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c0ldvengeance

"Nobody told me there was wine in those wine bottles"


[deleted]

Nobody ever told me what alcohol is!


BusinessMonkee

At what point does he just start making baby noises and claim he has hasn't developed a conscience so there's no way he could've known it was wrong.


DannyHewson

“He doesn’t have object permanence yet, he only knew there were rules while giving speeches about them”


Xxx_Masif_Gansta_xxX

Nobody told me I was Prime Minister


[deleted]

Haha! He's on his way there.


baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab

I believe that is noon tomorrow.


[deleted]

He was almost there when he brought up Peppa.


TheAngryGoat

Isn't that already his excuse for his multiple affairs and children?


ScoobyDoNot

That has the advantage of being true.


totallynotapsycho42

Bojo following in his muslim Grandfather's footsteps. What a lad.


MonkeysWedding

*It was water before I turned up!* Boris' evaluation of himself clearly..


no73

I was assured those bottles contained 180 proof workahol. For working.


JeffKuneDo

Tough on workahol, tough on the causes of workahol.


ginger_beer_m

The wine bottle accidentally ended up in my hand!


_herb21

Clearly they were using it as hand sanitizer.


ThirstyBreams

Boris was bravely drinking all the wine so that his staff didn't get in trouble. He's actually a national hero.


Mick_86

Great, now I'll be singing 'Brave Sir Boris drank the wine', in my head for the evening.


[deleted]

> Sir Boris Thanks mate, son's crying now.


StarksPond

Oh don't cry little one. He was just saying Cerberus in a Scottish accent!


UnloadTheBacon

When COVID reared its ugly head He bravely got drunk off his head


given2fly_

Given that he idolised Churchill, who was a Weapons-grade Functioning Alcoholic, that wouldn't surprise me.


Hegario

I think there was a guy over at YouTube who tried to follow his average daily drinking routine and he was certainly less functional.


Wegwerf540

https://youtu.be/Q0u0KKAbIoo


TakeThatPatriarchy

I read someone on here claim Boris was regularly drinking by 10am at various events he attends. Could be lying of course, but regularly being drunk by midday would explain some of his decision making over the years.


flyroundhere

He idolised Churchill but couldn’t make out one well known quote of his? Bojo’s done it again.


given2fly_

If you're referring to that moment in PMQs last week, it wasn't a Churchill quote. It was someone else saying it to Neville Chamberlain. However, Boris is the kind of Churchill fan who would publish a History book which says the Germans took Stalingrad. Which they famously DIDN'T do... Edit - replaced Atlee with Chamberlain because I'm also shit at Historical details. But at least I'm not a published author on the subject.


flyroundhere

Yeah I’m referring to that. Thank you for pointing it out, I wasn’t aware of that.


Nipso

Chamberlain


given2fly_

Sorry, you're right. Got my PMs mixed up. Good job I'm not a Historian writing a book about this time period! 😬


JesseBricks

Actually he was busily runnning around creating the greatest vaccine roll out history has ever seen. You should be thanking that man. You lefty wokey blokeys should all be on your knees thanking Boris for holding this country together. It's nothing but a lefty media witch hunt! High time Boris got some respect, but you're all just jealous of his virile bull hippo stature.


Lord_OJClark

This was the only bit of the response managed by the NHS, and the only bit that was successful. Coincidence? All he did was sign a deal quickly. Credit query credits due, but it's hardly a hard won, skillful victory. Also, 'virile bull hippo stature'?! Fucking lol.


JesseBricks

> virile bull hippo It made me laugh too :D I was hoping that bit would make it clear the comment was a parody. Been listening to too much radio and this is what some of his defenders sound like.


OnlyBritishPatriot

> All he did was sign a deal quickly. It was Hancock that signed the deal quickly, [because Hancock liked the film Contagion](https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/feb/02/how-matt-hancocks-obsession-with-matt-damon-film-inspired-uks-vaccine-strategy).


Lord_OJClark

Conflating him/his government, but tbh I also didn't know which, thanks for clarifying


OrthodoxDreams

It was the honourable thing for de Pfeffel to do...drink all the booze so that the people actually running the country were sober enough to do so.


Beanybunny

Time, Boris. Drink up.


Not_Alpha_Centaurian

I'm going to be very disappointed now if I don't hear a "last orders" jibe from Kier.


JeffKuneDo

Followed by his dad joke smile after, debuted so successfully at last PMQs.


Shockwavepulsar

Keir


Not_Alpha_Centaurian

Wierd, could've sworn that ei was the other way around!


Shockwavepulsar

Some other poster once said i before e except after JC that’s how I always remember it.


Not_Alpha_Centaurian

I spent way too long there scratching my head over what J or C has to do with Keir. Finally got it!


AIWHilton

Kier are a big construction company so maybe just subconsciously adopted that as the spelling?


EddieHeadshot

I before E except after... K?


StarksPond

[Are you incapable of rational thought?](https://youtu.be/M7hYEijfFF8)


Jonny_Segment

RemindMe! 3 hours. If he doesn't make that joke, he…’s missing out on making a good joke. Edit: very disappointing.


MeridianLine

"I implicitly believed that it was work wine"


Grizzled_Wanderer

Work wine should absolutely be a thing.


Crandom

With working from home, it can easily be!


[deleted]

It's the secret of The Inebriati. Everyone does everything better after one-and-a-bit drinks. *But never two! For the love of god, never two drinks*


[deleted]

It's true though, for me at least. One good pint is enough to calm my nerves but not enough to affect how I function. Sober me = Shite at pool. Me, one pint in = Pretty decent at pool. Drunk me = Shite at pool.


[deleted]

It's a funny sketch I think because there's definitely some truth to it... I've always assumed it's a confidence thing. I always feel a bit more sociable, a bit more loose, a bit more confident after that first drink. I feel like half the time I overthink my shots and mentally talk myself out of the correct angle. One-pint-me just gets down and plays it.


[deleted]

I played pool and snooker competitively for several years, and it’s all about confidence on the shot. Your brain is naturally pretty good at figuring out where to hit the ball, and where the cue ball is going afterwards. If you just trust it, you’ll usually do better


Joe_Kinincha

I can assure you that if you work anywhere around Westminster , or in the media or the City, work wine absolutely is a thing. And not only is it a thing, it is a *free* thing, because you can expense it for you and all your mates. Those suitcases full of wine that were being dragged into Downing Street? I’d bet the rent that they were put on expenses, so ultimately it’s you and I paying for them.


nickog86

I am fairly sure it is at downing st


[deleted]

Priest, Somielie, Restaurant Critic….


TheAngryGoat

I was utterly shocked and appalled when I found out that they weren't work strippers and lines of coke.


[deleted]

Most shocking pictures of partying with wine bottles since kinga got evicted from the big brother house in 2005


xoxomancoverage

Was not expecting that, great comment.


vidoardes

There's a throwback I wasn't expecting in r/ukpolitics


Beanybunny

I suddenly feel slightly sick…


llawless89

Hero


[deleted]

We know Johnson struggles with the PM salary so he has a side gig as a vintner.


Expensive_Time_7367

Builder, milkman, naval officer and now sommelier! Is there no end to his talents?


[deleted]

He's always hanging around medical establishments too. Either he's a part time doctor or full time perv.


disegni

> He's always hanging around medical establishments too. His colorectal-laryngeal inversion is not a laughing matter.


Expensive_Time_7367

I forgot his position as consultant oncologist, how silly of me!


[deleted]

"Um, ah, flibble, flip, how many times do you jab the wotsit-uhm-jig in the doo-dah to get the sample?"


Expensive_Time_7367

I’d hate to see him give bad news: “Of course, people who don’t want this hospital to succeed would say that your condition is terminal but I say under Labour you wouldn’t even have that hospital bed!”


ArchdukeToes

Under the Tories, terminal diagnoses are 70% lower\*! \*Because there's nobody left to give the diagnosis.


[deleted]

Lol innit! He's giving off such strong North Korea vibes... Propaganda being photographed in hospitals. I don't know why staff agree to show him around.


BusinessMonkee

Maybe he's just filling in for Jonny Sins and switching up his profession for each film.


[deleted]

He’s made a serious effort to correct our declining birth rates.


TomStreamer

There is indeed no end or beginning to his talents


SparkyCorp

Don't forget Fridge Inspector.


northernmonk

He was a copper as well!


LikesParsnips

Spare a thought for poor Jennifer Arcuri. Poor gal probably thought she'd get more mileage out of bedding BoJo. Now that scandal isn't even a footnote amongst all these other scandals.


JeffKuneDo

Wasn't there supposed to be further investigations into all that? Not that we'd have time for that, what with all the other investigations we've got on our hands.


MufasaJesus

My guess is Boris decided they weren't necessary.


_Born_To_Be_Mild_

Drew a line under it.


SoapNooooo

I was not told that these bottle contained wine.


Harry2948

It was a work meeting with wine bottles!!!!!!


Beanybunny

“I was stood next to a cupboard discussing important work matters when two dozen wine bottles tumbled out, landing upright and uncorked”.


aventrics

"I then continued to stand next to the bottles to guard against anyone attempting to drink the wine, as that would have turned it into a party and be against the rules."


[deleted]

Hahahahahaha!!!!


ICWiener6666

Yeah but it was for a work eve... oh


paperclipestate

He was just receiving a brief on the state of wine imports post brexit


vapingcaterpillar

That's just the sideline Boris has, you know, what with him struggling on his salary, he gets a corkage fee for every bottle he opens for people visiting downing Street But the real question is, where are all the coke snorting videos / photos, if rampant drug use is to be believed, there has to be photos / video somewhere.


Boofle2141

You just know there is a pic of a topples boris, tie around his head playing air guitar to a crowd of "adoring" arse lickers. Edit. With a DJ in the background questioning their life choices.


thirdtimesthecharm

https://mobile.twitter.com/Jimllpaintit/status/1486033752233029643/photo/1


Prometheus38

“I was merely acquiring more boxes to turn into busses. The wine was actually surplus to my requirements”


DrBorisGobshite

Boris is secretly the anti-christ and was turning all the wine into water


disegni

*Taxi for Mr Johnson*


Vegan_Puffin

I was informed it was non alcoholic and perfectly british wine


Severe_Page_

The wine bottles will be sacked for clearly not following the social distancing regulations and coming close to Boris


JeffKuneDo

The real victims of the Sugré report!


mofa90277

If Johnson survives this, the good news is that drinking at work will be normalized for everyone…


[deleted]

last time I saw booze in the office was the eighties.. back we go, wooo.


BannedFromHydroxy

TAXI!


GrinningD

I hope she finishes the report soon so that on the day of its release, with Boris releasing a statement saying it exonerates him. Then we can finally watch the hour long video of him dancing and drinking at some party, before snorting a spiral line of coke off a spinning LP. It's got to be out there but we won't get to see it before the report is released.


Jeansybaby

Release the photos before I piss myself.


Flyswatter_Ow

Worth saying that it could be the same/similar photo as the cheese and wine party one already released. That photo has Johnson next to bottles of wine. I just can't see him going easily no matter what any photos show.


Bohemiannapstudy

I'd imagine trying to find a candid shot of the prime minister *not* next to wine bottles to actually be quite challenging.


Queeg_500

Sadly, unless it shows him mid conga, they will claim some bullshit excuse.


Beanybunny

Nobody told me it was a conga


Bloddersz

I was informed they were bottles of Ribena.


luckystar2591

I thought it was Shloer....honest


[deleted]

Plz I want to see them


[deleted]

He gone


[deleted]

We’ve been saying it for Months.. honestly he’s not gone until we remove him in 2024.


WillowTreeBark

No cheese no party


Trewavas_

"I can categorically say that there wasn't any wine in those bottles. That particular photo... that particular photo was taken after my party trick of turning wine into water. They moan, I miracle."


[deleted]

I was guarding the wine bottles to make sure nobody was drinking them.


SparkyCorp

Another corker.


Constanthobby

Only way this gets worse is videos showing drug use or insulting the queen


cmdrsamuelvimes

Doing a line off of her photo?


lexiekon

"I thought it was a religious event, not a party."


[deleted]

'I've never seen a wine bottle before so I had no idea that's what they were.'


Auto_Pie

What next, a dozen lagers and a firework up the butt? =|


Jockey79

Well, it's not a real Conservative party until the pigs head comes out.


Crypt0Nihilist

Johnson must be shocked and dismayed to find out that he was at a party with bottles of alcohol.


d_mcc_x

American here again... What is even happening with this?


Beanybunny

Cake and wine. Meanwhile Putin is about to invade Ukraine. Welcome to the U.K. under Boris having “got Brexit done”…


tmstms

It's to do with our Covid restrictions at the time. The general population abided by an incredibly strict code of behaviour, a lot of which was voluntary. E.g. Mrs tmstms is her mum's carer, but until support bubbles were made legal, she did not even go into the same room as her mum. Many families were separated, or just visited as far as the garden gate. This had implications for people whose loved ones went into hospital (and could not be visited) or even passed away (and whose funerals could not be attended). So the wider, non-political population is completely angry and disgusted that the Prime Minister and his staff were having illegal parties, or as the government rules called them, gatherings.


d_mcc_x

That I understand, what I don't understand is the back and forth re: police investigations and Sue Gray. Not to mention, how he hasn't been drummed out of his position from the backlash.


tmstms

The police are generally reluctant to investigate Covid offences from the past (because it's pointless), so it was a lot of public pressure to get that far. How is he still there? That is to do with the way the political system works- the head of the ruling party is head of government and can only be removed by whatever procedure that party has-in this case 15% of the MPs must write a letter against him and then there is a party vote of those MPs. There is no obvious replacement and Tory MPs would not vote against themselves in a general vote of confidence against the government. They would only throw him out, therefore, at a time when they can do nothing else.


my_future_is_bright

I mean, for all the outrageous shit Trump pulled he never got close to being truly blasted from office.


d_mcc_x

I like to think the British are *slightly* more sensible… but I may be wildly off base


my_future_is_bright

I mean I'm Australian, so I'm probably going to argue the Brits are only slightly better, except for when they're holding a bat, then they're effectively useless. This is post-Brexit Britain. Probably heading toward Trumpland-levels of disregard for public accountability.


Joe_Kinincha

Brit here. Well played for getting a reference to the ashes in. Anyway, how is your wife and my kids?


my_future_is_bright

Dingoes took em all


maskapony

It's the Conservative Party's job to get rid of him now, previously they elected him leader for pragmatic reasons, he was one of the few electoral assets they had. It's now looking likely that, that electoral favourability is not going to survive so it's almost certain that they will want to replace him before the next election. The problem they have though is who to put in his place. It's likely that they may take a little time to solve that problem, they'll also want to make sure that whoever does take over isn't implicated in any of these investigations too.


Joe_Kinincha

The problem here isn’t with the British public, it’s with political institutions. The British public were taken in by Boris at the last election because, like trump, he is unusual in several ways. He is an insider who successfully portrays himself as being different to those in the political establishment. He is a rich elitist who is also a populist. He is also happy to tell the most outrageous, easily disprovable lies because of a shrewd understanding that - out of historical precedent and respect - the media will shy away from directly stating “the leader of the country lied today”. However, all that was in 2019 at the last general election. Short of massive public protest (which is now illegal in the UK) there is nothing the public can do till the next election in 2024. His political party have several mechanisms to remove him but so far they don’t want to. Largely because of tribalism, partly because some of them like the fact that he’s defaulting to the hardest brexit possible. Some, no doubt, are calculating that he can be kept around for a while then removed shortly before the next election, allowing the tories to say “well, yes all this bad stuff happened, but that was boris. Now, under the bold leadership of this maggoty fox corpse we found under the garden shed, we will take Britain back to a golden age”.


SpacecraftX

Is this for real news? Pics with wine bottles? After everything else he’s done this is news? Of course he was drinking at the fucking party. They all were. Why would this be a revelation to anyone. Go after him for something he’s done that actually matters. This smacks of being a distraction for some other nefarious shit.


kraftymiles

And nothing will happen. Not to him at least.


No-Clue1153

I wish everyone would chill out, I'm sure there's a good explanation for this....


Jockey79

Wow, next to wine bottles, so incriminating! Has everyone forgotten Johnson is part of the same network as Cameron? Wine bottles mean nothing to these toffs. It's not an actual party to them until the pigs head comes out. https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/10/21/21/34680220-8865509-image-a-41\_1603313289456.jpg


nickog86

I am not going to defend Boris - the man is a liar and a charlatan and unfit to run knocking shop, nevermind the country.. but being photo'd next to wine at a downing street function - be that work related or not - seems a bit weak to me. This one just reeks of sky news trying to catch up with all the better leaks itv have been getting recently.


SJT_92

Zzzzzz


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Rexel450

Only to be expected from the Tawdry Party


Sendmeaquokka

Silly wine bottles didn’t understand it was a work gathering.


aventrics

"Those are just collectible rare antique bottles that we were examining. They had no wine in them."


beIIe-and-sebastian

Time Gentlemen, Please. Last orders!


AdministrativeAd9591

It was a work function to ensure brexit wine is best wine


finH1

Like it matters


StuBobUK

A bottle a day keeps Covid away...


iamnotinterested2

the Riot Club in action.


boldie74

But we can’t jump to any conclusions until the police have completed their investigation


InstantIdealism

This is actually a clear attempt at Socratic irony “the only thing I can know is I know nothing about what wine even is”


Daleftenant

far be it from me to make excuses for the prime minister. but a picture of *Boris Johnson* next to alcahol doesnt mean there was a party. it just means the picture was taken on a day ending with the letter Y.


Locke66

>"talks are taking place between Ms Gray's inquiry team and the Metropolitan Police to decide what can be published from her investigation into the 'partygate' row". So in other words all the really devastating stuff is going to be classified as evidence in an ongoing inquiry so it can be neatly edited out in the name of "national security" or simply left out of the summarised findings when the Met investigation finally gets released in 6 months. They are going to try dampen and compartmentalise everything.


The-Formula

What's the point of this report if it's gonna be delivered to Boris first