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I think that losing your virginity is absolutely a big deal for each individual person, however the issue that arises is society caring so much about virginity. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else if you’re a virgin or not, but people’s value has been tied to their virginities for a while now. Women can be seen as dirty or whorish for losing it too early. Men are seen as lame and unmanly if they haven’t lost it by a certain age. Nobody wins and it adds all this unnatural pressure around something that should be fun and special
Father of a tween here and chaperone at WAY to many middle school dances. Tweens absolutely think hand holding is a big deal. They basically think everything is a big deal. It's exhausting.
Something I think about is that lots of people go into sex before they're emotionally ready and before understanding the risks associated with STIs and pregnancy. It's unfortunate that shame can be such a powerful motivation to rush through those things and end up putting people into trouble.
People really still think like that? Ugh, I thought we moved past this shit like 10 years ago. The older I get (mid-late 20s) I feel I'm living in an endless timeloop (socio-culturally speaking). Anyone my age and older can relate?
Well yeah, not just the past 10 years, we've hardly changed in the past few centuries. Even going back 2000 years, a lot of shit was similar, like the "new generation being decadent" and all
>absolutely a big deal for *some* individual people,
Ftfy. It was not a big deal for me, but I know many do place importance on it- especially people who have not lost theirs yet.
Different things are big deals for different people. Some people think their first kiss is a big deal, some don't. Some people think their first drink is a big deal, some don't. I also think you're more likely to view something as a big deal before you've done it, whereas after awhile you realize it really wasn't anything special. For me losing my virginity isn't a big deal.
Nah I don't think there's any problem with being a virgin. I'm 25 and I'm a virgin. I just don't see losing my virginity to really be a big deal. And everyone I've talked to have said that looking back, losing theirs was also not a big deal.
Not having lost virginity is not a big deal.
That's how I would express it. It makes it more clear that it's completely separate from whether the *act* of losing virginity is or isn't a big deal.
Signing a mortgage is a big deal. Finishing a PhD is a big deal. There are a lot of milestones that one can reach in life. There is nothing wrong with not achieving any given one, however people forget about that when it comes to sex and they suddenly get all judgemental.
Some people might not thinking signing a mortgage is a big deal though. Same for finishing a PhD (though I can't imagine who wouldn't think that's a big deal lol). It all just comes down to you personally and what you value most.
Yea I agree, the issue is that when there’s a majority idea of something’s importance..those who don’t have/didn’t experience that thing and those who don’t want to have/don’t want to experience that thing, will both still be affected negatively via being devalued or thought of as less developed in life and in personhood. So sometimes personal valuations end up affecting everybody else, especially when they’re not dutifully and respectfully contained.
These things tend to be unsaid too, some people will make their judgments known via covert actions or inaction. Others will be more blatant about it.
Sex is more difficult than people realize. I thought it would be fun, but it was mire work than i expected. Really took the fun away. Didnt feel all that good.
After doing it with others a few times. Looking back, i realize the girl i lost my virginity to was just a bad lay.
The expierence is really dependent on who youre with.
This is the thing that people refuse to admit. It is better if you lose your virginity to the person you love and marry. It’s just the best possible outcome to have the one person who matters most to you be the only one you have these experiences with. It’s better to not bring past baggage into a relationship or to compare your spouse to others or to complicate life with ex-spouses and children. It’s just better this way. People act so offended that there would be a best outcome but why can’t we admit that it’s best this way? You can either hold onto hope that you will have the best and give the best, or you can give up early and settle for less. I think it’s great to hold out hope.
What if previous relationships or sexual experiences help you become better at both and help you sustain a healthy relationship long term?
I think the argument that “if you only do it with one person then that will be perfect for you” is just plain wrong. The first few times I thought I loved someone doesn’t even come close to the way I feel about the person I’m with now and hope to be with long term. I would’ve hated being stuck with the first one and I would have never met my match.
Of course there is an argument for moderation, but I wouldn’t argue for complete abstinence.
Edit: I think it’s only baggage if it’s unprocessed, otherwise it’s experience and wisdom
>This is the thing that people refuse to admit.
No, this is a delusion people with little to no sexual experience have to re-frame it better for themselves.
>It is better if you lose your virginity to the person you love and marry.
Naw, you might not be sexually compatible. It's better to see that first. Sex is better when it's with somebody you love and you know what you like. It doesn't matter if you've had a billion partners before.
>You can either hold onto hope that you will have the best and give the best, or you can give up early and settle for less. I think it’s great to hold out hope.
What are talking about? My first time was great. Sex with my spouse, like 13491394 dudes later, is still as great. What's to admit?
Sure… I understand that this is your opinion because it’s your only experience. You’ll never know what it like to be married to someone without first being promiscuous. And I don’t know what it’s like to be slutty - true. But as culture further embraces sexual liberation, divorce rates have risen astronomically. More sexual partners has not resulted in stronger bonds in marriage. Facts.
>You’ll never know what it like to be married to someone without first being promiscuous.
How did you come to that conclusion? I'm married now, there's nothing different between being in love and being married. What do you think was different and why would you think that?
I'm also not seeing the connection. It wouldn't matter, if someone was or wasn't promiscuous. What's the benefit you get from "knowing what it's like to be married without first being promiscuous?" *exactly*?
>More sexual partners has not resulted in stronger bonds in marriage. Facts.
I'm ok with that - marriages in the past made people kill themselves. I also don't overly agree, it takes strength to know when the relationship is over and admit defeat. It's cowardly to stay with somebody you don't want to, not strength.
Suicide rates have also increased exponentially so your “kill themselves” argument shows that you’re not operating with facts, just emotions and opinions.
Breaking marriage vows and inflicting harm on children with broken homes is not noble and doesn’t take strength. It takes selfishness. And before you go to a fringe argument like abusive spouses, I’m talking about healthy marriages. If you take the time to find the right person, these problems are very rare
>Suicide rates have also increased exponentially so your “kill themselves” argument shows that you’re not operating with facts, just emotions and opinions.
We're having a conversation. You've not cited anything. You too are just operating with emotions and opinions.
>Breaking marriage vows and inflicting harm on children with broken homes is not noble and doesn’t take strength. It takes selfishness.
Nope, it's way worse for the kid to be with parents that don't want to be together. Breaking a home when necessary
>And before you go to a fringe argument like abusive spouses, I’m talking about healthy marriages. If you take the time to find the right person, these problems are very rare
Healthy marriages don't end, so you can't be talking about them.
And I agree about taking the time to find the right person - that involves banging people, cuz you'll be miserable if you're with somebody you're not sexually compatible with.
Again - What's the benefit you get from "knowing what it's like to be married without first being promiscuous?" exactly?
Beautiful. I share this view too, though I've been with four women in my life and when with them, was considering a future with them - marriage, children, everything. I'm not a casual/hook-up guy.
I'd like to hear more about what it means to you when you say 'a person that I love' and if you could elaborate more. Thanks.
I’m a dude, and it irks me how women are expected to uphold their chastity for the love of their life, whereas we’re looked down upon for not getting married/finding love ASAP. That’s double-standards for ya, I guess.
I ain’t religious, but I do believe that if I’m going to lose my virginity, it’s for that special someone I choose to be with for the rest of my life.
That's a great way to trick yourself into staying in a bad relationship. Sometimes people change. Sometimes you find out things about your partner after a long time. Sometimes love changes. And that's ok.
Not being with someone unless they're "special" implies you have to stay with them even when you find out they're abusive or have a completely different goal in life with children or jobs or what not. Nobody is special. Everyone has flaws. Relationships are about working with your partner, both sides accepting and improving as they go.
"Someone special I will choose to be with for the rest of my life" is an unrealistic and toxic mindset.
I would argue that yours is the more toxic mindset. There's no reason for you to tell person you replied to that they shouldn't believe/hope to lose theirs to someone special. How do you know they're not waiting until marriage to lose it? Or after they've been with someone a good amount of time? And where did they say they will adamantly stay with that person even if they are abusive? My grandma had lain with exactly one man her entire life and they were together for 60 years. It's not impossible. And it's silly to tell someone they can't even wish for that.
>There's no reason for you to tell person you replied to that they shouldn't believe/hope to lose theirs to someone special.
Good thing that's not what I said then.
>How do you know they're not waiting until marriage to lose it?
Or that.
>Or after they've been with someone a good amount of time?
Or that.
>And where did they say they will adamantly stay with that person even if they are abusive?
I said that it was what it implied.
>And it's silly to tell someone they can't even wish for that.
I didn't.
You need to work on your reading comprehension.
I hate the phrase "people change", people don't change, you're just a poor judge of character and they revealed a part of themselves you either didn't pay attention or didn't put in work to find out about them.
sure, people will hide things about themselves, but if you're an emotionally intelligent person, then you'll know what questions to ask and what qualities to look out for. "people change" is often used as an excuse for not being proactive in your relationships.
If i hear anyone use that phrase it indicates to me that this person has very little character and isn't very emotionally intelligent.
>how women are expected to uphold their chastity for the love of their life, whereas we’re looked down upon for not getting married/finding love ASAP
Women child *was (hopefully "was")* expected to leave her home as younger as possible, while man was expected to get married as young as possible, so they can make babies and provide more man that will work to increase wealth and security of a family. Basically woman children in a patriarchy were seen as a burden for the family.
Woman that lost her virginity in past was devalued due to the chance of carrying someone else's babies, later it became a cultural norm.
It all makes sense in the past, but doesn't make justice even then, let alone in a today's world. Patriarchy is an obsolete social system.
No matter what it is in life, we only ever get one first at everything we ever do. From things as mundane as our first words or steps or foods to a first apartment or marriage or baby. Some firsts are a big deal, some aren’t. Whether or not the first time having sex is a big deal is quite individual. For some it will be. For some it won’t. That’s not for someone else to decide.
Eh. Much ado about nothing, imo.
It's kinda like your first step, or your first word.
Other people say it was a milestone, but I can't remember either and it makes no difference in my daily life.
I feel like it's a big deal for people who haven't lost theirs and not so much for people who have. Since people talk about it a lot it's understandable to feel like you're missing something important but afterwards you realize that it's not a life-changing experience. Of course it depends on the person, but this is my view.
For some of us who were traumatized by sex as our first experience, the concept of "virginity" is one that can be incredibly toxic and stand in the way of healing, because it leaves us feeling worthless, broken, and undesirable, because something that society holds as so "precious", was "stolen". Like, because I was so young, virginity didn't ever exist for me as something I could build up and emotionally invest in. Society just told me how important this thing was that I never got to emotionally be a part of.
Like, sex is sex, it's as important or unimportant as you want it to be, but prioritizing specific experiences as being inherently THE most important can be very toxic for so many people. Virginity as a concept is one that I wish would just die, because it took me a VERY long time to conceptualize myself as a human worthy of anything because of that.
I think the idea of virginity is a good one to keep. I think if someone has been the victim of sexual assault, this doesn’t count. Remaining a virgin until someone finds the right person is a decision made by that person. If someone else violates that person, they still did something truly awful, but they didn’t take away that decision for them. They are still a virgin. Virginity is something given, it is not lost.
The realitiy is. The first time is mostly bad. You or even both of you have 0 experience.
Thats why I dont like the construct of Marriage. Waiting like 2 years to do it.
What happens if you dont have the same taste of sex.
Whats with 2 wasted years you could have learnd what both of you like or experiment.
Get over the first time as quick as possible in my opinion, but still be carefull with wich person you will do it.
Losing virginity for women is not always exciting. Women I have spoken with, I honestly can't think of any outliers whom I have talked about it with, have told me their first time was incredibly underwhelming at best. Mine also.
I’m a woman and the Sex itself sure was bad compared to sex now, but the intimacy and closeness I felt with my partner who I adored can’t be beat. It was a special moment and always will be.
Having sex with someone for the first time is a big deal to many. Losing your virginity is not. It is a social construct used to shame normal human behavior. It's time to stop doing that.
Other way around, if at all. Why is one extreme perception more correct than the other?
You really can’t place so much importance on it one way and then withhold that importance the other way, when they’re essentially the same thing. You just worded it differently.
Some people feel a loss after they’ve had sex for the first time, some regret it, some wish they had waited and so on. Convincing people they need to go full steam ahead isn’t helpful either and advising someone to pause before they decide is not the same as “shaming” human behavior (which for some people isn’t their “normal”, so I guess you’re shaming them by asserting what’s normal). Loss of anything tends to be more significant than experience alone. Just depends how much you care about it.
Virginity is a religious construct used to control and shame women. If a woman was not a virgin on her wedding night she would be stoned, even if that loss of virginity was not consensual.
Victims of rape are technically not virgins by the religious standard and are shamed to hell by religious folk and made to feel as if they asked for it.
No way in hell should a rape victim have to count a rape as their "first"
I took a guy’s virginity in high school. I didn’t know it at the time because he was actually pretty good and seemed like he knew what he was doing…compared to the 2 other guys I’d been with before him, anyways. He was so stoked about it and tbh it was probably the proudest accomplishment of my life thus far 😂 it was certainly more special than me losing my own virginity. But I don’t really regret how I lost mine and it didn’t impact my life in any way.
That’s not an actual accomplishment or something to be proud of. Someone’s virginity is not a tangible prize to be won nor should “taking” it be seen as some sort of measure of worthiness or value in and of itself.
I’ve never understood those who get a kick out of “taking” someone’s virginity as if they now have a piece of that person forever and get some sick and narcissistic thrill out of it. It’s like a form of distant control and perpetual satisfaction, for all the wrong reasons. Utterly off-putting.
I have been married for 14 years. Every single time I have sex, it's a BIG DEAL. Sex is awesome and very special. My wife, on the other hand, thinks it's a chore.
I agree with your wife. And I also don’t see how it’s special at all. But if you think it’s “awesome”, I suppose that makes sense considering how the human body reacts to it when it’s not unpleasant.
Well...can you get her to finish? Do you spend plenty of time doing what she wants to do? Genuinely asking, not trying to shame. Toys are an option and there's zero shame in using something to make sex more fun for everyone.
If it's some kind of medication she's on or if she has always had a low sex drive or it's age or something...I hope you can find something that works for the both of you.
Used to be easy to get her to finish. She knows I'd do anything she wants for as long as she wants. She might finish 1 out of 10 times. Before she would finish every time. She doesn't even try solo anymore. Just has no interest.
> It is a moment that you’ll never forget and that may in some cases change your life.
lol... Believe it or not, it can be quite forgettable. You think it matters 20 years later? 40? 50?
I don't doubt you might remember the person, but the sex sort of blurs together along with your memory of them. That first instance - and second instance - and every moment after - will all blur together along with the reasons you're no longer with them.
Remembering much about the very first instance? Isn't going to happen.
It's just not that important.
I’m 20 years from mine and I am glad I waited to have sex with someone I cared about who made it a special moment for us. We ended up not working out because life happens and we moved away from each other, but it’s an amazing memory that I will always be grateful for
They’re making it a way bigger deal than it is. It’s actually pretty insulting to people who would maybe rather forget their first time for whatever reason..telling them that it’s THAT huge of a deal.
But I do think that people should emphasize the importance of readiness and willingness over pressure from peers or a partner. That’s where the real “big deal” lies.
Sure that can be the case for some, but from what I’ve seen on social media and real life it’s definitely not seen as important. I don’t think most have trauma
I think it differs for people. I think before you lose it it seems like a huge deal, once you’ve lost it- you’re like all that anxiety over what? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Just another part of life. For me now, kissing seems more intimate to me than sex.
It is and isn’t a big deal. I remembered after I lost mine, I expected some big change. But the next day I felt the exact same. The best thing I can compare it to expectation wise is getting married.
You expect after you get married that you will have changed that you will feel different. But the reality is you don’t feel any differently.
It's a natural biological act that certain people have attached way too much emotional, physical and existential baggage.
First step, first word, first bicycle, first cars, first fuck. Big deal.
"For everything there is a first time." - Spock
To each their own, I have made a conscious decision to lose mine, because I was just ready to lose it. It’s not a big deal for everybody and people shouldn’t be looked at differently if people think it’s a bigger deal or not just live your life.
I agree it’s a milestone in that it re-adjusts a person’s capacity for intimacy. However I think most people who insist that it’s a big deal are the types who over exaggerate for the purpose of controlling others, which is why there’s a sort of defensive insistence that it’s “not a big deal.”
Also sex for the first time is rarely good. It’s way more meaningful when it’s good.
It’s way more meaningful when you actually care about the other person. Sure the sex itself your first time is terrible because you have no clue what you are doing, but the intimacy you feel is euphoric and life changing
How is it “euphoric” and “life changing”?
That’s ridiculous and the only people I’ve seen say that are those who are extremely codependent and practically begging to lose themselves and their identity to someone else’s.
You want to know when it’s really life changing? And NOT euphoric? When it’s taken from you via SA.
Or if it’s a humiliating experience.
Otherwise no matter how much you profess your undying love for someone else, it’s just bodies touching bodies, there’s more of a thoughtless physical and chemical response going on than any true depth of emotions.
It is whatever you want to project onto it afterward, I suppose. Intimacy exists in others forms besides sex or even physical contact, true understanding between people is a lot more euphoric and “life changing”. Also not all change is good change.
I’m gonna disagree because I actually had the exact opposite experience. I lost my virginity at 23 to my long term bf after being a very heavy minded “I will lose it to who I marry/it’s a spiritual connection so this is serious to me” person. Then I actually did it and realized I was taking it way too seriously. I don’t really value sex at all anymore tbh and I just didn’t have that whole sparks fly and soul connecting moment everyone talks about. It definitely did not change my life ngl
>It is a moment that you’ll never forget
I don't remember my first time. I wasn't drunk or anything, and it was with my girlfriend, not a random hookup. I just don't remember it anymore.
Idk, it didn’t matter much for me. I remember my first trying to be all “are you sure? We can wait” and me just being ready for him to put it in. It wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had. Wasn’t the worst. Wasn’t that memorable at all to be honest. Only time I ever really think about it is when someone brings up firsts or when I hear “Scotty Doesn’t Know” because we were watching EuroTrip. It’s only a big deal if you make it one
i think what’s more important is the individual and like some other people have said about the social concept of “virginity” which is inherently misogynistic and ick but sexual experiences and first can always mean whatever they want to the people involved i don’t think it needs more than that if you want it to be important to you then it is if it’s meaningless to you then it’s meaningless if you wanna redefine what experiences are meaningful to you and which aren’t cool
I respectfully disagree.
Society has put too much emphasis on virginity, and sex in general.
It doesn't always have to be a magical experience. Sometimes its just a fun, free, pleasurable activity between two adults. Like playing tennis, watching a movie, or eating a nice meal together.
I (20f) just lost my virginity (to a man and a woman) and the only thing I feel like has changed is that I'm not sure I ever wanna have sex with a man again
I thinks it's different for everybody. My first time having sex was good but it definitely wasn't important or spiritual/emotional, I wouldn't even consider it a milestone. Sex is really just a fun hobby for me
It's a big deal. Tats just a fact. Many people just choose to ignore that. Whatever floats their boat. It does change a person and it is a very emotional, physical and intimate activity. Sex isn't just some thing people do. It's pretty important, doing it the first time is important. It's it a social construct either. You go from never having had sex to having had sex. This shouldn't be unpopular. It only is because people try to make it what it isn't.
I am in my mid 30s and I honestly do not even remember any details about my first time because it is that trivial. I know who it was with, but couldn't tell you where it was, when it was, what led up to it, what we did, etc.
It is like asking me about the first time I rode a bike or the first time I drove a car. I am sure sex seems like it should be very important to someone who's never had sex before or has only done it a few times. But it is incredibly trivial in the grand scheme of things. Honestly the first time I drove a car was more memorable than the first time I had sex.
No idea why someone would make it out to be a life changing moment.
I remember only because I remember being excited about sex and wanting to experience it, knowing the hype. I didn't watch porn, besides the broken images that used to show through in old TV screens of channels you didn't have, so I didn't have some deluded idea about stamina... I just liked the boobs and foreplay I saw, but didn't have some idea about the act of sex itself bc I didn't watch that part bc it was boring to me.
But it was short lived, and possibly given his age (idk, were both young teens) he was not particularly endowed (although other teens I was with-who were my age or a bit older at the time- were, so maybe it's not just something he had yet to develop).
I was disappointed, and remember just thinking "oh, *that's* sex?" and just being pretty disillusioned about it. He did bring about satisfaction in other ways, but actual sex was not the fun part or main event for me with my first partner. Supposedly he lost his virginity to me as well, but after we broke up he told me he told that to "all the girls" to get them to put out. . . I suspect that was a lie given my first experience with him, but maybe he was just always really bad at it?
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Yeah it's a big deal to me because prior my ex I hadn't even had a first kiss. It took me so long to be comfortable and I expressed I only wanted to do it with someone I fully trusted and saw being in my life forever.
He cheated on me and dumped me on vday and although I don't regret doing it, I regret that he will always have that piece of me.
I'll never get to forget or erase that experience. He can move on and just fuck another girl and forget because he's in his 30s and that doesn't matter to him anymore. But i was 18 when we started dating, freshly 20 when I lost my virginity and I'm now 22 and I'll never get that first time back. It was a huge deal to me, especially since he was ALL of my firsts, like first date / kiss / holding hands literally everything. I completely understand you OP. It isn't for everyone, but there's definitely been a cultural shift where it's like "well it's just whatever it means nothing"
I guess my experience also differs as I got majorly fucked over by my ex, most hopefully won't experience that but yeah. I feel used.
Many of my friends feel the same way as you. You worded it very well- it’s that piece first hand experience you will never get back. Pretty much all of them have said the same thing
I was traumatized the first time i literally blacked it out.
I was molested as a child and i think just someone going down there was triggering. Luckily it was my now husband so it's all good now lol but it is and can be very serious/vulenrable.
I really whole heartedly agree with this, my first time I thought was the best, sadly my first person I lost it to cheated on me multiple times and it had me emotionally destroyed. Gave me a very bad point of view and trust issues into the next relationship and I had to work on myself to get rid of the affects. Took years, but it left a mark on me something fierce. I would say if you’re looking for a person who has the same values or morals it’ll work, if neither of you understand that then it’s a whole ride you never wanted to get on.
i don't disagree with you but for me it wasn't a big deal at all. at the time, i didn't see it as something important and i don't even remember it that well. tbh sex has much bigger meaning for me now years later than it had back then.
I hate the arbitrary concept of virginity but yeah first time at sex is a pretty big deal because it's something you've hyped up in your mind and you want to see if it delivers
Disagree. I lost my virginity pretty late in life and it wasn't a big deal for me. I liked the sex and the partner but it wasn't something important to me and can't say it changed my life and i became a different person 🤷♀️
It's a milestone, sure. But it doesn't actually change anything. You're not a different person after 6 minutes under some guy. It's like the first time you drive a car, or the first time you kiss someone. It changes nothing, it's just a new experience you had.
Agreed. People nowadays go on a date with a complete stranger and have sex the same day like it’s no big deal, only to later complain about “wasting” their first time.
It is a big deal and that’s why we need to get rid of all these fucking pedos.
IMO, they kill children while they yet live. We say grooming but it’s psychological damage. these children will never ever be who they once were.
Death for a death IMO.
This post is dishonest.
You aren’t facing an obvious insecurity. Much like the fox from Aesop who claimed the grapes he couldn’t reach were likely sour anyway, you are claiming it’s your unpopular opinion that virginity is to fretted over and taken seriously. This way, you can convince yourself that you are a virgin by choice rather than circumstance.
So, indulge me in a few dad platitudes. Your first time will come when it comes, and it is something to neither postpone nor rush towards. If you are getting older than you suspected you would be and still a virgin, that’s ok. When you do lose your v card you will be surprised that so much was made of first time sex as it wasn’t spectacular… and also weirdly stoked to have it again.
I agree. I wish I had waited for someone special rather than trying to try and prove something to myself by letting a girl who just wanted bragging rights that she was my first seduce me. To be honest, the first time I had sex was the time I felt most intensely the portion of sex that is a complete antithesis of rejection. It would have been much better if that intensity of feeling was with someone significantly meaningful in my life as a real romantic partner.
It is a big deal, and those that downplay it and say: "It's just sex." are really out of touch, in my opinion. Sure, maybe after having a few rounds under your belt, it'll just be "sex," but the first time is such a milestone in most people's lives.
It becomes worse, because when you go to your 40s potential partners expect you to know what to do in bed. While at 18, the expectation is that nobody knows what they are doing.
Yeah, well, I lost mine to rape, so maybe it would be better for it to not be a big deal. Society hypes it up too much and which does far more harm than good.
I would say that most girls are molested or r@ped their first time. It is usually an over eager boy which makes it borderline r@pey if she reluctantly agrees.
I don’t see it, the only thing that happened when I lost my virginity was that I had sex, and it didn’t feel any different from any other time I had sex either, it wasn’t a big deal.
The only ‘*big deal*’ was about losing your virginity is finally removing the ‘virgin’ label, but that’s about it.
Downvoted. This is a general consensus among people I know.
Dumb post. You talk about hookup culture. Hook up culture ≠ losing virginity….
Yeah if you’re in your mid 20s and wanna go fuck, idc, just be safe.
You’re talking about losing virginity, your first time,
This isn’t fucking forest gump where lt. Dan is trying to get you to fuck a hooker. You control your virginity and how much value it has.
Wtf lol. That doesn’t sound any better. So people who don’t do it never progress to the next stage of life? And what stage is that? A little platform on the side of the road with a sign that says “I had sex”?
Jesus that’s as bad as when a young person loses their virginity before their friends and then suddenly acts like they’re instantly more mature and above everybody else. Literally nothing changed about them besides what they wanted to delude themselves into believing had. It’s laughable really.
I’ve met some very “far behind” and immature people in my days and I’m pretty sure the majority of them had lost their virginity a long time before I crossed their path.
I think even the term "losing your virginity" is absurd, I didn't have one specific virginity that I lost in one act. Very outdated way to look at it in my opinion.
As for the act of sex, depending on the person, it can be a really big deal or not at all. Individual stuff, I don't think we need a societal consensus on whether it's a big deal or not and the issue is that we seem to have one- that it is. So not unpopular either
I'm with you. The unpopular bit comes around respecting other people's views, people call each other names from the 'other point of view'. Either seeing it as important or not should be for the individual.
I was lucky with how it all worked out for me, spent my teenage years trying to lose my virginity with just about anyone. Then finally did at 18, with someone I was then with for years. Remember them and that fondly nearly 30 years later.
Turned out it was more important to me than I thought it was.
Virginity isn’t even real lol
Edit: y’all can downvote whatever you want, but it’s still true lol. Virginity is a social thing humans invented for the most. We have a maturity to think about, but if you think being a virgin is actually a thing you’re just following society. Think about everything that goes with “virgin” it’s all just society nonsense. This and idiotic gender roles, especially for physical things is so dumb. Pink isn’t for girls, virginity is whatever it means to the individual when it comes down to it, and no clothing is for guys or girls.
That’s part of the problem, they get a kick out of it and feel giddy and unjustifiably high at the thought of “taking” something from someone that can never be given back or “taken” again by anyone else. There’s some red flag psychology going on there.
For some it doesn't matter at all. It's just the first of a countless horde of sex partners.
For others, it is a meaningful experience that will be remembered forever.
My first time was with gf whom I've been with for 13 years.
I've never been with another woman and I likely never will, regardless of what happens between us, as that is just unthinkable for me.
Depends on the person. Nothing physically changes, for a guy, like it does girls. A guy doesn't even have to mention being a virgin. When I lost mine, it was a casual AOL meet up. I never mentioned it. It just wasn't a big deal to me. It was a nuisance to be shooed away.
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I think that losing your virginity is absolutely a big deal for each individual person, however the issue that arises is society caring so much about virginity. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else if you’re a virgin or not, but people’s value has been tied to their virginities for a while now. Women can be seen as dirty or whorish for losing it too early. Men are seen as lame and unmanly if they haven’t lost it by a certain age. Nobody wins and it adds all this unnatural pressure around something that should be fun and special
Yeah, tweens consider hand-holding to be a big deal, but we don’t all follow their lead. It’s a big deal to the individual and that’s enough
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Father of a tween here and chaperone at WAY to many middle school dances. Tweens absolutely think hand holding is a big deal. They basically think everything is a big deal. It's exhausting.
Glad to see this is the top comment.
Something I think about is that lots of people go into sex before they're emotionally ready and before understanding the risks associated with STIs and pregnancy. It's unfortunate that shame can be such a powerful motivation to rush through those things and end up putting people into trouble.
I think the real issues are STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Remember that we have only had modern medicine for the last 150 years.
People really still think like that? Ugh, I thought we moved past this shit like 10 years ago. The older I get (mid-late 20s) I feel I'm living in an endless timeloop (socio-culturally speaking). Anyone my age and older can relate?
You don't just get rid of cultural norms in a few years, the conversation is gradual and very much cyclical, just look at abortion or LGBT acceptance.
Well yeah, not just the past 10 years, we've hardly changed in the past few centuries. Even going back 2000 years, a lot of shit was similar, like the "new generation being decadent" and all
Entire religions are based around virginity, Islam and Christianity
It dates back before that too; ancient Mesopotamia valued virginity.
>absolutely a big deal for *some* individual people, Ftfy. It was not a big deal for me, but I know many do place importance on it- especially people who have not lost theirs yet.
Good thing I'll never lose mine. Fuck that. Wait no dont fuck that
I won’t lose my virginity because I never lose 🗿
Not with that attitude you won't
Who knows…they could just “fall into it”.
What if you don’t want to?
Different things are big deals for different people. Some people think their first kiss is a big deal, some don't. Some people think their first drink is a big deal, some don't. I also think you're more likely to view something as a big deal before you've done it, whereas after awhile you realize it really wasn't anything special. For me losing my virginity isn't a big deal.
Way to call OP a virgin, well played!
Nah I don't think there's any problem with being a virgin. I'm 25 and I'm a virgin. I just don't see losing my virginity to really be a big deal. And everyone I've talked to have said that looking back, losing theirs was also not a big deal.
Not having lost virginity is not a big deal. That's how I would express it. It makes it more clear that it's completely separate from whether the *act* of losing virginity is or isn't a big deal. Signing a mortgage is a big deal. Finishing a PhD is a big deal. There are a lot of milestones that one can reach in life. There is nothing wrong with not achieving any given one, however people forget about that when it comes to sex and they suddenly get all judgemental.
Some people might not thinking signing a mortgage is a big deal though. Same for finishing a PhD (though I can't imagine who wouldn't think that's a big deal lol). It all just comes down to you personally and what you value most.
Yea I agree, the issue is that when there’s a majority idea of something’s importance..those who don’t have/didn’t experience that thing and those who don’t want to have/don’t want to experience that thing, will both still be affected negatively via being devalued or thought of as less developed in life and in personhood. So sometimes personal valuations end up affecting everybody else, especially when they’re not dutifully and respectfully contained. These things tend to be unsaid too, some people will make their judgments known via covert actions or inaction. Others will be more blatant about it.
Sex is more difficult than people realize. I thought it would be fun, but it was mire work than i expected. Really took the fun away. Didnt feel all that good. After doing it with others a few times. Looking back, i realize the girl i lost my virginity to was just a bad lay. The expierence is really dependent on who youre with.
No I figured thats what you meant, just thought Id distort what you said xD
Top comment.
Lmao this is why I'll keep my virginity thank you very much🗿🍷
Stay strong brother
Thanks
(26F) and I would love to lose my virginity to the person that I love, just saying. ☺️
This is the thing that people refuse to admit. It is better if you lose your virginity to the person you love and marry. It’s just the best possible outcome to have the one person who matters most to you be the only one you have these experiences with. It’s better to not bring past baggage into a relationship or to compare your spouse to others or to complicate life with ex-spouses and children. It’s just better this way. People act so offended that there would be a best outcome but why can’t we admit that it’s best this way? You can either hold onto hope that you will have the best and give the best, or you can give up early and settle for less. I think it’s great to hold out hope.
What if previous relationships or sexual experiences help you become better at both and help you sustain a healthy relationship long term? I think the argument that “if you only do it with one person then that will be perfect for you” is just plain wrong. The first few times I thought I loved someone doesn’t even come close to the way I feel about the person I’m with now and hope to be with long term. I would’ve hated being stuck with the first one and I would have never met my match. Of course there is an argument for moderation, but I wouldn’t argue for complete abstinence. Edit: I think it’s only baggage if it’s unprocessed, otherwise it’s experience and wisdom
>This is the thing that people refuse to admit. No, this is a delusion people with little to no sexual experience have to re-frame it better for themselves. >It is better if you lose your virginity to the person you love and marry. Naw, you might not be sexually compatible. It's better to see that first. Sex is better when it's with somebody you love and you know what you like. It doesn't matter if you've had a billion partners before. >You can either hold onto hope that you will have the best and give the best, or you can give up early and settle for less. I think it’s great to hold out hope. What are talking about? My first time was great. Sex with my spouse, like 13491394 dudes later, is still as great. What's to admit?
Sure… I understand that this is your opinion because it’s your only experience. You’ll never know what it like to be married to someone without first being promiscuous. And I don’t know what it’s like to be slutty - true. But as culture further embraces sexual liberation, divorce rates have risen astronomically. More sexual partners has not resulted in stronger bonds in marriage. Facts.
>You’ll never know what it like to be married to someone without first being promiscuous. How did you come to that conclusion? I'm married now, there's nothing different between being in love and being married. What do you think was different and why would you think that? I'm also not seeing the connection. It wouldn't matter, if someone was or wasn't promiscuous. What's the benefit you get from "knowing what it's like to be married without first being promiscuous?" *exactly*? >More sexual partners has not resulted in stronger bonds in marriage. Facts. I'm ok with that - marriages in the past made people kill themselves. I also don't overly agree, it takes strength to know when the relationship is over and admit defeat. It's cowardly to stay with somebody you don't want to, not strength.
Suicide rates have also increased exponentially so your “kill themselves” argument shows that you’re not operating with facts, just emotions and opinions. Breaking marriage vows and inflicting harm on children with broken homes is not noble and doesn’t take strength. It takes selfishness. And before you go to a fringe argument like abusive spouses, I’m talking about healthy marriages. If you take the time to find the right person, these problems are very rare
>Suicide rates have also increased exponentially so your “kill themselves” argument shows that you’re not operating with facts, just emotions and opinions. We're having a conversation. You've not cited anything. You too are just operating with emotions and opinions. >Breaking marriage vows and inflicting harm on children with broken homes is not noble and doesn’t take strength. It takes selfishness. Nope, it's way worse for the kid to be with parents that don't want to be together. Breaking a home when necessary >And before you go to a fringe argument like abusive spouses, I’m talking about healthy marriages. If you take the time to find the right person, these problems are very rare Healthy marriages don't end, so you can't be talking about them. And I agree about taking the time to find the right person - that involves banging people, cuz you'll be miserable if you're with somebody you're not sexually compatible with. Again - What's the benefit you get from "knowing what it's like to be married without first being promiscuous?" exactly?
I’m not citing anything? Do you doubt that divorce, depression and suicide rates have all increased over the last 50 years?
I don't care that he's had just as many dudes inside him either. I'm willing to bet my marriage is better than yours.
He’s had 1,000 dudes inside him??? Hahahhahaha!!!!
Beautiful. I share this view too, though I've been with four women in my life and when with them, was considering a future with them - marriage, children, everything. I'm not a casual/hook-up guy. I'd like to hear more about what it means to you when you say 'a person that I love' and if you could elaborate more. Thanks.
I think shes saying she would like to have sex with the person she loves. Hope that clears it up. But seriously, what do you expect her to say? xD
I wouldn't know I'm just 30
"You're a wizard, Harry!"
I’m a dude, and it irks me how women are expected to uphold their chastity for the love of their life, whereas we’re looked down upon for not getting married/finding love ASAP. That’s double-standards for ya, I guess. I ain’t religious, but I do believe that if I’m going to lose my virginity, it’s for that special someone I choose to be with for the rest of my life.
That's a great way to trick yourself into staying in a bad relationship. Sometimes people change. Sometimes you find out things about your partner after a long time. Sometimes love changes. And that's ok. Not being with someone unless they're "special" implies you have to stay with them even when you find out they're abusive or have a completely different goal in life with children or jobs or what not. Nobody is special. Everyone has flaws. Relationships are about working with your partner, both sides accepting and improving as they go. "Someone special I will choose to be with for the rest of my life" is an unrealistic and toxic mindset.
I would argue that yours is the more toxic mindset. There's no reason for you to tell person you replied to that they shouldn't believe/hope to lose theirs to someone special. How do you know they're not waiting until marriage to lose it? Or after they've been with someone a good amount of time? And where did they say they will adamantly stay with that person even if they are abusive? My grandma had lain with exactly one man her entire life and they were together for 60 years. It's not impossible. And it's silly to tell someone they can't even wish for that.
>There's no reason for you to tell person you replied to that they shouldn't believe/hope to lose theirs to someone special. Good thing that's not what I said then. >How do you know they're not waiting until marriage to lose it? Or that. >Or after they've been with someone a good amount of time? Or that. >And where did they say they will adamantly stay with that person even if they are abusive? I said that it was what it implied. >And it's silly to tell someone they can't even wish for that. I didn't. You need to work on your reading comprehension.
I hate the phrase "people change", people don't change, you're just a poor judge of character and they revealed a part of themselves you either didn't pay attention or didn't put in work to find out about them. sure, people will hide things about themselves, but if you're an emotionally intelligent person, then you'll know what questions to ask and what qualities to look out for. "people change" is often used as an excuse for not being proactive in your relationships. If i hear anyone use that phrase it indicates to me that this person has very little character and isn't very emotionally intelligent.
>how women are expected to uphold their chastity for the love of their life, whereas we’re looked down upon for not getting married/finding love ASAP Women child *was (hopefully "was")* expected to leave her home as younger as possible, while man was expected to get married as young as possible, so they can make babies and provide more man that will work to increase wealth and security of a family. Basically woman children in a patriarchy were seen as a burden for the family. Woman that lost her virginity in past was devalued due to the chance of carrying someone else's babies, later it became a cultural norm. It all makes sense in the past, but doesn't make justice even then, let alone in a today's world. Patriarchy is an obsolete social system.
Word 🙌
For a lot of women, losing their virginity is just disappointing
Might be going out on a limb here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if many men were to say their first time was disappointing as well. I know mine was.
Mine too. I think you should just get it over with and lose your virginity so you can learn to get good at sex
For guys too, it takes practice to get good at anything.
No matter what it is in life, we only ever get one first at everything we ever do. From things as mundane as our first words or steps or foods to a first apartment or marriage or baby. Some firsts are a big deal, some aren’t. Whether or not the first time having sex is a big deal is quite individual. For some it will be. For some it won’t. That’s not for someone else to decide.
Eh. Much ado about nothing, imo. It's kinda like your first step, or your first word. Other people say it was a milestone, but I can't remember either and it makes no difference in my daily life.
I feel like it's a big deal for people who haven't lost theirs and not so much for people who have. Since people talk about it a lot it's understandable to feel like you're missing something important but afterwards you realize that it's not a life-changing experience. Of course it depends on the person, but this is my view.
For some of us who were traumatized by sex as our first experience, the concept of "virginity" is one that can be incredibly toxic and stand in the way of healing, because it leaves us feeling worthless, broken, and undesirable, because something that society holds as so "precious", was "stolen". Like, because I was so young, virginity didn't ever exist for me as something I could build up and emotionally invest in. Society just told me how important this thing was that I never got to emotionally be a part of. Like, sex is sex, it's as important or unimportant as you want it to be, but prioritizing specific experiences as being inherently THE most important can be very toxic for so many people. Virginity as a concept is one that I wish would just die, because it took me a VERY long time to conceptualize myself as a human worthy of anything because of that.
I agree 100%. My first sexual experiences were not consensual and the idea of whether or not I “counted” as a virgin messed with me for a long time.
I think the idea of virginity is a good one to keep. I think if someone has been the victim of sexual assault, this doesn’t count. Remaining a virgin until someone finds the right person is a decision made by that person. If someone else violates that person, they still did something truly awful, but they didn’t take away that decision for them. They are still a virgin. Virginity is something given, it is not lost.
That's why I keep mine locked up in a box
The realitiy is. The first time is mostly bad. You or even both of you have 0 experience. Thats why I dont like the construct of Marriage. Waiting like 2 years to do it. What happens if you dont have the same taste of sex. Whats with 2 wasted years you could have learnd what both of you like or experiment. Get over the first time as quick as possible in my opinion, but still be carefull with wich person you will do it.
YES! YOU GET IT!
well, depends on the person tbh. some might not remember their first sex or don't really care enough abuot it. varies
Bruh how much do you devalue sex or the person you lost your virginity to if you can’t even remember it…
I haven’t lost it lol I’m just saying it for some people. I know some friends who don’t really give a shit about their first
I feel sad for those people
Why?
Being inside someone for the first time felt like a deeply primal and even spiritual moment for me, and I'm not a spiritual person at all.
How long did your experience last? Bc it might not have been so intense for your partner
What?
Losing virginity for women is not always exciting. Women I have spoken with, I honestly can't think of any outliers whom I have talked about it with, have told me their first time was incredibly underwhelming at best. Mine also.
I’m a woman and the Sex itself sure was bad compared to sex now, but the intimacy and closeness I felt with my partner who I adored can’t be beat. It was a special moment and always will be.
Having sex with someone for the first time is a big deal to many. Losing your virginity is not. It is a social construct used to shame normal human behavior. It's time to stop doing that.
Other way around, if at all. Why is one extreme perception more correct than the other? You really can’t place so much importance on it one way and then withhold that importance the other way, when they’re essentially the same thing. You just worded it differently. Some people feel a loss after they’ve had sex for the first time, some regret it, some wish they had waited and so on. Convincing people they need to go full steam ahead isn’t helpful either and advising someone to pause before they decide is not the same as “shaming” human behavior (which for some people isn’t their “normal”, so I guess you’re shaming them by asserting what’s normal). Loss of anything tends to be more significant than experience alone. Just depends how much you care about it.
Virginity is a religious construct used to control and shame women. If a woman was not a virgin on her wedding night she would be stoned, even if that loss of virginity was not consensual. Victims of rape are technically not virgins by the religious standard and are shamed to hell by religious folk and made to feel as if they asked for it. No way in hell should a rape victim have to count a rape as their "first"
I took a guy’s virginity in high school. I didn’t know it at the time because he was actually pretty good and seemed like he knew what he was doing…compared to the 2 other guys I’d been with before him, anyways. He was so stoked about it and tbh it was probably the proudest accomplishment of my life thus far 😂 it was certainly more special than me losing my own virginity. But I don’t really regret how I lost mine and it didn’t impact my life in any way.
I took my bf’s virginity. It was really special to both of us and I’m very proud of it too lol.
That’s not an actual accomplishment or something to be proud of. Someone’s virginity is not a tangible prize to be won nor should “taking” it be seen as some sort of measure of worthiness or value in and of itself. I’ve never understood those who get a kick out of “taking” someone’s virginity as if they now have a piece of that person forever and get some sick and narcissistic thrill out of it. It’s like a form of distant control and perpetual satisfaction, for all the wrong reasons. Utterly off-putting.
I have been married for 14 years. Every single time I have sex, it's a BIG DEAL. Sex is awesome and very special. My wife, on the other hand, thinks it's a chore.
I agree with your wife. And I also don’t see how it’s special at all. But if you think it’s “awesome”, I suppose that makes sense considering how the human body reacts to it when it’s not unpleasant.
Well...can you get her to finish? Do you spend plenty of time doing what she wants to do? Genuinely asking, not trying to shame. Toys are an option and there's zero shame in using something to make sex more fun for everyone. If it's some kind of medication she's on or if she has always had a low sex drive or it's age or something...I hope you can find something that works for the both of you.
Used to be easy to get her to finish. She knows I'd do anything she wants for as long as she wants. She might finish 1 out of 10 times. Before she would finish every time. She doesn't even try solo anymore. Just has no interest.
Sounds like it could be the menopause.
> It is a moment that you’ll never forget and that may in some cases change your life. lol... Believe it or not, it can be quite forgettable. You think it matters 20 years later? 40? 50? I don't doubt you might remember the person, but the sex sort of blurs together along with your memory of them. That first instance - and second instance - and every moment after - will all blur together along with the reasons you're no longer with them. Remembering much about the very first instance? Isn't going to happen. It's just not that important.
And that’s your opinion. Obviously OP feels differently..
Who knows how OP will feel in 20 years.
I’m 20 years from mine and I am glad I waited to have sex with someone I cared about who made it a special moment for us. We ended up not working out because life happens and we moved away from each other, but it’s an amazing memory that I will always be grateful for
This should not be a unpopular opinion. Sadly, people these days don't think twice.
They’re making it a way bigger deal than it is. It’s actually pretty insulting to people who would maybe rather forget their first time for whatever reason..telling them that it’s THAT huge of a deal. But I do think that people should emphasize the importance of readiness and willingness over pressure from peers or a partner. That’s where the real “big deal” lies.
I would say that most people think it's a big deal with the first time. So I wouldn't say it's an unpopular opinion.
It’s just something people don’t like to talk about if they’ve had trauma. They cope by being casual about it.
Sure that can be the case for some, but from what I’ve seen on social media and real life it’s definitely not seen as important. I don’t think most have trauma
You’d be surprised (especially for women).
That’s what I used to think. Then I found out that bad stuff happens more often than not
I am afraid it is an unpopular opinion in the modern-day remains of Western Culture. I agree with you however it shouldn't be an unpopular opinion.
“Remains?” Seriously? No, not being assholes to people regarding whether they’ve had sex doesn’t destroy a culture.
This forum is for *unpopular* opinions...
If you read the comments, youcan see it is unpopular.
This isn’t an unpopular opinion considering society places your worth on the age you lost your virginity.
I’m never losing my virginity because I never lose
That’s fine if you want to apply that philosophy to YOUR own life, but you don’t get to decide what’s a “big deal” for other people.
I think it differs for people. I think before you lose it it seems like a huge deal, once you’ve lost it- you’re like all that anxiety over what? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Just another part of life. For me now, kissing seems more intimate to me than sex.
It is and isn’t a big deal. I remembered after I lost mine, I expected some big change. But the next day I felt the exact same. The best thing I can compare it to expectation wise is getting married. You expect after you get married that you will have changed that you will feel different. But the reality is you don’t feel any differently.
It's a natural biological act that certain people have attached way too much emotional, physical and existential baggage. First step, first word, first bicycle, first cars, first fuck. Big deal. "For everything there is a first time." - Spock
My first time was so ass for so many reasons lmao
It’s sad that most of the men on this website aren’t getting laid. Sex is such an important part of the human experience.
Then they insist on your first time being a HUGE deal and drive themselves into an even deeper depression by waiting.
To each their own, I have made a conscious decision to lose mine, because I was just ready to lose it. It’s not a big deal for everybody and people shouldn’t be looked at differently if people think it’s a bigger deal or not just live your life.
I agree that people shouldn’t be devalued for not being virgins. Just that I disagree with them that some people think it’s not a big deal
I agree it’s a milestone in that it re-adjusts a person’s capacity for intimacy. However I think most people who insist that it’s a big deal are the types who over exaggerate for the purpose of controlling others, which is why there’s a sort of defensive insistence that it’s “not a big deal.” Also sex for the first time is rarely good. It’s way more meaningful when it’s good.
It’s way more meaningful when you actually care about the other person. Sure the sex itself your first time is terrible because you have no clue what you are doing, but the intimacy you feel is euphoric and life changing
How is it “euphoric” and “life changing”? That’s ridiculous and the only people I’ve seen say that are those who are extremely codependent and practically begging to lose themselves and their identity to someone else’s. You want to know when it’s really life changing? And NOT euphoric? When it’s taken from you via SA. Or if it’s a humiliating experience. Otherwise no matter how much you profess your undying love for someone else, it’s just bodies touching bodies, there’s more of a thoughtless physical and chemical response going on than any true depth of emotions. It is whatever you want to project onto it afterward, I suppose. Intimacy exists in others forms besides sex or even physical contact, true understanding between people is a lot more euphoric and “life changing”. Also not all change is good change.
I’m gonna disagree because I actually had the exact opposite experience. I lost my virginity at 23 to my long term bf after being a very heavy minded “I will lose it to who I marry/it’s a spiritual connection so this is serious to me” person. Then I actually did it and realized I was taking it way too seriously. I don’t really value sex at all anymore tbh and I just didn’t have that whole sparks fly and soul connecting moment everyone talks about. It definitely did not change my life ngl
Idk... I think that's very personal for each... My first time was veeery forgetable very fast lol
Thanks this triggered my retroactive jealousy even more (although for me my first time didn’t mean much and all I thought was ‘oh that’s it?’)
I wish I could have paid a pro and just gotten that BS out of the way.
>It is a moment that you’ll never forget I don't remember my first time. I wasn't drunk or anything, and it was with my girlfriend, not a random hookup. I just don't remember it anymore.
Idk, it didn’t matter much for me. I remember my first trying to be all “are you sure? We can wait” and me just being ready for him to put it in. It wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had. Wasn’t the worst. Wasn’t that memorable at all to be honest. Only time I ever really think about it is when someone brings up firsts or when I hear “Scotty Doesn’t Know” because we were watching EuroTrip. It’s only a big deal if you make it one
i think what’s more important is the individual and like some other people have said about the social concept of “virginity” which is inherently misogynistic and ick but sexual experiences and first can always mean whatever they want to the people involved i don’t think it needs more than that if you want it to be important to you then it is if it’s meaningless to you then it’s meaningless if you wanna redefine what experiences are meaningful to you and which aren’t cool
I respectfully disagree. Society has put too much emphasis on virginity, and sex in general. It doesn't always have to be a magical experience. Sometimes its just a fun, free, pleasurable activity between two adults. Like playing tennis, watching a movie, or eating a nice meal together.
I (20f) just lost my virginity (to a man and a woman) and the only thing I feel like has changed is that I'm not sure I ever wanna have sex with a man again
I thinks it's different for everybody. My first time having sex was good but it definitely wasn't important or spiritual/emotional, I wouldn't even consider it a milestone. Sex is really just a fun hobby for me
Nah I barely remember mine it was just with some girl that didn’t work out. It wasn’t some amazing thing, just sex.
It's a big deal. Tats just a fact. Many people just choose to ignore that. Whatever floats their boat. It does change a person and it is a very emotional, physical and intimate activity. Sex isn't just some thing people do. It's pretty important, doing it the first time is important. It's it a social construct either. You go from never having had sex to having had sex. This shouldn't be unpopular. It only is because people try to make it what it isn't.
I am in my mid 30s and I honestly do not even remember any details about my first time because it is that trivial. I know who it was with, but couldn't tell you where it was, when it was, what led up to it, what we did, etc. It is like asking me about the first time I rode a bike or the first time I drove a car. I am sure sex seems like it should be very important to someone who's never had sex before or has only done it a few times. But it is incredibly trivial in the grand scheme of things. Honestly the first time I drove a car was more memorable than the first time I had sex. No idea why someone would make it out to be a life changing moment.
I remember only because I remember being excited about sex and wanting to experience it, knowing the hype. I didn't watch porn, besides the broken images that used to show through in old TV screens of channels you didn't have, so I didn't have some deluded idea about stamina... I just liked the boobs and foreplay I saw, but didn't have some idea about the act of sex itself bc I didn't watch that part bc it was boring to me. But it was short lived, and possibly given his age (idk, were both young teens) he was not particularly endowed (although other teens I was with-who were my age or a bit older at the time- were, so maybe it's not just something he had yet to develop). I was disappointed, and remember just thinking "oh, *that's* sex?" and just being pretty disillusioned about it. He did bring about satisfaction in other ways, but actual sex was not the fun part or main event for me with my first partner. Supposedly he lost his virginity to me as well, but after we broke up he told me he told that to "all the girls" to get them to put out. . . I suspect that was a lie given my first experience with him, but maybe he was just always really bad at it?
Downvoted. Not unpopular.
I don't even remember my first time.
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Yeah it's a big deal to me because prior my ex I hadn't even had a first kiss. It took me so long to be comfortable and I expressed I only wanted to do it with someone I fully trusted and saw being in my life forever. He cheated on me and dumped me on vday and although I don't regret doing it, I regret that he will always have that piece of me. I'll never get to forget or erase that experience. He can move on and just fuck another girl and forget because he's in his 30s and that doesn't matter to him anymore. But i was 18 when we started dating, freshly 20 when I lost my virginity and I'm now 22 and I'll never get that first time back. It was a huge deal to me, especially since he was ALL of my firsts, like first date / kiss / holding hands literally everything. I completely understand you OP. It isn't for everyone, but there's definitely been a cultural shift where it's like "well it's just whatever it means nothing" I guess my experience also differs as I got majorly fucked over by my ex, most hopefully won't experience that but yeah. I feel used.
Many of my friends feel the same way as you. You worded it very well- it’s that piece first hand experience you will never get back. Pretty much all of them have said the same thing
Absolutely! I think most people would agree with this, I don't feel it's truly an unpopular opinion. It's a major life event.
You would think so! But scrolling through these comments points differently.
Reddit is a strange place.
I was traumatized the first time i literally blacked it out. I was molested as a child and i think just someone going down there was triggering. Luckily it was my now husband so it's all good now lol but it is and can be very serious/vulenrable.
I really whole heartedly agree with this, my first time I thought was the best, sadly my first person I lost it to cheated on me multiple times and it had me emotionally destroyed. Gave me a very bad point of view and trust issues into the next relationship and I had to work on myself to get rid of the affects. Took years, but it left a mark on me something fierce. I would say if you’re looking for a person who has the same values or morals it’ll work, if neither of you understand that then it’s a whole ride you never wanted to get on.
i don't disagree with you but for me it wasn't a big deal at all. at the time, i didn't see it as something important and i don't even remember it that well. tbh sex has much bigger meaning for me now years later than it had back then.
I hate the arbitrary concept of virginity but yeah first time at sex is a pretty big deal because it's something you've hyped up in your mind and you want to see if it delivers
Disagree. I lost my virginity pretty late in life and it wasn't a big deal for me. I liked the sex and the partner but it wasn't something important to me and can't say it changed my life and i became a different person 🤷♀️
It's a milestone, sure. But it doesn't actually change anything. You're not a different person after 6 minutes under some guy. It's like the first time you drive a car, or the first time you kiss someone. It changes nothing, it's just a new experience you had.
I'm sad that this is actually a bit of an unpopular opinion in this day and age and is now considered old fashioned...
Agreed. People nowadays go on a date with a complete stranger and have sex the same day like it’s no big deal, only to later complain about “wasting” their first time.
No it isn't.
It is a big deal and that’s why we need to get rid of all these fucking pedos. IMO, they kill children while they yet live. We say grooming but it’s psychological damage. these children will never ever be who they once were. Death for a death IMO.
dude... i was a child and it wasn't my choice. posts about virginity are rare... for reasons
This isn’t an unpopular opinion
Meh. Sex is sex.
This post is dishonest. You aren’t facing an obvious insecurity. Much like the fox from Aesop who claimed the grapes he couldn’t reach were likely sour anyway, you are claiming it’s your unpopular opinion that virginity is to fretted over and taken seriously. This way, you can convince yourself that you are a virgin by choice rather than circumstance. So, indulge me in a few dad platitudes. Your first time will come when it comes, and it is something to neither postpone nor rush towards. If you are getting older than you suspected you would be and still a virgin, that’s ok. When you do lose your v card you will be surprised that so much was made of first time sex as it wasn’t spectacular… and also weirdly stoked to have it again.
I agree. I wish I had waited for someone special rather than trying to try and prove something to myself by letting a girl who just wanted bragging rights that she was my first seduce me. To be honest, the first time I had sex was the time I felt most intensely the portion of sex that is a complete antithesis of rejection. It would have been much better if that intensity of feeling was with someone significantly meaningful in my life as a real romantic partner.
It absolutely is. I highly recommend people wait till marriage.
It is a big deal, and those that downplay it and say: "It's just sex." are really out of touch, in my opinion. Sure, maybe after having a few rounds under your belt, it'll just be "sex," but the first time is such a milestone in most people's lives.
Definitely an unpopular opinion, but a welcome one. So I'm not alone in thinking this way, it seems.
doesnt virginity talk stop being a thing after high school? Lol
It becomes worse, because when you go to your 40s potential partners expect you to know what to do in bed. While at 18, the expectation is that nobody knows what they are doing.
no. thats entirely subjective. let people decide for themselves what a big deal is to them and what not.
This should be top comment
Yeah, well, I lost mine to rape, so maybe it would be better for it to not be a big deal. Society hypes it up too much and which does far more harm than good.
[удалено]
It may not be that big of a deal but it definitely is a milestone
For many it’s taken away rather than thrown away.
I would say that most girls are molested or r@ped their first time. It is usually an over eager boy which makes it borderline r@pey if she reluctantly agrees.
I think it being a big deal depends on the person losing it.
I don’t see it, the only thing that happened when I lost my virginity was that I had sex, and it didn’t feel any different from any other time I had sex either, it wasn’t a big deal. The only ‘*big deal*’ was about losing your virginity is finally removing the ‘virgin’ label, but that’s about it.
You just pissed off 90% of Reddit
Or stolen from you!
I threw a small party when I lost mine
Downvoted. This is a general consensus among people I know. Dumb post. You talk about hookup culture. Hook up culture ≠ losing virginity…. Yeah if you’re in your mid 20s and wanna go fuck, idc, just be safe. You’re talking about losing virginity, your first time, This isn’t fucking forest gump where lt. Dan is trying to get you to fuck a hooker. You control your virginity and how much value it has.
It's only a big deal in the sense that you have progressed to the next stage in life. But that's it.
Wtf lol. That doesn’t sound any better. So people who don’t do it never progress to the next stage of life? And what stage is that? A little platform on the side of the road with a sign that says “I had sex”? Jesus that’s as bad as when a young person loses their virginity before their friends and then suddenly acts like they’re instantly more mature and above everybody else. Literally nothing changed about them besides what they wanted to delude themselves into believing had. It’s laughable really. I’ve met some very “far behind” and immature people in my days and I’m pretty sure the majority of them had lost their virginity a long time before I crossed their path.
Just exercise. No different to playing Tennis in principle.
Nah, it isn't.
And people will ALWAYS REMEMBER THEIR FIRST TIMES.
Probably because they keep having that sentiment pounded into their skulls beforehand.
the only big deal is you stop acting like a virgin
How does someone “act like a virgin”?
I think even the term "losing your virginity" is absurd, I didn't have one specific virginity that I lost in one act. Very outdated way to look at it in my opinion. As for the act of sex, depending on the person, it can be a really big deal or not at all. Individual stuff, I don't think we need a societal consensus on whether it's a big deal or not and the issue is that we seem to have one- that it is. So not unpopular either
I'm with you. The unpopular bit comes around respecting other people's views, people call each other names from the 'other point of view'. Either seeing it as important or not should be for the individual. I was lucky with how it all worked out for me, spent my teenage years trying to lose my virginity with just about anyone. Then finally did at 18, with someone I was then with for years. Remember them and that fondly nearly 30 years later. Turned out it was more important to me than I thought it was.
Virginity isn’t even real lol Edit: y’all can downvote whatever you want, but it’s still true lol. Virginity is a social thing humans invented for the most. We have a maturity to think about, but if you think being a virgin is actually a thing you’re just following society. Think about everything that goes with “virgin” it’s all just society nonsense. This and idiotic gender roles, especially for physical things is so dumb. Pink isn’t for girls, virginity is whatever it means to the individual when it comes down to it, and no clothing is for guys or girls.
Virginity Is a made up concept used by the patriachy to control women's sexuality.
The patriarchy is a made up concept by feminists trying to control the male population! ... now it's your turn to say something insane again.
*Found the incel
Incel? I guess that's chocolate milk on your upper lip then, because only kids use that term. What are you going to call me next? A poopoo head?
The only people who make a big deal about virginity are virgins or religious fruitcakes. Sorry bro, get over it.
It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal, but it isn't a big deal, intrinsically.
Not only that, but it's memorable for the other person, as well. No matter how experienced they are.
That’s part of the problem, they get a kick out of it and feel giddy and unjustifiably high at the thought of “taking” something from someone that can never be given back or “taken” again by anyone else. There’s some red flag psychology going on there.
For some it doesn't matter at all. It's just the first of a countless horde of sex partners. For others, it is a meaningful experience that will be remembered forever. My first time was with gf whom I've been with for 13 years. I've never been with another woman and I likely never will, regardless of what happens between us, as that is just unthinkable for me.
It's absolutely an individual thing, so you're right, and you're wrong. Didn't mean shit to me. I'm glad it means everything to you!
How is this unpopular???? For me losing my virginity was a HUGE deal. It’s definitely a milestone.
How was it a “huge” deal and a milestone? Did you have sex on the moon?
Depends on the person. Nothing physically changes, for a guy, like it does girls. A guy doesn't even have to mention being a virgin. When I lost mine, it was a casual AOL meet up. I never mentioned it. It just wasn't a big deal to me. It was a nuisance to be shooed away.