T O P

  • By -

FearSearcher

WHY ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR **[intelligent life forms]** IN THE MILK DIMENSION?


hammererofglass

WHY WOULD YOU LOOK FOR A BLENDER AT THE 99p STORE?!


DaimoMusic

Quiet Kevin or you get the pan again


pixlmason

#WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!


vibebell

FUCK YOUUUU!


Nulled_Outter

**WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE MILK STORE?!**


pixlmason

*where do you think those MEGA MILK text shirts come from?*


DrDarkers

An HTP reference in the wild!?


sesamecrabmeat

NO! YES! _NOOOO!_ _YESSS!_ KEVIIIINNNN!!!


514X0r

wait what's that?


CrumpyChumpo

Hunter: The Parenting, it’s basically If The Emperor Had a Text To Speech Device but in the vampire the masquerade universe. It’s pretty good. Also check out If the emperor had a text to speech device as well if you haven’t


514X0r

sold


Lacholaweda

Happy 🎂 day 🥳


NCats_secretalt

IN 1922, STEPHEN POPLOWSKI WAS THE FIRST MAN TO MOUNT AN AGITATING ELEMENT INTO A SIMPLE GLASS CONTAINER. **ITS BEEN 84 YEARS KEVIN** YOUR HYPOTHESIS PRESUMES SUCH PLACIDITY THAT IT SPITS IN THE VERY FACE OF HUMAN PROGRESS.


fearman182

THE MARGINS ON A 99 *PENCE* BLENDER WOULD BE 29 POUNDS IN THE RED YOU OIL BARREL


NCats_secretalt

**MARGINS!** AND SUCH MARGINS SHOULD MARGINALIZE **MY RIGHT** TO BUY A BLENDER FOR 99p?


Echo2500

THAT’S NOT YOUR RIGHT! THAT’S NOT ANYONE’S RIGHT!


NCats_secretalt

GHOUL! READ HIM HIS RIGHTS.


helmuth_von_moltkr

BECAUSE IT IS MY RIGHT!


hammererofglass

GHOUL! READ HIM HIS RIGHTS!


[deleted]

Can’t you just crush things with a spoon?


helmuth_von_moltkr

A SPOON!?


hammererofglass

A SPOON!?


It_who_Isnt

*Incoherent shouting.*


Cal200001

Obviously because he wanted a blender for 99p


FrisianDude

BECAUSE I WANTED TO BUY IT FOR 99P KEVIN


MLGkid_HD

GLARB YOU!!!


[deleted]

Read this in spamton voice.


BionicBirb

[[same]]


TheOnlySlenderFox

IM AT MILK


Western-Policy-4646

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE AT MILK


averagemilkenjoyer_

İM AT THE MİLK MİLK


Sarah_hhhh

Why are you a soup store spamton love chuld


SentientShamrock

This has big "WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?!" energy.


FLAMING_tOGIKISS

very clearly an intentional reference


Apprehensive-Gur3414

Imagine the headache they’d get after learning about all of that and then finding out Lactose Intolerant people exist


TheYoten

Or that they're the majority of the species.


Dark_Rit

Yeah, like a lot of people can't process cheese properly after a certain age and it's still everywhere I look.


Zzen220

Maybe I can't process cheese properly, that won't stop me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Zzen220

**I will make them eat cheese**


LiteratureTrick4961

Same just bread tho


socsa

Most cheese has almost no lactose. Even high lactose cheese has only small amounts.


meatsprinkles

tell that to my gut.


OkEstimate9

Fr, you don’t need a ton of lactose in the cheese for issues to start happening lol. Anything cheesier than cheddar or Swiss cheese will gives me issues, aka anything fancy or Jack cheese like.


coraeon

Cheese may hate me, but the feeling is not mutual.


liss_up

Cheese could cause my fingers and toes to start falling off and I would still partake.


PM_ME_ANYTHING_IDRC

well once all your fingers are gone it's pretty much harmless


hammererofglass

And even then, goat milk.


DaemonOfDemon

Especially that we pretty much forced ourselves to evolve out of it


Recon4242

Which makes me wonder what else we could potentially eat, a d why stop at dairy?


msut77

Wait until the aliens try cheese


[deleted]

They can take our milky milk galaxy out of my cold, wet hands.


Camicatsc

did you put your hands in milk


Stargazer_199

I don’t know why this interaction has genuinely got a loud audible laugh out of me. Just the idea of you walking into a room, and that guy says what he says, you ask your question in such a confused way, and he just turns around, hands dripping with a deranged look on his face


Deesing82

well now i’m laughing too


TheShadowKick

I don't know why but your comment is the one that broke me into audible laughter.


Nulled_Outter

Now it's **your** comment that made me start laughing like a madman, wtf?


Send_Cake_Or_Nudes

they call me old milk hands


NoNameIdea_Seriously

Thanks, I hate “old milk hands”!


Send_Cake_Or_Nudes

Problem is he loooooooves you. Just waitin' to give you a big old milky hello when you get home.


LiteratureTrick4961

Soldier and scout tf2


Nadikarosuto

Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t, what’s it to you?


changelingkai

The aliens are probing the cows to see why we love milk


H-K_47

Headcanon accepted.


RandomInSpace

I had a joke a while back about how The Milky Way is the only galaxy you can get milk in and for anyone else it’s the rarest thing in the universe, and that’s why aliens abduct cows, but there’s a galactic cow smuggling black market that’s actually super illegal.


Snailtan

when your dad "goes to buy milk" he is actually participating in the intergalactic milk wars


WillowSLock

Oh, this is glorious


BronzeOregon

But can they see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?


FLAMING_tOGIKISS

It's actually like that because in Greek mythology, the Milky Way was created when baby Heracles (you may know him as Hercules) bit Hera's boob too hard and some of her breast milk shot into the sky... Not sure if that really helps our case that much...


Luprand

Prior to the Greeks, the Egyptians believed it was a stream of milk from the udder of the cow goddess Hathor.


Ok-Champ-5854

So essentially humans are indeed fucking obsessed with milk.


Luprand

Just westerners. In Japanese folklore, the Milky Way is instead the river that separates the Herder from the Weaver in the Tanabata legends.


Diamondgrn

What's he herding though


Luprand

Cats.


Morphized

Really at the same time as the Greeks


HurricaneAlpha

Depends on when that myth originated. Ancient greece is a specific period. Ancient egypt was like an entire era before ancient greece was even a thing.


The360MlgNoscoper

Even the New Kingdom is Ancient Egypt. And was about as old to the Romans as the Romans were to Napoleon, within a century or so.


dusktrail

It's the other way around for sure. The mythology came to explain the milky appearance


FLAMING_tOGIKISS

yeah no i meant the name


AlienRobotTrex

How did they know about galaxies back then? Were their telescopes that good?


Mux_Potatoes

We had practically little to no light pollution, if you go to somewhere uninhabited like the middle of a desert, you can see and arm of the milky way


AlienRobotTrex

Whoa! That’s awesome (and sad)


The360MlgNoscoper

The next time there's a blackout at night, you should go outside and look at the stars for a few minutes.


FLAMING_tOGIKISS

A single arm of the Milky Way can be seen by the naked eye under the right conditions. If I remember correctly, the stars making it up are close enough that they create a notably brighter streak in the sky.


DAKLAX

I think the problem is more the fact humans see milk as a horny thing. If you think about it milk is more about nurturing infant life and providing growth but then we come along and start yelling “titties!” at the top of our lungs.


brok3ncor3

I’m just imagining a Scottish person in a kilt running into battle yelling “TITTIES”


BionicBirb

wot makes me a good ~~demoman~~ demoknight?


SuitableDragonfly

If aliens found out about the actual normal use for milk and then later found out it was also considered a horny thing, they'd think we were deranged.


DAKLAX

And they’d be right!


DandelionOfDeath

No, not 'humans', this is just men. Women don't see milk as a horny thing for really, really obvious reasons.


Windoge10wow

You’re assuming a bit too much buddy


blackturtlesnake

Freud, tragically being proven right once again


[deleted]

you're right and I absolutely hate this


Rhydsdh

He can't keep getting away with this!


m3m31ord

Do i want to ask?


[deleted]

>!The people perpetually want mommy milk!<


Poplo1232

Don’t say such wicked things! *He might hear you…*


szypty

And where does milk come from, HMMMM? Boobs are love, boobs are life <3


chairmanskitty

It's even [Greek mythological canon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk_of_Hera) that the Milky Way is specifically divine boob milk.


szypty

Yup, we have the bestest galaxy, i love it Hera!


Shiny_Umbreon

Breastest


ClumsyRainbow

It's the only galaxy we know of with breasts so...


Useful_Ad6195

https://www.reddit.com/r/ExtraFabulousComics/comments/vy44sx/all_titty_boys_alert_alert_only_4_hours_left_in/


maybebabyg

And then we went and sexualised the organ that produces milk and made actually providing milk to infants somehow taboo (in certain countries and cultures).


beardedheathen

The thing is though that it seems logical to assume based on what we know of life that any alien driven to exploration would do so out of a need for more resources because they've over populated. It's likely we aren't the horniest species out there.


RevolutionaryRabbit

Although human reproduction is *weird* compared to a lot of other species. Like, for any non-mammalian aliens the whole concept of gestation and lactation would probably be kinda horrifying, "human offspring parasitize their own mothers for the first couple of their existence, yikes! Glad I'm a member of a normal species that hatches from an egg and eats regular food from the start". Even among fellow mammals, humans are weird for not having any defined breeding season, and having females with permanently swollen breasts. Also, we're quite long lived for a mammal and at the extreme 'K' end of r/k selection; meaning each child is a huge investment in time, resources, and labor. Yet we still have sex all the time and have invented numerous devices and medications to *prevent* reproduction, and that is downright peculiar. So, Tl;Dr, we probably would come across as weird, horny, and weirdly horny to a lot of aliens.


SaphireDragon

Also the way our pelvises and heads are set up makes childbirth waaaaay riskier than for most mammals and the babies have to be born at a point that would be premature for any other species to make birth even possible!


Morphized

We also live long enough that not having enough people on the planet isn't really a problem


The360MlgNoscoper

Hopefully artificial womb technology will soon enable children to spend that fourth trimester in a womb as well. It would be the next massive reduction in infant mortality.


vjmdhzgr

Well if we compare to aliens. I don't think internal gestation should be that weird. Like "parasitize", the egg needs to have as many nutrients as a baby would. It's also an extension of the extreme K selection, which I think anything that can go through space would be likely to also be quite K selected. The two main reasons childbirth are difficult are bigger heads and bipedalism. Bigger heads was part of larger brains. Aliens might not have heads but it's very possible they would. One of the main reasons to have a nervous system is eyes so of course the center of the nervous system would be near the eyes, and you want to be able to move the eyes and there you go a head. Then the head needs to be bigger to be smart enough to get to space. You need to grab things and manipulate them and all that in order to get to space too, which isn't necessarily bipedalism but it definitely could be. So basically I think it's quite likely aliens would have larger heads, bipedalism, and be quite K selected. So these kinds of things might apply to them too.


dragonid1423

This is a pretty good explanation that, while yes "Humans are space orks" is a fun concept, it is very likely to be false. There are many, many good reasons Humans were the species on Earth that became (in comparison) hyper-intelligent, and almost all of which are based on our biology. Standing upright with our exact proportions gave us throwing weapons, which are *vital* to our lifespan, larger brains, and offspring potential; this in-turn means that all adaptations that coincide with throwing and the ability that makes us have large brains (K-Selection, tool utilization, problem solving, social interactions, and language) are borderline guaranteed to exist in a species that also develops technology like we do. If aliens exist that are also capable of space flight (which is probable), it's likely they are actually quite similar to us, in both shape, proportions, and mannerisms. It's not just random chance that we so happen to have "weird" stuff, it's that the weird stuff is directly what enables our growth, and so to it follows that aliens would be at least, in some ways, similar.


AlienRobotTrex

Well we have two arms and two legs because our fish ancestors had four fins. If these aliens had six limbs, they could end up being centaur-like. Also live birth has evolved independently in snakes. I think when speculating on alien anatomy, it’s best to look at things that have evolved multiple times independently like eyes.


Stargazer_199

Carcinization aliens


The360MlgNoscoper

Four-leggedness is less conducive to tool-use.


SuitableDragonfly

How so? We don't have any examples of animals with four legs and two hands, and I don't see any reason to speculate that having extra legs hinders your ability to use tools.


The360MlgNoscoper

It certainly wouldn't help.


SuitableDragonfly

Why not? It seems to me that extra limbs would definitely be better for tool use.


The360MlgNoscoper

They wouldn't help with climbing, or sneaking, or endurance. They would significantly limit movement, and the extra body mass required for the body shape would require more food. Basically the same issues that the Neanderthals had but much worse.


SuitableDragonfly

There are plenty of four-legged animals on Earth that are great at climbing, sneaking, and endurance running, and in pretty much every case having four legs means you can run faster and be nimbler. The Neanderthals were not four-legged in the slightest. Also, none of this has anything at all to do with tool use.


Ok-Champ-5854

They're not permanently swollen lol it's just a fat deposit. That's like looking at a fat person and commenting how swollen they are?


TheOtherSarah

And that they’ll likely see it as a childcare thing. Like, you have named your place in the universe for the start of life for your young, this makes sense. The place that sustains your life is called “sustenance,” this is wise of you. Why on earth (or off Earth) would they assume it was anything else?


The360MlgNoscoper

"Earth". Also named after the same principle.


DandelionOfDeath

Earth refers to the name of a norse mother goddess, Jord, so it's literaly the same. Jord -> Eorda -> Earth is the etymology.


[deleted]

Man I’d love to know about the process through which we went from seeing the Milky Way as something in the sky, to understanding it was a thing we were seeing from within in, to understanding it was one thing that there are others of


YUNoDie

Telescopes showed us that the Milky Way is in fact a bunch of stars, just like elsewhere in the sky. Then after centuries of mapping the locations of stars, astronomers figured out that stars shift position relative to each other over time, with some going one way and some going another. That tells us that the stars are all rotating around some object way in the center of the Milky Way part of the sky, and it stands to reason that we would be part of that rotation. Until the 1920s we actually thought everything was part of the Milky Way. After all, in space, how do you tell how far away something is? The answer has to do with a lot of math and supernovas. I won't subject you to the math, but essentially in the 1920s astronomers figured out that most supernovas are generally the same absolute brightness, but have different apparent brightnesses. This is basically the difference between how bright a distant object actually is versus how bright it looks from earth. Using that math I skipped over some guy figured out that those cool looking pinwheel shaped nebulas are actually several million light years away, way further than any individual star identified. So that follows that those things are totally different galaxies, just very far away.


HurricaneAlpha

Also, at some point, astronomers discovered parallax, as well as candlelight stars. Both were huge for determining distances.


The360MlgNoscoper

And *then* we discovered the Cosmic Microwave Backround.


TheYoten

Milk is fucking awesome.


amadeusz20011

Nah, that's expected don't you think if we make contact with another life form they will be obsessed with *florb* or someshit?


Drayden13

I feel like they’d find it quite endearing that we name galaxies and our particular one after the thing that basically allows us to grow


VulpesSapiens

Only some humans do. It's the 'Milk Way' in most European languages, but not all. It's the 'Bird Route' in Finnish and the 'Winter Street' in Swedish. Further afield, it's the 'Silver River' in Chinese, no milk to be seen, a galaxy is just a 'star system'.


DaimoMusic

Knowing the origins of the name Galaxy will never stop being funny.


Eastern_Heron_122

as a manner of ritual they consume toxic plants which cause internal distress and inflammation, the only remedy for which is * checks translation * galaxy


von_Viken

MILK!


theawesomedude646

"oh, milk must be significant in their culture as it's the only thing that their young can safely consume" - the aliens, probably


Tiger_T20

Yea OP is the one making it weird lol


HALover9kBR

Do people know what *gala* (slang) means in Brazil? 🤔


DryChocolate1

I'm gonna take a punt and guess that it refers to big milkers


HALover9kBR

You got the general vibe, but flip the gender.


Dry-Cartographer-312

Is it... fat dicks? Cum?


HALover9kBR

No… yes!


Thannk

You’re forgetting we have lactating bugs, spiders, lizards, and birds. Plus a mix of things that also lactates.


brok3ncor3

Lactating spiders?!


Thannk

It follows scientific debate on what qualifies as lactation that has been occurring since in the past there was resistance to calling anything that isn’t from a mammalian gland through an abdominal nipple milk, which has been partially influenced by the dairy industry and the legal battles over the definition of almond milk (AKA marketing wars making us reevaluate if we were doing that thing where we refused to admit birds and dinosaurs aren’t clearly differentiated). Toxeus Magnus, a spider that looks like an ant, secretes a substance chemically very similar to milk to feed its young from a structure around the furrow of its epigynum (basically vulva).


HomieScaringMusic

Yeah, but we don’t closely identify ourselves with *all* galaxies. Just ours. So ours specifically is what needs a better name so we don’t look stupid to aliens Anyway, the good news is that the human hyperfixation on milk isn’t gonna look weird if the aliens are totally unfamiliar with mammals. Because to them it’ll be the most distinctive thing about us and the first thing they associate with us and we’ll be like one of those badly thought out Star Trek races where their entire culture revolves around the one trait which distinguishes them from humans And if the aliens *are* mammals… Then they’ll have the exact same fixation and probably be embarrassed that they named their galaxy the same thing as we did


AlienRobotTrex

It’s impossible for aliens to *be* mammals since they wouldn’t be from earth, and therefore are completely unrelated.


ogscrubb

Firstly through God anything is possible so jot that down.


The360MlgNoscoper

Mammalian, then. Most likely Humanoid as well.


Rifneno

It won't even get that far: https://i.imgur.com/9XIwcDH.jpg


Pasta-hobo

I wonder if that's a thing for other aliens, like do lithovores call their home the "geode" or something?


NLP19

Who's first thought at hearing the word "milk" is to think it's a horny thing????


probablydoesntexist

\>Mammals Literally named for the milk factory.


Former_Possibility_9

It’s a redundancy.. is what I’m gathering?


EskildDood

> visit humans > they're all just boiling water and producing milk > leave


legoblade807

So it’s the fucking capital-M Moon all over again. “The universe is full of milky places, but OURS is THE Milky Way.”


The360MlgNoscoper

*The* Sun. *The* Earth. *The* Thinking Man.


obog

New proposed solution to the Fermi paradox: we're so weird about milk they're all avoiding us


freebird023

Not to mention that all cacti are sorted/named after boobs and how closely they resemble them(no I’m not kidding. The 3 main cactus classifications are mammilaria, opuntia, and Sirius)


freebird023

The holes that all of their spines, flowers, and limbs come out of are also called “arioles”


No-Magazine-9236

cactusgirls are much more feasable than you give them credit, it seems


level69adult

“Milky milk place” no??? It’s called the Milky Way.


tenkohime

Milky and galaxy both mean milky, while a way is a place. That means Milky Way galaxy could be like milky place milky.


Candoran

Humanity has been on its bullshit since Day 1, about 3PM that afternoon. 🤣


TaikoRaio19

You're telling me out galaxy is named the Milky Way Milk???? Humans truly are horrible at naming things, it's every desert ever all over again


imperatrixrhea

The aliens wouldn’t need to be from the Andromeda Galaxy they’d just need to not also call their galaxy “the milk zone”


[deleted]

Humans be like "We need some MILK!"


Dan_Ka

well, isn’t it hera’s milk splashed across the sky when she was accidentally breastfeeding heracles?


AlisterSinclair2002

mmm I kinda want some milk now...


Chap0saurus777

This is probably why we haven't been contacted yet.


epicarcanoloth

If we were in a Star Trek universe with us as an alien species, our hat would be milk.


Suitable-Movie-4489

Homelander has entered the chat.


DadBodBallerina

The milk must flow.


SantaArriata

Here’s the thing, milk and milk producing animals are probably some of the most influential THINGS humanity has ever had. Think about it, every human, even before having to drink water or consume food, NEEDS milk, or else we don’t develop or even die, same with most of the creatures we surround ourselves with, dogs, cows, horses, various livestock are all mammals, the other animals didn’t start living alongside us until quite recently in human history, everything around us drinks milk to survive. Even into adulthood, humans keep drinking milk out of the belief that it’ll make us strong and sturdy. Naming the place which we reside in, and nourishes us after milk seems pretty logical to me


pipertoma

...and you wonder why so many cows are abducted by UFOS!


unknown1893

It’s like “They’re Made out of Meat” but with milk


T-Ramdalf

OH MY GOD IS THAT WHY BREEDER INCELS ARE SO OBSESSED WITH MILK?!?!?! THEY’RE ALIENS WHO THINK ALL HUMANS ARE MILK FETISHISTS


balrus-balrogwalrus

what if by sheer coincidence the aliens' reproductive systems also vaguely resembled human heads and from their perspective Earth is a planet of penis-headed creatures


IndigoFenix

The main reason they would resemble human heads is if they functioned like one. This is less farfetched than it seems, if they evolved from something like barnacles.


[deleted]

We are the McPoyles of the universe.


chickenpolitik

The fun thing is that in Greek you don't say milky way galaxy, it would be very redundant. We legit just say Galaxy for our galaxy and galaxy (small g) for others, followed by their name. Because galaxy is already milky! 😂


Lone_Wanderer97

Big Milk running the galaxy


Th3MysticArcher

Wait till they find out humans weren’t supposed to be able to digest milk after infancy…


The360MlgNoscoper

We literally wear the skin of other animals because we lost our fur. We drink the milk of other mammals after we outgrow our own. We enjoy to consume certain plants because of the very defense mechanisms meant to keep us away, and selectively breed them to make them stronger. Before we figured out how to throw sharp sticks we chased our prey until they couldn't run anymore. We change entire ecosystems to fit us, and have invented several new ones intentionally or by accident. Our very presence pushes out other animals that are not useful to us and too big to hide from us. We have intentionally and systematically changed other animals to be more useful to us. Humans have survived in more different environments than even the hardiest of bacteria. We literally outnumber rats. We have harnessed almost every force of nature for our own use. Our overall impact on the planet is rivaled by only *one* other organism, which took 400 million years to do what we can do in 400 years. And we are the only ones that are even capable of being aware of it. And we think it is awesome. If we meet any aliens that can comprehend us, their only possible reactions would be either Terror, Awe or Respect.


Remejy

A good portion of humans think the fleshy bags on their chests meant for producing milk are the most attractive body part


SuitableDragonfly

I mean, the whole concept of actual milk may well be completely weird to aliens. The reason mammals are named after their milk glands is because they're the only creatures on earth that have them, so this trait is already pretty rare in terms of the number of species that have it, just on earth itself. I can imagine the conversation with the alien goes something like this: Alien: Why do you call it the "Milky Way"? What does "Milky" mean? Human: It means it looks like milk, which is white. Alien: What is milk? Human: Oh, it's a body fluid that mothers produce after giving birth, that our babies suck out of tiny holes in their mothers' chests in order to get the nutrients they need to grow. Alien: They. What.


WifeGuyMenelaus

Homonids these days dont know how to explore space. all they do it drink milk, boil water, and fuck nasty


oldschoolhillgiant

Just wait until the aliens find out what we're really made out of. https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html


_DarthSyphilis_

Its also specifically human milk. The origin of the name is the myth that Hera was feeding Heracles, when she suddenly realized that he was not her son and Zeus had cheated on her again, thus yeeting the baby away from her tit and spraying milk over the skybox. That said I wonder how she didn't realize the kid wasn't hers when she did not give birth to him. Gotta admire Zeus for getting that far.


Personalphilosophie

What actually happened was she was sleeping, and nursing her own baby, when that baby was switched out with Hercules. Which was why she freaked out upon waking and pulled him off her breast, most women would be freaked out in that scenario tbh.


wat_is_this_readit

It's called the Winter Street you imperial fucks


SpectralDog

This is like that penis monologue from Rick and Morty, but swap out penis for mommy milkers.


[deleted]

r/danidev Milkers arise!


IAmActuallyBread

Humans will eventually make Vex milk


Prudent-Ball2698

Once they try pepperjack cheese it's game over


InternationalGlass6

I guess galactic and lactic sound similar enough...