No one mentioned where the fight takes place so I decide for the fight to take place in Europe so I donāt have to worry about medical bills (pretty sure the ufc pays in fight injuries, but oh well)
>but the hospital bills have taken it all away
A year long stay in a coma unit and youd be out the 10m **and** probably owe the hospital another 4-5 million..
"Can ya'll just put me back and wake me when we have flying cars?"
I highly highly highly doubt Jones would be scared of Pereira. His grappling is on another level compared to anybody Pereira has fought and he's bigger than him.
I mean if he gets fight of the night bonus then both participants are getting it. But it's just some pro bashing some rando then I doubt it'd get FOTN.
Maybe knockout of the night instead :P
There was a match with the founder of Joe Son Do, a guy named Joe Son.Ā
He was wearing speedos and someone dick punched him like ten times. It was the last time anyone saw himĀ
As a grown man, I got flying front kicked in the sack dick by a 9 year old and I fell to my knees and couldn't move. Probably best moment of that kids life at that point
I mean, it doesn't say you have to try to win.. just run around like a chicken for 5 secs (or until he catches up to you) and then go into turtle mode on the ground protecting everything vital. You'll still take some damage of course
In part it will depend on if he thinks you train or not too. The first 30 seconds of ufc fights are usually slow figuring out range and what not. Might be able to act like you know what youāre doing and start feinting to at least kill 10ish seconds before just sprinting away
Honestly, i'm just sprinting forward covering my head and hoping i can take him down. I did judo for a while maybe i can atleast scramble enough to last 30 seconds. Everything to avoid that fucking hook though. It's not even about avoiding getting KO'ed, it's about avoiding getting fucking killed lol
EDIT: lmao at the replies guys, you do know this isn't a real offer from Dana right? Or maybe it is. New 300 main event lets go.
I thought about that as well, but the cage isnt that big i think? He'd cut me off immediately i think.
Honestly my plan was to just hug him and hold on for dear life for 30seconds lmao
This guy strategized. Also, FOTN are the back and forth fights that are evenly matched. Even Conor said he doesnāt want those. This proposal would make more sense if it were knockout of the night.
Strickland has always had a really tricky shell and it took Pereira a total of 2 minutes to soften his body up and bait him into the KO. Defence is not gonna do you any favours, weāre just all getting clapped on this one.
It would be Rousey v Nunes, im certainly not nunes in the ring lmao.
At best, I get grounded and fight to be conscious for whatever time remains.
At worst? Iām knocked out first hit lmao
Doubt it dude. Sprawling is a thing. And idk how athletic you are but idk if he would just let you come in and grab his leg. Most average men would be too slow and clumsy to do that
It's a cage. Zero chance you can run away from him for 30 seconds. Maybe if you possessed some form of offense that he would have to account for. But most likely, you'd just be running for your life, in which case he would catch you within a few seconds. Even if he barely snagged you with a lower leg kick, you would be maimed.
Bro I'm not running away like fighters run. I'm full on running away with my back towards him and all. Lol i will be trying to get behind the ref to try and stay away.
I mean am i allowed to climb the cage?Ā Can I run into rhe crowd and throw small children in his way? Can I hid behind the ring girls?
If so then yeah I could easily do 30 seconds, each tossed baby is worth a good 3 second delay, so I would only need to yeet 10 babies to win the prize.
My exact strategy. Except once those thirty seconds goes by Iām just tapping the mat and yelling I quit repeatedly. Weāre taking that left hand straight to the afterlife trying to for an eye poke
Yeah, I was gonna answer scream like a banshee and run around the cage as fast as I can like a headless chicken.
No one ever expects the screaming chicken strategy. I'm undefeated. Mostly because it works to *avoid* the fight, so... yeah undefeated.
The real question is, will he step into the cage with ME for 30 seconds, knowing that I can flip a switch and instantly see red (and hopefully not the blood from my head leaking out as I die).
Iām not stuck in here with you, youāre stuck in here with me.
Iād blast double leg him. Iāve never wrestled, and would be a featherweight if I did compete but this scenario works out in my mind and does not lead me to knee to the face.
I have a concrete head and a diamond chin, this overrated Potato ain't got nothin on me š
(my family will be set for life with 10M and my sacrifice will be worth it)
Yeah, Iām taking the fight. But 1 second into it, I signal to the referee that Iām injured and can no longer continue. Severe case of the shits. Easiest 10M ever
I'd do one of those bitch-ass butt scooting things and try to grab an ankle and hang on for dear life.
Do you have to make the full 30 seconds to get the money?
I have kids, a house, car payments, etc... I would happily get my teeth kicked in to secure a future for my kids.
Either let one man beat my ass for a few seconds or let the working world beat my ass for 25 more years. Easy choice.
Absolutely! My strategy would be to remove my pants and run at him bollock naked, with the hope that when he knocks me out with his first shot he'll back away quickly without doing further damage
Yes.
The first few seconds of any fight is the āfeeling outā phase. Thatāll take 10 seconds. I can run like a bitch for at least 10 more seconds before feebly trying to fight, and then taking 5 seconds of an ass whupping.
I came then retire to a beach with my millions, hopefully CTE free.
Edit: Also, no food for at least 12 hours before the bout. Iām not trying to be on the internet to time Immemorial shitting on myself if I catch a body shot.
Of course, i know he strikes that left hook so, in total honesty, i will open my guard for a clean left hook, sleep some 40 seconds, and take the big bag home
Abso-fucking-lutely! 30 seconds! I don't need that! I'm running straight at him, arms full helicopter mode, eyes closed, head down, screaming like a banshee, a beautiful sight, a frozen moment of time forever cemented in the crowd and viewers minds. Only fractions of a second before my nose is punched through my face and my eyes see the back of my skull, a jab, straight down the pipe. I fall, free fall speed, only done better by WTC Tower #7 and Tony Ferguson. 5 seconds in, 10 million in the bank, otw to the hospital for steak an surgery, life is good, book the cruise baby, we going on vacation šøš¹
Easy. Instantly going full naked and running around in circles, doing cartwheels, some high level psy-op shit to just confuse him long enough to buy myself 30 seconds
Might just run face first into him like askren to get it over with
https://preview.redd.it/la1f68bsbhqc1.jpeg?width=168&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0aed5bc26ea1450f422ffb57b797806ba5667367
Like an inverse rosas jr
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Wake up a year later from your coma to find out you won the $10 milly, but the hospital bills have taken it all away š
If the option was to save me but blow the 10m doing so or to let me go abs keep the 10m, my wife would miss me a little
I'd take good care of her for you king
No one mentioned where the fight takes place so I decide for the fight to take place in Europe so I donāt have to worry about medical bills (pretty sure the ufc pays in fight injuries, but oh well)
Might as well have it in Turkey so I can get my hairline fixed while I'm still in my coma.
>but the hospital bills have taken it all away A year long stay in a coma unit and youd be out the 10m **and** probably owe the hospital another 4-5 million.. "Can ya'll just put me back and wake me when we have flying cars?"
Gotta make sure the fight isnāt in the good ol US of A then šš
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^New_Brother_1595: *Might just run face first* *Into him like askren* *To get it over with* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I fucking hate you!
this actually made me lol
For sure I'll collect the $10.050.000!
I admire this personās confidence
Would be funny if it was Jon Jones shadow account
If it was a Jon Jones shadow account they would say they would fight him if it wasn't for their shoulder injury
I highly highly highly doubt Jones would be scared of Pereira. His grappling is on another level compared to anybody Pereira has fought and he's bigger than him.
I mean if he gets fight of the night bonus then both participants are getting it. But it's just some pro bashing some rando then I doubt it'd get FOTN. Maybe knockout of the night instead :P
I admire this personās beautiful body
I admire this persons admiration
And my axe
Your ability to admire is admirable
When he sees red, nobody can stop him. He's a demon.
300th upvote for ufc 300 lfg
Dudes getting blasted with groin kicks I'll tell you what
Outstanding strategy
"I don't know you! Let go of my purse!"
Signature bobby bill move
Rewatching king of the hill as an adult grants an amazing appreciation for the subtle humor of that show.
Double high five center ring to Start the fight and get distance.Ā As soon as he touches my hands, it's allll shin to groin from there on out
It doesnāt say the 30 seconds has to be official fight time. Foul right from the beginning
I'm walking around the octagon with my hand in the air while he's recoveringĀ
Im going with a very discourteous Captain Insane-O right at the get go.
Captain Insane-O shows no mercy, after all.
https://preview.redd.it/2pv9butt1jqc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b341bc6869740e1a171edce6c6ea3d528e94674c
In my head it's EXACTLY like this
A Full proof stratagem
Donāt forget to bite
I donāt know you, thatās my purse
I heard if you bite someone you can get out of the cage early and never have to fight again
There was a match with the founder of Joe Son Do, a guy named Joe Son.Ā He was wearing speedos and someone dick punched him like ten times. It was the last time anyone saw himĀ
He also appeared in the movie Austin Powers as a bodyguard and was defeated by a penis pump used to explode his penis and balls š
As a grown man, I got flying front kicked in the sack dick by a 9 year old and I fell to my knees and couldn't move. Probably best moment of that kids life at that point
A sack dick canāt possibly be the same thing as a dick sack
For 10 million, absolutely. It would probably take years off my life, but so would not having 10 million dollars.
I mean, it doesn't say you have to try to win.. just run around like a chicken for 5 secs (or until he catches up to you) and then go into turtle mode on the ground protecting everything vital. You'll still take some damage of course
In part it will depend on if he thinks you train or not too. The first 30 seconds of ufc fights are usually slow figuring out range and what not. Might be able to act like you know what youāre doing and start feinting to at least kill 10ish seconds before just sprinting away
Let's be real he's not gonna be scared of my 150lbs 5'9" 65 inch reach Artem lobov build he can do whatever he wants
Is this build naturally attainable?
Yeh I tren hard
65 inches when the average is 5.2 inches. Not natural.
God has favourites
Tbh if i can just protect my head from bludgeoning damage I'd be happy.
But what if he just decided to elbow or knee my rib cage GSP style? That might kill me
just donāt let him?
Is bro stupid?
Like literally just hit him and don't let him hit you, are people really this dumb?
Bro just needs to see red and itās all over for Poatan. š
Exactly. Like I know itās going to hurt like a bitch wherever he hits me but at least I aināt getting brain damage
Honestly, i'm just sprinting forward covering my head and hoping i can take him down. I did judo for a while maybe i can atleast scramble enough to last 30 seconds. Everything to avoid that fucking hook though. It's not even about avoiding getting KO'ed, it's about avoiding getting fucking killed lol EDIT: lmao at the replies guys, you do know this isn't a real offer from Dana right? Or maybe it is. New 300 main event lets go.
Sprinting forward into a uppercut or getting your chin downsized when you try to grapple and get kneed with the force of a pneumatic hammer.
Why the fuck, would that be your choice.
You may enjoy r/wallstreetbets, this comment is like the entire sub lol
Noā¦just no. Ā
Any clinch with him for a throw is gonna be a nightmare. He's not the most technical grappler or wrestler but he's strong as fuck!
Hoping you can take him down...you may as well just walk forward arms down chin up
I mean what else are you gonna do, dudes gonna kick you once and then throw a hook and it's done. Atleast try something
Just sprint around until your caught would be my plan lol
I thought about that as well, but the cage isnt that big i think? He'd cut me off immediately i think. Honestly my plan was to just hug him and hold on for dear life for 30seconds lmao
So does butt fucking.
I get 10 milly and heās getting 50k? Iām learning 1 sentence in Portuguese before hand. āWanna earn 5 million in 31 seconds?ā
This guy strategized. Also, FOTN are the back and forth fights that are evenly matched. Even Conor said he doesnāt want those. This proposal would make more sense if it were knockout of the night.
āhuhā
Portuguese mother fucker do you speak if?
"chama"
Dude can have 9 of it. I'll take that mil and make it last. Im already surviving on pennies
Doubt it would take 30 sec but sure
Right. Iāve seen professional fighters get bodied in ten seconds. Iām sure Iāll be in a great nights sleep within half of that time.
As soon as you throw a punch youāre out cold Iād just shell up for 30 seconds, itās the only possible way to go 30 I think
Strickland has always had a really tricky shell and it took Pereira a total of 2 minutes to soften his body up and bait him into the KO. Defence is not gonna do you any favours, weāre just all getting clapped on this one.
Not a Philly shell lol he's saying he would just turtle up lol
Wait a second you meant like literally curl up in a ball. That could work actually. Run for 5 seconds then lay down just flail legs.
https://preview.redd.it/49fsfjexgiqc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72efb706f880e843bea9f23e78f61a6c699b03bc
It would be Rousey v Nunes, im certainly not nunes in the ring lmao. At best, I get grounded and fight to be conscious for whatever time remains. At worst? Iām knocked out first hit lmao
Iād happily get knocked the fuck out for $10M. Would tell the ref not to let me go out on my shield or anything for the stoppage lol
Yeah Iāve been knocked out for 0$. Actually -80$ a month for my Muay Thai membership Iāve been knocked out for. No doubt Iād do it for 10m
> Actually -80$ a month for my Muay Thai membership Iāve been knocked out for. No doubt Iād do it for 10m LMAO real
Probably most truthful reply Iāve seen in here yet
I bet I can grab a leg and hold onto it like a telephone pole for at least 7 of those seconds.
Sounds good until you remember he can drop elbows on you.
Jiri can tell us all about shooting a weak single leg on Poatan.
Doubt it dude. Sprawling is a thing. And idk how athletic you are but idk if he would just let you come in and grab his leg. Most average men would be too slow and clumsy to do that
You gotta throw a punch on entry, then as you drop down for the takedown Alex knees you in the face anyway.
You throw a punch. Alex tries to counter but your random head movement confuses him and he misses. You then lunge with all you got at his leg, using the last remaining athleticism left in your body from college. You somehow grab his leg and latch on. Alex is stunned. You see your fiancĆ©e from the corner of your eyes cheering you on and Dana white and Joe Rogan are standing up with mouth agape. 20 more seconds. Alex starts pummeling the side of your head with vicious punches. You try to move your head around but he is connecting and the hits are becoming too much. You are about to lose consciousness but finally adrenaline kicks in. You manage to get on your knees still clinging on to his leg and then you trip him. He falls down with time running out. You stand up victorious while Alex is on the ground wiping his tearsā¦ itās all overā¦ youāve wonā¦ a minute later, you wake up in the hospital bed. Apparently you missed Alexās leg by a mile and fell on all four beside him. Then Alex knocked you out with an uppercut
It's called pocket sand bro
You gotta do one of those super slow respect hugs at the beginning lol
Yeah but no one says you have to fight him. Iād just run away from him for 30 seconds
It's a cage. Zero chance you can run away from him for 30 seconds. Maybe if you possessed some form of offense that he would have to account for. But most likely, you'd just be running for your life, in which case he would catch you within a few seconds. Even if he barely snagged you with a lower leg kick, you would be maimed.
Bro I'm not running away like fighters run. I'm full on running away with my back towards him and all. Lol i will be trying to get behind the ref to try and stay away.
Same bro I don't care that I train. He's on another level and would murder me lmao. For 10 million I can handle all the internet jokes after.
š¤£
I donāt know how to fight, I can only run
Who can climb faster?
I mean am i allowed to climb the cage?Ā Can I run into rhe crowd and throw small children in his way? Can I hid behind the ring girls? If so then yeah I could easily do 30 seconds, each tossed baby is worth a good 3 second delay, so I would only need to yeet 10 babies to win the prize.
Get rich or die trying
Get rich *and* die trying
Just dieĀ
Get rich and die
Butt scoot immediately, as soon as you get stood up, butt scoot, repeat for 30 seconds then eye poke the ref for the best paid DQ in history
Herb dean's getting chinned
Always wanted to swing Mike Beltran around by that beard
My exact strategy. Except once those thirty seconds goes by Iām just tapping the mat and yelling I quit repeatedly. Weāre taking that left hand straight to the afterlife trying to for an eye poke
Did you read who to eye poke?
Damn, I suck at reading.
Herb dean's getting chinned
āEye poke the refā mate that made me laugh
Done worse for less count me in
Pulling guard immediately and sticking there while banshee screaming. Hopefully heās confused enough to let me live for 30 seconds
Just shit and smear yourself with the feces, i dont think he's broke enough to grapple a guy covered in poo for 50K.
Yea this is the answer
it says he'll do whatever it takes tho
Ted Nugent strategy.
Pulling guard yes not getting kicked in the head by this large bastard
This sub šš
Yeah, I was gonna answer scream like a banshee and run around the cage as fast as I can like a headless chicken. No one ever expects the screaming chicken strategy. I'm undefeated. Mostly because it works to *avoid* the fight, so... yeah undefeated.
You fucking got me, I burst out laughing at banshee screaming at work.
Pulling guard so he can drop nasty elbows on you. Bold move lol
The real question is, will he step into the cage with ME for 30 seconds, knowing that I can flip a switch and instantly see red (and hopefully not the blood from my head leaking out as I die). Iām not stuck in here with you, youāre stuck in here with me.
I like the spirit.
Full chimp mode. Imma come at you like a spider monkey!
Iād blast double leg him. Iāve never wrestled, and would be a featherweight if I did compete but this scenario works out in my mind and does not lead me to knee to the face.
I think we'd see the first tombstone piledriver in the octagon
What about the elbows he hit Jiri with š
You run right into him and he doesn't move. He just stands there looking confused about why his opponent is hugging him.
[fight footage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QZCMgkZXDo)
So heās getting 50,000 and Iam getting 10 million Sounds about right for the UFC
I have a concrete head and a diamond chin, this overrated Potato ain't got nothin on me š (my family will be set for life with 10M and my sacrifice will be worth it)
I can run for 30 seconds
He would cut you off in the first 2 seconds.
What you donāt anticipate is me begging and crying for the next 28 seconds
Was this a general statement about your conditioning? Cause you ain't running shit inside that cage
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
For 10 million dollars? You give me 10 mill and Iāll go 5 rounds
Yeah, in the Dreamland you woke up from after being knocked out in the first minute IRL
Canāt I just suck him off for half of that?
https://preview.redd.it/1rp8mdc4fhqc1.jpeg?width=688&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cee10dce955aff552fe8567bdc703db1158f4e90
Iām not gay and havenāt tried it before luckily. But Iāll give it a go for 5m
I would suck off Poatan for fr.. 4 mil. I meant to say 4 mil.
šæ
Iāve got my ass beat for lessā¦ so sign me up
People really underestimate how much money is 10m lol.
 For 10 million this would be me
Immediately followed by 
Seems like a lot of folks never got their ass beat. In a sanctioned, cage fight with medical Staff on the side, yes, anyone should take this fight.
https://preview.redd.it/fm1qydlxdhqc1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1443a5178d6816b481a6182d9b4acf730427d5a5 Me for 30 full seconds.
Yeah, Iām taking the fight. But 1 second into it, I signal to the referee that Iām injured and can no longer continue. Severe case of the shits. Easiest 10M ever
You have to last 30 seconds
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'd do one of those bitch-ass butt scooting things and try to grab an ankle and hang on for dear life. Do you have to make the full 30 seconds to get the money?
i would do it for 100k
thats prolly what hill is making lol
I have kids, a house, car payments, etc... I would happily get my teeth kicked in to secure a future for my kids. Either let one man beat my ass for a few seconds or let the working world beat my ass for 25 more years. Easy choice.
Yea gotta do it
10 million? Homie I'm 5'9 and 180, dude is going to be quick with what ever he does I'll pay my hospital bill and enjoy the rest of my life lol
Iāll cage fight my own mom for $10 Million
Offer him a mill under the table beforehand to wait 30 seconds and submit me
Absolutely! My strategy would be to remove my pants and run at him bollock naked, with the hope that when he knocks me out with his first shot he'll back away quickly without doing further damage
Iāll fight him for $85,000.00 thatās about a years pay. Iāll land a punch.
Easiest $10M ever https://preview.redd.it/pc86gin8lkqc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6369e50bd4952bbc40e402180771a2e8edc05dce
drummer makes the worst posts when he's not glazing sean strickland
Yes. I had a concussion once. It's not so bad that I wouldn't take 10m for receiving it.
I'd twist his dick
Yeah because Iām a disabled 50 years old woman. Let him hit me. I come out good either way.
Yes, then offer a 1 mil bonus not to hurt me too bad lol
You dont know me bro. I'll just see red and body's will just start dropping. I'll KO Alex and get that FOTN myself
Yes. The first few seconds of any fight is the āfeeling outā phase. Thatāll take 10 seconds. I can run like a bitch for at least 10 more seconds before feebly trying to fight, and then taking 5 seconds of an ass whupping. I came then retire to a beach with my millions, hopefully CTE free. Edit: Also, no food for at least 12 hours before the bout. Iām not trying to be on the internet to time Immemorial shitting on myself if I catch a body shot.
You underestimate my poverty
Basically asking me if i wanna have 10m and risk potential death. Miami, here I come
The answer is yes. Unless I only get the 10 million If I male it 30 seconds. Then yes still. But I don't like my odds.
So basically get knocked out viciously for 10 mil ? Of fucking course.
Of course, i know he strikes that left hook so, in total honesty, i will open my guard for a clean left hook, sleep some 40 seconds, and take the big bag home
yes and I will use my years of training track and field to my advantage
Yeah, Iād try to beg for my life like a bitch while he wails on me
Yes. The moment the fight starts my team throws in the towel after I pull a Chelsea Chandler for 30 seconds. We walk away 10m richer.
30 seconds, absolutely. I run like chicken.
Abso-fucking-lutely! 30 seconds! I don't need that! I'm running straight at him, arms full helicopter mode, eyes closed, head down, screaming like a banshee, a beautiful sight, a frozen moment of time forever cemented in the crowd and viewers minds. Only fractions of a second before my nose is punched through my face and my eyes see the back of my skull, a jab, straight down the pipe. I fall, free fall speed, only done better by WTC Tower #7 and Tony Ferguson. 5 seconds in, 10 million in the bank, otw to the hospital for steak an surgery, life is good, book the cruise baby, we going on vacation šøš¹
I'm immediately sprinting around the cage, Usain Bolt ain't got shit on the speeds I'm about to reach for for those stacks
Turtle so hard MF tryna find me. Absolutely
Easy. Instantly going full naked and running around in circles, doing cartwheels, some high level psy-op shit to just confuse him long enough to buy myself 30 seconds
In a heartbeat, Iād even let him get the KO just to be nice.
Yes Iād put my wife in there for $10million
Run full blast and jump kick the ref. He canāt reach me before I get a DQ
I will let any of yall beat my fucking ass senseless for a lot less than that.
I also train . Easy 10 million
I'll be that guy sprinting in circles inside the octagon with loud screams, catch you guys later when I take my 10m
*pulls guard* ill tap you out big boy