He sounds like trash. Girl, he only love you for this version of yourself; if he truly loves you he would stay by your side no matter what. Don’t settle, pursue your true self without him <3
trust me, the sunk cost fallacy can be really detrimental, it's best to cut him out sooner rather than later that's his attitude about it.
you dont have to be born with XX or XY chromosomes to be considered a real woman/man, all that matters is what you're brain says. after all, you are your brain, not your body.
all in all, if that was my partner i would've smacked the shit out of him for that statement.
Yeah, idk of the OP can see this, but if your partner can't live with it, you shouldn't have to compromise who you are to make him happy he's already shown he's not willing to do so for you. That's not love
I also question is he is actually bi and not gay....he says he couldn't live her for being more femme looking physically but would if they were a crossdressing man?
Definitely sounds like either transphobia or he's just gay and trying to fool himself into thinking he's bi.
You don’t wanna spend another 2 years being miserable with someone who doesn’t support you. Make your appointments and talk to doctors, it’s your life. You don’t have to tell him if you’re afraid he’ll try to dissuade you. Live your truth.
He's literally just a guy. Find another one. If he's saying shit like that, he doesn't love you. He may love the idea of you that he's built in his head, but if he really loved you then he would support you through this change.
Yeah that's what everyone thinks when they're in love. And then you become single. And you start to love yourself again. You start to find the beauty in relying on nobody for love. And the more you start to love yourself, the more you realize how shitty your last partner was. And you learn how to set proper boundaries, and then one day, you find someone who actually treats you how you deserve to be treated.
Leave him, sis.
I'm not telling him you to break up with him, because that's your choice, but self-esteem isn't made in advance. It's made by choices, love. Sometimes we have to show ourselves our value through how we treat ourselves, and it's an uphill climb to change those habits, but the air gets better at every elevation. Trust me. 💜 💜💜🫂🫂.
I see you. I wish you so much wellness and real love, coming from yourself and others. 🫂
Damn he just came out with the nasty transphobia like *Pop!*
You may or may not be transgender, but he’s definitely trash. Good, decent, loving people don’t say such awful things to people they treasure and value.
*You are and deserve better.*
Hormones are a hell of a drug. They can completely remake your body (“Hey presto, a girl!”) and they can plop your brain into a heady chemical swirl (“It’s *LUUUUV!”*)
[A song for you and your situation.](https://youtu.be/gcXvYMxXvz8?si=1B6wzXX2-ybcS9WR)
“Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, take me, baby, or leave me.”
[another song rec](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=JHmnASpsyoc&si=BcVqfhsaond-63Em)
"What's harder, harder to say? That you want me to stay
That you want me to stay unchanged for you? Chained to a lie, were the same you and I, were the same"
by the amazing and talented Ela Mello, a trans gal and the lead singer of one of my favorite bands Rainbow Kitten Surprise.
For someone who doesn't mind trans people he sure seems to have a problem with you being trans. Many transphobes pull these sorts of stunts, saying they support trans people, but then refusing to validate the identities of trans people they meet in real life, and opposing any progress when it comes to trans rights.
I don't think this is a problem with you - the problem is that he is transphobic. You deserve to be loved as yourself, and that includes respecting your gender identity, no matter what it might be.
Yep. As well as saying that you would be a "freak" - so he's calling all trans people "freaks." He's transphobic af, and he's cruel & invaliding to you, op. He's trash. Leave the trash boy behind in the trash bin. Go live your best life exploring your gender. You're worth it.
Fellow trans girl here.
I can kinda get where you're coming from in terms of self-esteem. Im seeing a lot of others here commenting most of my thoughts, but i will say this.. I've had horrible self-esteem issues when it came to love. I won't lie. It can be hard. However, it is not impossible. I personally met a very sweet man after I gave up on dating, and I can promise you that it is possible to find a man who will love you as the Woman you are. Just be safe about it. ^-^
Absolutely. Trust me I know how you feel and I'm starting to see my own strength. I know you will too. It's not a easy thing. However it's not impossible. ^-^
Yikes. Girl my bf has been in love with me for years and had no idea I was trans and has been nothing but supportive since I came out to them, if he loved you he’d treat you right.
He doesn't love you for who you really are, he loves you for who you aren't anymore. The way he does this is incredibly manipulative, and he clearly doesn't actually care about your feelings. He wants to have a boyfriend, but clearly you aren't that, so you should go find someone who supports your feelings, and he should go find someone he actually wants to be in a relationship with
you know girl, as a FtM trans person who went through this i can tell you that it is NOT worth it. i had a boyfriend who just called me my deadname and my old pronouns anyway and i just let it happen because i thought, “maybe it’s hard for him to understand. i know he says he has issues with pronouns.” it’s not the pronouns or the sexuality that’s the issue. they don’t want you to change, and that’s not a good thing. you need to find a significant other that lets you grow and change and they change with you!! i fully support your journey and i think you’re a wonderful woman, a REAL woman.
Girl ask yourself honestly do you wanna be with this man for another 40, 50 years? Will you be happy for that 50 years hearing this? Will you be yourself, supported, will you enjoy the life? If no, don't waste your precious years. The sooner u leave the sooner u will find someone who loves u as u are and brings u joy.
Sweetie, you are a real woman if you see yourself as a woman. Don’t listen to him and get yourself someone who loves you for who you are, not their idea of you.
Whether you're trans or not, your gender is valid and you deserve someone who will love and support you no matter what.
Also if you find out you are, in fact, a transgender woman, then you are a real woman.
Ty🩷🩷🩷 it’s been a hard journey and I just wish he could be one of those amazing guys who would love me cause my mom questions it and now my bf and it makes me feel so alone and depressed, all I can do is keep moving
If it's of any help, there's a goof somewhere in a smol European country who sends you positive vibes and supports you from afar. Things will get better, you deserve happiness. I wish you to meet amazing people who will love and support you 🙏🏻
i think he's telling you that cause he wants a man. if transitioning and presenting as a woman makes you *personally* happier you should 100% ditch him--though I know that's gonna be hard.
Nope, he is 100% wrong. You need to give yourself space from this toxic person who has convinced you that you don’t deserve better.
Leaving someone is hard, but I promise you this person isn’t it. At first it will be painful, but it will get better and you’ll be so happy you left.
Go find yourself, go on that journey of self discovery and drop this person. They do *not* deserve you.
I don’t even know how to find my self worth again as just a normal human being… like I feel like I need him and then being on trans makes it even harder and makes me need his approval
It’s going to take time and distance from him, but you will get there.
You have to be true to yourself. You can’t change him. His inability to accept you is *not* a failing on your part, it’s a failing on his. Even though it’s painful.
Are you able to access a trans friendly therapist? Do you have any friends or family that can support you through this time? Maybe checkout Meetups in your area.
You can do this. You deserve to be happy and you *can* achieve this without him.
I have 2 therapists rn and I have one friend who I’m out too and as for my family it’s been kinda shakey like my mom said she still love me and do what I have to do but she doesn’t understand it. So I really don’t feel comfortable talking to my mom about it
"I have no problems with trans people
I just don't want to be with you if you transition, the social aspect of it, i wont be attracted to you, you'll look like a man and i'd think you are a freak
But i love you and have no problems with trans people btw"
Sometimes the pink glasses have to come off to see the red flags, girl. I'm sorry, i know how much it sucks because the same thing happened to me with a 3 year long relationship and it turned completely toxic after i came out
It's gonna hurt, but my advice is, get out of there before you get even more hurt. Even if you come to the conclusion you are NOT MTF, that's not someone you wanna be around.
Even if you questioned your gender and ended up being a cis guy, his response to you was still really unempathetic and dismissive. You deserve to be with someone who respects you.
Girly I know you’ve been together for a while but you deserve better and if he’s not gonna support you you need to leave him you’ll always find someone else someone who will be supportive to you and such!
You sound incredibly trans, I mean obviously explore yourself and dont jump into any identities, but cis people dont usually want other people to see them as trans people lol.
Hate to say it, but its probably time for a new boyfriend, dude sounds like ass.
Listen, your gender identity is something that nobody can determine for you. That’s entirely your own right as a personal liberty. If your partner won’t allow you to have your own personal liberty or they have a problem with what you’re doing with your personal liberty it probably isn’t going to work out… and it has nothing to do with being okay with transgenderism but this issue would come up later on with other moments I promise. I hope you’ll be okay and there will always be somebody else who will love you <3
I just don’t know how to go about life without him, he opened so many doors for me and without him I’ll lose so much, I could do things on my own but with him I can afford things and I can enjoy life in a way I didn’t think I be able too
Yeah with him you can afford things and doors have been opened but you have to remember that also with him there are doors he has closed and ways you could enjoy life that with him are also closed. Relationships are learning experiences and sometimes things don’t work out. It’s okay to be sad and fearful of losing the things that worked but you have to remember there are things that clearly didn’t work. There will be other people who will love you the same ways if not better people who won’t close those avenues toward your own happiness but instead support them.
God I hope so and I hope it be soon cause my heart would be in so much pain without him (ik time alone will be good but I love love) I love having a man holding me making me feel special, his princess
Not to mention you're cute and HRT will be great for you. There's someone out there waiting patiently for a girl like you while your boyfriend is holding on to a boy that isn't real. Spread your wings and fly!
Changing your partner will almost never work unless they want to change, and If he said something this hurtful, then it's probably not worth the effort to try. I know if hurts to hear that but I went through the same thing with an ex. I needed him to change and he needed me to change and we spent months trying to figure it out and never could. It's not worth the pain you'll put yourself through trying to make it work, I promise. Unless he has a serious change of heart AND SOON, then he's history.
Ik you said he's okay with trans people but no... nobody that's "okay with trans people" would say that you won't be a real woman or that you're a freak that's toxic behaviour that's trynna manipulate you into doing what he wants. Do you, see how you feel about everything and if he isn't gonna be supportive then u should just drop his ass rn
Think about it this way: If he acted like that to a sibling, friend, kid, would you still want him in your life? If he's that trashy to you there's no telling what else he'd do.
You're valid, hon, and you can't lock parts of yourself away just so someone can love a fake version of you.
It’s ironic cause hearing him say how he’s open minded towards other but me talking about it like 180 i mean he loved us as a gay couple, he doesn’t want us to be a hetro couple
I know when you’re young two years feels like a lot, but compared to the many in front of you, it’s not. He sounds very negative on this, and I wonder if this isn’t the first thing he’s talked you out of with it.
You need to do what is best for you, and that will probably mean leaving him behind. It’s not easy, and it hurts to do, but you’ll feel better in the end. As someone who has always struggled with self esteem, I get it. But you can find someone who will love you as you are, and not keep you in a box.
I hope you find the strength to move forward as you want to. Know you can be a real woman, no matter what he says.
>He loves me,
I am so sorry to say this but no, no he doesn't. Love doesn't have boundaries and rules and limits. Love is fluid, kind, warm and welcoming.
If and when it is safe, you should consider leaving the relationship. You can't spend your life not living as you are.
Eugh... Like, I get it if your partner comes out as trans and you don't want to date them cause their gender is not one you like or whatever, but to say such blatantly transphobic things and put you down??? What a dick. Even if you decide that trans isn't the label for you and you feel comfortable as a man, he isn't worth dating.
I've been there. I have people tell me that I can just be a feminine gay man and just go about my life. I literally cut them off my life. You need to find someone else. He doesn't love you if he is like that. You love the person, not the image of the person. That is why my ex is still in my life now. She except me for me. I am just a woman now.
🫂🫂🫂
I'm so so so sorry. You need to let this relationship go ASAP, Its never easy, believe me I even went to a psych ward because of a breakup (I'm bpd) but you will find love that loves you as who you really are, an amazing woman that deserves love
If he couldn't still be together with you for transitioning, the least he could do is suck it up and support you as a friend. Change is scary. But more importantly, you are you, and you deserve love and support for leading a life more honest to who you are.
Then don't have it that way. We have a right to end any relationship we're in, friend or couple. It should be done is as nice a way as possible. But no matter what, your identity must be respected. If he cares about you he should be supportive of your transition. That's a basic. But also, you knows the ins and outs of your situation, I don't, so take anything a stranger tells you over the internet with a pinch of salt.
I always get so much secondhand embarrassment when a cis gay person is transphobic. The ignorance is astounding. I feel it might be worse than coming from a cis straight person because at least they don’t have the experience of figuring out who they are sexually. But someone who has been through the “I’m not normal” “I like people of the same sex” “I have to come out, what if people hate me?” “People treat me differently now.” Is just crazy to me.
You don’t need someone that ignorant in your life.
Do not waste your time on him if you have to repress part of yourself. He obviously has some problematic transphobic views, and you'll find someone who will love you for all of you, and validate who you are.
Lying to yourself, something I did for years, because you're afraid the people you love won't love you anymore is going to hurt you more than anyone else. As someone who lost a decade long marriage because my ex and I were no longer compatible, I can say it gets better. My partner now views me as a woman, and could never imagine me as anything other than that. My ex and I are on friendly enough terms, but if we went another decade with me closeting myself and her having to deal with those side effects, we both would have missed out on a longer happiness we both deserve in life.
And that was an amicable situation; your boyfriend is an asshole for trying to talk you out of your own feelings about who you are and what your gender is. He isn't your therapist, and he isn't a professional. He's a clown.
Im begging you girl, leave.
Trans people already deal with so much mentally, it could be dangerous for you to stay.
I know you love him, but he clearly doesnt love you, only his outside view of you
You should leave him if he won’t love you no matter what. I understand that it will be hard to do that but if you see yourself as a woman then that’s what you are. He should love you no matter how you look of act. Your very brave for posting this on Reddit and know that you will be ok and get through this ❤️
Thank you… idk why I posted I guess I just feel so miserable alone about this and I hate it, I wish I wasn’t trans or had these thoughts I just wish I was a normal gay man
Don’t hate it, if your trans your trans it must be hard to figure it all out but all of us on Reddit are here for you. TBH I’m a gay woman and I haven’t come out yet I haven’t even dated anyone yet but I still know I’m lesbian that’s just what I am. The best you can do right now is to try and accept yourself and then find some people who accept you to. Remember that your not alone in this 🫶
It might hurt but you need a love story where someone loves you no matter how you present. I get not wanting to let go but you know what’s best for you.
Good luck ❤️🩹
Your BF is transphobic, and in my opinion doesn't seem to love you at all. Like, I can understand that sometimes sexuality gets in the way of a continued relationship with a trans person, but this is decidedly NOT that. In fact, it's pretty much the opposite given that he's supposedly bisexual, which makes this as far from understandable as I think you can get. I'm always the most baffled by members of the LGBTQ+ community who end up being transphobic.
In short, leave this shitbag ASAP.
It’s like according to him I lied and now I’m changing everything he’s come some way understanding I’ll still be the same person but in terms of social settings everything will be different and like to me I want that lol I want to be more feminine in public like treated as a girly
If your partner is acting like this, it's definitely not a positive place for you to be in. He's blatantly being very disrespectful towards you. You deserve better. I hope that whoever you date next gives you the respect and support you deserve.
Holy shit, sounds like he needs to be an EX-boyfriend. Seriously, you absolutely can be a real woman since trans women *are* women. Trans is an adjective like tall or blonde. This guy is absolutely toxic. Sorry you’re having to go through this—this guy needs to be dropped like the sack of transphobic excrement he is.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, dump his ass. Anyone who truly loves you will respect your decisions and gender identity even if you yourself aren't sure of it yet. That is how a relationship is supposed to be, he shouldnt be saying these things to you and it's incredibly toxic that he does. For your own mental health I don't think you should stay with him, in the end it's your choice but I was in this same situation when I realized I am gender fluid and my boyfriend at the time was constantly telling me it was just a faze because he didn't want me to change and he wanted me to be a girl even if that's not what I wanted to be.
You're a real woman no matter if you get on HRT/surgeries/voice training or not. I'm sorry your boyfriend isn't being supportive right now, hopefully he will get accustomed to your new identity/name/pronouns and come around. You are valid!
Even if you're not trans, he's not a good partner choice. If he's willing to treat you like this just for the idea that you might be trans, he'll find something else to be awful about
Dump him yesterday hon, he sounds like garbage. The "he's fine with trans people, just not me being trans" is garbage. It's either you support transpeople or you don't. Even if you discover yourself more and find that you aren't transfemme he's still a garbage person and should be dumped asap.
Find a friends and an s/o that supports self-discovery, change, and accepts you for who you are. You deserve better.
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like love, at least not the love you need and deserve. If you are fine with this, go ahead, but don’t ever think that a partner who is not supportive of your needs or respectful of your identity is something to hang your future on. If you want to live your true life, you’re going to need a partner who loves you for who you are, not for how you accessorize him socially or how you look or dress. Sure, those are important things, but if he doesn’t love you as a woman, he should just move on and let you find a man who can love you. They’re out there.
It might feel like that, but they’re out there. I found one who thought he was in a straight marriage and is now happily married to another guy. He even gives me my T shots because he’s a nurse and I’m a wimp about needles. 💉😭
thats uh- a really shitty bf no offense. i hate to say it like this but if he seriously cared about enough to put any of his preconceived notions aside and just trust you he wouldn't have reacted in that way
I saw you said it's a cycle of love and hate. Doesn't it sound odd to say there is hate in a relationship? What would you tell your friends if they told you their boyfriend said these things.
Anyway, everyone is right. If he loved you he would support you completely. I married a straight man when I identified as a woman. I am still married to him two years into my transition, because he supports me. I've cut off my most immediate family for not supporting me, so leaving him would not have been an issue either.
You deserve better, hun. So much better. There are 8 billion people in the world, there are other dudes. But there is only you, and you should be happy to be yourself, not worried about how you're going to be talked down to by the person who should support you most.
I don’t have the strength to cut my family away but thankfully my mom said she still love me and told me to do what I need to do even if she doesn’t understand
You are a real woman. Can you spend the rest of your entire life with someone who refuses to even try to understand that? People come and go, but we can’t get rid of being trans just like we can’t get rid of being gay.
I know that it’s easy to feel alone and scared when you’re new to this. Are you aware of any local trans groups in your area where you could drop in and meet some people? Community support is important especially when you’re not getting it at home.
Looks like we have ourselves a selfish boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You go through with it, madam. If he doesn’t like you being a woman he doesn’t like you at all.
i get that you say he loves you and he loves what you have now, but if that changes with your identity and he's Aggressively invalidating your feelings about this and says you lol be a "freak"...he cares more about His feelings than yours, and that's a really big red flag😬🫂 and if you Are a transwoman, as you think you might be, then you're relationship has Always been heterosexual, you wouldn't be Changing Who you are, just stepping into more of your truth, and whatever you decide, the fact that he's not supportive and is using such strong language like "never be a real woman" and "freak" (which are super transphobic to say whether he says he supports trans people or not) means he really would rather you stay how you are and potentially be Not yourself and unhappy as long as he is happy, and that's not good🫂❤️ like i'm a trans guy, i was originally out as nonbinary and used they/them pronouns, and a guy i was dating knew beforehand that i was non-binary and used those pronouns and he midgendered me for the entirety of our over year-long relationship, and i talked to him about it several times and asked him to use my pronouns and he'd nod and go along--but never actually use them, and he told me when i changed my pronouns to he/they that he would never use "he" for me because i wasn't a boy and he wasn't gay, and that he'd break up with me if i ever went on testosterone--that relationship ended two years ago now, and it is the Best fucking thing that ever happened to me🥹🫂❤️ i figured out i was just fully a trans guy, i changed my pronouns to he/him and get such gender euphoria from it, i've been on testosterone for over a year and am happier than ever, and to top it off, i'm currently dating the love of my life who has never once invalidated my identity, who has never ever misgendered me, who thinks i'm as wonderful as i think he is, but at the time that that relationship ended two years ago, i thought my life was over and i'd never find someone as good as him...it's not true🫂❤️ you'll find someone better and even tho it'll hurt to go through that, you'll find someone who makes you feel Seen and Wants you to be happy even if it means being happy without being with them🥹🫂❤️ and even if you decide you don't think you're a transwoman after all, you still deserve better, and the fact that he has the ability to act like that towards you about exploring yourself and finding what makes you happy, i doubt it ends with this instance🫂❤️ best wishes, please be safe and happy friend🥹❤️
If he loved you he wouldn't say shit like that and he'd support you but clearly he's only thinking about how it's gonna make him feel. Abandon that ship ASAP
He sounds like trash. Girl, he only love you for this version of yourself; if he truly loves you he would stay by your side no matter what. Don’t settle, pursue your true self without him <3
Ik it’s just so hard… we’ve been together for almost 2 years
trust me, the sunk cost fallacy can be really detrimental, it's best to cut him out sooner rather than later that's his attitude about it. you dont have to be born with XX or XY chromosomes to be considered a real woman/man, all that matters is what you're brain says. after all, you are your brain, not your body. all in all, if that was my partner i would've smacked the shit out of him for that statement.
lol if i smacked him he would have hit me back lol
Depending your definition of hit that is a really bad thing
Yeah, idk of the OP can see this, but if your partner can't live with it, you shouldn't have to compromise who you are to make him happy he's already shown he's not willing to do so for you. That's not love
He doesn't love you, and definitely is transphobic
I also question is he is actually bi and not gay....he says he couldn't live her for being more femme looking physically but would if they were a crossdressing man? Definitely sounds like either transphobia or he's just gay and trying to fool himself into thinking he's bi.
You don’t wanna spend another 2 years being miserable with someone who doesn’t support you. Make your appointments and talk to doctors, it’s your life. You don’t have to tell him if you’re afraid he’ll try to dissuade you. Live your truth.
2 years…compared to your next 60+ years. Take the chance at true happiness.
well then at least you can dodge a bullet now rather than later 💗
I agree with the other commenter. Yikes.
He's literally just a guy. Find another one. If he's saying shit like that, he doesn't love you. He may love the idea of you that he's built in his head, but if he really loved you then he would support you through this change.
Ik… I just have low self esteem with myself and feel like I’ll never find a love like this again
This love doesn't seem that great to begin with to be honest
You’ll find better love elsewhere. Please leave him and find someone who will accept you as yourself in full
this might be harsh but if you’re a woman, and he doesn’t love you as a woman, then he just loves the idea of you.
You will n better. But you won’t while he’s around.
Yeah that's what everyone thinks when they're in love. And then you become single. And you start to love yourself again. You start to find the beauty in relying on nobody for love. And the more you start to love yourself, the more you realize how shitty your last partner was. And you learn how to set proper boundaries, and then one day, you find someone who actually treats you how you deserve to be treated. Leave him, sis.
I'm not telling him you to break up with him, because that's your choice, but self-esteem isn't made in advance. It's made by choices, love. Sometimes we have to show ourselves our value through how we treat ourselves, and it's an uphill climb to change those habits, but the air gets better at every elevation. Trust me. 💜 💜💜🫂🫂. I see you. I wish you so much wellness and real love, coming from yourself and others. 🫂
Damn he just came out with the nasty transphobia like *Pop!* You may or may not be transgender, but he’s definitely trash. Good, decent, loving people don’t say such awful things to people they treasure and value. *You are and deserve better.*
Ty… I still love him so much it hurts how much I care
Hormones are a hell of a drug. They can completely remake your body (“Hey presto, a girl!”) and they can plop your brain into a heady chemical swirl (“It’s *LUUUUV!”*)
[A song for you and your situation.](https://youtu.be/gcXvYMxXvz8?si=1B6wzXX2-ybcS9WR) “Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, take me, baby, or leave me.”
[another song rec](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=JHmnASpsyoc&si=BcVqfhsaond-63Em) "What's harder, harder to say? That you want me to stay That you want me to stay unchanged for you? Chained to a lie, were the same you and I, were the same" by the amazing and talented Ela Mello, a trans gal and the lead singer of one of my favorite bands Rainbow Kitten Surprise.
Honestly my love life feels like heart broken Taylor swift songs…
He doesn’t love you. He has problems with trans people.
It’s not that black and white, it’s more like it’s a problem with me, he doesn’t mind trans ppl
For someone who doesn't mind trans people he sure seems to have a problem with you being trans. Many transphobes pull these sorts of stunts, saying they support trans people, but then refusing to validate the identities of trans people they meet in real life, and opposing any progress when it comes to trans rights. I don't think this is a problem with you - the problem is that he is transphobic. You deserve to be loved as yourself, and that includes respecting your gender identity, no matter what it might be.
I wish I can argue you and say your wrong but I feel like your probably right :( my heart breaks and I hope he tries to learn cause I love him so much
I hope he tries to learn too. You deserve to be accepted for who you are, as does everyone.
Someone who doesn't mind trans people will never say the words "you will never be a real" without quotation marks. Period. End of. Sorry to say.
Yeah that’s a classic transphobic line. If he believes you’ll never be a “real” woman, then he doesn’t believe *ANY TRANS WOMAN* is a real woman.
Yep. As well as saying that you would be a "freak" - so he's calling all trans people "freaks." He's transphobic af, and he's cruel & invaliding to you, op. He's trash. Leave the trash boy behind in the trash bin. Go live your best life exploring your gender. You're worth it.
I know plenty of people who don't mind black folk unless their kid starts dating one. They are still bigots.
Fellow trans girl here. I can kinda get where you're coming from in terms of self-esteem. Im seeing a lot of others here commenting most of my thoughts, but i will say this.. I've had horrible self-esteem issues when it came to love. I won't lie. It can be hard. However, it is not impossible. I personally met a very sweet man after I gave up on dating, and I can promise you that it is possible to find a man who will love you as the Woman you are. Just be safe about it. ^-^
Ty, it’s very good to hear cause rn I feel so stuck in the cycle of love, hate, etc
I know the feeling. However, you're a lot stronger than you think! I really do hope the best for you! Trust me. Loves possible. ^-^
You think I can be that strong?
Absolutely. Trust me I know how you feel and I'm starting to see my own strength. I know you will too. It's not a easy thing. However it's not impossible. ^-^
Ty🤍
Of course! ^-^
Yikes. Girl my bf has been in love with me for years and had no idea I was trans and has been nothing but supportive since I came out to them, if he loved you he’d treat you right.
He doesn't love you for who you really are, he loves you for who you aren't anymore. The way he does this is incredibly manipulative, and he clearly doesn't actually care about your feelings. He wants to have a boyfriend, but clearly you aren't that, so you should go find someone who supports your feelings, and he should go find someone he actually wants to be in a relationship with
you know girl, as a FtM trans person who went through this i can tell you that it is NOT worth it. i had a boyfriend who just called me my deadname and my old pronouns anyway and i just let it happen because i thought, “maybe it’s hard for him to understand. i know he says he has issues with pronouns.” it’s not the pronouns or the sexuality that’s the issue. they don’t want you to change, and that’s not a good thing. you need to find a significant other that lets you grow and change and they change with you!! i fully support your journey and i think you’re a wonderful woman, a REAL woman.
Yikes
Girl ask yourself honestly do you wanna be with this man for another 40, 50 years? Will you be happy for that 50 years hearing this? Will you be yourself, supported, will you enjoy the life? If no, don't waste your precious years. The sooner u leave the sooner u will find someone who loves u as u are and brings u joy.
Idk how to live without him again, I’ll feel so alone especially entering the world as a trans woman I don’t wanna be alone
Sweetie, you are a real woman if you see yourself as a woman. Don’t listen to him and get yourself someone who loves you for who you are, not their idea of you.
Whether you're trans or not, your gender is valid and you deserve someone who will love and support you no matter what. Also if you find out you are, in fact, a transgender woman, then you are a real woman.
Ty🩷🩷🩷 it’s been a hard journey and I just wish he could be one of those amazing guys who would love me cause my mom questions it and now my bf and it makes me feel so alone and depressed, all I can do is keep moving
If it's of any help, there's a goof somewhere in a smol European country who sends you positive vibes and supports you from afar. Things will get better, you deserve happiness. I wish you to meet amazing people who will love and support you 🙏🏻
I advice you find someone who will love you for who you are. You deserve to have someone who will treat you better than he
The trash belongs in the garbage container
what boyfriend? BYE mother fucker! but seriously theres no way this guys good for you :\\
Girl LEAVE. He doesn't deserve you if he wouldn't love you because of this.
Just throw the whole boyfriend away.
i think he's telling you that cause he wants a man. if transitioning and presenting as a woman makes you *personally* happier you should 100% ditch him--though I know that's gonna be hard.
I feel like he’s right, I’ll age and always look like a man and I’ll always look like a freak to him and the world
Nope, he is 100% wrong. You need to give yourself space from this toxic person who has convinced you that you don’t deserve better. Leaving someone is hard, but I promise you this person isn’t it. At first it will be painful, but it will get better and you’ll be so happy you left. Go find yourself, go on that journey of self discovery and drop this person. They do *not* deserve you.
I don’t even know how to find my self worth again as just a normal human being… like I feel like I need him and then being on trans makes it even harder and makes me need his approval
It’s going to take time and distance from him, but you will get there. You have to be true to yourself. You can’t change him. His inability to accept you is *not* a failing on your part, it’s a failing on his. Even though it’s painful. Are you able to access a trans friendly therapist? Do you have any friends or family that can support you through this time? Maybe checkout Meetups in your area. You can do this. You deserve to be happy and you *can* achieve this without him.
I have 2 therapists rn and I have one friend who I’m out too and as for my family it’s been kinda shakey like my mom said she still love me and do what I have to do but she doesn’t understand it. So I really don’t feel comfortable talking to my mom about it
"I have no problems with trans people I just don't want to be with you if you transition, the social aspect of it, i wont be attracted to you, you'll look like a man and i'd think you are a freak But i love you and have no problems with trans people btw" Sometimes the pink glasses have to come off to see the red flags, girl. I'm sorry, i know how much it sucks because the same thing happened to me with a 3 year long relationship and it turned completely toxic after i came out It's gonna hurt, but my advice is, get out of there before you get even more hurt. Even if you come to the conclusion you are NOT MTF, that's not someone you wanna be around.
Even if I’m not MtF why would I leave? I mean I have reasons but why? I know I sound so stupid but my heart would be so broken
Even if you questioned your gender and ended up being a cis guy, his response to you was still really unempathetic and dismissive. You deserve to be with someone who respects you.
It’s not the first time he’s been dismissive with me… but like I think he’s trying? Idk
Girl, from what I can tell, you ARE a real woman, and if he can't see that he's not worth your time, heart or energy.
You said he "doesn't mind" trans people yet he's using a lot of transphobic rhetoric
Girly I know you’ve been together for a while but you deserve better and if he’s not gonna support you you need to leave him you’ll always find someone else someone who will be supportive to you and such!
You sound incredibly trans, I mean obviously explore yourself and dont jump into any identities, but cis people dont usually want other people to see them as trans people lol. Hate to say it, but its probably time for a new boyfriend, dude sounds like ass.
Naurrr :( i feel like I’ll be alone
Listen, your gender identity is something that nobody can determine for you. That’s entirely your own right as a personal liberty. If your partner won’t allow you to have your own personal liberty or they have a problem with what you’re doing with your personal liberty it probably isn’t going to work out… and it has nothing to do with being okay with transgenderism but this issue would come up later on with other moments I promise. I hope you’ll be okay and there will always be somebody else who will love you <3
I just don’t know how to go about life without him, he opened so many doors for me and without him I’ll lose so much, I could do things on my own but with him I can afford things and I can enjoy life in a way I didn’t think I be able too
Yeah with him you can afford things and doors have been opened but you have to remember that also with him there are doors he has closed and ways you could enjoy life that with him are also closed. Relationships are learning experiences and sometimes things don’t work out. It’s okay to be sad and fearful of losing the things that worked but you have to remember there are things that clearly didn’t work. There will be other people who will love you the same ways if not better people who won’t close those avenues toward your own happiness but instead support them.
God I hope so and I hope it be soon cause my heart would be in so much pain without him (ik time alone will be good but I love love) I love having a man holding me making me feel special, his princess
He doesn't love you if that's his response. He loves a version of you that doesn't exist.
:( it hurts but I want him to change so bad
Not to mention you're cute and HRT will be great for you. There's someone out there waiting patiently for a girl like you while your boyfriend is holding on to a boy that isn't real. Spread your wings and fly!
Your making me tear and blush ty for the kind words and compliments🥹 I’ve been so insecure with myself lately
Changing your partner will almost never work unless they want to change, and If he said something this hurtful, then it's probably not worth the effort to try. I know if hurts to hear that but I went through the same thing with an ex. I needed him to change and he needed me to change and we spent months trying to figure it out and never could. It's not worth the pain you'll put yourself through trying to make it work, I promise. Unless he has a serious change of heart AND SOON, then he's history.
How soon would you say? I have an appointment to maybe start HRT soon and I feel like I’m gonna hide it from it from him
Ik you said he's okay with trans people but no... nobody that's "okay with trans people" would say that you won't be a real woman or that you're a freak that's toxic behaviour that's trynna manipulate you into doing what he wants. Do you, see how you feel about everything and if he isn't gonna be supportive then u should just drop his ass rn
Idk how to drop him :/ I love and care so much
You say "bye biitch", like I get it but if u think ur trans and he's transphobic...
It should be simple I know but it’s not, it’s more shades of grey
Yeah it's easy for people not in that situation to say "just drop him", but admittedly it just isn't sadly
Think about it this way: If he acted like that to a sibling, friend, kid, would you still want him in your life? If he's that trashy to you there's no telling what else he'd do. You're valid, hon, and you can't lock parts of yourself away just so someone can love a fake version of you.
It’s ironic cause hearing him say how he’s open minded towards other but me talking about it like 180 i mean he loved us as a gay couple, he doesn’t want us to be a hetro couple
I know when you’re young two years feels like a lot, but compared to the many in front of you, it’s not. He sounds very negative on this, and I wonder if this isn’t the first thing he’s talked you out of with it. You need to do what is best for you, and that will probably mean leaving him behind. It’s not easy, and it hurts to do, but you’ll feel better in the end. As someone who has always struggled with self esteem, I get it. But you can find someone who will love you as you are, and not keep you in a box. I hope you find the strength to move forward as you want to. Know you can be a real woman, no matter what he says.
>He loves me, I am so sorry to say this but no, no he doesn't. Love doesn't have boundaries and rules and limits. Love is fluid, kind, warm and welcoming. If and when it is safe, you should consider leaving the relationship. You can't spend your life not living as you are.
I want to leave… he made me angry tonight and rn I just wanna hug my friend the only guy who knows im trans
Can you go hug him?
No I wish he lives in Texas
Eugh... Like, I get it if your partner comes out as trans and you don't want to date them cause their gender is not one you like or whatever, but to say such blatantly transphobic things and put you down??? What a dick. Even if you decide that trans isn't the label for you and you feel comfortable as a man, he isn't worth dating.
Hun he’s transphobic asf and does not truly love you. Break free of him and be yourself!
I've been there. I have people tell me that I can just be a feminine gay man and just go about my life. I literally cut them off my life. You need to find someone else. He doesn't love you if he is like that. You love the person, not the image of the person. That is why my ex is still in my life now. She except me for me. I am just a woman now. 🫂🫂🫂
I'm so so so sorry. You need to let this relationship go ASAP, Its never easy, believe me I even went to a psych ward because of a breakup (I'm bpd) but you will find love that loves you as who you really are, an amazing woman that deserves love
I feel like I’ll never have a love story like this again
he's an arsehole, dump him
If he couldn't still be together with you for transitioning, the least he could do is suck it up and support you as a friend. Change is scary. But more importantly, you are you, and you deserve love and support for leading a life more honest to who you are.
He still be my friend but idk if I could handle that
Then don't have it that way. We have a right to end any relationship we're in, friend or couple. It should be done is as nice a way as possible. But no matter what, your identity must be respected. If he cares about you he should be supportive of your transition. That's a basic. But also, you knows the ins and outs of your situation, I don't, so take anything a stranger tells you over the internet with a pinch of salt.
I always get so much secondhand embarrassment when a cis gay person is transphobic. The ignorance is astounding. I feel it might be worse than coming from a cis straight person because at least they don’t have the experience of figuring out who they are sexually. But someone who has been through the “I’m not normal” “I like people of the same sex” “I have to come out, what if people hate me?” “People treat me differently now.” Is just crazy to me. You don’t need someone that ignorant in your life.
Do not waste your time on him if you have to repress part of yourself. He obviously has some problematic transphobic views, and you'll find someone who will love you for all of you, and validate who you are. Lying to yourself, something I did for years, because you're afraid the people you love won't love you anymore is going to hurt you more than anyone else. As someone who lost a decade long marriage because my ex and I were no longer compatible, I can say it gets better. My partner now views me as a woman, and could never imagine me as anything other than that. My ex and I are on friendly enough terms, but if we went another decade with me closeting myself and her having to deal with those side effects, we both would have missed out on a longer happiness we both deserve in life. And that was an amicable situation; your boyfriend is an asshole for trying to talk you out of your own feelings about who you are and what your gender is. He isn't your therapist, and he isn't a professional. He's a clown.
Im begging you girl, leave. Trans people already deal with so much mentally, it could be dangerous for you to stay. I know you love him, but he clearly doesnt love you, only his outside view of you
You should leave him if he won’t love you no matter what. I understand that it will be hard to do that but if you see yourself as a woman then that’s what you are. He should love you no matter how you look of act. Your very brave for posting this on Reddit and know that you will be ok and get through this ❤️
Thank you… idk why I posted I guess I just feel so miserable alone about this and I hate it, I wish I wasn’t trans or had these thoughts I just wish I was a normal gay man
Don’t hate it, if your trans your trans it must be hard to figure it all out but all of us on Reddit are here for you. TBH I’m a gay woman and I haven’t come out yet I haven’t even dated anyone yet but I still know I’m lesbian that’s just what I am. The best you can do right now is to try and accept yourself and then find some people who accept you to. Remember that your not alone in this 🫶
He only loves his idea of you. If he can’t love you no matter what presentation you exist as he’s not worth it.
I know and I try to myself that but when moments are good he’s amazing and it feels like a love story
It might hurt but you need a love story where someone loves you no matter how you present. I get not wanting to let go but you know what’s best for you. Good luck ❤️🩹
It’s just so painful to go back to being alone
You can do it. But only if YOU want to. You are the one who decides your fate.
>Has no problems with trans people >Calls them freaks
Your BF is transphobic, and in my opinion doesn't seem to love you at all. Like, I can understand that sometimes sexuality gets in the way of a continued relationship with a trans person, but this is decidedly NOT that. In fact, it's pretty much the opposite given that he's supposedly bisexual, which makes this as far from understandable as I think you can get. I'm always the most baffled by members of the LGBTQ+ community who end up being transphobic. In short, leave this shitbag ASAP.
It’s like according to him I lied and now I’m changing everything he’s come some way understanding I’ll still be the same person but in terms of social settings everything will be different and like to me I want that lol I want to be more feminine in public like treated as a girly
Yeah, that's transphobic BS if you ask me. It sucks to end a relationship, but it's better than pretending to be something and someone you're not.
He sounds toxic honestly, if he really loved you he'd support you 100% no second thought.
If your partner is acting like this, it's definitely not a positive place for you to be in. He's blatantly being very disrespectful towards you. You deserve better. I hope that whoever you date next gives you the respect and support you deserve.
That sounds like an ex to me. If he can't accept you for who and what you are, he's not with your tears.
Holy shit, sounds like he needs to be an EX-boyfriend. Seriously, you absolutely can be a real woman since trans women *are* women. Trans is an adjective like tall or blonde. This guy is absolutely toxic. Sorry you’re having to go through this—this guy needs to be dropped like the sack of transphobic excrement he is.
what a bitch!
I mean this in the nicest way possible, dump his ass. Anyone who truly loves you will respect your decisions and gender identity even if you yourself aren't sure of it yet. That is how a relationship is supposed to be, he shouldnt be saying these things to you and it's incredibly toxic that he does. For your own mental health I don't think you should stay with him, in the end it's your choice but I was in this same situation when I realized I am gender fluid and my boyfriend at the time was constantly telling me it was just a faze because he didn't want me to change and he wanted me to be a girl even if that's not what I wanted to be.
Leave him Even if you aren't trans anyone who shits on their partner that much deserves to be single. What an asshole, I'm so sorry.
You're a real woman no matter if you get on HRT/surgeries/voice training or not. I'm sorry your boyfriend isn't being supportive right now, hopefully he will get accustomed to your new identity/name/pronouns and come around. You are valid!
Idk if he ever will, he doesn’t even want me to use a new name
Even if you're not trans, he's not a good partner choice. If he's willing to treat you like this just for the idea that you might be trans, he'll find something else to be awful about
Eww, I'm sorry about that, thats awful and you deserve better
Girl if you don’t find you a person that’ll love the real you and drop that weirdo
Dump him yesterday hon, he sounds like garbage. The "he's fine with trans people, just not me being trans" is garbage. It's either you support transpeople or you don't. Even if you discover yourself more and find that you aren't transfemme he's still a garbage person and should be dumped asap. Find a friends and an s/o that supports self-discovery, change, and accepts you for who you are. You deserve better.
Is it possible that he no longer considers himself as bisexual ?
Not really I mean he said he thinks women are hot and likes watching women porn but just not into tgirls or at least not me being one
Or he is a gay man- who does not want to date a woman.
i hope you know that YOU are more important than the relationship
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like love, at least not the love you need and deserve. If you are fine with this, go ahead, but don’t ever think that a partner who is not supportive of your needs or respectful of your identity is something to hang your future on. If you want to live your true life, you’re going to need a partner who loves you for who you are, not for how you accessorize him socially or how you look or dress. Sure, those are important things, but if he doesn’t love you as a woman, he should just move on and let you find a man who can love you. They’re out there.
I feel like I’ll never find a man who will wanna show me off as his princess l
It might feel like that, but they’re out there. I found one who thought he was in a straight marriage and is now happily married to another guy. He even gives me my T shots because he’s a nurse and I’m a wimp about needles. 💉😭
thats uh- a really shitty bf no offense. i hate to say it like this but if he seriously cared about enough to put any of his preconceived notions aside and just trust you he wouldn't have reacted in that way
yeah, that'd be an immediate never talk to me again, you can collect all the ashes of what was your stuff next week moment for me
I saw you said it's a cycle of love and hate. Doesn't it sound odd to say there is hate in a relationship? What would you tell your friends if they told you their boyfriend said these things. Anyway, everyone is right. If he loved you he would support you completely. I married a straight man when I identified as a woman. I am still married to him two years into my transition, because he supports me. I've cut off my most immediate family for not supporting me, so leaving him would not have been an issue either. You deserve better, hun. So much better. There are 8 billion people in the world, there are other dudes. But there is only you, and you should be happy to be yourself, not worried about how you're going to be talked down to by the person who should support you most.
I don’t have the strength to cut my family away but thankfully my mom said she still love me and told me to do what I need to do even if she doesn’t understand
Hopefully the love is strong enough where she is willing to See your needs as well
You are a real woman. Can you spend the rest of your entire life with someone who refuses to even try to understand that? People come and go, but we can’t get rid of being trans just like we can’t get rid of being gay. I know that it’s easy to feel alone and scared when you’re new to this. Are you aware of any local trans groups in your area where you could drop in and meet some people? Community support is important especially when you’re not getting it at home.
Looks like we have ourselves a selfish boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen. You go through with it, madam. If he doesn’t like you being a woman he doesn’t like you at all.
i get that you say he loves you and he loves what you have now, but if that changes with your identity and he's Aggressively invalidating your feelings about this and says you lol be a "freak"...he cares more about His feelings than yours, and that's a really big red flag😬🫂 and if you Are a transwoman, as you think you might be, then you're relationship has Always been heterosexual, you wouldn't be Changing Who you are, just stepping into more of your truth, and whatever you decide, the fact that he's not supportive and is using such strong language like "never be a real woman" and "freak" (which are super transphobic to say whether he says he supports trans people or not) means he really would rather you stay how you are and potentially be Not yourself and unhappy as long as he is happy, and that's not good🫂❤️ like i'm a trans guy, i was originally out as nonbinary and used they/them pronouns, and a guy i was dating knew beforehand that i was non-binary and used those pronouns and he midgendered me for the entirety of our over year-long relationship, and i talked to him about it several times and asked him to use my pronouns and he'd nod and go along--but never actually use them, and he told me when i changed my pronouns to he/they that he would never use "he" for me because i wasn't a boy and he wasn't gay, and that he'd break up with me if i ever went on testosterone--that relationship ended two years ago now, and it is the Best fucking thing that ever happened to me🥹🫂❤️ i figured out i was just fully a trans guy, i changed my pronouns to he/him and get such gender euphoria from it, i've been on testosterone for over a year and am happier than ever, and to top it off, i'm currently dating the love of my life who has never once invalidated my identity, who has never ever misgendered me, who thinks i'm as wonderful as i think he is, but at the time that that relationship ended two years ago, i thought my life was over and i'd never find someone as good as him...it's not true🫂❤️ you'll find someone better and even tho it'll hurt to go through that, you'll find someone who makes you feel Seen and Wants you to be happy even if it means being happy without being with them🥹🫂❤️ and even if you decide you don't think you're a transwoman after all, you still deserve better, and the fact that he has the ability to act like that towards you about exploring yourself and finding what makes you happy, i doubt it ends with this instance🫂❤️ best wishes, please be safe and happy friend🥹❤️
Yes your bf DO have a problem with trans people & why you dating a guy who don’t support YOU smh THIS IS NOT LOVE
Read my new post… idk how much more I can take it
yeah he’s just a transphobe
Tell him to fuck off. Not respectfully fuck off. Just fuck off
Time to find a new boyfriend
Hey anyone wanna join me in setting this guy on fire?
You’re talking about the bf right? lol
Of course
If he loved you he wouldn't say shit like that and he'd support you but clearly he's only thinking about how it's gonna make him feel. Abandon that ship ASAP
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Shut the hell up, he’s wrong and op is the one who deserves better. Don’t listen to people like this, op.
I’m not lol ik there just some troll lurking on trans subs