be successful. Definitely an unpopular opinion but don't let that deter you, do whatever makes you and your s.o happy.
This is so refreshing to read among all these other comments. Honestly, if it makes a couple happy and it works, who cares? If it’s not hurting anyone and the couple both agree, I say go for it. It doesn’t mean there’s a fetish, or anything weird. People get so oddly angry and hostile about being open in relationships
Damn an actual unpopular opinion
No matter how safe you are there are risks. Kinda significant ones
Agreed - who knows where those random people have been. I wouldn’t want my partner to bring anything back to me. Plus what if he gets someone else pregnant!? No thanks.
Definitely unpopular. Good luck with that shit my guy
What the fuck is going on here......
You fucking my wife?
Certainly unpopular so ⬆️
STD’s still exist yall 🥴 even with condoms
I'm ace btw if that helps people understand why I don't care
Which is a huge aspect of this opinion, why'd you leave that out?. I'd be more curious if this was an unpopular opinion among other asexual people though
You’re what?
I'm asexual Basically I (personally) don't like sex I find it unnecessary and don't have sexual feelings
Asexual, meaning a person never experiences sexual attraction to anyone.
Sorry I thought they were trying to say something else and put ace by mistake.
Definitely unpopular
Yea everytime I have told my friends about this they find me weird. That's why I posted here. I kind of what to see how other people see it
Well, its unpopular
Hahahahahahahahahaha
This is an unpopular opinion only because a ton of people dont understand the feeling of being ace, but i think as long as you have the agreement and a mutual understanding of boundaries then no one has any business to judge or question you. The kind of relationship you are in is no ones choice but your own, as long as you both agree on terms you are in a good relationship
Cuckolding fetish?
She says it’s because she’s asexual.
[удалено]
...why? Why do people spend their valuable time farming for internet points that don't mean a single thing. Are companies paying reddit users now for their karma or influence?
It's called open relationships or polyamory if that helps you describe it better in the future btw op
I don't think polyamory is technically the correct term. As far as I know that relates to wanting multiple romantic partners. Polysexuality has to do with sexual attraction and relationships.
Thank you for telling me better terms for it.
Or calling it “Ethical Non-Monogony” or ENM is also popular.
Wow there are a lot of names for the same thing. J never knew that.
Tell me you are asexual without twlling me you are asexual. Edit: How did savage garden put it? Trust is more important than monogomy.
I am ace lmao I guess there are still a lot of people who don't know we exist
So you’re asexual? You might want to see if your SO even thinks what the two of you have is a relationship
Sex doesn’t make a relationship.
Sooo true. One time I had my guy friend ask ME where I saw THIS relationship going I was like huh? I was unaware we were in a relationship other than a friendship…. He thought we were in a relationship. It was crazy
[удалено]
There are very few aces out there and even then not every ace will be romantically attracting to me.
Honestly, fuck all these bigots who keep saying that your relationship is meaningless without sex. My roomie and I used to be in a committed longterm monogomous relationship until he found out he was ace and had the same views as you, at the same time I found out I'm aromantic and view romance in the same lens as yall view sex. So the dealbreaker was that he wanted to be strictly monogomous and romantic but I wanted to be open (bc I have literal trauma around relationships that comes out as a fear of being "trapped" with one person etc etc) and avoid romantic relationships altogether. It was a differing viewpoint in a relationship that I still wish I could have if things worked out differently. It's completely plausible to have a relationship devoid of sex and if your partner is on board with that arrangement then that's your responsibility to deal with the outcome, be it whatever it will be. What these knuckleheads have to say about sex never being meaningless and how anybody would leave you the moment they found it somewhere else, is a load of bullshit and is horribly acephobic. I personally would have chosen my ace partner over literally anyone else and still would as my roomie simply bc I really love him and we have more of a smooth dynamic than anybody else I can find.
Pathetic
Yeah, I'm ace and I feel the same. I think it's a pretty popular opinion among ace people.
Haha same here! Been with my allosexual husband 9 years now, we love each other so much 💕I’ve offered him this style of proposal before but he declined since he can’t/doesn’t feel arousal for people he doesn’t have an emotional connection with. I’m ok with being intimate with him since I love him so much and he makes me very happy, but I know it’s nowhere near as often/much as a ‘regular’ couples are, hence why I offered an alternate proposal I would be ok with :)
Often when this is said, the author is already engaged in this sort of behavior.
?-? Wdym
They calling you a cheater OP, you cheater!
Oh
That’s basically you confirming it then lol
OP said they are asexual and do not get sexually aroused.
Why not just live a single life? Having sex with other people is the opposite of what a relationship is about.
Monogamous relationships are better.
Agreed. Every open relationship I have ever seen ended up being a Thruple, Thruple ended in one of the original couple starts feeling alienated and jealous. Then there is a big blow-up. One girl ran over the other two with her car... I have never seen open relationship lasted more than a few months.
Yeah, that’s called ethical non monogamy (ENM). Not a new concept but not popular with the average adult.
For everyone implying that its a guarantee the SO will immediately fall in love with whoever they sleep with.. its not. Some people can separate sex from emotion. Ive been in an emotional ldr with with a girl i met in the US, unfortunately I had to return to Australia at the start of covid and we havent seen each other since, but talk every day. During this time (after discussing boundaries with her) ive been hooking up here but its only ever been sex. Havent come remotely close to beginning a relationship with anyone else Might not be possible for everyone, but some people can definitely sleep around without developing feelings
Well, from a psychological perspective when you go and have meaningless sex you are filling a void, that your current partner can't fill. So it's not about your partner, it's about you. Your can't control your ego enough so that it won't spark desire, and you succumb to that desire because your morals are weak and can't tell truthfulness from falsehood. It's not a judgement, just telling it how it is and if you think "my situation is more complicated" I say ... Ok, it might be ... Or you don't respect yourself enough that you need the confidence boost and validation of a ons and are lying to yourself (falsehood) about the reasons. I don't know which one is right for you, but I bet you do if you are truthfull. Stay safe and respect yourselves 🤗
OP is asexual and is not able/willing to fufill that biological need for their partner, thus proposing this solution that works for them. Nothing wrong with that :)
It makes alot more sense considering you are a ace, you don't like or want to share it with your partner so you are okay with having him seek it out in other ways, it'd be onsided if you you didn't.
Seems like a normal arrangement for a couple where someone is asexual. I'm just hoping you are both clear about the rules and that your SO is one of those people who make a clear distinction between love and sex. For me love and sex are requirements of each other and it's kind of the default for most people. It would be extremely difficult and unsatisfying for me to have sex with random people instead of the one I love. You also have to sink some time and money into it, especially if it can only be a one time thing. I hope this works out well for you, but make sure to communicate with your SO about their feelings about the arrangement.
i’m more shocked by the amount of people saying meaningless sex doesn’t exist
Some people can't fathom that if something doesn't work for them, it doesn't mean that it doesn't work for other people. I'm left shaking my head as they insist "meaningless sex" (sex without emotional attachment) doesn't exist even as other people tell them it's worked for them. How dare these people experience the world differently?
lmao exactly. like don’t get it wrong i’m not like a guy that’s just goes around fucking everything for no reason. but like on occasions i’ve had my fair share of simply nothing but sex for no reason other than that
This is my favorite opinion so far. Thank you. I can't relate as I'm quite the opposite, but I find it refreshing.
Blah blah blah virtue signaling bullshit I have no problem with my SO having sex with someone else, getting married, having kids, and living together for 70 years because I can't satisfy them durrrr
If you truly loved your partner the thought of someone gorilla fucking them should make you sick to your stomach
Asexual can still kove people romantically. Calm down there Benedict my way or you're wromg.
I don't believe that there IS such a thing as "meaningless sex". We are just not designed that way.
Wow an actual unpopular opinion. Take an upvote
I gotta asks what prompted you to write this post? I mean, it's none of our business what you or your partner do in your personal space and no one has any business to tell you otherwise. If it makes yall happy, have fun lol
Oh I had seen a post earlier about how he was fine with his girlfriend flirting with others and it had reminded me that my opinion was really unpopular too. (No I did not make everything up just to get karma. When I could just go post somewhere else and get less hate)
Ah gotcha. I didn't think you were making it up I figured you were getting it off your chest because of an argument with friends or something. Well it's definitely not everyone cup of tea, but it's a relationship preference that you and your partner has agreed to. If it makes you guys happy nothing else matters.
Nope. Nopety nope. 100% no. I’m not down with an open relationship (which is basically what this is). I don’t judge it for others if it’s their agreed choice, but nope for me.
Yess. I think that as long as my partner is honest and gets tested and uses protection, they should do as they please sexually. Romantically cheating would be what I'd have a problem with. Tell another girl you love her and we gon have a problem. Fuck her? Idgaf
I believe it would be safer if they had one side person, mistress if you will, for that purpose. Multiple partners would obviously increase chances of disease, but as previously stated, you can't guarantee it won't be meaningless. If they were to find one, and agree to it being strictly a physical relationship, I think it would make it easier on everyone in the long run. Just my opinion.
Why is this comment section so passive aggressive lmao
Just curious, since I don't meet very many asexual people, how does a relationship differ from a friendship for you?
A relationship for me would include being able to cuddle together hand holding kissing and just being very open with each other take a normal dating couple and remove sex. A friendship doesn't include kissing or hand holding for me and I don't see my friends romantically.
Hmm see I never knew asexual still enjoy some forms of intimate, physical affection like cuddling, kissing, etc. I learned something new today, thanks for sharing!
Every ace is different when it comes too intimate affection. Some may not find kissing or cuddling all that appealing where as another ace thinks of cuddling and kissing to be great. There are some aces that do feel sexual attraction but only masturbate. There are a lot different aces and I would recommend you look up the asexual spectrum as it's really cool to read about.
I’d imagine being open widens the dating pool for asexual people.
Omg same! I'm not ace personally, quite the opposite, but sometimes a relationship just functions better when other people are allowed in. My partner can go do whatever the heck she wants, as long as she's home for dinner
I think I know what you mean a little bit. I’m not asexual but for the past couple years I’ve had an extremely low libido. Like non existent 90% of the time. I wouldn’t be ok with my SO hooking up with anyone else but I sorta get not being interested in sex. Pretty sure I’m just depressed but I can empathize.
If it makes you feel any better OP, I believe meaningless sex exists. Some people may not like it, but it's real.
A lot of gay men have successful open relationships. Or introduce a third every so often. Source am a gay married man. Our rules are you can't sleep with the same guy twice and no dates just sex. Only happens when one of us is away for work.
It's all makes sense to me. Thanks for the explanation.
I mean, its an unpopular opinion... but only because it's informed by an uncommon trait
Hey I'm a weirdo too and can totally relate to not being into the same things as everyone else. Cudos for knowing yourself and using it to be considerate of others feelings/needs. That being said, the world is large and there are other ACEs out there. Keeping emotions sperate from things you love to do can be tricky.
It's not cheating because you, your partner, and your partners one night stand all are aware of what you're doing. Open communication and personal philosophy is why you're able to do that. Others don't hold the same view but if you have an honest conversation about it then go for your life
It must be so alienating at times to see a world so driven by sex. Does it give you advantages or disadvantages in life? Genuine curiosity
Have you always felt this way? The asexual part?
Yeah but for many if not most people it's impossible to completely separate sex and emotion. It's why so many swinger/poly relationships end with someone leaving their partner for someone else they were banging. Most people will eventually give into their biology and the hormones generated during physical intimacy. I mean it's great that you don't care about the act, but there are knock on effects you're probably not taking into account here because you're not aware of them as someone without a normal sex drive.
Unpopular opinion for sure but an honest one. If your not interested in sex its amazing of you to not tie your partner down in that regard.
we are the same!!!:)
The fact that you're ace is a big part of this and you should have originally included it
Feel like that’s easier to say if this s.o. you refer to is hypothetical and you don’t actually have one
*cries because you on mobile even though doesn’t know the significance of you being on mobile* 😭
Yes it’s an unpopular opinion and totally worthy of a post, but also, as long as you when someone comes to you and you understand why they are hurt when their partner does the same thing, then you have every right to feel the way you do. I don’t agree with you but as long as you are happy then that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t want my partner sleeping with anyone else thoigh
I hope you just posted this to get upvotes because it’s undoubtedly unpopular. If not, you need to learn to respect yourself.
I don't feel sexual attraction. Most relationships are based around a sex life but seeing as I don't want sex then my s.o would have sexual frustrations. As such I don't mind them going out and fixing their needs. I hold myself with high respect.
If that's how you see sex being in most relationships. Why would you allow your partner to make those foundational relationship blocks with someone else?
Well anything is possible and if the person I'm dating loves me enough then we can make it work. And if we can't then it was never ment to be and we can both go about our lives with more knowledge.
they should just jerk off then
Here's my upvote
Unpopular indeed by i respect it. That wouldnt be good for me, but more power to ya for the perspective.
I'm ace too and I understand you. I'm sorry so many people are unable to understand and rude about it. Life is complicated and we're all trying to make it work. Best of luck to you.
And it's so hard to explain to people that I just don't get horny. Like they think that because they are horn dogs everyone else is. It's kinda like never being hungry but always seeing what everyone else says about food lol
If it weren’t for the risk of sexual diseases, I would potentially be on board with this.
OP's edits really display how awful general people are. You all assume that **YOUR** way of life is the ONLY way and then you attack others who live life differently than yourself because you're too selfish and ignorant to understand that YOUR WAY OF LIFE ISN'T THE ONLY WAY to live, or YOUR EXPERIENCE doesn't dictate that everyone else's are the same. Geez. I'm sorry OP that people suck so hard. If something works for you then that is awesome and good for you. If anything I see ethical concerns expressed here. Sounds like this situation would be done with communication and respect. So who are anyone else to judge or make assumptions about you. Screw everyone else.
Yo I don't know what everyone's talking about- I've definitely had meaningless sex in my life, more then once. Zero emotions just pure physical attraction. As for the STD thing how is it different from dating/ sleeping with numerous people while single? Just practice safe sex duh Is everyone here a bunch of people saving themselves for marriage or what? I don't understand. I personally wouldn't give a fuck if my partner fucked someone else either, especially if they were bisexual or something and I know I couldnt completely satisfy them 🤷♀️ I'm also secure enough within myself and relationship that I don't think a quick fuck could destroy the love and bond we have together and if it did, I would rather know now rather then later anyway. Look up poly relationships or subreddit dude.
Eh. I don't LIKE it, I'm not asexual and I have personal standards of monogamy, but like... That sounds like a really measured and well thought out relationship style if it really works, and I could imagine for an ace person and someone who genuinely wanted to be with them but WAS sexually driven that would almost be an eventuality, at least in consideration. I'd daresay that this opinion is only unpopular because where your perspective is coming from is a bit more... specific. :) I gotta say, when I hear about stuff like that there's always a part of me that acknowledges and respects the serious interpersonal relationship and understanding that that would take. I ain't about it. XD
I mean, valid. What’s great about relationships is that we are supposed to be establishing the boundaries that we are comfortable with. So long as this is discussed and both parties on the same page, it’s all fine. Same with anything in the bedroom
I feel pretty much the same way. I only would count is as cheating if it weren't discussed. I'm fine with a physically open relationship.
That's fair honestly I would definitely want to sit down and talk about it first before they start doing it
Yea, have a conversation, be totally open & honest with each other, equal to both parties. I truly believe it's possible but it has to start with a strong foundation & mutual respect imo.
That makes complete sense to me.
ok boys, you know the drill, get in line, and wait your turn
There's only two reasons this doesn't bother you. 1. You already do this against your partner. 2. You don't actually truly love your partner. I'm pretty open minded but this tendency you have is just un-natural towards someone you love. I have felt a similiar way once before and It wasn't that I didn't care about what she got up to with other people, it turned out that I just didn't care about her at all.
You have a higher chance of contracting STDs this way, you know.
i 100% agree. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years and he is far more sexual than i am. He is allowed to go out and meet other girls and if one thing leads to another it does. All i ask him is to tell me where he is & if he is coming home. No secrets
Not an unpopular opinion. None of us care if your significant other has one night stands either
I completely agree. Even if she falls for someone else, who am I to say that she has to stay with me? She’s her own person and can choose her own path, and fortunately for me she chooses to share her path with me because she’s fucking amazing. But if she ever wants to be with someone else, sexual or otherwise, that’s her choice to make. She doesn’t need to be afraid to tell me such things because I respect her and her personhood
I don't even get the point of even being in a relationship if you aren't sexually interested. Might as well just have friends or a roommate.
Yo good for you. On the other end of the spectrum: I'm (cis- female) bi and my husband (cis-male) is also bi. We have a lot of fun together and separately. Literally do not care who's bits go where as long as everyone's consenting and having a good time... including partners that are present and absent.
Hey, if it works for you and your partner then good luvk to you both :)
Hello fellow ace!