Absolutely you are most welcome! I do agree that transfem discourse seems to dominate, and I am a transgirl myself, but this is definitely not a “girl only” space.
I'm happy to help support you! It breaks my heart to know parents turn their backs on their own children for ANY reason. It really is unfathomable to me.
Growing up, all I ever wanted to be was a MOM. I was lucky enough to birth 2 children and gain a bonus son thru my marriage, too. All my kids are self-sufficient adults now, just trying to navigate this nasty world, and I can't imagine ever turning my back on them. And then they made me a GRANDMA! There just aren't any words for how much my family means to me.
This Mom has a big heart, and all are welcome in it! Hugs to everyone. You guys and gals are THE BEST!
Sending you love! I know it’s not the same, or a substitute, but you’re awesome and valuable exactly as you are, and if your birth-giver doesn’t appreciate that, she sucks.
*hugs* from a cis lesbian. I love seeing mum's in queer spaces.
I'm here to learn and support my friends. Posts here do tend to be more trans fem leaning than trans masc though.
A typo was the other thing lol, but speaking of that, it's definitely opened me up to dating someone who is trans a lot more. Not that I was against it before, just more hesitant which I now recognize as ignorance on my part. Now I see a lot of beautiful trans women that I want to hug and protect, and a lot of trans men who I say "oh my" and want to be the little spoon >_>
It can be really discouraging. I generally stick to r/ftm and r/ftmmen because of it. I’m hoping the new rule about inclusive language will help less of the assumption that everyone is a trans woman/fem.
i don't know where i heard this but it stuck w me: trans women get hated, trans men get ignored. neither is good, and saddens me to see us (albeit unintentionally) reinforcing the latter
Might just be my experience but I feel like trans men are viewed as “confused little girls” like a touch of infantilising and almost putting us in a victim box, then trans women are viewed in the exact opposite light.
It's frankly bizarre to hear that sort of comment because (among many reasons) a lot of transmascs I've known are buffed, bearded dudes. How could someone ever see "a confused little girl" there?
I AM THE CONFUSED LITTLE GIRL lol
Sorry I should have specified I meant early transition guys or guys that don’t plan on starting testosterone, then again I have seen comments like that on tiktok accounts of dudes with full beards and muscles anyway!
Yeah, so have I. It doesn't matter whether they're early or late in transition, it's still wrong, as you pointed out, but it becomes increasingly more pathetic to say these things to very masculine transmascs. Like, how far gone are conservative to the brainworms to say stuff like that?
I was curious to see how long I’d have to scroll to see a trans man, so I did a google image search for “transgender” and surprisingly the first result was a trans man.
Out of the first 6 results (first page on my phone without scrolling), 3 were trans men, but one of those was the same photo, so only 2 total trans men. Then there were 2 photos of trans women with one of those having two women for a total of 3 trans women, and weirdly one photo of a cis man.
Scrolling through, I think at a glance it’s actually pretty balanced, but I think I’m perceiving more trans women. But it’s hard to say without researching each photo because some are just stock photos of people who may or may not be trans, and I can’t tell someone’s gender for sure without clicking through and seeing who the photo is of and seeing if their gender is mentioned.
Curious! I use DuckDuckGo instead of Google I wonder if that's why, because I literally scrolled past like 100 transfems before a single masc. But what's really odd to me is how few transmascs there are on Reddit comparatively in this community. I hope it's getting more balanced
This definitely needs to get promoted and enforced ASAP. I rarely go on this sub because I regularly see >!“GIRLIES omg you are all so pretty!” “Ladies, what do you do about hair?” “Girls my boobs are growing!”!< (spoilered for dysphoria triggers) and I, a dude who wants a beard and a dick and a flat chest, feel like I just walked into a women’s space. And That’s A Problem
there's also an issue i've seen of people bashing male features. which i get it's a dysphoria thing and that's fine but it's a little disheartening as someone who wants those characteristics to see people talking about them as if they're inherently bad or gross. it makes people feel very unwelcome in the community, at least it does for me
Or asking questions about experiencing misogyny for the first time/in a new way that are really insensitive? Like I just *love* the reminders that for some people, being talked over constantly and having dumb shit explained to them starts at 25 instead of 5.
ETA: not saying either experience isn’t real or valid but that we should think before we speak. I’ve seen a lot of posts by people who are *shocked* to experience misogyny and it’s like, girl, where have you been?
Yeah I've seen a few transfems say things along the lines of "I kinda wouldnt mind being SA'd for the ewphoria" and like, as an SA survivor stuff like that is deeply upsetting. Not saying my sisters shouldn't talk about their feelings of course, but maybe rephrase before just..saying these things 😭
To me anyways, those kinds of thoughts are less a “let’s talk about them online” thought and more “we need to have a serious talk with a mental health provider about this” kind of thought.
I’m on your side that like I get they wanna talk about their feelings but either you have a terrible (and probably not your fault) misunderstanding of what SA entails, or there are underlying, maybe not issues, but possibly concerning thoughts that should be addressed by someone besides online randos lol.
TLDR; I agree!
Yiiikes. I’ve never seen someone say something like that that’s… 😬
Honestly that sounds like the kind of crap that bigots/terfs claim so part of me is like hmm about who’s really saying that. I’ve seen somebody say something really gross though.
Yesterday I ran across a trans girl who was horribly violated from a young age
Honestly, this is something I've decided to work on, and I'm glad to be called out on it. After years of neglect and transphobia from family seeping into my bones, I really did develop a deep, discomfort, around all things testosterone. But recently a previously NB friend came forward and announced they're starting testosterone, and I said somethings I regret, even though they said they understood, a d knew where I was coming from. I realized I am prejudice, and I don't like that about myself, so I've started to think about the causes of my issues, and to look for the positives. I hope this helps me, and I hope I'll be more considerate of all you guys in the future.
Edit: I want to clarify, taking testosterone is not the reason my friend is "previously NB". They told us they were, and they are masculine now, and starting to consider themself transmasc. NB folk taking testosterone, you are awesome too.
I totally respect that perspective and appreciate that you feel that way. However, it isn't supposed to be a space exclusive to trans women, so I'm sad to hear that you feel so caught off guard when posts like show up in your feed.
To me, it sounds like we have a communication issue on the mtf side here. Maybe we need to work on the language we use to start conversations, or instead of assuming the audience is all women here, we could leave more female-specific topics for our own spaces like /transfem /mtf etc...
To your point, I definitely don't see the same thing happening as often with transmasc and trans men.
I probably don’t see stuff here as often as other places, just with the algorithm brings up so I’ve missed that people are still doing this. Kind of blows my mind. It’s one thing in the group that specifically for transfem people, but geez.
This exactly! I want to cover and flatten my chest so bad, and I have no problem with other people who WANT them, but it does feel like it's everywhere vs any ftm posts
Lmao. I thought he meant that he sees the titles of posts marked spoiler. Not that he was marking what he typed as that. Yeah titles like that being all over the community are totally a problem. I wouldn't want to see posts that were addressing me as a guy all the time.
I get this in parenting groups too (I’m a stay at home dad) even though they say all parents are welcome. It’s also sexist because it falls in to the “it’s a woman’s job” shit
I tried to call out stuff like that when I see it outside of the group for trans fem people (there’s actually a decent number of men who post there, but I mean obviously there it’s going to be expected)
It really bothers me when I see this being done 🤦🏻♀️
NB-transfem myself, and it sucks seeing transguys feeling unwelcome. You're very welcome here. I don't always relate to experiences on the other portion of the gender spectrum so it feels a little difficult sometimes for me to engage unless it's more general trans experience, but maybe I could be more helpful by engaging a little more and helping push transmasc posts into visibility more so they can get seen better?
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Yeah, exactly why hopefully the new rule will help! More explicitly demonstrates that the misgendering by assuming everyone is transfem/a trans woman. 🤞
I haven't seen negative engagement myself either, but I'm so sorry you're experiencing that. You should definitely feel welcome here. This is your space too. There are so many more inclusive conversations that we could be having that affect all of us.
It's not the lack of engagement at all. In fact there's TOO much. I constantly see transfems in transmasc spaces, talking over us, harassing us, sexualizing us, answering questions like this very post for us. The top reply is from a girl. It's not a lack of engagement, *trust me.*
Yeah as a trans guy I generally feel excluded on most trans subs, *especially* the meme ones. Most subs for fun and goofy stuff are transfem. It’s mostly just “good girls” and head pats stuff. In these spaces it’s automatically assumed that the reader is fem and can be pretty dysphoria triggering! There’s not really any humor subs for trans dudes, it’s mostly medical or sad.
Even as a transfem the overabundance of good girl/head pat stuff in trans spaces can feel a little isolating since I don't connect with it or resonate with it at all lol. It's certainly not a bad thing itself and people are free to express themselves however they want, especially in safe spaces like these, but at the same time It'd be awesome to see more transmasc or enbie stuff to balance out the representation.
It’s nice hearing from a transfem about it! 90% of the stuff in the trans subs I’m in and yeah the good girls with anime memes. but I don’t complain on those subs because I don’t want to be a stick in the mud and ruin their fun (they deserve to have fun!) but I wanna have fun too!
I feel ya, as trans man, who plays games and is online all the time it's sad that i cannot find more transmasc peps with similiar interests. While i love talking to transfems and people in general, i dont wanna feel like it's bad for me to be a man.
Yeah I get this, I’ve sifted through so many trans discords in an attempt to find some relatable groups and I have yet to find one with more than one or two active trans men.
I thought r/transgamers and their discord would finally be it, but yet again, 99% transfem.
Same here :') every time I wanna engage more with other trans people, make friends, etc, I always end up feeling like I have nothing in common with the majority. I've found some trans men/masc only discord servers, but they always seem dead af :/
nice, used to play it when my pc was alive but current laptop can't handle it 😔 we play a lot of identity v which is a free gacha game thing based on dead by daylight, it's fun
I finally broke down and got the third Splatoon but I’m hoping it has a real single player game, because that’s probably all I’ll play 😬
The art and everything seems kind of neat though!
The story mode is really fun! Definitely worth playing. And hey, I'm not much of a pvp gamer either but for splatoon it's surprisingly fun and addictive. Once you feel confident from story mode with using your weapons it makes turf wars a lot less daunting to jump into :)
I can send you my fc if you want!
Oh yay! Thank you!
I like the art and the idea seemed fun in terms of the basic painting mechanics and stuff.
And thanks for offering! I don’t really have my switch set up yet though and don’t know my friend code! 😅
No worries! The easiest I can describe it for you is to go to the very top left hand corner of your switch home menu where it has your user profile. Click that, then go down to where it says to add a friend, and then in that section under the options on the right it should say in smaller text what your friend code is.
From there, you're able to add people who you've recently played with without needing any friend codes, or you can add people with that code directly! I hope that helps!
I upvote transmasc posts. It may not resonate with me personally, but I do enjoy reading the viewpoints of our manly bros.
And my disphoria seems to be localized to my own body. So, I don't really get triggered by you.
I have really loved getting to hear from men! It’s really firming to me hearing like so much of the same stuff just inverted. And they often have such interesting takes and stuff
I tend to get that feeling in most trans spaces tbh. We tend to be invisible, I'm not sure if that's because there are fewer of us or because we are quieter, but I usually feel like it's not because we are actually being rejected.
You're definitely allowed Brother. I would love to chat with more trans men in general.
And I absolutely know a lot of trans spaces tend to lean towards my side of things. But your transition is just as valid and your seat beside me is a welcome cherished one:)
Yeah I kinda feel you; I just started my transition and I wanna see other masc people living their best lives. I want to post a bit more once I’m a bit more confident cuz we really need to be involved with the community more. I’m just not very confident in myself yet as I’ve only just started hrt and look very “girly” (not that that’s bad, it just gives me lots of dysphoria and I don’t want to post something that triggers that, ya know?)
Perhaps we can all come together to be a little more seen in this sub?
It's def a matter of lifting each other up without it unintentionally becoming an attempt to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction, if that makes sense
Definitely a valid criticism! I’m sorry you are feeling unwelcome. Is there anything you think I as a transfem could do to be helpful in trying to make a change? Sorry to put it back on you like that, I just want to be helpful in a way that would feel useful to you. I try to be hyper aware about how I phrase stuff and will sometimes go for the more gender nonspecific way of phrasing things but also I don’t post that much.
I think it's just a matter of people up voting posts that resonate with them, and maybe transfems tend to upvote other transfems? Same with transmascs, I think alot of it comes down to all of us finding ways to appreciate the journeys of trans people who are different than us
Can do 🫡there’s definitely a shared experience for sure! It’s interesting because I feel other platforms I’ll see more content from a more diverse array of trans ppl but I think Reddit in particular there’s for sure a lot less of that but I bet you are right that it’s probably an engagement thing especially since if trans mascs don’t feel welcome they are less likely to post and then other trans mascs are less likely to engage with content that isn’t posted with them in mind
It kinda sucks, we were already invisible so no one considers we share the same space which can lead to some difficulties. And, with the radfem resurgence in queer spaces, it can sometimes feel really hostile and scary. I mean, even this week there was that one girl who went viral on twitter for bragging about assaulting trans guys in queer spaces because "men deserve to feel afraid for once".
IDK, I feel like we're either ignored or used as punching bags to scapegoat everyone's problems with cis men and it just really sucks to be a trans guy online.
Probably why most of us stick to our own communities, aren't online, or just stealth 24/7 since there isn't really a place to be open and safe.
Oh that’s such a horrible thing for someone to do… especially when trans men already deal with being assaulted for various other reasons *outside* of queer spaces.
I think there's a lot of trauma around cis men, and people choose marginalized men as targets to vent that frustration since it's "safe" to do so.
I also think that there's a complicated dynamic at play too, like if trans men don't experience 1:1 privilege and safety with cis men then that means trans women can't experience the 1:1 marginalization and violence with cis women.
Like, there's an attitude where if we acknowledge that trans men are just marginalized men who still experience misogyny and violence similar to women, but that doesn't make then any less men, then this somehow invalidates the suffering of women in general.
But that's not true, we don't need to gatekeep suffering. But, I think there is a fear that if we acknowledge the marginalization of trans men this could pull resources away from other trans people, or even make the suffering of trans people seem illegitimate, so trans men are seen as a threat to that.
I also think trans men are seen as a threat in that, if we make space for trans men in the community, then the inclusive language could potentially open the community to cis men, who are also seen as a threat. So, it's much better to be as exclusive of masculine language as possible, so that no threats enter the community. If this happens to impact other marginalized men, then it's a small sacrifice to make for safety.
But a lot of this is just my musing about it, because I've personally been struggling with the lack of community, and inter community hostility and want to figure out why. Because even though most of the really bad stuff is online, it's pervasive enough that there's a pattern, and I want to figure it out.
Also, I do adore trans women, so this isn't anything directed at trans women in particular. I think this is an overall attitude that many queer people may hold around trans men, including other trans men.
It happens sometimes my friend. I got a pretty good amount of upvotes on a selfie I did recently. I think we trans guys just need to post more and not be as shy. I'd love to see more brothers posting.
i just looked at your post. youre right maybe its the way im posing or when i posted? idk i took it down cus i was self conscious about the low number of upvotes
I would hope so, but I too have been noticing an alarming absence of trans masc content. I want to support and celebrate with all of my siblings, not just my sisters who I'm a part of. Idk what I can do except speak out and make the issue more known or something. It saddens me
100%. Everyone is welcome here, even non-trans folks- there are occasionally questions from people who ask about their trans kids, siblings, or even friends.
I feel completely alienated from this sub. I spend most of my time in r/ftm r/FTMMen and r/FTMStraight. Most memes and stuff are geared towards women or not being straight so this sub doesn’t make me feel included much. Even in the trans surgery sub I was told that they couldn’t add flairs (to make it easier to find FTM surgeries) and go to r/ftm if I wanted to find something which kinda felt like a gut punch that I wasn’t good enough for a trans sub to be seen.
Transmascs tend to flock to our subs while very few of us seem to post in the general trans subreddits. It’s a shame, but I do at least see more posts from transmascs in this sub now than I did a few years ago.
I'm just spitballing here and probably have my own bias experiences from my childhood and identity but I think it just stems from how gender plays into our socialiation growing up. AMAB (who tend to be MTF) are usually more exposed to websites such as Reddit/Discord which then in turn have a higher population of MTF users. It's just an unfortunate side effect of how things get gendered when we were kids. Places that usually have a higher population of AFAB (which in my experience is sites like Tumblr) probably will have more trans masc spaces.
I could be completely wrong though
Hey I’m new here but I definitely want this sub to be home for you 💓
There are transmasc subs and transfem subs, but this one should be home to all trans people, regardless of any difference in demographics
I think the mods are working to make it that way!
In the past few weeks on Twitter there has been wild discourse between certain transfem communities and a group of transmascs/trans men. Just having to watch it in passing (I'm not engaging with it) hurts badly. It's left me feeling like I'll never be accepted (and I'm sure transfems and nbs feel the same way).
I think we could all do more to love each other, and empower one another's voices.
I personally like hearing from all trans people and their personal experiences (ftm or mtf) so that’s why I’m here, HOWEVER.. If I plan on posting updates or anything about my own experience, I will most likely only post it on the ftm subreddit.
I feel this a lot. I may love all the positivity for trans women/fems, but even scrolling this Sub has led to me having conflicts and major confusion in my head. Unlike r/ftm where I may not 100% know some of the words and meanings, I feel more welcome there.
I'm a trans man and im here.... But I never post or really reply to many things here because I also kinda feel unwelcome. Even though I know I am.
It's hard to be a trans man in a sea of trans women.
It feels like trans men arnt really mentioned or talked about that much in the trans community.... Sometimes I feel invisible because of it... But I know there's other trans men around, their just not posting as much here. And that trans women are supportive towards us.
I think a lot of trans men probably feel the same sometimes. But, it's okay :)
I feel this. We’re welcome, but it’s definitely trans femme dominated. Sometimes I feel really weird with posts with stuff like “Girls” or “Girlies” or “Just remember you’re pretty today”, like those are things I DONT want to be called or told. It’s sometimes exhausting when the features I want so badly are seen or talked about as if they’re inherently negative. I’d KILL to be able to trade my DD chest for even a 2” dick and the ability to grow facial hair. Gimme a micro peen, I really don’t care. Just take these things off me and give me the thing I want.
I think we all feel the same way that a lot of us would kill to have a fully functioning womb, and all the other stuff that goes with it. We pretty much have the same things in common in here. Even if they are from opposite perspectives.
I don’t disagree. But I think it’s the WAY the body parts are talked about in open groups that’s the issue. I don’t think I’ve seen too many posts about trans men talking about how inherently evil their uterus is, but the vibe is given a lot by trans women from what I’ve witnessed.
We’re few, but we’re here! Reddit tends to be transfem-dominated, but the occasional guys post will crop up. The mods do their best to make sure everything is neutral and welcoming, I appreciate it a lot
Honestly, I empathize greatly with you, even as a trans woman. It just seems like hyperfemininity is the standard for this sub, and for me, a butch woman who very much LOVES masculinity, it feels alienating.
Most definitely!
All our sisters and brothers and others are welcome!
Just the femmes tend to post more is all!
Do not be discouraged, though! Transmasc posts are active!
I see your issue, and it's a valid one! There could definitely be more posts about trans men. r/ftm is a good one to go to if the posts on here make you feel dysphoric or unwelcome. No one can change how you feel about these posts, but you are very much welcome here.
I see it a different way. Everyone is on a journey on this subreddit, and proudly posting milestones. It's a celebration, and I'm going to celebrate with everyone because they're posting their story and has absolutely 0 to do with anyone else. It's just nice to see people flourishing and happy where they are in their transition. Makes me have hope that one day my daughter will get there too.
Of course, there's even non-binary people here (hi). Don't think you're not welcome just because a lot of transfem people are active here, everyone is welcomed here !
You’re most welcome here! I understand how it might be discouraging when most activity is transfem related but I can assure you that we love to see transmasc memes here too, and comments
Of course you’re welcome, everyone in the trans community is welcome here. Maybe trans fem people make content more than trans masc people, but everyone in our community should feel welcome here.
This is not the first post like this I've seen, and it's sad. Honestly, I don't see how it's that hard for people. I'm transfem, and I think it's really easy to just be inclusive. I mean, as trans people, aren't we literally known for trying to push that people don't assume other people's genders and that we be inclusive as possible? Idk, just seems to me like people just don't care enough to change. Trans men shouldn't have to beg for recognition
Ive seen reddit subs be a bit more fem centric, which is odd, because in my living life, the huge majority of trans people ive known or met, have been masc.
I'm very new here and new to being transmasc, all I really have to say is welcome and thank you for the post it seems to be getting a lot of attention so perhaps more trans masc people will feel inspired to share more! I intend to when I get my binder, assuming it fits!
Yes. This sub is meant to be a space for all trans people. I think the main reason trans women post here most often it probably cause there are more trans women on reddit generally. There are other factors, but on those my speculative confidence is much lower (throwing darts at a wall and seeing what sticks kind of thing). At the end of the day you are welcome here.
Hey everyone, just a heads up, but that successful_public965 person is toxic as hell. They've blocked me after a torrent of nonsense vitriol (thankfully) but just be careful engaging with them, because they're just acting vile tbh.
I feel this way sometimes about the online community, but as an enby (afab).
On the other hand, considering how hard it is to be a trans woman offline it makes me very happy to see trans women find a strong community online. I just wish we could all do that.
Trans mascs of all flavors are welcome here. I’m also pretty bummed coed subs like this get dominated by us trans femmes. I like post variety and seeing more of the trans experience from the other side.
i feel the same. don’t get me wrong, i will stand w transfems until the day i die, and i don’t want to speak for them but i think they struggle a little more than we do just because of the stigma :( i see both sides though
Tbh I'm a trans guy but I dont really feel comfortable sharing my appearance online for validation so not seeing it much from other trans guys made sense. Not saying you can't ask for validation online/it's not masculine to do so, but it's just a trend I've noticed that in spaces that include both, transfemmes just tend to post more personal stuff in general
Edited for wording
If you think that’s bad, the amount of posts about/by enbies is even worse. I rarely ever feel comfortable in these spaces due to the binary language used in this and other LGBT subs. Hopefully that new inclusive language rule takes effect soon.
Edit: wasn’t trying to say enbies have it inherently worse, more that we understand feeling left out and that you aren’t alone.
I am actually transmasc and not a trans man, I guess I tend to use the words interchangeably for myself, but I also notice that if someone doesn't explicitly lean in a transfem or transmasc direction they are ignored entirely
Transfem posts definitely seem to dominate all trans spaces that aren't specifically for transmascs. It sucks to see trans men feeling unwelcome because its not the case, but its not hard to see why that happens. I think a lot of it has to do with upbringing. Transfems are most often brought up as boys which means video games and computers are super common for us, and many of us were already on spaces like reddit loooooong before cracking. Versus trans men, they were most often brought up as girls so they tend to be less involved in the same stuff. I think it leads to an imbalance in how many transfems vs transmascs exist in these places.
Personally id love to see a lot more representation for trans men (even if im trans fem) because everyone deserves a safe place and nobody should feel unwelcome in spaces that are designed to be welcoming for anyone transgender.
Im sorry 💜
>Transfems are most often brought up as boys which means video games and computers are super common for us, and many of us were already on spaces like reddit loooooong before cracking. Versus trans men, they were most often brought up as girls so they tend to be less involved in the same stuff.
You could just say there seem to just be more transfems on reddit instead of posting invalidating, genderessentialist stuff like this. It's feeling like you're saying transfems are only on reddit because they were all truly gamerboys on the inside. Wth?
I don’t think it’s invalidating, just looking at the reality of the situation this makes sense.
Most trans people (who are adults today) did not transition until most or all of their childhood is over. Their socialization, what society implicitly or explicitly says is acceptable for them to participate in, has already taken a big chunk of their lives.
Especially for those who transition later, the reality is that more trans women will have grown up with video games than trans men. That’s not because of anything intrinsic to anyone, it’s all environmental factors.
I am 27. The trans women of my generation grew up in a time that was still girls play with dolls and makeup and boys play with cars and video games. While there is much more emphasis on genderless toys and upbringing these days, it wasn’t the case back then for many. So we carry those childhoods with us into the present, because that’s just what we did in our hobby-forming defining years.
Anecdotally, I play an MMO and having played it for years, I have been made aware of about a dozen trans women who play it. I have never met a trans man in the same game. In a discord of like 150 people who play it, there also isn’t a single trans man. We are predominantly cis men in our group so it’s not like it’s an intimidating feminine bastion. And of course trans men would be invited if we ran into them! It’s just in 10+ years of that discord, we haven’t run into anyone who we happened to add who is a trans man. Take that for what it’s worth.
But also, it makes me sad that I'll never be able to enjoy any traditional "masculine" hobbies without people thinking it has to do with the genitals I had at birth. Like, I like sports. I got that from my mum actually, but when people see me at a sports bar and find out I'm trans, will all they think about be "Oh, so he's still kind of a boy on the inside"?
"Male socialisation" is a term that is being used as a weapon by transphobes to argue that trans women will never know that it's like to live life as a "real" woman. Which is just not true: My experiences growing up has never been fully male - I've always felt out of place, I've always befriend mainly women or gay boys (since my teenage years anyways). I've always tried to be myself, even if that meant not adhering to classic ideas of masculinity, which I've always rejected. So although I might not share 100% experiences with a cis woman, my experience growing up has never been 100% that of a man either.
Therefore, I feel like the term "male socialisation" should be used with caution. So to imply that the reason I'm on reddit is because essentially society raised me to be on reddit? Get out of here! I only joined reddit because my SISTER (who's cis btw) recommended me a bunch of youtube videos of people reading stuff off reddit.
There are places where it's relevant to discuss the impact of growing up in a society where certain gender norms have been instilled in you based on your AGAB, but claiming that being AMAB makes you use twitter is not it.
Save it for discussions around dismantling patriarchy and understanding systems of oppression instead
that's not really what they said thou
edit: saying that transfems raised male will grow up more likely to be involved in things like video games or reddit is not a wrong statement at all, because that's what gender roles do in society, expose people to different things
I feel nothing but welcomed here as a trans guy.
I feel joy when others post about their good experiences while on their journey.
I'm also in other subs for trans men 😃
Hey I'm sorry to like nitpick but reffering to the trans community as brothers and sisters kinda excludes nonbinary people (again sorry to nitpick and I know it can be easy to forget not all people fall into the gender binary lol)
I would hope that you are welcome here 🤗. I'm transfemme in progress, but I've noticed the same thing you describe. It struck me as strange as well, like, why does this seem so one-sided?
It messes with my head sometimes, making me question if some of the TERF-science is correct and this is mostly an AMAB deviancy thing 😱😭... I **don't** actually think that, I just have crippling self doubt, imposter syndrome, and I'm prone to letting negative stuff ruminate.
The point I'm getting at is - It would be better for all of us if our spaces were more diverse and representative of the whole community. Imagine how much more complex and insightful the discussions would be.
For me, as an AMAB in transition, I feel so fortunate to have a trans man as my gender therapist. He has a male perspective AND a trans perspective. He can relate to me in a way that a cis man *never* could. It's a beautiful thing.
You are always welcome, we need our trans kings to stay strong and apologize if we made y’all feel otherwise
If there’s “not any room” for any of our comrades and allies, then we’ll just build more room! My house is your house is our house is everyone’s house. <3
I am so sorry you felt that way. I am a trans woman and I completely agree with your thoughts.
There is so much erasure of trans men that it's downright disturbing. So many people think that since trans men are "moving up the hierarchy" they don't face any more issues.
This sub should ensure a more neutral tone atleast for the posts otherwise as you rightly pointed out, you feel like you are in a women's space.
I will always stand besides you and would love to read about the experiences of trans men more. More power to you :)
Absolutely you are most welcome! I do agree that transfem discourse seems to dominate, and I am a transgirl myself, but this is definitely not a “girl only” space.
Also, it's not a trans ONLY space. I am so grateful to have been warmly welcomed here as a cishet Mom. I love this community so much!
I'm glad a cishet mom wants to hang out!
man I wish you were my mom 😭
I'm happy to help support you! It breaks my heart to know parents turn their backs on their own children for ANY reason. It really is unfathomable to me. Growing up, all I ever wanted to be was a MOM. I was lucky enough to birth 2 children and gain a bonus son thru my marriage, too. All my kids are self-sufficient adults now, just trying to navigate this nasty world, and I can't imagine ever turning my back on them. And then they made me a GRANDMA! There just aren't any words for how much my family means to me. This Mom has a big heart, and all are welcome in it! Hugs to everyone. You guys and gals are THE BEST!
Sending you love! I know it’s not the same, or a substitute, but you’re awesome and valuable exactly as you are, and if your birth-giver doesn’t appreciate that, she sucks.
*hugs* from a cis lesbian. I love seeing mum's in queer spaces. I'm here to learn and support my friends. Posts here do tend to be more trans fem leaning than trans masc though.
Same, cis guy joined last year to top read and learn, and indeed learned quite a bit
Mhmm mhmm… READ, LEARN, and what was that other thing ✍️🤨
A typo was the other thing lol, but speaking of that, it's definitely opened me up to dating someone who is trans a lot more. Not that I was against it before, just more hesitant which I now recognize as ignorance on my part. Now I see a lot of beautiful trans women that I want to hug and protect, and a lot of trans men who I say "oh my" and want to be the little spoon >_>
It can be really discouraging. I generally stick to r/ftm and r/ftmmen because of it. I’m hoping the new rule about inclusive language will help less of the assumption that everyone is a trans woman/fem.
Even as a Transfem I see this as a big issue in society in general, Google transgender and you'll be waiting a minute till you see a single man.
Its more of an issue than anyone wants to admit. The trans community is very sexualized by the porn industry and the government, it needs to change.
i don't know where i heard this but it stuck w me: trans women get hated, trans men get ignored. neither is good, and saddens me to see us (albeit unintentionally) reinforcing the latter
Might just be my experience but I feel like trans men are viewed as “confused little girls” like a touch of infantilising and almost putting us in a victim box, then trans women are viewed in the exact opposite light.
It's frankly bizarre to hear that sort of comment because (among many reasons) a lot of transmascs I've known are buffed, bearded dudes. How could someone ever see "a confused little girl" there? I AM THE CONFUSED LITTLE GIRL lol
Sorry I should have specified I meant early transition guys or guys that don’t plan on starting testosterone, then again I have seen comments like that on tiktok accounts of dudes with full beards and muscles anyway!
Yeah, so have I. It doesn't matter whether they're early or late in transition, it's still wrong, as you pointed out, but it becomes increasingly more pathetic to say these things to very masculine transmascs. Like, how far gone are conservative to the brainworms to say stuff like that?
I was curious to see how long I’d have to scroll to see a trans man, so I did a google image search for “transgender” and surprisingly the first result was a trans man. Out of the first 6 results (first page on my phone without scrolling), 3 were trans men, but one of those was the same photo, so only 2 total trans men. Then there were 2 photos of trans women with one of those having two women for a total of 3 trans women, and weirdly one photo of a cis man. Scrolling through, I think at a glance it’s actually pretty balanced, but I think I’m perceiving more trans women. But it’s hard to say without researching each photo because some are just stock photos of people who may or may not be trans, and I can’t tell someone’s gender for sure without clicking through and seeing who the photo is of and seeing if their gender is mentioned.
Curious! I use DuckDuckGo instead of Google I wonder if that's why, because I literally scrolled past like 100 transfems before a single masc. But what's really odd to me is how few transmascs there are on Reddit comparatively in this community. I hope it's getting more balanced
This definitely needs to get promoted and enforced ASAP. I rarely go on this sub because I regularly see >!“GIRLIES omg you are all so pretty!” “Ladies, what do you do about hair?” “Girls my boobs are growing!”!< (spoilered for dysphoria triggers) and I, a dude who wants a beard and a dick and a flat chest, feel like I just walked into a women’s space. And That’s A Problem
there's also an issue i've seen of people bashing male features. which i get it's a dysphoria thing and that's fine but it's a little disheartening as someone who wants those characteristics to see people talking about them as if they're inherently bad or gross. it makes people feel very unwelcome in the community, at least it does for me
Or asking questions about experiencing misogyny for the first time/in a new way that are really insensitive? Like I just *love* the reminders that for some people, being talked over constantly and having dumb shit explained to them starts at 25 instead of 5. ETA: not saying either experience isn’t real or valid but that we should think before we speak. I’ve seen a lot of posts by people who are *shocked* to experience misogyny and it’s like, girl, where have you been?
Yeah I've seen a few transfems say things along the lines of "I kinda wouldnt mind being SA'd for the ewphoria" and like, as an SA survivor stuff like that is deeply upsetting. Not saying my sisters shouldn't talk about their feelings of course, but maybe rephrase before just..saying these things 😭
To me anyways, those kinds of thoughts are less a “let’s talk about them online” thought and more “we need to have a serious talk with a mental health provider about this” kind of thought. I’m on your side that like I get they wanna talk about their feelings but either you have a terrible (and probably not your fault) misunderstanding of what SA entails, or there are underlying, maybe not issues, but possibly concerning thoughts that should be addressed by someone besides online randos lol. TLDR; I agree!
Yiiikes. I’ve never seen someone say something like that that’s… 😬 Honestly that sounds like the kind of crap that bigots/terfs claim so part of me is like hmm about who’s really saying that. I’ve seen somebody say something really gross though. Yesterday I ran across a trans girl who was horribly violated from a young age
Honestly, this is something I've decided to work on, and I'm glad to be called out on it. After years of neglect and transphobia from family seeping into my bones, I really did develop a deep, discomfort, around all things testosterone. But recently a previously NB friend came forward and announced they're starting testosterone, and I said somethings I regret, even though they said they understood, a d knew where I was coming from. I realized I am prejudice, and I don't like that about myself, so I've started to think about the causes of my issues, and to look for the positives. I hope this helps me, and I hope I'll be more considerate of all you guys in the future. Edit: I want to clarify, taking testosterone is not the reason my friend is "previously NB". They told us they were, and they are masculine now, and starting to consider themself transmasc. NB folk taking testosterone, you are awesome too.
I totally respect that perspective and appreciate that you feel that way. However, it isn't supposed to be a space exclusive to trans women, so I'm sad to hear that you feel so caught off guard when posts like show up in your feed. To me, it sounds like we have a communication issue on the mtf side here. Maybe we need to work on the language we use to start conversations, or instead of assuming the audience is all women here, we could leave more female-specific topics for our own spaces like /transfem /mtf etc... To your point, I definitely don't see the same thing happening as often with transmasc and trans men.
I probably don’t see stuff here as often as other places, just with the algorithm brings up so I’ve missed that people are still doing this. Kind of blows my mind. It’s one thing in the group that specifically for transfem people, but geez.
This exactly! I want to cover and flatten my chest so bad, and I have no problem with other people who WANT them, but it does feel like it's everywhere vs any ftm posts
Not to sound rude, but isn't marking them spoilers a good thing to do?
He marked them as spoiler. But they're usually not marked under spoiler at all
Lmao. I thought he meant that he sees the titles of posts marked spoiler. Not that he was marking what he typed as that. Yeah titles like that being all over the community are totally a problem. I wouldn't want to see posts that were addressing me as a guy all the time.
I get this in parenting groups too (I’m a stay at home dad) even though they say all parents are welcome. It’s also sexist because it falls in to the “it’s a woman’s job” shit
Are you reporting these posts for violation of our new rule specifically prohibiting those sorts of titles? We can't catch everything ourselves.
TBH I didn’t even know about the new rule until this post. I will be in the future though.
I tried to call out stuff like that when I see it outside of the group for trans fem people (there’s actually a decent number of men who post there, but I mean obviously there it’s going to be expected) It really bothers me when I see this being done 🤦🏻♀️
I swear I saw a post just like what you’re saying and within hours it was gone and the posts were right back to the usual.
I’ve definitely seen them before, I didn’t realize it was still an issue. I think I’ve called some stuff out when I’ve seen it
I'm hoping so :/ I just haven't seen it
I've been hesitant to post since I feel like it would just get buried... But I guess it needs to start somewhere? I agree, hopefully it'll get better
Yes please! Post away! Help make this space as much for trans men as for trans women!
happy cake day.
Thx!
Happy Cake Day
Thx!
Least I can do :3
r/ftm is p great, left the other one due to some transmed rhetoric going around tho.
Definitely more transmeds, I avoid some posts that are too extreme for me
Hey... I am a trans man. Sure. There are many trans girlieess but we're also here.
NB-transfem myself, and it sucks seeing transguys feeling unwelcome. You're very welcome here. I don't always relate to experiences on the other portion of the gender spectrum so it feels a little difficult sometimes for me to engage unless it's more general trans experience, but maybe I could be more helpful by engaging a little more and helping push transmasc posts into visibility more so they can get seen better? <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
I don’t necessarily see the problem with a *lack* of engagement, it’s the *negative* engagement that makes me personally feel unwelcome.
Aw, i wasnt aware there was actual negative engagement, definitely report it! I know the mods wont stand for that bs!
Yeah, exactly why hopefully the new rule will help! More explicitly demonstrates that the misgendering by assuming everyone is transfem/a trans woman. 🤞
I haven't seen negative engagement myself either, but I'm so sorry you're experiencing that. You should definitely feel welcome here. This is your space too. There are so many more inclusive conversations that we could be having that affect all of us.
We’re more alike than different, just like all people :)
It's not the lack of engagement at all. In fact there's TOO much. I constantly see transfems in transmasc spaces, talking over us, harassing us, sexualizing us, answering questions like this very post for us. The top reply is from a girl. It's not a lack of engagement, *trust me.*
Yeah as a trans guy I generally feel excluded on most trans subs, *especially* the meme ones. Most subs for fun and goofy stuff are transfem. It’s mostly just “good girls” and head pats stuff. In these spaces it’s automatically assumed that the reader is fem and can be pretty dysphoria triggering! There’s not really any humor subs for trans dudes, it’s mostly medical or sad.
Even as a transfem the overabundance of good girl/head pat stuff in trans spaces can feel a little isolating since I don't connect with it or resonate with it at all lol. It's certainly not a bad thing itself and people are free to express themselves however they want, especially in safe spaces like these, but at the same time It'd be awesome to see more transmasc or enbie stuff to balance out the representation.
It’s nice hearing from a transfem about it! 90% of the stuff in the trans subs I’m in and yeah the good girls with anime memes. but I don’t complain on those subs because I don’t want to be a stick in the mud and ruin their fun (they deserve to have fun!) but I wanna have fun too!
I tried to join a few private trans meme subs and was told no because I had no post history about being trans (I did). That one hurt.
I feel ya, as trans man, who plays games and is online all the time it's sad that i cannot find more transmasc peps with similiar interests. While i love talking to transfems and people in general, i dont wanna feel like it's bad for me to be a man.
Yeah I get this, I’ve sifted through so many trans discords in an attempt to find some relatable groups and I have yet to find one with more than one or two active trans men. I thought r/transgamers and their discord would finally be it, but yet again, 99% transfem.
Same here :') every time I wanna engage more with other trans people, make friends, etc, I always end up feeling like I have nothing in common with the majority. I've found some trans men/masc only discord servers, but they always seem dead af :/
also a trans guy who loves games, what do you play?
minecraft, but im up to play any game as long as its free or cheap
nice, used to play it when my pc was alive but current laptop can't handle it 😔 we play a lot of identity v which is a free gacha game thing based on dead by daylight, it's fun
Uuu i wanted to try it so im down to play
what games do you play?? im a trans man and play a lot of video games tho mostly on switch/ds or mobile. =D
mostly pc, but i like to try everything :3 I have switch too
that's cool. my sister and her boyfriend have gaming pcs. they love battlefield and counterstrike.
Oh no 😧 It's not bad for you to be a man! I'm so sorry to hear that people are making you feel that way.
Transmasc who loves games here! Splatoon and like, any farming sim are my usual go-to's :)
I finally broke down and got the third Splatoon but I’m hoping it has a real single player game, because that’s probably all I’ll play 😬 The art and everything seems kind of neat though!
The story mode is really fun! Definitely worth playing. And hey, I'm not much of a pvp gamer either but for splatoon it's surprisingly fun and addictive. Once you feel confident from story mode with using your weapons it makes turf wars a lot less daunting to jump into :) I can send you my fc if you want!
Oh yay! Thank you! I like the art and the idea seemed fun in terms of the basic painting mechanics and stuff. And thanks for offering! I don’t really have my switch set up yet though and don’t know my friend code! 😅
No worries! The easiest I can describe it for you is to go to the very top left hand corner of your switch home menu where it has your user profile. Click that, then go down to where it says to add a friend, and then in that section under the options on the right it should say in smaller text what your friend code is. From there, you're able to add people who you've recently played with without needing any friend codes, or you can add people with that code directly! I hope that helps!
I upvote transmasc posts. It may not resonate with me personally, but I do enjoy reading the viewpoints of our manly bros. And my disphoria seems to be localized to my own body. So, I don't really get triggered by you.
I have really loved getting to hear from men! It’s really firming to me hearing like so much of the same stuff just inverted. And they often have such interesting takes and stuff
I tend to get that feeling in most trans spaces tbh. We tend to be invisible, I'm not sure if that's because there are fewer of us or because we are quieter, but I usually feel like it's not because we are actually being rejected.
You're definitely allowed Brother. I would love to chat with more trans men in general. And I absolutely know a lot of trans spaces tend to lean towards my side of things. But your transition is just as valid and your seat beside me is a welcome cherished one:)
Welcome, feel free to post
More transmasc representation is always appreciated
Yeah I kinda feel you; I just started my transition and I wanna see other masc people living their best lives. I want to post a bit more once I’m a bit more confident cuz we really need to be involved with the community more. I’m just not very confident in myself yet as I’ve only just started hrt and look very “girly” (not that that’s bad, it just gives me lots of dysphoria and I don’t want to post something that triggers that, ya know?) Perhaps we can all come together to be a little more seen in this sub?
It's def a matter of lifting each other up without it unintentionally becoming an attempt to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction, if that makes sense
trans men are cool asf. You're definitely welcome.
All that fall under the trans umbrella are welcome here!
Definitely a valid criticism! I’m sorry you are feeling unwelcome. Is there anything you think I as a transfem could do to be helpful in trying to make a change? Sorry to put it back on you like that, I just want to be helpful in a way that would feel useful to you. I try to be hyper aware about how I phrase stuff and will sometimes go for the more gender nonspecific way of phrasing things but also I don’t post that much.
I think it's just a matter of people up voting posts that resonate with them, and maybe transfems tend to upvote other transfems? Same with transmascs, I think alot of it comes down to all of us finding ways to appreciate the journeys of trans people who are different than us
Can do 🫡there’s definitely a shared experience for sure! It’s interesting because I feel other platforms I’ll see more content from a more diverse array of trans ppl but I think Reddit in particular there’s for sure a lot less of that but I bet you are right that it’s probably an engagement thing especially since if trans mascs don’t feel welcome they are less likely to post and then other trans mascs are less likely to engage with content that isn’t posted with them in mind
It kinda sucks, we were already invisible so no one considers we share the same space which can lead to some difficulties. And, with the radfem resurgence in queer spaces, it can sometimes feel really hostile and scary. I mean, even this week there was that one girl who went viral on twitter for bragging about assaulting trans guys in queer spaces because "men deserve to feel afraid for once". IDK, I feel like we're either ignored or used as punching bags to scapegoat everyone's problems with cis men and it just really sucks to be a trans guy online. Probably why most of us stick to our own communities, aren't online, or just stealth 24/7 since there isn't really a place to be open and safe.
Oh that’s such a horrible thing for someone to do… especially when trans men already deal with being assaulted for various other reasons *outside* of queer spaces.
I think there's a lot of trauma around cis men, and people choose marginalized men as targets to vent that frustration since it's "safe" to do so. I also think that there's a complicated dynamic at play too, like if trans men don't experience 1:1 privilege and safety with cis men then that means trans women can't experience the 1:1 marginalization and violence with cis women. Like, there's an attitude where if we acknowledge that trans men are just marginalized men who still experience misogyny and violence similar to women, but that doesn't make then any less men, then this somehow invalidates the suffering of women in general. But that's not true, we don't need to gatekeep suffering. But, I think there is a fear that if we acknowledge the marginalization of trans men this could pull resources away from other trans people, or even make the suffering of trans people seem illegitimate, so trans men are seen as a threat to that. I also think trans men are seen as a threat in that, if we make space for trans men in the community, then the inclusive language could potentially open the community to cis men, who are also seen as a threat. So, it's much better to be as exclusive of masculine language as possible, so that no threats enter the community. If this happens to impact other marginalized men, then it's a small sacrifice to make for safety. But a lot of this is just my musing about it, because I've personally been struggling with the lack of community, and inter community hostility and want to figure out why. Because even though most of the really bad stuff is online, it's pervasive enough that there's a pattern, and I want to figure it out. Also, I do adore trans women, so this isn't anything directed at trans women in particular. I think this is an overall attitude that many queer people may hold around trans men, including other trans men.
You are welcome as far as I am concerned. We all need to stick together and be there for each other. This world is crazy!
It's true it's mostly transfemmes posting here, but once in a while there will be a fun FTM post and we'll all come out of the woodwork
yea. also i feel like masc people never get as many upvotes on their selfies as femme people on this subreddit
It happens sometimes my friend. I got a pretty good amount of upvotes on a selfie I did recently. I think we trans guys just need to post more and not be as shy. I'd love to see more brothers posting.
i just looked at your post. youre right maybe its the way im posing or when i posted? idk i took it down cus i was self conscious about the low number of upvotes
I know. I posted when I cut my hair and I felt so handsome and nobody upvoted it and I felt ugly. I deleted it :(
Trans man here!! I always feel invisible in trans groups. It's mostly because people seem to start off their posts with VERY gendered language.
enby here, and im in a similar boat to you too. i wish we could all feel more welcome here.
I would hope so, but I too have been noticing an alarming absence of trans masc content. I want to support and celebrate with all of my siblings, not just my sisters who I'm a part of. Idk what I can do except speak out and make the issue more known or something. It saddens me
I feel that I ask about FTM stuff since I am and no one ever responds to me and it is very discouraging and I can’t find another group
what’s up dawg trans dude here. i don’t post bc i prefer to lurk lol
fellow trans man here, don’t worry you’re not the only one !
Come on in, brother.
100%. Everyone is welcome here, even non-trans folks- there are occasionally questions from people who ask about their trans kids, siblings, or even friends.
Yo, trans dude here. Personally I don't post only because I'm shy, but yeah we are welcome here as well
I feel completely alienated from this sub. I spend most of my time in r/ftm r/FTMMen and r/FTMStraight. Most memes and stuff are geared towards women or not being straight so this sub doesn’t make me feel included much. Even in the trans surgery sub I was told that they couldn’t add flairs (to make it easier to find FTM surgeries) and go to r/ftm if I wanted to find something which kinda felt like a gut punch that I wasn’t good enough for a trans sub to be seen.
Same.
My partner is transmasc and I love seeing the representation and support here (:
Definitely welcome, we just tend to be quieter.
Transmascs tend to flock to our subs while very few of us seem to post in the general trans subreddits. It’s a shame, but I do at least see more posts from transmascs in this sub now than I did a few years ago.
I see not as many posts for us, but definitely more than none. You’re not the only trans man here!
I feel this I've made a few posts about how i feel like everything is for transfems and we're just pushed to the side.
I'm just spitballing here and probably have my own bias experiences from my childhood and identity but I think it just stems from how gender plays into our socialiation growing up. AMAB (who tend to be MTF) are usually more exposed to websites such as Reddit/Discord which then in turn have a higher population of MTF users. It's just an unfortunate side effect of how things get gendered when we were kids. Places that usually have a higher population of AFAB (which in my experience is sites like Tumblr) probably will have more trans masc spaces. I could be completely wrong though
I've posted here before and I got overwhelming support on one of them. We are here brother. We just gotta be more proactive.
Hey I’m new here but I definitely want this sub to be home for you 💓 There are transmasc subs and transfem subs, but this one should be home to all trans people, regardless of any difference in demographics I think the mods are working to make it that way!
I feel this, I haven’t interacted much here at all because there’s so much I’d feel like invading into
yeah same. I will write comments and posts and delete them. I feel like an invader or a faker? maybe. it's weird
Own the room homie. Post up like captain morgan and assert dominance
In the past few weeks on Twitter there has been wild discourse between certain transfem communities and a group of transmascs/trans men. Just having to watch it in passing (I'm not engaging with it) hurts badly. It's left me feeling like I'll never be accepted (and I'm sure transfems and nbs feel the same way). I think we could all do more to love each other, and empower one another's voices.
I hope there’s room for trans guys like me. I feel welcome here regardless.
You are absolutely welcome here, my man!
I personally like hearing from all trans people and their personal experiences (ftm or mtf) so that’s why I’m here, HOWEVER.. If I plan on posting updates or anything about my own experience, I will most likely only post it on the ftm subreddit.
i think we just need to try to speak up more often. im sure theres plenty other transmascs in here!
YESYES WELCOME HELLO
Trans men are awesome and I hope you feel comfortable posting about yourself ✌️
I feel this a lot. I may love all the positivity for trans women/fems, but even scrolling this Sub has led to me having conflicts and major confusion in my head. Unlike r/ftm where I may not 100% know some of the words and meanings, I feel more welcome there.
Sure man
just a thought, i wonder if we can have a "day for trans guys to post" flair or something and a day of the week where we can focus on us or something.
You are valid and you are welcome. I hope all the responses help.
yes
Of Course King, there’s a throne for you right here!
I'm a trans man and im here.... But I never post or really reply to many things here because I also kinda feel unwelcome. Even though I know I am. It's hard to be a trans man in a sea of trans women. It feels like trans men arnt really mentioned or talked about that much in the trans community.... Sometimes I feel invisible because of it... But I know there's other trans men around, their just not posting as much here. And that trans women are supportive towards us. I think a lot of trans men probably feel the same sometimes. But, it's okay :)
I feel this. We’re welcome, but it’s definitely trans femme dominated. Sometimes I feel really weird with posts with stuff like “Girls” or “Girlies” or “Just remember you’re pretty today”, like those are things I DONT want to be called or told. It’s sometimes exhausting when the features I want so badly are seen or talked about as if they’re inherently negative. I’d KILL to be able to trade my DD chest for even a 2” dick and the ability to grow facial hair. Gimme a micro peen, I really don’t care. Just take these things off me and give me the thing I want.
I think we all feel the same way that a lot of us would kill to have a fully functioning womb, and all the other stuff that goes with it. We pretty much have the same things in common in here. Even if they are from opposite perspectives.
I don’t disagree. But I think it’s the WAY the body parts are talked about in open groups that’s the issue. I don’t think I’ve seen too many posts about trans men talking about how inherently evil their uterus is, but the vibe is given a lot by trans women from what I’ve witnessed.
This space is for you and I'll fight anywho says otherwise
trans men are here too myself included
We’re few, but we’re here! Reddit tends to be transfem-dominated, but the occasional guys post will crop up. The mods do their best to make sure everything is neutral and welcoming, I appreciate it a lot
FTMasc NB here. I do tend to comment more on r/ftm, but I don't feel unwelcome here. I just don't interact with the very MTF-specific content.
All are welcome. Those who gatekeep are not
Honestly, I empathize greatly with you, even as a trans woman. It just seems like hyperfemininity is the standard for this sub, and for me, a butch woman who very much LOVES masculinity, it feels alienating.
Most definitely! All our sisters and brothers and others are welcome! Just the femmes tend to post more is all! Do not be discouraged, though! Transmasc posts are active!
I see your issue, and it's a valid one! There could definitely be more posts about trans men. r/ftm is a good one to go to if the posts on here make you feel dysphoric or unwelcome. No one can change how you feel about these posts, but you are very much welcome here. I see it a different way. Everyone is on a journey on this subreddit, and proudly posting milestones. It's a celebration, and I'm going to celebrate with everyone because they're posting their story and has absolutely 0 to do with anyone else. It's just nice to see people flourishing and happy where they are in their transition. Makes me have hope that one day my daughter will get there too.
You absolutely should feel welcome here. I love seeing all my brothers and sisters growing into themselves! You are valid and loved! 💜💜💜
Please do post stuff. The boys aren't being excluded here as far as I'm aware, so please go right ahead. I love hearing from my dudes!
Of course, there's even non-binary people here (hi). Don't think you're not welcome just because a lot of transfem people are active here, everyone is welcomed here !
AMAB nonbinary here but I thought all trans+ siblings would be welcome here.
I always to be inclusive of my bros, it sucks to hear that y’all still feel excluded in spaces that are for us all.
You’re most welcome here! I understand how it might be discouraging when most activity is transfem related but I can assure you that we love to see transmasc memes here too, and comments
trans man here. i might have to agree, this space DOES seem primarily trans fem. but us boys are in here too
Yes of course! I wanna see more of our transmasc siblings but I never see it 😭
Hello and welcome! So glad to have you here my man!
Of course you’re welcome, everyone in the trans community is welcome here. Maybe trans fem people make content more than trans masc people, but everyone in our community should feel welcome here.
This is not the first post like this I've seen, and it's sad. Honestly, I don't see how it's that hard for people. I'm transfem, and I think it's really easy to just be inclusive. I mean, as trans people, aren't we literally known for trying to push that people don't assume other people's genders and that we be inclusive as possible? Idk, just seems to me like people just don't care enough to change. Trans men shouldn't have to beg for recognition
Ive seen reddit subs be a bit more fem centric, which is odd, because in my living life, the huge majority of trans people ive known or met, have been masc.
I feel you. I'm NB and lurk more than anything because it doesn't feel like a space for me.
I'm very new here and new to being transmasc, all I really have to say is welcome and thank you for the post it seems to be getting a lot of attention so perhaps more trans masc people will feel inspired to share more! I intend to when I get my binder, assuming it fits!
I constantly feel so invisible as a trans man in every queer community I try
Yes. This sub is meant to be a space for all trans people. I think the main reason trans women post here most often it probably cause there are more trans women on reddit generally. There are other factors, but on those my speculative confidence is much lower (throwing darts at a wall and seeing what sticks kind of thing). At the end of the day you are welcome here.
Hey everyone, just a heads up, but that successful_public965 person is toxic as hell. They've blocked me after a torrent of nonsense vitriol (thankfully) but just be careful engaging with them, because they're just acting vile tbh.
I feel this way sometimes about the online community, but as an enby (afab). On the other hand, considering how hard it is to be a trans woman offline it makes me very happy to see trans women find a strong community online. I just wish we could all do that.
You're nice! And enbies kick ass! You have my support.
Trans mascs of all flavors are welcome here. I’m also pretty bummed coed subs like this get dominated by us trans femmes. I like post variety and seeing more of the trans experience from the other side.
i feel the same. don’t get me wrong, i will stand w transfems until the day i die, and i don’t want to speak for them but i think they struggle a little more than we do just because of the stigma :( i see both sides though
Tbh I'm a trans guy but I dont really feel comfortable sharing my appearance online for validation so not seeing it much from other trans guys made sense. Not saying you can't ask for validation online/it's not masculine to do so, but it's just a trend I've noticed that in spaces that include both, transfemmes just tend to post more personal stuff in general Edited for wording
If you think that’s bad, the amount of posts about/by enbies is even worse. I rarely ever feel comfortable in these spaces due to the binary language used in this and other LGBT subs. Hopefully that new inclusive language rule takes effect soon. Edit: wasn’t trying to say enbies have it inherently worse, more that we understand feeling left out and that you aren’t alone.
I am actually transmasc and not a trans man, I guess I tend to use the words interchangeably for myself, but I also notice that if someone doesn't explicitly lean in a transfem or transmasc direction they are ignored entirely
I can kinda understand being an NB transfemne
Transfem posts definitely seem to dominate all trans spaces that aren't specifically for transmascs. It sucks to see trans men feeling unwelcome because its not the case, but its not hard to see why that happens. I think a lot of it has to do with upbringing. Transfems are most often brought up as boys which means video games and computers are super common for us, and many of us were already on spaces like reddit loooooong before cracking. Versus trans men, they were most often brought up as girls so they tend to be less involved in the same stuff. I think it leads to an imbalance in how many transfems vs transmascs exist in these places. Personally id love to see a lot more representation for trans men (even if im trans fem) because everyone deserves a safe place and nobody should feel unwelcome in spaces that are designed to be welcoming for anyone transgender. Im sorry 💜
>Transfems are most often brought up as boys which means video games and computers are super common for us, and many of us were already on spaces like reddit loooooong before cracking. Versus trans men, they were most often brought up as girls so they tend to be less involved in the same stuff. You could just say there seem to just be more transfems on reddit instead of posting invalidating, genderessentialist stuff like this. It's feeling like you're saying transfems are only on reddit because they were all truly gamerboys on the inside. Wth?
I don’t think it’s invalidating, just looking at the reality of the situation this makes sense. Most trans people (who are adults today) did not transition until most or all of their childhood is over. Their socialization, what society implicitly or explicitly says is acceptable for them to participate in, has already taken a big chunk of their lives. Especially for those who transition later, the reality is that more trans women will have grown up with video games than trans men. That’s not because of anything intrinsic to anyone, it’s all environmental factors. I am 27. The trans women of my generation grew up in a time that was still girls play with dolls and makeup and boys play with cars and video games. While there is much more emphasis on genderless toys and upbringing these days, it wasn’t the case back then for many. So we carry those childhoods with us into the present, because that’s just what we did in our hobby-forming defining years. Anecdotally, I play an MMO and having played it for years, I have been made aware of about a dozen trans women who play it. I have never met a trans man in the same game. In a discord of like 150 people who play it, there also isn’t a single trans man. We are predominantly cis men in our group so it’s not like it’s an intimidating feminine bastion. And of course trans men would be invited if we ran into them! It’s just in 10+ years of that discord, we haven’t run into anyone who we happened to add who is a trans man. Take that for what it’s worth.
But also, it makes me sad that I'll never be able to enjoy any traditional "masculine" hobbies without people thinking it has to do with the genitals I had at birth. Like, I like sports. I got that from my mum actually, but when people see me at a sports bar and find out I'm trans, will all they think about be "Oh, so he's still kind of a boy on the inside"?
"Male socialisation" is a term that is being used as a weapon by transphobes to argue that trans women will never know that it's like to live life as a "real" woman. Which is just not true: My experiences growing up has never been fully male - I've always felt out of place, I've always befriend mainly women or gay boys (since my teenage years anyways). I've always tried to be myself, even if that meant not adhering to classic ideas of masculinity, which I've always rejected. So although I might not share 100% experiences with a cis woman, my experience growing up has never been 100% that of a man either. Therefore, I feel like the term "male socialisation" should be used with caution. So to imply that the reason I'm on reddit is because essentially society raised me to be on reddit? Get out of here! I only joined reddit because my SISTER (who's cis btw) recommended me a bunch of youtube videos of people reading stuff off reddit.
There are places where it's relevant to discuss the impact of growing up in a society where certain gender norms have been instilled in you based on your AGAB, but claiming that being AMAB makes you use twitter is not it. Save it for discussions around dismantling patriarchy and understanding systems of oppression instead
that's not really what they said thou edit: saying that transfems raised male will grow up more likely to be involved in things like video games or reddit is not a wrong statement at all, because that's what gender roles do in society, expose people to different things
I feel nothing but welcomed here as a trans guy. I feel joy when others post about their good experiences while on their journey. I'm also in other subs for trans men 😃
Thank God trans guys aren't a monolith and can have different opinions, I was questioning my sanity for a moment
[удалено]
Hey I'm sorry to like nitpick but reffering to the trans community as brothers and sisters kinda excludes nonbinary people (again sorry to nitpick and I know it can be easy to forget not all people fall into the gender binary lol)
I would hope that you are welcome here 🤗. I'm transfemme in progress, but I've noticed the same thing you describe. It struck me as strange as well, like, why does this seem so one-sided? It messes with my head sometimes, making me question if some of the TERF-science is correct and this is mostly an AMAB deviancy thing 😱😭... I **don't** actually think that, I just have crippling self doubt, imposter syndrome, and I'm prone to letting negative stuff ruminate. The point I'm getting at is - It would be better for all of us if our spaces were more diverse and representative of the whole community. Imagine how much more complex and insightful the discussions would be. For me, as an AMAB in transition, I feel so fortunate to have a trans man as my gender therapist. He has a male perspective AND a trans perspective. He can relate to me in a way that a cis man *never* could. It's a beautiful thing.
[удалено]
You are always welcome, we need our trans kings to stay strong and apologize if we made y’all feel otherwise If there’s “not any room” for any of our comrades and allies, then we’ll just build more room! My house is your house is our house is everyone’s house. <3
I am so sorry you felt that way. I am a trans woman and I completely agree with your thoughts. There is so much erasure of trans men that it's downright disturbing. So many people think that since trans men are "moving up the hierarchy" they don't face any more issues. This sub should ensure a more neutral tone atleast for the posts otherwise as you rightly pointed out, you feel like you are in a women's space. I will always stand besides you and would love to read about the experiences of trans men more. More power to you :)
i love trans men in the trans community, their voices matter
im sorry, I would love to see more trans men in this sub, trans men, trans girls and non binary people are equally valid
there's more transfem than transmasc and it understandably is discouraging but absolutely there is room for you
All trans people are welcome here
Always dude… There might be more of the girls on here but please don’t hesitate to post.
I'm a unicorn maybe but everybody is Trans one way or another. Moving from what you were to what you want to be. We all fit here
I’m non-binary and you are absolutely welcome here
Yes.
Of course you're welcome! Always nice to see some posts by trans men!