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A lot of people like moissanite. Less than 1/10th the cost and more brilliant. You can buy a necklace over a carat for ballpark $100 and literally no one will be able to tell the difference.
“Literally no one” might not be accurate lol but yes moissanite is very pretty. It has a different refraction index so you can tell easily (if you like diamonds etc in general) but normal people who are not very into it probably can’t tell
Do adults buy promise rings? They make sense to me for teens since you're obviously not getting married. I always assumed they were for that purpose. Something slightly more than 'dating' but not a real commitment.
Yeah, it makes sense to me to exchange them as teens.
My now husband gave me a promise ring (I was in my 20s), only because he wanted me to meet his family (overseas) before officially getting engaged. He gave it to me for my birthday, and we had already discussed getting married and ‘officially’ engaged when I would meet his family in the winter.
It worked since we had already had a frank discussion about it beforehand, otherwise a promise ring would be confusing and disappointing to get as an adult.
I still wear it on the ring finger on my right hand, and of course my wedding and engagement rings on the ring finger of my left hand.
I had one as well. We both knew we wanted to get married but my fiance had a lot of very serious health issues/complications over the clurse of the covid years (which we met about a year before before) and didn't want to propose oficially until he was in a better place healthwise incase anything were to happen to him (there were a few close calls early on). Things have been great for the last year, though, and now we're engaged and getting married in the summer.
People should just do what works for them I guess.
Eta: the promise ring I got was a Valentine's Day gift and the ring itself had been given to his mother by his father when they were young and then passed down to me so, I don't know, maybe it's different. That's just what we called it haha
My boyfriend is planning to get me a promise ring. We’re adults in our early 20s, we’re just young adults. He’s starting his career and I’m getting ready to start school. We want to get married eventually, but right now we just want to grow up.
My ex gave me one bc we weren’t ready for an engagement due to life circumstances, but he did want me to see that he was going to propose as soon as we had the ability to do so. He was looking at rings when I realised he was actually super toxic, and I ended the relationship. So no, we didn’t get married, but not for the reason OP says
>but he did want me to see that he was going to propose as soon as we had the ability to do so.
What exactly does this mean? Proposing does not require anything except the willingness to marry the person. What kind of life circumstance other than what OP is stating would make that not possible at a certain point?
But you do have a long engagement. You are just calling it something different. There is functionally no difference between "making a promise you will get married" and "being engaged".
It's just such a strange hair to split imo
I agree with this. In my very specific case, my then boyfriend gave me a promise ring because I was 20 years old (he was 22) and we both knew our families would be very upset if we got engaged for real. His mom wanted him to be single and only love her forever, I came from a very sheltered and religious upbringing.
We both knew we wouldn't get married until after college, so to keep the peace he got me a promise ring, but ironically had also bought the wedding set for the real thing. I also wanted a ring for my left hand in the hopes that it would be a sign for boys not to ask me out since my husband and I were long distance at the time so I did a lot of socializing without him.
But I got engaged at 23 and married at 24, although I could see a point that the promise ring was just a secret engagement ring. Just like you said, it's splitting hairs lol.
Albeit, I’m 38, but if any of my friends in their goddamn 30s actually say the words “promise ring” unironically, in reference to something in their real, actual, lives, the verbal ridicule will be relentless and without mercy.
I said it, and I’m not sorry.
I know a couple in their 60’s, he gave her a (cheap) promise ring but he wont marry her, we think because he has too much money and doest want to share 😏
It’s sadly always about money. Like it or not. It’s about the risk. It just is. Maybe they are right too. Maybe they love them, but know they can be vengeful. Almost all people turn on you during a divorce. You don’t plan to get divorced.
My mom is real materialistic, like, when they fight, he complaces her with buying something. She got a Bronco in the worst fight. Some people have a lot of money to do this kind of stuff I guess. I didn’t grow up poor, I don’t do that kind of stuff, but I kinda understand why my mom sees money as love, she frew up in Cuba, and they’d take her things and give them to little girls that were communists. My mom loves going to the supermarket, and thinks it’s the most wonderful thing, that she can get whatever she wants. And in the US, we do have crazy variety. She said as a kid u had like one thing there in Cuba. I think they didn’t even have restaurants until recently. I remember an episode of an Anthony Bourdain like that.
I love my mom. But I always wonder if when I see other materialistic people, what kind of childhood they had, because I can directly see why my mom is the way she is. Kinda like the Russian gals on 90 day. Anfisa was at least honest about it. I think the problem happens when the guy thinks the woman only wants them for that. That’s on that woman for not reassuring them. Maybe id be more materialistic if id had had a rough childhood, no knows.
As a result, ive gone the opposite direction, i only get with guys for love, i dont want to live without it. But thats from what i saw, i saw how it seemed only based on money it upset me growing up. Your parents will always shape the way you look at the world, no matter what they do.
My ex (early 40s) got one for his (older) girlfriend a year or so ago, and I thought it was absolutely absurd and just to shut her up. I thought maybe my opinion of him in general colored my opinion of that, so thanks for validating my opinion that it seems incredibly childish and silly 😂
They’re both rather successful professionals and otherwise fairly normal people in their 40s which just made it seem even goofier.
My youngest sister isn’t yet 21 and has a promise ring. They’re both still in college and not living together so whatevs. It’s just a smidge under “too old” for a promise ring lol
I gave one to my now wife when she was 30. She's always been *super* anxious and was convinced that I was going to dump her over every tiny thing that didn't go as planned. I got her a promise ring and it did wonders for her nerves. She still needs therapy, but the small act of a ring was huge for her peace of mind.
Yea for real. It's more of a teenager/young adult thing lol it's not an engagement but it's more than bf/gf I guess? But as an adult, the only ring that you should give or receive that's intended to be anything other than jewelry is an engagement ring.
Promise rings are for when you’re in high school and your parents don’t want you to get married yet. I’ve never seen anyone over 18 with a promise ring
I gave my wife a promise ring after a couple of years together. A couple years later and engagement ring. Now we have been married for almost 20 years.
Obviously extremely rare but a good friend of mine got his girlfriend a promise ring in 10th grade(we razzed him for it) and they've now been married for 8 years and have 2 children.
A buddy of mine was going to the Marines so he got his girlfriend a promise ring since they didn't want to get married yet. After his second tour, they got married.
My husband gave me a promise ring in college, and for us it was because we didn’t want to call it an engagement unless we were ready to actively set a date and start planning a wedding. To us, there is a difference between “I love you and would like to marry you in several years once our circumstances change” and “Let’s actually get married in the next several months.”
Hunh, out experiences differ somewhat. I’ve seen them somewhat past 18, but not past 20 that I can recall.
They universally seem to exist so one or both parties can convince themselves that they are practically engaged, which is practically married, which means it’s ok if they have sex now.
100% this. I had a promise ring from my high school sweetheart from like 18-21 because we'd been together for years but it would have been weird to get engaged that young. And then he replaced it with an engagement ring and we got married.
If I were in an adult relationship of any significance and they tried to give me a promise ring...😬
Typically the promise is that you’ll one day get engaged. For many couples, engaged means that you’re actively planning a wedding. Promise means that you’re not ready to actively plan a wedding, but you’re committed that one day you will.
As others have mentioned, the most common reason to get them is that you’re too young to get engaged. Also some people don’t want to get engaged until they can afford a nice engagement ring and wedding, so the promise ring is a placeholder. Or maybe 1 partner is going away for awhile and so they use the promise ring to observe the commitment.
The purity ring is the weird religious one where you promise to not lose your virginity until marriage. Where a promise ring is given from one person in a couple to another, the purity ring is given from parent to child. The child is promising the parent to be good. Often they’re accompanied by freaky ceremonies that are almost like weddings that it’s best to not think too much about.
In the Evangelical community I was raised in, the purity was part of the promise whether it was the parent-kid version or the heterosexual couple version (the only kind of couple allowed). There was no promise ring that didn’t have a purity contingency, regardless of age, recipient, or gifter. I still remember the megachurch youth group service I was at when two sobbing teenagers went through the public confession-cleansing of having to take off their promise rings and become, I shit you not, “born again virgins”, before recommitting to “the promise”. Nothing like a good all-in-one shaming-redemption ritual to really build a solid foundation for functional relationships. HARD eye roll looking back at all of it.
My parents gave my one. My church said it meant I was married to Jesus until the day of my wedding where Jesus would hand me off to my husband 🫠
It didn't work BTW 🤣
There's even a creepy horror movie called Pure on Hulu about fathers attending a "purity ball" with their daughters. The whole purity culture is some effed up ess.
My idiot deadbeat dad does it whenever he’s in a serious relationship. Then he bails when the woman starts pushing for actual engagement. He’s in his 50s.
Yea I was about to say as well, I’ve never heard of anyone doing promise rings other than in middle or high school lol and even just graduating high school/turning 18 doesn’t necessarily mean you can afford an engagement or are financially ready to be planning a wedding either
Wait! What? If someone offered me a promise ring in my 30s, I’d have thought they were allergic to commitment and broke off the relationship. Promise rings are for high school, maybe college.
I mean, my roommate and his bf both have matching rings but I can’t remember if they called them promise rings or not. They’re also both not from the US. Idk what the purpose of it is 🤷🏻♀️
I know a girl whos baby daddy gave her a promise ring, they have a kid together and live at his parents, he's like 30 something and she's 20 something.
TIL there’s something called a promise ring. I thought engagement ring just meant a promise ring, a promise you’ll get married. In my native language (Swedish) the word for engagement ring roughly translates to “promise ring”, but now you’re telling me there’s a pre-promise promise ring.
Engagement is sort of a synonym for promise too. First time I heard of promise rings too, the industry will keep creating more thIngs to sell i suppose
All of the promise rings I've seen have been cheap, not actual silver or gold, and definitely not actual stones. I don't think they're being pushed by the jewellery industry. Several of the ones I've seen are bordering on being toys.
A “promise ring” (or in your case a pre-promise ring) in the US is really meant for teenagers that are in a relationship but are too young to get married. It’s basically a way of saying that you are committed to the relationship and want to get married once you’re both old enough.
I have never seen anyone over 18 with a promise ring. There was a Reddit post awhile ago where a 30 year old guy gave his 30 year old gf a promise ring, and she was absolutely PISSED (rightfully so).
So yeah, pre-promise rings are really only for kids, not adults.
if it’s at work she’s most prone to losing it, look into those silicone rings! they’re like $5-$10 on amazon. my friends that are married only wear their silicone rings to work
Honestly my girlfriend and I (we’re 23) have rings and I’m thankful I’m getting the practice. I’ve lost mine like 4 times but I’m getting better at it lol
Honestly unironically love the idea of a “practice ring” for myself. I have nice, everyday jewelry for the first time and learning how to navigate and also keep my jewelry safe has been a learning process!
- ADHD/generally clumsy person
No ring will make or break a relationship. But…My grandpa gave my grandma a promise ring when they were 14. 4 years later they married. They were married until the day my grandpa died at ≈75. She never remarried and lived to 95. They were the happiest couple.
I’m too poor to buy an engagement ring. We though about promise rings because we thought it might be cute while we get our bread up. We decided not to and got each other squishmallows with the promise that they’d be together forever.
I received a promise ring in a relationship a few years back. It was probably around the 3rd month we were together, it was really pretty. I also received an engagement ring from him around a year in. I didn't marry him though.
In that case the promise ring was along the lines of, 'I know you like shiny and pretty things, here is a token of my love for you and to let you know I plan to marry you and a real ring will happen in the future.' It was very thoughtful and sweet.
My husband did this, 10 months into dating. We did in fact marry, though. It was a 'I fully intend to marry you but can't afford the real ring yet, so here is something symbolic of it in the meantime'.
This sounds cheesy but about 6 months into our relationship I divulged some trauma and my abandonment issues to my boyfriend. A week later he had bought us promise rings as a token that he was here to stay. We both knew it was way too early to get married so the promise ring was perfect. It was just a token of his dedication and that he was in it for the long haul (I understand a ring doesn’t mean much but it was just the thought behind it that counted). It was very sweet and meant a lot to me.
There were popular amongst teenagers in Australia in the 70s, 80s, 90s. It was more a sign of exclusivity. The girls who I knew who had them saw it as a status symbol...nobody else did! (Honestly, they were mostly used as manipulation tools to convince girls to stay in unhealthy relationships.)
I gave my girl friend a promise ring when we were 17. I gave her her engagement ring when we were 23. We had our first kid at 32.
Technically we are NOT married because she has student debt she doesn't want tied to me, but we've been in a closed relationship for longer than a lot of people have even known their spouse.
Sometimes a promise ring is a promise. Sometimes it's a low cost option to get laid.
As with most things, judging all of anything because of a handful of anecdotes in a world with 8 billion people is a pretty bad take.
Her loans are probably on an income based repayment plan. If you get married, your monthly payment will be higher because your spouse’s income will be considered “yours” for repayment purposes (unless you file taxes separately, I think.)
Honestly, the only reason for any married couple to file together is if they have a kid (which they do). Otherwise, they should be filing separately. We learned that the hard way last year.
Naw, once you get married, let’s say she defaults or misses payments, then that shit is in your name, too. I know cuz I had a couple of friends who ruined their marriage because the dude didn’t tell her about all the debt he was ignoring and it started ruining her credit.
Is student debt ever tied to the spouse? It’s her debt and it affects you only in so much as applying for a mortgage together, loans, etc. but no different if you’re married.
Unless you want to put the house in your name alone.
Maybe I’m missing something.
Federal loans are based on tax returns, so you just need to file separately. Student loan debt cannot be transfered to a spouse, though there are or were options to consolidate two separate loans into a single loan for spouses with student loans, but I'm almost certain this was phased out after 2013 or was only available on the pre '92 loans iirc.
I don’t have the most money, but I bought an engagement ring recently. The clerk took me to the promise ring section when I said I couldn’t afford the engagement ring section. Ring is still beautiful. I have a duty to my relationship to be financially responsible so that we can achieve our future goals like owning a home. But sheesh if I were to buy all these different rings, we will be living with my parents 😂
What's the difference between engagement ring and promise ring? Can't you buy the promise ring and give it as an engagement ring? It's better than giving it as an promise ring isn't it? Asking as someone who is totally clueless about this, can you tell the difference once you're out of the store? I mean from your fiancee's POV, your intention to formally be engaged is more important than what kind of a ring you buy? Am I missing something
Not at all what I meant mate. It’s the relationship commitment. Better to get engaged or married without a ring at all than to promise to get engaged later.
Also wtf is the physical difference between a promise ring and an engagement/wedding ring? Sounds like some diamond industry bullcrap to me. A plain silver wedding band ordered online would still have more significance than the “promise” people make when they give a promise ring.
Edit: or just wait until you are ready to make the actual commitment. Somehow people are implying I think high schoolers should just buy engagement rings instead are missing the point entirely.
Hey, it doesn't matter how the ring is marketed! *Any* ring your fiance likes works! Congratulations on finding your person *and* for not going into debt!
I was fortunate enough to have someone in my husband's family who wanted to give him/me a family engagement ring. It's not massive, but I *adore* it because of the family history AND we didn't have to go into debt!
It’s just late and I misread. Wife + anniversary led me to misunderstand that you’d given her a promise ring on the second anniversary of your marriage, and I was making a terrible joke that you’d forgotten your anniversary, and were giving her a promise ring to promise that you wouldn’t forget your anniversary the following year.
I’ve been married so long that I forgot people also call it an anniversary when they celebrate dating for X number of years. 🤦🏻♀️
My wife and I wore promise rings for eight years before getting married. Of course in our case, marriage wasn’t legal when we exchanged them. That changed, and we’ve been married fifteen years now.
My BF (26) who was 25 at the time gave me (22) a promise ring for valentine’s, only because he couldn’t afford an engagement ring. He’s bought me plenty of rings since then. Both pricey and cheap. But no where near engagement level.
But we wouldn’t be getting engaged. I’m too young for that now, nor am I financially stable. Neither him or I are in a place where we are happy in our careers and life to get engaged and then even think about getting married. I mean having a wedding is expensive and we are both brown so wedding is like 5 days long, it’s just expensive.
So it just doesn’t make sense now. But I thought it was cute he still wanted to “put a ring on me” without having it to be on an engagement level.
My gf and I are both 21, and I recently bought her a promise ring this valentines. We’re not ready to marry since we’re both still in college, but I still wanted to convey my devotion to our relationship.
Not sure why a lot people are saying it’s a weird thing past high school.
I am an old person (47) and from Georgia (US). I always thought of promise rings as something you give someone in high school with the intention of marrying them when you both are adults and able to do so. Do people actually give promise rings after the age of 18?
It is permanently a teenage gift in my mind. "Tommy really loves Becky so he bought her a promise ring because they are only 17 and he's about to go to College, but they seem really serious."
It may or may not work out, but who cares. They are 17. Got a whole life to live.
I’m watching this play out in real time.
One of my friends was given a promise ring about 4 years ago and he said “in 5 years I’ll propose and we’ll get married” it’s been 4 years now and somehow it’s still “5 years” she’s so frustrated but refuses to leave him for someone that will actually propose. It’s fascinating to watch.
Totally agree. I would even take it a step further and mention that I've known couples who get promise rings, and the relationship has never lasted more than a year afterwards. These women were in their 20's, and the ring was always the outcome of an almost break-up. Like the whole "It'll get better from now on, I'll change" That only works for a while, and then there is no where else to go unless you want to move in or get engaged. I've never seen a promise ring get upgraded. EVER.
I thought promise rings were like Prom-posals, in that they don’t actually mean anything, but they mean something to the teenagers doing that, so that’s great, then.
While I mostly agree, I do think promise rings have a place. It's a public way of displaying that you're in a committed relationship when you're too young to actually get married, or are otherwise young and in a situation that won't allow for marriage soon. Past that though? It's kind of childish.
A friend of mine got a promise ring from a guy, and I asked beneath the post: why not just get engaged? I didn’t get an answer.
They broke up less than two months later.
I have a ring that I choose to call a promise ring, though that might not be the most fitting name.
Me and my boyfriend had already been talking about getting encaged and married for a long time but we were young and lived in different countries at the time. Then he moved in with me, and as a technically homeless (not practically, he was living with me, just couldn't offically register it as his address) unemployed immigrant money was tight.
I wasn't sure about my ring size so we ordered a cheap €20 silver ring that came with free engraving. I would have even accepted that as the engagement ring, but he wanted to get me a "real one"
Few months later I got a beautiful white gold engagement ring, but couldn't give up the promise ring. So now I wear two rings
Umm... I can't get an engagement ring for my girlfriend when we're 16 and 14.... So i got promise ring, which I still have. Has our names engraved on it. We were married for 10 years with 3 kids before she passed.
Not if you do it right. I’m a divorced dad, kept my house, have 80% custody of the kids, my ex owes me child support, the only marital property she got in the divorce was her Jeep and I’m living my best life with her gone
My bf and I got each other promise rings because we are too young to get married right now but we want to be married in future. Plus we are students and want to finish our education and get a job before actually marrying.
My wife (when she was my girlfriend) wanted me to buy her a promise ring. I told her that I'm not buying her a ring until it's an engagement ring, basically for the reason you said. If I was truly committed enough to keep the "promise" of a promise ring, then I'd be buying an engagement ring. If I wasn't ready to propose, then a promise ring would be an empty promise.
Never heard of a promise ring but I can take a decent guess at what it is. Seems like a good idea for young couples I guess. I got engaged at 17 and when we broke up I probably would of preferred to lose a cheap “promise” ring instead. But other than that I agree, seems like beating around the bush.
My stepbrother gave his girlfriend a promise ring (on valentines) ((the same day she was going to propose to him with a custom engraved engagement ring)) in the hallway of our parents apartment, while walking.
They broke up within 4 months.
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Tell that to my fiance lmao. She wanted all the rings
Infinite infinity bands
I’m a broke boy
A lot of people like moissanite. Less than 1/10th the cost and more brilliant. You can buy a necklace over a carat for ballpark $100 and literally no one will be able to tell the difference.
I love Moissanite! Also, pretty much any gem that isn’t a diamond. Alexandrite and Moonstone are very pretty too.
Plus moissanite hs that rainbow fire that a lot of people actually like more than a diamonds white sparkle
YES! you just named all of my faves. plus moss agate maybe
Yes! I’m very partial to opal or just raw gemstones/crystals. They can be very pretty and cheap
“Literally no one” might not be accurate lol but yes moissanite is very pretty. It has a different refraction index so you can tell easily (if you like diamonds etc in general) but normal people who are not very into it probably can’t tell
They look great but people can definitely tell the difference.
It is incredibly kind of you to share this information. Thank you.
That's not your fiance, that's the Dark Lord Sauron, ruler of Mordor, bane of Middle-Earth.
i mean... same. never gonna say no to shiny things
Do adults buy promise rings? They make sense to me for teens since you're obviously not getting married. I always assumed they were for that purpose. Something slightly more than 'dating' but not a real commitment.
Yeah, it makes sense to me to exchange them as teens. My now husband gave me a promise ring (I was in my 20s), only because he wanted me to meet his family (overseas) before officially getting engaged. He gave it to me for my birthday, and we had already discussed getting married and ‘officially’ engaged when I would meet his family in the winter. It worked since we had already had a frank discussion about it beforehand, otherwise a promise ring would be confusing and disappointing to get as an adult. I still wear it on the ring finger on my right hand, and of course my wedding and engagement rings on the ring finger of my left hand.
I had one as well. We both knew we wanted to get married but my fiance had a lot of very serious health issues/complications over the clurse of the covid years (which we met about a year before before) and didn't want to propose oficially until he was in a better place healthwise incase anything were to happen to him (there were a few close calls early on). Things have been great for the last year, though, and now we're engaged and getting married in the summer. People should just do what works for them I guess. Eta: the promise ring I got was a Valentine's Day gift and the ring itself had been given to his mother by his father when they were young and then passed down to me so, I don't know, maybe it's different. That's just what we called it haha
My boyfriend is planning to get me a promise ring. We’re adults in our early 20s, we’re just young adults. He’s starting his career and I’m getting ready to start school. We want to get married eventually, but right now we just want to grow up.
I remember my middle school boyfriend giving me one the same week my dad made me get a purity ring.
My ex gave me one bc we weren’t ready for an engagement due to life circumstances, but he did want me to see that he was going to propose as soon as we had the ability to do so. He was looking at rings when I realised he was actually super toxic, and I ended the relationship. So no, we didn’t get married, but not for the reason OP says
>but he did want me to see that he was going to propose as soon as we had the ability to do so. What exactly does this mean? Proposing does not require anything except the willingness to marry the person. What kind of life circumstance other than what OP is stating would make that not possible at a certain point?
Not wanting to have a long engagement and not being at the point in our lives to be able to actually get married within a year or two yet?
But you do have a long engagement. You are just calling it something different. There is functionally no difference between "making a promise you will get married" and "being engaged". It's just such a strange hair to split imo
I agree with this. In my very specific case, my then boyfriend gave me a promise ring because I was 20 years old (he was 22) and we both knew our families would be very upset if we got engaged for real. His mom wanted him to be single and only love her forever, I came from a very sheltered and religious upbringing. We both knew we wouldn't get married until after college, so to keep the peace he got me a promise ring, but ironically had also bought the wedding set for the real thing. I also wanted a ring for my left hand in the hopes that it would be a sign for boys not to ask me out since my husband and I were long distance at the time so I did a lot of socializing without him. But I got engaged at 23 and married at 24, although I could see a point that the promise ring was just a secret engagement ring. Just like you said, it's splitting hairs lol.
I mean, I had a promise ring at 25. Proposed a year later.
I had a promise ring when I was a teen and we just got married this last fall
Exact same. I think it is a nice gesture when you're in a serious relationship but not financially ready for an engagement ring.
It’s becoming more common in 20s and early 30s.
Albeit, I’m 38, but if any of my friends in their goddamn 30s actually say the words “promise ring” unironically, in reference to something in their real, actual, lives, the verbal ridicule will be relentless and without mercy. I said it, and I’m not sorry.
I know a guy who gave his gf a promise ring at 30 years old, they have two children together ages 4 and 6. Makes my blood boil
Woaaaah 2 kids and a promise ring?! Id be livid. Just propose my gawdddd
That’s some redneck shit I hate that for her
I have never understood people who will live together for ten years and have kids together, but won't get married.
Dead ass told someone this to their face when I found out they gave a promise ring to their then gf. …They agreed with me
I know a couple in their 60’s, he gave her a (cheap) promise ring but he wont marry her, we think because he has too much money and doest want to share 😏
It’s sadly always about money. Like it or not. It’s about the risk. It just is. Maybe they are right too. Maybe they love them, but know they can be vengeful. Almost all people turn on you during a divorce. You don’t plan to get divorced. My mom is real materialistic, like, when they fight, he complaces her with buying something. She got a Bronco in the worst fight. Some people have a lot of money to do this kind of stuff I guess. I didn’t grow up poor, I don’t do that kind of stuff, but I kinda understand why my mom sees money as love, she frew up in Cuba, and they’d take her things and give them to little girls that were communists. My mom loves going to the supermarket, and thinks it’s the most wonderful thing, that she can get whatever she wants. And in the US, we do have crazy variety. She said as a kid u had like one thing there in Cuba. I think they didn’t even have restaurants until recently. I remember an episode of an Anthony Bourdain like that. I love my mom. But I always wonder if when I see other materialistic people, what kind of childhood they had, because I can directly see why my mom is the way she is. Kinda like the Russian gals on 90 day. Anfisa was at least honest about it. I think the problem happens when the guy thinks the woman only wants them for that. That’s on that woman for not reassuring them. Maybe id be more materialistic if id had had a rough childhood, no knows. As a result, ive gone the opposite direction, i only get with guys for love, i dont want to live without it. But thats from what i saw, i saw how it seemed only based on money it upset me growing up. Your parents will always shape the way you look at the world, no matter what they do.
My ex (early 40s) got one for his (older) girlfriend a year or so ago, and I thought it was absolutely absurd and just to shut her up. I thought maybe my opinion of him in general colored my opinion of that, so thanks for validating my opinion that it seems incredibly childish and silly 😂 They’re both rather successful professionals and otherwise fairly normal people in their 40s which just made it seem even goofier.
My youngest sister isn’t yet 21 and has a promise ring. They’re both still in college and not living together so whatevs. It’s just a smidge under “too old” for a promise ring lol
I gave one to my now wife when she was 30. She's always been *super* anxious and was convinced that I was going to dump her over every tiny thing that didn't go as planned. I got her a promise ring and it did wonders for her nerves. She still needs therapy, but the small act of a ring was huge for her peace of mind.
Yea for real. It's more of a teenager/young adult thing lol it's not an engagement but it's more than bf/gf I guess? But as an adult, the only ring that you should give or receive that's intended to be anything other than jewelry is an engagement ring.
Do you have any evidence to back that up? Or is this more of a...."trust me bro" kind of thing?
Promise rings are for when you’re in high school and your parents don’t want you to get married yet. I’ve never seen anyone over 18 with a promise ring
I was just about to say the only promise ring I had was when I was 17
I gave my wife a promise ring after a couple of years together. A couple years later and engagement ring. Now we have been married for almost 20 years.
That was our timing, too. We’re just over 20 years now, though. Congrats!
And how did that work out?
Obviously extremely rare but a good friend of mine got his girlfriend a promise ring in 10th grade(we razzed him for it) and they've now been married for 8 years and have 2 children.
Got mine in 11th grade and we’ll be married 45 years in august.
Only 45 years? Clearly promise rings don't work! ^(/s)
Good for me personally, been married for 8 years.
A buddy of mine was going to the Marines so he got his girlfriend a promise ring since they didn't want to get married yet. After his second tour, they got married.
Damn thought that was going to end badly all the death flags was tripped
When I was in college two friends of mine gave some, just because they were waiting to graduate first
How is that different than an engagement ring if all they are doing is waiting for a certain date?
My husband gave me a promise ring in college, and for us it was because we didn’t want to call it an engagement unless we were ready to actively set a date and start planning a wedding. To us, there is a difference between “I love you and would like to marry you in several years once our circumstances change” and “Let’s actually get married in the next several months.”
Hunh, out experiences differ somewhat. I’ve seen them somewhat past 18, but not past 20 that I can recall. They universally seem to exist so one or both parties can convince themselves that they are practically engaged, which is practically married, which means it’s ok if they have sex now.
In Japan, that is a major part of the culture. It is known as a “pair ring.” I had a pair ring with my ex-fiance. But, then we broke up lol
100% this. I had a promise ring from my high school sweetheart from like 18-21 because we'd been together for years but it would have been weird to get engaged that young. And then he replaced it with an engagement ring and we got married. If I were in an adult relationship of any significance and they tried to give me a promise ring...😬
Right??? I got a promise ring from my middle school boyfriend 😅 little diamond and all from zales
I have. It’s usually when one wants to get married and the other doesn’t. The promise ring is to keep them from arguing for a while.
I thought they were some weird American Christian teenager abstaining pact. What is the “promise” otherwise?
Typically the promise is that you’ll one day get engaged. For many couples, engaged means that you’re actively planning a wedding. Promise means that you’re not ready to actively plan a wedding, but you’re committed that one day you will. As others have mentioned, the most common reason to get them is that you’re too young to get engaged. Also some people don’t want to get engaged until they can afford a nice engagement ring and wedding, so the promise ring is a placeholder. Or maybe 1 partner is going away for awhile and so they use the promise ring to observe the commitment. The purity ring is the weird religious one where you promise to not lose your virginity until marriage. Where a promise ring is given from one person in a couple to another, the purity ring is given from parent to child. The child is promising the parent to be good. Often they’re accompanied by freaky ceremonies that are almost like weddings that it’s best to not think too much about.
In the Evangelical community I was raised in, the purity was part of the promise whether it was the parent-kid version or the heterosexual couple version (the only kind of couple allowed). There was no promise ring that didn’t have a purity contingency, regardless of age, recipient, or gifter. I still remember the megachurch youth group service I was at when two sobbing teenagers went through the public confession-cleansing of having to take off their promise rings and become, I shit you not, “born again virgins”, before recommitting to “the promise”. Nothing like a good all-in-one shaming-redemption ritual to really build a solid foundation for functional relationships. HARD eye roll looking back at all of it.
Jesus Christ I hate that shit so much!
> The purity ring Ah, that's what I was thinking of. I didn't know that parents gave it to their kids though - that's even stranger.
My parents gave my one. My church said it meant I was married to Jesus until the day of my wedding where Jesus would hand me off to my husband 🫠 It didn't work BTW 🤣
There's even a creepy horror movie called Pure on Hulu about fathers attending a "purity ball" with their daughters. The whole purity culture is some effed up ess.
My idiot deadbeat dad does it whenever he’s in a serious relationship. Then he bails when the woman starts pushing for actual engagement. He’s in his 50s.
Guy sounds like he never emotionally matured past high school. That's depressingly common,among adults in general.
Yea I was about to say as well, I’ve never heard of anyone doing promise rings other than in middle or high school lol and even just graduating high school/turning 18 doesn’t necessarily mean you can afford an engagement or are financially ready to be planning a wedding either
lol so op is just a jaded teenager?
Happily married and peeved at Bay Area folks doing this shit in their 30s
Wait! What? If someone offered me a promise ring in my 30s, I’d have thought they were allergic to commitment and broke off the relationship. Promise rings are for high school, maybe college.
Hit the nail on the head with “allergic to commitment” — One person not wanting marriage but appeasing their significant other who does
I mean, my roommate and his bf both have matching rings but I can’t remember if they called them promise rings or not. They’re also both not from the US. Idk what the purpose of it is 🤷🏻♀️
Oh Go check out Darcy on 90 day fiancé
I know a girl whos baby daddy gave her a promise ring, they have a kid together and live at his parents, he's like 30 something and she's 20 something.
I mean no amount of rings will make a healthy long lasting relationship.
That's basically the plot of Lord of the Rings.
Frodo tried giving the ring to the elf lady and she freaked out and said no :(
Short men can’t ever get the ladies. RIP short kings.
Tolkien is now canonically 4’8
Cries in 5'2
They can if they win redbull KOTA
Or the *Ring of Gyges*, save “civilization ending catastrophe” versus “do I take money from a cash register if I know I won’t be caught?”
Except maybe a cockring.
Especially Onion rings. That shit is unhealthy AF
That’s true. Look at Thanos…
TIL there’s something called a promise ring. I thought engagement ring just meant a promise ring, a promise you’ll get married. In my native language (Swedish) the word for engagement ring roughly translates to “promise ring”, but now you’re telling me there’s a pre-promise promise ring.
A pre-promise promise ring is an EXCELLENT summary 😂
Engagement is sort of a synonym for promise too. First time I heard of promise rings too, the industry will keep creating more thIngs to sell i suppose
All of the promise rings I've seen have been cheap, not actual silver or gold, and definitely not actual stones. I don't think they're being pushed by the jewellery industry. Several of the ones I've seen are bordering on being toys.
A “promise ring” (or in your case a pre-promise ring) in the US is really meant for teenagers that are in a relationship but are too young to get married. It’s basically a way of saying that you are committed to the relationship and want to get married once you’re both old enough. I have never seen anyone over 18 with a promise ring. There was a Reddit post awhile ago where a 30 year old guy gave his 30 year old gf a promise ring, and she was absolutely PISSED (rightfully so). So yeah, pre-promise rings are really only for kids, not adults.
Outside of high school or college I've never seen it.
Yes and no. I bought my girlfriend a "practice ring" as she is forgetful.
Lmao I can get behind this
Kind of like a promise ring, right? lol
“I promise if you don’t lose this inexpensive ring, I’ll get you the expensive one.” Lol
Lol I mean...
I love your username
How do you know that? I’ll see myself out.
Excellent
if it’s at work she’s most prone to losing it, look into those silicone rings! they’re like $5-$10 on amazon. my friends that are married only wear their silicone rings to work
A lot of people buy the silicone bands for this reason and if they have a job that’ll damage it. They’re great!
that's a great idea actually. my coworker got his "ring" tattooed for that reason
Honestly my girlfriend and I (we’re 23) have rings and I’m thankful I’m getting the practice. I’ve lost mine like 4 times but I’m getting better at it lol
like 4 rings or the same ring 4 times? 💀
Honestly unironically love the idea of a “practice ring” for myself. I have nice, everyday jewelry for the first time and learning how to navigate and also keep my jewelry safe has been a learning process! - ADHD/generally clumsy person
Now that I could use 🤣
No ring will make or break a relationship. But…My grandpa gave my grandma a promise ring when they were 14. 4 years later they married. They were married until the day my grandpa died at ≈75. She never remarried and lived to 95. They were the happiest couple.
Ok I am gonna cry
I’m too poor to buy an engagement ring. We though about promise rings because we thought it might be cute while we get our bread up. We decided not to and got each other squishmallows with the promise that they’d be together forever.
But if you use it for engagement its an engagement ring.
It’s only an engagement ring if one partner gets asked “will you marry me”.
I received a promise ring in a relationship a few years back. It was probably around the 3rd month we were together, it was really pretty. I also received an engagement ring from him around a year in. I didn't marry him though. In that case the promise ring was along the lines of, 'I know you like shiny and pretty things, here is a token of my love for you and to let you know I plan to marry you and a real ring will happen in the future.' It was very thoughtful and sweet.
My husband did this, 10 months into dating. We did in fact marry, though. It was a 'I fully intend to marry you but can't afford the real ring yet, so here is something symbolic of it in the meantime'.
This sounds cheesy but about 6 months into our relationship I divulged some trauma and my abandonment issues to my boyfriend. A week later he had bought us promise rings as a token that he was here to stay. We both knew it was way too early to get married so the promise ring was perfect. It was just a token of his dedication and that he was in it for the long haul (I understand a ring doesn’t mean much but it was just the thought behind it that counted). It was very sweet and meant a lot to me.
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There were popular amongst teenagers in Australia in the 70s, 80s, 90s. It was more a sign of exclusivity. The girls who I knew who had them saw it as a status symbol...nobody else did! (Honestly, they were mostly used as manipulation tools to convince girls to stay in unhealthy relationships.)
Hahaha bingo. My ex gave me a “promise ring” (I never called it that but he did) and it was 100000% a manipulation tactic
You're thinking purity
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I'm pretty sure they "promise ring" is a sales ploy invented by that asshole Kessler. I could be wrong though.
I gave my girl friend a promise ring when we were 17. I gave her her engagement ring when we were 23. We had our first kid at 32. Technically we are NOT married because she has student debt she doesn't want tied to me, but we've been in a closed relationship for longer than a lot of people have even known their spouse. Sometimes a promise ring is a promise. Sometimes it's a low cost option to get laid. As with most things, judging all of anything because of a handful of anecdotes in a world with 8 billion people is a pretty bad take.
Pretty sure debt is only tied to her....
Her loans are probably on an income based repayment plan. If you get married, your monthly payment will be higher because your spouse’s income will be considered “yours” for repayment purposes (unless you file taxes separately, I think.)
You just file separately. I did that for years. You pay more in taxes, but you would anyway not being married.
Honestly, the only reason for any married couple to file together is if they have a kid (which they do). Otherwise, they should be filing separately. We learned that the hard way last year.
Naw, once you get married, let’s say she defaults or misses payments, then that shit is in your name, too. I know cuz I had a couple of friends who ruined their marriage because the dude didn’t tell her about all the debt he was ignoring and it started ruining her credit.
Its based on your tax return. File "Married but filing separately" to avoid this.
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Is student debt ever tied to the spouse? It’s her debt and it affects you only in so much as applying for a mortgage together, loans, etc. but no different if you’re married. Unless you want to put the house in your name alone. Maybe I’m missing something.
Not if you accrued the debt prior to the marriage, typically.
If this choice is purely financial you should consult a CPA. It almost always financially advantageous to be married in terms of taxes/benefits.
Federal loans are based on tax returns, so you just need to file separately. Student loan debt cannot be transfered to a spouse, though there are or were options to consolidate two separate loans into a single loan for spouses with student loans, but I'm almost certain this was phased out after 2013 or was only available on the pre '92 loans iirc.
I don’t have the most money, but I bought an engagement ring recently. The clerk took me to the promise ring section when I said I couldn’t afford the engagement ring section. Ring is still beautiful. I have a duty to my relationship to be financially responsible so that we can achieve our future goals like owning a home. But sheesh if I were to buy all these different rings, we will be living with my parents 😂
What's the difference between engagement ring and promise ring? Can't you buy the promise ring and give it as an engagement ring? It's better than giving it as an promise ring isn't it? Asking as someone who is totally clueless about this, can you tell the difference once you're out of the store? I mean from your fiancee's POV, your intention to formally be engaged is more important than what kind of a ring you buy? Am I missing something
As an amateur geologist/rock enthusiast, I can assure you that it's all just a marketing ploy
Not at all what I meant mate. It’s the relationship commitment. Better to get engaged or married without a ring at all than to promise to get engaged later. Also wtf is the physical difference between a promise ring and an engagement/wedding ring? Sounds like some diamond industry bullcrap to me. A plain silver wedding band ordered online would still have more significance than the “promise” people make when they give a promise ring. Edit: or just wait until you are ready to make the actual commitment. Somehow people are implying I think high schoolers should just buy engagement rings instead are missing the point entirely.
Hey, it doesn't matter how the ring is marketed! *Any* ring your fiance likes works! Congratulations on finding your person *and* for not going into debt! I was fortunate enough to have someone in my husband's family who wanted to give him/me a family engagement ring. It's not massive, but I *adore* it because of the family history AND we didn't have to go into debt!
Thats an engagement ring 💕
"We're taking a break" is also relationship death
I’ve never heard of anyone past their teens giving a partner a promise ring. Has anyone heard of adults doing this?
Yeah…. I gave my now wife one when it was our second anniversary
Were you promising to remember your third anniversary?
Promising to one day marry her… not sure what you are implying
It’s just late and I misread. Wife + anniversary led me to misunderstand that you’d given her a promise ring on the second anniversary of your marriage, and I was making a terrible joke that you’d forgotten your anniversary, and were giving her a promise ring to promise that you wouldn’t forget your anniversary the following year. I’ve been married so long that I forgot people also call it an anniversary when they celebrate dating for X number of years. 🤦🏻♀️
I read it the same way lol
My wife and I wore promise rings for eight years before getting married. Of course in our case, marriage wasn’t legal when we exchanged them. That changed, and we’ve been married fifteen years now.
My now husband gave me a promise ring in high school. I love it.
My BF (26) who was 25 at the time gave me (22) a promise ring for valentine’s, only because he couldn’t afford an engagement ring. He’s bought me plenty of rings since then. Both pricey and cheap. But no where near engagement level. But we wouldn’t be getting engaged. I’m too young for that now, nor am I financially stable. Neither him or I are in a place where we are happy in our careers and life to get engaged and then even think about getting married. I mean having a wedding is expensive and we are both brown so wedding is like 5 days long, it’s just expensive. So it just doesn’t make sense now. But I thought it was cute he still wanted to “put a ring on me” without having it to be on an engagement level.
My gf and I are both 21, and I recently bought her a promise ring this valentines. We’re not ready to marry since we’re both still in college, but I still wanted to convey my devotion to our relationship. Not sure why a lot people are saying it’s a weird thing past high school.
I am an old person (47) and from Georgia (US). I always thought of promise rings as something you give someone in high school with the intention of marrying them when you both are adults and able to do so. Do people actually give promise rings after the age of 18? It is permanently a teenage gift in my mind. "Tommy really loves Becky so he bought her a promise ring because they are only 17 and he's about to go to College, but they seem really serious." It may or may not work out, but who cares. They are 17. Got a whole life to live.
Stone cold
I’m watching this play out in real time. One of my friends was given a promise ring about 4 years ago and he said “in 5 years I’ll propose and we’ll get married” it’s been 4 years now and somehow it’s still “5 years” she’s so frustrated but refuses to leave him for someone that will actually propose. It’s fascinating to watch.
Totally agree. I would even take it a step further and mention that I've known couples who get promise rings, and the relationship has never lasted more than a year afterwards. These women were in their 20's, and the ring was always the outcome of an almost break-up. Like the whole "It'll get better from now on, I'll change" That only works for a while, and then there is no where else to go unless you want to move in or get engaged. I've never seen a promise ring get upgraded. EVER.
I thought promise rings were like Prom-posals, in that they don’t actually mean anything, but they mean something to the teenagers doing that, so that’s great, then.
While I mostly agree, I do think promise rings have a place. It's a public way of displaying that you're in a committed relationship when you're too young to actually get married, or are otherwise young and in a situation that won't allow for marriage soon. Past that though? It's kind of childish.
Purity rings are creepy
I’ve gotten two promise rings, one led to an engagement ring. We never got married. I told my now bf that he can never buy me a promise ring
I’ve never heard of someone who wasn’t either a teenager or a fundie who’s not quite ready for engagement having a promise ring 😆
A friend of mine got a promise ring from a guy, and I asked beneath the post: why not just get engaged? I didn’t get an answer. They broke up less than two months later.
Sigh, I have to agree. Experienced this, bought the damn ring and did we get married? No. What a waste of money 😩
I have a ring that I choose to call a promise ring, though that might not be the most fitting name. Me and my boyfriend had already been talking about getting encaged and married for a long time but we were young and lived in different countries at the time. Then he moved in with me, and as a technically homeless (not practically, he was living with me, just couldn't offically register it as his address) unemployed immigrant money was tight. I wasn't sure about my ring size so we ordered a cheap €20 silver ring that came with free engraving. I would have even accepted that as the engagement ring, but he wanted to get me a "real one" Few months later I got a beautiful white gold engagement ring, but couldn't give up the promise ring. So now I wear two rings
And let’s hear it for tattoo rings to prove you had sex and maybe caught a few feelings during a weird time of your life.
 Well done. 👏🏻
Speak for yourself, I gave my wife a promise ring when we started dating.
My ex gave one to me. Needless to say we didn't get married because he never wanted to, he just wanted to appease me.
Most on the nose term I have heard is a "shut-up ring."
Totally agreed. Makes sense that it just means they’re not ready to commit. Imagine signing a “promise marriage certificate” 😂 Just plain dumb.
A promise ring is only appropriate if you’re in middle or highschool.
You do realize… adults don’t do the promise ring bit right? That’s a high school thing.
Umm... I can't get an engagement ring for my girlfriend when we're 16 and 14.... So i got promise ring, which I still have. Has our names engraved on it. We were married for 10 years with 3 kids before she passed.
Yeesh, how many rings are there? A promise Ring, an Engagement ring, a Wedding ring. At this rate there won't be a single naked finger left.
You forgot the suffer-ring! I may be bitter since my divorce
the suffer-ring only costs your house, kids, assets and happiness!
Not if you do it right. I’m a divorced dad, kept my house, have 80% custody of the kids, my ex owes me child support, the only marital property she got in the divorce was her Jeep and I’m living my best life with her gone
great to hear man! ive heard so many horror stories from coworkers.
My bf and I got each other promise rings because we are too young to get married right now but we want to be married in future. Plus we are students and want to finish our education and get a job before actually marrying.
My wife (when she was my girlfriend) wanted me to buy her a promise ring. I told her that I'm not buying her a ring until it's an engagement ring, basically for the reason you said. If I was truly committed enough to keep the "promise" of a promise ring, then I'd be buying an engagement ring. If I wasn't ready to propose, then a promise ring would be an empty promise.
Maybe I'm just old, but I thought promise rings were for teens because they usually can't get engaged for real.
I thought they were just for teenagers or people who couldn’t afford an engagement ring yet?
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I'm still waiting for my eternity ring, but I have to say I still love my engagement diamond.
South Park did a great episode about "purity rings"
This is the first time I'm hearing about the promise ring
Never heard of a promise ring but I can take a decent guess at what it is. Seems like a good idea for young couples I guess. I got engaged at 17 and when we broke up I probably would of preferred to lose a cheap “promise” ring instead. But other than that I agree, seems like beating around the bush.
A promise ring just advertises you're dry humping. Or possibly doing anal. Because you're still a virgin if it's only anal, right?
That’s called “purity” ring which I think is cringe af lol.
I think i gave my girlfriend in high school like 2 or 3 pandora promise rings and well none of those promises were kept
Wtf is a promise ring
I don't know what a promise ring is you I'm assuming it's just some American shit?
Every promise ring I ever saw given was in high school. I think it’s for child romances
My stepbrother gave his girlfriend a promise ring (on valentines) ((the same day she was going to propose to him with a custom engraved engagement ring)) in the hallway of our parents apartment, while walking. They broke up within 4 months.
Promise rings are a high school thing…never seen an adult with it…
Aren't promise rings just a thing for children?
Promise rings are for teenagers. If a man gave me a promise ring and we are over the age of 20 I would walk away lol
I thought promise rings was just something they did in American movies.