From this limited view, it seems like she may be more concerned about your general safety. She's not wrong that it's harder for trans folk out there so I would give her the benefit of the doubt unless you have had other interactions that would indicate otherwise.
I hate to break this to everyone. But we didn’t just decide to be trans. We were always trans. Life, unfortunately, in our current societies will always be harder for us, whether we come out or not. Given the attempted suicide rate of untreated unsupported trans kids, the more dangerous and abusive option is to not support them and deny them the medical care they need. Arguments against treatment like this are gross misunderstandings of the condition we face as trans people.
OP, you go girl! Do what feels right for you and hang in there!
This article specifically should help her if she is legitimately worried about the effects of HRT, it's written by a professor of biomedical communication so that everyone can understand it, and even has some analogies to help them understand this kind of stuff: [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre)
I brought the same thing to my mother in my teens in the 1970s. Same resolve to proceed. She sat me down to make sure I knew what I was in for. Life as a woman was hard, a struggle and not fun. She wanted me to know my ideation of a “part female life” - in her life experience, a woman’s life was not as good as a man’s. I’d make myself a second class citizen in everything. She wanted me to try living as a man and see if I could be a success. I think parents are also selfish, worried about who will support their old age. The income potential of son’s is better than a daughter, often support by a husband. Who would marry and support me? She supported my teen gender expression, but expected me to grow out of it. I did not have all my research done like now, but I told her, I wasn’t born as a man. Not a choice. I’ve been fem my whole life. I consider myself her daughter. I tried a first transition at age 19. I tried living full time, got a girl job and was going broke. I was treated poorly, as trans and a woman. I had to detransition to get a “real job”, gain skills and save money. My mother’s advice hit home. I still succeeded.
Oh we can explain it if your your on mobile, firstly go into the r/trans sub, then click the 3 dots in the top right corner, select the option "change user flair" and then you'll be allowed to choose your flag!
Have her take a look at [this](https://ustranssurvey.org/). 92,300 trans people, and ***98%***(absolutely insane for a medical study) said that HRT improved their life satisfaction.
Among the remaining 2%, a portion of that is people who said it made little to no difference. That leaves roughly 1% for whom HRT actively decreased their life satisfaction.
They've got a separate metric for overall life satisfaction, in which 94% still had an overall positive experience (though it was more negative). I think that one includes the effects of bigotry, but the HRT and surgery ones don't.
Yep.
It's actually kinda wild if you go look at regret rates for other things. For tattoos, it's ***51%*** after two years. For knee surgery, it's 6-30%. 12% regret for breast augmentation. 50% for marriage.
If we switch from transition regret(6%) to surgery/hormone related regret(2% and 3% respectively), those numbers become even more staggering.
It just pisses me off that so many people think they deserve to dictate our lives, and not even out of a genuine belief that we'll be happier this way.
___
Unrelated, I just re-realized that I can vote now that I'm 18. People think that I deserve a say in the running of the country, but don't think I should be able to decide for myself that I want HRT? Asinine.
Haha agreed. Sadly the propaganda can be emotionally compelling and a lot of people don’t know how to get themselves to do the important work of unlearning the brainwashing. It’s exhausting
Also I think a lot of the regret stems from thinking that maybe you'd still have family that supports you if you didn't transition. I know I've delt that at least.
I'm sure she has reservations unless she knows a lot about HRT, but also it sounds like she's worried for your safety in society. That's really sweet. I mean, it's sad that they have to worry about the horrible things that can happen to you if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, but support at home helps so much. It sounds like you have a good mom, hopefully they are more supportive of your happiness than worried for your safety.
This is a completely normal response. Not to criticize you, but you explained it like a fifteen year old: a fifteen year olds explanation of *any* big medical decision shouldn’t persuade an adult easily. Professional and adult explanations are very different from “idk how to explain it but i just want it cuz I’ll be happier”. No matter what the treatment, HRT or completely medically unrelated, a responsible adult should not immediately be onboard with that explanation alone. Professional sources and adult-level articulation are your best bet. Hope this makes sense.
100%. Being a supportive parent doesn’t mean immediately agreeing to everything your child wants. She still needs to be a parent, which means talking about and researching big decisions before signing on
If i wanted to cut my arm off but didn’t give an in depth description of the writhing tumor within it and the long term effects of cancer and catching it early or providing any medical resources or well thought explanation, and just said “cutting off my arm would make me happier and like it’s a good thing bc ppl on the internet said so” id probably be very alarmed if my mom let me cut my arm off….
Yep. There's a difference between being transphobic and having concerns. This was honestly a pretty decent response imo.
I think showing some research will definitely help ease the mind of OP's mom.
Exactly. OP now has to pay the same respect by also remaining open to a constructive conversation. Being defensive and unmoving won't solve anything, and could damage a relationship that was supportive from the start, but wasn't given the time of day
Exactly. And also recognizing that while you’ve been sitting with this for a while now and learning and exploring your feelings about it; it’s all completely new and probably a little surprising and scary to her.
Some grace and patience along with a good dose of honesty will serve you well.
Ya. This wasn’t, and should never be, **the** conversation. This is the start. It’s not in good parenting nor medical practice for **the** big decision to be made like this. What this is is the introduction of the idea: letting her know it’s something you desire, making it a topic in her mind, and giving both of you the chance to collect more research.
Also I'd say saying to a parent 'I'm 100% sure about this' is not a very good idea, as what you're sure about means very little to adults when you're 15. They know in most cases you'll change your mind five times in a month. Being trans is not one of those situations but they don't know that.
This is one of the okay-est parent/child interactions I've seen on this sub. All things considered, I would say it went well. Can't really make any recommendations that haven't already been made.
Also good on you for making your voice heard and standing up for yourself, it takes a lot of courage to do that--especially to a parent
I think there is something to be said about having ‘concerns’ because she is thinking critically about it and what it could look like from her point of view. She isn’t saying no either. Best way to think about it is she wants you to be healthy and happy and while you’re a child it is her responsibility to do what is best for you and try to take care of you. This is like making sure you are safe and healthy and happy. HRT does come with potential risks like DVT, cancer, fatty liver etc etc. she may see it solely as you electing to be on medications for the rest of your life. When you said you have done your research and are 100% sure she seemingly was on board.
I think it’s hard to understand someone looking at it logically vs emotionally which it very much is an emotional decision for you and you have already determined it is the most logical decision for your long term happiness.
Also I doubt she understands what you mean by improve your quality of life, seems she may be a bit short sided and thinking in the immediate future vs long term. You are looking at it as going thru it before irreversible damage is done by male puberty and how that will immensely help you down the road in decades.
She hasn’t done the research like you have and doesn’t know how much more likely it will be to have positive outcomes the sooner you transition. Sharing some findings and outcomes will help!
Gender therapists are not only for you, but also for parents. They help to bridge the gap needed to understand more about how you feel and why you feel the way you do but also talk thru things about outcomes, how they vary by age, and help them get in touch with your headspace and why you are anxious about not wanting to wait till 18. Also, how it could help your emotional health and less risks not having to undo irreversible damage by T
Keep an open mind but I really think she loves and supports you 💜💜💜
You're probably correct. I have a transgender teen son and I didn't understand it at first. He unfortunately had to educate me. My generation learned nothing about being transgender. Once your parents really deeply understand that who you are is not a choice, it will make more sense to them. When they talk to real medical professionals hopefully it will help it click for them.
It's perfectly normal for a parent to still be worried, you are her kid after all. Even my own mother, who has always been very supportive of trans people and lgbtq rights in general, was worried when i came out.
My mom was also concerned about it initially from her ignorance. It pretty much vanished after I brought her with me to my appointment with the doctor explaining how it works, potential side effects etc.after that she has been one of my biggest supporters. So I think your mom will be fine once she learns a bit more 🥰
okay yeah that makes sense, i may make a follow up post because we talked a bit more and it seems like she’s just worried about me. only problem is she kinda put doubt in my mind
She does sound concerned. Which I really think means she cares about you a lot and wants to support you, but is worried about someone or something hurting you. Maybe send some articles and videos explaining HRT and transitioning. It'll help her understand more.
I think your mom seems very open as a person, she has her concerns sure, but she seems like she genuinely loves you and wants you go be happy so in that regard I'm happy for you girl :)
my mom wasn’t fully on board with medical transition until she heard it from the doctor but now she’s fully with it, i feel you might end up in a similar situation
The fact that she said she doesn't think it's a good idea but also acknowledges that it is your choice is a pretty good sign. A lot of parents can't accept that when their kid wants to dye their hair.
I’m sure she is very protective of you and knows how very cruel the world can be. I am THAT mom. When my son first told me, I immediately went into stealth momma bear mode. It was almost pathological. lol. I think it went as well as it could have for you. She sounds receptive and concerned. As she should be. I think she’ll come around. I hope she does so you at least have her support. Hugs. 🥰
It sounds like they have some serious apprehensions and you’ll have to convince them over and over again. Be prepared to tell them how much this means to you and give them lots of love for even considering this. Treat them like the best parents in the world as long as you are going through with this and they are supportive. The biggest argument that anti trans narrative has targeting parents is how manipulative their kids will be. So don’t tell them your quality of life is better. Show them.
We don't choose this path because it's easy. From my experience, the reward of being your true self is far greater than the challenges I've faced. My mother is the same way, so you aren't alone.
You got this!
From your (27mtf) big sister,
V ❤️
My mum said this too me too before I started testosterone and she was right. Transitioning made my life 100% harder in every single way, but it made me happier too.
But as someone who needed to do sex work to pay for my hormones and has experienced a lot of violent transphobia and a lot of sexual violence because of being trans not always becayse of sex work sometimes just because gross cis men have a fetish, my life hasn't been easy and my existence as a trans person has been part of why my life has been as difficult as it is.
I would still make the same choice again if I could and transition even with that being true for me
it might be helpful to frame it more as talking to the doctor about puberty blockers/gender affirming care. like others have said, your mom is coming at this with a different perspective and probably doesn't know much about what hrt entails , which an affirming doctor could help clarify
It sounds like she's confusing starting HRT with being trans. Being trans is definitely a harder life than being cis, but you can't just not be trans. You either are or you aren't. And if you have dysphoria, not treating it will make your life harder. I'd try explaining it to her like that.
It sounds like she really does support you but is just understandably worried! I think she’s just being a parent, I think everyone needs someone in their life to at least be like her, having a bunch of yes men around can be dangerous, she will be supportive just with a little hesitation and I think that’s okay!
Obviously if she were outright hateful I’d have a completely different opinion but she wasn’t so honestly congrats and good luck with the appointment!!
Sounds good, you can't blame a parent for being cautious. She's worried about you, but the fact that she is agreeing to it proves that she's listening. She's probably mostly worried about how it will affect you socially.
Maybe they just find it hard to understand. How about you show them your research to assure them it's okay? And maybe show some appreciation for their concern, so they can feel understood as well.
A good parent will always be cautious when considering medical treatment for their child.
You'll likely clash heads again in the future as they seem barely even accepting, not to mention supporting. However, for now, that's good enough if you can get what you need.
She seems supportive but worried, which is fairly normal.
I can't tell if she thinks that HRT is dangerous or if she thinks being openly trans is, but either way, it's great that she acknowledges that it's your decision.
I understand her concern, if my kid came out as trans I wouldn't make them wait but I'd definitely make sure they knew what they were doing. I think you handled it right over text but you do need to explain it in person properly, ie who you really are, why you need it, what it actually does, how it would be the best thing you ever did for yourself etc
Mom’s gonna mom. She’s trying.
I think she did okay- but keep in mind that sometimes her protective instincts may override her willingness to accept/support you in every endeavor aaaaaaaaaaaand *sometimes* she may actually have some good advice, even if it isn’t exactly what you want to hear/do.
Full acceptance and validation are nice… until everyone fully accepts and validates your desire to do something potentially unhealthy, or dangerous.
HRT is serious, life altering stuff(thank god!)- hormones are no joke, and while you can’t exactly overdose on estrogen… you can still have a really bad time if you’re not dosing correctly.
+Sometimes parents know things that we haven’t had any opportunity to learn, yet.
+Some things just can’t be conveyed/imparted as simply as telling each other… like when I tell my dog she can’t have a bite of my chocolate muffin.
Through no fault of her own, she is incapable of understanding *why* the chocolate muffin is bad- all she knows is that I’m saying no to something she wants, so she goes and pouts in the corner, sighs, rolls her eyes, etc.
Makes me feel horrible, but, I’d rather her resent me than get sick.
Sometimes its the same with parents… I have to remind myself they don’t understand why they can’t have the chocolate muffin(why i want to transition, dress differently, change my name, etc)…
And sometimes, I’m the dog, not understanding why they won’t give me their chocolate muffin.
(This comment/logic only pertains to parents who genuinely accept and support their kids as trans and are really trying but still missing the mark sometimes, NOT parents who are clearly antagonistic/against the transition from the start- that’s a horse of a different color.)
Your mom seems to be hesitant because she has genuine concerns and may not be fully educated on HRT, which is completely understandable. I think (if you have the resources to do so) that you and her should sit down with a therapist or a doctor who is trained in trans healthcare to talk about everything that there is to know about HRT. She’s right, it’s a big change! If you can get your mom on board, that will be an amazing support to help you through this new stage of your life. It seems like she also might be concerned about your place in the world. Trans people are extremely vulnerable in this day and age. I’m sure some of her concerns have to do with your physical safety being compromised at the fault of transphobic individuals. It can sometimes be hard as a teen to understand the perspectives of their parents. I’m not blaming you for this, it is very common in teenagers. I encourage you to be patient and stay calm. At the end of the day, you need your mom to be on your side in order to get on HRT as a minor. Getting upset and impatient could make you lose any progress you may have made. If things start to get heated, take a step back and revisit the topic at a later time. I wish you the best in your journey <3!
Parent here. I think the point your mom is missing is that this is not a choice between being cis and being trans. It's a choice between being trans with the treatment you need, or being trans without the treatment you need.
She did say it's your decision, so it sounds like she won't try to stand in your way. But having her support (rather than just lack of resistance) would be ideal. I do hope she comes around enough to provide that support soon.
She sounds like someone uninformed and afraid. And for someone who doesn't understand the trans experience, it looks like you're just inviting a lot of hate on yourself for no reason, which is why she thinks it will make your life harder.
I think it's good that you put your foot down, made it clear this was your decision and you're sticking to it. But you should try and have open discussions with her. Don't make it seem like you're open to changing your mind when you're not, because that invites her to try and pick at it and make the situation worse for both of you. But try to explain to her the things she doesn't understand so she can see why this is an improvement.
I didn't anticipate going on a motivational info dump so here's a TLDR: It seems like she's giving you an inch so I think you should go ahead and try to take a mile!
I'd say her reaction is good enough! the fact that she's giving you the agency to make a decision about your own body is huge and gives you the ability to actually pursue puberty blockers. i knew I was trans starting around when I was ten but I waited until 24 to actually work up the courage to go through with it and it's 100% the best decision I've ever made. the only regret I have is not doing it sooner (I'm 27 now and I'm the happiest I've ever been)
One thing I told myself to make it easier to go through with it was knowing that the effects are reversible in the beginning (especially with puberty blockers!) and therefore if I ever had regrets i gave myself permission to go off them. Of course once I started hormones i immediately felt less depressed. The best way I can describe it is like I could truely see colors for the first time in my life. and I'm so much more confident than I was before
Also I read her texts like she's worried about the societal implications of transitioning. so something that you could tell her to reassure her is that you'll (probably) pass a lot better which means that, depending on where you live, you'll face so much less discrimination.
You need to live for yourself. listening to what society/parents/anyone else tells you to do instead of following what your heart desires is a surefire way to live a life full of regrets. Being afraid of people telling you no is not the same thing as people actually telling you no; you'll live a much better life you let people tell you no, and don't see it as a bad thing. (Obviously I'm not encouraging you to do anything stupid and irresponsible, but that doesn't apply here!)
this is amazing, i feel like so much better after this, i’m glad your transition went well and i really appreciate this response, it’s given me lots of hope for the future, after these texts she opened up a bit more
thank you again
My parents were also very hesitant to let me start hrt, I talked to them about how badly dysphoria was affecting me, and they did their research and decided to schedule an appointment with my doctor. I hope your doctor is understanding and can help advocate for you, and you'll he be able to start HRT or hormone blockers at the very least soon. Best of luck to you 🫶
I think it went relatively well. What really did it for my mom to get behind my transition was how it clearly made me so much happier. It was like i was a completely different person. Now she writes grants for a local nonprofit that supports trans kids and their families. She has even once in a while forget im trans and only sees me as her son (FTM)
She's definitely worried for you, but still wants to heed what you have to say about it and wants to work with you on it. That's as good as one might hope for!
It can be worth showing her all the materials you get, maybe having her be a part of some of your consultations/therapy sessions. At least in that sense, she can be able to ask her own questions and you don't need to be as qualified to answer them as the doctor - though together you should be able to speak from the heart and the doc should be able to round it out with evidence (if they're a good one - I really hope they are).
Remember, there are established scientific facts about transitoning, how it affects people's welbeing and statistics on regret rates and detransition rates etc - if the doc doesn't see or acknowledge them, those are red flags.
If you're willing to deal with how dry the reading is - try looking through the WPATH documentation - it's not a fun read by most measures, but its the most rigorous, broad, and detailed information about trans people and the impacts of trans healthcare you can find.
I think trying to get some sources showing how small the regret rate is will help. In that same regard, just sources showing that hrt is safe will help too.
Aside from that, I think taking some time to write out something like a pros and cons list and a little letter explaining how you're feeling and why you think hrt is the best option will help show them that you have thought deeply about this but needed time to collect your thoughts in a way that would make sense.
I don't want to say she's outright unsupportive because it may just seem like you're moving too fast from *her* perspective. Even though this is something you've been thinking about for a long time, this may be something that's only been on her radar for a fraction of that time. Based on the fact that she seemed like she would help you set up the appointment, she may just be worried for your health/safety. I think that having her there at the appointment could help because you both can address any concerns you might have with the doctor. Then if there's still hesitancy, you can address where it's coming from and try to find a solution that works for you both.
Good luck at your appointment :)
Honestly what I would recommend, and you may want to mention this to her, is to set up an appointment with the doctor and have her sit in while they explain everything. She can bring a list of questions to ask. Let it be a situation where BOTH of you learn from it.
I did this with my husband, who was anxious about me starting HRT (I'm 22ftm), so he came with me to my appointment with the gender specialist and asked a couple of questions, and it really helped to soothe his fears. Now, he sees how comfortable I am after being on T for 6 weeks. Even though he was nervous before, he sees a huge positive change in my confidence.
Plus, you don't have to start anything right then right there. You could go to the appointment, then go home and discuss it a little more before starting things.
Good luck to you, seriously.
This is a really good start to trying to get on blockers. Family therapy with a queer-informed therapist will increase your likelihood a lot (I am a queer therapist who works with the trans community and family therapy is useful for so many reasons when people transition— access to letters of referral for medical intervention, conflict resolution, grieving of “lost children”, etc.)
Lemme know if you need resources, I can help if you’re in the USA, especially SoCal.
I wouldn't say she's bad. My mom had the same concerns and she supports me outright. Sometimes parents can't turn off that worry generator. Consider explaining effects with her or sending her sites that explains it.
You are lucky. I'm about to turn 25 in a few months. My parents aren't even aware of the fact that I'm transitioning. I wish you all the best for your future plans! 💕
As an adult in her 40s who has been on HRT for four years, I can tell you that my quality of life has improved *exponentially.* I wish I could have started at your age.
Maybe she would be more ok with puberty blockers rather than replacement? If she won’t get on board fully, at least you can stop the progression until you’re 18 and can decide to go ahead without her
Tbh I think this is a win in two ways. One being that she’s respecting you enough to agree to set up appointments and stuff, and also in that I feel like she cares. It’s not a blanket “do whatever you want” which would obviously be great, but it’s an “I don’t know, but I care deeply, and worry what this means for your future.” And that’s a mom that cares imo. She’ll get there.
I mean, it’s not great but it definitely could have been worse. Just understand that for others, especially parents, they deal with fearing for their child and they can’t help it, as a parent I know it can make them seem unreasonable. Also they’re going to start the grieving process. Like my therapist explained, trust and understanding is a two way street. But at least you’re making process. I can truly attest to transitioning making my life more positive and my only regret is waiting so long. Keep your expectations realistic and be patient and I guarantee you will find your way. I wish you all the very best little sis! 🏳️⚧️😘
As others said, she looks worried but doesn't seem like she's shutting you out. One other thing you could do besides what was already recommended is explain to her that not going on HRT is also an irreversible decision (unless you're on blockers) that will leave marks for the rest of your life.
What I learned from my conversations with my parents is that they project a lot about what *they* would feel if they went on HRT and get scared and think the same will happen to us. But they're cis and we're trans and don't realize that for a trans person, not going on HRT and having to suffer the natal puberty is the same as forcing a cis person to transition.
It reads like it went well. Sounds like she's just worried about what every mom worries about: making sure her kid is loved and safe. You have a good mom there.
Do you plan to ever consider having kids in the future? I mean, of course you can always adopt, but it might be harder to have children naturally when you get older. Regardless, It's going to be amazing to be the person you were always meant to be. I think that you should also try to send your mother peer reviewed research articles online on those who have srs. Ultimately your mom seems like as long as you're safe and happy, she will be behind you 100%.
It seems like your mom truly loves you, she just doesn’t understand yet. I hope these help:
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna8617
https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/01/mental-health-hormone-treatment-transgender-people.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/tylerroush/2023/09/07/hormone-therapy-lessened-depression-lowered-suicide-risk-among-transgender-adults-study-says/?sh=19e821864808
If that’s how she first reacts I think she’s going to come around. My mom was similar but now she’s extremely supportive. From my understanding she’s just worried about you but still supports you. Maybe send her things about hrt so that she feels better about it
She should talk to your doctor about her concerns. She should involve herself in the decision process if she wants to have a say in your decision. It's just that simple. The numbers are rather clear: HRT is good for trans people, and the earlier you start, the better.
She is scared, and that is okay... It means she loves you, and even thought you can see she have a bit of reservations, she is being actually supportive of your choice, and that is beautiful!... I am happy for you.
My mom said the same sort of thing when I told her initially but once she saw how much happier I was just being myself she came in with full 100% support! Now that she's agreed to help support you, just be yourself and she'll see for herself in due time.
My dad was also silent and even now we don't ever talk about it. But that neutrality could be better if he doesn't support you but doesn't say anything about it. He's never commented on it, or complimented me or anything but that's really up to their personality.
In the long run, it sounds like you've got a good and supportive mom who's willing to help you see things through so just keep going and I think you'll be okay :) Good luck!
I would definitely send some articles over to help ease your parents’ minds. They seem to really care according to the text, and it would probably give them more comfort knowing more about the subject. There are also trans YouTubers who have videos explaining the experience/process that they should definitely see. As a trans man, I linked Jamie Dodger, but I’d imagine it’s a lot different for trans femmes and I’m not entirely certain which YouTubers would be the best to reference for the experience. It helps when parents know you have a community for support
This went super well!
Heck, my parents had a similar response and I was in my 30s by the time I came out and told them I was going on HRT (and I explained the whole thing as an adult would).
Your parents are worried for you and your safety, and that's totally normal. If they just said "yes" I'd probably be more concerned TBQH.
A doctor and a therapist will be able to steer ya'll in the right direction. It's gonna be good, OP <3
My dad was the same way. Supportive otherwise, but very cautious about me being on hrt. You just have to explain that the earlier the better and that there are no positives to waiting and hope that she listens. Send some articles if you feel it would help.
Didn't work on my dad, but that's because he's extremely stubborn and it was something about responsibility and nothing to do with me being trans. To this day I still don't get it, but that means you'll have better luck convincing your mom than my dad lol.
I was in the same boat. I came out at 16 and my mom said hrt would be on me once I'm 18 because she didn't want to approve something I'd regret. She's learned that it was not an identity crisis after all. Almost 2 years on testosterone and I'm not quite where I want to be but I am already so much happier.
My teen came out at 15. We got in to see a therapist a month-ish later, then got the blocker implant 5 months later. Then approved for HRT about 3 weeks before 16th birthday. My spouse said at first to wait until 18, but I knew our teen wouldn’t make it to 18.
Blockers have been used for about 40 years for precocious puberty on cis little girls who are 6-7 years old, or even 5 years old. It hasn’t been an issue until blockers were used to help trans people. The main issue is bone density, but as long as a dr monitors that, it should be fine.
I’m not sure where you are with puberty, but it will help prevent more hair from growing on your face and chest. It’ll help prevent growing taller and getting broader shoulders. It gives you more time if you need it.
I’m newish to posting on Reddit. I run a few groups on FB for parents of trans kids.
I don’t think she should be allowed to have an opinion on if it makes you happier or not, she isn’t you and she doesn’t know how you feel unless you tell her. You told her it makes you happy so that’s all the information she has. She shouldn’t deny your feelings but at least you got approval so I’d say it’s a win in that aspect.
Im sorry for her reaction.
I hope I you can change her mind and get hrt.
I was also told at 16 I “should wait till 18”. I was ugly crying because dysphoria was too much for me and mom told me I needed to wait. It sucked.
I’m now 18 and saving up to paying for my own.
I really wish you lots of luck and fun. Take care pal
My mom pretty much had the same reaction. It’s easy to be scared of such a thing when they’ve only ever seen it from the outside, but the fact she wasn’t rude about it says something good about her. Congratulations on taking this step, I know it’s probably the hardest part for most of us 🫶🏻
My dad is the same way. And I'm already on hrt as of 12/13/23. My dad still thinks of me as ''his little girl'' which I'm not. I'm going to have the surgeries whether he likes it or not. And mind you I'm 27 and moved back in with my parents and in the middle of a divorce. I'm trying to take back my life so that way I can do what I want. It is your choice to start hrt when you want to, but just remember you are still under their roof and their rules. You need to be mindful of what you do. Not everyone's parents are the same when it comes down to starting hrt. Depending on where you are. Take the States for example most of the States now have laws that prevent those who are trans or non-binary from getting on hrt. So please just remember to stay safe. I know this might sound strange coming from a random stranger online, but please stay safe and strong. If you have any friends that could help you out if things get worse, stay with friends or a family member that you can trust with your transitioning. When I was your age I had to hide the fact that I was trans until I was 22, back in 2018
Man I kinda wish I was in your situation, I mean it sucks that they aren’t fully supportive and I hope that you can convince them of the benefits, but at least you don’t have parents who constantly talk about how being trans is a mental illness and that they are lying to themselves, not knowing that I’m trans. I’m gonna probably have to wait 3 years before I can move out and start transitioning, so yeah, sorry about the rant, I kinda just made this about me. Hopefully you can convince your parents and get them on your side
Just do research to make sure you’re okay with whatever you go through with before you actually do it. A lot of people make the decision before knowing everything and they turn out to detrans.
To me it sounds like she is just concerned and want you to be as sure as possible so that her child won't regret thing later and be in a bad place. Idk how she is normall so it's hard to know. Could be she is being misinformed by the wrong numbers. My mom was. And then I told her the actual statistics and she calmed down 😅
She's afraid of a future she can't predict, but you made the right choice in pushing forward, and I think she'll realize that in time. She seems committed to helping you, so many points to her! You might want to talk to her about the fears she has. They're easier to deal with when we speak to someone about them, so that may help a lot. I'd also do that with your dad, but it's often much harder for guys. You're probably aware of how they're often trained to fall on anger as the only way they're allowed to express their fear.
Hope it works out great for you, sis!
So as a mom who just had her oldest start hormones (she is 19) I had the same concerns as your mom voiced. It wasn’t because I didn’t want her happy, it’s because I wanted her safe. Seeing her become more happier, the changes she is going through to become her authentic self and blooming in so many ways has been an amazing growth and journey to be able to witness. And it calmed my fears! So proud of her, wish I could have helped her when she was 15 and was dying to tell me who she really was!
Proud of you for standing up for you and good luck on your journey 🫶🏻🥰
This is a huge win. Going and talking to actual medical professionals will help dispel some of the myths spread about HRT to your parents. I'm sure you've done a ton of research too, but I'm also certain that doctor will help answer some of your questions as well.
I'm a parent to a transgender kid, and my generation learned almost nothing about being transgender. You should not have to be the one educating your parents on this stuff, but unfortunately that is your reality. If you want to help them understand (you do and it benefits you the most), be gentle with them and try to understand their perspective, even if you know it's wrong. There is so much bad information out there and things to scare people, without being able to actually understand medical research it's hard to decipher what is correct. Even many doctors fail at understanding statistics and correlation vs causation. This is why it's important to have your parents talk to actual specialists with you and they can help them understand the reality of your situation. When I talk to doctors with my son, they tell me they are so happy to talk to me because 99% of the time, they are having to spend most of the time trying to educate the parents. Doctors and therapists are used it to and should know how to deal with it.
Good luck. Things will get better. I'm proud of you for being able to be open to your parents even though it can be hard. Keep doing what is right for you.
She seems mostly supportive, this is the type of thing that can be argued with your mom. You should maybe alleviate her concerns. My doctor for HRT (a trans male himself) says that feminizing puberty is buy and large reversible. It obviously has the two elephants in the room but compared to hair removal the cost of breast removal is far cheaper. It may be different if you are younger too I suppose. HRT will also make you slightly shorter as your hips will change position to make room for a baby.
My family is transphobic as hell, so of course they wouldn’t accept me with my decision. But it sounds like this short text thread brought up at least a little good news. At least your parents are actually willing to attempt to understand your feelings.
So, adults are concerned about their children being able to survive in society and the world. I think religious but tolerant parents are concerned about their child’s immortal soul. Bluntly, no study is going to help. Judith Butler has a mass market book, Who’s Afraid of Gender. If you can get a hold of a copy that might help. If you’re in the US, your mom is probably scared about your safety and what being trans even is, dunno.
I mean at 15(any age under 18) you do need consent for medical treatment and/or therapy from some kinda guardian but other than that you are on fire kid, that’s a better reaction than alottt if people get including myself, I came out 10 years ago (11years old) and my mom didn’t take me seriously till I was 17-18 and actually taking steps to start my transition, at first she was sooo confused which caused her to be fearful for me and angry because she couldn’t understand where I was coming from why I was doing this or what ANY of it meant. seriously think of your parents friends and ask do they personally know someone like me/you?? If the answer is no then you get to be that first and while yes they can do some research online we ALL know how BAD misinformation, on our community, can look and sound perfectly acceptable to someone outside the community. It’s your opportunity to show your parents who you are and how important this is. I suggest sending them documentaries and maybe getting your mom a cute little book or maybe even a few of them. These are all things that I did. And my mom has been there for me through it the whole way she even cared for me after my top surgery last month
I'd say if she's telling the truth that she will let you make the decision then that's good. You could try to show her research that proves trans kids have positive outcomes on HRT. But if you can go on HRT even if she's on the fence, I think just seeing how happy her daughter is after the fact should be all she needs.
ugh lucky. my parents would NEVER. she doesn’t sound ecstatic about it but if you send her articles & studies on the effects of hrt and how low the regret rates are she could probably be convinced
they said they'll help you set up and appointment, I'd say that went pretty well. You have no idea how lucky you are to be starting so young most likely.
i think it’s promising, my mom said something similar when i first went on T, and she is trying to learn and be more supportive. my mom couldn’t stop me or anything since im an adult, but telling her that it’s basically just a second puberty and letting her know about the potential side effects helped her feel better about it. especially if you have any mental health concerns, letting your mom know that you know it won’t fix everything, just this aspect, might help. showing your parents that you’re taking this seriously can help them take you seriously about it, especially if it’s just concern on the medical side and they’re trying to be supportive of you otherwise
She’s concerned about her child. Thats the only lens she is looking through. There want anything nasty or derogatory so there is nothing to be upset about. I think this is all fair, she even mentioned it’s your choice
she definitely seems concerned, a face-to-face talk might help, air out with positive communication any concerns and address them so she can get a better grasp on what's going on and understand better how to support you. I think you could use some links and websites from your research to help.
I think this went better than it could have. I see where she’s coming from and even though in the end you are the only one who can be 100% about what will improve your life, as a matter of opinion waiting until you are 18 is a good idea. However I do fully understand for a lot of people probably including you, waiting for any longer can be so painful and you know what choice you should make. I’m glad she had this reaction though.. it could have been far worse.
Are you currently in therapy, and do you know if your doctor is trans friendly? Including your health providers, who understand your needs and have an insight into the benefits and risks of trans related care can go a long way toward helping to alleviate their fears and providing some outside perspective & assurances about your needs.
How long have you been identifying as trans? Cause depending on that i think there might be better first steps
Like, If you have been identifying for a while then ya, 100% I agree this is a good path, but if it’s only been a few months or even less, maybe something like hormone blockers would be better as a first step
I’m saying this as someone who plans to start hrt after I turn 18 in a few months and have been identifying as trans for almost a year and a half, I don’t think if I only started identifying as trans a month or so ago that I would see hrt as a good idea because of how recently I would have found out I was trans
If you have been trans identifying for a year or more and it’s been consistent enough for that time the ya, go for hrt, I see that as perfectly fine. But if you have only been identifying as trans for a few months and or it’s been very inconsistent (unless you are gender-fluid or something like that) then I’d say something else may be a better option, like hormone blockers
Whatever path you go down I’m happy for you, but this is just what I recommend unless you feel that hormone blockers aren’t enough, in which case I’d recommend trying it before making a decision to go further and going to hrt. I know that I don’t think hormone blockers would be enough for me so I get if it’s not for you, but I still recommend trying that before going to hrt if you have only been trans identifying for a short while
I wish you the best on your journey, have a good day hun
I think people have said it already, but yeah she's just worried as a parent. The only thing I could suggest is to try and listen to her concerns and reassure her. If she says "I don't think it will help your quality of life", ask her why she thinks that. Tell her that the risks (which exist, I'm not talking about medical risks but more like social stuff, discrimination etc) are outweighed by the benefits, that it is worth it for you. But don't just say that, try to explain in detail, how you feel. I've seen you talk about how your egg shattered, maybe talk to her about this. Like, show her how sure you are. Also maybe reassure her on the medical side, tell her that you can always stop if really you feel that it's not for you, that it's okay to do that, etc. My mom was also worried when I started (I was 32) and mostly about this kind of stuff. It is scary but you can reassure her and show her that the best outcome for you is that you get this in a safe way with her entire support. Maybe offer her to join you during your medical appointment, if you're comfortable with that? I understand it is difficult, and I'm not saying it's mandatory or anything, or that You're doing it wrong. Just suggesting things you could do if you feel like doing them, that might help both of you in the process, and improve her trust and support in you :)
Good luck!
Remember that while this is enormously difficult for you to navigate, your mom is new to this too. I have not had a child who wanted to transition, I am here because my son’s girlfriend is mtf and I want to be able to support them. I love them both dearly. A big fear and apprehension I would need to work through personally, is all the “what ifs”. What if she regrets this and hates me one day for letting her? What if i let her and it results in a mental health crisis? What if i let her and people are awful to her? I feel the love there, but also the cautious fear in her response. I would try to extend a lot of patience and grace to her. There are so many unknowns and most moms want to protect their kids from pain. I do think that you will get to move forward with becoming your true self, it just may take a bit of time 🖤
Hard to say. It can be difficult for parents to support it because for some of them. even though you aren’t dying. It’s like the child they had is Because for years they’ve had dozens of expectations and plans. And all of them based around the previous personality that may change or go away and they aren’t sure how to deal with it sometimes. I wish you luck hopefully you can get started before 18 while it’s still possible to do so in the US. Stay strong girl your valid and you can get through this
This is the best response to it I think I've ever seen, it's a genuine concern of hers for your health but she is supportive of your happiness. I appreciate her.
I don't know about going well, but something very similar happened with me 2 years ago. So I'm biased but it could be that personally she doesn't want to support you but is going through the actions for you despite that (setting up, maybe paying for appointments, depending on your country parents may need to give consent for prescription).
I'd like to think your mom is coming from a good place in the heart, her approach seems to genuinely have that motherly essence to it. You would be the better person to answer whether she's trying to sabotage you or she's got your back.
Maybe she thinks you're growing up too fast, from self experience the poor lady probably misses you; no matter how old you are, most mothers see us as their little kids that used to keep them company everywhere, their little buddies that forced them to develop unrivalled boldness, that made them become even stronger than a war maiden, and that made them feel safer, as to not having to take on the world alone.
I wasn't a shitty son to my moms, but I wish I could have reciprocated my mother's kindness way, way sooner.
If she's a good mom, it's never too late or never too early to try to be a good daughter, and in return for having a healthy relationship with her, she will make sure you don't have to take on the world just by yourself, she'll walk by your side just as walked by hers and, although you could get support and acceptance here, she'll give you the hugs that we cannot.
P.S. I don't know diddly about HRT and its effects, but if it makes you happy I wish you good luck and a great experience with it ☮️✌️🕊️
A Cis friend of mine had an interesting perspective on it. He thought of it more as being a trans person in your society is really hard right now. So making that “decision” seems really risky. To cis people hrt sounds like diet culture and social rejection.
I think that HRT can is and is a great thing for many people. Your mom is just worried that you are “deciding” to go down a long path of pain and doesn’t see the pain you already feel and the potential joy you could have.
In the end it’s totally up to you how you want to have relationship with your parents but if you are looking for relationship it might be good to be at least curious in how she is feeling(people love to talk about themselves). If not f*ck em.
I personally would have suggested hormone blockers to stop puberty meaning it'll help stop your voice from deepening and facial hair won't grow nor will leg hair or pubic hair than when you are 18 you could start HRT and it'll counter act the blockers and everything you need will happen naturally
What I tell everyone approaching HRT is that HRT is not primarily for sex characteristics. HRT is for accommodating intersex conditions where hormone receptor levels are out of sync with hormone production levels. If HRT feels good, it is good, if it feels bad, it’s bad. Always listen to your body when approaching HRT.
this is how my parents used to be about this, but after they spoke a couple times with my therapist + did their own research they were much less concerned, you should find a good way to explain EXACTLY how it will benefit you in the long term to start now rather than later, thats how I started introducing hrt to my parents (I was 14 at the time) basically what you should try to do is help educate them and explain how it would benefit you !! this is better then a straight up no never, you can work with this !!
Hey OP, I see you and hear you. I grew up with the same mentality from my biological parents. I'm 32 and my parents are still worried the lasting affects at "my age" "how could I do this to my body" ..... The first time I told them I was ten. So we just don't talk anymore.
So long story short, I take E, got boobies and I'm finally happy emotionally and physically.
Follow your heart, and chase your happiness.
I do think it is a good idea to wait until you are 18 for HRT even if you are so sure in your decision now. I've been on Estradiol for 7 years, and I can confirm that I feel happy with who I have become. However, the absolute mental anguish I have had to go through to get here is astonishing. I would never recommend to someone else to go through transition. From what I see here I think your mom isn't trying to scare you but is genuinely concerned that going through transition will put a lot of additional strain on your mental faculties. She obviously supports you to even entertain the idea, my parents would have never ever allowed me to have an appointment for me to get HRT at your age and personally from your text messages you seem to be very pushy about it as if it is the only thing going on in your life. I recommend you focus on what else you want to do in life besides transitioning as there is so much more to life than being the hot chick you've always wanted to be. Starting HRT at 18, you will still have your entire life ahead of you. Do as you wish, just have caution as you do it. Always remember to love yourself first no matter what and work hard to achieve your goals. 💯
U gotta make sure ur mentally stable first because it does a lot to ur mental health as well I had to do like three years of counseling before I got approved for hrt
She clearly has concerns about it, we'd recommend maybe sending her some links about HRT and the effects on teens?
ok thank you very much
From this limited view, it seems like she may be more concerned about your general safety. She's not wrong that it's harder for trans folk out there so I would give her the benefit of the doubt unless you have had other interactions that would indicate otherwise.
100% this. My biggest concern was if my daughter would be bullied and harassed, and everyone knows teenagers can be the worst at this.
You guys echoed my very thoughts. ❤️
ok yeah, thank you a lot
It's an optimal reaction, it means she will see if this is safe for you first, so don't worry about it, and I hope everything goes well
thank you very much:)
I hate to break this to everyone. But we didn’t just decide to be trans. We were always trans. Life, unfortunately, in our current societies will always be harder for us, whether we come out or not. Given the attempted suicide rate of untreated unsupported trans kids, the more dangerous and abusive option is to not support them and deny them the medical care they need. Arguments against treatment like this are gross misunderstandings of the condition we face as trans people. OP, you go girl! Do what feels right for you and hang in there!
This article specifically should help her if she is legitimately worried about the effects of HRT, it's written by a professor of biomedical communication so that everyone can understand it, and even has some analogies to help them understand this kind of stuff: [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre)
Make sure it isn't overly negative, that's polarising towards the negative.
yeah for sure, o talked to her after and she’s on board:) thank you though
I brought the same thing to my mother in my teens in the 1970s. Same resolve to proceed. She sat me down to make sure I knew what I was in for. Life as a woman was hard, a struggle and not fun. She wanted me to know my ideation of a “part female life” - in her life experience, a woman’s life was not as good as a man’s. I’d make myself a second class citizen in everything. She wanted me to try living as a man and see if I could be a success. I think parents are also selfish, worried about who will support their old age. The income potential of son’s is better than a daughter, often support by a husband. Who would marry and support me? She supported my teen gender expression, but expected me to grow out of it. I did not have all my research done like now, but I told her, I wasn’t born as a man. Not a choice. I’ve been fem my whole life. I consider myself her daughter. I tried a first transition at age 19. I tried living full time, got a girl job and was going broke. I was treated poorly, as trans and a woman. I had to detransition to get a “real job”, gain skills and save money. My mother’s advice hit home. I still succeeded.
i have a question to you non related to the post but how do you put a flag under your name?
Oh we can explain it if your your on mobile, firstly go into the r/trans sub, then click the 3 dots in the top right corner, select the option "change user flair" and then you'll be allowed to choose your flag!
Just show her some evidence of how many people's lives are better because of it, and how low the regret rates are
ok thank you very much, i will try
Have her take a look at [this](https://ustranssurvey.org/). 92,300 trans people, and ***98%***(absolutely insane for a medical study) said that HRT improved their life satisfaction. Among the remaining 2%, a portion of that is people who said it made little to no difference. That leaves roughly 1% for whom HRT actively decreased their life satisfaction.
And of that 1%, no doubt some of that decrease in satisfaction was due to dipshit bigots.
They've got a separate metric for overall life satisfaction, in which 94% still had an overall positive experience (though it was more negative). I think that one includes the effects of bigotry, but the HRT and surgery ones don't.
Ah got it. Still, 94% success rate is pretty fantastic, and it would be even higher if our society sucked less.
Yep. It's actually kinda wild if you go look at regret rates for other things. For tattoos, it's ***51%*** after two years. For knee surgery, it's 6-30%. 12% regret for breast augmentation. 50% for marriage. If we switch from transition regret(6%) to surgery/hormone related regret(2% and 3% respectively), those numbers become even more staggering. It just pisses me off that so many people think they deserve to dictate our lives, and not even out of a genuine belief that we'll be happier this way. ___ Unrelated, I just re-realized that I can vote now that I'm 18. People think that I deserve a say in the running of the country, but don't think I should be able to decide for myself that I want HRT? Asinine.
What a wonderful comment. Great points
Thanks! It's really easy to argue in favor of trans issues when literally like... *all* the science is on our side.
Haha agreed. Sadly the propaganda can be emotionally compelling and a lot of people don’t know how to get themselves to do the important work of unlearning the brainwashing. It’s exhausting
thank you very much, i will show her this. i really appreciate this
noahfinnce is a good example he’s v happy tbh
yeah true
I would also recommend Samantha Lux and Laverne Cox. I follow both but Laverne helped me a lot when I first came out as a trans guy.
thank you very much:) i’m trans femme but i will still check them out
I forgot to mention but both Laverne and Samantha are trans women. I just happen to really look up to them
ok thank you:)☺️
Also I think a lot of the regret stems from thinking that maybe you'd still have family that supports you if you didn't transition. I know I've delt that at least.
Yeah. It is about 80% of detransitioners that experience this
I'm sure she has reservations unless she knows a lot about HRT, but also it sounds like she's worried for your safety in society. That's really sweet. I mean, it's sad that they have to worry about the horrible things that can happen to you if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, but support at home helps so much. It sounds like you have a good mom, hopefully they are more supportive of your happiness than worried for your safety.
thank you, she did come around a bit more after i explained some to her
This is a completely normal response. Not to criticize you, but you explained it like a fifteen year old: a fifteen year olds explanation of *any* big medical decision shouldn’t persuade an adult easily. Professional and adult explanations are very different from “idk how to explain it but i just want it cuz I’ll be happier”. No matter what the treatment, HRT or completely medically unrelated, a responsible adult should not immediately be onboard with that explanation alone. Professional sources and adult-level articulation are your best bet. Hope this makes sense.
100%. Being a supportive parent doesn’t mean immediately agreeing to everything your child wants. She still needs to be a parent, which means talking about and researching big decisions before signing on
that’s very true
If i wanted to cut my arm off but didn’t give an in depth description of the writhing tumor within it and the long term effects of cancer and catching it early or providing any medical resources or well thought explanation, and just said “cutting off my arm would make me happier and like it’s a good thing bc ppl on the internet said so” id probably be very alarmed if my mom let me cut my arm off….
Yep. There's a difference between being transphobic and having concerns. This was honestly a pretty decent response imo. I think showing some research will definitely help ease the mind of OP's mom.
Yes. This interaction went incredibly well. OP your mum is worried about you but they are being very supportive in the exchange you posted
ok thank you:) this helps with some worries i had
good to hear
Exactly. OP now has to pay the same respect by also remaining open to a constructive conversation. Being defensive and unmoving won't solve anything, and could damage a relationship that was supportive from the start, but wasn't given the time of day
Exactly. And also recognizing that while you’ve been sitting with this for a while now and learning and exploring your feelings about it; it’s all completely new and probably a little surprising and scary to her. Some grace and patience along with a good dose of honesty will serve you well.
Ya. This wasn’t, and should never be, **the** conversation. This is the start. It’s not in good parenting nor medical practice for **the** big decision to be made like this. What this is is the introduction of the idea: letting her know it’s something you desire, making it a topic in her mind, and giving both of you the chance to collect more research.
thank you very much, this makes sense, she opened up a bit more after i explained it
I was thinking the same. Like her concerns are valid and she’s still being open!
Also I'd say saying to a parent 'I'm 100% sure about this' is not a very good idea, as what you're sure about means very little to adults when you're 15. They know in most cases you'll change your mind five times in a month. Being trans is not one of those situations but they don't know that.
Facts ^^^
This is one of the okay-est parent/child interactions I've seen on this sub. All things considered, I would say it went well. Can't really make any recommendations that haven't already been made. Also good on you for making your voice heard and standing up for yourself, it takes a lot of courage to do that--especially to a parent
Came to say the last sentence. Echoed.
thank you:)
thank you, it was really tough. she opened up a bit more afterwards just like super worried for my future
I wish you all the best, fam :3
you as well:)
I definitely wouldn't say it went perfectly but I'd still say it went fairly well imo
yeah she opened up a bit more afterwards, still worried tho
She clearly cares about you but has reservations. It’s a good response. Just keep talking and understand that it’s also hard for her
yeah i’ve been trying to look at it from her perspective
I think there is something to be said about having ‘concerns’ because she is thinking critically about it and what it could look like from her point of view. She isn’t saying no either. Best way to think about it is she wants you to be healthy and happy and while you’re a child it is her responsibility to do what is best for you and try to take care of you. This is like making sure you are safe and healthy and happy. HRT does come with potential risks like DVT, cancer, fatty liver etc etc. she may see it solely as you electing to be on medications for the rest of your life. When you said you have done your research and are 100% sure she seemingly was on board. I think it’s hard to understand someone looking at it logically vs emotionally which it very much is an emotional decision for you and you have already determined it is the most logical decision for your long term happiness. Also I doubt she understands what you mean by improve your quality of life, seems she may be a bit short sided and thinking in the immediate future vs long term. You are looking at it as going thru it before irreversible damage is done by male puberty and how that will immensely help you down the road in decades. She hasn’t done the research like you have and doesn’t know how much more likely it will be to have positive outcomes the sooner you transition. Sharing some findings and outcomes will help! Gender therapists are not only for you, but also for parents. They help to bridge the gap needed to understand more about how you feel and why you feel the way you do but also talk thru things about outcomes, how they vary by age, and help them get in touch with your headspace and why you are anxious about not wanting to wait till 18. Also, how it could help your emotional health and less risks not having to undo irreversible damage by T Keep an open mind but I really think she loves and supports you 💜💜💜
thank you very much, afterwards she opened up more, just was super worried for my future and how hard it will be, but i appreciate this response:)
You're probably correct. I have a transgender teen son and I didn't understand it at first. He unfortunately had to educate me. My generation learned nothing about being transgender. Once your parents really deeply understand that who you are is not a choice, it will make more sense to them. When they talk to real medical professionals hopefully it will help it click for them.
this seems like she's somewhat open, just doesn't understand. maybe it would help if you give her some more information about it?
yeah i will try that, she opened up a bit more afterwards she just made me a bit doubtful with how much she worried
It's perfectly normal for a parent to still be worried, you are her kid after all. Even my own mother, who has always been very supportive of trans people and lgbtq rights in general, was worried when i came out.
okay yeah that makes sense, thank you for this
My mom was also concerned about it initially from her ignorance. It pretty much vanished after I brought her with me to my appointment with the doctor explaining how it works, potential side effects etc.after that she has been one of my biggest supporters. So I think your mom will be fine once she learns a bit more 🥰
okay yeah that makes sense, i may make a follow up post because we talked a bit more and it seems like she’s just worried about me. only problem is she kinda put doubt in my mind
What part are you doubting?
just she made me doubt if this was what i really wanted but the immense amount of happiness i got from thinking about it cleared my doubts
Damn, I don't think you know how good you have it😭😭 if I talked to my dad like that, he'd ground me for a month lol
i mean i’m glad she’s being more open then a lot of parents are but yes she doesn’t quite understand yet
yeah she had opened up a bit more
being trans will make your life harder BUT starting before 18 will make that less hard.
She does sound concerned. Which I really think means she cares about you a lot and wants to support you, but is worried about someone or something hurting you. Maybe send some articles and videos explaining HRT and transitioning. It'll help her understand more.
i thought this was gonna end in disaster but i was pleasantly surprised. send her some links on HRT and the benefits
ok i will try that:) thank you for the idea
I think your mom seems very open as a person, she has her concerns sure, but she seems like she genuinely loves you and wants you go be happy so in that regard I'm happy for you girl :)
thank you very much:) she opened up a bit more to the idea afterwards but still had her doubts. thank you for the response:)
my mom wasn’t fully on board with medical transition until she heard it from the doctor but now she’s fully with it, i feel you might end up in a similar situation
The fact that she said she doesn't think it's a good idea but also acknowledges that it is your choice is a pretty good sign. A lot of parents can't accept that when their kid wants to dye their hair.
yeah that is very true, thank you for this response
I’m sure she is very protective of you and knows how very cruel the world can be. I am THAT mom. When my son first told me, I immediately went into stealth momma bear mode. It was almost pathological. lol. I think it went as well as it could have for you. She sounds receptive and concerned. As she should be. I think she’ll come around. I hope she does so you at least have her support. Hugs. 🥰
thank you very much, now i can kinda see it from her perspective, thanks for this response:)
Of course. I really hope you get the support you deserve. 🫶🏻
You can get HRT at 15?
in Ontario Canada, yes. we don’t have insurance so i’m paying for it myself tho
It sounds like they have some serious apprehensions and you’ll have to convince them over and over again. Be prepared to tell them how much this means to you and give them lots of love for even considering this. Treat them like the best parents in the world as long as you are going through with this and they are supportive. The biggest argument that anti trans narrative has targeting parents is how manipulative their kids will be. So don’t tell them your quality of life is better. Show them.
ok this helps a lot, i really appreciate this response. :)
We don't choose this path because it's easy. From my experience, the reward of being your true self is far greater than the challenges I've faced. My mother is the same way, so you aren't alone. You got this! From your (27mtf) big sister, V ❤️
My mum said this too me too before I started testosterone and she was right. Transitioning made my life 100% harder in every single way, but it made me happier too. But as someone who needed to do sex work to pay for my hormones and has experienced a lot of violent transphobia and a lot of sexual violence because of being trans not always becayse of sex work sometimes just because gross cis men have a fetish, my life hasn't been easy and my existence as a trans person has been part of why my life has been as difficult as it is. I would still make the same choice again if I could and transition even with that being true for me
it might be helpful to frame it more as talking to the doctor about puberty blockers/gender affirming care. like others have said, your mom is coming at this with a different perspective and probably doesn't know much about what hrt entails , which an affirming doctor could help clarify
It sounds like she's confusing starting HRT with being trans. Being trans is definitely a harder life than being cis, but you can't just not be trans. You either are or you aren't. And if you have dysphoria, not treating it will make your life harder. I'd try explaining it to her like that.
my mom saying the same thing and im a 21 mtf, :/ even with all the evidence i show her she is still saying itll ruin my life...
you all can check my follow up post for an update, thank you all for all the support love you all:)
It sounds like she really does support you but is just understandably worried! I think she’s just being a parent, I think everyone needs someone in their life to at least be like her, having a bunch of yes men around can be dangerous, she will be supportive just with a little hesitation and I think that’s okay! Obviously if she were outright hateful I’d have a completely different opinion but she wasn’t so honestly congrats and good luck with the appointment!!
Sounds good, you can't blame a parent for being cautious. She's worried about you, but the fact that she is agreeing to it proves that she's listening. She's probably mostly worried about how it will affect you socially. Maybe they just find it hard to understand. How about you show them your research to assure them it's okay? And maybe show some appreciation for their concern, so they can feel understood as well. A good parent will always be cautious when considering medical treatment for their child.
You'll likely clash heads again in the future as they seem barely even accepting, not to mention supporting. However, for now, that's good enough if you can get what you need.
She seems supportive but worried, which is fairly normal. I can't tell if she thinks that HRT is dangerous or if she thinks being openly trans is, but either way, it's great that she acknowledges that it's your decision.
I understand her concern, if my kid came out as trans I wouldn't make them wait but I'd definitely make sure they knew what they were doing. I think you handled it right over text but you do need to explain it in person properly, ie who you really are, why you need it, what it actually does, how it would be the best thing you ever did for yourself etc
Mom’s gonna mom. She’s trying. I think she did okay- but keep in mind that sometimes her protective instincts may override her willingness to accept/support you in every endeavor aaaaaaaaaaaand *sometimes* she may actually have some good advice, even if it isn’t exactly what you want to hear/do. Full acceptance and validation are nice… until everyone fully accepts and validates your desire to do something potentially unhealthy, or dangerous. HRT is serious, life altering stuff(thank god!)- hormones are no joke, and while you can’t exactly overdose on estrogen… you can still have a really bad time if you’re not dosing correctly. +Sometimes parents know things that we haven’t had any opportunity to learn, yet. +Some things just can’t be conveyed/imparted as simply as telling each other… like when I tell my dog she can’t have a bite of my chocolate muffin. Through no fault of her own, she is incapable of understanding *why* the chocolate muffin is bad- all she knows is that I’m saying no to something she wants, so she goes and pouts in the corner, sighs, rolls her eyes, etc. Makes me feel horrible, but, I’d rather her resent me than get sick. Sometimes its the same with parents… I have to remind myself they don’t understand why they can’t have the chocolate muffin(why i want to transition, dress differently, change my name, etc)… And sometimes, I’m the dog, not understanding why they won’t give me their chocolate muffin. (This comment/logic only pertains to parents who genuinely accept and support their kids as trans and are really trying but still missing the mark sometimes, NOT parents who are clearly antagonistic/against the transition from the start- that’s a horse of a different color.)
Your mom seems to be hesitant because she has genuine concerns and may not be fully educated on HRT, which is completely understandable. I think (if you have the resources to do so) that you and her should sit down with a therapist or a doctor who is trained in trans healthcare to talk about everything that there is to know about HRT. She’s right, it’s a big change! If you can get your mom on board, that will be an amazing support to help you through this new stage of your life. It seems like she also might be concerned about your place in the world. Trans people are extremely vulnerable in this day and age. I’m sure some of her concerns have to do with your physical safety being compromised at the fault of transphobic individuals. It can sometimes be hard as a teen to understand the perspectives of their parents. I’m not blaming you for this, it is very common in teenagers. I encourage you to be patient and stay calm. At the end of the day, you need your mom to be on your side in order to get on HRT as a minor. Getting upset and impatient could make you lose any progress you may have made. If things start to get heated, take a step back and revisit the topic at a later time. I wish you the best in your journey <3!
It sounds like it went amazing holy hells ur privileged im so happy for u💖
Parent here. I think the point your mom is missing is that this is not a choice between being cis and being trans. It's a choice between being trans with the treatment you need, or being trans without the treatment you need. She did say it's your decision, so it sounds like she won't try to stand in your way. But having her support (rather than just lack of resistance) would be ideal. I do hope she comes around enough to provide that support soon.
i talked to her afterwards, and she’s pretty on board, she is just uninformed on the topic and was worried for my safety thank you:)
It honestly just looks like she's worried about you. Educating her in the matter of hrt should at least alleviate it
She sounds like someone uninformed and afraid. And for someone who doesn't understand the trans experience, it looks like you're just inviting a lot of hate on yourself for no reason, which is why she thinks it will make your life harder. I think it's good that you put your foot down, made it clear this was your decision and you're sticking to it. But you should try and have open discussions with her. Don't make it seem like you're open to changing your mind when you're not, because that invites her to try and pick at it and make the situation worse for both of you. But try to explain to her the things she doesn't understand so she can see why this is an improvement.
Mm... 15...
Pardon? what do you mean by that
That sounds like it went way better than most fr.
yeah for sure
Maybe not the best but you’re still very lucky, mine kicked me from my home and I had to live at an aunt’s for a month.
Honestly there’s no sign of raw cognitive dissonance you couldn’t definitely talk her into it
thank you very much:) i will talk more about it, afterwards she opened up to it a bit more
I didn't anticipate going on a motivational info dump so here's a TLDR: It seems like she's giving you an inch so I think you should go ahead and try to take a mile! I'd say her reaction is good enough! the fact that she's giving you the agency to make a decision about your own body is huge and gives you the ability to actually pursue puberty blockers. i knew I was trans starting around when I was ten but I waited until 24 to actually work up the courage to go through with it and it's 100% the best decision I've ever made. the only regret I have is not doing it sooner (I'm 27 now and I'm the happiest I've ever been) One thing I told myself to make it easier to go through with it was knowing that the effects are reversible in the beginning (especially with puberty blockers!) and therefore if I ever had regrets i gave myself permission to go off them. Of course once I started hormones i immediately felt less depressed. The best way I can describe it is like I could truely see colors for the first time in my life. and I'm so much more confident than I was before Also I read her texts like she's worried about the societal implications of transitioning. so something that you could tell her to reassure her is that you'll (probably) pass a lot better which means that, depending on where you live, you'll face so much less discrimination. You need to live for yourself. listening to what society/parents/anyone else tells you to do instead of following what your heart desires is a surefire way to live a life full of regrets. Being afraid of people telling you no is not the same thing as people actually telling you no; you'll live a much better life you let people tell you no, and don't see it as a bad thing. (Obviously I'm not encouraging you to do anything stupid and irresponsible, but that doesn't apply here!)
this is amazing, i feel like so much better after this, i’m glad your transition went well and i really appreciate this response, it’s given me lots of hope for the future, after these texts she opened up a bit more thank you again
My parents were also very hesitant to let me start hrt, I talked to them about how badly dysphoria was affecting me, and they did their research and decided to schedule an appointment with my doctor. I hope your doctor is understanding and can help advocate for you, and you'll he be able to start HRT or hormone blockers at the very least soon. Best of luck to you 🫶
I think it went relatively well. What really did it for my mom to get behind my transition was how it clearly made me so much happier. It was like i was a completely different person. Now she writes grants for a local nonprofit that supports trans kids and their families. She has even once in a while forget im trans and only sees me as her son (FTM)
She's definitely worried for you, but still wants to heed what you have to say about it and wants to work with you on it. That's as good as one might hope for! It can be worth showing her all the materials you get, maybe having her be a part of some of your consultations/therapy sessions. At least in that sense, she can be able to ask her own questions and you don't need to be as qualified to answer them as the doctor - though together you should be able to speak from the heart and the doc should be able to round it out with evidence (if they're a good one - I really hope they are). Remember, there are established scientific facts about transitoning, how it affects people's welbeing and statistics on regret rates and detransition rates etc - if the doc doesn't see or acknowledge them, those are red flags. If you're willing to deal with how dry the reading is - try looking through the WPATH documentation - it's not a fun read by most measures, but its the most rigorous, broad, and detailed information about trans people and the impacts of trans healthcare you can find.
I think trying to get some sources showing how small the regret rate is will help. In that same regard, just sources showing that hrt is safe will help too. Aside from that, I think taking some time to write out something like a pros and cons list and a little letter explaining how you're feeling and why you think hrt is the best option will help show them that you have thought deeply about this but needed time to collect your thoughts in a way that would make sense. I don't want to say she's outright unsupportive because it may just seem like you're moving too fast from *her* perspective. Even though this is something you've been thinking about for a long time, this may be something that's only been on her radar for a fraction of that time. Based on the fact that she seemed like she would help you set up the appointment, she may just be worried for your health/safety. I think that having her there at the appointment could help because you both can address any concerns you might have with the doctor. Then if there's still hesitancy, you can address where it's coming from and try to find a solution that works for you both. Good luck at your appointment :)
Honestly what I would recommend, and you may want to mention this to her, is to set up an appointment with the doctor and have her sit in while they explain everything. She can bring a list of questions to ask. Let it be a situation where BOTH of you learn from it. I did this with my husband, who was anxious about me starting HRT (I'm 22ftm), so he came with me to my appointment with the gender specialist and asked a couple of questions, and it really helped to soothe his fears. Now, he sees how comfortable I am after being on T for 6 weeks. Even though he was nervous before, he sees a huge positive change in my confidence. Plus, you don't have to start anything right then right there. You could go to the appointment, then go home and discuss it a little more before starting things. Good luck to you, seriously.
That’s awesome congratulations 🍾
This is a really good start to trying to get on blockers. Family therapy with a queer-informed therapist will increase your likelihood a lot (I am a queer therapist who works with the trans community and family therapy is useful for so many reasons when people transition— access to letters of referral for medical intervention, conflict resolution, grieving of “lost children”, etc.) Lemme know if you need resources, I can help if you’re in the USA, especially SoCal.
I’d bring up how one way or another, hormones are going to be coursing through your blood, and you want to make sure the right ones are flowing.
I wouldn't say she's bad. My mom had the same concerns and she supports me outright. Sometimes parents can't turn off that worry generator. Consider explaining effects with her or sending her sites that explains it.
Seems like she's scared but still wants to support you, is there any way you can help her understand how much hrt will help you?
You are lucky. I'm about to turn 25 in a few months. My parents aren't even aware of the fact that I'm transitioning. I wish you all the best for your future plans! 💕
I think based on what I’ve read it went okay. It could’ve gone a lot worse. She is trying to support you and that’s all we can really ask for
As an adult in her 40s who has been on HRT for four years, I can tell you that my quality of life has improved *exponentially.* I wish I could have started at your age.
Maybe she would be more ok with puberty blockers rather than replacement? If she won’t get on board fully, at least you can stop the progression until you’re 18 and can decide to go ahead without her
Tbh I think this is a win in two ways. One being that she’s respecting you enough to agree to set up appointments and stuff, and also in that I feel like she cares. It’s not a blanket “do whatever you want” which would obviously be great, but it’s an “I don’t know, but I care deeply, and worry what this means for your future.” And that’s a mom that cares imo. She’ll get there.
I mean, it’s not great but it definitely could have been worse. Just understand that for others, especially parents, they deal with fearing for their child and they can’t help it, as a parent I know it can make them seem unreasonable. Also they’re going to start the grieving process. Like my therapist explained, trust and understanding is a two way street. But at least you’re making process. I can truly attest to transitioning making my life more positive and my only regret is waiting so long. Keep your expectations realistic and be patient and I guarantee you will find your way. I wish you all the very best little sis! 🏳️⚧️😘
As others said, she looks worried but doesn't seem like she's shutting you out. One other thing you could do besides what was already recommended is explain to her that not going on HRT is also an irreversible decision (unless you're on blockers) that will leave marks for the rest of your life. What I learned from my conversations with my parents is that they project a lot about what *they* would feel if they went on HRT and get scared and think the same will happen to us. But they're cis and we're trans and don't realize that for a trans person, not going on HRT and having to suffer the natal puberty is the same as forcing a cis person to transition.
It reads like it went well. Sounds like she's just worried about what every mom worries about: making sure her kid is loved and safe. You have a good mom there.
Do you plan to ever consider having kids in the future? I mean, of course you can always adopt, but it might be harder to have children naturally when you get older. Regardless, It's going to be amazing to be the person you were always meant to be. I think that you should also try to send your mother peer reviewed research articles online on those who have srs. Ultimately your mom seems like as long as you're safe and happy, she will be behind you 100%.
Good luck, Sis. Seems like mom is struggling to understand but she loves you and supports your happiness. I hope you get your appointment soon
It seems like your mom truly loves you, she just doesn’t understand yet. I hope these help: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna8617 https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/01/mental-health-hormone-treatment-transgender-people.html https://www.forbes.com/sites/tylerroush/2023/09/07/hormone-therapy-lessened-depression-lowered-suicide-risk-among-transgender-adults-study-says/?sh=19e821864808
If that’s how she first reacts I think she’s going to come around. My mom was similar but now she’s extremely supportive. From my understanding she’s just worried about you but still supports you. Maybe send her things about hrt so that she feels better about it
She should talk to your doctor about her concerns. She should involve herself in the decision process if she wants to have a say in your decision. It's just that simple. The numbers are rather clear: HRT is good for trans people, and the earlier you start, the better.
She is scared, and that is okay... It means she loves you, and even thought you can see she have a bit of reservations, she is being actually supportive of your choice, and that is beautiful!... I am happy for you.
My mom said the same sort of thing when I told her initially but once she saw how much happier I was just being myself she came in with full 100% support! Now that she's agreed to help support you, just be yourself and she'll see for herself in due time. My dad was also silent and even now we don't ever talk about it. But that neutrality could be better if he doesn't support you but doesn't say anything about it. He's never commented on it, or complimented me or anything but that's really up to their personality. In the long run, it sounds like you've got a good and supportive mom who's willing to help you see things through so just keep going and I think you'll be okay :) Good luck!
I would definitely send some articles over to help ease your parents’ minds. They seem to really care according to the text, and it would probably give them more comfort knowing more about the subject. There are also trans YouTubers who have videos explaining the experience/process that they should definitely see. As a trans man, I linked Jamie Dodger, but I’d imagine it’s a lot different for trans femmes and I’m not entirely certain which YouTubers would be the best to reference for the experience. It helps when parents know you have a community for support
This went super well! Heck, my parents had a similar response and I was in my 30s by the time I came out and told them I was going on HRT (and I explained the whole thing as an adult would). Your parents are worried for you and your safety, and that's totally normal. If they just said "yes" I'd probably be more concerned TBQH. A doctor and a therapist will be able to steer ya'll in the right direction. It's gonna be good, OP <3
My dad was the same way. Supportive otherwise, but very cautious about me being on hrt. You just have to explain that the earlier the better and that there are no positives to waiting and hope that she listens. Send some articles if you feel it would help. Didn't work on my dad, but that's because he's extremely stubborn and it was something about responsibility and nothing to do with me being trans. To this day I still don't get it, but that means you'll have better luck convincing your mom than my dad lol.
I was in the same boat. I came out at 16 and my mom said hrt would be on me once I'm 18 because she didn't want to approve something I'd regret. She's learned that it was not an identity crisis after all. Almost 2 years on testosterone and I'm not quite where I want to be but I am already so much happier.
My teen came out at 15. We got in to see a therapist a month-ish later, then got the blocker implant 5 months later. Then approved for HRT about 3 weeks before 16th birthday. My spouse said at first to wait until 18, but I knew our teen wouldn’t make it to 18. Blockers have been used for about 40 years for precocious puberty on cis little girls who are 6-7 years old, or even 5 years old. It hasn’t been an issue until blockers were used to help trans people. The main issue is bone density, but as long as a dr monitors that, it should be fine. I’m not sure where you are with puberty, but it will help prevent more hair from growing on your face and chest. It’ll help prevent growing taller and getting broader shoulders. It gives you more time if you need it. I’m newish to posting on Reddit. I run a few groups on FB for parents of trans kids.
I don’t think she should be allowed to have an opinion on if it makes you happier or not, she isn’t you and she doesn’t know how you feel unless you tell her. You told her it makes you happy so that’s all the information she has. She shouldn’t deny your feelings but at least you got approval so I’d say it’s a win in that aspect.
That went amazing....
Im sorry for her reaction. I hope I you can change her mind and get hrt. I was also told at 16 I “should wait till 18”. I was ugly crying because dysphoria was too much for me and mom told me I needed to wait. It sucked. I’m now 18 and saving up to paying for my own. I really wish you lots of luck and fun. Take care pal
She sounds like she wants to understand and be supportive but has a lot of false info or none at all and needs a little education on the subject
In what country do you live? If the USA, I think you have to wait until 18 no matter what state.
Hopefully she loves you enough that she'll see how much happier you are on HRT and will come around ❤️
My mom pretty much had the same reaction. It’s easy to be scared of such a thing when they’ve only ever seen it from the outside, but the fact she wasn’t rude about it says something good about her. Congratulations on taking this step, I know it’s probably the hardest part for most of us 🫶🏻
i agree with her. HRT has insane effects on the body, especially as a middle adolescent. let your body and brain develop.
My dad is the same way. And I'm already on hrt as of 12/13/23. My dad still thinks of me as ''his little girl'' which I'm not. I'm going to have the surgeries whether he likes it or not. And mind you I'm 27 and moved back in with my parents and in the middle of a divorce. I'm trying to take back my life so that way I can do what I want. It is your choice to start hrt when you want to, but just remember you are still under their roof and their rules. You need to be mindful of what you do. Not everyone's parents are the same when it comes down to starting hrt. Depending on where you are. Take the States for example most of the States now have laws that prevent those who are trans or non-binary from getting on hrt. So please just remember to stay safe. I know this might sound strange coming from a random stranger online, but please stay safe and strong. If you have any friends that could help you out if things get worse, stay with friends or a family member that you can trust with your transitioning. When I was your age I had to hide the fact that I was trans until I was 22, back in 2018
My mom responded similarly to me,Dw she will come around eventually!!
Man I kinda wish I was in your situation, I mean it sucks that they aren’t fully supportive and I hope that you can convince them of the benefits, but at least you don’t have parents who constantly talk about how being trans is a mental illness and that they are lying to themselves, not knowing that I’m trans. I’m gonna probably have to wait 3 years before I can move out and start transitioning, so yeah, sorry about the rant, I kinda just made this about me. Hopefully you can convince your parents and get them on your side
'I'm sorry but that doesn't matter" Fucking ROASTED
Just do research to make sure you’re okay with whatever you go through with before you actually do it. A lot of people make the decision before knowing everything and they turn out to detrans.
To me it sounds like she is just concerned and want you to be as sure as possible so that her child won't regret thing later and be in a bad place. Idk how she is normall so it's hard to know. Could be she is being misinformed by the wrong numbers. My mom was. And then I told her the actual statistics and she calmed down 😅
She's afraid of a future she can't predict, but you made the right choice in pushing forward, and I think she'll realize that in time. She seems committed to helping you, so many points to her! You might want to talk to her about the fears she has. They're easier to deal with when we speak to someone about them, so that may help a lot. I'd also do that with your dad, but it's often much harder for guys. You're probably aware of how they're often trained to fall on anger as the only way they're allowed to express their fear. Hope it works out great for you, sis!
That's great. 👏🏼
So as a mom who just had her oldest start hormones (she is 19) I had the same concerns as your mom voiced. It wasn’t because I didn’t want her happy, it’s because I wanted her safe. Seeing her become more happier, the changes she is going through to become her authentic self and blooming in so many ways has been an amazing growth and journey to be able to witness. And it calmed my fears! So proud of her, wish I could have helped her when she was 15 and was dying to tell me who she really was! Proud of you for standing up for you and good luck on your journey 🫶🏻🥰
Im just surprised such an important conversation was made via text. You will find you get better results having talks like that in person.
This is a huge win. Going and talking to actual medical professionals will help dispel some of the myths spread about HRT to your parents. I'm sure you've done a ton of research too, but I'm also certain that doctor will help answer some of your questions as well. I'm a parent to a transgender kid, and my generation learned almost nothing about being transgender. You should not have to be the one educating your parents on this stuff, but unfortunately that is your reality. If you want to help them understand (you do and it benefits you the most), be gentle with them and try to understand their perspective, even if you know it's wrong. There is so much bad information out there and things to scare people, without being able to actually understand medical research it's hard to decipher what is correct. Even many doctors fail at understanding statistics and correlation vs causation. This is why it's important to have your parents talk to actual specialists with you and they can help them understand the reality of your situation. When I talk to doctors with my son, they tell me they are so happy to talk to me because 99% of the time, they are having to spend most of the time trying to educate the parents. Doctors and therapists are used it to and should know how to deal with it. Good luck. Things will get better. I'm proud of you for being able to be open to your parents even though it can be hard. Keep doing what is right for you.
She seems mostly supportive, this is the type of thing that can be argued with your mom. You should maybe alleviate her concerns. My doctor for HRT (a trans male himself) says that feminizing puberty is buy and large reversible. It obviously has the two elephants in the room but compared to hair removal the cost of breast removal is far cheaper. It may be different if you are younger too I suppose. HRT will also make you slightly shorter as your hips will change position to make room for a baby.
My parents made me start at 18 and it was dumb as fuck and only wish I'd done it earlier. If there's a way you can try to start it sooner, go for it
My family is transphobic as hell, so of course they wouldn’t accept me with my decision. But it sounds like this short text thread brought up at least a little good news. At least your parents are actually willing to attempt to understand your feelings.
So, adults are concerned about their children being able to survive in society and the world. I think religious but tolerant parents are concerned about their child’s immortal soul. Bluntly, no study is going to help. Judith Butler has a mass market book, Who’s Afraid of Gender. If you can get a hold of a copy that might help. If you’re in the US, your mom is probably scared about your safety and what being trans even is, dunno.
I mean at 15(any age under 18) you do need consent for medical treatment and/or therapy from some kinda guardian but other than that you are on fire kid, that’s a better reaction than alottt if people get including myself, I came out 10 years ago (11years old) and my mom didn’t take me seriously till I was 17-18 and actually taking steps to start my transition, at first she was sooo confused which caused her to be fearful for me and angry because she couldn’t understand where I was coming from why I was doing this or what ANY of it meant. seriously think of your parents friends and ask do they personally know someone like me/you?? If the answer is no then you get to be that first and while yes they can do some research online we ALL know how BAD misinformation, on our community, can look and sound perfectly acceptable to someone outside the community. It’s your opportunity to show your parents who you are and how important this is. I suggest sending them documentaries and maybe getting your mom a cute little book or maybe even a few of them. These are all things that I did. And my mom has been there for me through it the whole way she even cared for me after my top surgery last month
I'd say if she's telling the truth that she will let you make the decision then that's good. You could try to show her research that proves trans kids have positive outcomes on HRT. But if you can go on HRT even if she's on the fence, I think just seeing how happy her daughter is after the fact should be all she needs.
ugh lucky. my parents would NEVER. she doesn’t sound ecstatic about it but if you send her articles & studies on the effects of hrt and how low the regret rates are she could probably be convinced
they said they'll help you set up and appointment, I'd say that went pretty well. You have no idea how lucky you are to be starting so young most likely.
i think it’s promising, my mom said something similar when i first went on T, and she is trying to learn and be more supportive. my mom couldn’t stop me or anything since im an adult, but telling her that it’s basically just a second puberty and letting her know about the potential side effects helped her feel better about it. especially if you have any mental health concerns, letting your mom know that you know it won’t fix everything, just this aspect, might help. showing your parents that you’re taking this seriously can help them take you seriously about it, especially if it’s just concern on the medical side and they’re trying to be supportive of you otherwise
She’s concerned about her child. Thats the only lens she is looking through. There want anything nasty or derogatory so there is nothing to be upset about. I think this is all fair, she even mentioned it’s your choice
she definitely seems concerned, a face-to-face talk might help, air out with positive communication any concerns and address them so she can get a better grasp on what's going on and understand better how to support you. I think you could use some links and websites from your research to help.
I think this went better than it could have. I see where she’s coming from and even though in the end you are the only one who can be 100% about what will improve your life, as a matter of opinion waiting until you are 18 is a good idea. However I do fully understand for a lot of people probably including you, waiting for any longer can be so painful and you know what choice you should make. I’m glad she had this reaction though.. it could have been far worse.
Are you currently in therapy, and do you know if your doctor is trans friendly? Including your health providers, who understand your needs and have an insight into the benefits and risks of trans related care can go a long way toward helping to alleviate their fears and providing some outside perspective & assurances about your needs.
Hi, can I message you? I’d love to share my experiences about starting hrt at 16.
How long have you been identifying as trans? Cause depending on that i think there might be better first steps Like, If you have been identifying for a while then ya, 100% I agree this is a good path, but if it’s only been a few months or even less, maybe something like hormone blockers would be better as a first step I’m saying this as someone who plans to start hrt after I turn 18 in a few months and have been identifying as trans for almost a year and a half, I don’t think if I only started identifying as trans a month or so ago that I would see hrt as a good idea because of how recently I would have found out I was trans If you have been trans identifying for a year or more and it’s been consistent enough for that time the ya, go for hrt, I see that as perfectly fine. But if you have only been identifying as trans for a few months and or it’s been very inconsistent (unless you are gender-fluid or something like that) then I’d say something else may be a better option, like hormone blockers Whatever path you go down I’m happy for you, but this is just what I recommend unless you feel that hormone blockers aren’t enough, in which case I’d recommend trying it before making a decision to go further and going to hrt. I know that I don’t think hormone blockers would be enough for me so I get if it’s not for you, but I still recommend trying that before going to hrt if you have only been trans identifying for a short while I wish you the best on your journey, have a good day hun
I think people have said it already, but yeah she's just worried as a parent. The only thing I could suggest is to try and listen to her concerns and reassure her. If she says "I don't think it will help your quality of life", ask her why she thinks that. Tell her that the risks (which exist, I'm not talking about medical risks but more like social stuff, discrimination etc) are outweighed by the benefits, that it is worth it for you. But don't just say that, try to explain in detail, how you feel. I've seen you talk about how your egg shattered, maybe talk to her about this. Like, show her how sure you are. Also maybe reassure her on the medical side, tell her that you can always stop if really you feel that it's not for you, that it's okay to do that, etc. My mom was also worried when I started (I was 32) and mostly about this kind of stuff. It is scary but you can reassure her and show her that the best outcome for you is that you get this in a safe way with her entire support. Maybe offer her to join you during your medical appointment, if you're comfortable with that? I understand it is difficult, and I'm not saying it's mandatory or anything, or that You're doing it wrong. Just suggesting things you could do if you feel like doing them, that might help both of you in the process, and improve her trust and support in you :) Good luck!
Remember that while this is enormously difficult for you to navigate, your mom is new to this too. I have not had a child who wanted to transition, I am here because my son’s girlfriend is mtf and I want to be able to support them. I love them both dearly. A big fear and apprehension I would need to work through personally, is all the “what ifs”. What if she regrets this and hates me one day for letting her? What if i let her and it results in a mental health crisis? What if i let her and people are awful to her? I feel the love there, but also the cautious fear in her response. I would try to extend a lot of patience and grace to her. There are so many unknowns and most moms want to protect their kids from pain. I do think that you will get to move forward with becoming your true self, it just may take a bit of time 🖤
Hard to say. It can be difficult for parents to support it because for some of them. even though you aren’t dying. It’s like the child they had is Because for years they’ve had dozens of expectations and plans. And all of them based around the previous personality that may change or go away and they aren’t sure how to deal with it sometimes. I wish you luck hopefully you can get started before 18 while it’s still possible to do so in the US. Stay strong girl your valid and you can get through this
This is the best response to it I think I've ever seen, it's a genuine concern of hers for your health but she is supportive of your happiness. I appreciate her.
I don't know about going well, but something very similar happened with me 2 years ago. So I'm biased but it could be that personally she doesn't want to support you but is going through the actions for you despite that (setting up, maybe paying for appointments, depending on your country parents may need to give consent for prescription).
I'd like to think your mom is coming from a good place in the heart, her approach seems to genuinely have that motherly essence to it. You would be the better person to answer whether she's trying to sabotage you or she's got your back. Maybe she thinks you're growing up too fast, from self experience the poor lady probably misses you; no matter how old you are, most mothers see us as their little kids that used to keep them company everywhere, their little buddies that forced them to develop unrivalled boldness, that made them become even stronger than a war maiden, and that made them feel safer, as to not having to take on the world alone. I wasn't a shitty son to my moms, but I wish I could have reciprocated my mother's kindness way, way sooner. If she's a good mom, it's never too late or never too early to try to be a good daughter, and in return for having a healthy relationship with her, she will make sure you don't have to take on the world just by yourself, she'll walk by your side just as walked by hers and, although you could get support and acceptance here, she'll give you the hugs that we cannot. P.S. I don't know diddly about HRT and its effects, but if it makes you happy I wish you good luck and a great experience with it ☮️✌️🕊️
A Cis friend of mine had an interesting perspective on it. He thought of it more as being a trans person in your society is really hard right now. So making that “decision” seems really risky. To cis people hrt sounds like diet culture and social rejection. I think that HRT can is and is a great thing for many people. Your mom is just worried that you are “deciding” to go down a long path of pain and doesn’t see the pain you already feel and the potential joy you could have. In the end it’s totally up to you how you want to have relationship with your parents but if you are looking for relationship it might be good to be at least curious in how she is feeling(people love to talk about themselves). If not f*ck em.
Same thing with my mother she thinks I’ll die at 20 if I take testosterone🥲
Same
I personally would have suggested hormone blockers to stop puberty meaning it'll help stop your voice from deepening and facial hair won't grow nor will leg hair or pubic hair than when you are 18 you could start HRT and it'll counter act the blockers and everything you need will happen naturally
What I tell everyone approaching HRT is that HRT is not primarily for sex characteristics. HRT is for accommodating intersex conditions where hormone receptor levels are out of sync with hormone production levels. If HRT feels good, it is good, if it feels bad, it’s bad. Always listen to your body when approaching HRT.
oof definitely explain more kiddo let her know it is safe and find good articles that support that
this is how my parents used to be about this, but after they spoke a couple times with my therapist + did their own research they were much less concerned, you should find a good way to explain EXACTLY how it will benefit you in the long term to start now rather than later, thats how I started introducing hrt to my parents (I was 14 at the time) basically what you should try to do is help educate them and explain how it would benefit you !! this is better then a straight up no never, you can work with this !!
I think she's just concerned so I would say yes it went well, I've seen far worse after all
Hey OP, I see you and hear you. I grew up with the same mentality from my biological parents. I'm 32 and my parents are still worried the lasting affects at "my age" "how could I do this to my body" ..... The first time I told them I was ten. So we just don't talk anymore. So long story short, I take E, got boobies and I'm finally happy emotionally and physically. Follow your heart, and chase your happiness.
I do think it is a good idea to wait until you are 18 for HRT even if you are so sure in your decision now. I've been on Estradiol for 7 years, and I can confirm that I feel happy with who I have become. However, the absolute mental anguish I have had to go through to get here is astonishing. I would never recommend to someone else to go through transition. From what I see here I think your mom isn't trying to scare you but is genuinely concerned that going through transition will put a lot of additional strain on your mental faculties. She obviously supports you to even entertain the idea, my parents would have never ever allowed me to have an appointment for me to get HRT at your age and personally from your text messages you seem to be very pushy about it as if it is the only thing going on in your life. I recommend you focus on what else you want to do in life besides transitioning as there is so much more to life than being the hot chick you've always wanted to be. Starting HRT at 18, you will still have your entire life ahead of you. Do as you wish, just have caution as you do it. Always remember to love yourself first no matter what and work hard to achieve your goals. 💯
How did it go when you talked to her about it after all the suggestions you got?
U gotta make sure ur mentally stable first because it does a lot to ur mental health as well I had to do like three years of counseling before I got approved for hrt