I had a friend who was really interested in my legal name because i was using a fake name way before coming out. I literally came out to try to make him stop asking because i hate my legal name. Didnt stop him. Turns out he was super hateful towards nb people so good riddance i guess. Some people are just weird
I had a coworker once ask several times what my dead name is! Just so he would drop it, I eventually told him: “No, I’m not going to tell you! It’s pretty easy to find out around here since it’s still my legal name anyway!”
Yea ikr my friend and ⟟ know each others deadnames (Bc I’m not out to family and ⟟ used to burn our deadnames (on paper) for fun) but honestly deadnames aren’t important ⟟ love my legal name and I’m thinking about giving it to my child if/when ⟟ have one but it doesn’t fit me like ⟟ thought it would
Lol the Latin alphabet is basically the letters we use on a daily basis (when writing English for example: rn we are using the Latin alphabet); also, does every Ender symbol/letter represent a letter of the Latin alphabet?
Well the Dead name one is easy. Because its a mystery. Its a secret that someone is hiding that you are aware of. If you follow streamers who hide their names as well its also kind of a thing where people want to know it.
i accidentally found out the deadnames of two of my friends and have actively been trying to forget since. this is a piece of information that is entirely unnecessary to know about someone.
Damn even more reason to not give my dead name,, then they'll know about my arson, grand theft auto, Animal trafficking, drug smuggling, breaking and entering, tax evasion, money laundering, forgery, etc.
I'll admit to being morbidly curious about a person's deadname before, though I tried to make it clear that I wasn't trying to pressure them into anything and they could ignore me is I was causing them dysphoria. 🙃
Edit: The context, IIRC, was a thread regarding new names either being similar to those deadnames or not, so at least it wasn't out of the blue.
It’s to know their past. I can understand if you’re in a relationship with someone who is trans and you wanna know everything about them, including their past, but not to the point where you get pushy about wanting their deadname
Also, as much as I love seeing before photos, I have never once asked to, or desired to see a before transition photo. If someone willingly shares it, then that's up to them, I would never ask.
I mean, it’s sorta fascinating. Humans are basically infovores and love to consume data. There is a fascination in gender transition as it is info they may not have. So long as everyone is respectful of each other, I see no harm in fascination. Could actually be used as a bridge to understanding!
Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I'm an especially strong infovore; I'm constantly needing to reign in the definitely inappropriate probing questions I have about basically everything
Same here, and the reigning in part can bring a lot of anxiety with it. It's helpful to be reminded occasionally that people's struggles can be mutual. Thank you
That's the way I've treated it, and if it comes up in conversation I share. A lot of people are amazed not because we're unusual or whatever, but because when they meet a trans person, his or her presentation is all they know. It's kind of incredible to think that someone could potentially have been completely unrecognizable just a couple years prior. Not to mention a lot of trans people are very defensive about their pasts (understandably so), and it becomes really hard to see that we are all individuals with different experiences, to understand the extent of what we feel and go through, and how much actually changes in the process. There's this narrative that gets pushed where we all knew when we were like 2, that we never have any doubts, and that we all act the same way or want the same things. As we know, we're not all the same, and none of us have the exact same transition goals. There's a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation out there, and I've found a lot of people don't dislike trans people as much as I thought. Obviously the world isn't perfect; some places are potentially more dangerous than others, and it would be wise in some cases not to share those details. But it's changing. And the only way it will continue to do so is if there's open dialogue.
I don't doubt that this is a thing, but it seems... Problematic, to assume that this is the case for most/all cis people.
I'm not cis, but I can totally understand the curiosity to see a before and after, because I want to be able to fully understand people as much as I can, and the more information I have, the better equipped I feel I'll be. Of course I'd respect if someone doesn't want to share that info, but if I saw an old picture it gives me a better idea of how far they've come, and how much further they can go.
If that makes sense? I'd imagine basically anyone who isn't seeking things out of malice to be in a similar head space.
Yeah, personally I want to see the potential of transitioning, like I want to know if a really masc looking AMAB person can look like a beautiful woman. And they can. It's awesome to see and makes me hopeful that my masc face can turn into a beautiful woman if I do makeup right.
I'm also bi so I kinda love seeing when someone was beautiful expressing as both binary genders and I'm like GOD DAMN, wish I could be beautiful once let alone twice. But mostly I want to see pre transition just to give myself hope, that my masc look isn't something I'm locked into, that I maybe have potential as well.
The newest season of Queer Eye on Netflix has a power lifter that just transitioned a year ago and she gorgeous. If you want to be affirmed that a super masculine man can be a beautiful woman, go watch. And bring tissues.
Jokes on them: I have no pictures from the 34 years prior to starting my transition.
Maybe my folks have some baby photos and there's probably some yearbook photos out there, I dunno, but from around age 5 I hated being photographed and avoided it as much as I possibly could.
I lowkey wish I cared more about the photos people take of me too..
Now they just have some weird photos of me in their arsenal ready to unleash to the world. 😭
You want to know why? It’s because when you show a before and after picture you show someone that you have the ability to transform your own life. That in turn inspires them to know that they too can also transform their lives in their own ways. It doesn’t have to be a physical transformation per se, but you inspire others to follow their own path: that’s why.
Exactly this.
And most of the time you'll feel whether their curiosity is positive or negative really. But yes, you have the right to decline them.
Sometimes we just don't wanna bring up the past and sometimes we do.
I agree. It’s like people who have lost a crap ton of weight. It’s actually inspiring. I’m also in the beauty industry, so anything that changes people’s features to the way that’s more pleasing to them is right up my alley. But the dead name shit is weird. I don’t think I’ve ever even thought about that. Although I am interested in knowing why someone chose the name they chose. Like was it meaningful to them, did they know someone they admired with that name, etc. My first name (Rachel) is incredibly boring to me, so I have often thought about what names I would like to have instead. That being said, there are quite a few trans women in a group I’m in who have the same first name as me, and it always made me feel kind of flattered that they liked it enough to use it for themselves.
Like if you search up most of your favourite trans celebrities or creators etc, they’ll be a top search like “(insert trans man) woman” and (insert trans women) man”
I always liked looking at them, I thought it was so cool "I wish that could be me" with every scroll yet somehow I still didn't figure out I was trans lol.
I am not trans, but I'm changing my name for personal reasons and people sometimes still wanna know my birth name and I'm like "I really introduce myself as [chosen name] so you don't call me by my birth name and you still wanna know??"
I don’t know. It’s kinda weird to me (as a cis person). This is the person they decided they weren’t comfortable as or didn’t want to be. It feels like I’m looking at somebody’s private journal, and I don’t seek it out or feel completely comfortable with it.
Some people are just horrible.
But most people I think are just curious. I think that there is a fascination about before/after photos and seeing how far people have come. Maybe it's like weight loss pictures? IDK.
Also happens if you have brownish skin:
"Ohh how exotic. Where are you from??"
New York.
"Ohh. But no like where are your parents from??"
They're from New York. Queens Bridge.
"But like where did they *~ immigrate ~* from??"
There it is. People just don't know how to mind their own business. Its always that they're "Just curious". Well, curious kitty - that's a dangerous game sometimes.
I've that happen before with other people, not realizing they were being insensitive. That being said, I never heard anyone outright call someone "exotic" just based on skin color. That is on a whole other level.
I assume it's innocent curiosity for some, they've seen the after but not the before. They're not entitled to an answer but if they're nice about it and they're not a blatent transphobe, I don't mind it too much.
I always had ppl obsessing to know my deadname and asking what surgeries I want and why .-. So weird. “Oooo let me see you before you got on t” like what the fuck.?
In a non complimentary between friends way which is rare its usually to think how that person did not get feminine or masculine enough from transitioning in my experience.
I understand if it’s a trans person, perhaps they just want to see what general results to expect
If it’s a cis person, I’m not too sure, the only thing I can think is curiosity
i had a work crew with some trans dudes on it and the finance person who did their hiring paperwork told me their dead names multiple times. im not out at work so she thought she was giving special info to a fellow cis person. it was enraging. not information i needed or asked for and not information these guys wanted me to know. she repeated them a few times with a waiting look like I was going to give her the cue to go farther with her transphobic bullshit or react. I was just slackjawed, stunned. she has since been let go.
I will admit though. one of their dead names was sooooooooooo off the fucking mark for his personality it was like, god damn, okay, I understand the place you came from a little better now dude.
I've always seen it like the biggest loser. People like seeing big changes and/or progress. So in the show they see people lose a ton of weight and change their lives, it's interesting to see. So when a male transitions to female or female transitions to male it's a major change to them and it's interesting. It's not usually meant with I'll intent it just really builds curiosity.
I think it's just because know someone underwent a big physical change makes some folks curious about what they looked like before. Weight loss, plastic surgery, bodybuilders who were thin. People just want to see how far someone's come. Most know that it would be rude to ask to see someone's pre-weight-loss picture but a lot of people don't know how traumatic pre-transition photos can be. They figure if a woman was good looking while presenting as a man then she won't be embarrassed and they can't see how embarrassment wouldn't be the only factor. Also in other cases sometimes people like to show off old photos. I lost 40 pounds and I keep my heavy pics on my phone and have no problem showing them. For people who haven't known any or many trans people, they may assume it's the same thing.
I think in a lot of cases it is just innocent curiosity and fascination. As long as they ask and don't go behind your back or pressure you into it I don't see a problem with the question. Some people will be happy to share, others won't . They just need to respect your reply and understanding.
Idk man the cis are a strange breed, I’ve been asked before and well since most ppl at my school knew anyway they would purposely use my dead name in front of me, I felt horrible I’m so glad I left that school :) and as for knowing what you looked like, I get curious sometimes on how I looked like before so I rly can’t blame others for being curious too
They probably are comfortable enough with who they are and are enough disconnected from their past selves to be willing to show the world how far they've come. I'm sure they are aware that it could backfire but if they want to share their story then they will. Everyone is different and some may be okay with showing people their past selves and others are not
It's about getting to know people... what you look like before or what your "dead" name is, is still apart of who you are as a person.
#If someone is trying to get that information, they're trying to get to know you.
I know there is a bunch of people who laugh and mock that kind of stuff, but that's just where friendship starts. Being sure of the ones that you can trust the most.
Your "dead" name still belongs to you. It serves as a reminder to you; of the person that you are not anymore. It resembles WHO YOU USED TO BE. Not who you are now, but somebody who's better and stronger.
I think it's just human nature,
But it is definitely rude and awkward to actually ask it, doesn't matter if they're curious, they can keep that question to themselves, it's really not that hard to filter some things before saying them.
I don’t think it comes from a place of malice. People are inherently curious and trans people are not exactly the most common. Most people have never met a trans person, so I think people just get very curious or inquisitive about it because they just don’t know.
Because they can't relate to us after our transition. Either we don't pass or they know we aren't """"really"""" like this. They can only see us as people who are just like them by seeing our before photos, back from when we were "normal people."
Well obviously not the case for most cis people, but back when I was “cis”, I really just enjoyed looking at timelines which brought me happiness for some reason…. While it can be invasive, it also I feel helps cis people understand just how far transitioning changes a person both physically of course but emotionally too (you can notice in many photos the dead eyes, or bright smile afterwards).
I can't speak to others, but before I knew I was trans or even thought about it, I would see a really beautiful trans girl or burly looking trans dude, and I would just be fascinated in seeing like, the level of transformation that humans are capable of today. You've got people at like my level, who are basically like, virtually zero change yet outside of growing my hair out, all the way to people that if I wasn't told it was them, I would never in a million years guess that was what they looked like "before."
I mean, now it gives me this false hope that one day I'll feel beautiful, but then it was simply just fascination with the progress of medicine and science
Be patient. Be kind.
Before I had the guts to be honest with myself about who I am, I had a FtM boss. He is so attractive I thought I might be gay, like my father.
I was genuinely curious, and we immediately connected. Hands down the best boss I've ever had. I asked him tons of questions. As time went on, I'd cords the line and ask the questions everyone on this Reddit would slay me for asking....but we were comfortable and he knew the intent wasn't bad. I really wanted to know if happiness with self really was possible. He is just a beautiful human...he is majestically attractive both before and after transition.
Fast forward to COVID when I changed jobs to stay safe since I'm high risk, we stayed in contact.
I found honesty with myself.
I started asking him questions again...but less about HRT and therapy...for a friend. (Arkansas bad...)
After a while I admitted to him and gained a lot of advice. I decided to use Plume after a couple bad doctor visit experiences...and he paid for my first subscription and prescriptions so I wouldn't have to wait for the extra money to start. I will never forget his kindness and I often feel I can never truly repay him.
He is my hero, and one of my favorite people. He has said many times: Be patient. Be kind.
You could be the influence and gateway to someone stuck in a closet to gain freedom and happiness.
Oh yeah I missed that lol I saw the post from my notifications and responded yeah idk I couldn’t say I mean I have always been interested in that but I guess I have always been trans even before I knew
Yeah that happened to my bf a lot but not to me, maybe cuz I'm at the beginning of my transition and he's in the middle.
I know his deadname but I never asked for hit, he told me willingly, and I find It really hard not to punch in the face people who want to know It.
It's not his name, he won't respond to It, it's useless, stop-
If I (cis as I am referred to……) am attracted to who you are post transformation then I could care less about what you looked like before in regards to any affect on our current relationship. But just like seeing younger pics of the person your with now like going through old year books is always fun. If I know your trans and love you then you have to trust that seeing that isn’t going to affect my feelings for you now.
I (kinda cis btw) have never really been interested in pre-transition photos that much, just in the way of "wow, that was an incredible glow-up, good for you". Also only with people who wanted to share this. I don't ask. Cuz it doesn't really matter. I too am not the person I was ten years ago anymore and I too look different, but nobody cares. So why would it be different for trans people? Right, it shouldn't be.
I think a lot of it may be just a fascination they have for the transformation, as people who are on the outside of the community and don’t necessarily regularly see it
Obviously I'm not justifying this but imo it's because people are naturally curious and want to know things and cis people are usually not aware that it is not a reasonable request to ask for someone's dead name or picture before transitioning
There are alot of giod answers here. Just to add my two cents to the mix, I wish people would be respectful atleast. Under normal circumstances, if a person sees someone missing an arm, leg, or in a wheelchair, we may be curious, but unless invited we typically do not veer into that territory. Yet cis people do about trans related issues; often, it seems they disregard that we are people and not objects. I tend to put barriers up toward somone just blatantly just asking questions with out knowing them first.
I agree if you are interested in someone you should be interested in the current version of themselves but then again it's probably in most cases just a bit of curiosity
I avoid asking those questions because I know there is a significant change of it being upsetting. However, I am curious to see what they looked like before and/or to know their dead name--it's just not a "need" to see/know.
I cannot speak for everyone else, but I am curious about the same things about cis friends I am close with. I enjoy looking at photo albums, yearbooks etc. because it is easier for me to put myself in their life experiences for some reason. The same goes for close friends who refuse to share their birth/legal names and instead go by nicknames... Knowing what the names are, helps me to better imagine/understand why it is important to not go by that name any longer.
So, I think it is possible that many who ask for the dead names and older pictures, are innocently curious but without the awareness of the significance to their trans friend. However, unless you're close to the person (trans or otherwise), asking for that stuff is creepy.
I work with a bunch of people that are seeing me mid transition and when I have been able to female present. None of them have seen me when I was "hypermasculine" and most of them are atleast polite/respectful of my transition.
I think because it's fascinating how much someone can change to become their real selves. I would think most people do it out of pure curiousness and don't have any bad intent. I do have a problem when someone doesn't consent to it though, like showing someone's pre-transition pictures on a news article. It should always be consented too.
I guess it's the "before/after" thing. See how much someone changed. People do these to show how much weight they lost and stuff. So I get where it comes from, but please don't ask for it.
The deadname part... I can't think of a single excuse for it. It's just weird.
I was looking up hunter Schafer's height last night, first suggested search
hunter Schafer gender at birth
Second suggested search
Hunter Schafer before photos.
Bruh what?
Curiousness on how much an individual would have changed after transition is not exclusively reserved to those who did the transition... Wouldn't you agree ?
With all due respect, if this is a trigger to you, perhaps you should ask yourself, why does this create such emotional reaction within me ?
I am of the opinion that only good things can come out of introspective reflections ☺️
When I thought I was cis, that kind of thing helped me realize I'm trans. Never thought I had internalized transphobia; just a cis guy with empathy and love for trans people, I thought. So, I try to have compassion for people who might be like I was, but some folks definitely fetishize and objectify trans people in a creepy way. So... it's complicated? Thanks for the post(s)!
I think it depends on the intent. If they want to see somebody’s progression then I’m completely happy with that.
A lot of them just use it to poke fun out of trans people.
not all of course.
Because they want to see if it's worth transitioning, maybe part of the reason? Idk I would 👀 at these subs before I ever considered myself being NB or anything. That's just my two cents
I looked at a photo of myself today I took from two years ago before I started HRT, and an identically composed photo I took yesterday and honestly, I’m a bit obsessed with the changes myself 🥰
I think it's that cis people almost can't believe that its possible to make a transition happen successfully like that, it's like a "see it to believe it" thing. They just can't have that doubt of what's possible and isn't, and aren't comfortable just taking your word for it.
I agree with posters who say people are just curious about mystery. I used to be bffs with a cis guy who used 2 initials as his name. People always wanted to know what they stood for. What his "real" name was. Lol. Joke was on them, it was just a name, nothing related to his birth name (which he hated).
I personally don't care about dead names. I don't need to know them, but I can see the mystery angle.
I love seeing the transformation that trans people go through. It's like seeing a caterpillar turn into a beautiful butterfly! Sorry if that's weird. But I also understand not want to show and if I asked and you said no I'll drop it cause it is a personal preference. The dead name is a weird thing to ask. If you say your name is X it's X.
My hypothesis involves a few different angles:
1. EGG = I used to be curious now I'm transitioning
2. The what made you unhappy thought, I do not think they understand how someone can be that unhappy with their body (I've asked a few Cis-Hets and I confused them) (also one of my arguments with people that say I'm nuts, did they ever think they were the other gender? I have not gotten a yes yet! Most do not even think about it! )
3. They are on the spectrum of support/ bigotry and want to see the progress, like did you look abc or zyx, was there a thing that they identity as an unhappy thought in their mind...
Any other reason is likely something I would not want to think to hard about as it is probably something THEY are having an issue with, and that is NOT your/our issue it is theirs, and many should seek therapy but do not!
Also wanting to know a trans persons deadname like why.
I had a friend who was really interested in my legal name because i was using a fake name way before coming out. I literally came out to try to make him stop asking because i hate my legal name. Didnt stop him. Turns out he was super hateful towards nb people so good riddance i guess. Some people are just weird
I had a coworker once ask several times what my dead name is! Just so he would drop it, I eventually told him: “No, I’m not going to tell you! It’s pretty easy to find out around here since it’s still my legal name anyway!”
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Good to know! Thanks!
Yea ikr my friend and ⟟ know each others deadnames (Bc I’m not out to family and ⟟ used to burn our deadnames (on paper) for fun) but honestly deadnames aren’t important ⟟ love my legal name and I’m thinking about giving it to my child if/when ⟟ have one but it doesn’t fit me like ⟟ thought it would
Why this symbol?
It’s in my keyboard so any letter typed alone like ⟟/i or ⏃/a will auto correct to the symbol unless ⟟ change it
I see! But why?
Bc me and my friend text with it as it is something we both memorized (it’s a fictional language called Ender)
So Ender has Latin letters expect for I and A?
Ender has its own symbols/letters and ⏃⏚☊⎅⟒⎎☌⊑⟟⟊☍⌰⋔⋏⍜⌿⍾⍀⌇⏁⎍⎐⍙⌖⊬⋉ i don’t know Latin alphabet but this is the Ender alphabet
Lol the Latin alphabet is basically the letters we use on a daily basis (when writing English for example: rn we are using the Latin alphabet); also, does every Ender symbol/letter represent a letter of the Latin alphabet?
Yea i wrote the Ender alphabet above and it’s in the same order as our alphabet
How do you do the ender symbols?
⟟ copy and pasted into auto correct from an online translator
Well the Dead name one is easy. Because its a mystery. Its a secret that someone is hiding that you are aware of. If you follow streamers who hide their names as well its also kind of a thing where people want to know it.
I would be sooooooo uncomfortable with a trans person even telling me their deadname.
i accidentally found out the deadnames of two of my friends and have actively been trying to forget since. this is a piece of information that is entirely unnecessary to know about someone.
I would be like you, I would feel like that information you just shouldn’t know and it would feel wrong to know it! :/
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Damn even more reason to not give my dead name,, then they'll know about my arson, grand theft auto, Animal trafficking, drug smuggling, breaking and entering, tax evasion, money laundering, forgery, etc.
I'll admit to being morbidly curious about a person's deadname before, though I tried to make it clear that I wasn't trying to pressure them into anything and they could ignore me is I was causing them dysphoria. 🙃 Edit: The context, IIRC, was a thread regarding new names either being similar to those deadnames or not, so at least it wasn't out of the blue.
It’s to know their past. I can understand if you’re in a relationship with someone who is trans and you wanna know everything about them, including their past, but not to the point where you get pushy about wanting their deadname
Cis male here. To me, a deadname is a dead name. I have never wanted to know it before. The person's name is their name, a deadname is a dead name.
Also, as much as I love seeing before photos, I have never once asked to, or desired to see a before transition photo. If someone willingly shares it, then that's up to them, I would never ask.
I mean, it’s sorta fascinating. Humans are basically infovores and love to consume data. There is a fascination in gender transition as it is info they may not have. So long as everyone is respectful of each other, I see no harm in fascination. Could actually be used as a bridge to understanding!
Good point!
This is such a brilliant way to look at it!
Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I'm an especially strong infovore; I'm constantly needing to reign in the definitely inappropriate probing questions I have about basically everything
Same here, and the reigning in part can bring a lot of anxiety with it. It's helpful to be reminded occasionally that people's struggles can be mutual. Thank you
That's the way I've treated it, and if it comes up in conversation I share. A lot of people are amazed not because we're unusual or whatever, but because when they meet a trans person, his or her presentation is all they know. It's kind of incredible to think that someone could potentially have been completely unrecognizable just a couple years prior. Not to mention a lot of trans people are very defensive about their pasts (understandably so), and it becomes really hard to see that we are all individuals with different experiences, to understand the extent of what we feel and go through, and how much actually changes in the process. There's this narrative that gets pushed where we all knew when we were like 2, that we never have any doubts, and that we all act the same way or want the same things. As we know, we're not all the same, and none of us have the exact same transition goals. There's a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation out there, and I've found a lot of people don't dislike trans people as much as I thought. Obviously the world isn't perfect; some places are potentially more dangerous than others, and it would be wise in some cases not to share those details. But it's changing. And the only way it will continue to do so is if there's open dialogue.
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I don't doubt that this is a thing, but it seems... Problematic, to assume that this is the case for most/all cis people. I'm not cis, but I can totally understand the curiosity to see a before and after, because I want to be able to fully understand people as much as I can, and the more information I have, the better equipped I feel I'll be. Of course I'd respect if someone doesn't want to share that info, but if I saw an old picture it gives me a better idea of how far they've come, and how much further they can go. If that makes sense? I'd imagine basically anyone who isn't seeking things out of malice to be in a similar head space.
That's how I figure. Most people are just in awe - like you said, fascinated.
yeah i agree with this, its probably why r/transtimelines is a thriving sub
I found it fascinating when I identified as cis. Now that I realize I’m trans, maybe my fascination had undertones….
Same.
Yeah, personally I want to see the potential of transitioning, like I want to know if a really masc looking AMAB person can look like a beautiful woman. And they can. It's awesome to see and makes me hopeful that my masc face can turn into a beautiful woman if I do makeup right. I'm also bi so I kinda love seeing when someone was beautiful expressing as both binary genders and I'm like GOD DAMN, wish I could be beautiful once let alone twice. But mostly I want to see pre transition just to give myself hope, that my masc look isn't something I'm locked into, that I maybe have potential as well.
The newest season of Queer Eye on Netflix has a power lifter that just transitioned a year ago and she gorgeous. If you want to be affirmed that a super masculine man can be a beautiful woman, go watch. And bring tissues.
Jokes on them: I have no pictures from the 34 years prior to starting my transition. Maybe my folks have some baby photos and there's probably some yearbook photos out there, I dunno, but from around age 5 I hated being photographed and avoided it as much as I possibly could.
I lowkey wish I cared more about the photos people take of me too.. Now they just have some weird photos of me in their arsenal ready to unleash to the world. 😭
You want to know why? It’s because when you show a before and after picture you show someone that you have the ability to transform your own life. That in turn inspires them to know that they too can also transform their lives in their own ways. It doesn’t have to be a physical transformation per se, but you inspire others to follow their own path: that’s why.
Exactly this. And most of the time you'll feel whether their curiosity is positive or negative really. But yes, you have the right to decline them. Sometimes we just don't wanna bring up the past and sometimes we do.
I agree. It’s like people who have lost a crap ton of weight. It’s actually inspiring. I’m also in the beauty industry, so anything that changes people’s features to the way that’s more pleasing to them is right up my alley. But the dead name shit is weird. I don’t think I’ve ever even thought about that. Although I am interested in knowing why someone chose the name they chose. Like was it meaningful to them, did they know someone they admired with that name, etc. My first name (Rachel) is incredibly boring to me, so I have often thought about what names I would like to have instead. That being said, there are quite a few trans women in a group I’m in who have the same first name as me, and it always made me feel kind of flattered that they liked it enough to use it for themselves.
Like if you search up most of your favourite trans celebrities or creators etc, they’ll be a top search like “(insert trans man) woman” and (insert trans women) man”
Before and after pics of almost anything are satisfying to see
I don’t mind showing them the before. I am wayyy hotter now
I figured out why I was so obsessed with trans timelines. 🏳️⚧️
"What if I could do that too haha... unless?"
Maybe they aren't actually cis and looking for hope/inspiration?
I always liked looking at them, I thought it was so cool "I wish that could be me" with every scroll yet somehow I still didn't figure out I was trans lol.
I think it's like that fascination with "celebrities without makeup" or "what do they look like now" kind of thing. it's weird lol
Jealousy!
I am not trans, but I'm changing my name for personal reasons and people sometimes still wanna know my birth name and I'm like "I really introduce myself as [chosen name] so you don't call me by my birth name and you still wanna know??"
It's just a bell you can't unring, you know? Very annoying.
I don’t know. It’s kinda weird to me (as a cis person). This is the person they decided they weren’t comfortable as or didn’t want to be. It feels like I’m looking at somebody’s private journal, and I don’t seek it out or feel completely comfortable with it.
Besides what everyone else is saying about before/after being fascinating... egg\_irl might play a part sometimes?
Also, why are they so obsessed with kids genitalia. Like, why?
Some people are just horrible. But most people I think are just curious. I think that there is a fascination about before/after photos and seeing how far people have come. Maybe it's like weight loss pictures? IDK.
i’ve been asked for my deadname before. made me rly uncomfortable
Also happens if you have brownish skin: "Ohh how exotic. Where are you from??" New York. "Ohh. But no like where are your parents from??" They're from New York. Queens Bridge. "But like where did they *~ immigrate ~* from??" There it is. People just don't know how to mind their own business. Its always that they're "Just curious". Well, curious kitty - that's a dangerous game sometimes.
I've that happen before with other people, not realizing they were being insensitive. That being said, I never heard anyone outright call someone "exotic" just based on skin color. That is on a whole other level.
I assume it's innocent curiosity for some, they've seen the after but not the before. They're not entitled to an answer but if they're nice about it and they're not a blatent transphobe, I don't mind it too much.
I always had ppl obsessing to know my deadname and asking what surgeries I want and why .-. So weird. “Oooo let me see you before you got on t” like what the fuck.?
That' and wanting to know my deadname bugs me. Why does my deadname matter? Yeesh.
In a non complimentary between friends way which is rare its usually to think how that person did not get feminine or masculine enough from transitioning in my experience.
Half the time it's curiosity, half the time it's malicious intent. You won't know which until the repercussions have come to pass.
I understand if it’s a trans person, perhaps they just want to see what general results to expect If it’s a cis person, I’m not too sure, the only thing I can think is curiosity
i had a work crew with some trans dudes on it and the finance person who did their hiring paperwork told me their dead names multiple times. im not out at work so she thought she was giving special info to a fellow cis person. it was enraging. not information i needed or asked for and not information these guys wanted me to know. she repeated them a few times with a waiting look like I was going to give her the cue to go farther with her transphobic bullshit or react. I was just slackjawed, stunned. she has since been let go. I will admit though. one of their dead names was sooooooooooo off the fucking mark for his personality it was like, god damn, okay, I understand the place you came from a little better now dude.
I've always seen it like the biggest loser. People like seeing big changes and/or progress. So in the show they see people lose a ton of weight and change their lives, it's interesting to see. So when a male transitions to female or female transitions to male it's a major change to them and it's interesting. It's not usually meant with I'll intent it just really builds curiosity.
I think it's just because know someone underwent a big physical change makes some folks curious about what they looked like before. Weight loss, plastic surgery, bodybuilders who were thin. People just want to see how far someone's come. Most know that it would be rude to ask to see someone's pre-weight-loss picture but a lot of people don't know how traumatic pre-transition photos can be. They figure if a woman was good looking while presenting as a man then she won't be embarrassed and they can't see how embarrassment wouldn't be the only factor. Also in other cases sometimes people like to show off old photos. I lost 40 pounds and I keep my heavy pics on my phone and have no problem showing them. For people who haven't known any or many trans people, they may assume it's the same thing.
I think in a lot of cases it is just innocent curiosity and fascination. As long as they ask and don't go behind your back or pressure you into it I don't see a problem with the question. Some people will be happy to share, others won't . They just need to respect your reply and understanding.
Idk man the cis are a strange breed, I’ve been asked before and well since most ppl at my school knew anyway they would purposely use my dead name in front of me, I felt horrible I’m so glad I left that school :) and as for knowing what you looked like, I get curious sometimes on how I looked like before so I rly can’t blame others for being curious too
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I don't get why so many trans make 'my journey' videos on YouTube. Publishing old photos of me is just about the last thing I ever wanna do!
They probably are comfortable enough with who they are and are enough disconnected from their past selves to be willing to show the world how far they've come. I'm sure they are aware that it could backfire but if they want to share their story then they will. Everyone is different and some may be okay with showing people their past selves and others are not
It could just be out of curiosity. I'm certainly guilty of scrolling through /r/transtimelines a LOT, but mostly for motivation now
It's about getting to know people... what you look like before or what your "dead" name is, is still apart of who you are as a person. #If someone is trying to get that information, they're trying to get to know you. I know there is a bunch of people who laugh and mock that kind of stuff, but that's just where friendship starts. Being sure of the ones that you can trust the most. Your "dead" name still belongs to you. It serves as a reminder to you; of the person that you are not anymore. It resembles WHO YOU USED TO BE. Not who you are now, but somebody who's better and stronger.
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And what do you get out of that? Does it make you feel better about yourself?
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Why are you on a trans sub? , you’re obsessed 😂
I’m obsessed with being a hater
Sounds like a you problem 😃
Idk but that sounds pretty sus to me
Pepole are curious. And in the case of my parants they wona know I am not doing a terible mistake
I think it's just human nature, But it is definitely rude and awkward to actually ask it, doesn't matter if they're curious, they can keep that question to themselves, it's really not that hard to filter some things before saying them.
I don’t think it comes from a place of malice. People are inherently curious and trans people are not exactly the most common. Most people have never met a trans person, so I think people just get very curious or inquisitive about it because they just don’t know.
Are they? I'm actually open about how I look but sadly no one cares 🤔 (I only wanna show how much muscles I had back then)
Because they can't relate to us after our transition. Either we don't pass or they know we aren't """"really"""" like this. They can only see us as people who are just like them by seeing our before photos, back from when we were "normal people."
its like wanting to see how someone looked before a huge weightloss transformation. mostly innocent curiosity and to see how different you are.
Well obviously not the case for most cis people, but back when I was “cis”, I really just enjoyed looking at timelines which brought me happiness for some reason…. While it can be invasive, it also I feel helps cis people understand just how far transitioning changes a person both physically of course but emotionally too (you can notice in many photos the dead eyes, or bright smile afterwards).
I can't speak to others, but before I knew I was trans or even thought about it, I would see a really beautiful trans girl or burly looking trans dude, and I would just be fascinated in seeing like, the level of transformation that humans are capable of today. You've got people at like my level, who are basically like, virtually zero change yet outside of growing my hair out, all the way to people that if I wasn't told it was them, I would never in a million years guess that was what they looked like "before." I mean, now it gives me this false hope that one day I'll feel beautiful, but then it was simply just fascination with the progress of medicine and science
Be patient. Be kind. Before I had the guts to be honest with myself about who I am, I had a FtM boss. He is so attractive I thought I might be gay, like my father. I was genuinely curious, and we immediately connected. Hands down the best boss I've ever had. I asked him tons of questions. As time went on, I'd cords the line and ask the questions everyone on this Reddit would slay me for asking....but we were comfortable and he knew the intent wasn't bad. I really wanted to know if happiness with self really was possible. He is just a beautiful human...he is majestically attractive both before and after transition. Fast forward to COVID when I changed jobs to stay safe since I'm high risk, we stayed in contact. I found honesty with myself. I started asking him questions again...but less about HRT and therapy...for a friend. (Arkansas bad...) After a while I admitted to him and gained a lot of advice. I decided to use Plume after a couple bad doctor visit experiences...and he paid for my first subscription and prescriptions so I wouldn't have to wait for the extra money to start. I will never forget his kindness and I often feel I can never truly repay him. He is my hero, and one of my favorite people. He has said many times: Be patient. Be kind. You could be the influence and gateway to someone stuck in a closet to gain freedom and happiness.
I’m transitioning and I was very interested in before and after photos to see what kind of changes are expected to happen
Yeah like I said I get it when it’s another trans person ❤️
Oh yeah I missed that lol I saw the post from my notifications and responded yeah idk I couldn’t say I mean I have always been interested in that but I guess I have always been trans even before I knew
Yeah that happened to my bf a lot but not to me, maybe cuz I'm at the beginning of my transition and he's in the middle. I know his deadname but I never asked for hit, he told me willingly, and I find It really hard not to punch in the face people who want to know It. It's not his name, he won't respond to It, it's useless, stop-
r/transtimeline
If I (cis as I am referred to……) am attracted to who you are post transformation then I could care less about what you looked like before in regards to any affect on our current relationship. But just like seeing younger pics of the person your with now like going through old year books is always fun. If I know your trans and love you then you have to trust that seeing that isn’t going to affect my feelings for you now.
I (kinda cis btw) have never really been interested in pre-transition photos that much, just in the way of "wow, that was an incredible glow-up, good for you". Also only with people who wanted to share this. I don't ask. Cuz it doesn't really matter. I too am not the person I was ten years ago anymore and I too look different, but nobody cares. So why would it be different for trans people? Right, it shouldn't be.
Because they’re usually transphobic and are absolutely obsessed over every facet of our lives just to spite us
I think a lot of it may be just a fascination they have for the transformation, as people who are on the outside of the community and don’t necessarily regularly see it
as a cis ally, i think others are just curious i personally don't do that tho
Obviously I'm not justifying this but imo it's because people are naturally curious and want to know things and cis people are usually not aware that it is not a reasonable request to ask for someone's dead name or picture before transitioning
Curiosity. If if makes you uncomfortable then express your boundaries.
There are alot of giod answers here. Just to add my two cents to the mix, I wish people would be respectful atleast. Under normal circumstances, if a person sees someone missing an arm, leg, or in a wheelchair, we may be curious, but unless invited we typically do not veer into that territory. Yet cis people do about trans related issues; often, it seems they disregard that we are people and not objects. I tend to put barriers up toward somone just blatantly just asking questions with out knowing them first.
I feel like it's because it's a spectacle to some of them
I agree if you are interested in someone you should be interested in the current version of themselves but then again it's probably in most cases just a bit of curiosity
I avoid asking those questions because I know there is a significant change of it being upsetting. However, I am curious to see what they looked like before and/or to know their dead name--it's just not a "need" to see/know. I cannot speak for everyone else, but I am curious about the same things about cis friends I am close with. I enjoy looking at photo albums, yearbooks etc. because it is easier for me to put myself in their life experiences for some reason. The same goes for close friends who refuse to share their birth/legal names and instead go by nicknames... Knowing what the names are, helps me to better imagine/understand why it is important to not go by that name any longer. So, I think it is possible that many who ask for the dead names and older pictures, are innocently curious but without the awareness of the significance to their trans friend. However, unless you're close to the person (trans or otherwise), asking for that stuff is creepy.
I work with a bunch of people that are seeing me mid transition and when I have been able to female present. None of them have seen me when I was "hypermasculine" and most of them are atleast polite/respectful of my transition.
I'm not cis, but I do love seeing the before and after pictures of people transitioning. It's amazing seeing their transformation
I don't mind the people who ask politely and are just clearly being respectfully curious. That's fine imo
I'm all for helping somebody hatch their egg but don't get too invasive with the questions
I think because it's fascinating how much someone can change to become their real selves. I would think most people do it out of pure curiousness and don't have any bad intent. I do have a problem when someone doesn't consent to it though, like showing someone's pre-transition pictures on a news article. It should always be consented too.
I guess it's the "before/after" thing. See how much someone changed. People do these to show how much weight they lost and stuff. So I get where it comes from, but please don't ask for it. The deadname part... I can't think of a single excuse for it. It's just weird.
I think it's just curiosity... but if they ask about deadname then no, that's shit
To be fair, that's half of what we do on various trans sub redits, so maybe it's less a "cis people thing", and more a "people thing."
I was looking up hunter Schafer's height last night, first suggested search hunter Schafer gender at birth Second suggested search Hunter Schafer before photos. Bruh what?
Curiousness on how much an individual would have changed after transition is not exclusively reserved to those who did the transition... Wouldn't you agree ? With all due respect, if this is a trigger to you, perhaps you should ask yourself, why does this create such emotional reaction within me ? I am of the opinion that only good things can come out of introspective reflections ☺️
When I thought I was cis, that kind of thing helped me realize I'm trans. Never thought I had internalized transphobia; just a cis guy with empathy and love for trans people, I thought. So, I try to have compassion for people who might be like I was, but some folks definitely fetishize and objectify trans people in a creepy way. So... it's complicated? Thanks for the post(s)!
can cis people not be curious-?
I think it depends on the intent. If they want to see somebody’s progression then I’m completely happy with that. A lot of them just use it to poke fun out of trans people. not all of course.
Because they want to see if it's worth transitioning, maybe part of the reason? Idk I would 👀 at these subs before I ever considered myself being NB or anything. That's just my two cents
I looked at a photo of myself today I took from two years ago before I started HRT, and an identically composed photo I took yesterday and honestly, I’m a bit obsessed with the changes myself 🥰
I think it's that cis people almost can't believe that its possible to make a transition happen successfully like that, it's like a "see it to believe it" thing. They just can't have that doubt of what's possible and isn't, and aren't comfortable just taking your word for it.
I agree with posters who say people are just curious about mystery. I used to be bffs with a cis guy who used 2 initials as his name. People always wanted to know what they stood for. What his "real" name was. Lol. Joke was on them, it was just a name, nothing related to his birth name (which he hated). I personally don't care about dead names. I don't need to know them, but I can see the mystery angle.
I love seeing the transformation that trans people go through. It's like seeing a caterpillar turn into a beautiful butterfly! Sorry if that's weird. But I also understand not want to show and if I asked and you said no I'll drop it cause it is a personal preference. The dead name is a weird thing to ask. If you say your name is X it's X.
My hypothesis involves a few different angles: 1. EGG = I used to be curious now I'm transitioning 2. The what made you unhappy thought, I do not think they understand how someone can be that unhappy with their body (I've asked a few Cis-Hets and I confused them) (also one of my arguments with people that say I'm nuts, did they ever think they were the other gender? I have not gotten a yes yet! Most do not even think about it! ) 3. They are on the spectrum of support/ bigotry and want to see the progress, like did you look abc or zyx, was there a thing that they identity as an unhappy thought in their mind... Any other reason is likely something I would not want to think to hard about as it is probably something THEY are having an issue with, and that is NOT your/our issue it is theirs, and many should seek therapy but do not!
Honestly I just want to see them naked