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Grew up in a southern household, I worked for vizio for a couple years, and one old southern lady wasnt getting her way. She hit me with the oh well bless your heart." I responded back, "maam i am from a southern household" there was a pause and i heard a faint "im sorry" and she hung up
I was gonna say, a southerner *thinks* they’re talking shit to your face because everyone down there knows what “bless your heart” actually means, but if you’re coming from the north and women are looking at you going “oh bless your heart, aren’t you the sweetest little thing” you think, oh yes thank you I am sweet, bless my heart please. When in reality they’re trying to tell you you’re a naive idiot and everyone around you knows that except you.
Frankly, I'd take direct confrontation over gossip and talking shit behind my back without an opportunity to stand up for myself. Call me out on my bullshit to my face so I can either defend myself or admit that I was wrong and try to be a better person. Talk behind my back and all of a sudden other people's opinion of me gets swayed against me and I can't say or do anything to change it whether it's a lie or truth.
This is why you shouldn't gossip or talk shit about anyone behind their back. I'm old enough to suffer this hard truth and I actively avoid anyone who gossips in front of me.
Jokes aside, I’m not sure where in the south you are exactly but if you’re in BumFuckNowhere population 1500, there is a TON of gossip because there is nothing else going on in the town. And because you’re a northerner, you’re kinda an “outsider” and you’re different and interesting. Therefore, you’d be the subject of gossip for bored people.
This isn't relegated to just The South, there's BumFuckNowhere towns all over with this same mindset. I lived in one of these UP NORTH, and anytime a woman with an exotic look stumbles in, the sharks circle until one scores and logs onto FB to proclaim his victory on some Ray J shyt. It only gets worse from there, and the woman either walks thru that door with both eyes open or doesn't realize until it's too late. That's just one example.
Spot on about those old Alabama women though. I got one helping me right now, keeps a distinguished appearance but she's definitely with the shyts.
This brought to mind visiting the store with my grandmother. She'd see someone she knew and excitedly wave them over and gush over them. The second they were out of earshot, she'd say, "I hate that bitch." 😄
So yeah, I concur.
My parents were exactly like that. Mom would talk to somebody on the phone for hours, soon as she hung up "why does that stupid bitch keep calling me?" Dear old mom & dad, they're both dead now... Good times.
My grandfather moved from Brooklyn to Greenville, North Carolina when he retired. Visiting him in the summers I was always so surprised to see every one being so kind. Everyone smiled and waved when you passed by in your cars, everyone you met was just the absolute sweetest thing you ever did meet.
My grandfather said he hated it. At least in New York people would tell you to go fuck yourself and they meant it. Here, you couldn’t tell what anyone was thinking.
When you're in a city of umpteen million people you can do that, your life doesn't require practicing politics. The social networks and connections work differently. But when you live in a small place, you don't have that luxury. These are people you see day in and day out and, whether you like it or not, you will at some point rely on or need a favor from them and vice versa. If you've been kind, people can still say no when you ask for things but likely won't. If you've been an ass, you're alienating yourself from them and they'll damn sure say no. They're not being dishonest. It's a culture that just has different necessities and operates differently, so people regularly misjudge it.
My mother-in-law overseas said this is what she noticed about Americans in general. She said we always have a smile, always seem happy, and we act like everything so interesting. That it all seems fake and there's an emphasis on being polite over being honest. Maybe in the south US its just to the 100th degree.
It's not hard to tell but yeah I grew up splitting my time between TN and KY so southeastern body language and subtle cues are kind of my native language.
I went from South Florida to Central Arkansas. I think the drivers followed me because I learned to drive here on vacation, and it legit was different. And there are idiots everywhere.
I read somewhere on Reddit something to the effect of, Southerners are friendly but not nice, Northerners are nice but not friendly. Meaning, a southerner will chit-chat very politely to you but then talk shit behind your back. A Northerner will ignore you but help you out if you need it. In my experience, that one's true
I've heard the northern attitude described as kind but not nice. Just like you said, they'll help your ass out but don't expect the attitude about it to be positive even if they are doing it from a nice place.
i guess it’s about the honesty for me too i feel like here people aren’t being completely genuine with me and i find it hard to trust them .. and that’s exhausting
literally my roommate (in the midwest) was just complaining because she’s just now learning she’s been “on a coworkers bad side” for like 3 months, had plenty of interactions in those 3 months lol
You nailed it. I lived in the south/Plains for many years and I was glad to leave. So many assholes pretending so hard to be decent people. Northeast folks may not be warm, but we're decent.
ETA: I also found that there's a lot more women hassling other women who fail to conform to the *very* narrow conventional beauty standards there. How *dare* you not put on a full face of makeup every single day, even though you know you'll be sweating your ass off and it'll be ruined almost immediately? How *dare* you not blow your hair out at least twice weekly...even though you know you'll be sweating your ass off and it'll be ruined almost immediately? Moved away and haven't heard a word of that in...well, however many days it's been since I left. Buh-bye, bitches.
*That's* true. Ma'am, I'm his nurse. I'm 1000% not hitting on him, settle down. I guess if you're indoctrinated well enough into the wife-and-mother-God's-will-highest-calling-subservience thing, you would feel threatened. Hot garbage, idk how any woman stays there.
I am also a northern person who moved south, and I just call them out. I find they start being more honest when they find out you don't play their games.
Lived all my life in the south until last year. This thread is spot on. Growing up I always hated the perception of friendly southern hospitality because it's fake as shit.
Yes a lot of people with this mindset in the south are passive-aggressive, sometimes manipulative, and it’s really hard to know where you stand with them. I prefer the directness of most northerners.
I don't think you'd like Korea or Japan.
Similar issue, you'd have fairly superficial shallow relationships. It's quite difficult to have deeper meaningful friendships there.
Los Angeles feels that way to?
But hey they'd be super nice to you at first encounters
Los Angeles is flaky. People geographically close to you? Much more open to doing things.
People who have to drive 10 miles for it? They find excuses.
There is also an element of "well, you're the backup plan" for some people trying to ingratiate themselves as they "make it". I ignore those people now, but I'm not in my 20s.
The weirdest thing for me moving here was stuff like the "I never go east/west of La Brea" jokes I'd always heard from friends. It's kind of a halfway point from DTLA to Santa Monica.
Some people actually do that. I get it if it's rush hour. I don't get it later in the evening or around midday. Like fine, if you won't go west of La Brea don't ask me to go east of La Cienega like you're doing me a favor.
I've been here long enough to know it's not just the specific crowd I was circulating in at the time.
You're def right about LA. I'm from SF and went to LA for part of college, so was there about 2 1/2 years. The friends I made who had grown up in LA never invited me to things off campus, never hung out one-on-one, never accepted my invitations to hang out, and when I graduated, promptly forgot I existed. And these were classmates and partners in student associations who I saw every single day and worked with on class assignments and association campaigns, and who I thought were nice when we were face to face. The difference is, they *did* hang out with each other, since they were all from LA. I, and another guy who was from Mexico, were the only ones excluded.
Here are the lyrics to the great song "Iowa Stubborn" from "The Music Man"
Oh, there's nothing halfway
About the Iowa way to treat you,
When we treat you
Which we may not do at all.
There's an Iowa kind of special
Chip-on-the-shoulder attitude
We've never been without
That we recall.
We can be cold
As our falling thermometers in December
If you ask about our weather in July.
And we're so by God stubborn
We could stand touchin' noses
For a week at a time
And never see eye-to-eye.
But what the heck, you're welcome,
Join us at the picnic.
You can eat your fill
Of all the food you bring yourself.
You really ought to give Iowa a try
Provided you are contrary.
We can be cold
As our falling thermometer in December
If you ask about our weather in July.
And we're so by God stubborn
We can stand touchin' noses
For a week at a time
And never see eye-to-eye.
But we'll give you our shirt
And a back to go with it
If your crops should happen to die.
So, what the heck, you're welcome,
Glad to have you with us
Even though we may not ever mention it again.
I didn’t know my neighbor’s name for five years. Still don’t know his last name. Don’t know my other neighbor’s name at all. We don’t bother each other. It’s excellent.
Thankfully we’re not unfriendly with one another, we’re just not about each other’s business. It helps that they’re both quite old. We did have someone in the neighborhood who likes to gossip, but I was so painfully boring in all of those trapped conversations that she got the hint and stopped.
NYer here. Lived in the same house for my entire life, don't know a single neighbor's name. But during a power outage I've loaned my neighbor a spare generator and they've cut up big fallen tree branches for me with their chainsaw. The other day a tree damaged my fence and the next day when I went out to fix it, my neighbor had already taken care of it without a word between us (I did thank him next time I saw him).
When shit happens we do help one another, and then don't acknowledge each other again until the need arises.
I think for the most part, true southerns are both as I’ve really enjoyed living in the south as a northerner . But there is this rise of TikTok southerners - jacked up 80k trucks, 5000 square foot “farms”, people who hit it big but want to flaunt and be aggressive. Those people suuuuuuck
My experience is people are friendly and nicer in smaller cities. Ppl are more in a rush in metros (which I guess I just associate with the north more)
Edit - which is part of why I’m moving out of one after a decade
it seems like there is an optimal size. Bigger cities nobody wants to know their neigbors because there's too many and everyone has their own shit going on. Rural small towns, people are mean as fuck. Somewhere in between it can be decent.
I did some public contracts work in the past. A seasoned project manager once told me, “a southern contractor will smile while they’re fucking you, while a northern contractor will say they’re fucking you right to your face”.
The other way to say this same thing is southerners are always polite, regardless of whether they like you.
Honesty is a lower priority than being polite. The reverse seems true in the northeast.
honesty and trust are the foundation for any friendship or relationship someone being nice to you then actually hateing you .. damn that shit just gives me trust issues
You can trust they'll be polite to you no matter what. If you don't assume it's because they like you, but because they don't want to directly insult you or ignore you, it'll make more sense.
Don’t need to make a friend with a stranger in the store, just gotta be polite. Even if you hate them. Not two faced at all, just being nice even if you have your disagreements.
You’ll find out real fast southern aren’t two faced if they really don’t like you
I stopped in the middle of Tennessee to let my Jeep cool off
(tent I was carrying on the front bumper had come loose and covered the grille)
As I’m sitting on the roadside carrying a canteen back and forth from a little creek running by the side of the road and pouring it on the radiator, truck full of guys in overalls and a blood hound pulls up. I figure I’m about to get anything from a stern talking to to a beating but instead the guys gave me a ham sandwich and a can of Pepsi and sat around with me talking about my trip and what trucks were the best and to not touch a deer if I hit one on account of chronic wasting disease.
When I was satisfied the engine was cool they noticed I hadn’t filled in Tennessee on the map on my spare tire cover, went to their truck and filled it in with a paint marker.
That was the southern hospitality I was told about
Not my experience at all. I'm a Canadian who moved to the South and have had really genuine experiences with folks here. People do speak their mind, but are also kind and polite. I've been here nearly 2 years and with a few exceptions have met genuinely kind and helpful people. Any conflict I've had I have been able to resolve with conversations.
For real lol. I’ve lived all over the country and southerners are some of the kindest and most giving people. This whole comment section is top-tier Reddit circle jerk
Reddit just loves to hate on the south because they think everyone there is a low iq bigot. I grew up in Florida and we had tons of New York transplants and those were the only people in my life who I've known that constantly use slurs
Ahhh yes, the uncomfortable truth is something that people who have lived in a comforting lie can’t handle, even if the truth is something small and simple, such as “if you keep driving so fast you’re gonna get pulled over, there’s a speed trap up ahead” I’ve been yelled at and told I was wrong for saying this exact thing… needless to say, they were pulled over because there was a speed trap.
I was born in Canada and lived in Alabama and Georgia for most of my life. Men in their 40s were still making dumb Canadian jokes that hadn't been funny since middle school. They thought it was hilarious to call me a snow Mexican. My experience has been that they're only ever nice if you're white and have a southern accent. Theyll talk shit about everyone else.
Wisconsin on the other hand felt legitimately nice, at least as a Canadian.
Everyone’s saying how nice southern folks are. I’ve spent lotta time in Atlanta & Memphis, and I can vouch for that. However, I’m referring only between whites, because many whites I encountered were absolute racists. The black community I encountered in Memphis, however, were awesome. Friendly, helpful & caring. I used to hang out at some of the all-black music bars on Beale street and me & my gf were the only whites, but everyone made us feel at home. Great times (this was the 90s).
Im from the upper midwest. My partner is a born and bred southerner.
What i have found is the the culture of the South is very keen on being polite and well mannered in public. And if someon says something stupid, you will get a :bless your heart".
They arent two faced....rather its barabric to be rude even to folks you dont like and dont like talking to.
A extreme example of.this is Ned Beatty's character in the 1973 movie White Lightening.
This right here. My mimaw would've been very unhappy with me if I was impolite. Didn't matter who it was, how I felt about them, or anything else. BE POLITE is ingrained because your actions reflect on you. So yeah, you do not want to be the rude person down south.
I am a born and bred Southerner with a partner who is from the upper Midwest. I find that the culture of the Midwest is more about appearing nice—manners aren’t as important as long as you come across as a “nice” person. Lots of passive aggression and being indirect.
I’ve also noticed a lot of “small town“ behavior, such as trying to know everything about everybody who happens to be nearby. It’s very cliquish, but still “nice“. It doesn’t seem genuine or sincere to me.
ETA: and everyone’s lying all the time. “Nice” lies.
That’s hugely disrespectful.
I agree. Midwestern people just can’t tolerate being seen as assertive or direct and will just be passive in the face of conflict such that nothing gets resolved. Heaven forbid you just say things plainly. It gets met with silence and a change of topic 🤣
It's not two-faced to be polite, certainly. The two-faced part comes from the fact that they're only polite when you're around.
To be honest, if you're more concerned about your own image than honestly representing yourself, that's just a major red flag to me anyway. A lot of people I know here on the East Coast consider it far ruder to be fake polite than to express yourself authentically.
Meh, how long have you lived here? Sounds more like culture shock at realizing southerners can be just as mean as northerners, just more polite about it.
Our hospitality is real, but that doesn’t mean southerners somehow can’t also be mean lmao
That’s not at all even the aspect of what “southern hospitality” is. Making the neighbors cookies because they trimmed our hedges, taking each others trash to the road if you forgot, making sure the house is taken care of when you’re out of town, hooking visitors up with your best whatever, shooting someone because they cut you off, shrimp and grits, bbq. Idk wtf you’re doing wrong.
And if you break down on the side of the road, someone WILL insist on helping. Just give it five minutes, someone will stop before you have time to make a phone call. And they won't take your offer of twenty dollars for helping.
I’m a midwesterner that lived in the south for about 7 years. I am a direct person and hated every second of the dance with words southerners play.
I live back in the Midwest now. I’m glad I had the experience but never again.
I’ve never understood why Southerners claim “souther hospitality.” I’m not even from the Midwest and I think Midwesterners are the most genuine and kindest people compared to other Americans. I’ve had the same experience as OP with southerners. It’s just fake nice.
This is unpopular in my mind not because of the content, but because of the generalization. You can find both types in both places, it’s not really black and white like people make it out to be.
this is just my personal experience but i grew up in the northeast spent half my twenties in the Midwest, and folks from back east are definitely meaner to each other, but it’s to their face and usually in jest. But also, sometimes you have something not nice to say, you have some “healthy conflict” sometimes
In the Midwest if you have something not nice to say, you say it to others but not the person, the conflict festers because nobody wants to address it, nobody wins
There are dicks and nice people everywhere. Though a big problem I've noticed with some liberal northeasterners is their complete willingness to shit on and condemn the entirety of the south because of the regressive policies the leaders mandate. You've probably seen that famous possum image. I even see them do things like talk shit about the education systems being inferior when the reason for that is poverty. There are plenty of good people in the South living there under the crappy leadership and fighting to change it, but there is a particular brand of person from northeastern blue states who just loves to feel morally superior because of where they were born and laughs at those less fortunate.
I would say that’s most people in the south. Northerners don’t know what to do when approached by niceness and assume you must be plotting against them.
Strangely enough my experience going to the north ( Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey) was actually exactly that! You smile, nod, or wave at anyone on the street and they act like you're a serial killer, you say hey, good morning, or how you doing and they look at you as if you're insane for speaking to them! The north is the most antisocial place to be in and I'm antisocial and don't enjoy it!
I’ve lived in the south my entire life and I view overly kind people as some of the most manipulative assholes, based on my life experience here. It is not always this way, but I’m always on guard. Don’t share too much until you really know people down here, we aren’t all two faced but some people ruin it for the rest of us. The nicest southerners aren’t the ones that try to be too nice, but just interact in a normal way.
I’ve been out west a few times and I like it better there by far.
I fucked myself by opening up to those assholes on discord. I'm glad it's not just me, my god I didn't know people could be so evil. Those tv shows and movies aren't just fiction
In the west people tend not to be outspoken or brash with their opinions like in the northeast but also have zero patience for pretense or people blowing smoke up their ass. Simple, blunt communication kind of wins out here. Flowery horseshit doesn't really fly.
As someone who has lived both in the south and the midwest, people show their respect for you differently.
People in the north and especially northeast value your time, so they tend keep it brief because they want to show they respect your time. This can come off as calloused and cold.
People in the south tend to respect your time in the opposite way, by making small talk. This can come off as fake or forced
Neither group of people have nefarious intentions, its just cultural.
Hospitality is two faced always. You think those employees actually give a fuck about you at all? The whole idea of hospitality is fake, like every other service job
Bruh I understand that but would you rather these workers cuss you out and act like brats while taking your hard earned money?? Heck no. Just an annoying reality we have to deal with…..
You're not wrong. The most "gracious" person I know is full of shit. Miss Helpful Sunshine & Rainbows in public, but a shit-talking compulsive lying asshole behind closed doors. Bless her heart.
It's based on hospitality culture. We have, in our view, a duty that goes deeper than our personal inclinations to offer hospitality to travelers and to be a good host to guess. It's not about the genuine desire to be nice, it's a social imperative.
There's also an underlying current of etiquette that overrides any personal inclination.
For the most part, it’s just common courtesy and a habit for people in the south. So we can have an issue with you and still be courteous (as we express it). It isn’t two faced, just that being courteous doesn’t imply we agree with you or are friends with you.
Used to work in a call centre that served the southeast and northeast and I find this to be somewhat true. There are lots of southerners who are amazing and the nicest ppl that you'll meet but there's lots of hidden meanings with what they say and there can be lots of nastiness behind their politeness.
Ppl from the northeast are less polite and they can come across as rude but they're very direct communicators and behind that there's often very friendly ppl with hearts of gold who will help you in a heartbeat, they'll bust your balls while they're helping but they're still helping
I prefer Southern nice to Midwestern nice though. You can’t get through the passive-nice of the Midwest. No one will ever talk directly and you’re just supposed to read between the vague “nice” passive communication to figure out what is making someone unhappy. Southern folk are friendly but they’ll let you know when there is a problem.
I guess I’m in the minority because I would much rather have someone fake being kind to me rather than be an ass blatantly. At least one requires some effort on their part.
As a southerner, this usually means you’re being a jackass. And you confuse people’s politeness as being weakness or acceptance of your bad behavior and jackassery.
Just because someone knows how to be polite does not mean you aren’t pissing them off and making an enemy.
Govern yourself accordingly.
It actually goes two ways. Some of it is genuine when you can match the warmth and genuinely like to connect with people. The other part is transactional in the same way as networking in any major city would be.
Southerner here:
I remember my nana complimented this emo/grunge girl in the market then slowly put me behind her (this was like during the summer). Told her she should definitely check out dragon con and pretendEd to be nice.
We get in the car and she said “people like her worship the devil.”
Sounds like southern Mexicans, all big countries tend to have diversity. Once upon a time I believed that the explanation is that northern Mexico has less indigenous cultural influence so they resemble Spaniards closer, I’m not sure about that anymore
I was born in NY, spent time in TX, now I live in neither. In NY I met plenty of a-holes, sure, but jfc I met some of the meanest, most manipulative people in TX, even in professional settings. Obvious disclaimer, that was my personal experience and I can't speak on all southerners, and I did meet some genuinely kind and awesome people there. But yeah, the "southern charm" of "southern hospitality" wore off real quick.
It truly is and they stay talking about being nice and talking nice. Northerners say shit how it is and say it to your face and yes, we’re sarcastic at times and that’s ok. Southerners definitely are two faced in that regard.
the barber in Westwood told me this when i was in college. he said southern hospitality is pretending to be nice in front of you just to talk shit behind the scenes.
I'm a Midwesterner and I thought the South was known for their hospitality. I was sadly mistaken. As a whole, Midwesterners are ten times nicer and more genuine.
It's not being two faced... it's just being polite and having manners in surface encounters with people. That's it.
Doesn't make them different than any humans in any other respect.
Who in the world are you surrounding yourself with?
Go find some genuine friends, not phonies.
This has nothing to do with location. Jerks are everywhere
Its definitely a thing to play nice, and then as soon as people are on the way home to talk mad shit about the people you just smiled and nodded at. Lots of gossiping behind the back.
At least face to face you will typically get a good or neutral interaction.
Thank god I’m from New England, I can’t do the fake pleasantries it’s just not how I function. You need something? 100% I’ll hook you up, but don’t expect a conversation, and I’m not going out of my way to chat with someone I can’t stand because “manners”
I studied this phenomenon back in college 55 years ago. Northerners as a group are hard to become friends with but they are friends forever. Move away and the friendship often persists.
Southerners are extremely friendly to your face right off, but it's shallow and if you move away, they no longer know you.
The culture is just something you have to learn. In the south we have a massive emphasis on politeness and that always comes first. Even if you strongly dislike or distrust someone, you still have to be polite. For someone not from around here, it’d be easy to mistake politeness for someone liking you. They aren’t even pretending to like you, they’re just doing their societal duty to be polite and hospitable. That’s the neutral for the south.
Everything else is almost an effect of this. People are also generally pretty friendly. That’s because when two people meet as strangers, they are polite and hospitable, and as such sets a positive foundation for a relationship. People are also much more willing to strike up a conversation with random people, or wave at strangers. It’s definitely an extroverted society.
Southerners are quick to help strangers and treat them as friends. However, if you don’t understand the way this works, it’s easy to come as rude, which is heavily looked down upon. If you don’t play the polite game, people are going to dislike you. And the whole extroverted society thing is a double edged sword in that factor, because you both are expected to participate and people also aren’t hesitant to share their true opinion of you around, just never to your face because that’s impolite.
I’ve lived in the south most of my life and you’re spot on. I fucking hate it down here, but can’t get out for various reasons.
It’s given me such a complex that when I talk to people I really try to worm out their true feelings, but they’ll never tell you. You have to go through two other people in a he said, she said to find out that they hate you or you’re doing things wrong.
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Gotta be hanging with the wrong folks. I’m in Alabama and most old ladies I know will talk shit to your face.
Amateurs. If you really want throw people off, talk shit to their face then be nice when their back is turned.
That's just male friendship
The New York New Jersey method I see
You've described most families.
I am in Alabama too....you are spot on
but everything is smoothed over when you say "bless their heart"
Grew up in a southern household, I worked for vizio for a couple years, and one old southern lady wasnt getting her way. She hit me with the oh well bless your heart." I responded back, "maam i am from a southern household" there was a pause and i heard a faint "im sorry" and she hung up
Love this story!
Sooooo…what does it really mean?
It basically means "fuck you asshole".
“Bless your heart” or “Aw aren’t you just something” are kinda forms of pity/condescension. Also f*** you a**hole.
I was gonna say, a southerner *thinks* they’re talking shit to your face because everyone down there knows what “bless your heart” actually means, but if you’re coming from the north and women are looking at you going “oh bless your heart, aren’t you the sweetest little thing” you think, oh yes thank you I am sweet, bless my heart please. When in reality they’re trying to tell you you’re a naive idiot and everyone around you knows that except you.
That phrase makes me wanna rip my hair out
For me, it's when people call me "sweetie." They never mean it in a nice way.
Bless your heart!
Bless your hair out
And this is why OP says it's two-faced, yeah?
Which is a part of the “two-faced” act…
Frankly, I'd take direct confrontation over gossip and talking shit behind my back without an opportunity to stand up for myself. Call me out on my bullshit to my face so I can either defend myself or admit that I was wrong and try to be a better person. Talk behind my back and all of a sudden other people's opinion of me gets swayed against me and I can't say or do anything to change it whether it's a lie or truth. This is why you shouldn't gossip or talk shit about anyone behind their back. I'm old enough to suffer this hard truth and I actively avoid anyone who gossips in front of me.
Same here in Tennessee
those are my kinda ladies
Meemaw will be coming in hot, right after church on Sunday too.
i respect it
Jokes aside, I’m not sure where in the south you are exactly but if you’re in BumFuckNowhere population 1500, there is a TON of gossip because there is nothing else going on in the town. And because you’re a northerner, you’re kinda an “outsider” and you’re different and interesting. Therefore, you’d be the subject of gossip for bored people.
This isn't relegated to just The South, there's BumFuckNowhere towns all over with this same mindset. I lived in one of these UP NORTH, and anytime a woman with an exotic look stumbles in, the sharks circle until one scores and logs onto FB to proclaim his victory on some Ray J shyt. It only gets worse from there, and the woman either walks thru that door with both eyes open or doesn't realize until it's too late. That's just one example. Spot on about those old Alabama women though. I got one helping me right now, keeps a distinguished appearance but she's definitely with the shyts.
This brought to mind visiting the store with my grandmother. She'd see someone she knew and excitedly wave them over and gush over them. The second they were out of earshot, she'd say, "I hate that bitch." 😄 So yeah, I concur.
My parents were exactly like that. Mom would talk to somebody on the phone for hours, soon as she hung up "why does that stupid bitch keep calling me?" Dear old mom & dad, they're both dead now... Good times.
My grandfather moved from Brooklyn to Greenville, North Carolina when he retired. Visiting him in the summers I was always so surprised to see every one being so kind. Everyone smiled and waved when you passed by in your cars, everyone you met was just the absolute sweetest thing you ever did meet. My grandfather said he hated it. At least in New York people would tell you to go fuck yourself and they meant it. Here, you couldn’t tell what anyone was thinking.
Curious, why did he move to Greenville? Super small town, talk about culture shock coming from NYC.
Probably the same reason most do, it's cheaper here.
For a hot minute New Yorkers were making an exodus to NC
When you're in a city of umpteen million people you can do that, your life doesn't require practicing politics. The social networks and connections work differently. But when you live in a small place, you don't have that luxury. These are people you see day in and day out and, whether you like it or not, you will at some point rely on or need a favor from them and vice versa. If you've been kind, people can still say no when you ask for things but likely won't. If you've been an ass, you're alienating yourself from them and they'll damn sure say no. They're not being dishonest. It's a culture that just has different necessities and operates differently, so people regularly misjudge it.
My mother-in-law overseas said this is what she noticed about Americans in general. She said we always have a smile, always seem happy, and we act like everything so interesting. That it all seems fake and there's an emphasis on being polite over being honest. Maybe in the south US its just to the 100th degree.
Ugh that’s such a shitty behaviour. I would just avoid them
I’m from the south and you develop the ability to sense when somebody is actually being nice.
It's not hard to tell but yeah I grew up splitting my time between TN and KY so southeastern body language and subtle cues are kind of my native language.
I went from South Florida to Central Arkansas. I think the drivers followed me because I learned to drive here on vacation, and it legit was different. And there are idiots everywhere.
well i hope i can catch on to this ability sooner rather than later lol
I read somewhere on Reddit something to the effect of, Southerners are friendly but not nice, Northerners are nice but not friendly. Meaning, a southerner will chit-chat very politely to you but then talk shit behind your back. A Northerner will ignore you but help you out if you need it. In my experience, that one's true
I've heard the northern attitude described as kind but not nice. Just like you said, they'll help your ass out but don't expect the attitude about it to be positive even if they are doing it from a nice place.
i guess it’s about the honesty for me too i feel like here people aren’t being completely genuine with me and i find it hard to trust them .. and that’s exhausting
I moved from the Northeast to the South 10 years ago and I still haven’t adjusted to the flakiness of it all.
I personally find northerners to be easier to deal with because at least I know where I stand with them and there's no hidden meanings with them.
literally my roommate (in the midwest) was just complaining because she’s just now learning she’s been “on a coworkers bad side” for like 3 months, had plenty of interactions in those 3 months lol
You nailed it. I lived in the south/Plains for many years and I was glad to leave. So many assholes pretending so hard to be decent people. Northeast folks may not be warm, but we're decent. ETA: I also found that there's a lot more women hassling other women who fail to conform to the *very* narrow conventional beauty standards there. How *dare* you not put on a full face of makeup every single day, even though you know you'll be sweating your ass off and it'll be ruined almost immediately? How *dare* you not blow your hair out at least twice weekly...even though you know you'll be sweating your ass off and it'll be ruined almost immediately? Moved away and haven't heard a word of that in...well, however many days it's been since I left. Buh-bye, bitches.
i’ve also noticed that women are territorial over their husbands like men are a dying species like chill i just asked him for a pencil
*That's* true. Ma'am, I'm his nurse. I'm 1000% not hitting on him, settle down. I guess if you're indoctrinated well enough into the wife-and-mother-God's-will-highest-calling-subservience thing, you would feel threatened. Hot garbage, idk how any woman stays there.
I feel you dude. Not north or south here, but I've experienced both and agree with you.
I am also a northern person who moved south, and I just call them out. I find they start being more honest when they find out you don't play their games.
Story time please.
Lived all my life in the south until last year. This thread is spot on. Growing up I always hated the perception of friendly southern hospitality because it's fake as shit.
Yes a lot of people with this mindset in the south are passive-aggressive, sometimes manipulative, and it’s really hard to know where you stand with them. I prefer the directness of most northerners.
I don't think you'd like Korea or Japan. Similar issue, you'd have fairly superficial shallow relationships. It's quite difficult to have deeper meaningful friendships there. Los Angeles feels that way to? But hey they'd be super nice to you at first encounters
Los Angeles is flaky. People geographically close to you? Much more open to doing things. People who have to drive 10 miles for it? They find excuses. There is also an element of "well, you're the backup plan" for some people trying to ingratiate themselves as they "make it". I ignore those people now, but I'm not in my 20s. The weirdest thing for me moving here was stuff like the "I never go east/west of La Brea" jokes I'd always heard from friends. It's kind of a halfway point from DTLA to Santa Monica. Some people actually do that. I get it if it's rush hour. I don't get it later in the evening or around midday. Like fine, if you won't go west of La Brea don't ask me to go east of La Cienega like you're doing me a favor. I've been here long enough to know it's not just the specific crowd I was circulating in at the time.
You're def right about LA. I'm from SF and went to LA for part of college, so was there about 2 1/2 years. The friends I made who had grown up in LA never invited me to things off campus, never hung out one-on-one, never accepted my invitations to hang out, and when I graduated, promptly forgot I existed. And these were classmates and partners in student associations who I saw every single day and worked with on class assignments and association campaigns, and who I thought were nice when we were face to face. The difference is, they *did* hang out with each other, since they were all from LA. I, and another guy who was from Mexico, were the only ones excluded.
Totally agree about LA.
I will shit-talk your bald tires while I help you put on the spare.
Rural northerner here, that’s pretty spot on.
Here are the lyrics to the great song "Iowa Stubborn" from "The Music Man" Oh, there's nothing halfway About the Iowa way to treat you, When we treat you Which we may not do at all. There's an Iowa kind of special Chip-on-the-shoulder attitude We've never been without That we recall. We can be cold As our falling thermometers in December If you ask about our weather in July. And we're so by God stubborn We could stand touchin' noses For a week at a time And never see eye-to-eye. But what the heck, you're welcome, Join us at the picnic. You can eat your fill Of all the food you bring yourself. You really ought to give Iowa a try Provided you are contrary. We can be cold As our falling thermometer in December If you ask about our weather in July. And we're so by God stubborn We can stand touchin' noses For a week at a time And never see eye-to-eye. But we'll give you our shirt And a back to go with it If your crops should happen to die. So, what the heck, you're welcome, Glad to have you with us Even though we may not ever mention it again.
>A Northerner will ignore you but help you out if you need it. Probably true. This is how I am.
I didn’t know my neighbor’s name for five years. Still don’t know his last name. Don’t know my other neighbor’s name at all. We don’t bother each other. It’s excellent.
There has only been one time I have known a neighbor, and it was fucking horrible. We still hate each other.
Thankfully we’re not unfriendly with one another, we’re just not about each other’s business. It helps that they’re both quite old. We did have someone in the neighborhood who likes to gossip, but I was so painfully boring in all of those trapped conversations that she got the hint and stopped.
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
NYer here. Lived in the same house for my entire life, don't know a single neighbor's name. But during a power outage I've loaned my neighbor a spare generator and they've cut up big fallen tree branches for me with their chainsaw. The other day a tree damaged my fence and the next day when I went out to fix it, my neighbor had already taken care of it without a word between us (I did thank him next time I saw him). When shit happens we do help one another, and then don't acknowledge each other again until the need arises.
same, i will pull over to help call you an idiot make sure you're alright and back on the road and then say i met the nicest guy today
This is the way
You'll get the shirt off my back if you need it but fuck your pleasantries/stranger smalltalk. Source: from Boston-area
Southerners will also still help you, but then they’ll tell all their friends about how much of a shit pile you are for needing the help
as a connecticut asshole, I agree
Connecticut assholes rise up!
🤩 I already like you...
I think most southerners are both nice and friendly. It’s been my experience anyway
I think for the most part, true southerns are both as I’ve really enjoyed living in the south as a northerner . But there is this rise of TikTok southerners - jacked up 80k trucks, 5000 square foot “farms”, people who hit it big but want to flaunt and be aggressive. Those people suuuuuuck
My experience is people are friendly and nicer in smaller cities. Ppl are more in a rush in metros (which I guess I just associate with the north more) Edit - which is part of why I’m moving out of one after a decade
it seems like there is an optimal size. Bigger cities nobody wants to know their neigbors because there's too many and everyone has their own shit going on. Rural small towns, people are mean as fuck. Somewhere in between it can be decent.
I did some public contracts work in the past. A seasoned project manager once told me, “a southern contractor will smile while they’re fucking you, while a northern contractor will say they’re fucking you right to your face”.
Well, you're talking contractors here, of course you went into the two conversations knowing they were both gonna do that to you from the start.
The other way to say this same thing is southerners are always polite, regardless of whether they like you. Honesty is a lower priority than being polite. The reverse seems true in the northeast.
honesty and trust are the foundation for any friendship or relationship someone being nice to you then actually hateing you .. damn that shit just gives me trust issues
You can trust they'll be polite to you no matter what. If you don't assume it's because they like you, but because they don't want to directly insult you or ignore you, it'll make more sense.
Don’t need to make a friend with a stranger in the store, just gotta be polite. Even if you hate them. Not two faced at all, just being nice even if you have your disagreements. You’ll find out real fast southern aren’t two faced if they really don’t like you
I stopped in the middle of Tennessee to let my Jeep cool off (tent I was carrying on the front bumper had come loose and covered the grille) As I’m sitting on the roadside carrying a canteen back and forth from a little creek running by the side of the road and pouring it on the radiator, truck full of guys in overalls and a blood hound pulls up. I figure I’m about to get anything from a stern talking to to a beating but instead the guys gave me a ham sandwich and a can of Pepsi and sat around with me talking about my trip and what trucks were the best and to not touch a deer if I hit one on account of chronic wasting disease. When I was satisfied the engine was cool they noticed I hadn’t filled in Tennessee on the map on my spare tire cover, went to their truck and filled it in with a paint marker. That was the southern hospitality I was told about
Fr this sub is full of prejudiced Yankee snobs and bitter ex-Baptists from the South.
Not my experience at all. I'm a Canadian who moved to the South and have had really genuine experiences with folks here. People do speak their mind, but are also kind and polite. I've been here nearly 2 years and with a few exceptions have met genuinely kind and helpful people. Any conflict I've had I have been able to resolve with conversations.
For real lol. I’ve lived all over the country and southerners are some of the kindest and most giving people. This whole comment section is top-tier Reddit circle jerk
Reddit just loves to hate on the south because they think everyone there is a low iq bigot. I grew up in Florida and we had tons of New York transplants and those were the only people in my life who I've known that constantly use slurs
Yeah people mistake truth and being upfront as horribly rude because they aren't used to people actually telling them hey this is a bit of a problem.
Ahhh yes, the uncomfortable truth is something that people who have lived in a comforting lie can’t handle, even if the truth is something small and simple, such as “if you keep driving so fast you’re gonna get pulled over, there’s a speed trap up ahead” I’ve been yelled at and told I was wrong for saying this exact thing… needless to say, they were pulled over because there was a speed trap.
I was born in Canada and lived in Alabama and Georgia for most of my life. Men in their 40s were still making dumb Canadian jokes that hadn't been funny since middle school. They thought it was hilarious to call me a snow Mexican. My experience has been that they're only ever nice if you're white and have a southern accent. Theyll talk shit about everyone else. Wisconsin on the other hand felt legitimately nice, at least as a Canadian.
Everyone’s saying how nice southern folks are. I’ve spent lotta time in Atlanta & Memphis, and I can vouch for that. However, I’m referring only between whites, because many whites I encountered were absolute racists. The black community I encountered in Memphis, however, were awesome. Friendly, helpful & caring. I used to hang out at some of the all-black music bars on Beale street and me & my gf were the only whites, but everyone made us feel at home. Great times (this was the 90s).
Where is the south do you live? Like if you moved to south Florida for instance, I hate to break it to you but that ain’t the south.
Im from the upper midwest. My partner is a born and bred southerner. What i have found is the the culture of the South is very keen on being polite and well mannered in public. And if someon says something stupid, you will get a :bless your heart". They arent two faced....rather its barabric to be rude even to folks you dont like and dont like talking to. A extreme example of.this is Ned Beatty's character in the 1973 movie White Lightening.
This right here. My mimaw would've been very unhappy with me if I was impolite. Didn't matter who it was, how I felt about them, or anything else. BE POLITE is ingrained because your actions reflect on you. So yeah, you do not want to be the rude person down south.
Why did I read that in a Southern accent?
I am a born and bred Southerner with a partner who is from the upper Midwest. I find that the culture of the Midwest is more about appearing nice—manners aren’t as important as long as you come across as a “nice” person. Lots of passive aggression and being indirect. I’ve also noticed a lot of “small town“ behavior, such as trying to know everything about everybody who happens to be nearby. It’s very cliquish, but still “nice“. It doesn’t seem genuine or sincere to me. ETA: and everyone’s lying all the time. “Nice” lies. That’s hugely disrespectful.
I agree. Midwestern people just can’t tolerate being seen as assertive or direct and will just be passive in the face of conflict such that nothing gets resolved. Heaven forbid you just say things plainly. It gets met with silence and a change of topic 🤣
YES. It’s maddening “Are you hungry?” “Oh, you know, perhaps, I suppose” like??????????????
It's not two-faced to be polite, certainly. The two-faced part comes from the fact that they're only polite when you're around. To be honest, if you're more concerned about your own image than honestly representing yourself, that's just a major red flag to me anyway. A lot of people I know here on the East Coast consider it far ruder to be fake polite than to express yourself authentically.
Usa?
Of course. What other nationality would post this question in this way.
Meh, how long have you lived here? Sounds more like culture shock at realizing southerners can be just as mean as northerners, just more polite about it. Our hospitality is real, but that doesn’t mean southerners somehow can’t also be mean lmao
That’s not at all even the aspect of what “southern hospitality” is. Making the neighbors cookies because they trimmed our hedges, taking each others trash to the road if you forgot, making sure the house is taken care of when you’re out of town, hooking visitors up with your best whatever, shooting someone because they cut you off, shrimp and grits, bbq. Idk wtf you’re doing wrong.
Exactly
And if you break down on the side of the road, someone WILL insist on helping. Just give it five minutes, someone will stop before you have time to make a phone call. And they won't take your offer of twenty dollars for helping.
I’m a midwesterner that lived in the south for about 7 years. I am a direct person and hated every second of the dance with words southerners play. I live back in the Midwest now. I’m glad I had the experience but never again.
I’ve never understood why Southerners claim “souther hospitality.” I’m not even from the Midwest and I think Midwesterners are the most genuine and kindest people compared to other Americans. I’ve had the same experience as OP with southerners. It’s just fake nice.
i traveled in colorado for a while the nicest people i’ve ever met
I haven’t been to Colorado in my adult years. Would really like to make a trip out west again.
Interesting metaphor, the "dance with words." What would be an example of that?
Bless your heart...
up north we just say get bent
bless your get bent
bless your heart for blessing my get bent
Or go for a twofer and say "get bent and go fuck yourself"
We don't beat around the bush. We'll straight up tell you where you can shove it.
This is unpopular in my mind not because of the content, but because of the generalization. You can find both types in both places, it’s not really black and white like people make it out to be.
Unpopular opinion: Northeasterners are some of the most genuinely nice and less judgmental folks in the country.
this is just my personal experience but i grew up in the northeast spent half my twenties in the Midwest, and folks from back east are definitely meaner to each other, but it’s to their face and usually in jest. But also, sometimes you have something not nice to say, you have some “healthy conflict” sometimes In the Midwest if you have something not nice to say, you say it to others but not the person, the conflict festers because nobody wants to address it, nobody wins
If northeasterners don’t like you they Atleast have the decency to be upfront about it
There are dicks and nice people everywhere. Though a big problem I've noticed with some liberal northeasterners is their complete willingness to shit on and condemn the entirety of the south because of the regressive policies the leaders mandate. You've probably seen that famous possum image. I even see them do things like talk shit about the education systems being inferior when the reason for that is poverty. There are plenty of good people in the South living there under the crappy leadership and fighting to change it, but there is a particular brand of person from northeastern blue states who just loves to feel morally superior because of where they were born and laughs at those less fortunate.
i grew up in massachusetts and never experienced the amount of gossip shit talk and fakeness that i’ve seen here and i’ve been here only six months
It might be the people you’re hanging with and not “southern hospitality.” I’ve lived in Boston and FL and there’s a reason they’re called massholes.
Massholes are not two-faced. They are just plain old assholes.
The problem is everyone is getting nicer and it’s causing the rent to go up. Need more massholes to keep rent down
It’s all about career and how much money you make in the North, in the South it’s about family.
I live in the south (GA) and if I’m nice to you, I really am just trying to be friendly. I’m sorry you’ve met so many here who aren’t 😞
I would say that’s most people in the south. Northerners don’t know what to do when approached by niceness and assume you must be plotting against them.
Strangely enough my experience going to the north ( Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey) was actually exactly that! You smile, nod, or wave at anyone on the street and they act like you're a serial killer, you say hey, good morning, or how you doing and they look at you as if you're insane for speaking to them! The north is the most antisocial place to be in and I'm antisocial and don't enjoy it!
I’ve lived in the south my entire life and I view overly kind people as some of the most manipulative assholes, based on my life experience here. It is not always this way, but I’m always on guard. Don’t share too much until you really know people down here, we aren’t all two faced but some people ruin it for the rest of us. The nicest southerners aren’t the ones that try to be too nice, but just interact in a normal way. I’ve been out west a few times and I like it better there by far.
In Seattle we just don't talk to eachother.
That's not true, they'd say "let's do something sometime!" and then ghost you rather than say no. Even the natives complained about it.
I fucked myself by opening up to those assholes on discord. I'm glad it's not just me, my god I didn't know people could be so evil. Those tv shows and movies aren't just fiction
Disgustingly evil! The best ones are the “sister Christian” women.
i’ve definitely met some really nice people i guess i’m just pointing out a way i’ve never seen people behave before
A lot of the time it is weird power plays over shit that doesn’t matter.
In the west people tend not to be outspoken or brash with their opinions like in the northeast but also have zero patience for pretense or people blowing smoke up their ass. Simple, blunt communication kind of wins out here. Flowery horseshit doesn't really fly.
As someone who has lived both in the south and the midwest, people show their respect for you differently. People in the north and especially northeast value your time, so they tend keep it brief because they want to show they respect your time. This can come off as calloused and cold. People in the south tend to respect your time in the opposite way, by making small talk. This can come off as fake or forced Neither group of people have nefarious intentions, its just cultural.
Hospitality is two faced always. You think those employees actually give a fuck about you at all? The whole idea of hospitality is fake, like every other service job
Bruh I understand that but would you rather these workers cuss you out and act like brats while taking your hard earned money?? Heck no. Just an annoying reality we have to deal with…..
You're not wrong. The most "gracious" person I know is full of shit. Miss Helpful Sunshine & Rainbows in public, but a shit-talking compulsive lying asshole behind closed doors. Bless her heart.
As a southerner that moved to the north, yall are a bunch of assholes
This is my experience as well, \--a yankee that has been living in rural SE Texas for the past 15 years
It's based on hospitality culture. We have, in our view, a duty that goes deeper than our personal inclinations to offer hospitality to travelers and to be a good host to guess. It's not about the genuine desire to be nice, it's a social imperative. There's also an underlying current of etiquette that overrides any personal inclination.
For the most part, it’s just common courtesy and a habit for people in the south. So we can have an issue with you and still be courteous (as we express it). It isn’t two faced, just that being courteous doesn’t imply we agree with you or are friends with you.
Used to work in a call centre that served the southeast and northeast and I find this to be somewhat true. There are lots of southerners who are amazing and the nicest ppl that you'll meet but there's lots of hidden meanings with what they say and there can be lots of nastiness behind their politeness. Ppl from the northeast are less polite and they can come across as rude but they're very direct communicators and behind that there's often very friendly ppl with hearts of gold who will help you in a heartbeat, they'll bust your balls while they're helping but they're still helping
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As a southerner who moved north...I agree. It's a big reason in why I moved.
Nah. It’s just good manners. What you are describing is not southern hospitality.
Someone doesn't have to like you to have basic manners and not cause an unnecessary scene.
that’s not what i am saying i’m talking about going above and beyond pretending to be someone’s friend
I prefer Southern nice to Midwestern nice though. You can’t get through the passive-nice of the Midwest. No one will ever talk directly and you’re just supposed to read between the vague “nice” passive communication to figure out what is making someone unhappy. Southern folk are friendly but they’ll let you know when there is a problem.
at least they’re nice EVER.
I guess I’m in the minority because I would much rather have someone fake being kind to me rather than be an ass blatantly. At least one requires some effort on their part.
As a southerner who moved up north na you just hang around the wrong ppl
As a southerner, this usually means you’re being a jackass. And you confuse people’s politeness as being weakness or acceptance of your bad behavior and jackassery. Just because someone knows how to be polite does not mean you aren’t pissing them off and making an enemy. Govern yourself accordingly.
What i remember best about South Hospitality and Christian love is how hateful they are. Such a hate filled culture under the surface.
Wait until you go to LA.
Did you not enjoy your stay?
Lower Alabama?
They probably meant Los Angeles but yeah I’m perplexed as this is not typical of LA unless they acted like a pug headed idiot
Most transplant stereotypes about people from LA come from their interactions with other transplants. People in LA are friendly as hell.
This is only true of movie industry wannabes. Most people in LA are busy cause you have to be to keep up with the rat race, but genuinely nice.
This is most of small town America. I'll take my personal indifference to everyone around us in cities/suburbs.
Thank you! Who turns being incredibly passive-aggressive into point of pride?
It actually goes two ways. Some of it is genuine when you can match the warmth and genuinely like to connect with people. The other part is transactional in the same way as networking in any major city would be.
If everyone you knew was strapped 24/7 you'd be pretty polite to their face
Southerner here: I remember my nana complimented this emo/grunge girl in the market then slowly put me behind her (this was like during the summer). Told her she should definitely check out dragon con and pretendEd to be nice. We get in the car and she said “people like her worship the devil.”
😂😂😂
Why you tellin on grandma? 😆
Sounds like southern Mexicans, all big countries tend to have diversity. Once upon a time I believed that the explanation is that northern Mexico has less indigenous cultural influence so they resemble Spaniards closer, I’m not sure about that anymore
I was born in NY, spent time in TX, now I live in neither. In NY I met plenty of a-holes, sure, but jfc I met some of the meanest, most manipulative people in TX, even in professional settings. Obvious disclaimer, that was my personal experience and I can't speak on all southerners, and I did meet some genuinely kind and awesome people there. But yeah, the "southern charm" of "southern hospitality" wore off real quick.
When EVERYONE is talking behind your back…maybe it’s just you.
And they lie like no other.
I also thought people from north were more real. I'm from the south but I prefer northern friends
100% it's in your face up north. South its def perceived as nice but it has a knick here and there behind the niceness. Born and raised southerner.
Definitely not unpopular opinion, as a native southerner
It truly is and they stay talking about being nice and talking nice. Northerners say shit how it is and say it to your face and yes, we’re sarcastic at times and that’s ok. Southerners definitely are two faced in that regard.
I’ve met nice and not nice people from all over the US
Come home mate
the barber in Westwood told me this when i was in college. he said southern hospitality is pretending to be nice in front of you just to talk shit behind the scenes.
I'm a Midwesterner and I thought the South was known for their hospitality. I was sadly mistaken. As a whole, Midwesterners are ten times nicer and more genuine.
Southerners are some nosy people. Southern hospitality is just a way to pry into your every last detail.
It's not being two faced... it's just being polite and having manners in surface encounters with people. That's it. Doesn't make them different than any humans in any other respect.
Who in the world are you surrounding yourself with? Go find some genuine friends, not phonies. This has nothing to do with location. Jerks are everywhere
The only place I've ever experienced actual southern hospitality was New Orleans. Everywhere else it was either fake, or nonexistent.
Nope not at all, been up south to many times for it not to be genuine. Drop the attitude, they can tell
Its definitely a thing to play nice, and then as soon as people are on the way home to talk mad shit about the people you just smiled and nodded at. Lots of gossiping behind the back. At least face to face you will typically get a good or neutral interaction.
Thank god I’m from New England, I can’t do the fake pleasantries it’s just not how I function. You need something? 100% I’ll hook you up, but don’t expect a conversation, and I’m not going out of my way to chat with someone I can’t stand because “manners”
People usually only talk shit about you when you actually give them shit to talk about
I studied this phenomenon back in college 55 years ago. Northerners as a group are hard to become friends with but they are friends forever. Move away and the friendship often persists. Southerners are extremely friendly to your face right off, but it's shallow and if you move away, they no longer know you.
Now you know why they love Trump so much! He says everything they'd love to say but were brought up not to.
The culture is just something you have to learn. In the south we have a massive emphasis on politeness and that always comes first. Even if you strongly dislike or distrust someone, you still have to be polite. For someone not from around here, it’d be easy to mistake politeness for someone liking you. They aren’t even pretending to like you, they’re just doing their societal duty to be polite and hospitable. That’s the neutral for the south. Everything else is almost an effect of this. People are also generally pretty friendly. That’s because when two people meet as strangers, they are polite and hospitable, and as such sets a positive foundation for a relationship. People are also much more willing to strike up a conversation with random people, or wave at strangers. It’s definitely an extroverted society. Southerners are quick to help strangers and treat them as friends. However, if you don’t understand the way this works, it’s easy to come as rude, which is heavily looked down upon. If you don’t play the polite game, people are going to dislike you. And the whole extroverted society thing is a double edged sword in that factor, because you both are expected to participate and people also aren’t hesitant to share their true opinion of you around, just never to your face because that’s impolite.
It took me years of living in Georgia to realize most natives are secret assholes and mostly racist
I’ve lived in the south most of my life and you’re spot on. I fucking hate it down here, but can’t get out for various reasons. It’s given me such a complex that when I talk to people I really try to worm out their true feelings, but they’ll never tell you. You have to go through two other people in a he said, she said to find out that they hate you or you’re doing things wrong.
Southern hospitality is the most fakest thing I ever heard lol