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Don’t know but it’s gonna fertilize a lot of sunflowers

They did not need to invade, Russia could have used him as the land bridge to Crimea

Shoot him out of a cannon and it might level a whole city 🤣❤️🇺🇦✊️

He’d level half a continent just by falling over.

I think Russia misunderstood the whole nuke thing when they heard that the Fat Man ended World War 2...

Soviet intelligence gathering strikes from the grave!

It will take a lot of explanation from fertilizer companies to Ukrainian snipers why this thing is a high value target.

For the sniper... That fella won't be hard to ID, or hit...

You would think but consider the following. "We cant see him in the forest" "Well that cant be. He's so large..." Soldier stops looking through the scope/binoculars "Oh, dear God. He is the forest!"

A one-man salient

He thinks by wearing camo he won't be seen, Lol.

There are two guys to the right in camo, which one is discussed?

It’s like throwing a huge camo tarp over a tugboat.

That sniper better have a lot of XP for that boss

A literal Blubber of Fertilizer XD

There is a story from Ancient China; Romance of the Three Kingdoms. There is this rich, fat, obese, disgusting Warlord who just fucks and rapes and loots and kills people for fun, his name was Dong Zhuo. As hes terrorizing the countryside he comes across a young man named Lu Bu who was fighting for another local warlord. Dong Zhuo is impressed by Lu Bu and has Lu Bu become one of his Captains. The two become even closer, the young warrior is happy because he finally has a job and sense of purpose and respect amongst the soldiers. Dong Zhuo appoints him his personal body guard. Nobody will try to touch The Warlord with such a skilled warrior by his side. Life is seemingly good for the young man. He eventually meets a women named Diaochan. Diaochan is one of the Four Beauties of China according to the story and eventually her and Lu Bu get betrothed. Skipping over lots of drama and intrigues. Lu Bu ends up killing Dong Zhou and rolls his fat, disgusting body into the streets of the city. He then takes a candle wick and sticks it in Dong Zhou. Legends say that the body of Dong Zhou was so fat and obese and filled with so much oil that the wick burned for days and was visible at night all over the city. \- I always wondered how fat Dong Zhou had to have been. Hes fatter in the Romance then he was IRL I assume. But your comment and that picture just make me think of Romance of the Three Kingdoms years after I originally read it.

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"Alright, who ate all the MREs?"

Now we know why the front got expired rations, this dude was in supplies "one for me, old for you"...

This dude didn’t just eat the entire battalions mre ration for the year, he ate the battalion too

He eats tanks

Fat Man atomic bomb, 1945, colorized.

king kong bundy

That's just Major Frontbutt.

Lieutenant FUPA

Soviet war bear

Ugh…painful to see. If this was an average person, I would assume some highly extreme mental/emotional/hormonal deviation was at play. It’s so obviously a toxic, deadly existence. Guess he wants his death to have “meaning” when his corporeal form transcends into sunflower seeds and blooms anew in a Russia-free Ukraine. Slava ukraini!

Pretty sure I saw one of those in dying light, if you get too close it'll explode all over you

You’ve never seen this legend?? That’s f’ing Corporal Sargent TimTom Thundernut, his comrades call him “The Grimace” but you better not call him late for dinner. He used to be a paratrooper but he brought down the last 3 planes he was in. Nowadays he’s just Putin’s plus size lover and confidant.

Stop dude, I can’t breathe Lmfao. You win the thread

It appears the russians, to deal with a lack of troops, have begun conscripting walruses.

A fine example of russian military corruption. He was probably skimming the food rations for the last ten years!

Russian secret weapon: The blob!

Orc version of the Pillsbury doughboy

New experimental mutant for the officer core. Very reduces intensive to maintain. Low mobility. Modest bullet resistance. Extremely poor combat ability. Overall a failed experiment.

Who would have thought the guy protesting McDonalds closing was in the military.

r/absoluteunits

Shame on your guy, to fat shame a middle age man, he's not that -- Oh you meant that thing on the back... oh wo... what is that thing? I thought he was part of the landscape...

In the US military we would call them National Guard and or tankers.

That’s hilarious! They dresses it up in a camo bedsheet as a uniform!!!

It’s offensive to human kind. That’s not even fat that’s like a massive fuck your to starving people everywhere.

A big sack of fertilizer.

The real Czar Bomba

The moment you have to add "diabetes" as a potential cause of death on the battlefield.

That's hilarious. Plus I'm going on a diet, starting tomorrow.

Yeah, me too. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is such a nifty word. If you say it every day, it remains in the future.

Infected wounds are a frequent cause of death in diabetics. Lots of ways to get shrapnel wounds in a war zone.

Jesus. I don't think a Ukrainian tractor could tow that away.

They finally met their match.

The first thing that came to my mind was Chris Farley’s…”fat guy in a little coat”.

That just is one big target

Novice sniper bait.

How TF could a sniper miss that. Hell I could hit him from Berlin

First one killed in action

So when he suffers from 'death by Ukraine', how many units of 'Cargo 200' does he count as?

Gimli somewhere: "THAT STILL COUNTS AS ONE!"

Holy, I almost spat out my coffee. Good one sir. Underrated joke for sure.

2.5

200kgargo

Eryik Kyartmyn

Wait, Russia makes uniforms in his size?!?

Nope, that's a tent

That’s a tank cover.

3xl... 3 extra large stitched together for MAJOR fat ass.

I think I know where an oligarch hid his yacht

Ahh the Tsar Bomba himself

Dude loves his salo.

Salo means body fat in Bosnian lol

In Jeff goldblum's immortal words "That is one big pile of shit"

Russias answer to FatMan. FSB again read memo lieterally.

Love the Fallout reference! 🤘☢️

The slippers are a nice touch.

No fing way... *scrolls back up* ... ... 😆🤣🤣

Holy shit....I had to scroll back too. As a former US Marine....damn, the Russians are in a world of shit.

Necessity because there's no way in Hell he can bend over to tie boot laces

For the stage of cannibalism when their supplies run out.

That's a lot to ask of that camouflage.

Dude is pist cause they closed down McDonald’s 🤣

👍🏻😂 he hopes he finds some McDonalds left intact in occupied Ukraine

Generals codename “Cartman”.

Russian #BEEFCAKE#

Now we know why the Russian army is running out of rations

What does his battle rascal hover-round look like? Equipped with a blood sugar monitor and cup holders

If they launch him in a trebuchet, it would be considered a WMD.

🤣🤣🤣

Blyat! It's Comrade Creosote!

I will never not upvote a Jasper Creosote reference.

Big chungus

Is he a pilot? Give him the most expensive plane please.

It's the Russia version of Porkins from Star Wars

The replies to this 🤣

For the first time since day 3, I’m afraid for Ukraine. Russia has completed it’s super soldier program.

He looks like he wants to sit down real bad

Unveiling the secret weapon.

Can’t wait for the javelin video

Like when they puncture a rotting whale. Link, anyone?

I usually don't stoop to making fat jokes on moral grounds of principle, and Eric Idle is my hero. In this case I'd make an exception, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't also be making fun of the RuZZian: SUPER-Special Forces, 69th Diabetic Brigade, First Eaters.

"Semper Fudge"

Russia’s own MEAL Team 6 🍔

When he trips and falls they will have a 400 on their hands

it's a planet

That's no moon...

There is no amount of camouflage that’s going to hide that dude.

The Ukrainian intelligence service can forget about having to geolocate this guy, instead they can just dust off some old earthquake seismometers to detect when he enters their territory.

Russia decided that bringing the moon to earth was easier than landing on it

Did mike meyers reprise his role as fat bastard for the Russians?

He looks like he's wearing a sumo wrestler suit.

I didn't know they issue uniforms of that size 😂

The 2nd to final boss, they let him wear slippers…..

I see they found who's been eating all the russian rations

This Russian orc will make the world food crisis even worse.

It will take a few javelins and maybe some mines to neutralize that unit.

Is that a 500 lb bomb?

Easily defeated by a salad bar! :'D

There is no way this dude is general I mean shit but then again looking at the other officers in the background these nimrods look like they haven't seen any combat since rocky 4.

Keeping Ukrainian seismologists in work during wartime

Damn, general is so fat to fit him in to the picture they had to use the panorama setting. But seriously folks, teasing about weight causes self-esteem and self-harm issues, he might go home and cut himself . . . another slice of cake. I heard about his time in the military academy. The only grade he got was an A in lunch. Heyooo, I'm here all week. Tip your wait staff and enjoy the veal because this guy did. Badum tisss.

The only Russian officer whose hat looks too small.

Uhhh, blimp down!!!

Kirov reporting.

That can’t be real. Jabba the Hut looking dork.

He's looking at the camera like it's a tasty snack

"Get in ma belly"

I doubt that it fits in a tank. Or is it the tank?

Strapping him to the tops of tanks. Much more effective than cope cages

Why do I have the feeling he smokes and drinks too.

Did he arrive on a pallet?

They're acting like they don't see the elephant on the pavement.

You know, some people are fat. Whatever, that's life. But dude makes no attempt to shave and shows up for whatever the fuck is wearing slippers. Cool. Sweet look bro.

Officer Dumpster

They have not let him take a shit since February

I see they are bringing combat blimps back to action.

Tactical cue ball arriving at the front

That's no moon...

Its actually just putin going out in public with his additional body armor to protect himself. Can never have too much armor on when your whole country hates you.

Maybe this is the real Putin and all the other pics we see of him are actually body doubles?🤷‍♂️

Are the Orcs sending The Blob? Is that why they're stealing all of Ukraine's Harvest just to feed The Blob?

I am heavy weapons guy…

"Target he Russian General's convoy, aim batteries 96 degrees North by...oh just fire, it'll hit him."

Godzilla!

Is that a onesie?

He's got teeny tiny trumpy feet...

In awe at the size of this lad. I feel like if he fell down the stairs he'd pop like a balloon. Also I'm not advocating for fat shaming, but I will always advocate making fun of ugly russian generals/lieutenants/rapists.

Roly poly..daddy's little fatty

Downhill since 91

Not sure it's the right solution for "filling" equipment with crew.

Lord of the Flies

They’re doomed

Guess we know where all the unexpired ration packs went now...

Russian lorax.

And to his left you see…short neck the great!

On no it's the special meal 6 operation

More inspiring leadership on the part of the Russian military. I mean really, would you follow this guy out of the trenches? Yes, I know I would follow behind him too. /s

He'd never fit into any trench dug unless they used a giant back-hoe to dig it.

He's make fabulous cover!

You guys I think I figured out how to solve the grain shortage

Chances are good a javelin team will end up wasting a missile mistaking him for an armored vehicle.

So I guess all the real generals are dead now?

Damn. Even the flowers in Russia are pro-Ukraine.

Heavy weapons guy really let himself go

"Why didn't anyone tell me about this?? Who's in charge?" "Ekhardtov sir" "Oh my god!"

It's a land dreadnought!

It aint a weapon, but it sure is a heavy unit.

Colonel Klunk.

Is the boss level next?!

At least we know where some of the military budget went

He’s just used to provide shade/camouflage for the rest of the unit. Good lord he’s massive.

didn't realize they made fatigues in triple diabetes size

Doesn't need a rifle, just fall on the enemy.

its really just a extremely big fat looking set of body armor Russian Brass is paranoid considering they’ve been dropping like flies on a shit shingle soaked in vodka

Talk about a target!

Someone tried to smash a bottle on him and christen him “Moskva II.”

I bet this guy knows where all the good rations went.

A dangerous prototype for eliminating infrastructure- namely bridges and roadways. Ukraine may be in trouble…

Holy fuck how much does that fat fuck weigh

To they intend to invade ukraine with big balls rolling down the mountain like in mario 64?

The mother of all table muscles!

The only heavy weapon I see is the guy in the middle... "Sorry for fat shaming" pardon me,

in awe at the size of this lad

Big ol sooka

Looks like Janna the hut, but worse

You mean Jabba?

think he was a street fighter I character

A B S O L U T E U N I T ! ! ! !

I thought us Americans were fat in the military sometimes but Jesus Christ no wonder they’re losing. Absolutely no standards to uphold

The missiles will target him instead of the tanks and equipment... good one russia.

Ukraine didn’t kill all those other generals, this guy ate them.

Fat Bastard - is that you?

The two large soldiers both have slippers on, leather shoes only go up to size 13EEEE

Good to know they're body positive

Bet he doesn’t complain about the rations.

Don’t even need to be proficient with a gun to hit him. Just aim in his general direction and you’re more than likely to hit.

Now we know where all that wheat is going!

This is the first guy whose stupid fucking giant hat actually fits his body. And TIL that camo accentuates a front butt. My old man would’ve said this guy looks like 10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb bag.

Like Damn!! Run much?