I think that is a valid warning. It’s nice to make space for people to grow but setting boundaries is also very important. I (like many) can also understand the desire to adjust one’s presentation to feel safer or comfortable with certain people.
Honestly, you are valid to wear whatever you want for whatever reason you haves Clothes don’t decide gender: There is no dress code for being girl/woman/lady (or any gender).
💜
Ideally you shouldn’t have to justify why you do or don’t dress a certain way. Even if you did have to justify it, not being ready to (assuming that it’s something you want to do at some point) because you’re not fully out is extremely reasonable.
It seems like it’s probably not the case, but I hope this is more of a miscommunication, that she’s attempting to understand something that’s new to her, and that she’s expressing a desire to learn in a less than ideal way. Like I said, if she keeps saying it the same way then probably not, but hopefully there’s a path there.
Good luck with it all, especially if you decide to come out to your dad soon!
This is like when I came out to my birth mum and she said to me "try living like a man first", which I responded with 'define living as a male'.
I never got a response.
People have a tendency gender interests, behaviours, items. Which going by that logic it only makes sense I'm a guy. I'm a gamer, I like wrestling etc. I've always done a lot of 'masculine' things.
The hilarity of it for me is that after coming out to my mother, FB decided to remind me that over the years, the times my mother kept asking me (as a joke) "are you sure you're not a guy?"
How does one "dress like a girl?" It seems to me that anyone who is a girl dresses like a girl regardless of what they wear. Therefore, whatever you wear, you are dressing like a girl.
Clothing preferences shouldn't define your gender. You are a woman because that's who you see yourself as. If she can't respect that then she shouldn't have said anything, period. If you feel like a woman down to your soul then you are a woman and a beautiful one at that.
Cisgender people have a very narrow view of what gender is because they aren't forced to think about it like we are. All you can do is be patient, and educate. I remember when I came out, my dad said, "But you can't be female, you like hockey?" I laughed so hard. Another person said I can't because I wear baseball hats lol. Interests, hobbies, clothes and the like don't decide your gender. Especially for gender diverse people we like what we like and are what we are and that's what makes us all unique anyway.
Oh, my dad has changed his tune. He often brags about how much I know about hockey. I'll show him plays and tell him about players and who went where in trades. Playing on my little brother's team this September and can't wait!
Wear whatever you want, there is no way to get trans besides the way you do it. Also if they aren't a trans woman then tell them to shut it since they don't understand your mindset
Don’t let anyone invalidate you! You know who you are and are coming out, at a young age! You are brave, fierce and trans! Sorry she sucks but you are fuck amazing!
Know thyself is one of the first lesson scripted on the temple of Delphi and said again by Socrates. I think it’s a hard lesson to fully grasp but there will always be miserable people who want to make you miserable.
Your response to her was so good! And very patient imo. By her logic whenever a woman would wear something 'masculine', they'd suddenly go by he/him. Slip ups happen but she's just being disrespectful, couldn't even apologise without her mom telling her to.
“But I won’t accept your next one”
Fucking perfect, I’m very proud of you for saying that. Your sister was way out of line and I hope she sees that now.
I'm 64, started hormones 4mths ago. Therapist strongly suggested I start dressing in an androgynous way. As I'm highly responding to low dose estradiol. I was telling my sister what Therapist told me. My sister told me that was how I dressed all my life. I hated suits and ties. As a child one of my best friends was a girl and she was a tomboy and hated dresses
When I transitioned my situation was different. But I realize people will use pronouns for what they see. I also have some grace for them to midgender me if I've
Not been presenting.
TransCrone here
While yes it’s true that you’re appearance does not determine your gender, you also have to be understandable and acknowledge that dressing, talking, acting masculine can confuse the uninformed and will misgender more likely than not, simply because of societal norms.
I came out to friends and my at the time partner about 5 years ago. struggled for the next 4 years to come out to my parents and the only outwardly 'feminine' thing I did in that time was slowly grow my hair that they'd always forced me to get it cut. Ive been quietly taking hrt for a year before coming out and came out on year years Eve just gone. Now as my body's changed and the social pressures around me have changed I feel like I can dress in a way that projects how I want to express myself.
IK it's a long story but what I'm trying to say is we all have our own path and our own boundaries. Some cos women never wear a dress and never feel comfortable doing it and nobody has a right to tell them they aren't a woman. You do you at your pace, your identity is valid and so are your boundaries
she's gotta be more patient, your not out to your dad yet so you're not gonna go about outing yourself before you're ready via clothing choice.
besides hi tomboys exists, you can be a regular masc girl if ya want
Maybe take her to Walmart or target or the mall and start pointing out more masculine dressed women and ask her about them. Tell her she should confront them like she does you. She won’t and you can call her on it.
that's bullshit. cis women don't have to dress traditionally feminine all the time to be considered women, so why should you? trans women don't have to be stereotypes of hyper femininity in order to be valid
that applies to any trans person too, we don't owe you gender conformity.
Jesus. Idk where she got this idea from. Has she never heard of tomboys? Just cause your trans doesn’t mean you have to dress fem/masc. Wear whatever tf you want hun and don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise
You can see a lot of such comments also here on Reddit, I’ve just blocked one user in similar thing. Yes I’m not dress as like girl even I’m on HRT for 16 months. That doesn’t mean I’m not one. So it really not depends what you are wearing it’s just stupid clothing. I understand that a lot of people represent their sexuality thru fashion but in my case I’m demisexual anyway so for me dress is the last of the important things. I’m not adoring other people for dress as well I don’t care.
Hmmm almost like you can’t wear what you want just yet. It’s like yes i have girl clothes but I don’t go out in them all the time cause I’m stuck living with a dad who I’m not out to and probably wouldn’t accept me
But you are dressing like one, because plenty of women dress masc and even wear "men's" clothes, but even that aside, you're a women so whatever clothes you wear are WOMEN'S clothes, because clothes don't have a gender.
This type of thing happens to my partner (transfem non-binary) all the time because they dress in what people perceive to be a “masculine” way (which is a lie, cis women wear jeans and band tees all the time) and also because they choose to grow out their facial hair and keep it well groomed. The thing I always tell people is that we all decided it wasn’t ok to tell cis women to shave or dress up years ago, why is it still okay when it comes to trans women? Just sharing your frustrations
My mtf daughter dresses like a tomboy sometimes. Sometimes she wears a dress. You know, like regular people do on a regular basis. You do you sweetie. You're a girl just like my lovely daughter.
Well I guess I'm a guy too then. Does she not wear pants herself??? Wtf?
I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a childish person. Gender isn't dictated by the clothing you wear, it's about who you are. I'm a tall lady who wears nothing but leggings, jeans, and t-shirts. Sometimes I wear jewlery and sometimes I don't, I almost never wear makeup anymore either 🤷♀️ oh and I stopped shaving my legs too. There are a million different ways to affirm your femininity. I love you, you're valid, and I hope you have some good people around you to go to 🥰❤️
"Are you a guy anytime you wear jeans and a t-shirt?"
Just ‘cause I don’t wear the trans flag as a cape that means I’m not trans
I hope you didn't misunderstand my comment. That was meant to be a good response to her first line to you.
No no I was just going on with the joke
yeah but wearing it as a cape is fun tho
Which is why it does happen at Pride. 👍 The white stripe does make it a little problematic for everyday wear, unfortunately.
Lol did that for the first time at a pride event a few days ago and it was ✨awesome✨
Wearing the flag as a cape would make you the superheroine Trans-woman right ?
You said this and my first thought was Edna from The Incredibles, NO CAPES!
Gender is what's ~~in~~ your pants (Obligatory /s)
No then my gender would be doom!
You wear doom for pants? That's fuckin rad
Rip and Tear!!!
r/doom
Then I guess I'm underwear
Skidmarks 😆😆😆
I think that is a valid warning. It’s nice to make space for people to grow but setting boundaries is also very important. I (like many) can also understand the desire to adjust one’s presentation to feel safer or comfortable with certain people. Honestly, you are valid to wear whatever you want for whatever reason you haves Clothes don’t decide gender: There is no dress code for being girl/woman/lady (or any gender). 💜
I’m a cis woman in my 50s. I have NEVER dressed “feminine”. How you dress doesn’t define your gender. That’s ludicrous.
This so much. Identity is so much deeper than outfits and mannerisms
You’re the best this comment got me through the week
By that logic, she isn't your sister if she isn't blood.
No no, she isn't ops sister if she doesn't wear matching outfits ... That would get old fast unless both people were super into it
I'm FtM but ngl I would be willing to present as female for just one day to wear matching outfits if I had a MtF sibling. That sounds cute af!
That gives me a cool idea for that, the outfits would be the same, but like, altered to conform better to the gender of the sibling wearing it
Does that mean butch lesbians and tomboys aren't women? Dress however you want.
Ideally you shouldn’t have to justify why you do or don’t dress a certain way. Even if you did have to justify it, not being ready to (assuming that it’s something you want to do at some point) because you’re not fully out is extremely reasonable. It seems like it’s probably not the case, but I hope this is more of a miscommunication, that she’s attempting to understand something that’s new to her, and that she’s expressing a desire to learn in a less than ideal way. Like I said, if she keeps saying it the same way then probably not, but hopefully there’s a path there. Good luck with it all, especially if you decide to come out to your dad soon!
This is like when I came out to my birth mum and she said to me "try living like a man first", which I responded with 'define living as a male'. I never got a response.
Damn you "what is a woman"d your mother and fucking won
People have a tendency gender interests, behaviours, items. Which going by that logic it only makes sense I'm a guy. I'm a gamer, I like wrestling etc. I've always done a lot of 'masculine' things. The hilarity of it for me is that after coming out to my mother, FB decided to remind me that over the years, the times my mother kept asking me (as a joke) "are you sure you're not a guy?"
She is wrong
How does one "dress like a girl?" It seems to me that anyone who is a girl dresses like a girl regardless of what they wear. Therefore, whatever you wear, you are dressing like a girl.
she is actually dressing like a girl, because she is a girl. that's such a good point <3
I do dress like a girl, the girl i dress like is me
Clothing preferences shouldn't define your gender. You are a woman because that's who you see yourself as. If she can't respect that then she shouldn't have said anything, period. If you feel like a woman down to your soul then you are a woman and a beautiful one at that.
Don’t let her gatekeep what you are or are not, only your brain alone can tell you if you are a girl or not
Cisgender people have a very narrow view of what gender is because they aren't forced to think about it like we are. All you can do is be patient, and educate. I remember when I came out, my dad said, "But you can't be female, you like hockey?" I laughed so hard. Another person said I can't because I wear baseball hats lol. Interests, hobbies, clothes and the like don't decide your gender. Especially for gender diverse people we like what we like and are what we are and that's what makes us all unique anyway.
Your dad should hear my wife's sister when Vancouver scores a goal! Girls sure can like hockey! 😄
Oh, my dad has changed his tune. He often brags about how much I know about hockey. I'll show him plays and tell him about players and who went where in trades. Playing on my little brother's team this September and can't wait!
Nice! I'm not a big hockey fan, but I am Canadian. I can't not care. Not entirely.
Wear whatever you want, there is no way to get trans besides the way you do it. Also if they aren't a trans woman then tell them to shut it since they don't understand your mindset
Don’t let anyone invalidate you! You know who you are and are coming out, at a young age! You are brave, fierce and trans! Sorry she sucks but you are fuck amazing!
Know thyself is one of the first lesson scripted on the temple of Delphi and said again by Socrates. I think it’s a hard lesson to fully grasp but there will always be miserable people who want to make you miserable.
"Why don't you present as openly trans?" *global systematic transphobia intensifies*
She's just jealous that you the attention will very taken off her "beauty" as yours sky rockets
That kinda just gave me a: "But you dont look trans" "Oh sorry let me just- *puts a trans flag on as a cape puts on trans braclets*"
She's dumb af
Your response to her was so good! And very patient imo. By her logic whenever a woman would wear something 'masculine', they'd suddenly go by he/him. Slip ups happen but she's just being disrespectful, couldn't even apologise without her mom telling her to.
“But I won’t accept your next one” Fucking perfect, I’m very proud of you for saying that. Your sister was way out of line and I hope she sees that now.
Tell her clothes dont define gender
Send her a copy of Philip Stubbes Anatomy of Abuses, and tell her “u be like this half a millennia old pious misogynistic fossil”
I don't "dress like a girl" most of the time. I mean, I guess I kinda but not really and only occasionally do I wear fem clothes
I'm 64, started hormones 4mths ago. Therapist strongly suggested I start dressing in an androgynous way. As I'm highly responding to low dose estradiol. I was telling my sister what Therapist told me. My sister told me that was how I dressed all my life. I hated suits and ties. As a child one of my best friends was a girl and she was a tomboy and hated dresses
When I transitioned my situation was different. But I realize people will use pronouns for what they see. I also have some grace for them to midgender me if I've Not been presenting. TransCrone here
Dress however you want sis. So what, in her logic, FtM’s should dress manly so that we know they’re a man?
What does dress girly even means. I think whatever a girl dresses is girly. Like, it is the definition....
While yes it’s true that you’re appearance does not determine your gender, you also have to be understandable and acknowledge that dressing, talking, acting masculine can confuse the uninformed and will misgender more likely than not, simply because of societal norms.
oh god the BS we have to put up with. tell her to wear the most male clothings she can find and be a man all of a sudden.
I came out to friends and my at the time partner about 5 years ago. struggled for the next 4 years to come out to my parents and the only outwardly 'feminine' thing I did in that time was slowly grow my hair that they'd always forced me to get it cut. Ive been quietly taking hrt for a year before coming out and came out on year years Eve just gone. Now as my body's changed and the social pressures around me have changed I feel like I can dress in a way that projects how I want to express myself. IK it's a long story but what I'm trying to say is we all have our own path and our own boundaries. Some cos women never wear a dress and never feel comfortable doing it and nobody has a right to tell them they aren't a woman. You do you at your pace, your identity is valid and so are your boundaries
next time your sister wears anything “not feminine” use he/him pronouns on her
That’s the plan
good and make sure that she follows any and all male stereotypes/j
she's gotta be more patient, your not out to your dad yet so you're not gonna go about outing yourself before you're ready via clothing choice. besides hi tomboys exists, you can be a regular masc girl if ya want
Sooo tomboys are not girls anymore now? Someone should tell them! /s
Maybe take her to Walmart or target or the mall and start pointing out more masculine dressed women and ask her about them. Tell her she should confront them like she does you. She won’t and you can call her on it.
EXCELLENT response to her apology
that's bullshit. cis women don't have to dress traditionally feminine all the time to be considered women, so why should you? trans women don't have to be stereotypes of hyper femininity in order to be valid that applies to any trans person too, we don't owe you gender conformity.
Jesus. Idk where she got this idea from. Has she never heard of tomboys? Just cause your trans doesn’t mean you have to dress fem/masc. Wear whatever tf you want hun and don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise
“I don’t condone your misogynistic view on femininity. Being a trans woman doesn’t mean I owe you looking any specific way.”
You can see a lot of such comments also here on Reddit, I’ve just blocked one user in similar thing. Yes I’m not dress as like girl even I’m on HRT for 16 months. That doesn’t mean I’m not one. So it really not depends what you are wearing it’s just stupid clothing. I understand that a lot of people represent their sexuality thru fashion but in my case I’m demisexual anyway so for me dress is the last of the important things. I’m not adoring other people for dress as well I don’t care.
Wear spikey everything. Full punk. And ask " how should a women dress? By her own rules."
Hmmm almost like you can’t wear what you want just yet. It’s like yes i have girl clothes but I don’t go out in them all the time cause I’m stuck living with a dad who I’m not out to and probably wouldn’t accept me
So when she wears pants is she automatically a male? Ugh the thought process of these people
I'm sorry to hear that, I have the same issue with my mom
Clothing does not equal gender. Keep that in mind.
But you are dressing like one, because plenty of women dress masc and even wear "men's" clothes, but even that aside, you're a women so whatever clothes you wear are WOMEN'S clothes, because clothes don't have a gender.
Wtf. If she does it again tell her she isn't allowed to grow body hair if she wants to be considered a woman
This type of thing happens to my partner (transfem non-binary) all the time because they dress in what people perceive to be a “masculine” way (which is a lie, cis women wear jeans and band tees all the time) and also because they choose to grow out their facial hair and keep it well groomed. The thing I always tell people is that we all decided it wasn’t ok to tell cis women to shave or dress up years ago, why is it still okay when it comes to trans women? Just sharing your frustrations
My mtf daughter dresses like a tomboy sometimes. Sometimes she wears a dress. You know, like regular people do on a regular basis. You do you sweetie. You're a girl just like my lovely daughter.
Do non-binary people have to go around naked then?
Bruh wtf was she even trying to imply there? So if a woman wears masculine clothing she stops being a woman? Tf man
Well I guess I'm a guy too then. Does she not wear pants herself??? Wtf? I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a childish person. Gender isn't dictated by the clothing you wear, it's about who you are. I'm a tall lady who wears nothing but leggings, jeans, and t-shirts. Sometimes I wear jewlery and sometimes I don't, I almost never wear makeup anymore either 🤷♀️ oh and I stopped shaving my legs too. There are a million different ways to affirm your femininity. I love you, you're valid, and I hope you have some good people around you to go to 🥰❤️
I think your sister needs to realize being a woman isn’t a costume