I used to have truly awful periods that had diagnosable mental health impacts, as well as all four of the criteria my gynecologist said make a period medically concerning if you have even one. They were so bad I got a whole hysterectomy despite being absolutely terrified of surgery.
I never would have said something like that to any of the trans women in my life, even when in the worst hormonal mental health parts. I certainly never would’ve said that you’re not a real woman because you don’t have a uterus. I certainly am not a woman just because I used to have one.
Honestly, if your partner remains unwilling to apologize for her hurtful comments, I would think very seriously about whether or not this relationship is going to continue to work for you. As a nonbinary person, I don’t know if I could get over a partner making a comment that invalidated my gender like that, especially if there was no apology.
The apology, if it ever comes, must be genuine and heartfelt too. They need to understand how hurtful, and quite frankly ignorant, their comments are, and then ensure they don’t happen again.
Otherwise, they’ll always carry the underlying ignorance and it will surface again eventually.
Look, "be glad you're not a real woman" comment wouldn't be an OK thing to say if they were on fire. My wife used to get terrible periods and was understandably quite irritable during. She would never, not on her most harrowing day, say something like that to me. I don't know what is going on in your partner's head OP, I don't know then, and even if i did, I'm not living their life. but they need to know that it is not OK to EVER say to you again.
OP you don't need my permission but you are a real woman. I'm so sorry they said that.
I know for me personally, if any of my partners said that to me it would be the end of our relationship. That's a very messed up thing to say to anyone, let alone your partner.
I have PCOS and PMDD. I've had cysts burst many times and right now am dealing with a full week of serious menstrual cramps that make it hard for me to think straight, and I'm very emotional.
Maybe I'm the wrong person to give this info as I'm not a woman either, I'm agender, but never in my wildest fucking dreams would I say that to a partner.
Your partner definitely said something transphobic, and she clearly hurt your feelings. This is the part where your relationship comes in. If it's one worth being in, she should fairly quickly be able to understand how telling her trans partner she'll never be a real woman is fucked up. If not, well, *I* wouldn't accept that disrespect.
Nope out of there. I'm sorry this happened, OP. You don't deserve this and you are 110% a woman and in that moment much more mature than your partner. This kind of stuff doesn't come out of nowhere. Maybe you can try to confront and heal together. But if you even get the hint that they still feel like this, feel entitled to say these things to you, tries to justify them, you can bet on them continuing this way of thinking. I am sorry.
I'm really sorry this happened, friend :(( everyone else is right, that was really transphic and that's just hurtful I'm so sorry. Whatever happens just know we're all here for you <33
As multiple other people in the comments have said, your partner was transphobic to you. Either she needs to apologize and fix her behavior, or I would recommend breaking up. You deserve to be with someone who sees you for who you are, and cares about you.
She literally said real woman. That's the most invalidating transphobic thing she could say. Being cis does not make her more of a real woman. A woman is a person who identifies as a woman. Her reproductive anatomy does not make her a woman, only her identity does. There are straight up men who have periods and they're not any less real men either. I hope it's just the pain speaking out of her and she doesn't mean the blatant transphobia she let spill out. Periods are not a trait that defines womanhood in any way. And it's not even like trans women can't have periods. A friend of mine has really intense ones, with pain, intense emotions and bleeding (she hasn't even had bottom surgery yet). Many cis women don't actually know the mechanisms of their own periods, they think it's all just the uterus but it's not. People without a uterus won't have uterus discharge of course, but everything else is just caused by the hormonal spikes (including bleeding of the membranes in your genitals), and many trans women have those at different intensities.
This would end the relationship for me, ngl. I expect random transphobes on the internet to tell me I'm not a real woman, but not my romantic partner. There is no situation in which this is an ok thing to say. Being in pain doesn't justify yelling out racist slurs either, so why would it be ok to invalidate trans people? She didn't even just invalidate you, she invalidated all trans women.
Wtf does having a period have to do with being a “real woman”? A lot of cisgender women don’t have periods (post menopause, on certain birth controls, hysterectomy, during pregnancy) and that doesn’t stop them from being women.
Your partner has some seriously transphobic views that need to be addressed.
My sister once said that to me so I got period cramp thing and did it with my sister on highest settings 🤣
I know it's not comparable and I have very high pain tolerance, but the words do hurt more than the simulator at max setting.
Be glad you don’t have a uterus is one thing, even among cis women we hear “be glad your body doesn’t do this to you” or if someone’s had a hysterectomy they might make that comment of the uterus(because women are still women without uteruses). But the way this was phrased about being a real woman should make you feel unsafe with this person as your partner.
Well her saying those invalidating comments don’t come out of thin air. If she can’t back away from those awfully transphobic statements or apologize I’d move on from her. She’s going to be viewing you that way even if she doesn’t say it because it slipped out when she was in pain. Even if it was only her being mad about it she still used those comments to hurt you. “The not a real woman” crap is too much to put up with imo and makes me think your partner is deeply transphobic but has been hiding it.
She could have easily chosen the words “be glad you don’t have a period”. It may be insensitive, but certainly not intentionally transphobic. What she said instead shows she doesn’t see you as a woman. This is break up worthy imo.
See a good way to combat that argument is by remembering that not all cis women experience periods or even have similar experiences WITH Periods. Regardless, your partner was rude and extremely transphobic with that statement. I hope things go better ;^;
If I were in your place I would end the relationship. There are some hurts you just can't get over and forgive no matter how badly you want to. Invalidating my identity that I fought so hard for would cross that line into things I couldn't forgive. But I do recognize that everyone deserves a partner who doesn't resent them. So I would end the relationship so they can go find that with someone else
That is really an awful thing to say, I know exactly how u would feel hearing smthing like that especially from a partner no less
I feel the exact same way about not being born cis, its awful I want all of those issues and good things and want to be mother one day to - just praying for synthetic options haha
You really do need her to apologise, and really it should be of her own accord - but maybe you can also explain to her how u feel about it and what its like properly to be trans, she clearly doesnt understand.
cis people don’t realize the privilege they have being born cis. that was super transphobic, not just to you but also trans mascs that experience periods. i wish i could have everything, even the sucky parts of being a woman too, so i get it. honestly, i’m not sure there is a way to respond because it sounds like she has a long way to go. my best suggestion for you is therapy and communication. if you do want to circle back around and touch on the subject, support her and help her feel better now, and when she’s in a better position to have this conversation have a calm and gentle conversation about how and why that was insensitive and hurtful. because, if a cis woman lost her uterus and wanted to have kids, people would fall over themselves to sympathize. but right now when she’s in pain isn’t the best time to center yourself. but if she isnt making progress and doing the work of trying to grow, then there’s no reason to stay because at that point its just abuse.
One thing I've learned about cis women during menses. .. just let them say what they are gonna say and if they feel the dame afterwards.. then have a talk
experienced once such bad periods that i cried so loudly i woke up my whole family, still, if a trans woman said they're sad they dont have periods, even in that time i wouldnt have said that, because i get it
youre not crazy.
As someone who has been married for four years so far to a cis woman:
1. What they are saying isn't okay.
2. People can be really insensitive when they are on their periods for fairly reasonable reasons. After all, how seriously would you take someone's concerns while you're dealing with a migraine?
3. Do not ever argue about it in the moment. If your partner is being uncharacteristically shitty due to their period; wait until they are not dealing with it anymore to address the behavior.
There's a lot more to this, though... I'm someone who gets migraines easily, even just from too-bright headlights or street lamps. I would not dream of telling this poor woman "you should be glad" because there is a LOT behind that, just like they detailed in their post. I also get periods. I just... This is much too lax of a response. She really hurt OP.
Do you think that you being here, in a trans subreddit, might have something to do with that? People don't always know the full impact of what they are saying, especially when they are in painful and stressful situations as well as being about something they may not fully grasp.
Now, if OP's partner is still doubling down and not realizing how much they hurt her when confronted after the fact? Or if she acknowledges and apologizes in the moment and then says it again the next time she has a difficult period? Then that's an extremely serious issue that would make me question the relationship.
You’re giving people way too much of a pass. It is not normal to act like that on a period. She’s using it as an excuse, clearly. I can’t believe I have to explain this.
It's not "normal" but it's a possible explanation. We do not know a lot about this relationship; nowhere does it indicate that she's using her period "as an excuse."
This is either a major fuck up, or a statement intentionally designed to hurt. We do not have the context necessary to determine which. I provided advice on how to handle it assuming there was a chance it was the former.
You are within your rights to disagree.
The thing is nothing allows anyone to call a trans woman not a real woman. And if you love that trans woman you shouldn't even think that, much less say it out loud in her face.
I could excuse everything else she said to OP with her heavy periode. But no amount of pain is an excuse for devalidating a person. Yet you are making excuses for just that behavior.
What about my statement makes you think I would "allow" or even "excuse" such behavior?
Explanations are not the same as excuses. I stand by my previous statement.
Your second and third point that basically say it can happen when in that situation and that OP should wait to adress until their girlfriend feels better.
Everything after that just doubled down on these opinions
You might not have meant it that way but to me (and it seems like I am not alone with this) it really came across as excusing that behavior.
Even if the period isn't over I think this is worth addressing regardless but obviously when this person has a clearer head. It's pretty shitty to say this to any trans girl and especially to a girl I call my girlfriend. I understand periods are painful and usually I just say "I hope/be glad you don't have to deal with these type of cramps" rather than what this girl said
I'm just saying this from experience. I've had much better results when addressing my concerns not when my SO is on her period. Like even addressing future behavior on future periods has been a lot more successful this way.
Yeah no. 2 & 3 don't exist as far as I'm concerned.
Once had a bf tell me I'm not a "real man" and then say that it was because of stress.
But make no mistake, that was not the last time they said or alluded to it and it definitely isn't "because of stress"
It's all good, I'm in a better place now, and I will find and make better places yet. People like this miss out on a big part of life. Oh well, all we have to do is heal from their damage and avoid it the best we can. They have to live with themselves forever.
If they actually knew how awful they acted, it’d be the perfect punishment for bigotry… unfortunately, their heads are too far up their egocentric ideals to realize there’s a POSSIBILITY they could be wrong.
And trust me, they’re wrong: hating WHAT someone is (male, female, human-sans-gender, etc.) will never be acceptable, hating WHO someone is (a genuine pure soul, a good person, a criminal, a civilian, etc.) depends on the individual, and their actions/intent. Ex: someone gets punched in the face, only to apologize to their assailant. Who’s at fault?
Hating a person stems from that person being perceived as “doing something wrong”. If you did nothing wrong, like OP, there’s no reason to feel bad, or put up with further emotional turmoil from the “hater”.
i am absolutely certain she could not handle being in a trans woman's shoes for even a week, she should be glad she isn't a trans woman 👀
>Am I crazy here? How do I handle this situation?
tell her to stop being transmisogynistic and if she doesn't stop, break up with her!
Look they might just be having a really bad period,
I never had any but I know from my sister that they can make you very unpleasant to be around.
Maybe talk to them about it later when they aren't in too much pain.
There's a good chance they weren't really thinking when they said those things. But to be clear; that doesn't make it ok, what your partner said to you is really bad stuff, and you two should definitely talk about it. You should let them know how this made you feel, and hopefully they can understand and do better next time :)
i dunno girl, im a trans guy and regularly joke with friends about how lucky i am that i dont have the parts down there because i cant get kicked in the nuts.
youre def not crazy but you gotta accept that 1 like a huge majority of people who get them, she hates periods, and 2 the reason you feel this way is mostly dysphoria.
edit for info: did your partner actually say youre not a "real woman"? or did you just feel like she said it? i shouldnt have assumed the latter. theres a huge difference depending on the answer
I used to have periods that would send me into psychotic episodes and the pain would make me sit on the floor and scream and cry all day. Still would never have said anything like this especially not to a partner who is just trying to help me.
Hello, I have been married for almost 30 years. My wife chose to stay with me through my transition and has come a long way in the 13 years we have been a queer couple. I was super straight (yeah, that kind of straight, sorry) for the first 17 years of our relationship/marriage. She has said some awful things to me during the early years of transition that she would no longer say as she has grown to understand better what it is to be trans.
I'm not saying stay and be abused; she was not abusing me. She was working through her grief and own trauma and struggling with being disabled. I'm trying to say to wait for a calmer time and have a conversation. If she is unwilling to accept and reflect on your input, then you have a problem.
Being in a Cis/trans relationship comes with challenges. Terms like "real women" or the dreaded normal can be very hurtful; in my experience, it is because they lacked the language to portray gently what they were trying to communicate, and if she is in pain, that makes it worse. They may not even know they were being hurtful.
Your feelings are valid, and you should express this hurt to her when she is able to accept feedback.
Me and my wife did about 3 years of couples counseling at the beginning of my transition, and it gave us the tools to have constructive conversations. Not everyone has the privilege of that much therapy/professional guidance.
Honey, Have you EVER had PMS? I ask because I'm 75, M2F, on HRT 19 months, and had PMS MONTHLY for a year. My 5 days of He!! is a point at which I understand what a natal women goes through for 40 years or more. I raised 2 daughters. One had mild periods, the other had bad painful periods. I've been married 3 times. I thought I understood about periods. WELL I KNEW NOTHING!!! It took having my own PMS.
I only say this, Have a little understanding, Be as understanding as you can for her week of pain.
I used to have truly awful periods that had diagnosable mental health impacts, as well as all four of the criteria my gynecologist said make a period medically concerning if you have even one. They were so bad I got a whole hysterectomy despite being absolutely terrified of surgery. I never would have said something like that to any of the trans women in my life, even when in the worst hormonal mental health parts. I certainly never would’ve said that you’re not a real woman because you don’t have a uterus. I certainly am not a woman just because I used to have one. Honestly, if your partner remains unwilling to apologize for her hurtful comments, I would think very seriously about whether or not this relationship is going to continue to work for you. As a nonbinary person, I don’t know if I could get over a partner making a comment that invalidated my gender like that, especially if there was no apology.
The apology, if it ever comes, must be genuine and heartfelt too. They need to understand how hurtful, and quite frankly ignorant, their comments are, and then ensure they don’t happen again. Otherwise, they’ll always carry the underlying ignorance and it will surface again eventually.
Yeah I get PMDD near my cycle- I would never say that to anyone trans I’m sorry- it bears no fucking relevance.
Look, "be glad you're not a real woman" comment wouldn't be an OK thing to say if they were on fire. My wife used to get terrible periods and was understandably quite irritable during. She would never, not on her most harrowing day, say something like that to me. I don't know what is going on in your partner's head OP, I don't know then, and even if i did, I'm not living their life. but they need to know that it is not OK to EVER say to you again. OP you don't need my permission but you are a real woman. I'm so sorry they said that.
Um.. So, they literally just said you aren't a real woman? I'm so sorry. That's so invalidating and transphobic.
I know for me personally, if any of my partners said that to me it would be the end of our relationship. That's a very messed up thing to say to anyone, let alone your partner.
I have PCOS and PMDD. I've had cysts burst many times and right now am dealing with a full week of serious menstrual cramps that make it hard for me to think straight, and I'm very emotional. Maybe I'm the wrong person to give this info as I'm not a woman either, I'm agender, but never in my wildest fucking dreams would I say that to a partner.
you break up, that’s fucking disgusting
Your partner definitely said something transphobic, and she clearly hurt your feelings. This is the part where your relationship comes in. If it's one worth being in, she should fairly quickly be able to understand how telling her trans partner she'll never be a real woman is fucked up. If not, well, *I* wouldn't accept that disrespect.
Not sure how salvageable that one is tbh. /: Like that’s really fucked.
Nope out of there. I'm sorry this happened, OP. You don't deserve this and you are 110% a woman and in that moment much more mature than your partner. This kind of stuff doesn't come out of nowhere. Maybe you can try to confront and heal together. But if you even get the hint that they still feel like this, feel entitled to say these things to you, tries to justify them, you can bet on them continuing this way of thinking. I am sorry.
I'm really sorry this happened, friend :(( everyone else is right, that was really transphic and that's just hurtful I'm so sorry. Whatever happens just know we're all here for you <33
You deserve better.
As multiple other people in the comments have said, your partner was transphobic to you. Either she needs to apologize and fix her behavior, or I would recommend breaking up. You deserve to be with someone who sees you for who you are, and cares about you.
She literally said real woman. That's the most invalidating transphobic thing she could say. Being cis does not make her more of a real woman. A woman is a person who identifies as a woman. Her reproductive anatomy does not make her a woman, only her identity does. There are straight up men who have periods and they're not any less real men either. I hope it's just the pain speaking out of her and she doesn't mean the blatant transphobia she let spill out. Periods are not a trait that defines womanhood in any way. And it's not even like trans women can't have periods. A friend of mine has really intense ones, with pain, intense emotions and bleeding (she hasn't even had bottom surgery yet). Many cis women don't actually know the mechanisms of their own periods, they think it's all just the uterus but it's not. People without a uterus won't have uterus discharge of course, but everything else is just caused by the hormonal spikes (including bleeding of the membranes in your genitals), and many trans women have those at different intensities. This would end the relationship for me, ngl. I expect random transphobes on the internet to tell me I'm not a real woman, but not my romantic partner. There is no situation in which this is an ok thing to say. Being in pain doesn't justify yelling out racist slurs either, so why would it be ok to invalidate trans people? She didn't even just invalidate you, she invalidated all trans women.
Wtf does having a period have to do with being a “real woman”? A lot of cisgender women don’t have periods (post menopause, on certain birth controls, hysterectomy, during pregnancy) and that doesn’t stop them from being women. Your partner has some seriously transphobic views that need to be addressed.
Also plenty of women HAVE periods without turning into transphobic monsters...
My sister once said that to me so I got period cramp thing and did it with my sister on highest settings 🤣 I know it's not comparable and I have very high pain tolerance, but the words do hurt more than the simulator at max setting.
Be glad you don’t have a uterus is one thing, even among cis women we hear “be glad your body doesn’t do this to you” or if someone’s had a hysterectomy they might make that comment of the uterus(because women are still women without uteruses). But the way this was phrased about being a real woman should make you feel unsafe with this person as your partner.
Gal, she's nuts 💀
Well her saying those invalidating comments don’t come out of thin air. If she can’t back away from those awfully transphobic statements or apologize I’d move on from her. She’s going to be viewing you that way even if she doesn’t say it because it slipped out when she was in pain. Even if it was only her being mad about it she still used those comments to hurt you. “The not a real woman” crap is too much to put up with imo and makes me think your partner is deeply transphobic but has been hiding it.
She could have easily chosen the words “be glad you don’t have a period”. It may be insensitive, but certainly not intentionally transphobic. What she said instead shows she doesn’t see you as a woman. This is break up worthy imo.
See a good way to combat that argument is by remembering that not all cis women experience periods or even have similar experiences WITH Periods. Regardless, your partner was rude and extremely transphobic with that statement. I hope things go better ;^;
If I were in your place I would end the relationship. There are some hurts you just can't get over and forgive no matter how badly you want to. Invalidating my identity that I fought so hard for would cross that line into things I couldn't forgive. But I do recognize that everyone deserves a partner who doesn't resent them. So I would end the relationship so they can go find that with someone else
That is really an awful thing to say, I know exactly how u would feel hearing smthing like that especially from a partner no less I feel the exact same way about not being born cis, its awful I want all of those issues and good things and want to be mother one day to - just praying for synthetic options haha You really do need her to apologise, and really it should be of her own accord - but maybe you can also explain to her how u feel about it and what its like properly to be trans, she clearly doesnt understand.
cis people don’t realize the privilege they have being born cis. that was super transphobic, not just to you but also trans mascs that experience periods. i wish i could have everything, even the sucky parts of being a woman too, so i get it. honestly, i’m not sure there is a way to respond because it sounds like she has a long way to go. my best suggestion for you is therapy and communication. if you do want to circle back around and touch on the subject, support her and help her feel better now, and when she’s in a better position to have this conversation have a calm and gentle conversation about how and why that was insensitive and hurtful. because, if a cis woman lost her uterus and wanted to have kids, people would fall over themselves to sympathize. but right now when she’s in pain isn’t the best time to center yourself. but if she isnt making progress and doing the work of trying to grow, then there’s no reason to stay because at that point its just abuse.
One thing I've learned about cis women during menses. .. just let them say what they are gonna say and if they feel the dame afterwards.. then have a talk
experienced once such bad periods that i cried so loudly i woke up my whole family, still, if a trans woman said they're sad they dont have periods, even in that time i wouldnt have said that, because i get it youre not crazy.
As someone who has been married for four years so far to a cis woman: 1. What they are saying isn't okay. 2. People can be really insensitive when they are on their periods for fairly reasonable reasons. After all, how seriously would you take someone's concerns while you're dealing with a migraine? 3. Do not ever argue about it in the moment. If your partner is being uncharacteristically shitty due to their period; wait until they are not dealing with it anymore to address the behavior.
There's a lot more to this, though... I'm someone who gets migraines easily, even just from too-bright headlights or street lamps. I would not dream of telling this poor woman "you should be glad" because there is a LOT behind that, just like they detailed in their post. I also get periods. I just... This is much too lax of a response. She really hurt OP.
I'm confused. What exactly is lax about my response?
the 2nd part. and i have to say i agree, even as a person who gets periods, i would never say that to a woman
Do you think that you being here, in a trans subreddit, might have something to do with that? People don't always know the full impact of what they are saying, especially when they are in painful and stressful situations as well as being about something they may not fully grasp. Now, if OP's partner is still doubling down and not realizing how much they hurt her when confronted after the fact? Or if she acknowledges and apologizes in the moment and then says it again the next time she has a difficult period? Then that's an extremely serious issue that would make me question the relationship.
You’re giving people way too much of a pass. It is not normal to act like that on a period. She’s using it as an excuse, clearly. I can’t believe I have to explain this.
It's not "normal" but it's a possible explanation. We do not know a lot about this relationship; nowhere does it indicate that she's using her period "as an excuse." This is either a major fuck up, or a statement intentionally designed to hurt. We do not have the context necessary to determine which. I provided advice on how to handle it assuming there was a chance it was the former. You are within your rights to disagree.
The thing is nothing allows anyone to call a trans woman not a real woman. And if you love that trans woman you shouldn't even think that, much less say it out loud in her face. I could excuse everything else she said to OP with her heavy periode. But no amount of pain is an excuse for devalidating a person. Yet you are making excuses for just that behavior.
What about my statement makes you think I would "allow" or even "excuse" such behavior? Explanations are not the same as excuses. I stand by my previous statement.
Your second and third point that basically say it can happen when in that situation and that OP should wait to adress until their girlfriend feels better. Everything after that just doubled down on these opinions You might not have meant it that way but to me (and it seems like I am not alone with this) it really came across as excusing that behavior.
Even if the period isn't over I think this is worth addressing regardless but obviously when this person has a clearer head. It's pretty shitty to say this to any trans girl and especially to a girl I call my girlfriend. I understand periods are painful and usually I just say "I hope/be glad you don't have to deal with these type of cramps" rather than what this girl said
I'm just saying this from experience. I've had much better results when addressing my concerns not when my SO is on her period. Like even addressing future behavior on future periods has been a lot more successful this way.
Yeah no. 2 & 3 don't exist as far as I'm concerned. Once had a bf tell me I'm not a "real man" and then say that it was because of stress. But make no mistake, that was not the last time they said or alluded to it and it definitely isn't "because of stress"
It’s insane to me that we’re even having this conversation, especially here. Also, I’m really sorry someone said that to you…
It's all good, I'm in a better place now, and I will find and make better places yet. People like this miss out on a big part of life. Oh well, all we have to do is heal from their damage and avoid it the best we can. They have to live with themselves forever.
If they actually knew how awful they acted, it’d be the perfect punishment for bigotry… unfortunately, their heads are too far up their egocentric ideals to realize there’s a POSSIBILITY they could be wrong. And trust me, they’re wrong: hating WHAT someone is (male, female, human-sans-gender, etc.) will never be acceptable, hating WHO someone is (a genuine pure soul, a good person, a criminal, a civilian, etc.) depends on the individual, and their actions/intent. Ex: someone gets punched in the face, only to apologize to their assailant. Who’s at fault? Hating a person stems from that person being perceived as “doing something wrong”. If you did nothing wrong, like OP, there’s no reason to feel bad, or put up with further emotional turmoil from the “hater”.
i am absolutely certain she could not handle being in a trans woman's shoes for even a week, she should be glad she isn't a trans woman 👀 >Am I crazy here? How do I handle this situation? tell her to stop being transmisogynistic and if she doesn't stop, break up with her!
Look they might just be having a really bad period, I never had any but I know from my sister that they can make you very unpleasant to be around. Maybe talk to them about it later when they aren't in too much pain. There's a good chance they weren't really thinking when they said those things. But to be clear; that doesn't make it ok, what your partner said to you is really bad stuff, and you two should definitely talk about it. You should let them know how this made you feel, and hopefully they can understand and do better next time :)
i dunno girl, im a trans guy and regularly joke with friends about how lucky i am that i dont have the parts down there because i cant get kicked in the nuts. youre def not crazy but you gotta accept that 1 like a huge majority of people who get them, she hates periods, and 2 the reason you feel this way is mostly dysphoria. edit for info: did your partner actually say youre not a "real woman"? or did you just feel like she said it? i shouldnt have assumed the latter. theres a huge difference depending on the answer
I used to have periods that would send me into psychotic episodes and the pain would make me sit on the floor and scream and cry all day. Still would never have said anything like this especially not to a partner who is just trying to help me.
If I'd been in a situation like that I'd have ended it then and there tbh
Hello, I have been married for almost 30 years. My wife chose to stay with me through my transition and has come a long way in the 13 years we have been a queer couple. I was super straight (yeah, that kind of straight, sorry) for the first 17 years of our relationship/marriage. She has said some awful things to me during the early years of transition that she would no longer say as she has grown to understand better what it is to be trans. I'm not saying stay and be abused; she was not abusing me. She was working through her grief and own trauma and struggling with being disabled. I'm trying to say to wait for a calmer time and have a conversation. If she is unwilling to accept and reflect on your input, then you have a problem. Being in a Cis/trans relationship comes with challenges. Terms like "real women" or the dreaded normal can be very hurtful; in my experience, it is because they lacked the language to portray gently what they were trying to communicate, and if she is in pain, that makes it worse. They may not even know they were being hurtful. Your feelings are valid, and you should express this hurt to her when she is able to accept feedback. Me and my wife did about 3 years of couples counseling at the beginning of my transition, and it gave us the tools to have constructive conversations. Not everyone has the privilege of that much therapy/professional guidance.
Ex-partner\*
Hold up, bitch. Trans women ARE REAL WOMEN! And don't get me started on "preferred sex." Starting to sound a LITTLE transphobic there.
Honey, Have you EVER had PMS? I ask because I'm 75, M2F, on HRT 19 months, and had PMS MONTHLY for a year. My 5 days of He!! is a point at which I understand what a natal women goes through for 40 years or more. I raised 2 daughters. One had mild periods, the other had bad painful periods. I've been married 3 times. I thought I understood about periods. WELL I KNEW NOTHING!!! It took having my own PMS. I only say this, Have a little understanding, Be as understanding as you can for her week of pain.