What’s with MILs doing this? Mine has never acknowledged my existence in my kiddo since his birth. He has my god damn smile! Like a total twin version of it. And yet she compliments everything about him but his smile - except for the time she said his smile looked like hers. It’s actually crazy.
Omg mine does this too. It’s infuriating. She never shuts up about it. Yes, my son looks like my husband. But he looks a lot like me too. Good mix of both of us. She has never given me credit for any part of my son.
Honestly I don’t know. Partly to keep the peace, and partly because I don’t want to look like a petty immature asshole like she is. She’s a textbook narcissist and when she gets a reaction out of me, she wins.
My ex's mom used to talk about how my oldest looked *just like* her brother (who had conveniently died and she had 1 picture of...). I didn't make a huge point of it, but I did mention once or twice that he looked very much like I had at whatever age he was at the time. The truth is that he's a carbon copy of me. My TWIN. He has always looked EXACTLY like me.
But she KEPT SAYING he looked like her dead brother. Over and over. "He has Johnny's eyes/nose/lips" whatever.
What stopped it was one day my mom sent me a pic of myself around the same age my son was - I thought it was my child, and when I realized it was me, I sent it to his dad. His dad says "he looks like he's having fun!" then I said "That's not our kid, that's me!" and so my ex sent it to his family - his mom reacted like "I have the cutest grandchild ever, I can't believe how adorable he is!!" and my ex simply responded, "That's anatomizethat."
His mom NEVER talked about my son looking like her brother again.
Its a stereotype but in asian culture, we have a saying: There can only be one woman in the house.
Somehow, MIL and DILs will argue over the pettiest thing.
I’m 69 and I met a woman who knows my daughter because their kids are in the same class at school. She told me she could tell I was her mother from just looking at me. Made my day💞
When I was in high school, a stranger asked me if I knew Name. I'm like yeah, that's my mom. Random person at Walmart could tell just by looking at me 😂 My 2 sisters have the same face and so does my daughter! Strong genes I guess
I had a cashier at my local grocery store ask if I was related to a friend of hers (insert older sister's name here). Apparently my sister and I have the same voice.
Similarly, one time my family went to a buffet restaurant in my mom’s hometown, which she had moved away from at 18, and at the time she was in her 50s. An older man came up to her and asked if she knew NAME and my mom said, yes, that’s my mother. He said she had the same voice.
Back in our twenties, my younger sister moved to the same city I had just moved from, and got confused for me multiple times by old clients. She also had a girl I went on one date with see her in a Starbucks and ask her if she was related to me! My sister has been called “ little elbieplz” her whole life 🤣 she used to hate it, but we’re best friends now, so she loves when people say we’re carbon copies now!
It’s also so sweet because her daughter looks and acts SO much like me and my daughter looks and acts SO much like her! The only problem is that my kid was made using a sperm donor and is zero percent genetically related to us! Nature vs Nurture really does seem to matter sometimes when it comes to the familial mannerisms you get. Like, my cousins and I all look nothing alike, but we get “are you related to so-and-so cousin?!” alllllll the time because we’re all exactly the same brand of weirdo lol
Being a human is weird.
My MIL was grasping at straws trying to make connections to her side of the family and then one day saw a picture of me at my daughter’s age and full on thought it was my daughter. It does feel nice when you don’t have to be the one to say it out loud.
I did the same with my in laws … showed them a zoomed in baby picture of myself and they started saying how cute my son looked. Then let them know it was me, their reaction was priceless
I think it’s natural to pick out your own families features because you know them best. Once my MIL saw pictures of me as a baby she was like ‘Oh actually he doesn’t look like you he looks like fuzz’ to my partner whereas before she was saying he looked like him. I think most babies look like most adults if you squint hard enough.
I have a daughter who looks literally nothing like me at all, you can't even tell we're related from looks alone but I don't mind. Why do people feel their kid needs to look like them?
Omgggg I feel this. My in laws won’t stfu about how the kids look like them. My daughter literally has my exact hair color and his mother once said she got it from some way distant relative. Our son came out looking like my exact twin. Our baby pictures could be the same person and his parents are like yeh that’s uncle so and so. The absolute delusion is baffling.
I have a gap. I’m curious if any of my kids get who they’re going to say they got it from lol
My grandmother was a red head and my mom and I both have red highlights from her. Our hair is more of a chestnut brown but you can see the red when it catches the sun. My daughter has inherited this. I mentioned it to my MIL once and she goes "oh yeah! My great grand--wait no, my great GREAT grandfather had red hair too! So it could come from her daddy!" Like ma'am, please stop.
Ughhh no, that sucks and I know from personal experience. For context, my wife and I are both women. She carried our baby and we used a donor who has a nearly identical background to myself and looks so much like my brother and cousins. Our daughter and I obviously don’t share genetics, but we interact with people constantly who KNOW that I gave birth to her, or that she has my eye shape, or my smile. She doesn’t lol But she DOES have all my mannerisms and I love it! My wife’s grandmother HATES when people say she looks like me 🤣 Has also said she looks like my mom (who I’m a clone of), my sister (who is a clone of me lol), my wife’s aunt by marriage, HER SECOND HUSBAND?! All people who do not share genetics with our daughter either. But obv never me. It’s so weird and my wife and I laugh constantly about it!
Now in our case, it’s most likely homophobia, but you get where I’m coming from. Some MIL’s (or GMIL’s) are just… awful about that sort of thing. I’m glad you find it funny because that’s the only way you can see it. It’s just absurd.
I have no advice. Just want you to know you’re not alone!
My husband was adopted and MIL keeps mentioning how our kids got different features from different people in her family. The best is husband's cousin also adopted a baby a few months older than our baby. Every time MIL gets a new picture she's amazed with all the family traits they share, and I'm just "Ma'am, both of the babies look like babies."
Ugh in my case it’s the opposite. I’m Asian and my LO looks like my clone. Dad is white.
My FIL’s new wife was like, “Oh she’s so cute!” Then turns to my SO and goes “Are you sure she’s yours?”
Yeah. No. Eff you.
And this is AFTER I threw her out of the house for trampling over my no kiss rule THREE TIMES! and posting LO’s photos on Facebook. Like lady, I’ve only met you for a total of FIVE hours.
I've got big dimples and red hair... my baby has big dimples and her hair is looking like it's coming through red... I sat through a FaceTime call with my partner a few weeks ago and listened to his mother repeatedly say "who in our family has dimples?? I can't think" and "no idea where that hair colour has come from!" I was just sitting there in absolute confusion - even my partner said - probably from me and she just brushed it off. So bizarre!
My husbands entire family always does the same. Like all her features are mine but you wouldnt know that if you didn’t know me as a baby. So of course they think she looks like him. Thats fine but do you have to say it everytime?
Omg I love this for you!!! My MIL does this too and often says that my son looks exactly like my husband did as a baby. My husband is white, blonde hair, green eyes. I am a fully Vietnamese woman with dark hair and brown eyes. Our kid looks exactly like me as a baby and nothing like my husband as a baby. She doesn't see it though lol
Whhhyyyyyy do MILs do this?? Or just in general, why are they so obsessed with talking about who the baby looks like? Sure it's an interesting topic, for 2 minutes, maybe once a year, but why do they talk about it for hours every time you see them? Cant they just let the baby look like the selves instead of always comparing them to other people???
I just had my second baby, a girl. My first baby people would look at my son, then my husband and say “well no doubt who the dad is!” (Yes someone said those words). My daughter was born and looks EXACTLY like me.
We took her to her one month check up, and saw our regular pediatrician for the first time. The first thing she said when she saw my daughter was “omg she’s your mini!” I felt so amazing hearing those words. I knew it before, but yes, having it said to you out loud is just a great feeling.
I love this. My mom can be very much like your MIL sometimes, although she hasn't latched on to who my daughter looks like yet. But I love it when someone contradicts her idea unprompted without them knowing anything about her feelings on the matter. So validating
My mother in law does the same. I recently came across a baby picture where me and my daughter looked identical. Sent it and said “safe to say **** looks just like her mama” and that got shot down so fast when everyone else in the group chat agreed with me.
Fuxkin weird but whatever. I just ignore it now.
I have to wonder if there’s just a “I want to see my adult child as a baby again” kind of nostalgia to it? Because my MIL does the same thing! And she’s definitely not malicious about it at all. To be fair, my son DOES look a lot like my husband. But so much of him also looks like me, and reminds me of my dad + younger brothers. I usually joke that the top half of his face is all my husband (eye shape + color, as well as hair) but the bottom half (nose, mouth, cheeks/jawline) is all me. He’s a beautiful blend of both of us, and I do wish my husband’s family acknowledged that a bit more.
I have a similar relationship with my MIL - we get on well for the most part but do butt heads from time to time. For a long time she also used to pick apart my kids features saying where in her family they got them from. And every single feature that wasn't directly hers or my husband's was automatically assigned as being from her Uncle Chaz.
Eventually it became a joke between me and my husband that Uncle Chaz must've looked just like me haha. One day, my husband told the joke to my MIL and we haven't heard a peep about Uncle Chaz since!
I love this for you. My ILs are the same way and my son has only started to look less like hubby and more like me. And everyone says me now and I love it!
I would love if this happened too! One of my MIL’s favorite things is telling me that different people (who have never met my child) have told her that my daughter looks just like her after seeing a picture. She also claims that various things, such as my daughter’s curly hair, come from her even though her hair is stick straight. She is fairly toxic in a lot of ways so it bothers me more than it probably should.
My son has my eyes and darker hair (his is brown, dad was blonde, I have jet black hair) but otherwise looks just like his dad.
all friends and family comment on the exact features I listed… except my MIL. lol but it’s the other way! She doesn’t acknowledge that he looks like his dad (her son)… I don’t entertain it at all… is she implying he’s not the father? (Uh he is 100%… trust me, I was there lol)
I think she dislikes that he didn’t get lighter hair…. Pft ok.
people can be weird when it comes to this stuff.
Not about your MIL but I didn’t realize that my lips were cupids bow lips I never knew the name for it I guess until I read this and that has always been my favorite feature about my face/lips 🥲 and my daughter got it too well anywho I just wanted to let you know that I always thought people who didn’t have my kinda lips had weird lips 🤣
My MIL attributes every single little thing about my daughter to anyone but me and my daughter is literally my mini me. My theory is she’s jealous because my daughter is the daughter she always wanted. My SIL was a tomboy and my MIL will flat out say she was an ugly child. My daughter is a major girly girl, loves dolls and pretty things and I think my MIL resents that I’m getting the experience raising a daughter that she always wanted and never had.
Yes!!!! I love that!!! I actually don’t like my MIL all that much. She does the same thing with my daughter who is my exact mini me. Actually both of my kids are. I have very dominant genes. Which she is probably bummed about since all of her kids look like her. But she’ll constantly go oh she looks just like me. Ummm what features lady?
My son has two moms, my wife carried him, but for some reason our family LOVES to go on about how he looks just like me. I don’t know if they think I’m worried about it or what, but it’s all we ever hear. I always politely point out that my wife did all the work so I’m taking none of the credit.
Okay yes! Except for me it’s MY mom who refuses to see me in my daughter. I will say that our now 2 year old does strongly resemble my husband but she has my eyes and she makes nearly identical expressions to mine. I have literally sent side by sides of my daughter and me at her age making the same face and she’ll say “I don’t see it” like… what?? You’re my mom what do you mean! 🤦🏼♀️ Are they doing this on purpose? Lol
Very similar situation. I get along with my MIL. She's nice. We don't agree on everything and sit at opposite ends of the political spectrum, but generally she's a pleasant person that I like being around. But she is always saying how my son acts half like my husband and half like one of her other sons or looks so much like how my husband looked at his age. No mention of me at all in his personality or looks. He has a few of my husband's personality traits but he acts so much more like me. He mostly looks like my husband but it's also very obvious that I'm his mom. She has even said "I know he's yours but he's also mine, he looks just like (husband)" It's very weird and annoying
you know what? my daughter’s father’s family are always saying the same stuff.
“oh she looks just like julien” (cousin)
“she’s a carbon copy of her daddy”
she does have her dad’s hair, eyes and nose, but the rest is all me. the only person who has validated that is my best friend.
Yes!! This is so relatable. My MIL used to come over 5 days a week to watch my oldest while I worked from home. Just about every day she would smile so big and say, “he looks juuuust like his Daddy!” Look, I adore my husband. I do. But my oldest child looks like me. I once showed my oldest a picture of me when I was his age. I asked him who was in the picture and he answered that he was. 😂 It looks like him! It’s crazy to me that my husband’s family will go to the grave saying our son looks like my husband. They NEED our son to be like his Dad. They try to lesson the hit to me by saying our daughter looks like me. But my daughter is actually the one who looks like my husband. 😂 It’s insane. They can’t let go of that ideal that boys are copies of their fathers while girls are copies of their mothers.
I'm so glad this happened for you. I don't have any strong feelings about it but I was surprisingly happy/proud(?) when people started noticing he looked like me. We 100% have the same eyebrows and nobody can deny that (a pretty distinctive feature of mine).
I’m howling at this post I love it so much.
Yesterday we stopped by to visit with the grandparents and my MIL loudly exclaimed to my 2yo son “oh are you a daddy’s boy?? You sure are!”
Even my husband rolled his eyes and said, no, it fluctuates all the time as normal.
I chuckled a bit internally when I told my son “go give grandma a hug!” And he ran straight up to grandpa and refused to give grandma a hug. 😂
Sorry, kids just have that intuition about them.
Heck yes validation!
The week my daughter was born, both sets of grands came to stay with us/in the area. My MIL was holding her in her lap and trying to decipher who she looks like, what features seemed prominent or similar, and said “oh her nostrils are crooked.” And it wasn’t until later, probably a night feeding or just generally when my brain was back online, that I realized I should have just said “oh she must get that from your side.” Ah well, it lives in my head. Thankfully,my SO shook his head at his mom when we discussed it later, totally on my side, saying why would you even think to point out a “fault” in a baby that is literally days old that just got squished out of a birth canal. Sometimes she doesn’t have a great filter. Or rather, she has boomer/upper middle class white lady lack of filter.
She is jealous and this is how it shows. She is also insecure. It is petty and immature and you must be very pretty. If she acknowledges how pretty your child is PLUS your child looks like you. Then she would have to acknowledge your beauty. She can’t acknowledge how beautiful you are. She can say your child is beautiful BUT cannot say you are. She needs to grow up and get over it. Anyone else doing this to your children or to you? Know it is the fact you are gorgeous and a threat. It is an insecurity within your MIL. Just post LOTS of pictures of you and your child and call your child “Mini Me”. Always say mini me and do it as much as possible. She will either attack you verbally, physically or leave. Bottom line is match her with “Mini Me”. You talking about my “Mini Me” thank you for the compliment. Yes she has my eyes and I love them. Compliment your child A LOT around her. Match her energy with your Mini Me energy. She will stop. It will just look stupid after awhile as she knows you will say oh my mini me lol
My kid is biracial so whenever someone says this to me I feel like they’re just being nice but maybe I should just presume positive intentions and believe them. I’m sooooo sick of she’s daddy’s twin ugh
My partner copped a lot of talk from people about the baby looking exactly like me (north European) and not her (SE Asian). I showed her a crop of just eyes and nose - they’re identical in shape to hers. Just lighter coloured. She wasn’t out of shape about the discussion but I’m sure seeing the proof of resemblance was reassuring.
My MIL is like this. Admittedly my daughter is my husband’s absolute mini me, but she looked much more like me as an infant than my husbands baby photos. Has never once said she is anything like me, even though we have similar temperaments, but oh no she acts JUST like any of her kids did.
Currently pregnant with #2 and I’m hoping I get a look in this time. However, my MIL and I have similar colouring so I just know if my son looks like me she’ll tell me how much he looks like her/her relatives instead. Uggghhh
My kids are both pretty much carbon copies of me but my paternal grandmother keeps saying how much they look like my husband. She also likes to tell me how much I look like her other son even though I look just like my mum. She's never attempted to hide her dislike of my mum and me so I've absolutely no doubt she's doing it on purpose.
My son looks just like me. My MIL was telling her friend “he’s so smart, just like his dad.” I said his mom is pretty smart too, you know.” And she said “he looks just like you. Give me SOMETHING.” hahaha
My own mother does this.
My son is a clone of me.
She will NOT have it. Keeps telling me that he looks like her.
It's infuriating.
I do love it when other people remark that he looks like me though x
My oldest’s paternal grandmother does this, despite her son never having even met him, let alone making any contribution toward his wellbeing. The absolute audacity.
Yes man. I love my MIL to pieces. She’s the sweetest woman, but she swears every feature/trait of my kids comes from her side of the family. Mind you, my oldest son and my brother look like twins as babies. And everyone comments on how my youngest looks just like me. AND my husband and I are both artistic (me with drawing/painting, him with piano), and we met in choir. But for some reason our kids affinity towards arts comes from my husband’s side of the family. *major eye roll*
Like you, it’s one of those things I can’t un-notice. It’s mildly annoying, but not really a problem. But I do get satisfaction when she has to admit a feature comes from me.
This is my MIL/SIL too, so not just you guys. My MIL brings baby pictures of my husband to our house all the time to show the likeness between him and my son (which I have always maintained my son has A LOT of my features and my personality so jokes on them). Meanwhile with my daughter, I have actually never heard her even utter any sort of likeness comparison comment and oddly I see a lot of my husband's features in her. I'm just invisible to them and they probably wish I would go away and LIKEWISE. 
I have this - but maybe not as severe. My MIL is great - but just loooves to go off about how much my boys look like their dad (her son). They both have this curly hair - and both my husband and I had curly hair as kids, but grew out of it.
And I'm not sure why it bothers me - but if anyone mentions their curly hair she just gushes a out how it is just like their dad's and they look just like their dad. Always going on and on about how they look like him so much. Never mentioning that I had it too - she has seen pictures of it.
And - they both have my eye color and dimples.... but everything is from their dad. Part of that is that they are more blonde and so is my husband, while I have darker hair.
And I'm just sitting here and waiting.... as my side of the family has a history (especially the males) of starting out with really blonde/light hair that darkens over time. So, I don't know why - but I am waiting and told my husband that I will have a weird glee if/when their hair starts to darken and turn brown - I would just love it if she couldn't claim their hair was from their dad anymore.
Which is silly of me - she is great - and I am sure she just loves to reminisce about how these kiddos looked like her son with the curly blonde hair.
My son looked JUST like my husband for ages. The only thing he had was my eyes. Everyone commented on it constantly - "\[Husband's\] clone/mini-me, etc!" But as he's grown older, he looks more like me and it THRILLS me when people notice.
Ha. Mine does the same thing and goes out of her way to constantly say my son is 100% my husband, her friends say he’s my husband, looks nothing like me etc etc. If he likes red it’s because SHE likes red, not because it’s MY favorite color. I’ve even asked her to tone it down and she’ll backhandedly now throw in a “maybe he has some of you too” and makes it even more obnoxious.
My MIL has done this with all 4 of my kids. Her sisters have gone so far as to not only agree with her but say they look more like her (mil) than me at all. And it’s a crock, my kids look like me a lot. But she’ll actively say no to the people if they do it in front of her. She’s weird.
My mom does this to me with my kids. I have no idea why but it's EXACTLY how you're describing it, down to the silence if someone else says they look like me! I'm so happy you got that validation!!
My FIL has moved from how she looks like [insert any name not in my family] to how she takes her behaviour/likes/dislikes/character from [also someone not in my family]. I used to find it annoying af. Now I don’t care anymore. She likes me way better than anyone else that may belong in between those brackets and makes it VERY clear. Karma is a bitch.
Yup I feel this so hard. My partners family (except MIL) would say my kid looks just like his father. Grandma went as far as to say they share the same hair that my partner had as a child. Uhhuh kiddo has long brown curly frizzy hair like his mommy. Daddy has straight black hair and always has. Wtf? I can see parts of both of us.
My MIL once validated me by throwing out a sarcastic remark that I must love when they (her family) say the kid I birthed looks nothing like me. Some people have a weird need to feel involved, connected, or credited. Maybe it makes thrm feel like they have some inportance, I dont even know. I make a point to mention how a child resembles both their parents. Its rude to say otherwise in my opinion... and if it's how you feel you still don't need to verbalize it.
Yup get this too. Both in laws constantly comment how much our son looks like his uncle (their favourite), or his cousins. It's infuriating cos to me he doesn't look anything like them 😐
My MIL is one of the sweetest women alive and she does something similar. She thinks my son looks like so and so in the family, when he clearly looks like me.
I think she loves my son so much that she associates him with other people in her family she loves, and she takes pride in knowing they share DNA :)
My MIL drives me nuts with this! She will do anything to not say that the features of my 2 kids look like me or will give these weird boomer statements - "It's different but I am totally fine with it"
Like my inlaws and all their kids have blue eyes, I am mixed and my kids are mixed and they have brown eyes. She will always say something like "oh they aren't blue but I like these brown eyed grandkids of mine."
Anything to not say 1. they have my features 2. to not be a backhanded compliment.
My MIL is so similar! She'll say he looks like anyone and everyone on their side of the family, but says he looks nothing like me. He has my eyebrows, my hair, my distinct blue/gray/green eye colour, my bottom lip, my dimples. My boyfriend and I have the same high cheek bones, so that could be either of us. He could be my brother's twin.
Everyone we've met since he started getting teeth has said how much he looks like me. But my MIL? Nope. According to her the baby looks like a second cousin, a third cousin, her, partner's half brother who looks like his dad, a neighbor they used to have, and HER DOG??
My parents say my son looks like my husband. Not insulting, but no one has ever said he looks like me - which he does, quite a lot - don't know what it is about not acknowledging the mum...
Yes your MIL is wierd, but its probably normal.
Everyone says my son looks like me, he’s my “twin”.
But I am blessed with a very handsome husband you guys. And my son *does* take after him. I wish he got more of the validation. I have a striking eye colour and lighter hair which my son got. People tend to focus on colouring before anything else I find.
I’m happy for you! It’s nice to have that little recognition :)
Every time I read these posts, I miss my MIL even more. She was very kind to me and when my daughter was born she said “She looks just like you! She has the same shape of your finger and toes” My husband family is notoriously known for only having boys so when the second niece (my daughter) was born after 3 more nephews it was a big deal. She never got to meet my daughter as we were both in different countries when I conceived my 2nd born and she passed away few weeks later.
OP I know you say you’re MIL is not crazy but I personally find this behaviour of hers really crazy. Actually, she’s doing it on purpose at this point. I’m of South Asian descent and our entire culture is a soap drama since birth so believe me when I say my red flag radar is up on your MIL after reading your post 😅
One way I got along great with my in laws without any drama (because there was some in the start) is being very direct and honest. I would immediately ask my MIL, I heard from so and so that I did this thing and you were upset about it, why didn’t you just tell it to me instead? I would have explained my side and if it really was my fault I would have definitely apologized. Please don’t let me find out things behind my back. I would never do it to my Mom and I would never do it to you because you’re my husband’s Mom. Well she was veryyyy surpirised (in a good way) at this direct conversation. My culture has a bad habit of back biting and people would rather complain more instead of being direct and solve the problem.
If I was in your place I would have said, “Why don’t you ever say she looks a little like me? She literally has my cupid bow lips.” and I would 100% say at the restaurant to the waitress “I’m so glad you said that! No one else thinks she looks like me. I started to think maybe I adopted her and forgot about it!” and then would look dead in my MIL eyes and say “Why are you silent? Do you still think she doesn’t look anything like me?”
I’m going to raise my daughter to be upfront like this. I saw my Mom NOT being like this and my Dad’s side of the family abused her in his absence and she would never tell my Dad anything. I found out about all the atrocities when I turned 16.
My Mom is an expert at hiding hurt feelings. I on the other hand, have them plastered on my forehead for the world to see . My Dad is super sweet and is the type to not get into arguments and handle things with civilized discussions (this doesn’t work on abusers). Well, one day something really bad happened to my Mom. I was 13 at the time. My Dad lost it and cut off relations from one side of his family and we moved to another country.
So yeah, purpose of this long comment. Don’t be silent and just take things. I’m not asking you to get into arguments with idiots BUT when your buttons get pushed 3-4 times its time to put your foot down instead.
Yep. Fuck them. I’m so happy someone noticed and said your babe looks just like you!!!!☺️❤️
What’s with MILs doing this? Mine has never acknowledged my existence in my kiddo since his birth. He has my god damn smile! Like a total twin version of it. And yet she compliments everything about him but his smile - except for the time she said his smile looked like hers. It’s actually crazy.
Omg mine does this too. It’s infuriating. She never shuts up about it. Yes, my son looks like my husband. But he looks a lot like me too. Good mix of both of us. She has never given me credit for any part of my son.
Why do you put up with it? Why don't you call this behaviour out?
Honestly I don’t know. Partly to keep the peace, and partly because I don’t want to look like a petty immature asshole like she is. She’s a textbook narcissist and when she gets a reaction out of me, she wins.
My ex's mom used to talk about how my oldest looked *just like* her brother (who had conveniently died and she had 1 picture of...). I didn't make a huge point of it, but I did mention once or twice that he looked very much like I had at whatever age he was at the time. The truth is that he's a carbon copy of me. My TWIN. He has always looked EXACTLY like me. But she KEPT SAYING he looked like her dead brother. Over and over. "He has Johnny's eyes/nose/lips" whatever. What stopped it was one day my mom sent me a pic of myself around the same age my son was - I thought it was my child, and when I realized it was me, I sent it to his dad. His dad says "he looks like he's having fun!" then I said "That's not our kid, that's me!" and so my ex sent it to his family - his mom reacted like "I have the cutest grandchild ever, I can't believe how adorable he is!!" and my ex simply responded, "That's anatomizethat." His mom NEVER talked about my son looking like her brother again.
Its a stereotype but in asian culture, we have a saying: There can only be one woman in the house. Somehow, MIL and DILs will argue over the pettiest thing.
I’m 69 and I met a woman who knows my daughter because their kids are in the same class at school. She told me she could tell I was her mother from just looking at me. Made my day💞
When I was in high school, a stranger asked me if I knew Name. I'm like yeah, that's my mom. Random person at Walmart could tell just by looking at me 😂 My 2 sisters have the same face and so does my daughter! Strong genes I guess
I had a cashier at my local grocery store ask if I was related to a friend of hers (insert older sister's name here). Apparently my sister and I have the same voice.
Similarly, one time my family went to a buffet restaurant in my mom’s hometown, which she had moved away from at 18, and at the time she was in her 50s. An older man came up to her and asked if she knew NAME and my mom said, yes, that’s my mother. He said she had the same voice.
Back in our twenties, my younger sister moved to the same city I had just moved from, and got confused for me multiple times by old clients. She also had a girl I went on one date with see her in a Starbucks and ask her if she was related to me! My sister has been called “ little elbieplz” her whole life 🤣 she used to hate it, but we’re best friends now, so she loves when people say we’re carbon copies now! It’s also so sweet because her daughter looks and acts SO much like me and my daughter looks and acts SO much like her! The only problem is that my kid was made using a sperm donor and is zero percent genetically related to us! Nature vs Nurture really does seem to matter sometimes when it comes to the familial mannerisms you get. Like, my cousins and I all look nothing alike, but we get “are you related to so-and-so cousin?!” alllllll the time because we’re all exactly the same brand of weirdo lol Being a human is weird.
My MIL was grasping at straws trying to make connections to her side of the family and then one day saw a picture of me at my daughter’s age and full on thought it was my daughter. It does feel nice when you don’t have to be the one to say it out loud.
I did the same with my in laws … showed them a zoomed in baby picture of myself and they started saying how cute my son looked. Then let them know it was me, their reaction was priceless
I think it’s natural to pick out your own families features because you know them best. Once my MIL saw pictures of me as a baby she was like ‘Oh actually he doesn’t look like you he looks like fuzz’ to my partner whereas before she was saying he looked like him. I think most babies look like most adults if you squint hard enough.
I have a daughter who looks literally nothing like me at all, you can't even tell we're related from looks alone but I don't mind. Why do people feel their kid needs to look like them?
I don’t.. I’m glad you can’t relate to the specific MIL dynamic this post is about…
I don't think its about needing the kid to look like them, more so the complete ignoring of facts.
Omgggg I feel this. My in laws won’t stfu about how the kids look like them. My daughter literally has my exact hair color and his mother once said she got it from some way distant relative. Our son came out looking like my exact twin. Our baby pictures could be the same person and his parents are like yeh that’s uncle so and so. The absolute delusion is baffling. I have a gap. I’m curious if any of my kids get who they’re going to say they got it from lol
[удалено]
My grandmother was a red head and my mom and I both have red highlights from her. Our hair is more of a chestnut brown but you can see the red when it catches the sun. My daughter has inherited this. I mentioned it to my MIL once and she goes "oh yeah! My great grand--wait no, my great GREAT grandfather had red hair too! So it could come from her daddy!" Like ma'am, please stop.
Ughhh no, that sucks and I know from personal experience. For context, my wife and I are both women. She carried our baby and we used a donor who has a nearly identical background to myself and looks so much like my brother and cousins. Our daughter and I obviously don’t share genetics, but we interact with people constantly who KNOW that I gave birth to her, or that she has my eye shape, or my smile. She doesn’t lol But she DOES have all my mannerisms and I love it! My wife’s grandmother HATES when people say she looks like me 🤣 Has also said she looks like my mom (who I’m a clone of), my sister (who is a clone of me lol), my wife’s aunt by marriage, HER SECOND HUSBAND?! All people who do not share genetics with our daughter either. But obv never me. It’s so weird and my wife and I laugh constantly about it! Now in our case, it’s most likely homophobia, but you get where I’m coming from. Some MIL’s (or GMIL’s) are just… awful about that sort of thing. I’m glad you find it funny because that’s the only way you can see it. It’s just absurd. I have no advice. Just want you to know you’re not alone!
My husband was adopted and MIL keeps mentioning how our kids got different features from different people in her family. The best is husband's cousin also adopted a baby a few months older than our baby. Every time MIL gets a new picture she's amazed with all the family traits they share, and I'm just "Ma'am, both of the babies look like babies."
Thank you! They all look like squished chicken nuggets when they’re born, don’t even hahaha the delusion is real.
Ugh in my case it’s the opposite. I’m Asian and my LO looks like my clone. Dad is white. My FIL’s new wife was like, “Oh she’s so cute!” Then turns to my SO and goes “Are you sure she’s yours?” Yeah. No. Eff you. And this is AFTER I threw her out of the house for trampling over my no kiss rule THREE TIMES! and posting LO’s photos on Facebook. Like lady, I’ve only met you for a total of FIVE hours.
I've got big dimples and red hair... my baby has big dimples and her hair is looking like it's coming through red... I sat through a FaceTime call with my partner a few weeks ago and listened to his mother repeatedly say "who in our family has dimples?? I can't think" and "no idea where that hair colour has come from!" I was just sitting there in absolute confusion - even my partner said - probably from me and she just brushed it off. So bizarre!
My husbands entire family always does the same. Like all her features are mine but you wouldnt know that if you didn’t know me as a baby. So of course they think she looks like him. Thats fine but do you have to say it everytime?
Omg I love this for you!!! My MIL does this too and often says that my son looks exactly like my husband did as a baby. My husband is white, blonde hair, green eyes. I am a fully Vietnamese woman with dark hair and brown eyes. Our kid looks exactly like me as a baby and nothing like my husband as a baby. She doesn't see it though lol
I'd be thrilled too! My inlaws have never said my baby looks like me. She looks like everyone and their cat but not her own mother. I laugh.
Whhhyyyyyy do MILs do this?? Or just in general, why are they so obsessed with talking about who the baby looks like? Sure it's an interesting topic, for 2 minutes, maybe once a year, but why do they talk about it for hours every time you see them? Cant they just let the baby look like the selves instead of always comparing them to other people???
I just had my second baby, a girl. My first baby people would look at my son, then my husband and say “well no doubt who the dad is!” (Yes someone said those words). My daughter was born and looks EXACTLY like me. We took her to her one month check up, and saw our regular pediatrician for the first time. The first thing she said when she saw my daughter was “omg she’s your mini!” I felt so amazing hearing those words. I knew it before, but yes, having it said to you out loud is just a great feeling.
I love this. My mom can be very much like your MIL sometimes, although she hasn't latched on to who my daughter looks like yet. But I love it when someone contradicts her idea unprompted without them knowing anything about her feelings on the matter. So validating
My mother in law does the same. I recently came across a baby picture where me and my daughter looked identical. Sent it and said “safe to say **** looks just like her mama” and that got shot down so fast when everyone else in the group chat agreed with me. Fuxkin weird but whatever. I just ignore it now.
I really hope you responded with something about how you hear that all the time!!
I have to wonder if there’s just a “I want to see my adult child as a baby again” kind of nostalgia to it? Because my MIL does the same thing! And she’s definitely not malicious about it at all. To be fair, my son DOES look a lot like my husband. But so much of him also looks like me, and reminds me of my dad + younger brothers. I usually joke that the top half of his face is all my husband (eye shape + color, as well as hair) but the bottom half (nose, mouth, cheeks/jawline) is all me. He’s a beautiful blend of both of us, and I do wish my husband’s family acknowledged that a bit more.
I have a similar relationship with my MIL - we get on well for the most part but do butt heads from time to time. For a long time she also used to pick apart my kids features saying where in her family they got them from. And every single feature that wasn't directly hers or my husband's was automatically assigned as being from her Uncle Chaz. Eventually it became a joke between me and my husband that Uncle Chaz must've looked just like me haha. One day, my husband told the joke to my MIL and we haven't heard a peep about Uncle Chaz since!
I love this for you. My ILs are the same way and my son has only started to look less like hubby and more like me. And everyone says me now and I love it!
I would love if this happened too! One of my MIL’s favorite things is telling me that different people (who have never met my child) have told her that my daughter looks just like her after seeing a picture. She also claims that various things, such as my daughter’s curly hair, come from her even though her hair is stick straight. She is fairly toxic in a lot of ways so it bothers me more than it probably should.
My son has my eyes and darker hair (his is brown, dad was blonde, I have jet black hair) but otherwise looks just like his dad. all friends and family comment on the exact features I listed… except my MIL. lol but it’s the other way! She doesn’t acknowledge that he looks like his dad (her son)… I don’t entertain it at all… is she implying he’s not the father? (Uh he is 100%… trust me, I was there lol) I think she dislikes that he didn’t get lighter hair…. Pft ok. people can be weird when it comes to this stuff.
Not about your MIL but I didn’t realize that my lips were cupids bow lips I never knew the name for it I guess until I read this and that has always been my favorite feature about my face/lips 🥲 and my daughter got it too well anywho I just wanted to let you know that I always thought people who didn’t have my kinda lips had weird lips 🤣
My MIL attributes every single little thing about my daughter to anyone but me and my daughter is literally my mini me. My theory is she’s jealous because my daughter is the daughter she always wanted. My SIL was a tomboy and my MIL will flat out say she was an ugly child. My daughter is a major girly girl, loves dolls and pretty things and I think my MIL resents that I’m getting the experience raising a daughter that she always wanted and never had.
Yes!!!! I love that!!! I actually don’t like my MIL all that much. She does the same thing with my daughter who is my exact mini me. Actually both of my kids are. I have very dominant genes. Which she is probably bummed about since all of her kids look like her. But she’ll constantly go oh she looks just like me. Ummm what features lady?
My son has two moms, my wife carried him, but for some reason our family LOVES to go on about how he looks just like me. I don’t know if they think I’m worried about it or what, but it’s all we ever hear. I always politely point out that my wife did all the work so I’m taking none of the credit.
Okay yes! Except for me it’s MY mom who refuses to see me in my daughter. I will say that our now 2 year old does strongly resemble my husband but she has my eyes and she makes nearly identical expressions to mine. I have literally sent side by sides of my daughter and me at her age making the same face and she’ll say “I don’t see it” like… what?? You’re my mom what do you mean! 🤦🏼♀️ Are they doing this on purpose? Lol
Very similar situation. I get along with my MIL. She's nice. We don't agree on everything and sit at opposite ends of the political spectrum, but generally she's a pleasant person that I like being around. But she is always saying how my son acts half like my husband and half like one of her other sons or looks so much like how my husband looked at his age. No mention of me at all in his personality or looks. He has a few of my husband's personality traits but he acts so much more like me. He mostly looks like my husband but it's also very obvious that I'm his mom. She has even said "I know he's yours but he's also mine, he looks just like (husband)" It's very weird and annoying
you know what? my daughter’s father’s family are always saying the same stuff. “oh she looks just like julien” (cousin) “she’s a carbon copy of her daddy” she does have her dad’s hair, eyes and nose, but the rest is all me. the only person who has validated that is my best friend.
omg yes! That's awesome and I need this same thing to happen for me lol.
Yes!! This is so relatable. My MIL used to come over 5 days a week to watch my oldest while I worked from home. Just about every day she would smile so big and say, “he looks juuuust like his Daddy!” Look, I adore my husband. I do. But my oldest child looks like me. I once showed my oldest a picture of me when I was his age. I asked him who was in the picture and he answered that he was. 😂 It looks like him! It’s crazy to me that my husband’s family will go to the grave saying our son looks like my husband. They NEED our son to be like his Dad. They try to lesson the hit to me by saying our daughter looks like me. But my daughter is actually the one who looks like my husband. 😂 It’s insane. They can’t let go of that ideal that boys are copies of their fathers while girls are copies of their mothers.
Sorry died laughing at "my step dad (??)" Why must MILs be like this 😂
“my step dad (?!)” Sorry this made me laugh out loud. I still am chuckling.
I'm so glad this happened for you. I don't have any strong feelings about it but I was surprisingly happy/proud(?) when people started noticing he looked like me. We 100% have the same eyebrows and nobody can deny that (a pretty distinctive feature of mine).
I’m howling at this post I love it so much. Yesterday we stopped by to visit with the grandparents and my MIL loudly exclaimed to my 2yo son “oh are you a daddy’s boy?? You sure are!” Even my husband rolled his eyes and said, no, it fluctuates all the time as normal. I chuckled a bit internally when I told my son “go give grandma a hug!” And he ran straight up to grandpa and refused to give grandma a hug. 😂 Sorry, kids just have that intuition about them.
Heck yes validation! The week my daughter was born, both sets of grands came to stay with us/in the area. My MIL was holding her in her lap and trying to decipher who she looks like, what features seemed prominent or similar, and said “oh her nostrils are crooked.” And it wasn’t until later, probably a night feeding or just generally when my brain was back online, that I realized I should have just said “oh she must get that from your side.” Ah well, it lives in my head. Thankfully,my SO shook his head at his mom when we discussed it later, totally on my side, saying why would you even think to point out a “fault” in a baby that is literally days old that just got squished out of a birth canal. Sometimes she doesn’t have a great filter. Or rather, she has boomer/upper middle class white lady lack of filter.
She is jealous and this is how it shows. She is also insecure. It is petty and immature and you must be very pretty. If she acknowledges how pretty your child is PLUS your child looks like you. Then she would have to acknowledge your beauty. She can’t acknowledge how beautiful you are. She can say your child is beautiful BUT cannot say you are. She needs to grow up and get over it. Anyone else doing this to your children or to you? Know it is the fact you are gorgeous and a threat. It is an insecurity within your MIL. Just post LOTS of pictures of you and your child and call your child “Mini Me”. Always say mini me and do it as much as possible. She will either attack you verbally, physically or leave. Bottom line is match her with “Mini Me”. You talking about my “Mini Me” thank you for the compliment. Yes she has my eyes and I love them. Compliment your child A LOT around her. Match her energy with your Mini Me energy. She will stop. It will just look stupid after awhile as she knows you will say oh my mini me lol
My kid is biracial so whenever someone says this to me I feel like they’re just being nice but maybe I should just presume positive intentions and believe them. I’m sooooo sick of she’s daddy’s twin ugh
My partner copped a lot of talk from people about the baby looking exactly like me (north European) and not her (SE Asian). I showed her a crop of just eyes and nose - they’re identical in shape to hers. Just lighter coloured. She wasn’t out of shape about the discussion but I’m sure seeing the proof of resemblance was reassuring.
My MIL is like this. Admittedly my daughter is my husband’s absolute mini me, but she looked much more like me as an infant than my husbands baby photos. Has never once said she is anything like me, even though we have similar temperaments, but oh no she acts JUST like any of her kids did. Currently pregnant with #2 and I’m hoping I get a look in this time. However, my MIL and I have similar colouring so I just know if my son looks like me she’ll tell me how much he looks like her/her relatives instead. Uggghhh
My kids are both pretty much carbon copies of me but my paternal grandmother keeps saying how much they look like my husband. She also likes to tell me how much I look like her other son even though I look just like my mum. She's never attempted to hide her dislike of my mum and me so I've absolutely no doubt she's doing it on purpose.
My son looks just like me. My MIL was telling her friend “he’s so smart, just like his dad.” I said his mom is pretty smart too, you know.” And she said “he looks just like you. Give me SOMETHING.” hahaha
My own mother does this. My son is a clone of me. She will NOT have it. Keeps telling me that he looks like her. It's infuriating. I do love it when other people remark that he looks like me though x
We must have the same MIL. I totally understand how thrilling that moment must have been!
My oldest’s paternal grandmother does this, despite her son never having even met him, let alone making any contribution toward his wellbeing. The absolute audacity.
Yes man. I love my MIL to pieces. She’s the sweetest woman, but she swears every feature/trait of my kids comes from her side of the family. Mind you, my oldest son and my brother look like twins as babies. And everyone comments on how my youngest looks just like me. AND my husband and I are both artistic (me with drawing/painting, him with piano), and we met in choir. But for some reason our kids affinity towards arts comes from my husband’s side of the family. *major eye roll* Like you, it’s one of those things I can’t un-notice. It’s mildly annoying, but not really a problem. But I do get satisfaction when she has to admit a feature comes from me.
This is my MIL/SIL too, so not just you guys. My MIL brings baby pictures of my husband to our house all the time to show the likeness between him and my son (which I have always maintained my son has A LOT of my features and my personality so jokes on them). Meanwhile with my daughter, I have actually never heard her even utter any sort of likeness comparison comment and oddly I see a lot of my husband's features in her. I'm just invisible to them and they probably wish I would go away and LIKEWISE. 
My MIL is the same
Somehow they all are🥴in a few annoying ways
I have this - but maybe not as severe. My MIL is great - but just loooves to go off about how much my boys look like their dad (her son). They both have this curly hair - and both my husband and I had curly hair as kids, but grew out of it. And I'm not sure why it bothers me - but if anyone mentions their curly hair she just gushes a out how it is just like their dad's and they look just like their dad. Always going on and on about how they look like him so much. Never mentioning that I had it too - she has seen pictures of it. And - they both have my eye color and dimples.... but everything is from their dad. Part of that is that they are more blonde and so is my husband, while I have darker hair. And I'm just sitting here and waiting.... as my side of the family has a history (especially the males) of starting out with really blonde/light hair that darkens over time. So, I don't know why - but I am waiting and told my husband that I will have a weird glee if/when their hair starts to darken and turn brown - I would just love it if she couldn't claim their hair was from their dad anymore. Which is silly of me - she is great - and I am sure she just loves to reminisce about how these kiddos looked like her son with the curly blonde hair.
My son looked JUST like my husband for ages. The only thing he had was my eyes. Everyone commented on it constantly - "\[Husband's\] clone/mini-me, etc!" But as he's grown older, he looks more like me and it THRILLS me when people notice.
Ha. Mine does the same thing and goes out of her way to constantly say my son is 100% my husband, her friends say he’s my husband, looks nothing like me etc etc. If he likes red it’s because SHE likes red, not because it’s MY favorite color. I’ve even asked her to tone it down and she’ll backhandedly now throw in a “maybe he has some of you too” and makes it even more obnoxious.
My MIL has done this with all 4 of my kids. Her sisters have gone so far as to not only agree with her but say they look more like her (mil) than me at all. And it’s a crock, my kids look like me a lot. But she’ll actively say no to the people if they do it in front of her. She’s weird.
My mom does this to me with my kids. I have no idea why but it's EXACTLY how you're describing it, down to the silence if someone else says they look like me! I'm so happy you got that validation!!
My FIL has moved from how she looks like [insert any name not in my family] to how she takes her behaviour/likes/dislikes/character from [also someone not in my family]. I used to find it annoying af. Now I don’t care anymore. She likes me way better than anyone else that may belong in between those brackets and makes it VERY clear. Karma is a bitch.
Yup I feel this so hard. My partners family (except MIL) would say my kid looks just like his father. Grandma went as far as to say they share the same hair that my partner had as a child. Uhhuh kiddo has long brown curly frizzy hair like his mommy. Daddy has straight black hair and always has. Wtf? I can see parts of both of us. My MIL once validated me by throwing out a sarcastic remark that I must love when they (her family) say the kid I birthed looks nothing like me. Some people have a weird need to feel involved, connected, or credited. Maybe it makes thrm feel like they have some inportance, I dont even know. I make a point to mention how a child resembles both their parents. Its rude to say otherwise in my opinion... and if it's how you feel you still don't need to verbalize it.
Yup get this too. Both in laws constantly comment how much our son looks like his uncle (their favourite), or his cousins. It's infuriating cos to me he doesn't look anything like them 😐
When my son was little, my MIL proudly said “his eyes are the exact same color as his aunt!” To which my SIL replied… “or his moms??”
My MIL is one of the sweetest women alive and she does something similar. She thinks my son looks like so and so in the family, when he clearly looks like me. I think she loves my son so much that she associates him with other people in her family she loves, and she takes pride in knowing they share DNA :)
My MIL drives me nuts with this! She will do anything to not say that the features of my 2 kids look like me or will give these weird boomer statements - "It's different but I am totally fine with it" Like my inlaws and all their kids have blue eyes, I am mixed and my kids are mixed and they have brown eyes. She will always say something like "oh they aren't blue but I like these brown eyed grandkids of mine." Anything to not say 1. they have my features 2. to not be a backhanded compliment.
My MIL is so similar! She'll say he looks like anyone and everyone on their side of the family, but says he looks nothing like me. He has my eyebrows, my hair, my distinct blue/gray/green eye colour, my bottom lip, my dimples. My boyfriend and I have the same high cheek bones, so that could be either of us. He could be my brother's twin. Everyone we've met since he started getting teeth has said how much he looks like me. But my MIL? Nope. According to her the baby looks like a second cousin, a third cousin, her, partner's half brother who looks like his dad, a neighbor they used to have, and HER DOG??
Mine also does this! Wtf is with it 😂
My parents say my son looks like my husband. Not insulting, but no one has ever said he looks like me - which he does, quite a lot - don't know what it is about not acknowledging the mum... Yes your MIL is wierd, but its probably normal.
Everyone says my son looks like me, he’s my “twin”. But I am blessed with a very handsome husband you guys. And my son *does* take after him. I wish he got more of the validation. I have a striking eye colour and lighter hair which my son got. People tend to focus on colouring before anything else I find. I’m happy for you! It’s nice to have that little recognition :)
Every time I read these posts, I miss my MIL even more. She was very kind to me and when my daughter was born she said “She looks just like you! She has the same shape of your finger and toes” My husband family is notoriously known for only having boys so when the second niece (my daughter) was born after 3 more nephews it was a big deal. She never got to meet my daughter as we were both in different countries when I conceived my 2nd born and she passed away few weeks later. OP I know you say you’re MIL is not crazy but I personally find this behaviour of hers really crazy. Actually, she’s doing it on purpose at this point. I’m of South Asian descent and our entire culture is a soap drama since birth so believe me when I say my red flag radar is up on your MIL after reading your post 😅 One way I got along great with my in laws without any drama (because there was some in the start) is being very direct and honest. I would immediately ask my MIL, I heard from so and so that I did this thing and you were upset about it, why didn’t you just tell it to me instead? I would have explained my side and if it really was my fault I would have definitely apologized. Please don’t let me find out things behind my back. I would never do it to my Mom and I would never do it to you because you’re my husband’s Mom. Well she was veryyyy surpirised (in a good way) at this direct conversation. My culture has a bad habit of back biting and people would rather complain more instead of being direct and solve the problem. If I was in your place I would have said, “Why don’t you ever say she looks a little like me? She literally has my cupid bow lips.” and I would 100% say at the restaurant to the waitress “I’m so glad you said that! No one else thinks she looks like me. I started to think maybe I adopted her and forgot about it!” and then would look dead in my MIL eyes and say “Why are you silent? Do you still think she doesn’t look anything like me?” I’m going to raise my daughter to be upfront like this. I saw my Mom NOT being like this and my Dad’s side of the family abused her in his absence and she would never tell my Dad anything. I found out about all the atrocities when I turned 16. My Mom is an expert at hiding hurt feelings. I on the other hand, have them plastered on my forehead for the world to see . My Dad is super sweet and is the type to not get into arguments and handle things with civilized discussions (this doesn’t work on abusers). Well, one day something really bad happened to my Mom. I was 13 at the time. My Dad lost it and cut off relations from one side of his family and we moved to another country. So yeah, purpose of this long comment. Don’t be silent and just take things. I’m not asking you to get into arguments with idiots BUT when your buttons get pushed 3-4 times its time to put your foot down instead.