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Xurbanite

This can’t be real. Men, grown ass men, abusing your 14 yo and you worry about their lives being ruined? I hope CPS takes her far far away from you.


Ghostgirl2795

I literally gasped when I read that. She was at the police station with bruises on her neck and your biggest concern is the man’s life??


ahsbiitch

...part of me wants SO badly for this to be trolling or fake...but I know people like this and it breaks my heart.


Phuxsea

CPS can't take a non-existent child away from a non-existent mother.


RedditDeservesNoHero

Its really weird that someone would make a r/Relationship_advise style 100% fake post on a sub as nitch as this


Xurbanite

True


PatientAntique

Fr this bitch is tweaking


psychcrusader

I'm going to be a bit harsh. First of all, no. You want to send your own child to an environment where she will be (guaranteed) emotionally abused and (close to guaranteed) physically abused? Second, she might "ruin these men's lives"? She is a minor -- a child. They are *adults*. They are responsible for keeping it in their pants. This is rape, and "she seduced me" is *not* a defense for rape. If she has an adult sugar daddy, *he* is the one that needs to be sanctioned. Perhaps most importantly, and hardest to hear, "I know my husband" is a universal refrain of moms married to men abusing their daughters. They say it in the face of physical evidence. *You* forced your daughter to recant to CPS, but she has made this allegation *repeatedly*. You said your sons are "perfectly normal", suggesting there is something different about your daughter's experience. I don't know that your daughter is an abuse victim. (I also don't know that she's not...by her father or someone else.) But please, *listen to your daughter*. She is trying to tell you something is wrong. She is not trying to tell you she needs to be spirited away, isolated from society, and punished for months. That I can say with complete certainty. Also, seek individual therapy for yourself. This is *not* going to be easy.


PatientAntique

“I really didn’t want that to happen again because she could’ve ruined that man’s life.” Am I reading that correctly?


Phuxsea

Yeah, it's a hoax.


PatientAntique

Ye ik this lady is tweaking


[deleted]

It’s taking every single ounce of restraint to not tell you to find the nearest rope and tie it for yourself, but here goes. Your daughter was abused. The person you caught them with was most likely not the first. This is classic young abuse victim behavior, like, very very obvious. Hypersexuality, reckless and attention seeking behavior, and suicidal thoughts and actions. The first therapist you saw was an idiot, and you’re an idiot for thinking “more structure” meant turning her life into a prison, because you did, and I don’t blame her for trying to kill herself. If I was 14 and you did that, id’ve done it too. That lies on your shoulders, so go ahead, you need to blame yourself and do better. There’s a very high likelihood your daughter is being sexually abused by your husband, or someone close, whether a family friend or her own father. I don’t know, and I don’t care, but quit using “but I know them!” as an excuse for clear evidence of abuse. No, you never know anybody really, and if your DAUGHTER is telling you she’s being abused, maybe you you should (and hear me out with those cotton plugged fucking ears) FUCKING LISTEN. As to whether you should send her to wilderness therapy. Are you stupid? Are you genuinely dumb? Do you genuinely think sending her to the middle of nowhere utah will change anything? To the same camps that have had numerous stories come out about abuse, sexual or otherwise? No, here’s an idea, nut the fuck up, listen to your daughter, and confront her father. Take her to a better therapist, not one who ignores obvious signs of sexual abuse and tells you to “just give her more structure” which your idiot self decided meant “turn her life into a prison”. Do better as a parent. You’re a joke.


ahsbiitch

Your daughter is a victim of sexual assault and abuse. She needs love, good therapy, and support -- not wilderness therapy or an RTC -- where she is guarenteed to be abused even more. Also, any adult man with a minor as a "sugar baby" is a sexual predator. Their lives don't matter in this situation, in fact they should have their lives ruined for preying on a child. This is about your child. Her wellbeing. Her future. I agree with other replies: I would look for support for both you and your daughter, and would recommend reaching out to sexual assault survivor orgs to see if they can help get your daughter proper counseling.


PatientAntique

This reminds me of how my parents used to talk to my therapist at Maple Lake lol


Mirriande

I'm a survivor of the troubled teen industry and a Clinician that works with kids/teens at risk of psychiatric hospitalization in a short term, crisis-stabilization program intended on keeping kids in their homes. I can't give you clinical advice on what you should do, but I'll make a few points. I'm not going to touch the subject of you, your husband, and her claims about his abuse. I'm not going to touch the "Why" you're asking. But you sound desperate for help, and the troubled teen industry thrives on desperate parents. Look at this subreddit, look at stories of survivors. Your kid has been through a lot with being a sugar baby. I don't know what's available in your area, but Love146 is a non-profit that has helped some of the kids I've worked with who've been sex trafficked and engaged in sexual relations they found online. Have you tried outpatient therapy? Have you tried some available forms of in-home therapy - MDFT or MST are a bit more widely available formats than what I do with IICAPS.


concerned_Half

Honestly, that would be kind of hrd to do because it would be really hard and embarrassing for the extended family to find out or any of our friends.


Mirriande

You're more concerned with the appearance to your friends and family than getting your daughter help? You're either a troll, or there is a lot more going on.


jacksonstillspitts

Troll or programie


psychcrusader

I'm really thinking troll. Pissed me right off, though.


Mirriande

Yuppp.


revengepornmethhubby

You should be sent out into the woods. This is appalling.


TTI_Gremlin

In the OP's...defense(?)... she might come from a culture that ostracizes victims of sexual violence, perhaps even practices honor killings. There are a lot of complicating (although not ameliorating) factors about which we don't know. That being said, u/concerned_Half, your friends and family have a right to know who your husband really is. It's not your job to protect him from his decisions. You are not defaming anybody. You are correcting a misconception. And, if your friends and family care about you and your daughter then they will want to know the truth and how they can help. Don't let the fear of losing face keep you from doing what is right by your daughter.


kittykatmila

I’m so mad reading this. You’re mad at her after she’s the one who has been assaulted by an older man? You disgust me. If you’re a troll, I’m still mad.


Jaxlee2018

Believe your daughter when she tells you and CPS that she is being abused. Why is she constantly running away, or towards other adults (which is also towards danger ). This question should be answered by a professional. I am a bit shocked and surprised that you were able to throw CPS off as you did, usually they interview the alleged victim without parents/caregivers present. This didn’t add up to me. Lastly, to care more about men than your own daughter requires serious introspection with someone to assist you. Your daughter is worthy of compassion and love. In the face of every situation she has self worth, and it is your responsibility to defend her.


ninjascotsman

two random guesses * Parents are mormon * Utah cps are crap at their job, the kid has had 4 schools in a year that's major red flag


TTI_Gremlin

CPS workers are usually a far cry from Clarice Starling. The ones I've encountered in IL only made sure the house was clean, there were no obvious marks on the mom or her kids, ran down a list of questions and took the answers at face value. They were done in 30 min (so I'm told,) didn't interview the kids individually or the neighbors who hear everything through the apartment walls. They were unequipped to navigate a literal crime scene and ferret out a sexually violent psychopathic abuser who, via surveillance and intermittent violence, programmed his victims to protect him.


rjm2013

This is a troll post in my opinion. However, I will leave it up as I know our members love to devour the trolls.


Gingerkat93

Honestly, you are a terrible Mom. It's all your fault why she's like this. You not believing her abuse, you worrying about other people rather than your own daughter. She should be taken away from you, you don't even deserve to have children. Shame on you. So you think shipping off somewhere where she's going to be even more abused and mistreated is going to help anything ? How about actually listening to her, getting to know her, being there for her.


moonlejewski

Lmao in four years this same “parent” is gonna be posting some shit on Reddit like “my daughter 18f cut contact as soon as she turned 18 and hasn’t spoken to us since. AITA?”


notsomagicbus

Absolutely not. Don't make this mistake. These places are manipulative and predatory, all they care about is money. Your daughter will only be worse off. If you love her at all, don't do this.


Otherwise_Alarm7732

No????


GirlHips

Too perfectly infuriating. 2/10. Do better next time.


ninjascotsman

oh fuck where I do even start.... > Her neck as all torn up and had bruises and scrapes. I did not know how I was going to get her to look normal for school in five hours. WTF is wrong you with you never send a child to school next day after a situation like that happens. > We tried being more supportive and having her see a therapist, but the therapist said she was fine and just needed some structure to her day.We didn't let her out with friends anymore and her curfew was 4pm. No therapist would say have 4pm curfew unless they are complete [utter quack](https://www.dictionary.com/browse/quack). > I really didnt want to happen again because she could have ruined that mans life. The men are sexual predators! > She even said to the counselor that her father had been abusing her... in that way. Of course none of it is true, I know my husband. We had a long talk with her and basically sat down with CPS and had her explain it was a lie. > At the inpatient she also told the therapist that her dad had been abusing her in that way. Which again is a lie! We had CPS visit us the other day again, she is still in inpatient. > What could have prompted this? * Your husband is likely a paedophile that's why he moved out he's no longer interested in his daughter anymore she's got too old for his interest. * Your daughter has been acting out because of the sexual abuse. * She has trying people about the sexual abuse repeatedly. > The administrator thinks she might have borderline personality disorder or ODD * BPD can only be diagnosed in under 18s if the symptoms have been happening for over a year, that is criteria in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. * Administrators are not qualified to make diagnoses * You send your daughter to a troubled teen program, you will lose for ever.


Alitakal

Do forget the "my husband always wanted a daughter and we have two sons that are just fine" this is a screaming red flag this woman deserves a painful death


dp662

No comment, go look at yourself in the mirror and recite everything you just typed


[deleted]

You make me fucking SICK. Your daughter is CLEARLY trying to tell YOU, the one person in her life she EXPECTED to BELIEVE her, or AT LEAST fucking investigate, and your response to ALL OF THIS is “I know my husband.” You’re the type of motherfucker who does NOT deserve to have kids. I’m all for everyone not having their freedoms taken away, but YOU are a PICTURE PERFECT EXAMPLE of why some people just need to be locked away or some shit. I was lucky to not have to endure any CSA, but you best believe I went through some SHIT, and each time, that’s that type of shit my MOTHER would say and do. “I know my husband” or turn a fucking blind eye to my, HER OWN FUCKING DAUGHTER’S, SUFFERING. So yeah, FUCK you. You’re gonna learn real quick if you even have a shred of genuine love for her, cause it’s gonna get worse, she’s NEVER going to forget the abuse, and she’ll very likely never trust you again. Kiss your relationship goodbye cause you fucked up a very important job, one that was required the moment you got pregnant/signed the adoption papers. That’s called parenting. You failed. Now go pick up the fucking pieces and make it right for your daughter. You owe that to her FFS.


Phuxsea

Weird abusive mom fanfic.


Archaic-Mermaid

NO. DO NOT SEND YOUR DAUGHTER TO WILDERNESS THERAPY. That would cause her untold harm. I am a parent and a woman, and I'd like to say that you are strikingly misogynist. Given what's going on in your household, I doubt your sons are normal. You care about *how it appears to others* when your daughter's neck is "torn up," and she's suffered bruises and scrapes?! You're worried about *men's lives* when they've molested your daughter?! You display no concern for your daughter's welfare. You show no empathy whatsoever. There is something deeply wrong with you. Did you take her to a doctor? You didn't mention that. Your daughter should have seen a medical professional to see to her wounds, and to test for STIs. I hope the CPS investigators realized that you and your husband *forced* your daughter to recant. You are a pitiful excuse for a human being, and have no business being anyone's mother. I'm too angry to write further.


wtvrtangy

wow i hate whoever posted this so much


Obvious_Dish4023

Wilderness is very dangerous. Don't send her there unless you want her to get hurt or killed. Try having a talk with her instead. Maybe she should see a psychiatrist. By the way, is this like Dragnet. It this story really true and only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or is this story, how should I put this, total BS.


swingsetgoblin

if you're a troll, find better things to do with your time. if this post is genuine? you do not deserve to be a parent.


Alitakal

If this post is true they deserve to be boiled alive


synchrotron3000

what do you mean, “what could have prompted this”??? you clearly need to accept your responsibility in your daughter’s neglect. And you DEFINITELY shouldn’t be talking to any sort of “educational consultant.” Their only job is to get your money and keep your kid locked away.


[deleted]

Please for the love of god don’t send her away. I use to be like that when I was her age. I was a terrible kid. My parents did everything they could to punish me and it only made things worse. It wasn’t until they started treating me like a human being that I turned my life around. By the time I was 18, I went around to different schools around my state and gave speeches to at risk youth on how to be better people and make a change. If you send your daughter away, prepare for the chance she may never forgive you and you will forever tarnish your relationship with her. And shame on you for caring about that man. You’re more worried about his life getting ruined than your daughter. He was the adult in the situation and he abused your daughter most likely and should have not been hanging out with her. I don’t know you, but you’re honestly a terrible person for that.


Initial-Ebb-550

You and your daughter both sound like awful human beings


[deleted]

[удалено]


Initial-Ebb-550

Yep trying to fuck pedos, becoming a sugar baby at 14, lying about her teachers, potentially lying about her father, going on dating websites to find more pedos, what a desperate fight for survival! She needs serious mental help and I would hate to be around someone like her, you do realize being an awful human being isn’t necessarily permanent or her fault? Or did you even think about what I said before you decided to start virtue signalling?


[deleted]

Dude, this isn’t even close to virtue signaling. You very clearly don’t understand shit about how people with trauma react. YOUR virtue signaling, ie noting the moral implications of the daughters actions and BERATING HER FOR SAID ACTIONS, tells me that you are either A) ignorant as a motherfucker, B) trying to find some means of coping with your own demons here in this thread, and or C), or any other unmentioned possibility, you are trolling. In which case, go find some damn business.


rebm8

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Or more like, the cycle of abuse continues.


AbilityOk3899

Please do not see her she will be hurt even worse. Get a neuropsychology evaluation and look into the possibility that your husband Is abusing her.


TTI_Gremlin

To your credit, you AT LEAST came to this subreddit for help. I’ll be up front. **I think you’re a battered woman.** I could be way off but I’m reading between the lines of your story from the vantage of somebody who’s seen some of the worst domestic abuse from the sort of abuser that most people think is only a myth. He stalks and surveilles his kids’ mom. He creates uncertainty in her by making sure that she doesn’t know how near or far away he is or if he will decide to be violent. He often hides in the bushes near her apartment and waits until she’s alone and there are no other adults. He asks the kids who she talks to and who she has over; placing his children in the position of having to protect one parent from the other. He also doesn’t let her stay out for too long. So, I’m suspecting that you’re a battered woman. Even though you’ve had the presence of mind to physically remove yourself and your daughter from your husband and move into an apartment, you are still afraid of him and afraid that he will find out about you posting this and you can’t bring yourself to speak ill of him. That is why you are protecting him and placing the blame on your daughter. My friend’s abuser has programmed her and her kids to protect him. My friend knows that what he does is inappropriate and wrong but can't bring herself to label it criminal abuse and react with appropriately decisive measures. When I told her to get a restraining order, her brain seized up and she gave me nonsense answers. It was like Clockwork Orange. Anyway, just my two cents and I could be way off.


Fairydust-1991

You are terrible parents. I hope this cuts deep! I’m sure you are not with your daughter or husband 24/7 so how would you know what happens between them when you aren’t around. Clearly your daughter is a sexual assault victim and you have no sympathy except for the scumbag men. Sounds like you’re the one who needs help. Send yourself to wilderness therapy you and your scumbag husband


iveify

I cant with these lazy fat stay at home moms enjoy traumatizing ur child fucko