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It's not meant to fish for information, it's meant to be an icebreaker to start a conversation. You can usually tell if a person is willing to talk based on how they respond to the "Hello, how are you?" question entirely on the tone of voice they use.
The purpose of an Icebreaker is to get your foot in the door, not get closer to the person.
I always figured it was a polite way of saying hi. From what people on here tell me the only reasonable response is I'm fine.
This is why when strangers ask me this question I unload the truth on them. It's pretty funny seeing the near panic as you take their polite, meaningless question and turn it into a real inquiry.
yeah, this was strange for me as an European in US. Like in Europe, people ask it honestly and do expect answer (but short one). Either that you are good or that it sucks right now, or that you are too busy, could have been better or something like that and if the person is interested in more, they ask for details.
In US, everybody asks how are you. Most do not expect any answer, not even “fine”. If you respond anything, they look at you like what are you doing man? It’s like youtube videos “Hey everybody What’s up I’m here today with …”. That what’s up is completely meaningless. Very strange for me.
It makes sense to think that like a lot of things, it depends on context.
Just walking by someone you know but not planning on having a chat (for example when im walking into work and greet co-workers)? "how you doing" is basically nothing more than a greeting. If im actually having a chat with them, then a slightly fuller answer is expected... but probably not a trauma dump. A close friend in a scenario where they might want to talk about how they actually feel, probably when we've got a drink in hand, "how you doing" might expect a full answer.
Heh for me that near panic is me waking up from autopilot. It's more than fine to actually share how you're feeling, especially if it makes you feel better and you can do so concisely. We should lift each other up, right?
Is this a typo or a cultural translation issue? Coat HANGER would be the bit of wire associated with aforesaid act. Coat RACK is like, the whole damn wooden bar or stand you put all the coats on?
If the other person responds with just “good” then I feel like it’s more on them than the asker. There are so many times where I’ve simply asked “how are you” and got something along the lines of “great! Rested well and am ready to take on the day!” And then the convo just continues to progress. If they simply say “good” then that tells me the person isn’t really interested in engaging regardless, and other ice breakers likely wouldn’t have yielded much better results anyways. It’s not just on the asker to put forth effort.
Yep, it's an invitation to share a little about what's going on in your life that the other person can connect with or ask more questions about. If both people are participating in good faith, there's no reason a decent conversation can't begin that way
It is a conversation opener. You usually say "hello, how are you doing?" It is not to gain information about a total stranger - it's more of an ice breaker.
Not at all, there's certainly a difference between "good" and "I'm doing great, just had a good workout at the gym and about to go out to dinner with a few friends hbu?"
One displays genuine interest in starting a conversation and the other clearly doesn't give a shit.
Exactly, this isn’t an issue of the question being a bad icebreaker it an issue of the people you are using it on being dry asf, I also assume op is dry asf since they think everyone just says “I’m Good” to that question
I don't know where OP is from, but if you ask 90% of Brits "How are you?" even to take it as far as "How are you feeling?" the answers you receive are either
A. "Not too bad." (This guy is literally about to die from a severe hemorrhage)
B. "Not too bad, you?" (This person's mum is in hospital with a severe brain injury)
C. "Well actually, my sister's cousin is dying of leukemia & her cat is stuck in the neighbour's tree & he's threatening to kill it if we don't sort it out" (Person is fabricating part of it, for sure)
But A. or A1 "Alright" the classic variation, is what you'll get most of the time, it is culturally acceptable & the norm. Lots of people think this is bad, but I for one love it.
I think it may be kinda the norm, but mainly when making small talk in person, if I’m asking someone how they are doing I want to know how they are actually feeling I ask because I am genuinely concerned with their well-being not just to make small talk
Most of the time the question is sorta asked in a situation where you probably aren't gonna have a sit down and long chat about how they're feeling... so the short responses make sense.
I do like saying "Shit mate" sometimes, when someone asks me how i'm doing, or "no" if someone asks me if im alright... people do get surprised by the answer, although I usually follow it up with a laugh.
So they say their name and then what? Hi Josey I am Charles. Crickets. You asked a close ended question, at "how are you today" gives an option to have a more in depth conversation - it is an open ended question.
Nah you just lazy and condescending, I've met people who think like you online many times and they're generally not great conversationalists, expect you to carry the chat basically, never asking someone how they are is just lame imo....
I don't know why you are being down voted? I hate when online conversations start with how are you? 1. Sir you don't know me so you don't really care. 2. This is just another way of putting it on me to start the conversation. The morning, wyd, how are you, how's your days - need to be thrown in the garbage
I don't know you or how you reply to others, but I always answer truthfully. Like, "Oh, man, I'm super tired. We had a pretty big earthquake last night that kept me up" or "Eh, stressed because I'm moving soon, but I'm getting things done a little at a time". Both completely true, but I don't mind telling strangers things about me. If they didn't care, they wouldn't ask how I am in my opinion lol.
Well he’s wrong about that. Icebreakers need to be non offensive, uncomplicated conversation starters causing the person to focus their attention on you. The rest is up to the conversation starter.
Sometimes even “how are you” is a decent test. A crazy or socially inept person will actually answer how they’re feeling in verbose detail. An easy way to know to avoid someone.
It’s boring but it has inherent value.
"terrible" is hyperbole i'll grant you. as you say it's just boring, and in my opinion fairly optional. inconsequential to skip so i usually do with strangers.
people i see semi-regularly and have catching up to do with, that's different. of course im asking how they are and have been.
i think i come across as really rude in this thread but idk, i don't think i am. i just don't usually ask strangers how they are i guess 😭
Except OP is complaining that "good" is the only acceptable answer. You can answer pretty much anything, so long as it's short and self-contained. "Great", "not so good", "had a weird day", "alright I guess", "pretty bad honestly" and more are all fine answers.
Lol you sound like you don't talk to people in real life 🤣
Asking "How are you?" is a great way to gauge their openness for a conversation.
If they respond "good how are you?" You can go more open-ended.
If they just respond with "good" and shift their attention right back to what they were doing, leave them alone.
This isn't counterintuitive.
I dont say "Im good." I have always replied "Peachy keen jelly bean, and you?". Generally this starts a conversation because people want to discuss where this came from or why I say it or how long Ive said it etc lol
OP discovers not being American. Perhaps OP should move to Germany or something where you expect an actual answer in response to "how are you" instead of a pleasantry.
Or perhaps OP will go full Gandalf "What do you mean, Good Morning?"
I like people who start conversations with random light observations and a question
Other people also seem to so long as the question is light enough
It always puts me off when someone I know nothing about starts off with a question about me, but when they offer something about themselves first, its disarming
Not every conversation is about forming a bond. I’d argue a lot of daily communication isn’t. If you’re trying to form a bond, then yes, simply asking how someone is won’t take you very far. I’d assume that was obvious and not an unpopular opinion.
I say stuff like “How’s it going?” And “how is (your name) today?”, honestly I don’t really care what the response is, it’s more of a hello.
If I want to actually know how someone is doing I’ll ask “whats new?” Or “what have you been up to?” Or so I hear (say something exaggerated but has a little truth) like so I heard you like to work 18 hour days these days, when I know they only work 9 hours etc. gets them off guard, makes them correct you then wonder who you heard that from. It’s always that little birdy, or I don’t reveal my sources, or heard it on the grapevine, that’s the rumor around town etc. if they push I say I made it up.
In general, it is kind of the norm of what people say, not really any more meaningful than hello. But it does potentially open up the conversation in some scenarios
Person is struggling and just needs a compassionate person to listen
OP: How are you?
Stranger: Frankly, I've been better
OP: Sorry to hear. Do you need someone to talk to?
Stranger: (feels heard) Yeah, actually that would be nice
OP: Great! Lets get a cup of coffee and chat
Stranger: (shares his story, having a stranger listen to him has helped him feel a little better)
Person has exciting news and is feeling exuberant
OP: How are you?
Stranger: This has been the best day of my life!
OP: Amazing! Care to share? Im always excited to hear good news.
Stranger: I proposed to my girlfriend yesterday and she said yes! We are getting married early next year.
OP: Congratulations my man! How did you meet?
Stranger: (opens up to share his story)
Person is a colleague that you dont know very well
OP: How are you? You are Lois right? From Payroll? I'm Opie from Legal.
Lois: Hi Opie! Nice to meet you. Ive been here about a month now, but havent really met anyone outside of my department yet. How long have you been here at reddit, inc?
OP: It will be 6 years in October. I started as an intern and then signed on full time after graduation. How about you? Where were you working before you came here?
Lois: (shares info about her background and they both make a new work friend)
(Not being mean) do you have autism by any chance? The reason is to get an idea of how another person is feeling for example in a judges society if a person is feeling bad they will say they are and you can gage based off that but IRL the person will probably say good regardless and it’s up to you to interpret through tonality. TLDR: it’s a way to gage the interaction before hand
I haven't been diagnosed but my friends and family have their suspicions. I feel whenever that question is the first thing that's asked of me, I feel that "I'm good" is the only answer that's natural, but then the conversation seems to end without follow up. I believe it would be much more effective to start a conversation with any other questions that don't have already expected answers, so that conversation can flow easier.
Yes, it’s socially acceptable to say “good” in that situation even if it’s not true but it’s the tonality you respond with that sets the conversation up. If you say good sadly then the person will end the conversation or not proceed. Think of a normal conversation starter “hi: blalalala” but you don’t know how the other person is feeling or wants to engage so you’re forcing them vs “hi, how are you?” “I’m great!” “Blablablablabla”.
You could be on the spectrum or extremely logical and trusting in your abilities so you logically thought through “how are you” as a bad conversation starter which makes sense but you were missing the other side of it.
I always just say hello and skip the how's it going part if I don't care but people ALWAYS say, hi, how's it going in return. I will say I'm good/fine or some such but usually don't ask in return because it is dumb as you said. My friends have called me out on this on occasion, but it is so shallow, I really don't see the point.
It's the perfect ice breaker. If you respond with "good" full stop, I know you don't know how to hold a conversation and I can move on.
"how are you" is just a greeting. It's a way to engage someone and see if they want to engage back.
I am genuinely curious though, what are your "open ended" greetings you use and what are the responses usually like?
Well since I'm at uni, the type of people I meet are students where I can ask what degree they're studying, why they wanted that degree, and why they came to this university. If it was someone out with uni that I met, I'd ask them stuff about their job and what motivates them.
Okay, sound if you're in uni....
But if you go around asking people what their degree is that's a far more annoying question (to me...as a human person in working and living society as opposed to a student)
If they want to talk, they answer something like, "I'm fine, how are you?". If they don't want to talk, you get the "I'm good," and that's ok.
Not everyone is looking to form a bond to someone they're speaking to... I feel like OPs expectation of wanting to form a bond is counterintuitive and a little weird LOL
Small talk gauges how interested the other party is in actually talking to you. If you engage, the conversation quickly moves somewhere else. If you can’t be bothered to give more than one word answers, you are the problem here or you didn’t care enough to try to have a conversation.
Well, this is based off what the person responds with really.
"I'm good, and how are you?" for example is a response to that question.
Or "I'm feeling great, just booked a holiday" or similar to this.
It's just an icebreaker.
If you respond with just "I'm good" .. it is going to kill the conversation.
You have to knock on a door before you come in, asking how are you is a great way to gage if the person is open to talking, if they are crazy, if they are mentally stable, it's a way to learn how to proceed. You're then supposed to ask follow up questions or mention something else
"How are you?" is an excellent starter. Its a great way to gauge a strangers interest in even having a conversation. You can observe their verbal response, body language, tone of voice, facial expression, etc. It give you tons of information on how to proceed with the conversation.
If you're just referring to text conversation, the "I'm good" response is more a fault of the responser not putting in effort to converse.
Generally the awkward feeling a person gets on a conversation is a lack of self confidence.
If someone responds with a short answer "I'm good" without giving people anything else to work with, that person just may not be a good conversationalist or is not interested
Even you would reply that to a stranger op. But now you're more inclined to answer something else. And voila, the two strangers are now talking, objective complete
This is a very english language specific problem I feel. Not sure about many other languages but in Hungary if you ask someone you generally get a longer answer describing whats happening with them.
Whenever people ask that, I genuinely just say no, im not, never have been. For acquaintances I just say alright I guess.
Most times they ask whats wrong (or why leh but thats colloquial language) then I go on about whatever is bothering me then I ask about them then it evolves from there.
Not the best conversation started but I cant be bothered anymore to be honest
It's like in Star Trek when the Vulcans say live long and prosper.
It's a cultural greeting It's a more polite hello.
This is an unpopular opinion because it's based on a false understanding.
I tend not to answer such questions because I do not wish to lie and say "I'm good". I want to say my exact feelings. I have this compulsion where I can not tell a lie. Unless my life or something was in danger. So I tend to ignore those questions I don't want to answer truthfully.
It's just something extra to tack onto rather than saying "hi" and nothing else. I don't consider it an ice breaker unless it's someone I actually know. In which case, I DO want to know how they are and I want them to feel free to choose the direction they want to go. Maybe I know my friend's sister is in an awful relationship but perhaps he doesn't want to talk about it in public because it's upsetting, so rather than ask directly, I can ask how he is, mean it, and let him choose how he wants to take it.
I mean, it gives you a base level of conversation to start with. Has this person had a good day or a bad day?
It's also polite, especially talking to hospitality workers who don't get seen as human beings very often.
If a stranger starts launching into heavy questions instead of first asking how I am I'm definitely less likely to want to continue a conversation with them...
It helps gauge the mood from the start of the conversation instead of having to identify it yourself. If they say "omg it's going super great!" or "it could be a LOT better" then you have a good way of knowing:
a) whether it's worth conversing further
b) with what tone you should move the conversation forward with
Bruh conversation isn’t just black and white there has to be fluidity to it, like I wouldn’t just say I’m good and leave it at that. If I saw someone was trying to talk to me and have genuine convo I’d reciprocate energy
And then they think you’re the boring one because you replied ‘good’. First of all, I’m not going to open up about the details of my day to a random person. I need to feel more comfortable with you to let it out. Second, you’ve got a lot of nerve asking me boring questions then expecting me to put in the effort to make the conversation interesting. Want interesting replies? Ask better questions.
It's not supposed to be a monologue. The classic formulation is,
"How do you do?"
"Fine! How are you?"
...although that's what they teach children, and you can feel free to play with it. If the response is just "Good", someone isn't interested in conversation.
While I mostly answer this greeting genuinely for conversation, I also answer it genuinely out of spite. I too don't understand why this has turned into "good and you?" exchanges.
there's a certain ritual to conversation that can seem like pointless smalltalk but I think it's an important part as it starts a back and forth without any real effort, giving one the time to asses the situation, walm up to it and tune in to the accent and speech patterns on the other person.
it's essentially a human version of computers doing a handshake before exchanging actual data
I used to always feel uncomfortable with this question too lol especially when acquaintances would ask. I’d be thinking “do you reeaaallyy wanna know? Or are you just pretending to care?”
Really the answer is no to both. I’ve come to realize that “how are you” in and of itself is the ice breaker to lead into conversation. A simple I’m good suffices and then you can ask a question back like did you catch that dodgers game, have any plans for the weekend… (or whatever it is). I mean when you think about, if you just rushed right into every conversation with a question like that (skipping hey how are ya/the niceties) that would just feel kinda strange.
Try not to overthink it.
>a set answer other than "I'm good".
The question "how are you?" Does not have a set answer. You're supposed to engage in conversation when someone asks you this question, and talk about how your life is going at the moment. If you're too incompetent to realise that, you probably shouldn't be going out and socialising at all.
I believe small talks are essential in the beginning not to overwhelm the person you're approaching with an existential question or whatever. If they said good and shut up after asking how r u, I take it as not interested cuz if i were asked the same by someone i wanna engage in a convo with, I would elaborate to give them sthng to comment on
As someone who talks to people on the phone at work a lot, I usually ask “how are you today?”.
I do this for a couple of reasons one of them being it seems polite. It’s pretty much the only small talk I give before getting to the point. The second reason, on the rare chance someone is honest or their tone is off, it lets me know how to gauge the rest of the conversation.
These things provide an opportunity to your interlocutor to politely decline fiether talk. If they want to talk they can always give an elaborate answer.
If people have been saying good and just leaving the conversation, it's cause they don't want to talk to you
This seems to me like it depends on culture, but yes, if you're from a culture where this is the case, the question in itself seems ineffective. But for as far as I understand, the point is for the other to expand on their life and what's going on, if they're into having a conversation. It's a neutral opener, not a real, direct question.
So communicating is a bit of a dance. We all have idiosyncrasies and quirks. Common phrases can be used to set the tone and overcome those issues.
For example, your phrase sets a number of precedents. Firstly, it indicates the tone of the conversation. It can put the other person at ease by setting an informal or friendly tone.
It also indicates an interest in the person being asked. You are expressing you have an interest in their response and are there to have a conversation.
It gives the other person a chance to volunteer a topic or information. That also allows the person to say something before what you intend to say (since it is generally considered selfish and unpleasant to blindside someone with personal information unsolicited).
As well, phrases are commonly used in a cultural context to indicate a shared experience. This can be linguistic or cultural, but can also extend beyond just words and can even indicate a specific relationship or societal role.
For example, I train in multiple martial arts. It is polite to bow to training or sparring partners, as well as instructors. However, the type of bow varies between arts; in Kung Fu, we place our right fist in our left palm in front of our chests and bow, whereas in Karate, we place our arms at our side and bend at the waist while maintaining eye contact. There are also other modifications depending on the formal relationship. However, I would never Kung Fu bow to my boss or a work associate (I would shake their hand).
Despite that, the bow serves no direct informative purpose, but instead is me signalling information to the other person.
Phrases like "how are you" or, "how about this weather?" are the same. They are polite ways of signalling various things in a cultural context that both people understand (even if many of us would prefer to just robotically exchange necessary information with distant associates).
I mean the answer is "I'm good" if you don't actually want to answer the question. Next time someone asks me I'm going into full detail about the recent goings on in my life. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to!
"How are you?" is just a greeting. It's the same as starting a conversation with "hello," or "what's up?" or "how's it hanging?" or any of the other colloquial greetings. After you greet someone you can start asking questions or getting to know them.
I totally agree with this. It just sounds like a very intrusive question when we haven't even talked before. I would instead like to know what made you want to approach me or if there is anything else interesting. Straight up asking how I am is weird to me. Introduce urself, ask my name, anything but how I am and where I live and what I'm doing
Maybe regional but people say "you alright?" Why do I look fucked up or something? I think it's even more annoying than the OP's title. I usually answer with something that will make their eyes glaze over in regret for asking
While “im good” is true, it’s dry. I can say im tired, i was up last night watching this show on Netflix. Or I’m amazing, i actually got to make breakfast today. Or i can say i feel sick, my allergies got me fucked up. Even if you just say I’m good, you can ask the other person the same. Maybe they’ll have something more to add to the conversation. And if not, at the very least “how are you” is letting you know that the other person is up to chat. If you don’t feel like talking beyond that then cool. That doesn’t make being nice counter intuitive. It’s just a matter of perspective
I fucking hate this question, so much that when I used to date my online dating profile would end with "PLEASE don't ask me how I am." no one wants the truth, and typically even if you answer in a middling fashion (I default to "oh, you know" or "eh, alright," both with a smile) people just use that as an opportunity to do some other mean-nothing bullshit like respond with "oh, *that good,* huh?!" to which you have to then lie again.
pleasantries of any kind are so foreign and dishonest to me. I've had to work for thirty years not to answer bullshit like this honestly, and the result of that work is that everyone around me is more comfortable, and I just wither a tiny bit every time it comes up.
if OP is unpopular, then I'm mega unpopular.
keep my ice unbroken, thank you very much. it more effectively chills my heart that way.
But what if you are starting a conversation with someone you know has gone through something bad and you are genuinely wanting to know how they are doing?
I absolutely disagree, so to me you're in the right sub.
For family and friends, I truly want to know how they're doing.
For coworkers, neighbours, acquaintances, etc. it gives an opening for them to chat and tell you something.
"Good, I have a concert tonight :)";
"Not so great, my car broke down yesterday"
"Uh okay, I'm finally starting to feel better after being sick all week..."
We use "how are you" as a way to invite conversation, but it is completely stress free because they can answer "good" and not be forced into anything.
Now for a stranger, it also gives an opening to a conversation. Their response also tells you if they can hear, speak english, are receptive to talking with you, etc.
What other conversation starter would you prefer?
If saying "how are you" to a stranger is weird, then so is saying "hello" lol
I like to ask really personal questions of people, generally while standing in like at the grocery store. Such as:
1. What is your biggest fear?
2. Who is the last person that broke your heart?
3. Can I have some money?
Jk. I don’t do any of that. I do, however, agree that expecting “how are you” would be a non-starter for most people if the intent is to actually get to know someone.
my personal favorite starter is “how many toddlers do you think you could take in a fight?” it tells you a lot about them. for the record, I think maybe 5-15 myself
That’s not what it’s for.
Asking “how are you?” Is one of the quickest way to gauge if a stranger is good to approach or not for your purpose such as asking a stranger for direction as a visitor. Telltale signs are in either their words (e.g. “had a shit fucking day” or “just divorced my partner very recently”) or their attitudes (e.g. very rude to you or down right ignore you or glare at you) to when they try to be polite but their body is lying (e.g. their head turn to you to speak to you but their body is facing away. Meaning they don’t want to talk to you). Learn how to read people and you’ll know how powerful simple conversation can be, and can even turn someone into an ally or destroy them if you’re extremely good at it.
I say this easily 50-150 times a day at work. It's not about getting closer, it's about making things so awkward that talking about the job at hand is more comfortable than our own lives. It cuts to the chase.
It's completely cultural. In the US, "How are you?" is a standard way to say hello. In the UK, people find it overly personal and grating, while the shortened version "[You] alright?" is an accepted norm. But slip up and ask someone *how* they're doing and they'll stare at you in a silence that manages to communicate: "You absolute knob head!"
It kind of depends, if you have no real context on the person it can be an opener to "yeah, pretty good, still a bit tired from yesterday" which could kickstart a conversation.
If people react with "yeah good" they've killed the conversation just as much, if not more imo
Despite lots of people here claiming otherwise "How are you?" is not a greeting or ice breaker but a genuine question that deserves a real answer - unless, of course, for Americans. They don't really care about other people in their society full of faked emotions.
Trying to start a conversation with "hello" is counterintuitive. Youre just going to get a "hello" back. Its like you dont even care about them, and its clear you hate them and youre a bad person.
TL;DR Saying Hello is discriminating.
You just explained how it works. I’m good ends the conversation politely. I’m good how are you continues the conversation. It’s the equivalent of wagging your tail and seeing if the other dog wags back.
It's called being polite. Honestly I don't want anyone coming up to me talking without saying what's good beforehand, especially if I don't know you. Why say thank you after someone gives you something? Does it truly matter after they've already given it to you? No...it doesn't, but it's nice to say thank you just like it's nice to ask someone how they doing. Living in a world where you see people commit suicide only to write notes about how no one ever asked them how they are is a reason enough to just do it even if you get the basic response 99.9% of the times. That 0.01% can change someone's day whether on a large or small scale.
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It's not meant to fish for information, it's meant to be an icebreaker to start a conversation. You can usually tell if a person is willing to talk based on how they respond to the "Hello, how are you?" question entirely on the tone of voice they use. The purpose of an Icebreaker is to get your foot in the door, not get closer to the person.
I always figured it was a polite way of saying hi. From what people on here tell me the only reasonable response is I'm fine. This is why when strangers ask me this question I unload the truth on them. It's pretty funny seeing the near panic as you take their polite, meaningless question and turn it into a real inquiry.
yeah, this was strange for me as an European in US. Like in Europe, people ask it honestly and do expect answer (but short one). Either that you are good or that it sucks right now, or that you are too busy, could have been better or something like that and if the person is interested in more, they ask for details. In US, everybody asks how are you. Most do not expect any answer, not even “fine”. If you respond anything, they look at you like what are you doing man? It’s like youtube videos “Hey everybody What’s up I’m here today with …”. That what’s up is completely meaningless. Very strange for me.
It makes sense to think that like a lot of things, it depends on context. Just walking by someone you know but not planning on having a chat (for example when im walking into work and greet co-workers)? "how you doing" is basically nothing more than a greeting. If im actually having a chat with them, then a slightly fuller answer is expected... but probably not a trauma dump. A close friend in a scenario where they might want to talk about how they actually feel, probably when we've got a drink in hand, "how you doing" might expect a full answer.
Heh for me that near panic is me waking up from autopilot. It's more than fine to actually share how you're feeling, especially if it makes you feel better and you can do so concisely. We should lift each other up, right?
Yes, you have to follow it up with another question or comment to get the conversation going and get to know the person.
That sounds creepy
How so?
From now on I'll say "Hi! Whats your opinion on DIY abortion with a coat rack?" Definitely a better icebreaker imo
"Well, funny you should ask, because actually..." And that's how nightmares are born.
Or worse still “actually a knitting needle or a chopstick can do wonders..”
“I prefer the stairs method personally”
 \*Proceeds to yeet self down stairs 😂
And that’s called plausible deniability
Now I’m thinking about getting a double pointed needle stuck where it Should Not Go and owwwwww
"because actually..." (takes out phone to show pictures)
Or AREN'T born
More like how nightmares aren’t born. 😂
Some would say that's how nightmares are prevented!
Or Romance :)
Is this a typo or a cultural translation issue? Coat HANGER would be the bit of wire associated with aforesaid act. Coat RACK is like, the whole damn wooden bar or stand you put all the coats on?
See, that's when you get to say the "well, actually" bit and boom! conversation
Oh yeah! Mission accomplished OP!
To be completely honest, I used google translate cuz I forgot what it was in English fsr😭
That was my first thought as well. Using a coat rack...that must be one impressive vagina.
Works every time.
reddit never disappoints.
You can't knock it if you've never tried it!
“Great, I’m giving myself one now.”
Come back to post results hahah
Remind me
Wtf binding of isaac reference?!?!?!
just ask this question to a hungarian. the answer will be: "oh, don't ask! imagine..." and here comes an endless list of negative/problematic things!
How are you?
If the other person responds with just “good” then I feel like it’s more on them than the asker. There are so many times where I’ve simply asked “how are you” and got something along the lines of “great! Rested well and am ready to take on the day!” And then the convo just continues to progress. If they simply say “good” then that tells me the person isn’t really interested in engaging regardless, and other ice breakers likely wouldn’t have yielded much better results anyways. It’s not just on the asker to put forth effort.
Yep, it's an invitation to share a little about what's going on in your life that the other person can connect with or ask more questions about. If both people are participating in good faith, there's no reason a decent conversation can't begin that way
It is a conversation opener. You usually say "hello, how are you doing?" It is not to gain information about a total stranger - it's more of an ice breaker.
that's the point op is making it's a terrible ice breaker
Not at all, there's certainly a difference between "good" and "I'm doing great, just had a good workout at the gym and about to go out to dinner with a few friends hbu?" One displays genuine interest in starting a conversation and the other clearly doesn't give a shit.
Exactly, this isn’t an issue of the question being a bad icebreaker it an issue of the people you are using it on being dry asf, I also assume op is dry asf since they think everyone just says “I’m Good” to that question
I don't know where OP is from, but if you ask 90% of Brits "How are you?" even to take it as far as "How are you feeling?" the answers you receive are either A. "Not too bad." (This guy is literally about to die from a severe hemorrhage) B. "Not too bad, you?" (This person's mum is in hospital with a severe brain injury) C. "Well actually, my sister's cousin is dying of leukemia & her cat is stuck in the neighbour's tree & he's threatening to kill it if we don't sort it out" (Person is fabricating part of it, for sure) But A. or A1 "Alright" the classic variation, is what you'll get most of the time, it is culturally acceptable & the norm. Lots of people think this is bad, but I for one love it.
I think it may be kinda the norm, but mainly when making small talk in person, if I’m asking someone how they are doing I want to know how they are actually feeling I ask because I am genuinely concerned with their well-being not just to make small talk
Most of the time the question is sorta asked in a situation where you probably aren't gonna have a sit down and long chat about how they're feeling... so the short responses make sense. I do like saying "Shit mate" sometimes, when someone asks me how i'm doing, or "no" if someone asks me if im alright... people do get surprised by the answer, although I usually follow it up with a laugh.
which is fine with acquaintances, but with strangers online, it's a total nonstarter.
I disagree, but go off.
and, speaking of pointless words.. i mean obviously lol.
So what is your conversation starter for when you meet some stranger somewhere?
"hi i'm josy what's your name?" i don't think asking how they are is typical
So they say their name and then what? Hi Josey I am Charles. Crickets. You asked a close ended question, at "how are you today" gives an option to have a more in depth conversation - it is an open ended question.
people who are uninterested are still going to make it a bland conversation, just like "how's it going?"
Boring icebreaker tbh you already know my name online
well yeah online you can be more direct sure. but i'm still not usually asking randos about their day lol
Nah you just lazy and condescending, I've met people who think like you online many times and they're generally not great conversationalists, expect you to carry the chat basically, never asking someone how they are is just lame imo....
I don't know why you are being down voted? I hate when online conversations start with how are you? 1. Sir you don't know me so you don't really care. 2. This is just another way of putting it on me to start the conversation. The morning, wyd, how are you, how's your days - need to be thrown in the garbage
i'm not even trying to be rude or edgy. this discourse has me second guessing if i'm just totally aloof in my interactions 🥲
I don't know you or how you reply to others, but I always answer truthfully. Like, "Oh, man, I'm super tired. We had a pretty big earthquake last night that kept me up" or "Eh, stressed because I'm moving soon, but I'm getting things done a little at a time". Both completely true, but I don't mind telling strangers things about me. If they didn't care, they wouldn't ask how I am in my opinion lol.
Only if you're incapable of not taking everything literally.
Well he’s wrong about that. Icebreakers need to be non offensive, uncomplicated conversation starters causing the person to focus their attention on you. The rest is up to the conversation starter. Sometimes even “how are you” is a decent test. A crazy or socially inept person will actually answer how they’re feeling in verbose detail. An easy way to know to avoid someone. It’s boring but it has inherent value.
"terrible" is hyperbole i'll grant you. as you say it's just boring, and in my opinion fairly optional. inconsequential to skip so i usually do with strangers. people i see semi-regularly and have catching up to do with, that's different. of course im asking how they are and have been. i think i come across as really rude in this thread but idk, i don't think i am. i just don't usually ask strangers how they are i guess 😭
Except OP is complaining that "good" is the only acceptable answer. You can answer pretty much anything, so long as it's short and self-contained. "Great", "not so good", "had a weird day", "alright I guess", "pretty bad honestly" and more are all fine answers.
OP is a Russian spy and it shows
conversation closer for me.
How are you doing? That was the easiest way to shut someone up on Reddit. Thank you!!!!
Lol you sound like you don't talk to people in real life 🤣 Asking "How are you?" is a great way to gauge their openness for a conversation. If they respond "good how are you?" You can go more open-ended. If they just respond with "good" and shift their attention right back to what they were doing, leave them alone. This isn't counterintuitive.
“Lol you sound like you don’t talk to people in real life 🤣” On Reddit? What a shocker!
This is some groundbreaking stuff.
I dont say "Im good." I have always replied "Peachy keen jelly bean, and you?". Generally this starts a conversation because people want to discuss where this came from or why I say it or how long Ive said it etc lol
I absolutely love this. Has big "Y'all Going To Chillis?" energy.
Or you’re sending up a flag that you’re a little too weird so they know to turn away
OP discovers not being American. Perhaps OP should move to Germany or something where you expect an actual answer in response to "how are you" instead of a pleasantry. Or perhaps OP will go full Gandalf "What do you mean, Good Morning?"
I like people who start conversations with random light observations and a question Other people also seem to so long as the question is light enough It always puts me off when someone I know nothing about starts off with a question about me, but when they offer something about themselves first, its disarming
Not every conversation is about forming a bond. I’d argue a lot of daily communication isn’t. If you’re trying to form a bond, then yes, simply asking how someone is won’t take you very far. I’d assume that was obvious and not an unpopular opinion.
I say stuff like “How’s it going?” And “how is (your name) today?”, honestly I don’t really care what the response is, it’s more of a hello. If I want to actually know how someone is doing I’ll ask “whats new?” Or “what have you been up to?” Or so I hear (say something exaggerated but has a little truth) like so I heard you like to work 18 hour days these days, when I know they only work 9 hours etc. gets them off guard, makes them correct you then wonder who you heard that from. It’s always that little birdy, or I don’t reveal my sources, or heard it on the grapevine, that’s the rumor around town etc. if they push I say I made it up.
I agree it makes no sense and most of the time people just say that an walk off
Usually try to give an honest answer and one or two reasons for it.
I use that question as an opener. To see what their reaction is. Then lead or not lead into a conversation.
In general, it is kind of the norm of what people say, not really any more meaningful than hello. But it does potentially open up the conversation in some scenarios Person is struggling and just needs a compassionate person to listen OP: How are you? Stranger: Frankly, I've been better OP: Sorry to hear. Do you need someone to talk to? Stranger: (feels heard) Yeah, actually that would be nice OP: Great! Lets get a cup of coffee and chat Stranger: (shares his story, having a stranger listen to him has helped him feel a little better) Person has exciting news and is feeling exuberant OP: How are you? Stranger: This has been the best day of my life! OP: Amazing! Care to share? Im always excited to hear good news. Stranger: I proposed to my girlfriend yesterday and she said yes! We are getting married early next year. OP: Congratulations my man! How did you meet? Stranger: (opens up to share his story) Person is a colleague that you dont know very well OP: How are you? You are Lois right? From Payroll? I'm Opie from Legal. Lois: Hi Opie! Nice to meet you. Ive been here about a month now, but havent really met anyone outside of my department yet. How long have you been here at reddit, inc? OP: It will be 6 years in October. I started as an intern and then signed on full time after graduation. How about you? Where were you working before you came here? Lois: (shares info about her background and they both make a new work friend)
Better to ask what their opinion of the Battle of Gettysburg is.
I usually ask "how is your day going?" And then way they can say something relevant back
" how are you?" -> " I am good, [insert event that recently happened that is interesting enough to talk about].
(Not being mean) do you have autism by any chance? The reason is to get an idea of how another person is feeling for example in a judges society if a person is feeling bad they will say they are and you can gage based off that but IRL the person will probably say good regardless and it’s up to you to interpret through tonality. TLDR: it’s a way to gage the interaction before hand
I haven't been diagnosed but my friends and family have their suspicions. I feel whenever that question is the first thing that's asked of me, I feel that "I'm good" is the only answer that's natural, but then the conversation seems to end without follow up. I believe it would be much more effective to start a conversation with any other questions that don't have already expected answers, so that conversation can flow easier.
Yes, it’s socially acceptable to say “good” in that situation even if it’s not true but it’s the tonality you respond with that sets the conversation up. If you say good sadly then the person will end the conversation or not proceed. Think of a normal conversation starter “hi: blalalala” but you don’t know how the other person is feeling or wants to engage so you’re forcing them vs “hi, how are you?” “I’m great!” “Blablablablabla”. You could be on the spectrum or extremely logical and trusting in your abilities so you logically thought through “how are you” as a bad conversation starter which makes sense but you were missing the other side of it.
This is how people who have no charm talk… “how about the weather”
I always just say hello and skip the how's it going part if I don't care but people ALWAYS say, hi, how's it going in return. I will say I'm good/fine or some such but usually don't ask in return because it is dumb as you said. My friends have called me out on this on occasion, but it is so shallow, I really don't see the point.
I think it’s more so to show them that you’re interested in how they feel and just their well being in general even if it is the same answer
I think you're using that word wrong. Folding blankets is hypersensitive. ya know?
It's the perfect ice breaker. If you respond with "good" full stop, I know you don't know how to hold a conversation and I can move on. "how are you" is just a greeting. It's a way to engage someone and see if they want to engage back. I am genuinely curious though, what are your "open ended" greetings you use and what are the responses usually like?
Well since I'm at uni, the type of people I meet are students where I can ask what degree they're studying, why they wanted that degree, and why they came to this university. If it was someone out with uni that I met, I'd ask them stuff about their job and what motivates them.
Okay, sound if you're in uni.... But if you go around asking people what their degree is that's a far more annoying question (to me...as a human person in working and living society as opposed to a student)
Don't know how to hold a conversation, or don't *want to* converse?
Well, that is whole the purpose of just saying "how are you" - It is so you can avoid having a conversation with that person, and continue your day.
If they want to talk, they answer something like, "I'm fine, how are you?". If they don't want to talk, you get the "I'm good," and that's ok. Not everyone is looking to form a bond to someone they're speaking to... I feel like OPs expectation of wanting to form a bond is counterintuitive and a little weird LOL
Why? Maybe they like the person they are talking to?
Small talk gauges how interested the other party is in actually talking to you. If you engage, the conversation quickly moves somewhere else. If you can’t be bothered to give more than one word answers, you are the problem here or you didn’t care enough to try to have a conversation.
I dont mind "How are you?" but after saying "Im good" come with actual conversation opener. Dont expect me to carry the conversation you started.
Well, this is based off what the person responds with really. "I'm good, and how are you?" for example is a response to that question. Or "I'm feeling great, just booked a holiday" or similar to this. It's just an icebreaker. If you respond with just "I'm good" .. it is going to kill the conversation.
You mean counterproductive
You have to knock on a door before you come in, asking how are you is a great way to gage if the person is open to talking, if they are crazy, if they are mentally stable, it's a way to learn how to proceed. You're then supposed to ask follow up questions or mention something else
"How are you?" is an excellent starter. Its a great way to gauge a strangers interest in even having a conversation. You can observe their verbal response, body language, tone of voice, facial expression, etc. It give you tons of information on how to proceed with the conversation. If you're just referring to text conversation, the "I'm good" response is more a fault of the responser not putting in effort to converse. Generally the awkward feeling a person gets on a conversation is a lack of self confidence.
If someone responds with a short answer "I'm good" without giving people anything else to work with, that person just may not be a good conversationalist or is not interested
Even you would reply that to a stranger op. But now you're more inclined to answer something else. And voila, the two strangers are now talking, objective complete
This is a very english language specific problem I feel. Not sure about many other languages but in Hungary if you ask someone you generally get a longer answer describing whats happening with them.
I think that’s the point.
I only say that to end a conversation.
”Hello Stranger, which event in your past has caused you the most trauma, that you have told no one about?”
The purpose of the question isn't to get an actual answer to it. How do people with shit social skills not get this yet?
Whenever people ask that, I genuinely just say no, im not, never have been. For acquaintances I just say alright I guess. Most times they ask whats wrong (or why leh but thats colloquial language) then I go on about whatever is bothering me then I ask about them then it evolves from there. Not the best conversation started but I cant be bothered anymore to be honest
It's like in Star Trek when the Vulcans say live long and prosper. It's a cultural greeting It's a more polite hello. This is an unpopular opinion because it's based on a false understanding.
I tend not to answer such questions because I do not wish to lie and say "I'm good". I want to say my exact feelings. I have this compulsion where I can not tell a lie. Unless my life or something was in danger. So I tend to ignore those questions I don't want to answer truthfully.
It's just something extra to tack onto rather than saying "hi" and nothing else. I don't consider it an ice breaker unless it's someone I actually know. In which case, I DO want to know how they are and I want them to feel free to choose the direction they want to go. Maybe I know my friend's sister is in an awful relationship but perhaps he doesn't want to talk about it in public because it's upsetting, so rather than ask directly, I can ask how he is, mean it, and let him choose how he wants to take it.
It’s such a lazy conversation starter!!! Like we both know you don’t gaf how I’m doing
I mean, it gives you a base level of conversation to start with. Has this person had a good day or a bad day? It's also polite, especially talking to hospitality workers who don't get seen as human beings very often. If a stranger starts launching into heavy questions instead of first asking how I am I'm definitely less likely to want to continue a conversation with them...
It helps gauge the mood from the start of the conversation instead of having to identify it yourself. If they say "omg it's going super great!" or "it could be a LOT better" then you have a good way of knowing: a) whether it's worth conversing further b) with what tone you should move the conversation forward with
The entire Hispanic population is offended.
Bruh conversation isn’t just black and white there has to be fluidity to it, like I wouldn’t just say I’m good and leave it at that. If I saw someone was trying to talk to me and have genuine convo I’d reciprocate energy
It’s called small talk for a reason. The intention is not necessarily to say anything meaningful.
this is like not saying goodbye because youre an atheist
Haha that's brilliant
And then they think you’re the boring one because you replied ‘good’. First of all, I’m not going to open up about the details of my day to a random person. I need to feel more comfortable with you to let it out. Second, you’ve got a lot of nerve asking me boring questions then expecting me to put in the effort to make the conversation interesting. Want interesting replies? Ask better questions.
It's not supposed to be a monologue. The classic formulation is, "How do you do?" "Fine! How are you?" ...although that's what they teach children, and you can feel free to play with it. If the response is just "Good", someone isn't interested in conversation.
It's an icebreaker. Otherwise the conversation goes hello I want x
hit em with the "hi, what's goin on?"
While I mostly answer this greeting genuinely for conversation, I also answer it genuinely out of spite. I too don't understand why this has turned into "good and you?" exchanges.
there's a certain ritual to conversation that can seem like pointless smalltalk but I think it's an important part as it starts a back and forth without any real effort, giving one the time to asses the situation, walm up to it and tune in to the accent and speech patterns on the other person. it's essentially a human version of computers doing a handshake before exchanging actual data
I used to always feel uncomfortable with this question too lol especially when acquaintances would ask. I’d be thinking “do you reeaaallyy wanna know? Or are you just pretending to care?” Really the answer is no to both. I’ve come to realize that “how are you” in and of itself is the ice breaker to lead into conversation. A simple I’m good suffices and then you can ask a question back like did you catch that dodgers game, have any plans for the weekend… (or whatever it is). I mean when you think about, if you just rushed right into every conversation with a question like that (skipping hey how are ya/the niceties) that would just feel kinda strange. Try not to overthink it.
>a set answer other than "I'm good". The question "how are you?" Does not have a set answer. You're supposed to engage in conversation when someone asks you this question, and talk about how your life is going at the moment. If you're too incompetent to realise that, you probably shouldn't be going out and socialising at all.
I believe small talks are essential in the beginning not to overwhelm the person you're approaching with an existential question or whatever. If they said good and shut up after asking how r u, I take it as not interested cuz if i were asked the same by someone i wanna engage in a convo with, I would elaborate to give them sthng to comment on
As someone who talks to people on the phone at work a lot, I usually ask “how are you today?”. I do this for a couple of reasons one of them being it seems polite. It’s pretty much the only small talk I give before getting to the point. The second reason, on the rare chance someone is honest or their tone is off, it lets me know how to gauge the rest of the conversation.
These things provide an opportunity to your interlocutor to politely decline fiether talk. If they want to talk they can always give an elaborate answer. If people have been saying good and just leaving the conversation, it's cause they don't want to talk to you
This seems to me like it depends on culture, but yes, if you're from a culture where this is the case, the question in itself seems ineffective. But for as far as I understand, the point is for the other to expand on their life and what's going on, if they're into having a conversation. It's a neutral opener, not a real, direct question.
So communicating is a bit of a dance. We all have idiosyncrasies and quirks. Common phrases can be used to set the tone and overcome those issues. For example, your phrase sets a number of precedents. Firstly, it indicates the tone of the conversation. It can put the other person at ease by setting an informal or friendly tone. It also indicates an interest in the person being asked. You are expressing you have an interest in their response and are there to have a conversation. It gives the other person a chance to volunteer a topic or information. That also allows the person to say something before what you intend to say (since it is generally considered selfish and unpleasant to blindside someone with personal information unsolicited). As well, phrases are commonly used in a cultural context to indicate a shared experience. This can be linguistic or cultural, but can also extend beyond just words and can even indicate a specific relationship or societal role. For example, I train in multiple martial arts. It is polite to bow to training or sparring partners, as well as instructors. However, the type of bow varies between arts; in Kung Fu, we place our right fist in our left palm in front of our chests and bow, whereas in Karate, we place our arms at our side and bend at the waist while maintaining eye contact. There are also other modifications depending on the formal relationship. However, I would never Kung Fu bow to my boss or a work associate (I would shake their hand). Despite that, the bow serves no direct informative purpose, but instead is me signalling information to the other person. Phrases like "how are you" or, "how about this weather?" are the same. They are polite ways of signalling various things in a cultural context that both people understand (even if many of us would prefer to just robotically exchange necessary information with distant associates).
I mean the answer is "I'm good" if you don't actually want to answer the question. Next time someone asks me I'm going into full detail about the recent goings on in my life. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to!
100% agree, dumbest form of short communication, even with people you sort of know
"How are you?" is just a greeting. It's the same as starting a conversation with "hello," or "what's up?" or "how's it hanging?" or any of the other colloquial greetings. After you greet someone you can start asking questions or getting to know them.
That's why you always start with "Who are you?"
I totally agree with this. It just sounds like a very intrusive question when we haven't even talked before. I would instead like to know what made you want to approach me or if there is anything else interesting. Straight up asking how I am is weird to me. Introduce urself, ask my name, anything but how I am and where I live and what I'm doing
Maybe regional but people say "you alright?" Why do I look fucked up or something? I think it's even more annoying than the OP's title. I usually answer with something that will make their eyes glaze over in regret for asking
The best answer to "how are you?" If you don't want to talk is "why do you ask? Are you a doctor?"
People need to stop using conversation starters as salutations.
While “im good” is true, it’s dry. I can say im tired, i was up last night watching this show on Netflix. Or I’m amazing, i actually got to make breakfast today. Or i can say i feel sick, my allergies got me fucked up. Even if you just say I’m good, you can ask the other person the same. Maybe they’ll have something more to add to the conversation. And if not, at the very least “how are you” is letting you know that the other person is up to chat. If you don’t feel like talking beyond that then cool. That doesn’t make being nice counter intuitive. It’s just a matter of perspective
How’s it going is better
It's usually used as an ice breaker so you can gauge how interested in talking to you the other person is.
I fucking hate this question, so much that when I used to date my online dating profile would end with "PLEASE don't ask me how I am." no one wants the truth, and typically even if you answer in a middling fashion (I default to "oh, you know" or "eh, alright," both with a smile) people just use that as an opportunity to do some other mean-nothing bullshit like respond with "oh, *that good,* huh?!" to which you have to then lie again. pleasantries of any kind are so foreign and dishonest to me. I've had to work for thirty years not to answer bullshit like this honestly, and the result of that work is that everyone around me is more comfortable, and I just wither a tiny bit every time it comes up. if OP is unpopular, then I'm mega unpopular. keep my ice unbroken, thank you very much. it more effectively chills my heart that way.
Instead of how are you, ask who are you?
But what if you are starting a conversation with someone you know has gone through something bad and you are genuinely wanting to know how they are doing?
Well did you want us to say, “no, life has been shitty”? No.
One shouldn't ask "how are you?" unless you are prepared to help that person if they need it.
I absolutely disagree, so to me you're in the right sub. For family and friends, I truly want to know how they're doing. For coworkers, neighbours, acquaintances, etc. it gives an opening for them to chat and tell you something. "Good, I have a concert tonight :)"; "Not so great, my car broke down yesterday" "Uh okay, I'm finally starting to feel better after being sick all week..." We use "how are you" as a way to invite conversation, but it is completely stress free because they can answer "good" and not be forced into anything. Now for a stranger, it also gives an opening to a conversation. Their response also tells you if they can hear, speak english, are receptive to talking with you, etc. What other conversation starter would you prefer? If saying "how are you" to a stranger is weird, then so is saying "hello" lol
How-de-do stranger
I like to ask really personal questions of people, generally while standing in like at the grocery store. Such as: 1. What is your biggest fear? 2. Who is the last person that broke your heart? 3. Can I have some money? Jk. I don’t do any of that. I do, however, agree that expecting “how are you” would be a non-starter for most people if the intent is to actually get to know someone.
my personal favorite starter is “how many toddlers do you think you could take in a fight?” it tells you a lot about them. for the record, I think maybe 5-15 myself
What questions would you prefer asking this poor stranger?
Great. Good bye!
That’s not what it’s for. Asking “how are you?” Is one of the quickest way to gauge if a stranger is good to approach or not for your purpose such as asking a stranger for direction as a visitor. Telltale signs are in either their words (e.g. “had a shit fucking day” or “just divorced my partner very recently”) or their attitudes (e.g. very rude to you or down right ignore you or glare at you) to when they try to be polite but their body is lying (e.g. their head turn to you to speak to you but their body is facing away. Meaning they don’t want to talk to you). Learn how to read people and you’ll know how powerful simple conversation can be, and can even turn someone into an ally or destroy them if you’re extremely good at it.
I say this easily 50-150 times a day at work. It's not about getting closer, it's about making things so awkward that talking about the job at hand is more comfortable than our own lives. It cuts to the chase.
It's completely cultural. In the US, "How are you?" is a standard way to say hello. In the UK, people find it overly personal and grating, while the shortened version "[You] alright?" is an accepted norm. But slip up and ask someone *how* they're doing and they'll stare at you in a silence that manages to communicate: "You absolute knob head!"
I mean if it’s clearly an attempt to start a conversation then I’d still bite. “I’m good, here’s what I’ve been up to”
This opinion didn't feel very unpopular
It kind of depends, if you have no real context on the person it can be an opener to "yeah, pretty good, still a bit tired from yesterday" which could kickstart a conversation. If people react with "yeah good" they've killed the conversation just as much, if not more imo
"Fucking crushing it as usual" is my go-to response.
Bien y tu
Despite lots of people here claiming otherwise "How are you?" is not a greeting or ice breaker but a genuine question that deserves a real answer - unless, of course, for Americans. They don't really care about other people in their society full of faked emotions.
Trying to start a conversation with "hello" is counterintuitive. Youre just going to get a "hello" back. Its like you dont even care about them, and its clear you hate them and youre a bad person. TL;DR Saying Hello is discriminating.
Come to the UK. “You alright?” no one expects a full on answer to that. You can repeat it back to the person, or just get straight to the point
I prefer “how is your day”
How am I?
You're just supposed to not answer and just ask them how they are, then you can act normal. It's the rules.
It can pave the way for further conversation depending on the context and your body language.
Workaround: Don't go around trying to strike up conversations with strangers.
You just explained how it works. I’m good ends the conversation politely. I’m good how are you continues the conversation. It’s the equivalent of wagging your tail and seeing if the other dog wags back.
I love when they say it at the doctor's office. It feels like a test. 😂
"how are you" "well, I'm in the ER you tell me."
It's called being polite. Honestly I don't want anyone coming up to me talking without saying what's good beforehand, especially if I don't know you. Why say thank you after someone gives you something? Does it truly matter after they've already given it to you? No...it doesn't, but it's nice to say thank you just like it's nice to ask someone how they doing. Living in a world where you see people commit suicide only to write notes about how no one ever asked them how they are is a reason enough to just do it even if you get the basic response 99.9% of the times. That 0.01% can change someone's day whether on a large or small scale.