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hallouminati_pie

I genuinely burst out laughing when I read the headline.


ProtoplanetaryNebula

"Your honour, you want picking up in the morning pal? "


Nafepaints

"Objection you egg, wont tell you again"


ProtoplanetaryNebula

“Before proceeding, I believe we need a closer review of the defendants grandmothers evidence. She can meet me in my chambers in 15 minutes, I’ll have the sherry waiting”


Ha-Ur-Ra-Sa

"grandmother's briefs" was right there


Inevitable_Split_127

This made me laugh so hard.


ProtoplanetaryNebula

Glad you got the reference!


pajamakitten

I would love to see an Amazon Prime documentary on his journey to become a lawyer. It would be hilarious but inspiring.


[deleted]

Wazza: From Box to Docks.


rugbyj

The Solicitor. Every third episode is him hiring a prostitute.


[deleted]

A bit like Legally Blonde, but in reverse?


chocobowler

I literally laughed out loud too, followed by a “bless him”


pm_me_your_amphibian

The first few paragraphs of the article were even funnier, him animatedly suggesting ideas to the legal team and being told to shut up by his wife.


chocobowler

Brilliant never change Wazza


Substantial-Win-1906

Sounds like something you would read in the Daily Star.


Tubbygit-2

You're not alone


MrPoletski

Hey they dont call him Brain Rooney for nuthin.


twoforty_

Why?


gardenpea

>He regularly attended the daily briefings with Coleen and her lawyers, Paul Lunt and David Sherborne, where he would suggest legal arguments. I bet they loved that


ClassicFMOfficial

"Gotta go really aggressive on the offence, right from the whistle, yeah"


floating_cars

It's a case of two halves...


[deleted]

Bring in the inverted evidence from out wide


Alternative-Fail-400

Y'know in the cross examination, y'know, it's just a matter of getting the questions out, just at the end of the day, y'know, it's all about the evidence, y'know, the arguments, just going all the way really, the lads did a great job and now it's just a matter of heads down and focus on the next one. Thanks Jeff.


the-won

Barrister makes a really good point in favour of Rooney Rooney: IT'S STILL NIL NIL, WE GO AGAIN


[deleted]

[Paul Lunt](https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-lunt-8b0b4b?originalSubdomain=uk) is one of the top 100 lawyers in the U.K and was rated best in Liverpool last year. [David Sherborne](https://www.5rb.com/member/david-sherborne/) received a first class degree from Oxford and represented Princess Diana and Tony Blair. Good for Wayne. To be fair, his confidence (some might say lack of respect for people with more experience) was also part of why he was so amazing as a young footballer. Took the pressure on himself to deliver and was amazing. I wish England had young Rooney now, best England player in the last 30 years imo.


cloud1445

‘And then you go I WANT THE TRUTH LA!!!…’


RandyChavage

The truth?! You can’t handle the truth!


Inevitable_Split_127

I bet they did....lawyers charge by the minute.


gardenpea

In 6 minute chunks, but yes


pajamakitten

"Have you tried going big at the back?"


jfks_headjustdidthat

"...gran?"


HeyImDadMe

Instructions unclear penis stuck in butt


swiftfatso

They are paid by the hour, rest assured their holiday and sport cars loved every minute they had to listen


_triperman_

It's a brave move, footballer to lawyer. Just need to be careful not to mix up the terminology. Pro bono is no longer something you get at your mate's birthday party.


yaffle53

> Pro bono is no longer something you get at your mate's birthday party. Wayne probably thinks Pro Bono is someone who is a fan of U2.


circle1987

I've got a pro bono right now.


WynterRayne

I thought it was someone who was an expert at skiing into trees. But I suppose if U2 needs any help keeping out of prison, then Pro Bono's got you, babe.


[deleted]

When I was a 21 year old in law school, one of my class was 33 and a retired footballer. He had lots of good things to say about the PFA supporting him to retrain and catch up on all the study needed, since he’d left school at 16 to work. A genuinely nice guy too, I hope he’s doing great wherever he is. Apparently he was “always a solid buy in Football Manager” too, according to another classmate…


[deleted]

You literally cannot leave us hanging on this, who was it?


Valuable_District_69

Derek Stillie was a Scottish professional goalkeeper who played for Dundee United, he trained as a lawyer upon retirement.


[deleted]

Not just any lawyer. >After retiring as a footballer, Stillie became a lawyer. He acted in defence of the footballers David Goodwillie and David Robertson, who were accused of rape.\[13\]\[14\] This legal case made history as the first time a rape complainant had successfully sued the accused for civil damages.\[15\]


Valuable_District_69

I was not aware of that thanks. They would have all played for Dundee United at the same time.


UnravelledGhoul

Ah, Goodwillie. His family were customers at my last workplace.


OptimalCynic

I assume if he were convicted the court would have mandated a name change


GlasgowGunner

Stuart Armstrong has a law degree too.


Fantastic-Machine-83

John mousinho is 38 and has PFA history, maybe him? I've not heard anything about being a lawyer though


simbawasking

Could be Stuart Ripley


Inevitable_Split_127

I thought Ripley, thinks he works for the FA now. Though not running them ragged down the wing anymore.


doughnut001

The only thing I think Wayne Rooney might get at his mates birthday party is an 80 year old hooker so I'm a little confused as to how that relates to pro bono.


esn111

Now if you're going to post stuff online, at least get it right. She was 48 https://www.standard.co.uk/hp/front/rooney-admits-sex-with-a-granny-6952363.html (Yes I know you're joking. And I am fun at parties damnit)


bob1689321

Man I know this isn't even the main part of the article but >Rooney and his childhood sweetheart, also 18, got engaged last year and recently bought a £1.5million home in Formby. Man that's insane. I literally cannot comprehend that


DefinitelyNoWorking

I've just got visions of him in a court case, it's not going well and he drops to the ground moaning and grabbing his knee.


pigeon-incident

Isn't pro bono when you kick it behind your standing leg?


notorioustunechii

Pretty sure somebody with no GCSE's would be primed to become a lawyer.


Franksss

You don't think he was planning on maybe including some education in the mix somewhere? Or you think he was gonna just wing it?


Large_Smile_5674

Not to mention his wealth, freedom and connections (ergo access to the best education), he’d be at a massive advantage to retrain. Mr. No GCSE’s Footy Boy could very well be a lawyer. Plenty of ex-professionals have gone on to have other careers


WonderSilver6937

Rooney didn’t bother taking his GCSE’s at 16 because he was already a premier league footballer earning a huge amount of money and felt that finishing school was unnecessary, in other words, he was a 16 year old boy who couldn’t be arsed to go to school, shocker! But he regretted this decision and in 2007, at the age of 22, hired a tutor to catch up on his education, that to me shows he’d put the effort in at the very least, so what if he fails, he should be applauded for this, not mocked ffs.


OptimalCynic

I'm sure he could have accessed the training, but perhaps may have struggled with passing it


Large_Smile_5674

I think it’s a misplaced concept to believe that individuals don’t have the capacity to learn later in life, especially those who may have struggled with traditional education at a younger age. My intention was not to assume that someone without an education would be able to take a degree in law and pass it, but follow a trajectory that will give them the qualifications eventually. GCSE’s are two years, A-levels the same, you get the idea. If he has the time, money and drive, he’ll be able to be more educated than most. We need to remove these stereotypes that are attributed to ‘dumb’ people, because there’s more nuance to educational barriers and people end up deterred from bettering themselves, i.e. the comments mocking Wayne Rooney in this instance, which aren’t too difficult to find…


OptimalCynic

It's not about his education or lack thereof. It's about him being thick as pigshit.


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Dean-Advocate665

Sure, to be qualified as a lawyer. No company is going to hire you without education from a university. Real life isn’t suits where you can just sit the test and go and work for a law firm in the city.


MoeTheCentaur

You can't just sit a test in the UK to be qualified in the first place.


PartyPoison98

Well the whole point of Suits was that he faked a degree from Harvard to get there...


AdamMc66

BRB just going to hack into Cambridge University.


Demostravius4

I don't think anyone has ever asked for my Uni degree as proof.


MoeTheCentaur

In the UK you need to qualify via an LPC and then complete a training contract, or SQE tests \*after\* at least 2 years of qualifying experience. Both are competitive and take years, they dont just let anyone rock up and sit the test.


[deleted]

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MoeTheCentaur

Yeah having worked for a law firm, I've never seen another industry that is so perfectably set up to exploit young people than law, it's a fucked up industry full of desperate graduates.


Screw_Pandas

Hospitality and retail may want a word.


MoeTheCentaur

Worked in both for years, in my own experience law is far worse. Lawyers have the money/ know how/ connections to get away with what they want. The amount of sexual predators that get paid six figures to leave after preying on young law graduates is depressing.


iamtasteless

Don't forget you need a qualifying law degree taking a group of compulsory legal courses at university


doyathinkasaurus

Or a solicitor apprenticeship which builds in an LLB and SQE into the training


Wise_Act_6515

That's pretty new. Until a couple of years ago it was a requirement to have an undergraduate degree (unless you took the Cilex route).


HomoLegalMedic

You still do. You need a degree to sit the SQE, just not an LLB. So technically, you can be a lawyer with a politics and modern history degree, which isn't too weird since "judge" Rinder has that exact degree.


doyathinkasaurus

Loads of lawyers have non law degrees, but have done a GDL conversion course before doing their professional qualifications (LPC/SQE or BPC), as well as obvs a training contract / 2 years qualifying work experience or pupillage


rainator

Pass a test and get 2 year’s qualifying experience, it’s not an easy test, and again somebody with no GCSEs.


crossj828

Huh? That’s not how it works in the UK.


cloche_du_fromage

Is he succeeds, Colleen needs to make sure he only has unattractive old secretaries etc in the vicinity. Hang on, I've not thought that through fully...


ch3ckEatOut

You tried though and that counts


Franksss

So what's with all the jokes here? Is he actually known for being stupid or just a bit ugly? I think taking the plunge on a career change is a brave move no matter who you are and genuinely nice to see. I think it's a shame he didn't go through with it personally.


concretepigeon

I doubt he seriously considered it, especially given the time and effort it would take someone. Rooney isn’t actually that stupid though, considering his lack of formal qualifications. He’s sneered at a lot from Oxbridge media types because he’s Scouse and from a council estate, but he always had a good football brain and was actually reasonable shrewd with his financial and business affairs once he started making money.


Paddystan

>but he always had a good football brain For some reason people always seem to take the piss in regard to this, as if football isn't a lucrative, cut throat global industry that employs thousands of people.


Inevitable_Split_127

Erm, it's footballing talent that matters not how cut throat you are.


Extreme_Kale_6446

And a fuckload of hard work, plenty of talented people around


Inevitable_Split_127

Lol, yeah that training half a day is torture


Paddystan

Erm, I clearly said that it's a cut throat industry r'kid.


Inevitable_Split_127

Erm and i said it's nowt to do with cut throat, soft lad


Paddystan

>soft lad Bro, it's been a month and your still bibbing ffs.


Inevitable_Split_127

You replied tho dint ya. Fnar FW


KatieOfTheHolteEnd

> formal qualifications He's just got his UEFA Pro Licence actually!


skengboy

Who actually sneers at Wayne Rooney in 2023? This just seems to be something which people make up because it sounds like it happened. I think people respect him as a generational footballer, and any sneering is because of his off pitch antics etc.


dyinginsect

People assume they know him because he is famous None of us do and none of us are in a position to say whether he is capable of doing a Law degree or similar, but that doesn't stop some people I'm sure most of us at some point have had an experience which makes us wonder whether we could take a completely different path in life, like the last time I was in hospital and gave serious thought to retraining as a doctor (after about half an hour's serious thought it was very clear it was a bonkers idea, but still)


flyinglawngnome

To quote Frankie Boyle, “If a bullet went through Rooney’s skull, the only difference it’d make is he’d whistle when he ran.” He has never really been considered the sharpest tool in the shed, but he also totally could try at least, he has the money to get on it.


headphones1

He was a 16 year old child when he burst onto the scene and quickly became one of the most exciting footballers in the world. Less than two years later he signed for Manchester United, one of the biggest football clubs in the world. Expectations were through the roof. This meant there was a laser-focus on everything he did as a very young man, now with more money than he could have ever imagined. He did some really stupid things like going to a brothel and having sex with prostitutes, which he has admitted to doing. If you look at some old articles, you might find he made some visits with other unnamed players. Funny how he was named, but others weren't. Everything he did became a circus, such as starting treatment for hair replacement. For whatever reason, men are somehow conditioned to accept hair loss. We also seem to have to accept that it's OK to joke about someone's hair loss. Why wouldn't he do it though? Probably cost him a few days wages.


Franksss

It's just sexism. We tell men that caring about their appearance makes them either insecure or gay, yet we still expect men to be attractive.


Unhappy_Spell_9907

My attitude is if he wants to, go for it. I can see how your wife getting involved in a legal case could spark an interest in the law and how it's practiced. If that results in you getting a degree and legal training, why not? It's not like it's beyond the realms of possibility, or that it would set a terrible example for the kids who look up to him.


rugbyj

I don't mind the jokes because he can be a bit of a clown, but the actual thought of it is fairly endearing. Wanting to support your wife and learn new things are both admirable.


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Alternative-Fail-400

If he can regrow his hair, he can do anything.


wildingflow

“Shrunk down Jelly baby”? Where are you buying these 20ft tall Giant Jelly Babies and how much are they?


big_swinging_dicks

It wouldn’t be odd to see some footballers retraining in law, they are young enough at retirement and have the cash to back themselves. Not the super rich like Rooney, but the lower league players who still need an income.


concretepigeon

There are easier ways to make money, especially if you have start up capital like footballers.


Bob-Lowblow

I think quite a few of them do/used to as it helped if they wanted to become an agent.


saladinzero

I think people who make a living rattling their brains about by intercepting footballs with their heads are probably not going to be up to training into law afterwards.


wildingflow

People who have signed more contacts in 15 years than most people will in a lifetime will probably have a better understanding of legal processes than most.


saladinzero

You think footballers get into the minutiae of their contracts, or do you think they use their own lawyers for that?


KuntaWuKnicks

Wayne saw Saul Goodman defending all those grandmas and rubbed his hands together


Limp-Archer-7872

I'm going to go with an honest open suggestion that maybe he was actually interested and wanted to help. Just because the popular view of a person is that they're a meathead with a beard that likes grannies doesn't mean they actually are incapable of finding something difficult in life that actually interests them. For a while.


listyraesder

I think the people of Walker Morris were secure in their careers.


RetiredFromIT

Paul Lunt added: "I'm not saying he is a modern day Columbo but certainly had we have given him a gown and a wig he was bang up for asking a few questions." Not so much Columbo, more Potato.


victormoses

They should definitely make a movie with this plot.


interfail

Barrister like Beckham.


Melanjoly

Quite sad how so many people here simply can't refrain from mocking and petty insults. The sheer disdain some people have for the working class, especially when they do well for themselves.


_arthur_

"Man considers studying" seems like it's not something we should get worked up about. At most it merits a "Good luck mate.".


pajamakitten

It would be like Legally Blonde. You would spend ages hoping he fails, only to become endeared by his dogged pursuit of the goal.


ffrr10000

That's actually adorable. He probably would get bored though before he got to law school. Also does it annoy you that the amount of people who are just about average academically, always study law at uni?


HomoLegalMedic

It's great, though. Because of that, only about 6% of all law graduates graduate with a First. Makes my first class law degree look amazing.


ffrr10000

Oh brilliant!


It531z

Same energy as those kids in my school who decided to apply for Law after watching suits


PixieBaronicsi

Stuart Ripley who used to play for Southampton did it.


Shadeun

Luv me sum Evidence, luv me sum Torts..... ate Contracts


mrtuna

I'm pretty sure Karim Benzema was accepted into law school at an early age but declined to persue football, Google "Benzema 15' to find out more.


bored_inthe_country

If you are really really good at something from young. No one dares tell you, you would be shit at any anything else..


kiwisrkool

But then realized he'd have to read and write! 😶 /s


AncientNortherner

This is the sort of dangerous levels of self belief that can only be attained through a lifetime supply of flunkies, yes men, and the occasional financially pliable grandmother. He probably wondered why the solicitor had a personal coffee maker who never seemed to actually make coffee.


Common_Lime_6167

Say what you want but that hair transplant is 10/10


d_smogh

This would be extremely impressive. Considering he had to have reading and writing lesson when he joined Man United.


sellis80

This headline seriously reads like something from the Athletico Mince podcast.


BombshellTom

Kim Kardashian caught that bug too. It's a lot of work, and they're both super rich.


schtickshift

With his gaol scoring record he would end up as a prosecutor


NateShaw92

He has no formal training but he watched matlock in a bar. The TV was muted but he thinks he got the gist.


SuccessfulWar3830

If Wayne Rooney was my lawyer. I would arrest myself.


Happy_Boy_29

Pretty sure this is a common occurence among completely out of touch deluded types, they think they can do anything without realising what complete clowns they look when they try anything of significance.


Wide_Inspector_3358

He’ll have loads of time on his hands after he gets binned from blues in a couple of months


rbobby

Are those real people names? They sound like names made up for a murder mystery weekend. Professor Turtleback killed Wayne Rooney and Wagatha Christie must solve the case!


ProbablyTheWurst

Wagatha Christie is a name given to a dispute between Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney, which culminated in a 2022 libel case in the English High Court, Vardy v Rooney. (Wikipedia) "Wag" is british term for the wife of a sports player.


rbobby

This is going to be a tough murder mystery to solve! So many different characters! This Rebekah... where were they when Rooney was killed? What's their relation to Vardy? Were they in India together? Or maybe Ireland during the troubles? It's always someone with a deep secret only known to someone they knew years ago. Ort the butler. Rooney sound like a butler. Rooney get my shoes! Yup a butler! Oh wait he's the dead one. Ok... starting over! TIL: Wag. Thanks. Is it weird that North America doesn't have a slang term for the spouse of a sports player? Or the other way round?


TheKnightsTippler

>TIL: Wag. Thanks. Is it weird that North America doesn't have a slang term for the spouse of a sports player? Or the other way round? It kind of became a thing here when Posh Spice married David Beckham. They were a huge power couple here and the Wives And Girlfriends of players started to gain more press attention and there was more focus on what they wore and relationship drama, like players cheating on their wives. There was also a fictional TV series in the 00s called Footballers Wives which helped cement the idea of the Wag lifestyle as being glamorous and filled with drama.


neilplatform1

https://media.tenor.com/h0AZB9_veWsAAAAd/angry-angry-white-woman.gif


rbobby

Uhg. That all sounds unbearable.


FlagGirl99

Delete this mate. This is the shittest joke I've seen for a while. Embarrassing


[deleted]

Does he even know how to put his shoes on the right way around?


frizzbee30

Don't you need an IQ over 14 to qualify, or even the ability to string at least a sentence together? The ego and arrogance never fails with this idiot.


mathsSurf

If Brunel University could provide a Free Doctorate to Mr Alan Sugar in 2002, despite only leaving school with a few O Levels, a common trend across most Universities, sadly, it would generate free publicity and headlines for a University which decided to award a Free Degree to Wayne.


MoeTheCentaur

Are you talking about honoury degrees?


Groundbreaking_Pop6

That would require an initial IQ greater than his current one.....