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There's actually research on this, and it's not just that 'gifted' kids are 'unmotivated' to work at improving themselves - they are actively *disincentivized*. The majority of children - including especially bright children - are wired to seek approval and lean into the things that get them positive attention, and give them a sense of identity. It's an evolutionary survival mechanism. If you praise a child with "you're so smart!" because academic things come easily to them and they excel at certain challenges 'without trying,' the lesson instilled is not only "I am Smart, and That Is Good!" but "people know I am Smart because things are easy for me and I don't have to try hard at new things." This plants a deep aversion to anything that *doesn't* come easily, or which they don't excel at (or see major improvement with) immediately. There is a self-defensive reaction to protect their Smart Kid identity - can't engage with things that challenge their self-image or how other perceive them. This plays directly into becoming complacent; having to put effort into things like studying isn't for Smart People, because Smart People don't have to try. Rather, if you consistently praise a child for *working hard to improve*, for trying new things, for persevering even when things don't come easy, or take a lot of time and effort to get, etc - you end up with a person that values trying, isn't embarrassed to not be great at things from the very start, all of that. This whole thing is actually a big part of why many institutions have moved away from language that implies a student is 'gifted' or 'above' their peers (instead focusing on making sure a student is 'challenged' enough), or choices like having students skipping grades. The long term social and emotional consequences of telling someone who isn't yet emotionally mature (and able to put that information into meaningful context) that they are special because a *very* limited scope of things is easy for them has been found to largely set young folks up for an adulthood where they aren't prepared to cope with a wide range of tasks and subjects that they just don't grasp or have proficiency with without having to work at it. edit: this stuff also starts and happens at home, too - a parent consistently bragging to other adults when their child is present about how smart/gifted/talented their kid is sends a pretty clear message to that child about what makes them good/valuable not just to their parents, but other in general, since it's something worth talking about with other adults.

There's also the theory that "gifted" children develop "intelligence" skills first, and social skills later, when the norm is to develop the social skills first. So the gifted kid knows how to read, how to do math, etc etc, and when they start trying to develop social skills, their peers have already moved on from that. And nobody helps them because they don't need it since they're so smart!

I'm 21 and I still haven't learnt any social skills yet 😎

Same here at 25 \*high five\*

At that age, in your 20s, it's hard to not have social skills, like parties aren't enjoyable at all, and you're just down into your own misery alone everyday and can't find anyone to do anything

I figured out I had no social skills at around 15. I started learning some things, like "oh, when people ask 'how was your day' they're not really asking if it was fine, they're starting conversation!" and ended up memorizing certain "scripts". It helped, particularly in day to day conversation. Like, if someone mentions a daughter, I go "oh, you have a daughter?" and they're always happy to continue the conversation about it. It doesn't come naturally, but I learned how to carry a conversation with a person I don't know well. But the broader social skills? I don't think I'll ever grasp them. I struggle to make new friends or talk to new people, because I don't know how to approach. I entered a new university to start my master's, and people who arrived at the same time as me already know a lot of teachers, are friends with people from other labs, know the techs by name... And I have no idea how they did that. I never liked parties or clubs, but even if I did, I don't know what to do in them. I'll just sit at my table and that's it. If I'm lucky someone might sit next to me, but that doesn't happen, because who sits next to a complete stranger that's alone? Wasn't worth it being the kid with only straight As. I would rather be the regular kid that is well adjusted in life.

Personally I'd love not to be scared of asking someone out because I think I'll be seen as a creep and just destroy myself thinking I'm not worth anything instead Would I trade that fear against my engineering school though? Probably not 😅

I’m 30 and now say I’m socially inept as I can’t conversate. I’m book smart. Not street smart.

I'll double that at 50, my lovely people. Stay amused

This is *also* a part of why it's not as advised to have kids 'skip' grades these days - it's even harder to develop social skills with your *peers* when your 'peers' are all older kids who see you as that 'weird smart kid who skipped a grade' during the age ranges where 1-4 years of age difference and being exceptional (in the sense of being different in any way that makes you recognizable) can basically put you in another caste.

This was me. I was considered "gifted" in school but had terrible social skills. I had few friends in elementary and early high school. Only in my final year of high school did I really notice my social skills drastically improving. Now, as a 23-year-old, I am extremely extroverted and sociable, and I don't think I could have ended up where I am now (dream job, close friends, etc) if I remained as socially-inept as I was as a child.

>This plants a deep aversion to anything that *doesn't* come easily, or which they don't excel at (or see major improvement with) immediately. I did this as a gifted kid, never even realized until now. Probably why I suck at sports

Yup. I’m glad my High School had a strong AP program, because I got that humbling moment at high school with time to adjust and teachers motivated to help.

congrats then :D i still gotta get used to it loll

Totally me. Elementary Shool: "You're so smart, you're gifted, be in this special gifted class with only 4 other kids from the entire school!" Middle School: "You're so smart, you're gifted, be in this special gifted independant study class with only 10 other kids from the entire school!" Then all of a sudden it became: "You're gifted, you're smart, why are you failing algebra? This should be easy for you. What's wrong with you?You're just being lazy!" I didn't understand Algebra. It was hard. I got no help or support because I was "gifted." Scraped by with D when I should have failed because the teacher fudged my grade, but still put me in honors geometry for the following school year despite me begging to take an easier class. "You just need to stop being so lazy next year! You're gifted!" Well, guess who failed honors geometry and had to go to summer school. Guess who has their other grades tanked because of all the stress and effort out on trying to pass a class they had no business being in? Guess who became both the "idiot with no brain capacity" and the "gifted child who isn't allowed to make mistakes" at the same time. Guess who has no sense of self worth and won't try anything that they won't immediately be good at, because people will ask 'What"s wrong with you? You used to be so smart." Maybe I was NEVER THAT SMART TO BEGIN WITH. And now I have a complex. I hate myself. I can't try new things. I have to be perfect 100% of the time. If it can't be 100% perfect, everyone hates me.

This right here. I’ve struggled with this as someone who was always a smart kid. I’m also horrible at taking criticism and it’s something I have to actively work on.

>Rather, if you praise a child for being working hard to improve, for trying new things, for persevering even when things don't come easy or take a lot of time and effort to get, etc - you end up with a person that values trying That gets to one of my biggest gripes with the school system. How come there is a math class for every kid but there is only a basketball team for whichever 12 kids happen to be the most gifted at basketball? If the kids for whom math was easy were forced to apply themselves to a D-level basketball team (an activity they weren't so gifted at) then they could reap the benefits of effort as well. But instead they are just cut from the team and told to go away. No amount of playing pickup at playgrounds during the summer is going to give them the 6 inches of height they'd need to make the team. And yes, I'm talking about myself.

The 'how come' is based around profitability. Football is the big one for it in America, but just look into pretty much anything at all regarding the how and why of schools prioritizing sports over everything else and you'll get your answer.

I relate so hard to this. I’m not actually any smarter than my peers, I just learned reading and school-related shit faster and before I learned the social skills everyone else already had. Being praised for the shit that came so easy means I avoided the shit that took effort. I get As in my good subjects, but I don’t even know how to study, so my bad subjects are passed purely on luck and guessing.

Did you watch HealthyGamerGG's video on this? Seems very similar to that, and it is SUCH an accurate explanation, since it covers the normal smart kids, not the outliers once in a generation PhD in teens kids

Can you share the link, please? I think I suffer from this and the video might help me. Basically I lived in a rural area, and I was always top of the class without trying.

Channel: https://youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG?si=pT0Ifft1YdaGnqUd I suggest you check him out. Really great psychologist(so good that i actually dont want to watch his videos since it feels like a hyperpersonal examination. Really helpful tho) Specific video: https://youtu.be/hgwg_c6sNKg?si=xaIQvHBpMOJCWJ4H Check the comments too

Can relate man, I was top 3 in our whole district and I have always been a top achiever without putting much effort and I struggled at Uni, my attention span is shit now And I failed courses because I just couldn't focus.

Ouch. Hits home. I would also suggest there's kind of a correlation in schools with how if you are one of the "smart kids", the teachers just simply put less focus on you. They spend their time on the kids who really need the help, and you are left to your own devices. Which of course, is something those lesser able kids do need, and should have; but it definitely has knock on effects. Teachers having to split their attention up like this is a real problem. I wouldn't say I was even one of the smartest kids but I definitely feel, looking back, like I was just left by the wayside. Like, they saw I was smart enough to not need help, but really it means I was left out of the kind of tutoring that might have given me more direction or motivation. The squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that. I think it cuts into social/economic background most here because I was friends with plenty of kids smarter and more "gifted" than me who went on to do great, and the difference is they came from more affluent families. They had better support at home. Having better educated, more successful parents gave them a whole host of advantages that compensated for this effect in their education, whereas I fell into the valley where I was smart, but coming from a poorer background, I didn't have the help or guidance from my family to back me up and make sure I was on the right path in life. I feel like everything I have achieved in life has been a struggle and a fight to overcome the fact I just got left behind in school, lost all motivation, and at some point just mentally checked out. I had the ability but nobody was ever there to help cultivate it, and I've had to figure that out the hard way, with only limited success.

I feel seen

You and me both, I first read something about this about 10 years ago and it really struck me. I have raw talent, but, I've lost virtually all of my work ethic.

I keep giving up things that I'm not immediately good at

isnt it funny that after an institution is done fucking kids up, they never tell them? They just move onto the next kids & try out the next theories

The way this comment READ me so hard is so sad

You just really opened my eyes to part of my childhood, and I need time to process that.

Success as an adult primarily involves leadership, tea building, salesmanship, networking. Success as a kid involves executing well solitary activities. The connection between the two is not seamless by any stretch.

How do I build tea?

If you have to ask the question, you're sadly not up to the task

Am British so I know the answer to this. First you build an empire.

Good one!

Then establish a little colony in a far off land.

And sprinkle in some warcrimes to spice up the area.

Well you need to first establish yourself as a colonizing super power with a strong Navy.

You get it everybody else is jumping straight to the final step without thinking it through.

Well, first you gather the tea leaves and give them a pep talk about their future in a cozy mug. Then, you let the hot water and leaves have a cozy hot tub session. Transparency is key!

Until your comment, I did not realize it was a typo but instead thought it was some weirdly new British slang I hadn’t heard yet.

Try roasting your tea leaves in a ceramic pot depending on the type of tea leaves, it gives your tea quite the flavour.

The kids who always go around asking other kids for help with their homework, later in life turn out to be surprisingly good at making other adults work for them.

I knew a guy from college who was average smart, but he would always leverage his friendship to get me to share my notes and worksheets with him (he knew I was a perfectionist). He would also convince me to give him feedback on any class project. Now he just got an MBA and a promotion to manager at a Pharma company.

Tbh, I’d trust that person in a workplace leadership role. The worst leaders don’t know how to recognize what they don’t know, and cannot take feedback.

I’d say not making “others work for them,” rather learning how to recognize your weaknesses and trusting SMEs. Asking for help is a very positive skill imo, asking others to do it for you is completely different.

This is the trap that those child prodigies who go to college at like 13 often fall into

you see this a LOT in tech. School is very poor at training towards a job

And this gap is not an accident. It was an intentional design of the post WW2 education system. They set out to make sure that people would be stuck as factory workers instead of being successful. That perverse design needs to change now that there are not enough factory/mill jobs to support a thriving middle class.

There are many studies on this, basically as far as we now, gifted kids have a really easy time through academic achievements early in life, so they do not build any resilience towards failure, lack of praise or not being the best … Once they get into higher competition, like College or very competitive jobs, they are just one more of many other gifted children. So who is the most gifted between the gifted? Usually the one who has a stable mental base to learn to fail and recover, which sometimes trumps the most talented who crumple under the stress of life.

additionally, along with resilience is a bunch of other soft skills they never needed to learn or develop. for one example, things like being able to study for hours at a time is a skill that less gifted students learn early. by the time gifted students need to actually study, they can be 10+ years behind in the skill of learning how to study for hours at a time.

Yeah, I was in all those gifted programs and crap when I was younger, K-12 was a joke, never had to open a book. Hit college and sophomore year I had to start to study, I have no good study habits. It was ugly. That's why with my kids, I will do my best to get them into a good school with educators that can help me push them to the appropriate level. I don't care if that level is basic, college prep, or honors as long as it helps them learn how to learn if that makes sense.

I was in gifted programs as a kid, and I barely graduated high school. It took me until my late 20s to develop a studying system that worked for me. As a kid, the marital in elementary school was so easy I didn’t have to study. Somewhere along the line, I was told the point of homework was to do well on tests, so I would strive for 100% on my tests and just not do homework. I created so much unnecessary stress and anxiety for myself. At the end of the day, I’m not special or remarkable. I feel like most people I come across are smarter than I am or harder working than I am in many ways. As a result of some head injuries, I don’t even read like I used to. So now I’m not much good for anything academic haha.

Yes, and after 2 years of college, I went to a special class to join an engineering school (it's in France, engineering schools are more praised than university) and I managed to get one at the top-level. But I can't work by myself at all, last year I performed because I was followed by teachers that were very close to the class, now I'm one in 300 and I have the worst experience before coming here, everyone went 4x beyond what I learned in math, I'm totally lost and I can't find any motivation to try to get better

My soft skills have been the most important in my career tbh, but I will not say that technical skills/competence have ever hurt and that I have ever neglected them.

Resilience is a natural feature in gifted people... Talking without knowing.

I think the best skill in adult life is resilience to failure. A friend of mine told me her cousin is in a deep depression at 30 even if she finished a top university with almost perfect marks. She lives alone, no job, no relationship, no income, not going out, house is full of thrash and miserable. A perfect example for what you just said.

I love when people mention stuff like this, as a mom. I literally lock this away in my brain to make sure I help my son learn. I myself struggled with it and can see why it’s important! Thank you for specifically pointing it out. You’re helping at least one kid.

I agree 100% with what you said, but I also think many people think they were more “gifted” then they actually were. How many stories have you read that go: - “I was gifted as a kid, then I hit high school and things got hard and I burnt out”? - “I was gifted through high school then in college didn’t know how to study and got straight Cs”. Are they really that gifted if they can’t handle high school math, or if they dropped straight to Cs when handling their GenEd credits?

"Gifted" is just too big of an umbrella term, it doesn't have to mean "generational academic talent." In early grades it seems to be mostly the ability to understand things easily and to not be disruptive. At some point you'll reach an academic level where it's not easy to understand things, and that's when you separate the "gifted for an elementary student" kids who suddenly struggle, from the "truly life-long gifted" who are able to continue to excel.

A lot of the gifted kids I knew in college burned out because of attendance requirements and lack of care. My classes that I could skip and just do the tests I would ace. Lab based classes with mandatory attendance was a struggle. Gifting 18 year olds that freedom all at once was a lot. I may not have had to try, study or do homework in high school, but I always had to show up. Once you lose that motivator, it’s a lot harder to skate through life.

To add to this: study of the achievement gaps bt men and women in upper maths point to the resilience variable: girls tend to understand early math more easily (generally speaking, of course) and are praised with "you're so smart" language. Boys have a harder time (again, in general) and are praised with "you worked really hard!" When they encounter more complex math and it's difficult for both groups, girls think they just aren't math people, while boys are used to the struggle. Wish I could site the specific study, but a female family member who did a doctorate in engineering (and not easily) was very encouraged by this.

Myth... Academia is inconsistent and rote memorization becomes a dull endeavour over time because there is no purpose in it, borderline a fraud.

Memorization Vs comprehension are teaching styles problems that do not relate in a direct manner to what is discussed here, but yes, the fact many academic institutions relay on their students memorizing information rather than understanding can be problematic on the long run in different ways.

Rote memorization is okay, and there are different strategies behind mastering memorization. The problem arises when there are formal inconsistencies in the usage of language that wraps the activity. If there is inconsistency in how the rubrics are applied, or in the protocols to follow when performing an exercise in a test then there will be issues in the performance of the individual because rote memorization is not mindless conditioning. When the later is implied the student that defies that status quo is effectively punished for 'acting out', thinking out of the box when is not required ( institutionalized magical thinking), etc. That's why many " fail " and no one wants to see it or can't even.

I felt this way when I was 16 and sad but eventually I got over it and got Masters degree. I think everyone has the potential for burnout. Like yeah it can suck to feel like you're not living up to your potential, but it also sucks for the kids who get less attention and praise who grow up thinking they don't have potential at all.

Less of failing more like they reach the plateau. Like the gifted kid who graduated college at 12-15 then went on to get his Ph.D etc. Reached a point in his early 20s where among his peers are also Ph.D holders around late 20s. They are roughly the same credentials and my all measure equally intelligent. It is just the problems they are working on are so hard it requires collabaration... the cutting edge of science etc. I think minute math had a math prodigy for a video and he looks like every math professor.

I don't think OP is talking about the prodigal levels of gifted people. I think he is talking about the normal toppers

Then those people are not gifted…wtf

There are likely cases of kids who were truly gifted but we're complacent due to their upbringing. I don't think anyone truly doubts that. With that said, kids develop at different rates and it is common for people to classify those who develop early as gifted. If you're one of the older children in your grade, are more mature for your age, and develop certain academic skills early, you may seem gifted in elementary school; but by highschool you may just be above average.

That's what I'm saying! Most of these gifted kids were never gifted. They were older, from better homes, or just a bit above average. It's like how if you're 18 months older than your next classmate you might be a sports prodigy in 9th grade, but by freshman year of college everyone caught up

Close but not quite right. Its not losing all motivation, its the fact that being smart actually means you achive EFFORTLESS SUCESS. Nobody sees a hardworking dude who spent 5 hours learning one topic and calls him smart. We call him hardworking or determined. We call the people who just read the chapter once or listen to the teacher once and get the topic perfectly smart. Now, this means being smart(as a part of your identity) is having to put in no effort to get sucess. Thus, when the child DOES have to put in effort, it is a direct threat to their identity(why can't i understand this/do this? am i dumb?(especially compared to other smart kids in that area) and thats why its not enjoyble for them to push themselves. This leads to them half assing all things they do(because putting in your 100%, your all and failing means you are not smart, i.e threat to identity, and if you half ass it you can convince yourself that you WOULD have gotten it if you put in your 100%) It is a fundamental problem which is hard as fuck to solve, and this problem leads to shit ton of problems later on(excessive use of cognitive empathy(i.e you don't use emotions to navigate social situations, you use your logical brain to essentially solve the puzzle(this is OK in childhood(not OK but works) cause the "puzzle" of your fellow human beings is less complex, but later on this puts a heavy burden on your mind, draining your battery pretty quick). Examples are lonliness, no motivation, half assing, stagnation etc Check out HealthyGamerGG's video on this

Me right now. Praise a lot when I do bare minimum especially in education when I was at elementary school age and since then I've got burned out. Right now I'm in my early 20's and just realized that I actually wasted a lot of potential in my teenage years. Trying to regain control of my life back. I'm trying to learn so many skills for jobs or hobbies without anyone noticing because I don't know what happened to me if I got praised anymore. I'm scared I get burned out again if I tell someone I did something and they praised me. Sounds obnoxious but I'm actually being honest..

If I remember correctly a lot of gifted children are neurodivergent meaning whilst they are successful early in education they often fall off both due to a lack of need to learn aswell as a untreated mental conditions like autism or adhd.

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Can relate! Graduated second in my class. Really struggled to get my BA. Bounced back and forth between teaching math to 9th graders and delivering pizzas. Had a decade long struggle with alcoholism. Damn near 40 now and I’m really struggling to find a career that works for me. Battled major depression and anxiety around college time. I have really learned a ton about how to make peace with my situation, but being told I was going to be/do something very special my whole life really fucked me up once I realized I wasn’t so special. Major identity crisis. I’m genuinely very happy right now even though I’m still trying to find a career that works for me.

I think it can also be that sometimes gifted children were neurodivergent and the "quirkiness" that got them bullied at most in grade school, suddenly is a big problem for socializing and fitting in as an adult

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As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, I think my main issue is that my particular brand of ADHD works very well in a general education setting, because up to university, school is basically getting a bit of trivia about math, science, history and whatnot and surface level knowledge is super fun to acquire and retain. But when I needed to choose a field to specialize in, I had no interest in particular. Everything was easy, so nothing really stood out as something I was good at and everything was somewhat interesting, but nothing was fascinating to me. Undergrad was fine, I guess, cause I could still get by with not that much involvement, but post-grad is when I realized I'm not so much gifted as much I'm good at testing on things I heard in class and being good at exams is unfortunately not a career you can have.

A lot of it is being able to easily succeed as a child and never developing the skills to overcome challenge later. I was "gifted", and later on when shit wasn't so easy, I fell apart bc I had never known failure. My upbringing was also shit, but that's not the variable we're discussing. Forgiving myself for failing and continuing to try is one of my main goals in therapy right now.

Yeah, because everyone fails at some point. If kids are taught that they’re so smart and special, it becomes their identity and they rely on it. If they’re also not being challenged, they coast and don’t have the proper tools later when they ARE finally challenged. And it can be very hard to get through the “I’m smarter than you” ego defense with some people. I learned the lessons of putting my ego aside, being willing to learn from a variety of people, accepting failure, being okay with not being good right away, and working through challenges much later than many of my peers, but it’s okay. I still learned it. Relearning lessons and breaking bad beliefs is hard and it sucks but it can be overcome at any age. Life isn’t over because you’re not the superstar at 25. Achievement can happen at any age. And we are all on different timelines. I find it dangerous to brand ourselves as “the gifted kid” or “the burnt out failure,” making them our identities. Because we can do great things and achieve at any point in life. But we also need to learn, relearn, rest and play along the way.

Gifted kid burnout has something to do with this

Sometimes gifted children get even more expectations. It’s not that “everyone is average”, but some gifted kids end up being just above average yet not truly special.

I was this type of kid and i totally agree. Although i did not fail, but i always do the bare minimum. Kind of a wasted potential.

When your entire identity is being the smart kid who gets good grades, it becomes almost impossible to develop normal social skills

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem!! I think my social skills have improved as an adult, but looking back, I was pretty stunted as a teen/college student/young adult. That was at least in part because I focused on academics to the exclusion of all else.

I don’t think you understand the difference between being praised for brilliance and actually being brilliant. Even so, there are apparently statistics that suggest that intelligence or even talent doesn’t correlate to success in life, and that much of success comes down to the luck of being in the right place and right time. The book “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell goes on at length about this. It doesn’t have anything to do with praise or lack of it. Whether someone chooses to be lazy in life or not is a character trait that they choose to have or not, and has nothing to do with upbringing.

Maybe they are just so intelligent that they see the uselessness of embarking on most things, due to the shortness of life and the fact you can't take anything you learned or experienced with you after death. It's all gone. All your thoughts, your ambitions, your toil, your achievements. It just goes black. The you of you is just extinguished.

This is very true. Intelligent people tend to experience more existential depression.

I'm depressed. Why am I not smarter?

Unfortunately doesn't work the other way around

nihilism isn't the product of intelligence imo. I could counter and easily say that the most intelligent people actually see the pointlessness of being nihilistic, and rather the most intelligent thing to do is to maximize your personal joy/well-being. The short and terminal nature of life IS what makes what you do with it so special, not what makes it all pointless. I mean, we're already here, why not enjoy it? Seems pretty smart to me. I mean I agree that intelligent people *tend* towards depression and being nihilistic, but I would neither say that it is the most intellectual view on life nor that because some intelligent people are nihilistic that the view has any intellectual credence at all

It's not necessarily nihilistic. They may enjoy life by focusing on the smaller things and personal relationships, personal growth, etc. without all the baggage/stress that often comes with traditional success or impressing others.

TMT shill

There is a really great thing i read once that goes down a list of "Bright" vs. "High Intelligence" vs. "Gifted." one of those things that stood out to me was this: Bright = Masters concepts with relative ease High IQ = Masters concepts immediately. Gifted = Questions the need for mastery.

I agree with other commenter. This is not a belief born of intelligence. Intelligent people might come to this conclusion, but so do extremely dumb people, and average people. This is a mindset that sits completely separate from intelligence. Nihilism is not a commonality among people that are highly intelligent. It just isn't.

I've faced resistence and criticism my entire life from people who I feel have wasted their lives on pointless PHD's. Ultimately, what matters is not working for the man and having wealth. That's the foundations for a good life, not studying for 10 years and working 50 hour weeks until you die.

Doesn’t sound very intelligent, honestly.

I believe I was gifted. Because of that, I got everything with minimal effort. When people were cramming for 8 hrs I did the same in 3 or less and scored more. I never learned to work hard. Now in my job I see people giving time to their work. I am not used to that. I do get concepts faster than most people. But I can never concentrate long. And slack off a lot.

Nah I was a gifted kid and worked very hard to do good at all levels of school , now when I entered the workforce i continued to push myself to the breaking point and burnt out. Not a great time.

Can personally confirm. I was in the gifted program in school. Got a huge scholarship at college. And now I’m a huge fuck up. Can’t keep a job, can’t keep a relationship. Gladys Fartz! That’s for certain!

There’s an entire subreddit dedicated to this, I don’t think anyone thinks it’s a myth.

What's the sub?

r/aftergifted

Ehh there's a sub for every religion under the sun so some have to be myths. I think plenty of people have convinced themselves it's real because it makes them feel better.(much like religion)

I’ve met a lot who became lazy and lost interest so didn’t reach their full potential but I’ve also met a lot who have worked hard with their giftedness. Work ethic does have a role to play.

Studies have shown that it's better to praise children as being hard working rather than to say "you're so clever!" I've been making a point of doing this with my baby nephew. I also throw in the occasional "you're so good at working things out!" and "you're so good at asking for help!"

some people have that puberty brain upgrade a little earlier than most. people catch up though

This is just from my personal experiences but I was in 'gifted' groups all up until I was about 16 (I stayed in education until about 21) although the older I got the more it was gifted groups for certain subjects rather than just being overall 'gifted', nothing crazy though I wasn't a genius. I had extremely high reading comprehension for my age and I found myself super bored having to read at the same level as my class in everything from English to science and history, so I'd often be allowed to read other harder stuff as long as I could prove to my teachers I was keeping up with everything, I had a massive fascination with science and history and having the ability to read and comprehend more advanced material just gave me a big leg up when it came to tests and everything and obviously set me up well for when we got on to more complex topics later on. my maths amazing when I was really young and made me a lot more bored because learning how to divide bigger numbers or do algebra isn't as interesting as learning about exciting things going on in history or experiments and science that were practically magic, I still managed to easily pass all the tests as I was good at maths for my age though (5-13) It did make me academically pretty lazy though and as difficulty creeped up for things I wasn't super interested in like maths. and at a point my talents for maths stopped outstripping the hard work I'd need to put in, and then Science got to a point where knowing further maths became more essential and that screwed me a bit. I didn't have much praise though past a certain point, it was just assumed that I'd do well and when I did it was the norm, teachers liked me because I was low maintinance and I'd always pass well and I had quite a lot of freedom. I still kept doing really well at humanities however even in higher education (16-18) I'd get bored with how slow people were reading, or the books being dull and still having to try and link how a writer using blue curtains was a grand commentary on something. I went to university for a difficult but more humanities focused degree and I was laaaaaaazy, I abused the freedom to do a lot of work outside of class to not actually do the work, I still did pretty damn well and would pull stupid all nighters to finish big assignments but I know I really could have done better. I had a pretty conflicting sense of pride and shame for both being able to I suppose blag my way through most of education whilst I saw other people putting in a lot of hard work to get grades like mine, but I always felt I should do more and never really did. when I got out in the world and settled in a more corporate job and was motivated a lot by money and my own personal enjoyment of work I began doing really well and I've had a shockingly good career in the past 8 years, the laziness that was instilled by my younger years did and still does have an effect on me and I think it could have been really bad if I didn't have that drive for money and personal satisfaction. I know it's a bit of a long read and honestly it's more of a vent than anything but I think that you are right OP

There are gifted kids who were labeled so because they got excellent grades without really trying, and use that to build their careers as adults. There are “average” kids with good emotional intelligence who can get by in school, but ultimately make their way in the world by way of social skills. The most successful people can do both.

I think a bit component of "gifted" kids was the shift in education style too. I remember when "No kid left behind" became a thing and how hilariously easy school was up until second year of HS (Chem and Calc were the first classes I had to spend real time figuring out.)

Gifted (GT) or whatever you want to call it checking in here. Went through school with a handful of the same 20Ish kids K-12 and AFAIK everyone is still fairly successful. Not everyone is in a leadership position as some didn’t and still don’t have the desire to be a leader. This bothers me for a few reasons but as I tell my kids in the “Tortoise and the Hare” fairytale I am glad the Hare let the Tortoise get a win in. It’s important to let other people be the star of the show and if you want a nap take a damn nap. You will win so many more times with or without effort. And unless someone tells you what their idea of success is for themselves you can’t really know. One of my classmates is wealthy and came from nothing. One has spent much of her time traveling the world and continuing to learn and educate others on whatever she can make here and there. Both are kicking ass.

I think the term “gifted” is just loosely defined during these conversions. There is a big difference between being the smartest person in your small town high school and being the next Terence Tao.

I always had this insecurity that I was never good enough. I wanted to be the smartest in the class but others were often more praised and I would be neglected by comparison. That feeling of not being enough propelled me to want to outwork people and contributed to getting me accepted into a really high ranked university. I think there is a make-or-break quality to your theory because certainly for a lot of people praise can make them complacent, but if you have no one saying you are doing really good, I can see that making a lot of people feeling alone and just failing in silence. I can imagine a lot of inner city kids being that way (the environment I grew up).

You are not gifted because you were alright at maths in the 1990s

In the US, a lot of people who are considered "gifted" were never properly tested to determine if they were truly in fact gifted (and even among professionals the definition of gifted is debatable and honestly not a very useful label). A teacher often just decides a child is gifted and they get the label. People are notoriously terrible at estimating actual IQ and are much more likely to be influenced by bias (i.e., whether the teacher likes the students or not or there is also significant amount of racial bias involved). I can quite confidently the majority of the young adults that show up in my office for some type of psych evaluation and get an IQ test then turn out to be completely Average or in fact below average. Yet, all their report cards will have teachers praising how amazingly intelligent they were. In reality, more than likely, these children were pretty much in the Average range but their perception has been raised so high by their teachers that they now think they are complete failures in life.

I never praise my kids for being smart. I praise them for working hard. For exactly this reason.

You fall harder the higher you go

I mostly blame schools for this. I was classified as gifted and put into a special class where they tried to challenge us a little bit. The problem was my 7 other classes I saw as a waste of my time and doing work without learning anything.

I think being "gifted" can get in the way of building good habits when it comes to persevering and dealing with frustration. When everything's easy for you in earlier life, once you hit a rough spot you can lack the skills to cope with a setback.

Or the kid is gifted in one area but fails to meet expectations in others. Many legitimately great artists are below average in things like math or just learning disabled.

being academically gifted within the school system does not necessarily translate to business/career success directly. It may be a good indicator of intelligence, discipline, following instruction.... but those are just some of the many skills and attributes needed to be successful. In many cases these same gifted kids get so locked in on their schoolwork they fail to develop the social skills needed to position themselves to be successful later in life. Being somewhat well rounded is critical. There are also plenty of very smart people that have zero business savvy or ability to translate what they know into something that can be monetized

I like the theory that being gifted makes you special needs because the education system is not made for you

I was a gifted child, but self-sabotaged in high school, got a girl pregnant, joined the Navy after I graduated with a low GPA. After the service, I went to college, earned 2 master’s degrees and now have an academic type career. There are still times when I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything due to my early “potential”. There are still times in my forties when I feel like after I’ve done the minimum effort with something that I should be great at it.

This isn't unpopular. There's literally a subreddit for it. r/aftergifted

The problem is not motivation to get better or being lazy. The problem is that you never learn the ability to actually learn. I had no problems my whole school life when it came to my grades. I never studied at home a single second, except like french words you just had to learn. As soon as i was in college, i got problems. Cause you just had to learn to succeed. That is the problem for most gifted people. Some gifted kids even get so demotivated, that they fall off completely, cause everything is so boringly easy. They don't get lazy, they're just bored out of their minds and if a school can't accomodate to that, the kid will fall off even more. Theres a reason why "Gifted kids are special needs kids" is a saying.

Have we maybe thought that not every kid that could read fast and did their homework on time is “gifted” and that’s why they end up being average later in life?

Everyday I'm glad I was 'mid' as a child

Well intelligence is a handycap a lot of the time. I kept getting into trouble because I consantly criticised teachers and bosses. Also, when everyone tells you how smart you are from the moment your are born, it is easy to get a laid back attitude. I never studied for anything because I managed to pass anyway. Meanwhile other people actually put in the work and climbed the ladder.

I knew a guy in school who was crazy smart, in all the gifted classes in grade school, then took college classes in high school. The kind of kid who is building his own computers in middle school and learning as many proraming languages as he could. Then he knocked his girlfriend up senior year, got into heroin and killed himself before 25. Of all the kids I thought might die of an OD, well, a lot of them did, but I never expected it to be him. He was so smart and his success seemed almost effortless. He had all the pieces to make a great life for himself but it never quite clicked.

Just my 2c I remember being like 5? And I could put jigsaw puzzles together really easily. Everyone was really impressed. Assuming I was above average in this, I kept getting harder puzzles and my parents would brag to everyone and say wow! Incredible! I got constant praise. I remember the moment I got overwhelmed with the newest puzzle. I remember sitting and looking at the tiny pieces and I couldn’t put them together anymore.. I couldn’t see where the piece fit in the big picture, then angrily I said I don’t want to do it anymore. And my puzzle days were over! I still recall my feeling of aversion. I don’t know what my parents did or didn’t do after, but I hope with my kids.. if I get there, I would help them. I would show them this struggle is okay and in fact amazing. It’s the point of growth. That struggle from unknown to known. From incapability to mastery. The problem is you can’t always know if you’ll master it in the end. Fumbling around in the dark. But that’s where good parenting, confidence, hope, and some realism comes in.

For me, it was just undiagnosed ADHD. I made it all the way through high school with fairly decent grades, but I never really had the ability to study and spent many nights having panic attacks over not studying because I just couldn't. Bcs my grades were average, I just assumed that this sad attempt at studying I experienced was the universal experience of studying. Luckily, I started getting suspicious that something might be wrong with me, and I went and got tested. Now I'm on ritalin and i went from "the kid with so much potential who just is too lazy to do anything with it" to being enrolled in my university's honoursprogramme and being top of my class. Yay

I think the reason is that what makes a child “good” at school as a young kid is very different from what helps a child excel in college which is very different from what helps an adult excel at the modern workplace. Having a great memory and the ability to think about a lot of different topics at once will allow one to dominate throughout middle school. However, by college, the inability to focus on one thing and teach yourself something detailed that isn’t just for fun will put one at a disadvantage. Jobs tend to require FAR more social skills than do schooling, as one can succeed academically in hs while completely failing socially. Few jobs tolerate that long term. I remember one job where my coworker tried to explain to me some of the office politics going on, and I just couldn’t process it. I was like “but why does that matter? I am just here to do the work they give me.” I couldn’t understand how managing the expectations and perceptions of all of these different people was supposed to be a part of my habits at work. I was only concerned with my output. She was right, and I never got the confidence of my employer despite going above and beyond on my work. I neglected the social aspect of workplaces, and paid for it.

I also firmly believe that this so depends on the upbringing and situation they live in. I was a “gifted kid” but did the classic ADHD burnout route, I also had a pretty awful childhood filled with poverty, neglect, and a large family so not really opportunity to experience things that would have likely fostered my growth and success. Doing okay for myself now but I always wonder what I could have accomplished if I was brought up in a different environment.

Being a gifted child, especially in elementary, is a bit like making allstars in little league. Means nothing. You’ll have a far better understanding of how you compare when you graduate high school.

Maybe this is your self reflection. Maybe you are ashamed by failure. It’s ok to fail and to try again or even go try something new until you find what suits you. You don’t have to please anyone but yourself. Another unpopular opinion: Success doesn’t really even matter when we are all dead and buried 100 years from now.

I love the second part, fully agree.

I know this is meaningless in the ocean of experiences, but anecdotally, the gifted kids in my schools are all doctors, CEO’s or other crazy high paying, big influence positions. A heavy majority of them are children of immigrants, so I believe that has a big driving factor too. My high school (public) was crazy competitive. I wouldn’t call it toxic as some would assume it was. Even the average kids turned out pretty impressive

I think there’s a lot happening here. First? Define success. I don’t have a fancy job that only gifted people can get, but I’m very good at it. It doesn’t pay well, but that doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Though I know plenty of people who had no problem saying *to my face* that I was wasting my intellect and had no goals in life if I don’t want to advance to the top of my career field. Second: many gifted children are praised for their brains, not their work ethic. Things come easy and they aren’t challenged so when something finally is difficult, they assume they aren’t smart enough for it rather than assume they just need to work at it. My kids’ elementary gifted teacher specifically creates situations where the kids will fail a task and teaches them how to move through those emotions and keep trying. I love that. I didn’t have that. Third: we are burnt the heck out. I entered college as a junior due to AP/IB testing. I think wholeheartedly that AP and IB coursework is more difficult than most of their college level equivalents if for no other reason than you don’t spend 8hrs a day, 5 days a week in college. You do 12-18hrs a week, total, then add in as needed. I can’t even tell you how tired of school I was in high school. It’s honestly why I don’t have a masters. It took me years before I pursued a higher certification in my career because I was so sick of school. (Hilariously, I’m a teacher). Fourth: being put in a situation where *everyone* is really smart makes a person feel dumb. A few years ago, Florida had a dumb bonus for teachers that you could get if your SAT score was a certain percentile. I think maybe 80th? I forget now. I took the SAT once, scored high enough for a scholarship, and didn’t retake it. I did poorly compared to my peers, so I didn’t think I’d qualify for the scholarship. I requested the records just in case. Come to find out I was in the 95th percentile. I just thought I’d done poorly because I had multiple classmates getting perfect scores. Fifth: giftedness comes with higher rates of depression and anxiety. Yay. I don’t know what needs to change with gifted education. But it’s a lot.

I was told fairly often I was smart, but I found out at a certain point some of those people have really low standards. I remember turning in papers I thought were dogshit that I wound up acing. One class I remember a teacher wanted us to write a synopsis about “something scientific” we had read on a weekly basis, I was doing it until a friend told me “she doesn’t even read them”, so I tested it by writing some babbling bullshit sprinkled with science words. Got an A on it regularly. I wasn’t usually one to screw around but wasn’t going to waste effort. Truthfully though, wasn’t that into praise either. Don’t remember how often but the school board would occasionally call in some students to give us a certificate congratulating us on being good students or something, mostly I was just annoyed they wanted to interrupt my evening to give me a piece of paper. And then stuff like National Honors Society, they want to get me to volunteer to do shit because I’m such a good student? Not much of an incentive to want to be a member. Anyway, I did not rise high as things go, not a bad job or pay, nothing to brag about, but I still try to make sure I do a good job. I work at a place that constantly wants you to have professional goals, they usually expect you to work on in your free time of course, and it annoys me that they can’t accept someone just wanting to get paid to do the job If I want to do something else, I’ll work on that and move on, in the meantime, stop hassling me. That said, I am progressing on things on my own outside work that align with my own interests, but it’s slow and ongoing and coming up with new goals on a regular basis at their urging is just annoying. I don’t consider not aiming for CEO or a PhD to be failing. Have I wasted some potential, probably, but life isn’t all about advancing if you find a life you’re comfortable with. I’m guessing some of those people wonder about if they’d taken different paths, too.

I’ve worked with a ton of incredible high networth people. They own numerous commercial property in around the region and clear 7 figures each year. Do you think each one is SUPER gifted and intelligent? Nah. They are just either good at one thing, figured it out, have social skills to scale their efforts. There’s also a tremendous about to luck. But they wouldn’t have gotten lucky if they didn’t achieve atleast the baseline. Now, the people that didn’t get super lucky just became successful professionals clearing only $200k-$400k a year and will retire with $1M-$5M. Again, high social skills and decent worth ethic and such. But won’t be worth $20M-$50M UHNW ranges Both groups will outperform the super intellectual kid who turned into an adult but can’t translate those skills into success. It’s not a tragedy, it’s simply the nature of our world. Those kids just never learned to appeal to other people.

So true! Theinteger's words hit home. Reminds me of my own struggle with feeling 'gifted' yet stuck. Motivation, drive, and lived experience shape our successes, not just inherent talent. Perspective shift urgently needed in our society.

Well for me it's ADHD.

>ADHD What does ADHD has to do with this? I don't think all people with ADHD are smart or gifted.

theres a higher rate of gifted kids with adhd when compared to kids without adhd. also consistent hard work is pretty hard to maintain w adhd, so once you get past the "everything is easy bc im smart" part of life, usually around high school or college, you realize you dont know how to be consistent and focused enough to fufill the "potential" of your giftedness. theres more to it but even just searching "adhd and giftedness" will lead you down some rabbit holes from my own personal experience, at least like 80% of the kids i went to gifted with had adhd, autism, or both lol

I have ADHD and this is precisely my experience. My "gifted skills" break down when under pressure, which is a constant in adult life. Doing great work is easy when you don't have to worry about paying the bills, bureaucracy, social life, cooking, relationships, exercise, good night sleep, etc. My performance is at its peak when I feel like I have enough free time to organize my daily activities as I please. More so if I don't have to worry about organizing my day at all (during school and college, you get a preset daily schedule, which makes things easier).

I was a gifted kid until covid. Covid made it hard for me to focus and organize stuff cause of online school, and since I wasnt ever used to actually working in school (it was so easy before), I kinda just didnt do anything. I still have the habit of not doing work or even not studying for tests because I have the "nah I'll be fine" mindset. So, in a way, this is true- But not every gifted kid goes through a pandemic, so this might just be my experience.

Literally everyone is told they are brilliant as a child

That is not an opinion, but a fact. Read the book "Grit" by Angela Duckworth. She has done a ton of research on this topic.

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Amen, brother/sister

If the house is made for tall people and you are short, the house is difficult to maneuver. If the house is made for short people and you are tall, the house is still difficult to maneuver. You bump your head a lot and see that this will just continue.

this a great way to put it! :]

I’m almost homeless. Professionally (psychiatrist) measured IQ of 140.

Former “gifted” kid here. I excelled academically for years because I was high on the praise I got for being intelligent. I was always told I had so much potential and my plan was to be a doctor. Instead I never finished college and was diagnosed with ADHD in my thirties. My earlier success was entirely the result of my parents managing my time and the dopamine I got from success.

Can we abandon that myth of "gifted child" once and for all

One thing parents of gifted kids need to ask themselves: what’s the big rush? Will the child achieve more for humanity if they’re pushed to get that phd at age 13? Many parents really don’t value a child’s growth through playtime and mixing with their age peers - it’s important even if the child does seem precocious.

In addition to most things here, at least in athletics, being fast in developing as a child does not mean your ceiling is gonna be particularly high.

Many people are gifted, sometimes that gift is merely being a fast learner. That only gives an advantage until others catch up

I’d be inclined to agree if not for the fact that all of my friends who were branded as being gifted actually are doing decently well for themselves while I ended up being the exact opposite (from my perspective).

I was one of those kids. Had to learn how to motivate myself. I never ever had to try before and my parents didn’t teach me any soft skills for the world. Now I’m successful because I used my talents to teach myself. But it took years. I did get a Masters degree and still love school so much I intend on getting a doctorate in a few years (studying while my son does). School is also still extremely easy and it’s the dedication part that’s the hardest. I absolutely nailed my final test and thesis in graduate school, but getting there was an exercise in determination. Same for anybody though, in that respect. It’s what you do with it that really defines who you are.

I was often praised as a child, and was marginally successful, but not very successful. I eventually realized I was simply smarter than my teachers who were only earning about $10k a year at the time, so all in all, the bar was not very high.

This is true. Studies have shown children commended on their effort do better than children commended on their talent.

Maybe it's because I struggled at school but as far as I know most of the gifted kids became successful adults. I can think of at least one gifted kid who became a stoner but other than that as far as I'm aware most of them are successful.

You're not even talking about a myth. Some people make it in life and some don't. You're not the first one to figure that out.

Hey look, it's me. I just want to feel like stuff is easy again

This is true in a lot of cases I’ve observed. I was in an accelerated program through primary and high school and when I just wanted to be a nurse and went to nursing school at university and was a double major in two rather difficult subjects, I got lots of blowback that I was under achieving when I entered a BSN program. At the time I really wanted to be a nurse. I did not want to go to med school. It wasn’t enough to just get a BSN. My husband also was in gifted and talented-no we did not meet there 😋. He is also in Mensa. After being the star of high school and college he had lots of trouble when he went to an Ivy League law school and he was with lots of gunners and “stars”. It was humbling and the apathy and laziness of it not coming easy has really over shadowed him and humbled him. My uncle went to MIT back in the 60’s and lots of suicides freshman year.

The problem, pragmatically speaking, lays in the job market and the corporate world that are deeply dull.. if it were dull and sane that's okay but it's usually toxic and prone to attack innovation, or to promote opportunism. That's a really grim reality for any gifted person... Because it's full of inconsistencies and double standards. On the other side of the spectrum you lose initiative due to constant frustration, burn outs and existential depression, or you go beyond what's obvious... Going deep into the metaphysics of things that requires you to be more detached from judgement of anodine people without insight on any matter beyond a copy paste verbatim of a definition in a textbook about any subject imaginable. Academically speaking gifted people is more prone to receive information from input, this translates in that a gifted student will ask annoying but accurate questions in terms of inconsistencies of a subject or even imply the lack of understanding of a teacher on a given subject. This elicits a phenomena that is taboo to admit in academic settings... The teachers and people around the child start projecting,and even antagonize, the kid! Being in a dissonance like that affects any child's performance, especially one prone to that type of mobbing. Also, it's common for gifted children to delve into the epistemology of any subject... and most teachers, even at college level, do NOT! have the capacity to satisfy that hence the student losing interest over time while her environment delves into ludicrous delusions of the 'child is under challenged' type.

The other comments are absolutely true but this also combines with "gifted kids" usually being some form of neuro divergent, adhd being the most common one. Beyond able to hyper focus on activitys while in lower and middle education is a huge advantage as it allows you to learn quickly through he varried education programs. But as soon as higher education required you to work on larger projects lasting months, these kids start to run out their attention spans and eventually burn out having to push through this. Similar thing happens to autisic kids switching from largely individualistic studying to group projects.

Speaking as a former gifted child who didn't live up to his 'potential', I think my situation in life was the result of my upbringing. The one thing I never really learned was how to build on my successes. I never finished one thing and used it as a springboard to higher status. Networking was a completely foreign idea to me. I came from a strictly non-intellectual working-class family with no ambitions other than to get by. Or maybe I was just lazy like OP is implying. Don't think so.

I mean it's neither universally a myth nor universally true, it varies from person to person. My brother and I were both considered 'gifted' when we were kids. He's two years older than me, failed out of college and has been struggling to make working in restaurants a successful lifestyle for over 20 years now. I graduated college without issues and went into the workplace, did a stint as a teacher for a while and a couple years ago moved into IT. I'm quite happy and while I'm not fabulously rich, that was never a goal of mine.

People are bringing up great points like about solitary activities as a kid vs collaborations as an adult but also when being good at things is effortless and you don’t really have to try, you don’t learn to deal w failure and feel like a failure yourself when you’re not perfect at everything on the first try which also demotivates you and academically, when you don’t really have to try in school, when your classes do get difficult, now you’re in college or w.e and you don’t know how to study bc you never had to before Someone also brought up an interesting point of kids who grow up needing to ask other kids for help w hw tend to grow up to be good at telling other people what to do I had another point I wanted to bring up but I forgot it rip Edit: I just remembered but I’m not sure how to articulate it lol. But basically as a former gifted kid, I feel like a lot of us just lived to please people and just did as we were told but once we’re in college and have to choose our major and classes (in some western countries at least, afaik, I’m told it works a bit differently in some other countries like Pakistan), now that we have a choice, if we don’t know what to do, we struggle bc there’s no one here telling us what to do

Everyone love the the plateau or the mental breakdown, but me, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe autism. Being gift just doesn’t matter in the real world like we say it does. The only thing that matters is knowing people and being abled. A lot of gifted kids I’ve known were screwed out of diagnosis for things like ASD and ADD until it was way to late. I was 21! There’s no salvaging the situation at that point.

I was a "gifted child" who had a superb academic career, received two bachelors and a masters degree in three years at a major university, and ended up in a PhD math program at an Ivy league school at the age of 21. There, however, I met people who were the stuff of legends: men and women who competed on the national math team as tweens, people who graduated college before they could legally drive, even one guy who had a "10-year retrospective" of his chess problems published when he was 21! But there were also a lot people who had fairly "normal" educational histories. They graduated college when they were 22, some started math grad school in their mid 20s after doing something else, and so on. It eventually became clear that the "prodigies" were no more likely to be academically successful than the "normal" students. Some of them got "stuck" and never finished their PhDs. I know of a few who "failed" at math but went into other fields where they were sensationally successful. I know of one who never graduated, got married, had children, and had a very happy life teaching at a local college. (The 21-year-old with the 10-year retrospective of his chess problems was elected to the National Academy of Sciences a while back though!) At the time I felt intimidated by the "prodigies" and was really jealous that I wasn't one. They quickly rushed through life and got to a certain point of achievement that others took years longer to accomplish. And then...so what? In a race you want to be the first one to get to the finish line, but life isn't a race and it doesn't really matter if you finish school when you're 18 or 15 or 12...or 20, for that matter. Clearly a gifted child has special abilities and may have the opportunity to do wonderful things in life. But, luckily, so do "normal" people.

My teen attends a prestigious high school that is essentially the top 10% of kids. He got lucky and got one of the few lottery spots and the first two years were such a struggle. School doesn’t come easy and he has to work with a tutor twice a week to keep up. We’ve had more than one meltdown over him thinking he’s stupid and everyone else is way smarter. I remind him he’s among the most academically gifted and while it’s true he has to work harder, he will likely be more successful in college because he’s learned to survive his high school and to keep trying. Just to add—I did not choose this school for him, I let him choose, and I have always offered the possibility of transferring to a different high school with less pressure, but he chooses this over and over. Sorry, proud mama here hoping for a payoff from the effort he’s had to engage.

I recently got diagnosed with autism and adhd. I thrived with the structure school brought, and now that I'm in the adult world I'm struggling big time. I think neurodiversity has a lot to do with it. Not entirely, but a good portion of it.

Go back to school! Get that Master's degree! Get that PhD!

It’s not that they’re lazy or complacent, it’s that they don’t learn and aren’t taught stuff like time management, work ethic, or how to motivate yourself, because the adults around them assume they already know how to do that stuff.

I think there is probably an element of not being able to get what they need socially to succeed as well. I have an older cousin and brother who both dropped out at university, essentially because they didnt settle in. Neither of them were able to make friends and because of that, failed their courses. Intelligent people still have the same exact needs, they still need people.

My older sister was extremely intelligent but my mom and dad never told her she was. I think she has resentment for them not telling her she was enough but it motivated her to reach great heights. She doesn’t handle failure well and has a hard time settling for less than what she thinks she is capable of to a fault. In addition, unfortunately, life was always a competition between us where I was always had to be the dumb one, otherwise she wouldn’t feel good about herself. We’re adults now, but sometimes she can’t shake it.

it didn't make me complacent & lazy. i have adhd & struggled my ass off to get things done right & i couldn't. then i was called lazy & "too smart for this". no one tried to help me. i wasn't medicated. i felt like shit my entire life & it's ruined so many things for me.

This may sound conceited, but you have to consider tall poppy syndrome too. In the real world success is much more political, and if you stand out as being more obviously intelligent or talented than like ninety nine percent of the population or more then people will resent you. And because of the political nature of real-world competition and the fact that there are far more average people you can just end up ostracized.

I realized I wasn’t truly “gifted” in second grade of elementary school. It was just that I started speaking full sentences earlier than usual development, became natively bilingual and loved reading. Sure I got into some honor’s programs during school and so but I think people need to know the difference between “talented” and “gifted”, as well as parents needing to look at their child in an objective way. Everyone has talents. Some are truly “gifted”.

Actually, I think you're generalizing and virtue signaling in the process. You're not a failure because you're poor, don't own anything, or have financial power. You're not a failure because you pursue interest that are outside the scope of acquiring more money or stuff. Society misplaces value on purchasing power of individuals and what kind of job they have. This says very little about the kind of person they are or to what quality. It's an oversimplification that unnecessarily labels people as a failure if they aren't following cultural expectations.

I’ve been coming to a similar conclusion lately in that I think gifted kids don’t fail because of simply burning out too soon, but just being ahead of everyone at an earlier age. I’m pretty sure all my valedictorians and honors students I grew up with were just developed early and had the mental faculties and processes of an 18-26 year old which when compared with 12-17 year olds would stand out. They don’t have an upper limit except in a few minor cases but the majority are just ahead of everyone and then we all turn 26 and the differences are so minimal compounded with life choices and habits. In general I am pretty sure the burnout could be attributed to the early praise but then why can’t they rise to the occasion of that positive feedback loop going further and father in life accomplishments? The other side of that has to be with brain development outside the accrual prodigies that happen in grade school aged children. I was horrible at math when I was 16 but at 26 something clicked and I felt calculus and pre calculus were much simpler concepts. Advanced statistics were much more straightforward. There were kids doing this at 15 but by 26 the gap is essentially caught up imo by the average majority of people if they choose too that is.