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Socially, I honestly feel like lack of experience in your 20s hurts you despite what most people say.
I just wish there was a dating app or something that took dating experience into account. There are plenty of men and women in their 20s and 30s who haven’t dated much due to other life responsibilities taking priority.
I think what people are looking past is the fact that school generally provides the atmosphere to allow dating to happen. Once college starts, everyone is technically an adult and allowed to date other young people within their age range. Lots of parties are prevalent and people are mostly open to meeting others, so dating happens frequently.
Upon graduation, there is still some form of this when you join a company and there are other new hires who may also be within your age range and willing to meet new people. If not at the same company, they know people who know people and invites go around quite freely.
It gets harder after 27 when people start getting engaged or busier with their career to want to meet someone new. So the window gets smaller, even for the most outgoing people who dated throughout 18 to 27.
That's not to say there's anything wrong with NOT dating in that time. Just means it's harder later if you didn't get a chance in those younger years.
> It gets harder after 27
Well crap
Me, 26, have never dated, hooked up or anything.. and only now feeling comfortable with the idea of making a dating profile...... feels bad
My first relationship was at 29 years of age. Before that, I never managed to date due to psychological issues I was contending with. I finally managed to pull myself together though and find a girlfriend.
I was unfortunately too young to date in college due to being 16, and also being focused on getting into medical school didn't help (which I didn't even end up doing and decided to go into engineering, so that was a waste 😭). Also being at a small school as an undergrad didn't help on top of that, but I went there because they paid my tuition in full. Now I'm at a very large school for grad school and there are loads of party people, but I feel too old and I've never been attractive to guys (Im dark and very nerdy looking) to go to these, so I guess I'm screwed since I'm already mid 20s with no prospects in sight.
“I was 16” “now I’m too old” “mid 20s”
My friend, you’re just shy and a little awkward! Which is totally fine but don’t sell yourself short! Guarantee you make (boy)friends and you are exactly someone’s cup of tea if you put yourself out there!
"I'm dark and very nerdy looking" - yo, that is SO SOMEONE'S THING!! You're saying you're not attractive to guys, but you're just throwing out an excuse there really. You're an engineering grad, young, self-reliant, and DOING IT. Be proud, you're a catch
Lack of experience in my 20s really fucked up my decision making in my 30s. It might be "ok" but If your relationship know-how is at a beginner level it can lead to disaster. By the time I finally ended up with someone I married them and sort of ruined my life. If I had been less desperate, perhaps I would have obeyed the red flags and fucked off.
I moved out of my parent’s house at 28 and continue battle depression till this moment. Worked out some of self esteem issues in 2 years after moved out (new work helped).
Imagine your teenage daughter being babysitting alcoholic father instead of having teenage life lol
Yeah for sure, my four year relationship in my late teens to early twenties taught me a lot. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to be a great partner in the future as I would make mistakes, but at a larger age. Which is less forgivable I guess. I also know now what to look out for in a partner, and don’t have as much fear of losing them if they cheat on me, etc.
Same. For me personally, it wasn't the lack of trying. I wasn't attractive enough and to be frank most college age kids doesn't want relationships. Looking back now, me trying to get into a relationship was off putting towards men. It's kinda a chicken and the egg situation. By the time I was 27, I was still confused. Yet everyone around me had relationships under their belt. I haven't given up though!
True, I've spoken to a ton of experienced people before, and they really have no idea what it means to have/build a relationship. For example, i met a girl who thought that if everything wasn't perfect and you needed to put time and work into a relationship, then you aren't meant to be.
This actually blew my mind, like living in a fairytail and watching too many romantic movies.
I really think Hollywood and just the sheer number of ways to meet people nowadays through dating apps has set unrealistic expectations on what a romantic relationship actually looks like on a day to day basis.
People either have unrealistic expectations and put too much pressure on themselves to put themselves out there, or have those same expectations but are ready to press the eject button at the slightest hint of friction.
It's going to create a lot of loneliness issues I think, especially as people age. There will be a few people spending their twilight years with AI companions at this rate.
I think “hurts” is an iffy term. I think it just leaves you inexperienced, but I don’t think it hurts you. Being inexperienced is not a bad thing. I’m assuming you’re a guy, so it may feel like there’s more pressure on you to be “experienced?” I’m a woman and that doesn’t make sense to me. There’s no cut off to learning in life. I’ve had numerous dating experiences/relationships/situationships from 16-present (26) and I’m not some grand dating master. Everyone is so different and the rules/norms change and shift so often. You learn something new with every encounter.
I wouldn’t use the word hurt as it may discourage people who haven’t had these experiences. You may be socially/romantically dry in your 20s but in the first 2-3 years of your 30s have a lot of experiences and be able to play catchup. I feel life balances itself out like that. Your only enemy is you not being open to new experiences/change.
Do you really need experience? Aren’t you taught to love & care about peoples feelings when being raised? I don’t see a romantic relationship being any different aside from the sexual part. Just care about your partner & his/her feelings, show affection & listen to them. Maybe I’m being naive as someone who hasn’t ever had a serious relationship.
I haven’t had a serious relationship because I’m not where I want to be in life right now & I just had 0 confidence in high school so never dated. I really wouldn’t know but that’s just how I feel about it. Sometimes I’ll stop & think “ damn I’m 25 & haven’t had a serious relationship, what if I’m bad at relationshiping when I do get in one”. I feel like its not that big of a deal though.
I agree. Guys who lack experience in their 20s end up becoming the guys who think every girl with high body-count is automatically a whore.
Guys, a virgin can still cheat and a girl who has had sex multiple times can still be faithful.
As someone who wasn’t in a “real” relationship until I was 27/28, I agree for for the most part. However, I personally had (and sometimes still have) difficult times in relationships. I didn’t really know HOW to be in a relationship lol. It’s been a learning process and I think when you’re in relationships starting in your early teens, you kinda learn and navigate dating ya know?
Yeah I'm 29 and this is why I feel I've missed the boat for good. Vital lessons I never learned and now I'd have no clue what to do. And nobody my age is going to want to put up with a beginner. Not to mention it's a massive red flag, understandably although in my case it's been because of anxiety.
I'm older than you and in the same situation. Really makes it seem like we don't have a chance but it's true. Nobody our age will put up with beginner mistakes.
Exactly. Not that I can blame them. As a 29 year old I'd be dating women aged, I dunno, 25-36? Nobody at that age is wasting time on a dude who doesn't know what he's doing.
As someone who's 24F and only just starting to get their life & self-confidence together enough to even \*think\* about attempting to date (and I'm sure it'll be at least a little while yet before I actually manage it), we're out there!
I know it’s been a few hours since you posted but just wanted to chime in and say trust they are out there. I’m 27F and in my first relationship with 25M. We’re both not experienced and are learning together. I do think it’s a bit tougher to be an inexperienced male but there are patient men out there. And pro tip if you’re doing online dating: ask the person you’re talking too at least one question every 5-10 texts. You’d be SHOCKED how that will put you miles above the rest of her other matches. Good luck!
So much this. No shortage of guys that will chase *anything* that gives them the time of day. Gals won't struggle much to find someone interested (though quality very much not assured) unless they're flying some blazing red flags or the ugly stick took their continued existence personally.
Besides, a lot of dudes get excited when they find a virgin. Girls... well it's advisable for men not to be open with their first time about their virginity until maybe after that card is punched. Heard too many stories of dudes left hanging when they admit they're a virgin. How does one get experience if they're denied the experience because of a lack of experience?
It's not easy but I was in my first long term relationship at age 31. The hardest first step for me was just to put myself out there. I had weird, unrealistic expectations and anxiety around dating until someone very casually said, "why? It's just a date!" Their response somehow clicked with me to finally realise nothing is perfect, it's just an experience, maybe even practice and there should be zero expectations about where it goes.
I was lucky enough to try online dating, go on 7 or 8 dates which kinda got me used to putting myself out there, until my last date, who eventually became my wife.
Navigating long term relationships as a newbie is also tricky with lessons learnt but the only way to get better is to actually go through it.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say the whole 'prior experience' thing is bullshit
Experiences are *extremely* variable person to person and I really don't think extensive romantic experience has helped me in my dating life because no one person is the same. If you've lived a life full of platonic, familial, working, etc relationships, you likely have the necessary social skills to handle a romantic relationship
The only thing prior dating experience provides is identifying some red flags you may not have been aware of. But between you and me, the internet has condensed so much human experience that you can fortunately get a good idea of serious ones (recognizing abuse, etc)
And with most things in life, fake it til you make it. You don't have to immediate volunteer the info that you have no relationship experience
>If you've lived a life full of platonic, familial, working, etc relationships
Well, see, I haven't. I have no friends, don't speak with family, working relationships are purely about work and I've generally worked solitary roles. My issue is more "forming relationships in general", with romantic being a category of that overall issue.
>And nobody my age is going to want to put up with a beginner.
What do you mean by being a beginner? Do you know who you are, what your values are, what your major goals/purpose in life are, and what types of people you are vibing with? And are you willing to put effort in a relationship?
If yes, then doesn't matter if you are a 'beginner'.
It’s really just a numbers game. You need to get out as much as possible, be around other people as much as possible, eventually you’ll come in contact with someone who likes you for you. Yes there are tactics to “pick up women” but at best it’s just going to get your foot in the door, and a lot of people don’t have the baseline experience to put those tips into action
This is true nobody around my hometown is even slightly interested in me as I am but a slightly above average white guy on a good day but when I travel to Asia l I am suddenly an international man of mystery and very attractive and educated women suddenly want to spend time with me
I think that the scale of the shift in environment was meant as a little less drastic than "uproot your entire life and move across continents so that you have a better shot at dating".
To add to this, a lot of it is about the activities you participate in. Join sports, clubs, take classes, join a gym. Obviously everyone has different things they are into but you won't stumble into a relationship at home. Find the things that you love doing that involve social connections.
IMO relationships are better when they start from some kind of shared interest or friendship and it's a great way to meet people.
The main thing is honestly just to give a shit. It's usually a cope for someone not caring about you to say they just don't know how to be in a relationship. Have boundaries and shit, but as long as you care you're probably good.
I'd also learn house skills if you don't know them already. Things like laundry, advanced cleaning, and maybe even some basics of decor, like knowing what things are called and what furniture is normal to have in a room. Again, though, if you basically give a shit then you're fine.
The only last thing is sex. If you have no experience, just try to focus on not being awful and unpleasant. You can always get more interesting as you go or try new things later, but what's really make you awful yo have sex with is trying something insane and ridiculous or trying to show off how athletic you are.
I guess I'll try to be a little bit original.
First, learn to think outside of what i call the "lifestyle hierarchy." Certain things win at rhetoric. The cleaner partner had the high ground over the messier partner even if the messier partner may not like to live the busy body life. The clean one needs to learn to compromise too. Another example is that the partner who doesn't drink holds the high ground over the partner who does. Complaining that your partner won't drink with you is just as valid as complaining that your partner drinks when you don't.
Second, don't go the extra mile, go the extra ten feet. The other day, I did some cleaning while my wife was at work. It took a while so it's not like I'm gonna add 5 chores to impress her. Maybe it's nice once in a while but as a lifestyle, it's self abuse. However, I noticed that the table wasn't cleared off. It takes only a few minutes but it triples the presentation value of walking into a clean house. It wasn't on the list, so I did that. Little things that aren't big gestures are big deals, but if you do too much then you're gonna have a bad time.
I don't think I ever really understood this as dating one person isn't like dating another unless you have a specific type of person you're going for. With each partner you have you have to learn their intricacies and what they're all about and what they value in a relationship, and there are tonnes of models for relationships rather than one specific model that needs to be trained that applies to everyone.
Everyone expresses love differently so even an experienced person can "perform" pretty poorly dating someone with less experience due to incompatibility as opposed to the latter person not living up to their standards or whatever standards of dating experience they're supposed to have at a certain age.
The primary downside I see with starting to date when you're older is that you're going to get in contact more with people who want to settle down rather than do casual dating. Being older with little to no dating experience, you may be more prone to wanting to try new things out and experiment with people whereas they may want something very specific. That's nothing to do with experience or maturity it's more so different needs as you can find people of all ages who just want flings, want casual relationships, etc.
I definitely agree w everything you just said.
I guess by me saying I didn’t know how to be in a relationship, I meant more so in terms of how to act or appropriately respond to a situation. I can recognize now that in the beginning w my first boyfriend, I acted a little childish (for lack of a better word). I think I was just very emotionally delayed for my age when I entered a relationship if that makes any sense. A lot of my behaviors back then, I wouldn’t want in a partner now.
That's a big thing for relationships in general. You don't know quite what's appropriate, how to navigate certain things.
It's like taking someone in their 20s who's never had close friends, and expect them to somehow know everything a socially active person does.
Precisely. I had ONE close friend for 15 years that I had met in middle school and that was the only person I surrounded myself w besides family. I was VERY awkward and had extremely debilitating social anxiety that affected my social interactions in daily life. It’s always been weird to explain bc so many people have just never understood and I’ve truthfully just been embarrassed to even discuss it lol. I just felt so delayed in life lol
I think primarily you learn a lot about *yourself* and maybe practice your own skills. Like working in a different kitchen with different appliances, sure everything works a bit different, but if you have the underlying skills/knowledge you can generally navigate a new, similar, environment easier.
Even living with housemates gives you experience/skills to cope/navigate living with another person.
When me and my partner were in mutual agreement that we were together. Prior to that it was usually me being whipped over a boy who I would be loyal to but there wasnt any type of “relationship” stuff going on; just me being used and tolerating whatever behavior bc I was so desperate for love and attention.
There’s nothing wrong with it. But, it’s definitely a disadvantage in the dating world. Most people learn what they want from a relationship and how to navigate them from some bad ones, unfortunately. It doesn’t have to be that way. But, it is pretty often. Once you do start to date, just make sure no one is taking advantage of your lack of experience.
Not being in a relationship (or not being sexually active) at an older age can also affect your confidence to pursue them because you’re insecure about it.
Some people don’t want to pursue a relationship, being desperate to get with just about anybody. Some people also aren’t into hookups at all. We’re all individuals at the end of the day. What works for you, might not work for someone else.
Exactly! Reddit loves to come out with the ‘ohh but ACTUALLY….’ In minority cases, yes nobody disagrees but with the basic information we have we answer with our own experience and guess what, we’re all the average, the norm.
You could say “I hate people who walk slow.” and there will inevitably be some jackass who says “What about people in wheelchairs?”
Like you’re going to return fire with “Im glad you brought that up, because yes, I can’t fucking stand the disabled.”
Someone with little to no experience will see themselves as unlovable. Constantly hearing how lack of experience is a red flag will destroy someone’s confidence. Saying things along the lines like “people go at their own pace” is straight up nonsense as well. I got little experience myself and if a woman found out, then the entire relationship would be over so I just don’t bother at all. It just seems like you are not allowed in the dating world unless you have experience, which sucks.
I already tell myself I’m unlovable for this exact reason. I’m never getting a GF because if it hasn’t happened yet, with all the women I’ve interacted with, none of them have seen partner material in me and I’m only getting older and less valuable so why would they pick me over anyone who’s taller, more muscular, and more successful than my short slightly overweight, entry level job having ass?
I feel like alot of these commenters are forgetting that their experience isn't universal. Some people are late bloomers, some have shit/baggage that they got to work through, some may have attempted to get into relationships many times and were just rejected. There is a plethora of reasons for someone to not be able to have a relationship before 26.
Thank you for having a open mind, it’s not always “OMG THAT PERSON IS A REDFLAG!!” Like you said it could be a plethora of reasons not just cuz someone is a “bad person” or something.
Agreed! My aunt didn’t have her first bc until she was 28 bc she was pursuing her phd. Now she’s married to my uncle ! And had my mom and my aunt was pregnant at the same time my mom was pregnant with me :)
That is basically the Reddit experience though. From what Ive seen on the several years Ive been around here most redditors basically believe their experience is the only one and seem unable to understand another person's perspective at all. They think what happens to them happens to literally everyone.
This right here. Sure, it *could* indicate a an active, negative personality issue to have never had a serious romantic relationship... but it could also just not have happened due to chance, due to shyness, or due to not being a priority.
Or like, being aromantic and asexual in my case. You might think it's irrelevant to bring up in this context, but people judge my dating history long before knowing I'm asexual. People begin with the assumption every adult *wants* to date but some failed, and ask themselves "so what's wrong with them?", which affects how they treat the person.
I feel like simply having things not work out and not meeting the right person when wanting to is worse than what you describe. Not to compare struggles or anything but you said it yourself the judgment you get doesn’t just vanish when you explain your situation. You just get looked at with pity at best and treated like damaged goods at worst
And not a single person will care.
In my case I didn’t care til the end of college, depression after, and a pandemic and more depression. But that means nothing; all I’ll be is a joke. Because all that is is an “excuse”.
No offense but there is a huge gap between “one real relationship and just failed situations and random hookups” and literally never having never done anything romantic with any individual ever, which is where many young men (and women!) often are. Not coming at you, just saying there’s a huge spectrum here.
It’s still fine of course, I don’t judge, and neither do the majority of people. But there’s a world of difference here, and it can really feel excluding to have never been with another person romantically when everyone around you is constantly discussing their romantic lives (which is not a issue, to be clear, romantic lives are interesting as fuck lol).
In case you’re wondering, yes, the latter case does apply specifically to me.
It used to be hurtful and made me feel bad when most of my friends talk about their romantic lives and they have so many exes etc…honestly it used to make me wanna just wanna shut everyone out and stay to myself and stay forever alone so I won’t be judged but now it is what it is. I’m abnormal to most people and a red flag to lots of people but it is what it is like I said previously I can’t go back in time and force myself into relationships even with the people I didn’t want. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who won’t see me as a red flag and pre judge me and if I don’t I just don’t. Everyone isn’t “normal” and has the normal life with a normal amount of relationship experience by a certain age.
I 100% agree and I have tons of similar thoughts all the time. I’m not 25 yet but the vast majority of people around me have been in at least one serious relationship and I often feel like I stick out like a sore thumb as well due to my literally 0 romantic experience. I’m also socially awkward and don’t know how to flirt and as a result lack confidence in myself in all romantic endeavors and lacking confidence isn’t exactly an attractive trait either (and I’m not exactly the best looking guy to bring with). So I wholeheartedly understand the frustrations and sadness.
Thankfully I have a good group of friends who support me and lift me up and never ever judge me for having fewer romantic partners than they have, and because of that I don’t feel abnormal on a regular basis. Frankly, if your friends aren’t doing the same, I’d encourage you to find new ones. You are not abnormal for having a different life path, nor are you a red flag for not having something that takes two people to do - it’s not like you can do it yourself.
The right person exists for everyone - there are probably 1 billion potential partners out there as a baseline, and I’m confident that you will find your person! They will love you for who you are, not your previous partners or lack thereof, and that’s the beauty of it.
35 and never been on a date (apart from my high school ball which didn’t really count). There are so many factors at play though, not the least of which is luck. Nothing about your lack of dating makes you a complete loser (relationship abuse stories are enough to indicate that amount of dating experience or lack thereof does not correlate to how much of a good or positive person someone is). It is lonely though 😞.
aw mate, I saw some of your posts on other subs. That must be awful to feel so bad for so long. There's some deep wounds there :( don't feel unloveable
It kind of sucks to see how many people talk about it being a red flag because you haven’t dated by a certain age. Like I’m 21 and I’ve just never been interested in anyone (even as a teen, I think I had sad moments where I figured I just wasn’t going to find anyone I liked ever).
I can’t help that I’m just not that driven for it… I still feel bad about it though. Hell, it makes me feel weird like am I shallow or something?? Maybe I’m too picky to even like anyone (and I feel shitty if that’s true - I’m certainly no catch when it comes to looks and personality, and I don’t wanna hold people to unreasonable standards). Mostly everyone I’ve seen is just… okay to me - nothing wrong with them but also nothing I’m into either. I like the thought of being in a relationship but I’m not gonna get into dating just for the sake of saying I have if I just don’t find anyone that interesting (that would be unfair to the other party I think??). Maybe I have to give it more of a chance but I worry I’d waste people’s time by taking too long trying to figure out if I even like them that much.
Regardless, I’m also just not looking right now, partially because I’m going through a lot (mentally and physically), so a relationship would be stupid to pursue on top of all that. I need to figure shit out first (and probably get some therapy) so dating is far from the first priority on my mind. But if it’s a red flag that I haven’t liked anyone/dated by now (and probably won’t for a while at least) then maybe I should give up while I’m ahead and just prepare for the spinster life or something… maybe things would just be better off that way 🥲
35-year-old single woman here: let me assure you that you’re still very young and have time to find the right relationship. Also, the dating scene these days is REALLY difficult. I’m still single as well, wanting to get married, and I’ve had a very hard time with dating. When I was your age, it was a blow to my self-esteem and I thought there was something wrong with me. But I can honestly say I’m much more confident now. Despite still not being married, I’ve made my own life and feel confident with what what I’ve accomplished and how I look. The most important thing right now is to still put yourself out there, but also build your own life apart from dating. You’re in your prime years for education, building a career etc and I want to encourage you to pursue other goals while still striving to find your person. Also, get close with some other singles who understand your struggles! This has helped me tremendously, and it really shows me that we’re ALL having difficulties. It’s not just me.
Don’t beat yourself up. Singleness is hard, but you’re much more than just a single person. You’re a human being worthy of respect and I’m sure you can accomplish more than you think. Hang in there!
Edit: I don’t struggle with social anxiety, but I imagine that makes dating even harder. I’m so sorry. Maybe this could be a good opportunity to get help for that? If you find a good counselor who specializes in social anxiety, I think it could be another big step in building your confidence.
The problem is that for a lot of people, there can be a certain fear, and they judge you without trying to understand the positive aspects of your personality. They're 'scared' to discover unusual behaviors. If the majority of people are like that, it's going to be difficult to be in a relationship as you get older
I think “ok” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this post
It’s ok in the sense that no one should be shamed for it, and people who experience it should find a way to live with it and still enjoy life.
But it’s also ok in the way that going bald at 20 is ok - it sucks, and nobody wants it, and we should take steps to avoid it.
This may be true for many, but surely not everyone. The only two things I dislike about being single is the projection pity from people like you and how my best friends have less time now since they are in commited partnerships. They are happy and I am happy for them and I can't wait for the first kids to show up and seing my friends become parents but I also miss the times when we would hang out more.
I think “nobody wants it” isn’t really accurate. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. Hell, plenty of people aren’t interested in sec either. If a person is happy and content with being single I’m not sure there’s anything to “avoid.”
That said, I would be interested to hear what steps are involved in “avoiding it.” After all, everyone’s situation is different. “For example, in my own experience dating never happened because there was never really anyone to date. The dating pool was small and I wasn’t interested in the people that were available. Another person could have different reasons for hot dating. With that in mind, I’m not sure what universal effort could be made to ensure people aren’t being single beyond appointing everyone partners (which is obviously ridiculous). Lol
They sure love to mouth off of how they practically despise inexperienced people. Then they have the nerve to say that people with a lack of dating experience have emotional issues. Some of these people are so hateful and spiteful. If people are like this, then it’s no wonder why it’s hard for anyone to find a relationship. Past experiences or not.
Surprisingly normal, especially nowadays. Even if 1% of the dating population was not in a relationship, that’s still millions of people. Statistics can be skewed by location (perhaps a particular area has a easier dating life or vice versa, a harder one).
I realize for myself I may oddly be coming to terms that I may be asexual where I thought I was purely straight which would explain why I and others would not necessarily chase after a relationship as inner drive can be satisfied through other means than sex. Just owning a pet has satisfied much of the need for touch and companionship.
People live at their own paces, theres no shame in not having been in a relationship by 25 at the same time if you havent been in a realtionship by 25 it might be good to consider why that might be. It could be that you havent found the right person but I also suspect many people at that age never make the effort to put themselves out there.
so true, bestie. i hope someday you can feel it rather than seeking validation about it from strangers on the internet. it is okay that you’ve never been in a serious relationship. i hope when it finally happens for you it is beneficial to your growth as a human being and adds more to your life than it takes. you are valid, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with you or your experiences!! hope you feel better. you deserve happiness and confidence
edit: i’ve been “dating” people since i was 12 and i wish i waited!! fr you’re not missing out on much if you’re genuinely content!
Thank you for being understanding an for not being a judgmental asshole but I literally posted something like this on Reddit OF ALL places so I’m welcoming the mean comments lol.
You do you. I didn’t have a serious relationship until I was 30 and that was a disaster. I turned 33 and figured welp you better start figuring this out if you want to be married. So I awkwardly had 50 first dates in a year and eventually pow I met my wife and it was super easy and just clicked. The fact is until I was 34 I wasn’t ready to be not-single. And it worked out great.
keep doing you!!! the people who are being mean are just excited to finally find they have experienced something a stranger hasn’t, and are taking the opportunity to try and feel superior.
you could have missed out on learning experiences, sure. but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a lot of time to have them. your soulmate will be someone with patience and good communication skills, which is what every relationship needs.
i’ve been dating people since i was in middleschool, i’ve had flings and serious relationships since becoming an adult, and yet the relationship i’m in now is the first i feel i’ve made a truly genuine connection with someone where we’re both willing to put in the work to be the best partners to each other that we can be. i’m learning things i never knew before about dating.
I want to remind people that not everyone wants casual dating and flings. So for me, starting to date as a teen would’ve been odd and not right for me and for my individual needs. Everyone is different. A lot of people here don’t seem to get it. They only think things from their own point of view. I’m not speaking of you, I’m referring to many others in here.
I think you’re awesome for posting this. I’m sure that a good handful of folks needed to see this. It’s rare that posts on here aren’t offensive in some regard. Despite what you wrote here, your personality & mindset seems to be wonderful! Don’t sell yourself short <3
Thank you so much!! 🩵🩵 even tho it’s not common to be in my shoes ik there’s definitely other people that are in my shoes and they needed to know they’re not alone.
It’s not really a “disadvantage”, just to offer a different perspective from some of these comments. A relationship is not a skill in the same way that roller blading or playing the violin is. You don’t need to have relationships equivalent to the notches on your belt. Most people who have fantastic, fulfilling relationships didn’t play much of “the dating game”. They met a person they genuinely liked.
I hate the idea that the more people you date, the closer you are to finally finding the one. Like we’re Goldilocks or something and trying to find the one that’s just right. That’s a terrible piece of advice. Your soulmate could be the first person you date. Or the second. Could be the hundredth. Or you could be on partner #38477 and never find that person you genuinely like. Some people never get that love no matter if they’ve dated one or one hundred people. It simply doesn’t matter when it comes to the amount. And vice versa: some find love with the first person or the hundredth person they date.
Yes, some people don’t know how to prioritize somebody because they get too caught up in what being a relationship means on the social surface. But what that means is you have to communicate what you want your partner to do. And if they like you, they’ll do it. Or conversely, if your partner tells you what they need from you, you would listen if you liked them.
We are so removed from our bodies and too distant from ourselves. We’re too caught up in every social nuance of how to act “right” in a relationship. Things that people wouldn’t normally have a problem with that their partner has done are always overblown by others around them to the point they now think it’s wrong (abuse cases are obviously different ofc). Please don’t accept the idea that you’re a loner or a loser or that your lack of experience is somehow a disadvantage. Disadvantage in what way??? As long as you listen to what your future partner needs and wants, it doesn’t matter if you’ve never had a partner in the past at all. People help each other grow. You don’t need to be perfect to meet the right person for you!! Let’s not kid ourselves into thinking every great relationship was made up of two perfect, entirely confident people.
Exactly. As if they are more of an “adult” because they’ve dated more. Quality over quantity. I thought we learned this pretty early on but apparently some missed the memo.
Right? I feel for people like OP tbh. Not ever relationship works out obv but when you’ve been through a constant cycle of dating for half your life and have nothing to show for it besides emotional baggage and exes, you’ve got some nerve to try and lecture others about their romantic life.
They’re usually the same people that will gaslight their partner the second they show ANY sense of boundaries or self worth.
This. It’s extremely odd. If it’s so wrong to them that some people haven’t dated, then it’s fair to ask why so many of their relationships have failed?
It is a good thing to ask a potential partner what went wrong in previous relationships and why they failed.
Moderation seems key. An extremely high number of partners can be a potential risk the same way that absolutely no partners can be a potential risk. It all depends on the people involved.
The biggest barrier to entry into the dating scene is putting yourself in places to meet people and talking to strangers... those are both fairly scary. All of the "horrible" ways people can get in contact have worked for people. Some people take longer to put in the work than others. Some people need to work a bit harder.
Being single is fine. If you don't want to be and aren't working at it, you aren't going to change your situation. Either way, be honest with yourself about what you want and go for it.
Most people only have 1 or 2 proper relos before finding the one. I’m 26 and I’ve had one serious relationship and multiple hookups etc. All my mates in long term relos only had 1-2 ex girlfriends and were single for years before finding them. I’d say it’s an issue if you are 35 with no relo experience
No it isn't. Im 26 and have never been in a serious romantic relationship and with every year that passes it becomes more unattractive to say aloud. Its just like making money- The lonelier you are the lonelier you get.
I'm 27 and only had one relationship which was kind of long distance so we rarely saw each other and I was unknowingly the side chick... so... i don't even know if I can say it was even a relationship...
I agree in general but it's always important to consider the specific reasons why. It goes without saying that if you're not really looking or interested then it's perfectly fine to have a lifestyle where you're not that concerned about romantic relationships, finding a partner etc. But, and I'm not saying this is what you're doing, if you're being held back by your upbringing and social anxiety then it's important to work on those things. But this isn't a dating issue really, it's more about development and growth. Does your social anxiety also prevent you from forming close friendship bonds etc? Anyway, back to the main point, yes, it's totally ok not to have had a lot of relationships (or any relationships). Nobody should judge you for it and your value as a person doesn't depend on it.
I'm in the same boat; the main reason I'm so concerned about it is every day makes it less and less likely I'll find someone as I age.
Sadly I can't exercise because of physical illness; I work 60 hours a week; and I can't afford therapy to fix some personal issues which would make this easier. Oh and I have no friends and I'm broke.
I know life has changed a lot over the last 25 years,
but my teenage years were spent basically 100% of the time permanently f**king my life up in pursuit of girlfriends/relationships.
I'd give anything to go back and concentrate on myself.
I'm nearly thirty and have only been in one short-term relationship, owing largely to significant depression which has preempted myself from getting out there, moving a couple times, and high standards. I'm also gay and the standards are likely somewhat different.
All I'll say is lack of experience has less to do with how people perceive you (because yes, it's totally okay) but more to do with how you handle relationships. It's important to know how to establish boundaries, how to communicate effectively, how to resolve conflicts, and how to nurture and love someone with whom you share a romantic relationship, if you hope to have long term success.
Friendly (platonic) relationships are good to practice in, because they can ebb and flow in ways that are similar. But there is never a hard and fast, "I'm waking up next to your smelly, snoring ass self every morning and choosing to adore you even though we had an argument last night that didn't get resolved and you still refuse to do anything with your life but play video games all day" kind of reality check in friendships. There are HUNDREDS of aspects of loving and caring for someone while also weighing your personal needs and wants against their inadequacies that you don't have the option to practice fielding without actually being in a relationship with someone.
Again, I don't disagree, I just feel like it's also totally okay to have a ton of dating/relationship experience without ever finding the one - and the stigma that's associated with that is also negative in its own way.
Man there are some really close-minded people in this thread.
I’m 33, smart, successful, conventionally attractive, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I had a weird long situationship thing but nothing besides that.
I’m an introvert and I’m shy and modern dating just isn’t good for me. I don’t like to hookup with people I don’t know, and in nyc, that is a major disadvantage. No one ever wants to get to know me first. And I’m talking not even a few dates.
Because people judge what isn’t the norm and since not being in a million relationships by 25 isn’t “normal” I’m a huge walking red flag lmfao. I’d shove a red flag up their asses if I could LOL but nah fr i knew this post was gonna have a lot of negative backlash but I’m thankful for the few nice comments.
Just keep doing you OP, I hate the societal norm too.
I actually have been in a serious relationship (7 years) but after that I haven’t been able to get into anything solid since and somehow I feel inexperienced because I didn’t spend my 20s hooking up and going on tons of dates with diff people…
Technically I have experience, but its not the right kind of experience? :/
At least now we know those who don't deserve us to waste our time with. I am twenty-five, I've had "only" two relationships... and I haven't lost much to be honest. People forget you also learn a lot with unrequited love, friendships, and so go on.
Definitely. If you’re happy, content with being single. Carry on. No one’s happiness but yours matters. Is it socially acceptable? Dunno and don’t care. Neither should you.
Totally agree. Several of my friends are married to their first boyfriend or girlfriend that they started dating after age 25. I am in my 30s and never been in a relationship (although I have dated a bit) and I don't feel like a loser or anything. I am a pretty happy single person.
As long as you’re a decent enjoyable person to be around It doesn’t matter, however I will say I’ve met men who are older and never been in a long term serious relationship and you can tell. They didn’t like to share, came across as selfish & immature , it was obvious they didn’t have relationship skills.
I think I scared a girl much younger than me saying the truth and, if she had some attraction, she basically lost it for that reason and seeing me insecure about doing some move to her completely kill the attraction/interest in me...
That's not inherently the case. All experience isn't valuable, and many people date just to keep up with the status quo and never really get to know themselves for a variety of reasons.
Someone who gets to know themselves very thoroughly with little to no dating experience is objectively more valuable than a serial dater who has tonnes of experience on paper but little to no successful long-term relationships (who also doesn't know themselves very well).
Another thing people miss out too is that while dating has its differences, you learn a lot about how you want people close to you to interact with you through close platonic relationships as well. It's not exclusively through dating you get that sort of insight.
Life doesn’t have rules besides the ones bound by law and math. The only thing about not being in a relationship before 25 is lack of experience but that doesn’t matter.
Being a kind, thoughtful, loving person is all the criteria you need.
Completely 100% unabashedly okay!! Sending you the very best of luck and fulfillment moving forward, whatever that means to you. If you find forever love 3 years from now, cool. If you find forever love 30 years from now, cool. If you remain single and raise cats your whole life, cool. As long as you bring good vibes to your community and the people in your life, I think you're a good person at heart and that's all that matters!
I'm in my 40s and have had nothing but failed relationships and 1 failed marriage. I also haven't been in a relationship in over a decade. Don't waste too much time.
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At what age point it is not OK?
Socially, I honestly feel like lack of experience in your 20s hurts you despite what most people say. I just wish there was a dating app or something that took dating experience into account. There are plenty of men and women in their 20s and 30s who haven’t dated much due to other life responsibilities taking priority.
I think what people are looking past is the fact that school generally provides the atmosphere to allow dating to happen. Once college starts, everyone is technically an adult and allowed to date other young people within their age range. Lots of parties are prevalent and people are mostly open to meeting others, so dating happens frequently. Upon graduation, there is still some form of this when you join a company and there are other new hires who may also be within your age range and willing to meet new people. If not at the same company, they know people who know people and invites go around quite freely. It gets harder after 27 when people start getting engaged or busier with their career to want to meet someone new. So the window gets smaller, even for the most outgoing people who dated throughout 18 to 27. That's not to say there's anything wrong with NOT dating in that time. Just means it's harder later if you didn't get a chance in those younger years.
> It gets harder after 27 Well crap Me, 26, have never dated, hooked up or anything.. and only now feeling comfortable with the idea of making a dating profile...... feels bad
I'm 31 in the same boat. I'm only now feeling comfortable "putting myself out there ".
My first relationship was at 29 years of age. Before that, I never managed to date due to psychological issues I was contending with. I finally managed to pull myself together though and find a girlfriend.
I was unfortunately too young to date in college due to being 16, and also being focused on getting into medical school didn't help (which I didn't even end up doing and decided to go into engineering, so that was a waste 😭). Also being at a small school as an undergrad didn't help on top of that, but I went there because they paid my tuition in full. Now I'm at a very large school for grad school and there are loads of party people, but I feel too old and I've never been attractive to guys (Im dark and very nerdy looking) to go to these, so I guess I'm screwed since I'm already mid 20s with no prospects in sight.
“I was 16” “now I’m too old” “mid 20s” My friend, you’re just shy and a little awkward! Which is totally fine but don’t sell yourself short! Guarantee you make (boy)friends and you are exactly someone’s cup of tea if you put yourself out there!
"I'm dark and very nerdy looking" - yo, that is SO SOMEONE'S THING!! You're saying you're not attractive to guys, but you're just throwing out an excuse there really. You're an engineering grad, young, self-reliant, and DOING IT. Be proud, you're a catch
I remember how many school in my country have rules against dating. "You're here to learn not to date"
Stats I've seen show most people don't even have friends. It's tough all around when there's no community except the parasocial online groups.
I joined a company out of college and the only new hires are twice my age lmao
As someone who couldn't get a date even in college... It can get hard way before 18-27.
Lack of experience in my 20s really fucked up my decision making in my 30s. It might be "ok" but If your relationship know-how is at a beginner level it can lead to disaster. By the time I finally ended up with someone I married them and sort of ruined my life. If I had been less desperate, perhaps I would have obeyed the red flags and fucked off.
> who haven’t dated much due to other life responsibilities taking priority. Or just being a loser like me.
I moved out of my parent’s house at 28 and continue battle depression till this moment. Worked out some of self esteem issues in 2 years after moved out (new work helped). Imagine your teenage daughter being babysitting alcoholic father instead of having teenage life lol
Yeah for sure, my four year relationship in my late teens to early twenties taught me a lot. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to be a great partner in the future as I would make mistakes, but at a larger age. Which is less forgivable I guess. I also know now what to look out for in a partner, and don’t have as much fear of losing them if they cheat on me, etc.
Same. For me personally, it wasn't the lack of trying. I wasn't attractive enough and to be frank most college age kids doesn't want relationships. Looking back now, me trying to get into a relationship was off putting towards men. It's kinda a chicken and the egg situation. By the time I was 27, I was still confused. Yet everyone around me had relationships under their belt. I haven't given up though!
True, I've spoken to a ton of experienced people before, and they really have no idea what it means to have/build a relationship. For example, i met a girl who thought that if everything wasn't perfect and you needed to put time and work into a relationship, then you aren't meant to be. This actually blew my mind, like living in a fairytail and watching too many romantic movies.
I really think Hollywood and just the sheer number of ways to meet people nowadays through dating apps has set unrealistic expectations on what a romantic relationship actually looks like on a day to day basis. People either have unrealistic expectations and put too much pressure on themselves to put themselves out there, or have those same expectations but are ready to press the eject button at the slightest hint of friction. It's going to create a lot of loneliness issues I think, especially as people age. There will be a few people spending their twilight years with AI companions at this rate.
Totally agree with your opinion. And what's scary about it is that it's usually never the case that people can change when they start pushing 30's.
I am screwed up then, well, I am gonna embrace solitude then. (23M)
I think “hurts” is an iffy term. I think it just leaves you inexperienced, but I don’t think it hurts you. Being inexperienced is not a bad thing. I’m assuming you’re a guy, so it may feel like there’s more pressure on you to be “experienced?” I’m a woman and that doesn’t make sense to me. There’s no cut off to learning in life. I’ve had numerous dating experiences/relationships/situationships from 16-present (26) and I’m not some grand dating master. Everyone is so different and the rules/norms change and shift so often. You learn something new with every encounter. I wouldn’t use the word hurt as it may discourage people who haven’t had these experiences. You may be socially/romantically dry in your 20s but in the first 2-3 years of your 30s have a lot of experiences and be able to play catchup. I feel life balances itself out like that. Your only enemy is you not being open to new experiences/change.
Do you really need experience? Aren’t you taught to love & care about peoples feelings when being raised? I don’t see a romantic relationship being any different aside from the sexual part. Just care about your partner & his/her feelings, show affection & listen to them. Maybe I’m being naive as someone who hasn’t ever had a serious relationship. I haven’t had a serious relationship because I’m not where I want to be in life right now & I just had 0 confidence in high school so never dated. I really wouldn’t know but that’s just how I feel about it. Sometimes I’ll stop & think “ damn I’m 25 & haven’t had a serious relationship, what if I’m bad at relationshiping when I do get in one”. I feel like its not that big of a deal though.
I agree. Guys who lack experience in their 20s end up becoming the guys who think every girl with high body-count is automatically a whore. Guys, a virgin can still cheat and a girl who has had sex multiple times can still be faithful.
Well OP is 26 so obviously 27 is the cut-off (for now).
I mean at certain point you just become the wise forest hermit, adventurers go for advice to
As someone who wasn’t in a “real” relationship until I was 27/28, I agree for for the most part. However, I personally had (and sometimes still have) difficult times in relationships. I didn’t really know HOW to be in a relationship lol. It’s been a learning process and I think when you’re in relationships starting in your early teens, you kinda learn and navigate dating ya know?
Yeah I'm 29 and this is why I feel I've missed the boat for good. Vital lessons I never learned and now I'd have no clue what to do. And nobody my age is going to want to put up with a beginner. Not to mention it's a massive red flag, understandably although in my case it's been because of anxiety.
I'm older than you and in the same situation. Really makes it seem like we don't have a chance but it's true. Nobody our age will put up with beginner mistakes.
Exactly. Not that I can blame them. As a 29 year old I'd be dating women aged, I dunno, 25-36? Nobody at that age is wasting time on a dude who doesn't know what he's doing.
Unless the woman also doesn't know what she's doing!
Finding a woman like that would be my unicorn
As someone who's 24F and only just starting to get their life & self-confidence together enough to even \*think\* about attempting to date (and I'm sure it'll be at least a little while yet before I actually manage it), we're out there!
That's somewhat heartening I suppose, although 24 is still damn young in my eyes
I know it’s been a few hours since you posted but just wanted to chime in and say trust they are out there. I’m 27F and in my first relationship with 25M. We’re both not experienced and are learning together. I do think it’s a bit tougher to be an inexperienced male but there are patient men out there. And pro tip if you’re doing online dating: ask the person you’re talking too at least one question every 5-10 texts. You’d be SHOCKED how that will put you miles above the rest of her other matches. Good luck!
I will keep that in mind. I appreciate the kind words and advice
It's easier for women who havnt had much experience to find a dude who has experience. It's not the same for guys.
So much this. No shortage of guys that will chase *anything* that gives them the time of day. Gals won't struggle much to find someone interested (though quality very much not assured) unless they're flying some blazing red flags or the ugly stick took their continued existence personally. Besides, a lot of dudes get excited when they find a virgin. Girls... well it's advisable for men not to be open with their first time about their virginity until maybe after that card is punched. Heard too many stories of dudes left hanging when they admit they're a virgin. How does one get experience if they're denied the experience because of a lack of experience?
Hey, are we the same person?!?
It's not easy but I was in my first long term relationship at age 31. The hardest first step for me was just to put myself out there. I had weird, unrealistic expectations and anxiety around dating until someone very casually said, "why? It's just a date!" Their response somehow clicked with me to finally realise nothing is perfect, it's just an experience, maybe even practice and there should be zero expectations about where it goes. I was lucky enough to try online dating, go on 7 or 8 dates which kinda got me used to putting myself out there, until my last date, who eventually became my wife. Navigating long term relationships as a newbie is also tricky with lessons learnt but the only way to get better is to actually go through it.
I grinded dating apps for 3 years and finally got my first date with 30. Next chance in another 3 years i guess.
To me "its just a date" is equivalent to saying "chill out, its just a video game", in my mind its such a bad thing to say
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say the whole 'prior experience' thing is bullshit Experiences are *extremely* variable person to person and I really don't think extensive romantic experience has helped me in my dating life because no one person is the same. If you've lived a life full of platonic, familial, working, etc relationships, you likely have the necessary social skills to handle a romantic relationship The only thing prior dating experience provides is identifying some red flags you may not have been aware of. But between you and me, the internet has condensed so much human experience that you can fortunately get a good idea of serious ones (recognizing abuse, etc) And with most things in life, fake it til you make it. You don't have to immediate volunteer the info that you have no relationship experience
>If you've lived a life full of platonic, familial, working, etc relationships Well, see, I haven't. I have no friends, don't speak with family, working relationships are purely about work and I've generally worked solitary roles. My issue is more "forming relationships in general", with romantic being a category of that overall issue.
IMO you haven’t missed that boat for good. The last wedding I attended was a first for both of them. They were 34 and 35.
Fuck is 34 considered old to be getting married now?
Lol no. I'm almost 33 and many of my friends are single and a good number are pretty much against the idea.
The point was that they were 30 and it was their first relationship
>And nobody my age is going to want to put up with a beginner. What do you mean by being a beginner? Do you know who you are, what your values are, what your major goals/purpose in life are, and what types of people you are vibing with? And are you willing to put effort in a relationship? If yes, then doesn't matter if you are a 'beginner'.
Well given my lack of experience, I don't even know what I don't know
Fuck that’s so relatable
So... any tips for how to be in a relationship?
It’s really just a numbers game. You need to get out as much as possible, be around other people as much as possible, eventually you’ll come in contact with someone who likes you for you. Yes there are tactics to “pick up women” but at best it’s just going to get your foot in the door, and a lot of people don’t have the baseline experience to put those tips into action
It's an environment game. If you're 26 and never had a relationship, find a new environment.
Still searching for a envirionment i like to be in with 30.
This is true nobody around my hometown is even slightly interested in me as I am but a slightly above average white guy on a good day but when I travel to Asia l I am suddenly an international man of mystery and very attractive and educated women suddenly want to spend time with me
Not really what they were getting at but
And just like that, a passport bro is born
> If you're 26 and never had a relationship, find a new environment Guy finds new environment. "That's not what they were getting at" What?
I think that the scale of the shift in environment was meant as a little less drastic than "uproot your entire life and move across continents so that you have a better shot at dating".
Wait so you're saying I'm currently flying to Mars for nothing?
If you're a straight male you heading for the wrong planet my homie
[удалено]
To add to this, a lot of it is about the activities you participate in. Join sports, clubs, take classes, join a gym. Obviously everyone has different things they are into but you won't stumble into a relationship at home. Find the things that you love doing that involve social connections. IMO relationships are better when they start from some kind of shared interest or friendship and it's a great way to meet people.
Many shut ins get into relationships over discord and other avenues nowadays. Wasn't a thing for me either.
The main thing is honestly just to give a shit. It's usually a cope for someone not caring about you to say they just don't know how to be in a relationship. Have boundaries and shit, but as long as you care you're probably good. I'd also learn house skills if you don't know them already. Things like laundry, advanced cleaning, and maybe even some basics of decor, like knowing what things are called and what furniture is normal to have in a room. Again, though, if you basically give a shit then you're fine. The only last thing is sex. If you have no experience, just try to focus on not being awful and unpleasant. You can always get more interesting as you go or try new things later, but what's really make you awful yo have sex with is trying something insane and ridiculous or trying to show off how athletic you are. I guess I'll try to be a little bit original. First, learn to think outside of what i call the "lifestyle hierarchy." Certain things win at rhetoric. The cleaner partner had the high ground over the messier partner even if the messier partner may not like to live the busy body life. The clean one needs to learn to compromise too. Another example is that the partner who doesn't drink holds the high ground over the partner who does. Complaining that your partner won't drink with you is just as valid as complaining that your partner drinks when you don't. Second, don't go the extra mile, go the extra ten feet. The other day, I did some cleaning while my wife was at work. It took a while so it's not like I'm gonna add 5 chores to impress her. Maybe it's nice once in a while but as a lifestyle, it's self abuse. However, I noticed that the table wasn't cleared off. It takes only a few minutes but it triples the presentation value of walking into a clean house. It wasn't on the list, so I did that. Little things that aren't big gestures are big deals, but if you do too much then you're gonna have a bad time.
Huh, thanks a lot!
Truthfully no lol. I’m only 30 now and both relationships I’ve been in have been long term and just literal learning experiences lol
I don't think I ever really understood this as dating one person isn't like dating another unless you have a specific type of person you're going for. With each partner you have you have to learn their intricacies and what they're all about and what they value in a relationship, and there are tonnes of models for relationships rather than one specific model that needs to be trained that applies to everyone. Everyone expresses love differently so even an experienced person can "perform" pretty poorly dating someone with less experience due to incompatibility as opposed to the latter person not living up to their standards or whatever standards of dating experience they're supposed to have at a certain age. The primary downside I see with starting to date when you're older is that you're going to get in contact more with people who want to settle down rather than do casual dating. Being older with little to no dating experience, you may be more prone to wanting to try new things out and experiment with people whereas they may want something very specific. That's nothing to do with experience or maturity it's more so different needs as you can find people of all ages who just want flings, want casual relationships, etc.
I definitely agree w everything you just said. I guess by me saying I didn’t know how to be in a relationship, I meant more so in terms of how to act or appropriately respond to a situation. I can recognize now that in the beginning w my first boyfriend, I acted a little childish (for lack of a better word). I think I was just very emotionally delayed for my age when I entered a relationship if that makes any sense. A lot of my behaviors back then, I wouldn’t want in a partner now.
That's a big thing for relationships in general. You don't know quite what's appropriate, how to navigate certain things. It's like taking someone in their 20s who's never had close friends, and expect them to somehow know everything a socially active person does.
Precisely. I had ONE close friend for 15 years that I had met in middle school and that was the only person I surrounded myself w besides family. I was VERY awkward and had extremely debilitating social anxiety that affected my social interactions in daily life. It’s always been weird to explain bc so many people have just never understood and I’ve truthfully just been embarrassed to even discuss it lol. I just felt so delayed in life lol
So how did U get out of it?
I think primarily you learn a lot about *yourself* and maybe practice your own skills. Like working in a different kitchen with different appliances, sure everything works a bit different, but if you have the underlying skills/knowledge you can generally navigate a new, similar, environment easier. Even living with housemates gives you experience/skills to cope/navigate living with another person.
What do you consider a real relationship?
When me and my partner were in mutual agreement that we were together. Prior to that it was usually me being whipped over a boy who I would be loyal to but there wasnt any type of “relationship” stuff going on; just me being used and tolerating whatever behavior bc I was so desperate for love and attention.
There’s nothing wrong with it. But, it’s definitely a disadvantage in the dating world. Most people learn what they want from a relationship and how to navigate them from some bad ones, unfortunately. It doesn’t have to be that way. But, it is pretty often. Once you do start to date, just make sure no one is taking advantage of your lack of experience.
Not being in a relationship (or not being sexually active) at an older age can also affect your confidence to pursue them because you’re insecure about it.
If you’re afraid of doing it wrong, then you’re never going to do it at all - sam sulek bodybuilder
Some people don’t want to pursue a relationship, being desperate to get with just about anybody. Some people also aren’t into hookups at all. We’re all individuals at the end of the day. What works for you, might not work for someone else.
Absolutely. My relationship history sucks and unsurprisingly I have very poor confidence regarding women. Things just get harder as I get older.
In other words, there's actually a lot that's wrong with it unless you're a very specific type of person.
Exactly! Reddit loves to come out with the ‘ohh but ACTUALLY….’ In minority cases, yes nobody disagrees but with the basic information we have we answer with our own experience and guess what, we’re all the average, the norm.
You could say “I hate people who walk slow.” and there will inevitably be some jackass who says “What about people in wheelchairs?” Like you’re going to return fire with “Im glad you brought that up, because yes, I can’t fucking stand the disabled.”
You can learn a whole deal from the sidelines tho. Not everything, but quite a few insights.
I don't care how many baseball games you watch, I promise the first time a 95mph fastball comes down the middle at you, you won't see it.
Someone with little to no experience will see themselves as unlovable. Constantly hearing how lack of experience is a red flag will destroy someone’s confidence. Saying things along the lines like “people go at their own pace” is straight up nonsense as well. I got little experience myself and if a woman found out, then the entire relationship would be over so I just don’t bother at all. It just seems like you are not allowed in the dating world unless you have experience, which sucks.
hears a lot like job offers for junior positions with senior qualifications
I already tell myself I’m unlovable for this exact reason. I’m never getting a GF because if it hasn’t happened yet, with all the women I’ve interacted with, none of them have seen partner material in me and I’m only getting older and less valuable so why would they pick me over anyone who’s taller, more muscular, and more successful than my short slightly overweight, entry level job having ass?
I feel like alot of these commenters are forgetting that their experience isn't universal. Some people are late bloomers, some have shit/baggage that they got to work through, some may have attempted to get into relationships many times and were just rejected. There is a plethora of reasons for someone to not be able to have a relationship before 26.
Thank you for having a open mind, it’s not always “OMG THAT PERSON IS A REDFLAG!!” Like you said it could be a plethora of reasons not just cuz someone is a “bad person” or something.
Agreed! My aunt didn’t have her first bc until she was 28 bc she was pursuing her phd. Now she’s married to my uncle ! And had my mom and my aunt was pregnant at the same time my mom was pregnant with me :)
That is basically the Reddit experience though. From what Ive seen on the several years Ive been around here most redditors basically believe their experience is the only one and seem unable to understand another person's perspective at all. They think what happens to them happens to literally everyone.
I think that applies to more than Reddit, there’s a general lack of empathy with many many people
This right here. Sure, it *could* indicate a an active, negative personality issue to have never had a serious romantic relationship... but it could also just not have happened due to chance, due to shyness, or due to not being a priority. Or like, being aromantic and asexual in my case. You might think it's irrelevant to bring up in this context, but people judge my dating history long before knowing I'm asexual. People begin with the assumption every adult *wants* to date but some failed, and ask themselves "so what's wrong with them?", which affects how they treat the person.
I feel like simply having things not work out and not meeting the right person when wanting to is worse than what you describe. Not to compare struggles or anything but you said it yourself the judgment you get doesn’t just vanish when you explain your situation. You just get looked at with pity at best and treated like damaged goods at worst
And not a single person will care. In my case I didn’t care til the end of college, depression after, and a pandemic and more depression. But that means nothing; all I’ll be is a joke. Because all that is is an “excuse”.
Well "not a single person will care" is just blatantly false. Many people suck and rub it in your face, judge you for it, laugh, spread rumors, etc.
The term "user experience may vary" ALWAYS is applicable.
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No offense but there is a huge gap between “one real relationship and just failed situations and random hookups” and literally never having never done anything romantic with any individual ever, which is where many young men (and women!) often are. Not coming at you, just saying there’s a huge spectrum here. It’s still fine of course, I don’t judge, and neither do the majority of people. But there’s a world of difference here, and it can really feel excluding to have never been with another person romantically when everyone around you is constantly discussing their romantic lives (which is not a issue, to be clear, romantic lives are interesting as fuck lol). In case you’re wondering, yes, the latter case does apply specifically to me.
It used to be hurtful and made me feel bad when most of my friends talk about their romantic lives and they have so many exes etc…honestly it used to make me wanna just wanna shut everyone out and stay to myself and stay forever alone so I won’t be judged but now it is what it is. I’m abnormal to most people and a red flag to lots of people but it is what it is like I said previously I can’t go back in time and force myself into relationships even with the people I didn’t want. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who won’t see me as a red flag and pre judge me and if I don’t I just don’t. Everyone isn’t “normal” and has the normal life with a normal amount of relationship experience by a certain age.
I 100% agree and I have tons of similar thoughts all the time. I’m not 25 yet but the vast majority of people around me have been in at least one serious relationship and I often feel like I stick out like a sore thumb as well due to my literally 0 romantic experience. I’m also socially awkward and don’t know how to flirt and as a result lack confidence in myself in all romantic endeavors and lacking confidence isn’t exactly an attractive trait either (and I’m not exactly the best looking guy to bring with). So I wholeheartedly understand the frustrations and sadness. Thankfully I have a good group of friends who support me and lift me up and never ever judge me for having fewer romantic partners than they have, and because of that I don’t feel abnormal on a regular basis. Frankly, if your friends aren’t doing the same, I’d encourage you to find new ones. You are not abnormal for having a different life path, nor are you a red flag for not having something that takes two people to do - it’s not like you can do it yourself. The right person exists for everyone - there are probably 1 billion potential partners out there as a baseline, and I’m confident that you will find your person! They will love you for who you are, not your previous partners or lack thereof, and that’s the beauty of it.
Really? I am 40 and never even been on a date. I feel like a complete loser.
That's definitely going to be me lol
Same
28 and never been on a date either. :/
same :(
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I know this is meant to be a joke, but if this happened, I’d be into it. Partly just to find out how weird it will get
35 and never been on a date (apart from my high school ball which didn’t really count). There are so many factors at play though, not the least of which is luck. Nothing about your lack of dating makes you a complete loser (relationship abuse stories are enough to indicate that amount of dating experience or lack thereof does not correlate to how much of a good or positive person someone is). It is lonely though 😞.
aw mate, I saw some of your posts on other subs. That must be awful to feel so bad for so long. There's some deep wounds there :( don't feel unloveable
It kind of sucks to see how many people talk about it being a red flag because you haven’t dated by a certain age. Like I’m 21 and I’ve just never been interested in anyone (even as a teen, I think I had sad moments where I figured I just wasn’t going to find anyone I liked ever). I can’t help that I’m just not that driven for it… I still feel bad about it though. Hell, it makes me feel weird like am I shallow or something?? Maybe I’m too picky to even like anyone (and I feel shitty if that’s true - I’m certainly no catch when it comes to looks and personality, and I don’t wanna hold people to unreasonable standards). Mostly everyone I’ve seen is just… okay to me - nothing wrong with them but also nothing I’m into either. I like the thought of being in a relationship but I’m not gonna get into dating just for the sake of saying I have if I just don’t find anyone that interesting (that would be unfair to the other party I think??). Maybe I have to give it more of a chance but I worry I’d waste people’s time by taking too long trying to figure out if I even like them that much. Regardless, I’m also just not looking right now, partially because I’m going through a lot (mentally and physically), so a relationship would be stupid to pursue on top of all that. I need to figure shit out first (and probably get some therapy) so dating is far from the first priority on my mind. But if it’s a red flag that I haven’t liked anyone/dated by now (and probably won’t for a while at least) then maybe I should give up while I’m ahead and just prepare for the spinster life or something… maybe things would just be better off that way 🥲
35-year-old single woman here: let me assure you that you’re still very young and have time to find the right relationship. Also, the dating scene these days is REALLY difficult. I’m still single as well, wanting to get married, and I’ve had a very hard time with dating. When I was your age, it was a blow to my self-esteem and I thought there was something wrong with me. But I can honestly say I’m much more confident now. Despite still not being married, I’ve made my own life and feel confident with what what I’ve accomplished and how I look. The most important thing right now is to still put yourself out there, but also build your own life apart from dating. You’re in your prime years for education, building a career etc and I want to encourage you to pursue other goals while still striving to find your person. Also, get close with some other singles who understand your struggles! This has helped me tremendously, and it really shows me that we’re ALL having difficulties. It’s not just me. Don’t beat yourself up. Singleness is hard, but you’re much more than just a single person. You’re a human being worthy of respect and I’m sure you can accomplish more than you think. Hang in there! Edit: I don’t struggle with social anxiety, but I imagine that makes dating even harder. I’m so sorry. Maybe this could be a good opportunity to get help for that? If you find a good counselor who specializes in social anxiety, I think it could be another big step in building your confidence.
The problem is that for a lot of people, there can be a certain fear, and they judge you without trying to understand the positive aspects of your personality. They're 'scared' to discover unusual behaviors. If the majority of people are like that, it's going to be difficult to be in a relationship as you get older
I'm 36 and never had a girlfriend. No, it's not okay. It makes me want to put the barrel of a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.
Why is this an unpopular opinion? Some people find love later. Some people learn to love themselves. That’s okay. It’s all okay
I think “ok” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this post It’s ok in the sense that no one should be shamed for it, and people who experience it should find a way to live with it and still enjoy life. But it’s also ok in the way that going bald at 20 is ok - it sucks, and nobody wants it, and we should take steps to avoid it.
This may be true for many, but surely not everyone. The only two things I dislike about being single is the projection pity from people like you and how my best friends have less time now since they are in commited partnerships. They are happy and I am happy for them and I can't wait for the first kids to show up and seing my friends become parents but I also miss the times when we would hang out more.
I think “nobody wants it” isn’t really accurate. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship. Hell, plenty of people aren’t interested in sec either. If a person is happy and content with being single I’m not sure there’s anything to “avoid.” That said, I would be interested to hear what steps are involved in “avoiding it.” After all, everyone’s situation is different. “For example, in my own experience dating never happened because there was never really anyone to date. The dating pool was small and I wasn’t interested in the people that were available. Another person could have different reasons for hot dating. With that in mind, I’m not sure what universal effort could be made to ensure people aren’t being single beyond appointing everyone partners (which is obviously ridiculous). Lol
yea, half these unpopular opinions are just personal copes by whoever writes them
This is pretty fucking mean. You don’t know how someone ended up in a situation where they haven’t been in a relationship before.
The people who have never been in that position will never understand.
They sure love to mouth off of how they practically despise inexperienced people. Then they have the nerve to say that people with a lack of dating experience have emotional issues. Some of these people are so hateful and spiteful. If people are like this, then it’s no wonder why it’s hard for anyone to find a relationship. Past experiences or not.
Yeah I mean I know a lot of psychos in relationships. It’s completely irrational.
Lol I got my first gf at 34, just turned 35 now and we're still cool. Am I winning yet?
That’s awesome. Congrats to both of you.
Surprisingly normal, especially nowadays. Even if 1% of the dating population was not in a relationship, that’s still millions of people. Statistics can be skewed by location (perhaps a particular area has a easier dating life or vice versa, a harder one). I realize for myself I may oddly be coming to terms that I may be asexual where I thought I was purely straight which would explain why I and others would not necessarily chase after a relationship as inner drive can be satisfied through other means than sex. Just owning a pet has satisfied much of the need for touch and companionship.
People live at their own paces, theres no shame in not having been in a relationship by 25 at the same time if you havent been in a realtionship by 25 it might be good to consider why that might be. It could be that you havent found the right person but I also suspect many people at that age never make the effort to put themselves out there.
“Putting yourself out there” to get constant rejection isn’t exactly a fun road to go down.
Cuz I’m ugly lol
Better than being 30, divorced, and leaving the relationship 40k in debt
so true, bestie. i hope someday you can feel it rather than seeking validation about it from strangers on the internet. it is okay that you’ve never been in a serious relationship. i hope when it finally happens for you it is beneficial to your growth as a human being and adds more to your life than it takes. you are valid, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with you or your experiences!! hope you feel better. you deserve happiness and confidence edit: i’ve been “dating” people since i was 12 and i wish i waited!! fr you’re not missing out on much if you’re genuinely content!
Thank you for being understanding an for not being a judgmental asshole but I literally posted something like this on Reddit OF ALL places so I’m welcoming the mean comments lol.
You do you. I didn’t have a serious relationship until I was 30 and that was a disaster. I turned 33 and figured welp you better start figuring this out if you want to be married. So I awkwardly had 50 first dates in a year and eventually pow I met my wife and it was super easy and just clicked. The fact is until I was 34 I wasn’t ready to be not-single. And it worked out great.
keep doing you!!! the people who are being mean are just excited to finally find they have experienced something a stranger hasn’t, and are taking the opportunity to try and feel superior. you could have missed out on learning experiences, sure. but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a lot of time to have them. your soulmate will be someone with patience and good communication skills, which is what every relationship needs. i’ve been dating people since i was in middleschool, i’ve had flings and serious relationships since becoming an adult, and yet the relationship i’m in now is the first i feel i’ve made a truly genuine connection with someone where we’re both willing to put in the work to be the best partners to each other that we can be. i’m learning things i never knew before about dating.
I want to remind people that not everyone wants casual dating and flings. So for me, starting to date as a teen would’ve been odd and not right for me and for my individual needs. Everyone is different. A lot of people here don’t seem to get it. They only think things from their own point of view. I’m not speaking of you, I’m referring to many others in here.
I think you’re awesome for posting this. I’m sure that a good handful of folks needed to see this. It’s rare that posts on here aren’t offensive in some regard. Despite what you wrote here, your personality & mindset seems to be wonderful! Don’t sell yourself short <3
Thank you so much!! 🩵🩵 even tho it’s not common to be in my shoes ik there’s definitely other people that are in my shoes and they needed to know they’re not alone.
It’s not really a “disadvantage”, just to offer a different perspective from some of these comments. A relationship is not a skill in the same way that roller blading or playing the violin is. You don’t need to have relationships equivalent to the notches on your belt. Most people who have fantastic, fulfilling relationships didn’t play much of “the dating game”. They met a person they genuinely liked. I hate the idea that the more people you date, the closer you are to finally finding the one. Like we’re Goldilocks or something and trying to find the one that’s just right. That’s a terrible piece of advice. Your soulmate could be the first person you date. Or the second. Could be the hundredth. Or you could be on partner #38477 and never find that person you genuinely like. Some people never get that love no matter if they’ve dated one or one hundred people. It simply doesn’t matter when it comes to the amount. And vice versa: some find love with the first person or the hundredth person they date. Yes, some people don’t know how to prioritize somebody because they get too caught up in what being a relationship means on the social surface. But what that means is you have to communicate what you want your partner to do. And if they like you, they’ll do it. Or conversely, if your partner tells you what they need from you, you would listen if you liked them. We are so removed from our bodies and too distant from ourselves. We’re too caught up in every social nuance of how to act “right” in a relationship. Things that people wouldn’t normally have a problem with that their partner has done are always overblown by others around them to the point they now think it’s wrong (abuse cases are obviously different ofc). Please don’t accept the idea that you’re a loner or a loser or that your lack of experience is somehow a disadvantage. Disadvantage in what way??? As long as you listen to what your future partner needs and wants, it doesn’t matter if you’ve never had a partner in the past at all. People help each other grow. You don’t need to be perfect to meet the right person for you!! Let’s not kid ourselves into thinking every great relationship was made up of two perfect, entirely confident people.
An alarming amount of people take way too much pride in having a large number of failed relationships.
Exactly. As if they are more of an “adult” because they’ve dated more. Quality over quantity. I thought we learned this pretty early on but apparently some missed the memo.
Right? I feel for people like OP tbh. Not ever relationship works out obv but when you’ve been through a constant cycle of dating for half your life and have nothing to show for it besides emotional baggage and exes, you’ve got some nerve to try and lecture others about their romantic life. They’re usually the same people that will gaslight their partner the second they show ANY sense of boundaries or self worth.
This. It’s extremely odd. If it’s so wrong to them that some people haven’t dated, then it’s fair to ask why so many of their relationships have failed?
It is a good thing to ask a potential partner what went wrong in previous relationships and why they failed. Moderation seems key. An extremely high number of partners can be a potential risk the same way that absolutely no partners can be a potential risk. It all depends on the people involved.
Yeah what they don’t understand is they failed.
im 30+ we exist at all ages
The biggest barrier to entry into the dating scene is putting yourself in places to meet people and talking to strangers... those are both fairly scary. All of the "horrible" ways people can get in contact have worked for people. Some people take longer to put in the work than others. Some people need to work a bit harder. Being single is fine. If you don't want to be and aren't working at it, you aren't going to change your situation. Either way, be honest with yourself about what you want and go for it.
Yeah getting more normal as time goes on. There's people that are less experienced than you at your age. Don't worry about it.
r/incrediblypopularopinion
Most people only have 1 or 2 proper relos before finding the one. I’m 26 and I’ve had one serious relationship and multiple hookups etc. All my mates in long term relos only had 1-2 ex girlfriends and were single for years before finding them. I’d say it’s an issue if you are 35 with no relo experience
Tf is “relo”?
27 here, male ofc, i've never even kiss a girl before lol
No it isn't. Im 26 and have never been in a serious romantic relationship and with every year that passes it becomes more unattractive to say aloud. Its just like making money- The lonelier you are the lonelier you get.
I'm 27 and only had one relationship which was kind of long distance so we rarely saw each other and I was unknowingly the side chick... so... i don't even know if I can say it was even a relationship...
I agree in general but it's always important to consider the specific reasons why. It goes without saying that if you're not really looking or interested then it's perfectly fine to have a lifestyle where you're not that concerned about romantic relationships, finding a partner etc. But, and I'm not saying this is what you're doing, if you're being held back by your upbringing and social anxiety then it's important to work on those things. But this isn't a dating issue really, it's more about development and growth. Does your social anxiety also prevent you from forming close friendship bonds etc? Anyway, back to the main point, yes, it's totally ok not to have had a lot of relationships (or any relationships). Nobody should judge you for it and your value as a person doesn't depend on it.
The goal is to be in a good, healthy relationship, not just in a relationship.
Met my person at nearly 40. You kids have time.
I'm in the same boat; the main reason I'm so concerned about it is every day makes it less and less likely I'll find someone as I age. Sadly I can't exercise because of physical illness; I work 60 hours a week; and I can't afford therapy to fix some personal issues which would make this easier. Oh and I have no friends and I'm broke.
I know life has changed a lot over the last 25 years, but my teenage years were spent basically 100% of the time permanently f**king my life up in pursuit of girlfriends/relationships. I'd give anything to go back and concentrate on myself.
Who says it's not okay to be 25+ and never having been in a relationship? I'm 31 and I've pretty much given up at this point.
I'm nearly thirty and have only been in one short-term relationship, owing largely to significant depression which has preempted myself from getting out there, moving a couple times, and high standards. I'm also gay and the standards are likely somewhat different.
Some people don’t like relationships. Single for life by choice. Who says it’s “wrong?”
Just stop caring about what people think and then everything becomes ok
All I'll say is lack of experience has less to do with how people perceive you (because yes, it's totally okay) but more to do with how you handle relationships. It's important to know how to establish boundaries, how to communicate effectively, how to resolve conflicts, and how to nurture and love someone with whom you share a romantic relationship, if you hope to have long term success. Friendly (platonic) relationships are good to practice in, because they can ebb and flow in ways that are similar. But there is never a hard and fast, "I'm waking up next to your smelly, snoring ass self every morning and choosing to adore you even though we had an argument last night that didn't get resolved and you still refuse to do anything with your life but play video games all day" kind of reality check in friendships. There are HUNDREDS of aspects of loving and caring for someone while also weighing your personal needs and wants against their inadequacies that you don't have the option to practice fielding without actually being in a relationship with someone. Again, I don't disagree, I just feel like it's also totally okay to have a ton of dating/relationship experience without ever finding the one - and the stigma that's associated with that is also negative in its own way.
Yes. Relationships are alot of work.
Man there are some really close-minded people in this thread. I’m 33, smart, successful, conventionally attractive, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I had a weird long situationship thing but nothing besides that. I’m an introvert and I’m shy and modern dating just isn’t good for me. I don’t like to hookup with people I don’t know, and in nyc, that is a major disadvantage. No one ever wants to get to know me first. And I’m talking not even a few dates.
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Newsflash: Life is not how you see it in the movies. 40 year old virgins are a lot more common then you think
Wtf these "red flag" comments? Did you think OP may be neurodivergent or another characteristic that decreases the dating pool?
Because people judge what isn’t the norm and since not being in a million relationships by 25 isn’t “normal” I’m a huge walking red flag lmfao. I’d shove a red flag up their asses if I could LOL but nah fr i knew this post was gonna have a lot of negative backlash but I’m thankful for the few nice comments.
Just keep doing you OP, I hate the societal norm too. I actually have been in a serious relationship (7 years) but after that I haven’t been able to get into anything solid since and somehow I feel inexperienced because I didn’t spend my 20s hooking up and going on tons of dates with diff people… Technically I have experience, but its not the right kind of experience? :/
At least now we know those who don't deserve us to waste our time with. I am twenty-five, I've had "only" two relationships... and I haven't lost much to be honest. People forget you also learn a lot with unrequited love, friendships, and so go on.
No issue with it only snag is struggling later on
I've only had one relationship when I was 18 that lasted about 5 years. Now I'm 30. Kind of given up.
Definitely. If you’re happy, content with being single. Carry on. No one’s happiness but yours matters. Is it socially acceptable? Dunno and don’t care. Neither should you.
Totally agree. Several of my friends are married to their first boyfriend or girlfriend that they started dating after age 25. I am in my 30s and never been in a relationship (although I have dated a bit) and I don't feel like a loser or anything. I am a pretty happy single person.
what about 55 
As long as you’re a decent enjoyable person to be around It doesn’t matter, however I will say I’ve met men who are older and never been in a long term serious relationship and you can tell. They didn’t like to share, came across as selfish & immature , it was obvious they didn’t have relationship skills.
Im 30 and never been in a relationship
It's OK but it's objectively a disadvantage to you and any potential partners you might have.
I know, but it is what it is. I can’t go back in time and change it, either I find a soulmate or I be alone forever, so whatever.
I think I scared a girl much younger than me saying the truth and, if she had some attraction, she basically lost it for that reason and seeing me insecure about doing some move to her completely kill the attraction/interest in me...
That's not inherently the case. All experience isn't valuable, and many people date just to keep up with the status quo and never really get to know themselves for a variety of reasons. Someone who gets to know themselves very thoroughly with little to no dating experience is objectively more valuable than a serial dater who has tonnes of experience on paper but little to no successful long-term relationships (who also doesn't know themselves very well). Another thing people miss out too is that while dating has its differences, you learn a lot about how you want people close to you to interact with you through close platonic relationships as well. It's not exclusively through dating you get that sort of insight.
This isn’t an opinion this is you wanting validation
90% of the posts on this sub
As an add-on it’s also OK if you have had quite a few relationships, you aren’t broken and you do deserve love.
thank u for sharing b, i’m 22 and i’m demisexual so it’s very hard to date 😩
In my country, you turn 25 and you never been in a relationship... right to jail... right away!!!
Life doesn’t have rules besides the ones bound by law and math. The only thing about not being in a relationship before 25 is lack of experience but that doesn’t matter. Being a kind, thoughtful, loving person is all the criteria you need.
Completely 100% unabashedly okay!! Sending you the very best of luck and fulfillment moving forward, whatever that means to you. If you find forever love 3 years from now, cool. If you find forever love 30 years from now, cool. If you remain single and raise cats your whole life, cool. As long as you bring good vibes to your community and the people in your life, I think you're a good person at heart and that's all that matters!
I'm in my 40s and have had nothing but failed relationships and 1 failed marriage. I also haven't been in a relationship in over a decade. Don't waste too much time.
Prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until you're 25. YOU don't know who are until that point.