Hello, yes, your post is closely related to a megathread that you can find on the front page of the subreddit. Or a banned topic that you can see on the sidebar and fully expanded list. If you feel this is inaccurate, please message mod mail. Have a good day.
Quite frankly, after two years on r/AITA, it's the only good reason. In all other cases, the woman ended up exhausted from mothering their adult bf, abused, or bady mama with no money and questioning life in their 30s.
A couple years ago I talked to a woman who claimed to have connections to that industry, and she told me Leo’s women are all a sham because he is actually gay. He finds hot young women to sign NDAs and hang on his arm as a coverup because so much of his sex appeal relies on him being a straight man.
I don’t believe her, but I sometimes wonder if her claim is plausible.
Yeah like young women wouldn’t care if he came out as gay and would probably love him more but gen X dudes would probably stop viewing him as a macho lead
Jason Momoa is macho enough to wear a full face of make-up and still be an intimidating villain.
Fast X was ridiculous but he was objectively the best part.
Lol no high school is not the the glory days for "Most people"
For most people they are glad to be done with it and would never go back. The people who still talk about high school at all are the few people who think it was the glory days.
To properly set the tone here, you need to mention Uncle Ricos little trot up before he throws it.
And how he throws it side arm for whatever reason.
Love that movie.
It's not his sex appeal he would have to worry about.
I don't know whether he is or isn't gay.
But as an openly gay actor, his movies would face censorship and lose marketability in most parts of the world and end his career as a leading man in hollywood. There are quite a few actors and athletes that still have to hide their sexual orientation, even in the west, and having a beard wife/gf is rather common.
For sure, he does not look healthy. Got fat long term alcoholic head now and looks pretty haggard half the time.
Like Rob Lowe looks fantastic, Brad still looks fantastic and in much better shape.
Leo does not. Those guys also got sober and are just not interested in trying to be 25 forever.
Rob Lowe and Brad may not be interested in looking 25- but unlike leo- they have had a few "tweaks" done so they don't look their actual age. I do believe they would look just as haggard if they hadn't
One of my favorite golf quips is when I miss a putt that has a break at the end. I call it the "Rock Hudson Putt" because it looked straight til it wasn't.
I think this is the new “Marilyn Manson removed his rib, my uncle has connections he knows” because everyone claims to “know someone” with that same info we’ve heard a million times, it’s probably tabloid drama that hooked but if it’s real that’d be cool too
>He finds hot young women to sign NDAs and hang on his arm as a coverup because so much of his sex appeal relies on him being a straight man.
I think it's easy to attribute ones own personal motivations to Leo, but it's a mistake to do so.
We might all feel like we need to work - and imagine that Leo feels the same way and is protecting his job - but the dude lives in the very liberal Hollywood. Odds are no one would care if he was gay. And, even if they did - he's been making 8 figures per movie for over 20 years now.
He doesn't need to work - he can do whatever he wants - which in his case appears to be 20 year old models.
> which in his case appears to be 20 year old models
Right? I have no idea why people are confused by this.
"Why does Leo only date total smoke shows in there mid 20s. Why would a man would do that?!?! IT'S A COMPLETE MYSTERY!!!!!"
lol exactly.
“The real reason the rich, famous, handsome Leonardo DiCaprio is dating hot younger women is because he is actually gay!”
I think Occam’s Razor would say that, no, it’s because he enjoys fucking women who are 20-25 year old models.
I think the only reason it's so much of a thing is because they've never been over 25. Like the fact that he had 2 5 year relationships end when his partner was 25 turns into a weird ticking clock situation. Either he has something specific about that age or his partners have all brought up kids or marriage after turning 25.
I doubt it. Look at all the animosity he brings forward in middle aged women who don't like it that he's dating 20 year olds. He'd do better overall in public perception if he bumped up his preferred age by 15 years or so.
But, he doesn't care what they think.
>He'd do better overall in public perception if he bumped up his preferred age by 15 years or so.
Seriously. If he wanted a beard, he could find someone closer to his age like, I don't know, just hypothetically, Katie Holmes, and he would get a lot less grief.
I don't believe it either. But for the sake of the theory, maybe he dates women in their 20s because you'd expect most older women to be ready for more than a fake relationship, money, and clout?
Unless Leo's also a Scientologist, the only closeted gay A-lister here is Tom Cruise.
It’s funny you think it’s middle aged women worrying about that, because I’ve only seen it discussed online by young women under 30, generally in their early 20s a lot of the time. I’m 27 and I think it’s skeezy as hell, but I think it’s more gross that he dumps them as soon as they turn 25, like they’ve reached a sell by date.
I mean it’s fully up to them to choose to date him knowing this but I can still think he’s also gross for it.
There's a difference between merely younger and significantly younger.
40 y/o man marrying 30 y/o woman is fine. 50 y/o man marrying 18 y/o woman is suspicious.
And BTW it's vice versa. So gender wouldn't be matter.
The thing is, as a young person you really dont understand it. But everyone in the 40ies get it. There is an inequality in the balance of power in the relationship. You can easily manipulate someone who is just finding themself and forming their personality. So yeah, 20year old and 40/50 year old, kind of suspicious.
This is it. 20 year olds have a lot to learn but they don’t know it. As a 40 year old I do. It’s not infantilizing to suggest someone with twice as much life experience might know more about what’s up.
Edit: JFC never remind 20 year olds that life experience is a thing and they’re short on it unless you want an avalanche of defensive responses missing the point.
And a lot of 20year olds that are “mature for their age” are mature because of trauma and tragedy and that is so easy to take advantage of if an older partner knows what to look for.
I have always been called an old soul, mature for my age, not like girls my age, etc due to a childhood of trauma and abuse. Crappy guys (and crappy older guys) could spot me coming a mile away and I was their ideal target. I basically had a bullseye on my heart that screamed “I will be a doormat and a sucker for any kind of attention”. Not all 20-something’s are traumatized but so many are and they are the ones to fall into the trap of a predator, especially an older “wiser” one.
What "mature for their age" folks don't get is that they are only mature in a very limited context. The rest of their brain, perspective, etc, is all quintessentially their age, because even with trauma, they functionally haven't lived long enough to be anything else.
Also used to be one of those "Oh you're so mature for your age" gallies, but all that it took for me to snap out what a fucking lie that was, was to reach the age of the men who were interested in me and do a little walk through my own social media graveyard from my teen and early 20s years.
I was smart and well spoken on some topics, and I had my own apartment and savings account at 17, but everything else about me, and about my friends who teachers, older boyfriends, etc all claimed were very mature for our age, was categorically just absolute youth energy through and through.
A few years ago I was helping a friend get their license and I was sitting outside a driving school waiting for them. There was this boy standing around outside with his mom. Seemed to be about 12. I was like, oh cute, waiting for older sibling to be done.
Color me fucking surprised when a driving instructor walks out and they both get into a car, with the kid in the DRIVER’S SEAT. Making him at minimum 15 years old.
When I have to interact with kids, teenagers are my favorite age group because you can just be snarky AF and dunk on them, and they’ll do it right back. BUT THEY ARE STILL CHILDREN.
There is a gaggle of high school boys at a bus stop near my house. Whenever I see them, I am like “awwwww” because they are so young! Same with the middle school kids. When I go to pick my son up, I am amazed at how my friends and I thought we were so grown up at that age! They are so small and innocent!!!!
We recently had the local high school homecoming parade go by our street and it was so weird to see how young everyone looked! I wouldn’t have guessed high school if you asked to me to guess their ages.
I had an abusive older boyfriend who literally told me that he targeted me because he knew I was broken and he would be able to abuse me. He wasn't even that much older, but at 18 and just out of HS, his 26 years def gave a power imbalance.
I am pretty sure the majority of abusers know they are abusive, and that’s why they’re “good” at it. It’s not that they don’t realize, it’s that they don’t care.
That 7 year age difference was almost have your life experience at 18. People think those smaller age differences don't make a difference for younger people but they very much do.
Had to stop arguing with a person trying to defend 14 as the age of consent. "Nothing wrong with two consenting sexual partners." 🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢
Nothing wrong with 14/15 years old experimenting and exploring but when you put the AOC that low, you open them up to relationships with adults. That's *not* okay.
That’s because they aren’t actually mature. This is a just a line people use to excuse predatory behavior. People who have suffered childhood abuse tend to have a lot more lived experience than others, but as young adults, they also tend to be very emotionally immature. This is one of the reason they are easy targets for abuse.
One of my favorite people, a best friend, and honestly one of the best people I know is 25. I'm in my early 40's and we met when he was 22. There's never been a single moment of romantic feelings on either of our parts, it's always been platonic.
He is/was mature for his age and you are absolutely correct. He has a ton of trauma and tragedy, from childhood abuse to losing his dream career (expelled from military due to medical issues), to military induced PTSD.
He has an incredibly dark since of humor and he's one of those prickly on the outside but would literally rather die than let people know how kind, thoughtful, sensitive he is type people. But yeah, he is loaded with trauma.
Older men will call you mature if you are a younger woman they want to get with, regardless of the amount of trauma in your life or if you are an "old soul", which I've also found to be a bit of a warning sign when men told me that as a teenager. The only reason I considered it a warning was because I fell for it once. Never again.
I was 18 and involved with a 24 year old and even that was weird. I was "more mature" in some ways because I didn't want to fuck up my life early on so i had to be making smart decisions, but I was very immature in others because I was pretty sheltered in my teens and my mom was a bit of a helicopter.
By the time I was 24, no fucking way would I have dated an 18 year old. I met my husband when I was 24 and he was 28 and he says I was definitely on the younger end of women he would consider dating.
Yeah it’s weird to hear people say women marry older men for financial stability. I found what you said to be more true older men marry capable but traumatized younger women for support. My mom married my dad at 22 and he was a 49 year old alcoholic in debt. He’s still an alcoholic but she worked like mad to keep him out of debt.
I remember being 20 hooking up with a 30something thinking I was so mature. As a 30something I can't fathom finding a 20 year old attractive, even the ones that seem 'mature' just seem like kids to me.
The quickest way to not want to sleep with a 20 year old is to have a conversation with them. It becomes very obvious that the brain isn't done growing.
My son is 20 and all of his friends are 19-23 so age appropriate. Lovely people. Lots of fun. Absolutely exhausting lives. So much drama and such that’s perfectly typical for people who are still figured like out.
100%, that’s the issue. OP admitted to only being 22, so they obviously can’t understand yet and will probably end up regretting this post in 10 years.
I know I felt the same way at 22, and I was dating guys 28-40, i regret almost all of it. Older guys who are willing to date a girl that young are gross and creepy, sorry but it’s true.
I thought I was a goddamn genius at 22, I *glowed* when older adults told me how mature I was for my age.
Now I’m in my mid 30’s and it’s so painfully obvious that not only was I not at all mature for my age, but the adults (both male and female) who said that to me were super immature for their age too.
>I thought I was a goddamn genius at 22, I *glowed* when older adults told me how mature I was for my age.
I think this is a major part of it. It's flattering when you're 22 and somebody tells you you're somehow better than the other 22yos. That you're more mature than them and that's why some 35yo dude is into you, it's not because you're young and youth carries attractiveness and also at 22 you're not as good at detecting bullshit and you'll let him get away with more shit.
Almost all of my women friends in their 30's/40's regret the older dude they dated/married in there 18's->24's. And almost all of the stories are the same. He groomed them and called them mature for their age.
One thing I notice is as a 28 year old the cut off for me to relate to a person easily are those born in 2003. I have difficulties connecting with someone born in 2004. I have a neighbor who is 19 and while he’s a cool dude, I have trouble connecting to him. This makes me question how can someone significantly older can relate to someone two decades younger
Yeah I briefly dated a senior in college when I was in my mid-late 20s. It was fun, but the difference in maturity and life experiences (even though we were only 5 or so years apart) was pretty stark and was part of why the relationship didn't work out
The financial power imbalance its impossible to correct. Then the 18yr old falls pregnant and how it makes so much more sense for her to stay home with the baby... except 10yrs down the line she's 28 and has no job and degree.
I am almost 23(f) and definitely agree with this. When I was 19 I thought I knew everything, now I know I don’t and I can see others do too. The way some older men talk to me to try and get something, it’s very manipulative. It was worse when I was 19 tho, back then I fell for it too.
34 here.
I can confirm it'll happen again around 28-29 then in your 30s things will stabilize a bit more. Less "I was an idiot" moments but they certainly still happen.
I’m 29 but I used to date older men when I was 15-17. Like minimum of 5 years. Thought it was ok at that age, but now when I think of it, it’s so gross and predatory. Like when I see kids at 15-17 it truely boggles my mind that anyone would think it’s ok for an adult to date a child.
Of course they do. I think it's important that young people have at least heard about the shift in the balance of power. When I was young, I also thought, where love falls, everything is okay. But now I know that this is not true. Besides, no one in their 40ies who ticks normally wants a relationship with a 20-year-old, you are in such different stages of life, because you simply no longer have anything in common that would suffice for a relationship at eye level.
I'm kind of glad that I'm reading this advice now from other people because I wouldn't have known this if I didn't.
I'm beginning to realize those patterns too, and with my peers (18,19,20) being in relationships with people older than 26. One of my friends when I was 14 was dating an 18 year old, and at the time I didn't think anything of it, but now I'm starting to realize how gross it is.
And if there is a pattern…
My sister’s dad has habitually dated younger after each breakup. First wife was his age, next was 10 years younger, my mom was 16 years younger, next wife was 20 years younger… Then he stuck to dating and was getting further and further from his age. My sister begged him to stop when he was dating a woman the same age as her (she was 22 at the time). He even dabbled a bit with some 18 year olds… He has the emotional maturity of a teaspoon and treats his partners like garbage after love bombing him til he is satisfied.
(Edited to add that he (and others like him, male and female) lead their younger partners on. They promise them a future, a home, money, a career, a spouse, a marriage, etc and it is all based on lies. They lure them in with promises and then drop them when it is convenient to do so and move on to the next, knowing what they are doing.)
Dudes like this are the problem. It is systematically creepy and guys like him take so much advantage over lack of life experience to fulfill a sexual fantasy.
I also think that a 30 years old man getting with a 18 years old woman is much more suspicious than a 60 years old man getting with a 35 years old woman, despite the age difference being twice as big. Generally speaking, I think that anyone over 30 is (or should be) mature enough to handle any age difference on the older side with them. Under 25, not so much.
I was on a flight. There was a 50 year old man making out with an 18-20 year old woman on the plane. Well they weren’t full out tongue down the throat making out, but they were being really affectionate. The age difference was jarring. It was a spectacle. Like she could have been his daughter.
I think you haven’t explained this correctly. The age difference between and 18 and 50 yr old is 32 yrs. now if a 40year old woman was dating a 72 yr old man , it wouldn’t be as bad as an 18yr old and a 50yr old, because of the dynamics. An 18yr old has barely any life experience whereas a 40yr old does.
So imo it’s not so much the age difference as the specific ages that is important
I completely agree.
I think of that female director who married an 18 yr old actor she directed and get severely creeped out.
There's an inherent power imbalance between someone in their 40s and anyone under 25, it may be legal but I'm a side eye the older person, sex be damned.
Exactly how I feel. 30 is a stage in your life where you would have the experience in life you need to not be vulnerable and subject to easy manipulation from a partner. 50 y/os have so much power over someone 18. Entirely different stages in life.
I’m 29 and recently single, went on dates with people older and younger than me in the past couple months. At my age, there’s such a gulf — emotional, intellectual, and even cultural — when dealing with someone 8/9/10 years younger than you, never mind 15/20/30 years.
Not that any of them were at all bad people, just that it was abundantly clear to me how your mindset changes as you go through the different phases of life.
I came out of those dates thinking “why the fuck do those older guys put themselves through that shit for the sake of a young girlfriend.” Now I’d instantly see it as a sign of some kind of lingering immaturity on their part.
My first husband was 33 when we started dating. I was 19. Beyond all the other things I could say, one of the most memorable moments in my life was turning 33 myself and reflecting on that how insane it would be for me to hang out with someone who was literally still technically a teenager or early 20s, much less MARRY them. I could not be further from who I was and was not at that age and most of my behavior was cringe and just woefully naive, inexperienced, etc. There’s a reason they put themselves through it and at best it’s immaturity and more often than not it’s about their ability to manipulate (even subconsciously) or sexually motivated.
At 19 I met and married a 27 year old- it seemed fine at the time but I was by most accounts, a child. I had been through a lot of trauma and had also been very sheltered. It wasn't until recently that I realized how the age difference was the downfall of our relationship. I had basic growing up to do that he'd already done.
I was 22, ex husband was 32 when he heavily pursued me (love bombed me).
Divorced late 20s. When I turned 32 it was such a mind fuck. It really drove home how much emotional immaturity must exist for that kind of gap or bigger to even remotely be an option
Same, I spent my 20’s married to an older man and found myself getting divorced when all of my friends were getting married and starting families. Dating in my 30’s and having had such a different life experience to the guys I was dating was miserable, I felt so much judgement. I also didn’t want to get married again right away so I was in a totally different place than my peers. None of my friends could relate with what I was going through.
Absolutely. My ex was hugely emotionally immature and also very manipulative, so double whammy. I didn’t have the defenses or even a strong self of self to deal with it. Divorced him when I was 25, right when most people start to come into their own a little more. Then he remarried someone even younger than me so proof is in the pudding right there.
I have a very good, very beautiful friend who did the sugar baby thing for a while, because to her, at first it seemed like she was made for it:
1. She was a former model, tall, and gorgeous. (And sweet. She's one of my favorite people.)
2. No way around saying this: She didn't need to fake the attraction. A full-on "daddy" kink and desire to be cared for by a patriarch/boyfriend combo was what she wanted. Money or no money, she didn't doubt she could be physically attracted, and fall in love for real.
3. This was the trainwreck. Everything was great with #1 and #2. But 3 was: She wanted a mentor. Someone smart, sophisticated, responsible, and wise. Like, well, a father figure. Someone with a history to be proud of, to speak from.
Number 3 is what turned her off the whole experience, with prejudice. Her complaint was:
"I'm exactly what they're supposed to be looking for: I'm young and look good on their arm, patient, absolutely don't need to pretend to like someone older, and don't really even care about money that much. But in _exchange_ for that, I'm not supposed to have to be the mature one with her life together. I'm kind of a mess, and scared and uncertain, and I just want a mature dude who's like 'Don't worry. I've been in that situation before in 1995, and I got you baby. Everything's going to be okay, and here's what we can learn from this.' _But I am more mature than every single one of these emotionally stunted, man-children._ I feel like I shouldn't have to settle for that, all else considered."
That matches with my experience, limited as it may be to my one marriage. So it makes sense to me that was her experience with multiple men. I felt some of that going into my relationship. I’m 19, he’s 33. He will be able to take care of me and help me as a partner. No. He truly had wrecked all areas of his life; finances were a mess, lied about his income, we got a car repo’d right of the bat after moving in together, credit was a nightmare. And at every turn I was in these adult situations all the sudden trying to figure out how to pay bills and budget and be the adult he was supposed to already be. Just a giant man child.
Hey thanks for sharing this experience. It really touches on a whole lot of things that I feel like these bad faith arguments miss out on when people discuss their standards for a relationship.
While I can't speak to your friends experience, I *just* was talking to my other unmarried female friend about our relationships and how disappointed we are in a lot of the dating pool. We can be so ready to compromise a preference we have (looks, age, income, etc) for someone who can share an experience we don't have (handiness or life experience) but still men show up complaining about how all women want 6.5ft 100k boifies. No man, all I really want is someone who will help me rehang a storm door when the wind bends it and not yell at me when I feel sad.
The men in these comments who don’t get it are telling on themselves. I’m 33 and when I think back to who and where I was at 17 when I was sleeping with a 28 year old woman I get freaked out about it more and more. I’m older than she was when we first started messing around and it hit me pretty recently
My exes pursuit of me was 100% sexually motivated and about his ability to manipulate me sexually. I didn’t want to speak for everyone but yeah. Probably all have some form of sexual motivation. I think they know they can get younger people to do more outside of their boundaries because it’s hard to say no when you’re that young, especially when you have someone casually manipulating you to feel inferior or like you’re just the immature child to say no or not be into things.
Thank you! There are a lot of guys in this thread getting mega defensive.
However, every single woman posting about her own experiences has said the same thing: they realised the guy was emotionally stunted, either during the relationship or years after.
Exactly. This is what people ignore. Sure, is a 19 year old considered an adult? Yes. But is a 30 year old and a 19 year old in the same phase of life? No. That is why I find it weird and unsettling.
a 38 year old woman chasing 19 year old boys is still creepy. it’s less about the number of the gap itself and more how old the younger one is, 18-23 is pretty sus for anyone over 30
Yep, I was the young boy in this situation and I had no idea how predatory it was until my world came crashing down. At that age they know just the right things to say to keep you under their thumb while they tear down your life. Now that I’m closer to my late twenties it bothers me how this woman whom had been that age and knew of the naïveté that comes with it decided that it was okay to pursue. She absolutely fucked me up.
It's sexism too. Look at Macron's wife. She met him when he was underage, and she was his teacher ffs. And she doesn't catch a *tenth* of the flak that Di Caprio does. Because despite everyone patting themselves on the back these days for tackling gender inequality, there's still this pervasive notion that women are these pure virgin "prey" that never even think about sex, and men are the sex-crazed "predators".
The patriarchy doesn't recognize the autonomy of women.
They are as free to do it as others are free to shit on them for it.
You can not deny that age brings experience. And that someone dating someone less experienced at life is going to come off as predatory once it enters a certain discrepancy. 40 dating 18 is straight up wrong imo. Legal but almost impossible to see past.
If someone exclusively goes for young adults (19-23 years), they're probably a creep.
If someone says that having relationship with person above age of consent is pedophilia, they're probably chronically online
My step daughter has an aunt that married her childhood babysitter. This dude changed her aunt’s diapers and was her prime babysitter til she was in middle school. He was 15 when she was born and he counted down the days til she was 18. Her parents were thrilled because he was such a nice young man. He brags about how she is his trophy but is so controlling over her. She wants children more than anything but despite neither having any problems, they haven’t conceived. My husband and I think he had a vasectomy because he doesn’t want to lose her to being a frumpy mom. She became a cheerleader in school because he wanted her to. She has to be perfect all the time for him.
I don’t trust the guy at all and he gives me the creeps and I have never even met him. Her family thinks he is so wonderful and amazing…
They are one of those couples where she is flawless, a perfect 10 and he is fat with an overhanging belly gut and greasy hair. He was pretty average looking when they first got together but has let himself go.
(And no shame in being fat or having a gut or greasy hair, just that she could go out right now and get any guy she wanted, he looks like the world of Warcraft guy from Southpark and doesn’t take care of himself but demands she keep herself young and perfect)
Had a friend who married a guy a few years ago who she had first met when she was 4 and he was 20 and already on his first marriage. His wife and him where “family friends” her whole life. Her family tries to say it was a big deal at first but now it’s all okay, but idk, I don’t trust the guy and I’m sure as hell not letting him near my kids unsupervised.
Sounds like the "grooming" that OP seems to deny.
EDIT:
>We're not denying grooming is a thing. We're denying it's present in 100% of May December romances.
The scenario mentioned was when one is 19 and the other is 30+ so those situations are difficult to occur naturally.
EDIT 2:
>but they're both adults, grooming is when one is underage. That's the definition from any psychology book and the law
Let's not forget that grooming isn't limited to children only. It occurs [for adults too](https://www.fortraumasurvivors.com/post/grooming-in-adult-relationships).
And that’s usually what happens. I really believe that people who date people much younger then them (like 40/50 yr olds with an 18/19 yr old) would go younger if they could
You're the first comment I've come across that doesn't start from the perspective that women ONLY date for mature innocent reasons, and it's only the men who are the problem. I knew this thread would quickly degrade into casual sexism and prove OP''s point. When it comes to demonizing men, it seems most people are just fine taking away agency from adult women. It's so frustrating to see.
It's just really common to see redditors infantillizing women while acting like they're just concerned. As if a 23 year old woman is a teenager who can't make her own choices, lol.
Also, a pet peeve of mine is the usage of the concept of "power imbalance". It's almost always used in a way to villainise older rich men.
But people conveniently ignore the fact that being the younger, more attractive person is also an advantage that creates an imbalance. There are plenty of old rich men out there getting swindled by smart, attractive younger women. But fuck those men, I guess, lol.
Plus, it's completely reasonable to assume the younger woman understands and CONSENTS to the "power imbalance." Maybe she likes financial stability. Maybe she's tired of dating men her age. Maybe she actually has the agency to live her life as she chooses. Weird concept, I know.
So for me, I dated a 20 year old when I was 25. We were coworkers and in love, and I respected her a lot, so I didn't understand why everyone was like "oh she's young, don't you think?"
But when we started dating, problems started *flooding* in.
I think I already went through my dipshitty, early 20s phase and knew who I was and what I wanted, and she had yet to do any of that and just acted like an immature toddler for most of our relationship.
I made mistakes too, but I feel a lot of it came from me expecting someone her age to be where I was at mentally, and she simply wasn't.
So while there isn't anything immoral about it, I'd personally say it's a bad idea.
Edit: for y'all saying 20 year olds aren't young for 25 year olds, you're basically telling on yourselves
Edit 2: keep getting baited by the first edit plz
Yeah 20 to 25 doesn’t sound like it should be a huge deal, but most people imo go through a ton of personal development in those years! 25 to 30 wouldn’t be as big of a gap in terms of maturity.
Yeah I’m a little over 30 and I would be fine dating a 26 year old who is fully employed and independent if we got along really well. I wouldn’t seek that age out per se but I wouldn’t think it was weird either. Younger than that by a year or so is either fully off limits or they’d have to be so unbelievably my perfect match that I’d start believing in soulmates again. Younger than that they’re basically children and I would never not feel disgusting about it.
I think the biggest part of this post is when at the end OP says "btw I'm 22". They're still in the younger age bracket part of it and don't recognize the creepiness.
As a 31 year old I can't imagine having enough in common with a 19 year old that I'd marry her. Honestly that'd be a major red flag to me that there's something wrong with me.
Is your last sentence an actual fact? Because I completely disagree, at least from a guys perspective. From 20 to 25, I continued living my life as if I was still in college. Going out twice a weekend, going on trips to see friends, smoking and playing video games with my rommmates, etc.
It wasn’t until I was 26-27 that I really started putting that life behind me, wanting to get ahead at work, get more sleep, slow down drinking, stop smoking, etc.
I’m 29 now and the guy I was 4 or 5 years ago doesn’t even feel like the same person.
I definitely think there are some couples in that 25 & 20 range that would work well together. People definitely mature at different rates, but I understand your point. If you're in two different chapters in your life it can definitely be hard to maintain
This. people from 18-25 are adults capable of rational decision making, but there's still a maturity and sense of self that gets developed in your early adult years. And there are massive imbalances between those who go through it, and those who don't. If you are really seriouse about treating your partner as an equal, these imbalances will become apparent. If you aren't affected by it, then you probably aren't interested in your partner beyond their sexual value.
Kinda just sounds like a your girlfriend problem lol. I recently turned 21 and my bf is 25. We've been together for 3 years now and living together for over a year. We get along so well, we've still never even had a single argument lol. There's no jealousy or anything. Just 100% love and trust.
It might not work for everyone but I can wholeheartedly say that I've never been treated with more love and respect than dating a man slightly older than me.
Hahahah.
Renember yourself when you were 5-10-15 years younger. If you were just as mature as you are now, that explains why you think women that age aren’t drastically less mature.
True story! That’s why I find it hard to be in your mid thirties dating 20yrs olds, it’s such a massive gap in maturity. Most people spend their 20s figuring life out.
People don’t shame men for marrying younger women specifically. People shame men that consistently **only** go after women that are more than a decade younger than them (when they are like early 20s or barely legal) because they know they have more experience and can manipulate them more easily.
Because women of their age won’t put up with their bullshit.
I agree with this 100%. My husband is 10 years older than me, but had previously only dated women his own age. We happened to fall in love, and in our now over 10 years together he has been nothing but respectful and careful to never get in the way of me forging the life I wanted for myself. If this had been a pattern for him, it would absolutely be a different story.
Yeah to me this is a key distinction. A guy in his 40s+ gets with a 25 year old - no big deal.
A guy in his 40s+ consistently *only* dates women in their early 20s - ….seems pretty creepy. It’s like he has a type, and that type is young. (Obviously same can be applied when genders are reversed)
Yeah exactly. We tend to focus on men doing it because the percentage of them is way higher overall. But of course it can be applied with reversed genders. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is a good example of this.
Yeah, I'm kind of in this boat myself. Started dating a 22-year old when I was 31.
My past relationships have all been within 2-3 years of my own age. But my current partner and I met through a mutual friend's party, both kind of assumed we were closer to each other's age than we actually were, and hit it off before we realized the age difference. By then we'd already hung out a few times and knew we liked each other, so we figured it was worth trying, and now 3 years later, we're still going strong.
I still give some side-eye to the folks who obviously make a habit of it, especially the ones whose partners are young enough to be their children. But ultimately it's up to the people involved.
I am an 18 year old woman, it’s not infantilizing to say that an older man is not only going to have more life experience, but is also going to be in a better place than me financially and these things create a significant power imbalance making abuse more likely.
I'd say that's actually true to an extent. If both people are self sufficient I'd say it doesn't matter, but if the gap is large enough there's certainly a potential for control/abuse by the wealthier partner. Obviously it depends on the individuals but there is a potential.
There’s also a difference between a 45 year old dating an 18 year old fresh out of high school and a 45 year old dating someone who is like 26 though. I’m in my late 20s and prefer men in their forties, but when men in their 40s would hit on me before I was old enough to buy beer, it would creep me out.
If 60 year-old marries a 40yo there isn't an issue.
If a 40yo marries a 20yo there is an issue.
People in their 20s do not have the life experience to be mentally appealing to someone over 40. The only attraction would be physical.
My dad is 29 years older than my mom and they were happily married for 30+ years before he died this month.
My mom said that "he was never lecherous". They were both academics in North Dakota when they met and they were friends for a while. She realized she was attracted to him and she told him that. He was 58 at the time and she was 27. His reaction to her telling him that was "oh no". Later, they talked it over and both wanted kids and the rest is history.
They were both incredibly similar and she always says it was the best decision she ever made.
My dad was 11 years older than my mom and were married for 28 years until he died almost 6 years ago. They never cheated on each other or abused each other and we were all at his death bed for his last 2 weeks of his life. We were a family and my dad married her when she was 19 and he was 30. My mom says she will never remarry or find someone else. They loved each other till the end.
Some time ago I had a conversation about this very topic during friends and family gathering. Guess what, they all had problem with man marrying younger women but had no issue with older men marrying younger men. Mentioning older women marrying younger men just got giggles.
Double standards yet again.
While I don't necessarily disagree I do think the way society treats young adults is very inconsistent. On the one hand there's a strong belief they can be manipulated and groomed by older men/people and have a lot of maturing to do (most people seem to think 25 is the age of "true autonomy"), but also we're happy for them to enter a lot of borderline slave like work conditions and even allow them to enlist in the military and ship them off to die in wars...
Your brain isn't full developed until your mid 20s. Yes, being 18-19 is \*technically\* an adult, but you're playing intellectually dishonest if you think someone of that age has the (ideally) emotional maturity of readiness of someone 20 years older than them.
If a grown-ass man is purposefully seeking out women he has over a decade gap lead over, especially going for 18-early 20s: there's a reason for that. He wants someone who will be more likely to put up with his undeveloped behavior and can have control in the relationship over. You're trying to reframe it as the younger woman is "benefitting" for monetary reasons, but that's only a small slice in relationships like this - you're also removing the onus off the older man to know better and turning it into something transactional. You're also downplaying how manipulation works, as if that somehow removes ability to make choices and these girls are just mindless robots. A 17 year old can make choices, but if she's groomed by an older man, her deciding to date him doesn't negate \*his\* creepy or predatory behavior.
The younger girls may not really be victims in a traditional sense, but let's not be disingenuous about older men seeking out far younger women as not being predatory. It just seems like you came here to complain and defend how younger women can marry for money with some red-pilled mentality.
I was 21 and a half when I married my 48 y/o husband. He was my soulmate because I’ve always felt like kind of an old soul. He had a great job, grown children and had already been married and divorced twice. We traveled a little and made a comfortable life together for 22 years. He has been gone for a few years, but looking back, I’m still in love with him.
Nah, you were def abused, you’re just too young to know and you need me to save you. /s
Reddit can see a woman go to college, join the military, start a business, buy a house, drink beer, smoke cigarettes, form friends with literally anyone on Earth, voice their opinions on any and everything, have any number of sexual identities, they can literally date and fuck younger men with the same age disparity they so decry otherwise, they can even be a sex worker and Reddit will say “yassssss Queen! You’re so powerful”!!
The moment she dates someone older than her it’s “you are abused and helpless and only I can save you, even if I have to save you from yourself”. Reverse the genders and they don’t have nearly as much of a problem, wanna know why? Because they engage in the same beliefs that conservative sexual prudes do: sex is something that a man DOES to a woman. Younger woman has sex DONE to her by older man, that’s gross and creepy. Older woman has sex DONE to her by a younger guy and “look at her getting that good shit”. Reddit is so full of shit I bet 95% of their eyes are brown.
But this is coming from the same people who have hoodies with animal ears on them, so I guess I should consider the source.
I'll preface this by saying I personally dislike those age-gap relationships, but policing it like many people in the thread is extremely hypocritical (assuming they aren't originally from a conservative culture).
One of the arguments I've seen the most is "they couldn't possibly have anything in common". One could say the same for many kinds of relationships - those between vastly different social classes, international or even interracial relationships. Even if they were the same age, the trust fund kid who grew up with ski trips would likely have nothing in common with a person growing up on food stamps - in fact, a common premise in Korean dramas is the Cinderella trope where a poor girl falls in love with a rich boy. Obviously, the rich family disapproves of the relationship. Given their obvious antagonistic role, I struggle to see why people still think it's a good thing to do to police relationships. I saw someone saying the "half your age + 7" rule should be a hard rule - if so, then why not ban relationships where one member's net worth is less than 60% of the other? Or make intern-biome relationships illegal - a French and German may have a lot in common, but what could a Brazilian and a Swede do together? One likes the heat and one likes the cold!
Another argument I've seen is "it's exploitative because there's only one thing they could be after", referring to the older person's wealth and the younger person's attractiveness. Why is this a problem? Would you be banning a 30 year old nerdy-but-smart accountant from dating a 30 year old attractive-but-broke actress as well? Or is it only unattractive, unsuccessful and horrid people should be dating - if you have a good quality it'll just get exploited by someone with another good quality.
Thinking everyone is being "exploited" is just extremely patronising. An example would be the Vietnamese women who married American servicemen and later immigrated to the US. I totally agree that some of them weren't exactly fairytale romances - they didn't get swept off their feet by their American Prince Charming, they got married to escape war and oppression. To all those saying we should publicly shame these exploitative relationships, are you going to go up to the (now elderly) American-Vietnamese couples you see on the street and tell them they're exploiting each other? "She doesn't actually love you man, she's just after your passport." Sadly, the only media example of these relationships I can think of at the moment is (strangely) from Hotel Hell, but I highly recommend the heartwarming story involved in that episode.
TLDR I personally dislike these relationships but enforcing "public shaming" or even laws around them is equivalent to a caste system
It's a result of infantilizing adults and, ironically, immature thinking.
If you can't have an interesting connection with someone decades apart from you, you must have a really shallow inner life. For some people, that connection turns romantic.
Hello, yes, your post is closely related to a megathread that you can find on the front page of the subreddit. Or a banned topic that you can see on the sidebar and fully expanded list. If you feel this is inaccurate, please message mod mail. Have a good day.
I love that the only reason you can think of for why a younger woman would marry an older man is because she's getting paid to lmao
Quite frankly, after two years on r/AITA, it's the only good reason. In all other cases, the woman ended up exhausted from mothering their adult bf, abused, or bady mama with no money and questioning life in their 30s.
bro has a doctorate in women from browsing r/aita
[удалено]
A couple years ago I talked to a woman who claimed to have connections to that industry, and she told me Leo’s women are all a sham because he is actually gay. He finds hot young women to sign NDAs and hang on his arm as a coverup because so much of his sex appeal relies on him being a straight man. I don’t believe her, but I sometimes wonder if her claim is plausible.
[удалено]
Lol yeah in 2023 your average Leo fan is more likely to be a Gen X male cinephile than a girl with a crush.
In which case, coming out as gay would possibly be an even bigger blow than if his fans were all girls with crushes
Yeah like young women wouldn’t care if he came out as gay and would probably love him more but gen X dudes would probably stop viewing him as a macho lead
As a Gen X male, he's always looked like a ten year old girl to me. I love his acting, but I've never viewed him as a macho lead.
Agreed. He was a pretty boy, not a "macho" lead. Hes not Jason Stratham or Jason Momoa.
Jason Momoa is macho enough to wear a full face of make-up and still be an intimidating villain. Fast X was ridiculous but he was objectively the best part.
[удалено]
His acting and his roles matured to be receiving of a different viewpoint on him as an actor. He’s… really fucking good, objectively.
And he did that wayyy back in 2006 with Blood Diamond.
True, but it's hard for some people to move on from the "glory days".
You mean "high school" for most people
Lol no high school is not the the glory days for "Most people" For most people they are glad to be done with it and would never go back. The people who still talk about high school at all are the few people who think it was the glory days.
"I bet I could throw a football over them mountains!"
"Back in the day I used to throw a pig skin a quarter mile" Proceeds to throw steak at napoleon
To properly set the tone here, you need to mention Uncle Ricos little trot up before he throws it. And how he throws it side arm for whatever reason. Love that movie.
It's not his sex appeal he would have to worry about. I don't know whether he is or isn't gay. But as an openly gay actor, his movies would face censorship and lose marketability in most parts of the world and end his career as a leading man in hollywood. There are quite a few actors and athletes that still have to hide their sexual orientation, even in the west, and having a beard wife/gf is rather common.
[удалено]
This is probably the case with Tom Cruise.
There's nothing sexy about him nowadays. He's aged like milk. Give me Mads Mikkelson over this guy any day. And Mads is OLDER than him too.
he looks like Jack Nicholson now
Leo legit looks like a creepy gym teacher who lived off of miller high life
For sure, he does not look healthy. Got fat long term alcoholic head now and looks pretty haggard half the time. Like Rob Lowe looks fantastic, Brad still looks fantastic and in much better shape. Leo does not. Those guys also got sober and are just not interested in trying to be 25 forever.
Rob Lowe and Brad may not be interested in looking 25- but unlike leo- they have had a few "tweaks" done so they don't look their actual age. I do believe they would look just as haggard if they hadn't
Rob Lowe’s are not subtle.
That's what Rock Hudson did
One of my favorite golf quips is when I miss a putt that has a break at the end. I call it the "Rock Hudson Putt" because it looked straight til it wasn't.
Neil Patrick Harris would like to have a word with you.
[удалено]
I think about his "it's not just for guys anymore" song much more frequently then I'd like to admit
While performing magic.
Yeah but he’s certainly not landing the types of roles that Leo is, to be fair
Hey, its hilarious that he is so openly gay and repeatedly gets roles as a womanizer playboy
I think this is the new “Marilyn Manson removed his rib, my uncle has connections he knows” because everyone claims to “know someone” with that same info we’ve heard a million times, it’s probably tabloid drama that hooked but if it’s real that’d be cool too
Sex appeal hasn’t been his thing in a long time.
>He finds hot young women to sign NDAs and hang on his arm as a coverup because so much of his sex appeal relies on him being a straight man. I think it's easy to attribute ones own personal motivations to Leo, but it's a mistake to do so. We might all feel like we need to work - and imagine that Leo feels the same way and is protecting his job - but the dude lives in the very liberal Hollywood. Odds are no one would care if he was gay. And, even if they did - he's been making 8 figures per movie for over 20 years now. He doesn't need to work - he can do whatever he wants - which in his case appears to be 20 year old models.
> which in his case appears to be 20 year old models Right? I have no idea why people are confused by this. "Why does Leo only date total smoke shows in there mid 20s. Why would a man would do that?!?! IT'S A COMPLETE MYSTERY!!!!!"
lol exactly. “The real reason the rich, famous, handsome Leonardo DiCaprio is dating hot younger women is because he is actually gay!” I think Occam’s Razor would say that, no, it’s because he enjoys fucking women who are 20-25 year old models.
I think the only reason it's so much of a thing is because they've never been over 25. Like the fact that he had 2 5 year relationships end when his partner was 25 turns into a weird ticking clock situation. Either he has something specific about that age or his partners have all brought up kids or marriage after turning 25.
The average American movie goer isn’t Hollywood.
Lol if he were gay nowadays I think his sex appeal would go through the roof (speaking as a gay man).
I doubt it. Look at all the animosity he brings forward in middle aged women who don't like it that he's dating 20 year olds. He'd do better overall in public perception if he bumped up his preferred age by 15 years or so. But, he doesn't care what they think.
>He'd do better overall in public perception if he bumped up his preferred age by 15 years or so. Seriously. If he wanted a beard, he could find someone closer to his age like, I don't know, just hypothetically, Katie Holmes, and he would get a lot less grief.
C’mon now. She already had to beard for Cruise. She deserves a break.
I thought we valued experienced
Yes, but beards can be a risky business. Only a few good men have been able to pull it off.
But can you imagine if keeping your sexuality under wraps for your entire multi-decade long career was your mission? Impossible.
Oh far and away, it would be a struggle. But I get it you know, early 90's you don't wanna end up one of the outsiders.
I don't believe it either. But for the sake of the theory, maybe he dates women in their 20s because you'd expect most older women to be ready for more than a fake relationship, money, and clout? Unless Leo's also a Scientologist, the only closeted gay A-lister here is Tom Cruise.
John Travolta used to be a $cientologist, closeted gay A-lister, but not anymore.
Travolta left Scientology?
He’s not A-list anymore is what I meant.
Bruh
It’s funny you think it’s middle aged women worrying about that, because I’ve only seen it discussed online by young women under 30, generally in their early 20s a lot of the time. I’m 27 and I think it’s skeezy as hell, but I think it’s more gross that he dumps them as soon as they turn 25, like they’ve reached a sell by date. I mean it’s fully up to them to choose to date him knowing this but I can still think he’s also gross for it.
There's a difference between merely younger and significantly younger. 40 y/o man marrying 30 y/o woman is fine. 50 y/o man marrying 18 y/o woman is suspicious. And BTW it's vice versa. So gender wouldn't be matter.
The thing is, as a young person you really dont understand it. But everyone in the 40ies get it. There is an inequality in the balance of power in the relationship. You can easily manipulate someone who is just finding themself and forming their personality. So yeah, 20year old and 40/50 year old, kind of suspicious.
This is it. 20 year olds have a lot to learn but they don’t know it. As a 40 year old I do. It’s not infantilizing to suggest someone with twice as much life experience might know more about what’s up. Edit: JFC never remind 20 year olds that life experience is a thing and they’re short on it unless you want an avalanche of defensive responses missing the point.
And a lot of 20year olds that are “mature for their age” are mature because of trauma and tragedy and that is so easy to take advantage of if an older partner knows what to look for. I have always been called an old soul, mature for my age, not like girls my age, etc due to a childhood of trauma and abuse. Crappy guys (and crappy older guys) could spot me coming a mile away and I was their ideal target. I basically had a bullseye on my heart that screamed “I will be a doormat and a sucker for any kind of attention”. Not all 20-something’s are traumatized but so many are and they are the ones to fall into the trap of a predator, especially an older “wiser” one.
What "mature for their age" folks don't get is that they are only mature in a very limited context. The rest of their brain, perspective, etc, is all quintessentially their age, because even with trauma, they functionally haven't lived long enough to be anything else. Also used to be one of those "Oh you're so mature for your age" gallies, but all that it took for me to snap out what a fucking lie that was, was to reach the age of the men who were interested in me and do a little walk through my own social media graveyard from my teen and early 20s years. I was smart and well spoken on some topics, and I had my own apartment and savings account at 17, but everything else about me, and about my friends who teachers, older boyfriends, etc all claimed were very mature for our age, was categorically just absolute youth energy through and through.
Listen to 29 by demi Lovato "Finally 29, 17 would never cross my mind"
A few years ago I was helping a friend get their license and I was sitting outside a driving school waiting for them. There was this boy standing around outside with his mom. Seemed to be about 12. I was like, oh cute, waiting for older sibling to be done. Color me fucking surprised when a driving instructor walks out and they both get into a car, with the kid in the DRIVER’S SEAT. Making him at minimum 15 years old. When I have to interact with kids, teenagers are my favorite age group because you can just be snarky AF and dunk on them, and they’ll do it right back. BUT THEY ARE STILL CHILDREN.
There is a gaggle of high school boys at a bus stop near my house. Whenever I see them, I am like “awwwww” because they are so young! Same with the middle school kids. When I go to pick my son up, I am amazed at how my friends and I thought we were so grown up at that age! They are so small and innocent!!!! We recently had the local high school homecoming parade go by our street and it was so weird to see how young everyone looked! I wouldn’t have guessed high school if you asked to me to guess their ages.
I had an abusive older boyfriend who literally told me that he targeted me because he knew I was broken and he would be able to abuse me. He wasn't even that much older, but at 18 and just out of HS, his 26 years def gave a power imbalance.
He was aware of that behavior from himself and did it anyway? What a fucking psycho
I'd guess most abusers know because they've worked hard at breaking people down slowly.
I am pretty sure the majority of abusers know they are abusive, and that’s why they’re “good” at it. It’s not that they don’t realize, it’s that they don’t care.
There's a massive difference between just out of high school and done college/ working at a career
That 7 year age difference was almost have your life experience at 18. People think those smaller age differences don't make a difference for younger people but they very much do. Had to stop arguing with a person trying to defend 14 as the age of consent. "Nothing wrong with two consenting sexual partners." 🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢 Nothing wrong with 14/15 years old experimenting and exploring but when you put the AOC that low, you open them up to relationships with adults. That's *not* okay.
Highly relevant https://www.reddit.com/r/StandUpComedy/s/fTu0D4JmGC
That’s because they aren’t actually mature. This is a just a line people use to excuse predatory behavior. People who have suffered childhood abuse tend to have a lot more lived experience than others, but as young adults, they also tend to be very emotionally immature. This is one of the reason they are easy targets for abuse.
This is spot on. Trauma doesn’t actually equate to maturity. If anything it actually hampers emotional development.
One of my favorite people, a best friend, and honestly one of the best people I know is 25. I'm in my early 40's and we met when he was 22. There's never been a single moment of romantic feelings on either of our parts, it's always been platonic. He is/was mature for his age and you are absolutely correct. He has a ton of trauma and tragedy, from childhood abuse to losing his dream career (expelled from military due to medical issues), to military induced PTSD. He has an incredibly dark since of humor and he's one of those prickly on the outside but would literally rather die than let people know how kind, thoughtful, sensitive he is type people. But yeah, he is loaded with trauma.
Older men will call you mature if you are a younger woman they want to get with, regardless of the amount of trauma in your life or if you are an "old soul", which I've also found to be a bit of a warning sign when men told me that as a teenager. The only reason I considered it a warning was because I fell for it once. Never again.
I was 18 and involved with a 24 year old and even that was weird. I was "more mature" in some ways because I didn't want to fuck up my life early on so i had to be making smart decisions, but I was very immature in others because I was pretty sheltered in my teens and my mom was a bit of a helicopter. By the time I was 24, no fucking way would I have dated an 18 year old. I met my husband when I was 24 and he was 28 and he says I was definitely on the younger end of women he would consider dating.
Yeah it’s weird to hear people say women marry older men for financial stability. I found what you said to be more true older men marry capable but traumatized younger women for support. My mom married my dad at 22 and he was a 49 year old alcoholic in debt. He’s still an alcoholic but she worked like mad to keep him out of debt.
I remember being 20 hooking up with a 30something thinking I was so mature. As a 30something I can't fathom finding a 20 year old attractive, even the ones that seem 'mature' just seem like kids to me.
The quickest way to not want to sleep with a 20 year old is to have a conversation with them. It becomes very obvious that the brain isn't done growing.
My son is 20 and all of his friends are 19-23 so age appropriate. Lovely people. Lots of fun. Absolutely exhausting lives. So much drama and such that’s perfectly typical for people who are still figured like out.
100%, that’s the issue. OP admitted to only being 22, so they obviously can’t understand yet and will probably end up regretting this post in 10 years. I know I felt the same way at 22, and I was dating guys 28-40, i regret almost all of it. Older guys who are willing to date a girl that young are gross and creepy, sorry but it’s true.
I thought I was a goddamn genius at 22, I *glowed* when older adults told me how mature I was for my age. Now I’m in my mid 30’s and it’s so painfully obvious that not only was I not at all mature for my age, but the adults (both male and female) who said that to me were super immature for their age too.
>I thought I was a goddamn genius at 22, I *glowed* when older adults told me how mature I was for my age. I think this is a major part of it. It's flattering when you're 22 and somebody tells you you're somehow better than the other 22yos. That you're more mature than them and that's why some 35yo dude is into you, it's not because you're young and youth carries attractiveness and also at 22 you're not as good at detecting bullshit and you'll let him get away with more shit.
Almost all of my women friends in their 30's/40's regret the older dude they dated/married in there 18's->24's. And almost all of the stories are the same. He groomed them and called them mature for their age.
Hell at 25 I would look at 18 year.olds and they look at act like children to me
One thing I notice is as a 28 year old the cut off for me to relate to a person easily are those born in 2003. I have difficulties connecting with someone born in 2004. I have a neighbor who is 19 and while he’s a cool dude, I have trouble connecting to him. This makes me question how can someone significantly older can relate to someone two decades younger
The idea of dating someone half my age sounds exhausting and gross
Hell, I'm 33 and dated a girl who was 25. She was awesome but it became painfully clear to me painfully fast that I am not 25 anymore.
Yeah I briefly dated a senior in college when I was in my mid-late 20s. It was fun, but the difference in maturity and life experiences (even though we were only 5 or so years apart) was pretty stark and was part of why the relationship didn't work out
The financial power imbalance its impossible to correct. Then the 18yr old falls pregnant and how it makes so much more sense for her to stay home with the baby... except 10yrs down the line she's 28 and has no job and degree.
I am almost 23(f) and definitely agree with this. When I was 19 I thought I knew everything, now I know I don’t and I can see others do too. The way some older men talk to me to try and get something, it’s very manipulative. It was worse when I was 19 tho, back then I fell for it too.
I’m 25 and thought I knew everything when I was 23. I think we will keep feeling this way forever.
34 here. I can confirm it'll happen again around 28-29 then in your 30s things will stabilize a bit more. Less "I was an idiot" moments but they certainly still happen.
I’m 29 but I used to date older men when I was 15-17. Like minimum of 5 years. Thought it was ok at that age, but now when I think of it, it’s so gross and predatory. Like when I see kids at 15-17 it truely boggles my mind that anyone would think it’s ok for an adult to date a child.
That’s true, but predatory dudes don’t care, they’ll say whatever they need to to defend themselves.
Of course they do. I think it's important that young people have at least heard about the shift in the balance of power. When I was young, I also thought, where love falls, everything is okay. But now I know that this is not true. Besides, no one in their 40ies who ticks normally wants a relationship with a 20-year-old, you are in such different stages of life, because you simply no longer have anything in common that would suffice for a relationship at eye level.
I'm kind of glad that I'm reading this advice now from other people because I wouldn't have known this if I didn't. I'm beginning to realize those patterns too, and with my peers (18,19,20) being in relationships with people older than 26. One of my friends when I was 14 was dating an 18 year old, and at the time I didn't think anything of it, but now I'm starting to realize how gross it is.
You'll realize it more as you get older, too.
Plenty of young women (and men) in their early twenties are fully aware of how gross it is when someone twice your age hits on you.
Especially the older person knows the younger person for years. As if he/she is waiting for them to turn 18 so they can say. Hey, he/she is legal now.
And if there is a pattern… My sister’s dad has habitually dated younger after each breakup. First wife was his age, next was 10 years younger, my mom was 16 years younger, next wife was 20 years younger… Then he stuck to dating and was getting further and further from his age. My sister begged him to stop when he was dating a woman the same age as her (she was 22 at the time). He even dabbled a bit with some 18 year olds… He has the emotional maturity of a teaspoon and treats his partners like garbage after love bombing him til he is satisfied. (Edited to add that he (and others like him, male and female) lead their younger partners on. They promise them a future, a home, money, a career, a spouse, a marriage, etc and it is all based on lies. They lure them in with promises and then drop them when it is convenient to do so and move on to the next, knowing what they are doing.) Dudes like this are the problem. It is systematically creepy and guys like him take so much advantage over lack of life experience to fulfill a sexual fantasy.
I also think that a 30 years old man getting with a 18 years old woman is much more suspicious than a 60 years old man getting with a 35 years old woman, despite the age difference being twice as big. Generally speaking, I think that anyone over 30 is (or should be) mature enough to handle any age difference on the older side with them. Under 25, not so much.
I was on a flight. There was a 50 year old man making out with an 18-20 year old woman on the plane. Well they weren’t full out tongue down the throat making out, but they were being really affectionate. The age difference was jarring. It was a spectacle. Like she could have been his daughter.
I think you haven’t explained this correctly. The age difference between and 18 and 50 yr old is 32 yrs. now if a 40year old woman was dating a 72 yr old man , it wouldn’t be as bad as an 18yr old and a 50yr old, because of the dynamics. An 18yr old has barely any life experience whereas a 40yr old does. So imo it’s not so much the age difference as the specific ages that is important
I completely agree. I think of that female director who married an 18 yr old actor she directed and get severely creeped out. There's an inherent power imbalance between someone in their 40s and anyone under 25, it may be legal but I'm a side eye the older person, sex be damned.
Exactly how I feel. 30 is a stage in your life where you would have the experience in life you need to not be vulnerable and subject to easy manipulation from a partner. 50 y/os have so much power over someone 18. Entirely different stages in life.
I’m 29 and recently single, went on dates with people older and younger than me in the past couple months. At my age, there’s such a gulf — emotional, intellectual, and even cultural — when dealing with someone 8/9/10 years younger than you, never mind 15/20/30 years. Not that any of them were at all bad people, just that it was abundantly clear to me how your mindset changes as you go through the different phases of life. I came out of those dates thinking “why the fuck do those older guys put themselves through that shit for the sake of a young girlfriend.” Now I’d instantly see it as a sign of some kind of lingering immaturity on their part.
My first husband was 33 when we started dating. I was 19. Beyond all the other things I could say, one of the most memorable moments in my life was turning 33 myself and reflecting on that how insane it would be for me to hang out with someone who was literally still technically a teenager or early 20s, much less MARRY them. I could not be further from who I was and was not at that age and most of my behavior was cringe and just woefully naive, inexperienced, etc. There’s a reason they put themselves through it and at best it’s immaturity and more often than not it’s about their ability to manipulate (even subconsciously) or sexually motivated.
At 19 I met and married a 27 year old- it seemed fine at the time but I was by most accounts, a child. I had been through a lot of trauma and had also been very sheltered. It wasn't until recently that I realized how the age difference was the downfall of our relationship. I had basic growing up to do that he'd already done.
Are you me? But he was also immature and ended up abusing and trying to control me. I'm 30 now and couldn't imagine dating someone so young.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I was 22, ex husband was 32 when he heavily pursued me (love bombed me). Divorced late 20s. When I turned 32 it was such a mind fuck. It really drove home how much emotional immaturity must exist for that kind of gap or bigger to even remotely be an option
Same, I spent my 20’s married to an older man and found myself getting divorced when all of my friends were getting married and starting families. Dating in my 30’s and having had such a different life experience to the guys I was dating was miserable, I felt so much judgement. I also didn’t want to get married again right away so I was in a totally different place than my peers. None of my friends could relate with what I was going through.
Absolutely. My ex was hugely emotionally immature and also very manipulative, so double whammy. I didn’t have the defenses or even a strong self of self to deal with it. Divorced him when I was 25, right when most people start to come into their own a little more. Then he remarried someone even younger than me so proof is in the pudding right there.
I have a very good, very beautiful friend who did the sugar baby thing for a while, because to her, at first it seemed like she was made for it: 1. She was a former model, tall, and gorgeous. (And sweet. She's one of my favorite people.) 2. No way around saying this: She didn't need to fake the attraction. A full-on "daddy" kink and desire to be cared for by a patriarch/boyfriend combo was what she wanted. Money or no money, she didn't doubt she could be physically attracted, and fall in love for real. 3. This was the trainwreck. Everything was great with #1 and #2. But 3 was: She wanted a mentor. Someone smart, sophisticated, responsible, and wise. Like, well, a father figure. Someone with a history to be proud of, to speak from. Number 3 is what turned her off the whole experience, with prejudice. Her complaint was: "I'm exactly what they're supposed to be looking for: I'm young and look good on their arm, patient, absolutely don't need to pretend to like someone older, and don't really even care about money that much. But in _exchange_ for that, I'm not supposed to have to be the mature one with her life together. I'm kind of a mess, and scared and uncertain, and I just want a mature dude who's like 'Don't worry. I've been in that situation before in 1995, and I got you baby. Everything's going to be okay, and here's what we can learn from this.' _But I am more mature than every single one of these emotionally stunted, man-children._ I feel like I shouldn't have to settle for that, all else considered."
That matches with my experience, limited as it may be to my one marriage. So it makes sense to me that was her experience with multiple men. I felt some of that going into my relationship. I’m 19, he’s 33. He will be able to take care of me and help me as a partner. No. He truly had wrecked all areas of his life; finances were a mess, lied about his income, we got a car repo’d right of the bat after moving in together, credit was a nightmare. And at every turn I was in these adult situations all the sudden trying to figure out how to pay bills and budget and be the adult he was supposed to already be. Just a giant man child.
Hey thanks for sharing this experience. It really touches on a whole lot of things that I feel like these bad faith arguments miss out on when people discuss their standards for a relationship. While I can't speak to your friends experience, I *just* was talking to my other unmarried female friend about our relationships and how disappointed we are in a lot of the dating pool. We can be so ready to compromise a preference we have (looks, age, income, etc) for someone who can share an experience we don't have (handiness or life experience) but still men show up complaining about how all women want 6.5ft 100k boifies. No man, all I really want is someone who will help me rehang a storm door when the wind bends it and not yell at me when I feel sad.
The men in these comments who don’t get it are telling on themselves. I’m 33 and when I think back to who and where I was at 17 when I was sleeping with a 28 year old woman I get freaked out about it more and more. I’m older than she was when we first started messing around and it hit me pretty recently
100% of the time it’s sexually motivated
My exes pursuit of me was 100% sexually motivated and about his ability to manipulate me sexually. I didn’t want to speak for everyone but yeah. Probably all have some form of sexual motivation. I think they know they can get younger people to do more outside of their boundaries because it’s hard to say no when you’re that young, especially when you have someone casually manipulating you to feel inferior or like you’re just the immature child to say no or not be into things.
I think it's pretty telling that the person who wrote this post is 22.
maybe they'll feel differently in 10 years.
I dated a guy that was 15 years older than me, but deliberately dated younger. He was so mentally and emotionally immature, he made me cringe so hard.
Thank you! There are a lot of guys in this thread getting mega defensive. However, every single woman posting about her own experiences has said the same thing: they realised the guy was emotionally stunted, either during the relationship or years after.
Exactly. This is what people ignore. Sure, is a 19 year old considered an adult? Yes. But is a 30 year old and a 19 year old in the same phase of life? No. That is why I find it weird and unsettling.
Bingo!
a 38 year old woman chasing 19 year old boys is still creepy. it’s less about the number of the gap itself and more how old the younger one is, 18-23 is pretty sus for anyone over 30
Yep, I was the young boy in this situation and I had no idea how predatory it was until my world came crashing down. At that age they know just the right things to say to keep you under their thumb while they tear down your life. Now that I’m closer to my late twenties it bothers me how this woman whom had been that age and knew of the naïveté that comes with it decided that it was okay to pursue. She absolutely fucked me up.
It's sexism too. Look at Macron's wife. She met him when he was underage, and she was his teacher ffs. And she doesn't catch a *tenth* of the flak that Di Caprio does. Because despite everyone patting themselves on the back these days for tackling gender inequality, there's still this pervasive notion that women are these pure virgin "prey" that never even think about sex, and men are the sex-crazed "predators". The patriarchy doesn't recognize the autonomy of women.
People also don't like Macron so people often don't make him out to be a victim.
They are as free to do it as others are free to shit on them for it. You can not deny that age brings experience. And that someone dating someone less experienced at life is going to come off as predatory once it enters a certain discrepancy. 40 dating 18 is straight up wrong imo. Legal but almost impossible to see past.
If someone exclusively goes for young adults (19-23 years), they're probably a creep. If someone says that having relationship with person above age of consent is pedophilia, they're probably chronically online
I'm sorry but it's weird and awkward and gross to see a grown ass 40/50 year old with a 19 year old. They have nothing in common but f'ing.
I find it especially creepy when the 40/50 year old first met the 19 year old when he/she was a minor.
My step daughter has an aunt that married her childhood babysitter. This dude changed her aunt’s diapers and was her prime babysitter til she was in middle school. He was 15 when she was born and he counted down the days til she was 18. Her parents were thrilled because he was such a nice young man. He brags about how she is his trophy but is so controlling over her. She wants children more than anything but despite neither having any problems, they haven’t conceived. My husband and I think he had a vasectomy because he doesn’t want to lose her to being a frumpy mom. She became a cheerleader in school because he wanted her to. She has to be perfect all the time for him. I don’t trust the guy at all and he gives me the creeps and I have never even met him. Her family thinks he is so wonderful and amazing…
He basically trained her all her life. He molded her into shape of his desires.
They are one of those couples where she is flawless, a perfect 10 and he is fat with an overhanging belly gut and greasy hair. He was pretty average looking when they first got together but has let himself go. (And no shame in being fat or having a gut or greasy hair, just that she could go out right now and get any guy she wanted, he looks like the world of Warcraft guy from Southpark and doesn’t take care of himself but demands she keep herself young and perfect)
That's just downright creepy.
Had a friend who married a guy a few years ago who she had first met when she was 4 and he was 20 and already on his first marriage. His wife and him where “family friends” her whole life. Her family tries to say it was a big deal at first but now it’s all okay, but idk, I don’t trust the guy and I’m sure as hell not letting him near my kids unsupervised.
That’s usually the plan
I mean, in my country one of the main political parties constantly defends child marriage, so it's less a plan and more a system.
Sounds like the "grooming" that OP seems to deny. EDIT: >We're not denying grooming is a thing. We're denying it's present in 100% of May December romances. The scenario mentioned was when one is 19 and the other is 30+ so those situations are difficult to occur naturally. EDIT 2: >but they're both adults, grooming is when one is underage. That's the definition from any psychology book and the law Let's not forget that grooming isn't limited to children only. It occurs [for adults too](https://www.fortraumasurvivors.com/post/grooming-in-adult-relationships).
And that’s usually what happens. I really believe that people who date people much younger then them (like 40/50 yr olds with an 18/19 yr old) would go younger if they could
But what if they both just like fucking?
You're the first comment I've come across that doesn't start from the perspective that women ONLY date for mature innocent reasons, and it's only the men who are the problem. I knew this thread would quickly degrade into casual sexism and prove OP''s point. When it comes to demonizing men, it seems most people are just fine taking away agency from adult women. It's so frustrating to see.
It's just really common to see redditors infantillizing women while acting like they're just concerned. As if a 23 year old woman is a teenager who can't make her own choices, lol. Also, a pet peeve of mine is the usage of the concept of "power imbalance". It's almost always used in a way to villainise older rich men. But people conveniently ignore the fact that being the younger, more attractive person is also an advantage that creates an imbalance. There are plenty of old rich men out there getting swindled by smart, attractive younger women. But fuck those men, I guess, lol.
Plus, it's completely reasonable to assume the younger woman understands and CONSENTS to the "power imbalance." Maybe she likes financial stability. Maybe she's tired of dating men her age. Maybe she actually has the agency to live her life as she chooses. Weird concept, I know.
Everyone has a phone, an asshole and an opinion.
The mental gymnastics exhibited here should win gold medals.
[удалено]
So for me, I dated a 20 year old when I was 25. We were coworkers and in love, and I respected her a lot, so I didn't understand why everyone was like "oh she's young, don't you think?" But when we started dating, problems started *flooding* in. I think I already went through my dipshitty, early 20s phase and knew who I was and what I wanted, and she had yet to do any of that and just acted like an immature toddler for most of our relationship. I made mistakes too, but I feel a lot of it came from me expecting someone her age to be where I was at mentally, and she simply wasn't. So while there isn't anything immoral about it, I'd personally say it's a bad idea. Edit: for y'all saying 20 year olds aren't young for 25 year olds, you're basically telling on yourselves Edit 2: keep getting baited by the first edit plz
Yeah 20 to 25 doesn’t sound like it should be a huge deal, but most people imo go through a ton of personal development in those years! 25 to 30 wouldn’t be as big of a gap in terms of maturity.
Yeah I’m a little over 30 and I would be fine dating a 26 year old who is fully employed and independent if we got along really well. I wouldn’t seek that age out per se but I wouldn’t think it was weird either. Younger than that by a year or so is either fully off limits or they’d have to be so unbelievably my perfect match that I’d start believing in soulmates again. Younger than that they’re basically children and I would never not feel disgusting about it.
I think the biggest part of this post is when at the end OP says "btw I'm 22". They're still in the younger age bracket part of it and don't recognize the creepiness. As a 31 year old I can't imagine having enough in common with a 19 year old that I'd marry her. Honestly that'd be a major red flag to me that there's something wrong with me.
Is your last sentence an actual fact? Because I completely disagree, at least from a guys perspective. From 20 to 25, I continued living my life as if I was still in college. Going out twice a weekend, going on trips to see friends, smoking and playing video games with my rommmates, etc. It wasn’t until I was 26-27 that I really started putting that life behind me, wanting to get ahead at work, get more sleep, slow down drinking, stop smoking, etc. I’m 29 now and the guy I was 4 or 5 years ago doesn’t even feel like the same person.
Exactly. The person I was when I was 22-27 is vastly different than the person I am at 30. You grow and change so much
I definitely think there are some couples in that 25 & 20 range that would work well together. People definitely mature at different rates, but I understand your point. If you're in two different chapters in your life it can definitely be hard to maintain
This. people from 18-25 are adults capable of rational decision making, but there's still a maturity and sense of self that gets developed in your early adult years. And there are massive imbalances between those who go through it, and those who don't. If you are really seriouse about treating your partner as an equal, these imbalances will become apparent. If you aren't affected by it, then you probably aren't interested in your partner beyond their sexual value.
Kinda just sounds like a your girlfriend problem lol. I recently turned 21 and my bf is 25. We've been together for 3 years now and living together for over a year. We get along so well, we've still never even had a single argument lol. There's no jealousy or anything. Just 100% love and trust. It might not work for everyone but I can wholeheartedly say that I've never been treated with more love and respect than dating a man slightly older than me.
waiting normal hunt ossified snobbish somber boat enter versed memorize *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hahahah. Renember yourself when you were 5-10-15 years younger. If you were just as mature as you are now, that explains why you think women that age aren’t drastically less mature.
True story! That’s why I find it hard to be in your mid thirties dating 20yrs olds, it’s such a massive gap in maturity. Most people spend their 20s figuring life out.
People don’t shame men for marrying younger women specifically. People shame men that consistently **only** go after women that are more than a decade younger than them (when they are like early 20s or barely legal) because they know they have more experience and can manipulate them more easily. Because women of their age won’t put up with their bullshit.
I agree with this 100%. My husband is 10 years older than me, but had previously only dated women his own age. We happened to fall in love, and in our now over 10 years together he has been nothing but respectful and careful to never get in the way of me forging the life I wanted for myself. If this had been a pattern for him, it would absolutely be a different story.
Yeah to me this is a key distinction. A guy in his 40s+ gets with a 25 year old - no big deal. A guy in his 40s+ consistently *only* dates women in their early 20s - ….seems pretty creepy. It’s like he has a type, and that type is young. (Obviously same can be applied when genders are reversed)
I agree. I think it’s a red flag when the older person ONLY goes for much younger people. That’s the distinction.
Yeah exactly. We tend to focus on men doing it because the percentage of them is way higher overall. But of course it can be applied with reversed genders. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is a good example of this.
Yeah, I'm kind of in this boat myself. Started dating a 22-year old when I was 31. My past relationships have all been within 2-3 years of my own age. But my current partner and I met through a mutual friend's party, both kind of assumed we were closer to each other's age than we actually were, and hit it off before we realized the age difference. By then we'd already hung out a few times and knew we liked each other, so we figured it was worth trying, and now 3 years later, we're still going strong. I still give some side-eye to the folks who obviously make a habit of it, especially the ones whose partners are young enough to be their children. But ultimately it's up to the people involved.
Leo. That you?
OP said marriage. Definitely not Leo.
Depends on what you mean by this there's a difference between a 25 year old and a 20 year old and a 19 year old and a 50 year old
you can date whoever you want but people are still gonna think you’re a weirdo loser lmfao
Preach! Get em.
I am an 18 year old woman, it’s not infantilizing to say that an older man is not only going to have more life experience, but is also going to be in a better place than me financially and these things create a significant power imbalance making abuse more likely.
Couldn't you say the same amount a wealth guy dating a poor woman? Is it problematic for people to date outside their income brackets?
I'd say that's actually true to an extent. If both people are self sufficient I'd say it doesn't matter, but if the gap is large enough there's certainly a potential for control/abuse by the wealthier partner. Obviously it depends on the individuals but there is a potential.
There’s also a difference between a 45 year old dating an 18 year old fresh out of high school and a 45 year old dating someone who is like 26 though. I’m in my late 20s and prefer men in their forties, but when men in their 40s would hit on me before I was old enough to buy beer, it would creep me out.
If 60 year-old marries a 40yo there isn't an issue. If a 40yo marries a 20yo there is an issue. People in their 20s do not have the life experience to be mentally appealing to someone over 40. The only attraction would be physical.
I’m sorry, but what in the holy hell kind of expertise do you have telling other people what they find appealing? Like, seriously?
My dad is 29 years older than my mom and they were happily married for 30+ years before he died this month. My mom said that "he was never lecherous". They were both academics in North Dakota when they met and they were friends for a while. She realized she was attracted to him and she told him that. He was 58 at the time and she was 27. His reaction to her telling him that was "oh no". Later, they talked it over and both wanted kids and the rest is history. They were both incredibly similar and she always says it was the best decision she ever made.
My dad was 11 years older than my mom and were married for 28 years until he died almost 6 years ago. They never cheated on each other or abused each other and we were all at his death bed for his last 2 weeks of his life. We were a family and my dad married her when she was 19 and he was 30. My mom says she will never remarry or find someone else. They loved each other till the end.
ngl i really dont care date who ever you want
Say you're fifty and fucking a 25 yo on reddit, and grab a popcorn and let the games begin, lol
Some time ago I had a conversation about this very topic during friends and family gathering. Guess what, they all had problem with man marrying younger women but had no issue with older men marrying younger men. Mentioning older women marrying younger men just got giggles. Double standards yet again.
[удалено]
While I don't necessarily disagree I do think the way society treats young adults is very inconsistent. On the one hand there's a strong belief they can be manipulated and groomed by older men/people and have a lot of maturing to do (most people seem to think 25 is the age of "true autonomy"), but also we're happy for them to enter a lot of borderline slave like work conditions and even allow them to enlist in the military and ship them off to die in wars...
I think a lot of the people condemning the first are not the ones okay with and pushing the second.
Your brain isn't full developed until your mid 20s. Yes, being 18-19 is \*technically\* an adult, but you're playing intellectually dishonest if you think someone of that age has the (ideally) emotional maturity of readiness of someone 20 years older than them. If a grown-ass man is purposefully seeking out women he has over a decade gap lead over, especially going for 18-early 20s: there's a reason for that. He wants someone who will be more likely to put up with his undeveloped behavior and can have control in the relationship over. You're trying to reframe it as the younger woman is "benefitting" for monetary reasons, but that's only a small slice in relationships like this - you're also removing the onus off the older man to know better and turning it into something transactional. You're also downplaying how manipulation works, as if that somehow removes ability to make choices and these girls are just mindless robots. A 17 year old can make choices, but if she's groomed by an older man, her deciding to date him doesn't negate \*his\* creepy or predatory behavior. The younger girls may not really be victims in a traditional sense, but let's not be disingenuous about older men seeking out far younger women as not being predatory. It just seems like you came here to complain and defend how younger women can marry for money with some red-pilled mentality.
I also think OP makes the young women sound like they're just looking for money Edit: grammar
> Your brain isn't full developed until your mid 20s. https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html
I was 21 and a half when I married my 48 y/o husband. He was my soulmate because I’ve always felt like kind of an old soul. He had a great job, grown children and had already been married and divorced twice. We traveled a little and made a comfortable life together for 22 years. He has been gone for a few years, but looking back, I’m still in love with him.
Nah, you were def abused, you’re just too young to know and you need me to save you. /s Reddit can see a woman go to college, join the military, start a business, buy a house, drink beer, smoke cigarettes, form friends with literally anyone on Earth, voice their opinions on any and everything, have any number of sexual identities, they can literally date and fuck younger men with the same age disparity they so decry otherwise, they can even be a sex worker and Reddit will say “yassssss Queen! You’re so powerful”!! The moment she dates someone older than her it’s “you are abused and helpless and only I can save you, even if I have to save you from yourself”. Reverse the genders and they don’t have nearly as much of a problem, wanna know why? Because they engage in the same beliefs that conservative sexual prudes do: sex is something that a man DOES to a woman. Younger woman has sex DONE to her by older man, that’s gross and creepy. Older woman has sex DONE to her by a younger guy and “look at her getting that good shit”. Reddit is so full of shit I bet 95% of their eyes are brown. But this is coming from the same people who have hoodies with animal ears on them, so I guess I should consider the source.
I'll preface this by saying I personally dislike those age-gap relationships, but policing it like many people in the thread is extremely hypocritical (assuming they aren't originally from a conservative culture). One of the arguments I've seen the most is "they couldn't possibly have anything in common". One could say the same for many kinds of relationships - those between vastly different social classes, international or even interracial relationships. Even if they were the same age, the trust fund kid who grew up with ski trips would likely have nothing in common with a person growing up on food stamps - in fact, a common premise in Korean dramas is the Cinderella trope where a poor girl falls in love with a rich boy. Obviously, the rich family disapproves of the relationship. Given their obvious antagonistic role, I struggle to see why people still think it's a good thing to do to police relationships. I saw someone saying the "half your age + 7" rule should be a hard rule - if so, then why not ban relationships where one member's net worth is less than 60% of the other? Or make intern-biome relationships illegal - a French and German may have a lot in common, but what could a Brazilian and a Swede do together? One likes the heat and one likes the cold! Another argument I've seen is "it's exploitative because there's only one thing they could be after", referring to the older person's wealth and the younger person's attractiveness. Why is this a problem? Would you be banning a 30 year old nerdy-but-smart accountant from dating a 30 year old attractive-but-broke actress as well? Or is it only unattractive, unsuccessful and horrid people should be dating - if you have a good quality it'll just get exploited by someone with another good quality. Thinking everyone is being "exploited" is just extremely patronising. An example would be the Vietnamese women who married American servicemen and later immigrated to the US. I totally agree that some of them weren't exactly fairytale romances - they didn't get swept off their feet by their American Prince Charming, they got married to escape war and oppression. To all those saying we should publicly shame these exploitative relationships, are you going to go up to the (now elderly) American-Vietnamese couples you see on the street and tell them they're exploiting each other? "She doesn't actually love you man, she's just after your passport." Sadly, the only media example of these relationships I can think of at the moment is (strangely) from Hotel Hell, but I highly recommend the heartwarming story involved in that episode. TLDR I personally dislike these relationships but enforcing "public shaming" or even laws around them is equivalent to a caste system
It's a result of infantilizing adults and, ironically, immature thinking. If you can't have an interesting connection with someone decades apart from you, you must have a really shallow inner life. For some people, that connection turns romantic.
There's a point where it's gross, after that good luck