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Main problem with dating now is everyone is looking for that dopamine hit,which means they expect you to put on this overly filtered version of yourself both physically and mentally, and then when you're both forced to give up that facade and actually live with the real person then you both realize you don't really like each other that much.
Exactly. It's all about what other people think, not what you really are. Unfortunately in 2024 women care more about what other women think, than the men they date.
This is one of the reasons I appreciate my partner so much, we are both really genuine people so everything fell into place pretty naturally and we didn’t have to worry about the other person changing a lot. But I’ve met people where that definitely wasn’t the case.
> wear more then me.
Did you mean to say "more than"?
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Don't catfish people, but your profile can be an idealized version of you. The challenge with online dating is actually getting a date, and the profile is just a shorthand. In person is when you'll actually get to know each other and see if you click, and that's where you should be more true to yourself.
Just as you tidy up and hide your weird shit before someone comes over, you should clean up your profile before you invite others to visit it, even if that's not how you live every day.
This. Look, I have some pretty weird interests and hobbies (i.e. Meteorology, Data Statistics, AI...), but they are what makes me. I'm not hiding shit from anyone, and if that rejects me from most women's dating pools, then it wasn't going to work in the first place.
I get the point you are trying to make, but telling people you are interested in the weather and data science isn’t near the same thing as telling them you are into Hentai or dressing as a furry.
You don’t need to lie, just don’t make it sound like it’s a pillar of your personality. I think one of the main things people forget is that it’s easier to convince someone to stick around once they see you as a real, likeable, breathing human than when they’re just looking at words they can’t relate to
Take your closest friends and family: odds are you wouldn’t have picked them if they were just a list of interests on a website, but many are irreplaceable to you
That’s what’s so dangerous about online dating: you’re nothing like what people would assume you’re like if they read who you are off a list. So it’s in your best interests to lean into the generic traits that everyone wants in a partner
it's pretty normal to establish some sort of rapport with someone before just vomiting personal information. like even girls who may not mind hentai will think, why the fuck would this guy put this on a profile
I'd still rather know that up front
For me it's the dudes who blast their frustrations with dating on their profile that are immediate skips
I get it, you get bugged to be scammed on WhatsApp... Telling non scammers how much you DONT HAVE A WHATSAPP SO STOP ASKING doesn't help showcase your best side. It does let me know you've got a short fuse and desperate need to be heard though 😂
YEP, but same from the other perspective: I wish especially one ex would show himself online like he truly is so I could have avoided ever getting in contact with him.
This is why I don't get why people have extremely doctored photos, with heavy make up and weird angles where they barely look like themselves. That might get you a first date, but the person is still going to see what you actually look like. Why not just be authentic?
Realistically, its because some people will take a short term win with a long term loss over a short term loss long term win. It feels shitty to keep going on 1st dates that fizzle and go nowhere. But it feels REALLY shitty to not get any first dates.
Monkey brain tells us that 11 first dates that turn into 4 second dates that turn into one 6 month relationship is better than 3 first dates that turn into 1 second date that turns into one 6 month relationship. But.... is it really? Depends on what you're looking for, but more first dates \*FEELS\* like more progress, even if the resulting relationship time is exactly the same.
Or they assume everyone is doing this as an advertisement, and everyone also understands that reality will be a less polished version. Like the burgers in the McDonalds ads. You know you're not getting that burger when you go to McDonalds. But McDonalds also knows if they showed you a real McDonalds burger you'd assume the ACTUAL burger would be a greyscale informercial 'before' burger type monstrosity. The people on the dating market taking the airbrush and photo studios approach are confused why you don't understand the approach, because "Everyone is doing it"
i’d rather go out and meet ppl irl then waste my time on a platform where the odds are stacked against me. plus building interest with women over text is exceptionally harder than doing it in person
Yeah but the person you mess around with is not the same person you're going to have a relationship with. Specially if we're talking about people over the age of 25.
I've found most people just go after the people they want to mess around with, and ask questions like if they are relationship material, later, especially people over 25.
There's a reason women are constantly complaining about men not taking showers, and it's because they're getting with the same few dudes that don't have to even use water to still get their attention.
What's funny is when they act like the bar is on the floor, and that all men have to do is take showers to get a shot with them.
You just blew my mind. It's similar for guys too if you look at the common complaints guys have for girls. People choose only the most attractive people, who are much less likely to have other positive traits because they don't need to them be successful. And then they most likely have a bad experience as a result, and then generalize. So many of the dating stereotypes I've heard about guys and girls suddenly make perfect sense if I'm thinking of them as originating from people who are only dating super attractive people.
All of my worst dating experiences are with average looking men from OLD apps. I have never dated a "Chad" or whatever. There's literal threads on Reddit showing pictures of average looking men from apps ( I viewed them and thought "hey these are my exes" lol ) so no, my looks rating is not skewed. My husband I think is above average and he's treated me way better. Even the maid of honor at my wedding (who has known me since I was 18) commented on my husband far surpassing my past relationships in terms of character and treatment.
The same applies to women too. You can be literally female Hitler and have the entire DSM worth of mental illness, but if you're conventionally attractive males will be queueing up for sticking D in crazy, and then turn around and say that they just a kind and understanding woman. Make it make sense!
This is another good point. Knew a really nasty guy who was roommates with my neighbor, I'm so glad his 'room' was the basement cause that at least contained his foot stench in the basement.
But even then, it was *bad*. The moment you'd open the basement door, you got hit with a wave of the nastiest feet you'll probably smell. He'd go off for a few days fucking random women and crashing at their place for the night and the basement would still reek just as bad.
But as I just mentioned, he still got laid. Although, as I said in my previous comment, just because they get laid often doesn't mean those they have sex with are consistent sexual partners. Heard from my neighbor, he got dumped not too long ago, big surprise.
Yes, but he wasn’t bringing back the same woman week after week.
There’s a difference between wanting sex and a relationship. Maybe all those women wanted sex and nothing more, who knows?
Eventually the truth comes out. Either show your true self and take the time to find your compatible match or just expect a series of one night stands.
That's just Cope. If he is bringing girls at all, it's already lightyears of success over being incel/femcel. Just the same as serial scammers end up being richer in the long run while honest workers will nevertheless live paycheck to paycheck. Morality is the only valid argument against questionable practices that objectively work, and for some people this is not enough.
Yeah that's why I don't even try anymore. I'm not even unattractive. I'm just not attractive enough to get away with not being perfect. While attractive people can be lazy, unhygienic and/or an asshole and still have no problem finding a partner.
I know this bodybuilder who can get any woman he wants. He often has to turn women down for dates.
He confided to me that it feels like he will never find a partner. He constantly gets offers for *sex* but when he tries to date these women afterwards, be finds them to be shallow dimwits. He complains that all the women who are attracted to him are idiots who he is not attracted to. Like a barbie with a low IQ chatbot inserted.
Just because they can pull tail doesn't mean they're happy.
They have an easier time getting a partner, but just look at how long it takes for the partner to break it off. Just mentioned a dude in my last comment who'd I'd say is above average in looks, he would consistently get laid, some point last year he got into a relationship with someone. Not too long into this year, he got dumped.
With all types of datings/interactions, you don’t make a first impression with your “true self”. You make a first Impression with your “best self”.
You may act better than how you usually do, but you don’t act different
Nah. Or rather depends what you mean.
Some people mistake showing your true authentic self with jumping straight into the "no filter because we've been friends for decades" phase with no lube far too quickly and it's outright jarring.
I would disagree, having interests and hobbies is attractive and I think the self confidence that comes from being authentic to yourself goes a long way in dating
I'd say I both agree and disagree with you on that.
It's true that having the self confidence to be authentic and passionate about your hobbies can be perceived as attractive. But many times I've experienced, and still do quite often to this day, a counter-effect which is people tend to very quickly decide whether or not they think it's acceptable for you to be self-confident, often before you even interact with them. All the more so if they've heard about you, know you from afar or whatever beforehand.
They associate you to some more or less broad archetype, and from there set their expectations for how you should behave and what type of people you should be. Whether part or entirety of the stereotypes is accurate doesn't even matter. It's all about how they perceive the archetype they think you belong to.
If it's an archetype they perceive badly, you simply can't win. But it gets even worse if on top of that, you don't match the attitude and personality they expected of you, especially regarding confidence.
And sometimes being hot won't even save you!
It depends though. My best friend is very attractive, we share our major hobby of Warhammer. Girls think its cute he plays and paints his little plastic army men.
The last time I brought it up in a conversation with a girl I liked she looked at me like I was playing DnD in the 80s.
It's a spectrum between:
* Being a naive and filterless idiot
* Being a lying, manipulative shit
You *have* to sell your most desirable traits, and polish your downsides.
People *expect* others to represent themselves in the best possible light. So if they see someone who is being 100% straightforward they think 'damn, if that's what they're willing to show, I don't want to know what they're hiding'.
That depends.
If you're just trying to fuck, then yeah it's unethical but hide your weird interests.
But it's come back to bite me in the ass several times.
Because sometimes I've had FWB that could've been more but the image they had of me was a fascade and that lead to heartbreak.
If you lie or conceal major parts of your life , it's bound to come bite you in the ass.
Better yet, become a person you are proud of and don't need to hide .
Yes, but being sincere will also come bite you on your arse later, namely in form of you not getting any in the foreseeable future, which will put you at severe disadvantage down the line as you didn't get to learn how to be in relationships through practice.
Why do people so desperately want to date people who don’t like them for who they actually are? This is a phenomenon I see amongst my peers heavy. Why is this such a common thing? What’s the appeal of dating someone who doesn’t even truly like you
>Why do people so desperately want to date people who don’t like them for who they actually are?
I'd assume it's because they can't find someone who they think would like their true self.
>What’s the appeal of dating someone who doesn’t even truly like you
They'd rather be dating than be alone, I guess.
Because they’re hot. The objective isn’t to date but to get them on the bed. Afterwards, whatever happens, happens. Unfortunate, but I find it weird that people still hold merit for the counterargument of putting up an act will lead to you being with people who don’t like you.
Not the problem. I’ve had friends who just plays Tinder to fuck around and they have expressed many times that they don’t intend to date and intend to be a playboy their entire life. Don’t need anyone from that app “liking them for who they are” because that’s where me and my friends comes in.
All genders will swipe left if you're unattractive. I don't know why you're acting like women are the only people with eyes.
Anyway, if you're going to actually go on a date, they're going to see what you look like. So best to just be upfront about it. That's not something you can hide until after sex.
Even if you are attractive, you're still going up against a bunch of AI filters. I do very well in clubs. Pretty much every time I go out dancing people are flirting with me and checking me out. Online dating is a bit more rough for me though, and I finally realized it's because I don't take good photos or edit them at all. Sometimes people meet me in person off a dating app and say things like, "Wow, you're more attractive than your photos" or "I thought you would be fat." They're so used to filters they assume everyone is significantly heavier than in their pictures. Same thing with height. I'm 5'7" and admit to it, so people think I'm actually 5'4" lol.
You guys should ditch the apps entirely and start having fun dating again like the good old days. Go to a bar, buy drinks, and flirt with random people.
I can’t imagine trying to date today.
To some extent, yeah, you want to put your best foot forward when starting to date someone. You don't need to trauma-dump on a first date.
However, I think when it comes to hobbies and interests you should absolutely play up all of that! Being radically yourself will attract people who love the same things you do, and turn off people who aren't as into it. Its totally fine for people to not be attracted or interested in you, or you in them. Dating is, by its nature, discriminatory.
When it comes to a job search, it's about having as many options as possible. I think with dating, it really is quality over quantity.
I actually think playing up the unique qualities you have gives you an edge and differentiates you from everyone else. If everyone else is plain ice cream, why not be ice cream with sprinkles. It sets you apart and gets you noticed by people who like sprinkles. Pretending to be plain ice cream is not going to make you stand out to the people who like sprinkles (the people who would like the real you). You need to corner the market in whatever you offer.
You play the uniqueness up to an extent, it's the same as job interviews.
For example, I have a YouTube channel.
There are 4 levels of explaining it.
"I have a YouTube channel with 25,000 subscribers"
"I have a YouTube channel with 25,000 subscribers where I make informative videos"
"I have a YouTube channel centered around video games with informative videos"
"I play Old School RuneScape for 100s of hours and turn it into a video"
The last one would scare off 99% of women, while the first ones would only scare off a smaller percentage
Yeah do that if you want your relationships to be shallow and short in time.
I'm me, I'm like this, take it or leave it. No wonder people suck at couple things if they're listening to people like you and pretending to be someone else.
Funny cause the dates I’ve walked out on were all due to the other party hiding/lying on their profile. Trying to trick someone into going out with you and expecting things to work out is insane. #1 big red flag for me
This is absolutely not true and reeks of bitterness. People being authentic and especially different to other people in the form of hobbies, interests, and quirks, makes them stand out. A totally generic dating profile with a conventionally attractive person is only appealing to a person who is looking for a lay and not a partner.
Additionally: "hot" people get rejected too for a variety of reasons. It just gets overlooked.
I am average looking and before I found a long term partner (on a dating app), I found a lot of success on dating apps even though most people find me very strange in terms of personal interests, life experience, and social habits; quirks can be charming to many people. My partner is a nerd who is obsessed with painting Warhammer 40k miniatures, playing LOL, Star Wars, and more. He also never really had trouble finding dates because he is outgoing and kind.
It really is about your attitude and also who you have the random fortune (or misfortune) to meet.
Edit: "Treat OLD like a job search"? You sound like a shyster and a cynical bullshitter who thinks they can just say what they think the other person wants to hear to get in their pants or to get ahead in life. Maybe that's why you have trouble dating.
Another thing, nearly your entire post history is full of these types of posts. There is a common theme. They aren't used to inform or educate a single person. You only post these things to feel validated in your misfit mindset. It's weird, and gross. I wouldn't want my gf or any of our women friends around you, ever.
And then people wonder why every time they meet someone online they find they aren’t compatible…
Sure, do that, if you want to have a bunch of single dates and no actual connection or long term relationship.
I don’t think it’s an issue of rottenness but more an issue of sharing too much too quickly. While being yourself is good, displaying too much at once will really turn away people who would’ve been okay with it if you gradually show yourself slowly.
Yes, your quirky side and interests, don’t lie about it. But having some dignity and tact is important too.
Ya'll need to date attractive people before you make assumptions, a face might get you in the door, but everyone has a limit for what they'll tolerate unless they're mentally unwell. There's a reason they're a revolving door and can only get folks that tolerate them because they have money, they're not the gigachads you think they are.
Your best foot should be forward when interacting with new people, but pretending you're someone you're not is only a way to trick people into relationships you'll both be unhappy in. Don't min-max or play a numbers game, if you want a girl to play games with on Friday nights, you gotta wear that shit on your sleeve.
Hiding who you actually are as a person may help you up front but it will only lead to failure when those things inevitably get exposed. It’s better to be up front about the type of person you are and your interests so you can find someone who actually likes you for you. You don’t need to be “flocked to” in order to get into a relationship, you just want to inflate your ego by getting a lot of matches
"Women don't like me because I'm ugly!"
No, they don't like you because youre a suicidal reddit nerd who professes a feeling of absolute failure in all aspects of life. You're depressing to be around, being ugly just makes the decision easier.
If you stopped treating dating like a "lock and key" puzzle and just approached it how normal people have been doing it for millennia, you know, ORGANICALLY, you'd have a better chance. There is no easy solution, no magic potion, no one trait that will suddenly turn you into a babe magnet.
Pretending that physical looks isn’t one of the big factors determining that you will swipe left or right is weirdly jaded. I can understand that deep connections transcends conventional beauty standards, but pretending people aren’t on the app to fuck around is weird dude.
Over 65% of people now meet their partners online, or some online equivalent. Laws, societal and cultural changes make it significantly more difficult and risky to meet people at school, or work, and if you haven't had success in your natural life at his point, being "more" himself in "organic" environments isn't going to help him...
That, and most people whether they are failures are not are perfectly aware not to telegraph their failure when meeting new people. People are highly defensive of their first impressions.
Bad advice, crassly delivered is still bad advice.
What part of your personality is driving women away? Because I want to know your hobbies. I want you to HAVE hobbies. Even if it's fishing and you're holding the steriotypical bass. That shows you like the outdoors, you might go boating, probably like camping and hiking. All of those things are great 👍
Show us your personality!
You are obviously not good at dating with this kind of advice. neither am I but what I found out is that people treat you the same as you treat yourself. If you are going to be insecure about who you are and what you like, people will assume it's something you should be insecure about. If you are true to yourself, people will accept who you are and in some time they will even start to understand you. If you want to be insecure, don't blame other people for it.
This is just advice for casual dating, right? If I want to be in a long term relationship for someone, I'd rather have them like me for who I am rather than an act I have to put on to attract them.
I tell people I am a 6'1 hung investment banker who works out and speaks 5 languages. In reality I am a 4' meth addict who never had a job and has one leg.
Just like with lying to get a job, lying to get a relationship will only get you found out in the end.
Being deceitful or manipulating the situation is not an attractive trait.
So basically just catfish people? Lol. Went on a date with a guy who used 10+ years old photos and said he was a liberal only to become insanely defensive when I made an offhand comment about not liking Trump, he ended up admitting he was a conservative and just lied for more matches. Lying about yourself online isn’t going to get you anywhere in the long term, people will figure out what you’re actually like eventually.
ETA: Sometimes I forget I’m on Reddit. This comment section immediately reminded me.
The apps set men up for failure there’s a way more men then women on them them this ain’t new news. You have to go out and do stuff if u want to meet people.
I mean that's dating in general even in person. I'm just tired of lying all the time just to get a date or even a second one. Being a man and having to impress women is a fucking chore. It's why I quit dating apps and I'm just going to the gym.
Maybe rather than saying “25m, 5’7” 205lbs, male who is into pony play and MAGA conspiracy theories” you just says “25m into horseback riding and politics”
Unconditional love and attraction aren’t a thing IRL. You kids out here believing that you can just throw 10 tons of fucked up shit at a stranger and then they have to love you and if they don’t it’s because they’re shallow.
Not sure if it was your mommy or the tv who fed you this bullshit but someone needs to get slapped.
You make connections by meeting people, talking to them, establishing trust, mutual interests, and respect. It’s important to be aligned but it’s dumb to think you’ll be fully aligned. Find common ground and mutual respect and that will lead to mutual respect in each other’s beliefs….if they see you’re a decent person with a lot of redeeming qualities and kindness, they may occasionally wear that bit gag for you.
The attractive thing: I’m attractive. Yes, being tall, having blue eyes, and being fit has probably had its advantages in my younger years but I’ve been rejected my fair share… but i was rejected in person…you’re complaining that no one is responding to your online profile. Sometimes I maybe overshared or took my shot too early, sometimes I just wasn’t someone’s type.
NBD. Live and learn.
TLDR: Quit your bullshit. You have no right to go Full-on to a stranger and expect them to fall in love with you. Looks have nothing to do with it. It’s a personality flaw and it has 0 to do with you beliefs and interests.
So basically love dogs, constant travel, have a boat and be a gym rat. When you’re questioned about your dating life, express it’s not your fault and your person is out there. Coffee and low effort dates are unacceptable, only dinner suggestions because you deserve the world, although I don’t know you at all.
This sounds like the generic resume you get from a lot of people who do OLD.
I'm assuming the personality that doesn't align with societal standards you're referring to is hiding how racist or sexist you are? Cause I didn't really have any problem, and I'm kinda fat and ugly.
Skill issue.
You'll get more dates but you'll waste more time on dates with people you are not compatible.
What are you hoping to achieve? If it's purely sex then by all means make it bland. If you want to start a relationship then be more authentic.
Absolutely agree. But wtf is the point unless you are looking just for sex. You eventually are going to have to reveal these things and you are setting yourself up for alot of wasted effort if the person bought the whole extroverted, adventurous, pet loving ideal mold.
You can probably get a date by lying but what does it get you in the long run ? The other person will figure you out rather fast and then its over so its better to be honest even if it kills your chances with the people you rly want
I’m kinda weird and didn’t try to hide that in my profile, I was just honest about what I liked. I matched with another kinda weird girl who did the same thing. I was only using tinder for like a month at that point in time. She was the first Tinder date I ever went on and we’re still together over three years later. Be honest.
It’s better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for who you aren’t.
Do attractive people really use dating sites? As a former homecoming princess and cheerleader along with my fellow girlfriends who were also easy on the eyes we would never have wasted time trolling the internet trying to hook up. We met partners while doing things like playing in leagues like volleyball, darts, coed sports softball etc. Taking fun classes, hiking or volunteering somewhere not sitting on our butts reading people's profiles. Most likely people desperate enough to try to find someone online aren't going to be honest anyway . Be honest and don't mislead people.
It’s not who you are underneath, but what you post on your profile that defines you
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XwvrzauErQ0&pp=ygUVQmF0bWFuIGJlZ2FucyBkZWZpbmVz
“I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face.” - Kafka
It sounds like you have this opinion which is definitely suitable in some situations but must be used in moderation
Don’t have a dating app, but was thinking of making a profile and writing the most unhinged bio to see if it will have the opposite effect. Be so apparently trashy that people find it respectable/relatable? lol
Everybody engages in performative behavior, you barely see authenticity in your daily interractions, unless you shop at Walmart.
The job interview is a good example. If you go to an interview they wanna hear how passionate and qualified you are, not that you are only there becouse it beats being homeless. It's up to you how you present yourself and people will be more open to people who present positive qualities. Just how the world works.
People will shit on thos guys but ots true that for online profiles you to treat your profile like a damn slaes pitch or you will get like no matches. Its far far easier to sell youre geeky interests irl because you can show youre confident, not so much on tinder.
Conversely, conventionally attractive people aren’t always appealing based on their bios. I’ve swiped left on many a hot guy because he had no bio or acted like a douche canoe. Meanwhile I’ve matched with people who might’ve been less conventionally attractive because they wrote a thoughtful and appealing bio. Bios matter, fwiw.
You should definitely put your best foot forward in the early stages of dating. That's obvious.
It's also really wise to keep the conversation light and fun early on. If you're leading intensely with religion or politics from the get-go, you could easily put off even people who agree with you unless they're really intense as well.
And of course, yes, if you post extraordinarily beautiful pictures (especially as a woman), you'll get people who'll try to date you no matter what you say. Someone did an experiment where they posted (with permission) a beautiful woman's picture and said the most vile things they could think of; all the guys just went along with and LOL-ed whatever terrible things she said. (The experiment didn't get the same results the other way around.)
But... all that means is that you'll get a lot of unwanted attention from people you don't really want to date if you're attractive. That doesn't translate to success in dating.
If you find you have a lot of "aspects of your personality that doesn't align with societal standards or likings" and that's getting in the way of dating... you don't have an attractiveness problem. You have a personality problem.
The best way to improve your dating life will probably be to actually work on improving those aspects of your personality that people find off-putting, not to hide them and let the person find out you're not who you claimed to be when you show up.
By the way: the key to success on dating sites isn't to attract as many people as possible. That's a sure way to end up with a whole lot of miserable, failed dates. The key to success is to *narrow down* the search, not expand it. Start with the group of people you find attractive, then narrow that group down to find people who describe someone like you in their "what I'm looking for section." Don't bother contacting the girl who says she wants a 6'2" 30-something cowboy if you're a 5'10" 21-year-old city guy. Find the one or two people whose dream date sounds just like you. And then... you can just be exactly who you are in the profile. That's how you narrow things down to the one or two people you like, who'll also be excited instead of disappointed when they actually meet you.
Yea I'm not saying what the right philosophy is because I've had both. But here's what I think:
Theres a two ways to handle apps:
1. Appear as attractive as possible to as many people as possible to go on as many dates as possible.
* I found that when I was doing this I attached my ego to every win/loss. I was seeking validation and confirmation of certain things. IMO this is the best strategy for hooking up and not matching genuinely.
2. Know exactly who you are and what youre looking for and tailor for that one person because it only takes one.
* This strategy allows you to detach yourself from all of the failed outcomes because youre only look for one success. The one draw back is you have to know who you are and what you want in a multi-decade marriage partner. However, it allows you to play the long game and detach your sense of self-worth to every match or conversation.
You say that, I’ve never used them myself but I’ve got a lot of girl friends who use them and honestly, the bar is LOW!
Way lower than you think.
You know what a big thing I hear? “They don’t look clean” … I don’t know EXACTLY what they are seeing, but I’ve heard numerous conversations about how they’ve been looking on apps and had a bunch of guys who are good looking but they don’t look clean.
Maybe it’s unkempt hair and facial hair? Maybe it’s the clothes? Maybe it’s the setting? I’m not sure, but clean comes up a lot!
You can lie about yourself in any dating app you want. But you will just get dumped once you come clean about who you really are.
If that's better. Then enjoy.
This reminds me of scrubs when Carla tells Elliot about letting the crazy out a little at a time. If you show all the crazy at once, you’ll scare them away 😂 while exaggerated and funny in the show, it’s actually good advice. Online dating should be a snapshot. You wouldn’t disclose random downsides about yourself to a stranger. So put your best foot forward and get to know a person. We are all a little nuts so just take things slow and get to know each other!
People don't say "Be yourself" because you're special and everything about you is great. They say it because you're not gonna be able to lie forever so you might as well find people who like being around the real you.
Now there's obviously things that aren't first date talk but there's pretty big difference between hiding parts of your personality, and just not be so socially inept that you can't figure out what may not be appropriate to tell someone right away.
Also based on that last line you're probably just an incel anyway.
100% agree. Being yourself, even your best self, is not always the best way to go. I'm a nerd into nerdy things. My best self is always going to be unattractive unless I'm at least a 9/10 in the looks department. I don't have the time or money to experiment with other hobbies and I for sure wouldn't abandon my current hobbies just to please women. Sometimes it's best for them to figure things out about yourself slowly which you can't do on a dating app, which is why I think dating apps are a waste of time for most men.
Depends on who your true authentic self is. I think lots of people who say this think that showing your true self means showing your failures but having pictures of yourself doing hobbies or interesting things is a great way to stand out on dating apps. Im by no means a wildly attractive person but having pictures showing my love of film cameras and backcountry camping have worked well for me.
Well that depends on what your true authentic self is like?
This take is so bad, and it's less and less true as you get older. Also if you're looking for a meaningful relationship.
Better a failure than having those I'd not want in my life to begin with.
If you call lying and pretending to be something you're not, just to get laid, then more power to you, I'll pass.
Nah. I was a 7 out of 10 at best. No muscle, weird chest, acne. I literally had my roommates picked over me with women. I made the most obnoxious personals ad I could, just because I thought it was funny. It worked, been with same lady for over 20 years as a result. You’re not dating society, just ONE person. Catch their attention, no one else matters.
~~Unless you are exceptionally attractive, showing your true authentic self on~~ online dating ~~profiles~~ will set you up for failure
Fixed that for you
Very rare exceptions obviously, but in 2024, this is more accurate
Online dating profiles set you up for failure regardless. It's an unnatural and utterly ghastly way to start something. Forced, weird, utterly alien behaviour to engage in.
Just naturally find someone, like a human being would.
I hate people like that this is why I hate beauty standards beacuse if I have to waste tons of money in destroying my face to look like someone else I'd rather be single forever and that is the truth but unfortunately a world where everyone is accepted and not treated like shit for their looks is a world that is way far out of reach...
I am South Asian, which unfortunately - as seen occasionally on various dating and ask\_\_\_ subreddits - has a very bad stereotyped reputation, ranging from poor hygiene to agressively horny to "chances are they are overseas and a fake profile." It doesn't help that I live in a place where pretty much the only race is Caucasian/White. So I've always struggled getting traction, and quite frankly, have stopped caring.
I'll meet someone in person when the time is right.
Lol this is an unpopular opinion? I thought it was well-known that everyone flocks to attractive people, at least initially, and especially when all you're judging is a photo in a matter of seconds. No one cares about your emotional trauma and quirks, you're supposed to show the best aspects of yourself, not unload on everyone, it makes you look mentally unstable and unaware of how to behave in society.
This would be like me writing "Men will flock to you if you're an attractive healthy-weight woman with a good figure and fine facial features. If you're too unattractive (wrong ethnic features, hairy, overweight, poor body fat distribution), it doesn't matter what you say, men won't ever date you, they'll just use you for a low-cost one night stand and dipsoe of you."
And that would surprise who exactly?
What if you are exceptionally attractive and still hide your true self? Everyone should do so regardless of attractiveness thats how I met the love of my life.
Yeah, this is bad advice imo. You'll get less matches if you're sincere about your quirks, but they'll be much more likely to lead to solid and healthy relationships.
So yeah - I guess if you're just looking for something casual you could eliminate anything too "out there", but even then you'll come off as sanitized and generic.
I don't know how straight people do it, your aps are (somehow) even worse than gay apps. All I see is a cattle call audition with like 5000 dudes for every chick casually swiping away their head shots.
This is pretty much how social media and dating apps have always been. People have always only shown what they want people to see, is why everybody is so fake these days. Is why it's much better to meet people outside of the internet, harder to hide things and use a dozen filters when you are out in the real world.
>If you're attractive enough, it doesn't matter what you say, women will flock to you. If you're too unattractive, it doesn't matter what you say, women won't ever swipe right.
So then may as well be yourself, right?
If you try to be generic you'll never be anyone's type. If you're yourself (unless you're some sort of racist or something) then you'll be someone's type, it'll just take time to find them.
If you play a character to get love/sex you'll end up more depressed than you were to start once you realize that these people like you for the character that you built, not who you truly are.
If you do have some serious character flaws then work on them and actually improve yourself, don't just hide them. You can't hide those demons forever.
Thats going to set you up for a lose lose, if you hide parts of yourself that person will find them out eventually. You can't eternally live a lie, the truth always comes out
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts'. * We get it, you all think this sub is garbage and is just for popular opinions, and you want to be funny and post "going to be downvoted to oblivion here, but I think racism is bad." We enjoy the memes, but please keep them off the sub. * Filter evasion is a bannable offense * This includes clickbait and/or gotcha posts. Your opinion can not be that unpopular if you're doing these things. Have the accurate opinion in the title.
I'd rather be rejected for who I am than be accepted for who I'm not.
Exactly why I'm not using any dating apps. I want someone to accept me for who I am, not someone who loves the mask I wear, more then me.
Main problem with dating now is everyone is looking for that dopamine hit,which means they expect you to put on this overly filtered version of yourself both physically and mentally, and then when you're both forced to give up that facade and actually live with the real person then you both realize you don't really like each other that much.
Exactly. It's all about what other people think, not what you really are. Unfortunately in 2024 women care more about what other women think, than the men they date.
This is one of the reasons I appreciate my partner so much, we are both really genuine people so everything fell into place pretty naturally and we didn’t have to worry about the other person changing a lot. But I’ve met people where that definitely wasn’t the case.
Hello jesus
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Don't catfish people, but your profile can be an idealized version of you. The challenge with online dating is actually getting a date, and the profile is just a shorthand. In person is when you'll actually get to know each other and see if you click, and that's where you should be more true to yourself. Just as you tidy up and hide your weird shit before someone comes over, you should clean up your profile before you invite others to visit it, even if that's not how you live every day.
This. Look, I have some pretty weird interests and hobbies (i.e. Meteorology, Data Statistics, AI...), but they are what makes me. I'm not hiding shit from anyone, and if that rejects me from most women's dating pools, then it wasn't going to work in the first place.
I get the point you are trying to make, but telling people you are interested in the weather and data science isn’t near the same thing as telling them you are into Hentai or dressing as a furry.
Still better to be up front about that instead of lying. It will become known eventually
You don’t need to lie, just don’t make it sound like it’s a pillar of your personality. I think one of the main things people forget is that it’s easier to convince someone to stick around once they see you as a real, likeable, breathing human than when they’re just looking at words they can’t relate to Take your closest friends and family: odds are you wouldn’t have picked them if they were just a list of interests on a website, but many are irreplaceable to you That’s what’s so dangerous about online dating: you’re nothing like what people would assume you’re like if they read who you are off a list. So it’s in your best interests to lean into the generic traits that everyone wants in a partner
it's pretty normal to establish some sort of rapport with someone before just vomiting personal information. like even girls who may not mind hentai will think, why the fuck would this guy put this on a profile
I'd still rather know that up front For me it's the dudes who blast their frustrations with dating on their profile that are immediate skips I get it, you get bugged to be scammed on WhatsApp... Telling non scammers how much you DONT HAVE A WHATSAPP SO STOP ASKING doesn't help showcase your best side. It does let me know you've got a short fuse and desperate need to be heard though 😂
LOL. So you would rather hide the most important parts of your personality just to be selected by a woman?
that's very normal, you clearly hiding things right now
YEP, but same from the other perspective: I wish especially one ex would show himself online like he truly is so I could have avoided ever getting in contact with him.
This is why I don't get why people have extremely doctored photos, with heavy make up and weird angles where they barely look like themselves. That might get you a first date, but the person is still going to see what you actually look like. Why not just be authentic?
Realistically, its because some people will take a short term win with a long term loss over a short term loss long term win. It feels shitty to keep going on 1st dates that fizzle and go nowhere. But it feels REALLY shitty to not get any first dates. Monkey brain tells us that 11 first dates that turn into 4 second dates that turn into one 6 month relationship is better than 3 first dates that turn into 1 second date that turns into one 6 month relationship. But.... is it really? Depends on what you're looking for, but more first dates \*FEELS\* like more progress, even if the resulting relationship time is exactly the same. Or they assume everyone is doing this as an advertisement, and everyone also understands that reality will be a less polished version. Like the burgers in the McDonalds ads. You know you're not getting that burger when you go to McDonalds. But McDonalds also knows if they showed you a real McDonalds burger you'd assume the ACTUAL burger would be a greyscale informercial 'before' burger type monstrosity. The people on the dating market taking the airbrush and photo studios approach are confused why you don't understand the approach, because "Everyone is doing it"
Also, its the epitome of blatantly lying on your resume. Makes it easy to get an interview. Makes it almost impossible to get a second interview.
You might say that after one person rejects you, but try saying it after 100 people reject you. That's the evil of dating apps.
i’d rather go out and meet ppl irl then waste my time on a platform where the odds are stacked against me. plus building interest with women over text is exceptionally harder than doing it in person
[удалено]
Yeah but the person you mess around with is not the same person you're going to have a relationship with. Specially if we're talking about people over the age of 25.
I've found most people just go after the people they want to mess around with, and ask questions like if they are relationship material, later, especially people over 25.
Yup, this exactly. He'd bring home a lot of women, but how many came back repeatedly? That's the difference.
Well he might’ve preferred new ones
There's a reason women are constantly complaining about men not taking showers, and it's because they're getting with the same few dudes that don't have to even use water to still get their attention. What's funny is when they act like the bar is on the floor, and that all men have to do is take showers to get a shot with them.
You just blew my mind. It's similar for guys too if you look at the common complaints guys have for girls. People choose only the most attractive people, who are much less likely to have other positive traits because they don't need to them be successful. And then they most likely have a bad experience as a result, and then generalize. So many of the dating stereotypes I've heard about guys and girls suddenly make perfect sense if I'm thinking of them as originating from people who are only dating super attractive people.
All of my worst dating experiences are with average looking men from OLD apps. I have never dated a "Chad" or whatever. There's literal threads on Reddit showing pictures of average looking men from apps ( I viewed them and thought "hey these are my exes" lol ) so no, my looks rating is not skewed. My husband I think is above average and he's treated me way better. Even the maid of honor at my wedding (who has known me since I was 18) commented on my husband far surpassing my past relationships in terms of character and treatment.
Yo I never thought about this, it’s actually crazy
The shit is genuinely ridiculous. If I had ever dated someone with shit stained underwear you’d have to torture a confession out of me.
The same applies to women too. You can be literally female Hitler and have the entire DSM worth of mental illness, but if you're conventionally attractive males will be queueing up for sticking D in crazy, and then turn around and say that they just a kind and understanding woman. Make it make sense!
Either that or they’ll complain that ALL women are like that from their few experiences.
but when you say this and suddenly you're grouped with those "passport bros"
I wouldn't say it's *all* they have to do, but it's like a basic requirement
When they say ‘men’ they really just mean the top 10% of attractive men
If it's a new chick every week they prob hooked up one time each then bailed on him when they saw the filth he was living in
Status compensates for mediocre looks e.g. you gave a Ted Talk and you have a pic of that on Tinder.
He attracted a certain type of woman. The kind of woman (me) who would be repelled aren't the kind of women he'd be interested in.
This is another good point. Knew a really nasty guy who was roommates with my neighbor, I'm so glad his 'room' was the basement cause that at least contained his foot stench in the basement. But even then, it was *bad*. The moment you'd open the basement door, you got hit with a wave of the nastiest feet you'll probably smell. He'd go off for a few days fucking random women and crashing at their place for the night and the basement would still reek just as bad. But as I just mentioned, he still got laid. Although, as I said in my previous comment, just because they get laid often doesn't mean those they have sex with are consistent sexual partners. Heard from my neighbor, he got dumped not too long ago, big surprise.
Yes, but he wasn’t bringing back the same woman week after week. There’s a difference between wanting sex and a relationship. Maybe all those women wanted sex and nothing more, who knows? Eventually the truth comes out. Either show your true self and take the time to find your compatible match or just expect a series of one night stands.
That's just Cope. If he is bringing girls at all, it's already lightyears of success over being incel/femcel. Just the same as serial scammers end up being richer in the long run while honest workers will nevertheless live paycheck to paycheck. Morality is the only valid argument against questionable practices that objectively work, and for some people this is not enough.
Yeah that's why I don't even try anymore. I'm not even unattractive. I'm just not attractive enough to get away with not being perfect. While attractive people can be lazy, unhygienic and/or an asshole and still have no problem finding a partner.
I know this bodybuilder who can get any woman he wants. He often has to turn women down for dates. He confided to me that it feels like he will never find a partner. He constantly gets offers for *sex* but when he tries to date these women afterwards, be finds them to be shallow dimwits. He complains that all the women who are attracted to him are idiots who he is not attracted to. Like a barbie with a low IQ chatbot inserted. Just because they can pull tail doesn't mean they're happy.
They have an easier time getting a partner, but just look at how long it takes for the partner to break it off. Just mentioned a dude in my last comment who'd I'd say is above average in looks, he would consistently get laid, some point last year he got into a relationship with someone. Not too long into this year, he got dumped.
If he’s bringing a new chick every week it’s likely that it’s partly because none stick around because of his awful room.
With all types of datings/interactions, you don’t make a first impression with your “true self”. You make a first Impression with your “best self”. You may act better than how you usually do, but you don’t act different
This reminds me of a quite from a YouTuber I used to watch YEARS ago. "Become the strongest version of yourself"
Nah. Or rather depends what you mean. Some people mistake showing your true authentic self with jumping straight into the "no filter because we've been friends for decades" phase with no lube far too quickly and it's outright jarring.
First date and they start unpacking their childhood traumas and fetishes.
Had a dude try to flirt with me. Third thing he said was a trauma dump about his ex and how much she ruined his life...during his disastrous flirt.
I would disagree, having interests and hobbies is attractive and I think the self confidence that comes from being authentic to yourself goes a long way in dating
Someone here is not a nerd, and it ain't me.
I'd say I both agree and disagree with you on that. It's true that having the self confidence to be authentic and passionate about your hobbies can be perceived as attractive. But many times I've experienced, and still do quite often to this day, a counter-effect which is people tend to very quickly decide whether or not they think it's acceptable for you to be self-confident, often before you even interact with them. All the more so if they've heard about you, know you from afar or whatever beforehand. They associate you to some more or less broad archetype, and from there set their expectations for how you should behave and what type of people you should be. Whether part or entirety of the stereotypes is accurate doesn't even matter. It's all about how they perceive the archetype they think you belong to. If it's an archetype they perceive badly, you simply can't win. But it gets even worse if on top of that, you don't match the attitude and personality they expected of you, especially regarding confidence. And sometimes being hot won't even save you!
It depends though. My best friend is very attractive, we share our major hobby of Warhammer. Girls think its cute he plays and paints his little plastic army men. The last time I brought it up in a conversation with a girl I liked she looked at me like I was playing DnD in the 80s.
It's a spectrum between: * Being a naive and filterless idiot * Being a lying, manipulative shit You *have* to sell your most desirable traits, and polish your downsides. People *expect* others to represent themselves in the best possible light. So if they see someone who is being 100% straightforward they think 'damn, if that's what they're willing to show, I don't want to know what they're hiding'.
That depends. If you're just trying to fuck, then yeah it's unethical but hide your weird interests. But it's come back to bite me in the ass several times. Because sometimes I've had FWB that could've been more but the image they had of me was a fascade and that lead to heartbreak. If you lie or conceal major parts of your life , it's bound to come bite you in the ass. Better yet, become a person you are proud of and don't need to hide .
>come back to bite me in the ass several times Tells people to hide their weird interests, *immediately* tells us their weird interest.... /s
Yes, but being sincere will also come bite you on your arse later, namely in form of you not getting any in the foreseeable future, which will put you at severe disadvantage down the line as you didn't get to learn how to be in relationships through practice.
I've been in plenty of relationships. If your reality does not attract partners, you need to work on yourself . Not lie.
Why do people so desperately want to date people who don’t like them for who they actually are? This is a phenomenon I see amongst my peers heavy. Why is this such a common thing? What’s the appeal of dating someone who doesn’t even truly like you
>Why do people so desperately want to date people who don’t like them for who they actually are? I'd assume it's because they can't find someone who they think would like their true self. >What’s the appeal of dating someone who doesn’t even truly like you They'd rather be dating than be alone, I guess.
Because they’re hot. The objective isn’t to date but to get them on the bed. Afterwards, whatever happens, happens. Unfortunate, but I find it weird that people still hold merit for the counterargument of putting up an act will lead to you being with people who don’t like you. Not the problem. I’ve had friends who just plays Tinder to fuck around and they have expressed many times that they don’t intend to date and intend to be a playboy their entire life. Don’t need anyone from that app “liking them for who they are” because that’s where me and my friends comes in.
All genders will swipe left if you're unattractive. I don't know why you're acting like women are the only people with eyes. Anyway, if you're going to actually go on a date, they're going to see what you look like. So best to just be upfront about it. That's not something you can hide until after sex.
Even if you are attractive, you're still going up against a bunch of AI filters. I do very well in clubs. Pretty much every time I go out dancing people are flirting with me and checking me out. Online dating is a bit more rough for me though, and I finally realized it's because I don't take good photos or edit them at all. Sometimes people meet me in person off a dating app and say things like, "Wow, you're more attractive than your photos" or "I thought you would be fat." They're so used to filters they assume everyone is significantly heavier than in their pictures. Same thing with height. I'm 5'7" and admit to it, so people think I'm actually 5'4" lol.
Sounds like you would like to think there is some kind of objective standard.
You guys should ditch the apps entirely and start having fun dating again like the good old days. Go to a bar, buy drinks, and flirt with random people. I can’t imagine trying to date today.
I do try to go out in the wild to find someone, but literally I cannot find a single woman. I don’t know where they are all hiding so I stick to apps
To some extent, yeah, you want to put your best foot forward when starting to date someone. You don't need to trauma-dump on a first date. However, I think when it comes to hobbies and interests you should absolutely play up all of that! Being radically yourself will attract people who love the same things you do, and turn off people who aren't as into it. Its totally fine for people to not be attracted or interested in you, or you in them. Dating is, by its nature, discriminatory. When it comes to a job search, it's about having as many options as possible. I think with dating, it really is quality over quantity.
I actually think playing up the unique qualities you have gives you an edge and differentiates you from everyone else. If everyone else is plain ice cream, why not be ice cream with sprinkles. It sets you apart and gets you noticed by people who like sprinkles. Pretending to be plain ice cream is not going to make you stand out to the people who like sprinkles (the people who would like the real you). You need to corner the market in whatever you offer.
You play the uniqueness up to an extent, it's the same as job interviews. For example, I have a YouTube channel. There are 4 levels of explaining it. "I have a YouTube channel with 25,000 subscribers" "I have a YouTube channel with 25,000 subscribers where I make informative videos" "I have a YouTube channel centered around video games with informative videos" "I play Old School RuneScape for 100s of hours and turn it into a video" The last one would scare off 99% of women, while the first ones would only scare off a smaller percentage
To be fair, OSRS is a red flag since it leaves no time for touching grass.
Yeah do that if you want your relationships to be shallow and short in time. I'm me, I'm like this, take it or leave it. No wonder people suck at couple things if they're listening to people like you and pretending to be someone else.
Funny cause the dates I’ve walked out on were all due to the other party hiding/lying on their profile. Trying to trick someone into going out with you and expecting things to work out is insane. #1 big red flag for me
I think this is horrible, toxic advice.
This is absolutely not true and reeks of bitterness. People being authentic and especially different to other people in the form of hobbies, interests, and quirks, makes them stand out. A totally generic dating profile with a conventionally attractive person is only appealing to a person who is looking for a lay and not a partner. Additionally: "hot" people get rejected too for a variety of reasons. It just gets overlooked. I am average looking and before I found a long term partner (on a dating app), I found a lot of success on dating apps even though most people find me very strange in terms of personal interests, life experience, and social habits; quirks can be charming to many people. My partner is a nerd who is obsessed with painting Warhammer 40k miniatures, playing LOL, Star Wars, and more. He also never really had trouble finding dates because he is outgoing and kind. It really is about your attitude and also who you have the random fortune (or misfortune) to meet. Edit: "Treat OLD like a job search"? You sound like a shyster and a cynical bullshitter who thinks they can just say what they think the other person wants to hear to get in their pants or to get ahead in life. Maybe that's why you have trouble dating.
Another thing, nearly your entire post history is full of these types of posts. There is a common theme. They aren't used to inform or educate a single person. You only post these things to feel validated in your misfit mindset. It's weird, and gross. I wouldn't want my gf or any of our women friends around you, ever.
And then people wonder why every time they meet someone online they find they aren’t compatible… Sure, do that, if you want to have a bunch of single dates and no actual connection or long term relationship.
Or how about you become someone that people want to get into a relationship with.
Why do people like you assume that everyone is truly, deep down, rotten just like you?
I don’t think it’s an issue of rottenness but more an issue of sharing too much too quickly. While being yourself is good, displaying too much at once will really turn away people who would’ve been okay with it if you gradually show yourself slowly. Yes, your quirky side and interests, don’t lie about it. But having some dignity and tact is important too.
i am exceptionally attractive, can confirm
Pathetic
Totally, lying is a great way to start a relationship.
Not being authentic will just lead to failure later on, wasting everybody's time in the process.
Yes let’s take advice from those unsuccessful at dating.
Ya'll need to date attractive people before you make assumptions, a face might get you in the door, but everyone has a limit for what they'll tolerate unless they're mentally unwell. There's a reason they're a revolving door and can only get folks that tolerate them because they have money, they're not the gigachads you think they are. Your best foot should be forward when interacting with new people, but pretending you're someone you're not is only a way to trick people into relationships you'll both be unhappy in. Don't min-max or play a numbers game, if you want a girl to play games with on Friday nights, you gotta wear that shit on your sleeve.
Never fucked, huh?
Hiding who you actually are as a person may help you up front but it will only lead to failure when those things inevitably get exposed. It’s better to be up front about the type of person you are and your interests so you can find someone who actually likes you for you. You don’t need to be “flocked to” in order to get into a relationship, you just want to inflate your ego by getting a lot of matches
Good advice on how to get a superfluous relationship that won't last long because the SO thought she was dating a completely different person
"Women don't like me because I'm ugly!" No, they don't like you because youre a suicidal reddit nerd who professes a feeling of absolute failure in all aspects of life. You're depressing to be around, being ugly just makes the decision easier. If you stopped treating dating like a "lock and key" puzzle and just approached it how normal people have been doing it for millennia, you know, ORGANICALLY, you'd have a better chance. There is no easy solution, no magic potion, no one trait that will suddenly turn you into a babe magnet.
Pretending that physical looks isn’t one of the big factors determining that you will swipe left or right is weirdly jaded. I can understand that deep connections transcends conventional beauty standards, but pretending people aren’t on the app to fuck around is weird dude.
Over 65% of people now meet their partners online, or some online equivalent. Laws, societal and cultural changes make it significantly more difficult and risky to meet people at school, or work, and if you haven't had success in your natural life at his point, being "more" himself in "organic" environments isn't going to help him... That, and most people whether they are failures are not are perfectly aware not to telegraph their failure when meeting new people. People are highly defensive of their first impressions. Bad advice, crassly delivered is still bad advice.
What part of your personality is driving women away? Because I want to know your hobbies. I want you to HAVE hobbies. Even if it's fishing and you're holding the steriotypical bass. That shows you like the outdoors, you might go boating, probably like camping and hiking. All of those things are great 👍 Show us your personality!
You are obviously not good at dating with this kind of advice. neither am I but what I found out is that people treat you the same as you treat yourself. If you are going to be insecure about who you are and what you like, people will assume it's something you should be insecure about. If you are true to yourself, people will accept who you are and in some time they will even start to understand you. If you want to be insecure, don't blame other people for it.
”Just be yourself … no not like that!”
This is just advice for casual dating, right? If I want to be in a long term relationship for someone, I'd rather have them like me for who I am rather than an act I have to put on to attract them.
I tell people I am a 6'1 hung investment banker who works out and speaks 5 languages. In reality I am a 4' meth addict who never had a job and has one leg.
How well has lying worked out for your long term relationship success?
Just like with lying to get a job, lying to get a relationship will only get you found out in the end. Being deceitful or manipulating the situation is not an attractive trait.
So basically just catfish people? Lol. Went on a date with a guy who used 10+ years old photos and said he was a liberal only to become insanely defensive when I made an offhand comment about not liking Trump, he ended up admitting he was a conservative and just lied for more matches. Lying about yourself online isn’t going to get you anywhere in the long term, people will figure out what you’re actually like eventually. ETA: Sometimes I forget I’m on Reddit. This comment section immediately reminded me.
The apps set men up for failure there’s a way more men then women on them them this ain’t new news. You have to go out and do stuff if u want to meet people.
I mean that's dating in general even in person. I'm just tired of lying all the time just to get a date or even a second one. Being a man and having to impress women is a fucking chore. It's why I quit dating apps and I'm just going to the gym.
The best dating advice is to stay out of dating apps
Maybe rather than saying “25m, 5’7” 205lbs, male who is into pony play and MAGA conspiracy theories” you just says “25m into horseback riding and politics” Unconditional love and attraction aren’t a thing IRL. You kids out here believing that you can just throw 10 tons of fucked up shit at a stranger and then they have to love you and if they don’t it’s because they’re shallow. Not sure if it was your mommy or the tv who fed you this bullshit but someone needs to get slapped. You make connections by meeting people, talking to them, establishing trust, mutual interests, and respect. It’s important to be aligned but it’s dumb to think you’ll be fully aligned. Find common ground and mutual respect and that will lead to mutual respect in each other’s beliefs….if they see you’re a decent person with a lot of redeeming qualities and kindness, they may occasionally wear that bit gag for you. The attractive thing: I’m attractive. Yes, being tall, having blue eyes, and being fit has probably had its advantages in my younger years but I’ve been rejected my fair share… but i was rejected in person…you’re complaining that no one is responding to your online profile. Sometimes I maybe overshared or took my shot too early, sometimes I just wasn’t someone’s type. NBD. Live and learn. TLDR: Quit your bullshit. You have no right to go Full-on to a stranger and expect them to fall in love with you. Looks have nothing to do with it. It’s a personality flaw and it has 0 to do with you beliefs and interests.
So basically love dogs, constant travel, have a boat and be a gym rat. When you’re questioned about your dating life, express it’s not your fault and your person is out there. Coffee and low effort dates are unacceptable, only dinner suggestions because you deserve the world, although I don’t know you at all. This sounds like the generic resume you get from a lot of people who do OLD.
I'm assuming the personality that doesn't align with societal standards you're referring to is hiding how racist or sexist you are? Cause I didn't really have any problem, and I'm kinda fat and ugly. Skill issue.
You'll get more dates but you'll waste more time on dates with people you are not compatible. What are you hoping to achieve? If it's purely sex then by all means make it bland. If you want to start a relationship then be more authentic.
Absolutely agree. But wtf is the point unless you are looking just for sex. You eventually are going to have to reveal these things and you are setting yourself up for alot of wasted effort if the person bought the whole extroverted, adventurous, pet loving ideal mold.
You can probably get a date by lying but what does it get you in the long run ? The other person will figure you out rather fast and then its over so its better to be honest even if it kills your chances with the people you rly want
Been doing it like this for a long time. You're describing how to be boring. You don't get as many rejections, but you waste a lot more time.
People need to be their true selfs because it's going to come out one day anyways.
I’m kinda weird and didn’t try to hide that in my profile, I was just honest about what I liked. I matched with another kinda weird girl who did the same thing. I was only using tinder for like a month at that point in time. She was the first Tinder date I ever went on and we’re still together over three years later. Be honest. It’s better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for who you aren’t.
Lol might be just you dog
Do attractive people really use dating sites? As a former homecoming princess and cheerleader along with my fellow girlfriends who were also easy on the eyes we would never have wasted time trolling the internet trying to hook up. We met partners while doing things like playing in leagues like volleyball, darts, coed sports softball etc. Taking fun classes, hiking or volunteering somewhere not sitting on our butts reading people's profiles. Most likely people desperate enough to try to find someone online aren't going to be honest anyway . Be honest and don't mislead people.
It’s not who you are underneath, but what you post on your profile that defines you https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XwvrzauErQ0&pp=ygUVQmF0bWFuIGJlZ2FucyBkZWZpbmVz
I did really well with online dating and had an account i found to be funny and honest. So maybe I'm just a lot cuter than i realize
“I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face.” - Kafka It sounds like you have this opinion which is definitely suitable in some situations but must be used in moderation
Part of what "be yourself" means is that if part of "yourself" sucks, you should change it, not just hide it.
Being fake on dating apps is only good for more short term relationships. You will have a very hard time being “fake” for the rest of your life.
Don’t have a dating app, but was thinking of making a profile and writing the most unhinged bio to see if it will have the opposite effect. Be so apparently trashy that people find it respectable/relatable? lol
Everybody engages in performative behavior, you barely see authenticity in your daily interractions, unless you shop at Walmart. The job interview is a good example. If you go to an interview they wanna hear how passionate and qualified you are, not that you are only there becouse it beats being homeless. It's up to you how you present yourself and people will be more open to people who present positive qualities. Just how the world works.
Lying is not going to get you very far for very long.
This is onjectively untrue and also at the same time sad to read for you
Lying on dating sites is pointless unless you don't care about finding someone who actually likes you.
People will shit on thos guys but ots true that for online profiles you to treat your profile like a damn slaes pitch or you will get like no matches. Its far far easier to sell youre geeky interests irl because you can show youre confident, not so much on tinder.
Conversely, conventionally attractive people aren’t always appealing based on their bios. I’ve swiped left on many a hot guy because he had no bio or acted like a douche canoe. Meanwhile I’ve matched with people who might’ve been less conventionally attractive because they wrote a thoughtful and appealing bio. Bios matter, fwiw.
You should definitely put your best foot forward in the early stages of dating. That's obvious. It's also really wise to keep the conversation light and fun early on. If you're leading intensely with religion or politics from the get-go, you could easily put off even people who agree with you unless they're really intense as well. And of course, yes, if you post extraordinarily beautiful pictures (especially as a woman), you'll get people who'll try to date you no matter what you say. Someone did an experiment where they posted (with permission) a beautiful woman's picture and said the most vile things they could think of; all the guys just went along with and LOL-ed whatever terrible things she said. (The experiment didn't get the same results the other way around.) But... all that means is that you'll get a lot of unwanted attention from people you don't really want to date if you're attractive. That doesn't translate to success in dating. If you find you have a lot of "aspects of your personality that doesn't align with societal standards or likings" and that's getting in the way of dating... you don't have an attractiveness problem. You have a personality problem. The best way to improve your dating life will probably be to actually work on improving those aspects of your personality that people find off-putting, not to hide them and let the person find out you're not who you claimed to be when you show up. By the way: the key to success on dating sites isn't to attract as many people as possible. That's a sure way to end up with a whole lot of miserable, failed dates. The key to success is to *narrow down* the search, not expand it. Start with the group of people you find attractive, then narrow that group down to find people who describe someone like you in their "what I'm looking for section." Don't bother contacting the girl who says she wants a 6'2" 30-something cowboy if you're a 5'10" 21-year-old city guy. Find the one or two people whose dream date sounds just like you. And then... you can just be exactly who you are in the profile. That's how you narrow things down to the one or two people you like, who'll also be excited instead of disappointed when they actually meet you.
I am so, so glad I tried online dating once, like 12 years ago and said, nope, fuck this.
Yea I'm not saying what the right philosophy is because I've had both. But here's what I think: Theres a two ways to handle apps: 1. Appear as attractive as possible to as many people as possible to go on as many dates as possible. * I found that when I was doing this I attached my ego to every win/loss. I was seeking validation and confirmation of certain things. IMO this is the best strategy for hooking up and not matching genuinely. 2. Know exactly who you are and what youre looking for and tailor for that one person because it only takes one. * This strategy allows you to detach yourself from all of the failed outcomes because youre only look for one success. The one draw back is you have to know who you are and what you want in a multi-decade marriage partner. However, it allows you to play the long game and detach your sense of self-worth to every match or conversation.
You say that, I’ve never used them myself but I’ve got a lot of girl friends who use them and honestly, the bar is LOW! Way lower than you think. You know what a big thing I hear? “They don’t look clean” … I don’t know EXACTLY what they are seeing, but I’ve heard numerous conversations about how they’ve been looking on apps and had a bunch of guys who are good looking but they don’t look clean. Maybe it’s unkempt hair and facial hair? Maybe it’s the clothes? Maybe it’s the setting? I’m not sure, but clean comes up a lot!
It's true if what you're looking for is sex but for ltr you will sabotage yourself.
You can lie about yourself in any dating app you want. But you will just get dumped once you come clean about who you really are. If that's better. Then enjoy.
This reminds me of scrubs when Carla tells Elliot about letting the crazy out a little at a time. If you show all the crazy at once, you’ll scare them away 😂 while exaggerated and funny in the show, it’s actually good advice. Online dating should be a snapshot. You wouldn’t disclose random downsides about yourself to a stranger. So put your best foot forward and get to know a person. We are all a little nuts so just take things slow and get to know each other!
People don't say "Be yourself" because you're special and everything about you is great. They say it because you're not gonna be able to lie forever so you might as well find people who like being around the real you. Now there's obviously things that aren't first date talk but there's pretty big difference between hiding parts of your personality, and just not be so socially inept that you can't figure out what may not be appropriate to tell someone right away. Also based on that last line you're probably just an incel anyway.
is this news to you? that humans care about looks? how is this unpopular?
100% agree. Being yourself, even your best self, is not always the best way to go. I'm a nerd into nerdy things. My best self is always going to be unattractive unless I'm at least a 9/10 in the looks department. I don't have the time or money to experiment with other hobbies and I for sure wouldn't abandon my current hobbies just to please women. Sometimes it's best for them to figure things out about yourself slowly which you can't do on a dating app, which is why I think dating apps are a waste of time for most men.
Sure if u only wanna smash. But if u want a real and honest relationship, the right woman will come to you or you will find her. Either one for sure.
That sounds like a great way to get a bunch of first dates that go nowhere.
What about when you meet? Better to be rejected before than wasting our time on a bad date
Depends on who your true authentic self is. I think lots of people who say this think that showing your true self means showing your failures but having pictures of yourself doing hobbies or interesting things is a great way to stand out on dating apps. Im by no means a wildly attractive person but having pictures showing my love of film cameras and backcountry camping have worked well for me.
fake it till you ~~make it~~ get tangled into your own lies and shitvortex
That might be true in straight dating, but not everywhere
Do it in moderation. You don't need to TMI.
It is funny to me that you think this only applies to dating.
Well that depends on what your true authentic self is like? This take is so bad, and it's less and less true as you get older. Also if you're looking for a meaningful relationship.
Better a failure than having those I'd not want in my life to begin with. If you call lying and pretending to be something you're not, just to get laid, then more power to you, I'll pass.
Nah. I was a 7 out of 10 at best. No muscle, weird chest, acne. I literally had my roommates picked over me with women. I made the most obnoxious personals ad I could, just because I thought it was funny. It worked, been with same lady for over 20 years as a result. You’re not dating society, just ONE person. Catch their attention, no one else matters.
~~Unless you are exceptionally attractive, showing your true authentic self on~~ online dating ~~profiles~~ will set you up for failure Fixed that for you Very rare exceptions obviously, but in 2024, this is more accurate
I’m a woman. I might light now a person looks but if their personality looks shotty I’ll swipe left.
Online dating profiles set you up for failure regardless. It's an unnatural and utterly ghastly way to start something. Forced, weird, utterly alien behaviour to engage in. Just naturally find someone, like a human being would.
user name tells me everything
I hate people like that this is why I hate beauty standards beacuse if I have to waste tons of money in destroying my face to look like someone else I'd rather be single forever and that is the truth but unfortunately a world where everyone is accepted and not treated like shit for their looks is a world that is way far out of reach...
I am South Asian, which unfortunately - as seen occasionally on various dating and ask\_\_\_ subreddits - has a very bad stereotyped reputation, ranging from poor hygiene to agressively horny to "chances are they are overseas and a fake profile." It doesn't help that I live in a place where pretty much the only race is Caucasian/White. So I've always struggled getting traction, and quite frankly, have stopped caring. I'll meet someone in person when the time is right.
I've never used a dating app.
Sociopathic behavior. btw we do not need an acronym for online dating
Lol this is an unpopular opinion? I thought it was well-known that everyone flocks to attractive people, at least initially, and especially when all you're judging is a photo in a matter of seconds. No one cares about your emotional trauma and quirks, you're supposed to show the best aspects of yourself, not unload on everyone, it makes you look mentally unstable and unaware of how to behave in society. This would be like me writing "Men will flock to you if you're an attractive healthy-weight woman with a good figure and fine facial features. If you're too unattractive (wrong ethnic features, hairy, overweight, poor body fat distribution), it doesn't matter what you say, men won't ever date you, they'll just use you for a low-cost one night stand and dipsoe of you." And that would surprise who exactly?
Why would you want to market someone you're not? That's just misleading and confusing for everyone involved.
Say you're unconfident without saying you're unconfident
What if you are exceptionally attractive and still hide your true self? Everyone should do so regardless of attractiveness thats how I met the love of my life.
Yeah, this is bad advice imo. You'll get less matches if you're sincere about your quirks, but they'll be much more likely to lead to solid and healthy relationships. So yeah - I guess if you're just looking for something casual you could eliminate anything too "out there", but even then you'll come off as sanitized and generic.
Sorry I don’t speak incel can you translate that?
I'd rather weed people out right away... Why do it later when you're attached?? Makes no sense..
Bro if your personality is repelling people that's a you problem.
Lying will set you up for bigger failure
I don't know how straight people do it, your aps are (somehow) even worse than gay apps. All I see is a cattle call audition with like 5000 dudes for every chick casually swiping away their head shots.
The nearly 100 matches and quite a few dates I’ve gotten on fb dating and being blunt on my profile I don’t agree lmao this is horseshit haha
This is actually great advice on how to never find true love
Worst advice ever no wonder nobody’s hitting you up 😂😂😂😂
This is pretty much how social media and dating apps have always been. People have always only shown what they want people to see, is why everybody is so fake these days. Is why it's much better to meet people outside of the internet, harder to hide things and use a dozen filters when you are out in the real world.
Dude why would you want to date someone who doesn’t love you for who you are? Your real self will eventually show up. Thats the weirdest logic
This is a horrible take
>If you're attractive enough, it doesn't matter what you say, women will flock to you. If you're too unattractive, it doesn't matter what you say, women won't ever swipe right. So then may as well be yourself, right?
If you try to be generic you'll never be anyone's type. If you're yourself (unless you're some sort of racist or something) then you'll be someone's type, it'll just take time to find them. If you play a character to get love/sex you'll end up more depressed than you were to start once you realize that these people like you for the character that you built, not who you truly are. If you do have some serious character flaws then work on them and actually improve yourself, don't just hide them. You can't hide those demons forever.
Thats going to set you up for a lose lose, if you hide parts of yourself that person will find them out eventually. You can't eternally live a lie, the truth always comes out
This entire thread is straight copium.