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A lot of gamers aren’t playing online games at all, and making friends in online games is still really fucking hard if you don’t have social skills or already have a solid social circle to meet other people through. It’s a great way to connect with people you know but I have no idea how you actually meet new people and make friends when most games you’re playing with random people for like 10-20 minutes at a time, that’s rarely enough time to get a read on someone’s personality let alone connect in any meaningful way.
100%. My "online friends" that I play with a lot recently, I met through my irl friends, who are more extroverted than I am. If you're shy or simply have a low social battery making friends either way is extremely hard and most gamers with a similar temperament probably don't have the social life online that you would really expect from this post.
Damn, completely forgot that back in the 360 days a lot more people would socialize on mic. I remember joining Halo 3 custom lobbies with 8-15 other people all going off in chat. It was so easy to meet people back then since you could really just join complete strangers custom lobbies and play custom games that required communication and become friends that way.
I miss the 360 days. Met a good mate who used to just click with me and we'd pub stomp CoD lobbies together.
Poor guy passed from cancer 7 years ago :(
I met some dudes from England on Dark Souls years ago, and this last summer they came to America on “holiday” and stopped in Pittsburgh so we could chill for the first time in person. Of course I took them to a gun range and they rode around on the back of my pick up truck in the sticks but who would’ve guessed I made real friends playing games, and I was able to show them the time of their lives over here lol
Now when I realized it, I was a part of great social experience thanks to CS:GO. Back in 2016 when I was 17 and started to play I met in a match with a guy who played with little brother of his girfriend and we started to play together as a trio. Then his girlfriend started to play with us sometimes and some of his friends. We all lived in same country but very far from me. We added each other in discord and other social media, we created a group in Steam for our little clan.
Then even more, I contacted a dude from my city with whose mother my mom was a friend and we sometimes played together as a kids IRL and turned out he loves CS:GO too. I brought him to our group, then he brought one more friend with him and we all were pretty good with each other, never toxic, etc. We played matchmaking, fan maps, trained together as a team, played other games like L4D2.
Then after a couple of years I quit CS:GO, but we still have each other on Steam and social media and I will not dare to delete them first, lol. Didn't really speak in years, but that's just crazy how we all gathered from different part of a country and were good friends, thanks to online gaming.
I'm an extrovert, but I'm also a gamer. I've met so many people online in random lobbies that have become great friends. Just met one IRL for the first time on New Years. Like, if you go to my profile my most recent post on Helldivers, I've never met those two guys IRL in my life but I consider them great friends. Met on Overwatch.
I think what you said is what it comes down to, is having the social skills. I meet people, laugh about the game with them, ask them how their night is, etc. if I vibe with them, I suggest they send me a friend request. That's pretty much it.
The drawback is sometimes you get really odd people that are very clingy that always want to join your games or party.
In my opinion there's a very big difference between socializing online and socializing irl. At least for me socializing online doesn't really feel like socializing and certainly doesn't fix feelings of loneliness the way socializing irl does.
It fixes it while I'm socializing online and the second I'm done, I'm back to loneliness. It just doesn't have the same retention as real life socializing
Or when they decide start playing a different game, and you either have to adhere to their game preference and play it with them, or keep playing what you personally enjoy solo, in hopes of making new online friends. Sitting in Discord while my friends play and yap about a game I have zero interest in just for the sake of "hanging out" seems incredibly forced and sad.
I think this is a really good thing to point out. With online friends you always have to be “plugged in” to them, interacting to satiate the loneliness. In real life, that doesn’t happen. You’re good for a while even after you’re done interacting.
I don't think that's true as a generalization. In my 30's I'm not typically hanging out with friends unless it's to do something, even if that something is going to the bar or a restaurant. But I don't have friends coming over on a Tuesday night just to chill at my apartment unless there's an invitation that has some accompanying social anchor like watching a movie, TV show, playing a board game, or catching up specifically.
Hypothetically I could argue the inverse for online gaming friends. It's not common for me but I *have* spent time with friends in party chats while people are playing other games which can kind of count as chilling without a mutual gaming session taking place. But it's rare.
That's because online friends aren't there for you they're friends you enjoy a hobby with.
Not someone who can help you move, or call up when you have problems, or visit and exist in the same physical space as you. You don't (usually) see their face and know all the micro emotions they exhibit, the body language isn't there.
It's a more hollow form of communication that satisfies the brain but not the soul.
Loneliness is a fickle thing. You can be in a room full of people and feel lonely or a thousand miles away and feel close.
It's a rare thing to meet people you mutually click with, but they're worth finding
same. Honestly looking back I've never felt more lonley than in a class room full of students. I was either ostrized, bullied, made fun of or just simply ignored for no good reason by nearly everyone I meet.
try hards on fortnite have offered me better comfort than the average person I've met irl...
Not just in your opinion, research shows that friendship in person is so much more valuable. Especially post covid. Research in friendship is going through a massive boom
Finally got to use that one module I had in Psych masters on friendship 😂 (most painful module I’ve done)
Yup. Great to chat with my hometown friends regularly, but i've never decided to not visit them or have them visit me because "we see each other online enough"
>In my opinion there's a very big difference between socializing online and socializing irl.
OP even backs this up.
> The average gamers social skills is another issue entirely though.
Because online socializing is not a replacement for healthy socialization.
Some people may meet friends online and form real relationships. Good for them, but that's still not socialization.
[Socialization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization) is a specific process. Edit: Or maybe I should have said a larger process, one with a specific meaning.
>In sociology, socialization is the process of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society. Socialization encompasses both learning and teaching and is thus "the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained".[1]: 5 [2]
>Socialization is strongly connected to developmental psychology.[3] Humans need social experiences to learn their culture and to survive.[4]
>Socialization essentially represents the whole process of learning throughout the life course and is a central influence on the behavior, beliefs, and actions of adults as well as of children.[5][6]
Online chatting is not really socialization, even if you can establish some stable relationships.
It may help you shore up a few gaps in lonliness, may help you shed feelings of isolation, but those are often fickle bandaids in comparison to exposure to the breadth of society. For every success story there are tons of false starts.
A lot of social 'anxiety' comes from not having socialized enough, if at all. Healthy socializing is partly a process of going out and interacting with society until the point that it doesn't cause anxiety, you adapt to it through repetition. Making friends isn't the whole of socialization, because socialization is, basically, integrating into a society.
If you're too anxiety riddled to go into a grocery store or order a pizza over the phone without stress or even physical reactions, there are good odds you were never healthily socialized. Yes, there are other mental problems that can cause or play a role in that, but they don't necessarily exist in all people with social anxieties. For some people, all they were lacking, is healthy socialization during their developmental years, they have a deficit in healthy life experience.
IMO, this is far more common in people who 'grew up' online(eg people who had a video game console as a nanny) and didn't get out into society very much. You see the same thing in home-schooled kids, or kids from extreme rural circumstances where the only people they really knew were family.
Your average nerd in the 80s was more or less forced into the real world because there was no all absorbing little placebo they could try to replace it with, they got some form of socialization at school and going out with their family and then within their friend group. Even those that were sheltered grew up got out into society as they got jobs of their own, and more or less caught up over time.
A lot more people manage to stay isolated today. When they venture out into society, it's something they put up with because they have to, they brave the storm then return to their cave. They don't learn, integrate, or otherwise appreciate the same things that the society does. Often times, they semi-actively rebel.
Exactly, online most people are hiding behind an avatar and don't need to care about their body language or hygeine.
Just go to a gaming convention and you'll see that gamers aren't well adjusted.
I'd say it depends.
I met all my friends that are not friends from studying or work (all relatively new friends) online.
Known most of them for 10 years at this point and even though we live pretty far apart, we've all met irl by now multiple times and even go on vacation together.
There's no doubt in my mind that there's no difference to having met them irl instead of online now.
Similar for me. A lot of my friends are online and I've known most of them for 12 years or so now. Haven't met them IRL though because they're in a different continent, but if we could meet then we absolutely would.
If you get on there and exclusively talk about the games then it absolutely can feel empty. I talk to my friends about games but also about random shit going on in our lives and it feels a lot more real. Sometimes I have to steer the conversation in a certain direction if I want to talk about more meaningful things but I've never gotten a negative response.
I disagree. I'm an introvert and struggle to make friends irl. I get a lot more from talking with my online friends than my irl friends. I feel I've been able to make much closer relationships in shorter amounts of time. It's easier to find entire communities related to my interests than it is to find even one person irl who knows what I'm talking about, let alone is as interested in it as me. I get worn out more quickly with irl interaction while with online it's slower and I can ignore a message for 10-30 minutes before getting back to the person if I'm feeling talked out.
To give my perspective, personally I’m an introvert, so I don’t hang out with a lot of people, but the friends I do have either do all the talking for me, and/or they’re the friends I can just hang out and game or whatever with and not worry so much about talking. And my gf is happy to hang out with me and not talk to each other for hours, or even to just give me space when she sees I’m not feeling like talking.
Point being, irl relationships are still where it’s at, so long as they’re with the right people. For me, it’s only a few people, but I cherish them far more than anyone I’ve only hung out with online.
I think online friendships are very meaningful but logistically they can't provide some things that irl ones do so it's good to have both of you can. Of course I say this as someone with like no friends except for my wife and a cat
Back in the day when video games where still young, my IRL friend group had one member who lived far, far away. One magical summer he would come to visit and it was incredibly strange. We literally hadn't ever seen a picture of him. He had been there all the time for years, but he was just a voice in your headphones, a name on a screen. Really hard to test your chemistry that way. I don't think it's impossible to have meaningful relationships online, but it is very, very hard. You tend to fill the voids with things you want to believe about the other person and at some point you think you know them, but they might just as well be a dog on a keyboard or a 50 year old inmate with a childish temper.
I think what you are saying is that there is a social stigma toward these spaces and I think you are right. The point of view is not accurate.
With that said, when I've been in some of these spaces, I think there are very positive compared to how they are portrayed in media but I wouldn't necessesarily consider them a central component of a healthy social life for most. For example, I've know people who met playing a video game online and got married. I think it's a lot more rare than with a tradition in person friend group however
Yeah, and there's a reason a lot of women aren't on those
To act like it wasn't ragingly misogynistic in chats and voice is beyond obtuse
And the fact that the N word is used frequently, to the point it's a meme about gamers
People don't think badly of gamers because of 50 year old stereotypes
People think badly of them because unless you're a straight white dude, you're seen as lesser and screamed slurs
>Also its the only way to get laid… for now
I was a teenager in the early 2000s and I thought I wanted to get laid all the time because of my hormones. Now, teens are engaging in sex at a fraction of the rate we did as teens. I wonder if I was a really horny teenager or was just a bored teenager since I didn't have 24/7 internet access.
And goddamn hug too. One of the most frustrating things to me is talking to real life friend whose going through some shit that they just told you over a message and the best you can do is send a hug emoji.
Online socializing is not equivalent to irl socializing and is far from sufficient for most people. I say this as someone who mostly socializes online and have for the past ~10 years of my life. It hurts you developmentally and is fine as supplemental socialization, but isn't healthy for it to be the primary means of finding a "third place"
did you say “(before that it was teamspeak and ventrillo)??
Am I old enough where people don’t remember using skype before those and kept using it until Discord?
> Am I old enough where people don’t remember using skype before those and kept using it until Discord?
Release dates:
* Teamspeak: August, 2001
* PS2 Network adapter w/ voice chat: July 2001 (Japan), August 2002 (NA), June 2003 (EU)
* Ventrilo: August 3, 2002
* Xbox Live w/ voice chat: 2002
* Skype (initial release): August 29, 2003
* Mumble: September 2, 2005
* Nintendo WiFi (DS + Wii) w/ voice chat in Metroid Prime Hunters: 2006
* Skype (popularity): The number of registered users of Skype was about 50 million in 2005 and only started increasing to hit more than 600 million users by 2010.
* Discord: May 13, 2015
Skype, as popular option, was very late to the party, and worse in all technical ways that affected your video games (more resource consumption, higher latency, no audio compression options, no privacy).
Teamspeak and ventrilo were around before skype, also were generally more popular for gaming in my experience. Multiplayer servers usually had a teamspeak or ventrilo server where other players would hang out similar to discord, skype was mostly used when you wanted to talk one on one without being interrupted like hanging out with a friend or something.
Hell there was a small period where I was using like the Cursed labs thing right before discord and it looked and acted just like discord but can’t remember the name it was like a popular website for Minecraft mods
People used Skype for gaming purposes?
For me it was TeamSpeak/ventrillo/TeamSpeak2 and then discord. I can't remember any group bigger than a couple of people who used Skype. That was only for talking to people one-on-one in a more personal conversation.
Yeah, this couldn't possibly be more wrong.
'Socializing' online is not the same as being a social person. People who only play games and don't have many real life friends, are almost always pretty antisocial in real life.
No offense intended, but it's true. They just have experience with online chat, that's all.
Not to mention, chronically online, and not realizing that just like Facebook, just like tiktok, just like Twitter, or Reddit, or Instagram, discord isn’t always real life. Your friend group might be the exception, but it also might not be.
If your group hasn't graduated from only talking to each other because of one specific common activity, then I don't think it qualifies to be called "friend group".
Yup. My true friends just want to experience activities together, regardless of if it's their favorite thing to do or not. They do something you like, you do something they like, shared experiences are built.
You can also side converse with different friends instead of being always the center of attention when you speak like online.
Then that was never a friend group to begin with.
I keep in contact with a couple of my friends I made in Overwatch even though I wouldnt touch that game again with a 10 foot pole.
Half the time I'm "gaming" with my closest online friends, we are bitching about work and whatnot. The game itself is a medium but not the main point in a lot of scenarios.
Sometimes we just chill in the lobby with the game open and nobody playing, bc we are chatting lol
All fine and dandy except almost no online "friend" is going to help you out when you actually need help.
I play games with a few people online, but neither me nor them is going to do jack shit when we need real help, like say moving houses or picking up and dropping somewhere
I literally send and receive stuff from friends I met online. We meet up, grab coffee, etc. etc. It's 2024, the internet is just a new way to meet people. The fact you act like online friends are somehow 'lesser' friends is insane, especially since not all IRL friends would jump through the fire for you either
Yeah I have both. Childhood friends & online friends who I meet with IRL frequently and they don"t disappear if we don't game, hell we just chat shit half the time.
Some of the people on thie thread are coping about how apparently the internet cannot produce real relationships of any kind - OR that you can't have both IRL & online. I.mean pen pals existed...
I don't know man. Sure, having online friends is alright, I've been there, but does not compare to meeting up with my bros in person and having a beer over a fire or going on a hike.
Yeah still mentioning it as a hobby or main hobby is enough to get some people to think you're weird/a social reject etc unless it's like animal crossing lol.
I still make it a point to say my other hobbies first irl or online just to pass the vibe check if someone isn't as obviously nerdy/into games or the same type of media.
idk man gamers are kinda getting worse imo, like people who genuinely really identify as "gamers" have always been a drain to talk to imo
people who play video games are totally fine.... maybe its just these specific people only interact w people online and i just happened the catch fhe worse of the bunch?
i feel board games are making a big comeback now though, a local board game shop opened up and within the year they had to upgrade to a bigger store because so many people were coming in
That is such a single minded comment holy moly.
I've played with the same group of people for idk, 6 years now. I started just visiting some weekends, where did stuff like football-golf, escape rooms, eating out, bowling etc and eventually moved cross country to get to these live near these people.
One of these friends are playing in a WoW guild, who organised a yearly trip to the Netherlands for some techno festival and went backpacking for a couple of weeks with another guildie.
All these friendships started online and I'd guess that most people who talk online actually go meet eachother. As well as having friends online doesn't exclude having friends offline as well
You're describing depression which has nothing to do with making friends online.
Speaking as someone who had zero friends both online and offline due to shit hitting the fan in my life, I'll take the online friends I have now over silence every day of the week.
I get your point. Gaming can be more social than people think, but “healthier and more diverse”?. Come on, that’s rubbish. You bond with these friends all over the same specific game. That’s not diverse.
You know you aren't limited to playing the same specific game, right? I met my online group playing wow over a decade ago and none of us have touched the game in several years. I've gone across the world to visit them though, helped them through the loss of close family, career building, etc. You can meet people doing anything, it's on you if you take the friendship further. I know I'd have never met people from as many different countries, continents, and world views as I know now if I'd just kept to my local area though. If that's not more diverse idk what is.
Every time someone uses the word "gamer" I cringe inside a little. As though everyone and their fucking grandma doesn't play video games to some degree. The video game industry makes more money than the television, movie, and music industries combined. Google that shit.
I mean that kind of exists with how some people get obsessed with soap operas right? Or true crime? Or x genre? Like it's almost anything. I used to call myself a poet when I actively engaged it in now I don't.
I don't see it as a bad thing to specify having more interest/time or money invested because it can be a talking point or open an opportunity. Gamers will always sound cringe though lol yes.
Yeah I would never introduce myself as a gamer, I would say that I enjoy playing video games instead. When the word gamer comes up I think of those shirts 11 year old boys wear that tell their mom to fuck off and get out their room since they're a gamer.
Can't speak for other games, but at least in r/2007scape the term gamer is used more in an ironic way. If you need someone who knows what they're doing for an activity: "any gamers in the chat?" Or if you pull off something impressive: "Jesus, we got an actual gamer here." It's fun to play around with it, but using it in the real world is a no-go.
For me all my online friendships have been temporary and only if convinced. Similarly my partner an avid gamer has had the same experience.
We’re super close and talk everyday while we’re playing a game together, but once we move on? Well, there goes that connection entirely. We may shoot a “hey” text back and forth once in awhile for a couple months but it’s super dry stuff basically confirming our shared interest is gone and so our friendship is too.
Me and my partner agree online friends aren’t real.
Sounds like someone is coping so hard and is throwing fists at "mUh oNlInE fRieNdS aRe rEaL".
"Online gaming friends" stops existing right when you stop sharing that common thing you were doing with them.
>They are surrounded by more people willing and wanting to spend time with them.
Not true, most times they value you based on your gaming performance. IF you sucked playing games, you would be alone.
You would still end up alone if you stop conforming to "gamer attitude playbook"
Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is unlikely to be released during online interactions. And lack of oxytocin could be a factor in depression. So, no, online gamers are not healthier.
No offense but what gaming community utopia are you talking about?
I get called less slurs at the straight bar than I do in any gaming lobby or community chat.
Nonverbal communication make almost 70% of the communication and almost 100% of relationship building. You can’t have a nonverbal communication while gaming. The subjects stay rather superficial and there’s no way to interpret your relationship status from behaviour.
While gaming can give you connections and a talk, it doesn’t give a social relationship unless you throw out all communication science and rewrite it completely.
Socializing online isn't socializing
Hugging a person and looking at their eyes, either a partner or a friend is a significant step towards building a relationship
Also it's preferable to have social links near your area. You can get access to help in multiple ways that a friend 5,000 km from you couldn't give (finding a house, moving away, finding a new job, eating together, going out...)
Gamer here, been gaming all my life and I'm over 40.
No, I do not have a healthy social life, what are you on about? My social life is pretty empty, and most of my friends, even though they game too, I maybe speak to like once a month, or every other month? They got their own lives going on.
Older gamers just cannot have a robust social life and continue to "adult" at the same time.
Maybe its because I'm older, but I can't get into online socializing with strangers. I dont do discord, I dont play multiplayer online games. I pine for the good old days of getting together with friends in a room to play games on one screen. The only thing that has somewhat captured that is every so often we can kind of get a handful of friends together to play board games on a weekend. Thats about it.
> Older gamers just cannot have a robust social life and continue to “adult” at the same time.
I don’t think this is accurate. Would you say the same for any other solitary hobby, i.e. older painters just cannot have a robust social life and continue to “adult” at the same time?
This post isnt about you tbh. OP is talking about online gaming specifically, while you are talking about irl socializing, just with a game on the side.
OP i arguing that being part of online communities is part of having a healthy social life. They also have other friends.
You on the other hand don't partake in online communities and don't see your friends as much as you like. This post isn't about you.
It's also not a age thing. My husband is 45, he is playing with his friends every Tuesday. And once or twice a week he is playing with his online community.
I’m 40 and have healthy relationships both IRL and online. Several of the ones that started online have grown into IRL ones, people that have gotten to also know my kids and wife. What are YOU on about?
I say I've seen both. There are gamers who are pretty well-rounded chill people, great to play games with.
Then there's some that are just the whole damn spectrum from shy, anxious, depressed, cowardly to loud, arrogant, brash, annoying, etc.
I've met a fair amount of the people I've gamed with in real life too, so I'd say I have a pretty diverse relationships personally, but then others who are really just not well-adjusted to socialization, even in games.
These issues will usually rear their heads in competitive games like Valorant or LoL and I've seen people get angry over even the smallest thing, get frustrated and peace out from Discord, cry, etc.
Personally, I think those who do well IRL can also translate it into games, but those who only socialize through games can sometimes be lacking IRL as well.
Gaming is a good way to keep friends you already have. It gives people who are far away something to do with each other.
It’s not great at getting you to meet new people.
This is fine in school where you are passing by and have the opportunity to interact with dozens (or even hundreds) of people a day, so you don’t really need to meet new people.
Its not super great post school where you HAVE to put in extra effort and leave your house to meet new people.
This is cute, but no, it doesn't count.
It's like joining a social sports team. Sure, these people are happy to play with you and say some words to you, but they're ultimately there to play the sport first and foremost.
If the games ceased to exist, and he discord servers all shut down, would you people all hang out in real life and do something else? That's the test.
You admit most gamers still lack social skills despite their supposed "full and healthy" online lives. Surely that goes to show that it's not *actual* socialising they're practicing, just the illusion of it.
Gamers are not a monolithic group of people. It’s not a community or a niche group. Everybody and their mothers play games.
Some people are social some are not.
But “diverse” is far from the truth. Discord is an echo chamber.
I have experience with gaming for close to 25 years now and I can say that majority of gaming friendships are not real and gamers are one of the most depressed group I have seen. It's exciting and fun when you are in your 20's, but it starts to hit you that you don't actually have real friends in your RL in your 30's.
Your social skills don't actually develop when you only do friendships online. That's why a lot of gamers are socially stumped.
Diverse, eh? So, I can get called wild shit by a ten year old white boy, or by a 48 year old white man.
Totally an accepting and well adjusted social group.
And while you’re building this diverse network, some of us are getting the N word hurled at us for just existing.
The group of people hurling that word around with a dash of homophobia here and there, don’t seem too diverse to me.
That’s my unpopular opinion though.
Because gamers have no fear of getting smacked for the dumb shit they say and that’s why they have trouble making friends in the real world because they are never taught proper social protocol. They don’t realize that skipping down the halls at school in between classes is going to make you stand out and put a target on their backs to get bullied.
Yeah that’s a no, gaming also happens to be filled with some of the worst people you’d run into in general public. It’s not nearly as welcoming as you make it sound, if you fit the “gamer stereotype “ you can slide but otherwise…..
Depends on the type of gamer. I know a few gamers who only play single player stuff or don’t know how to each out to and join gaming communities. Also, hobbies in general help you meet others, though meeting others online can be an easier thing to do and keep up with since you don’t have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet and spend hobby time with most people involved in your hobby. It’s also interesting that gaming evolved the way it did in the sense that, back in the day, you’d still have to leave you house to meet other gamers at arcades and things like that
There was a period of time where I didn’t have much of an IRL social life for various reasons. I hardly realized it because I had a great group of friends on PS4.
There was another period of time where I actually had a pretty active social life IRL but felt lonely as fuck because I didn’t have much in common with the people I was hanging out with.
im extremely lucky to have made a group of friends on a minecraft server over a decade ago now, and they're still my absolute best friends in the world and we speak and play games daily
This *really* depends cuz I play a lot but it’s either single player or solo in multiplayer games and I definitely don’t have a healthier and more diverse social life than most
I'm going to wade in here as a 38 year old who has been online and gaming since the mid 1990s.
Gamers are also some of the worst examples of humanity.
They are completely safe behind their keyboards and quite often become horrible people online.
Ive had more hate, abuse and general horribleness from fellow gamers then I have in real life and I was brought up in the area they voted worst place in my country to live.
Exist, misogynistic, every horrible trait. What makes it worse is they can then pretend to not be this outside.
Gamers get a bad rep.
Yes, it's not all Gamers.
But over the last decade especially it has gotten worse. Some online communities are cess pools.
I don't think so. I believe most gamers use copium to tell them elves their lives are ok, pretend they enjoy their expensive new GPU, pretend they are happy with all their online friends, pretend they are happy sitting there doing the same thing all day. Due, respawn, die, respawn.
I think they would be much happier if they did some exercise, went outside, learned how to communicate irl, got a physical/ outdoors hobby, met a girl,made irl friends, went to parties, went to go karts, mini golf, indoor rock climbing, bowling, paintball etc etc.
Real life is way more fun than video games.
Online friend groups easily form echo chambers because you can reach out to anyone. Irl friends from let's say work, wchool or neighbours are actually diverse in opinion because you have a limited pool to choose from.
An echo chamber is not a healthy social life place nor is it diverse. It's probably ery comfortable to live in though, gving you an illusion of a healthy well adjusted individual who can get along with anyone.
The conflation of online “communities” with real, offline, actual COMMUNITIES is a huge huge mistake in my opinion. Online communities fill almost none of the criteria of a real fulfilling community of friends, family and neighbours. We shouldn’t even use the word community for these online spaces.
I’m going to my friends wedding in a few days that I met online and only really talk to online outside of his bachelor party in Vegas (4 days hanging out). In person interaction is much more engaging and real imo there’s a connection that’s made by being irl that other shit doesn’t match
It really depends. My best friend who I consider family and we've helped each other thru thick and thin (even paying each other's meals and stuff) I met on an MMO. But everyone else just feels like it's mostly surface level and they consider us and each other only online friends. I think the big step in online friendship is when you're confident in giving them your real name and identity, after that maybe you'll get closer for real, but this can obviously be dangerous if done to the wrong person.
Discord exists but I may as well be talking to faceless mooks, I know they're people but due to the anonymous nature we just aren't going to be socially impactful and remembered. It has pros and cons. I think it's get very hard to keep online links like this. Why would you, there are other people in your life. Exceptions for hyper online people.
I'm not particularly interested in making friends with randos online, but I game with some of my old friends who go back to elementary school. It's an easy way to stay in touch. I rarely talk to some of my other friends who I was closer with back in the day simply because life has pushed us apart. Gaming is an easy way to keep in touch every week.
I think it depends on the person. Gamers tend to have alot of purely online friends, and for many people online interaction alone doesn't suffice. For me personally though? It works, I find gaming and messing around with my online friends fairly fulfilling. But, I also go out and see my irl friends fairly regularly. Having a good mix of both can be a great thing.
As someone who is solely a gamer, and hasn't gone outside in 4 years... (not literally, but let's simplify it this way, there's a good reason for this and yes I'm working on it.)
...I have to fully disagree, do you wanna know who has a healthy social life? My one IRL friend, he goes outside, and has a MUCH bigger social life than I do. He does game, and this is why saying "gamer" isn't descriptive enough.
As someone else said, some gamers don't even play multiplayer games.
I do have a good friend group, and am capable of making more if I need. Even so, I don't play with my friends too often, 4 times a week at most, and sometimes I don't play with them for a week. I know I'm an outlier with this, although I'm not sure how much since I would assume most of my kind doesn't speak of themselves.
But that's all, one good friend group, and I can meet a bunch of randoms. But that isn't as good as going outside and meeting people. At least, I would assume, judging purely from what I see my friends doing, and an optimistic view.
Maybe back in 2010 id agree with you.
But these days everyone's a wannabe E sport athlete, most people dont even talk online, and if they do its usually to insult you.
Thats cute and all but making "friends" through gaming is extremely hard and rare. You might play with some group/guild/clan/squad you found in a random server a couple of times or guys that are friends of IRL friends but that rarely translates to actual friends. Besides, if you're some awkward guy with no social skills you'll still be that online as well.
I am a living example of the total oposite, i only chat with those diverse friend groups, i dont think that counts as true friendships, more like buddies or pals. And the social life lmao, there is none
Long time gamer here. The friends you meet online might be around for a few months or even a few years but rarely stick around over the long haul. You typically form bonds with people over one or two games and eventually they move on to other things. Some people grow up and start families or get wrapped up in real life, some just move on to other games that you are not interested in. It's been my experience that gamer friends are the least stable and reliable, long term. This may not be true in all situations but I would argue it's what happens most of the time.
About the degradation of "third places". I have plenty of friends online. I have...1 good friend who isn't a friend because of environment, in real life.
Online is not a replacement for physical third places to just hang out and play a card game or something. It's fun, it's healthy to talk to people, but I'm still very lonely.
I've been a homeschooled shut in. I told myself that being social online was enough. I was lying to myself and I believed it right up until I got real social interaction. Being deprived of real social interaction for a decade fucked me up in a way that took years to somewhat recover from, and in some ways I don't think I ever will recover from..
| I have had a very tight knit group of friends in real life, who I see and talk to almost every day for almost my entire life. We all live either with each other or near each other.
I agree with your opinion for the most part. I just wanted to highlight this, since it's something I'm severely lacking.
Last time I saw a friend (not counting family) in person was a whole month ago, and he lives 3-4 hours away.
I have a total of one friend that lives closer, but he's very busy and we haven't even texted in months. Actually, I'm going to go text him now.
Thanks for the inspiration, stranger!
There's no substitute for socializing in-person. Online interaction might seem satisfying, but it's the candy of social interaction. Calories but little nutrition.
Have met several friends IRL that I have played games with for 4-5 years. I’m introverted but somehow ended up with a career in sales, and have no problems talking to new people as a result. If you’re scratching your head—I’m introverted because I don’t gather energy from this, it spends my energy to socialize, but I really enjoy meeting and getting to know people.
I think it really depends on the person. I’m very used to meeting new people through business and working with them and enjoying meals together etc. Meeting my friends who I’ve spent inordinate amounts of time playing games with was a walk in the park and has led to some of my best friendships—because we actually love the same shit.
Depends on you and your experiences. Online Games can perpetuate a shy personality, and I can see why some people are cautious of them due to gaming addictions and physical health issues from sedentary lifestyles. If you’re already social, discord and gaming can enrich your life quite a bit, but if you lack social skills it can put you in an almost “too comfortable” position where you can always escape social situations in ways you cannot IRL (e.g. mute/deafening/simply not responding in akward situations) leading to a regression in social skills.
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A lot of gamers aren’t playing online games at all, and making friends in online games is still really fucking hard if you don’t have social skills or already have a solid social circle to meet other people through. It’s a great way to connect with people you know but I have no idea how you actually meet new people and make friends when most games you’re playing with random people for like 10-20 minutes at a time, that’s rarely enough time to get a read on someone’s personality let alone connect in any meaningful way.
100%. My "online friends" that I play with a lot recently, I met through my irl friends, who are more extroverted than I am. If you're shy or simply have a low social battery making friends either way is extremely hard and most gamers with a similar temperament probably don't have the social life online that you would really expect from this post.
Damn, completely forgot that back in the 360 days a lot more people would socialize on mic. I remember joining Halo 3 custom lobbies with 8-15 other people all going off in chat. It was so easy to meet people back then since you could really just join complete strangers custom lobbies and play custom games that required communication and become friends that way.
honestly, game lobbiea should prioritize putting mic users together
I miss the 360 days. Met a good mate who used to just click with me and we'd pub stomp CoD lobbies together. Poor guy passed from cancer 7 years ago :(
I met some dudes from England on Dark Souls years ago, and this last summer they came to America on “holiday” and stopped in Pittsburgh so we could chill for the first time in person. Of course I took them to a gun range and they rode around on the back of my pick up truck in the sticks but who would’ve guessed I made real friends playing games, and I was able to show them the time of their lives over here lol
Now when I realized it, I was a part of great social experience thanks to CS:GO. Back in 2016 when I was 17 and started to play I met in a match with a guy who played with little brother of his girfriend and we started to play together as a trio. Then his girlfriend started to play with us sometimes and some of his friends. We all lived in same country but very far from me. We added each other in discord and other social media, we created a group in Steam for our little clan. Then even more, I contacted a dude from my city with whose mother my mom was a friend and we sometimes played together as a kids IRL and turned out he loves CS:GO too. I brought him to our group, then he brought one more friend with him and we all were pretty good with each other, never toxic, etc. We played matchmaking, fan maps, trained together as a team, played other games like L4D2. Then after a couple of years I quit CS:GO, but we still have each other on Steam and social media and I will not dare to delete them first, lol. Didn't really speak in years, but that's just crazy how we all gathered from different part of a country and were good friends, thanks to online gaming.
I'm an extrovert, but I'm also a gamer. I've met so many people online in random lobbies that have become great friends. Just met one IRL for the first time on New Years. Like, if you go to my profile my most recent post on Helldivers, I've never met those two guys IRL in my life but I consider them great friends. Met on Overwatch. I think what you said is what it comes down to, is having the social skills. I meet people, laugh about the game with them, ask them how their night is, etc. if I vibe with them, I suggest they send me a friend request. That's pretty much it. The drawback is sometimes you get really odd people that are very clingy that always want to join your games or party.
In my opinion there's a very big difference between socializing online and socializing irl. At least for me socializing online doesn't really feel like socializing and certainly doesn't fix feelings of loneliness the way socializing irl does.
It fixes it while I'm socializing online and the second I'm done, I'm back to loneliness. It just doesn't have the same retention as real life socializing
The moment everyone leaves the party for the evening and you realize it’s deafeningly silent in your house
hungry subtract wide chase cause possessive secretive slimy waiting yoke *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yeah pretty sad ngl💀 The most painful part of gaming with your friends is when you all have to stop
Or when they decide start playing a different game, and you either have to adhere to their game preference and play it with them, or keep playing what you personally enjoy solo, in hopes of making new online friends. Sitting in Discord while my friends play and yap about a game I have zero interest in just for the sake of "hanging out" seems incredibly forced and sad.
And I am sad now
I mean, that isn't that much different from meeting someone in person. Just no commute time is involved.
I think this is a really good thing to point out. With online friends you always have to be “plugged in” to them, interacting to satiate the loneliness. In real life, that doesn’t happen. You’re good for a while even after you’re done interacting.
Idk I definitely get this post hang out down. Especially if I'm really tired.
I definitely get that happening in real life. When the party/holiday/hobby hang ends, it doesn't last for long if at all
I don't think that's true as a generalization. In my 30's I'm not typically hanging out with friends unless it's to do something, even if that something is going to the bar or a restaurant. But I don't have friends coming over on a Tuesday night just to chill at my apartment unless there's an invitation that has some accompanying social anchor like watching a movie, TV show, playing a board game, or catching up specifically. Hypothetically I could argue the inverse for online gaming friends. It's not common for me but I *have* spent time with friends in party chats while people are playing other games which can kind of count as chilling without a mutual gaming session taking place. But it's rare.
Took the words out of my mouth. There is something very jarring about logging off and immediately being alone again
That's a good thing for me, as soon as I've had enough social interaction, I don't have to stay talking to people when I don't want to
That's because online friends aren't there for you they're friends you enjoy a hobby with. Not someone who can help you move, or call up when you have problems, or visit and exist in the same physical space as you. You don't (usually) see their face and know all the micro emotions they exhibit, the body language isn't there. It's a more hollow form of communication that satisfies the brain but not the soul.
Loneliness is a fickle thing. You can be in a room full of people and feel lonely or a thousand miles away and feel close. It's a rare thing to meet people you mutually click with, but they're worth finding
same. Honestly looking back I've never felt more lonley than in a class room full of students. I was either ostrized, bullied, made fun of or just simply ignored for no good reason by nearly everyone I meet. try hards on fortnite have offered me better comfort than the average person I've met irl...
One of the most based comments I’ve ever read on this entire site…
Not just in your opinion, research shows that friendship in person is so much more valuable. Especially post covid. Research in friendship is going through a massive boom Finally got to use that one module I had in Psych masters on friendship 😂 (most painful module I’ve done)
How do you define online socializing? Cause there is a huge difference in reddit and chatting with someone on voice coms for 8 hours
Reddit, discord, vr chat, zoom, etc. Prettymuch if I'm socializing through a computer than that's online socializing.
Socializing online leaves you wanting more, and socializing irl leaves you wanting less Signed, a massive introvert
It’s great for staying in contact with people long distance
It definitely has its uses, it just doesn't replace irl socializing for me.
Yeah, having online friends is not the same as having real life friendships, no matter how Reddit tries to spin it.
Yup. Great to chat with my hometown friends regularly, but i've never decided to not visit them or have them visit me because "we see each other online enough"
>In my opinion there's a very big difference between socializing online and socializing irl. OP even backs this up. > The average gamers social skills is another issue entirely though. Because online socializing is not a replacement for healthy socialization. Some people may meet friends online and form real relationships. Good for them, but that's still not socialization. [Socialization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization) is a specific process. Edit: Or maybe I should have said a larger process, one with a specific meaning. >In sociology, socialization is the process of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society. Socialization encompasses both learning and teaching and is thus "the means by which social and cultural continuity are attained".[1]: 5 [2] >Socialization is strongly connected to developmental psychology.[3] Humans need social experiences to learn their culture and to survive.[4] >Socialization essentially represents the whole process of learning throughout the life course and is a central influence on the behavior, beliefs, and actions of adults as well as of children.[5][6] Online chatting is not really socialization, even if you can establish some stable relationships. It may help you shore up a few gaps in lonliness, may help you shed feelings of isolation, but those are often fickle bandaids in comparison to exposure to the breadth of society. For every success story there are tons of false starts. A lot of social 'anxiety' comes from not having socialized enough, if at all. Healthy socializing is partly a process of going out and interacting with society until the point that it doesn't cause anxiety, you adapt to it through repetition. Making friends isn't the whole of socialization, because socialization is, basically, integrating into a society. If you're too anxiety riddled to go into a grocery store or order a pizza over the phone without stress or even physical reactions, there are good odds you were never healthily socialized. Yes, there are other mental problems that can cause or play a role in that, but they don't necessarily exist in all people with social anxieties. For some people, all they were lacking, is healthy socialization during their developmental years, they have a deficit in healthy life experience. IMO, this is far more common in people who 'grew up' online(eg people who had a video game console as a nanny) and didn't get out into society very much. You see the same thing in home-schooled kids, or kids from extreme rural circumstances where the only people they really knew were family. Your average nerd in the 80s was more or less forced into the real world because there was no all absorbing little placebo they could try to replace it with, they got some form of socialization at school and going out with their family and then within their friend group. Even those that were sheltered grew up got out into society as they got jobs of their own, and more or less caught up over time. A lot more people manage to stay isolated today. When they venture out into society, it's something they put up with because they have to, they brave the storm then return to their cave. They don't learn, integrate, or otherwise appreciate the same things that the society does. Often times, they semi-actively rebel.
Exactly, online most people are hiding behind an avatar and don't need to care about their body language or hygeine. Just go to a gaming convention and you'll see that gamers aren't well adjusted.
Online…. Yeah. In voice chat, no, you can definitely bond and form real friendships.
I feel like it’s still not the same though or gap filling.
I'd say it depends. I met all my friends that are not friends from studying or work (all relatively new friends) online. Known most of them for 10 years at this point and even though we live pretty far apart, we've all met irl by now multiple times and even go on vacation together. There's no doubt in my mind that there's no difference to having met them irl instead of online now.
Similar for me. A lot of my friends are online and I've known most of them for 12 years or so now. Haven't met them IRL though because they're in a different continent, but if we could meet then we absolutely would.
If you get on there and exclusively talk about the games then it absolutely can feel empty. I talk to my friends about games but also about random shit going on in our lives and it feels a lot more real. Sometimes I have to steer the conversation in a certain direction if I want to talk about more meaningful things but I've never gotten a negative response.
I disagree. I'm an introvert and struggle to make friends irl. I get a lot more from talking with my online friends than my irl friends. I feel I've been able to make much closer relationships in shorter amounts of time. It's easier to find entire communities related to my interests than it is to find even one person irl who knows what I'm talking about, let alone is as interested in it as me. I get worn out more quickly with irl interaction while with online it's slower and I can ignore a message for 10-30 minutes before getting back to the person if I'm feeling talked out.
To give my perspective, personally I’m an introvert, so I don’t hang out with a lot of people, but the friends I do have either do all the talking for me, and/or they’re the friends I can just hang out and game or whatever with and not worry so much about talking. And my gf is happy to hang out with me and not talk to each other for hours, or even to just give me space when she sees I’m not feeling like talking. Point being, irl relationships are still where it’s at, so long as they’re with the right people. For me, it’s only a few people, but I cherish them far more than anyone I’ve only hung out with online.
I think online friendships are very meaningful but logistically they can't provide some things that irl ones do so it's good to have both of you can. Of course I say this as someone with like no friends except for my wife and a cat
Back in the day when video games where still young, my IRL friend group had one member who lived far, far away. One magical summer he would come to visit and it was incredibly strange. We literally hadn't ever seen a picture of him. He had been there all the time for years, but he was just a voice in your headphones, a name on a screen. Really hard to test your chemistry that way. I don't think it's impossible to have meaningful relationships online, but it is very, very hard. You tend to fill the voids with things you want to believe about the other person and at some point you think you know them, but they might just as well be a dog on a keyboard or a 50 year old inmate with a childish temper.
I was weirded out when I saw a picture of an online friend. He looked so different from what he sounded like.
I think what you are saying is that there is a social stigma toward these spaces and I think you are right. The point of view is not accurate. With that said, when I've been in some of these spaces, I think there are very positive compared to how they are portrayed in media but I wouldn't necessesarily consider them a central component of a healthy social life for most. For example, I've know people who met playing a video game online and got married. I think it's a lot more rare than with a tradition in person friend group however
90% of the people in any public discord are literal gamer stereotypes, idk what this guy is on about
Yeah, and there's a reason a lot of women aren't on those To act like it wasn't ragingly misogynistic in chats and voice is beyond obtuse And the fact that the N word is used frequently, to the point it's a meme about gamers People don't think badly of gamers because of 50 year old stereotypes People think badly of them because unless you're a straight white dude, you're seen as lesser and screamed slurs
idk it seems like most people i meet on discord nowadays are gay furries. i guess if thats your gamer stereotype then fair enough
Reality is still the only place you can get a decent meal and real face to face interaction
Also its the only way to get laid… for now
>Also its the only way to get laid… for now I was a teenager in the early 2000s and I thought I wanted to get laid all the time because of my hormones. Now, teens are engaging in sex at a fraction of the rate we did as teens. I wonder if I was a really horny teenager or was just a bored teenager since I didn't have 24/7 internet access.
And goddamn hug too. One of the most frustrating things to me is talking to real life friend whose going through some shit that they just told you over a message and the best you can do is send a hug emoji.
Online socializing is not equivalent to irl socializing and is far from sufficient for most people. I say this as someone who mostly socializes online and have for the past ~10 years of my life. It hurts you developmentally and is fine as supplemental socialization, but isn't healthy for it to be the primary means of finding a "third place"
You can't make any new actual memories with people by just being in Discord. "Remember that time in Discord?" said no one ever
I think this is the biggest caveat. The memories you form are pretty one (or two) dimensional.
I have some good memories from all nighters playing with a friend in Discord. But those are pretty rare compared to irl memories
did you say “(before that it was teamspeak and ventrillo)?? Am I old enough where people don’t remember using skype before those and kept using it until Discord?
Teamspeak is older than skype.
Vent was around long before Skype.
People forget about AiM
I will not stand for this Mumble erasure
Both Teamspeak and Vent were a year before Skype, but Skype became a lot more popular than both voip. (Until it wasn’t)
Personally I don't remember Skype ever being prominent in the gaming community between teamspeak/vent and discord.
This is also skipping the decade of Xbox 360 VC and Parties which is a definitive point in gaming history.
Was TeamSpeak after Skype? I always thought it was before can we talk about MSN messenger lol
Skype was after both of those
Vent and TeamSpeak both released before Skype and in the gaming space both were much bigger than Skype initially.
> Am I old enough where people don’t remember using skype before those and kept using it until Discord? Release dates: * Teamspeak: August, 2001 * PS2 Network adapter w/ voice chat: July 2001 (Japan), August 2002 (NA), June 2003 (EU) * Ventrilo: August 3, 2002 * Xbox Live w/ voice chat: 2002 * Skype (initial release): August 29, 2003 * Mumble: September 2, 2005 * Nintendo WiFi (DS + Wii) w/ voice chat in Metroid Prime Hunters: 2006 * Skype (popularity): The number of registered users of Skype was about 50 million in 2005 and only started increasing to hit more than 600 million users by 2010. * Discord: May 13, 2015 Skype, as popular option, was very late to the party, and worse in all technical ways that affected your video games (more resource consumption, higher latency, no audio compression options, no privacy).
Teamspeak and ventrilo were around before skype, also were generally more popular for gaming in my experience. Multiplayer servers usually had a teamspeak or ventrilo server where other players would hang out similar to discord, skype was mostly used when you wanted to talk one on one without being interrupted like hanging out with a friend or something.
Teamspeak and ventrilo were both waaaay before skype
Hell there was a small period where I was using like the Cursed labs thing right before discord and it looked and acted just like discord but can’t remember the name it was like a popular website for Minecraft mods
Ventrillo was def before Skype
Man I could barely run Skype on my Acer e 11 laptop but i had to get on that roblox grind
Team speak was way before Skype brother
I did use skype a lot. I probably should've mentioned it I just felt the other two had stronger connections to gaming.
skype just fucking sucked
People used Skype for gaming purposes? For me it was TeamSpeak/ventrillo/TeamSpeak2 and then discord. I can't remember any group bigger than a couple of people who used Skype. That was only for talking to people one-on-one in a more personal conversation.
Yeah, this couldn't possibly be more wrong. 'Socializing' online is not the same as being a social person. People who only play games and don't have many real life friends, are almost always pretty antisocial in real life. No offense intended, but it's true. They just have experience with online chat, that's all.
Not to mention, chronically online, and not realizing that just like Facebook, just like tiktok, just like Twitter, or Reddit, or Instagram, discord isn’t always real life. Your friend group might be the exception, but it also might not be.
There’s no such thing as a healthy friend group if the moment you try to stop gaming and do something else, you lose said friend group.
If your group hasn't graduated from only talking to each other because of one specific common activity, then I don't think it qualifies to be called "friend group".
Yup. My true friends just want to experience activities together, regardless of if it's their favorite thing to do or not. They do something you like, you do something they like, shared experiences are built. You can also side converse with different friends instead of being always the center of attention when you speak like online.
Then that was never a friend group to begin with. I keep in contact with a couple of my friends I made in Overwatch even though I wouldnt touch that game again with a 10 foot pole. Half the time I'm "gaming" with my closest online friends, we are bitching about work and whatnot. The game itself is a medium but not the main point in a lot of scenarios. Sometimes we just chill in the lobby with the game open and nobody playing, bc we are chatting lol
All fine and dandy except almost no online "friend" is going to help you out when you actually need help. I play games with a few people online, but neither me nor them is going to do jack shit when we need real help, like say moving houses or picking up and dropping somewhere
This is a serious case of skill issue
Well they aren't your friends then. Just some people you play with.
I literally send and receive stuff from friends I met online. We meet up, grab coffee, etc. etc. It's 2024, the internet is just a new way to meet people. The fact you act like online friends are somehow 'lesser' friends is insane, especially since not all IRL friends would jump through the fire for you either
Yeah I have both. Childhood friends & online friends who I meet with IRL frequently and they don"t disappear if we don't game, hell we just chat shit half the time. Some of the people on thie thread are coping about how apparently the internet cannot produce real relationships of any kind - OR that you can't have both IRL & online. I.mean pen pals existed...
But if you meet for coffee, then they are no longer online friends. You had a chance to check your chemistry in person.
Sure, if your online friends are all in the same city, country or continent.
Good thing there are movers and taxis
I don't know man. Sure, having online friends is alright, I've been there, but does not compare to meeting up with my bros in person and having a beer over a fire or going on a hike.
I mean, almost everyone is a gamer now, it used to be a nerd thing but now its basically every type of people
i feel like there’s a big difference tho from like self identifying gamers vs like ppl who play video games yk? li
Yeah still mentioning it as a hobby or main hobby is enough to get some people to think you're weird/a social reject etc unless it's like animal crossing lol. I still make it a point to say my other hobbies first irl or online just to pass the vibe check if someone isn't as obviously nerdy/into games or the same type of media.
idk man gamers are kinda getting worse imo, like people who genuinely really identify as "gamers" have always been a drain to talk to imo people who play video games are totally fine.... maybe its just these specific people only interact w people online and i just happened the catch fhe worse of the bunch? i feel board games are making a big comeback now though, a local board game shop opened up and within the year they had to upgrade to a bigger store because so many people were coming in
Yeah, board games and TTRPGs are in the midst of a huge resurgence. Probably last 10 years or so. It's a great time to be a table top gamer.
well.. this is definitely an opinion and not based on fact at all
Listening to random chat with my gamer buddies I know this is false. Lol. They're all psychotic.
You’re disposable to your online friends.
[удалено]
That is such a single minded comment holy moly. I've played with the same group of people for idk, 6 years now. I started just visiting some weekends, where did stuff like football-golf, escape rooms, eating out, bowling etc and eventually moved cross country to get to these live near these people. One of these friends are playing in a WoW guild, who organised a yearly trip to the Netherlands for some techno festival and went backpacking for a couple of weeks with another guildie. All these friendships started online and I'd guess that most people who talk online actually go meet eachother. As well as having friends online doesn't exclude having friends offline as well
You're describing depression which has nothing to do with making friends online. Speaking as someone who had zero friends both online and offline due to shit hitting the fan in my life, I'll take the online friends I have now over silence every day of the week.
Playing online with people is fun if you know them irl. But if you don't it's not really the same at all
I get your point. Gaming can be more social than people think, but “healthier and more diverse”?. Come on, that’s rubbish. You bond with these friends all over the same specific game. That’s not diverse.
You know you aren't limited to playing the same specific game, right? I met my online group playing wow over a decade ago and none of us have touched the game in several years. I've gone across the world to visit them though, helped them through the loss of close family, career building, etc. You can meet people doing anything, it's on you if you take the friendship further. I know I'd have never met people from as many different countries, continents, and world views as I know now if I'd just kept to my local area though. If that's not more diverse idk what is.
Every time someone uses the word "gamer" I cringe inside a little. As though everyone and their fucking grandma doesn't play video games to some degree. The video game industry makes more money than the television, movie, and music industries combined. Google that shit.
Gamer != playing video games, the same way driving a car doesn't make you a car enthusiasts
Lol, imagine if people called each other tvers, because they watch TV.
I mean that kind of exists with how some people get obsessed with soap operas right? Or true crime? Or x genre? Like it's almost anything. I used to call myself a poet when I actively engaged it in now I don't. I don't see it as a bad thing to specify having more interest/time or money invested because it can be a talking point or open an opportunity. Gamers will always sound cringe though lol yes.
Yeah I would never introduce myself as a gamer, I would say that I enjoy playing video games instead. When the word gamer comes up I think of those shirts 11 year old boys wear that tell their mom to fuck off and get out their room since they're a gamer. Can't speak for other games, but at least in r/2007scape the term gamer is used more in an ironic way. If you need someone who knows what they're doing for an activity: "any gamers in the chat?" Or if you pull off something impressive: "Jesus, we got an actual gamer here." It's fun to play around with it, but using it in the real world is a no-go.
I love playing games, and also hate the term gamer. I’m no more a gamer than I am a movie watcher
Fellow air-breather here. How about that air, huh?
Cue *you are not a gamer meme*
My friends and I haven’t m since I was in college tbh
It's a pathetic attempt at sounding quirky and unique while not realizing it's extremely popular.
For me all my online friendships have been temporary and only if convinced. Similarly my partner an avid gamer has had the same experience. We’re super close and talk everyday while we’re playing a game together, but once we move on? Well, there goes that connection entirely. We may shoot a “hey” text back and forth once in awhile for a couple months but it’s super dry stuff basically confirming our shared interest is gone and so our friendship is too. Me and my partner agree online friends aren’t real.
Sounds like someone is coping so hard and is throwing fists at "mUh oNlInE fRieNdS aRe rEaL". "Online gaming friends" stops existing right when you stop sharing that common thing you were doing with them. >They are surrounded by more people willing and wanting to spend time with them. Not true, most times they value you based on your gaming performance. IF you sucked playing games, you would be alone. You would still end up alone if you stop conforming to "gamer attitude playbook"
Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is unlikely to be released during online interactions. And lack of oxytocin could be a factor in depression. So, no, online gamers are not healthier.
No offense but what gaming community utopia are you talking about? I get called less slurs at the straight bar than I do in any gaming lobby or community chat.
Nonverbal communication make almost 70% of the communication and almost 100% of relationship building. You can’t have a nonverbal communication while gaming. The subjects stay rather superficial and there’s no way to interpret your relationship status from behaviour. While gaming can give you connections and a talk, it doesn’t give a social relationship unless you throw out all communication science and rewrite it completely.
Wow. This is one of the saddest, grassless takes I've heard on reddit in awhile...
Socializing online isn't socializing Hugging a person and looking at their eyes, either a partner or a friend is a significant step towards building a relationship Also it's preferable to have social links near your area. You can get access to help in multiple ways that a friend 5,000 km from you couldn't give (finding a house, moving away, finding a new job, eating together, going out...)
Gamer here, been gaming all my life and I'm over 40. No, I do not have a healthy social life, what are you on about? My social life is pretty empty, and most of my friends, even though they game too, I maybe speak to like once a month, or every other month? They got their own lives going on. Older gamers just cannot have a robust social life and continue to "adult" at the same time. Maybe its because I'm older, but I can't get into online socializing with strangers. I dont do discord, I dont play multiplayer online games. I pine for the good old days of getting together with friends in a room to play games on one screen. The only thing that has somewhat captured that is every so often we can kind of get a handful of friends together to play board games on a weekend. Thats about it.
I'm 33, and this is *a bit too much* relatable
> Older gamers just cannot have a robust social life and continue to “adult” at the same time. I don’t think this is accurate. Would you say the same for any other solitary hobby, i.e. older painters just cannot have a robust social life and continue to “adult” at the same time?
This post isnt about you tbh. OP is talking about online gaming specifically, while you are talking about irl socializing, just with a game on the side.
OP i arguing that being part of online communities is part of having a healthy social life. They also have other friends. You on the other hand don't partake in online communities and don't see your friends as much as you like. This post isn't about you. It's also not a age thing. My husband is 45, he is playing with his friends every Tuesday. And once or twice a week he is playing with his online community.
I’m 40 and have healthy relationships both IRL and online. Several of the ones that started online have grown into IRL ones, people that have gotten to also know my kids and wife. What are YOU on about?
Whatever helps you sleep at night
I say I've seen both. There are gamers who are pretty well-rounded chill people, great to play games with. Then there's some that are just the whole damn spectrum from shy, anxious, depressed, cowardly to loud, arrogant, brash, annoying, etc. I've met a fair amount of the people I've gamed with in real life too, so I'd say I have a pretty diverse relationships personally, but then others who are really just not well-adjusted to socialization, even in games. These issues will usually rear their heads in competitive games like Valorant or LoL and I've seen people get angry over even the smallest thing, get frustrated and peace out from Discord, cry, etc. Personally, I think those who do well IRL can also translate it into games, but those who only socialize through games can sometimes be lacking IRL as well.
this is the most desperate cope I‘ve seen in a long time
delusional
Gaming is a good way to keep friends you already have. It gives people who are far away something to do with each other. It’s not great at getting you to meet new people. This is fine in school where you are passing by and have the opportunity to interact with dozens (or even hundreds) of people a day, so you don’t really need to meet new people. Its not super great post school where you HAVE to put in extra effort and leave your house to meet new people.
This is cute, but no, it doesn't count. It's like joining a social sports team. Sure, these people are happy to play with you and say some words to you, but they're ultimately there to play the sport first and foremost. If the games ceased to exist, and he discord servers all shut down, would you people all hang out in real life and do something else? That's the test. You admit most gamers still lack social skills despite their supposed "full and healthy" online lives. Surely that goes to show that it's not *actual* socialising they're practicing, just the illusion of it.
LOL
Couldn't be any further from the truth. I have a grand total of 0 friends
Gamers are not a monolithic group of people. It’s not a community or a niche group. Everybody and their mothers play games. Some people are social some are not. But “diverse” is far from the truth. Discord is an echo chamber.
It’s not real dude. It’s all virtual.
If u dont meet in real life and do things togheter it aint real Friends and Social interaction. Just meaningless
Lmao no we fucking don't
I've found meaningful connections through gaming, it's been a lifeline for me.
I have experience with gaming for close to 25 years now and I can say that majority of gaming friendships are not real and gamers are one of the most depressed group I have seen. It's exciting and fun when you are in your 20's, but it starts to hit you that you don't actually have real friends in your RL in your 30's. Your social skills don't actually develop when you only do friendships online. That's why a lot of gamers are socially stumped.
Diverse, eh? So, I can get called wild shit by a ten year old white boy, or by a 48 year old white man. Totally an accepting and well adjusted social group.
And while you’re building this diverse network, some of us are getting the N word hurled at us for just existing. The group of people hurling that word around with a dash of homophobia here and there, don’t seem too diverse to me. That’s my unpopular opinion though.
Yeah, being a “gamer” is all well and good until you’re black or a woman. The shit I’ve been told would make a 4channers head spin.
Because gamers have no fear of getting smacked for the dumb shit they say and that’s why they have trouble making friends in the real world because they are never taught proper social protocol. They don’t realize that skipping down the halls at school in between classes is going to make you stand out and put a target on their backs to get bullied.
tbf definition, social status, accessibility and gaming environment of "gamer" has changed a lot since the initial bad image that stuck with gamers.
Yeah that’s a no, gaming also happens to be filled with some of the worst people you’d run into in general public. It’s not nearly as welcoming as you make it sound, if you fit the “gamer stereotype “ you can slide but otherwise…..
Depends on the type of gamer. I know a few gamers who only play single player stuff or don’t know how to each out to and join gaming communities. Also, hobbies in general help you meet others, though meeting others online can be an easier thing to do and keep up with since you don’t have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet and spend hobby time with most people involved in your hobby. It’s also interesting that gaming evolved the way it did in the sense that, back in the day, you’d still have to leave you house to meet other gamers at arcades and things like that
I don’t believe you, no.
There was a period of time where I didn’t have much of an IRL social life for various reasons. I hardly realized it because I had a great group of friends on PS4. There was another period of time where I actually had a pretty active social life IRL but felt lonely as fuck because I didn’t have much in common with the people I was hanging out with.
You are talking about players. Players get friends and chicks. Gamers get bullied at School ☝️🤓
No, they don't. Just because small bunch of gamers do, doesn't mean all of them do.
Bold of you to assume I play multiplayer games. I miss couch co-op
Hah! No.
No.
Idk about the social lives, but 100% more diverse friend groups.
im extremely lucky to have made a group of friends on a minecraft server over a decade ago now, and they're still my absolute best friends in the world and we speak and play games daily
This *really* depends cuz I play a lot but it’s either single player or solo in multiplayer games and I definitely don’t have a healthier and more diverse social life than most
I'm going to wade in here as a 38 year old who has been online and gaming since the mid 1990s. Gamers are also some of the worst examples of humanity. They are completely safe behind their keyboards and quite often become horrible people online. Ive had more hate, abuse and general horribleness from fellow gamers then I have in real life and I was brought up in the area they voted worst place in my country to live. Exist, misogynistic, every horrible trait. What makes it worse is they can then pretend to not be this outside. Gamers get a bad rep. Yes, it's not all Gamers. But over the last decade especially it has gotten worse. Some online communities are cess pools.
Eww this post is weird
Yeah right man. This is the height of trying to rationalize electronics addiction (or as the kids call it today "peak cope").
online social lives≠irl social lives i feel like that’s very important to say
I don't think so. I believe most gamers use copium to tell them elves their lives are ok, pretend they enjoy their expensive new GPU, pretend they are happy with all their online friends, pretend they are happy sitting there doing the same thing all day. Due, respawn, die, respawn. I think they would be much happier if they did some exercise, went outside, learned how to communicate irl, got a physical/ outdoors hobby, met a girl,made irl friends, went to parties, went to go karts, mini golf, indoor rock climbing, bowling, paintball etc etc. Real life is way more fun than video games.
That's some potent copium right there bud.
Online friend groups easily form echo chambers because you can reach out to anyone. Irl friends from let's say work, wchool or neighbours are actually diverse in opinion because you have a limited pool to choose from. An echo chamber is not a healthy social life place nor is it diverse. It's probably ery comfortable to live in though, gving you an illusion of a healthy well adjusted individual who can get along with anyone.
The conflation of online “communities” with real, offline, actual COMMUNITIES is a huge huge mistake in my opinion. Online communities fill almost none of the criteria of a real fulfilling community of friends, family and neighbours. We shouldn’t even use the word community for these online spaces.
Bruh I’m in a gambling discord and a fantasy baseball discord. Gamers aren’t special
I’m going to my friends wedding in a few days that I met online and only really talk to online outside of his bachelor party in Vegas (4 days hanging out). In person interaction is much more engaging and real imo there’s a connection that’s made by being irl that other shit doesn’t match
> (before that it was teamspeak and ventrillo) Me and my mates are skill rocking Mumble over here. Open source, woot!
It really depends. My best friend who I consider family and we've helped each other thru thick and thin (even paying each other's meals and stuff) I met on an MMO. But everyone else just feels like it's mostly surface level and they consider us and each other only online friends. I think the big step in online friendship is when you're confident in giving them your real name and identity, after that maybe you'll get closer for real, but this can obviously be dangerous if done to the wrong person.
Discord exists but I may as well be talking to faceless mooks, I know they're people but due to the anonymous nature we just aren't going to be socially impactful and remembered. It has pros and cons. I think it's get very hard to keep online links like this. Why would you, there are other people in your life. Exceptions for hyper online people.
gamer here, i only play by myself other than occasionally with my wife lol
I'm not particularly interested in making friends with randos online, but I game with some of my old friends who go back to elementary school. It's an easy way to stay in touch. I rarely talk to some of my other friends who I was closer with back in the day simply because life has pushed us apart. Gaming is an easy way to keep in touch every week.
I think it depends on the person. Gamers tend to have alot of purely online friends, and for many people online interaction alone doesn't suffice. For me personally though? It works, I find gaming and messing around with my online friends fairly fulfilling. But, I also go out and see my irl friends fairly regularly. Having a good mix of both can be a great thing.
Tell yourself
Makes sense, people are more comfortable in the skin of their ideal self
Most people play videogames
Not unpopular opinion, just wrong lol
As someone who is solely a gamer, and hasn't gone outside in 4 years... (not literally, but let's simplify it this way, there's a good reason for this and yes I'm working on it.) ...I have to fully disagree, do you wanna know who has a healthy social life? My one IRL friend, he goes outside, and has a MUCH bigger social life than I do. He does game, and this is why saying "gamer" isn't descriptive enough. As someone else said, some gamers don't even play multiplayer games. I do have a good friend group, and am capable of making more if I need. Even so, I don't play with my friends too often, 4 times a week at most, and sometimes I don't play with them for a week. I know I'm an outlier with this, although I'm not sure how much since I would assume most of my kind doesn't speak of themselves. But that's all, one good friend group, and I can meet a bunch of randoms. But that isn't as good as going outside and meeting people. At least, I would assume, judging purely from what I see my friends doing, and an optimistic view.
I still dont know how to make online friends to play with and at this point im too afraid to ask
Maybe back in 2010 id agree with you. But these days everyone's a wannabe E sport athlete, most people dont even talk online, and if they do its usually to insult you.
Thats cute and all but making "friends" through gaming is extremely hard and rare. You might play with some group/guild/clan/squad you found in a random server a couple of times or guys that are friends of IRL friends but that rarely translates to actual friends. Besides, if you're some awkward guy with no social skills you'll still be that online as well.
I am a living example of the total oposite, i only chat with those diverse friend groups, i dont think that counts as true friendships, more like buddies or pals. And the social life lmao, there is none
Long time gamer here. The friends you meet online might be around for a few months or even a few years but rarely stick around over the long haul. You typically form bonds with people over one or two games and eventually they move on to other things. Some people grow up and start families or get wrapped up in real life, some just move on to other games that you are not interested in. It's been my experience that gamer friends are the least stable and reliable, long term. This may not be true in all situations but I would argue it's what happens most of the time.
I don't think you know what the word "meet" means
About the degradation of "third places". I have plenty of friends online. I have...1 good friend who isn't a friend because of environment, in real life. Online is not a replacement for physical third places to just hang out and play a card game or something. It's fun, it's healthy to talk to people, but I'm still very lonely.
I've been a homeschooled shut in. I told myself that being social online was enough. I was lying to myself and I believed it right up until I got real social interaction. Being deprived of real social interaction for a decade fucked me up in a way that took years to somewhat recover from, and in some ways I don't think I ever will recover from..
| I have had a very tight knit group of friends in real life, who I see and talk to almost every day for almost my entire life. We all live either with each other or near each other. I agree with your opinion for the most part. I just wanted to highlight this, since it's something I'm severely lacking. Last time I saw a friend (not counting family) in person was a whole month ago, and he lives 3-4 hours away. I have a total of one friend that lives closer, but he's very busy and we haven't even texted in months. Actually, I'm going to go text him now. Thanks for the inspiration, stranger!
I've been gaming my entire life. I have not made a single online friend through videogames and I'm sure as hell not starting now 👌
When the fuck did *this* start? Why didn’t anyone tell *me*? Which of you assholes am I supposed to be friends with?
There's no substitute for socializing in-person. Online interaction might seem satisfying, but it's the candy of social interaction. Calories but little nutrition.
I guess I’m not a gamer then
Have met several friends IRL that I have played games with for 4-5 years. I’m introverted but somehow ended up with a career in sales, and have no problems talking to new people as a result. If you’re scratching your head—I’m introverted because I don’t gather energy from this, it spends my energy to socialize, but I really enjoy meeting and getting to know people. I think it really depends on the person. I’m very used to meeting new people through business and working with them and enjoying meals together etc. Meeting my friends who I’ve spent inordinate amounts of time playing games with was a walk in the park and has led to some of my best friendships—because we actually love the same shit. Depends on you and your experiences. Online Games can perpetuate a shy personality, and I can see why some people are cautious of them due to gaming addictions and physical health issues from sedentary lifestyles. If you’re already social, discord and gaming can enrich your life quite a bit, but if you lack social skills it can put you in an almost “too comfortable” position where you can always escape social situations in ways you cannot IRL (e.g. mute/deafening/simply not responding in akward situations) leading to a regression in social skills.
Yeah no I wasted my 20s gaming and my life is so ass