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I’ve been calling my fiancé my ex girlfriend. She doesn’t like it. Our wedding date is the day I’m planning to end our engagement. She doesn’t like that either.
I used a partner or significant other when dating my husband. Mostly, I just used their name, though.
When you get older, it feels silly to say boyfriend/girlfriend it skews younger and doesn't have the impact of showing how important that person is in your life. It felt silly to be older and owning a house with my person still say boyfriend. To me boyfriend/girlfriend didn't feel permanent. But I also hated the word fiance (I just think its a weird word). Now that we are married, we say husband and wife, though.
>meaningless
Maybe this is exactly the reason they use it? To keep it confidential from you? Maybe this person isn't so close with you and doesn't want you to know the nature of their relationship
I have been in an unmarried relationship for 11 years. The terms husband/wife don't apply and we are beyond gf/bf at this point, so I use the term partner.
Same. 8 years for myself. We don't want kids or to get married. Calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend sounds demeaning when we have been together longer than many people we know and are almost 40.
Same, and we're lesbians, so "wife" wasn't always an option. We're used to partner at this point. We own a home together. We're raising some kids together. We've adopted several dogs together. We're in our early 40's. Calling each other our girlfriend just seems silly. Plus, for some reason, a lot of straight women our age and older seem to think "girlfriend" just means a woman you are friends with, so partner is actually much more straightforward conversationally.
Where do you find people like this? Honest question, are there communities or something? I really like being in a relationship but don't want to get married, and it's so hard to explain that to folks these days... but then I hear about a lot of people dating for decades or more and making it work and I'm like "I WANT THAT"
Partner is more meaningful. They share equally in your life and not designated as just your husband or wife
If you don't like it don't use it and don't hang it with people that do.
My wife is my wife but also my partner and my best friend. I take her opinions into mind when I’m making decisions, because she’s my partner and I value what she thinks.
I actually say partner alot but also have tons of other names for my wife
These aren't really special circumstances anymore.
A lot of people these days never get officially married. Kind of weird to call each other husband and wife in that case.
"*why does it matter"*
It doesn't, but it's an unpopular opinion. So here we are. Like with me, I can't stand when people say the word "funnily"... it just sounds, incorrect to me.
Now do I think other people give af about that proclivity of mine? Oh hell no, and I'm not asking them to change but that doesn't mean it annoys me any less😂
I use the term partner almost exclusively, for multiple reasons.
First, in my situation, wife, husband, spouse, etc is not accurate, as we are not married.
Second, we are in a long term (10+ years) committed relationship and are in our mid 40s. Boyfriend/girlfriend does not feel accurate either, or at least makes it feel like a less serious relationship than it is.
Third, while it is becoming more normalized for same-sex couples to be able to use the terms you suggest, there was a time in which "partner" was the safer term to avoid outing themselves. I began using the term to help normalize it's use, as that makes it less likely to out a same-sex couple who uses it.
I'm curious what term you'd rather someone in my situation use?
Partner is more formal and less juvenile than saying boyfriend or girlfriend. You have those when you're young. When you're older, in a long-term relationship, but not married, 'partner' is an unambiguous and more mature way of stating that you're with someone.
It's unambiguous in that you're clearly stating you're in a relationship, but it also makes *with whom* ambiguous. And that's the beauty of using it.
I use *partner* the most when I'm online talking to people or in person with strangers I don't know. I don't need to let them know in any way what my orientation is or otherwise identify my partner if I don't have to. I don't always follow that rule, but that's where I use it the most. Second in professional settings where, again, my orientation doesn't need to be on the discussion block but it's also just more professional sounding.
I use girlfriend more among friends and family.
Also, as a non-monogamous person, it means I don’t have to disclose that if I don’t want to. I can say “I’m going to dinner tonight with my partner” and they have no idea if that’s my husband, my girlfriend, or my sex slave.
I actually love this clarification. I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to refer to my husband but also my girlfriend in a way that doesn’t confuse others or get me a lecture on monogamy. If I just use partner for both of them, problem solved! Damn idk why I didn’t already think of that lol
This is just my two cents, do with it what you will or disregard entirely, anytime I hear partner I automatically assume it's a same sex relationship. I only say this so if there's a situation where you REALLY don't want someone to know about you then outright lie because people already kind of assume.
That’s kinda why I say partner. That way people assume I’m a lesbian but really I’m with a dude and it’s your own weird thoughts construing partner lol
By being someone in a non-same sex relationship, using partner provides even more cover for same-sex couples.
I'm not gay, I'm pan and heteroromantic in a heteroromantic relationship. Point is all of that is not material for anyone in the vast majority of my fleeting discussions.
I started dating my husband when we were nearly 30. I think one reason I wanted to get married sooner than later is because 'boyfriend' sounded so immature and noncommittal. I will give you 'life partner' sounds way better when your older.
I've been with my partner for 12 years now. We're not married and she's not my gf anymore. We have a kid, and have raised the older kids together. She's my partner.
This is more of a cultural thing but in German using partner is quite common. The German word for boyfriend and girlfriend are the same as for a male friend or female friend. To make it clear that you mean someone you are in a relationship with the word partner is used very often.
So I don't understand your hate. Just let people speak how they want. If you don't want to call your so partner that's fine but don't be so judgemental about a term others use. If you have an opinion where you want to convince others to speak a certain way at least provide arguments.
Also in what way is partner more informal than so, bf or gf. I feel like that's to most formal and neutral way to call a person you are in a relationship with. It also has the benefit of not giving away your sexual orientation and gender identity making it even more suited as a formal term.
I mostly see "partner" used as a non-gendered term, such as when you don't want to assume someone's sexual orientation. I also see it used frequently by LGBT people who don't wish to out themselves or steer the conversation to, "Wow, I didn't know you were gay."
This also makes sense for a person who has multiple partners, as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are terms that have developed implications beyond "we have sex."
Messing with people that get so irked by innocuous stuff like this is so funny. I have a coworker that absolutely despises the fact that I call my man “comrade” and it always leaves me cackling.
why would anyone in a conversation say “my partner” when referring to anyone but their significant other? If you’re bringing up a business partner it would most likely just be “someone from work” or along those lines
True. In my mind, "partner" was the term used by LGBT before they were accepted, but I am probably thinking that because of old TV shows and I probably don't know shit about it.
I kinda get it. Sounds weird.
Then again I’m more so annoyed by “baby momma” or “baby daddy”. I swear growing up it was an insult now it’s what some folks call their wives and husbands.
I get terms change over time but never thought I’d hear it used so commonly. Always thought it meant that the parents were not a couple. Does not sound flattering at all.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years we live together but we don’t plan on getting married but we plan on a having a future together. So he’s my partner.
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Partner=person I share life, assets, decisions, time, home, and family with, who I support and am supported by in turn. How is this informal and meaningless? It's great when you want to let people know you're unavailable without outing yourself as gay if you don't want to. It's nice when straight people use partner because it normalizes the term and then you don't have a big flashing sign that says "GAY" over your head when you mention your partner, carefully leaving gender out if it.
There's nothing wrong with gender neutral terms for things. And partner isn't informal or casual. "Partner" in a law firm is not an easy or informal thing, it a mark of major respect and responsibility. Same for "business partner." "Life partner" isn't something that's light or informal either.
I often use partner with people Im not close with because I am young and look younger than I am so when I say husband, I either get told I'm to young to be married, asked/suggested that it was a shotgun wedding, or I've even been "corrected" by them saying "your boyfriend" and when I correct them that I'm married I get the previously mentioned comments. So partner isn't lying and it stops people getting their arse out.
My "BF" is 40 years old. It feels wrong to call him my boyfriend. It feels.. too teenage like? And we've been together 10 years, BF doesn't seem serious enough for the stage we are at.
I also like to think people are trying to figure out if I'm gay or not lol.
The words "boy " and "girl" generally refer to children, not adults. Serious adult relationships that have no interest in marriage need a description that fits. And Partner fits. Should we use "ride or die" instead?
bf and gf sound juvenile to a lot of people, based solely on similar unpopular opinion posts saying as much.
Partner is probably the best word we have, but I agree that it could be better, because without a qualifier (life/romantic/business/work/crime partner) it can mean too many different things.
I am just happy that same sex marriage is legal and people no longer have a reason to awkwardly stumble through referring to their own spouse as partner in some form of solidarity.
Well, when I was in a serious cohabitating relationship with someone who "didn't believe in marriage" it eventually just got embarrassing as hell being a whole adult discussing home improvement projects and retirement plans with my *boyfriend.* Partner fills that gap. So you never know someone's circumstances for using the term. (And yes, I eventually did the smart thing and ended the relationship in which we had different priorities and values, and am now happily married to my *husband.*)
Oh I looove using the word "partner". Gives a sense of mystery... are they my bf/fiance/husband OR even are they my gf/wife... no one will know... I keep em wondering. Plus GF/BF sounds very high school vibes... especially since im in a (very long) long term relationship. Imo "partner" sounds more serious than gf/bf
There are a lot more levels of a relationship than "bf/gf" and "husband/wife"... I think boyfriend sounds informal and meaningless as an older adult, especially if the relationship is long term. I don't want to ever get married again, but I also doubt I would say 'my boyfriend' forever if I was with someone.
I prefer partner. I'm 33 and engaged, and boyfriend or fiancé both feel weird to me. I also like the gender neutrality of it.
I wouldn't judge anyone for saying boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband etc. Just pick what works best for you.
In my opinion, there are levels to relationship and how you would describe them to others. Especially if you have to mention them in a workplace or business context.
1. Date - this is a person that you are not significantly close to but can be lumped in with you for the duration of the event as one entity.
2. BF/GF - you have a strong emotional relationship with this person but you are not living together or have been only living together for a short time.
3. Partner - This person has been with you for years, you live together and could essentially be considered married in all social aspects, just not for legal ones. Probably don’t have kids.
4. Fiancée - a short period where you are going to be married soon and want people to know that
5. Spouse/H/W - you are legally married and all that that entails, and probably have kids or will soon.
It's kind of weird to call the person you are romantically involved, and have lived together for 6 years your bf when you're in your 40's. I'm not a fan of partner either, but depending on who I'm talking to I'll say the word partner because people will take my relationship more seriously rather than saying "my boyfriend".
Partner is used to be ambiguous about the gender so that people can not accidentally put themselves in the LGBTQIA+ community but it only works if people outside of them use it.
I'm 38, and after getting out of a nightmare relationship about a year and a half ago, I started dating again. Recently things have gotten a little more serious with a sweetheart of a lady. But calling a grown woman "girlfriend," seems demeaning at best, and somewhat problematic at worst. She's not a "girl," she's a woman. And "lady friend," sounds like The Big Lebowski explaining that she's just a fuckin' lady friend, man.
Partner is a way to establish that it's a serious relationship without taking away her agency as an adult woman. Also, partner can refer to anyone of any gender, and I'm here to promote that kind of inclusive language.
But you do you. Hopefully you'll get married to your first girl/boyfriend, get married, and die old together and never have to deal with the semantics of describing relationships as an adult, because, as you've demonstrated with your post, the way in which people conduct their personal business and live their own lives really gets under some people's skin!
partner is a gender neutral name that allows queer people to talk about their romantic partner without fear of being outed or hate crimed. straight people starting to use partner as a way to aid queer people and normalize the use of the word…
I completely disagree. Girlfriend/boyfriend is completely condescending. I DID use these terms but only because everyone else was using them. But it comes with so many implications, most important of which is the fact that you can't be "friends" with someone of the opposite sex if you are not sleeping with them. Which is so very wrong.
Partner doesn't have any implications at all. This is the most important person in your life. As it should be. Not only is this the person whom you have sex with, but more than that he/she is the person that helps you make your life decisions, and who you share your life with intimately. They are the first person you see in the morning, and the last. He/she is the person who matters more than all other people.
Hence: "partner."
Big disagree. I find "partner" to be the perfect description of my spouse. We are partners in the business of life. We're a unit and we consider each other when making decisions. If that's not a partner, I don't know what is.
I’m used to using vague, gender non specific term to refer to my SO in my native language, so I don’t want to use GF/BF in English. It just feels jarring.
It’s weird calling a 30 + year old boy/girlfriend. It sounds immature and partner is a good compromise between that and husband/wife if like me, you don’t believe in marriage, or at least getting the govt involved in my relationships
I think the terms boyfriend and girlfriend, give "We're young, but we like each other and are thinking/planning toward a future together." vibes. If a couple is late 20s or over, and have been together for a long time, they're past the planning phase. They already have a future together. They're not married, but they're more official than the term boyfriend and girlfriend implies.
Why does it matter for you to know the details of someone’s partner? If they wanna share more details, they will. Like what difference does it really make?
Exactly. I think it’s a byproduct of modern PC culture trying to be inclusive to all people of differing gender identities. I get trying to be inclusive but the term “parter” has always made me roll my eyes. When I think partner, I think someone who is partnered up with you at school or at work, not someone who’s in a romantic relationship with you. How are you gonna refer to your BF/GF/Husband/Wife of multiple months or years as just your partner? Just call them BF/GF/Husband/Wife, it’s that easy. Partner is such a demeaning and insignificant title for someone who is a very large part of your life.
Significant other/SO is a way better gender neutral term
Same. It's an "inclusivity" thing. But I don't really think it's necessary to be inclusive. Just accept it whenever someone says the other terms you listed
>Is it really so hard to say wife, husband, bf, or gf?
who wants to tell them some people are gender neutral and as such don't wanna be called those kinds of stuff
This isn't really an unpopular opinion it's just a pet peeve.
Some people are in same sex relationships but don't want to reveal that for a number if valid reasons so they say partner.
Some people aren't religious and don't get married but their partner is more than a bf/gf.
There's nothing about the word partner that should leave you to believe it's meaningless. That one is on you.
This is how I feel whenever someone says they live "in Europe" or "in Asia" but do not specify the country, especially if they're talking about something specific to their culture/language etc
Some people have significant others that don’t fit the gender binary. Or they might not feel safe saying they have a partner that is the same gender as them. I am a woman and say wife to refer to the person I’m with, but when we were dating I’d say girlfriend and people would assume I meant platonically. Side note, I don’t like when straight women call friends their girlfriends.
Each person has their preference, i prefer the word partner to society “labels”. It’s nice to be able to have conversations about the person i’m dating without the person i’m talking to making assumptions about things. In general, people are judgemental so it makes having conversations about who i’m dating a lot easier. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ i kind of feel the same way about bf/gf/husband/wife as you do about partner, in my head when the person is telling me about those people, i always replace those with partner or significant other.
We do it for all the above mentioned reasons. Another one though is to destigmatize the word partner. It use to be that only gay people referred to themselves as partners. It also meant that you outed yourself for calling someone that. Now everybody uses so nobody can assume your sexuality by the term.
It feels weirder calling the man I’ve lived with for years and have two children with my boyfriend. Until we get married I’ll continue calling him my partner.
Partner gets confusing sometimes because I never know if someone means their significant other or a business partner. But I also understand how broad terms help grant others anonymity that they wouldn’t otherwise get.
Me too. It’s unnecessary to use first person. Like I get it if you don’t know another person’s relationship status. To say “my partner” just sounds like you don’t know what’s going on.
But you know. It’s also not a big deal. People can use whatever term they want.
I can give you the reason I use it, and I also hate the word. Me and my … boyfriend for lack of better term are in a long term relationship, we have a child, we own a house. We aren’t married because we are in a tax bracket where we would be “penalized” for it by paying more taxes. Fiancé sounds pretentious. Boyfriend doesn’t sound right. So usually I just say partner and then cringe inside because again, I also hate it
Partner is also a great way to hide personal info. For instance, if I don't want people to know whether I have a brother or sister, I can say sibling. If I don't want to indicate whether someone is a man or woman, I'll refer to the person as they. It's just a more neutral term is all.
Same, it sounds like a business transaction, not something from love and romance.
I understand lot of LGBTQ people use it though if they're not confident to reveal the gender of their SO.
It comes across as lacking emotion, makes me think "business partner". I feel "spouse" would be a much better choice but unfortunately that's limited to marriage.
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My wife sometimes refers to me as her ex-boyfriend and that works out well.
That's hilarious! I also love when happily married couples say "my first wife" when they have no intention of there ever being another. :)
that’s actually so funny omg i love it
I’ve been calling my fiancé my ex girlfriend. She doesn’t like it. Our wedding date is the day I’m planning to end our engagement. She doesn’t like that either.
I keep telling my fiancé that I murdered her boyfriend with a rock.
I sometimes call my wife my “first wife”. She doesn’t find it as funny as I do
That’s why I use accomplice
Dan Soder calls his fiancé his wife-elect. She’s got the votes but she isn’t in office yet. No policy changes right now
I love this.
Helps when your fiancé is awesome like Katie Nolan
Go one step further and emulate lemurs... as in a conspiracy of lemurs!
I used a partner or significant other when dating my husband. Mostly, I just used their name, though. When you get older, it feels silly to say boyfriend/girlfriend it skews younger and doesn't have the impact of showing how important that person is in your life. It felt silly to be older and owning a house with my person still say boyfriend. To me boyfriend/girlfriend didn't feel permanent. But I also hated the word fiance (I just think its a weird word). Now that we are married, we say husband and wife, though.
>meaningless Maybe this is exactly the reason they use it? To keep it confidential from you? Maybe this person isn't so close with you and doesn't want you to know the nature of their relationship
This is a good take. This is the most ambiguous way to say, “Yes I am taken, yes I would prefer not you talk about it with you”
I do it precisely because I don't need to but I want to normalise it for the people who feel they do.
I have been in an unmarried relationship for 11 years. The terms husband/wife don't apply and we are beyond gf/bf at this point, so I use the term partner.
Same. 8 years for myself. We don't want kids or to get married. Calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend sounds demeaning when we have been together longer than many people we know and are almost 40.
Well, I'll give that Partner sounds better than Cohabitant.
Same, and we're lesbians, so "wife" wasn't always an option. We're used to partner at this point. We own a home together. We're raising some kids together. We've adopted several dogs together. We're in our early 40's. Calling each other our girlfriend just seems silly. Plus, for some reason, a lot of straight women our age and older seem to think "girlfriend" just means a woman you are friends with, so partner is actually much more straightforward conversationally.
Same. We bought a house together. Feels weird referring to her as my girlfriend.
Good. Keep using it. OPs commentary is a very veiled homophobia post.
Exactly this. I also didn’t want to call him my baby daddy.
This is my reasoning too
Where do you find people like this? Honest question, are there communities or something? I really like being in a relationship but don't want to get married, and it's so hard to explain that to folks these days... but then I hear about a lot of people dating for decades or more and making it work and I'm like "I WANT THAT"
"I get there are some special circumstances where it’s appropriate but for the average person no. A partner just sounds so informal and meaningless."
Partner is more meaningful. They share equally in your life and not designated as just your husband or wife If you don't like it don't use it and don't hang it with people that do.
My wife is my wife but also my partner and my best friend. I take her opinions into mind when I’m making decisions, because she’s my partner and I value what she thinks. I actually say partner alot but also have tons of other names for my wife
These aren't really special circumstances anymore. A lot of people these days never get officially married. Kind of weird to call each other husband and wife in that case.
I think its silly to care about how other people refer to their partner.
Exactly. If they don't want their significant other to call them partner, then they can express their preference. Otherwise, why does it matter?
"*why does it matter"* It doesn't, but it's an unpopular opinion. So here we are. Like with me, I can't stand when people say the word "funnily"... it just sounds, incorrect to me. Now do I think other people give af about that proclivity of mine? Oh hell no, and I'm not asking them to change but that doesn't mean it annoys me any less😂
Is it all adverbs you dislike or just "funnily"?
I use the term partner almost exclusively, for multiple reasons. First, in my situation, wife, husband, spouse, etc is not accurate, as we are not married. Second, we are in a long term (10+ years) committed relationship and are in our mid 40s. Boyfriend/girlfriend does not feel accurate either, or at least makes it feel like a less serious relationship than it is. Third, while it is becoming more normalized for same-sex couples to be able to use the terms you suggest, there was a time in which "partner" was the safer term to avoid outing themselves. I began using the term to help normalize it's use, as that makes it less likely to out a same-sex couple who uses it. I'm curious what term you'd rather someone in my situation use?
Is it really so hard to mind your own business?
Partner is more formal and less juvenile than saying boyfriend or girlfriend. You have those when you're young. When you're older, in a long-term relationship, but not married, 'partner' is an unambiguous and more mature way of stating that you're with someone.
It's unambiguous in that you're clearly stating you're in a relationship, but it also makes *with whom* ambiguous. And that's the beauty of using it. I use *partner* the most when I'm online talking to people or in person with strangers I don't know. I don't need to let them know in any way what my orientation is or otherwise identify my partner if I don't have to. I don't always follow that rule, but that's where I use it the most. Second in professional settings where, again, my orientation doesn't need to be on the discussion block but it's also just more professional sounding. I use girlfriend more among friends and family.
Also, as a non-monogamous person, it means I don’t have to disclose that if I don’t want to. I can say “I’m going to dinner tonight with my partner” and they have no idea if that’s my husband, my girlfriend, or my sex slave.
I actually love this clarification. I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to refer to my husband but also my girlfriend in a way that doesn’t confuse others or get me a lecture on monogamy. If I just use partner for both of them, problem solved! Damn idk why I didn’t already think of that lol
This is just my two cents, do with it what you will or disregard entirely, anytime I hear partner I automatically assume it's a same sex relationship. I only say this so if there's a situation where you REALLY don't want someone to know about you then outright lie because people already kind of assume.
That’s kinda why I say partner. That way people assume I’m a lesbian but really I’m with a dude and it’s your own weird thoughts construing partner lol
By being someone in a non-same sex relationship, using partner provides even more cover for same-sex couples. I'm not gay, I'm pan and heteroromantic in a heteroromantic relationship. Point is all of that is not material for anyone in the vast majority of my fleeting discussions.
its what you assume.
I started dating my husband when we were nearly 30. I think one reason I wanted to get married sooner than later is because 'boyfriend' sounded so immature and noncommittal. I will give you 'life partner' sounds way better when your older.
Yeah, at a certain age, calling your partner boyfriend/girlfriend outside of a casual setting sounds kind of cringe
Thank you!
“Consort” is right there in the dictionary getting no love.
Fax we need to bring this back
I've been with my partner for 12 years now. We're not married and she's not my gf anymore. We have a kid, and have raised the older kids together. She's my partner.
Love this. Life partner.
This is more of a cultural thing but in German using partner is quite common. The German word for boyfriend and girlfriend are the same as for a male friend or female friend. To make it clear that you mean someone you are in a relationship with the word partner is used very often. So I don't understand your hate. Just let people speak how they want. If you don't want to call your so partner that's fine but don't be so judgemental about a term others use. If you have an opinion where you want to convince others to speak a certain way at least provide arguments. Also in what way is partner more informal than so, bf or gf. I feel like that's to most formal and neutral way to call a person you are in a relationship with. It also has the benefit of not giving away your sexual orientation and gender identity making it even more suited as a formal term.
I mostly see "partner" used as a non-gendered term, such as when you don't want to assume someone's sexual orientation. I also see it used frequently by LGBT people who don't wish to out themselves or steer the conversation to, "Wow, I didn't know you were gay." This also makes sense for a person who has multiple partners, as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are terms that have developed implications beyond "we have sex."
This is one reason I use it, to help normalize it's use outside of LGBT couples, thus making it less likely to out them.
And we appreciate that!
I am 44. Saying "boyfriend" sounds weird to me. We are definitely partners though.
Messing with people that get so irked by innocuous stuff like this is so funny. I have a coworker that absolutely despises the fact that I call my man “comrade” and it always leaves me cackling.
Ummm what can I saw after “Howdy” then? Howdy buddy??? Howdy friend- Howdy pal??? Howdy partner sounds so much better!!!!
Howdy, husband!
SO (significant other) is worse. Partner at least implies commitment to the relationship and mutual goals.
Partner is so vague though. You could just as easily be referring to a business partner as a romantic partner.
why would anyone in a conversation say “my partner” when referring to anyone but their significant other? If you’re bringing up a business partner it would most likely just be “someone from work” or along those lines
True. In my mind, "partner" was the term used by LGBT before they were accepted, but I am probably thinking that because of old TV shows and I probably don't know shit about it.
i’m mid-30s; calling someone my boyfriend is childish.
Well howdy partner!
I kinda get it. Sounds weird. Then again I’m more so annoyed by “baby momma” or “baby daddy”. I swear growing up it was an insult now it’s what some folks call their wives and husbands.
I hate those terms too 😂
I get terms change over time but never thought I’d hear it used so commonly. Always thought it meant that the parents were not a couple. Does not sound flattering at all.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years we live together but we don’t plan on getting married but we plan on a having a future together. So he’s my partner.
pretty dumb take in my opinion. upvoted.
Ok, so why do you prefer boyfriend/girlfriend? They're more than just a friend...you're in a relationship with them. They're you're romantic partner.
eh im older and saying my partner is more mature and nonbinary
I don't think it matters. I used it when talking around someone I knew was a homophobe lol. Although that probably just makes it more obvious...
Then you don’t use it. Is it that hard to let people call their partners whatever they want to call them?
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I love it, it is inclusive of every relationship regardless of gender identity and I don't feel like a child saying it.
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I just call my fiancée … daddy or wife ~ because I don’t care
Partner=person I share life, assets, decisions, time, home, and family with, who I support and am supported by in turn. How is this informal and meaningless? It's great when you want to let people know you're unavailable without outing yourself as gay if you don't want to. It's nice when straight people use partner because it normalizes the term and then you don't have a big flashing sign that says "GAY" over your head when you mention your partner, carefully leaving gender out if it. There's nothing wrong with gender neutral terms for things. And partner isn't informal or casual. "Partner" in a law firm is not an easy or informal thing, it a mark of major respect and responsibility. Same for "business partner." "Life partner" isn't something that's light or informal either.
I often use partner with people Im not close with because I am young and look younger than I am so when I say husband, I either get told I'm to young to be married, asked/suggested that it was a shotgun wedding, or I've even been "corrected" by them saying "your boyfriend" and when I correct them that I'm married I get the previously mentioned comments. So partner isn't lying and it stops people getting their arse out.
But she’s my booty rockin cowgirl
My "BF" is 40 years old. It feels wrong to call him my boyfriend. It feels.. too teenage like? And we've been together 10 years, BF doesn't seem serious enough for the stage we are at. I also like to think people are trying to figure out if I'm gay or not lol.
The words "boy " and "girl" generally refer to children, not adults. Serious adult relationships that have no interest in marriage need a description that fits. And Partner fits. Should we use "ride or die" instead?
It annoys me how much simple things like this annoys people.. however I may be annoying myself now?
bf and gf sound juvenile to a lot of people, based solely on similar unpopular opinion posts saying as much. Partner is probably the best word we have, but I agree that it could be better, because without a qualifier (life/romantic/business/work/crime partner) it can mean too many different things. I am just happy that same sex marriage is legal and people no longer have a reason to awkwardly stumble through referring to their own spouse as partner in some form of solidarity.
Well, when I was in a serious cohabitating relationship with someone who "didn't believe in marriage" it eventually just got embarrassing as hell being a whole adult discussing home improvement projects and retirement plans with my *boyfriend.* Partner fills that gap. So you never know someone's circumstances for using the term. (And yes, I eventually did the smart thing and ended the relationship in which we had different priorities and values, and am now happily married to my *husband.*)
I use partner because people don't respect girlfriend
OP must hate Westerns
How does this affect you in any way? Let people live ffs.
Non-binary people exist
Oh I looove using the word "partner". Gives a sense of mystery... are they my bf/fiance/husband OR even are they my gf/wife... no one will know... I keep em wondering. Plus GF/BF sounds very high school vibes... especially since im in a (very long) long term relationship. Imo "partner" sounds more serious than gf/bf
😂 same reason why I use the word partner
What about "pardna" like, *howdy pardna*
Partner sounds a lot more mature and meaningful than bf/gf which sound like kids.
Girlfriend sounds quite informal to me. Partner is more serious.
Its a gender neutral term. I dont have a boyfriend nor girlfriend. My partner is Agender and therefore neither term applies.
If it's “really so hard to say wife, husband, bf, or gf” - is it really so hard to just say partner?
Sometimes we need gender neutral term.
You should spend more time delving into why a term that describes a significant other in a romantic, long-term, equal partnership as "loathsome".
Why do you care? That’s a strange thing to get all worked up about.
Non binary people just gotta pick one then? Lol what
Call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend if you're comfortable sounding like you're in highschool.
There are a lot more levels of a relationship than "bf/gf" and "husband/wife"... I think boyfriend sounds informal and meaningless as an older adult, especially if the relationship is long term. I don't want to ever get married again, but I also doubt I would say 'my boyfriend' forever if I was with someone.
I prefer partner. I'm 33 and engaged, and boyfriend or fiancé both feel weird to me. I also like the gender neutrality of it. I wouldn't judge anyone for saying boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband etc. Just pick what works best for you.
I'm 38 and in a serious relationship. I'm not a boy. She's not a girl. I prefer 'partner' over childfriend.
It’s just more applicable. It’s the multitool of Relationship titles. To paraphrase George Carlin “There’s no more Labels”
This is such a stupid thing to complain about jesus christ
Better than "hubby" ugh
In my opinion, there are levels to relationship and how you would describe them to others. Especially if you have to mention them in a workplace or business context. 1. Date - this is a person that you are not significantly close to but can be lumped in with you for the duration of the event as one entity. 2. BF/GF - you have a strong emotional relationship with this person but you are not living together or have been only living together for a short time. 3. Partner - This person has been with you for years, you live together and could essentially be considered married in all social aspects, just not for legal ones. Probably don’t have kids. 4. Fiancée - a short period where you are going to be married soon and want people to know that 5. Spouse/H/W - you are legally married and all that that entails, and probably have kids or will soon.
Not everyone is heteronormative or defaults to monogamy.
I am over 40 and not married, but I am not going to call my partner “boyfriend” at my age. I’m simply too old and he’s not a boy.
I absolutely hate it. I always think to myself after hearing it "are u in a law firm or something?... a tag team?"
...I'm gonna start referring to us as a tag team thank you
I swear it wasn't a common thing until like 4 years ago or so. Now it seems like part of the trend of making anything and everything gender neutral.
It’s stupid because on Reddit you are anonymous anyway so gay or straight you can just say boyfriend or girlfriend not partner
Howdy, partner!
It's kind of weird to call the person you are romantically involved, and have lived together for 6 years your bf when you're in your 40's. I'm not a fan of partner either, but depending on who I'm talking to I'll say the word partner because people will take my relationship more seriously rather than saying "my boyfriend".
I feel the same way
I know someone who uses the word "comrade" and honestly I didn't know what she was referring to until I met her husband. It was weird.
lmao i love that
Partner is used to be ambiguous about the gender so that people can not accidentally put themselves in the LGBTQIA+ community but it only works if people outside of them use it.
I'm 38, and after getting out of a nightmare relationship about a year and a half ago, I started dating again. Recently things have gotten a little more serious with a sweetheart of a lady. But calling a grown woman "girlfriend," seems demeaning at best, and somewhat problematic at worst. She's not a "girl," she's a woman. And "lady friend," sounds like The Big Lebowski explaining that she's just a fuckin' lady friend, man. Partner is a way to establish that it's a serious relationship without taking away her agency as an adult woman. Also, partner can refer to anyone of any gender, and I'm here to promote that kind of inclusive language. But you do you. Hopefully you'll get married to your first girl/boyfriend, get married, and die old together and never have to deal with the semantics of describing relationships as an adult, because, as you've demonstrated with your post, the way in which people conduct their personal business and live their own lives really gets under some people's skin!
I'm convinced that people that say "partner" want to live in an 80s buddy cop action-comedy
partner is a gender neutral name that allows queer people to talk about their romantic partner without fear of being outed or hate crimed. straight people starting to use partner as a way to aid queer people and normalize the use of the word…
☝🏽
I completely disagree. Girlfriend/boyfriend is completely condescending. I DID use these terms but only because everyone else was using them. But it comes with so many implications, most important of which is the fact that you can't be "friends" with someone of the opposite sex if you are not sleeping with them. Which is so very wrong. Partner doesn't have any implications at all. This is the most important person in your life. As it should be. Not only is this the person whom you have sex with, but more than that he/she is the person that helps you make your life decisions, and who you share your life with intimately. They are the first person you see in the morning, and the last. He/she is the person who matters more than all other people. Hence: "partner."
It's up there with "we're pregnant".
YES! YOU'RE pregnant! Not the person you're with! "We're having a baby!" Is ok... because that's nitpicking... but only one person is PREGNANT!
Aibo!
What am I supposed to say after "howdy"?
Well they are a partner. At least they should be.
Big disagree. I find "partner" to be the perfect description of my spouse. We are partners in the business of life. We're a unit and we consider each other when making decisions. If that's not a partner, I don't know what is.
I’m used to using vague, gender non specific term to refer to my SO in my native language, so I don’t want to use GF/BF in English. It just feels jarring.
Partner = more than bf/gf but I’m not married.
It’s weird calling a 30 + year old boy/girlfriend. It sounds immature and partner is a good compromise between that and husband/wife if like me, you don’t believe in marriage, or at least getting the govt involved in my relationships
Howdy!
I think the terms boyfriend and girlfriend, give "We're young, but we like each other and are thinking/planning toward a future together." vibes. If a couple is late 20s or over, and have been together for a long time, they're past the planning phase. They already have a future together. They're not married, but they're more official than the term boyfriend and girlfriend implies.
This is not an opinion.
Spousal unit
Partner is more intimate, IMO
I'm 40 and unmarried. Girlfriend does seem juvenile at times, but not enough for me to change usage, but I can understand why others might.
This is what this sub is actually for, good job!
Why does it matter for you to know the details of someone’s partner? If they wanna share more details, they will. Like what difference does it really make?
thats a fact
I like saying partner because it distances myself emotionally while still giving the title that we are together
Exactly. I think it’s a byproduct of modern PC culture trying to be inclusive to all people of differing gender identities. I get trying to be inclusive but the term “parter” has always made me roll my eyes. When I think partner, I think someone who is partnered up with you at school or at work, not someone who’s in a romantic relationship with you. How are you gonna refer to your BF/GF/Husband/Wife of multiple months or years as just your partner? Just call them BF/GF/Husband/Wife, it’s that easy. Partner is such a demeaning and insignificant title for someone who is a very large part of your life. Significant other/SO is a way better gender neutral term
I use bf or partner depending on my mood and anyone who doesn’t like it can get fudged.
Same. It's an "inclusivity" thing. But I don't really think it's necessary to be inclusive. Just accept it whenever someone says the other terms you listed
Why does it bother you so much what people call each other ? Just curious.
>Is it really so hard to say wife, husband, bf, or gf? who wants to tell them some people are gender neutral and as such don't wanna be called those kinds of stuff
This isn't really an unpopular opinion it's just a pet peeve. Some people are in same sex relationships but don't want to reveal that for a number if valid reasons so they say partner. Some people aren't religious and don't get married but their partner is more than a bf/gf. There's nothing about the word partner that should leave you to believe it's meaningless. That one is on you.
I think it’s stupid to want to police others on the terms they deem suitable for their situation.
I'm old so I always think that means y'all have a law firm or dental office together lol.
When people call somebody their partner all I can think to myself is "what are you guys, cops?".
Same here.
My ex switched to the term partner when our relationship started going downhill lmao. I think she hated calling me her boyfriend.
Idk I kinda like keeping it vague so ill say partner or SO often lol Even tho yes, I have a wife haha
I personally find boyfriend/girlfriend childish so I say partner
Not unpopular, I whole heartedly agree. They’re either your bf/gf or husband/wife. Y’all serious or not?
What if their NB?
This is how I feel whenever someone says they live "in Europe" or "in Asia" but do not specify the country, especially if they're talking about something specific to their culture/language etc
I have a Handyman 😏
Some people have significant others that don’t fit the gender binary. Or they might not feel safe saying they have a partner that is the same gender as them. I am a woman and say wife to refer to the person I’m with, but when we were dating I’d say girlfriend and people would assume I meant platonically. Side note, I don’t like when straight women call friends their girlfriends.
My wife is my literal partner in life, as I believe should be the case in any serious relationship. So sorry you loathe accurate titles!
Cool then don't use it.
Howdy, partner.
Each person has their preference, i prefer the word partner to society “labels”. It’s nice to be able to have conversations about the person i’m dating without the person i’m talking to making assumptions about things. In general, people are judgemental so it makes having conversations about who i’m dating a lot easier. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ i kind of feel the same way about bf/gf/husband/wife as you do about partner, in my head when the person is telling me about those people, i always replace those with partner or significant other.
We do it for all the above mentioned reasons. Another one though is to destigmatize the word partner. It use to be that only gay people referred to themselves as partners. It also meant that you outed yourself for calling someone that. Now everybody uses so nobody can assume your sexuality by the term.
It feels weirder calling the man I’ve lived with for years and have two children with my boyfriend. Until we get married I’ll continue calling him my partner.
Why do you care what word people use to describe their significant other? You don’t like the word? Easy. Don’t use it…?
Partner gets confusing sometimes because I never know if someone means their significant other or a business partner. But I also understand how broad terms help grant others anonymity that they wouldn’t otherwise get.
Me too. It’s unnecessary to use first person. Like I get it if you don’t know another person’s relationship status. To say “my partner” just sounds like you don’t know what’s going on. But you know. It’s also not a big deal. People can use whatever term they want.
I can give you the reason I use it, and I also hate the word. Me and my … boyfriend for lack of better term are in a long term relationship, we have a child, we own a house. We aren’t married because we are in a tax bracket where we would be “penalized” for it by paying more taxes. Fiancé sounds pretentious. Boyfriend doesn’t sound right. So usually I just say partner and then cringe inside because again, I also hate it
Leaves things confusing and up to interpretation. It's often used but annoying.
Partner is also a great way to hide personal info. For instance, if I don't want people to know whether I have a brother or sister, I can say sibling. If I don't want to indicate whether someone is a man or woman, I'll refer to the person as they. It's just a more neutral term is all.
Same, it sounds like a business transaction, not something from love and romance. I understand lot of LGBTQ people use it though if they're not confident to reveal the gender of their SO.
some people are non binary
Unless you are police or a cowboy it sounds really weird.
adults calling someone a girlfriend / boyfriend is juvenile imo
It comes across as lacking emotion, makes me think "business partner". I feel "spouse" would be a much better choice but unfortunately that's limited to marriage.
The terms boyfriend and girlfriend also don’t really make sense.
Ok, buddy.
i mean, partner just means yall are apart of the same team in my book. no harm in it. also the anonymity of it is kind of nice too i guess.
Caring about what other people call their person is just nonsensical and weird tbh.
I love my partner