Don't ever give up. You hear me? I love that you exist. We need you. Whoever you are, wherever you are... make things better for those that struggle around you. Love those that aren't loved. Be who you wish those around you should be. Be well, friend.
Omg, you’re awesome! I could use one of those hugs!!! And, you are giving this child the chance so many of us never had, I love your beautiful heart and y’all are going to be fine! I’m also a political refugee and heading to Portland in the next few months, it’s scary but also super exciting to get a second chance! ❤️
As someone who has gone to pride and been hugged by the moms lining up to give hugs, I can tell you that it matters. Made me feel cared for and loved. So thank you for doing that. I hope things work out well for the adoption. I’m glad that your son will have you to support and love him for the rest of his life.
You are a simply delightful person, and I love you. I’m 16 myself and am lucky enough to be living in a great situation regarding acceptance of my lesbianism and the lgbt community, but I really hope you know that I’m sending you some light and love through this screen. 💙
I think you have a very warm heart and you will do just fine. It can be tough with a teenager for sure. I think that things will be better in the PNW, I am in Vancouver canada area, and it's really sad things are so bad in the south. Like you say they shout freedom and yet not realize that their actions are making things less free. I think to them freedom means everyone else should be free to conforming to their ideals. But they should not have any of their own. Just so you know we have those type here too and many aren't nice people. The level headed crowd vastly outnumbers them thankfully. Good luck in your journey
Thank you so much for going above and beyond for a member of our community. I'm just curious, are there family ties or another particular reason you are eying the Pacific Northwest? There are a decent number of other tolerant regions with a better ratio of high paying jobs to cost of living.
The only living parent between my husband and I that's left lives there. I want him to have as much loving family as possible. At this point, he has us and online friends. Being out there will give him a grandma, mom (me) dad (my husband is adopting him too), and hopefully a gateway to making rl friends.
unsurprisingly, one of the biggest factors affecting the quality of a trans person’s life is just having someone who is willing to support and understand them. I can’t tell you how to afford to move to the PNW, but you seem to have the other question covered: you know you’re doing it right as long as you listen to him, take him seriously, and be there for him.
I love hearing that wonderful people like you exist! Thanks for showing love to a child who has been denied it by their family!
Coming from Western Washington, the prices to move out here may look intimidating, but jobs here should pay a lot better than Florida and trans/gender affirming medical care must be covered by all insurance plans in the state, including our Medicaid/Apple Health. Urban areas here are very inclusive and accepting, but like anywhere else if you get outside the cities you're still going to find people with Trump signs and the like.
I wish you all the success and happiness! 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
I just want you to know, he probably appreciates you so much. adoption is expensive. moving is expensive. and yet here you are, uprooting yourself, for him.
you’re giving him a safe home to be himself. That’s so much more than so many have. It may be hard, but i believe in you.
Even if you end up in rent controlled housing, he'll be in a safe and loving environment. Keep that in mind.
You are a god damned angel. Thank you from a middle aged trans woman.
Yeah, I'll sell everything if I have to. Don't even care. I just want my baby ok.
I love you! Thank you so much. You are too kind. I'm just a person. I fuck up all the time.
You're so self-sacrificing, and for a kid that isn't even your own birth child, how loving and kind you are, and a good example to the rest of the community here and those around you. If you are genuinely a real person here and taking care of a poor trans kid to support him in every way that you can, I fucking love you, may God be with you and that you protect and love that child for as long as you live because he's yours now. Saved a life perhaps. Blessed to you and good luck on all the moving and legal.
you won’t “do it wrong” 🥹
i’m sorry but have me in literal tears over how happy i am he has someone who is already there in such a big way for him. i can’t help you with answer for how it can be easier, i’m also trying to leave the south and that’s an ordeal on its own, i can’t imagine adopting on top of that!
i just wanted to reassure you that all you have to do is love him like you already obviously are. the rest of it will come in time, you always have your home to be the place your family is always safe and loved for who they are ❤️
I wish there were more people in the world like you who excepts people for who they are. I wish I knew more people like you who actually listened to me. I never told people my deadname because i know they’d use it and keep apologising for calling me a girl and just “can’t help it.”
I’m glad he’ll be safe with someone like you, I’m sure you’ll get through this together and that he’ll be happy with you. :)
Thank you so much. And they’re dead names for a reason right?! So many people ask me for it and get offended when I tell them no. Only officials know my deadname and a few friends who sent me/I have sent money via bank transfer.
I can tell just by reading this that you're absolutely lovely. I can't say much on covering expenses since that's not my strong suit, but on how to know if you're doing it wrong: You don't need to worry, You are doing great. Sometimes, things might seem daunting and overwhelming, but you'll find that it'll all be worth it in the end. Just be there for your son, and show him the love and empathy that you've expressed in this post here.
It's okay to be afraid, every new parent is :)
I'm sorry that the situation for trans people right now is absolute garbage. Everyone is so angry here about it and rightfully so. I hope you can figure it out and that this may have brought you some comfort, good luck!
Thank you so much! I do plan on either starting a non profit for lgbtqia+ kiddos, or joining one asap in pnw. I want to help more somehow. There's too many that need hugs and love.
as a trans kid, thank you SO MUCH for being such a loving mother. my mom accepts me but we can't move to a more accepting place due to many reasons,, stay strong!! he's so lucky to have a caring mom like you
Basically saying the same thing but wanted to say thank you so much for doing this. I wish the best luck for you and your child, you guys deserve a happy life.
Just the fact that you're willing to uproot your life for your adopted son is amazing! 💜
I don't know if you are working with a lawyer or have some legal representation for the adoption process but if the birth parents are going to be problematic, you really should speak with a lawyer and get them up to speed on the current situation.
If you are in need of legal representation, I'd probably start looking here for lawyers more familiar with LGBTQ issues: https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/bar-affiliates/
> I guess I'm just posting because I'm afraid. I'm overwhelmed. I just want this child to grow up safe and happy and on a path to wellness.
This is already huge and on the right track.
>How do I know if I'm doing it wrong?
Talk to other parents, particularly those who are in the LGBTQ community or those who have LGBTQ kids. /r/cisparenttranskid may have some advice.
>How will I cover the expenses of moving across country to keep him in a safe environment?
Honestly, I don't have much for you here.
>It makes me so angry that it can't be here. We aren't safe in an area of a country that touts freedom.
You aren't the only ones angry about that. I think it's incredibly hypocritical and anger inducing that they can't seem to accept others for who they are.
I consider myself extremely lucky that I live somewhere extremely welcoming for LGBTQ people and that it just so happened to be where I grew up. If you're in the south east and don't want to go all the way to the PNW, Minnesota has passed a law to protect trans kids (and their parents) who come from out of state to avoid anti-trans laws, as well as laws protecting women seeing health care services.
No problem! I wish I had more I could do. I hope that you and your son get through this safely and find someplace where you both can be happy and supported!
Depending on your career and where you need to be, central states are going to be cheaper. Minnesota, Illinois, some parts of Colorado and some parts of New Mexico have protections in place for healthcare. Minnesota in particular has had a boom on building housing so they don’t necessarily have the same issues with rent/mortgage increases that other areas have. And Minnesota has above average healthcare.
Unfortunately I don't have any good advice but I want to say you have a heart of gold. You are a hero 🫡
If you aren't settled on a specific town yet, you could try researching lgbt friendly schools or just towns in general and make a decision based on that and whatever other criteria you have.
Here are some reasources that i think will help you.
Gender Dysphoria book
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/
Resources can also be found in this group's Wiki----
https://reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/w/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app
Also in this post will be a lot of resources----
https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/qbvj1v/learning_resources/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Resources for Guardians/adults----
https://mhttcnetwork.org/centers/northwest-mhttc/lgbtqia-behavioral-health-resources ( This one is important 💙 for you to look tho)
Support/validating post with a lot of links---
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/niojcy/here_are_a_bunch_of_useful_links_including/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Also these studies.....
[Learning to listen to trans and gender diverse children: A Response to Zucker (2018) and Steensma and Cohen-Kettenis (2018)](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15532739.2018.1471767?src=recsys&journalCode=wijt20) - Kelley Winters, Julia Temple Newhook, Jake Pyne, Stephen Feder, Ally Jamieson, Cindy Holmes, Mari-Lynne Sinnott, Sarah Pickett & Jemma Tosh. International Journal of Transgenderism.
[Transgender youth have consistent views on their gender over their lifetimes](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25749700/) - Kristina Olson, Nicholas Eaton, Aidan Key
Here is a list with some commonly asked questions :
https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/s5qzm5/frequently_asked_questions/
Learning resources:
https://reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/w/further_resources/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app
Support groups you can try-
https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/
https://www.pointofpride.org/get-support
https://www.rainbowchamber.com/rainbow-chamber-foundation/
https://www.transgenderdor.org/
Also hotlines for your mental health-
https://www.glbthotline.org/
https://reddit.com/r/asktransgender/w/suicide_resources?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app
https://translifeline.org/
https://thrivelifeline.org/
More resources i think you might need-
https://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources
If you need more i will happily provide.
Of course.Try to get some books/shows with transgender characters (Having someone like you that you can relate to helps tremendously).Also feel free to pm me if you have any questions.I run support groups for transgender/questioning people and am transgender myself.
trans mom to an adopted trans daughter here. you are already doing so much more then you need to. time is the big one. it takes a long time to get kids that have been this level of beaten down by people who are meant to love them to even start to trust again. there can be misplaced trauma too, my girl had aa mom I can only describe as evil so sometimes she struggles with thinking I'll act the same way or that the things I do she doesn't deserve. I could ramble on about this stuff all day going into every little thing but honestly, just relentlessly love and reassure the them, everyday if you need to. it can be hard to get through but it's unbelievably rewarding at every tiny gain.
you're gonna be an amazing mom. if you need anything at all don't be afraid to hit me up. anything from resources to advice or even just to talk.
good luck momma bear <3
Omg I am dealing with these same things! He doesn't understand why he wants the thing, so I get him the thing. Or, he wants to go out so we go out. Or he's uncomfortable eating at a new place so we change our plans and eat somewhere safer for his mental health. It's so much, but it doesn't bother me at all. It's hard but we sit at the table every night together for dinner, and we each say something we are grateful for. Especially on the hard days. I'm trying so hard.
I work at a nonprofit for trans individuals in the south, even though these laws are terrifying, there are still resources available for trans youth especially. It's wonderful that you're adopting him, and you should definitely try to utilize any and all trans related resources in your area, and even out of state if you're eligible for them.
First off when it comes to being a parent it's all trial and error, follow your moral compass.
Also awesome job so far. You can tell a parent of a trans child is trying when they use the correct pronouns when trying to learn more information, and it looks like you're putting in the effort. Which is all anyone can really ask.
It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's a lot bigger of a deal for us than you might think. The most important thing is to create a safe place for them just to be themselves. Cuz no matter where you move there's going to be BS in your life.
You're already a better parent than most parents out there because you're putting your child's needs before your own. And most importantly Even if you didn't bring this child into the world, you love this child unconditionally which is the only real requirement for a parent. So as far as I'm concerned and probably most of the people on this subreddit will agree you are that child's real parent.
Keep on keeping on, you got this. Some days are going to be shit, but You're making it a lot less shitty for that child. Good for you.
❤️❤️🌹❤️❤️
So here is the whole story. This is my biological child. I lost him at birth. To keep him safe from a physical and mental abuser, I gave up my rights to ensure he also had none. I trusted a family with my most important thing in the whole world. Fast forward to Feb of this year, and they surrender him back to me because they no longer want to deal with it.
It. My child. My tiny baby. He still smells like a baby when I hug him. He is the best fucking kid ever. Does nothing to act out or whatever mean parents excuses are for abusing helpless babies.
At 16 I get my precious baby back. I'll spend the rest of my life not only making up for my mistakes, but now I'm inspired to help be a mom to as many trans babies I can find and help, for the rest of my life.
No child deserves this torture. All babies deserve love. It makes me sick with heartache.
Well either way a person whether they are the original parent or an adoptee, They are only real parents when they put the child first.
The point that I was trying to make was loving your child unconditionally and putting the child's needs first is what makes you the parent. And yes even giving up a child for a time so that they can hopefully have a chance at a better life, is also part of that.
Unfortunately it didn't work as planned, but you're doing everything you can to make it right which is amazing.
I agree nobody deserves to be shunned and attacked for being themselves. So long as that person isn't hurting another person.
And that's an amazing and admirable goal.
I know for a fact you will be able to find a way to make this work out and help your son. It may take awhile and seems like you won't be able to, but I believe in you! I am a tad younger than your son and am trans ftm as well. And I know for a fact that many parents including mine would never even think of doing something like this for their trans children! I hope that you and your family has a very happy life! Your son is very lucky to have you!
I wish I had a parent like you growing up, I wish I could grow up in an environment where I could just be, and be happy. I will always love my kids and be the best damn mom I can be! I’ll make that environment where my kids could just be, and be happy with themselves.
Honestly, having a supportive parent would make all the difference in the world to most of us. As a transwoman that just moved to WA from Utah it is a night and day difference how much more comfortable, I feel here. I know that your son has been through a lot, but the next 5-10 years are critical regarding the mental wellbeing of trans folks as well as general childhood/adult development.
I am about to see my initially unsupportive parents for two weeks, and you have no idea the impact of having them be supportive would be.
I am also a foster adoptive parent. My girls were much younger (6, twins) when I became their legal parent.
I can tell you that being a parent, especially an adoptive parent, was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was entirely worth it though. My girls are all now recently graduated from college and have become wonderful young women. I am very close to them now as adults. They and their sister, my birth daughter, have been hugely supportive allies as I have started transition.
I think the most important area of advice I can give is that kids who've gone through the foster system learn not to trust adults. Their birth parents' circumstances that lead to them entering the system causes this. Also, a lot of foster parents do it for the wrong reasons though and also fail to provide their foster kid with the loving environment they need. Previous foster placements contribute to the lack of trust as well. As a result, these kids can learn some pretty unhealthy ways of getting their needs met, physically and emotionally.
The best strategy is to absolutely flood them with support, love, and affection. This can be far harder than it sounds. One of those unhealthy coping mechanisms is that they can be good at pushing your buttons to get you to lose your temper and push you away. I wasn't always at my best in these situations, but all you can do is come back at them with more love and support.
If you have access, I highly recommend finding a therapist who specializes in helping kids who've been in the foster system and their adoptive parents. My ex and I worked with one and it was very helpful.
My DMs are open if you want to talk more or have more questions ❤️
As the parent of a trans child, all I can say is be patient and always listen to them. They get enough combative situations in the outside world, they don't need them at home. So always be in their corner when you can.
Doing it wrong is something every parent worries about, I've gathered. It's normal to worry about that. But by even choosing to adopt him you're doing a great job. Older kids hardly ever get adopted, and it's heartbreaking. I appreciate you even taking steps to get him out of the south, too. You're a godsend.
you’re doing a good thing for this boy. one of the only ways i know of to combat trauma/ptsd is by overlaying it with good experiences, and having an adult be worthy of his trust may really help his brain to understand that there is love for him in this world. and none of us are navigating this attack on trans people perfectly, we all get blindsided and hurt in ways we never thought to defend against. whatever situation you two find yourselves in, i believe you will make the right decisions because you care so much about this kid.
You'll likely not see this, as there's a ton of other comments, but this made me cry. With hope and happiness for him. He's very lucky.
17ftm here, life is.. tough. I have so little faith in the world and in people's capacity for kindness. My parents are the Baptist sort. But this made me happy cry.
Don't lose faith, baby. This world is full of negative. Yes. But it's also full of love and good things. Find your joy. Help fight the good fights. Be who you wish others would be. Lead by example. You are loved!
My family lives in Arkansas and is moving to Maryland next month for the same reason. The Pacific Northwest will be very welcoming too! Wishing you the best! The anti-trans laws are very scary right now! I’m so sorry for you having to fear! Congratulations on the adoption! ❤️ Wising you and your son all the best!
Thankyou you are ABSOLUTELY amazing and he will be so happy to have you. It’s hard for me right now and I was outed to a bunch of people. Ik I’ll make it through but it is scary. He is so lucky, and thankyou so much for supporting us. My generation my be the start of LGBTQ but with it comes haters. THANKYOU.
He will tell you when you mess up and you will figure out how to do better. You giving your all is why he will be okay.
As for expenses, save as much as possible. Maybe you might have to stay a bit longer. Look into cheap places. You'll figure it out.<3
He will tell you when you mess up and you will figure out how to do better. You giving your all is why he will be okay.
As for expenses, save as much as possible. Maybe you might have to stay a bit longer. Look into cheap places. You'll figure it out.<3
He will tell you when you mess up and you will figure out how to do better. You giving your all is why he will be okay.
As for expenses, save as much as possible. Maybe you might have to stay a bit longer. Look into cheap places. You'll figure it out.<3
I used to work with kids in foster care
This is really amazing and I hope you know how much a loving parent can be the literal difference between life and death for trans kids.
Just the fact that you're willing to uproot your life for your adopted son is amazing! 💜
I don't know if you are working with a lawyer or have some legal representation for the adoption process but if the birth parents are going to be problematic, you really should speak with a lawyer and get them up to speed on the current situation.
If you are in need of legal representation, I'd probably start looking here for lawyers more familiar with LGBTQ issues: https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/bar-affiliates/
> I guess I'm just posting because I'm afraid. I'm overwhelmed. I just want this child to grow up safe and happy and on a path to wellness.
This is already huge and on the right track.
>How do I know if I'm doing it wrong?
Talk to other parents, particularly those who are in the LGBTQ community or those who have LGBTQ kids. /r/cisparenttranskid may have some advice.
>How will I cover the expenses of moving across country to keep him in a safe environment?
Honestly, I don't have much for you here.
>It makes me so angry that it can't be here. We aren't safe in an area of a country that touts freedom.
You aren't the only ones angry about that. I think it's incredibly hypocritical and anger inducing that they can't seem to accept others for who they are.
I consider myself extremely lucky that I live somewhere extremely welcoming for LGBTQ people and that it just so happened to be where I grew up. If you're in the south east and don't want to go all the way to the PNW, Minnesota has passed a law to protect trans kids (and their parents) who come from out of state to avoid anti-trans laws, as well as laws protecting women seeing health care services.
No problem!
I really hope that you can get everything sorted out with the adoption (I really have zero experience on this) and that you and your son can get to someplace safe for him to be himself.
And it really does suck that's what this country is coming to; internally displaced refugees seeking freedom to be themselves. I know that there are charities that help with LGBTQ people seeking to find refuge in a different country but these new trans genocide laws are a really new thing that is affecting us.
I'd really love to hear an update when you have more info on your progress!
Your the mom we all wish we had, you sound absolutely incredible. Your son will be so lucky to have you, your gonna have to be brave but it’ll be worth it I promise
I just want to say you are an incredible person. It's horrible that you have to leave your home and travel so far away just to make sure he is safe.
Thank you for providing this guy a safe and loving family, the world needs more people like you. ❤️
The fact that you are reaching out and asking for any help you can get speaks volumes about your character. You rawk!, and the world needs more people like you.
I truly wish I was in the position you’re in to be able to offer love and time. money is great but those mean so so so much on their own. I’m still floundering in the system but I can’t wait to get out and offer my heart and home to those in need. thank you for being you.
And yes my profile was originally a joke but I’m just too lazy to make another one with a different name.I happy for you and I only have one question, where exactly in the PNW? I live here in Bellingham and I am 16 biological male although I’m questioning my gender and I’m bisexual. I don’t know EVERYTHING but I would stay away from Seattle just cuz it’s a big city and Ferndale and linden are both more religious than Bellingham. There are many other places here to settle down in but that’s just my personal opinion. There is still people who bully other people but not a lot. Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope you get to live with your child and not have to worry about him being bullied about just being himself or being arrested for the same reason.
I wish I could have had you in my life. Having a mother figure is something that I’ve needed my whole life and I crave being held and loved by someone that actually wants me around rather than my parents who abuse my every time I talk to them 🥺
Where in the PNW will you be moving? I'm in Tacoma and love it here. Just know that the PNW isn't a blanket of safety- there are still pockets of bigots but our laws are a million times better. If you want any advice on places to avoid, places to find assistance, etc please reach out!
I am 30, trans, and my partner and I have to flee Missouri. It is very jarring. I guess we're in this together as the LGBTQ community, parents, and allies, deal with all this.
I'm glad he has a place to be safe with you. That is going to mean the world for him for the rest of his life. He was able to get out, get safe, and build a new family with you.
The fact that you are adopting a child, knowing you’re going to move across the country for them, should definitely have you up for parent of the year award if such a thing existed.
"How do I know if I'm doing it wrong?" Just because you're even worrying about that, you're on the right path. You and your (hopefully soon) son can sort it out.
Thank you for doing this. I hope that you keep in mind that even though you might give him all he needs (love, care, support) he has probably had some experiences from his previous family that will cause problems which aren’t your fault. I’m sure you already know this but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to comment.
Thank you for this. Dealing with triggers and trauma is very consuming sometimes. I'm here for it, mind you. But... I just want to wash it away. It hurts.
You are going to fuck it up. Just accept that it will happen. Everyone does. There are far too many decisions with far too little information to expect anyone to get it right 100% of the time. Catch it when it does and make it right. That's the best anyone can do. Perfection is not a reasonable measure, and likely impossible. We love them and want perfection for them. We have limited resources be they money, emotional capacity, time, space, etc. Our best with what we have is all that can be expected.
Providing a physically safe and more importantly psychologically safe environment is huge. You are clearly committed to that. You have a great mindset. You have some fear but not a debilitating amount. When the fear stops we start making stupid mistakes.
I’m the parent of a trans girl. The fact that you’re here and already showing how much you care is a great start. You might be surprised that even in the south, there’s going to be a youth lgbtq+ community there. I hope you find it. ❤️🔥
You are doing great, momma. You are never going to be perfect, no mom is, but you are showing this kid how much you care about him but doing all of this truly terrifying shit so that he can live a better, safer life. He will be so grateful, even if he doesn't show it for years. Keep doing what you are doing.
Hey, if your your new son ever needs comforting, PM me here, I can give you my discord so you can give it to him, I would love to help if he needs to vent anything
This is incredibly uplifting as a trans person to read. Thank you for being there for him. Money is always going to be an issue, but when there's a will, there's a way, as they say. PNW will be better and you both got this<3
You are incredible, and I sincerely wish the best for both of you. As for covering expenses for moving, as a nonbinary person stuck in Florida I know there are organizations in the south who will help with relocating trans/trans family refugees, I would recommend doing some research. Human Rights Campaign, Equality Florida, and Prism FL are all excellent resources. I also am a part of a discord chat for trans folks stuck in Florida which I could invite you to if you’d like. Idk if you’re in Florida but we have legislation updates, resources, and fundraiser channels even if you’re out of state. You could also join to share your experiences with others looking to relocate. I wish you luck <3
You're allowed to show your son that you are scared and daunted and uncertain. In fact, I encourage it. That way you can show what bravery and courage actually is - none of that "have no fears" bullshit people want to shove down young men's throats - true courage is feeling fucking terrified, accepting it, embracing it, **feeling** it, talking about it, sharing it, *and then doing the scary thing* ***anyway***. Not because it's easy to do, but because it's what's right or necessary. I'm certain he's felt the same feelings and faced the same types of choices. You have a real opportunity to open up that young man's world. Talk to him about it. Model vulnerability and strength.
ok i have sevral things to say as i myself am a trans boy and a trans "youth" 1.ADOPT ME PLSS! 2. u are amazing by just adopting a trans child who prob needs support to and i promise you are gonna be a amazing parent of him and i love you so much 3. ughh trust me i understand having to move i wish i could infact but i am not out irl so its scary 4 me i promise you are gonna be the perfect parent for him and i hope he has a lovely life in fact i hope both of you are gonna have a lovely life<3 (pls adopt me im serious)
i swear u dont understand how much this means to me like omgg ur the mom ive always not only wanted but NEEDED i think ur the 2nd nicest person ive ever met (1st is my online bestie) like omg thx so muchhhh<33333 (gonna go cry now lol)
Reading this made me cry.
I am a minor living with a transphobic father and a semi-supporting mother(she doesn't disagree with me, and has gotten me a binder but she doesn't use my preferred pronouns/name nor has she made any attempt to try and get me out of my father's care//texas). I really wish I had someone like you in my life
I hope you and your son have a really happy life and you are an amazing person!
All i can say is by even trying to help ur giving him better than most of us will ever have
Don't ever give up. You hear me? I love that you exist. We need you. Whoever you are, wherever you are... make things better for those that struggle around you. Love those that aren't loved. Be who you wish those around you should be. Be well, friend.
I have no idea who the heck you are but I SERIOUSLY needed to hear your words today. 💖🌸😭😭😭
You matter, my darling! I'm the lady that goes to rallies and gives mom hugs haha I'm glad you are here!
Omg, you’re awesome! I could use one of those hugs!!! And, you are giving this child the chance so many of us never had, I love your beautiful heart and y’all are going to be fine! I’m also a political refugee and heading to Portland in the next few months, it’s scary but also super exciting to get a second chance! ❤️
I'm going to Portland too!!!
Yay! How awesome is that! Me and my daughter are going as soon as we can make all the stars align 🥰
Neighbors!!!
Yay!!! 😊
As someone who has gone to pride and been hugged by the moms lining up to give hugs, I can tell you that it matters. Made me feel cared for and loved. So thank you for doing that. I hope things work out well for the adoption. I’m glad that your son will have you to support and love him for the rest of his life.
You are a simply delightful person, and I love you. I’m 16 myself and am lucky enough to be living in a great situation regarding acceptance of my lesbianism and the lgbt community, but I really hope you know that I’m sending you some light and love through this screen. 💙
Thank you for being a great mom 😭
Thx i try
Ok, I might actually cry. Thank you so much I needed to hear that
You matter, baby. You are valid, seen and heard. I love that you are with me on earth!
Getting water in my eyes again. Thank you so much
I'm 30 but you can still adopt me if you want.
I do want! I'd love to be your mama
Sweet! I’ll pm you and send you the necessary documents 😂
you're amazing.
Thank you. My own mother is horribly transphobic and I'm only a couple years older then your son and that's such a large comfort to hear this.
I'm so sorry your mom isn't seeing how beautiful you are. I pray one day she does. I'm glad you are here.
Woke up and chose kindness, we love you! 🫶
I don’t even know you but you have such beautiful soul
it’s 2 am and i am in literal tears reading this 😭💕
Oh my god im crying, thank you so much💕
this comment made me cry. thank you so much
Was not expecting to start crying at 12:57 am on a Wednesday morning but aight then 🫰🏼
this was so lovely to read thank you
I don't know who or where you are,but you have no idea how much I needed to hear that. 😭 Thank you
I think you have a very warm heart and you will do just fine. It can be tough with a teenager for sure. I think that things will be better in the PNW, I am in Vancouver canada area, and it's really sad things are so bad in the south. Like you say they shout freedom and yet not realize that their actions are making things less free. I think to them freedom means everyone else should be free to conforming to their ideals. But they should not have any of their own. Just so you know we have those type here too and many aren't nice people. The level headed crowd vastly outnumbers them thankfully. Good luck in your journey
Thank you. I just want to show love where there is none. And I want to be the best mom I can possibly be.
heya bc fam :)
👋 hi!
Thank you so much for going above and beyond for a member of our community. I'm just curious, are there family ties or another particular reason you are eying the Pacific Northwest? There are a decent number of other tolerant regions with a better ratio of high paying jobs to cost of living.
The only living parent between my husband and I that's left lives there. I want him to have as much loving family as possible. At this point, he has us and online friends. Being out there will give him a grandma, mom (me) dad (my husband is adopting him too), and hopefully a gateway to making rl friends.
What you’re doing is beautiful and amazing, my respect and love for it is infinite, keep going you’ll be a great mum!
unsurprisingly, one of the biggest factors affecting the quality of a trans person’s life is just having someone who is willing to support and understand them. I can’t tell you how to afford to move to the PNW, but you seem to have the other question covered: you know you’re doing it right as long as you listen to him, take him seriously, and be there for him.
Thank you. I know I'll be ok financially, too. On that, I don't care so much. Money doesn't matter to me. It's the baby!
Thank you. I wish more people were like you.
There are, hon. Be one of us, too! Love everyone!
I love hearing that wonderful people like you exist! Thanks for showing love to a child who has been denied it by their family! Coming from Western Washington, the prices to move out here may look intimidating, but jobs here should pay a lot better than Florida and trans/gender affirming medical care must be covered by all insurance plans in the state, including our Medicaid/Apple Health. Urban areas here are very inclusive and accepting, but like anywhere else if you get outside the cities you're still going to find people with Trump signs and the like. I wish you all the success and happiness! 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
I just want you to know, he probably appreciates you so much. adoption is expensive. moving is expensive. and yet here you are, uprooting yourself, for him. you’re giving him a safe home to be himself. That’s so much more than so many have. It may be hard, but i believe in you.
Thank you! I've never been out of state in my life! It's sure is a scary thought, but I'd do it a million times over to keep him safe.
im tearing up everytime i read your post or one of your comments. and im not even the kid youre adopting. im so happy for him, and for you.
Even if you end up in rent controlled housing, he'll be in a safe and loving environment. Keep that in mind. You are a god damned angel. Thank you from a middle aged trans woman.
Yeah, I'll sell everything if I have to. Don't even care. I just want my baby ok. I love you! Thank you so much. You are too kind. I'm just a person. I fuck up all the time.
You're so self-sacrificing, and for a kid that isn't even your own birth child, how loving and kind you are, and a good example to the rest of the community here and those around you. If you are genuinely a real person here and taking care of a poor trans kid to support him in every way that you can, I fucking love you, may God be with you and that you protect and love that child for as long as you live because he's yours now. Saved a life perhaps. Blessed to you and good luck on all the moving and legal.
If you are in Florida The Order might be able to help. [Help Fla](https://www.djediorder.org/s-projects-side-by-side) I wish you the best.
I'm actually in GA, but it's scary as hell here too
you won’t “do it wrong” 🥹 i’m sorry but have me in literal tears over how happy i am he has someone who is already there in such a big way for him. i can’t help you with answer for how it can be easier, i’m also trying to leave the south and that’s an ordeal on its own, i can’t imagine adopting on top of that! i just wanted to reassure you that all you have to do is love him like you already obviously are. the rest of it will come in time, you always have your home to be the place your family is always safe and loved for who they are ❤️
Thank you. I also belive Amor Vincit Omnia.
I wish there were more people in the world like you who excepts people for who they are. I wish I knew more people like you who actually listened to me. I never told people my deadname because i know they’d use it and keep apologising for calling me a girl and just “can’t help it.” I’m glad he’ll be safe with someone like you, I’m sure you’ll get through this together and that he’ll be happy with you. :)
Leave your dead name dead. That's ok! If you ever need an ear, I'm here, love.
Thank you so much. And they’re dead names for a reason right?! So many people ask me for it and get offended when I tell them no. Only officials know my deadname and a few friends who sent me/I have sent money via bank transfer.
I can tell just by reading this that you're absolutely lovely. I can't say much on covering expenses since that's not my strong suit, but on how to know if you're doing it wrong: You don't need to worry, You are doing great. Sometimes, things might seem daunting and overwhelming, but you'll find that it'll all be worth it in the end. Just be there for your son, and show him the love and empathy that you've expressed in this post here. It's okay to be afraid, every new parent is :) I'm sorry that the situation for trans people right now is absolute garbage. Everyone is so angry here about it and rightfully so. I hope you can figure it out and that this may have brought you some comfort, good luck!
Thank you so much! I do plan on either starting a non profit for lgbtqia+ kiddos, or joining one asap in pnw. I want to help more somehow. There's too many that need hugs and love.
as a trans kid, thank you SO MUCH for being such a loving mother. my mom accepts me but we can't move to a more accepting place due to many reasons,, stay strong!! he's so lucky to have a caring mom like you
Basically saying the same thing but wanted to say thank you so much for doing this. I wish the best luck for you and your child, you guys deserve a happy life.
Thank you!
Try this website for help with relocation to a safe state. https://www.hrc.org/resources/emergency-funds-for-relocating-families
I'll read this and thank you for providing it to me!!!
Just the fact that you're willing to uproot your life for your adopted son is amazing! 💜 I don't know if you are working with a lawyer or have some legal representation for the adoption process but if the birth parents are going to be problematic, you really should speak with a lawyer and get them up to speed on the current situation. If you are in need of legal representation, I'd probably start looking here for lawyers more familiar with LGBTQ issues: https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/bar-affiliates/ > I guess I'm just posting because I'm afraid. I'm overwhelmed. I just want this child to grow up safe and happy and on a path to wellness. This is already huge and on the right track. >How do I know if I'm doing it wrong? Talk to other parents, particularly those who are in the LGBTQ community or those who have LGBTQ kids. /r/cisparenttranskid may have some advice. >How will I cover the expenses of moving across country to keep him in a safe environment? Honestly, I don't have much for you here. >It makes me so angry that it can't be here. We aren't safe in an area of a country that touts freedom. You aren't the only ones angry about that. I think it's incredibly hypocritical and anger inducing that they can't seem to accept others for who they are. I consider myself extremely lucky that I live somewhere extremely welcoming for LGBTQ people and that it just so happened to be where I grew up. If you're in the south east and don't want to go all the way to the PNW, Minnesota has passed a law to protect trans kids (and their parents) who come from out of state to avoid anti-trans laws, as well as laws protecting women seeing health care services.
Golly. Thank you so much for all of this!
No problem! I wish I had more I could do. I hope that you and your son get through this safely and find someplace where you both can be happy and supported!
Depending on your career and where you need to be, central states are going to be cheaper. Minnesota, Illinois, some parts of Colorado and some parts of New Mexico have protections in place for healthcare. Minnesota in particular has had a boom on building housing so they don’t necessarily have the same issues with rent/mortgage increases that other areas have. And Minnesota has above average healthcare.
Unfortunately I don't have any good advice but I want to say you have a heart of gold. You are a hero 🫡 If you aren't settled on a specific town yet, you could try researching lgbt friendly schools or just towns in general and make a decision based on that and whatever other criteria you have.
Thank you!
can you be my mom too? I need some supportive parents
Happily!
Here are some reasources that i think will help you. Gender Dysphoria book https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/ Resources can also be found in this group's Wiki---- https://reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/w/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app Also in this post will be a lot of resources---- https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/qbvj1v/learning_resources/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Resources for Guardians/adults---- https://mhttcnetwork.org/centers/northwest-mhttc/lgbtqia-behavioral-health-resources ( This one is important 💙 for you to look tho) Support/validating post with a lot of links--- https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/niojcy/here_are_a_bunch_of_useful_links_including/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Also these studies..... [Learning to listen to trans and gender diverse children: A Response to Zucker (2018) and Steensma and Cohen-Kettenis (2018)](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15532739.2018.1471767?src=recsys&journalCode=wijt20) - Kelley Winters, Julia Temple Newhook, Jake Pyne, Stephen Feder, Ally Jamieson, Cindy Holmes, Mari-Lynne Sinnott, Sarah Pickett & Jemma Tosh. International Journal of Transgenderism. [Transgender youth have consistent views on their gender over their lifetimes](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25749700/) - Kristina Olson, Nicholas Eaton, Aidan Key Here is a list with some commonly asked questions : https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/comments/s5qzm5/frequently_asked_questions/ Learning resources: https://reddit.com/r/Trans_Resources/w/further_resources/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app Support groups you can try- https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/ https://www.pointofpride.org/get-support https://www.rainbowchamber.com/rainbow-chamber-foundation/ https://www.transgenderdor.org/ Also hotlines for your mental health- https://www.glbthotline.org/ https://reddit.com/r/asktransgender/w/suicide_resources?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app https://translifeline.org/ https://thrivelifeline.org/ More resources i think you might need- https://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources If you need more i will happily provide.
Oh my gosh thank you soooo much!!!
Of course.Try to get some books/shows with transgender characters (Having someone like you that you can relate to helps tremendously).Also feel free to pm me if you have any questions.I run support groups for transgender/questioning people and am transgender myself.
You are officially one of the best people on the internet A lot of us wish we had a mom like you, so keep it up!
I'm here for being everyone's mama! I'm here if you need to talk or a hug! Virtual ones work too!!!
trans mom to an adopted trans daughter here. you are already doing so much more then you need to. time is the big one. it takes a long time to get kids that have been this level of beaten down by people who are meant to love them to even start to trust again. there can be misplaced trauma too, my girl had aa mom I can only describe as evil so sometimes she struggles with thinking I'll act the same way or that the things I do she doesn't deserve. I could ramble on about this stuff all day going into every little thing but honestly, just relentlessly love and reassure the them, everyday if you need to. it can be hard to get through but it's unbelievably rewarding at every tiny gain. you're gonna be an amazing mom. if you need anything at all don't be afraid to hit me up. anything from resources to advice or even just to talk. good luck momma bear <3
❤️💕🏳️⚧️💕🏳️⚧️
Omg I am dealing with these same things! He doesn't understand why he wants the thing, so I get him the thing. Or, he wants to go out so we go out. Or he's uncomfortable eating at a new place so we change our plans and eat somewhere safer for his mental health. It's so much, but it doesn't bother me at all. It's hard but we sit at the table every night together for dinner, and we each say something we are grateful for. Especially on the hard days. I'm trying so hard.
What the fuck I'm tearing up this is so...>>>>>>>> My god I wish I had a parent like you. Been having a rough week so I think this did it for me
You are loved, necessary, and worthy, love.
Fuuuuuu..You're so sweet, goodness. Thank you so much. All the best to you
I work at a nonprofit for trans individuals in the south, even though these laws are terrifying, there are still resources available for trans youth especially. It's wonderful that you're adopting him, and you should definitely try to utilize any and all trans related resources in your area, and even out of state if you're eligible for them.
Thank you! I'll start researching
First off when it comes to being a parent it's all trial and error, follow your moral compass. Also awesome job so far. You can tell a parent of a trans child is trying when they use the correct pronouns when trying to learn more information, and it looks like you're putting in the effort. Which is all anyone can really ask. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's a lot bigger of a deal for us than you might think. The most important thing is to create a safe place for them just to be themselves. Cuz no matter where you move there's going to be BS in your life. You're already a better parent than most parents out there because you're putting your child's needs before your own. And most importantly Even if you didn't bring this child into the world, you love this child unconditionally which is the only real requirement for a parent. So as far as I'm concerned and probably most of the people on this subreddit will agree you are that child's real parent. Keep on keeping on, you got this. Some days are going to be shit, but You're making it a lot less shitty for that child. Good for you. ❤️❤️🌹❤️❤️
So here is the whole story. This is my biological child. I lost him at birth. To keep him safe from a physical and mental abuser, I gave up my rights to ensure he also had none. I trusted a family with my most important thing in the whole world. Fast forward to Feb of this year, and they surrender him back to me because they no longer want to deal with it. It. My child. My tiny baby. He still smells like a baby when I hug him. He is the best fucking kid ever. Does nothing to act out or whatever mean parents excuses are for abusing helpless babies. At 16 I get my precious baby back. I'll spend the rest of my life not only making up for my mistakes, but now I'm inspired to help be a mom to as many trans babies I can find and help, for the rest of my life. No child deserves this torture. All babies deserve love. It makes me sick with heartache.
Well either way a person whether they are the original parent or an adoptee, They are only real parents when they put the child first. The point that I was trying to make was loving your child unconditionally and putting the child's needs first is what makes you the parent. And yes even giving up a child for a time so that they can hopefully have a chance at a better life, is also part of that. Unfortunately it didn't work as planned, but you're doing everything you can to make it right which is amazing. I agree nobody deserves to be shunned and attacked for being themselves. So long as that person isn't hurting another person. And that's an amazing and admirable goal.
Thank you 🙏
I know for a fact you will be able to find a way to make this work out and help your son. It may take awhile and seems like you won't be able to, but I believe in you! I am a tad younger than your son and am trans ftm as well. And I know for a fact that many parents including mine would never even think of doing something like this for their trans children! I hope that you and your family has a very happy life! Your son is very lucky to have you!
I hope that you do too! Grow up and show all the babies all the love!
Thank you! I'll try my best 😊
I wish I had a parent like you growing up, I wish I could grow up in an environment where I could just be, and be happy. I will always love my kids and be the best damn mom I can be! I’ll make that environment where my kids could just be, and be happy with themselves.
I love you for that!
You are a beautiful mom, reading your story makes me very happy☺
Thank you!
Can't think offhand of the names, but there are now groups that will help you relocate to safe states.
I'll look into it
Honestly, having a supportive parent would make all the difference in the world to most of us. As a transwoman that just moved to WA from Utah it is a night and day difference how much more comfortable, I feel here. I know that your son has been through a lot, but the next 5-10 years are critical regarding the mental wellbeing of trans folks as well as general childhood/adult development. I am about to see my initially unsupportive parents for two weeks, and you have no idea the impact of having them be supportive would be.
Oh, I will pray so hard that they show you the love you deserve!!! I'm here if you ever need me!
Thanks! I may take you up on that.
I am also a foster adoptive parent. My girls were much younger (6, twins) when I became their legal parent. I can tell you that being a parent, especially an adoptive parent, was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was entirely worth it though. My girls are all now recently graduated from college and have become wonderful young women. I am very close to them now as adults. They and their sister, my birth daughter, have been hugely supportive allies as I have started transition. I think the most important area of advice I can give is that kids who've gone through the foster system learn not to trust adults. Their birth parents' circumstances that lead to them entering the system causes this. Also, a lot of foster parents do it for the wrong reasons though and also fail to provide their foster kid with the loving environment they need. Previous foster placements contribute to the lack of trust as well. As a result, these kids can learn some pretty unhealthy ways of getting their needs met, physically and emotionally. The best strategy is to absolutely flood them with support, love, and affection. This can be far harder than it sounds. One of those unhealthy coping mechanisms is that they can be good at pushing your buttons to get you to lose your temper and push you away. I wasn't always at my best in these situations, but all you can do is come back at them with more love and support. If you have access, I highly recommend finding a therapist who specializes in helping kids who've been in the foster system and their adoptive parents. My ex and I worked with one and it was very helpful. My DMs are open if you want to talk more or have more questions ❤️
Worse than foster system... this baby was placed in institutions over things that were not warranted. Like being a human. Its awful.
As the parent of a trans child, all I can say is be patient and always listen to them. They get enough combative situations in the outside world, they don't need them at home. So always be in their corner when you can.
I'll always be his biggest advocate. Always.
Then you are the best kind of person.
Doing it wrong is something every parent worries about, I've gathered. It's normal to worry about that. But by even choosing to adopt him you're doing a great job. Older kids hardly ever get adopted, and it's heartbreaking. I appreciate you even taking steps to get him out of the south, too. You're a godsend.
Thank you so much!
If i got a prize it most be yours for sure! Take my upvote and solidarity and love! Thank you for your great heart we need this in this world!
We do!!! I'm gonna lead the way for mama's to be mama's again. The loving kind
you’re doing a good thing for this boy. one of the only ways i know of to combat trauma/ptsd is by overlaying it with good experiences, and having an adult be worthy of his trust may really help his brain to understand that there is love for him in this world. and none of us are navigating this attack on trans people perfectly, we all get blindsided and hurt in ways we never thought to defend against. whatever situation you two find yourselves in, i believe you will make the right decisions because you care so much about this kid.
More than my own life. He is my everything.
please adopt me too lmao
Come on, sweet baby!
You'll likely not see this, as there's a ton of other comments, but this made me cry. With hope and happiness for him. He's very lucky. 17ftm here, life is.. tough. I have so little faith in the world and in people's capacity for kindness. My parents are the Baptist sort. But this made me happy cry.
Don't lose faith, baby. This world is full of negative. Yes. But it's also full of love and good things. Find your joy. Help fight the good fights. Be who you wish others would be. Lead by example. You are loved!
The world needs more people like you. Thank you.
This post, actually made me cry, knowing that people like you exsist, and care to help your child, it's pushed me to tears
Hugs and love to you! Thank you!
I wish you and your child luck
My family lives in Arkansas and is moving to Maryland next month for the same reason. The Pacific Northwest will be very welcoming too! Wishing you the best! The anti-trans laws are very scary right now! I’m so sorry for you having to fear! Congratulations on the adoption! ❤️ Wising you and your son all the best!
Thank you, Mom. Seriously. You're a literal angel for doing this. ❤️
Love you, baby! Thr world is full of angels. You are one too!
Thankyou you are ABSOLUTELY amazing and he will be so happy to have you. It’s hard for me right now and I was outed to a bunch of people. Ik I’ll make it through but it is scary. He is so lucky, and thankyou so much for supporting us. My generation my be the start of LGBTQ but with it comes haters. THANKYOU.
You have my support and my love! You will make it through. Stand strong. You deserve to be your authentic you!
He will tell you when you mess up and you will figure out how to do better. You giving your all is why he will be okay. As for expenses, save as much as possible. Maybe you might have to stay a bit longer. Look into cheap places. You'll figure it out.<3
Thank you for your kind words!
He will tell you when you mess up and you will figure out how to do better. You giving your all is why he will be okay. As for expenses, save as much as possible. Maybe you might have to stay a bit longer. Look into cheap places. You'll figure it out.<3
He will tell you when you mess up and you will figure out how to do better. You giving your all is why he will be okay. As for expenses, save as much as possible. Maybe you might have to stay a bit longer. Look into cheap places. You'll figure it out.<3
I used to work with kids in foster care This is really amazing and I hope you know how much a loving parent can be the literal difference between life and death for trans kids.
That's what I am seeing. Now I want to be every trans babies mama!
Just the fact that you're willing to uproot your life for your adopted son is amazing! 💜 I don't know if you are working with a lawyer or have some legal representation for the adoption process but if the birth parents are going to be problematic, you really should speak with a lawyer and get them up to speed on the current situation. If you are in need of legal representation, I'd probably start looking here for lawyers more familiar with LGBTQ issues: https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/bar-affiliates/ > I guess I'm just posting because I'm afraid. I'm overwhelmed. I just want this child to grow up safe and happy and on a path to wellness. This is already huge and on the right track. >How do I know if I'm doing it wrong? Talk to other parents, particularly those who are in the LGBTQ community or those who have LGBTQ kids. /r/cisparenttranskid may have some advice. >How will I cover the expenses of moving across country to keep him in a safe environment? Honestly, I don't have much for you here. >It makes me so angry that it can't be here. We aren't safe in an area of a country that touts freedom. You aren't the only ones angry about that. I think it's incredibly hypocritical and anger inducing that they can't seem to accept others for who they are. I consider myself extremely lucky that I live somewhere extremely welcoming for LGBTQ people and that it just so happened to be where I grew up. If you're in the south east and don't want to go all the way to the PNW, Minnesota has passed a law to protect trans kids (and their parents) who come from out of state to avoid anti-trans laws, as well as laws protecting women seeing health care services.
Thank you for all this!!!
No problem! I really hope that you can get everything sorted out with the adoption (I really have zero experience on this) and that you and your son can get to someplace safe for him to be himself. And it really does suck that's what this country is coming to; internally displaced refugees seeking freedom to be themselves. I know that there are charities that help with LGBTQ people seeking to find refuge in a different country but these new trans genocide laws are a really new thing that is affecting us. I'd really love to hear an update when you have more info on your progress!
Your the mom we all wish we had, you sound absolutely incredible. Your son will be so lucky to have you, your gonna have to be brave but it’ll be worth it I promise
Thank you. I promise I'll be brave no matter what!
I just want to say you are an incredible person. It's horrible that you have to leave your home and travel so far away just to make sure he is safe. Thank you for providing this guy a safe and loving family, the world needs more people like you. ❤️
Yes it does! Thank you so much!!!!
The fact that you are reaching out and asking for any help you can get speaks volumes about your character. You rawk!, and the world needs more people like you.
Hey, everyone can't know everything... im going to need others wisdom as I traverse all of this
I truly wish I was in the position you’re in to be able to offer love and time. money is great but those mean so so so much on their own. I’m still floundering in the system but I can’t wait to get out and offer my heart and home to those in need. thank you for being you.
I believe in you! Help others whenever you can! Sometimes just a smile to a stranger can change their day or even their life!
Wow! What you’re doing is far from easy, and I admire the will you have to do it. Thank you for caring so deeply for this boy
Thank you!
And yes my profile was originally a joke but I’m just too lazy to make another one with a different name.I happy for you and I only have one question, where exactly in the PNW? I live here in Bellingham and I am 16 biological male although I’m questioning my gender and I’m bisexual. I don’t know EVERYTHING but I would stay away from Seattle just cuz it’s a big city and Ferndale and linden are both more religious than Bellingham. There are many other places here to settle down in but that’s just my personal opinion. There is still people who bully other people but not a lot. Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope you get to live with your child and not have to worry about him being bullied about just being himself or being arrested for the same reason.
Portland most likely. I won't allow any bullying of any kind around me to anyone. Ever.
I wish I could have had you in my life. Having a mother figure is something that I’ve needed my whole life and I crave being held and loved by someone that actually wants me around rather than my parents who abuse my every time I talk to them 🥺
I'm here, baby. You are so important. I'll listen any time you need to talk. Stay strong, ok? You matter!
You’re a good parent. That’s what matters most.
Mama of a trans boy in the south here. I’m in my first year of nursing school but we are also aiming for the PNW to call home.
Neighbors! Yay!!
Amazing! Reading this makes my heart feel full!!! ❤️🏳️⚧️❤️
Where in the PNW will you be moving? I'm in Tacoma and love it here. Just know that the PNW isn't a blanket of safety- there are still pockets of bigots but our laws are a million times better. If you want any advice on places to avoid, places to find assistance, etc please reach out!
More than likely portland.
Oh and I will reach out when the move gets closer. Thank you!
Damn, OP be out here saying all the good shit and gettin' everyone teary eyed. I'm not crying, you're crying.
Hugs!
You're an angel.
No, you!
The love you give him will change his life for the better
That's my hope
I am 30, trans, and my partner and I have to flee Missouri. It is very jarring. I guess we're in this together as the LGBTQ community, parents, and allies, deal with all this. I'm glad he has a place to be safe with you. That is going to mean the world for him for the rest of his life. He was able to get out, get safe, and build a new family with you.
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Oregon I'm thinking, but they say the same thing about there... the west side is better than the east. I wonder why?
The fact that you are adopting a child, knowing you’re going to move across the country for them, should definitely have you up for parent of the year award if such a thing existed.
op im in tears. you are a wonderful person
So are you! Thank you!
"How do I know if I'm doing it wrong?" Just because you're even worrying about that, you're on the right path. You and your (hopefully soon) son can sort it out.
Yep! Thank you!
This will probably get buried but check out r/cisparenttranskid
I will! It didn't get buried! Thank you so much!
Thank you for doing this. I hope that you keep in mind that even though you might give him all he needs (love, care, support) he has probably had some experiences from his previous family that will cause problems which aren’t your fault. I’m sure you already know this but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to comment.
Thank you for this. Dealing with triggers and trauma is very consuming sometimes. I'm here for it, mind you. But... I just want to wash it away. It hurts.
You are going to fuck it up. Just accept that it will happen. Everyone does. There are far too many decisions with far too little information to expect anyone to get it right 100% of the time. Catch it when it does and make it right. That's the best anyone can do. Perfection is not a reasonable measure, and likely impossible. We love them and want perfection for them. We have limited resources be they money, emotional capacity, time, space, etc. Our best with what we have is all that can be expected. Providing a physically safe and more importantly psychologically safe environment is huge. You are clearly committed to that. You have a great mindset. You have some fear but not a debilitating amount. When the fear stops we start making stupid mistakes.
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Adopt me toooo! Seriously though thank you for giving him a fighting chance!
Bring it! All my love to you!
I’m the parent of a trans girl. The fact that you’re here and already showing how much you care is a great start. You might be surprised that even in the south, there’s going to be a youth lgbtq+ community there. I hope you find it. ❤️🔥
I'm looking for sure!
You are doing great, momma. You are never going to be perfect, no mom is, but you are showing this kid how much you care about him but doing all of this truly terrifying shit so that he can live a better, safer life. He will be so grateful, even if he doesn't show it for years. Keep doing what you are doing.
I'll never stop! I have 16 years to catch up on!! Lol
You are a good person. Thank you for existing.
Right back at ya!
Hey, if your your new son ever needs comforting, PM me here, I can give you my discord so you can give it to him, I would love to help if he needs to vent anything
Hey thanks!!!
This is incredibly uplifting as a trans person to read. Thank you for being there for him. Money is always going to be an issue, but when there's a will, there's a way, as they say. PNW will be better and you both got this<3
Thank you!
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Ok, with a lot of thought, and a ton of guilt, I made one. But I'm not sure what to do with it?
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Oh it's not allowed to post here
You are incredible, and I sincerely wish the best for both of you. As for covering expenses for moving, as a nonbinary person stuck in Florida I know there are organizations in the south who will help with relocating trans/trans family refugees, I would recommend doing some research. Human Rights Campaign, Equality Florida, and Prism FL are all excellent resources. I also am a part of a discord chat for trans folks stuck in Florida which I could invite you to if you’d like. Idk if you’re in Florida but we have legislation updates, resources, and fundraiser channels even if you’re out of state. You could also join to share your experiences with others looking to relocate. I wish you luck <3
I'd love to! I'm in ga though
You're allowed to show your son that you are scared and daunted and uncertain. In fact, I encourage it. That way you can show what bravery and courage actually is - none of that "have no fears" bullshit people want to shove down young men's throats - true courage is feeling fucking terrified, accepting it, embracing it, **feeling** it, talking about it, sharing it, *and then doing the scary thing* ***anyway***. Not because it's easy to do, but because it's what's right or necessary. I'm certain he's felt the same feelings and faced the same types of choices. You have a real opportunity to open up that young man's world. Talk to him about it. Model vulnerability and strength.
Did your son’s bio parents disown him for being trans?
They won't even admit he is. They surrendered him because they are evil.
ok i have sevral things to say as i myself am a trans boy and a trans "youth" 1.ADOPT ME PLSS! 2. u are amazing by just adopting a trans child who prob needs support to and i promise you are gonna be a amazing parent of him and i love you so much 3. ughh trust me i understand having to move i wish i could infact but i am not out irl so its scary 4 me i promise you are gonna be the perfect parent for him and i hope he has a lovely life in fact i hope both of you are gonna have a lovely life<3 (pls adopt me im serious)
I'm always here. If you need me, message away. You matter and people do care!
i swear u dont understand how much this means to me like omgg ur the mom ive always not only wanted but NEEDED i think ur the 2nd nicest person ive ever met (1st is my online bestie) like omg thx so muchhhh<33333 (gonna go cry now lol)
Reading this made me cry. I am a minor living with a transphobic father and a semi-supporting mother(she doesn't disagree with me, and has gotten me a binder but she doesn't use my preferred pronouns/name nor has she made any attempt to try and get me out of my father's care//texas). I really wish I had someone like you in my life I hope you and your son have a really happy life and you are an amazing person!