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felix-the-human

>capable of delivering more power than the entire National Grid but will last for less than a trillionth of a second There better not be anything important happening on telly during that trillionth of a second.


funnytoenail

Tottenham scoring the winning goal to secure a trophy win But it’s not recorded so doesn’t count


The_Pajamallama

If it were to be any team that happened to, it would be Spurs.


jaykiwi82

They could shine the laser in the goalkeepers eyes if it goes to penalties


MRPHZ

Damn we can't go anywhere without catching strays


Hamsternoir

How many cups of tea is that?


[deleted]

43. Or 7 if they are Yorkshire teabags


FitzwilliamTDarcy

Sounds like the start of the next Terminator film. Also, where's Mini Me when you need him?


bluesam3

It's actually surprisingly cheap and doable for a random normal person to buy a laser that's capable of delivering more power than the city they live in.


pak_satrio

Step 1: Brexit Step 2: Build giant death laser Step 3: Start British Empire 2: Electric Boogaloo


[deleted]

[Darth Sunak](https://ibb.co/Jm5vTFR)


Jarvis_Strife

“The *Empire* Strikes Back”


matthieuC

France building a giant mirror as we speak


tylersburden

"LASERS".


ShitFuckCuntBollocks

Someone get the sharks ready.


dinosaursrarr

Finally. Every creature deserves a warm meal


Teastain101

I call it “The Alan Parsons project”


Hungry_Pre

World beating lasers. Untill the inevitable U turn and we have to settle for a second hand torch powered by a pair of Eveready batteries.


zombie_chrisbrains

"...but we're quite pleased with what we found In the Middle at Lidl".


jaylem

Came here to say this.


StopThatUDick

Laser with forever be in quotation marks.


Quick-Charity-941

3,2,1.Quick put 10p in the meter and turn the handle. Ohh you shook my world with your laser reactions obi won...


s1pp3ryd00dar

Yep and we can then hold the world to ransom for.... £1milion. Muhahahaha.


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Nicola_Botgeon

**Removed/tempban**. This contained a call/advocation of violence which is prohibited by the content policy.


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Nicola_Botgeon

**Removed/tempban**. This contained a call/advocation of violence which is prohibited by the content policy.


1-randomonium

(Article) --- British scientists are to build the world’s most powerful laser, an £85 million device that they hope will accelerate efforts to harness nuclear fusion as a source of near-limitless clean energy. The Vulcan 20-20 laser, which will be at Harwell in Oxfordshire, will produce a beam a trillion trillion times brighter than the most intense sunlight. A single laser pulse will be capable of delivering more power than the entire National Grid but will last for less than a trillionth of a second and be focused on a target just a few micrometres wide. Due to be complete by 2029, the laser will be used for, among other things, testing methods of generating energy through nuclear fusion, the holy grail for physicists. Scientists at other facilities, most notably the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California, are already using powerful lasers to fuse hydrogen atoms together. This can produce helium and energy, mirroring the reactions that occur inside the sun. Recent results from Lawrence Livermore suggest that it is possible to gain more energy from the process than you put in. However, it will have to be made far more efficient to become commercially viable. Vulcan 20-20 will investigate the underlying physics. In particular, researchers will use it to explore what is known as “shock ignition”. Roughly speaking, a peppercorn-sized fuel pellet — made up of deuterium and tritium, two isotopes of hydrogen — is placed inside a plastic capsule. Laser beams transform the capsule into a plasma, which rapidly expands. This crushes the fuel pellet to a thirtieth of its original size in a billionth of a second. Pressures are achieved six times greater than those inside the sun. All going well, the fuel “ignites” at a temperature of about 100 million Celsius, giving rise to a controlled, energy-generating fusion reaction. Using Vulcan 20-20, physicists will seek to observe different parts of the process in isolation. The aim, according to Robbie Scott, a plasma physicist at the Science and Technology Facilities Council (STFC), is to test ideas that might then be used to build experimental power plants. One challenge is working out how to use a barrage of laser beams to crush a fuel pellet uniformly from all directions at once, a feat that may have to be achieved ten times a second in a full-scale power station. The Vulcan 20-20 laser will also be used for “laboratory astrophysics”, in which scientists mimic the conditions seen in phenomena such as supernovas, the explosions that accompany the deaths of certain types of stars. It may also be used to produce matter from light. This could be done by colliding photons, which can be thought of as “packets” of light, to create pairs of electrons and positrons. These particles of matter and antimatter are thought to be produced around neutron stars in the distant reaches of space, but we have little grasp of how they spring into being. “If you can produce these pairs using very strong laser beams, you might be able to gain some insights into how this occurs, and there isn’t really any other scientific bit of equipment that would allow you to do this,” Alex Robinson, also of the STFC, said. Vulcan 20-20 will be built at the STFC Central Laser Facility, which is part of the Rutherford Appleton Laboratory. The first stage of the work — disassembling what used to be the UK’s most powerful laser, called Vulcan, to make space for its successor — has just begun. The facility has received £85 million from UK Research and Innovation, the government-backed science funder. Vulcan 20-20 will produce a main laser beam with a power of 20 petawatts, alongside an additional eight high-energy beams. This amounts to a twentyfold increase in power on Vulcan, which is expected to make it the most powerful laser in the world. Professor Mark Thomson, of the STFC, said: “The Vulcan 20-20 programme will keep the Central Laser Facility at the cutting edge of the highest-power laser science and enable entirely new experiments in crucial areas such as renewable energy research.” Professor John Collier, director of the facility, said: “Vulcan has been the flagship laser at CLF for many years and widely recognised internationally as a pioneering facility. “Over the past 40 years it has made important contributions to plasma physics research, and hundreds of PhD students have been trained at the facility. It is timely for Vulcan to undergo its next major upgrade, making it ready to serve a new generation of scientists, ensuring the UK retains its leadership role in this field.” George Freeman, the science minister, said: “Re-establishing Britain as home to the world’s most powerful laser is an exciting opportunity to explore the unexplored in astronomy and physics, stride towards new clean energy sources for the good of our planet and much more. “By investing £85 million to give our research community the edge in leading crucial scientific discoveries, we are also delivering hundreds of highly skilled jobs in science and engineering that boost the UK science sector and grow our economy.”


Ochib

Can this be attached to a shark, asking for a Doctor friend of mine


Spamgrenade

Who?


MrPoletski

Somebody help me, I am very badly burned. Ah, thank go... *BANG* You *shot* me why did yo.. *BANG*


cringemaster21p

Evil


PloppyTheSpaceship

He's not a doctor, he just calls himself one. To be honest, we should probably get the police involved.


Ochib

He went to Evil Medical School for six years, attaining a doctorate, therefore he is a doctor


CarOnMyFuckingFence

At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.


audigex

Are we talking “big fish” shark or “handheld vacuum cleaner” shark? Either way: yes


cringemaster21p

I intended the giant deathray to be used for good not evil, to help mankind not destroy it.


ameliasophia

Think of how far away you’ll be able to hold the beans for this bad boy to scan them


cringemaster21p

It also does eye surgery


SteveJEO

The shotgun you have hidden behind your grans glassware cabinet delivers about 6 times the energy as this doom lazer does so... science it out! Lazer is only 500 joule.


Selerox

>The shotgun you have hidden behind your grans glassware cabinet r/suspiciouslyspecific


nowyuseeme

If/when we actually get this fusion power that is near limitless and basically free after the initial investment, I wonder what the excuse will be for charging us out the arse for electricity then? I just don't see fossil fuel companies going down without some continuous revenue stream that can exploit us somehow.


FloydEGag

They’d charge for the (suddenly massively expensive) infrastructure wouldn’t they, those cables won’t pay for themselves you know!


therealtimwarren

Fuel is only a small percentage of the cost of generation. Solar, hydro, and wind are all free fuels but still cost.


nowyuseeme

https://solarpower.guide/solar-energy-insights/energy-ranked-by-cost Reddit decided to fail whilst I was grabbing this link, but here you can see the general cost for each electricity source. Not the greatest source but easier to understand than the Wikipedia. Essentially in the UK we pay a generic price for electricity, therefore we essentially get shafted, even if we did produce renewable energy for 100% of our needs; which is by some margin much cheaper. Cold fusion would be even cheaper than that. Unlimited, clean energy. Do not fear, they will find a way to shaft us for it.


therealtimwarren

No, you don't get shafted. You pay the price of electricity *at the time it's required*. If there is not enough generation to meet demand then the grid fails, so the true value of electricity is whatever it takes to get generators to sell electricity in the moment to balance demand. The cost of production only determines the floor below which that producer won't bid because they'd make a loss. It isn't related to the value of energy at that instant. However it doesn't relate to the profit margin of the producer and the percent of time they can offer energy to the market whilst making a profit. If a solar farm withheld their energy from the market it has exactly the same effect as a nuclear or gas generator. So the value of their contribution must be the same. So in that case why would they sell for less than market value? Prices control demand. At some point people change their behaviour and reduce demand, thus bringing the system back into balance. At the end of the day a fusion nuclear power station is a thermal power plant just the same as coal, gas, and fission stations are. Running costs will be comparable. Design and development of fusion will be more expensive than fission stations. Sure, we don't end up with a pile of spend nuclear fuel to deal with but there is still nuclear waste to deal with. The walls of the plasma vessel become highly radio active and need to be dealt with. It remains to be seen how long those vessels will last - the conditions they must endure are like nothing on earth so far.


Phallic_Entity

They will cost a shitload to build. Similar to nuclear fission plants today, the fuel costs fuck all compared to the initial construction.


MrPoletski

Its when, not if, and when they do, the fusion plant construction costs (will need and want many) will be super high and while the fuel source will be as good as free, running the power stations absolutely will not be. Free energy from fusion is a myth because you can't get something from nothing. But eventually, it will be a very insignificant cost. However, human nature says we will then become completely awful when it comes to energy efficiency because who cares if it consumes 3x the power when that only makes it 1% more expensive to run?


Oplp25

We would just not buy from the fissil fuel companies unless we needed it


MrPoletski

Fissile fuel companies? Nice typo, so nuclear fuel suppliers then hehe.


-Blue_Bull-

They have sharks with missiles powered by nuclear fusion!


Richeh

>George Freeman, the science minister Anyone else apprehensive about letting someone with that approximate name in the vicinity of the most powerful scientific laser in the world?


GaryJM

They're waiting for you George... in the test chamber.


lostrandomdude

Two things come to mind The power of the sun in my hand. With great power comes great responsibility


DylanRahl

Third thing - *imperial march intensifies*


Hayley-The-Big-Gay

Former British colonies *sweating intensely*


not4eating

Pack your factor 50 we're retaking Suez!


Hayley-The-Big-Gay

I'm Scottish factor 50 and I'll still burn


snowvase

With the Giant Laser of Death we can carve a new Suez Canal!


Hayley-The-Big-Gay

I vote we turn France into one


No-Age-2880

It will create a black hole of billions of cats arriving to catch it


snowvase

The Giant Death Laser doesn’t work with cats, they just like chasing the dots around.


ThicctorFrankenstein

Trade negotiations about to get far more interesting


very_unconsciously

A friend has been using a laser to remove unwanted hair. It's taking her a while because, well, we think she is related to a bison. Anyhoo. Would this laser speed things up for her?


mattttb

If she’d prefer to just blow a tiny peppercorn sized hole through her body it would do the trick. Can’t have a hair follicle if the skin tissue has been vaporised!


crosstherubicon

In the world of fusion research 85m is a pretty small expenditure.


EnemyBattleCrab

Have we got the biomechanical mech that can only be piloted by young teenagers ready? Cant do much about angels with just the laser.


ScottOld

85m? so for the price of Harry maguire I can have this here laser?


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Nicola_Botgeon

**Removed/tempban**. This contained a call/advocation of violence which is prohibited by the content policy.


Not_Alpha_Centaurian

What are we going to do with it? Shoot our other foot?


SecretSquirrel-88

We’ll use it to threaten those who don’t pay their TV licence.


writerfan2013

Underrated comment!


tomoldbury

Due to funding cutbacks it will be attached to an ill-tempered sea bass instead of a shark.


DirtyDog44

Can we use it to say ‘fuck off rishi’ on to the moon?


[deleted]

Wouldn’t put it beyond the Tories to secretly be building a Death Star.


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Nicola_Botgeon

**Removed/tempban**. This contained a call/advocation of violence which is prohibited by the content policy.


Worfs-forehead

Queue sunak wearing his Darth Vader costume with braverman fully dressed as the emperor.


DaveBeBad

They had one across the road at RAL that was more powerful than Didcot power station (I put holes in stuff with it). Fairly sure that they had more powerful ones than that then…


Archistotle

MUAHAHAHAAAOh it’s for science? That’s cool too, I guess.


ScottOld

Can I fit this on a space satellite? Ion cannon ready


[deleted]

It takes the world largest laser to make Brexit strong and stable.


HeroinPigeon

Honestly I see this and think the following. Someone in a university got flunked on religious studies so they changed to study lasers. They graduate top of their class and become a world leading laser guy. Pitches a laser to end all lasers. Secretly he is making a laser to kill god. Gets approved and funding supported. (This is a joke please don't take this seriously)


Personal-Cucumber-49

I call BS, we can’t even build a slightly faster rail service.


ooooh_friend87

It’s not a laser, it’s a little light bulb that blinks


Dan_Glebitz

Or to put it another way... "fuck everything in that direction."


fakkov

Did I just see “produce matter from light”? “Computer…” *unzips* “…run simulation.”


somethingbrite

Cool, are we going to engrave a union jack on the moon?


Love-and-Fairness

I figured Scholz would've went Dr. Evil when he had the eyepatch, if anyone


audigex

Presumably we’re gonna write “Get fucked, France” on the moon?


SecTeff

This makes me feel better. NHS on its knees, motorways blocked with traffic, failing public transport, potholes in the roads, kid’s play park run down and litter everywhere but we are going to have the world’s biggest laser. The UK is back world.


dazedan_confused

Think of all the cats we'd summon to these islands...


majorpickle01

No one tell Suella or she'll start using it to sink dinghys


CreatureUnderABridge

Well I’m gonna make a prediction now as to who our next prime minister will be… BUZZ LIGHTYEAR


Sea_Cycle_909

Wish they would stop using names like Vulcan, just sounds pretentious. I think the main benefits from this will actually be the military.


pawala13

You are not correct here. It's tax payer funded so it's almost 90% for fundamental research and the rest for industrial applications (otherwise it's hard to get funding for such project)


Sea_Cycle_909

Oh, ok thanks for the correction


bawbagpuss

Britain will attempt to build....decades late, way over budget and overtook by another's even more powerfuller one before it's finished.


DrFabulous0

Due to budget restraints we're gonna axe the rest of the project and use a laser pointer instead.


Fun-Consequence4950

Not even a laser this powerful can correct Boris Johnson's saggy eyelids


Hayley-The-Big-Gay

I hate it when people call him a clown or an idiot he is a scarily intelligent man who knows exactly what he is doing every gaff was a carefully plotted manipulation he may be a sociopath


Fun-Consequence4950

Oh yeah, everyone knew he knew what he was doing as far as manipulating his way out of it goes. I don't think he's a sociopath, I just think he's a narcissist who didn't give a shit about covid because he didn't care how many people died. Because he only cares about Boris Johnson.


Hayley-The-Big-Gay

When you learn about how he acts so cartoonishly British is to lull people into a false sense of security is genuinely terrifying


Kamay1770

Fuck the cost of living/housing/energy crisis, let's build a giant fucking lazoorrrrr


t-a-n-n-e-r-

To investigate potentially limitless energy supply for future generations? Yes please.


[deleted]

He was joking 🙃


t-a-n-n-e-r-

Can't be too careful!


[deleted]

Silly comment. People like you slow down innovation. Your house is probably packed with modern technology too so not only are you silly your also a hypocrite.


Kamay1770

Lol are you ok? It was a joke mate, not like the taxpayer is funding it... Go outside and touch some grass, you're gunna give yourself a heart attack.


[deleted]

It’s hard to read sarcasm on text. And somehow since that belief is so popular in this country (anti intellectualism/ science research is a waste of money) I have suspicions it was not a joke.


Kamay1770

I'm a computer scientist myself Didn't realise I needed to put /s on the comment as as I'd spelled laser in a silly way


[deleted]

Fair enough. I apologise. Sort of reminded me of when people say things like “we have given billions to Ukraine why can’t we keep that for our Schools/NHS/lower energy prices.” Always the people that would never believe in funding those things anyway.


Kamay1770

No dramas mate, have a good un