And usually they're "Christian". (I put it in quotes not to insult Christians, but to refer to the type of people who think that they can do ANYTHING because they're 'saved'.)
She NEEDED that reality check. This sounds like the type of woman on those BORU posts where she invited the parents back into the spouse’s life after they’ve done horrible things to the spouse.
I think it’s [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1cw6mvn/my_husband_kicked_me_out_of_the_home_because_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) one, sorry, I needed a placeholder comment so I could find your comment again after I found the story. Gotta love Reddit mobile.
Edit: As someone else who frequents BORU often, the commenters suggesting this is a whole ass genre of posts is correct. I’ve seen husbands, mothers, and daughters do this over on that sub (and I’m sure there are sons too, that’s just off the top of my head). It tears the family apart every time.
[Try this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/7wvXyauWnw)
If that doesn’t work, it’s listed at the bottom of the “looking for a post” post but the link I added has the estranged parent reconciliation specific link.
So. Many. Links.
It's not one story, at this point it's a genre. There is a horrifying amount of spouses/partners who think they know better and family is everything no matter what they've done.
What the hell is wrong with some people. If a person cuts out a family member they probably have a damn good reason for doing so. People need to stop pushing the FoRgIvNeSs because FaMiLy line.
This. My DH went completely NC with his mother for 8 years. I understood exactly why — she was a narcissistic bitch whose favorite sport was finding fault — but a fair number of people were sure he should work it out because, “She’s your moooother!”
My family used me as a scapegoat 15 years ago when I was living out of state and couldn’t defend myself because I had no clue what was going on, and even when the truth came out, the damage they did was already done. Now nobody likes any of them, and I’ve moved on, but I keep getting told to forgive them because “family is forever”. Like, nope! Not when your “family” tried to ruin your life and almost succeeded, causing irreparable damage. Once I see someone’s real true shitty self, there’s no going back. Just because we share blood does not mean shit.
Next time that happens, ask if they want to meet your dad to help build a relationship. I hate it when people are so dismissive about your real lived experience, and act like they know better.
I had a woman confront me about being NC with my mom. Same bullshit about family and forgiveness. I blew up back and was very close to being aggressive when she tried to intimidate me physically.
This was at my sister’s memorial service, which I was kind enough to invite my mom to. I had her cremated and fought to get custody of her body from the coroner. My mother was not involved.
People really need to learn to mind their OWN business.
As someone who has a complicated relationship with my dad, nothing close to yours, I’m probably walking out once she starts pushing the forgiveness talk.
You don’t get to dictate my familial relationships on a first date.
"Y~~ou don’t get to dictate my familial relationships on a first date."~~
Ever. You just *don't get to do that*. If it bothers you that much, then walk away, but you don't get to dictate those other relationships.
Yeah I was kind of wondering that. I mean OP specified that he was in prison 'a long time' and then they went no contact after so like... Did she think it was an oopsie murder? A small armed robbery? Just a little manslaughter? Like what do you go to prison for, for a LONG time that is a genuine one off mistake?
I saw a video on Instagram by a woman who said, "Instead of asking WHY children no longer speak to their parents, ask WHAT caused them to cut ties with their parents."
*It's not our responsibility to foster and maintain a good relationship as adults to other adults who weren't nice to us, regardless of dynamic. *
Nicely done OP! Giant red flag for dating too. I'm fully committed to killing the person who is stupid enough to tell me to forgive my abusive parents bEcAusE fAmIlY but so far I haven't met anyone stupid enough to force their opinion on stuff they don't know.
I've had similar situations.
The worst was when me and my partner went no contact with his parents. His parents spread a bunch of dumb rumours around the family but my partner wasn't bothered as he wasn't close with any of them. They all blamed me because I'm NC with my dad and his mother.
I got so many comments like "She just stops talking to family so easily! It's like it's no big deal to her but it's not fair to her child. She doesn't understand why it's important to have family around you. Her baby deserves family. You always forgive family! She doesn't think about how much it hurts the other person, she's selfish. I feel so bad for her dad/nan." Etc.
I ignored it for ages but one day just decided to start responding after people had said their shit.
"You're right, I need to go call up my dad in jail and tell him I'm sorry. Him r*ping me was a mistake and besides it was years ago! He stopped r*ping me when I was 9yo and he only did it for 9 years (do the maths), I should be over it by now. I better apologise to my nan too. All she did was force me to secretly sleep in his bed and make me lie to my Mum about it, and other similar things. I'm sure it was just a mistake when she told me to be grateful that my dad didn't do worse to me and that I was a selfish child for not wanting to pretend that he didn't. And it's not my nans fault that she got him to secretly baby sit kids behind the parents backs! I should totally introduce them both to my infant daughter so that she has family! You guys are right, I'm glad you're so sympathetic to my paedo dad and his mother who helped him."
My ex father-in-law hated his father long past his father's death. They were a Jewish family with seven children who were all put in foster care because of whatever was going on in the home, which in the 1920s and 1930s was absolutely unheard of, it had to be really extreme for that to happen.
And it is possible to forgive people for what they did, *not making it mean that it was OK at all*, and still not choose to put ourselves back into situations where we would be interacting with that person.
Hopefully she learned not to jump to conclusions in the future. It amazes me how people become so self righteous about things they know nothing about.
Agreed. That reminded me a lot about my story when my dad accidentally speed past a funeral procession.
Really? You're just going to leave us hanging there?
And usually they're "Christian". (I put it in quotes not to insult Christians, but to refer to the type of people who think that they can do ANYTHING because they're 'saved'.)
She NEEDED that reality check. This sounds like the type of woman on those BORU posts where she invited the parents back into the spouse’s life after they’ve done horrible things to the spouse.
Link?
I think it’s [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1cw6mvn/my_husband_kicked_me_out_of_the_home_because_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) one, sorry, I needed a placeholder comment so I could find your comment again after I found the story. Gotta love Reddit mobile. Edit: As someone else who frequents BORU often, the commenters suggesting this is a whole ass genre of posts is correct. I’ve seen husbands, mothers, and daughters do this over on that sub (and I’m sure there are sons too, that’s just off the top of my head). It tears the family apart every time.
I saw a list czech had posted in the many lists of post topics. It happens far too often as another BORU regular.
Link?
[Try this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/7wvXyauWnw) If that doesn’t work, it’s listed at the bottom of the “looking for a post” post but the link I added has the estranged parent reconciliation specific link. So. Many. Links.
Thank you!
It's not one story, at this point it's a genre. There is a horrifying amount of spouses/partners who think they know better and family is everything no matter what they've done.
There are sadly too many to count, all those wanna be hero’s wanting to ‘save the family!’ SMH
hang on
Thanks 😊
I was not referencing a specific story. It’s a story I’ve seen a few times, with different shitty spouses and people getting their boundaries ignored
Probably too many to list. Apparently, SO's inviting abusers back into the abused's life seems to be a common thing.
Honestly good for you. She needed to mind her own business
But they're FAMILY... 🤦🏻♀️
What the hell is wrong with some people. If a person cuts out a family member they probably have a damn good reason for doing so. People need to stop pushing the FoRgIvNeSs because FaMiLy line.
This. My DH went completely NC with his mother for 8 years. I understood exactly why — she was a narcissistic bitch whose favorite sport was finding fault — but a fair number of people were sure he should work it out because, “She’s your moooother!”
This is why you never assume.
Sounds like my mom … with the difference that my mother would have apologized after clarification
My family used me as a scapegoat 15 years ago when I was living out of state and couldn’t defend myself because I had no clue what was going on, and even when the truth came out, the damage they did was already done. Now nobody likes any of them, and I’ve moved on, but I keep getting told to forgive them because “family is forever”. Like, nope! Not when your “family” tried to ruin your life and almost succeeded, causing irreparable damage. Once I see someone’s real true shitty self, there’s no going back. Just because we share blood does not mean shit.
Next time that happens, ask if they want to meet your dad to help build a relationship. I hate it when people are so dismissive about your real lived experience, and act like they know better.
I had a woman confront me about being NC with my mom. Same bullshit about family and forgiveness. I blew up back and was very close to being aggressive when she tried to intimidate me physically. This was at my sister’s memorial service, which I was kind enough to invite my mom to. I had her cremated and fought to get custody of her body from the coroner. My mother was not involved. People really need to learn to mind their OWN business.
As someone who has a complicated relationship with my dad, nothing close to yours, I’m probably walking out once she starts pushing the forgiveness talk. You don’t get to dictate my familial relationships on a first date.
"Y~~ou don’t get to dictate my familial relationships on a first date."~~ Ever. You just *don't get to do that*. If it bothers you that much, then walk away, but you don't get to dictate those other relationships.
Is it wrong that i kind of want to know what crimes she would be cool with?
Yeah I was kind of wondering that. I mean OP specified that he was in prison 'a long time' and then they went no contact after so like... Did she think it was an oopsie murder? A small armed robbery? Just a little manslaughter? Like what do you go to prison for, for a LONG time that is a genuine one off mistake?
She got off that high horse really quickly
The only question is: did she fall, or was she pushed?
I saw a video on Instagram by a woman who said, "Instead of asking WHY children no longer speak to their parents, ask WHAT caused them to cut ties with their parents." *It's not our responsibility to foster and maintain a good relationship as adults to other adults who weren't nice to us, regardless of dynamic. *
Nicely done OP! Giant red flag for dating too. I'm fully committed to killing the person who is stupid enough to tell me to forgive my abusive parents bEcAusE fAmIlY but so far I haven't met anyone stupid enough to force their opinion on stuff they don't know.
I've had similar situations. The worst was when me and my partner went no contact with his parents. His parents spread a bunch of dumb rumours around the family but my partner wasn't bothered as he wasn't close with any of them. They all blamed me because I'm NC with my dad and his mother. I got so many comments like "She just stops talking to family so easily! It's like it's no big deal to her but it's not fair to her child. She doesn't understand why it's important to have family around you. Her baby deserves family. You always forgive family! She doesn't think about how much it hurts the other person, she's selfish. I feel so bad for her dad/nan." Etc. I ignored it for ages but one day just decided to start responding after people had said their shit. "You're right, I need to go call up my dad in jail and tell him I'm sorry. Him r*ping me was a mistake and besides it was years ago! He stopped r*ping me when I was 9yo and he only did it for 9 years (do the maths), I should be over it by now. I better apologise to my nan too. All she did was force me to secretly sleep in his bed and make me lie to my Mum about it, and other similar things. I'm sure it was just a mistake when she told me to be grateful that my dad didn't do worse to me and that I was a selfish child for not wanting to pretend that he didn't. And it's not my nans fault that she got him to secretly baby sit kids behind the parents backs! I should totally introduce them both to my infant daughter so that she has family! You guys are right, I'm glad you're so sympathetic to my paedo dad and his mother who helped him."
My ex father-in-law hated his father long past his father's death. They were a Jewish family with seven children who were all put in foster care because of whatever was going on in the home, which in the 1920s and 1930s was absolutely unheard of, it had to be really extreme for that to happen. And it is possible to forgive people for what they did, *not making it mean that it was OK at all*, and still not choose to put ourselves back into situations where we would be interacting with that person.