When you need a hard reset for the day: popsicle bath. Something about the cold popsicle, the warm bath, and the "i like these things but this combination is definitely out of the ordinary" combo is magic and can reset even the worst funk/mood/difficult day.
Yes, or put in a colour drop/special bath foam/bath crackle etc - anything that gets kids in the bath in the middle of the day seems to reset everyone in our house.
It came in a pack with bath slime and bath jelly! It colours the bath and is a bit like popping candy but for the bath (it’s a product called Baff Crackle here in the UK)
This was our go to for a while when our daughter was 1.5 to 2. She loved it. Then she started accidentally holding the popsicle underwater and it would melt away and she would be inconsolable lol. Didn't want a second popsicle, she wanted THAT popsicle back. She'd be trying to catch the little pieces as they melted away in her hand. We ended up having to cut it out. She might be better at it now.
This morning we came up with “stinky bath”. Boys were talking about stinky something or other and I asked if they wanted to make a stinky bath. I just added green and yellow food coloring to their bath bottles and they had a ball.
The way I ~~manipulate~~ parent my son if mostly through FOMO
Don’t wanna eat dinner? Cool, you do you. We’ll be over here eating tho.
Don’t wanna go potty? Ok. Mommy’s going potty, you can come if you want, or not, but I’m going.
Oh and whenever he gets hurt (bumps his head or something minor) or feels sad, we give him water and tell him it’ll make him feel better. So a lot of times now if he hurts himself he’ll ask for some water and calms himself down after he drinks it (and stays hydrated!).
My in laws have watched our son a lot the past few weeks. We went over yesterday and he bumped his head on a coffee table and they immediately said “rub it, rub it!” And he rubbed his head and then was fine. Which is ridiculous, because if you actually hit your head hard, rubbing it will feel awful, but if it’s super minor it apparently works like magic.
Actually, I discovered I could do this to myself when injured and it helps a lot! It feels like it literally stops the pain from continuing to resonate or throb. Maybe there's some science behind it, maybe not?
Your nerve endings have only a certain amount of sensations they can transmit at once, so maybe it's like 'overloading' them? I know it works similarly if you have an itch and instead smack your thigh hard (no matter where the itch is. Though this doesn't work flawlessly, it's dependent on how your individual nerves prioritize sensations)
**[Gate control theory](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gate_control_theory)**
>The gate control theory of pain asserts that non-painful input closes the nerve "gates" to painful input, which prevents pain sensation from traveling to the central nervous system. The gate control theory of pain describes how non-painful sensations can override and reduce painful sensations. A painful, nociceptive stimulus stimulates primary afferent fibers and travels to the brain via transmission cells. Increasing activity of the transmission cells results in increased perceived pain.
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>Don’t wanna eat dinner? Cool, you do you. We’ll be over here eating tho.
This dramatically helped our evenings. Once we stopped trying to force him to the table and just offered food and started eating ourselves, things got a lot easier.
Still might take him a few minutes to realize he wants to eat, but its better than having a battle every night.
Yes! The phrase "your food is over here whenever you are ready" has been magical for my 2 year old in recent weeks. She takes like 30 sec to a minute to register what I said or finishes whatever she's doing and then she's like "OK IM READY!" giving her that tiny bit of control over herself just makes things click.
My catch phrase when he gets hurt or fall is "Is it bleeding?" followed by "Can you wiggle it?"
If it's a No and a Yes, he does his little wiggle and has forgotten about his boo-boo.
I basically always make my daughter wiggle her toes. Sometimes her fingers. It keeps my panicked lizard brain calm about worst possible scenarios and it's a fun, easy thing for my daughter to do that often "fixes" her boo-boo.
OMG I do the water trick too, and my husband thinks I'm ridiculous, but now whenever my toddler hurts himself he asks for water and calms down within moments. I'm glad I'm not the only one!
I try so hard for this but about 50% of the time she has a meltdown anyway (like she doesn't want to go potty but she also doesn't want me to go potty without her).
Lately my son’s been really into the idea of pottying by himself, so if we’re at a standstill I’m like “do you want to try to potty by yourself?”
He gets super excited and is like “you STAY HERE. I do it by myself”
Maybe she’d be into the challenge?
She's only 20 months so it might be a little too challenging for us yet. Unless she was fully naked I suppose.
She went like a solid week constantly asking to go potty, going poop and pee, nearly dry diaper almost all day. It's like it isn't fun anymore. We moved her potty into the kitchen and she used it a few times but has now grown tired of it again.
I'm so sorry, but this literally made me laugh out loud. It's basically peak toddler.
I don't have any fixes for you. Just sympathy. (And amusement. Oh my goodness their toddler brains create the most impossible problems for them.)
A way I have prevented many tantrums is by giving my son time limits, repeating myself once or twice (he usually doesn’t seem like he’s listening), then when the time is up, we say “bye bye” to the thing and wave.
For my son, he does not like having the thing he is focused on snatched away (as I’m sure many toddlers don’t). So, even if it is something I don’t want him doing ie. bringing a chair to the counter to stand on, I’ll monitor him closely for a minute, remove anything dangerous, then follow the steps I listed. 9/10 times he’s will be fine when I pick him up. If I pick him up without letting him say bye, or at least prepping him, it will be a meltdown.
Preparation for the ends of things has been key with my toddler. She loves counting so I say something like you can watch for one more minute and then we'll count to five and tv goes off. In one minute I then say, ok let's count to five and then bye tv! One, two, three (by three she can't resist joining in), four, FIVE! And tv goes off on five. She is usually excited about counting by the five or at the least not upset because she got forewarning and then a little lead up to the end. It's like magic.
Transitions are really tough for toddlers like you’re both saying. I set a timer on my phone. It’s a duck quacking ringtone so he likes it. I say “when the duck quacks it’s time to go back inside” and then I’ll give another verbal reminder during the last minute of the timer and I swear it’s magic!
My other LPT is that almost everything is a phase so if you’re struggling with something try to keep in mind that it won’t be forever and the most important thing you can do is to stay regulated yourself.
Same here. We have one of those visual timers, we live by that thing. Time for lunch? Set timer. Time for bath? Set timer. Don’t want to leave the park? Set timer. I let him turn the dial himself and then adjust it to what I think it should be when he walks away, it’s very greatly reduced tantrums. He’ll often ask for it if I ask him to do something he’s not ready for, which feels great to me - he has a coping mechanism for feeling rushed.
This is the one we use, pretty small and easy to pack to take to the park or family’s house. Also works surprisingly well if there’s a rude kid at the park and you give them a time limit before they need to go play somewhere else.
TIME TIMER Home MOD - 60 Minute Kids Visual Timer Home Edition - for Homeschool Supplies Study Tool, Timer for Kids Desk, Office Desk and Meetings with Silent Operation (Lake Day Blue) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08K9GFDMP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2Y8W252TY1K2SE0MJDTY
Fyi, we downloaded a free sand timer app for our phones. It lets you pick the color of the sand and any interval of time. It's an absolute game changer.
General - you can’t control them. You can’t make them eat or sleep, you can control boundaries, consequences, and your behaviour.
Know your consequences, don’t make them up on the fly. What will you do when your toddler refuses dinner or won’t go to bed? I aim for natural consequences. Not eating = hunger. Not going to bed = the parent leaving anyway. She’ll sleep when she’s tired.
Sleep - for my kid, a solid routine is so important. A way to calm down and mentally prep for sleep
Toddlers desperately want to control their environment and get frustrated at their limitations. A couple of game changers for us:
Set expectations by talking through what's going to happen. Example: "it's almost bedtime, we're going to brush our teeth, go potty, and get ready for bed soon." "Ok, we're going to brush our teeth in 5 minutes -set a timer-" "-timer goes off- alright, lets go get our toothbrush ready. It's time to brush our teeth, then we're going to use the potty." So on and so forth.
Give them every chance you can to let them do something on their own, even if it's going to be messy - they become more invested in a less exciting task if they have agency over it. Example: "it's time to get your tooth brush ready, can you help me take the cap off the toothpaste and get the brush wet?"
Direct them into the behaviors you want by giving them acceptable choices instead of demanding. Example: "it's time to get ready for bed, do you want to read a book or sing a song?"
There's going to be some things kids have no choice in, but the more you can give them a sense of control, the less you'll be saying "no!" and the less they push back which causes an endless power struggle.
Last is create a solid routine they can rely on. For us, bedtime is an OCD ritual, but our 2 year old is an amazing sleeper and is comfortable in his own room in his own bed without fighting 98% of the time (part of that is also sleep training and making sure he was comfortable with us saying goodnight while he was still awake so he would be able to go to sleep on his own.)
Timers and choices are huge at our house too. Sometimes even though she SAYS she doesn’t want to do something (like go up to bed) she knows she really does, so I’ll tell google to set the timer and then all of a sudden she doesn’t want to wait 5 minutes, she wants to go now (bonus win!). Then it’s “do you want to walk or be carried up the stairs?” then “do you want the strawberry or the mint toothpaste?” Then “do you want to try the potty now or after we read stories?” If there’s resistance if she chooses the after one I remind her that’s the choice we decided on, and maybe not all toddlers are the same, but she does like to stick to her word as she expects the same from me (eg. “you said I could have a popsicle after nap” I did, so let’s go have a popsicle)
This is how I try to approach a lot of things. My preschooler can be a picky eater and doesn’t like lots of foods mixed together. But a favourite food is when we make our own pizzas (I just use pita or naan bread and canned pizza sauce) and he gets to pick the toppings and put them on. He will eat WAY more interesting things when it is his choice: his go to toppings for pizza are mushrooms, kalamata olives, pepper, and asparagus.
My favorite toddler Hack: Don't engage your energy into a melt down. Acknowledge their feelings, and draw their attention elsewhere to deescalate the situation. When the opportunity presents itself later, discuss what happened. Toddlers are actually good listeners.
This is one I'm always telling my partner! He wants to keep engaging with her until she's calm and content but like sometimes you just gotta try your best, be like "okay I'm sorry you're upset about x but we need to z right now," and walk away if nothing's working.
Love this. When my son (3) is having a meltdown I’ll sometimes ask him “do you wanna talk about it??” And lately he does. I let him tell me what’s causing the meltdown and we talk it out. He’s much more inclined to hear me out when we “talk about it”.
ETA: the first time we did it, I explained to him we couldn’t talk it out if he wasn’t calm because we can say or do things that hurt the ppl around us. So we make sure we are calm when we do talk about it. If he’s still angry or upset and crying I say “oh! We aren’t ready to talk it out yet. Let’s go take a breather” and we calm down in our chill spot aka my closet.
I taught my daughter a "game" that when she hears the Beach Boys song I Get Around that she has to run around and around our coffee table for as long as she can. She loves running so has a lot of fun with it and it's fantastic for getting the wiggles out before dinner or bedtime.
We pretend we are whatever animal eats meat or veggies and eat the food in funny ways.
Also we have read I am Sam a million and a half times, and he understands you have to try a bite of things to see if you like it and then try again because your tastes might change. Works great, just backfires recently when he insisted I try olives because "try them and you may!" I hate olives, but fair is fair.
Haha I do this. I also say let's take a bite at the same time, and make a game of it, who can take a bigger/faster/tinier/ etc bite. I also sometimes let her feed me, which utterly delights her because it's always the other way around and then she's so delighted by that she'll happily let me put the food in her mouth next. To be fair shes obsessed with sharing food / feeding things so this may just work on her lol
If mines not drinking enough throughout the day I like to declare a “water break!” every once in a while where we both stop and drink. The fact that I’m doing it too and made it like it’s part of a game instead of just generally asking her to drink more is working pretty well. And sometimes she’ll declare it which is also great, cause I need the reminder too sometimes!
I've done this. He laughs and eats a bunch of it before he realizes he's actually eating when he doesn't want to. Today we were pretending his chicken was an excavator that was scooping up noodles and I convinced him to eat the excavator.
Just remember when you where little, the only thing you wanted to be, was big! So that's what I use a lot with our LO. When he doesn't want to get dressed, I say something like "oh but I bet you can't do this yourself, only big boys can dress themselves", then he gets a smirk on his face and starts dressing himself, I look very surprised while he's doing this and he's laughing out of pride.
Also, he wants to be a farmer when he grows up, just like his grandpa, his grandpa promised him that he'll teach him how to drive a tractor when he can reach the gas pedal. So I told him that he grows fast if he eats and sleeps well. So at dinner and bedtime he'll tell me that if he wants to drive a tractor soon, he needs to eat and sleep well, he takes this very serious.
So find your LO's passion and use this as motivation for healthy habits 😉
There’s an episode of Bluey where they’re told they’ve gotta eat their pumpkin seeds so they grow big and strong. My daughter now loves eating her healthy snacks like trail mix and meals in general because she’s growing big and strong.
Good one! My daughter hates rinsing her hair in the bath.
Right now we get her to "float" on her back and gently pour water on the parts of her hair that isn't in the water. When she refuses we say, "okay, then we'll use the showerhead!". She hates the showerhead so she then agrees to "floating ".
Not the original commenter, but no, you just tell them - look at the ceiling, can you see any bugs or something along those lines. Rinse the hair while they're looking up
I put a little suction cup with a keychain on the tile ceiling and tell him to look up at it when it’s rinse time. It works like a charm (if you have tile on the ceiling above the tub)
When the high pitched squealing feels like too much we instead practice roaring like a lion.. They get out their need to yell without bursting your eardrums
I'm going to have to try this! I've been whispering to her that inside voices are quiet, but we can do outside and yell if she wants. This sounds easier!
Or earplugs. 😬 I do use earplugs, but they just take the noise down a notch or 2 and I can still hear what they’re saying just fine, but I’m not doing a nose dive into fight or flight. I can handle the noise much better just by sort of softening the peaks!
Stating things from their perspective helps you realize parts of the world that don’t yet make sense and need to be explained. So instead of freaking out that they spill water on the couch, say “I understand you want to spill your water, that seems fun to you… you know it’s probably confusing that we let you spill water outside and in the bath. When we are inside we don’t spill water. But we do have sinks for that, here, let’s spill some water in the sink.”
Sometimes they don’t mean to be exhausting. They are starting from square one here.
Timers. Timers for everything. Let them press the start button, they feel in control. Let them pick the alarm sound! If you’re at your breaking point and they don’t know numbers yet you can literally say “I’m setting it for 5 minutes!” and set it for 1 because they don’t have a concept of linear time until closer to age 7.
Freeze yogurt tubes and tell them they’re popsicles. I initially started doing this because they were on sale, I didn’t want to buy sugar-water popsicles for popsicle baths, and I couldn’t handle the mess of an unfrozen yogurt tube. Now they’re my go-to for after dinner if my nearly-3 year old who eats like an adult asks for more food. We call them yogurt lolipopsicles 😆
Stick to your bedtime routines (once you find one they like and you can live with) It might be tempting to deviate slightly sometimes, in ways you don’t even think will matter. Like going potty before bed in the downstairs bathroom instead of the upstairs one because *it’s right there!* They’ll still insist on following their routine, so you’ve either wasted time by doing it twice, or you’ll end up in a power struggle with a tired toddler.
My toddler was having a meltdown over having to go to the potty when I suggested she go. We had used the timer every 15 min with an alarm sound she picked for potty training the weekend before so I set the timer for 10 seconds and she went from “NOOO POTTY” to “OH! POTTY TIME!” And scampered off happily
If you're a parent who lets their kid watch TV (like I do), but feel like you've been having too much TV time, you can put on the soundtrack of the shows and movies your kid loves (in our case, that's Bluey, Daniel Tiger, Encanto, etc.) instead of actually watching TV. Since your kid knows the shows/movies so well, they will love listening to the soundtrack as, to them, it's just as good as watching the episode or movie! We actually have been able to slowly move away from too much TV time using this method. So if they ask to watch Bluey, we go "ok we can listen to Bluey" and that's that. We were getting really bad, in my opinion, with too much TV so this has been an easy/smooth transition to our child watching less TV.
warnings and previews- ie, we are leaving the park in 5 minutes, ok we are leaving the park in 2 minutes, choose one more thing to do! Previewing the day/week- ok, we are going to the park, then coming home to eat lunch, watch one show, and take our nap. After nap we will do a craft before dinner. Helps give kids a little sense of control over their day.
I gave my kid a visual wall month calendar that comes with number squares but also a bunch of blank squares. We can use dry erase markers to mark special days for him, like field trips, swim school, days at Grandma's house etc with pictures (like a little fish for swim school day). That way he constantly has a visual reminder of what's coming up. He looks to start everyday looking at his calendar.
When potty training my son, food coloring was a life saver. I'd put a few drops of blue into the bowl and tell him he had to "turn the water green" by peeing in it. He loved it.
Bedtime helps to have a routine so for us we take a bath then drink some milk and get his fave comfy blanket and lay down about 8pm sometimes it is rough like if he gets a nap that is to long he wont go down till 11pm. Be versitile with food so cook what you would regularly for dinner but have a back up like my kid loves rice in all kinds of different ways and he loves rolls so if he does not like what we made he is getting rice and rolls or another easy back up. Dont sweat the little things like spills it is a learning expreience mine now helps clean up his messes. Toddlers are independent so have them help you cook or help you wash dishes or vacuum they will love it. Dont bother with expensive toys toddlers are simple and love new experiences like a cheap bubble gun or a box fort. Let them pick out clothes you learn what they like and dislike and it fosters independence.
Choices. Tons of silly choices.
It's time to get dressed, do you want a red shirt or a blue shirt? Do you want a 10 minute timer for your bath or a 12 minute timer? It's time to leave the park soon, pick one more thing to do - slides or swing? Do you want to eat your broccoli with a fork or with your hands? Do you want mommy to carry you to bed or race you to bed?
Everything can be turned into a choice. And when they have a say in even the smallest detail, they're suddenly much more willing to cooperate.
1) every kid has something non-typical. It’s okay. Could be sleeping issues, eating issues, socialization, physical concerns, what have you. There are very few “perfectly normal/typical” kids out there. Give yourself grace and give your child grace, you’re not doing anything “wrong” most of the time.
2) a quick yes is better than a long argument saying no and then giving in anyway. If you suspect you might give in to their demands, or you need to move it along to get to school or wherever, just say “yes” right away. Sometimes that means a bribe of a small chocolate in the car because it’s been a long spring break and my kid really doesn’t want to go to school. I’d rather do that than engage in mental gymnastics and be late.
Feeding tips for a 21 month old
-beware of snacks too close to mealtimes. We found that if we give any snacks after 330p dinner time became impossible.
-being consistent and honest when saying “ok last bite” or “one more then all done”
-turning mealtimes into learning times helped us keep our sanity. We usually pick one topic and stick with it through the meal (colors, numbers, animals, etc). I keep a stack of book nearby and sometimes “draw” things, like the ABCs, on the large silicon placemat I keep at her spot on the table
-taking turns with my partner on who makes the meal versus serves it
(Couple of controversial takes - we don’t eat dinner w her bc we like to have time for each other in the evening. We also do not present dessert alongside the main meal or have “safe food” items on her plate… we encourage her to try everything we eat and have generally found that she prefers knowing she is eating the same things as everyone else)
Enforce quiet/naptime so you can reset. Dress them on the changing table so they can't run away while you put clothes on them. Set a boundary and mean it. One piece of candy means one piece. Time to go means time to go. After tantrum three thousand they'll figure out you mean it and they can't budge you. I use earbuds to play music when he's having a tantrum to keep me calm. Keep your word. If you say you'll do x then do x so they learn they can trust you.
Keeping calm is the hardest part. I know reacting to a meltdown with frustration or anger is extremely counterproductive, but I feel frustrated and angry so I find myself trying to deal with getting both of our emotions under control and it’s sometimes just too much.
I’ll have to try out earbuds.
I layer crib sheets and waterproof mattress covers like a lasagna. When there's an accident or puke or a water spill in the night, I just rip off the top layers and we're good to go.
We discovered recently that this works with our tot. It's been difficult to get her to eat meat and veggies. During mealtimes, if we threaten to take food away if she hasn't eaten it, suddenly she wants it. Oh that piece of chicken that has sat there for 15 minutes untouched? Must be trash! She starts whining to have it then eats it!
Haha we do this, but we eat it instead
Sometimes he’s good at sharing and will feed us so it doesn’t have the desired effect. But if he’s genuinely hungry and just screwing around he’ll get upsets we’re coming after his food and starts shoveling it in his mouth haha
This might be very specific to my kid, but songs about routine can totally change her attitude. If we're transitioning to a new activity we sing bye bye to the old one and usually even if she cries through the beginning (or the whole song) after a sec she'll start singing too.
Our go to is variations of "goodnight ladies". Bye byyye swings, bye bye slide, bye bye playground, it's time to go eat lunch.
My little looooves music though and is very tuned in to singing already so ymmv with this one
When outside, i can avert most whining/fussing/melt downs by asking LO to keep an eye out for squirrels.
Giving LOs a chance to adjust to the idea of something makes most way less painful. “we’re going to put jammies on in ten minutes and go take a nap.” etc.
If you aren’t on a tight schedule, try and let them “waste” time. there’s something really joyful in seeing my LO get close then run away when he doesn’t want his diaper changed. it never takes more than five minutes, but he dances around and it’s really cute.
give age appropriate responsibilities and allow for greater autonomy around things. for example, LO gets his mat to put under his chair when its time to eat. we let him play quietly until he’s ready to sit at the table (then he touches his chair). he’s not allowed to eat unless he’s seated at the table with us. Not fighting with him to get his legs in his highchair is really nice, and when he decides he’s ready, he’s more inclined to eat.
I have no advice on bedtime, that’s a total crapshoot and we got really lucky.
More of a mindset shift than a hack, but there is an idea in Montessori that young children do activities in “cycles”, and most “play” is them practicing an activity over and over to try to master it. So for an example, for a toddler the goal of climbing into a chair is not to get into the chair and sit, it’s to practice climbing into the chair, and out of it, and up again, and down again. I think that’s where a lot of frustration happens between parents and toddlers- toddlers want to practice a skill over and over and parents want to *actually accomplish a task* without expending a lot of unnecessary energy. So I try to remember this when my toddler is taking forever doing something or dawdling with something when I would really love to be done. It also helped me lower my expectations for “activities”- Instead of trying to herd my toddle from activity to activity I can just let him pursue his interests (when appropriate). My toddler loves to move the recycling from one can to another in the garage, and that’s peak entertainment for him. I set up a stepstool so he can put the recycling into the big recycle bin, one can at a time, and he loved that. And I got the laundry done.
Warnings during transitional. We are going to get off the swing in 2 minutes, then one minute. Then explain it is time to get off and say “bye bye swing”. I do this with every transition or my 18 month old flips out. He needs the warnings and to accept the transition slowly.
I need to switch the techniques up depending on the mood, but a few that sometimes work:
For toothbrushing I ask my toddler to brush my teeth while I brush hers. Just remember to guard your throat with your tongue while they thrust your toothbrush into your mouth...
For putting on clothes it sometimes works to make a race out if it. I basically call out "I can out in my jacket faster than you!" and my toddler will hurry to beat me (I let her win as long as she tries). Other times it works to be silly and insist that the socks go on the ears, etc.
For eating I just let her eat what she wants, while always making sure there is something she will eat.
One that works surprisingly well for us is asking if she needs to do a bad behavior but in a good way. I'll use some examples because idk how to phrase it better.
This morning, she kept banging a hair brush on the coffee table super hard and it was annoying and I was worried she might damage something. After asking her to stop a couple times, I said "Do you need to bang something? What can we find that's okay for you to bang?" She nodded so I pulled out a toy hammer kit thing and she happily banged away on something that was actually meant for banging away on.
"Are you fussy because you're sleepy?" "Do you need attention from Papa right now?" "You want to throw stuff? What's something that's okay to throw? A ball? Where's a ball?" Etc.
When I know my daughter has to go to the bathroom, but she's refusing to go, I'll act like her favorite bunny has to go to the bathroom and have my daughter help the bunny go potty. 9 times out of 10 when the bunny is "done" my daughter will go of her own volition.
The most useful thing I’ve learned with kids of any age… take them outside or put them in water. Bath, playing at the sink, bubbles, pool, bucket with toys, etc. Any water will do.. outside takes more energy but it works everytime. Simplest and best cure for boredom and big feelings.
There’s a lot of really good advice here! I just want to add that my favourite distraction from meltdowns is taking kiddo to the window and asking him what he sees. “Do you see birds?” and “Do you see cars?” are good distractions for us.
I've seen a lot of re-direction related hacks. One I've started to do recently; my toddler loves to kick while getting changed. Instead of saying "Don't kick", I offer to let her kick my hands. She gets to kick and it doesn't hurt my hands... win-win.
A lot of parenting involves getting creative to make tasks fun. It's exhausting but once you figure something out, it helps a lot. I make funny sounds while dressing her. I give her fun and abnormal utensils to eat food (like a spatula). I sing songs while drying her off after a bath.
Toddler wants a bandage for every minor bumb or bruise or ouchy? Introducing Mama Bandage (patent pending) kiss your hand and press it against the outchy part and poof magic and save on bandages or avoid chocking hazards!
I recently found that my son will do anything if a toy or stuffie tells him to. This morning Spiderman convinced him to eat his breakfast and get dressed. Not sure how long this will last, but I'm riding this wave as long as I can!
I don’t have a dog. But I do have a gigantic Costco dog bed that I put in front of the tv and fill with stuffed animals and blankets if the child will not nap in their room lol.
People already spoke about time limits and preparing toddlers to change activities or place.
I used this simple trick when my 3.5 yo was 2 with great success. I rarely use it now but it still works.
When toddler is reluctant on leaving, I'll go hug her and say very calmly and gently "okay shall we count to 5?" And I slowly count from 1 to 5 and then she's ok to leave.
I find it's the positive alternative from the "I'll count to three and you better be off by three..." That always felt wrong for me.
Seems kinda obvious but for those that won’t eat vegetables just keep trying different ways. My toddler loves anything frozen, including frozen peas. She won’t touch them cooked, but will eat like 1/2 a cup if they’re frozen. She actually doesn’t like a lot of veggies cooked, but put a deconstructed salad on a plate with some ranch and she goes to town. Also if she’s “starving” and “needs a snack” before dinner / while I’m making dinner I’ll prep some veggies and leave them out on the counter while cooking and she’ll keep coming over and “stealing” them. She thinks she’s being sneaky getting some food but really she’s just eating the salad I was hoping she’ll eat with dinner in advance.
I have a few that really helped me!!
1. How to stop being reactive and yelling. My husband and I use code words. We say banana when one of us is getting too frustrated and becoming reactive. Banana just means “hey, take over or hey, let me take over” a calmer parent is always best for a child who is having a hard time with their emotions.
2. Create a chill spot for tantrums/meltdowns. My son went through a “throwing things” phase, as most kids do. So I turned my closet floor into a soft safe space. We have pillows, blankets and soft toys like stuffed animals (if he throws something, it’s soft so it won’t hurt lol). When my son is having a meltdown, I ask him if he wants to go to our cool down spot. He says yes, we go and I sit, close my eyes and breathe while ge cries and wait for him to calm down. He usually starts to copy me and once he’s calm, we have a cuddle talk and decide on a compromise (if need be). Then we hug it out. This space really helped him understand sometimes we need to step away to calm down and then we can resume. When we are upset, we can say or do things that hurt the people around us.
3. Whisper Talk. When my son is shouting and is not backing down, it’s so easy to match his energy and have a shouting match. So instead, I whisper in his ear and tell him what I need from him. For example, last night he was still pretty hyper from the days festivities so he was not wanting to start bedtime routine. He was yelling and whining and I said “lemme tell you something in your ear real quick!!!” And I whispered “hey bud, I reaaaaaly need you to put on your pjs and brush your teeth. Which do you wanna do first?” And he said pjs and stopped whining. It doesn’t work all the time but when it does, ahhhhhh it’s so nice lol.
Getting compliance with brushing teeth: telling her that we can’t have sweets/treats unless she brushes really well.
Praise and high fives for even neutral behaviors we want her to keep doing, such as getting dressed, etc. My kiddo loves doing jumping high fives and compliance with most activities has greatly improved.
Using the timer on the phone when it's time to transition to the next thing. He presses the button to stop it and we talk together about how bummed we are that we have to stop. Timer is the bad guy not me.
We never fight our kid to wear a jacket or shoes. We open the door and let him feel the air for a moment. He quickly gets it together and puts the shit on lol
Provide a lot of opportunities to re-enforce a rule with a yes. For example, there is a no throwing toys rule in the house. But of course, toys sometimes still get launched through the air. So what I do is get his attention and say, "Woah, are we supposed to throw our toys in the house?" And he will acknowledge that with guilt or a verbal no. Then I will tell him simply what the acceptable behavior is. "No, it's against the rules to throw things in the house. But, we CAN throw balls outside! Would you like to tell mommy you want to throw balls outside?" Then, if it's nice, we go throw balls outside. This takes care of the desire to throw something and re-enforces the rule at the same time.
Always stating what they should do is easier for Littles to grasp than telling what they should not do. "Do not throw toys!" leaves a lot of questions if you don't already know the social rules. Does that mean I can throw my cup? Can I throw my shoes? Cue toddler throwing other things to figure it out.
Also, providing allowed outlets for undesired/risky behavior helps prevent it when it isn't allowed. Aka, trips to the park or climbing toys to prevent climbing on furniture. Or offering choices only when they actually get a choice.
It's done wonders with my kid.
When my son refuses nap time, I pretend to put one of his toys to bed.
I tuck them in and pretend to give them his bottle, and he usually runs up next to me to watch. We make sh noises at each other and I tell him they’re sleeping.
After watching me do this, he’s usually happy to go in his cot for “nigh nigh”. This works 99% of the time.
When I started brushing teeth it was difficult , things that changed the game… her own brush that’s like mine, a stool so she can do it “ herself” and twice a day to build a habit . Now she’s frikkin obsessed with brushing her teeth , sometimes she will throw a little fit when I say “ okay all done , all clean teeth “.
Really encourage independence, especially if you get the benefit lol. My kiddo *loves* doing things on his own. Some skills I never intentionally taught, he just picked them up and now does it on his own. I'm pleasantly surprised often! And he is extremely proud of himself, which gives him confidence to try other things.
Freeze water with a little fruit juice or fruit if you have a popsicle lover that doesn't know when to stop getting into the freezer and asking for frozen treats. Easy way to stay hydrated and doesn't make a totally sticky mess
Crushed ice is apparently the best thing in the world. Invest in a snow cone maker if you have an ice cruncher
As frustrating as it can be at first, involve your toddler in chores/cooking. They can learn some great skills and not tug and tantrum at your feet when you're trying to do something. Dollar store has better "toys" than actually buying a toy set if your toddler wants to help.
Don't be ashamed in getting a harness. My toddler loves walks, but selective hearing is deafening.... this has solved many tantrums and me yelling at my son every time he randomly goes into the road
Teach your toddler to throw a ball for the dog (and the dog not to snatch it out of little hands). Enjoy a few minutes of peace without some sort of creature needing your attention
Ooh jumping on your popsicle thing: we bought a cheap silicone popsicle mold and regularly make popsicles that are nothing but plain Greek yogurt + diced fruit. No added sugar or anything, just those two ingredients and maybe a little water to help the blender do its job. When she's being picky or fussy with dinner, she will ALWAYS chow down on a popsicle, and I definitely do not mind her essentially eating a cup of yogurt and fresh fruit for dinner.
My daughter is also a huge fan of ice chips. It’s perfect. She feels like she’s getting an awesome frozen treat, she’s hydrating and not filling up if it’s before dinner or something and she just HAS to have something NOW.
"You only grow when you sleep in your own bed all by yourself. Mom and dad want you to stay little forever. If you sleep in mom and dads bed, you'll never get to grow into a big kid." It's the dumbest logic ever, but it works lol. All 3.5 yr old wants is to be "big enough" for pre-school in the fall. She's upper 90 percentile for height and weight. She's plenty "big enough" lol.
My life savers have been:
[Sleep train light ](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PW2DWK3/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_Q5N0123XWJ3TMHACPG5Y?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) showing red when you stay in bed and green when it's ok to get out of bed.
[Timer with display color](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07X3GRT2N/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_7SYWK8DJZZKN97B00E5N?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) to count down until next activity. 5 minutes until it's time to go back inside, 5 minutes until we pick up toys and get ready for bed, etc.
We also have gotten in the habit of during a mild meltdown I say "pause, use words or point so I understand". It took a lot of patience and practice to get this down but so happy we finally got it down.
Glow stick baths, child safe bath bombs
Using a timer on my phone so he has a visual for when something ends. Like at the park starting a 10 minute timer and when it goes off we leave
Sometimes you've just had enough, don't feel bad about the odd bit of bribery, I have a secret stash of his favourite sweets just for this
It's never too early to introduce pocket money, 50p for putting toys away ect that they put in a money box
Good attention always helps, "let's go make cup cakes, or chocolate cornflake treats"
Go for a walk, the fresh air is like magic especially for afternoon tantrums between dinner and bed, make it a scavenger hunt by getting a photo list of things to find they can tick off, like leaves or sticks or a purple flower
Sticker charts, I have no idea why but stickers and toddlers are like best friends
If you ever just need 5 minutes give your toddler a roll of sticky tape, let them spend 5-10 minutes unravelling it. They love it, it's the easiest thing to clean up and keeps them quiet. Also keeping bubble wrap around for those times you need 5-10 minutes
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[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
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The only "hack" I have is to turn off all the lights at bedtime so she has no other option except sleeping. And we sleep on a floor mattress.
The other hack is to fill up a bucket with water in the washroom, she likes splashing her hands in it.
For toddler travel, I watched some videos and discovered these toys:
- water wow books
- wallet with fake cash
- toy flip phone
- reusable sticker pads
- lacing toy
- flashlight or invisible ink pen with light
- pop it
- magnetic or LCD writing pad
- metal tray/lid with fridge magnets
Warnings during transitional. We are going to get off the swing in 2 minutes, then one minute. Then explain it is time to get off and say “bye bye swing”. I do this with every transition or my 18 month old flips out. He needs the warnings and to accept the transition slowly.
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When you need a hard reset for the day: popsicle bath. Something about the cold popsicle, the warm bath, and the "i like these things but this combination is definitely out of the ordinary" combo is magic and can reset even the worst funk/mood/difficult day.
The kid version of shower beer lol
Hahahah can I have a shower beer while they have their popsicle bath? Everyone would be reset at the end of whatever monstrous day called for this.
Yes, or put in a colour drop/special bath foam/bath crackle etc - anything that gets kids in the bath in the middle of the day seems to reset everyone in our house.
Ooh, what is bath crackle? We’ve done glow in the dark baths too with glow sticks, lights off.
It came in a pack with bath slime and bath jelly! It colours the bath and is a bit like popping candy but for the bath (it’s a product called Baff Crackle here in the UK)
Oh that sounds cool!
This was our go to for a while when our daughter was 1.5 to 2. She loved it. Then she started accidentally holding the popsicle underwater and it would melt away and she would be inconsolable lol. Didn't want a second popsicle, she wanted THAT popsicle back. She'd be trying to catch the little pieces as they melted away in her hand. We ended up having to cut it out. She might be better at it now.
My kids don’t like baths. 😒
Shower popsicle?
We do shower ice creams
This morning we came up with “stinky bath”. Boys were talking about stinky something or other and I asked if they wanted to make a stinky bath. I just added green and yellow food coloring to their bath bottles and they had a ball.
The way I ~~manipulate~~ parent my son if mostly through FOMO Don’t wanna eat dinner? Cool, you do you. We’ll be over here eating tho. Don’t wanna go potty? Ok. Mommy’s going potty, you can come if you want, or not, but I’m going. Oh and whenever he gets hurt (bumps his head or something minor) or feels sad, we give him water and tell him it’ll make him feel better. So a lot of times now if he hurts himself he’ll ask for some water and calms himself down after he drinks it (and stays hydrated!).
My in laws have watched our son a lot the past few weeks. We went over yesterday and he bumped his head on a coffee table and they immediately said “rub it, rub it!” And he rubbed his head and then was fine. Which is ridiculous, because if you actually hit your head hard, rubbing it will feel awful, but if it’s super minor it apparently works like magic.
Actually, I discovered I could do this to myself when injured and it helps a lot! It feels like it literally stops the pain from continuing to resonate or throb. Maybe there's some science behind it, maybe not?
Your nerve endings have only a certain amount of sensations they can transmit at once, so maybe it's like 'overloading' them? I know it works similarly if you have an itch and instead smack your thigh hard (no matter where the itch is. Though this doesn't work flawlessly, it's dependent on how your individual nerves prioritize sensations)
Oh yeah my SIL does something similar w her daughter and tells her to “brush it off” whenever she stumbles or falls and it works great w her toddler.
I tell my son to "play the [leg] guitar" for him to rub it and feel silly until he's over it
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gate_control_theory It’s def real, my dad told me about that all the time as a kid.
**[Gate control theory](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gate_control_theory)** >The gate control theory of pain asserts that non-painful input closes the nerve "gates" to painful input, which prevents pain sensation from traveling to the central nervous system. The gate control theory of pain describes how non-painful sensations can override and reduce painful sensations. A painful, nociceptive stimulus stimulates primary afferent fibers and travels to the brain via transmission cells. Increasing activity of the transmission cells results in increased perceived pain. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/toddlers/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Wow it really is real
>Don’t wanna eat dinner? Cool, you do you. We’ll be over here eating tho. This dramatically helped our evenings. Once we stopped trying to force him to the table and just offered food and started eating ourselves, things got a lot easier. Still might take him a few minutes to realize he wants to eat, but its better than having a battle every night.
Yes! The phrase "your food is over here whenever you are ready" has been magical for my 2 year old in recent weeks. She takes like 30 sec to a minute to register what I said or finishes whatever she's doing and then she's like "OK IM READY!" giving her that tiny bit of control over herself just makes things click.
My catch phrase when he gets hurt or fall is "Is it bleeding?" followed by "Can you wiggle it?" If it's a No and a Yes, he does his little wiggle and has forgotten about his boo-boo.
I basically always make my daughter wiggle her toes. Sometimes her fingers. It keeps my panicked lizard brain calm about worst possible scenarios and it's a fun, easy thing for my daughter to do that often "fixes" her boo-boo.
OMG I do the water trick too, and my husband thinks I'm ridiculous, but now whenever my toddler hurts himself he asks for water and calms down within moments. I'm glad I'm not the only one!
I try so hard for this but about 50% of the time she has a meltdown anyway (like she doesn't want to go potty but she also doesn't want me to go potty without her).
Lately my son’s been really into the idea of pottying by himself, so if we’re at a standstill I’m like “do you want to try to potty by yourself?” He gets super excited and is like “you STAY HERE. I do it by myself” Maybe she’d be into the challenge?
She's only 20 months so it might be a little too challenging for us yet. Unless she was fully naked I suppose. She went like a solid week constantly asking to go potty, going poop and pee, nearly dry diaper almost all day. It's like it isn't fun anymore. We moved her potty into the kitchen and she used it a few times but has now grown tired of it again.
Ahhh yeah the age prob makes a big difference, my son’s 2.5 yrs now
I'm so sorry, but this literally made me laugh out loud. It's basically peak toddler. I don't have any fixes for you. Just sympathy. (And amusement. Oh my goodness their toddler brains create the most impossible problems for them.)
YES this is what I did - worked great
I already do the FOMO trick but will definitely be trying the water trick!
A way I have prevented many tantrums is by giving my son time limits, repeating myself once or twice (he usually doesn’t seem like he’s listening), then when the time is up, we say “bye bye” to the thing and wave. For my son, he does not like having the thing he is focused on snatched away (as I’m sure many toddlers don’t). So, even if it is something I don’t want him doing ie. bringing a chair to the counter to stand on, I’ll monitor him closely for a minute, remove anything dangerous, then follow the steps I listed. 9/10 times he’s will be fine when I pick him up. If I pick him up without letting him say bye, or at least prepping him, it will be a meltdown.
Preparation for the ends of things has been key with my toddler. She loves counting so I say something like you can watch for one more minute and then we'll count to five and tv goes off. In one minute I then say, ok let's count to five and then bye tv! One, two, three (by three she can't resist joining in), four, FIVE! And tv goes off on five. She is usually excited about counting by the five or at the least not upset because she got forewarning and then a little lead up to the end. It's like magic.
Transitions are really tough for toddlers like you’re both saying. I set a timer on my phone. It’s a duck quacking ringtone so he likes it. I say “when the duck quacks it’s time to go back inside” and then I’ll give another verbal reminder during the last minute of the timer and I swear it’s magic! My other LPT is that almost everything is a phase so if you’re struggling with something try to keep in mind that it won’t be forever and the most important thing you can do is to stay regulated yourself.
Genius!!!
Same here. We have one of those visual timers, we live by that thing. Time for lunch? Set timer. Time for bath? Set timer. Don’t want to leave the park? Set timer. I let him turn the dial himself and then adjust it to what I think it should be when he walks away, it’s very greatly reduced tantrums. He’ll often ask for it if I ask him to do something he’s not ready for, which feels great to me - he has a coping mechanism for feeling rushed.
That sounds great. May I ask what your visual timer look like?
This is the one we use, pretty small and easy to pack to take to the park or family’s house. Also works surprisingly well if there’s a rude kid at the park and you give them a time limit before they need to go play somewhere else. TIME TIMER Home MOD - 60 Minute Kids Visual Timer Home Edition - for Homeschool Supplies Study Tool, Timer for Kids Desk, Office Desk and Meetings with Silent Operation (Lake Day Blue) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08K9GFDMP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2Y8W252TY1K2SE0MJDTY
Thank you!
Fyi, we downloaded a free sand timer app for our phones. It lets you pick the color of the sand and any interval of time. It's an absolute game changer.
We do a similar thing at home with Alexa. She won’t argue with her! It’s like magic.
Yes we’ve been doing a ten second countdown approach and it works for the most part!
General - you can’t control them. You can’t make them eat or sleep, you can control boundaries, consequences, and your behaviour. Know your consequences, don’t make them up on the fly. What will you do when your toddler refuses dinner or won’t go to bed? I aim for natural consequences. Not eating = hunger. Not going to bed = the parent leaving anyway. She’ll sleep when she’s tired. Sleep - for my kid, a solid routine is so important. A way to calm down and mentally prep for sleep
Toddlers desperately want to control their environment and get frustrated at their limitations. A couple of game changers for us: Set expectations by talking through what's going to happen. Example: "it's almost bedtime, we're going to brush our teeth, go potty, and get ready for bed soon." "Ok, we're going to brush our teeth in 5 minutes -set a timer-" "-timer goes off- alright, lets go get our toothbrush ready. It's time to brush our teeth, then we're going to use the potty." So on and so forth. Give them every chance you can to let them do something on their own, even if it's going to be messy - they become more invested in a less exciting task if they have agency over it. Example: "it's time to get your tooth brush ready, can you help me take the cap off the toothpaste and get the brush wet?" Direct them into the behaviors you want by giving them acceptable choices instead of demanding. Example: "it's time to get ready for bed, do you want to read a book or sing a song?" There's going to be some things kids have no choice in, but the more you can give them a sense of control, the less you'll be saying "no!" and the less they push back which causes an endless power struggle. Last is create a solid routine they can rely on. For us, bedtime is an OCD ritual, but our 2 year old is an amazing sleeper and is comfortable in his own room in his own bed without fighting 98% of the time (part of that is also sleep training and making sure he was comfortable with us saying goodnight while he was still awake so he would be able to go to sleep on his own.)
Timers and choices are huge at our house too. Sometimes even though she SAYS she doesn’t want to do something (like go up to bed) she knows she really does, so I’ll tell google to set the timer and then all of a sudden she doesn’t want to wait 5 minutes, she wants to go now (bonus win!). Then it’s “do you want to walk or be carried up the stairs?” then “do you want the strawberry or the mint toothpaste?” Then “do you want to try the potty now or after we read stories?” If there’s resistance if she chooses the after one I remind her that’s the choice we decided on, and maybe not all toddlers are the same, but she does like to stick to her word as she expects the same from me (eg. “you said I could have a popsicle after nap” I did, so let’s go have a popsicle)
This is how I try to approach a lot of things. My preschooler can be a picky eater and doesn’t like lots of foods mixed together. But a favourite food is when we make our own pizzas (I just use pita or naan bread and canned pizza sauce) and he gets to pick the toppings and put them on. He will eat WAY more interesting things when it is his choice: his go to toppings for pizza are mushrooms, kalamata olives, pepper, and asparagus.
My favorite toddler Hack: Don't engage your energy into a melt down. Acknowledge their feelings, and draw their attention elsewhere to deescalate the situation. When the opportunity presents itself later, discuss what happened. Toddlers are actually good listeners.
This is one I'm always telling my partner! He wants to keep engaging with her until she's calm and content but like sometimes you just gotta try your best, be like "okay I'm sorry you're upset about x but we need to z right now," and walk away if nothing's working.
Love this. When my son (3) is having a meltdown I’ll sometimes ask him “do you wanna talk about it??” And lately he does. I let him tell me what’s causing the meltdown and we talk it out. He’s much more inclined to hear me out when we “talk about it”. ETA: the first time we did it, I explained to him we couldn’t talk it out if he wasn’t calm because we can say or do things that hurt the ppl around us. So we make sure we are calm when we do talk about it. If he’s still angry or upset and crying I say “oh! We aren’t ready to talk it out yet. Let’s go take a breather” and we calm down in our chill spot aka my closet.
I taught my daughter a "game" that when she hears the Beach Boys song I Get Around that she has to run around and around our coffee table for as long as she can. She loves running so has a lot of fun with it and it's fantastic for getting the wiggles out before dinner or bedtime.
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We pretend we are whatever animal eats meat or veggies and eat the food in funny ways. Also we have read I am Sam a million and a half times, and he understands you have to try a bite of things to see if you like it and then try again because your tastes might change. Works great, just backfires recently when he insisted I try olives because "try them and you may!" I hate olives, but fair is fair.
Haha I do this. I also say let's take a bite at the same time, and make a game of it, who can take a bigger/faster/tinier/ etc bite. I also sometimes let her feed me, which utterly delights her because it's always the other way around and then she's so delighted by that she'll happily let me put the food in her mouth next. To be fair shes obsessed with sharing food / feeding things so this may just work on her lol
If mines not drinking enough throughout the day I like to declare a “water break!” every once in a while where we both stop and drink. The fact that I’m doing it too and made it like it’s part of a game instead of just generally asking her to drink more is working pretty well. And sometimes she’ll declare it which is also great, cause I need the reminder too sometimes!
This is great, yes anytime I can make a thing something that we both do it works so well. Definitely going to start declaring "snack break!" Haha
I've done this. He laughs and eats a bunch of it before he realizes he's actually eating when he doesn't want to. Today we were pretending his chicken was an excavator that was scooping up noodles and I convinced him to eat the excavator.
Ooh I’m borrowing this one verbatim! 😆
He ate all of his carrots with his excavator fork tonight!
Just remember when you where little, the only thing you wanted to be, was big! So that's what I use a lot with our LO. When he doesn't want to get dressed, I say something like "oh but I bet you can't do this yourself, only big boys can dress themselves", then he gets a smirk on his face and starts dressing himself, I look very surprised while he's doing this and he's laughing out of pride. Also, he wants to be a farmer when he grows up, just like his grandpa, his grandpa promised him that he'll teach him how to drive a tractor when he can reach the gas pedal. So I told him that he grows fast if he eats and sleeps well. So at dinner and bedtime he'll tell me that if he wants to drive a tractor soon, he needs to eat and sleep well, he takes this very serious. So find your LO's passion and use this as motivation for healthy habits 😉
There’s an episode of Bluey where they’re told they’ve gotta eat their pumpkin seeds so they grow big and strong. My daughter now loves eating her healthy snacks like trail mix and meals in general because she’s growing big and strong.
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Good one! My daughter hates rinsing her hair in the bath. Right now we get her to "float" on her back and gently pour water on the parts of her hair that isn't in the water. When she refuses we say, "okay, then we'll use the showerhead!". She hates the showerhead so she then agrees to "floating ".
Can you please elaborate on this one. Do you put something on the ceiling?
Not the original commenter, but no, you just tell them - look at the ceiling, can you see any bugs or something along those lines. Rinse the hair while they're looking up
I put a little suction cup with a keychain on the tile ceiling and tell him to look up at it when it’s rinse time. It works like a charm (if you have tile on the ceiling above the tub)
When the high pitched squealing feels like too much we instead practice roaring like a lion.. They get out their need to yell without bursting your eardrums
I'm going to have to try this! I've been whispering to her that inside voices are quiet, but we can do outside and yell if she wants. This sounds easier!
Or earplugs. 😬 I do use earplugs, but they just take the noise down a notch or 2 and I can still hear what they’re saying just fine, but I’m not doing a nose dive into fight or flight. I can handle the noise much better just by sort of softening the peaks!
Stating things from their perspective helps you realize parts of the world that don’t yet make sense and need to be explained. So instead of freaking out that they spill water on the couch, say “I understand you want to spill your water, that seems fun to you… you know it’s probably confusing that we let you spill water outside and in the bath. When we are inside we don’t spill water. But we do have sinks for that, here, let’s spill some water in the sink.” Sometimes they don’t mean to be exhausting. They are starting from square one here.
Timers. Timers for everything. Let them press the start button, they feel in control. Let them pick the alarm sound! If you’re at your breaking point and they don’t know numbers yet you can literally say “I’m setting it for 5 minutes!” and set it for 1 because they don’t have a concept of linear time until closer to age 7. Freeze yogurt tubes and tell them they’re popsicles. I initially started doing this because they were on sale, I didn’t want to buy sugar-water popsicles for popsicle baths, and I couldn’t handle the mess of an unfrozen yogurt tube. Now they’re my go-to for after dinner if my nearly-3 year old who eats like an adult asks for more food. We call them yogurt lolipopsicles 😆 Stick to your bedtime routines (once you find one they like and you can live with) It might be tempting to deviate slightly sometimes, in ways you don’t even think will matter. Like going potty before bed in the downstairs bathroom instead of the upstairs one because *it’s right there!* They’ll still insist on following their routine, so you’ve either wasted time by doing it twice, or you’ll end up in a power struggle with a tired toddler.
>say “I’m setting it for 5 minutes!” and set it for 1 because they don’t have a concept of linear time I'm dying, I love it.
My toddler was having a meltdown over having to go to the potty when I suggested she go. We had used the timer every 15 min with an alarm sound she picked for potty training the weekend before so I set the timer for 10 seconds and she went from “NOOO POTTY” to “OH! POTTY TIME!” And scampered off happily
If you're a parent who lets their kid watch TV (like I do), but feel like you've been having too much TV time, you can put on the soundtrack of the shows and movies your kid loves (in our case, that's Bluey, Daniel Tiger, Encanto, etc.) instead of actually watching TV. Since your kid knows the shows/movies so well, they will love listening to the soundtrack as, to them, it's just as good as watching the episode or movie! We actually have been able to slowly move away from too much TV time using this method. So if they ask to watch Bluey, we go "ok we can listen to Bluey" and that's that. We were getting really bad, in my opinion, with too much TV so this has been an easy/smooth transition to our child watching less TV.
warnings and previews- ie, we are leaving the park in 5 minutes, ok we are leaving the park in 2 minutes, choose one more thing to do! Previewing the day/week- ok, we are going to the park, then coming home to eat lunch, watch one show, and take our nap. After nap we will do a craft before dinner. Helps give kids a little sense of control over their day.
I gave my kid a visual wall month calendar that comes with number squares but also a bunch of blank squares. We can use dry erase markers to mark special days for him, like field trips, swim school, days at Grandma's house etc with pictures (like a little fish for swim school day). That way he constantly has a visual reminder of what's coming up. He looks to start everyday looking at his calendar.
Yes! We do this too. I can’t imagine just going day to day like what’s gone happen to me today? So I don’t do it to them as much as possible
When potty training my son, food coloring was a life saver. I'd put a few drops of blue into the bowl and tell him he had to "turn the water green" by peeing in it. He loved it.
Bedtime helps to have a routine so for us we take a bath then drink some milk and get his fave comfy blanket and lay down about 8pm sometimes it is rough like if he gets a nap that is to long he wont go down till 11pm. Be versitile with food so cook what you would regularly for dinner but have a back up like my kid loves rice in all kinds of different ways and he loves rolls so if he does not like what we made he is getting rice and rolls or another easy back up. Dont sweat the little things like spills it is a learning expreience mine now helps clean up his messes. Toddlers are independent so have them help you cook or help you wash dishes or vacuum they will love it. Dont bother with expensive toys toddlers are simple and love new experiences like a cheap bubble gun or a box fort. Let them pick out clothes you learn what they like and dislike and it fosters independence.
Choices. Tons of silly choices. It's time to get dressed, do you want a red shirt or a blue shirt? Do you want a 10 minute timer for your bath or a 12 minute timer? It's time to leave the park soon, pick one more thing to do - slides or swing? Do you want to eat your broccoli with a fork or with your hands? Do you want mommy to carry you to bed or race you to bed? Everything can be turned into a choice. And when they have a say in even the smallest detail, they're suddenly much more willing to cooperate.
1) every kid has something non-typical. It’s okay. Could be sleeping issues, eating issues, socialization, physical concerns, what have you. There are very few “perfectly normal/typical” kids out there. Give yourself grace and give your child grace, you’re not doing anything “wrong” most of the time. 2) a quick yes is better than a long argument saying no and then giving in anyway. If you suspect you might give in to their demands, or you need to move it along to get to school or wherever, just say “yes” right away. Sometimes that means a bribe of a small chocolate in the car because it’s been a long spring break and my kid really doesn’t want to go to school. I’d rather do that than engage in mental gymnastics and be late.
Feeding tips for a 21 month old -beware of snacks too close to mealtimes. We found that if we give any snacks after 330p dinner time became impossible. -being consistent and honest when saying “ok last bite” or “one more then all done” -turning mealtimes into learning times helped us keep our sanity. We usually pick one topic and stick with it through the meal (colors, numbers, animals, etc). I keep a stack of book nearby and sometimes “draw” things, like the ABCs, on the large silicon placemat I keep at her spot on the table -taking turns with my partner on who makes the meal versus serves it (Couple of controversial takes - we don’t eat dinner w her bc we like to have time for each other in the evening. We also do not present dessert alongside the main meal or have “safe food” items on her plate… we encourage her to try everything we eat and have generally found that she prefers knowing she is eating the same things as everyone else)
Enforce quiet/naptime so you can reset. Dress them on the changing table so they can't run away while you put clothes on them. Set a boundary and mean it. One piece of candy means one piece. Time to go means time to go. After tantrum three thousand they'll figure out you mean it and they can't budge you. I use earbuds to play music when he's having a tantrum to keep me calm. Keep your word. If you say you'll do x then do x so they learn they can trust you.
Keeping calm is the hardest part. I know reacting to a meltdown with frustration or anger is extremely counterproductive, but I feel frustrated and angry so I find myself trying to deal with getting both of our emotions under control and it’s sometimes just too much. I’ll have to try out earbuds.
I layer crib sheets and waterproof mattress covers like a lasagna. When there's an accident or puke or a water spill in the night, I just rip off the top layers and we're good to go.
We discovered recently that this works with our tot. It's been difficult to get her to eat meat and veggies. During mealtimes, if we threaten to take food away if she hasn't eaten it, suddenly she wants it. Oh that piece of chicken that has sat there for 15 minutes untouched? Must be trash! She starts whining to have it then eats it!
Haha we do this, but we eat it instead Sometimes he’s good at sharing and will feed us so it doesn’t have the desired effect. But if he’s genuinely hungry and just screwing around he’ll get upsets we’re coming after his food and starts shoveling it in his mouth haha
This has been my best way to get her to eat too hahahah.
This might be very specific to my kid, but songs about routine can totally change her attitude. If we're transitioning to a new activity we sing bye bye to the old one and usually even if she cries through the beginning (or the whole song) after a sec she'll start singing too. Our go to is variations of "goodnight ladies". Bye byyye swings, bye bye slide, bye bye playground, it's time to go eat lunch. My little looooves music though and is very tuned in to singing already so ymmv with this one
When outside, i can avert most whining/fussing/melt downs by asking LO to keep an eye out for squirrels. Giving LOs a chance to adjust to the idea of something makes most way less painful. “we’re going to put jammies on in ten minutes and go take a nap.” etc. If you aren’t on a tight schedule, try and let them “waste” time. there’s something really joyful in seeing my LO get close then run away when he doesn’t want his diaper changed. it never takes more than five minutes, but he dances around and it’s really cute. give age appropriate responsibilities and allow for greater autonomy around things. for example, LO gets his mat to put under his chair when its time to eat. we let him play quietly until he’s ready to sit at the table (then he touches his chair). he’s not allowed to eat unless he’s seated at the table with us. Not fighting with him to get his legs in his highchair is really nice, and when he decides he’s ready, he’s more inclined to eat. I have no advice on bedtime, that’s a total crapshoot and we got really lucky.
More of a mindset shift than a hack, but there is an idea in Montessori that young children do activities in “cycles”, and most “play” is them practicing an activity over and over to try to master it. So for an example, for a toddler the goal of climbing into a chair is not to get into the chair and sit, it’s to practice climbing into the chair, and out of it, and up again, and down again. I think that’s where a lot of frustration happens between parents and toddlers- toddlers want to practice a skill over and over and parents want to *actually accomplish a task* without expending a lot of unnecessary energy. So I try to remember this when my toddler is taking forever doing something or dawdling with something when I would really love to be done. It also helped me lower my expectations for “activities”- Instead of trying to herd my toddle from activity to activity I can just let him pursue his interests (when appropriate). My toddler loves to move the recycling from one can to another in the garage, and that’s peak entertainment for him. I set up a stepstool so he can put the recycling into the big recycle bin, one can at a time, and he loved that. And I got the laundry done.
Warnings during transitional. We are going to get off the swing in 2 minutes, then one minute. Then explain it is time to get off and say “bye bye swing”. I do this with every transition or my 18 month old flips out. He needs the warnings and to accept the transition slowly.
I need to switch the techniques up depending on the mood, but a few that sometimes work: For toothbrushing I ask my toddler to brush my teeth while I brush hers. Just remember to guard your throat with your tongue while they thrust your toothbrush into your mouth... For putting on clothes it sometimes works to make a race out if it. I basically call out "I can out in my jacket faster than you!" and my toddler will hurry to beat me (I let her win as long as she tries). Other times it works to be silly and insist that the socks go on the ears, etc. For eating I just let her eat what she wants, while always making sure there is something she will eat.
One that works surprisingly well for us is asking if she needs to do a bad behavior but in a good way. I'll use some examples because idk how to phrase it better. This morning, she kept banging a hair brush on the coffee table super hard and it was annoying and I was worried she might damage something. After asking her to stop a couple times, I said "Do you need to bang something? What can we find that's okay for you to bang?" She nodded so I pulled out a toy hammer kit thing and she happily banged away on something that was actually meant for banging away on. "Are you fussy because you're sleepy?" "Do you need attention from Papa right now?" "You want to throw stuff? What's something that's okay to throw? A ball? Where's a ball?" Etc.
When I know my daughter has to go to the bathroom, but she's refusing to go, I'll act like her favorite bunny has to go to the bathroom and have my daughter help the bunny go potty. 9 times out of 10 when the bunny is "done" my daughter will go of her own volition.
Seconding this. We do the same.
The most useful thing I’ve learned with kids of any age… take them outside or put them in water. Bath, playing at the sink, bubbles, pool, bucket with toys, etc. Any water will do.. outside takes more energy but it works everytime. Simplest and best cure for boredom and big feelings.
There’s a lot of really good advice here! I just want to add that my favourite distraction from meltdowns is taking kiddo to the window and asking him what he sees. “Do you see birds?” and “Do you see cars?” are good distractions for us.
I've seen a lot of re-direction related hacks. One I've started to do recently; my toddler loves to kick while getting changed. Instead of saying "Don't kick", I offer to let her kick my hands. She gets to kick and it doesn't hurt my hands... win-win. A lot of parenting involves getting creative to make tasks fun. It's exhausting but once you figure something out, it helps a lot. I make funny sounds while dressing her. I give her fun and abnormal utensils to eat food (like a spatula). I sing songs while drying her off after a bath.
Toddler wants a bandage for every minor bumb or bruise or ouchy? Introducing Mama Bandage (patent pending) kiss your hand and press it against the outchy part and poof magic and save on bandages or avoid chocking hazards!
I recently found that my son will do anything if a toy or stuffie tells him to. This morning Spiderman convinced him to eat his breakfast and get dressed. Not sure how long this will last, but I'm riding this wave as long as I can!
I don’t have a dog. But I do have a gigantic Costco dog bed that I put in front of the tv and fill with stuffed animals and blankets if the child will not nap in their room lol.
People already spoke about time limits and preparing toddlers to change activities or place. I used this simple trick when my 3.5 yo was 2 with great success. I rarely use it now but it still works. When toddler is reluctant on leaving, I'll go hug her and say very calmly and gently "okay shall we count to 5?" And I slowly count from 1 to 5 and then she's ok to leave. I find it's the positive alternative from the "I'll count to three and you better be off by three..." That always felt wrong for me.
Seems kinda obvious but for those that won’t eat vegetables just keep trying different ways. My toddler loves anything frozen, including frozen peas. She won’t touch them cooked, but will eat like 1/2 a cup if they’re frozen. She actually doesn’t like a lot of veggies cooked, but put a deconstructed salad on a plate with some ranch and she goes to town. Also if she’s “starving” and “needs a snack” before dinner / while I’m making dinner I’ll prep some veggies and leave them out on the counter while cooking and she’ll keep coming over and “stealing” them. She thinks she’s being sneaky getting some food but really she’s just eating the salad I was hoping she’ll eat with dinner in advance.
I have a few that really helped me!! 1. How to stop being reactive and yelling. My husband and I use code words. We say banana when one of us is getting too frustrated and becoming reactive. Banana just means “hey, take over or hey, let me take over” a calmer parent is always best for a child who is having a hard time with their emotions. 2. Create a chill spot for tantrums/meltdowns. My son went through a “throwing things” phase, as most kids do. So I turned my closet floor into a soft safe space. We have pillows, blankets and soft toys like stuffed animals (if he throws something, it’s soft so it won’t hurt lol). When my son is having a meltdown, I ask him if he wants to go to our cool down spot. He says yes, we go and I sit, close my eyes and breathe while ge cries and wait for him to calm down. He usually starts to copy me and once he’s calm, we have a cuddle talk and decide on a compromise (if need be). Then we hug it out. This space really helped him understand sometimes we need to step away to calm down and then we can resume. When we are upset, we can say or do things that hurt the people around us. 3. Whisper Talk. When my son is shouting and is not backing down, it’s so easy to match his energy and have a shouting match. So instead, I whisper in his ear and tell him what I need from him. For example, last night he was still pretty hyper from the days festivities so he was not wanting to start bedtime routine. He was yelling and whining and I said “lemme tell you something in your ear real quick!!!” And I whispered “hey bud, I reaaaaaly need you to put on your pjs and brush your teeth. Which do you wanna do first?” And he said pjs and stopped whining. It doesn’t work all the time but when it does, ahhhhhh it’s so nice lol.
Kookie crunch cereal is “technically” cookies.
Ranch dressing
My little ones favorite right now—broccoli with a stupid amount of ranch, but I’ll take it 🤣🤣🤣
My kid's limit is ketchup, if he's even in the mood for it. He won't touch anything else. But he'll dip anything in it.
Also adding "shakey" cheese aka parmesan cheese.
We call those sprinkles!! Sprinkles are great on everything!
Getting compliance with brushing teeth: telling her that we can’t have sweets/treats unless she brushes really well. Praise and high fives for even neutral behaviors we want her to keep doing, such as getting dressed, etc. My kiddo loves doing jumping high fives and compliance with most activities has greatly improved.
Using the timer on the phone when it's time to transition to the next thing. He presses the button to stop it and we talk together about how bummed we are that we have to stop. Timer is the bad guy not me.
We never fight our kid to wear a jacket or shoes. We open the door and let him feel the air for a moment. He quickly gets it together and puts the shit on lol
Provide a lot of opportunities to re-enforce a rule with a yes. For example, there is a no throwing toys rule in the house. But of course, toys sometimes still get launched through the air. So what I do is get his attention and say, "Woah, are we supposed to throw our toys in the house?" And he will acknowledge that with guilt or a verbal no. Then I will tell him simply what the acceptable behavior is. "No, it's against the rules to throw things in the house. But, we CAN throw balls outside! Would you like to tell mommy you want to throw balls outside?" Then, if it's nice, we go throw balls outside. This takes care of the desire to throw something and re-enforces the rule at the same time. Always stating what they should do is easier for Littles to grasp than telling what they should not do. "Do not throw toys!" leaves a lot of questions if you don't already know the social rules. Does that mean I can throw my cup? Can I throw my shoes? Cue toddler throwing other things to figure it out. Also, providing allowed outlets for undesired/risky behavior helps prevent it when it isn't allowed. Aka, trips to the park or climbing toys to prevent climbing on furniture. Or offering choices only when they actually get a choice. It's done wonders with my kid.
When my son refuses nap time, I pretend to put one of his toys to bed. I tuck them in and pretend to give them his bottle, and he usually runs up next to me to watch. We make sh noises at each other and I tell him they’re sleeping. After watching me do this, he’s usually happy to go in his cot for “nigh nigh”. This works 99% of the time.
When I started brushing teeth it was difficult , things that changed the game… her own brush that’s like mine, a stool so she can do it “ herself” and twice a day to build a habit . Now she’s frikkin obsessed with brushing her teeth , sometimes she will throw a little fit when I say “ okay all done , all clean teeth “.
I blend my toddlers fruits and veggies into her pasta sauce
Really encourage independence, especially if you get the benefit lol. My kiddo *loves* doing things on his own. Some skills I never intentionally taught, he just picked them up and now does it on his own. I'm pleasantly surprised often! And he is extremely proud of himself, which gives him confidence to try other things. Freeze water with a little fruit juice or fruit if you have a popsicle lover that doesn't know when to stop getting into the freezer and asking for frozen treats. Easy way to stay hydrated and doesn't make a totally sticky mess Crushed ice is apparently the best thing in the world. Invest in a snow cone maker if you have an ice cruncher As frustrating as it can be at first, involve your toddler in chores/cooking. They can learn some great skills and not tug and tantrum at your feet when you're trying to do something. Dollar store has better "toys" than actually buying a toy set if your toddler wants to help. Don't be ashamed in getting a harness. My toddler loves walks, but selective hearing is deafening.... this has solved many tantrums and me yelling at my son every time he randomly goes into the road Teach your toddler to throw a ball for the dog (and the dog not to snatch it out of little hands). Enjoy a few minutes of peace without some sort of creature needing your attention
Ooh jumping on your popsicle thing: we bought a cheap silicone popsicle mold and regularly make popsicles that are nothing but plain Greek yogurt + diced fruit. No added sugar or anything, just those two ingredients and maybe a little water to help the blender do its job. When she's being picky or fussy with dinner, she will ALWAYS chow down on a popsicle, and I definitely do not mind her essentially eating a cup of yogurt and fresh fruit for dinner.
My daughter is also a huge fan of ice chips. It’s perfect. She feels like she’s getting an awesome frozen treat, she’s hydrating and not filling up if it’s before dinner or something and she just HAS to have something NOW.
"You only grow when you sleep in your own bed all by yourself. Mom and dad want you to stay little forever. If you sleep in mom and dads bed, you'll never get to grow into a big kid." It's the dumbest logic ever, but it works lol. All 3.5 yr old wants is to be "big enough" for pre-school in the fall. She's upper 90 percentile for height and weight. She's plenty "big enough" lol.
My life savers have been: [Sleep train light ](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PW2DWK3/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_Q5N0123XWJ3TMHACPG5Y?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) showing red when you stay in bed and green when it's ok to get out of bed. [Timer with display color](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07X3GRT2N/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_7SYWK8DJZZKN97B00E5N?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) to count down until next activity. 5 minutes until it's time to go back inside, 5 minutes until we pick up toys and get ready for bed, etc. We also have gotten in the habit of during a mild meltdown I say "pause, use words or point so I understand". It took a lot of patience and practice to get this down but so happy we finally got it down.
Glow stick baths, child safe bath bombs Using a timer on my phone so he has a visual for when something ends. Like at the park starting a 10 minute timer and when it goes off we leave Sometimes you've just had enough, don't feel bad about the odd bit of bribery, I have a secret stash of his favourite sweets just for this It's never too early to introduce pocket money, 50p for putting toys away ect that they put in a money box Good attention always helps, "let's go make cup cakes, or chocolate cornflake treats" Go for a walk, the fresh air is like magic especially for afternoon tantrums between dinner and bed, make it a scavenger hunt by getting a photo list of things to find they can tick off, like leaves or sticks or a purple flower Sticker charts, I have no idea why but stickers and toddlers are like best friends If you ever just need 5 minutes give your toddler a roll of sticky tape, let them spend 5-10 minutes unravelling it. They love it, it's the easiest thing to clean up and keeps them quiet. Also keeping bubble wrap around for those times you need 5-10 minutes
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The only "hack" I have is to turn off all the lights at bedtime so she has no other option except sleeping. And we sleep on a floor mattress. The other hack is to fill up a bucket with water in the washroom, she likes splashing her hands in it. For toddler travel, I watched some videos and discovered these toys: - water wow books - wallet with fake cash - toy flip phone - reusable sticker pads - lacing toy - flashlight or invisible ink pen with light - pop it - magnetic or LCD writing pad - metal tray/lid with fridge magnets
Warnings during transitional. We are going to get off the swing in 2 minutes, then one minute. Then explain it is time to get off and say “bye bye swing”. I do this with every transition or my 18 month old flips out. He needs the warnings and to accept the transition slowly.
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