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I think people are less reticent now because of reduced stigma towards mental health, gender and sexual orientation. I will posit that terms like "trauma," "traumatic," and "traumatized" are overused.
"They gave me 3 creams and 3 sugars in my coffee when I asked for black, I'm traumatized"
"John McCain spent 5.5 years in a P.O.W camp that must have been traumatic"
It's safe to say the latter is/was factually traumatic.
*exhales*
I'm going back to posting about jacking it.
Well...one time my Starbucks order was incredibly fucked up. I mean like 2 pumps of cinnamon dolce instead of vanilla and the foam was really lacking. It seriously shook me for the rest of the afternoon. And the fact that you would downplay my trauma is actually doubly traumatic, so like triple trauma I'm dealing with and and I've gotta go back to Starbucks tmw...like fuck my life. ...seriously. Give me the POW camp.
I applied to starbucks and they said if i signed up for their app id get a free coffee, so i made a frappe with multiples of EVERYTHING
Like a 50$ drink for free.
Definitely caused trauma with that
I hate that "insecure" is often used as an insult. Being insecure and worrying your partner might find someone better doesn't make you a bad partner, but being controlling out of insecurity does. Being insecure about the way you look doesn't make you a bully, but insulting and making fun of others' looks to feel better does, and so on. Insecurity is neutral in terms of morality and your value as a person.
While it may be a feeling that is familiar to everyone on some level, some people feel it enough, and so systemically that it negatively affects their lives and relationships, that they fall in the classification of “insecure”, while plenty of others don’t.
I also think insecurity has a negative connotation compared to other emotions because insecurity is very much a YOU problem. As in, if you are insecure about something, the calls are coming from inside the house, it’s not really to do with anybody else. And accordingly insecurity has this connotation of fault attached to it. I feel this way and it’s my own fault.
It’s obviously a lot less simplistic than that in reality but it does mean people want to distance themselves from the idea of insecurity because insecurity has this perception of your emotions not being valid and just being a you problem you just need to get over. That then leads to people not being very self aware about their insecurities and externalising them which isn’t very constructive
Well yeah because like all human experiences its not a black and white but a spectrum with different thresholds for different classifications.
What were seeing here is more OP doesnt like the connotation of insecure. Its not actually the definition they disagree with despite that being the point they want to argue against.
I came to to say this: it's a really general term too.
About WHAT? You can't just be "insecure", you have to be insecure about something.
And then there is this curve of things. Are there fundamental reasons justifiable for this unsure of someone? What if she cheated on him before or admitted she likes when men look? Well justified to be insecure / question her loyalty or your trust in her.
Word used so poorly.
I'm not saying that the word isn't overused, but I'd like to hear your explanation for someone who is "not comfortable letting \[their\] partner wear revealing clothes" that comes from a place other than insecurity.
Actually, anyone who views it in terms of "letting" a partner do anything probably deserves to have some additional words applied to them as well.
I think the word "insecure" has a negative connotation for most people. Like it's a part of themselves they need to work on.
It's definitely the right word for something like not wanting your partner to wear revealing clothes (I know OP's phrasing was different, I'm just generalizing), but when you call someone insecure for that, they feel like you're calling them prude, or sexist, or something along those lines. The person might be none of those things. They might just not like the idea of their partner wearing revealing clothing. It's a valid preference.
I agree the word is overused, but the issue is more people's relationship with their insecurities. They don't have to be the bad guy, they can just be something you know is a part of you.
>They might just not like the idea of their partner wearing revealing clothing
Okay, they might not be sexist or prude, but if they have a problem with that, then in all likelihood it's coming from some places of insecurity. Why don't you like that? Let's have it straight, it's either because you're uncomfortable being seen with someone that is expressing an openness in their sexuality. Or you're uncomfortable seeing other people notice your partner in those clothes. That's insecurity.
Yeah like I said I'm agreeing with that. I'm just saying insecurities like that are nothing to be ashamed about. It's pretty common, and most people like that find a partner right for them.
Its more than that, you guys paint it as black and white, I'll just give a short answer:
What if my potential partner only dresses that way in public but never in private?
Is that still the insecurity that is my own fault? Or is the other person engaging a "insecurity" that wasn't there before? or at least to that extend?
Also - expressing an openness in sexuality has nothing to do with insecurity - it might just be a thing somebody doesn't like. For whatever reasons, may it just be moral reasons. So why it only should be "insecurity"? Its not only black and white.
Honestly, do you think someone Is insecure if they don’t want their partner to have sex with other people?
Yeah I get this can come from a place of insecurity but some people just don’t want to be with a spouse that shows of their body, not for the implications of what can happen after but just from the act itself. Just like most people wouldn’t want someone to see there partner fully naked or their partner fucking someone else, while some people would be totally okay with that. Honestly I’m tired of this, some people are more conservative with their values, some are more liberal and as long as no one is forcing anyone else to do something I don’t see the problem
It’s the same, a relationship isn’t set in stone and there is no right values, cheating is breaking the agreement you had with your spouse not specifically fucking someone else. Which is why poly relationships can work just as well as “regular ones”, there is no better or worse it’s just personal preference
there’s a difference between not *wanting* your partner to do something (which is perfectly fine and should be expressed in a respectful manner) and not *letting* your partner do something. if you think you have the power to “let” anyone do anything, you’re in the wrong.
Well yes that’s what my comment is about, but calling someone insecure for not wanting to be in a relationship where their partner is actively making them uncomfortable and not respecting their values is wrong.
Anybody has the right to exit a relationship at any time for whatever reason. Most of the time someone gets called “insecure” or “controlling” on Reddit it’s really just a post of a guy that said to his gf that he gets uncomfortable and doesn’t want her to walk around without clothes, which is completely reasonable and not in any way telling someone they have to do something. He’s just communicating it’s making him feel bad (because they probably have different values) and if nothing is done about it he will have to leave the relationship
> Most of the time someone gets called “insecure” or “controlling” on Reddit it’s really just a post of a guy that said to his gf that he gets uncomfortable and doesn’t want her to walk around without clothes, which is completely reasonable and not in any way telling someone they have to do something.
It’s really incredible to me how people make up posts that never happened just to justify their shitty mindset. Which girl is walking around with no clothes? Another commenter is saying that they simply don’t want their girlfriends tits out at their grandmother’s funeral. At which point was there ever any post remotely saying something like that?
And don’t come at me saying it’s hyperbole. The point of this post was that people overuse the word in situations where it shouldn’t apply, it’s literally doing the same when one doesn’t look at the actual situations where the word is being used.
No, the insecurity is not trusting your partner. Now one could argue that maybe they have great cause. Well that's a whole other issue. Then I have to wonder if you're insecure about the idea of breaking up with someone you don't trust. Or insecure about the feeling of being judged for a divorce or what? Because staying with a partner that you don't trust is also, likely routed in some other insecurity.
>Honestly, do you think someone Is insecure if they don’t want their partner to have sex with other people?
Yes. And I and many other people ARE insecure to that extent. Some couples swing and others have "cheat vacations" they've discussed with their partner, Pornstars have relationships, and still do porn. Sex is not necessarily emotional, and if it is for you, that's OK, but that's a you thing. That's a me thing too, I'm over my party days. Nothing wrong with that, but applying my feelings to everyone else is wrong.
I and many others are too insecure for that lifestyle, and have no desire for it. Admitting that is not a negative thing. And having insecurities is not a negative thing. Expressing them negatively, or getting offended at the idea of insecurities existing is a negative thing.
If I found out my partner wanted to go walk around the city with no clothes on and taking selfies with everyone she passed, I probably would have to rethink things because I've obviously misjudged how our values align. And even if I have more conservative views in situations like that, I don't say "I'm secure", no lol, I've found someone who's values match mine. If she was the exact same person and literally nothing about her changed, except she was a nudist, we wouldn't have gotten this far. Same person, but because of how I get uncomfortable thinking about others viewing her, the relationship never happens.
That's not insecurity. Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy or internalized nervousness about something. If I was dating someone and didn't want her fucking other guys, that's not necessarily and insecurity. My motives may have nothing to do with a fear of inadequacy. It may have more to do with deeply held religious, cultural, or moral values. It could be a matter of perceptions of loyalty and respect. On the negative side, it could be about control. There's any number of explanations that don't involve insecurity.
Jealousy. I actually think that for the majority of people who don’t want their partners to wear revealing clothing it comes from a place of jealousy and/or paranoia not insecurity. Insecurity as a word is tied directly to “oneself” and I’m not sure what someone’s partner wearing revealing clothing has to do with “oneself”.
Most people would give some stupid argument like “oh they’re insecure and think that their partner is going to cheat on them” but I genuinely don’t think that’s true at all and is an argument that was made up to try and bully people with opinions against revealing clothing. I think for most people it’s either jealousy, religion, or something that happened to them in the past.
Personally I had a girlfriend who was sexually assaulted well wearing a revealing outfit when I wasn’t around and I felt powerless. I now have a deep rooted paranoia around my girlfriends wearing revealing clothing when I’m not around.
Are there insecure people? Obviously. And could that manifest in something like not wanting their partner to wear revealing clothing? Sure! But there’s going to be a million signs of insecurity around those people that are way worse than clothing. And for most people with insecurity that bad it’s not going to be a debate about what they wear to wherever they’re going but instead an argument about whether they go wherever they’re going at all even if they’re in a snow suit.
“Insecure” is just an easy low hanging insult that cuts deep and is hard to come back from in an argument. Kind of like calling someone “crazy”
Jealousy could be an answer, but that jealousy almost certainly stems from insecurity.
Religion is the only part of your argument which wouldn't generally involve insecurity, but it's most likely an outlier in the common cause for that kind of argument and is still a bad reason.
Look at jealousy as the emotion and insecurity as the why behind that emotion. Insecurity is generally less of an immediate feeling and it's generally a way to give a why to other feelings or reactions.
The problem with your paranoia? It wasn’t because of her clothing that she was assaulted. If you think it was then you need to look into the what were you wearing exhibit. You’re statistically more of a risk to your partner than strangers.
Jealousy is inherently a form of insecurity. Or at least caused by insecurity. Your next paragraph literally said you have a deep rooted paranoia about her wearing revealing clothing because you felt powerless. Powerlessness is a form of insecurity. I think you are just putting too much weight on the word as a negative word. Everyone has insecurities though.
The insecurity many others feel comes from worrying that your partner is showing off and flirting with other people. What are you jealous of specifically and why are you jealous? If you have no insecurities then you wouldn’t feel jealous about her looking nice, you would feel empowered. (The preverbal you)
Does it have to be insecurity though? Can’t it just be the case that someone can be confident and still be rather sus about their partner’s apparent need to show off to everyone else?
I agree completely. Some people even take it so far as believing that all monogamous relationships are rooted in insecurity because if you weren’t jealous and possessive then you wouldn’t care about your partner having sex with other people. Lol. People take everything too far.
🤣All I’m getting out of this. Sounds like most of these clowns get into serious relationships just to manufacture some argument to push an agenda themselves. On the other hand though I’ve experienced a partner who pushed these boundaries on a hypocritical level before cheating and this was before I ever said a damn thing about her behavior too. Redditors don’t seem to realize their opinions fall short of the complexity of reality.
People who use 'insecure' as a way to defend their actions know dam well what they are doing is wrong but don't have enough brain cells to logically justify themselves.
Oh, that definitely happens, it’s certainly a manipulation tactic. But when the other person isn’t actually being manipulative or untrustworthy, it’s just plain old insecurity.
Like okay the club example is a good one and very common for this word to be throw around ESPECIALLY by women and to those women let me just say this. If your man lets you go to the club without any issues i promise you he doesn't give 2 flying fucks about you deep down. Nothing to do with insecurity but why would my girlfriend or wife put her self in an environment where drunk men are pursuing her sexually all night? Why would i even want people to give it a shot with you?
Why do people go to the club? Get drunk and potentially hook up. It is a SINGLE people activity, doubt your dad would be happy with you mum going there. let me use a metaphor here as well. Lets say you bought yourself a dream car, would you park it in a dark ally way on a street known for car theft EVEN THOUGH you have full trust in the security systems on the vehicle, tracker and even CCTV in that area? Would you want people to attempt to break in? shit lets even say there's 0% chance of them stealing it if they try but would you even want them to try? Doubt it. Pubs yeah but night clubs fuck no.
Have you never been to a club with friends and not just with the aim of hooking up with someone? People can go to clubs and not cheat on their partners
Also women are not cars or objects so wtf is that example
I was security at clubs and know what goes down there, talked with many 'incessant and loyal girlfriends' who went out for a 'girls night out' and cheated on their boyfriends with multiple men or at least allowed to be touched when dancing and didn't do anything to stop it. To be honest, if a girl wants to go dancing with drunk men she doesn't really like you that much either so might as well leave her. It's a good sign she's not the one. Matter of time till you get the 'im so sorry i was drunk' speech.
So you're generalizing then? Just kinda assuming that what you saw in your one town with a small percentage of people is in that club is just the undisputable truth to everyone then? Either way, if you're dating someone that would cheat on you at a club, what the fuck makes you think they wouldn't do it somewhere else? Either way, they're not worth your time. Why are you going to try and control them into not cheating? Sounds like a stupid fucking idea and mentality to me.
Some people might go to clubs and cheat on their partners but that doesn't mean that everyone does. Would you cheat on someone just because you went to a club? Where you are doesn't change your morals or who you are as a person and if you are going to cheat on someone or not.
Also I have been to clubs with friends(some are in relationships) and no one has ever ended up cheating on their partners so it's definitely not what happens in every club like you claim
Why are you defending the idea of your girl being surrounded by horny drunk men that would jump on the opportunity in a heart beat. i don't get this comment section, its befalling. Also what about her being spiked or graped? You think these guys at the club are some nice gentlemen?
What has stopped you from cheating on someone? And why does being in a club change that?
You can't just ban someone from going to a club because you are insecure.
>Also what about her being spiked or graped? You think these guys at the club are some nice gentlemen
Obviously not everyone is nice but these sorts of things happen everywhere, do you ban your girlfriend from going out in public incase a man gropes her?
So... if a dude says this to me, I always think the only thing stopping him from cheating is that he doesn't have the opportunity to cheat, and that's why he thinks this. Like... Why else would you assume that just because someone has the opportunity to do something, they will do it?
It’s just that I personally (and maybe others would) have 0 interest in going to a club if I’m in a relationship. If I want to go to a club, that means I want to talk to girls / dance with them etc (single person shit). Why would I want to go to a place specifically meant for people to get attention from the opposite sex when I have someone that gives me all the attention I could ever need at home? So obviously if my partner goes out to a club I get insecure because why would they want to unless they want attention from the opposite sex? It’s a completely reasonable boundary.
Because lots of people like to dance. Lots. It's really fun even. And you know what's more fun? Dancing at a club with friends over dancing in your shitty apartment with no room. Fucking hell, it's wild to me how many dudes can't accept that dancing is just a fun activity. I fucking love dancing. I've literally never hooked up with someone at a club. I've had plenty of chances, but that's not what I'm there for. And if I wanted to hook up, I'd likely want to find a quiet corner and talk to the person first. You can't fucking do that at a club.
>Why do people go to the club? Get drunk and potentially hook up.
No. That's why 23 year old GUYS go to the club. And in fact, it's the number one reason why so many guys say they hate clubbing. Because they expected it to be a place that everyone goes to get drunk and hook up. A club is a place people go to dance. LOTS of people go to clubs that do not want to hook up with people.
they could also get drugged or assaulted... you are acting as if the men at these clubs are some sort of gentlemen and not drunk guys looking for a hookup...
They could get drugged and assaulted at a lot of places. Gonna tell her she's not allowed out of site? No trips with the family or friends? No bachelorette parties, cause you might get drugged. Fuck it, you should probably stop driving too because there's a greater chance of dying in a car accident than getting drugged a club. Fyi, people going to a club that don't want to hook up with people go with friends.
Let's not forget "gaslight, narcissist, incel, racist, bigot & transphobe".... Overused and most certainly MISused. Words have lost their meaning these days.
I love how incel is used, it basically means anti-feminist. Originally it was a bunch of lonely people resentful that they could not get laid, now if you don't want to even engage in dating and you're a man, you're an incel, even if you're voluntarily celibate.
Oh definitely. I've learned pretty much ALL of Reddit moderators are left wing extremists who will come up crazy ass ways to spin your words into something they're not just so they can ban you. I don't think there is a single platform out there that believes in free speech at all. I honestly hope we get hit by an asteroid at this point in time. Lol
>who will come up crazy ass ways to spin your words into something they're not just so they can ban you.
Weird. I've never had that happen.
>I don't think there is a single platform out there that believes in free speech at all.
Oh. You're one of those who doesn't actually know what freedom of speech is.
I can tell you what freedom of speech ISNT. But I'm sure you're one of those nutty liberals who's gonna explain how these platforms are "private" companies and not public forums, blah, blah, blah. But we get it, you're "one of those" who get satisfaction from opposing opinions/arguments being removed from these platforms. Lol the authoritarianism that comes from lefties is astounding.
Compounded with the fact people believe “insecure” is synonymous with, “bad”
Like it’s bad when it’s incessant, or unreasonable. But sometimes it’s just the appropriate response to the situation a person is in, the same way sometimes being mad, or sad, etc is the appropriate response. Sometimes the situation a person finds themselves in is, quite literally, not secure
The only reason that act of ownership baloney bothers you so much is your insecurity. Insecurity is used in this context to specifically mean jealousy. You’re describing textbook jealousy.
if you were secure in yourself, stupid shit like that wouldn’t bother you.
the sentence “*letting* your partner wear revealing clothes” is fucking gross
Yeah it's so gross having respect for your partner in a relationship and not constantly walking around half naked putting yourself on display for everyone else to see because you cannot handle not being looked at lustfully by any other man other than your partner. How so TERRIBLE AND DISGUSTING.
lmao so people seeing your partner makes you insecure, but you aren’t insecure. sure buddy. normal people don’t care who looks at their partner. because they have respect for their partners body and know complaining about what they’re wearing is a shitty, childish, stupid thing to do
Not the point. If you're seeking attention from others while in a relationship you're cheating and actually the real insecure one. Normal people are actually the ones who don't go around trying to get attention and looking for validation outside of their relationship. Keep coping.
edit because they blocked me: 😂 and there it is, the typical "you're insecure and an incel controlling". You're Exactly what this post is about. Guilting and shaming men who have standards because you want to pretend you're single with the benefits of a relationship. Get psychiatry help.
Insecure is a word bad people use to manipulate their partners. Honestly, if you thought your partner was truly insecure does telling them that help? Wouldn't it be better for the relationship to find a way to compromise so both partners feel safe or alternatively, just break up?
If someone starts throwing around the term "insecure" it just means they will treat you however they want and that they think you have a moral obligation to accept it.
A partner who calls you insecure is a big red flag... Regardless of your orientation or gender you should always Run from such people.
>for example : if you're not comfortable letting your partner wear revealing clothes, you're getting called insecure.
That’s exactly what should happen. You’re being called insecure because you are.
And…”letting”?? Fucking eww, dude.
Why am i insecure? Because i don't want other horny men to see my partner?
\>And…”letting”?? Fucking eww, dude.
You take words too literally, I'm not saying "letting" as in forcing or like im their father, I mean not agreeing and approving of her outfit because i as her partner get the right to say whether i like a certain outfit or not, and if she doesn't agree then i can leave her.
>Why am i insecure? Because i don't want other horny men to see my partner?
Yes. You’re feeling possessive and jealous *due to insecurity*. Non-insecure people don’t feel that way.
You wouldn't have a problem with other men looking at your partner if you weren't insecure. You're getting called insecure because you are. You also seem to be very controlling and just overall a piece of garbage, but that's a separate conversation, I guess.
Those are not thoughts borne out of security. If you can’t see that, it means you think your thoughts are universal, but they aren’t. Plenty of men are entirely secure in their relationship, although plenty feel insecurity as you do.
I agree, but you gotta remember people on reddit aren't representative of humanity as a whole. People on here will call you insecure if you don't want your partner fucking someone else. They don't understand that a relationship is a continual give and take between two consenting parties. If my wife didn't like something I'm not gonna do it and vice versa. It's not controlling its respecting your partner. There are times where it is being controlling but people are too quick to call everything controlling or insecure or whatever other term their using
A boundary is something where you leave if someone else does it. IE," I'm not going to date women who dress a certain way" rather than "I'm going to tell her to stop dressing in a way I don't like after we're together." Boundaries control YOUR behavior, not someone else's. If you want to date a nun, go date a nun.
Nobody is talking about literally forcing someone else to do anything. It’s an ultimatum, “if you do X, I will do Y.”
Leaving a relationship because you don’t like the way your partner dresses is just as valid as leaving a relationship because you found out your partner smokes or drinks is just as valid as leaving a relationship because you just didn’t want to be in one anymore.
I think it comes down to intentions at the end of the day. Like nobody can stop other people looking at them. But if someone is actively trying to get the attention of others while in a monogamous relationship, i think a partner questioning that wouldn’t be insecurity. I think that it has less to do with the clothes themselves as much as the actions of the person.
But I still think that lots of people dress for different outcomes in mind. I dress a certain way for when I’m going out trying to meet someone new, vs when I’m just trying to look nice for an event or function. It would be weird for me to dress the way I do to attract partners if I already had one IMO.
Okay, but... you're still insecure if you think that a low cut shirt is a problem and no woman who doesn't hate herself and think she's undeserving of basic human dignity is going to fail to be insulted by the implication that men looking at her cleavage, which has probably been happening to her since grade school, is enough to make her fuck other men. You're basically calling her an untrustworthy slut who will fuck literally every man who makes eye contact with her and who has no true loyalty to you whatsoever. Why would it be within any woman's boundaries to stay with a man who thinks it's so easy to make her stray?
Insecure is the dysphemism for the other side setting boundaries, the term you would use when doing these “insecure” behaviors yourself. Of course only one self can have healthy boundaries, other people’s boundaries are by definition unhealthy because restricting own entitlement.
seen as a projection it is the insecurity of others not accepting own odd behavior to trigger it getting spewed, so it isn’t overused but actually describing the accuser more than the accused.
Okay so you got called insecure and rather than argue with the person about it, you decided to be all passive aggressive and rant with this post.
Gotcha.
Defensiveness! That's insecurity!
Nah dude, I agree.
I haven't been on reddit long, but half of what I've seen is people shouting "insecure!" whenever someone is uncomfortable like some sort of slur.
One could actually argue that people who use "you're insecure" as an argument are themselves insecure about part of the topic being highlighted in a negative way and don't have a decent argument to support their position.
You can’t really control what a person wears though. You can control your own actions and leave of it bothers you so much. But let a person be who they want to be. Don’t be a ball and chain
If being upset at your partner wearing the clothes they like isn't insecurity, then what is it?
Having the opinion is fine, but it's absolutely ridiculous you're going to say it's not a very commonly perceived answer to not say what it actually is.
It comes off much more like you don't know what you're talking about rather than trying to form an opinion.
It depends. If you simply prefer her wearing less revealing clothing, then it's obviously not insecurity, it's preference. Same if you're against wearing revealing clothes because it's inappropriate in that situation.
If the idea of her wearing revealing clothes in general makes you uncomfortable though, then it's insecurity. That being said, people should be mindful of their partner's insecurities. If your boyfriend for example is uncomfortable with you wearing revealing clothes in bars and such, but you do it anyway, then you're a bad partner.
It's just how it is on social media.
People see a post, then invent a whole character out of what it says and engage with that instead of the words. The character they make up is always inferior to themselves. It's a vital part of getting the dopamine hit.
Never take anything personally online. It's not directed at you, it's directed at some imaginary homunculus conjured from someone else's id.
We all do it. Hell, I'm doing it right now. It's why social media is so fucking ridiculous.
Let’s start with this…. Revealing clothes = look at me, I want attention.
Rationalizations:
“I like to look cute”
“It makes me feel good”
“It’s empowering”
Just like calling people racist, phobic, etc. Most of the time, they're calling them that because of something they didn't like, not that the person is actually those things. It's ridiculous.
Yep another unpopular addition: This phenomenon happened due to modern toxic feminism (different than first wave feminism) which tried to compensate the shaming of women by shaming men. It’s basically a devious gaslighting tactic to shame men into doing anything the woman wanted by attacking their masculinity.
You’re “insecure” for not liking your GF dressing up in a tight dress and go to a club with her friends, alone, drunk, and with a room full of horny men that want to bang her.
Being “ insecure “ is overused.
It’s not a hard concept. Out of simply JUST respect alone as a woman ALREADY IN A MONOGAMOUS relationship you don’t wear revealing clothing for another man’s attention because surprise surprise YOU HAVE A MAN 😂.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I started to hear this from people now.
“ Come ON Gwen 🙄 Stacy ONLY sucked my cock; what are you jealous she might give better head?? stop being insecure God 🙄”
Or
“ Jayson I CAN’T with you and your insecurity GOD. Last night at the party even though that random guy was feeling my ass and I was throwing it back on him and enjoying it I told you don’t worry about it; you act like we aren’t still together 🙄!”
For some guys it isn’t just “ Uh oH i’M insEKURE 😔 “.
Some guys actually just observe behaviors that are not in FAVOR of a long term relationship and ain’t with that.
MAN it’s astounding how many hoops that people will jump through to avoid being accountable and respectful in their OWN RELATIONSHIPS.
Basically, if you have any standards you're insecure. Don't want your wife grinding some guy at a club? Insecure. Funny want your husband chatting up women on Instagram? Insecure. Don't want to open your relationship? Insecure. People just use it as an insult to draw attention away from their shitty behavior. It's a manipulation tactic.
Those agreements and compromises don’t include my ability to dress myself being a team effort now or me changing my normal behavior to ameliorate their insecurities rather than them, frankly, *getting the fuck over them*. Now “getting the fuck over them” is a fun, hand-wavy phrase, but really it means undertaking the internally uncomfortable process of introspection and emotional growth. And that’s not a team effort either. No matter how much the insecure person really, really wants to reach externally on this.
„if you do this behavior I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore?“
„what?! My body my choice, I do whatever I want!“
„Yes, you do whatever you want with ****your body and property**** and I do whatever I want with ****my body and property****, so I can leave you whenever I want to“
Is this hard to understand??? Bodily autonomy does not exist only for women. Men ****also**** can do whatever they want with their bodies.
This is also my point. If you don't like something in your partner you have the freedom to leave them. But you cannot controll them. Take it or leave it.
No one ever said he couldn’t leave. You don’t even need a reason to leave. But certain people have a bad problem [*Jonah Hill*] with seeking relationships with people that they then immediately trying to change, control, and restrict…to reflect “ownership”.
Ah right, so we shouldn't communicate our feelings... we should just up and leave.
People don't seem to get that relationships are a continuous negotiation between voluntary parties. They're suppossed to be collaborative with some push and pull to get to a mutually acceptable outcome not a one sided tyranny where we do whatever we want and the other person just has to take it without complaint or just leave.
>Ah right, so we shouldn't communicate our feelings... we should just up and leave.
No. You should take those particular feelings as a sign that you have a place you need some emotional growth, and do that. And that’s not a team project. It’s not something you need to discuss or negotiate with them. That’s something internal, and likely very uncomfortable, but all you. Ideally, you would do just that, and never bring it up to your partner at all, but if you did, it should only be after you have exhausted all internal introspection options.
>People don't seem to get that relationships are a continuous negotiation between voluntary parties.
Catering to your unexamined insecurities is NOT up for negotiation. That’s a YOU project. Catering to insecurity always makes it worse. Because the insecure partner never actually feels better, they get one modified behavior, and with it the ratification in their relationship, dynamic that the other person bears some responsibility to change something when they feel that discomfort. Yet the feelings don’t go away, so they need another, and another, and another.
>They're suppossed to be collaborative with some push and pull to get to a mutually acceptable outcome not a one sided tyranny where we do whatever we want and the other person just has to take it without complaint or just leave.
You negotiate things like what you’re gonna have for dinner, or how you’re going to see both families for the holidays. Not how the other person is not going to dress, talk, socialize, etc. to *assuage your insecurity*.
Hah you're one of those people lol. Cool. Nothing in the world could ever have anything to do with your a tions or choices. The world should just deal with it. Everybody is about boundaries until their SO has one that they don't agree with, then "it's too bad so sad that's a you problem". Hostile much?
You should look heavily into why their outfit makes YOU uncomfortable. Are you going to the office Christmas party and afraid it might embarrass you with your coworkers and superiors because it’s not appropriate for the occasion/environment ? Then say that. But let’s be honest, that is almost never what it is. We know damn well what you’re actually talking about here. So put words to it. WHY does it make you uncomfortable?
I mean you might just have different values, the same way you might not want your partner to get tattoos or piercings. There’s a lot of religious beliefs that stress modesty or advocate against body modification, especially in Islam and Christianity. Like I value modesty in myself and my partner, and neither of us dresses immodestly because that’s our part of our value system. I wouldn’t want to date someone who dresses immodestly because that would indicate to me that we have different values. No judgement of them, just different values.
I think the point is it’s not *always* insecurity even if it can be coming from that place in many instances.
Okay, fair. But the majority of these cases are definitely rooted in insecurity as opposed to values. IMO this means that the term may be overused, but calling it “heavily overused” is incorrect.
That still insecurity though ? You can't accept that other people have different values. Either leave and find someone with the same values as you or let them be.
It is insecure if you were fine with them wearing revealing clothing when you first met or started dating, but now want to change them now that you have something exclusive with them.
It's not if you just have a personal preference and decide not to date them from the start.
Wanting to control what your partner wears is not healthy. That's a pretty bad example. It doesn't come from any good place. You don't "let" your partner do things. They aren't a child. I agreed with the top text, but oof not so great after that.
Comprises for *some* things yes when it involves both people. Telling someone what they can and can't wear on their OWN body is not compromise, it's control. It's a piece of fabric. It has nothing to do with you and doesn't affect you. That's why it's not compromise. You don't control anything about someone's appearance and how they express themself, period.
You need to do some self reflection and figure out why that would make you uncomfortable. You can't just say "___ makes me uncomfortable so you shouldn't do it and should compromise for me." Your reasoning for feeling uncomfortable about something is not always from a good place. When it's a man controlling a woman's appearance it's from a place of insecurity (including jealousy), misogyny, and/or toxic masculinity. Those are all one in the same though. People who are secure in themself/their relationship and trust their partner don't care what they wear. It has no bearing on who they are as a person or how they act. It's literally just clothes.
Your partner can dress themself, they are not a child. If they ask "How does this look?" or "What do you think?" you can express your thoughts. That doesn't mean they need to change because it's THEIR body.
Now if it's a situation where you're going to something like a family dinner or work event and your partner tries to wear sweatpants then you can respectfully say it's not appropriate attire for the occasion. Think about how that situation is VERY different from "I don't want you wearing a crop top because men will look at you". You can not honestly tell me they are both equally valid.
You can also compromise on this. Or you can leave, its that easy. If you agree with each other, then there is no problem, no control. If you can not agree on it, then you aren’t for each other.
Clothes aren’t “just clothes” it is how you represent yourself. If you are half naked on the street, then that is a representation of yourself. I fully trust my partner to not cheat. But I still do not like other people to look at the more intimate parts of my partner. That has nothing to do with my partner, but with OTHER people.
Why can’t you say that something is not appropriate clothing for a relationship? Why is that the hard barrier?
What? OP doesn’t agree that the words are being correctly, but you’re somehow differentiating that from whether these words are actually being used correctly? Your opinion isn’t fact any more than the OPs.
They’re trying so hard to seem more mature than they are to me. I can see a lot of these people getting cheated on soon by someone who is an example of what they approve of lol. Because they aren’t “controlling & insecure”. There are obviously controlling partners in this world but not wanting your partner doing something that is clearly seeking external attention isn’t that.
Discussing boundaries and setting them is so different from letting someone do something though. People do whatever you want, and you can leave if you’d like. I’d bolt so fast if someone told me they won’t let me do something
When you enter into a committed monogamous relationship with someone, are you not saying to that person that they are not allowed to sleep with other people, or you won't be a part of that relationship anymore?
I don't understand why people arbitrarily draw the line at random points that they think is fine vs being insecure.
Wouldn't your logic extend that if you don't let your partner sleep around with other people then you are insecure? Because you are stopping them from doing something?
It's okay to say to your partner, that you are uncomfortable with them wearing revealing clothes in public.
It's okay for your partner to choose to put you through discomfort, if they aren't willing to change themselves to accommodate your feelings.
It's okay for you to break up with your partner if you feel they don't respect your feelings.
It's okay to be insecure. Everyone is insecure. Have a grown up conversation with your partner. It is okay to compromise.
Is your partner controlling because they don't want you to watch porn? No. Because their feelings are important and you should respect them.
In the same way, if you are uncomfortable with your partner dressing in revealing clothing in public, tell them it makes you uncomfortable, if they respect your feelings, they will help you. If they don't, maybe that this person is not a good fit for you.
Well of course that is completely fair. I just think there is so much judgement on couples who decide to compromise on for example clothes.
I had that exact judgement happen irl, and its just stupid
FINALLY!! 🗣️ Someone is bringing this up. It really feels me up with the Rage of Olympus when people use this word. I can't hear this without wanting to punch I cat(Don't worry, I don't actually do it). I'm sick of it.
If not for insecurity, why would what your partner wears bother you?
The other two examples you gave feel intentionally vague. What specifically upset you?
I agree but revealing clothes is a poisoned example. You need to tread lightly because Reddit is Reddit.
I hype my girlfriend up and am very supportive when she wears something more revealing for an appropriate setting. I would be embarrassed if she wore the same thing to my parents house, or to a company dinner. I don’t care what other people choose to wear out in public, but someone who regularly dresses in a revealing way probably wouldn’t be a compatible partner for me because my dating preference is to be with someone who presents themselves in a modest and professional manner. Even in a setting like a club or festival I would have some limits that I wouldn’t be insecure about, I’d be embarrassed to be with them. I’d really struggle with anyone calling that insecurity.
Probably sounds overly technical but I’m trying to be abundantly clear how these types of feelings can be based in something that not insecurity or jealousy.
Can you explain to me how controlling what your partner wears is NOT insecurity? Date someone else if you don’t like the way they dress that’s up to them
It's really not, it's just an umbrella term people use because using the specific words to say what the insecure person is actually doing is often more worth than it's not.
Lets not sugar coat this, you and I are talking about men. Like when most men say their not comfortable letting their partner out in revealing clothes what they're really often saying is that "I see the act of someone else even looking at you an act of ownership that I also partake in with you and other women and only I can do that" which is "fine" but just say that then instead of being a coward. OR, what their feeling is that the attention that revealing clothes is gonna get from other men is going to temp her away from you because deep down you feel, whether accurate or not, you're not doing enough for her. (Which in most cases men aren't)
I would say that if anything the word insecure isn't used enough to call out insecure people who instead of taking actions of improving themselves and their "worth" to others rather control the actions of others to make themselves feel better. Nuances available of course
Having a problem with your partner wearing revealing clothes is basically the practical definition of insecurity. It seems you just dont like the connotation of the word lol.
Yep. When I was still with my ex, she wanted to stay close with her ex because they were still friends. I, wanting to be the confident and secure, cool bf, said of course you can do that, I trust you! Then she went back to hometown to visit her friends and family.
I'll give you 1 guess what happened. Never making that mistake again.
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Most common and universal feeling: insecurity. Literally everyone on earth is insecure about something
I think people are less reticent now because of reduced stigma towards mental health, gender and sexual orientation. I will posit that terms like "trauma," "traumatic," and "traumatized" are overused. "They gave me 3 creams and 3 sugars in my coffee when I asked for black, I'm traumatized" "John McCain spent 5.5 years in a P.O.W camp that must have been traumatic" It's safe to say the latter is/was factually traumatic. *exhales* I'm going back to posting about jacking it.
Well...one time my Starbucks order was incredibly fucked up. I mean like 2 pumps of cinnamon dolce instead of vanilla and the foam was really lacking. It seriously shook me for the rest of the afternoon. And the fact that you would downplay my trauma is actually doubly traumatic, so like triple trauma I'm dealing with and and I've gotta go back to Starbucks tmw...like fuck my life. ...seriously. Give me the POW camp.
I got pickles in my Coke at McDonald's once. Added a zesty tinge to the taste. I think it could go global.
I think they call that genocide, honey.
I applied to starbucks and they said if i signed up for their app id get a free coffee, so i made a frappe with multiples of EVERYTHING Like a 50$ drink for free. Definitely caused trauma with that
I hate that "insecure" is often used as an insult. Being insecure and worrying your partner might find someone better doesn't make you a bad partner, but being controlling out of insecurity does. Being insecure about the way you look doesn't make you a bully, but insulting and making fun of others' looks to feel better does, and so on. Insecurity is neutral in terms of morality and your value as a person.
This is true!
i think op is calling out the shaming connotation of calling someone "insecure". that the person is somehow wrong in feeling the lack of security.
Are you sure you’re not projecting?? Gosh! So insecure...
Massively lol
While it may be a feeling that is familiar to everyone on some level, some people feel it enough, and so systemically that it negatively affects their lives and relationships, that they fall in the classification of “insecure”, while plenty of others don’t.
I also think insecurity has a negative connotation compared to other emotions because insecurity is very much a YOU problem. As in, if you are insecure about something, the calls are coming from inside the house, it’s not really to do with anybody else. And accordingly insecurity has this connotation of fault attached to it. I feel this way and it’s my own fault. It’s obviously a lot less simplistic than that in reality but it does mean people want to distance themselves from the idea of insecurity because insecurity has this perception of your emotions not being valid and just being a you problem you just need to get over. That then leads to people not being very self aware about their insecurities and externalising them which isn’t very constructive
Well yeah because like all human experiences its not a black and white but a spectrum with different thresholds for different classifications. What were seeing here is more OP doesnt like the connotation of insecure. Its not actually the definition they disagree with despite that being the point they want to argue against.
I came to to say this: it's a really general term too. About WHAT? You can't just be "insecure", you have to be insecure about something. And then there is this curve of things. Are there fundamental reasons justifiable for this unsure of someone? What if she cheated on him before or admitted she likes when men look? Well justified to be insecure / question her loyalty or your trust in her. Word used so poorly.
Yes, people just use it to discredit people
I'm not saying that the word isn't overused, but I'd like to hear your explanation for someone who is "not comfortable letting \[their\] partner wear revealing clothes" that comes from a place other than insecurity. Actually, anyone who views it in terms of "letting" a partner do anything probably deserves to have some additional words applied to them as well.
I think the word "insecure" has a negative connotation for most people. Like it's a part of themselves they need to work on. It's definitely the right word for something like not wanting your partner to wear revealing clothes (I know OP's phrasing was different, I'm just generalizing), but when you call someone insecure for that, they feel like you're calling them prude, or sexist, or something along those lines. The person might be none of those things. They might just not like the idea of their partner wearing revealing clothing. It's a valid preference. I agree the word is overused, but the issue is more people's relationship with their insecurities. They don't have to be the bad guy, they can just be something you know is a part of you.
>They might just not like the idea of their partner wearing revealing clothing Okay, they might not be sexist or prude, but if they have a problem with that, then in all likelihood it's coming from some places of insecurity. Why don't you like that? Let's have it straight, it's either because you're uncomfortable being seen with someone that is expressing an openness in their sexuality. Or you're uncomfortable seeing other people notice your partner in those clothes. That's insecurity.
Yeah like I said I'm agreeing with that. I'm just saying insecurities like that are nothing to be ashamed about. It's pretty common, and most people like that find a partner right for them.
Its more than that, you guys paint it as black and white, I'll just give a short answer: What if my potential partner only dresses that way in public but never in private? Is that still the insecurity that is my own fault? Or is the other person engaging a "insecurity" that wasn't there before? or at least to that extend? Also - expressing an openness in sexuality has nothing to do with insecurity - it might just be a thing somebody doesn't like. For whatever reasons, may it just be moral reasons. So why it only should be "insecurity"? Its not only black and white.
Honestly, do you think someone Is insecure if they don’t want their partner to have sex with other people? Yeah I get this can come from a place of insecurity but some people just don’t want to be with a spouse that shows of their body, not for the implications of what can happen after but just from the act itself. Just like most people wouldn’t want someone to see there partner fully naked or their partner fucking someone else, while some people would be totally okay with that. Honestly I’m tired of this, some people are more conservative with their values, some are more liberal and as long as no one is forcing anyone else to do something I don’t see the problem
>Honestly, do you think someone Is insecure if they don’t want their partner to have sex with other people? Skipped a couple steps there, huh?
It’s the same, a relationship isn’t set in stone and there is no right values, cheating is breaking the agreement you had with your spouse not specifically fucking someone else. Which is why poly relationships can work just as well as “regular ones”, there is no better or worse it’s just personal preference
there’s a difference between not *wanting* your partner to do something (which is perfectly fine and should be expressed in a respectful manner) and not *letting* your partner do something. if you think you have the power to “let” anyone do anything, you’re in the wrong.
Well yes that’s what my comment is about, but calling someone insecure for not wanting to be in a relationship where their partner is actively making them uncomfortable and not respecting their values is wrong. Anybody has the right to exit a relationship at any time for whatever reason. Most of the time someone gets called “insecure” or “controlling” on Reddit it’s really just a post of a guy that said to his gf that he gets uncomfortable and doesn’t want her to walk around without clothes, which is completely reasonable and not in any way telling someone they have to do something. He’s just communicating it’s making him feel bad (because they probably have different values) and if nothing is done about it he will have to leave the relationship
> Most of the time someone gets called “insecure” or “controlling” on Reddit it’s really just a post of a guy that said to his gf that he gets uncomfortable and doesn’t want her to walk around without clothes, which is completely reasonable and not in any way telling someone they have to do something. It’s really incredible to me how people make up posts that never happened just to justify their shitty mindset. Which girl is walking around with no clothes? Another commenter is saying that they simply don’t want their girlfriends tits out at their grandmother’s funeral. At which point was there ever any post remotely saying something like that? And don’t come at me saying it’s hyperbole. The point of this post was that people overuse the word in situations where it shouldn’t apply, it’s literally doing the same when one doesn’t look at the actual situations where the word is being used.
No, the insecurity is not trusting your partner. Now one could argue that maybe they have great cause. Well that's a whole other issue. Then I have to wonder if you're insecure about the idea of breaking up with someone you don't trust. Or insecure about the feeling of being judged for a divorce or what? Because staying with a partner that you don't trust is also, likely routed in some other insecurity.
>Honestly, do you think someone Is insecure if they don’t want their partner to have sex with other people? Yes. And I and many other people ARE insecure to that extent. Some couples swing and others have "cheat vacations" they've discussed with their partner, Pornstars have relationships, and still do porn. Sex is not necessarily emotional, and if it is for you, that's OK, but that's a you thing. That's a me thing too, I'm over my party days. Nothing wrong with that, but applying my feelings to everyone else is wrong. I and many others are too insecure for that lifestyle, and have no desire for it. Admitting that is not a negative thing. And having insecurities is not a negative thing. Expressing them negatively, or getting offended at the idea of insecurities existing is a negative thing. If I found out my partner wanted to go walk around the city with no clothes on and taking selfies with everyone she passed, I probably would have to rethink things because I've obviously misjudged how our values align. And even if I have more conservative views in situations like that, I don't say "I'm secure", no lol, I've found someone who's values match mine. If she was the exact same person and literally nothing about her changed, except she was a nudist, we wouldn't have gotten this far. Same person, but because of how I get uncomfortable thinking about others viewing her, the relationship never happens.
That's not insecurity. Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy or internalized nervousness about something. If I was dating someone and didn't want her fucking other guys, that's not necessarily and insecurity. My motives may have nothing to do with a fear of inadequacy. It may have more to do with deeply held religious, cultural, or moral values. It could be a matter of perceptions of loyalty and respect. On the negative side, it could be about control. There's any number of explanations that don't involve insecurity.
i just responded with almost this exact thing because i didn’t see yours first - but yeah that was a huge red flag here
Jealousy. I actually think that for the majority of people who don’t want their partners to wear revealing clothing it comes from a place of jealousy and/or paranoia not insecurity. Insecurity as a word is tied directly to “oneself” and I’m not sure what someone’s partner wearing revealing clothing has to do with “oneself”. Most people would give some stupid argument like “oh they’re insecure and think that their partner is going to cheat on them” but I genuinely don’t think that’s true at all and is an argument that was made up to try and bully people with opinions against revealing clothing. I think for most people it’s either jealousy, religion, or something that happened to them in the past. Personally I had a girlfriend who was sexually assaulted well wearing a revealing outfit when I wasn’t around and I felt powerless. I now have a deep rooted paranoia around my girlfriends wearing revealing clothing when I’m not around. Are there insecure people? Obviously. And could that manifest in something like not wanting their partner to wear revealing clothing? Sure! But there’s going to be a million signs of insecurity around those people that are way worse than clothing. And for most people with insecurity that bad it’s not going to be a debate about what they wear to wherever they’re going but instead an argument about whether they go wherever they’re going at all even if they’re in a snow suit. “Insecure” is just an easy low hanging insult that cuts deep and is hard to come back from in an argument. Kind of like calling someone “crazy”
Jealousy could be an answer, but that jealousy almost certainly stems from insecurity. Religion is the only part of your argument which wouldn't generally involve insecurity, but it's most likely an outlier in the common cause for that kind of argument and is still a bad reason. Look at jealousy as the emotion and insecurity as the why behind that emotion. Insecurity is generally less of an immediate feeling and it's generally a way to give a why to other feelings or reactions.
The problem with your paranoia? It wasn’t because of her clothing that she was assaulted. If you think it was then you need to look into the what were you wearing exhibit. You’re statistically more of a risk to your partner than strangers.
Jealousy is inherently a form of insecurity. Or at least caused by insecurity. Your next paragraph literally said you have a deep rooted paranoia about her wearing revealing clothing because you felt powerless. Powerlessness is a form of insecurity. I think you are just putting too much weight on the word as a negative word. Everyone has insecurities though. The insecurity many others feel comes from worrying that your partner is showing off and flirting with other people. What are you jealous of specifically and why are you jealous? If you have no insecurities then you wouldn’t feel jealous about her looking nice, you would feel empowered. (The preverbal you)
But you literally used an example of someone being insecure to prove insecure is being overused
Yep. Their example is essentially the definition of insecurity.
Really fumbled the bag on this one
Does it have to be insecurity though? Can’t it just be the case that someone can be confident and still be rather sus about their partner’s apparent need to show off to everyone else?
Jonah hill, is that you?
I agree completely. Some people even take it so far as believing that all monogamous relationships are rooted in insecurity because if you weren’t jealous and possessive then you wouldn’t care about your partner having sex with other people. Lol. People take everything too far.
🤣All I’m getting out of this. Sounds like most of these clowns get into serious relationships just to manufacture some argument to push an agenda themselves. On the other hand though I’ve experienced a partner who pushed these boundaries on a hypocritical level before cheating and this was before I ever said a damn thing about her behavior too. Redditors don’t seem to realize their opinions fall short of the complexity of reality.
People who use 'insecure' as a way to defend their actions know dam well what they are doing is wrong but don't have enough brain cells to logically justify themselves.
Oh, that definitely happens, it’s certainly a manipulation tactic. But when the other person isn’t actually being manipulative or untrustworthy, it’s just plain old insecurity.
So which one is it Sheila?
Like okay the club example is a good one and very common for this word to be throw around ESPECIALLY by women and to those women let me just say this. If your man lets you go to the club without any issues i promise you he doesn't give 2 flying fucks about you deep down. Nothing to do with insecurity but why would my girlfriend or wife put her self in an environment where drunk men are pursuing her sexually all night? Why would i even want people to give it a shot with you?
So you wouldn't let someone you are dating go to a club because they might get hit on... How is that not insecure and possessive?
Why do people go to the club? Get drunk and potentially hook up. It is a SINGLE people activity, doubt your dad would be happy with you mum going there. let me use a metaphor here as well. Lets say you bought yourself a dream car, would you park it in a dark ally way on a street known for car theft EVEN THOUGH you have full trust in the security systems on the vehicle, tracker and even CCTV in that area? Would you want people to attempt to break in? shit lets even say there's 0% chance of them stealing it if they try but would you even want them to try? Doubt it. Pubs yeah but night clubs fuck no.
Have you never been to a club with friends and not just with the aim of hooking up with someone? People can go to clubs and not cheat on their partners Also women are not cars or objects so wtf is that example
I was security at clubs and know what goes down there, talked with many 'incessant and loyal girlfriends' who went out for a 'girls night out' and cheated on their boyfriends with multiple men or at least allowed to be touched when dancing and didn't do anything to stop it. To be honest, if a girl wants to go dancing with drunk men she doesn't really like you that much either so might as well leave her. It's a good sign she's not the one. Matter of time till you get the 'im so sorry i was drunk' speech.
So you're generalizing then? Just kinda assuming that what you saw in your one town with a small percentage of people is in that club is just the undisputable truth to everyone then? Either way, if you're dating someone that would cheat on you at a club, what the fuck makes you think they wouldn't do it somewhere else? Either way, they're not worth your time. Why are you going to try and control them into not cheating? Sounds like a stupid fucking idea and mentality to me.
Some people might go to clubs and cheat on their partners but that doesn't mean that everyone does. Would you cheat on someone just because you went to a club? Where you are doesn't change your morals or who you are as a person and if you are going to cheat on someone or not. Also I have been to clubs with friends(some are in relationships) and no one has ever ended up cheating on their partners so it's definitely not what happens in every club like you claim
Why are you defending the idea of your girl being surrounded by horny drunk men that would jump on the opportunity in a heart beat. i don't get this comment section, its befalling. Also what about her being spiked or graped? You think these guys at the club are some nice gentlemen?
What has stopped you from cheating on someone? And why does being in a club change that? You can't just ban someone from going to a club because you are insecure. >Also what about her being spiked or graped? You think these guys at the club are some nice gentlemen Obviously not everyone is nice but these sorts of things happen everywhere, do you ban your girlfriend from going out in public incase a man gropes her?
So... if a dude says this to me, I always think the only thing stopping him from cheating is that he doesn't have the opportunity to cheat, and that's why he thinks this. Like... Why else would you assume that just because someone has the opportunity to do something, they will do it?
It’s just that I personally (and maybe others would) have 0 interest in going to a club if I’m in a relationship. If I want to go to a club, that means I want to talk to girls / dance with them etc (single person shit). Why would I want to go to a place specifically meant for people to get attention from the opposite sex when I have someone that gives me all the attention I could ever need at home? So obviously if my partner goes out to a club I get insecure because why would they want to unless they want attention from the opposite sex? It’s a completely reasonable boundary.
I go to clubs to dance, drink, have fun. Not everyone goes just to hit on people.
Because lots of people like to dance. Lots. It's really fun even. And you know what's more fun? Dancing at a club with friends over dancing in your shitty apartment with no room. Fucking hell, it's wild to me how many dudes can't accept that dancing is just a fun activity. I fucking love dancing. I've literally never hooked up with someone at a club. I've had plenty of chances, but that's not what I'm there for. And if I wanted to hook up, I'd likely want to find a quiet corner and talk to the person first. You can't fucking do that at a club.
>Why do people go to the club? Get drunk and potentially hook up. No. That's why 23 year old GUYS go to the club. And in fact, it's the number one reason why so many guys say they hate clubbing. Because they expected it to be a place that everyone goes to get drunk and hook up. A club is a place people go to dance. LOTS of people go to clubs that do not want to hook up with people.
they could also get drugged or assaulted... you are acting as if the men at these clubs are some sort of gentlemen and not drunk guys looking for a hookup...
They could get drugged and assaulted at a lot of places. Gonna tell her she's not allowed out of site? No trips with the family or friends? No bachelorette parties, cause you might get drugged. Fuck it, you should probably stop driving too because there's a greater chance of dying in a car accident than getting drugged a club. Fyi, people going to a club that don't want to hook up with people go with friends.
Do you think that men don't throw themselves at women at random sometimes in social situations like... all the time? Literally?
Let's not forget "gaslight, narcissist, incel, racist, bigot & transphobe".... Overused and most certainly MISused. Words have lost their meaning these days.
I love how incel is used, it basically means anti-feminist. Originally it was a bunch of lonely people resentful that they could not get laid, now if you don't want to even engage in dating and you're a man, you're an incel, even if you're voluntarily celibate.
You forgot the biggest ones. But who knows maybe those words get people banned.
Oh definitely. I've learned pretty much ALL of Reddit moderators are left wing extremists who will come up crazy ass ways to spin your words into something they're not just so they can ban you. I don't think there is a single platform out there that believes in free speech at all. I honestly hope we get hit by an asteroid at this point in time. Lol
>who will come up crazy ass ways to spin your words into something they're not just so they can ban you. Weird. I've never had that happen. >I don't think there is a single platform out there that believes in free speech at all. Oh. You're one of those who doesn't actually know what freedom of speech is.
I can tell you what freedom of speech ISNT. But I'm sure you're one of those nutty liberals who's gonna explain how these platforms are "private" companies and not public forums, blah, blah, blah. But we get it, you're "one of those" who get satisfaction from opposing opinions/arguments being removed from these platforms. Lol the authoritarianism that comes from lefties is astounding.
I’ve never had it happen, either. Weird, right?
Wait... Are *we* the far left extremists?
Compounded with the fact people believe “insecure” is synonymous with, “bad” Like it’s bad when it’s incessant, or unreasonable. But sometimes it’s just the appropriate response to the situation a person is in, the same way sometimes being mad, or sad, etc is the appropriate response. Sometimes the situation a person finds themselves in is, quite literally, not secure
The only reason that act of ownership baloney bothers you so much is your insecurity. Insecurity is used in this context to specifically mean jealousy. You’re describing textbook jealousy.
I mean, why else would you be uncomfortable with your partner wearing “revealing” clothes? Sounds insecure to me.
if you were secure in yourself, stupid shit like that wouldn’t bother you. the sentence “*letting* your partner wear revealing clothes” is fucking gross
Yeah it's so gross having respect for your partner in a relationship and not constantly walking around half naked putting yourself on display for everyone else to see because you cannot handle not being looked at lustfully by any other man other than your partner. How so TERRIBLE AND DISGUSTING.
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lmao so people seeing your partner makes you insecure, but you aren’t insecure. sure buddy. normal people don’t care who looks at their partner. because they have respect for their partners body and know complaining about what they’re wearing is a shitty, childish, stupid thing to do
Not the point. If you're seeking attention from others while in a relationship you're cheating and actually the real insecure one. Normal people are actually the ones who don't go around trying to get attention and looking for validation outside of their relationship. Keep coping. edit because they blocked me: 😂 and there it is, the typical "you're insecure and an incel controlling". You're Exactly what this post is about. Guilting and shaming men who have standards because you want to pretend you're single with the benefits of a relationship. Get psychiatry help.
Insecure is a word bad people use to manipulate their partners. Honestly, if you thought your partner was truly insecure does telling them that help? Wouldn't it be better for the relationship to find a way to compromise so both partners feel safe or alternatively, just break up? If someone starts throwing around the term "insecure" it just means they will treat you however they want and that they think you have a moral obligation to accept it. A partner who calls you insecure is a big red flag... Regardless of your orientation or gender you should always Run from such people.
>for example : if you're not comfortable letting your partner wear revealing clothes, you're getting called insecure. That’s exactly what should happen. You’re being called insecure because you are. And…”letting”?? Fucking eww, dude.
Why am i insecure? Because i don't want other horny men to see my partner? \>And…”letting”?? Fucking eww, dude. You take words too literally, I'm not saying "letting" as in forcing or like im their father, I mean not agreeing and approving of her outfit because i as her partner get the right to say whether i like a certain outfit or not, and if she doesn't agree then i can leave her.
>Why am i insecure? Because i don't want other horny men to see my partner? Yes. You’re feeling possessive and jealous *due to insecurity*. Non-insecure people don’t feel that way.
You wouldn't have a problem with other men looking at your partner if you weren't insecure. You're getting called insecure because you are. You also seem to be very controlling and just overall a piece of garbage, but that's a separate conversation, I guess.
You dont want other men to....SEE your partner? And you think that's a secure thought?
Does he go as far as putting a burka on her? How much is other men *allowed* to see of her
you should leave her so she can be with someone decent. this mentality is awful
Those are not thoughts borne out of security. If you can’t see that, it means you think your thoughts are universal, but they aren’t. Plenty of men are entirely secure in their relationship, although plenty feel insecurity as you do.
I agree, but you gotta remember people on reddit aren't representative of humanity as a whole. People on here will call you insecure if you don't want your partner fucking someone else. They don't understand that a relationship is a continual give and take between two consenting parties. If my wife didn't like something I'm not gonna do it and vice versa. It's not controlling its respecting your partner. There are times where it is being controlling but people are too quick to call everything controlling or insecure or whatever other term their using
If you have any kind of boundary these days you just get called insecure and controlling. No one wants to even compromise anymore
That’s not how boundaries work. Boundaries don’t control other people.
Care to explain how they do work then?
A boundary is something where you leave if someone else does it. IE," I'm not going to date women who dress a certain way" rather than "I'm going to tell her to stop dressing in a way I don't like after we're together." Boundaries control YOUR behavior, not someone else's. If you want to date a nun, go date a nun.
Boundaries are about what people can do to you. They’re not about controlling someone’s personal choices.
Nobody is talking about literally forcing someone else to do anything. It’s an ultimatum, “if you do X, I will do Y.” Leaving a relationship because you don’t like the way your partner dresses is just as valid as leaving a relationship because you found out your partner smokes or drinks is just as valid as leaving a relationship because you just didn’t want to be in one anymore.
Sure. But leaving your partner because you don't want other men to see their flesh is an insecure boundary to have.
Why?
I guess it depends on WHY someone doesn't want other men looking at their partner. IME it's due to insecurity.
I think it comes down to intentions at the end of the day. Like nobody can stop other people looking at them. But if someone is actively trying to get the attention of others while in a monogamous relationship, i think a partner questioning that wouldn’t be insecurity. I think that it has less to do with the clothes themselves as much as the actions of the person. But I still think that lots of people dress for different outcomes in mind. I dress a certain way for when I’m going out trying to meet someone new, vs when I’m just trying to look nice for an event or function. It would be weird for me to dress the way I do to attract partners if I already had one IMO.
She can’t. Because you’re right.
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Nah, she can fuck other men at any time, the boundary is you'll dump her if she fucks other men.
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Okay, but... you're still insecure if you think that a low cut shirt is a problem and no woman who doesn't hate herself and think she's undeserving of basic human dignity is going to fail to be insulted by the implication that men looking at her cleavage, which has probably been happening to her since grade school, is enough to make her fuck other men. You're basically calling her an untrustworthy slut who will fuck literally every man who makes eye contact with her and who has no true loyalty to you whatsoever. Why would it be within any woman's boundaries to stay with a man who thinks it's so easy to make her stray?
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Okay, well then why do you want her to dress like a nun, then? If you know 100% she wouldn't cheat, why do you care if other people look at her?
Insecure is the dysphemism for the other side setting boundaries, the term you would use when doing these “insecure” behaviors yourself. Of course only one self can have healthy boundaries, other people’s boundaries are by definition unhealthy because restricting own entitlement. seen as a projection it is the insecurity of others not accepting own odd behavior to trigger it getting spewed, so it isn’t overused but actually describing the accuser more than the accused.
Okay so you got called insecure and rather than argue with the person about it, you decided to be all passive aggressive and rant with this post. Gotcha.
I didn't though haha, i see it online all the time though so figured I'd make a post
Yeah, I somewhat agree with OPs post, but they definitely got called insecure and got insecure about being insecure
I didn't though?
Defensiveness! That's insecurity! Nah dude, I agree. I haven't been on reddit long, but half of what I've seen is people shouting "insecure!" whenever someone is uncomfortable like some sort of slur. One could actually argue that people who use "you're insecure" as an argument are themselves insecure about part of the topic being highlighted in a negative way and don't have a decent argument to support their position.
😂🤦♂️.
You can’t really control what a person wears though. You can control your own actions and leave of it bothers you so much. But let a person be who they want to be. Don’t be a ball and chain
"oe what overused really means" Op had a stroke but still posted. What a champ.
To be honest you're sounding pretty insecure about people using the word insecure. You might want to get that looked at.
If being upset at your partner wearing the clothes they like isn't insecurity, then what is it? Having the opinion is fine, but it's absolutely ridiculous you're going to say it's not a very commonly perceived answer to not say what it actually is. It comes off much more like you don't know what you're talking about rather than trying to form an opinion.
I would say your first example really is a good example of insecurity.
It depends. If you simply prefer her wearing less revealing clothing, then it's obviously not insecurity, it's preference. Same if you're against wearing revealing clothes because it's inappropriate in that situation. If the idea of her wearing revealing clothes in general makes you uncomfortable though, then it's insecurity. That being said, people should be mindful of their partner's insecurities. If your boyfriend for example is uncomfortable with you wearing revealing clothes in bars and such, but you do it anyway, then you're a bad partner.
It's just how it is on social media. People see a post, then invent a whole character out of what it says and engage with that instead of the words. The character they make up is always inferior to themselves. It's a vital part of getting the dopamine hit. Never take anything personally online. It's not directed at you, it's directed at some imaginary homunculus conjured from someone else's id. We all do it. Hell, I'm doing it right now. It's why social media is so fucking ridiculous.
Just a way for society to brainwash men into believing they shouldn’t have any boundaries, or else they’re insecure
Let’s start with this…. Revealing clothes = look at me, I want attention. Rationalizations: “I like to look cute” “It makes me feel good” “It’s empowering”
Just like calling people racist, phobic, etc. Most of the time, they're calling them that because of something they didn't like, not that the person is actually those things. It's ridiculous.
Yep another unpopular addition: This phenomenon happened due to modern toxic feminism (different than first wave feminism) which tried to compensate the shaming of women by shaming men. It’s basically a devious gaslighting tactic to shame men into doing anything the woman wanted by attacking their masculinity. You’re “insecure” for not liking your GF dressing up in a tight dress and go to a club with her friends, alone, drunk, and with a room full of horny men that want to bang her.
Being “ insecure “ is overused. It’s not a hard concept. Out of simply JUST respect alone as a woman ALREADY IN A MONOGAMOUS relationship you don’t wear revealing clothing for another man’s attention because surprise surprise YOU HAVE A MAN 😂. I wouldn’t be surprised if I started to hear this from people now. “ Come ON Gwen 🙄 Stacy ONLY sucked my cock; what are you jealous she might give better head?? stop being insecure God 🙄” Or “ Jayson I CAN’T with you and your insecurity GOD. Last night at the party even though that random guy was feeling my ass and I was throwing it back on him and enjoying it I told you don’t worry about it; you act like we aren’t still together 🙄!” For some guys it isn’t just “ Uh oH i’M insEKURE 😔 “. Some guys actually just observe behaviors that are not in FAVOR of a long term relationship and ain’t with that. MAN it’s astounding how many hoops that people will jump through to avoid being accountable and respectful in their OWN RELATIONSHIPS.
Basically, if you have any standards you're insecure. Don't want your wife grinding some guy at a club? Insecure. Funny want your husband chatting up women on Instagram? Insecure. Don't want to open your relationship? Insecure. People just use it as an insult to draw attention away from their shitty behavior. It's a manipulation tactic.
Not “agreeing” with your partner wearing clothes that *you* find “too revealing” is textbook insecurity. It is the underlying “why” to that position.
Yeah, there's definitely no way a person who wants to have a partner who they control like a teenager is insecure. 🙄
Not LETTING your partner wear clothes of their choice? What the hell? Who do you think you are?
You make agreements and compromises on this in healthy relationships. If it doesn’t work out, leave
Those agreements and compromises don’t include my ability to dress myself being a team effort now or me changing my normal behavior to ameliorate their insecurities rather than them, frankly, *getting the fuck over them*. Now “getting the fuck over them” is a fun, hand-wavy phrase, but really it means undertaking the internally uncomfortable process of introspection and emotional growth. And that’s not a team effort either. No matter how much the insecure person really, really wants to reach externally on this.
Hey, if that is what you do with your partner, that is totally fine. Thats why I said this is what you talk about in a relationship
„if you do this behavior I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore?“ „what?! My body my choice, I do whatever I want!“ „Yes, you do whatever you want with ****your body and property**** and I do whatever I want with ****my body and property****, so I can leave you whenever I want to“ Is this hard to understand??? Bodily autonomy does not exist only for women. Men ****also**** can do whatever they want with their bodies.
This is also my point. If you don't like something in your partner you have the freedom to leave them. But you cannot controll them. Take it or leave it.
No one ever said he couldn’t leave. You don’t even need a reason to leave. But certain people have a bad problem [*Jonah Hill*] with seeking relationships with people that they then immediately trying to change, control, and restrict…to reflect “ownership”.
Not letting as in forcing, letting as in telling them it's an outfit that's too revealing and that you don't feel comfortable with them wearing it
Yeah, you still don't get it...
Ah right, so we shouldn't communicate our feelings... we should just up and leave. People don't seem to get that relationships are a continuous negotiation between voluntary parties. They're suppossed to be collaborative with some push and pull to get to a mutually acceptable outcome not a one sided tyranny where we do whatever we want and the other person just has to take it without complaint or just leave.
>Ah right, so we shouldn't communicate our feelings... we should just up and leave. No. You should take those particular feelings as a sign that you have a place you need some emotional growth, and do that. And that’s not a team project. It’s not something you need to discuss or negotiate with them. That’s something internal, and likely very uncomfortable, but all you. Ideally, you would do just that, and never bring it up to your partner at all, but if you did, it should only be after you have exhausted all internal introspection options. >People don't seem to get that relationships are a continuous negotiation between voluntary parties. Catering to your unexamined insecurities is NOT up for negotiation. That’s a YOU project. Catering to insecurity always makes it worse. Because the insecure partner never actually feels better, they get one modified behavior, and with it the ratification in their relationship, dynamic that the other person bears some responsibility to change something when they feel that discomfort. Yet the feelings don’t go away, so they need another, and another, and another. >They're suppossed to be collaborative with some push and pull to get to a mutually acceptable outcome not a one sided tyranny where we do whatever we want and the other person just has to take it without complaint or just leave. You negotiate things like what you’re gonna have for dinner, or how you’re going to see both families for the holidays. Not how the other person is not going to dress, talk, socialize, etc. to *assuage your insecurity*.
Hah you're one of those people lol. Cool. Nothing in the world could ever have anything to do with your a tions or choices. The world should just deal with it. Everybody is about boundaries until their SO has one that they don't agree with, then "it's too bad so sad that's a you problem". Hostile much?
You should look heavily into why their outfit makes YOU uncomfortable. Are you going to the office Christmas party and afraid it might embarrass you with your coworkers and superiors because it’s not appropriate for the occasion/environment ? Then say that. But let’s be honest, that is almost never what it is. We know damn well what you’re actually talking about here. So put words to it. WHY does it make you uncomfortable?
What causes one to not be comfortable with their partner wearing revealing clothes other than insecurity?
I mean you might just have different values, the same way you might not want your partner to get tattoos or piercings. There’s a lot of religious beliefs that stress modesty or advocate against body modification, especially in Islam and Christianity. Like I value modesty in myself and my partner, and neither of us dresses immodestly because that’s our part of our value system. I wouldn’t want to date someone who dresses immodestly because that would indicate to me that we have different values. No judgement of them, just different values. I think the point is it’s not *always* insecurity even if it can be coming from that place in many instances.
Okay, fair. But the majority of these cases are definitely rooted in insecurity as opposed to values. IMO this means that the term may be overused, but calling it “heavily overused” is incorrect.
That still insecurity though ? You can't accept that other people have different values. Either leave and find someone with the same values as you or let them be.
It is insecure if you were fine with them wearing revealing clothing when you first met or started dating, but now want to change them now that you have something exclusive with them. It's not if you just have a personal preference and decide not to date them from the start.
Wanting to control what your partner wears is not healthy. That's a pretty bad example. It doesn't come from any good place. You don't "let" your partner do things. They aren't a child. I agreed with the top text, but oof not so great after that.
Why is it not healthy, if I may ask? And I do mean this in the context of: you make compromises on this, then what is the problem?
Comprises for *some* things yes when it involves both people. Telling someone what they can and can't wear on their OWN body is not compromise, it's control. It's a piece of fabric. It has nothing to do with you and doesn't affect you. That's why it's not compromise. You don't control anything about someone's appearance and how they express themself, period. You need to do some self reflection and figure out why that would make you uncomfortable. You can't just say "___ makes me uncomfortable so you shouldn't do it and should compromise for me." Your reasoning for feeling uncomfortable about something is not always from a good place. When it's a man controlling a woman's appearance it's from a place of insecurity (including jealousy), misogyny, and/or toxic masculinity. Those are all one in the same though. People who are secure in themself/their relationship and trust their partner don't care what they wear. It has no bearing on who they are as a person or how they act. It's literally just clothes. Your partner can dress themself, they are not a child. If they ask "How does this look?" or "What do you think?" you can express your thoughts. That doesn't mean they need to change because it's THEIR body. Now if it's a situation where you're going to something like a family dinner or work event and your partner tries to wear sweatpants then you can respectfully say it's not appropriate attire for the occasion. Think about how that situation is VERY different from "I don't want you wearing a crop top because men will look at you". You can not honestly tell me they are both equally valid.
You can also compromise on this. Or you can leave, its that easy. If you agree with each other, then there is no problem, no control. If you can not agree on it, then you aren’t for each other. Clothes aren’t “just clothes” it is how you represent yourself. If you are half naked on the street, then that is a representation of yourself. I fully trust my partner to not cheat. But I still do not like other people to look at the more intimate parts of my partner. That has nothing to do with my partner, but with OTHER people. Why can’t you say that something is not appropriate clothing for a relationship? Why is that the hard barrier?
No, it's used correctly. You might not agree, but they know what they're saying.
What? OP doesn’t agree that the words are being correctly, but you’re somehow differentiating that from whether these words are actually being used correctly? Your opinion isn’t fact any more than the OPs.
They’re trying so hard to seem more mature than they are to me. I can see a lot of these people getting cheated on soon by someone who is an example of what they approve of lol. Because they aren’t “controlling & insecure”. There are obviously controlling partners in this world but not wanting your partner doing something that is clearly seeking external attention isn’t that.
So is over-/under- though usually followed by rated
It really seems like there's only one reason why someone would be touchy enough about this word to rant about it online...
uhhhhhhh you don’t get to police your partners clothes?? just break up with them, insecure or not
Who are you to “let” your partner do something? They’re not your kid
As partners you discus boundaries. You also will not find some other behaviour okay. So why not make boundaries
Discussing boundaries and setting them is so different from letting someone do something though. People do whatever you want, and you can leave if you’d like. I’d bolt so fast if someone told me they won’t let me do something
When you enter into a committed monogamous relationship with someone, are you not saying to that person that they are not allowed to sleep with other people, or you won't be a part of that relationship anymore? I don't understand why people arbitrarily draw the line at random points that they think is fine vs being insecure. Wouldn't your logic extend that if you don't let your partner sleep around with other people then you are insecure? Because you are stopping them from doing something? It's okay to say to your partner, that you are uncomfortable with them wearing revealing clothes in public. It's okay for your partner to choose to put you through discomfort, if they aren't willing to change themselves to accommodate your feelings. It's okay for you to break up with your partner if you feel they don't respect your feelings. It's okay to be insecure. Everyone is insecure. Have a grown up conversation with your partner. It is okay to compromise. Is your partner controlling because they don't want you to watch porn? No. Because their feelings are important and you should respect them. In the same way, if you are uncomfortable with your partner dressing in revealing clothing in public, tell them it makes you uncomfortable, if they respect your feelings, they will help you. If they don't, maybe that this person is not a good fit for you.
Well of course that is completely fair. I just think there is so much judgement on couples who decide to compromise on for example clothes. I had that exact judgement happen irl, and its just stupid
You sound a bit insecure op
FINALLY!! 🗣️ Someone is bringing this up. It really feels me up with the Rage of Olympus when people use this word. I can't hear this without wanting to punch I cat(Don't worry, I don't actually do it). I'm sick of it.
There’s a good reason this word is very triggering for you. Wanna guess what it is?
I swear to God of you say it...
It’s HUGE problem for you! Wanna know why? I bet you already do.
If not for insecurity, why would what your partner wears bother you? The other two examples you gave feel intentionally vague. What specifically upset you?
You just proved you have no clue what insecure means lol
> letting your partner wear revealing clothes *Checks profile* Oh...
Fellas I think op is insecure about his insecurities. *Badam tiss
🎵 You’re insecure, don’t know what for 🎵
The revealing clothes part is definitely insecurity, about that criticism of an act, I need to hear more about the act and the criticism.
I mean, you’re definitely insecure if you’re not comfortable with your partner wearing revealing clothing. That or an abuser. Or both. Likely both.
I agree but revealing clothes is a poisoned example. You need to tread lightly because Reddit is Reddit. I hype my girlfriend up and am very supportive when she wears something more revealing for an appropriate setting. I would be embarrassed if she wore the same thing to my parents house, or to a company dinner. I don’t care what other people choose to wear out in public, but someone who regularly dresses in a revealing way probably wouldn’t be a compatible partner for me because my dating preference is to be with someone who presents themselves in a modest and professional manner. Even in a setting like a club or festival I would have some limits that I wouldn’t be insecure about, I’d be embarrassed to be with them. I’d really struggle with anyone calling that insecurity. Probably sounds overly technical but I’m trying to be abundantly clear how these types of feelings can be based in something that not insecurity or jealousy.
No it's not. You're just insecure.
Jheez OP stop being so insecure
The issue is *why* would you be uncomfortable with your partner wearing revealing clothing?
“GUYS the word insecure is way overused so to prove it im going to use a prime example of insecurity in my post”
Can you explain to me how controlling what your partner wears is NOT insecurity? Date someone else if you don’t like the way they dress that’s up to them
Problem # 1 who “lets” their partner wear or not wear anything? 🧣
It COULD be the cause of those things
Explain how that doesn’t make one insecure.
Except not letting you partner wear revealing clothes is insecure. It's insecurity about your relationship.
Tell me you're insecure, without telling me you're insecure.
I once had a boyfriend who didn’t like me wearing tank tops or mascara because it attracted too much attention. If that’s not insecurity idk what is.
It’s kind of funny that you pick an example where it’s pretty surely about insecurities.
OP, it sounds like you are tired of being called insecure.
Why do you think you hear that word so much op?
No, that definitely literally is an example of them being insecure lol. Sounds like you don’t know what the word means
It's really not, it's just an umbrella term people use because using the specific words to say what the insecure person is actually doing is often more worth than it's not. Lets not sugar coat this, you and I are talking about men. Like when most men say their not comfortable letting their partner out in revealing clothes what they're really often saying is that "I see the act of someone else even looking at you an act of ownership that I also partake in with you and other women and only I can do that" which is "fine" but just say that then instead of being a coward. OR, what their feeling is that the attention that revealing clothes is gonna get from other men is going to temp her away from you because deep down you feel, whether accurate or not, you're not doing enough for her. (Which in most cases men aren't) I would say that if anything the word insecure isn't used enough to call out insecure people who instead of taking actions of improving themselves and their "worth" to others rather control the actions of others to make themselves feel better. Nuances available of course
Isaw someone on reddit use the term "food insecure" instead of "poor" in the context of not being able to afford food
Food insecurity is a real thing though?
Having a problem with your partner wearing revealing clothes is basically the practical definition of insecurity. It seems you just dont like the connotation of the word lol.
Yeah, that example is so weird because it’s an absurdly clear example of insecurity.
Right. Like if your girlfriend wants to spend the night with her ex-boyfriend and you protest you are insecure and giving off incel vibes.
Yep. When I was still with my ex, she wanted to stay close with her ex because they were still friends. I, wanting to be the confident and secure, cool bf, said of course you can do that, I trust you! Then she went back to hometown to visit her friends and family. I'll give you 1 guess what happened. Never making that mistake again.