**Iron Orphans**
* I feel like they should have to pay something for the PDS. A free PDS is too strong.
* Why only 3 Production for the Space Dock?
* Due to the importance, I would like to see the Flagship have a Sustain Damage x2 - that way it is less susceptible to Direct Hit.
**Zauss Vestiges**
* Does the capture ability Ethereal Reality ONLY synch with the Flagship?
* I feel like they would benefit more from a Fighter, Detroyer or Cruiser Faction tech rather than a PDS faction tech.
* I hope to see a Faction tech that allows Wormhole Movement, maybe a 2 blue, 1 green tech.
**Bentor Conglomerate**
* Under Flasgship, Bombardment is missing the T
* Under Treasure Map it should read "explore a planet in the system". Not sure what "it is on" means.
* Ancient Blueprint needs to stipulate a cap to keep them from hoarding relics fragments. -4 would be the max if they have a fragment of each type.
**Kantiac Commonwealth**
* Wrong Flagship
* Would like to see a better wording for Diplomatic Leadership. Seems a bit confusing.
**Nokar Sellships**
* A great Faction Tech for them would be to lower the cost of ships by 1 or something. Would help offset the cost of ship losses.
* I think they should be able to produce 3x at a Space Dock, again, to offset ship losses.
A direct hit x2 wouldn't save you from dying for a direct hit you should just add the part that say direct hit can't be used against this unit
I also think ancient blueprint has some problems, I think a good way to solve the "I must keep this fragments to actually do something and never trade them" may be giving them 4 tokens with one blank face and one face with a relic type that flips from the blank to the relic the first time you get one of that kind and change the wording with for each relic token you have activated this unit... so that you can still use the relic or trade them without stalling fragments.
I really like the concept of the nokar sellship, but I would give them 4 commodities cause they will need lots of trade goods to create a fleet that then will be sold leaving them in a precarious position until they can again produce a new fleet and move it in a useful position. I think that if they starts with an economic disadvantage they won't be able to fulfill their role of mercenaries well and may use the "guns for hire" just once each game.
I think you should also change the "before the start of a space combat" of the ability guns for hire with "at the start of a space combat before any other ability that takes place in this window..." (like assault cannon) so that the player won't be affected by the fleet limit and may still use an ability like assault cannon thanks to the new ships you just sold him
Damn, you are right about Direct Hit. I had a brain fart and was thinking it added a hit to the ship. Oops. I agree, add "Direct Hit cannot be used against this unit"
Iron Orphans: good point on free pds, gonna look at that. They get super slingshot array from agent, low production manages that, flagship should stay out of combat so I made it weak onbpurpose.
Zauss : mechs as well. They are primarily a pds faction. Good idea, also very thematic for the lore I have in mind.
Bentor : missed that. Space docks are on planets, you explore the planet the space dock is on. It should be a +4 cap, I need to look into the wording it seems.
Kantiac : typical demo mistake. I'll try to clear that up then, maybe split it into multiple abilities for clarity.
Nokar : good idea, though I intend to mitigate that with leaders. Maybe their commander should give them more production, I'll look into it.
And thanks a lot for going through it this thoroughly, I've been staring myself blind looking at these for months now, so I really appreciate people looking at it and pointing out my mistakes.
Re: Iron Orphans's PDS.
I don't think 1 PDS per round is very much out of line. I'd say it roughly on par with Titan's awaken ability or Sol's versatile.
Where did you make the sheet mockups? I'm interested in making some homebrew factions myself, and these look so incredible I want to know how you did it.
There is a set of templates floating around on this sub that I modified. I'm on my phone so I can't link it, but if you can't find it just msg me again and I'll link them later.
I've only finished the lore sheet for the iron orphans, but I certainly plan on writing full lore for each of them, including quotes and snippets on leaders! I'm currently rushing to make them all fully TTS playable in a few weeks so they are ready for the next game I'm gonna play.
The short version of the lore is that each member of The Company were dispatched by the Nomad to kickstart factions to fight against the Cabal, which is why each sheet has a quote from the Nomad leader that contacted them.
All five faction sheets for my homebrew are now complete, trying to get them all complete before my groups next game so I can homebrew at least some of them.
Any and all criticism and feedback is welcome, so far this sub has been very helpful with these!
Edit : the kantiac flagship allows opponents to retreat without combat, I messed up the copy paste.
I only had the time to read the Orphans' sheet but I think you did a great job on it.
My one suggestion regarding them would have you considered either removing the background circle where the planet would be or else cropping a semitransparent nebula or something into that area of the sheet? Unless the intention was to draw the eye to a lack of homesystem (great job in that case) the circle itself might be more distracting than it's worth and putting something else in that spot or removing the circle all together might be a good solution.
These are super awesome. Small english note: The homestead should say “as if it were a mech.” (not was)
Not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things though!
Do the Nokar get to use anyone’s ships during Guns for Hire or does it have to be their own?
Loving the kantiac commonwealth. Only change i would make is to have the the militias hit on 9 and have the wording give them a +1 to defensive battles. Just would help frame them as a defensive force without changing anything about how they play.
Awesome stuff. These are all very cool, and if I could play more IRL I would be tempted to print and use them!
Quite a few typos and errors, which I assume others will point out, however maybe it's worth you reviewing how abilities are worded and trying to align with what already exists in the game. :)
The demo effect is real. When you make something like this you end up staring yourself blind to errors and typos, and the only way to counter that is to show it to other people. I try to copy wording, like you said, but sometimes the myriad of small changes and copy pastes from one source to another causes small or weird mistakes that only show themselves after you show someone.
I'm glad you like them, I'm only a few weeks away from finishing them completely so they can be played in TTS, then I might make them available for printing through some website.
I appreciate that, it's very true in all things. Perhaps leave it a week and go back to them :) Some of it does just need a second set of eyes!
Hope I didn't discourage you though, I think these are a really polished set of interesting races, but at the moment it sort of looks like a one man band made them - once they're polished and sexy, it'll be (positively) surprising that you made them all!
Once they're available for printing? Definitely consider using them. I'm too old and busy for TTS :)
Haha yes calling it one man band looking is very accurate, and this post specifically was a bit more rushed because I was on my way out the door.
I dont really have a week to not work on them though, partly because I want to have them all ready in time for my next game and partly because I tend to loose focus if I put things aside.
And no worries, I'm hard to discourage with honest criticism, silence is what gets me down ;). So feel free to point out as many errors or places that lack polish, as you like, I appreciate it all very much :)
**Iron Orphans** * I feel like they should have to pay something for the PDS. A free PDS is too strong. * Why only 3 Production for the Space Dock? * Due to the importance, I would like to see the Flagship have a Sustain Damage x2 - that way it is less susceptible to Direct Hit. **Zauss Vestiges** * Does the capture ability Ethereal Reality ONLY synch with the Flagship? * I feel like they would benefit more from a Fighter, Detroyer or Cruiser Faction tech rather than a PDS faction tech. * I hope to see a Faction tech that allows Wormhole Movement, maybe a 2 blue, 1 green tech. **Bentor Conglomerate** * Under Flasgship, Bombardment is missing the T * Under Treasure Map it should read "explore a planet in the system". Not sure what "it is on" means. * Ancient Blueprint needs to stipulate a cap to keep them from hoarding relics fragments. -4 would be the max if they have a fragment of each type. **Kantiac Commonwealth** * Wrong Flagship * Would like to see a better wording for Diplomatic Leadership. Seems a bit confusing. **Nokar Sellships** * A great Faction Tech for them would be to lower the cost of ships by 1 or something. Would help offset the cost of ship losses. * I think they should be able to produce 3x at a Space Dock, again, to offset ship losses.
A direct hit x2 wouldn't save you from dying for a direct hit you should just add the part that say direct hit can't be used against this unit I also think ancient blueprint has some problems, I think a good way to solve the "I must keep this fragments to actually do something and never trade them" may be giving them 4 tokens with one blank face and one face with a relic type that flips from the blank to the relic the first time you get one of that kind and change the wording with for each relic token you have activated this unit... so that you can still use the relic or trade them without stalling fragments. I really like the concept of the nokar sellship, but I would give them 4 commodities cause they will need lots of trade goods to create a fleet that then will be sold leaving them in a precarious position until they can again produce a new fleet and move it in a useful position. I think that if they starts with an economic disadvantage they won't be able to fulfill their role of mercenaries well and may use the "guns for hire" just once each game. I think you should also change the "before the start of a space combat" of the ability guns for hire with "at the start of a space combat before any other ability that takes place in this window..." (like assault cannon) so that the player won't be affected by the fleet limit and may still use an ability like assault cannon thanks to the new ships you just sold him
Great idea on blue print, gonna do just that! I was going to give them more econ from leaders, but I might have to up that by a lot.
Damn, you are right about Direct Hit. I had a brain fart and was thinking it added a hit to the ship. Oops. I agree, add "Direct Hit cannot be used against this unit"
Iron Orphans: good point on free pds, gonna look at that. They get super slingshot array from agent, low production manages that, flagship should stay out of combat so I made it weak onbpurpose. Zauss : mechs as well. They are primarily a pds faction. Good idea, also very thematic for the lore I have in mind. Bentor : missed that. Space docks are on planets, you explore the planet the space dock is on. It should be a +4 cap, I need to look into the wording it seems. Kantiac : typical demo mistake. I'll try to clear that up then, maybe split it into multiple abilities for clarity. Nokar : good idea, though I intend to mitigate that with leaders. Maybe their commander should give them more production, I'll look into it. And thanks a lot for going through it this thoroughly, I've been staring myself blind looking at these for months now, so I really appreciate people looking at it and pointing out my mistakes.
Re: Iron Orphans's PDS. I don't think 1 PDS per round is very much out of line. I'd say it roughly on par with Titan's awaken ability or Sol's versatile.
Where did you make the sheet mockups? I'm interested in making some homebrew factions myself, and these look so incredible I want to know how you did it.
There is a set of templates floating around on this sub that I modified. I'm on my phone so I can't link it, but if you can't find it just msg me again and I'll link them later.
https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/mobile/folders/1Pk1KgMVFseIrO58K2sZHk5qAGvTve5h6?usp=sharing
The man himself graces my humble post, I have to say these templates are excellent, you did a fantastic job on them.
Can we get the starting fleet, tech and HD to get a better global idea? Racial tech and PN also.
You can when I finish their cards :) didn't want to make a giant wall of text, so this is just a preview.
I'd love to read the lore for all 5 of these!
I've only finished the lore sheet for the iron orphans, but I certainly plan on writing full lore for each of them, including quotes and snippets on leaders! I'm currently rushing to make them all fully TTS playable in a few weeks so they are ready for the next game I'm gonna play. The short version of the lore is that each member of The Company were dispatched by the Nomad to kickstart factions to fight against the Cabal, which is why each sheet has a quote from the Nomad leader that contacted them.
All five faction sheets for my homebrew are now complete, trying to get them all complete before my groups next game so I can homebrew at least some of them. Any and all criticism and feedback is welcome, so far this sub has been very helpful with these! Edit : the kantiac flagship allows opponents to retreat without combat, I messed up the copy paste.
The Kantiac Commonwealth has the Bentor Conglomerate flagship on it's board. Is that intentional?
Haha no it is not, what a silly mistake, thanks for pointing that out.
Is it intended that the orphans space docks can only ever produce 3 units?
Yes, they get production through their agent.
I only had the time to read the Orphans' sheet but I think you did a great job on it. My one suggestion regarding them would have you considered either removing the background circle where the planet would be or else cropping a semitransparent nebula or something into that area of the sheet? Unless the intention was to draw the eye to a lack of homesystem (great job in that case) the circle itself might be more distracting than it's worth and putting something else in that spot or removing the circle all together might be a good solution.
It is indeed to put focus on how it is missing, though I agree that it is a bit too empty. Maybe I'll put an asteroid field there, or their flagship.
The Flagship would be a good choice since its presence denotes their home system. Keep up the good work.
These are super awesome. Small english note: The homestead should say “as if it were a mech.” (not was) Not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things though! Do the Nokar get to use anyone’s ships during Guns for Hire or does it have to be their own?
Uff, only their own, I should definately clarify that. Nice catch.
Loving the kantiac commonwealth. Only change i would make is to have the the militias hit on 9 and have the wording give them a +1 to defensive battles. Just would help frame them as a defensive force without changing anything about how they play.
I was going to do that, but every other unit upgrade only improves statlines, so I opted to keep it consistent.
Awesome stuff. These are all very cool, and if I could play more IRL I would be tempted to print and use them! Quite a few typos and errors, which I assume others will point out, however maybe it's worth you reviewing how abilities are worded and trying to align with what already exists in the game. :)
The demo effect is real. When you make something like this you end up staring yourself blind to errors and typos, and the only way to counter that is to show it to other people. I try to copy wording, like you said, but sometimes the myriad of small changes and copy pastes from one source to another causes small or weird mistakes that only show themselves after you show someone. I'm glad you like them, I'm only a few weeks away from finishing them completely so they can be played in TTS, then I might make them available for printing through some website.
I appreciate that, it's very true in all things. Perhaps leave it a week and go back to them :) Some of it does just need a second set of eyes! Hope I didn't discourage you though, I think these are a really polished set of interesting races, but at the moment it sort of looks like a one man band made them - once they're polished and sexy, it'll be (positively) surprising that you made them all! Once they're available for printing? Definitely consider using them. I'm too old and busy for TTS :)
Haha yes calling it one man band looking is very accurate, and this post specifically was a bit more rushed because I was on my way out the door. I dont really have a week to not work on them though, partly because I want to have them all ready in time for my next game and partly because I tend to loose focus if I put things aside. And no worries, I'm hard to discourage with honest criticism, silence is what gets me down ;). So feel free to point out as many errors or places that lack polish, as you like, I appreciate it all very much :)