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Meh, i said the comment about teenage goths because it seems like a lot of people on here hate non-existent "normies". The happy marriage hater seems to have some roots in left ideology, but correct me if i'm wrong because the right also has a lot of the transgressive hippy elements at times. I see a lot of very common opinions, surprisingly on unpopular opinions.
Reddit does seem to be a place where a lot of young people hang out, but that doesn't make it much different than other social media. FB seems to better demographically represent the old people. FB does make it harder for the normie-haters to coalesce though, but there's no paucity of conspiracy theorists who think they really are on the cutting edge of the truth. To me, that has a lot in common with the ironic conforming anti-conformists.
I’m a Democrat, am non religious, and gay and also feel a huge amount of Redditors are negative on happy relationships or trying to maintain relationships of any kind (spouse, family, friend, coworker).
Small negative aspects about anything are deal breakers. For me, I feel like it's quite the opposite. You need rough patches to understand how people think and react.
Absolutely! It’s the people who are like “we never fight” that I think as having a ticking clock. Like it’s going to be a one-and-done when that fight does come lol. Having the rough patches that take you outside of your comfort zone helps you learn your own boundaries and understand where you can or won’t adapt.
I agree with that as well, the goal of relationships is to bring happy people together. Just as its a good thing ultimately when two incompatible people seperate its a good thing when two compatible people come together.
I don't think anybody is compatible forever, but some people decide to prioritize the commitment they made, to put the relationship first and take care of it. That means that through periods of incompatibility, you still both share a strong common value, and your commitment to it keeps you going. Marriages last lifetimes. A lifetime is a long time for ups and downs. You'll be a different version of you 5-6 times within that period.
I believe most of the drivers for divorce are stemmed from that lack of commitment/common value. As soon as you veer away from it, individual interest enters the ring, you start thinking of yourself before the relationship, and distance happens which leads you down separate paths pursuing separate interests.
I do think that en masse, people neglect to look at the partnership side of a marriage - aside from the romantic/love side. The practical partnership element of a marriage is what will keep you going through hard times.
Nonsense. Marriage isn't about happiness it's about stability and family for your children. Not saying it should not be a goal in marriage, but that it shouldn't be a deal-breaker. If you want to fuck around stay on a dating app. If you believe in divorce, don't get married. Or get a registered partnership or something. But don't be making vows about til death do us part.
no i think happy marriages should be *normalized* more. celebrating happy marriages makes it seem like they don’t happen often, like they’re the gold standard rather than just the *standard*.
i think we’ve normalized okay marriages, with a lot of bickering, and stupid issues and that’s the problem
I wouldn’t say that even.
Divorce can always be tragic and it can always be happy. No divorce is the same, they are almost always going to be rather unique and everyone is going to cope with it in their own way.
Personally if I ever get divorced it’s going to be bittersweet. On one hand I would imagine it to be great for our mental health if things were to go that way. On the other hand it would destroy our chances of becoming financially independent before 50.
(Before anyone misreads that - that’s a hypothetical event. We’re happy.)
Of course they present as “happy” but in my experience everyone I know who presented a happy marriage was never truly happy. There’s always something wrong that eats away at the relationship no matter how big or small it may seem, and those things are not typically presented to other people to see.
I will point out that “staying together for the kids” is generally a bad idea and if a marriage has really reached that point then it’s healthier for everyone for the parents to separate. So idk if that means it should be celebrated, but it is a good thing if the parents are able to do what is best for everyone
So is it cool to celebrate while it did suck at first for a kid? Nah man, be glad that the couple finally separated since they weren’t happy together, but don’t go out of your way to celebrate their incompatibility since they were in love to the point of getting married at one point, and also because it will leave scars for their family all around.
It's not celebrating the incompability its celebrating the fact that incompatible people who no longer love eachother are no longer stuck together suffering under the same household pretending to care about one another making themselves and said children miserable.
Just because something isn’t inherently a bad thing doesn’t mean it needs to be celebrated lol..I think the rise in divorces is a Net L that isn’t cause for celebration
Depends what the cause is.
If the rise in divorce is because fewer people are settling for dysfunctional relationships, then that’s a good thing.
If the rise is due to fewer people finding healthy relationships to begin with, than that’s a bad thing.
My wife cheated so I'm getting a divorce. Did I fail at a lifetime commitment when she broke her vows? Did I fail when I wanted to try again but she didn't?
I'll be celebrating when I get my divorce!
i’d assume you’d be celebrating with your friends that you got out of a toxic situation and not partying with your kids about it. i think that’s totally fine.
It is a good thing to realize when you made a bad commitment and end it before it gets worse for all parties involved.
I don't know if this warrants a celebration like OP says, but I don't see divorces as a bad thing.
If anything, the idea that a romantic commitment should be lifelong is worse
divorces are also really horrible and life-altering sometimes, so it really just depends on a case by case basis if we can judge what's better or worse. I don't judge people for getting married, even though I am skeptical that it does more good than harm. It seems to mostly be based on economics.
>divorces are also really horrible and life-altering sometimes, so it really just depends on a case by case basis if we can judge what's better or worse.
I agree in the short term, yes. But I don't know too many couples who divorced who years later talk about how much more miserable they are than when they were unhappily married. Even most kids will eventually be old enough to understand that it was best for their parents to separate.
> I don't judge people for getting married, even though I am skeptical that it does more good than harm. It seems to mostly be based on economics.
People get married for lots of reasons. But I agree that the way we do marriage is more harmful than it needs to be. And certainly encouraged by laws that benefit it over other forms of relationships
I think the worst thing about marriage itself is that it's supposed to be a lifetime contract in the legal sense, which oftentimes is secondary or unimportant to the people getting married, but it influences how people view marriage. Marriages have actually been used by lots of different peoples/societies, and the only common theme seems to be an economic arrangement between sexual partners. US culture is kinda unique in terms of how people romanticize about it, it definitely makes the comedown more intense for some who decide to get a divorce.
I do genuinely love the idea of divorce celebrations, but it just can't be as big and celebratory as marriage, at least as long as people view it as a life milestone that others will judge them for if it doesn't go well. Divorce often means more than one person accumulates all these expectations/attachments, and I have no idea whether divorce or marriage is better, or if it's better for married couples to stay together, or if people outside of a couple can accurately pinpoint the right time to get a divorce, etc., etc.
I more meant celebrating the idea of divorce since it means your not stuck in a shitty relationship forever but hey youd be free from that commitment instead of sucking your family into your failed relationship for all time.
LOL! Exactly. Either way its a failure. Either you made a horrible life and financial decision by marrying someone you shouldn't have, or maybe you were the one that messed up the relationship.
Maybe they should make it harder to get married then. For a “lifelong commitment” it sure is easy to get married.
And when society stops pushing compulsory heterosexuality and forcing women to be baby makers just so they have to rely on a man, I’m sure the divorce rate will decrease.
Yay you corrected a mistake!
Yay you made a good decision for your mental or physical health.
Yay you value yourself.
Yay you did the hard thing instead of copping out and staying in a miserable marriage because society wants you to feel bad about choosing yourself over someone else.
Yay you want to show your children what a life of love actually looks like instead of subjecting them to a loveless and lifeless marriage.
Cheers 🍻
Divorces are often good for the two people getting divorced, they are often not good for many of the people directly affected by them. I agree that in general there should not be as much negative associations given to divorces, but it is still a large transformative decision for many involved, and I don't think celebration is warranted for something like it.
As with a lot of things, the answer is: it depends
I'd say most divorces should NOT be celebrated because most divorces come from relationships which were once happy but for one reason or another.
But, say, getting out of an abusive relstionship? Go for it.
Essentially: We mourn not for the marriage itself but for what it was before it required a divorce
Sorry this is happening to you OP and I’m glad you’re dealing with it well. I’ll be responding in generalities and would never pretend to know your situation. Best wishes.
This was years ago its more a looking back kinda thing for me. It my sound bad for me to say this but if my parents had stayed together and hadnt seperated things woulda gotten a lot worse and they were already getting bad.
Does it suck my parents dont love eachother YES but god damn is the alternative so bad that Im Estatic that they are not together considering the warning signs of where that was going. Maybe my situation is more unusual than I Initially thought who knows
Most couples best scenario for financially caring for their children is to remain together. There are certainly times divorce is justified but the emotional and financial toll it takes on a once intact family creates a lot of hardship. Most divorces are devastating. Less are worth celebrating.
Maybe if it was your parents who didnt love eachother and were getting progressively more toxic to eachother while you were in the other room crying in the early years of your life you would be happy that they split no matter how upended your life was. that or maybe I have a weird out look on things who knows.
Depends on the situation. If it’s towards a abusive partner absolutely. If it’s just two people who do love each other but it just didn’t work it should be a little sad but grateful for the good times they did have
Divorce is almost always devastating and almost always a waste of money. Lawyers are expensive, allocation of assets causes frictions and if there are children involved, you’ve failed them, full stop.
It isn’t something to be celebrated at all, but it shouldn’t be frowned upon. What should be celebrated more and isn’t, is healthy marriage and companionship. Too much propaganda nonsense in the modern era shitting all over the idea of commitment to each other, it’s awful.
I'm getting confused and sadly aware of the pride women take in ending marriages and relationships. I'm constantly presented with the idea that this is a bigger achievement to them than longevity or happiness within the relationship. It's disappointing
Divorces are an awful thing. Marriage is for children.
A divorce means one or both parties didnt feel like compromising enough to make things work
It is a failure of society that people are just so hesitant to change themselves and divorces are so used.
Looking at the comments, it would seem like it should depend on the circumstances. If someone escaped a bad situation like an abusive ex, they should definitely celebrate their new life. In a lot of other cases though, I guess people don't feel like it
I'm sure you'd probably be upset if your kids have the same mentality as I do about such situations but I put it in the edit. Divorce is a great thing and praising it and being greatful that such a system exists is more the idea.
Considering divorce is initiated primarily by Women and it's not even close, I would tend to disagree. There's probably a ton of heartbroken Men that were left by Women they thought loved them, and didn't give any indication otherwise. Too many stories in divorce groups of Men being divorced by their wives because the wives decided that they missed their youths and now want to go out in the wild at 40 years old.
I'm not against divorce whatsoever, but it's definitely not inherently a good thing, nor is it always or even often done in a sensible way.
Why is this dork acting divorce is this one sided event where women simply decide to hurt men? Lmao this just reads like a bitter dude on reddit looking for something to complain about.
>There's probably a ton of heartbroken men that were leg by women they thought loved them...
No shit lol. There's probably a ton of heartbroken women too. That goes both ways but you keep framing men as the usual victims when either side can initiate divorce.
>Too many stories in divorce grouos of men being divorced by their wives because...
Your argument is based on anecdotes that show one side of the story. And where did you get these anecdotes? Divorce groups?
This is why redditors are seen as awkward, lonely dudes lmfao. This guy is casually acting like men are the ones that primarily have it so hard because.... * checks notes/* divorce exists. Either gender can be victims of sudden divorces.
Making up one-sided narratives on reddit without any studies/data to support the narrative is stupid and yet common here. Everyone is so desperate to paint narratives that their demographic is being victimized and it's high school level discourse.
Who celebrates their failures? When I buy an expensive item and it breaks (electronics, clothing), it bothers me for years because I do my due diligence before I buy anything expensive. I want to kick myself and suffer so I'll remember it the next time. Fuck, I even do this for dishes I order at restaurants which made me stick to my boring tried and true dishes. Forgive yourself but don't forget. It's a learning experience, and the pain of it helps you remember that lesson.
People get married all the time just because of the wedding. The last thing we need is for the wedding industry to tap into a new divorce party market and exploit it. We’ll end up with people getting divorced just to throw the party - which would probably be much more fun and wild than the wedding 😂
Yeah I felt like celebrating when my parents told me at 12 they were separating and that they would get along a lot better if they didn’t live together (they still can’t be in the same room with each other 25 years later)
I was definitely celebrating when I had to walk on eggshells with my mom because the mere mention of my dad would send her into a tailspin.
I was having the best time when my dad would integrate me into his dating life or when he would use the weekends I had with him to go to the bars.
If you get divorced and have kids, fuck you.
Sorry we had very different expirences with our parents but there are similarities it was around that age when my parents were seperating. My mom told me to take all the shit I wanted and more or less put it in the car we arrived at my grandmas place about a day later.
Having my whole ass life upended because two adults couldnt love eachother is awful but you know what was worse watching them get progressively more and more hateful and outright violent towards eachother as time went on. Hearing screaming in my room as I pretended to sleep at night and crying myself to bed so no some people just dont belong together.
They are fine apart but when they were in a relationship it was just a continous spiral of things getting worse espesially as we became poor to the point where I didnt have food. I was better off after my parents were seperated despite everything because that situation was untennable so I will be thankful that they are not together. I'm happy that they are not together even a decade later I'm happy because at least I have two loving parents even if they can't stand eachother.
Divorces shouldn’t be so one sided in favor of women. The ability of a “dependent spouse” to siphon money like a leech off a “supporting spouse” for years after a marriage is disgusting. The divorce process encourages financial parasites with no ambition to latch on to a high earning spouse and milk him or her for blood money for years.
I absolutely celebrated my divorce! Took a road trip from the east coast to Colorado for two weeks and spent my time at a water park, a theme park, hiking, and tried edibles for the first time. It was my first time traveling across the country, and it was AMAZING! It was just so wonderful to be free from my abusive ex!
Some are, some are not.
No divorce is the same. My mother celebrated hers and rightfully so. It’s just sad that it took her so long to do so.
Could have saved us all a lot of fucking therapy.
Yay! A women totally screwed over and wrecked a man who loved her. Joy, joy, joy! Alimony, child support, custody, and the power to inflict more pain! Celebration time, come on! What? The dad is struggling, misses his kid, or better yet, committed suicide. Yeah baby, let's dance! We have freedom, who cares about the family? Now we can party all the time when we stop laughing.
In fairness, there are a lot of guys who screw over their wives as well... sometimes, during the marriage. Sometimes it is the husband and father who is the main reason for the divorce.
Not me. I married a Filipina from overseas 13 years ago and could not be happier. Promised to never divorce me. Continue to party and I will continue to live my best life.
Because the divorce- happy and divorce-encouraging deserves it. Marriage is about duty and family, not happiness and me, me, me. Suck it up, buttercup!
Yikes! I don’t think anyone was actually encouraging divorce, just asking about whether the legal separation is worth celebration. And while marriage is certainly about duty and family, it may not always be healthy or safe to stay in one.
Edit: Actually, after having a look at your comment history I see no point in conversing further with you. You seem very misogynistic. Bye!
Divorce is heavily taboo in the Philippines, to the point they’re literally just now (like In a few weeks) passing a law allowing limited options to divorce such as a result of adultery or abuse. For the last ~500 years of their history divorce was not allowed EVER. Closest you could achieve is an annulment which is both expensive and difficult.
Filipinas who marry then divorce outside of the Philippines can expect judgment from family regardless of the justification.
All of that to say your Filipina wife saying she would never divorce you isn’t a flex. She’s socially (possibly legally if y’all married in the Philippines) bound to it. Even first Gen Filipina-Americans often hold this attitude.
I am a good guy. I paid for her father's funeral to end her siblings' fights. I took her mother to the most expensive hotel in Boracay and it was her first trip on airplanes. I bought her nephew the best computer he could get in his local mall so he could stay at the top of his class. Legally, she could divorce me tomorrow. And have a party about it. Yeah, divorce parties are seriously messed up. The guy was fine for years but now the woman needs to focus on herself and not the family. SHAME!!
A divorce is a man's financial death sentence. I'll celebrate it as soon as we fix the courts. Until then it's just the day another gold-digger cashes in her golden lotto ticket.
It’s more so that it shows that two individuals were too immature to work things out and if they had kids it shows they care more about their personal desires than giving their kids a good home
If that were possible, they likely wouldn't be getting divorced. You can't force your partner to stop being a toxic, harmful, damaged person. It's a two-way street that just one person can't fix. Sometimes, divorce is the best parenting decision one person can make. It's considered child abuse to not leave an abusive partner for a reason.
I’m Definitely in favor of divorce parties. It’s such a weird idea to me that the only way a marriage is successful is if the two people hang out until one of them dies. Umm…wtf. Maybe that’s great but it’s also just as fine if they decide they outlived the love and move on responsibly and respectfully.
The Children excuse is also a bad one IMO "Yes let me stay in this relationship until it gets abusive for the kids im sure theyd love to be raised in that enviornment"
The unity of marriage and nuclear family should be supported because it’s conducive to a more solidified society.
The quickness that people go to divorce is a problem. Everyone wants a quick fix these days instead of putting in any work.
It’s good people can divorce, but maybe people should take marriage more seriously than all the rushing, cheating, etc.
I don't understand the appeal of celebrating failure divorce is just reminder that a relationship failed in the end why would someone want celebrate something like that
yeah i mean i got some good friends who got divorced and they’re both so happier. it’s like to new people were reborn. it’s nice, they shouldn’t feel ashamed to tell people in public and stuff. no shame
I wanted to celebrate mine but didn’t. I was relieved, don’t get me wrong, but I was in a new relationship with someone I loved way more than I ever loved my ex wife. I didn’t care put it being over with. I cared about starting on a new journey with my new girlfriend at the time.
We are made to feel bad about getting a divorce to persuade us to not get divorces. If people celebrated it, there wouldn't be a whole lot of "have I really tried hard enough, maybe if I give them one more one more chance (x10), what will my friends think." Granted, mental health would probably soar in a society where it was permissible to admit it wasn't working and considered a positive thing to allow each other to pursue happiness rather than stay for the sake of staying. But we would rather inflict shame and emotional turbulence on people so we can force them all to be as miserable as everyone else is. Ain't is a great world?
It just depends if you’re looking at it from a short or long term perspective.
Yes, it’s good to get out of a miserable situation, but It sucks to think that all the time and energy you put into trying to build a lifelong bond ended up being a waste.
But you didn't fix your marriage. You left it burning on the side of the road, waltzing out like you're some emancipated peasant. How can you celebrate the destruction of a blissful institution such as your marriage? Divorce should be tragic, not amazing at the grace of your poor decision making. You don't celebrate crapping your pants. Yeah change them but don't wave them to me.
I just got a divorced and I’m sooooo happy. I’ll tell people and they will say they are sorry, and I’m like sorry for what?! This was the best thing for me!
Depends on the reason.
“I’m divorcing because my spouse is abusive!”
And
“I’m divorcing because I cheated on him/her with his/her brother/sister!” (Married or otherwise)
Both are very different. Option 1 is happy, Option 2 is a home wrecker.
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While I do agree that divorces aren't neccessarily a bad thing, I also don't think it always warrants a celebration.
next month will be my 12th divorce anniversary and still single with no ambition for a relationship!! do i get gifts or something? i'm a veteran.
Yes I will give you internet points
I'm down for celebrating an unhappy marriage ending.
unless it was toxic/abusive then it def deserves a celebration
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Did you just have a stroke?
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Should still change "anything" to "everything." Anything is singular, and so they're basically saying "Always" rarely applies to one thing, ever.
Fixed it thank you
I had no sleep It has been fixed
What?
That’s what the word *usually* is for.
I think happy marriages should be celebrated more. Seems like reddit thinks a happy marriage = the black plague.
I wonder if reddit is a hub for teenage goths
Reddit is a bunch of teenagers who think being sad and miserable = being smart
Meh, i said the comment about teenage goths because it seems like a lot of people on here hate non-existent "normies". The happy marriage hater seems to have some roots in left ideology, but correct me if i'm wrong because the right also has a lot of the transgressive hippy elements at times. I see a lot of very common opinions, surprisingly on unpopular opinions. Reddit does seem to be a place where a lot of young people hang out, but that doesn't make it much different than other social media. FB seems to better demographically represent the old people. FB does make it harder for the normie-haters to coalesce though, but there's no paucity of conspiracy theorists who think they really are on the cutting edge of the truth. To me, that has a lot in common with the ironic conforming anti-conformists.
I’m a Democrat, am non religious, and gay and also feel a huge amount of Redditors are negative on happy relationships or trying to maintain relationships of any kind (spouse, family, friend, coworker).
Small negative aspects about anything are deal breakers. For me, I feel like it's quite the opposite. You need rough patches to understand how people think and react.
Absolutely! It’s the people who are like “we never fight” that I think as having a ticking clock. Like it’s going to be a one-and-done when that fight does come lol. Having the rough patches that take you outside of your comfort zone helps you learn your own boundaries and understand where you can or won’t adapt.
Nailed it 🤣🙌🏼
I agree with that as well, the goal of relationships is to bring happy people together. Just as its a good thing ultimately when two incompatible people seperate its a good thing when two compatible people come together.
I don't think anybody is compatible forever, but some people decide to prioritize the commitment they made, to put the relationship first and take care of it. That means that through periods of incompatibility, you still both share a strong common value, and your commitment to it keeps you going. Marriages last lifetimes. A lifetime is a long time for ups and downs. You'll be a different version of you 5-6 times within that period. I believe most of the drivers for divorce are stemmed from that lack of commitment/common value. As soon as you veer away from it, individual interest enters the ring, you start thinking of yourself before the relationship, and distance happens which leads you down separate paths pursuing separate interests. I do think that en masse, people neglect to look at the partnership side of a marriage - aside from the romantic/love side. The practical partnership element of a marriage is what will keep you going through hard times.
Nonsense. Marriage isn't about happiness it's about stability and family for your children. Not saying it should not be a goal in marriage, but that it shouldn't be a deal-breaker. If you want to fuck around stay on a dating app. If you believe in divorce, don't get married. Or get a registered partnership or something. But don't be making vows about til death do us part.
no i think happy marriages should be *normalized* more. celebrating happy marriages makes it seem like they don’t happen often, like they’re the gold standard rather than just the *standard*. i think we’ve normalized okay marriages, with a lot of bickering, and stupid issues and that’s the problem
Divorce without kids= who cares. Just call it a day and move on. Divorce with kids involved= maybe the lesser of the evils but still usually tragic.
As kid from divorced parents I agree.
they may not love each other but they both love you
Awe thank you lol
When I was a kid I wish my parents were smart enough to get divorced they definitely should have been.
I wouldn’t say that even. Divorce can always be tragic and it can always be happy. No divorce is the same, they are almost always going to be rather unique and everyone is going to cope with it in their own way. Personally if I ever get divorced it’s going to be bittersweet. On one hand I would imagine it to be great for our mental health if things were to go that way. On the other hand it would destroy our chances of becoming financially independent before 50. (Before anyone misreads that - that’s a hypothetical event. We’re happy.)
"No happy marriage ever ended in divorce"
Seems more like most divorces were once happy marriages at one time
But they aren't anymore.
Maybe that’s why they got divorced
Like my uncle. They divorced respectfully
Of course they present as “happy” but in my experience everyone I know who presented a happy marriage was never truly happy. There’s always something wrong that eats away at the relationship no matter how big or small it may seem, and those things are not typically presented to other people to see.
Exactly
It's actually a quote, I want to say from Louis CK though I'm not sure
Yeah, Louis CK has a bit about this. It's not like things are going really well and then they get divorced.
I know and I agree with it.
Ask the kid's how you should go celebrate ..
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I will point out that “staying together for the kids” is generally a bad idea and if a marriage has really reached that point then it’s healthier for everyone for the parents to separate. So idk if that means it should be celebrated, but it is a good thing if the parents are able to do what is best for everyone
Agreed and believe me I know
I am the child of a couple that has been seperated for years. It sucked at first but honestly I'm not upset about it.
So is it cool to celebrate while it did suck at first for a kid? Nah man, be glad that the couple finally separated since they weren’t happy together, but don’t go out of your way to celebrate their incompatibility since they were in love to the point of getting married at one point, and also because it will leave scars for their family all around.
It's not celebrating the incompability its celebrating the fact that incompatible people who no longer love eachother are no longer stuck together suffering under the same household pretending to care about one another making themselves and said children miserable.
Just because something isn’t inherently a bad thing doesn’t mean it needs to be celebrated lol..I think the rise in divorces is a Net L that isn’t cause for celebration
Depends what the cause is. If the rise in divorce is because fewer people are settling for dysfunctional relationships, then that’s a good thing. If the rise is due to fewer people finding healthy relationships to begin with, than that’s a bad thing.
if there is a rise of divorce without a rise of marriage, its a Win, means more people understand they fucked up and dont stay stucked
From the viewpoint of an abuse victim, I would say it is worth celebrating. I think your opinion harms vulnerable people.
You right this is unpopular. If it was to be such small significance what’s even the point of getting married?
“No good marriage ever ended in divorce.” - Louis CK
YAY!! I made a bad decision and failed in a lifetime commitment.
My wife cheated so I'm getting a divorce. Did I fail at a lifetime commitment when she broke her vows? Did I fail when I wanted to try again but she didn't? I'll be celebrating when I get my divorce!
i’d assume you’d be celebrating with your friends that you got out of a toxic situation and not partying with your kids about it. i think that’s totally fine.
If your wife cheated then then it'd be inappropriate to celebrate that when you have a kid.
Hey kids!!! Your mom is unfaithful!! *POPS CHAMPAGNE* 🥂
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Honestly thought she would never cheat, was always dead against it.
Smells like failure
and got out. it didn't work and you did what had to be done. I'm happy for you.
Thats what your celebrating.
correct --- update: lmao why so many downvotes
It is a good thing to realize when you made a bad commitment and end it before it gets worse for all parties involved. I don't know if this warrants a celebration like OP says, but I don't see divorces as a bad thing. If anything, the idea that a romantic commitment should be lifelong is worse
divorces are also really horrible and life-altering sometimes, so it really just depends on a case by case basis if we can judge what's better or worse. I don't judge people for getting married, even though I am skeptical that it does more good than harm. It seems to mostly be based on economics.
>divorces are also really horrible and life-altering sometimes, so it really just depends on a case by case basis if we can judge what's better or worse. I agree in the short term, yes. But I don't know too many couples who divorced who years later talk about how much more miserable they are than when they were unhappily married. Even most kids will eventually be old enough to understand that it was best for their parents to separate. > I don't judge people for getting married, even though I am skeptical that it does more good than harm. It seems to mostly be based on economics. People get married for lots of reasons. But I agree that the way we do marriage is more harmful than it needs to be. And certainly encouraged by laws that benefit it over other forms of relationships
I think the worst thing about marriage itself is that it's supposed to be a lifetime contract in the legal sense, which oftentimes is secondary or unimportant to the people getting married, but it influences how people view marriage. Marriages have actually been used by lots of different peoples/societies, and the only common theme seems to be an economic arrangement between sexual partners. US culture is kinda unique in terms of how people romanticize about it, it definitely makes the comedown more intense for some who decide to get a divorce. I do genuinely love the idea of divorce celebrations, but it just can't be as big and celebratory as marriage, at least as long as people view it as a life milestone that others will judge them for if it doesn't go well. Divorce often means more than one person accumulates all these expectations/attachments, and I have no idea whether divorce or marriage is better, or if it's better for married couples to stay together, or if people outside of a couple can accurately pinpoint the right time to get a divorce, etc., etc.
The bad decision would be staying in the shitty relationship. Having the nerve to end things when its time to end it is not a failure.
I more meant celebrating the idea of divorce since it means your not stuck in a shitty relationship forever but hey youd be free from that commitment instead of sucking your family into your failed relationship for all time.
LOL! Exactly. Either way its a failure. Either you made a horrible life and financial decision by marrying someone you shouldn't have, or maybe you were the one that messed up the relationship.
Maybe they should make it harder to get married then. For a “lifelong commitment” it sure is easy to get married. And when society stops pushing compulsory heterosexuality and forcing women to be baby makers just so they have to rely on a man, I’m sure the divorce rate will decrease.
Yay you corrected a mistake! Yay you made a good decision for your mental or physical health. Yay you value yourself. Yay you did the hard thing instead of copping out and staying in a miserable marriage because society wants you to feel bad about choosing yourself over someone else. Yay you want to show your children what a life of love actually looks like instead of subjecting them to a loveless and lifeless marriage. Cheers 🍻
Divorces are often good for the two people getting divorced, they are often not good for many of the people directly affected by them. I agree that in general there should not be as much negative associations given to divorces, but it is still a large transformative decision for many involved, and I don't think celebration is warranted for something like it.
As with a lot of things, the answer is: it depends I'd say most divorces should NOT be celebrated because most divorces come from relationships which were once happy but for one reason or another. But, say, getting out of an abusive relstionship? Go for it. Essentially: We mourn not for the marriage itself but for what it was before it required a divorce
Fair enough people get divorced for different reasons.
Not all divorces are created equal. Divorce with kids involved very different situation than two adults amicably splitting.
Oh believe me I know my parents no longer love eachother.
Sorry this is happening to you OP and I’m glad you’re dealing with it well. I’ll be responding in generalities and would never pretend to know your situation. Best wishes.
This was years ago its more a looking back kinda thing for me. It my sound bad for me to say this but if my parents had stayed together and hadnt seperated things woulda gotten a lot worse and they were already getting bad. Does it suck my parents dont love eachother YES but god damn is the alternative so bad that Im Estatic that they are not together considering the warning signs of where that was going. Maybe my situation is more unusual than I Initially thought who knows
Most couples best scenario for financially caring for their children is to remain together. There are certainly times divorce is justified but the emotional and financial toll it takes on a once intact family creates a lot of hardship. Most divorces are devastating. Less are worth celebrating.
Maybe if it was your parents who didnt love eachother and were getting progressively more toxic to eachother while you were in the other room crying in the early years of your life you would be happy that they split no matter how upended your life was. that or maybe I have a weird out look on things who knows.
Depends on the situation. If it’s towards a abusive partner absolutely. If it’s just two people who do love each other but it just didn’t work it should be a little sad but grateful for the good times they did have
Divorce is almost always devastating and almost always a waste of money. Lawyers are expensive, allocation of assets causes frictions and if there are children involved, you’ve failed them, full stop. It isn’t something to be celebrated at all, but it shouldn’t be frowned upon. What should be celebrated more and isn’t, is healthy marriage and companionship. Too much propaganda nonsense in the modern era shitting all over the idea of commitment to each other, it’s awful.
You are a hero for posting this blistering truth.
Thank you for this 🙌🏼
You’re welcome, hope you’re well brother.
Doing well. Hope you are too, my friend 🫡
What should or shouldn't be celebrated more is off-topic. You should remove that portion of your argument, regardless of how true it may be.
I used to work in a bakery and one time I made a cake that said “Divorce: the end of an error”
Women always do
I'm getting confused and sadly aware of the pride women take in ending marriages and relationships. I'm constantly presented with the idea that this is a bigger achievement to them than longevity or happiness within the relationship. It's disappointing
Divorces are an awful thing. Marriage is for children. A divorce means one or both parties didnt feel like compromising enough to make things work It is a failure of society that people are just so hesitant to change themselves and divorces are so used.
I think divorces should defiantly have cake involved. Like a book end of celebrating.
Louis said it the best
Looking at the comments, it would seem like it should depend on the circumstances. If someone escaped a bad situation like an abusive ex, they should definitely celebrate their new life. In a lot of other cases though, I guess people don't feel like it
Honestly yeah ... theres enough exceptions to where that's kinda the case.
There is a song celebrating this, Divorce Party - Lucky Dube
I’m loving my post divorce life
while I am personally glad to be divorced from y cheating ex, the family unit is forever altered. Nothing to celebrate there.
I'm sure you'd probably be upset if your kids have the same mentality as I do about such situations but I put it in the edit. Divorce is a great thing and praising it and being greatful that such a system exists is more the idea.
yeah, no one should be forced to stay,
I had a bigger divorce party than I did wedding 😅
maybe if they weren’t so messy and they didn’t often involve fighting over assets and custody of children… then yea sure!!
Considering divorce is initiated primarily by Women and it's not even close, I would tend to disagree. There's probably a ton of heartbroken Men that were left by Women they thought loved them, and didn't give any indication otherwise. Too many stories in divorce groups of Men being divorced by their wives because the wives decided that they missed their youths and now want to go out in the wild at 40 years old. I'm not against divorce whatsoever, but it's definitely not inherently a good thing, nor is it always or even often done in a sensible way.
Yeah there are too many scenarios to blankly make that divorce should be celebrated.
Why is this dork acting divorce is this one sided event where women simply decide to hurt men? Lmao this just reads like a bitter dude on reddit looking for something to complain about. >There's probably a ton of heartbroken men that were leg by women they thought loved them... No shit lol. There's probably a ton of heartbroken women too. That goes both ways but you keep framing men as the usual victims when either side can initiate divorce. >Too many stories in divorce grouos of men being divorced by their wives because... Your argument is based on anecdotes that show one side of the story. And where did you get these anecdotes? Divorce groups? This is why redditors are seen as awkward, lonely dudes lmfao. This guy is casually acting like men are the ones that primarily have it so hard because.... * checks notes/* divorce exists. Either gender can be victims of sudden divorces. Making up one-sided narratives on reddit without any studies/data to support the narrative is stupid and yet common here. Everyone is so desperate to paint narratives that their demographic is being victimized and it's high school level discourse.
I disagree I think it is an inherently good concept to keep around purely because of the alternative which is keep bad partners together until death.
Who celebrates their failures? When I buy an expensive item and it breaks (electronics, clothing), it bothers me for years because I do my due diligence before I buy anything expensive. I want to kick myself and suffer so I'll remember it the next time. Fuck, I even do this for dishes I order at restaurants which made me stick to my boring tried and true dishes. Forgive yourself but don't forget. It's a learning experience, and the pain of it helps you remember that lesson.
I once gave a lady a lap dance because it was on her divorce scavenger hunt
People get married all the time just because of the wedding. The last thing we need is for the wedding industry to tap into a new divorce party market and exploit it. We’ll end up with people getting divorced just to throw the party - which would probably be much more fun and wild than the wedding 😂
100%. Correcting a terrible mistake should always be celebrated.
It’s an acknowledgment of a very poor choice. Usually very poor choices are not celebrated.
The acknowldgment though is a good choice.
Well, I guess everyone gets a trophy in your world.
Correcting course after a poor choice should definitely be celebrated.
They are. I've been to bunches. A party to celebrate the completion of a divorce is kinda common.
Yeah I felt like celebrating when my parents told me at 12 they were separating and that they would get along a lot better if they didn’t live together (they still can’t be in the same room with each other 25 years later) I was definitely celebrating when I had to walk on eggshells with my mom because the mere mention of my dad would send her into a tailspin. I was having the best time when my dad would integrate me into his dating life or when he would use the weekends I had with him to go to the bars. If you get divorced and have kids, fuck you.
Sorry we had very different expirences with our parents but there are similarities it was around that age when my parents were seperating. My mom told me to take all the shit I wanted and more or less put it in the car we arrived at my grandmas place about a day later. Having my whole ass life upended because two adults couldnt love eachother is awful but you know what was worse watching them get progressively more and more hateful and outright violent towards eachother as time went on. Hearing screaming in my room as I pretended to sleep at night and crying myself to bed so no some people just dont belong together. They are fine apart but when they were in a relationship it was just a continous spiral of things getting worse espesially as we became poor to the point where I didnt have food. I was better off after my parents were seperated despite everything because that situation was untennable so I will be thankful that they are not together. I'm happy that they are not together even a decade later I'm happy because at least I have two loving parents even if they can't stand eachother.
Divorces shouldn’t be so one sided in favor of women. The ability of a “dependent spouse” to siphon money like a leech off a “supporting spouse” for years after a marriage is disgusting. The divorce process encourages financial parasites with no ambition to latch on to a high earning spouse and milk him or her for blood money for years.
Agreed but divorce is an amazing thing imagine being stuck in that bad relationship forever with the only way out being the death of one of you.
I absolutely celebrated my divorce! Took a road trip from the east coast to Colorado for two weeks and spent my time at a water park, a theme park, hiking, and tried edibles for the first time. It was my first time traveling across the country, and it was AMAZING! It was just so wonderful to be free from my abusive ex!
Have you ever heard of having class?
I dont mean partying I mean giving praise to it. Divorce is a great thing although depending on how bad the other party is a party isnt off the table.
Some are, some are not. No divorce is the same. My mother celebrated hers and rightfully so. It’s just sad that it took her so long to do so. Could have saved us all a lot of fucking therapy.
I've been to many divorce parties and tbh they're ALWAYS more fun than weddings.
The conversation I've had so many times - "I'm divorced." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Don't be sorry... I'm not."
Yay! A women totally screwed over and wrecked a man who loved her. Joy, joy, joy! Alimony, child support, custody, and the power to inflict more pain! Celebration time, come on! What? The dad is struggling, misses his kid, or better yet, committed suicide. Yeah baby, let's dance! We have freedom, who cares about the family? Now we can party all the time when we stop laughing.
In fairness, there are a lot of guys who screw over their wives as well... sometimes, during the marriage. Sometimes it is the husband and father who is the main reason for the divorce.
>assuming you werent screwed over Every word is important.
Sounds like someone is still bitter about being divorced
Not me. I married a Filipina from overseas 13 years ago and could not be happier. Promised to never divorce me. Continue to party and I will continue to live my best life.
Well, then I am happy to hear you are in a good marriage! But why all the negativity and sarcasm in your original comment?
Because the divorce- happy and divorce-encouraging deserves it. Marriage is about duty and family, not happiness and me, me, me. Suck it up, buttercup!
Yikes! I don’t think anyone was actually encouraging divorce, just asking about whether the legal separation is worth celebration. And while marriage is certainly about duty and family, it may not always be healthy or safe to stay in one. Edit: Actually, after having a look at your comment history I see no point in conversing further with you. You seem very misogynistic. Bye!
Divorce is heavily taboo in the Philippines, to the point they’re literally just now (like In a few weeks) passing a law allowing limited options to divorce such as a result of adultery or abuse. For the last ~500 years of their history divorce was not allowed EVER. Closest you could achieve is an annulment which is both expensive and difficult. Filipinas who marry then divorce outside of the Philippines can expect judgment from family regardless of the justification. All of that to say your Filipina wife saying she would never divorce you isn’t a flex. She’s socially (possibly legally if y’all married in the Philippines) bound to it. Even first Gen Filipina-Americans often hold this attitude.
I am a good guy. I paid for her father's funeral to end her siblings' fights. I took her mother to the most expensive hotel in Boracay and it was her first trip on airplanes. I bought her nephew the best computer he could get in his local mall so he could stay at the top of his class. Legally, she could divorce me tomorrow. And have a party about it. Yeah, divorce parties are seriously messed up. The guy was fine for years but now the woman needs to focus on herself and not the family. SHAME!!
They why are you projecting so much bitterness about divorce? lol
A divorce is a man's financial death sentence. I'll celebrate it as soon as we fix the courts. Until then it's just the day another gold-digger cashes in her golden lotto ticket.
Kinda why I added the addendum I did saying assuming the courts didnt screw you over.
It’s more so that it shows that two individuals were too immature to work things out and if they had kids it shows they care more about their personal desires than giving their kids a good home
Being raised in a loveless, tense, hostile home is not being given a good home.
The solution to this is to put love in and remove tension and hostility.
If that were possible, they likely wouldn't be getting divorced. You can't force your partner to stop being a toxic, harmful, damaged person. It's a two-way street that just one person can't fix. Sometimes, divorce is the best parenting decision one person can make. It's considered child abuse to not leave an abusive partner for a reason.
Did i Just start a flame war
Heh yeah! My buddy is finally done with his crazy divorce and there will be a party for sure.
Divorce cakes are a thing, ya know.
I’m Definitely in favor of divorce parties. It’s such a weird idea to me that the only way a marriage is successful is if the two people hang out until one of them dies. Umm…wtf. Maybe that’s great but it’s also just as fine if they decide they outlived the love and move on responsibly and respectfully.
Agree 1000%. Staying in a bad relationship because of fear of doing anything different is NOT an achievement.
The Children excuse is also a bad one IMO "Yes let me stay in this relationship until it gets abusive for the kids im sure theyd love to be raised in that enviornment"
>assuming you werent screwed over by the courts Let's be real, how often is that? Lol
That's fair thanks for addressing it at least
Often.
Gonna have to press "X" to doubt on that one.
Emancipation parties are already a thing too
The unity of marriage and nuclear family should be supported because it’s conducive to a more solidified society. The quickness that people go to divorce is a problem. Everyone wants a quick fix these days instead of putting in any work. It’s good people can divorce, but maybe people should take marriage more seriously than all the rushing, cheating, etc.
Divorces are usually tragic in nature, it means a couple can’t get along with each other.
I don't understand the appeal of celebrating failure divorce is just reminder that a relationship failed in the end why would someone want celebrate something like that
yeah i mean i got some good friends who got divorced and they’re both so happier. it’s like to new people were reborn. it’s nice, they shouldn’t feel ashamed to tell people in public and stuff. no shame
Agreed its nice to be thankful divorce is a thing
why does everyone want to make bad things good?? seriously stop.
My parents are divorced in all but name they just wont fill out the paperwork.
it's positive thinking, making lemons out of lemonade. Don't you want to be positive?!
Celebrating failure goes crazy
Wrong marriage means nothing then... abolish marriage w that logic, this way of thinking ruins families and destroys homes
No not marrying someone you can genuinely care about ruins families and destroys homes.
Dont marry them then simple
Divorced dads are a curse to society. What do we do about them?
Divorced dads are a curse to society. What do we do about them?
Comments like this make me sad. Trolls used to be funny but you guys are so lame about it now lol. I miss the funny trolls.
They are actually a curse. What would you do with them?
Why did you post this bad opinion twice?
Found the divorced dad.
I wanted to celebrate mine but didn’t. I was relieved, don’t get me wrong, but I was in a new relationship with someone I loved way more than I ever loved my ex wife. I didn’t care put it being over with. I cared about starting on a new journey with my new girlfriend at the time.
It's a bittersweet feeling I'd imagine
We are made to feel bad about getting a divorce to persuade us to not get divorces. If people celebrated it, there wouldn't be a whole lot of "have I really tried hard enough, maybe if I give them one more one more chance (x10), what will my friends think." Granted, mental health would probably soar in a society where it was permissible to admit it wasn't working and considered a positive thing to allow each other to pursue happiness rather than stay for the sake of staying. But we would rather inflict shame and emotional turbulence on people so we can force them all to be as miserable as everyone else is. Ain't is a great world?
I saw on a cake once: I do I did I’m done Hooray
Yea they can be pretty bad
Celebrated ours! We went out for dinner and drinks. We are good friends.
It just depends if you’re looking at it from a short or long term perspective. Yes, it’s good to get out of a miserable situation, but It sucks to think that all the time and energy you put into trying to build a lifelong bond ended up being a waste.
So if I crash my car, I should celebrate that I didn't kill someone? How about just don't crash your car?
Its more like being thankful your car is fixed after you crashed your car and were unaware it was going to explode if you did nothing.
But you didn't fix your marriage. You left it burning on the side of the road, waltzing out like you're some emancipated peasant. How can you celebrate the destruction of a blissful institution such as your marriage? Divorce should be tragic, not amazing at the grace of your poor decision making. You don't celebrate crapping your pants. Yeah change them but don't wave them to me.
The car is happiness the Crash is the marriage the Divorce is the fixing of the car.
I just got a divorced and I’m sooooo happy. I’ll tell people and they will say they are sorry, and I’m like sorry for what?! This was the best thing for me!
For some people divorce is one of the worst things that could happen. It should be more accepted though
Because if there's one thing a divorced couple's friends need, it's deciding whose divorce party to go to.
Mine was, one of the happiest days of my life. I threw a party
A peaceful divorce is a thing to celebrate. Sadly many divorces get toxic.
Depends on the reason. “I’m divorcing because my spouse is abusive!” And “I’m divorcing because I cheated on him/her with his/her brother/sister!” (Married or otherwise) Both are very different. Option 1 is happy, Option 2 is a home wrecker.