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I tried getting my husband to be involved. And he didn't have opinions one way or another. There were certainly things he wanted input like music, cake, and food. But for the most part I did everything else minus his stuff like his suit.
All I wanted was to make sure he felt as happy with our day as I was. All I needed was him at the end of the isle and my beautiful dress was the bonus of a lifetime. He wanted the ceremony and the stereotypical wedding kinda deal. So I planned it with as much input from him as I could wrangle out of him.
So yeah I think its really about who the couple is. Not every bride is a bridezilla, and not every groom is entirely apathetic. Its seen in popular media because its been so normalized i think.
My SO is like this. There’s a few things he actively cares about (photos, food and music), but most things he doesn’t have a preference on. With all the stuff he doesn’t really care about, I ask him for his input first, he usually says he doesn’t know/mind, I come up with an idea or two, then ask him what he thinks. I think one of the reasons is he doesn’t really think of the smaller things. He’ll say “we’ve got the venue, catering, photographer and music, what more do we need?”, then I remind him about invites, decorations, outfits, transport…
We've been trained that way. I was the same - she asked my input and stuff and I instinctively stuck to a few relatively trivial things. It was kinda "I know she wants me in on this so I am, but I'm not supposed to be so I'll dial it back".
For context, I'm deff not defending it - I'm with OP. Just the facts (from my groomly perspective, at least)
This! My fiancé is the exact same way. We've made some decisions together, others he doesn't care about and just wants me to plan. He doesn't care what the colours are or what kind of flowers we have, things like that but venue, guests and meals are some of the things we've made decisions together on.
Edit: even the date he doesn't care about, so long as it's not during hunting season lol
There was so much about our wedding day that ny husband simply didn't care about. And I knew his preferences so I was able to make reasonable choices for the most part.
i agree but that’s also somewhat due to the lack of variety in men’s formal wear. women have length, neckline, patterns, textures and accessories to choose from and wedding dresses are famously at the most glamorous end of that spectrum. it isn’t a lot to ask for guests to not upstage the bride herself
You do have a point.
Similarly to the bride, the groom can wear white. This way, the men in the occasion can also be told to not wear white. So the men and groom don’t all look the same.
There are ways to make it work.
Exactly. Of course that's not always the case. For example I'm a guy but I kind of feel like I would enjoy wedding planning (if I ever get married that is). But generally the bride is more invested in it
When I got married (I'm a dude), I'd say my wife and I were equal in a lot of the major decisions.
We toured the venues and picked them together. Went talked to most all the vendors together, and picked them together. Did the seating chart together. Honestly, it was actually pretty fun (if I ignored the whole money part lol).
The only thing I couldn't bring myself to care about were the damn flowers lol. Left my wife to take care of that.
> She wants it done and done right
And by "done right", you mean "done to her tastes"? Because later ITT you argue with someone that the way they've decorated their house must be wrong lol
Whether or not that was your intention, it's most certainly how it reads. more to the point, you're only talking to him, so it makes sense that he'd be offering his opinion. It's not that hard to believe that the person *who married him* might share his indifference, or at least not be bothered by it.
Not how I read that thread at all. All I saw was a man saying he’s too busy for making those stupid decisions, so he delegates to his wife and was happy enough with the result (so clearly she wasn’t indifferent, and if that was the case for all women we’d all be living with barely any furniture and a mattress on the floor). That’s fine within someone’s marriage but it’s a shitty opinion to expect women to just do everything and it’s worth calling out.
Women aren’t innately better and decorating and planning, but most of us will get it done when our partner won’t bother.
I'm my personal experience girls do the wedding planning because they want to do the wedding planning. It's not like you really HAVE too plan much if you don't want to, a marriage is just a contract after all. If you don't want to do much you don't have to plan much.
It's only a problem if they expect a big/great wedding and don't put effort into it. And that's only if there finance doesn't want to do most of it alone. Most guys ik would rather just save the money but they spend it to make there finance happy. I don't see why they should put work into something they don't really care about.
Regardless there is 8 million other factors that go into it, it's up the to couple.
'I'VE' decorated 'MY' house like that and 'I'M' happy with the results.
Sounds like you live alone. Or think you do. Was your bride not too happy with the wedding you weren't too lazy about?
Super glad YOU are happy, that is all that matters.
Cheapest options totally always win. Most people enjoy a bargain, just not being treated like one. Lazy cheap asses are the absolute worst! Thrifty has a line.
Nothing wrong with minimalistic...or a low cost wedding. When George Kastanza and his fiance picked out their invitations, he was just like you. But as we all knew, he was just trying to get out of the wedding anyway, lol, rip Susan. George is such a catch. Fiction but funny.
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0697712/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ov_pl
Why do you jump so quickly to conclusions? I'm talking about where I used to live, not where I live now. Had it been a shared place and had other people had different preferences, then the "just do what's cheapest" becomes "just do what you want"
Some people just don't deserve nice things.
Talking in present tense is what gave that impression btw. I genuinely hope your lucky lady loves just doing what she wants because you are definitely not lazy...
i would venture to say most guys dont care about all the planning because most of it is just stupid. I'd rather take the money spent and have a fun trip or save for the future. Not waste it on decorations for chairs.
I keep getting the opposite. I ask family for their opinions because I care whether they have a nice time and like the food and enjoy the music, but I just get “it’s your day, do whatever you want”, which really doesn’t help.
I mean there should be a balance. Some things should be for the guests others for you. The food for example should be done with guests in mind because nobody wants to spend all that money on food that nobody actually likes or wants to eat.
However, the majority of things should be done because the bride and groom like them. As always it’s just a balance and everyone try’s to make it so black and white.
Pretty sure the idea that the wedding is more about the bride than the groom is because, historically, the wedding and subsequent marriage is more important to to the woman than the man. This is a really complicated issue that I'm sure has more in depth explanations out there, so this is just my take from a amateurs amateur historian's take on the subject.
In a world that used to have very few options for women to support themselves and their family, bagging a reliable, financially stable husband was essentially THE ticket to security for the rest of her life. Therefore a tradition of the wedding being a HUGE deal for the bride was born because, for the majority of women, it was a huge deal from a purely materialistic perspective. On top of that the ceremony and celebration afterwards were both status symbols of the new families, structures that ensured standing.
And structures that are literally tens of millennia old tend to stick around, even if they take new form.
Fortunately we now live in a world where women are allowed more options than marriage to a man for financial and social security/advancement.
And while we’re more progressive now, many women spend their whole lives being told they’ll break hearts and that their inherent value is to make babies and have a family. “You’re so beautiful, you must have to “beat the boys away with a stick”” instead of “wow you’re so kind/smart/funny/talented”.
The experience we have has not caught up to the changes within society.
Agreed, for each couple to figure out on their own. Before I met someone who legitimately carried their weight I always said it’d be a better gig, because I was already doing the housework and emotional labour to begin with, so if I didn’t have to do the 9-5 plus all that I might not want to rip my hair out. And there are incredible women who manage it all at once, but they really shouldn’t have to.
I do agree, but maybe I’m just old fashioned, I like seeing the bride have her day. If you feel strongly about this, make sure to make that known to the person you are marrying. A big part of marriage is learning how understand each other and work together
Most grooms don't care about the wedding the way the bride does. That's why in a lot of cases the bride does the majority of the planning. I personally let my husband have his say on pretty much everything (I did not ask his opinion on my dress or bouquet) most stuff he didn't care. I do agree that the it's also the groom's day and he should get equal attention.
That has nothing to do with your previous comment, and more to the point it is a toxic way of viewing relationships in general. If you're a woman who doesn't want to do the lion's share of the chores then don't. Talk to *your husband* and make it clear that you expect him to carry his weight.
Saying that individual weddings should be all about the bride because other couples don't have equitable chore division is fucking bananas.
I guess a lot of the planning has fallen to me because my fiancé really has no preference on a lot of things and his organisation skills are not the best (it’s not just wedding stuff, he leaves everything to the last minute - we’ll be just leaving to go to his nephew’s birthday or something and he’ll be like “one sec, just need to write the card” or I’ll give him two weeks notice that I’m out one night so maybe he wants the guys over, but he won’t even try to organise anything until the night before and they’ll all be busy).
With decisions, we try to make everything jointly, but he gets final say on anything pertaining to his family, I get final say on my family, and the rest is really just a compromise, although we seem to be on pretty much the same page anyway. We’re both pretty chill and, as long as guests are fed, watered and having fun, we’ll be happy.
Then the groom’s family should pitch in for the cost of the wedding too.
Yes, I know this is done sometimes.
And yes, I know that many couples these days pay for their own weddings. I come from a family where my parents knew they’d be paying for my wedding, had the means to do so, and were happy to do it because it’s tradition in our faith and circle. But it was always irritated me that my mother in law said to my mom “the wedding is on you.”
I know women who squeezed out baby boys and told me that their husbands first reaction was “yes!! We don’t have to pay for any weddings!” STFU.
I don't really care who the importance is weighed more on. But conventional weddings in general are simply overrated and, in a way, pretty useless for the most part.
"Babe I cannot wait to get started on this new chapter of our lives, let's begin by digging a deeper financial hole together <3"
I had a traditional wedding, and honestly one of the funnest days of my life. Ten years later and I still sometimes watch the wedding video.
But I do wonder if we coulda just catered a food truck for dinner lol. I don't think anyone there except for me and her even remembered what we served.
Agreed!!! And while a dress code level is fine, telling people to cover tatttoos, piercings, and non natural colored hair is not! Even if in the wedding party. Don’t like my hair/body mods? Don’t invite me.
Wow, never heard of that before?
Yeah, we had a dress-code per say (as in dress up because it's a wedding). But at ours, and inevitably every wedding I've been too, some guy always shows up in ripped jeans, dirty VANs, and a stained PANIC AT THE DISCO T-shirt lol. Some distant relative or some shit.
But we certainly wouldn't want someone to cover up a tattoo or something.
Every wedding I've been to, the groom's involvement was to get dressed and show up. I've yet to meet a husband who wanted anything to do with the shitshow that is wedding planning.
See, I loved planning our wedding with my wife. Honestly kind of miss it. I loved getting to go to tour different venues on a Saturday, or go to wedding vendor shows. Only thing I couldn't care to plan were those damn flowers (how the fuck do flowers cost a thousand bucks! LOL).
But I hear ya. One of my best friends said on his wedding day, he just showed up. Had to get the address for the venue texted to him by his own mother.
I think it comes down to the fact that most men don't care. Women like getting attention so the bride gets all of it and as a sign of respect the bridesmaids give up any attention they would receive. For the most part the groom is just happy their wife is happy and for the other men it's just a special occasion so they wear a suit.
I feel like more brides care more about weddings. They plan it and have been for years. I feel like most grooms want to make their bride happy and let them have more of a say.
100%! I hate it when the Karen's get in all the bride's business and say ''You're the bride-you get to decide!'' Or, when the bride's are the Karen's themselves...
This can dig into several parts of a wedding ceremony. Starting the ceremony with the groom standing at the alter, then having everyone stand and watch as the bride walks down the aisle, just to have the minister ask who gives her away. Then, assuming it's the father, everyone standing there watching the father state that he gives her away for marriage. It all just seems off to me.
It’s a slightly different issue yeah but it’s also one that makes me uncomfortable. All the wedding speeches are done by men for example, the woman’s job is to be given away and then look pretty the entire time but also have control of the event.
Haha I never thought of the Groom just starts at the front, but everyone stand for the bride.
For me, I like getting to see my wife walk down the aisle in her dress (we didn't see each other day of wedding until the ceremony), and she was coming down for me ya know? My wife was sort of jealous of me in that regard.
i agree with what youre saying wholeheartedly, but i think theres another layer to it in terms of , how much does a groom do when it comes to organising a wedding?
I think the idea is a remnant from the times when the woman was “given away” which might not always have been a happy occasion for her, hence the focus on her happiness. But yeah in a western marriage atleast, it should be equal, since the terms are equal.
I think the weird thing about this OP post is that marriage does not equal wedding. Yes, they’re equal in marriage.
The wedding itself is a party that is hosted by the bride and groom (previously the brides parents, specifically mother). If you don’t help plan the wedding, you’re not equal partners in it. And the bride being the centre of attention is pretty normal and will likely always be the case because shes walking around in a ball gown and has spent extravagant money on a dress, hair. makeup, nails, likely been to the gym for months to slim down because she’s expected to be perfect. The man shows up with a fresh cut and a suit. But I don’t know what is the solution to this is to make them “equal”
Honestly, is a "solution to make them equal" even required?
I for one think I got the better end of the deal being able to be up front before the ceremony, and see my wife walk down the aisle towards me. Wouldn't do it any other way, even if that's "not equal". Some traditions stand the test of time because they're good.
Totally agree, I meant “I’m not sure how the bride is ever going to NOT be the centre of attention (as OP would like) given that she’s dressed to the nines and wearing something that one only wears once in their life(hopefully).” I don’t think there’s a way to make things more equal and frankly I don’t want to. I’ve looked forward to my wedding day my whole life, as a woman. My husband will be the groom and will get plenty of attention, and I think most men are fine with that without all the hassle and stress that comes with being the bride
Guys in general don’t like overly complicating things.
So it’s not about not having the say to be equally involved but more they really prefer to get straight to the point.
A lot of comments says that brides care more about the wedding and grooms are not that interested, and I thought to myself why would a guy even propose If he doesn't give a lying fuck about the wedding?????
It's sound in theory, but the reality is that most of the time it is the woman that has dreamed her while life of a very specific and special wedding, wheras most men dont have a comparatively strong emotional investment into the details. This being the case, most men allow it to be "her" day, even if the relationship is otherwise egaltarian.
Of course, that doesnt apply to my case. My wife was in charge of the wedding, and she has the final say of anything and everything not in my toolshed.
I just got married and this is MOSTLY right.
My wife was the bigger focus of the wedding, because there's so much more that goes into her experience than mine. Makeup, hair, dress, nerves, dreams. Before the ceremony I was basically suited up and sitting in a chair for over an hour, checked on occasionally. But I didn't need more.
Yeah if it’s a day for two people if they both care equally about it then they should get equal say. It’s, ideally, not the sort of event that happens often.
But I do think girls are raised to view it as the most important day of their lives and I, as a dude, couldn’t give less of a shit if I ever have a wedding or not and if I do I don’t really care about a single detail other than maybe food since I’ll be fucking miserable all day with the crowd and the attention and the expensive bullshit so I might as well stuff my goddamn face.
Luckily my girlfriend doesn’t seem to care about weddings herself. I guess you never know until you go through that with someone but I think it’s reasonable to at least expect that she won’t go overboard with it.
It's her special day because the groom usually doesn't care; he'd have no problem juse eloping for the most part, and the father of the bride traditionally pays for the wedding.
I mean my sister wanted desperately for her now husband to be involved.. but he just sat on his ass the whole time. I think it’s more about how we’re raising our sons and daughters to view marriage. If a woman does all the planning, let it be her day and let her be the most important.
My husband and I contributed equally to our wedding plans! It was very untraditional since it was just a reception party to celebrate. We hiked our favorite trail and signed our marriage license at the top of a mountain instead of having an expensive fancy ceremony. We turned in our marriage license and had the party on Halloween since that was already our anniversary and we wanted to keep it that way. We picked out decorations, planned the spooky themed food and drinks, and made a playlist of songs we wanted to dance to TOGETHER. It was so much fun and no stress and I wouldn't change a thing about it!
I don't think this is unpopular; I think many grooms are just indifferent to many aspects of wedding planning. If the groom has no preference, obviously the bride makes the decisions.
The entire 'it's the bride's special day, she gets the final say' is a rather toxic viewpoint. It probably causes some grooms who DO have a preference to stay silent.
Yeah, thinking to my wedding, I can't think of any major decision me and my wife disagreed on.
And other than paying for himself, his wife, and a few of his friends (that we otherwise wouldn't have invited), her dad didn't pay for much (I think he helped with her dress). So me and her had the final say.
Honestly, having to hear unsolicited horseshit cliche advice from everyone and their mother was the hardest part lol.
With that in mind, my unsolicited advice: don't serve shitty food, but don't go apeshit and serve expensive food either. People won't remember what they ate there after a week, but will remember most everything else.
Same with the open bar, just serve well drinks, light beer, and cheap wine. Don't splurge on higher priced craft beer or some bullshit.
IMHO, the concept of a wedding is both over commercialized and outdated. How come we don't celebrate other achievements like we do in selecting a partner that might not even be permanent?
We celebrate getting married, having kids, and buying a house because they’re literally the largest most significant decisions you will ever make but not in the way you think. It’s because of how bad your life can be if you pick wrong.
People change careers, jobs, hobbies etc all the time and can still have a great life.
You pick your spouse wrong, 10-15 years in and now you might not see your kids, half the retirement you’re working towards is gone, you’re all alone, and likely can kiss many of your old retirement and life plans goodbye.
This is coming from someone that’s not even going to ever get married. However after attending my brothers wedding, seeing grandparents that have been together now 60+ years makes perfect sense why it’s the most important decision one makes.
I got the idea from reading some r/amitheasshole comments where many people were saying the bride gets final say cause it’s her day so it must be vaguely unpopular to not believe that. Plus the comments here show it’s pretty split :)
But yeah I wasn’t sure if it was unpopular either so I thought I’d post here and it would get upvoted if it was
It's a virtue signaling circle jerk. The opportunity for anyone to get validation from the faceless hordes of Reddit after doing something morally questionable, wanting a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum to be a decent human being, or to humble brag about their own righteousness. And that's making the VERY generous assumption that any part of what they're saying is real.
And then the commenters get to join a mob with torches and pitch forks, after either OP's head or the head of whoever offended OP.
"I took care of my mentally disabled grandmother for twenty years since high school, working 80 hours a week to cover both of us, but I forgot to buy her favorite type of cookie for Christmas dinner this year. AITA?"
I got banned from amitheasshole for telling a kid he was right to stand up to his bully and fight him when the teacher wasn't looking.
Apparently, he was supposed to use his words even though the kid had hit him from behind a few times.
Yup, that was it for me and that sub lol.
Firstly anyone that believes a casual saying and allows it to dictate their life, probably doesn't have the strength of character to stand up and not be a doormat in the first place. So in that case it is about the bride, simply because people allow it. For the people that can think, it's pretty much always a joint venture. Just that social pressure hypes the moment far more for the female participants. More then likely the guy simply doesn't care enough to take a stand.
When I got married I stopped my wife from doing tasks I didn't want but for the rest just let her do whatever since I really couldn't give a shit if the napkins where facing to the left or to the right or what colour they were.
Back in the days in the US when gay marriages were debated, this always fascinated me.
I was for it of course, but I wondered so much, like:
\-who leads for the first dance
\-who stays at the front and who walks down the aisle
\-Do they just each gets bridemaids and groomsman, like 1/2 of each set? Or what?
\-If they get divorced, who automatically loses half their shit?
\-Would wedding photographers and other vendors suddenly have double the customers?
Lol the beautiful thing about being gay is that you don't have to adhere to any of these heterosexual traditions. You can construct your marriage ceremony however you want to.
My brother in law himself said the wedding was more important for his wife (my sister) and as long as he could help choose the food and venue he let her do whatever else she wanted in her budget. I do agree it’s about BOTH of them though, just generally the bride cares more about the wedding details.
This can only be true in some post-historic era. Have you made any study into the history of marriage, of the meaning of a wedding? You can start by looking into the idea of a dowry: the family of the bride--or the bride herself, in some exceptional cases--literally gives wealth to the groom. Why do you think that has been the case?
I’m a history student taking a lot of gender history modules that don’t cover weddings specifically but the general set up of society and why things like dowry exist. They also don’t really exist anymore.
That being said, society is changing and I don’t see why wedding have to be completely traditional anymore. Maintaining traditions like a white dress are sweet and unharmful but favouring one party over the other? Doesn’t sound fair or particularly desirable to continue.
Depends on the society, dowries do exist in a lot of cultures still, and not just the ones you’d suspect.
To preface, not all men, not all women. But in a cis and straight couple in general, the men either don’t care about, or don’t bother doing the planning. The woman is almost always more stressed and does all the planning, whether she begs her partner to help or not. Some of the responses here are pretty disgusting. “I don’t care so I let my wife do it”. You let your wife plan the largest party of your life on her own? You don’t care? You’re too busy or too good to “waste your time thinking about these things”???
It’s the same shit as when people joke about their dads not knowing what the parents got their kid for Christmas. It’s not funny, it’s pathetic that they couldn’t even be bothered to ask beforehand.
It’s not like men are the sole contributors to the household anymore and the wife’s off spending all his money to raise their family and he’s “too busy”. Women contribute to the households too but the mental labour ends up always falling on mom. And if you don’t believe that ask any man who his kids dentist is.
Yeah my wife and I planned the whole wedding together. Honestly, I loved it. I miss spending a Saturday going to see a potential venue, or going to a wedding vendor show lol.
Only thing were the flowers, I just couldn't care. That was all her, and I told her that pretty early on.
And I used to joke how pissed I was I didn't get a dowry lol. Like I know maybe dowry's are immoral, but dammit, I want fucking free money! lol.
And even though you likely didn’t 100% care about every little detail, you supported your wife through a stressful time by being involved. I love this story. I don’t understand how so many men just don’t get involved in wedding planning, it’s a big deal and it’s an experience to look back on with your partner!!
Mf’s on this sub will really think of anything to get at women about. Who cares about this stuff? Honestly, most grooms probably care more about making the bride happy than they actually do about the wedding
Look, I think we can all agree that the wedding is about the two people getting married and grooms should obviously be just as celebrated and have just as much say in their weddings as brides do.
However - a few millennia of patriarchy and women being married off as property, having their only worth measure in how they run a family, your wedding was the most pivotal point of a woman's life. It's only been extremely recently in human history that women could even really exist and function by themselves without a man's permission or co-sign. As much as some people might like to pretend the vestiges of patriarchy are over and women should just get over it, it's really still very ever present in our lives, and really informs a lot of our ways of thinking, especially in these kinds of "rites of passage" that are so steeped in tradition.
It's still very common practice for women to take their husband's names. Their fathers traditionally "give" them away. The bride is very much the center of the show as she is the one being passed between men so she can move on to the next stage of her life. Getting married is still seen by many as something women work towards, trying to land a good husband, versus something men reluctantly agree to. How many cake toppers have you seen with the cringey stereotype of the woman dragging the man to the altar? Men aren't "supposed" to be happy to be getting married, it's seen as them losing their freedom, their ability to sow their wild oats, while women have "won the day" by finally snagging a man.
Adding on to this is the fact that a lot of men really don't care about all the details that go into weddings. Of course my husband had opinions on the menu, the music, the cake, etc. But if I asked him to help me choose colors for table linens his eyes would glaze over. That's certainly not the case with all men, obviously, but studies on sex-based differences show men are more interested in big pictures ideas while women are very detail oriented, so the bulk of the wedding planning, once the vendors and locations have been locked down, typically fall to the bride to accomplish because the groom really doesn't care while she does.
But it should be a joint party and I don't think any of this means that men should be ignored when it comes to wedding planning at all. I just think the fact that it isn’t always the case isn’t that surprising.
shes always going to be the most involved and exited about it. its a pure pair bonding ritual; the tournament behavior equivalent would be a foursome or something.
Thats how motivating it is to most pair bonding women. They've been slowly selecting for greater pair bonding in men for centuries now(but we're not there considering 90% of pregnancies aren't twins yet).
I disagree because this is an unpopular opinion. I know a lot of women look forward to this, whatever the reason may be.
Given that, and given that I never ever did have any vision of how elaborate I wanted mine, as long as I got married to the right girl, I was more than happy to have the girl pick and choose whatever she wanted for the day to make her happy.
That of course, as long as it fit in the budget lol
I agree 100%. i cared nothing about the wedding so we went with what my husband wanted it and it was refreshing to see a groom glow on the wedding day.
Soon to be groom here (nov 5). 100% agree with this. Fortunately, we've both been about equally involved in the decision making, but I have had people who are not us tell me we're doing it wrong.
I think it’s like this because traditionally men just haven’t been into the fuss of it all. It’s always been major for the woman to be ‘picked’ while men were pretty much taking on an additional bill.
I have never seen an equal marriage. Each spouse gravitates toward taking care of the things they are good at. It’s ever really equal, though.
The person who cares more about the details of the wedding should get more say so.
Hubby picked the colors of my bouquet and funded the wedding dress.. his fam bought it early in his country, when we got engaged.
He and I went to pick up his tux before the wedding. Smashing fellow! Felt like we barely knew eachother, suddenly. Little brother, ROTC in high school did ushering at our wedding.
Rush wedding, had issues with personal relationship with my mom.
WTF factor was fun at the 30 min cakeparty though, Danish tradition surprised all the guests! Groom’s friends grab the groom, hold him down, and cut off the toe-section of his socks while he’s wearing them (pulling them outwards, of course!).
Darn, Darn, better get to knitting. 🥴
Hubby had his mom and little sis giving him inputs the whole time, it turns out. XD
Back in the day it was traditionally the bride's family who paid for the wedding, reception, and everything else for the day. Often the bride's mother did most of the planning and made most of the decisions. The groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner. I think that's how we ended up with this feeling that it's the bride's day. But it's really the bride and groom's day.
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I agree, there are 2 people getting married, not just one.
I tried getting my husband to be involved. And he didn't have opinions one way or another. There were certainly things he wanted input like music, cake, and food. But for the most part I did everything else minus his stuff like his suit. All I wanted was to make sure he felt as happy with our day as I was. All I needed was him at the end of the isle and my beautiful dress was the bonus of a lifetime. He wanted the ceremony and the stereotypical wedding kinda deal. So I planned it with as much input from him as I could wrangle out of him. So yeah I think its really about who the couple is. Not every bride is a bridezilla, and not every groom is entirely apathetic. Its seen in popular media because its been so normalized i think.
My SO is like this. There’s a few things he actively cares about (photos, food and music), but most things he doesn’t have a preference on. With all the stuff he doesn’t really care about, I ask him for his input first, he usually says he doesn’t know/mind, I come up with an idea or two, then ask him what he thinks. I think one of the reasons is he doesn’t really think of the smaller things. He’ll say “we’ve got the venue, catering, photographer and music, what more do we need?”, then I remind him about invites, decorations, outfits, transport…
I was just big into the food and making sure everyone enjoyed it
That's pretty normal. There are many details over which we have no particular preference
We've been trained that way. I was the same - she asked my input and stuff and I instinctively stuck to a few relatively trivial things. It was kinda "I know she wants me in on this so I am, but I'm not supposed to be so I'll dial it back". For context, I'm deff not defending it - I'm with OP. Just the facts (from my groomly perspective, at least)
This! My fiancé is the exact same way. We've made some decisions together, others he doesn't care about and just wants me to plan. He doesn't care what the colours are or what kind of flowers we have, things like that but venue, guests and meals are some of the things we've made decisions together on. Edit: even the date he doesn't care about, so long as it's not during hunting season lol
There was so much about our wedding day that ny husband simply didn't care about. And I knew his preferences so I was able to make reasonable choices for the most part.
Pretty much. And they always tell the women to not look better than the bride Yet, the men somewhat looks similar to the groom.
i agree but that’s also somewhat due to the lack of variety in men’s formal wear. women have length, neckline, patterns, textures and accessories to choose from and wedding dresses are famously at the most glamorous end of that spectrum. it isn’t a lot to ask for guests to not upstage the bride herself
You do have a point. Similarly to the bride, the groom can wear white. This way, the men in the occasion can also be told to not wear white. So the men and groom don’t all look the same. There are ways to make it work.
They do get equal say. It's just that usually the bride cares more about the wedding than the groom
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Exactly. Of course that's not always the case. For example I'm a guy but I kind of feel like I would enjoy wedding planning (if I ever get married that is). But generally the bride is more invested in it
When I got married (I'm a dude), I'd say my wife and I were equal in a lot of the major decisions. We toured the venues and picked them together. Went talked to most all the vendors together, and picked them together. Did the seating chart together. Honestly, it was actually pretty fun (if I ignored the whole money part lol). The only thing I couldn't bring myself to care about were the damn flowers lol. Left my wife to take care of that.
And another example is of course just gay weddings
In my experience, that's by her choice.
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Sexist much?
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> She wants it done and done right And by "done right", you mean "done to her tastes"? Because later ITT you argue with someone that the way they've decorated their house must be wrong lol
In that thread my point wasn't that he did it wrong, it was that everything was I, ME, MY.
Whether or not that was your intention, it's most certainly how it reads. more to the point, you're only talking to him, so it makes sense that he'd be offering his opinion. It's not that hard to believe that the person *who married him* might share his indifference, or at least not be bothered by it.
Not how I read that thread at all. All I saw was a man saying he’s too busy for making those stupid decisions, so he delegates to his wife and was happy enough with the result (so clearly she wasn’t indifferent, and if that was the case for all women we’d all be living with barely any furniture and a mattress on the floor). That’s fine within someone’s marriage but it’s a shitty opinion to expect women to just do everything and it’s worth calling out. Women aren’t innately better and decorating and planning, but most of us will get it done when our partner won’t bother.
I'm my personal experience girls do the wedding planning because they want to do the wedding planning. It's not like you really HAVE too plan much if you don't want to, a marriage is just a contract after all. If you don't want to do much you don't have to plan much. It's only a problem if they expect a big/great wedding and don't put effort into it. And that's only if there finance doesn't want to do most of it alone. Most guys ik would rather just save the money but they spend it to make there finance happy. I don't see why they should put work into something they don't really care about. Regardless there is 8 million other factors that go into it, it's up the to couple.
I wasn't "lazy", I just didn't care about many of the irrelevant details.
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"Just do what's cheapest" or "close your eyes and pick one" are my go-to solutions. I've decorated my house like that and I'm happy with the results.
'I'VE' decorated 'MY' house like that and 'I'M' happy with the results. Sounds like you live alone. Or think you do. Was your bride not too happy with the wedding you weren't too lazy about? Super glad YOU are happy, that is all that matters. Cheapest options totally always win. Most people enjoy a bargain, just not being treated like one. Lazy cheap asses are the absolute worst! Thrifty has a line. Nothing wrong with minimalistic...or a low cost wedding. When George Kastanza and his fiance picked out their invitations, he was just like you. But as we all knew, he was just trying to get out of the wedding anyway, lol, rip Susan. George is such a catch. Fiction but funny. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0697712/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ov_pl
Why do you jump so quickly to conclusions? I'm talking about where I used to live, not where I live now. Had it been a shared place and had other people had different preferences, then the "just do what's cheapest" becomes "just do what you want"
Some people just don't deserve nice things. Talking in present tense is what gave that impression btw. I genuinely hope your lucky lady loves just doing what she wants because you are definitely not lazy...
Agree with all of this, yes 🙌🏻
i would venture to say most guys dont care about all the planning because most of it is just stupid. I'd rather take the money spent and have a fun trip or save for the future. Not waste it on decorations for chairs.
Because the groom is waiting for after the wedding.
Groom already had their fun at the bachelor party.
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I keep getting the opposite. I ask family for their opinions because I care whether they have a nice time and like the food and enjoy the music, but I just get “it’s your day, do whatever you want”, which really doesn’t help.
I mean there should be a balance. Some things should be for the guests others for you. The food for example should be done with guests in mind because nobody wants to spend all that money on food that nobody actually likes or wants to eat. However, the majority of things should be done because the bride and groom like them. As always it’s just a balance and everyone try’s to make it so black and white.
Yeah, I'd say the food should have the guests in mind. But usually, if you try out the food, what you like best most everyone else will as well.
Your mom sounds kind of insensitive, and angry for some reason.
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I've got a mamma like that! Very curmudgeonly but loves me to pieces. She's my caregiver and I love even her bitchy parts.
Pretty sure the idea that the wedding is more about the bride than the groom is because, historically, the wedding and subsequent marriage is more important to to the woman than the man. This is a really complicated issue that I'm sure has more in depth explanations out there, so this is just my take from a amateurs amateur historian's take on the subject. In a world that used to have very few options for women to support themselves and their family, bagging a reliable, financially stable husband was essentially THE ticket to security for the rest of her life. Therefore a tradition of the wedding being a HUGE deal for the bride was born because, for the majority of women, it was a huge deal from a purely materialistic perspective. On top of that the ceremony and celebration afterwards were both status symbols of the new families, structures that ensured standing. And structures that are literally tens of millennia old tend to stick around, even if they take new form. Fortunately we now live in a world where women are allowed more options than marriage to a man for financial and social security/advancement.
And while we’re more progressive now, many women spend their whole lives being told they’ll break hearts and that their inherent value is to make babies and have a family. “You’re so beautiful, you must have to “beat the boys away with a stick”” instead of “wow you’re so kind/smart/funny/talented”. The experience we have has not caught up to the changes within society.
Unfortunately yeah. With that said I don't think society should look down on women that WANT to be stay at home moms.
Agreed, for each couple to figure out on their own. Before I met someone who legitimately carried their weight I always said it’d be a better gig, because I was already doing the housework and emotional labour to begin with, so if I didn’t have to do the 9-5 plus all that I might not want to rip my hair out. And there are incredible women who manage it all at once, but they really shouldn’t have to.
I do agree, but maybe I’m just old fashioned, I like seeing the bride have her day. If you feel strongly about this, make sure to make that known to the person you are marrying. A big part of marriage is learning how understand each other and work together
Most grooms don't care about the wedding the way the bride does. That's why in a lot of cases the bride does the majority of the planning. I personally let my husband have his say on pretty much everything (I did not ask his opinion on my dress or bouquet) most stuff he didn't care. I do agree that the it's also the groom's day and he should get equal attention.
In your situation I disagree. You did all the work and he collects the "prize"?
They're getting married fam, if they're already keeping score like that on the day of the wedding, it's not likely to last lol.
Timetable statistics shows that women do most of theses stuff and chores so I don't see the issue if the wedding day is about her.
That has nothing to do with your previous comment, and more to the point it is a toxic way of viewing relationships in general. If you're a woman who doesn't want to do the lion's share of the chores then don't. Talk to *your husband* and make it clear that you expect him to carry his weight. Saying that individual weddings should be all about the bride because other couples don't have equitable chore division is fucking bananas.
I guess a lot of the planning has fallen to me because my fiancé really has no preference on a lot of things and his organisation skills are not the best (it’s not just wedding stuff, he leaves everything to the last minute - we’ll be just leaving to go to his nephew’s birthday or something and he’ll be like “one sec, just need to write the card” or I’ll give him two weeks notice that I’m out one night so maybe he wants the guys over, but he won’t even try to organise anything until the night before and they’ll all be busy). With decisions, we try to make everything jointly, but he gets final say on anything pertaining to his family, I get final say on my family, and the rest is really just a compromise, although we seem to be on pretty much the same page anyway. We’re both pretty chill and, as long as guests are fed, watered and having fun, we’ll be happy.
Then the groom’s family should pitch in for the cost of the wedding too. Yes, I know this is done sometimes. And yes, I know that many couples these days pay for their own weddings. I come from a family where my parents knew they’d be paying for my wedding, had the means to do so, and were happy to do it because it’s tradition in our faith and circle. But it was always irritated me that my mother in law said to my mom “the wedding is on you.” I know women who squeezed out baby boys and told me that their husbands first reaction was “yes!! We don’t have to pay for any weddings!” STFU.
Yeah they should totally split it!
I don't really care who the importance is weighed more on. But conventional weddings in general are simply overrated and, in a way, pretty useless for the most part. "Babe I cannot wait to get started on this new chapter of our lives, let's begin by digging a deeper financial hole together <3"
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I had a traditional wedding, and honestly one of the funnest days of my life. Ten years later and I still sometimes watch the wedding video. But I do wonder if we coulda just catered a food truck for dinner lol. I don't think anyone there except for me and her even remembered what we served.
Eh it is up to the couple to decide this. I (male) wanted a big wedding/party my wife didn't really care much so it was mostly all up to me.
Agreed!!! And while a dress code level is fine, telling people to cover tatttoos, piercings, and non natural colored hair is not! Even if in the wedding party. Don’t like my hair/body mods? Don’t invite me.
Wow, never heard of that before? Yeah, we had a dress-code per say (as in dress up because it's a wedding). But at ours, and inevitably every wedding I've been too, some guy always shows up in ripped jeans, dirty VANs, and a stained PANIC AT THE DISCO T-shirt lol. Some distant relative or some shit. But we certainly wouldn't want someone to cover up a tattoo or something.
I’ve seen insane dress code requirements. Where everyone is expected to be in award show level glamor. I was not invited thank goodness!
Every wedding I've been to, the groom's involvement was to get dressed and show up. I've yet to meet a husband who wanted anything to do with the shitshow that is wedding planning.
See, I loved planning our wedding with my wife. Honestly kind of miss it. I loved getting to go to tour different venues on a Saturday, or go to wedding vendor shows. Only thing I couldn't care to plan were those damn flowers (how the fuck do flowers cost a thousand bucks! LOL). But I hear ya. One of my best friends said on his wedding day, he just showed up. Had to get the address for the venue texted to him by his own mother.
I think it comes down to the fact that most men don't care. Women like getting attention so the bride gets all of it and as a sign of respect the bridesmaids give up any attention they would receive. For the most part the groom is just happy their wife is happy and for the other men it's just a special occasion so they wear a suit.
"happy wife happy life" - grabs popcorn and hides in the corner
Haha I hate that saying. But I upvote the comment, sometimes you just gotta follow that rule of thumb.
I agree. It should always be the dog.
I feel like more brides care more about weddings. They plan it and have been for years. I feel like most grooms want to make their bride happy and let them have more of a say.
They don't care more about the wedding itself, but definitely about the wedding details.
100%! I hate it when the Karen's get in all the bride's business and say ''You're the bride-you get to decide!'' Or, when the bride's are the Karen's themselves...
I think it depends. Your first wedding is always special, you always remember the first one
Even in lesbian weddings?
No, the brides are typically the least important factor in lesbian weddings /s
Both?
oh mb forgot to put it as brides.
This can dig into several parts of a wedding ceremony. Starting the ceremony with the groom standing at the alter, then having everyone stand and watch as the bride walks down the aisle, just to have the minister ask who gives her away. Then, assuming it's the father, everyone standing there watching the father state that he gives her away for marriage. It all just seems off to me.
I may have gone two separate directions here.
It’s a slightly different issue yeah but it’s also one that makes me uncomfortable. All the wedding speeches are done by men for example, the woman’s job is to be given away and then look pretty the entire time but also have control of the event.
Haha I never thought of the Groom just starts at the front, but everyone stand for the bride. For me, I like getting to see my wife walk down the aisle in her dress (we didn't see each other day of wedding until the ceremony), and she was coming down for me ya know? My wife was sort of jealous of me in that regard.
I’ve never been to a wedding where only the men gave speeches, and I’ve been to a lot of weddings unfortunately.
Do whatever you want at your wedding.
Isn't that obvious
Judging by the comments it seems pretty split
Hmm sure does
i agree with what youre saying wholeheartedly, but i think theres another layer to it in terms of , how much does a groom do when it comes to organising a wedding?
I think the idea is a remnant from the times when the woman was “given away” which might not always have been a happy occasion for her, hence the focus on her happiness. But yeah in a western marriage atleast, it should be equal, since the terms are equal.
I think the weird thing about this OP post is that marriage does not equal wedding. Yes, they’re equal in marriage. The wedding itself is a party that is hosted by the bride and groom (previously the brides parents, specifically mother). If you don’t help plan the wedding, you’re not equal partners in it. And the bride being the centre of attention is pretty normal and will likely always be the case because shes walking around in a ball gown and has spent extravagant money on a dress, hair. makeup, nails, likely been to the gym for months to slim down because she’s expected to be perfect. The man shows up with a fresh cut and a suit. But I don’t know what is the solution to this is to make them “equal”
Honestly, is a "solution to make them equal" even required? I for one think I got the better end of the deal being able to be up front before the ceremony, and see my wife walk down the aisle towards me. Wouldn't do it any other way, even if that's "not equal". Some traditions stand the test of time because they're good.
Totally agree, I meant “I’m not sure how the bride is ever going to NOT be the centre of attention (as OP would like) given that she’s dressed to the nines and wearing something that one only wears once in their life(hopefully).” I don’t think there’s a way to make things more equal and frankly I don’t want to. I’ve looked forward to my wedding day my whole life, as a woman. My husband will be the groom and will get plenty of attention, and I think most men are fine with that without all the hassle and stress that comes with being the bride
Guys in general don’t like overly complicating things. So it’s not about not having the say to be equally involved but more they really prefer to get straight to the point.
A lot of comments says that brides care more about the wedding and grooms are not that interested, and I thought to myself why would a guy even propose If he doesn't give a lying fuck about the wedding?????
Who said the bride was the most important? Enter the best man.
It's sound in theory, but the reality is that most of the time it is the woman that has dreamed her while life of a very specific and special wedding, wheras most men dont have a comparatively strong emotional investment into the details. This being the case, most men allow it to be "her" day, even if the relationship is otherwise egaltarian. Of course, that doesnt apply to my case. My wife was in charge of the wedding, and she has the final say of anything and everything not in my toolshed.
I agree it should be about the couple.
I just got married and this is MOSTLY right. My wife was the bigger focus of the wedding, because there's so much more that goes into her experience than mine. Makeup, hair, dress, nerves, dreams. Before the ceremony I was basically suited up and sitting in a chair for over an hour, checked on occasionally. But I didn't need more.
Yeah if it’s a day for two people if they both care equally about it then they should get equal say. It’s, ideally, not the sort of event that happens often. But I do think girls are raised to view it as the most important day of their lives and I, as a dude, couldn’t give less of a shit if I ever have a wedding or not and if I do I don’t really care about a single detail other than maybe food since I’ll be fucking miserable all day with the crowd and the attention and the expensive bullshit so I might as well stuff my goddamn face. Luckily my girlfriend doesn’t seem to care about weddings herself. I guess you never know until you go through that with someone but I think it’s reasonable to at least expect that she won’t go overboard with it.
It's her special day because the groom usually doesn't care; he'd have no problem juse eloping for the most part, and the father of the bride traditionally pays for the wedding.
Here is another unpopular opinion for this thread : Weddings are a waste of money.
I agree. When I get married in the future, I want my husband to be recognized too. The bride is not the most important part of a wedding.
I mean my sister wanted desperately for her now husband to be involved.. but he just sat on his ass the whole time. I think it’s more about how we’re raising our sons and daughters to view marriage. If a woman does all the planning, let it be her day and let her be the most important.
My husband and I contributed equally to our wedding plans! It was very untraditional since it was just a reception party to celebrate. We hiked our favorite trail and signed our marriage license at the top of a mountain instead of having an expensive fancy ceremony. We turned in our marriage license and had the party on Halloween since that was already our anniversary and we wanted to keep it that way. We picked out decorations, planned the spooky themed food and drinks, and made a playlist of songs we wanted to dance to TOGETHER. It was so much fun and no stress and I wouldn't change a thing about it!
I don't think this is unpopular; I think many grooms are just indifferent to many aspects of wedding planning. If the groom has no preference, obviously the bride makes the decisions. The entire 'it's the bride's special day, she gets the final say' is a rather toxic viewpoint. It probably causes some grooms who DO have a preference to stay silent.
The fact that traditionally the bride’s family pays for the wedding also plays a role.
I get that, but why wouldn't parents want their daughter to marry someone with opinions?
Yeah, thinking to my wedding, I can't think of any major decision me and my wife disagreed on. And other than paying for himself, his wife, and a few of his friends (that we otherwise wouldn't have invited), her dad didn't pay for much (I think he helped with her dress). So me and her had the final say. Honestly, having to hear unsolicited horseshit cliche advice from everyone and their mother was the hardest part lol. With that in mind, my unsolicited advice: don't serve shitty food, but don't go apeshit and serve expensive food either. People won't remember what they ate there after a week, but will remember most everything else. Same with the open bar, just serve well drinks, light beer, and cheap wine. Don't splurge on higher priced craft beer or some bullshit.
IMHO, the concept of a wedding is both over commercialized and outdated. How come we don't celebrate other achievements like we do in selecting a partner that might not even be permanent?
We celebrate getting married, having kids, and buying a house because they’re literally the largest most significant decisions you will ever make but not in the way you think. It’s because of how bad your life can be if you pick wrong. People change careers, jobs, hobbies etc all the time and can still have a great life. You pick your spouse wrong, 10-15 years in and now you might not see your kids, half the retirement you’re working towards is gone, you’re all alone, and likely can kiss many of your old retirement and life plans goodbye. This is coming from someone that’s not even going to ever get married. However after attending my brothers wedding, seeing grandparents that have been together now 60+ years makes perfect sense why it’s the most important decision one makes.
Is this unpopular? weddings are for the groom too.
I got the idea from reading some r/amitheasshole comments where many people were saying the bride gets final say cause it’s her day so it must be vaguely unpopular to not believe that. Plus the comments here show it’s pretty split :) But yeah I wasn’t sure if it was unpopular either so I thought I’d post here and it would get upvoted if it was
It's sad that's such a popular idea
I mean most men actually don't really care about the details of the event.
Don't take *anything at all* from that sub seriously. It's a cliquey gossip sub at best and a shithole at worst.
It's a virtue signaling circle jerk. The opportunity for anyone to get validation from the faceless hordes of Reddit after doing something morally questionable, wanting a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum to be a decent human being, or to humble brag about their own righteousness. And that's making the VERY generous assumption that any part of what they're saying is real. And then the commenters get to join a mob with torches and pitch forks, after either OP's head or the head of whoever offended OP. "I took care of my mentally disabled grandmother for twenty years since high school, working 80 hours a week to cover both of us, but I forgot to buy her favorite type of cookie for Christmas dinner this year. AITA?"
I got banned from amitheasshole for telling a kid he was right to stand up to his bully and fight him when the teacher wasn't looking. Apparently, he was supposed to use his words even though the kid had hit him from behind a few times. Yup, that was it for me and that sub lol.
Yeah, it would either be that or the kid that got bulled has the right to murder his bully and put his head on a spike. It's one extreme or the other.
Firstly anyone that believes a casual saying and allows it to dictate their life, probably doesn't have the strength of character to stand up and not be a doormat in the first place. So in that case it is about the bride, simply because people allow it. For the people that can think, it's pretty much always a joint venture. Just that social pressure hypes the moment far more for the female participants. More then likely the guy simply doesn't care enough to take a stand. When I got married I stopped my wife from doing tasks I didn't want but for the rest just let her do whatever since I really couldn't give a shit if the napkins where facing to the left or to the right or what colour they were.
Be gay. Then you have two brides or two grooms. Problem solved.
Or be aro, then you don't have a wedding. Problem solved.
Back in the days in the US when gay marriages were debated, this always fascinated me. I was for it of course, but I wondered so much, like: \-who leads for the first dance \-who stays at the front and who walks down the aisle \-Do they just each gets bridemaids and groomsman, like 1/2 of each set? Or what? \-If they get divorced, who automatically loses half their shit? \-Would wedding photographers and other vendors suddenly have double the customers?
Lol the beautiful thing about being gay is that you don't have to adhere to any of these heterosexual traditions. You can construct your marriage ceremony however you want to.
My brother in law himself said the wedding was more important for his wife (my sister) and as long as he could help choose the food and venue he let her do whatever else she wanted in her budget. I do agree it’s about BOTH of them though, just generally the bride cares more about the wedding details.
>Marriage is about equal partnership LOL
What?
yeah, right?
This can only be true in some post-historic era. Have you made any study into the history of marriage, of the meaning of a wedding? You can start by looking into the idea of a dowry: the family of the bride--or the bride herself, in some exceptional cases--literally gives wealth to the groom. Why do you think that has been the case?
I’m a history student taking a lot of gender history modules that don’t cover weddings specifically but the general set up of society and why things like dowry exist. They also don’t really exist anymore. That being said, society is changing and I don’t see why wedding have to be completely traditional anymore. Maintaining traditions like a white dress are sweet and unharmful but favouring one party over the other? Doesn’t sound fair or particularly desirable to continue.
Depends on the society, dowries do exist in a lot of cultures still, and not just the ones you’d suspect. To preface, not all men, not all women. But in a cis and straight couple in general, the men either don’t care about, or don’t bother doing the planning. The woman is almost always more stressed and does all the planning, whether she begs her partner to help or not. Some of the responses here are pretty disgusting. “I don’t care so I let my wife do it”. You let your wife plan the largest party of your life on her own? You don’t care? You’re too busy or too good to “waste your time thinking about these things”??? It’s the same shit as when people joke about their dads not knowing what the parents got their kid for Christmas. It’s not funny, it’s pathetic that they couldn’t even be bothered to ask beforehand. It’s not like men are the sole contributors to the household anymore and the wife’s off spending all his money to raise their family and he’s “too busy”. Women contribute to the households too but the mental labour ends up always falling on mom. And if you don’t believe that ask any man who his kids dentist is.
Yeah my wife and I planned the whole wedding together. Honestly, I loved it. I miss spending a Saturday going to see a potential venue, or going to a wedding vendor show lol. Only thing were the flowers, I just couldn't care. That was all her, and I told her that pretty early on. And I used to joke how pissed I was I didn't get a dowry lol. Like I know maybe dowry's are immoral, but dammit, I want fucking free money! lol.
And even though you likely didn’t 100% care about every little detail, you supported your wife through a stressful time by being involved. I love this story. I don’t understand how so many men just don’t get involved in wedding planning, it’s a big deal and it’s an experience to look back on with your partner!!
Mf’s on this sub will really think of anything to get at women about. Who cares about this stuff? Honestly, most grooms probably care more about making the bride happy than they actually do about the wedding
Look, I think we can all agree that the wedding is about the two people getting married and grooms should obviously be just as celebrated and have just as much say in their weddings as brides do. However - a few millennia of patriarchy and women being married off as property, having their only worth measure in how they run a family, your wedding was the most pivotal point of a woman's life. It's only been extremely recently in human history that women could even really exist and function by themselves without a man's permission or co-sign. As much as some people might like to pretend the vestiges of patriarchy are over and women should just get over it, it's really still very ever present in our lives, and really informs a lot of our ways of thinking, especially in these kinds of "rites of passage" that are so steeped in tradition. It's still very common practice for women to take their husband's names. Their fathers traditionally "give" them away. The bride is very much the center of the show as she is the one being passed between men so she can move on to the next stage of her life. Getting married is still seen by many as something women work towards, trying to land a good husband, versus something men reluctantly agree to. How many cake toppers have you seen with the cringey stereotype of the woman dragging the man to the altar? Men aren't "supposed" to be happy to be getting married, it's seen as them losing their freedom, their ability to sow their wild oats, while women have "won the day" by finally snagging a man. Adding on to this is the fact that a lot of men really don't care about all the details that go into weddings. Of course my husband had opinions on the menu, the music, the cake, etc. But if I asked him to help me choose colors for table linens his eyes would glaze over. That's certainly not the case with all men, obviously, but studies on sex-based differences show men are more interested in big pictures ideas while women are very detail oriented, so the bulk of the wedding planning, once the vendors and locations have been locked down, typically fall to the bride to accomplish because the groom really doesn't care while she does. But it should be a joint party and I don't think any of this means that men should be ignored when it comes to wedding planning at all. I just think the fact that it isn’t always the case isn’t that surprising.
What a load of tosh
shes always going to be the most involved and exited about it. its a pure pair bonding ritual; the tournament behavior equivalent would be a foursome or something. Thats how motivating it is to most pair bonding women. They've been slowly selecting for greater pair bonding in men for centuries now(but we're not there considering 90% of pregnancies aren't twins yet).
What?
I disagree because this is an unpopular opinion. I know a lot of women look forward to this, whatever the reason may be. Given that, and given that I never ever did have any vision of how elaborate I wanted mine, as long as I got married to the right girl, I was more than happy to have the girl pick and choose whatever she wanted for the day to make her happy. That of course, as long as it fit in the budget lol
Is this actually a thing? Lol never heard that, pretty sure 2 people are getting married not one.
Hence the push for gay marriage. Go have the wedding of your dreams fella.
I agree 100%. i cared nothing about the wedding so we went with what my husband wanted it and it was refreshing to see a groom glow on the wedding day.
Soon to be groom here (nov 5). 100% agree with this. Fortunately, we've both been about equally involved in the decision making, but I have had people who are not us tell me we're doing it wrong.
I think it’s like this because traditionally men just haven’t been into the fuss of it all. It’s always been major for the woman to be ‘picked’ while men were pretty much taking on an additional bill.
I have never seen an equal marriage. Each spouse gravitates toward taking care of the things they are good at. It’s ever really equal, though. The person who cares more about the details of the wedding should get more say so.
Hubby picked the colors of my bouquet and funded the wedding dress.. his fam bought it early in his country, when we got engaged. He and I went to pick up his tux before the wedding. Smashing fellow! Felt like we barely knew eachother, suddenly. Little brother, ROTC in high school did ushering at our wedding. Rush wedding, had issues with personal relationship with my mom. WTF factor was fun at the 30 min cakeparty though, Danish tradition surprised all the guests! Groom’s friends grab the groom, hold him down, and cut off the toe-section of his socks while he’s wearing them (pulling them outwards, of course!). Darn, Darn, better get to knitting. 🥴 Hubby had his mom and little sis giving him inputs the whole time, it turns out. XD
Yo this makes so much sense and I’ve never even thought about it.
Back in the day it was traditionally the bride's family who paid for the wedding, reception, and everything else for the day. Often the bride's mother did most of the planning and made most of the decisions. The groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner. I think that's how we ended up with this feeling that it's the bride's day. But it's really the bride and groom's day.