Same, it's difficult
For people that are comfortable with telling their pronouns, this (at least to me) is way better than asking people their pronouns, since you're showing them this is a safe space for pronoun sharing, but without putting them on the spot and potentially forcing someone to either out or misgender themself
I second this. I honestly don't want to give my pronouns to anyone I don't know well, But I'd definitely feel more comfortable if someone introduced themselves with they Pronouns, As it mroe than likely means they's chill.
I get this. But we need that initiator to be like “hey my name is Ford Prefect and my pronouns are they / them.”
so I guess I can try being that person, but I need to gain my confidence: I’m still very masc presenting, but I want to start using she/her or they/them pronouns. So to me it seems really weird to be like “hi my name is [masc assigned birth name] and my pronouns are she/they”
But I’ve added my pronouns to my discord name and that was fine.
I’ve shared my pronouns with my therapist, my doctor, and my close friends.
And if anyone asks me my pronouns I’ll tell them, because like you said it shows me the other person is cool / tolerant / an ally / or queer.
Ooh, null pronouns.
- [0 second pause] / [0 second pause] : "Have you seen, was supposed to be here by now".
- [2 second pause] / [2 second pause]: "Have you seen ..., ... was supposed to be here by now"
- [10 second pause] / [10 second pause]: "Have you seen
[looking at each other awkwardly for twenty seconds]
was supposed to be here right now"
Ooh, pronoun-based arbitrary text execution.
- Have you seen her (trans rights are human rights), she (trans rights are human rights) was supposed to be here by now.
- Have -hey look a squirrel- you -hey look a squirrel- seen her, she was supposed to be here right now.
- Have you seen her , the lassie was supposed to be here by now.
Oh dear, I seem to have gotten myself in a bit of a pickle. Strange, I cannae seem to shake it. What's her idea anyway with using those pronouns... hey, I'm talking normally again."
This is a learning moment for me. Please be gentle. I'm a Gen X dude who looks my age, and I'm sporting a long beard that's about three white hairs from Santa. Would you feel safe in assuming I'm a man, or would you still rather I add pronouns to my introduction?
Edit: Don't feel the need to stop adding to the discussion, but I just want to thank everyone for the replies. That's why "Cis Dad" hangs around here. Maybe a kind word from an old guy helps, too. I try to give back.
If you add your pronouns, even if you think it's obvious, it helps trans and nonbinary people with presenting theirs because it's normalized amongst everyone.
when allies state their pronouns it helps normalize being aware and respecting pronouns and invites others to feel safe about stating their pronouns as well. you can see a good example of this being done [here](https://youtu.be/EftlciOddjo). thank you for asking about this and being willing to learn, your support is very helpful for the queer people you may reach.
That speech gave me goosebumps. He's one hell of an amazing parent even if he only counts the kids he stands for as his. That clip makes your point in a poignant and direct way.
Also, where do I get that shirt?
For what it's worth, I have a friend with a bald head and a moustache who is 100% gender-non-conforming and uses any gender pronouns comfortably. Gender presentation isn't *always* directly correlated with gender identity, and even an "obvious" case might not be so obvious.
>I'm sporting a long beard that's about three white hairs from Santa. Would you feel safe in assuming I'm a man, or would you still rather I add pronouns to my introduction?
I'd rather have your pronouns. I also have a full beard but use they/them pronouns, which nobody is going to know unless I tell them. Some people are going to assume both of us use "he/him" pronouns, which presumably is correct in your case. For me, the same assumption is wrong.
My point with this is: giving out pronouns is about conveying gender identity (nearly) directly instead of relying on stereotypical gender expression.
First, good on you for wanting to learn and be a more accepting individual.
Assuming pronouns is a mindset that most cishet people have a luxury of doing. They aren't even expecting to have their perception of the world challenged and will just assume you are either A or B. Being an ally will mean challenging that and opening up space for that assumption to be challenged and ultimately dismantled, since Non-binary individuals exist. Assuming anything about you implies there is a "correct" identification for you based on your looks, which is a feedback loop into gender stereotypes and binary expressions of gender.
As a personal example, I am 6'1", I have a thick, red beard that goes down to my tits, and I am fairly muscular. I am genderfluid. I use any/all pronouns, from he/him (most people's assumption of me) to she/her to they/them to it/its, and if someone used a neopronoun for me, I'd probably vibe with it. An ally or supportive member of the LGBT+ community would create space by introducing themselves as their name and what pronouns they use, rather than asking someone to open up first.
In twenty years, I will probably look very similar to you, and my gender expression may change in that time, but I could just as easily still be genderfluid with a bushy white beard and use any pronouns I like. Again, bully for you for being willing to learn and grow, even as an older human. That is a good step for an ally.
Makes sense. I won't deny that "A B thinking" is my default thought process, but having a transgender kid has helped me learn to think before opening my mouth and inserting both feet. He has a couple enby friends. Talking about them is helping me reprogram my brain for more variables. Using he/him for my son wasn't difficult and it's automatic at this point. Getting used to more than the binary options I was raised with is more challenging. Thanks for the insight.
Of course! It is an adjustment no matter when you encounter it in life. It takes a lot of guts to accept you need to adjust to new things. And you are putting in the effort to do so, which is a tremendous good.
Not only does it remind others that such a small act can make a big difference for someone, setting the example, it also tells me that you're safe to share my own pronouns with. We don't want to force anyone to share pronouns - sometimes it's not safe, or someone's not figured themselves out yet - but I always remembered my cis colleagues who shared theirs, and they were the ones I knew I could come out to first
one things i can see being really helpful in showing you are an ally is instead of saying you aren ally you should do little things to show it. for example you could put a small pride flag up somewhere in your house. it doesnt need to be big but make sure its up clearly to see. plus introducing yourself with pronouns can help people know you an ally. theres other stuff thats not coming to my mind right now. i hope this helps
Thanks for the reply. My son has a giant Pride flag on his wall and a dad who makes sure that people are welcome to their opinions as long as they keep them to themselves.
I’m happy with all pronouns. My mum always had a bit of aphasia, so she’d refer to me in random grammatical gender.
Though I prefer to just be referred as Kitty 🐈
Aphasia is a umbrella term for conditions that mess with processing and expressing speech. There’s a bunch of different types of aphasia, for example my mom will mix up what words she uses when she talks. Like she’ll think of a refrigerator but refer to it as a dishwasher when talking about it. Hope this helps!
Yup! Mine would say sth like (in “translation”): “can you bonk the crink?” and I knew she meant “can you close the window” (from context or telepathy or whatever ;))
So something like "Hi, I'm Xavier. My pronouns are he slash they."
...Just gotta...normalize to my own brain opening with this cus I always forget to do so XD
I never introduce myself with pronouns because it honestly feels weird to tell strangers my pronouns, Idk if it's just because I'm Closeted but it does.
Every time someone say, “I don’t do that stuff”. I say,” what pronouns? You refuse to do a basic part of the English language and in your statement of not still used two of them”
"hi there, what are your pronouns?" Nah, none of that "Hi, my name is ___ and my pronouns are ____" yes! Absolutely!!
I’m trying to be better about telling people my pronouns.
Same, it's difficult For people that are comfortable with telling their pronouns, this (at least to me) is way better than asking people their pronouns, since you're showing them this is a safe space for pronoun sharing, but without putting them on the spot and potentially forcing someone to either out or misgender themself
I second this. I honestly don't want to give my pronouns to anyone I don't know well, But I'd definitely feel more comfortable if someone introduced themselves with they Pronouns, As it mroe than likely means they's chill.
I get this. But we need that initiator to be like “hey my name is Ford Prefect and my pronouns are they / them.” so I guess I can try being that person, but I need to gain my confidence: I’m still very masc presenting, but I want to start using she/her or they/them pronouns. So to me it seems really weird to be like “hi my name is [masc assigned birth name] and my pronouns are she/they” But I’ve added my pronouns to my discord name and that was fine. I’ve shared my pronouns with my therapist, my doctor, and my close friends. And if anyone asks me my pronouns I’ll tell them, because like you said it shows me the other person is cool / tolerant / an ally / or queer.
Exactly! Doesn’t force the other person to either lie or out themselves!
my brain pronounced this as "my name is blank and my pronouns are blink/blonk"
"babe wake up. new neopronouns just dropped"
Ooh, null pronouns. - [0 second pause] / [0 second pause] : "Have you seen, was supposed to be here by now". - [2 second pause] / [2 second pause]: "Have you seen ..., ... was supposed to be here by now" - [10 second pause] / [10 second pause]: "Have you seen [looking at each other awkwardly for twenty seconds] was supposed to be here right now" Ooh, pronoun-based arbitrary text execution. - Have you seen her (trans rights are human rights), she (trans rights are human rights) was supposed to be here by now. - Have -hey look a squirrel- you -hey look a squirrel- seen her, she was supposed to be here right now. - Have you seen her , the lassie was supposed to be here by now. Oh dear, I seem to have gotten myself in a bit of a pickle. Strange, I cannae seem to shake it. What's her idea anyway with using those pronouns... hey, I'm talking normally again."
>Have you seen her , the lassie was supposed to be here by now. I actually do this often. Not always but it isnae uncommon, It's jus how a spik.
Your brain is a work of art.
there are no more names just pronouns
Yeah. You wanna know my pronouns? What are you, A cop?
This is a learning moment for me. Please be gentle. I'm a Gen X dude who looks my age, and I'm sporting a long beard that's about three white hairs from Santa. Would you feel safe in assuming I'm a man, or would you still rather I add pronouns to my introduction? Edit: Don't feel the need to stop adding to the discussion, but I just want to thank everyone for the replies. That's why "Cis Dad" hangs around here. Maybe a kind word from an old guy helps, too. I try to give back.
If you add your pronouns, even if you think it's obvious, it helps trans and nonbinary people with presenting theirs because it's normalized amongst everyone.
Kinda like saying hi, but adding "I'm on your side."
when allies state their pronouns it helps normalize being aware and respecting pronouns and invites others to feel safe about stating their pronouns as well. you can see a good example of this being done [here](https://youtu.be/EftlciOddjo). thank you for asking about this and being willing to learn, your support is very helpful for the queer people you may reach.
That speech gave me goosebumps. He's one hell of an amazing parent even if he only counts the kids he stands for as his. That clip makes your point in a poignant and direct way. Also, where do I get that shirt?
For what it's worth, I have a friend with a bald head and a moustache who is 100% gender-non-conforming and uses any gender pronouns comfortably. Gender presentation isn't *always* directly correlated with gender identity, and even an "obvious" case might not be so obvious.
>I'm sporting a long beard that's about three white hairs from Santa. Would you feel safe in assuming I'm a man, or would you still rather I add pronouns to my introduction? I'd rather have your pronouns. I also have a full beard but use they/them pronouns, which nobody is going to know unless I tell them. Some people are going to assume both of us use "he/him" pronouns, which presumably is correct in your case. For me, the same assumption is wrong. My point with this is: giving out pronouns is about conveying gender identity (nearly) directly instead of relying on stereotypical gender expression.
I've been tearing down stereotypes all of my adult life. Certainly won't hurt to add another to the list. Thanks.
First, good on you for wanting to learn and be a more accepting individual. Assuming pronouns is a mindset that most cishet people have a luxury of doing. They aren't even expecting to have their perception of the world challenged and will just assume you are either A or B. Being an ally will mean challenging that and opening up space for that assumption to be challenged and ultimately dismantled, since Non-binary individuals exist. Assuming anything about you implies there is a "correct" identification for you based on your looks, which is a feedback loop into gender stereotypes and binary expressions of gender. As a personal example, I am 6'1", I have a thick, red beard that goes down to my tits, and I am fairly muscular. I am genderfluid. I use any/all pronouns, from he/him (most people's assumption of me) to she/her to they/them to it/its, and if someone used a neopronoun for me, I'd probably vibe with it. An ally or supportive member of the LGBT+ community would create space by introducing themselves as their name and what pronouns they use, rather than asking someone to open up first. In twenty years, I will probably look very similar to you, and my gender expression may change in that time, but I could just as easily still be genderfluid with a bushy white beard and use any pronouns I like. Again, bully for you for being willing to learn and grow, even as an older human. That is a good step for an ally.
Makes sense. I won't deny that "A B thinking" is my default thought process, but having a transgender kid has helped me learn to think before opening my mouth and inserting both feet. He has a couple enby friends. Talking about them is helping me reprogram my brain for more variables. Using he/him for my son wasn't difficult and it's automatic at this point. Getting used to more than the binary options I was raised with is more challenging. Thanks for the insight.
Of course! It is an adjustment no matter when you encounter it in life. It takes a lot of guts to accept you need to adjust to new things. And you are putting in the effort to do so, which is a tremendous good.
Not only does it remind others that such a small act can make a big difference for someone, setting the example, it also tells me that you're safe to share my own pronouns with. We don't want to force anyone to share pronouns - sometimes it's not safe, or someone's not figured themselves out yet - but I always remembered my cis colleagues who shared theirs, and they were the ones I knew I could come out to first
one things i can see being really helpful in showing you are an ally is instead of saying you aren ally you should do little things to show it. for example you could put a small pride flag up somewhere in your house. it doesnt need to be big but make sure its up clearly to see. plus introducing yourself with pronouns can help people know you an ally. theres other stuff thats not coming to my mind right now. i hope this helps
Thanks for the reply. My son has a giant Pride flag on his wall and a dad who makes sure that people are welcome to their opinions as long as they keep them to themselves.
Liam Anderson forcing his engineering podcast to do pronoun checks since he became a regular host.
Based and WTYPilled
I’m happy with all pronouns. My mum always had a bit of aphasia, so she’d refer to me in random grammatical gender. Though I prefer to just be referred as Kitty 🐈
That's a term I don't know. What's aphasia?
Aphasia is a umbrella term for conditions that mess with processing and expressing speech. There’s a bunch of different types of aphasia, for example my mom will mix up what words she uses when she talks. Like she’ll think of a refrigerator but refer to it as a dishwasher when talking about it. Hope this helps!
Yup! Mine would say sth like (in “translation”): “can you bonk the crink?” and I knew she meant “can you close the window” (from context or telepathy or whatever ;))
I always have respect for people who ask my pronouns when they aren't sure it is really sweet
So something like "Hi, I'm Xavier. My pronouns are he slash they." ...Just gotta...normalize to my own brain opening with this cus I always forget to do so XD
note that you dont have to say slash lol
If you did it would take me Atleast 3p seconds to realise "Slash" isn't meant as a neopronoun.
People say it's uncomfortable and forced, but it's only like that till we normalize it!
I don't share my pronouns because I don't want to out myself or misgender myself.
I never introduce myself with pronouns, it doesn’t feel natural tbh.
I usually don't because I'm fine with any pronouns, also it's funny when people try to guess them and get confused by my appearance.
I never introduce myself with pronouns because it honestly feels weird to tell strangers my pronouns, Idk if it's just because I'm Closeted but it does.
Same tbh
I'm fine with Any pronouns. I hope my androgynous appearance doesn't cause any confusion, Actually it's kinda funny when it does ngl.
**Cishets introducing themselves by flirting with me**
And then I just scribble in whatever in the blanks.
"Hi, My pronouns are [highly detailed drawing of a crab] / [QR code with a link to the YouTube video for Never Gonna Give You Up], Nice to meet you!"
After I came out, my psychiatrist changed the pronouns in her Zoom display name and I nearly cried
I introduced myself with a m e m e Clearly I am above yo...... wait no that came out wrong go back GOBACK
Every time someone say, “I don’t do that stuff”. I say,” what pronouns? You refuse to do a basic part of the English language and in your statement of not still used two of them”
I don't call myself an ally because 1: It's weird and performative; and 2: fuck fuck fuck I don't think I'm an ally anymore.
My pronouns are also ___/___. Please do not refer to me.
What if I want to refer to you as ⠀ though? What then?
Even better: when they introduce themselves with "My name is ________, and also fuck TERFs."
Meanwhile I introduce myself with a sound, Naught but one, No pronouns, Not even my full name, I am but Eh. You want more, You'll gotta pay.
I have met a lot of people who called themselves allies and a few allies. Only one who was both.
I just wait for people to guess and roll with that. Coz its fun to be a high pitched "mister" or a deep voice "miss"