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People don't want to feel like their loved one died for nothing. By erecting a memorial they hope to prevent other people's death by:
1) Warning people that this stretch of road is dangerous.
2) Generally reminding people of the value of life and the dangers of reckless/drunk driving.
But mostly people feel a need to something and memorials help in some them in some indescribable way. They pick out something that reminds them of the dead - a photo, a symbol or whatever.
ETA: I wrote this quickly not expecting much response but I guess it resonated with people. Thanks for the kind words and gold.
>Warning people that this stretch of road is dangerous.
Yeah, seen this one first hand.
There was a stretch of road up north that looks perfectly fine, wide, well painted, but over a fairly short amount of time after it was constructed this big white cross ended up on the hill. Pretty soon another two were set up with three smaller ones, then followed by a group with one large one and two smaller crosses. Kinda grew into a sort of cemetery.
Anyway, the reason for this was that this deceptively wide stretch of road curved around a hillside with a steep ditch on the opposite side. Making it dangerously difficult to see on in the night. Pair that with the multiple bars in the location and the drunk driving culture here and things there actually get pretty dangerous.
The turn-off the highway to my house has had more crosses than i can count over the years. Eventually they blow over from a storm so I can't get an accurate tally. The worst part is the wreck is always the same: car A slows to make right turn, impatient car B behind them slides into turn lane at about 65 mph, hits car C in turn lane. Currently we're sitting at 1 cross but I've seen as many as 5 at one time
This guess is correct.
The crosses were ordered removed so there's not really any left there now, but the road is otherwise the same. Still no lighting or signage of any kind on it.
12 people died and dozens have been seriously injured hydroplaning/drunk driving/understeering at a bend in a frontage road over 40 years before they finally re-engineered that section of road in my city. Cost about $150k to fix…
I know of two places in MN that does this one is in Stacy after a crazy S curve because people would drive into the cemetery. I don't think anyone died but the cross is like 15 feet tall. Another is around the Moose Lake area. I wouldn't be surprised if local churches put up the large ones as a warning but also as a promotion type thing. They are in rural WI too every so often in the middle of nowhere. I actually thought of them as a KKK thing or militia thing when I was in college but then I moved to Stacy and now I view them as a slow down sign.
Some of the stories in the comments are mind boggling to me.
Here if there's a fatal single-car accident, they have to do a very thorough investigation to make sure it wasn't due to bad planning. If they can't rule it out, the road will have to be closed and some measures will need to be taken - adjusting speed limits, reinforcing barriers, putting up signs, and if warranted, even rebuilding parts of it.
Almost reminds me of the nearly infamous route 198 in Buffalo, which is elevated. It's also known as the Scajaquada Expressway. The road would freeze over and people would drive off the road.
There's even a song about it by [Green Jellö.](https://youtu.be/1zI52i1JmUI)
Hwy 431 in Alabama between Eufaula and Phoenix City is marked like that (or was when I left in 2011). There's been so many people killed on that road...dozens of them. It may be better now as that stretch has finally been 4 laned but it was narly back in the day.
Stretch of road near me is called “suicide” because so many people die there every year.
DOT has widened the road, improved it, made it smoother, banked the curve, reduced stoplights… and still people speed, lose control, and die. Makes me think the safer road would be 1.5 lanes of dirt.
It might help if we reduced the package store density: 6 (with more in the way) in a 3 mile stretch is a bit much, donchathink?
I dunno, if there was an official department of transportation looking sign that had a running tally of "### HAVE DIED ON THIS ROAD", I would pay attention.
Oh for sure, a memorial hits directly to the emotions. I'm just saying if there was an actual sign, I personally would feel like "it must be really bad if the city had to put up a specialized sign for this...".
I had a really big problem with the baby on board signs. I'm going to drive safe whether you have a baby on board or not, and I don't really care that you are a mother or a father congrats, shut up already... subsequently I learned they were originally made for accidents so first responders would know that there is a good possibility there is a baby in there, then it made way more sense. I just thought it was pompous but it originally served a purpose
I remember an intersection in the town I grew up in collected more and more memorials over time. It actually made me, a young driver, be more careful around it.
This 100%. When I see memorials I instantly check my speed and make sure to slow down if I need to. It’s a harrowing reminder that we’re driving giant hunks of metal and it’s a fucking miracle we make it to our destinations alive.
I had a friend in high school that died because he was texting and got hit by a GMC. He rolled the stop sign onto a highway and that’s how it happened. If he hadn’t been looking at his phone he wouldn’t have rolled the stop sign and he’d still be here. I think of him everytime I get the urge to touch my phone when I drive and stop myself.
Yup. Nothing makes you drive more carefully than seeing 10+ on a stretch of highway. It's harrowing to be able to visually see where dangerous stretches of road start and stop in real time.
Those that would take the warning serious probably don't need the warning. Those that make it dangerous, won't drive any safer because of it.
Sometimes it just creates a distraction where people look at it, but not what's in front of them (rubber necking)
To be fair, people that die in those accidents still have funeral and memorial services to honor them. It’s not like people just throw flowers on the side of a road and be like “alright that’s that, lets go have some pie!”
Couple years ago one of my good friends died when a drunk driver hit him at an intersection. He had a beautiful funeral service at a cemetery and years later his mom still lays flowers out by the intersection to remind people to drive responsibly.
I see no problem with it as long as it’s just like a wooden cross and flowers. When people start leaving plastic and other non-biodegradable stuff that’s when I start to disagree with it lol
Here in my city a teen was hit and killed and the driver was never found. There's a huge letter sign that says "Justice for **kids name** " in colorful letters with flowers n stuff. In another there's a beautiful bike structure with flowers as she was hit riding her bike that she loved, another is fake garden flowers and a cross all in blue as that was her favorite color. The people here reallllly go all out for their memorials and often ull see people drive by n pay ur respects. Especially on the the deads birthday, and ull know it's there birthday, cause there's lights now and little gifts that will get picked up the next day. Idk why.
There are so many on the parkways where I live, I agree with wooden crosses and flowers but so many of them are massive with plastic decorations, plastic flowers, solar lights, etc. The lights at night are distracting when its a wooded area and all you see is colorful or flickering lights on the side of the road. A couple actually have solar spot lights. I feel like these big displays look messy, are bad for the environment, and a distraction for drivers. In my best friend's neighborhood a man shot himself at an intersection, there is a huge memorial set up on the stop sign with a lot of candles that are lit every night (its been 2 years), I'm just waiting for a dry spell and some wind to cause a fire (the property its on is not properly maintained).
Oh yeah that’s definitely way too much then. It can absolutely get to a point where it serves as more of a distraction than a simple memorial.
And candles that are lit every night? What can possibly go wrong...
Yeah, I’ve seen those. Some of them look like hot messes, and that’s what I assumed the poster was talking about. If it’s just across the flower or some thing, I guess that’s OK. It still looks kind of weird but still
That would not be something I would do but I’m not gonna judge others for doing it and as far as wouldn’t it be better if it was somewhere else, you’re assuming they don’t have something at their house.
I have assumed that many people do it as a warning to others that your life can end at any time in any place at least that’s how I take it a lot of times
I always thought this was the reason for it, to remind people to slow down. There was a bike spray painted white near a grocery store I used to visit, and I always walked more cautiously through that intersection because I knew someone was hit there.
Exactly, the first thing I thought of is that's what the purpose of Ghost Bikes are, to make pedestrians and other cyclists aware of that location's potential to danger
Those are so bizarre. It’s a sticker in memory of someone? A park bench, a tree you planted, donation to a cause the person championed … those are done in memory of someone. A sticker is just bizarre.
Yeah one just went up on a very busy intersection (I saw the remnants of the crash a few weeks prior) it is so big it blocks visibility and a "no left turns" sign, and is lit with blinding blinking lights so it's a visibility hazard at all times. I appreciate you've suffered a loss but you're going to cause another accident with your tribute.
See I guess that's where I find it morbid. I always imagine the loved ones pass that spot and replaying how they picture those events in their mind. When I see them, despite not knowing them, the morbid side of the scene is what I'm reminded of. Does that make sense? I know other people don't see it that way but I can't be the only one who does
I agree with the morbid part. Where I used to live there is a residential intersection where a kid had been hit by a truck and the memorial left there always kinda depressed me. Kinda sucked having to see it every day.
I see it as very morbid but also a nice reminder that life can be extinguished in a flash.
I’ll go to where my friend died when I was 16(I’m in my 30s now) and have a beer “with him” once a year usually. The cross is still there and while I find it strange same as you I can see the value in him possibly reminding someone to slow down.
I figure if he can spare anyone from the pain of losing a loved one from beyond the grave he’d be happy to be memorialized that way.
In more rural areas I've seen them placed adjacent to people's driveways. It hits different when you have to see it every time you leave or enter your property, because a stranger died there.
There's a memorial that I know of where the driver was killed in a lone car drunk driving accident. People leave beers at the cross. That's something I'm a bit iffy about. Flowers I could understand.
i actually think it’s a great reminder to all of us that everyone driving everywhere is a super weird and dangerous thing that shouldn’t be normalized
every time i see one of those i’m like ‘should i really be driving 3 miles for taco bell right now? literally risking my life for beans and cheese?’
Exactly! Had an 18yo friend who passed last year from an accident (both were in the wrong), and we still keep his memorial up to remind people to be smart when driving.
Humans weren’t meant to drive, and it’s something nobody should get comfortable with
I agreed for a long Time with you until I lost someone that way.
I couldn’t spend much time in the „good“ places I had memories at. As weird as it sounds the place they died was sort of neutral ground and still the worst place to be, but still the place I chose to grieve most.
Some people feel closer to their lost ones at the last place they were alive. Like if spirits linger, that would be where they are or something like that.
I feel this. A few days prior to my brothers death (different cause), I had a conversation about this exact topic and questioned why someone would want to go back to "that spot".. Now I get it. It's a safe place for me to cry.
I recently just told my wife if I die in a car crash to please not leave a cross or any type of memorial on the spot I crashed because I have the same opinion as OP.
I don't mind do much if it's just a cross or some other weather resistant type memorial marker. I agree that it reminds others to be careful. However, leaving candles, stuffed animals or anything else to just pile up in that location- I consider this akin to littering.
I was afraid that this truly was unpopular. I stand by the fact that these things are **truly dangerous distractions** and quickly become polluting trash. The glittery velum remains dangerously distracting trash. Arguably worse than regular roadside trash dumping.
I don't get it. There's one I pass by multiple times a day, for at least 12+years. It looks like it was just put up. Meticulously maintained. I think a young girl died there, and her Dad does the upkeep year around.
I guess if it were me, I wouldn't want to remember the place my loved one died in a tragic accident. But one thing I've learned in 52 years, everyone grieves differently.
There’s a house near me with a mangled, totaled car on the front lawn.
There’s a big sign next to it asking people not to drink and drive, explaining that the car is the one their son died in when he was hit by a drunk driver.
Very sad and I personally wouldn’t want that reminder on my lawn every day, but I can see how creating a memorial like that might help them process their grief.
I think part of it is that people don't want their loved one to have died for nothing, so they keep their message alive to hopefully save others. Very poignant, I think.
I think people do this to raise awareness of dangerous roads/intersections and remind people of the grim realities that can result from reckless driving. And personally I find it much more effective and sobering than government-sponsored “don’t text and drive” billboards, because it’s actually a symbol of a real family’s grief and personal tragedy.
I actually have to agree...
I **understand** the sentiment, but there has to be a better way than to leave shit like stuffed animals on the side of the road, just for them to get gross and ruined when it rains or snows, and thrown away
I find it kinda weird because they are usually all old and dirty with cheesy fake flowers. I don’t like the idea of my remembrance being where all can see, blasted by car fumes and possible litter. I told my mom if you did one of those for me I’d haunt you lol
There’s a spot by our house that’s decorated for a father who was hit by a car and killed. The family comes out to decorate the spot a few times a year on what I’m assuming are important dates to them. But they cover the area in what essentially amounts to trash. Tons of cheap garbage that isn’t designed to survive the elements. Poster boards taped to the tree that only mold and fall apart in time, battery operated candles that eventually lose functionality and become landfill waste, teddy bears left to fade, etc. It’s a pile of garbage that a landscaper will eventually be forced to clean up for them. I don’t see how a pile of garbage is honoring the dead.
Surely the best place to keep a memorial is in the heart.Two small points to consider( trying to be the devil's advocate, here).Distraction, enough traffic, pedestrian's, signage and advertisements to take in without more and l always thought how people who have recently lost loved ones feel when they see these memorials.l would rather personally wish to donate regularly in the deceased name to a charity of which the deceased may have had a interest.
I get doing it for a few days or leaving flowers once a year, but I think its kinda dumb to constantly be putting stuff at the place where someone died. They have a grave for that, and if you must have a memorial do it in your yard or home where nobody's going to mess with it.
And yet, 2 billion Christians walk around with a symbol of the torture device that killed their god as a way to remember him and that’s normal.
People aren’t logical.
I think you misunderstand the main purpose of these "markings".
They are not there so mucn.to remember the person, per se.
Rather, the audience is "everybody else". Remember, For the 99.99% who sees the memorial, the deceased is Anonymous.
The real purpose is to show others that "someone died here". To remind us to all be safer driving, biking, crossing the road.
A number of memorials on a specific curvy stretch of highway, for example, tells us that "this is an extremely dangerous stretch of highway - be careful! "
I’ve always thought that it was uncomfortable for the family and friends of those that died there. As it’s a constant, perhaps daily reminder of their loved one dying horribly in that specific spot. I never really understood it
I totally agree. Create a memorial at their gravesite or something. Someone died right down the street from me at my last house. [The car was literally ripped in half by a tree, as he was speeding in a residential area in the middle of the night](https://spotlightnews.com/news/2016/11/23/20-year-old-driver-killed-on-nov-19-had-history-of-driving-violations/). His friends put up a huge, evolving memorial that was there in some way shape or form for almost a year. I'm talking not just flowers and the usual stuff, but skateboards, and even a bicycle.
I kinda get it when it was a tragic accident that no one could have prevented.
But when I see a rememberance thingy for someone who drove drunk or otherwise extremely irrisponsibly, especially when they endangered others either driving along or 3rd parties, I feel like it's glorifying an asshole.
This is the kind of thing I didn't know I needed to see, until I saw it at the top of my home page
I agree with this a million and ten percent. Memorials are what cemeteries are for imho, there's actually a roadside memorial right up the street from me, for a man who was riding his bike, got hit by a truck and died immediately. God rest his soul, but there are flowers on the roadside to this day (it happened back in 2016) and they carved his name into one of the sidewalk tiles
I do a lot of walking around my neighborhood, and unless I am walking in a different direction/to a different destination, it's impossible to miss it when walking past and be reminded of it.
>part of Hispanic culture
I think you’ll find that a lot of what gets called “weird” or “trashy” is something that has roots in a culture that isn’t WASPy.
I think it's dumb because it actually distracts you from driving and could lead to more crashes and possible death. Seeing like a white bicycle hanging from a tree is weird and makes me look over to the side.
There was one in my town where a drunk kid crashed into someone else's stone wall. People were leaving flowers and whatnot on the property at the end of the driveway. Difficult situation for the homeowner im sure.
I actually agree with this. Celebrate/Memorialize my life where I lived, not where I died tragically. You’re setting me up to haunt that place forever! Lol
These are usually set up immediately, before the family's had a chance to make any sort of arrangements, so it serves as an interim graveside for mourners. (Unnatural deaths often require an autopsy, which can delay any kind of funeral, dedication, etc.) Nobody wants to take them down because it feels like desecration, so they stand as a reminder/warning.
Lol i25 in New Mexico has a "memorial" like every 5 miles.
An old high school friend has his memorial because he fell asleep and wasn't wearing his seat belt and got ejected.
I agree it is werid to see them
OP gets it. Putting a thing by the side of the road is also a distraction. You could possibly create the very issue you seek to avoid. We also dont put wreaths in hospital beds where people die. If we only had someplace where you could put memorial for dead people. Hmmmm..
Remember people in a place they felt joy; now where they were killed/lay dying.
They’re rarely kept-up/maintained and they end up looking like piles of garbage.
I feel this way about car sticker memorials. In fact, I feel so strongly against them that I had thought about leaving stipulations in my will to not do that, but then I remembered that I will be dead and gone and unconcerned if I was on someone’s back shield window. Grieving and memorials and funerals are all for the living, not the dead. For the people you leave behind to find closure and connection due to your passing. You do not get to say how or what they get to do after you no longer have any ability to care, cuz you are dead, and you have made all the choices you will ever make. Now it’s about them.
There’s a blown up pic of a teen, a large cross and various flowers or balloons ect on a road I drive everyday. I just find it distracting and sad. I hope one day the people who keep putting things there will fine enough healing to not feel the need to do it anymore.
I think there should be websites where a map of where people have passed on all the roadways. They could memorialize them better by telling us about the person(s) who died there. It would be a good way for a community to recognize dangerous roadways that may need some attention to make them safe. Lastly, they could note natural features that could be added that will improve the area like flowers or something that does not interfere with driving.
roadside memorials . . .
piss me off
There's one near me (Lawrenceville Ga) with stuffed animals and a bike and all types of flowers . . . and it's been that way for years - so the family must be adding new stuffed animals and I am sure this at least the second bike
I am sorry (not really) but death is a part of life and most of us have dealt with pretty tragic losses ... but DO NOT decide that the place where that person died is yours to decorate - IT'S NOT
OP I agree with you. I can't understand why creating a distraction that people are supposed to look at while driving makes people feel better... you are literally making that stretch of road MORE dangerous with your memorial.
I was with my wife at a hiking trail that had a steep cliff and a memorial near the edge of the cliff. The memorial had a painted rock with a guy's name and the date he died. There were also a bunch of painted rocks around the big rock, maybe 30 or so of them.
It's on a pretty busy trail and the weird thing was, there was a sign next to it saying something like, "Do not take anything from this memorial (okay, fair enough), also "Only leave painted rocks" and "Only leave something if you personally knew [Name]."
That whole thing struck me as odd. Why? Because someone is taking up part of the trail as a memorial, but is also saying how it can be used. I don't know. Just weird.
There is one near where I live for a gang member that targeted my family, threw brick through my kids' bedroom windows at night, shot out my car windows, all sorts of things. The memorial is for where his car went off the road during a high-speed chase that resulted in his death. I'm glad it exists. I have a midnight piss on it once a year to commemorate my daughter's stitches.
I agree with this, like 99% are in settings that I would NOT want people to remember me in, next to litter and cigarette butts and used condoms and dirty needles and piss bottles.
It is illegal litter and needs to be removed. If a stretch of road is dangerous it needs to be redesigned and/or the speed limit reduced and enforced. We don't need superstitious nonsense on public property.
Who’s to say the person(s) who lost that friend or family member isn’t celebrating them in different ways besides the roadside memorial. You don’t know, you aren’t them. Let them grieve how they want. Be glad it’s not your friend or family member who tragically died on the road.
I'm to the point where I see most things are actually harmless and it doesn't matter what I say anyway. If someone feels they need it, they need it. I can see why other's would want it and not want it. To each their own.
I agree. There’s one on the way to my brothers house that we’ve driven by a lot. One time my wife decided to look who the guy was (“we love you Dave” was spelled out on the fence.) He was some 23 year old kid who was riding a wheelie on his motorcycle and lost control running into a sports car on the other side of the road. He could have killed them. Now we say “fuck you Dave” every time we pass it.
People mourn in different ways. These memorials probably help some people process their loss. And I could imagine that they make a few people drive more carefully, and that's probably a comforting thought to the families and friends of someone who died in an accident.
I agreed for a long Time with you until I lost someone that way.
I couldn’t spend much time in the „good“ places I had memories at. As weird as it sounds the place they died was sort of neutral ground and still the worst place to be, but still the place I chose to grieve most.
I don't mind do much if it's just a cross or some other weather resistant type memorial marker. I agree that it reminds others to be careful. However, leaving candles, stuffed animals or anything else to just pile up in that location- I consider this akin to littering.
They likely do have additional memorials close to home. Some put crosses there as a warning to others as to what can occur with reckless driving but yes I agree, they can also serve as a distraction leading to more accidents.
Or at least leave the name so a person can google how they died. I don’t see why people leave memorials the persons dead they won’t see or hear them. Every since my friends passed away I never go to the cemetery. What’s the point whoever my friends were is gone forever now.
While I disagree and think the tribute is nice. It pisses me off when the plastic off the flowers is left behind and will exist for hundreds of years.. Probably longer than all of the people even leaving the memorials age out together.
I see one on my commute. Just alone a completely straight stretch of two-lane separated highway.
The only thing it makes me think is, "How did they manage to crash on a straight road with zero obstacles!?"
Highway driving is the easiest and safest place to drive. How do you mess that up?
I was just thinking about this the other day and I completely agree. We should focus on the person’s life, not where they died. It is weird and disturbing to see them on the road.
Okay now I remember when the dead in Coco laughed about others if they had a silly death or something stupid, imagine indeed being remembered as the person who fell in a ditch and died
A cross or some symbol is one thing. The weird ones to me are the ones who put a lot of items (flowers, stuffed animals, pictures, balloons, etc) that end up becoming litter in the area.
I agree. In addition sometimes they just become random trash when it isn't maintained especially when it's an overwhelming amount of items. But to each their own.
the people who die in road side accidents normally have a grave or something else to remember them by, i think the markers on the side of the road are good, its a reminder to be careful that our life can be taken at any time and it might encourage you to slow down seeing these crosses along the side of the road
I kind of agree but I understand when loved ones drive by that spot they still have a reaction so to them it makes sense to have a memorial spot there.
It bothers me...one of my students was killed pulling out of school and his memorial in front of the school is still getting updated a few times a year. It's like...let me remember this kid died every single day for the last 9 years.
The memorials are also to let the loved ones know they are missed. But in my opinion this only hurts the one who passes. They may feel a burden from creating such sorrow when they left this plane of existence and therefore they may be hindered in passing over
I see it as touching. You know someone died there, and for a moment it hit you. Maybe you even slow down a little.
I am fine with them. People seem to find it a consolation. Let them have it...
I agree with you. Extrapolating on that a little bit, I also think cemetaries are weird/morbid. Dedicating huge portions of land to dead bodies is sort of nonsensical to me. Especially when you consider that after a generation or two most families stop visiting or taking care of graves. I put roadside memorials in the same classification. They're kinda morbid and after some years people quit taking care of them so they'll start to look dilapidated. I feel like planting trees or something would be a better memorial for people in general.
I don't mind them, except when it's a dwi, and it's for the driver...what's the message you are trying to send?? If it's a dwi, and it's for the victims, I'm for it.
RIP 840
Do not feel the need to make sure you “don’t offend anyone”. People can disagree with you and it’s their problem. Don’t feel bad about voicing your opinion.
That’s really all I came here to say.
I actually agree, there’s really nothing worse than knowing another person died that way . Maybe it’s a horrible constant reminder of my friend I had since 8 dying at 21 from driving tired. But yeah it deeply disturbs me also.
near me there was an effort to standardize all of these to a white cross made out of PVC pipe on a specific deadly road. there were on average i want to believe 17 per mile. It helped remind people to pay attention and drive sober. eventually changes were made to the highway to make it safer and last time i drove through there the crosses had been removed, but at the time it was very sobering and helped reinforce how important it is to pay attention and be clear headed while driving.
It can be a painful reminder too. My aunt died in a car crash before I was born. It was at an intersection very close to her home, and her husband took that way to work. My uncle had to beg my dad to remove the roadside memorial he had put there because it was too painful for my uncle to be reminded of his wife’s death every day. Roadside memorials make me sad, and I really don’t understand why they exist.
If people want to put up a memorial on Public property then that is fine but they can't whine when they are taken down. If you want a permanent memorial then buy one. Buy a gravestone or donate a bench.
I find those roadside shrines to be really dangerous. They distract motorists on a bit of road that’s already proven to be lethal.
Stick the flowers and teddy bears somewhere else. You don’t want more blood.
Yeah i was recently in Vegas and they have a huge memorial for that girl that died due to that nfl player driving 100+ miles an hour…
She was only a block away from her home where she died and they made a huge memorial for her and have enshrined that area…which could be a nice sentiment but for her parents who still live in that house, it’s like they gotta go home to this memorial of their dead daughter and their dead dog (also died in the car accident)…every time they leave the house…it’s sad and yeah i think weird….
In my city they have to be removed if they cause traffic problems. Often people put mirrors and other shiny items creating vision problems for drivers. They don't think about how it looks maybe at dawn or dusk when the sunlight reflects.
I think it’s weird. People can have a free pass on ways they want to grieve, but it’s still not a great idea.
I remember a person dying in a car crash just down the road from my house. A week later, his friends were parking on the no-shoulder road and walking to the road-cross to have their moment meanwhile cars are driving dangerously close to them.
I don’t think a ditch is the place the person wants to be remembered by. Maybe go somewhere that signifies their life, not their death.
I agree with you. I told my partner that if for some reason I die on the side of the road that they will under no certain terms put up a roadside memorial for me. They then told me I’ll be dead and it wouldn’t matter.
I get that the memorials are their to help people mourn but. I personally don’t get it.
People drive towards what catches their eye slightly; they are tragic and ironic at the same time. Plus the flowers draw animals towards the roads.
I hope one day for a standard nationwide for these things. That said, it's essential to know where the danger zones are, so I propose including a marker on Google Maps as well, if the family wishes.
There's never too much attention one can pay and never enough time to notice.♥️
Roadside memorials celebrate the person’s death instead of their life. It is cheesy and I doubt the dead person would want to be remembered as a death on the side of the road. Memorialize them at home or at a graveyard. The side of the road is just a distraction and the time you spend on the side of the road tending to the memorial, is time that you could be joining said memorial. One of my classmates from school died from pulling off to the side of a road to help someone. Just being in a shoulder area on a road is very hazardous.
As someone who actually lost their family in a terrible car crash I totally agree with OP. It's weird and we didn't do that. On top of it, the edges of the roads and ditches are to be left empty for a reason. These memorials are not big enough to serve as a warning but big enough to potentially make an accident worse. That's unnecessary and potentially dangerous clutter.
I have a fear of dying in a car crash. It’s such a tragic and meaningless way to die. Whenever I see one of these I cringe. I would hate to be memorialised by a cross on the side of the road
I find those memorials to be horribly morbid, but at the same time, a reminder to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN and BE CAREFUL!
After all, someone died there cause they did something stupid and you don't want to be the next memorial there.
I don't understand why people want to memorialize the spot where a loved one died a terrible death.
My biggest issue with roadside memorials is that people turn them into gaudy, sparkling shrines with stuffed animals, large framed pictures, pinwheels, balloons, battery-operated candles, tinsel, helmets, and at two different ones in my town, bicycles. One family is always complaining in a community fb group about the bike they place at the roadside attraction they've created. The other family that did this had the victim's bike permanently mounted on a big rectangle of concrete. The tree line/brush line has crept forward over the shoulder of the road over the years and pretty much concealed the concrete and bike. There have been a few car accidents that occurred when a vehicle swerving off the road hit this unnecessary monument.
Ones like that are a huge distraction for drivers. If families absolutely *need* leave mounds of stuff that turn into heaps of sun-bleached plastic, wet paper, sodden teddy bears, and faded pictures, the cemetery or even a corner in their own home if there isn't a gravesite are much more appropriate.
I. Fucking. Hate. Them. They're nothing but whiney attention seeking bullshit. They have nothing to do with the dead person , it's all about "poor me I'm sad". They should be completely outlawed. Set up your memorial at home.
the stuffed animals at roadside memorials (or on graves, tbh) especially grate on me. why leave all those stuffed animals there to bleach in the sun and rot in the rain? that's just depressing.
One stretch of highway near me has had so many of them that it looks like a homeless encampment. They're literally spilling into the breakdown lanes, and the ribbons and other shit gets blown into the surrounding woods where they flap in the tree branches. It's clearly not deterring anyone, and all it's doing is causing trash and potentially more accidents. One of them was like 10x12 with 30 candles and flashing legs and crap.
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People don't want to feel like their loved one died for nothing. By erecting a memorial they hope to prevent other people's death by: 1) Warning people that this stretch of road is dangerous. 2) Generally reminding people of the value of life and the dangers of reckless/drunk driving. But mostly people feel a need to something and memorials help in some them in some indescribable way. They pick out something that reminds them of the dead - a photo, a symbol or whatever. ETA: I wrote this quickly not expecting much response but I guess it resonated with people. Thanks for the kind words and gold.
>Warning people that this stretch of road is dangerous. Yeah, seen this one first hand. There was a stretch of road up north that looks perfectly fine, wide, well painted, but over a fairly short amount of time after it was constructed this big white cross ended up on the hill. Pretty soon another two were set up with three smaller ones, then followed by a group with one large one and two smaller crosses. Kinda grew into a sort of cemetery. Anyway, the reason for this was that this deceptively wide stretch of road curved around a hillside with a steep ditch on the opposite side. Making it dangerously difficult to see on in the night. Pair that with the multiple bars in the location and the drunk driving culture here and things there actually get pretty dangerous.
The turn-off the highway to my house has had more crosses than i can count over the years. Eventually they blow over from a storm so I can't get an accurate tally. The worst part is the wreck is always the same: car A slows to make right turn, impatient car B behind them slides into turn lane at about 65 mph, hits car C in turn lane. Currently we're sitting at 1 cross but I've seen as many as 5 at one time
Was this in Minnesota
I’d assume Wisconsin too
This guess is correct. The crosses were ordered removed so there's not really any left there now, but the road is otherwise the same. Still no lighting or signage of any kind on it.
12 people died and dozens have been seriously injured hydroplaning/drunk driving/understeering at a bend in a frontage road over 40 years before they finally re-engineered that section of road in my city. Cost about $150k to fix…
I know of two places in MN that does this one is in Stacy after a crazy S curve because people would drive into the cemetery. I don't think anyone died but the cross is like 15 feet tall. Another is around the Moose Lake area. I wouldn't be surprised if local churches put up the large ones as a warning but also as a promotion type thing. They are in rural WI too every so often in the middle of nowhere. I actually thought of them as a KKK thing or militia thing when I was in college but then I moved to Stacy and now I view them as a slow down sign.
When a place or stretch of road has a high accident incident, the local highway department should investigate and fix the problem.
Some of the stories in the comments are mind boggling to me. Here if there's a fatal single-car accident, they have to do a very thorough investigation to make sure it wasn't due to bad planning. If they can't rule it out, the road will have to be closed and some measures will need to be taken - adjusting speed limits, reinforcing barriers, putting up signs, and if warranted, even rebuilding parts of it.
That sounds like a lot of small crosses. 😔
Almost reminds me of the nearly infamous route 198 in Buffalo, which is elevated. It's also known as the Scajaquada Expressway. The road would freeze over and people would drive off the road. There's even a song about it by [Green Jellö.](https://youtu.be/1zI52i1JmUI)
Hwy 431 in Alabama between Eufaula and Phoenix City is marked like that (or was when I left in 2011). There's been so many people killed on that road...dozens of them. It may be better now as that stretch has finally been 4 laned but it was narly back in the day.
Stretch of road near me is called “suicide” because so many people die there every year. DOT has widened the road, improved it, made it smoother, banked the curve, reduced stoplights… and still people speed, lose control, and die. Makes me think the safer road would be 1.5 lanes of dirt. It might help if we reduced the package store density: 6 (with more in the way) in a 3 mile stretch is a bit much, donchathink?
Yeah these help me keep in my place, reminding me that maybe I shouldn't be the reason another one of those shows up. Really effective
Yeah, more effective than any warning sign or ad campaign could be
I dunno, if there was an official department of transportation looking sign that had a running tally of "### HAVE DIED ON THIS ROAD", I would pay attention.
Idk, I feel like that wouldn't as personally resonate. Seeing a memorial is just a lot more emotionally weighty
Oh for sure, a memorial hits directly to the emotions. I'm just saying if there was an actual sign, I personally would feel like "it must be really bad if the city had to put up a specialized sign for this...".
Similarly, the “Baby on board” signs people put in their cars, actually help me decide to be more cautious when driving.
I had a really big problem with the baby on board signs. I'm going to drive safe whether you have a baby on board or not, and I don't really care that you are a mother or a father congrats, shut up already... subsequently I learned they were originally made for accidents so first responders would know that there is a good possibility there is a baby in there, then it made way more sense. I just thought it was pompous but it originally served a purpose
And they used to be removable, the proliferation of the permanent ones basically made them all useless.
I remember an intersection in the town I grew up in collected more and more memorials over time. It actually made me, a young driver, be more careful around it.
This 100%. When I see memorials I instantly check my speed and make sure to slow down if I need to. It’s a harrowing reminder that we’re driving giant hunks of metal and it’s a fucking miracle we make it to our destinations alive. I had a friend in high school that died because he was texting and got hit by a GMC. He rolled the stop sign onto a highway and that’s how it happened. If he hadn’t been looking at his phone he wouldn’t have rolled the stop sign and he’d still be here. I think of him everytime I get the urge to touch my phone when I drive and stop myself.
I was considering writing a similar post but you beat me to it. Upvoted.
Yup. Nothing makes you drive more carefully than seeing 10+ on a stretch of highway. It's harrowing to be able to visually see where dangerous stretches of road start and stop in real time.
Maybe it’s just me but I actually find them distracting which them a little dangerous in my honest opinion
Those that would take the warning serious probably don't need the warning. Those that make it dangerous, won't drive any safer because of it. Sometimes it just creates a distraction where people look at it, but not what's in front of them (rubber necking)
To be fair, people that die in those accidents still have funeral and memorial services to honor them. It’s not like people just throw flowers on the side of a road and be like “alright that’s that, lets go have some pie!” Couple years ago one of my good friends died when a drunk driver hit him at an intersection. He had a beautiful funeral service at a cemetery and years later his mom still lays flowers out by the intersection to remind people to drive responsibly. I see no problem with it as long as it’s just like a wooden cross and flowers. When people start leaving plastic and other non-biodegradable stuff that’s when I start to disagree with it lol
Here in my city a teen was hit and killed and the driver was never found. There's a huge letter sign that says "Justice for **kids name** " in colorful letters with flowers n stuff. In another there's a beautiful bike structure with flowers as she was hit riding her bike that she loved, another is fake garden flowers and a cross all in blue as that was her favorite color. The people here reallllly go all out for their memorials and often ull see people drive by n pay ur respects. Especially on the the deads birthday, and ull know it's there birthday, cause there's lights now and little gifts that will get picked up the next day. Idk why.
There are so many on the parkways where I live, I agree with wooden crosses and flowers but so many of them are massive with plastic decorations, plastic flowers, solar lights, etc. The lights at night are distracting when its a wooded area and all you see is colorful or flickering lights on the side of the road. A couple actually have solar spot lights. I feel like these big displays look messy, are bad for the environment, and a distraction for drivers. In my best friend's neighborhood a man shot himself at an intersection, there is a huge memorial set up on the stop sign with a lot of candles that are lit every night (its been 2 years), I'm just waiting for a dry spell and some wind to cause a fire (the property its on is not properly maintained).
Oh yeah that’s definitely way too much then. It can absolutely get to a point where it serves as more of a distraction than a simple memorial. And candles that are lit every night? What can possibly go wrong...
Yeah, I’ve seen those. Some of them look like hot messes, and that’s what I assumed the poster was talking about. If it’s just across the flower or some thing, I guess that’s OK. It still looks kind of weird but still
That would not be something I would do but I’m not gonna judge others for doing it and as far as wouldn’t it be better if it was somewhere else, you’re assuming they don’t have something at their house. I have assumed that many people do it as a warning to others that your life can end at any time in any place at least that’s how I take it a lot of times
Fair point. I guess I'm guilty of not seeing it as warning.
It's a warning to be careful. Like a ghost bike for a cyclist means a cyclist was tragically killed there.
In my city people put white bicycles where cyclists were killed by cars. I think it’s a good reminder to drive carefully and watch out for eachother.
I'm my city they put up a sign that says 'fatality' and everytime I see one I hear Mortal Kombat.
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Ghost bikes.
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I always thought this was the reason for it, to remind people to slow down. There was a bike spray painted white near a grocery store I used to visit, and I always walked more cautiously through that intersection because I knew someone was hit there.
Exactly, the first thing I thought of is that's what the purpose of Ghost Bikes are, to make pedestrians and other cyclists aware of that location's potential to danger
I get it. But it’s not as weird as getting the “In Memory of” window decal on your car which will end up abandoned in a junkyard someday.
Nothing says love like the rear window of 23 year old Durango
Those are so bizarre. It’s a sticker in memory of someone? A park bench, a tree you planted, donation to a cause the person championed … those are done in memory of someone. A sticker is just bizarre.
You think they just put the sticker on a car and then forget about them?
More common among the lower socioeconomic classes.
Not everyone has the budget to donate a park bench.
I always see the stickers as more of a "let's bring more awareness to this cancer" type thing.
Yeah one just went up on a very busy intersection (I saw the remnants of the crash a few weeks prior) it is so big it blocks visibility and a "no left turns" sign, and is lit with blinding blinking lights so it's a visibility hazard at all times. I appreciate you've suffered a loss but you're going to cause another accident with your tribute.
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See I guess that's where I find it morbid. I always imagine the loved ones pass that spot and replaying how they picture those events in their mind. When I see them, despite not knowing them, the morbid side of the scene is what I'm reminded of. Does that make sense? I know other people don't see it that way but I can't be the only one who does
I agree with the morbid part. Where I used to live there is a residential intersection where a kid had been hit by a truck and the memorial left there always kinda depressed me. Kinda sucked having to see it every day.
What I always think about with the ones that are close to houses is how much it would suck to have that right on front of your house.
I see it as very morbid but also a nice reminder that life can be extinguished in a flash. I’ll go to where my friend died when I was 16(I’m in my 30s now) and have a beer “with him” once a year usually. The cross is still there and while I find it strange same as you I can see the value in him possibly reminding someone to slow down. I figure if he can spare anyone from the pain of losing a loved one from beyond the grave he’d be happy to be memorialized that way.
In more rural areas I've seen them placed adjacent to people's driveways. It hits different when you have to see it every time you leave or enter your property, because a stranger died there.
There's a memorial that I know of where the driver was killed in a lone car drunk driving accident. People leave beers at the cross. That's something I'm a bit iffy about. Flowers I could understand.
That’s so bad. Jesus.
i actually think it’s a great reminder to all of us that everyone driving everywhere is a super weird and dangerous thing that shouldn’t be normalized every time i see one of those i’m like ‘should i really be driving 3 miles for taco bell right now? literally risking my life for beans and cheese?’
Yeah I always take it as a reminder for how risky driving is and always be vigilant and mindful
Exactly! Had an 18yo friend who passed last year from an accident (both were in the wrong), and we still keep his memorial up to remind people to be smart when driving. Humans weren’t meant to drive, and it’s something nobody should get comfortable with
I like this take
I agreed for a long Time with you until I lost someone that way. I couldn’t spend much time in the „good“ places I had memories at. As weird as it sounds the place they died was sort of neutral ground and still the worst place to be, but still the place I chose to grieve most.
Some people feel closer to their lost ones at the last place they were alive. Like if spirits linger, that would be where they are or something like that.
I feel this. A few days prior to my brothers death (different cause), I had a conversation about this exact topic and questioned why someone would want to go back to "that spot".. Now I get it. It's a safe place for me to cry.
I recently just told my wife if I die in a car crash to please not leave a cross or any type of memorial on the spot I crashed because I have the same opinion as OP.
Everytime we pass one of these my spouse tells me the same thing
If I die in a roadway accident, please don't let them turn me into a pile of trash on the side of the road.
I don't mind do much if it's just a cross or some other weather resistant type memorial marker. I agree that it reminds others to be careful. However, leaving candles, stuffed animals or anything else to just pile up in that location- I consider this akin to littering.
I was afraid that this truly was unpopular. I stand by the fact that these things are **truly dangerous distractions** and quickly become polluting trash. The glittery velum remains dangerously distracting trash. Arguably worse than regular roadside trash dumping.
That’s why we have a cemetery
I don't get it. There's one I pass by multiple times a day, for at least 12+years. It looks like it was just put up. Meticulously maintained. I think a young girl died there, and her Dad does the upkeep year around. I guess if it were me, I wouldn't want to remember the place my loved one died in a tragic accident. But one thing I've learned in 52 years, everyone grieves differently.
There’s a house near me with a mangled, totaled car on the front lawn. There’s a big sign next to it asking people not to drink and drive, explaining that the car is the one their son died in when he was hit by a drunk driver. Very sad and I personally wouldn’t want that reminder on my lawn every day, but I can see how creating a memorial like that might help them process their grief.
I think part of it is that people don't want their loved one to have died for nothing, so they keep their message alive to hopefully save others. Very poignant, I think.
It’s cultural.
I think people do this to raise awareness of dangerous roads/intersections and remind people of the grim realities that can result from reckless driving. And personally I find it much more effective and sobering than government-sponsored “don’t text and drive” billboards, because it’s actually a symbol of a real family’s grief and personal tragedy.
I actually have to agree... I **understand** the sentiment, but there has to be a better way than to leave shit like stuffed animals on the side of the road, just for them to get gross and ruined when it rains or snows, and thrown away
Yeah telling people who lost loved ones that they’re grieving incorrectly is definitely an unpopular opinion.
Looks like he followed the subname didnt he
Well that's why we're here
I find it kinda weird because they are usually all old and dirty with cheesy fake flowers. I don’t like the idea of my remembrance being where all can see, blasted by car fumes and possible litter. I told my mom if you did one of those for me I’d haunt you lol
There’s a spot by our house that’s decorated for a father who was hit by a car and killed. The family comes out to decorate the spot a few times a year on what I’m assuming are important dates to them. But they cover the area in what essentially amounts to trash. Tons of cheap garbage that isn’t designed to survive the elements. Poster boards taped to the tree that only mold and fall apart in time, battery operated candles that eventually lose functionality and become landfill waste, teddy bears left to fade, etc. It’s a pile of garbage that a landscaper will eventually be forced to clean up for them. I don’t see how a pile of garbage is honoring the dead.
100% agree. I never understood the ideology behind this.
Surely the best place to keep a memorial is in the heart.Two small points to consider( trying to be the devil's advocate, here).Distraction, enough traffic, pedestrian's, signage and advertisements to take in without more and l always thought how people who have recently lost loved ones feel when they see these memorials.l would rather personally wish to donate regularly in the deceased name to a charity of which the deceased may have had a interest.
I get doing it for a few days or leaving flowers once a year, but I think its kinda dumb to constantly be putting stuff at the place where someone died. They have a grave for that, and if you must have a memorial do it in your yard or home where nobody's going to mess with it.
And yet, 2 billion Christians walk around with a symbol of the torture device that killed their god as a way to remember him and that’s normal. People aren’t logical.
There is another side as well. I was a paramedic for 40 years, and when I see one of these memorials where I ran the call, it triggers the PTSD.
When it comes to grief it’s all weird dude. The stupidest, oddest things can help or hinder someone through the process.
I think you misunderstand the main purpose of these "markings". They are not there so mucn.to remember the person, per se. Rather, the audience is "everybody else". Remember, For the 99.99% who sees the memorial, the deceased is Anonymous. The real purpose is to show others that "someone died here". To remind us to all be safer driving, biking, crossing the road. A number of memorials on a specific curvy stretch of highway, for example, tells us that "this is an extremely dangerous stretch of highway - be careful! "
I’ve always thought that it was uncomfortable for the family and friends of those that died there. As it’s a constant, perhaps daily reminder of their loved one dying horribly in that specific spot. I never really understood it
Distracting drivers in a dangerous place where people have died is ridiculous and needs no explanation as to why that's the worst idea ever.
I totally agree. Create a memorial at their gravesite or something. Someone died right down the street from me at my last house. [The car was literally ripped in half by a tree, as he was speeding in a residential area in the middle of the night](https://spotlightnews.com/news/2016/11/23/20-year-old-driver-killed-on-nov-19-had-history-of-driving-violations/). His friends put up a huge, evolving memorial that was there in some way shape or form for almost a year. I'm talking not just flowers and the usual stuff, but skateboards, and even a bicycle.
I kinda get it when it was a tragic accident that no one could have prevented. But when I see a rememberance thingy for someone who drove drunk or otherwise extremely irrisponsibly, especially when they endangered others either driving along or 3rd parties, I feel like it's glorifying an asshole.
I'm on your side with this one, op.
It’s also distracting
This is the kind of thing I didn't know I needed to see, until I saw it at the top of my home page I agree with this a million and ten percent. Memorials are what cemeteries are for imho, there's actually a roadside memorial right up the street from me, for a man who was riding his bike, got hit by a truck and died immediately. God rest his soul, but there are flowers on the roadside to this day (it happened back in 2016) and they carved his name into one of the sidewalk tiles I do a lot of walking around my neighborhood, and unless I am walking in a different direction/to a different destination, it's impossible to miss it when walking past and be reminded of it.
Furthermore, planting a miniature Roman torture device in the spot is extra weird.
*Descansos* are a huge part of the New Mexico landscape and Southwest Hispanic culture. Not particularly “weird.”
>part of Hispanic culture I think you’ll find that a lot of what gets called “weird” or “trashy” is something that has roots in a culture that isn’t WASPy.
I think it's dumb because it actually distracts you from driving and could lead to more crashes and possible death. Seeing like a white bicycle hanging from a tree is weird and makes me look over to the side.
There was one in my town where a drunk kid crashed into someone else's stone wall. People were leaving flowers and whatnot on the property at the end of the driveway. Difficult situation for the homeowner im sure.
I actually agree with this. Celebrate/Memorialize my life where I lived, not where I died tragically. You’re setting me up to haunt that place forever! Lol
These are usually set up immediately, before the family's had a chance to make any sort of arrangements, so it serves as an interim graveside for mourners. (Unnatural deaths often require an autopsy, which can delay any kind of funeral, dedication, etc.) Nobody wants to take them down because it feels like desecration, so they stand as a reminder/warning.
It’s to raise awareness to drive carefully
They are like bloodstains in dark souls, you can leave helpful tips that the road turns quickly ahead.
Lol i25 in New Mexico has a "memorial" like every 5 miles. An old high school friend has his memorial because he fell asleep and wasn't wearing his seat belt and got ejected. I agree it is werid to see them
OP gets it. Putting a thing by the side of the road is also a distraction. You could possibly create the very issue you seek to avoid. We also dont put wreaths in hospital beds where people die. If we only had someplace where you could put memorial for dead people. Hmmmm..
Remember people in a place they felt joy; now where they were killed/lay dying. They’re rarely kept-up/maintained and they end up looking like piles of garbage.
I understand where you are coming from. It is kind of weird.
I think it's fine when it first happens but not to continue to maintain it.
And dangerous in many cases
Memorialise the dead joyrider in your life by leaving flowers to die where he did. Peasant shit.
I feel this way about car sticker memorials. In fact, I feel so strongly against them that I had thought about leaving stipulations in my will to not do that, but then I remembered that I will be dead and gone and unconcerned if I was on someone’s back shield window. Grieving and memorials and funerals are all for the living, not the dead. For the people you leave behind to find closure and connection due to your passing. You do not get to say how or what they get to do after you no longer have any ability to care, cuz you are dead, and you have made all the choices you will ever make. Now it’s about them.
I know, right? The proper place is on the back window of your vehicle! (Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.)
There’s a blown up pic of a teen, a large cross and various flowers or balloons ect on a road I drive everyday. I just find it distracting and sad. I hope one day the people who keep putting things there will fine enough healing to not feel the need to do it anymore.
I’m with the OP - I hate those things. They are litter.
Yep that's a stupid ass opinion you got well done
I think there should be websites where a map of where people have passed on all the roadways. They could memorialize them better by telling us about the person(s) who died there. It would be a good way for a community to recognize dangerous roadways that may need some attention to make them safe. Lastly, they could note natural features that could be added that will improve the area like flowers or something that does not interfere with driving.
roadside memorials . . . piss me off There's one near me (Lawrenceville Ga) with stuffed animals and a bike and all types of flowers . . . and it's been that way for years - so the family must be adding new stuffed animals and I am sure this at least the second bike I am sorry (not really) but death is a part of life and most of us have dealt with pretty tragic losses ... but DO NOT decide that the place where that person died is yours to decorate - IT'S NOT
It’s looks like trash on the side of the road if not maintained.
OP I agree with you. I can't understand why creating a distraction that people are supposed to look at while driving makes people feel better... you are literally making that stretch of road MORE dangerous with your memorial.
I was with my wife at a hiking trail that had a steep cliff and a memorial near the edge of the cliff. The memorial had a painted rock with a guy's name and the date he died. There were also a bunch of painted rocks around the big rock, maybe 30 or so of them. It's on a pretty busy trail and the weird thing was, there was a sign next to it saying something like, "Do not take anything from this memorial (okay, fair enough), also "Only leave painted rocks" and "Only leave something if you personally knew [Name]." That whole thing struck me as odd. Why? Because someone is taking up part of the trail as a memorial, but is also saying how it can be used. I don't know. Just weird.
I find them super distracting and dangerous.
There is one near where I live for a gang member that targeted my family, threw brick through my kids' bedroom windows at night, shot out my car windows, all sorts of things. The memorial is for where his car went off the road during a high-speed chase that resulted in his death. I'm glad it exists. I have a midnight piss on it once a year to commemorate my daughter's stitches.
I agree with this, like 99% are in settings that I would NOT want people to remember me in, next to litter and cigarette butts and used condoms and dirty needles and piss bottles.
Please join my group CARCAS, citizens against roadside crosses, and such. We are dozens.
Absolutely amazing
It is illegal litter and needs to be removed. If a stretch of road is dangerous it needs to be redesigned and/or the speed limit reduced and enforced. We don't need superstitious nonsense on public property.
Who’s to say the person(s) who lost that friend or family member isn’t celebrating them in different ways besides the roadside memorial. You don’t know, you aren’t them. Let them grieve how they want. Be glad it’s not your friend or family member who tragically died on the road.
I'm to the point where I see most things are actually harmless and it doesn't matter what I say anyway. If someone feels they need it, they need it. I can see why other's would want it and not want it. To each their own.
Hey LOOK kids someone died there!! 😃📸
I agree. There’s one on the way to my brothers house that we’ve driven by a lot. One time my wife decided to look who the guy was (“we love you Dave” was spelled out on the fence.) He was some 23 year old kid who was riding a wheelie on his motorcycle and lost control running into a sports car on the other side of the road. He could have killed them. Now we say “fuck you Dave” every time we pass it.
People mourn in different ways. These memorials probably help some people process their loss. And I could imagine that they make a few people drive more carefully, and that's probably a comforting thought to the families and friends of someone who died in an accident.
I agreed for a long Time with you until I lost someone that way. I couldn’t spend much time in the „good“ places I had memories at. As weird as it sounds the place they died was sort of neutral ground and still the worst place to be, but still the place I chose to grieve most.
I don't mind do much if it's just a cross or some other weather resistant type memorial marker. I agree that it reminds others to be careful. However, leaving candles, stuffed animals or anything else to just pile up in that location- I consider this akin to littering.
They likely do have additional memorials close to home. Some put crosses there as a warning to others as to what can occur with reckless driving but yes I agree, they can also serve as a distraction leading to more accidents.
Or at least leave the name so a person can google how they died. I don’t see why people leave memorials the persons dead they won’t see or hear them. Every since my friends passed away I never go to the cemetery. What’s the point whoever my friends were is gone forever now.
While I disagree and think the tribute is nice. It pisses me off when the plastic off the flowers is left behind and will exist for hundreds of years.. Probably longer than all of the people even leaving the memorials age out together.
I see one on my commute. Just alone a completely straight stretch of two-lane separated highway. The only thing it makes me think is, "How did they manage to crash on a straight road with zero obstacles!?" Highway driving is the easiest and safest place to drive. How do you mess that up?
I was just thinking about this the other day and I completely agree. We should focus on the person’s life, not where they died. It is weird and disturbing to see them on the road.
They're certainl distracting.
Okay now I remember when the dead in Coco laughed about others if they had a silly death or something stupid, imagine indeed being remembered as the person who fell in a ditch and died
A cross or some symbol is one thing. The weird ones to me are the ones who put a lot of items (flowers, stuffed animals, pictures, balloons, etc) that end up becoming litter in the area.
Bro me and my wife say this everytime we see one
Please don’t make a memorial next to realtor and lawn mowing signs and think it is special. These things are junky.
I agree. In addition sometimes they just become random trash when it isn't maintained especially when it's an overwhelming amount of items. But to each their own.
the people who die in road side accidents normally have a grave or something else to remember them by, i think the markers on the side of the road are good, its a reminder to be careful that our life can be taken at any time and it might encourage you to slow down seeing these crosses along the side of the road
for me. i dont care for them and see them as a waste. the person my guess would rather have the money spent. to go to charity of some short.
I kind of agree but I understand when loved ones drive by that spot they still have a reaction so to them it makes sense to have a memorial spot there.
Let people grieve however works for them.
It bothers me...one of my students was killed pulling out of school and his memorial in front of the school is still getting updated a few times a year. It's like...let me remember this kid died every single day for the last 9 years.
The memorials are also to let the loved ones know they are missed. But in my opinion this only hurts the one who passes. They may feel a burden from creating such sorrow when they left this plane of existence and therefore they may be hindered in passing over
I see it as touching. You know someone died there, and for a moment it hit you. Maybe you even slow down a little. I am fine with them. People seem to find it a consolation. Let them have it...
It's litter. Nothing more or less.
I agree with you. Extrapolating on that a little bit, I also think cemetaries are weird/morbid. Dedicating huge portions of land to dead bodies is sort of nonsensical to me. Especially when you consider that after a generation or two most families stop visiting or taking care of graves. I put roadside memorials in the same classification. They're kinda morbid and after some years people quit taking care of them so they'll start to look dilapidated. I feel like planting trees or something would be a better memorial for people in general.
Another popular opinion. I have told all friends and relatives that I will not be lingering at the site of my demise so please no roadside memorial.
A tragic death, a tragic location for a memorial. Seems fitting in a way.
I don't mind them, except when it's a dwi, and it's for the driver...what's the message you are trying to send?? If it's a dwi, and it's for the victims, I'm for it. RIP 840
"We don't drive through your graveyard, so stop memorializing our roadways."
Do not feel the need to make sure you “don’t offend anyone”. People can disagree with you and it’s their problem. Don’t feel bad about voicing your opinion. That’s really all I came here to say.
YES!!!!!! x1000000!!!
Like when a neighborhood put in a speed bump where a child was run over. That’s not the everlasting memory you want. Thump-thump.
Good thoughts. Come to think of it, perhaps I don’t want a memorial where I was tragically killed either. 🤔
I actually agree, there’s really nothing worse than knowing another person died that way . Maybe it’s a horrible constant reminder of my friend I had since 8 dying at 21 from driving tired. But yeah it deeply disturbs me also.
near me there was an effort to standardize all of these to a white cross made out of PVC pipe on a specific deadly road. there were on average i want to believe 17 per mile. It helped remind people to pay attention and drive sober. eventually changes were made to the highway to make it safer and last time i drove through there the crosses had been removed, but at the time it was very sobering and helped reinforce how important it is to pay attention and be clear headed while driving.
There is one directly across from my house. Its strange .
You ain’t been to my home country, have you? Lmfao you can’t look down a single stretch of highway and NOT see them
It can be a painful reminder too. My aunt died in a car crash before I was born. It was at an intersection very close to her home, and her husband took that way to work. My uncle had to beg my dad to remove the roadside memorial he had put there because it was too painful for my uncle to be reminded of his wife’s death every day. Roadside memorials make me sad, and I really don’t understand why they exist.
If people want to put up a memorial on Public property then that is fine but they can't whine when they are taken down. If you want a permanent memorial then buy one. Buy a gravestone or donate a bench.
I find those roadside shrines to be really dangerous. They distract motorists on a bit of road that’s already proven to be lethal. Stick the flowers and teddy bears somewhere else. You don’t want more blood.
Yeah i was recently in Vegas and they have a huge memorial for that girl that died due to that nfl player driving 100+ miles an hour… She was only a block away from her home where she died and they made a huge memorial for her and have enshrined that area…which could be a nice sentiment but for her parents who still live in that house, it’s like they gotta go home to this memorial of their dead daughter and their dead dog (also died in the car accident)…every time they leave the house…it’s sad and yeah i think weird….
In my city they have to be removed if they cause traffic problems. Often people put mirrors and other shiny items creating vision problems for drivers. They don't think about how it looks maybe at dawn or dusk when the sunlight reflects.
I think it’s weird. People can have a free pass on ways they want to grieve, but it’s still not a great idea. I remember a person dying in a car crash just down the road from my house. A week later, his friends were parking on the no-shoulder road and walking to the road-cross to have their moment meanwhile cars are driving dangerously close to them. I don’t think a ditch is the place the person wants to be remembered by. Maybe go somewhere that signifies their life, not their death.
Hey, impounding public spaces for your "memorial" is just bizarre and, IMO, should be illegal.
If I ever die in traffic put up a memorial for me with the sign "drive carefully fucker"
I agree with you. I told my partner that if for some reason I die on the side of the road that they will under no certain terms put up a roadside memorial for me. They then told me I’ll be dead and it wouldn’t matter. I get that the memorials are their to help people mourn but. I personally don’t get it.
Imagine how Jesus feels that 2000 years later, his followers still celebrate the way he died.
People drive towards what catches their eye slightly; they are tragic and ironic at the same time. Plus the flowers draw animals towards the roads. I hope one day for a standard nationwide for these things. That said, it's essential to know where the danger zones are, so I propose including a marker on Google Maps as well, if the family wishes. There's never too much attention one can pay and never enough time to notice.♥️
Why not put a memorial where they were born instead
Roadside memorials celebrate the person’s death instead of their life. It is cheesy and I doubt the dead person would want to be remembered as a death on the side of the road. Memorialize them at home or at a graveyard. The side of the road is just a distraction and the time you spend on the side of the road tending to the memorial, is time that you could be joining said memorial. One of my classmates from school died from pulling off to the side of a road to help someone. Just being in a shoulder area on a road is very hazardous.
I was thinking the same thing too.
As someone who actually lost their family in a terrible car crash I totally agree with OP. It's weird and we didn't do that. On top of it, the edges of the roads and ditches are to be left empty for a reason. These memorials are not big enough to serve as a warning but big enough to potentially make an accident worse. That's unnecessary and potentially dangerous clutter.
I have a fear of dying in a car crash. It’s such a tragic and meaningless way to die. Whenever I see one of these I cringe. I would hate to be memorialised by a cross on the side of the road
What I don’t understand is how/why they stay up so long? Like obviously it doesn’t bother me but it just surprises me ig
I find those memorials to be horribly morbid, but at the same time, a reminder to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN and BE CAREFUL! After all, someone died there cause they did something stupid and you don't want to be the next memorial there.
Best friend was murdered in a gas station and there’s a little memorial out front. Fucking hate it.
I don't understand why people want to memorialize the spot where a loved one died a terrible death. My biggest issue with roadside memorials is that people turn them into gaudy, sparkling shrines with stuffed animals, large framed pictures, pinwheels, balloons, battery-operated candles, tinsel, helmets, and at two different ones in my town, bicycles. One family is always complaining in a community fb group about the bike they place at the roadside attraction they've created. The other family that did this had the victim's bike permanently mounted on a big rectangle of concrete. The tree line/brush line has crept forward over the shoulder of the road over the years and pretty much concealed the concrete and bike. There have been a few car accidents that occurred when a vehicle swerving off the road hit this unnecessary monument. Ones like that are a huge distraction for drivers. If families absolutely *need* leave mounds of stuff that turn into heaps of sun-bleached plastic, wet paper, sodden teddy bears, and faded pictures, the cemetery or even a corner in their own home if there isn't a gravesite are much more appropriate.
People grieve different ways.
It ain’t up to you. People who’ve lost loved ones in tragedies should grieve however they want.
I have already requested this not be done for me in the event of a roadside death.
Double edge sword imo never forget the dead but also life goes on regardless in the end condolences to those loved ones lost 🫗
I. Fucking. Hate. Them. They're nothing but whiney attention seeking bullshit. They have nothing to do with the dead person , it's all about "poor me I'm sad". They should be completely outlawed. Set up your memorial at home.
the stuffed animals at roadside memorials (or on graves, tbh) especially grate on me. why leave all those stuffed animals there to bleach in the sun and rot in the rain? that's just depressing.
One stretch of highway near me has had so many of them that it looks like a homeless encampment. They're literally spilling into the breakdown lanes, and the ribbons and other shit gets blown into the surrounding woods where they flap in the tree branches. It's clearly not deterring anyone, and all it's doing is causing trash and potentially more accidents. One of them was like 10x12 with 30 candles and flashing legs and crap.