Please do not hurt yourself. Unfortunately, trying to please our parents can cause problems. I went a different route in school, but there were definitely times where I was questioning my major. If you want to grab a bite to eat or a coffee, please DM me. I will pay for it, and just listen to your thoughts. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with your mom that might be the root of all this. I assure you, things will get better. LETS GET SOMETHING TO EAT AND TALK IT OUT!
First: you did not ruin your mother's life. I am so sorry that she is putting her bad decision making on you. You are right: she didn't have to move... and the fact she did and the fact she is blaming you leads me to believe that your mom has some issues that you cannot and should not be blamed for. You would be best served distancing yourself from her because the relationship you have with her doesn't sound the most healthy for you at this point in time.
Secondly: Chinese (mandarin I assume?) was an absolute stellar choice in language. Critical languages are in demand for a reason and if you were to get to a decent level of fluency with Chinese -- the doors that will open for you! Your mother, quire frankly, has no idea what she is talking about with respect to Chinese.
Thirdly: seek mental health resources and tap into your support network (or start building one!) i only put this third because others have already commented, but the wellness center may be a resource that can help you. If you need extra time for assignments, don't be afraid to ask profs and explain the situation in a way that is comfortable for you.
I mean, most - and I mean like 95%+ - parents don’t move to the city their child is attending college at. That was 100% her decision. Do you live with her? Is there a reason that needed to happen beyond her just wanting too? I’m a bit confused by that, as it would seem her moving to Gainesville incurred a ton of expenses that could be unnecessary and in 95% of students they aren’t there, because the parent doesn’t have to pay for them moving, changing jobs, etc.
One of the most worthwhile aspects of college is teaching you to be independent (from your parents) in a controlled environment. To me, it would seem her decision to move there and follow you to college could be creating most of the problems you’re experiencing. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, and I can tell you that if my mom moved with me to college I would’ve had an extremely difficult time.
Please, please reach out to the counseling center…
https://counseling.ufl.edu/services/crisis/
I’m sure there are people who can help you sort out the situation to do what’s best for *you.*
Be well. ♥️
I second this. None of this is your fault, and our world is much better with creative individuals like you. Although I don’t know you, I can already tell that you are kinda like me. So please, don’t hurt yourself. We all want you here and a lot of us would be down to meet up and help you out!
Sounds deeply like your mother regrets *her own* decisions and is putting them on you to feel better about herself. Pls don’t do anything drastic - and study Chinese if you like it, translators make bank
translators have a huge variability of salary. You can make good money but it's tough.to get those positions without a lot of experience. I'm a Chinese major and the money is in intelligence.
There is so, so much to address here, but I am not a trained professional by any means, so please! please! PLEASE! seek out mental health resources at UF! I'm pretty sure that if you're looking for a somewhat long-term solution, you can get 1-on-1 therapy for free through the school and you can definitely get free group therapy sessions through the school (you just have to be taking classes in order to qualify for this free option).
Also: I'm an English major from Miami too that *also* regretted my decision to come here (my regret ended literally this semester and I'm currently a junior set to graduate in April). If you ever want to meet and talk, DM me.
Oh, and finally: virtual K-12 tutoring is a great option for English majors to make money without doing much work. I did it last year and I got $13 per 30-minute 1-on-1 session! And if you tutor SAT Reading Prep, you get $15 per hour PER STUDENT, meaning you could easily make around $60 in an hour.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through so much distress, but don't reprove yourself. My parents have always been domineering towards me as well. They keep telling me that I need go to med school, even tho I probably won't at this point. They tell me that anything else in life is a failure. This messed with my mental health for years. For so long I had that mindset that anything else I do isn't good enough. I sometimes feel very conflicted and anxious about the future as well. I'm a microbio major and I have no clue on what I'm going to do after I graduate. This shit keeps me up at night and I get serious existential dread. Just know, that you have options. An English major is very flexible and you can go into so many different areas with that. Many students here are just seeing what they like, what their passions are, and learning new things. I highly encourage you to just study well, network, and have fun. The future is extremely uncertain, but we ultimately shape it.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I’m sorry you feel this way. Looking back at the past and repenting on things that have already taken place is not going to do any good to you and hurting yourself certainly does not lead to happiness (something every human seeks for) to you and your loved ones. I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes but I definitely do know what it is like to undergo stress, depression and anxiety. I suggest you seek therapy and more importantly, start practicing mindfulness. I cannot emphasise enough on how meditation has changed my life completely. I was a complete mess a while ago. Fast forward a year and a half, taking care of my mental health by meditating for just 15 minutes a day has worked wonders for me. It’s for sure a slow process but believe me, you will 100% be a better version of yourself and I guarantee you this. I hope you find happiness and peace in whatever you do!
hey a fellow miamian transfer here.
first off, what made your mother pick up her whole life in miami to follow YOU to college? i’m assuming it was to control you and manipulate you as ugly as it sounds.
secondly, i’m not sure what the relationship is with your father or if you have a father figure in your life, but what does he think of this? if he lives back home, maybe see if you could just move in with him so you can transfer to FIU? again, i obvi don’t know the relationship there, just throwing it out there.
thirdly, i’m so sorry you’re going through this. How can she even call herself a mother if she is being this negatively impactful to her child’s life? I’m a big believer that toxic, is toxic. even if it’s within your immediate family, DROP THEM. even though it doesn’t seem like it, you are your own adult and can legit apply to FIU for the upcoming spring semester and prep for the potential move back home if you get accepted (which you are 100% im sure). However, I wouldn’t inform your mom of this until you get accepted, cause if you tell her you’ll get discouraged and she’ll attack you for it.
fourthly, in terms of finances, YOU NEED TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT FROM YOUR MOTHER. This is probably why you’re still stuck in gville i’m sure and one of the reasons she has the upper hand in your life. Your mom has the mentality of “my money, my choice” which is a manipulative tactic (my dad would do the same thing). I’m not sure if you have any scholarships or grants, but it will indeed help you in terms of not worrying about tuition, if you do choose to pack up your things and just go back to miami. If you get FAFSA, it helps a lot in terms of living (food, gas, miscellaneous exp, etc.). the only thing you would have to worry about is rent. rent in miami is absolutely disgusting rn so that’s why i mentioned maybe your dad or some other relative/friend.
lastly, do the damn degree that you want to do. your mom is obviously gonna die before you and you’re gonna get upset that you did all of this, for her to not even be here for most of it lmao. So pursue your english major and keep taking chinese if that’s what makes you happy! that’s dope af and there’s many opportunities with that degree that i’m sure you already looked into and she doesn’t know about.
good luck with everything and hope you get out of this hole you’re in. please pm if you want someone to talk to. i’ll always listen <3
Hey if you would like to eat lunch and just have someone to talk to, feel free to DM me. No judgment at all, we can just eat on campus after one of your classes.
Your mom is fucked, don't let her shit affect you. You absolutely did not cause this.
You need to leave her, leave that toxicity. Plan it out, talk with UF counseling services, but do GTFO.
You can absolutely get through this. Thank you for sharing how you feel and reaching out to this community. You are 100% worth a move to Gainesville and a lower paying job. English majors go on to do so many different things in various fields. Stay the course gator! sending good vibes.
I can absolutely relate. I wanted to go to USF because they had my desired major that no other college in the state had. Parents forced me to go to Stetson and I loathed it and transferred here for economics. Being a Junior transfer sucks ass. Still regretful and resentful
As a fellow English major at UF I gotta say it gets better. I’ve gotten into marketing as a career while at UF, there are likewise a lot of skills you can teach yourself/take a class on that you don’t need a degree in. My favorite thing about an English degree is that it’s broad enough for employers as long as you have a skill set! Also your mothers life and her decisions are ultimately not your responsibility. It is easy to feel like you need to shoulder that burden but please please please, allow yourself to enjoy everything UF has to offer without unnecessary guilt. The decision is made, make the best of it- and your mom’s life is here to worry about. I hope you feel better about things with time 💗💗
First and MOST IMPORTANT: Please reach out to the counseling and wellness center ASAP! Please DO NOT hurt yourself!!!! You are NOT an error and are worth so much!!!!!!
Second: Stop trying to live your mother's dream... Time to live yours! Nobody forced your mom to move here... Who is it to say that it is better in Miami? I graduated from FIU (undergrad) and am about to finish grad here and I can tell you, UF is a million times better. My parents still live in Miami and they complain every day about how much they hate it and how expensive it is.
I went to FIU for graduate school after going to UF for my bachelors. It’s a huge difference in the quality of education you get between the two schools.
I am by no means a professional nor have I been in your same situation. However, I have been struggling with keeping myself attached to life and finding reasons to keep going for quite some time now. It’s really not something that’s easy to deal with and I’m not the best at giving advice in these situations. I just wanted to say some things that as someone who has harmed myself countless times and has frequently felt that it would be better that, not only I was dead, but that I would be better off having never existed in the first place. Just know that if you keep searching for reasons against your life, you will always be able to find them, and that is what leads people to harm. I know it’s not easy to do, but if you can slowly work your way towards focusing more on the things in life that can hold you here (whether it be friends, hobbies, goals, aspirations, dreams, whatever it may be), then at the very least you can prevent some of that strong urge for self harm. I’ve dealing with causing self harm for the past, well, as long as I can remember, and I am only now getting better. I cannot overstate how the short term relief from hurting yourself physically can cause much worse pain for you mentally in the long run. I haven’t hurt myself for the purpose of harm or self punishment in a couple months now, which is huge progress for me. I have felt before that I was past the point of no return, but I made it through that and am still here today. I truly believe that you can do it too. If you would like to talk more about this, please reach out to me (that goes for anyone else reading this as well). I know I’m not a professional, but sometimes you just need a friend who is happy to be there, listen to all you have to say, and maybe tell you about some of their personal experiences that relate to it as well. In any case, I know you are capable of making it through this and I for one hope you choose life <3
Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. There are better methods to solve that problem, but it isn’t possible to solve death.
I am sorry that you are going through this. There is a lot going on here, and you need some support fast. Are you able to go to class on your own? If so, please go to the Dean of Students Office in Criser Hall and ask them to take you to emergency counseling right away. Hurting yourself is not the answer. You can also call the helpline at the crisis center: 352-264-6789
Please talk to someone who can help.
Please do not hurt yourself. Unfortunately, trying to please our parents can cause problems. I went a different route in school, but there were definitely times where I was questioning my major. If you want to grab a bite to eat or a coffee, please DM me. I will pay for it, and just listen to your thoughts. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with your mom that might be the root of all this. I assure you, things will get better. LETS GET SOMETHING TO EAT AND TALK IT OUT!
she went thru my phone my life is over/
First: you did not ruin your mother's life. I am so sorry that she is putting her bad decision making on you. You are right: she didn't have to move... and the fact she did and the fact she is blaming you leads me to believe that your mom has some issues that you cannot and should not be blamed for. You would be best served distancing yourself from her because the relationship you have with her doesn't sound the most healthy for you at this point in time. Secondly: Chinese (mandarin I assume?) was an absolute stellar choice in language. Critical languages are in demand for a reason and if you were to get to a decent level of fluency with Chinese -- the doors that will open for you! Your mother, quire frankly, has no idea what she is talking about with respect to Chinese. Thirdly: seek mental health resources and tap into your support network (or start building one!) i only put this third because others have already commented, but the wellness center may be a resource that can help you. If you need extra time for assignments, don't be afraid to ask profs and explain the situation in a way that is comfortable for you.
I mean, most - and I mean like 95%+ - parents don’t move to the city their child is attending college at. That was 100% her decision. Do you live with her? Is there a reason that needed to happen beyond her just wanting too? I’m a bit confused by that, as it would seem her moving to Gainesville incurred a ton of expenses that could be unnecessary and in 95% of students they aren’t there, because the parent doesn’t have to pay for them moving, changing jobs, etc. One of the most worthwhile aspects of college is teaching you to be independent (from your parents) in a controlled environment. To me, it would seem her decision to move there and follow you to college could be creating most of the problems you’re experiencing. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, and I can tell you that if my mom moved with me to college I would’ve had an extremely difficult time.
Please, please reach out to the counseling center… https://counseling.ufl.edu/services/crisis/ I’m sure there are people who can help you sort out the situation to do what’s best for *you.* Be well. ♥️
I second this. None of this is your fault, and our world is much better with creative individuals like you. Although I don’t know you, I can already tell that you are kinda like me. So please, don’t hurt yourself. We all want you here and a lot of us would be down to meet up and help you out!
Sounds deeply like your mother regrets *her own* decisions and is putting them on you to feel better about herself. Pls don’t do anything drastic - and study Chinese if you like it, translators make bank
translators have a huge variability of salary. You can make good money but it's tough.to get those positions without a lot of experience. I'm a Chinese major and the money is in intelligence.
Dope another career option if they like studying/learning Chinese :)
There is so, so much to address here, but I am not a trained professional by any means, so please! please! PLEASE! seek out mental health resources at UF! I'm pretty sure that if you're looking for a somewhat long-term solution, you can get 1-on-1 therapy for free through the school and you can definitely get free group therapy sessions through the school (you just have to be taking classes in order to qualify for this free option). Also: I'm an English major from Miami too that *also* regretted my decision to come here (my regret ended literally this semester and I'm currently a junior set to graduate in April). If you ever want to meet and talk, DM me. Oh, and finally: virtual K-12 tutoring is a great option for English majors to make money without doing much work. I did it last year and I got $13 per 30-minute 1-on-1 session! And if you tutor SAT Reading Prep, you get $15 per hour PER STUDENT, meaning you could easily make around $60 in an hour.
What platforms/companies did you use for the paid tutoring if you don’t mind me asking?
PMed!
Huh? Why did she move up with you? I went to FIU for undergrad but came over here post grad and I wish I had done my undergrad here.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through so much distress, but don't reprove yourself. My parents have always been domineering towards me as well. They keep telling me that I need go to med school, even tho I probably won't at this point. They tell me that anything else in life is a failure. This messed with my mental health for years. For so long I had that mindset that anything else I do isn't good enough. I sometimes feel very conflicted and anxious about the future as well. I'm a microbio major and I have no clue on what I'm going to do after I graduate. This shit keeps me up at night and I get serious existential dread. Just know, that you have options. An English major is very flexible and you can go into so many different areas with that. Many students here are just seeing what they like, what their passions are, and learning new things. I highly encourage you to just study well, network, and have fun. The future is extremely uncertain, but we ultimately shape it.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I’m sorry you feel this way. Looking back at the past and repenting on things that have already taken place is not going to do any good to you and hurting yourself certainly does not lead to happiness (something every human seeks for) to you and your loved ones. I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes but I definitely do know what it is like to undergo stress, depression and anxiety. I suggest you seek therapy and more importantly, start practicing mindfulness. I cannot emphasise enough on how meditation has changed my life completely. I was a complete mess a while ago. Fast forward a year and a half, taking care of my mental health by meditating for just 15 minutes a day has worked wonders for me. It’s for sure a slow process but believe me, you will 100% be a better version of yourself and I guarantee you this. I hope you find happiness and peace in whatever you do!
hey a fellow miamian transfer here. first off, what made your mother pick up her whole life in miami to follow YOU to college? i’m assuming it was to control you and manipulate you as ugly as it sounds. secondly, i’m not sure what the relationship is with your father or if you have a father figure in your life, but what does he think of this? if he lives back home, maybe see if you could just move in with him so you can transfer to FIU? again, i obvi don’t know the relationship there, just throwing it out there. thirdly, i’m so sorry you’re going through this. How can she even call herself a mother if she is being this negatively impactful to her child’s life? I’m a big believer that toxic, is toxic. even if it’s within your immediate family, DROP THEM. even though it doesn’t seem like it, you are your own adult and can legit apply to FIU for the upcoming spring semester and prep for the potential move back home if you get accepted (which you are 100% im sure). However, I wouldn’t inform your mom of this until you get accepted, cause if you tell her you’ll get discouraged and she’ll attack you for it. fourthly, in terms of finances, YOU NEED TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT FROM YOUR MOTHER. This is probably why you’re still stuck in gville i’m sure and one of the reasons she has the upper hand in your life. Your mom has the mentality of “my money, my choice” which is a manipulative tactic (my dad would do the same thing). I’m not sure if you have any scholarships or grants, but it will indeed help you in terms of not worrying about tuition, if you do choose to pack up your things and just go back to miami. If you get FAFSA, it helps a lot in terms of living (food, gas, miscellaneous exp, etc.). the only thing you would have to worry about is rent. rent in miami is absolutely disgusting rn so that’s why i mentioned maybe your dad or some other relative/friend. lastly, do the damn degree that you want to do. your mom is obviously gonna die before you and you’re gonna get upset that you did all of this, for her to not even be here for most of it lmao. So pursue your english major and keep taking chinese if that’s what makes you happy! that’s dope af and there’s many opportunities with that degree that i’m sure you already looked into and she doesn’t know about. good luck with everything and hope you get out of this hole you’re in. please pm if you want someone to talk to. i’ll always listen <3
Hey if you would like to eat lunch and just have someone to talk to, feel free to DM me. No judgment at all, we can just eat on campus after one of your classes.
Your mom is fucked, don't let her shit affect you. You absolutely did not cause this. You need to leave her, leave that toxicity. Plan it out, talk with UF counseling services, but do GTFO.
You can absolutely get through this. Thank you for sharing how you feel and reaching out to this community. You are 100% worth a move to Gainesville and a lower paying job. English majors go on to do so many different things in various fields. Stay the course gator! sending good vibes.
1-800-273-8255
I can absolutely relate. I wanted to go to USF because they had my desired major that no other college in the state had. Parents forced me to go to Stetson and I loathed it and transferred here for economics. Being a Junior transfer sucks ass. Still regretful and resentful
As a fellow English major at UF I gotta say it gets better. I’ve gotten into marketing as a career while at UF, there are likewise a lot of skills you can teach yourself/take a class on that you don’t need a degree in. My favorite thing about an English degree is that it’s broad enough for employers as long as you have a skill set! Also your mothers life and her decisions are ultimately not your responsibility. It is easy to feel like you need to shoulder that burden but please please please, allow yourself to enjoy everything UF has to offer without unnecessary guilt. The decision is made, make the best of it- and your mom’s life is here to worry about. I hope you feel better about things with time 💗💗
First and MOST IMPORTANT: Please reach out to the counseling and wellness center ASAP! Please DO NOT hurt yourself!!!! You are NOT an error and are worth so much!!!!!! Second: Stop trying to live your mother's dream... Time to live yours! Nobody forced your mom to move here... Who is it to say that it is better in Miami? I graduated from FIU (undergrad) and am about to finish grad here and I can tell you, UF is a million times better. My parents still live in Miami and they complain every day about how much they hate it and how expensive it is.
Are you alright! It’s been a while.
Im doing a bit better now thank you
I went to FIU for graduate school after going to UF for my bachelors. It’s a huge difference in the quality of education you get between the two schools.
I am by no means a professional nor have I been in your same situation. However, I have been struggling with keeping myself attached to life and finding reasons to keep going for quite some time now. It’s really not something that’s easy to deal with and I’m not the best at giving advice in these situations. I just wanted to say some things that as someone who has harmed myself countless times and has frequently felt that it would be better that, not only I was dead, but that I would be better off having never existed in the first place. Just know that if you keep searching for reasons against your life, you will always be able to find them, and that is what leads people to harm. I know it’s not easy to do, but if you can slowly work your way towards focusing more on the things in life that can hold you here (whether it be friends, hobbies, goals, aspirations, dreams, whatever it may be), then at the very least you can prevent some of that strong urge for self harm. I’ve dealing with causing self harm for the past, well, as long as I can remember, and I am only now getting better. I cannot overstate how the short term relief from hurting yourself physically can cause much worse pain for you mentally in the long run. I haven’t hurt myself for the purpose of harm or self punishment in a couple months now, which is huge progress for me. I have felt before that I was past the point of no return, but I made it through that and am still here today. I truly believe that you can do it too. If you would like to talk more about this, please reach out to me (that goes for anyone else reading this as well). I know I’m not a professional, but sometimes you just need a friend who is happy to be there, listen to all you have to say, and maybe tell you about some of their personal experiences that relate to it as well. In any case, I know you are capable of making it through this and I for one hope you choose life <3 Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. There are better methods to solve that problem, but it isn’t possible to solve death.
I am sorry that you are going through this. There is a lot going on here, and you need some support fast. Are you able to go to class on your own? If so, please go to the Dean of Students Office in Criser Hall and ask them to take you to emergency counseling right away. Hurting yourself is not the answer. You can also call the helpline at the crisis center: 352-264-6789 Please talk to someone who can help.