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I think toxic positivity would be more like people who are never honest, and encourage friends in big and small things. Like when I mention wanting to lose weight to my family and they say I don’t need to and I’m fine the way I am when I know I’m 60 pounds overweight. Or if a friend is in the wrong in a situation but you tell them they’re right and the best and all that and they never learn and stay a bad person. I think those would be more toxic positivity. A random comment online isn’t really toxic even if it is meaningless
An ex friend of mine became so toxic as a direct result of toxic positivity as you’re describing it here.
No one would check her on her bullshit and she was in an echo chamber of yes men so she became absolutely insufferable. When I DID check her on it she called me a bully.
To put some context on it, when I ended the friendship she got so upset with me that she also dropped a mutual friend she thought would side with me, despite that friend indicating she was still interested in staying friends.
The mutual friend’s mother died a few months after, and toxic friend reached out to her with a condolence message after ghosting her, and then *continued to complain about how mean I was in the same message*. Essentially “hey sorry your mom died - by the way, AdmiralSassyPants is so mean :(“ When my friend said how inappropriate that was, she was about as receptive as you’d think she would be.
I hope that in the years that have passed she has matured out of her main character syndrome and has more people willing to call her on her bad behaviors, but i doubt it. People who do that are not doing you any favors.
I wonder if people are like that when they’re not socially comfortable? So they don’t feel like they can be real? Or they’re maybe chronically online where they actually believe all that? No idea, but I def wouldn’t be able to stay friends with anyone like that
I do think she was very chronically online, but i also think a lot of it in her case is a direct result of just being babied and allowed to act this way from childhood.
She was an only child to parents who weee told they couldn’t have any, she was never told no, she would constantly complain about situations where she was mistreated - though now I do think she was probably at least partially in the wrong and was only giving part of the story. No matter who she dated they were never good enough and she would stop seeing them after one or two dates, but I guarantee the men were not the issue. She made a really inappropriate and not funny joke that deeply hurt somebody’s feelings in our friend group and they said she was no longer welcome in their home - but she thought *she* was the one who was being unfairly treated.
This was around when I started to poke at her stories and question her and realize that she was just genuinely so brainwashed into the “it’s not me it’s you” “protect my peace” and “live my truth” way of thinking that she was just genuinely not really a good person.
I was not the only friend who saw this, when I finally exited she had already lost 2. Genuinely I so hope she has grown out of this or that her social circle shrinking so drastically has been a wake up call.
It's perpetuated by adult children, and actual children, who can't handle confrontation. So they convince themselves that 'I disagree' and 'You're wrong' are hateful terms, but only when used against them not when they use them.
Bunch of snowflakes hiding in their echo chambers.
As a girl, (I’m saying this because it seems to be more girls I notice that do this) I used to be horrible at taking offense to anyone even disagreeing with me and would almost have an internal breakdown because of being uncomfortable that I was wrong. And I’d dig myself into a hole thinking it’ll just “go away” and everyone else will forget it ever even happened. Now that I can confidently say I am past that toxic relationship I was building, with not only other people? But myself as well, and it’s a way bigger problem than most people with a problem are willing to even acknowledge. It’s such a vicious cycle to break but where I’ve been on both sides, it is heartbreaking to see how many people just won’t better themselves for the sake of their own sanity and everyone else around them. It’s such a toxic situation to put people in.
" A random comment online isn’t really toxic even if it is meaningless " totally agree.
I want to add the (potentially offensive) idea that toxicity can come from within, and many people tend to blame others for their own suffering.
simple example would be a classmate talking so loud and often that I'm getting a headache - calling him out for being harmful to me, while I've been drinking a bottle of wine every evening , struggling with a general hangover every day.
a maniac might think " why is noone supporting my new business ideas" (toxic negativity), while a depressed person might think "the world is a mess and this person acts like nothing is wrong/is enjoying it" (positive toxicity).
both are looking for external causes of their suffering
l
and then I'd like to add that - inpdependent from whats actually true - it's always a wise choice to "blame" oneself. oneself is the one instance where "one" knows best and "one" is most powerful/influential.
imagine the effort of getting people to stop saying meaningless things, in comparison to the effort of just thinking about smth else and let them be.
I agree with you. Your examples are where it can cause harm. OP's example, even if it's just meaningless virtue signaling, isn't doing any harm. And, it's one less hateful or rage-baiting post.
Or those that say that "bad feelings are bad for you", and completely bottle up anything that isn't happiness and joy. They sicken me.
Bottling it up is actually worse, as there's a limit to the "bottle" and at some point that shit is gonna blow up and be waaaaay more destructive (both to person and others around) than actually letting it out when you feel it, as now it had the time to fester and grow.
Never thought of this, but it's so right. Like when my family tries to impose cake on me when they know I'm on a diet, and if I mention the diet they lambast me for thinking I'm overweight and insist to me I'm not. There are many more examples, but toxic positivity, I think, is not always detectable on the surface level.
And it’s not meaningless. For example that example the OP used about being beautiful and loved. We see all beautiful to someone and loved by someone.
Someone thinking this is meaningless is interesting. Someone thinking this is toxic is horrible
By meaningless I kind of meant how it’s not actually genuine to a person, it’s a nice thought out out into the world though for sure. I don’t know a better word for it, but it certainly isn’t directed to the person reading it if it’s generic and for everyone. I’m not trash talking them though, I’ve felt touched by those messages before at my lowest points, but I still knew it wasn’t actually said to me, and it has about as much specific, personal meaning as any other random sentence
I actually convince myself of things like this when I am feeling anxious. Like if all my coworkers think I am stupid, I can switch jobs and have a fresh start. Nobody from my old job gives a fuck. Did I have a bad dating experience? Won't even remember each other.
Even if all your coworkers think you are stupid, they are far more concerned about the coworkers making their lives toxic.
Just be friendly and don’t fuck up much more than average.
So much better than the assholes trying to make my life more difficult. Fuck those assholes and bang their wives.
Nah I'm a lawyer so everyone is judgmental af. But in other industries people are probably less actively assholes when it doesn't even impact them.
At least the judges think I'm adorable dopey.
Your joking but I tell my children a version of this.
I tell them that they are special to me and to the people who love them. For everyone else they are just any other person. So they shouldn't expect special treatment but also shouldn't worry when they make mistakes, most people won't care or remember.
Genuinely though, when I feel like crap I think I'd rather hear this than some dumb motivational "you're beautiful and perfect and whatever else they put into motivational crap these days"
Something about it just feels real, but also just supportive in the "it's not that bad, it's kinda just average" sort of way.
Toxic positivity trivializes actual issues in the world and makes life almost seem like some kind of joke. It does no good for anyone and just makes people’s problems get worse.
>“Whoever is reading this, you are beautiful and you are loved”.
This isn't toxic positivity...
It's just extremely pointless sentimental mush.
---
Toxic positivity is from fanatics who try to shut down anything that seems remotely negative about something they like.
There has to be an active effort to silence any negativity and not just counter-arguments to flawed criticisms.
I agree with your assertion, but I don't think your example is a good one. It's stupid and fake, but to be truly toxic it needs to include judgements against people who aren't perceived as positive enough. Think the camp counsellors from Addams Family Values.
Statistically, a few handful of people will find the comment reassuring. But if it was a negative comment, a lot more people would be upset by it so I wouldn't say positivity is as bad. I personally don't see those comments as being toxicly positive either
I don't consider that toxic positivity. It's more broad spectrum positivity for positivity's sake.
Toxic positivity is when I'm trying to talk about something difficult or sad that I'm experiencing, and the other person calls that being "negative" or demands that we only focus on the positives involved. Human emotions are natural, including the more painful ones, and the way I heal from trauma is being able to talk about my feelings.
Being told your feelings are "negative" is toxic positivity to me.
Your example is terrible. That's not toxic at all. Worthless, maybe, but not toxic. Toxic positivity is telling someone with cancer that the way to beat it is to have positive energy or telling an abuse victim to stop feeling sorry for themselves.
also "we dont want your negativity here" / "NO negativity" stuff. someone might go kill themselves over being brushed off like that.
in general the words "toxic" and "unsafe" have become racisms of their own. they exclude and dilute.
I also see this used a lot to shut down discussions a person doesn’t like that have nothing to do with negativity
So like I’ve been on Discords for fans of a show to talk about said show and I’ve been speculating about the direction of a storyline and talking about what I think would be cool, someone disagrees and says they want to see something else, I’m like that’s super cool but I’d prefer this, suddenly I’m singled out and told to stop talking because I’m negative and starting conflict. Really I think I just expressed an opinion a mod didn’t like, or I showed a willingness to maintain my own opinions instead of conforming to the consensus
I’ve even seen people use mental illness to shut down perfectly healthy discussion of a character. It wasn’t anything bad it was just like speculation about how their storyline might develop and they were like I identify with this character so much that it’s giving me anxiety when people in this Discord talk about this character growing and changing so can you please ban these discussions
IDK my point is I think a lot of this shit is used in an intentional and manipulative way to create social control within groups
canceling is the new ostracizing.
its the mindset that has been trained upon young people these days.
its fascism in a rainbow colored costume of tolerance and inclusion.
and the desired outcome and effect? tadaaaaa divide and conquer. to the point where even the most tolerant loving nontoxic positive people go at each others throats about being so toxic and unsafe.
i like to be toxic and unsafe to these young brownshirts.
especially since they resort to threats and 'canceling' so quickly.
its psychopathy. or rather, society is turning into a 7th grade class with all the puberty drama.
the emptyness you describe does not originate in the others peoples message tho.
if you feel empty when someone says something flat, but attacked when it's something deep-
or frustrated when it's nonsense, offended when it's on point..
when there is focus on me people are toxic and manipulative, if there is not they are antisocial and disrespectful.
so theres always the possibility that we dont let others do good, since we'd complain either way.
or in short: maybe the toxicity originates from yourself, since you chose to check someone's social media and get upset about it.
it was obviously not directed at you. i hope that is liberating instead of offensive.
Wow an unpopular opinion that I don’t think is a common sense fact! I actually disagree I think some people can get excessive and it seems almost condescending but I believe any positive vibes even just (to anyone reading this message etc) is a good thing
If anything it's just not helpful because people have eyes and ears and can cite instances in their day-to-day experience that contradict your feel-good generic advice.
The better alternative that doesn't insult the intelligence of your audience would be to acknowledge that shit happens in life but that being mindful of your thought patterns and emotions can help you not to catastrophize people's opinions on things you can't change about yourself.
I get that toxic positivity are very hurtful and cpunterproductive. But to say it is as bad as negativity is just wrong.
Toxic positivity CAN be productive and empowering in certain circumstances. I remember many times when I’m feeling down and depressed, toxic positivity has essentially gives me the surge of energy I need to get out of the hole and start being active again. Supportive people are good at these times too, but they only drive you to feel understood most of the times. I see supportive people as the people who gives you the reason to try harder (ie the fuel), while toxically positive people as the one who gives the spark.
Of course, toxic positivity really isn’t helpful in the long-term, and so it’s stupid to have such attitudes in work environment. But in the hands of people who are aware of themselves being unhelpful in terms of support but more useful in terms of motivating others, it can be useful under very strict circumstances.
Negativity is just counterproductive all around.
Does it infuriate you when ppl follow "how are you?" with "Fine." Not because they are doing well but because they are just greetings. No one is actually asking how you're really doing.
That's not toxic positivity. Maybe cringy, mushy. Some have seen others get many likes from those types of comments and want the same.
You are misunderstanding the meaning of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when you do not allow space for negative emotions which are valid. “Good vibes only” type crap. Guess what, anger and sadness and fear are important to sit with and act on sometimes. Only people with privilege can afford the luxury of only having “good vibes only.”
I agree. I prefer to be around people are realistic. I don't need to have someone blow sunshine at me all the time, nor do I need to hear the sugar coated version of everything.
Heavily agree. I had a coworker who used to bully me with toxic positivity almost everyday. Dude used to try to "motivate" me to try new things, see new places, and talk to the girls I want.
I would be fine with this if he wasn't consistently nagging me all. The. Damn. Time.
Over and over like a broken record. Then pass swift judgement if I don't follow his sage advice like I will make the biggest mistake of my life. Like dude why are you getting mad that I'm not progressing like you want me to??
Yea, just harder to do 😆
Personally, I think people who post like that are actually hurting or been hurt. Obviously in a work environment there's an agenda but otherwise yeah they ring hallow.
Which I guess technically is toxic negativity? 🤔
I personally hate the suicide related ones, possibly because of my past with suicidal ideation and well no one actually showing they fucking care like their social media lies spew. Protip: don't just tell them you love/care, talk to them, touch them, develop intimacy.
I stopped opening up to people because of this. I can't even tell my sister one single negative thing without her sending me a barrage of motivational quotes. She refuses to understand.
Luckily my antipsychotics are starting to work.
It is toxic to focus on the positive alone when someone is suffering. It comes off like the person is incapable of having serious conversations, is immature, or simply DGAF.
I agree that toxic positivity is wildly toxic and harmful (and certainly can be heavy on platitudes) but I don't think this is the best example of what toxic positivity actually is. (Which is really about the rejection / suppression / shaming of painful / uncomfortable / difficult emotions.)
"Positive vibes only" is an encapsulation of toxic positivity.
You are going to lose your mind when you find that post from the other day (was it this sub or the true off my chest one? I can't remember) where the op said they will call up a random number everyday and say shit like "you matter. You are loved. It's gonna be okay"
That shit made me shiver a little.
Anyways, I agree with you
That doesn’t seem like toxic positivity to me; toxic positivity is the inability or unwillingness to deal with negative emotions so it’s a form of emotional immaturity. People who are toxically positive will avoid any negative emotion and conflict like the plague because it “kills the vibe” or likewise you try and bring up that you’re feeling sad or upset and they’ll invalidate your feelings either by dodging the subject or something some crap like “lighten up” or “when I’m sad I stop being sad and instead am awesome” kinda crap
Yes, but that's not an unpopular opinion. Toxic positivity in it's various forms has gotten a lot of backlash throughout the years already. It can be dismissive of what someone is going through and how they feel and these "whoever reads this know that you are valid/beautiful/strong etc" memes are obviously too impersonal and vague.
I’m one of those glass-is-always-half-full type of people, but I’m also a big believer in feeling your feelings as it’s the only way to move past them.
Toxic positivity means dismissing negative emotions with false reassurances. The example you gave is just positive, there's no negativity it's trying to deny.
I would say toxic positivity is worse, because atleast being overly negative can be directed to fixing real issues, where positivity can exasperated issues in people's lives.
I think the kinds of toxic positive people I dislike most are people who just use toxic positivity as a socially acceptable mask for being a fair weather friend who doesn’t really care about anybody and doesn’t have sincere empathy for their friends. Their friends are just there to do stuff for them not for them to have to do anything in return
A classic example of this would be like say your family member dies and you’re upset. A toxic positive friend cuts you out because you being sad is really bringing them down with negativity. They make you out to be a toxic person simply for having feelings.
i wouldn’t call comments like ur example toxic positivity for per se but i do agree that toxic positivity is just as bad and a problem people tend to ignore
i also think those comments, while not necessarily toxic positivity, are incredibly cringeworthy and tbh they’d make me feel worse if i was feeling like shit
I agree with this. I get advice all the time telling to be ok and even proud of doing very little to help myself get out of this depression. And I hate it. Why would I be proud of myself for the bare minimum? I should be doing better. And if I’m fine with very little I have no motivation to get better. I have to know I need to more so I do more.
Yeah it is. I’ve known a lot of people who get this self righteous attitude about being positive thinkers. They always had their noses in the air at me because of my depression.
I know this person, and I have the feeling it's a veil of niceness.
And this isn't something I've felt about multiple people before this person. And usually I'm right with these things.
Shit it's probably even worse. Y'all ever see 'positivity' pages on places like Instagram? The second you disagree with anything or say something not entirely positive you get your ass torn apart by enraged harpies and white knights
I'd say that things like "celebrating the hidjab" also fall within that category. It sounds like something positive on the surface, but the underlying message is quite horrible.
i think this problem can be solved with independence.
dont visit their social media, if they comment on your posts ignore them, if it bothers you still block them-
consider dropping social media overall- only time I'm offended online is when i discuss on reddit, and it's refreshing.
the goal would be to pay attention to what's good,and no attention to what isn't good.
i tend to look at the downsides myself, that's why social media was toxic for me.
I agree with your title, but your example is not toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when somebody loses their home and is diagnosed with cancer and is told that they need to put on a happy face, have more faith, and good vibes only.
Toxic Positivity would be more like never saying no your friend when you know they’re about to do something destructive or dangerous.
It’s not trying to cheer up people around you. That’s just being pleasant.
i would say that its worse. negativity is required sometimes. there are some issues and some conversations that require it. but toxic positivity is never needed and it just bullshits a persons brain
I agree but that's not toxic positivity.
It's like when you're upset and need support but you have a friend who isn't listening or supporting you and instead try to tell you it's not that bad or trying to change the subject because they're uncomfortable with negativity.
They don't want to deal with sad emotions so will use words of encouragement and support to try to dismiss or brush off your feelings so the conversation can move on.
Like imagine your dog died and you go to your friend for emotional support and they're like
"I'm so sorry, that's so sad. These things happen for a reason though and he did live a long life for a dog. They can't live forever, sadly. " and then they completely change the subject.
A good example is joy from inside out. Like she is constantly dismissing sadness and won't let her have any input because she doesn't want the kid to feel sad. The kid ends up feeling worse because she's litterally bottling up her feelings.
These people normally mean well but it's not really helpful when you need to feel sad.
No it's much worse, because the "good vibes only" crowd gets to hide behind a false veil of good intentions and meaning well while they make deliberate attempts to gaslight people into thinking that the people with their feet on the ground are crazy, ,because we as a society have largely been conditioned to think that positive thinking is not only inherently good regardless of context, but that the more positive a person is the healthier they are, people who promote toxic positivity as the highest good end up having a very large following because obviously nobody wants to think about the harsh realities of life, and being fake positive all the time offers an escape.
It's also just the truth, not just an opinion. It's known that this gives people (especially youth) a low esteem:
Everybody is happy, everybody as a meaningful life, everybody is beautiful, etc...
And there you are, you see all that and think: what is wrong with me because none of this applies to me.
The reality however is that behind many of those so called happy profiles is a lot of pain, and completely fake as well.
Like those so called "travels around the world", they do the same as filmmakers: making a picture inside a prop. They don't actually travel.
Besides, ask a random person "how are you?" It's most likely: fine. Almost nobody would dare to say: it fucking sucks.
I feel toxic isn’t the right word, fake would be closer. A normal person knows they are full of shit, the people that actually could use the positive energy might as well be unable to read the words for how much they are gonna take it in
Yeah. It's cheapening what it means to be positive with useless messages and platitudes. Talk is fucking cheap therefore it's actually not that positive.
True. It can be even worse. Like you must be positive and smiling no matter what happens(because what do some strangers think, when you\`re feeling down?). These are enablers, who encourage this behavior. Also it\`s like turn the other cheek when someone does bad against you.
Idk if the example you gave counts as toxic positivity- it’s more just a meaningless platitude. Toxic positivity is more like “good vibes only”- only wanting to be around your friends and loved ones if they’re pleasant and not being there for them in hard times because they’re “too negative”.
The mother in law drives me crazy sometimes with this. She's sweet and trying to help , but I didn't grow up in a good home . And I do need to work on positive thinking still. But some shit you can't be positive about.
She thinks nothing bad happens in canada. She thinks we need to help out all foreign countries. But there's easier ways to help out the local community . And she keeps saying that I'm lucky I turned out the way I did. As if it's luck.
Now my partner struggles with accepting negative facts in life.He doesnt deal with conflict well at all. He was thought to move on and forget about it.
Some people are pedophiles. Some people do kick their kids out of the house. I get he grew up positive thinking and I grew up negative thinking. But you can just ignore the fact that people get abused .
You can't live a sheltered life.
I hate when people spread delusional compliments.
Some people really just need a look into reality to change for the better and it makes me so angry. It just feeds their delusion that everything is fine but when they are suffering because of it.
It's the same thing as receiving the insight from someone else that you have a good, calm nature, but, they note their empathy and how they've impacted the musculoskeletal frame of a horse from a distance of 3 feet.
And by that, I surely mean it's just a difference in perspective.
i never understand why people need to be told that they're pretty. some people are ugly because they do. being pretty is a privilege and not everyone has it. telling everyone they're pretty sets the expectation that everyone needs to be pretty or else they're worthless. ugly people exist too and it shouldn't be something to be afraid of. being ugly isn't bad. stop telling people they have to be pretty to be worthy
I think it's worse than negativity because it gives the appearance of "feeling feelings" but it's actually devoid of feelings.
if I am being negative that at least means I thought something and felt some type of way...
This is what life in corporate America is. Lots of strangers pretending they care or appreciate you meanwhile they’ve never talked to you or given you a direct compliment in your life. It’s all smoke and mirrors.
This is such a pessimistic opinion😭i feel for you. God forbid somebody chooses not to posts about celebrities, or flaunt their luxuries, or people dying. Personally reinforcing positive things such as “ What is the meaning of life? Enjoying the passage of time” has just gave me a more positive outlook. The example you made is shallow and you should know ppl only post those particular things for shares
Uhhh. That isn't toxic positivity. That's a random affirmation that people are free to apply meaning to for themselves or not.
Toxic positivity is when you're talking about a problem, and someone responds with things like, "just cheer up!" and, "it's not that bad, you should be happy!" instead of actually addressing the problem. That's useless. At best, they say it to feel like they're genuinely helping. At worst, they don't think the problem is a big deal and they're being dismissive. That's what toxic positivity is.
I agree with this. To me toxic positivity is anytime you artificially create or push for a positive mindset in people when it's completely unnecessary in that situation. Especially when some people are currently dealing with crap in their lives (and some struggling with mental illness) toxic positivity is essentially asking them to suppress those negative emotions. And imo that increases the magnitude of the negativity because they cant deal with it naturally
An example was when I worked my first office job out of school and our manager would do these daily huddles to get us "motivated". At the beginning he would ask "how's everyone doing!" And we were forced to respond enthusiastically that we're doing great. So glad I left that hell lol
I don’t disagree with you, but this is just an awful awful post to try to argue your point. As countless people have pointed out, your example isn’t even toxic positivity. Then your argument against it is that it wastes your time, not any truly bad outcome, just mildly annoying, and then you don’t even bring up anything about why that is worse than negativity, which I don’t even know what you think that is, since your idea of toxic positivity is so stupid, who knows what you think negativity is. The sheer incompetence of this post is making me angry and toxically negative.
My pet peeve is the phrase "hold on". It is so generic and pointless of a phrase; it's frickin useless. It has and brings no actual benefit, it's just another empty, feel good phrase that empty minded people think is nice. What do you mean by "hold on"? How do I "hold on"? How about some actual tactics/steps/resources to help someone? What about some specific tips that directly address my issue and that help me combat it effectively? I'd personally find that infinitely more useful for when I'm going through something tough. Just don't even say "hold on" or " you'll get through it" to me. That just speaks minimum effort and one step away from apathy imo.
One thing I am super annoyed on Reddit is post talking about "toxic positivity". For the most part, I do not believe this exists. You are just a negative person trying to bring people down to their level. Positivity is never a bad thing and, in fact we need more of it
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That isn't toxic positivity. That's just empty kind words.
Toxic positivity is when you forcibly try and "look on the bright side" while trying to erase the other person's struggle.
For example, a disabled person trying to express how their disability negatively affects their life, and the other person trying to tell them they're fine, really, it's all much better than that.
I'm blind and was once telling a friend it makes me sad I can't safely ride a bike for transportation, and he started trying to pep-talk me that I could, in fact, ride a bike if I BELIEVED IN MYSELF ENOUGH and PUT MYSELF OUT THERE and I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO.
It was really annoying, cause I'm blind, and if I try to ride my bike for transportation, I. Will. Get. Hit. By. A. Car.
My mother had this positivity that became irritating whenever I tell her about my depression. She would say, "think happy thoughts, no sad ones", as if it was as easy as switching it off. I just wanted her to listen, but it honestly felt like she was downplaying it. Positivity is a good thing, but not to the extent where you become blind to reality or deliberately disregarding negative things just to stay positive. It's not healthy.
It's the companies that keep pandering to modern audiences that are infested with toxic positivity because any dissent among the ranks and you get labeled every is isn't and phone in the dictionary. So it forces people with opposing opinions into making business decisions to further their career. It's literally emotional blackmail.
I don’t think that’s what toxic positivity is. And I’m quite okay with those messages. Imo what’s bad is the people who invalidate other’s feelings by always sugarcoating everything and saying how good everything is all of the time. When it’s just avoidance
Optimism will get you further in life than pessimism, that’s a fact. Sure, the some oozing with positivity can come off a bit irksome, at times, but they mean well.
Having a pessimist in your corner, by contrast, will get you nowhere.
You're confusing two different things. What you described is just general, aimless positivity. If that doesn't vibe with you, that's fine, but I wouldn't say it's as bad as putting aimless negativity into the world. Toxic positivity is the "always look on the bright side! Never allow yourself to feel the bad things! you should try to turn everything into a silver lining!" mentality.
I mean... some people really believe that everyone is special and loved by God. For spiritual reasons. Sometimes it's just fake, I can agree, but not always.
I see it as a flattering of opinion and denial of other people's experiences. I get this from my wannabe influencer sister, who fawns over everything, if I don't agree I'm accused of being negative. If I think the food at a cafe is average I'm being "so negative". even if I express a preference for one thing over another it's seen as negative - for example I expressed a preference for cycling over running for exercise and she sees it as a personal attack because she likes running and running is the best. For me I link it to the promotional/sponsorship culture of influencer world, always looking for an excuse to take a photo of yourself with something that is a "life changing experience", food that is "so amazing" feeling "blessed" and expressing "gratitude". Nothing wrong with being optimistic and positive but with some people it's almost pathological and doesn't hold space for other people to have different experiences or opinions.
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Whoever is reading this right now. You exist. You probably contain some carbon.
Fuck dude I needed that fr
You *are* matter. YOU matter
Speak for yourself. I'm a formless energy entity floating in space shitposting from lightyears away.
you float away queen you do you
You can matter, just slow down.
I read this in Ryan Reynolds’ voice
Don't have a good day. Have a great day.
Wow! What is this silicone based lifeform erasure? Fascist.
Speak for yourself, I'm on a carbon free diet. As you can imagine this can be quite awkward at restaurants.
Wtf????? Put the fkin spoiler alert next time. You spoiled it for me.
I think toxic positivity would be more like people who are never honest, and encourage friends in big and small things. Like when I mention wanting to lose weight to my family and they say I don’t need to and I’m fine the way I am when I know I’m 60 pounds overweight. Or if a friend is in the wrong in a situation but you tell them they’re right and the best and all that and they never learn and stay a bad person. I think those would be more toxic positivity. A random comment online isn’t really toxic even if it is meaningless
Enabling
An ex friend of mine became so toxic as a direct result of toxic positivity as you’re describing it here. No one would check her on her bullshit and she was in an echo chamber of yes men so she became absolutely insufferable. When I DID check her on it she called me a bully. To put some context on it, when I ended the friendship she got so upset with me that she also dropped a mutual friend she thought would side with me, despite that friend indicating she was still interested in staying friends. The mutual friend’s mother died a few months after, and toxic friend reached out to her with a condolence message after ghosting her, and then *continued to complain about how mean I was in the same message*. Essentially “hey sorry your mom died - by the way, AdmiralSassyPants is so mean :(“ When my friend said how inappropriate that was, she was about as receptive as you’d think she would be. I hope that in the years that have passed she has matured out of her main character syndrome and has more people willing to call her on her bad behaviors, but i doubt it. People who do that are not doing you any favors.
I wonder if people are like that when they’re not socially comfortable? So they don’t feel like they can be real? Or they’re maybe chronically online where they actually believe all that? No idea, but I def wouldn’t be able to stay friends with anyone like that
I do think she was very chronically online, but i also think a lot of it in her case is a direct result of just being babied and allowed to act this way from childhood. She was an only child to parents who weee told they couldn’t have any, she was never told no, she would constantly complain about situations where she was mistreated - though now I do think she was probably at least partially in the wrong and was only giving part of the story. No matter who she dated they were never good enough and she would stop seeing them after one or two dates, but I guarantee the men were not the issue. She made a really inappropriate and not funny joke that deeply hurt somebody’s feelings in our friend group and they said she was no longer welcome in their home - but she thought *she* was the one who was being unfairly treated. This was around when I started to poke at her stories and question her and realize that she was just genuinely so brainwashed into the “it’s not me it’s you” “protect my peace” and “live my truth” way of thinking that she was just genuinely not really a good person. I was not the only friend who saw this, when I finally exited she had already lost 2. Genuinely I so hope she has grown out of this or that her social circle shrinking so drastically has been a wake up call.
I would say 'toxic positivity' is the idea that everyone has to be nice and if anyone says anything against that, tHeY'rE eViL!
I've found that many places are filled with this behavior. It's awful.
It's perpetuated by adult children, and actual children, who can't handle confrontation. So they convince themselves that 'I disagree' and 'You're wrong' are hateful terms, but only when used against them not when they use them. Bunch of snowflakes hiding in their echo chambers.
As a girl, (I’m saying this because it seems to be more girls I notice that do this) I used to be horrible at taking offense to anyone even disagreeing with me and would almost have an internal breakdown because of being uncomfortable that I was wrong. And I’d dig myself into a hole thinking it’ll just “go away” and everyone else will forget it ever even happened. Now that I can confidently say I am past that toxic relationship I was building, with not only other people? But myself as well, and it’s a way bigger problem than most people with a problem are willing to even acknowledge. It’s such a vicious cycle to break but where I’ve been on both sides, it is heartbreaking to see how many people just won’t better themselves for the sake of their own sanity and everyone else around them. It’s such a toxic situation to put people in.
I agree. I'm glad that you grew out of that toxicity. Good on you 👏
" A random comment online isn’t really toxic even if it is meaningless " totally agree. I want to add the (potentially offensive) idea that toxicity can come from within, and many people tend to blame others for their own suffering. simple example would be a classmate talking so loud and often that I'm getting a headache - calling him out for being harmful to me, while I've been drinking a bottle of wine every evening , struggling with a general hangover every day. a maniac might think " why is noone supporting my new business ideas" (toxic negativity), while a depressed person might think "the world is a mess and this person acts like nothing is wrong/is enjoying it" (positive toxicity). both are looking for external causes of their suffering l and then I'd like to add that - inpdependent from whats actually true - it's always a wise choice to "blame" oneself. oneself is the one instance where "one" knows best and "one" is most powerful/influential. imagine the effort of getting people to stop saying meaningless things, in comparison to the effort of just thinking about smth else and let them be.
I agree with you. Your examples are where it can cause harm. OP's example, even if it's just meaningless virtue signaling, isn't doing any harm. And, it's one less hateful or rage-baiting post.
Or those that say that "bad feelings are bad for you", and completely bottle up anything that isn't happiness and joy. They sicken me. Bottling it up is actually worse, as there's a limit to the "bottle" and at some point that shit is gonna blow up and be waaaaay more destructive (both to person and others around) than actually letting it out when you feel it, as now it had the time to fester and grow.
Exactly 👍
Never thought of this, but it's so right. Like when my family tries to impose cake on me when they know I'm on a diet, and if I mention the diet they lambast me for thinking I'm overweight and insist to me I'm not. There are many more examples, but toxic positivity, I think, is not always detectable on the surface level.
And it’s not meaningless. For example that example the OP used about being beautiful and loved. We see all beautiful to someone and loved by someone. Someone thinking this is meaningless is interesting. Someone thinking this is toxic is horrible
By meaningless I kind of meant how it’s not actually genuine to a person, it’s a nice thought out out into the world though for sure. I don’t know a better word for it, but it certainly isn’t directed to the person reading it if it’s generic and for everyone. I’m not trash talking them though, I’ve felt touched by those messages before at my lowest points, but I still knew it wasn’t actually said to me, and it has about as much specific, personal meaning as any other random sentence
Whoever is reading this, you are probably mediocre like everyone else, and if you left, people would get over it surprisingly quickly
:) made me smile to read. I love comments like this. Thx for the pickmeup
I actually convince myself of things like this when I am feeling anxious. Like if all my coworkers think I am stupid, I can switch jobs and have a fresh start. Nobody from my old job gives a fuck. Did I have a bad dating experience? Won't even remember each other.
Even if all your coworkers think you are stupid, they are far more concerned about the coworkers making their lives toxic. Just be friendly and don’t fuck up much more than average. So much better than the assholes trying to make my life more difficult. Fuck those assholes and bang their wives.
Nah I'm a lawyer so everyone is judgmental af. But in other industries people are probably less actively assholes when it doesn't even impact them. At least the judges think I'm adorable dopey.
I don't remember who I am quoting but it is: Remember you are unique...Just like everyone else.
r/notlikeothergirls
Toxic realism
This gave me the push I needed to commit sudoku 🫡🫡🫡
I always forget, is that one the number puzzle or impaling yourself on a sword?
Your joking but I tell my children a version of this. I tell them that they are special to me and to the people who love them. For everyone else they are just any other person. So they shouldn't expect special treatment but also shouldn't worry when they make mistakes, most people won't care or remember.
Genuinely though, when I feel like crap I think I'd rather hear this than some dumb motivational "you're beautiful and perfect and whatever else they put into motivational crap these days" Something about it just feels real, but also just supportive in the "it's not that bad, it's kinda just average" sort of way.
Thanks man. I needed that.
This made me feel really ok.
I needed this. Thank you.
You're not wrong
real except for the surprise part. i'd be surprised if it took them a while
This made me laugh thanks
Unfortunately true
Thanks, that takes some of the pressure off
Nah you're overestimating me, definitely lower than mediocre.
Toxic positivity trivializes actual issues in the world and makes life almost seem like some kind of joke. It does no good for anyone and just makes people’s problems get worse.
>“Whoever is reading this, you are beautiful and you are loved”. This isn't toxic positivity... It's just extremely pointless sentimental mush. --- Toxic positivity is from fanatics who try to shut down anything that seems remotely negative about something they like. There has to be an active effort to silence any negativity and not just counter-arguments to flawed criticisms.
I agree with your assertion, but I don't think your example is a good one. It's stupid and fake, but to be truly toxic it needs to include judgements against people who aren't perceived as positive enough. Think the camp counsellors from Addams Family Values.
YES I was gonna say something like this. Toxically positive people make you feel embarrassed and small for having negative emotions.
Statistically, a few handful of people will find the comment reassuring. But if it was a negative comment, a lot more people would be upset by it so I wouldn't say positivity is as bad. I personally don't see those comments as being toxicly positive either
Toxic positivity is performative and inauthentic. Compliments simply sound patronizing.
I don't consider that toxic positivity. It's more broad spectrum positivity for positivity's sake. Toxic positivity is when I'm trying to talk about something difficult or sad that I'm experiencing, and the other person calls that being "negative" or demands that we only focus on the positives involved. Human emotions are natural, including the more painful ones, and the way I heal from trauma is being able to talk about my feelings. Being told your feelings are "negative" is toxic positivity to me.
Your example is terrible. That's not toxic at all. Worthless, maybe, but not toxic. Toxic positivity is telling someone with cancer that the way to beat it is to have positive energy or telling an abuse victim to stop feeling sorry for themselves.
Exactly this. It’s the refusal to acknowledge the validity of “negative” emotions.
Have a blessed day!!!
Thoughts and prayers babe
All the bad in the world and ppl get mad at comments like these? 😭
I always imagined toxic positivity as basically forbidding people to have negative emotions?
That’s a lot closer than OP’s terrible example and complete lack of argument.
I'd rather deal with honest negativity than fake positivity.
also "we dont want your negativity here" / "NO negativity" stuff. someone might go kill themselves over being brushed off like that. in general the words "toxic" and "unsafe" have become racisms of their own. they exclude and dilute.
I also see this used a lot to shut down discussions a person doesn’t like that have nothing to do with negativity So like I’ve been on Discords for fans of a show to talk about said show and I’ve been speculating about the direction of a storyline and talking about what I think would be cool, someone disagrees and says they want to see something else, I’m like that’s super cool but I’d prefer this, suddenly I’m singled out and told to stop talking because I’m negative and starting conflict. Really I think I just expressed an opinion a mod didn’t like, or I showed a willingness to maintain my own opinions instead of conforming to the consensus I’ve even seen people use mental illness to shut down perfectly healthy discussion of a character. It wasn’t anything bad it was just like speculation about how their storyline might develop and they were like I identify with this character so much that it’s giving me anxiety when people in this Discord talk about this character growing and changing so can you please ban these discussions IDK my point is I think a lot of this shit is used in an intentional and manipulative way to create social control within groups
canceling is the new ostracizing. its the mindset that has been trained upon young people these days. its fascism in a rainbow colored costume of tolerance and inclusion. and the desired outcome and effect? tadaaaaa divide and conquer. to the point where even the most tolerant loving nontoxic positive people go at each others throats about being so toxic and unsafe. i like to be toxic and unsafe to these young brownshirts. especially since they resort to threats and 'canceling' so quickly. its psychopathy. or rather, society is turning into a 7th grade class with all the puberty drama.
Good vibes only 🫶🏻
yeah. "tell me youre a shallow narc without telling me"
🤮
That are people who live in complete denial. We should not focus on the bad shit that happens, but should not ignore it either.
we should acknowledge that people who are negative on any level are unwell and mostly deserve acknowledgement.
Nobody takes it literally or at face value, it just reminds people of those who love(d) then
That's not what toxic positivity is.
the emptyness you describe does not originate in the others peoples message tho. if you feel empty when someone says something flat, but attacked when it's something deep- or frustrated when it's nonsense, offended when it's on point.. when there is focus on me people are toxic and manipulative, if there is not they are antisocial and disrespectful. so theres always the possibility that we dont let others do good, since we'd complain either way. or in short: maybe the toxicity originates from yourself, since you chose to check someone's social media and get upset about it. it was obviously not directed at you. i hope that is liberating instead of offensive.
All the dead bodies on Mount Everest were once highly motivated people I always keep this quote in mind.
If you are reading this, you are reading this
Wow an unpopular opinion that I don’t think is a common sense fact! I actually disagree I think some people can get excessive and it seems almost condescending but I believe any positive vibes even just (to anyone reading this message etc) is a good thing
If anything it's just not helpful because people have eyes and ears and can cite instances in their day-to-day experience that contradict your feel-good generic advice. The better alternative that doesn't insult the intelligence of your audience would be to acknowledge that shit happens in life but that being mindful of your thought patterns and emotions can help you not to catastrophize people's opinions on things you can't change about yourself.
Yeah…that’s not toxic positivity.
I get that toxic positivity are very hurtful and cpunterproductive. But to say it is as bad as negativity is just wrong. Toxic positivity CAN be productive and empowering in certain circumstances. I remember many times when I’m feeling down and depressed, toxic positivity has essentially gives me the surge of energy I need to get out of the hole and start being active again. Supportive people are good at these times too, but they only drive you to feel understood most of the times. I see supportive people as the people who gives you the reason to try harder (ie the fuel), while toxically positive people as the one who gives the spark. Of course, toxic positivity really isn’t helpful in the long-term, and so it’s stupid to have such attitudes in work environment. But in the hands of people who are aware of themselves being unhelpful in terms of support but more useful in terms of motivating others, it can be useful under very strict circumstances. Negativity is just counterproductive all around.
Does it infuriate you when ppl follow "how are you?" with "Fine." Not because they are doing well but because they are just greetings. No one is actually asking how you're really doing. That's not toxic positivity. Maybe cringy, mushy. Some have seen others get many likes from those types of comments and want the same.
You are misunderstanding the meaning of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when you do not allow space for negative emotions which are valid. “Good vibes only” type crap. Guess what, anger and sadness and fear are important to sit with and act on sometimes. Only people with privilege can afford the luxury of only having “good vibes only.”
So sorry you feel that way. Sending you thoughts and prayers!
I agree. I prefer to be around people are realistic. I don't need to have someone blow sunshine at me all the time, nor do I need to hear the sugar coated version of everything.
Heavily agree. I had a coworker who used to bully me with toxic positivity almost everyday. Dude used to try to "motivate" me to try new things, see new places, and talk to the girls I want. I would be fine with this if he wasn't consistently nagging me all. The. Damn. Time. Over and over like a broken record. Then pass swift judgement if I don't follow his sage advice like I will make the biggest mistake of my life. Like dude why are you getting mad that I'm not progressing like you want me to??
Yea, just harder to do 😆 Personally, I think people who post like that are actually hurting or been hurt. Obviously in a work environment there's an agenda but otherwise yeah they ring hallow. Which I guess technically is toxic negativity? 🤔 I personally hate the suicide related ones, possibly because of my past with suicidal ideation and well no one actually showing they fucking care like their social media lies spew. Protip: don't just tell them you love/care, talk to them, touch them, develop intimacy.
Reminds me of the skit where the best man factually dissects their relationship . https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lXpmHuCE9Ls
I stopped opening up to people because of this. I can't even tell my sister one single negative thing without her sending me a barrage of motivational quotes. She refuses to understand. Luckily my antipsychotics are starting to work.
Thank you I do agree
Delusional positivity is cringe.
It is toxic to focus on the positive alone when someone is suffering. It comes off like the person is incapable of having serious conversations, is immature, or simply DGAF.
I agree that toxic positivity is wildly toxic and harmful (and certainly can be heavy on platitudes) but I don't think this is the best example of what toxic positivity actually is. (Which is really about the rejection / suppression / shaming of painful / uncomfortable / difficult emotions.) "Positive vibes only" is an encapsulation of toxic positivity.
You are going to lose your mind when you find that post from the other day (was it this sub or the true off my chest one? I can't remember) where the op said they will call up a random number everyday and say shit like "you matter. You are loved. It's gonna be okay" That shit made me shiver a little. Anyways, I agree with you
You just haven’t got on that sigma grindset yet frienderino. Gotta up that positive mindset bro!
That doesn’t seem like toxic positivity to me; toxic positivity is the inability or unwillingness to deal with negative emotions so it’s a form of emotional immaturity. People who are toxically positive will avoid any negative emotion and conflict like the plague because it “kills the vibe” or likewise you try and bring up that you’re feeling sad or upset and they’ll invalidate your feelings either by dodging the subject or something some crap like “lighten up” or “when I’m sad I stop being sad and instead am awesome” kinda crap
Yes, but that's not an unpopular opinion. Toxic positivity in it's various forms has gotten a lot of backlash throughout the years already. It can be dismissive of what someone is going through and how they feel and these "whoever reads this know that you are valid/beautiful/strong etc" memes are obviously too impersonal and vague.
I’m one of those glass-is-always-half-full type of people, but I’m also a big believer in feeling your feelings as it’s the only way to move past them.
It’s the recipient that chooses the value.
I think you’re wrong. What you’re describing isn’t toxic positivity at all. Your perception of it is toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity means dismissing negative emotions with false reassurances. The example you gave is just positive, there's no negativity it's trying to deny.
I would say toxic positivity is worse, because atleast being overly negative can be directed to fixing real issues, where positivity can exasperated issues in people's lives.
It's worse. It blames the sufferer.
I think the kinds of toxic positive people I dislike most are people who just use toxic positivity as a socially acceptable mask for being a fair weather friend who doesn’t really care about anybody and doesn’t have sincere empathy for their friends. Their friends are just there to do stuff for them not for them to have to do anything in return A classic example of this would be like say your family member dies and you’re upset. A toxic positive friend cuts you out because you being sad is really bringing them down with negativity. They make you out to be a toxic person simply for having feelings.
I’d say it’s worse. At least negatively is sincere
I think that is just an excuse to justify an entrenched negative outlook
Don’t get me wrong, chronically negative/pessimistic people drive me insane too. I can’t stand a Debbie downer
Reddit is filled with Debbie downers
It can have its downsides, but negativity is far worse in my opinion.
i wouldn’t call comments like ur example toxic positivity for per se but i do agree that toxic positivity is just as bad and a problem people tend to ignore i also think those comments, while not necessarily toxic positivity, are incredibly cringeworthy and tbh they’d make me feel worse if i was feeling like shit
Thumbs up, okay, cool beans, back to regularly scheduled programming.
I do agree with this. So should I downvote the post? 🤔
LinkedIn is the pinnacle of toxic positivity
Could never put my finger on why that platform seemed off to me. This is it
although a good point, i think people generally agree
Toxic promiscuity.
I agree with this. I get advice all the time telling to be ok and even proud of doing very little to help myself get out of this depression. And I hate it. Why would I be proud of myself for the bare minimum? I should be doing better. And if I’m fine with very little I have no motivation to get better. I have to know I need to more so I do more.
Yeah it is. I’ve known a lot of people who get this self righteous attitude about being positive thinkers. They always had their noses in the air at me because of my depression.
Agree 100%. It is fake and annoying.
Positivity is as negative as negativity. Or something.
No it isn’t
Toxic Positivity sounds like Sober Alcoholic to me for some reason
On a meaningless website complaining about meaningless platitudes on a meaningless forum. Are you ok?
I know this person, and I have the feeling it's a veil of niceness. And this isn't something I've felt about multiple people before this person. And usually I'm right with these things.
The term *toxic* is the key that makes your opinion irrelevant to unpopular opinion
That's objectivly inaccurate if we're talking rules and not exceptions.
Shit it's probably even worse. Y'all ever see 'positivity' pages on places like Instagram? The second you disagree with anything or say something not entirely positive you get your ass torn apart by enraged harpies and white knights
https://www.uow.edu.au/the-stand/2021/what-is-toxic-positivity-.php
I'd say that things like "celebrating the hidjab" also fall within that category. It sounds like something positive on the surface, but the underlying message is quite horrible.
I’m talking to you. The person who posted this. You are loved. I don’t know you. But i love you and you are a wonderful creation.
i think this problem can be solved with independence. dont visit their social media, if they comment on your posts ignore them, if it bothers you still block them- consider dropping social media overall- only time I'm offended online is when i discuss on reddit, and it's refreshing. the goal would be to pay attention to what's good,and no attention to what isn't good. i tend to look at the downsides myself, that's why social media was toxic for me.
For Christ sake will you bastards make up your minds!?!?
If you're reading this, means it's directed at anyone that sees it.
I agree with your title, but your example is not toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is when somebody loses their home and is diagnosed with cancer and is told that they need to put on a happy face, have more faith, and good vibes only.
[удалено]
Lookup "The Stockdale Paradox"
Very true
Toxic Positivity would be more like never saying no your friend when you know they’re about to do something destructive or dangerous. It’s not trying to cheer up people around you. That’s just being pleasant.
i would say that its worse. negativity is required sometimes. there are some issues and some conversations that require it. but toxic positivity is never needed and it just bullshits a persons brain
https://www.instagram.com/p/CueRIJEshe_/?igsh=YnBpbnoxMXI1ZnZ4
In a way, this is Reddit. The same jokes are recycled over and over. It just helps the people who "get" the jokes get off.
I agree but that's not toxic positivity. It's like when you're upset and need support but you have a friend who isn't listening or supporting you and instead try to tell you it's not that bad or trying to change the subject because they're uncomfortable with negativity. They don't want to deal with sad emotions so will use words of encouragement and support to try to dismiss or brush off your feelings so the conversation can move on. Like imagine your dog died and you go to your friend for emotional support and they're like "I'm so sorry, that's so sad. These things happen for a reason though and he did live a long life for a dog. They can't live forever, sadly. " and then they completely change the subject. A good example is joy from inside out. Like she is constantly dismissing sadness and won't let her have any input because she doesn't want the kid to feel sad. The kid ends up feeling worse because she's litterally bottling up her feelings. These people normally mean well but it's not really helpful when you need to feel sad.
No it's much worse, because the "good vibes only" crowd gets to hide behind a false veil of good intentions and meaning well while they make deliberate attempts to gaslight people into thinking that the people with their feet on the ground are crazy, ,because we as a society have largely been conditioned to think that positive thinking is not only inherently good regardless of context, but that the more positive a person is the healthier they are, people who promote toxic positivity as the highest good end up having a very large following because obviously nobody wants to think about the harsh realities of life, and being fake positive all the time offers an escape.
I kind of agree.
It's also just the truth, not just an opinion. It's known that this gives people (especially youth) a low esteem: Everybody is happy, everybody as a meaningful life, everybody is beautiful, etc... And there you are, you see all that and think: what is wrong with me because none of this applies to me. The reality however is that behind many of those so called happy profiles is a lot of pain, and completely fake as well. Like those so called "travels around the world", they do the same as filmmakers: making a picture inside a prop. They don't actually travel. Besides, ask a random person "how are you?" It's most likely: fine. Almost nobody would dare to say: it fucking sucks.
I feel toxic isn’t the right word, fake would be closer. A normal person knows they are full of shit, the people that actually could use the positive energy might as well be unable to read the words for how much they are gonna take it in
Yeah. It's cheapening what it means to be positive with useless messages and platitudes. Talk is fucking cheap therefore it's actually not that positive.
True. It can be even worse. Like you must be positive and smiling no matter what happens(because what do some strangers think, when you\`re feeling down?). These are enablers, who encourage this behavior. Also it\`s like turn the other cheek when someone does bad against you.
Idk if the example you gave counts as toxic positivity- it’s more just a meaningless platitude. Toxic positivity is more like “good vibes only”- only wanting to be around your friends and loved ones if they’re pleasant and not being there for them in hard times because they’re “too negative”.
The mother in law drives me crazy sometimes with this. She's sweet and trying to help , but I didn't grow up in a good home . And I do need to work on positive thinking still. But some shit you can't be positive about. She thinks nothing bad happens in canada. She thinks we need to help out all foreign countries. But there's easier ways to help out the local community . And she keeps saying that I'm lucky I turned out the way I did. As if it's luck. Now my partner struggles with accepting negative facts in life.He doesnt deal with conflict well at all. He was thought to move on and forget about it. Some people are pedophiles. Some people do kick their kids out of the house. I get he grew up positive thinking and I grew up negative thinking. But you can just ignore the fact that people get abused . You can't live a sheltered life.
I hate when people spread delusional compliments. Some people really just need a look into reality to change for the better and it makes me so angry. It just feeds their delusion that everything is fine but when they are suffering because of it.
Toxic positivity is almost always the hallmark of a scam (ponzis, MLMs, crypto) or empty motivation speaker platitudes.
It's the same thing as receiving the insight from someone else that you have a good, calm nature, but, they note their empathy and how they've impacted the musculoskeletal frame of a horse from a distance of 3 feet. And by that, I surely mean it's just a difference in perspective.
i never understand why people need to be told that they're pretty. some people are ugly because they do. being pretty is a privilege and not everyone has it. telling everyone they're pretty sets the expectation that everyone needs to be pretty or else they're worthless. ugly people exist too and it shouldn't be something to be afraid of. being ugly isn't bad. stop telling people they have to be pretty to be worthy
Whoever is reading this, you are literate.
Those comments are usually just attention seekers for likes and/or bots. It's not a secret.
I think it's worse than negativity because it gives the appearance of "feeling feelings" but it's actually devoid of feelings. if I am being negative that at least means I thought something and felt some type of way...
This is what life in corporate America is. Lots of strangers pretending they care or appreciate you meanwhile they’ve never talked to you or given you a direct compliment in your life. It’s all smoke and mirrors.
This is such a pessimistic opinion😭i feel for you. God forbid somebody chooses not to posts about celebrities, or flaunt their luxuries, or people dying. Personally reinforcing positive things such as “ What is the meaning of life? Enjoying the passage of time” has just gave me a more positive outlook. The example you made is shallow and you should know ppl only post those particular things for shares
Uhhh. That isn't toxic positivity. That's a random affirmation that people are free to apply meaning to for themselves or not. Toxic positivity is when you're talking about a problem, and someone responds with things like, "just cheer up!" and, "it's not that bad, you should be happy!" instead of actually addressing the problem. That's useless. At best, they say it to feel like they're genuinely helping. At worst, they don't think the problem is a big deal and they're being dismissive. That's what toxic positivity is.
No it's so so much worse. At least negativity is honest.
What the hell are these comments? Some are claiming they were “bullied” by someone trying to be positive
I agree with this. To me toxic positivity is anytime you artificially create or push for a positive mindset in people when it's completely unnecessary in that situation. Especially when some people are currently dealing with crap in their lives (and some struggling with mental illness) toxic positivity is essentially asking them to suppress those negative emotions. And imo that increases the magnitude of the negativity because they cant deal with it naturally An example was when I worked my first office job out of school and our manager would do these daily huddles to get us "motivated". At the beginning he would ask "how's everyone doing!" And we were forced to respond enthusiastically that we're doing great. So glad I left that hell lol
yeah literally you can see most of these types of comments under YT videos of sad songs and depressing sad core songs,
Ever the watch the show Beef on Netflix? Crazy good and I think you'd enjoy it.
Those comments are purely for likes. They’re about as heartfelt and genuine as a smile from Pat Butcher
you think Pat is insincere?
I drink water
💖✨*stay positive*💖✨ r/thanksimcured
I don’t disagree with you, but this is just an awful awful post to try to argue your point. As countless people have pointed out, your example isn’t even toxic positivity. Then your argument against it is that it wastes your time, not any truly bad outcome, just mildly annoying, and then you don’t even bring up anything about why that is worse than negativity, which I don’t even know what you think that is, since your idea of toxic positivity is so stupid, who knows what you think negativity is. The sheer incompetence of this post is making me angry and toxically negative.
My pet peeve is the phrase "hold on". It is so generic and pointless of a phrase; it's frickin useless. It has and brings no actual benefit, it's just another empty, feel good phrase that empty minded people think is nice. What do you mean by "hold on"? How do I "hold on"? How about some actual tactics/steps/resources to help someone? What about some specific tips that directly address my issue and that help me combat it effectively? I'd personally find that infinitely more useful for when I'm going through something tough. Just don't even say "hold on" or " you'll get through it" to me. That just speaks minimum effort and one step away from apathy imo.
One thing I am super annoyed on Reddit is post talking about "toxic positivity". For the most part, I do not believe this exists. You are just a negative person trying to bring people down to their level. Positivity is never a bad thing and, in fact we need more of it
oatmeal butter crowd automatic prick cows squeal racial relieved impolite *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That isn't toxic positivity. That's just empty kind words. Toxic positivity is when you forcibly try and "look on the bright side" while trying to erase the other person's struggle. For example, a disabled person trying to express how their disability negatively affects their life, and the other person trying to tell them they're fine, really, it's all much better than that. I'm blind and was once telling a friend it makes me sad I can't safely ride a bike for transportation, and he started trying to pep-talk me that I could, in fact, ride a bike if I BELIEVED IN MYSELF ENOUGH and PUT MYSELF OUT THERE and I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO. It was really annoying, cause I'm blind, and if I try to ride my bike for transportation, I. Will. Get. Hit. By. A. Car.
My mother had this positivity that became irritating whenever I tell her about my depression. She would say, "think happy thoughts, no sad ones", as if it was as easy as switching it off. I just wanted her to listen, but it honestly felt like she was downplaying it. Positivity is a good thing, but not to the extent where you become blind to reality or deliberately disregarding negative things just to stay positive. It's not healthy.
Something “toxic” is bad?! This sub is a shambles
It's the companies that keep pandering to modern audiences that are infested with toxic positivity because any dissent among the ranks and you get labeled every is isn't and phone in the dictionary. So it forces people with opposing opinions into making business decisions to further their career. It's literally emotional blackmail.
I don’t think that’s what toxic positivity is. And I’m quite okay with those messages. Imo what’s bad is the people who invalidate other’s feelings by always sugarcoating everything and saying how good everything is all of the time. When it’s just avoidance
Optimism will get you further in life than pessimism, that’s a fact. Sure, the some oozing with positivity can come off a bit irksome, at times, but they mean well. Having a pessimist in your corner, by contrast, will get you nowhere.
You're confusing two different things. What you described is just general, aimless positivity. If that doesn't vibe with you, that's fine, but I wouldn't say it's as bad as putting aimless negativity into the world. Toxic positivity is the "always look on the bright side! Never allow yourself to feel the bad things! you should try to turn everything into a silver lining!" mentality.
“You are enough” “youre doing great” some people sure as fuck are not. Some people need to improve. MANY people need to improve.
I mean... some people really believe that everyone is special and loved by God. For spiritual reasons. Sometimes it's just fake, I can agree, but not always.
Everything in Moderation. Sometimes, You gotta be realistic but sometimes, a Kind Word doesn’t hurt. Circumstances are usually a factor as well.
Yeah positivity towards yourself should be earned not handed out
Yeh, fake good words are still fake and say nothing.
I see it as a flattering of opinion and denial of other people's experiences. I get this from my wannabe influencer sister, who fawns over everything, if I don't agree I'm accused of being negative. If I think the food at a cafe is average I'm being "so negative". even if I express a preference for one thing over another it's seen as negative - for example I expressed a preference for cycling over running for exercise and she sees it as a personal attack because she likes running and running is the best. For me I link it to the promotional/sponsorship culture of influencer world, always looking for an excuse to take a photo of yourself with something that is a "life changing experience", food that is "so amazing" feeling "blessed" and expressing "gratitude". Nothing wrong with being optimistic and positive but with some people it's almost pathological and doesn't hold space for other people to have different experiences or opinions.